Repmånad eller Hur man gör pojkar av män (1979) - full transcript

THE CALL-UP
or, how to make boys out of men.

[KNOCKS ON THE DOOR]
Helge?

[THE MOVIE IS DEDICATED TO ALL THE MOMS OF SWEDEN]
Helge?

This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy stayed home...

Oh come on, mom!

Why do you need to sleep in a tent for?
You, with your ears. Huh?

Helge?

I've not had a sore ear
in 20 years, mom.

The vitamins.

Breakfast.

It's ten past nine, you.
Now you'll be late for the train.



-Helge.
-Take it easy, mom.

"Take it easy, mom."

I wonder what would happen to you without me.

We take and replace "Herbal Medicine" with
"How to crochet Queen Silvia's childrens' clothes".

Then it will be good, you see.

-Hey there, my dove. How's it going?
-Fine.

-Wasn't it hard to get them to agree to this?
-No, not at all.

-We're not really known for our revealing reports.
-Thanks for that...

Do you have any grass?

-What did he say?
-Glass, or ... ?

And you'll call every day.
I have exchanged some coins for you.

You'll sleep with your hat on, ok?
Think about your ears.

-Maybe you should help the lady.
-Bye mom.

-One moment, I'll help.
-Thanks.



How kind.

Thank you very much.

Excuse me.

Crikey!

-I'll help you.
-Thanks.

Damnit guys, it's upside down!

-Would you like a banana?

-Can I offer a banana?
-No thanks.

I'm a little bit allergic to bananas.
I get ... rashes.

Oh ...

Bananas is fine for me.
It's worse with brown beans.

I can't do that.

F#, Lindström.

Then I got charcoal tablets
and now I can actually eat everything.

Well, not brown beans ...

Hey man, that was ages ago!

Hello...

Sorry, I ... Do we ... ?

Jonas Gustavsson - "Gurkan"
("cucumber" in Swedish).

-Gurkan...?!
-Gurkan...!

-Is it Gurkan? What a beard!
-I've prepared some face camouflage.

-And you? You studied then.
-I finished in 1970.

-What are you doing now?
-Unemployed.

-Academic crisis. Hard to get a job.
-Yeah.

-How do you think this will be then?
-It'll be nice to get away for a while.

Next.

-Can I pour you a drop?
-Yes, thank you.

I don't know ... Well, thank you.

Thanks.

A little then, thank you. Thank you,
thank you, that's enough!

Thank you, thanks.

-Skål, to the Crown!
-Skål! ("cheers" in Swedish)

Hey, hey...

Ah ... stand easy!

Yes, yes, but of course,
these trips ... [INAUDIBLE]

Just 50 minutes from Stockholm and here,
it's crazy! It's so quick.

You have to come over some night, guys.
It would be so fun!

-What would your husband say?
-My husband, he ...

Göte, hello!

That's my husband.

Hey!

Hey, Göte!

Göte! Hello!

Are you here to meet me? You are cute!

Thank you, darlings, for the
help with the bag and that.

Bye! Good luck then.

-What cute and nice guys ...
-Doris, are you sick?

Doris, you're drunk!

-Hey, Tallroth! How's it going?
-Tjena, Löfgren. How are you?

-Now it's time for pea soup and thermos.
-We'll have a little starter.

Hah, you're the same, Tallroth!
What a doofus.

-Hey!
-Skål!

-Huh? Didn't it taste good?
-That's some fucking poison.

-70% home brew...
-It works well with pear soda.

-No wonder you have glasses.
-And a white cane.

Where's the dog?

Wickman! Wickman!

-Do you want to help here.
-What is it about?

Olsson says he will
not report for duty.

-Right?
-I have to take care of the baby.

Your wife then? You simply refuse?

No, but I can't simply
put the kid on the floor.

-It's not for religious reasons?
-No.

-Not ethical?
-This is a tommy-gun. Take the weapon!

-What kind of nonsense is that?
-You refuse, then?!

You'll wake her up.
She's fallen asleep.

Now I'm out.

-Are you going to have a small one, Gärderud?
-Get rid of the bottle!

It was the colonel.

Regiment forward, march!

Get out of here, guys!

Join here! We can too.

-Hi, I'm looking for Captain Jönsson.
-He stays in the office building there.

Ok, thank you.

-Don't mix your stuff with mine.
-I'm taking the whites ones tonight.

[KNOCKING]

-Come in!

-Hello! I'm Bea.
-Nils Jönsson.

So, it's time now?
Yes, they've arrived today.

-Are there no newer models?
-They look old. Are there any new ones?

Hey there, little boys! Bring here a couple
of real trousers that last the season.

56s, please. Is it the right size now?

-Larsson, attention!
-Hello!

Suit 56, please.
So it fits properly.

-What are you doing then?
-I'm in the food industry.

-Sausages and crap like that?
-What can I get you?

-Tallroth, this is Larsson!
-Hello!

-He's in the food industry.
-I'm hanging on.

I have an idea of how I can
get in touch with the guys.

Oh, oh, oh ...

Come on now, damn it! Close the door.

Damn that's run down! Finally home.
The comrade's spirit is in the walls.

-Over or below?
-I'm taking the bottom bunk and this cupboard.

You're damn right.

Larsson! Welcome to the military.

It's not like Congo, but
it's uniform and bang-bang.

Now you thrive, huh?

-I got two of these.
-Then one is mine.

-What do I look like in the Crown's clothes?
-You are very cute. That's better.

What do you look like in the king's little hat?
God, how cute! I'm bawling!

Give us a twirl, Tallroth.

-We will go to the clothe storage.
-What kind of clothes will we get there? Genes?!

-They wash here.
-It's at least nice and big.

-Easy to keep clean.
-Luxury, both hot and cold water.

-Service!
-We would check out a car.

-Do you have a requisition?
-Of course, here.

What do you think the equipment
costs the taxpayers?

-Yes, what do you think?
-We are the taxpayers.

We have paid the car. Do you have a
cooler colour? Red, for example?

You know that you are personally
responsible and liable for the items.

-Yes, this is how the guys live.
-Does it have to be so boring?

Wouldn't a little curtain and
colour spruce up?

We have new orange reading lights.
It's a dash of colour.

Strike, Larsson!

Larsson bought a car!
Congratulations on a successful purchase.

-It's 18 carat pure iron in the frame.
-Now it's lunch time. Forward!

-No, no, no, let's drive!

-Wondering what slop it's going to be.
-Russian wrestling brawls in mayonnaise.

-And skin ointment.
-Where the hell do you get everything from?

No, no don't get too close, gay.

Tallroth, care for a dance?

Get some vegetables too.
It's just healthy.

Haven't you noticed that
there's soda in the chow?

-How do you feel about the potency?
-Still I can cut glass with it.

ABBA and roast dinner,
it's a fucking suck up.

-Who the hell put the cable car outside?
-It's your car.

-It's forbidden to put it there.
-Have I forgotten to put in money?

-Move it immediately.
-I'm just going to eat first.

-Immediately.
-Jonsson, move the banger.

-I don't have a driver's license.
-Jonsson doesn't have a driver's license!

-TP-PLUT ... what a cute name.
-It means transport platoon.

-What does that mean then?
-Platoon who takes care of transports.

-Is it TP-PLUT?
-Radio link cars.

Last man pays!

Do you have these ... vacuum cleaners?
(Swedish sweets)

Green cookies like this with brown on?

You mean, "arraksroll", eh?
Unfortunately, we've run out.

Is that it?

Congratulations, Jonsson.
You got a foot in the door.

That's exactly your type.
Nice broad there.

Small nice buns too. She likes you.
Just make her an offer.

-Uh, you do that.
-It's about you.

Hit the little boy with some liquid
courage so that he gets loose.

-Come on, you're gonna have a real drink.
-Thanks.

Blame yourself and watch when a master shows you how it's done.

She's probably sick off all the
guys trying to chat her up.

Just turn on the charm.
She'll falls like a ton of bricks.

-I bet she'll turning you down.
-How much?

How much do I get if I get her?
I'm not kidding about chicks and money.

You're insane, Löfgren.

-Hello.
-Hello, hello...

What does a little lady like you
do after closing time?

I thought ... that it
might feel lonely-

-to walk across the large
barracks alone in the dark.

Do you feel like that?

No, but it's always more fun if you're two.

Stop it now. Don't you think I've
seen your fan club over there?

I have a luminous clock
I can show. It also rings.

-You, that sounds great fun.
-Yes, of course it does ...

Well, how did it go?

Well, she wasn't my type.

I don't like Scanian (southern Sweden) chicks.
Norrland (northern Sweden) chicks are better.

[RINGTONE]

-Jonsson.
-Hi mom, it's Helge.

Hey darling, mommy's little darling! How are you?

-Are they kind to you?
-Yes ... yes, mom ...

Okay then.

B- ... b- ... bye then, Mom.

Bye. I'll call later. Bye.

-Hey. How was she?
-She still believes I'm ten years old.

Hey!

I hope I'm not too forward, but
would you want to meet me some night?

Meet you...?

-Of course.
-Sure!

-Here, or?
-Yes, either here or down town.

-Yes ...
-Should we say so then?

We'll decide more closer to the time then. Bye!

[REVEILLE]

-Don't whine that much about my moonshine.
-So, time to line up!

-I can boil brandy.
-Does anyone have a Magnecyl? I got a pounding head.

-Come on now, line-up!
-You should listen to what I'm saying.

-I hear, but you'm wrong.
-Gustavsson, line-up.

I have a neighbour
who brews on apple cider ...

Hello, guys. Line-up!

Out there, yes.

-Löfgren, come on now.
-Have one now.

-Is it a line-up?
-Have one more, you need it.

-Nice stuff. It's good with pear soda.
-It's a line-up now.

-Come on, get serious now.
-It's on his breath.

Line-up!

"Line-up"...

-Don't talk shit about my brandy.
-You have to filter it twice.

There's nothing wrong with that brandy.
You don't have to filter it twice.

-Keep a straight line.
-Bullshit, you have to filter it three times.

Fucking amateur. Once is enough.

There's not enough pear soda.

Attention!

I'm Captain Nils Jönsson.

[LAUGH]

-I'm your company commander.
-Comedy commander ...

-March the troupe to the cinema.
-Yes, Captain!

And finally, your field zip code is 30 754.

It's the only address
that your relatives may use.

You get field mail envelopes
when we get out in the field.

-Any questions?
-Which evenings is the dance?

Lieutenant Wickman,
please start the projector.

[WHISTLES AND APPLAUSES]
The Army shows - the signal troops

... different composition
and equipment.

A cable car group is organized
for line construction.

We will build a cable here towards LB-7,
contact direction 32-50.

First meeting point: That tree.
Line building, march!

The threads are danced out
and placed in a so-called screw.

The line builders then change places
one step each time.

Damn, those uniforms are ugly.
Tell you what, I prefer the Yankees'.

Right?

A shirt is tucked into the backpack ...

...a pair of socks.

[LAUGH]
Do it!

Bag for spare provisions.

[LAUGH]
Do it!

Wool sweater ...

Stop it!

A functioning communications network is a
prerequisite for successful warfare.

[APPLAUSE]
The Army's filmstudio

Öberg!
Up off your ass!

-Do you play the violin?
-Yes, whenever it's needed.

-You do.
-The guys call me ... Beethoven.

-Beethoven ...?! Do you enjoy your job?
-Yes, it's good, it got its up and down.

I was thinking of quitting a few years ago.

The kids called me
... a professional killer.

They were ashamed in front of their friends.
That was during the Vietnam War.

Now it's a little more lukewarm.

It's a healthy job and it's
tough on the job market right now.

-Will this be in the newspaper?
-Don't know, we'll see.

-Can you fix so I'm in on this manoeuvre?
-Yes, you can tag along with me.

Sorry, we'll tell them about the attire.

They are careless with buttons
and some go without a hat.

-They're not so careful.
-It looks like hell.

-Will he become general?
-No, he's a signal-man like the others.

-He's a police officer as a civilian, huh?
-No, he works in a furniture store I think.

And then straighten the pillows,
it looks like hell!

[WHISTLES]
Check it out, guys!

No ... look, guys.

Damn, Jonsson.

That you were such a chick
magnet, Jonsson. Ojojoj...

It was I who had to come over.

He knows nothing, it's just as well.

I've decided to meet
him tomorrow. Yes...

Then he would just tense up.
It's just as well to say nothing.

Then I'll send you some material tomorrow.
Okay. Bye.

-How's it going with the mess-girl then?
-We haven't met yet.

Really. When it comes to broads,
there's only one thing that matters-

-it's white wine and shrimp,
then it's done deal.

-I'm not that fond of shrimps.
-We're not really talking about shrimp.

-Hello.
-Hello.

I thought we could have a walk.
It's great down here. Come on.

Come, let's go.

So, why did you want to meet me?

Why...?
I thought you looked nice.

-So Löfgren had nothing to do with it?
-Which Löfgren?

The guy with the moustache who talked
to you in the mess-hall.

No ... what would he have done?

I thought ... if you
wanted to joke with me.

-There's no reason for that.
-I don't know.

Are you married?

No. Are you?

Yes, I live here. Don't you want
to come up for a cup of coffee?

I don't know. I may have to
return to the regiment.

Not yet, you have plenty of time.
Come up for a while.

You're not scared, are you? Not of
me, I'm so small and you're so big.

Come now. Come up.

-Dare I play with you?
-It's just for fun.

Do you want coffee or would you
rather have some white wine?

-I have some shrimp too.
-Yes, thank you.

Sorry it's a little basic,
but I only live here temporarily.

Some music, perhaps?

[RADIOMUSIC]

-Welcome then.
-Hello.

Help yourself.

Thanks.

Can you tell me a little about yourself?
What you do and so on.

There's not much to tell.

-Are you from Stockholm?
-Yes.

Go ahead.

What do you do in your spare time?
You must have a hobby or something like that.

Yes, I collect phones.

Phones collector ...!
You can't have that as a hobby.

Old phones, veteran phones.

They are very nice.

The nicest I have is an early Bell from 1880.

Then I have, among other
things, a table set-

-with central battery system from
1910 which is very nice.

-Wonders how Jonsson is doing.
-The damn Jonsson ...

He's got a good game.

Imagine if you could be picked up
like that, how good it would be.

Then I have a sheet metal machine
from the 1930s-

-with bakelite microphone.

-Do you have a Cobra?
-No...

-Do you think it's boring?
-No, just weird.

Collecting phones.

But it's interesting.

Yeah...

Hey, it's starting to get late, huh?

I have to get back before they close the gates.

Thank you so much for the wine and ...

Thank you so much for
the wine and the shrimp.

Damn good for some.
Guys in the career.

The stomach ulcer, client entertainment,
overtime, avoiding the old hag for a while.

It's the same for the working
boys with shitty jobs.

Stand by a fucking machine and watch
that the rope doesn't jam together.

-They may also need to come out for some fresh air.
-Stop now before I start crying, it's a quick game.

-It's one thing I have to tell you.
-Yeah ... ?

-What then?
-It doesn't matter. Another time.

Yes. Okay.

Bye.

Bye. Thanks for tonight.

Hey...

AIK
(Swedish football team)

-Hey, are you awake?
-Yes.

-What have you done with the trousers?
-I got stuck in the barbed wire fence.

Which fence?

-Why didn't you go through the guard?
-It's past twelve.

Congrats, we're allowed to leave at night.

Attention!

Lieutenant Colonel, first
company, according to order.

-Attention! Good day, soldiers!
-Good day, Lieutenant Colonel!

Stand easy! Before we part,
I want to welcome you.

I hope everything works.

If you want to be able to complete your task
in combat, you must be well prepared.

Take good care of your rehearsal
service in peace time.

It can save your life and
the lives of others in war.

I will personally monitor the exercise.

See you at the barracks.
So I say: goodbye!

-Start the exercise.
-Yes, Lieutenant Colonel!

All aboard!

What the hell are you doing?! You'll break formation.
You're crazy, we can't just run away!

It can't be good for the health to get so
agitated constantly. How's your ulcer?

-Thanks and goodbye.
-Hurry up a bit.

Here you are, damn it! Take it easy
now, it's not the Crown's stuff.

I have a phone
that goes up to the throne of God

and when you call,
he answers hello

Hello, hello, hello,
who is it that's calling?

It's the Salvation Army that's here
and wonders what it's like?

I have thrown all the sorrows behind
my back and I don't see them anymore-

-and I don't see them anymore ...

Chin up, Larsson, damn it!

-What a bunch of dominos!
-How the hell are you driving?

Now they are really mad.

Charlie Delta Blue-yellow
from Kilo Kilo.

-Some cable operators have crashed into incoming troops, over
-Any injuries, over?

-Abrasions and sprained thumb, over.
-Send them to the field hospital, out.

-Can it be our guys?
-It wouldn't surprise me.

-What's the matter?
-You have to reverse in.

[SCREAM]

[LAUGH]

-Get in now!
-Why? Why me?

-For you to hold it up!

-Don't go all in, someone has to hold on.
-We do.

I've got it!

I've found it!
Come with the rest now.

-Larsson, look how good we are.
-Keep it upright at least.

I should have traveled with Vivan
and Svenne to Mallorca instead.

-Larsson, it doesn't fit.
-Wait, let's remove it.

-Remove it and insert it here.
-Here's the thingy.

Does it fit well in there now then?

How does it work?

-"Hi, do you have something special for you?"
-"Get away from me, he says."

"He gets angry, walks up to a policeman
standing under a tree and says, '

"Sorry, I've been assaulted
by four men here in half an hour."

"Well, what are you doing in our park?"

Gustavsson and Tallroth, follow me.
We will build defense lines.

-Why is it always me?
-It all of us. Come on now.

-Shall we keep the food warm, Tallroth?
-Kiss my ass.

-How does it feel?
-You could have found another way.

-No, this should be ...
-Gustavsson only has to carry one bar.

-What the hell, I'm sweating like a pig.
-Yeah, sure...

Damn, it's not that damn easy
to hang threads in trees.

-Rest a little. It's going to be tough later.
-I'm going to pee.

[SHOOTING]

... one or two observers.
Right now, for example, there's a ceasefire.

[SHOOTING]

Love letter?

No, I'm writing to my mother.

Well, I thought you wrote
to the mess-girl. She likes you.

-Do you think I can write to her?
-Yes, of course you can.

Girls like it when you write to them,
they'll get happy. I will help you.

Love letters are my specialty.

Let's see...we're going to start real fancy.

-"Beloved" ... what's her name?
-I don't know.

Strike that then. No wait, it's fine.

This is how we write:
"Beloved" ... "My beloved."

"My beloved friend, when I sit here in the
bushes among my stupid friends" -

- except Löfgren of course - "then
I think of your eyes that are like wells."

Yes, this is the command centre.

-It's hard to see.
-It shouldn't be visible.

It's camouflaged so that planes
don't discover where we've set up camp.

And so on, and so on.
A little poetic, yada yada.

"I see you in front of me" ...

Do something like that and end with:
"Your affectionate" ...

... or "Your beloved Helge."
It does the trick. Send my love too.

-Hey ho, what's on today?
-Meat and potato hash.

-The king's private hash, it will be good.
-We shall see.

Fill it up properly, I'm hungry.
And then an eight (cl) purified and a pint.

-Do you accept food stamps?
-Only war stamps!

Very funny.

The conventional way of fighting
is probably quite inexhaustible.

If we are now going to have a defense, then why
don't you take in the elite - the girls?

-Are they not allowed to do military service?
-Women are good in many situations.

I believe that women can make
a great contribution to the defense-

-but in the battle line, I don't
think it's appropriate.

Why not?
The woman lives longer than the man.

The woman is living longer, perhaps
because she's not in the battle line.

-But of course it would be nice.
-Many girls want to join and play.

For us, it's not a game.
I think that's the difference.

Company, march!
[LAUGHING]

-Yes, yes ...
-March march, pancake!

So we turn left here.

So we take ...
Right? No, that doesn't work.

-How the hell do you want it?
-Left and then straight ahead.

Jonsson, attachment point.

-Goddammit, guys.
-Left here ... and then right ...

-You can take off your equipment now.
-Oh, how nice!

Down with the damn thing here.

-Can you make a test call, Tallroth.
-Certainly.

[RINGTONE]

-Alpha Bravo, over.
-Can I have the men's toilet at Järntorget?

-What kind of civilian bullshit is that?
-Alpha Bravo to Charlie Delta.

-L:1 finished, over.
-Roger, out.

Ok, Öberg, let's attach here.

And here.

Then you attach here,
and then forward in that direction.

-Are you married, Jonsson?
-No...

It never came to be.

-Do you want some?
-No thanks.

I dated a switchboard girl
at the plant for a while-

-but she and mom
didn't get along so ...

-I live at home with my mother.
-What the hell, do you live at home with your mother?

There's nothing wrong with mothers,
but you know how they are.

[RESTAURANT GREEN TIN]
What are the disgusting tin boxes they eat from?

Most people use cardboard plates,
but they have to pay for them themselves.

-Does it taste good?
-It's nice chow. Nutritious.

How about some pâté?

With a little gherkin to it.

Damn good.

Plates.

How about a little Burgundy? It's a 74.
It's a good year.

-Do you want to feel it?
-It's a little cold, but it'll do.

Damn, you should have a corkscrew for it.

Those damn guys, they have it made for themselves.

We take another little eye-opener
before it starts for real here.

-We're losing the cap.
-Throw it to hell.

-Skål!
-No, but look here! Deer foot.

The pathfinder visits.
Hi, little sweetie!

According to the regulations, the tent box must
be there, and a bucket of water there.

-And clean up, it looks like crap in here!
-Of course, Lieutenant.

-Mr Larsson doesn't know the regulations!
-Well then, now I'm in trouble for that too ...

Put the damn box aside then and
arrange it better. It looks like a pigsty in here.

Don't you know the regulations, Larsson?

-Mr Larsson doesn't know the regulations!
-Lay off it, it's not very fun.

We must celebrate that.
We'll take another one.

-The home guard is apparently on its way.
-15-year-olds and a lieutenant.

Let them play their damn war.

-Have you dug the trenches?
-We thought we all could squeeze into yours, Larsson.

Make a big one, because we have a lot of luggage.

Then we can have trench sex ...

-Hey man, now we'll take the little one.
-Skål!

Mr. Larsson has nothing to drink!

To the fire positions!
Now we'll give it to those bastards!

Here's one!

-Give up!
-Stop it!

-Stop, guys!
-Stop!

Larsson, you've caught the chef!

-Am I not allowed to go out and pee in peace?
-Let's torment the bastard anyway.

What's on tomorrow?
Sunday roast and ice cream?

-Yes ...
-Good! Shoot him and let's go to bed.

Have you never heard
of the green berets?

Hold it, it's a trap.

-Jonsson.
-Okay, sir.

[SHOOTING]

Too bad, he was a nice guy. But the fight
for peace and freedom must go on.

It's that damn chef again.

It's a damn running,
he's apparently got a small bladder.

Establish a contact point in Tvetaberg
that guides a bicycle shooting battalion.

-Everyone is out.
-Kelly's heroes are left.

-Cable car group.
-Take them then.

-Where's your group leader?
-Larsson!

Larsson!

Larsson! Careful, my coffee!

You will regroup to
the south T in Tvetaberg.

It must be here.

Yes ... or there.

You're holding the map
upside down, Larsson.

-Here! It's in here.
-There's no way here, damn it!

-Here it is.
-How do you know that?

-Yes, I feel it.
-There's no hill here.

How the hell are you able to see that,
it's pitch dark? Here it is.

-It may be the second T in Tvetaberg.
-Where do you want the tent?

-Alpha Bravo from Kilo Zulu, over.
-Alpha Bravo, over.

The bicycle shooting battalion have gone missing.
What happened to the connection point?

-It was established last night.
-Not in Tvetaberg.

We have 400 men to have breakfast.
We have three chocolate cakes. What to do, over?

-"Signal strength, fading".
-Signal strength, fading. Out.

Are you out of your mind ?! Do you know that you
have pitched your tent on private land?

[LAUGHING]
Who's in charge here?

-What are you running here and yaking about?
-Are you in command?

-Is there a golf course here?
-Of course! Don't you get it?

-The car should be removed immediately.
-I told you we shouldn't have parked here.

-Follow me, we shall report this.
-It's not needed, I take full responsibility for this.

Calm down, just calm down.
Where can I get a day pass?

Alpha Bravo, over.

Alpha Bravo, over.

-There are two T's in Tvetaberg.
-I said so.

-Speak louder, Jonsson.
-Alpha Bravo, over!

It's dead.

-I can go other there and call.
-Yes, go on then.

Yeah, come on, guys.
I'm hitting the hole over there in the meantime.

-It's a scandal. Where do you want them?
-Here. They're probably here somewhere.

-Hey, do you know where there's a phone?
-Yes, there's one at the bar.

Could I borrow the
phone for a while?

[LAUGH]

-Password, over.
-Password, Kilo Delta.

-Gas leak. Repeat, over.
-Gas leak, Alpha Bravo. Roger, over.

Signal strength, very weak. Louder, over.

Gas leak, Alpha Bravo.
Acknowledged, over.

-Signal strength, weak. Louder, over.
-GAS LEAK! Alpha Bravo. Roger, out!

-What a bunch of morons over there.
-How did it go?

-They talked about gas leak, I think we need to get back.
-Gas leak...?!

All aboard!

-Has the cable car group returned?
-It seems so.

Who the hell put the socks
on the fire place?

How was it in Tvetaberg then?
You'll get stationed by the road.

-Can you handle that?
-Yes, Lieutenant!

Yes, here are the guys
who maintain the cars-

-so that they don't break.

Here you have signal threads and fabric ropes.

We need to make a rota.

-Are we on guard duty?
-It just keeps getting better...

You know what we should do?

We hire a security guard.
We start a collection for his money.

It can't be that expensive. He can get it cash in
hand so we avoid social security contributions.

-What do the regulations say about it?
-How the hell should I know that?

-Mr. Larsson doesn't know the regulations?
-Mr. Larsson doesn't know the regulations!

Lay off it guys, it's actually
not that fun anymore.

The magazine and I want to show our
appreciation for participating.

-For example, buy you dinner some evening.
-Thank you, that would be nice.

Imagine a nice bath and some massage right now.

Yes, and some cute little ladies.
It wouldn't be so bad right now.

Damn it, let's go to the City Hotel.
It's little Saturday after all.
("little Saturday" - Wednesday, common day for drinking)

We'll get no permit for that.

War is war, damn it.
We'll invade Stadshotellet.

We do it, to hell with this.
The roll.

Listen up! The punch company leaves for Stadshotellet
tonight. Öberg and Tallroth are tagging along.

-Jonsson? Gustavsson? We take the car.
-Are you just going AWOL?

Can you arrange leave? No?
Then Larsson can sit here and grow old.

-Jonsson, take your bits and bobs and hang on.
-What are you going to do?

What we're gonna do? We're gonna book a table!
It's Wednesday, for god's sake, you have to book.

Come on, Jonsson.

-Yeah, there's one.
-Yeah.

-Yes, Stadshotellet.
-Good day, it's director Löfgren.

We intend to honour the
restaurant with a visit tonight.

Director Löfgren. Six people.
Welcome.

Jonsson, here. We're out!

-Damn, tonight I'm the strongest.
-Little grease on the needle would be nice!

-Can I borrow your razor?
-Take the tooth brush as well, then you can move in with me.

-Cheers, sorry to be of trouble.
-Did anyone snatch my one sock?

-You're in, Larsson? Nobody will notices anything.
-The other sock then?

-Alpha Bravo, over.
-Alpha Bravo from Uniform Uniform.

The bridges at Forsa Bruk and
Alminge are blown up, over.

Forsa Bruk ... Alminge ... okay.

-It's called "out", over.
-I know it's called "out" ... asshole.

They have blown up the bridges
at Forsa Bruk and Almingen.

Forsa Bruk ...

... and Alminge.

-Hostile aircraft have blown up the bridge.
-No, I see that the bridge is intact.

-The bridge is out, I said!
-We have to get over here.

-You have to take another path.
-No, no, no, it's several miles.

Don't be an asshole.

-Yeah, but god damn ...
-I'm responsible.

[PAINT STORE]

-Shall we get matte or glossy, guys?
-Go with glossy.

[PAINTED "HELICOPTER" ON THE TRUCK]
[LAUGHTER]

-Good evening. Do you got a reservation?
-Director Löfgren. Six people.

Thanks.

-I hope you'll be satisfied.
-Yes, thank you.

You did well, Löfgren.

Are you going in?

Are you going to sit with me?

-The menu.
-Thanks.

We had planned SOS - soup, oysters
and shots. Let's go with vintage aquavit-

-two for each man and a pint. Can we have the
shots right away? We're a little thirsty.

Enforce!

You'll take it easy with the brandy,
so we don't have to get embarrassed.

There she is, the one from the train.
What's her name ... Doris, right.

Five nice ladies, the evening is saved.

-I should have the blonde over there.
-Toodle-oo!

-Do you know the signal men?
-I rode the same train as some.

God, how cute he with the beard is!

-What should we drink?
-I was going to have a Kir.

-Shouldn't we bring in a bottle of rosé?
-Or him with the moustache ... ?

You're on your game tonight! I've
become giggling from the vodka.

Now let's down this,
for ladies in the field.

-Good evening, do you got a reservation?
-Wahlgren, two people.

What the hell! There comes
Beethoven and the mess-girl.

-Larsson, what's this?
-Captain, I'm ... I'm really sorry ... I tried ...

Yada, yada, yada!

Please sit down, Mr. Jönsson.
Try to behave like people, Larsson. Be quiet.

Well, now we've been out in the bush for two weeks-

-banged, fought and been real good I must
say, and ate the strange military chow.

Does it matter if we pop in here
and feel like ordinary people?

I'll commit misconduct
if I don't report this.

We passed by and popped in
for a little bite to eat.

No one will notice, right Jönsson?

-Okay then, but not a word to anyone.
-I knew Jönsson was a wise man!

-Can we offer you something?
-I have to go back to my dinner companion.

I don't want to be rude, but isn't it
the lady who works in the mess-hall?

In the mess? No, not at all.
She's a journalist.

Bloody hell ...

Jonsson, now you're dumbfounded.
I need to pull myself together.

As usual on Wednesdays,
ladies initiate every other dance.

-Are you from Stockholm?
-Yeah.
-Then maybe you know ...

-Are you from Gothenburg?
-Why do you think that?

I'm a native of Stockholm, can't you hear that?

No, here you see a heart beating for blue and white.
(Gothenburg's football team colours)

Exciting.

There.

-"Report from a signal lady."
-It's ingenious, right?

-Hi.
-Hi.

-May I sit down?
-Of course.

-How have you been?
-I've been good.

-Are you a journalist?
-Oh, Nisse's been gossiping!

-Nisse?
-Captain Jönsson.

Yes, he said so.

I had intended to tell you about
it before, but it didn't happen.

But why did you work in the mess?

It was just an idea I had,
but it might not've been so good.

Do you feel betrayed?

-Thanks for last time.
-Thank you. It was very nice.

-Do you think so?
-Yes.

Page eleven, read there.

-Am I the one who collects phones?
-No, how can you think that ...?

Don't all people do that?
Of course it's you, fool.

It's nicely written. I haven't
thought about it like that.

How nice of you.

-What's your name?
-Agneta.

-And you?
-Director Löfgren. Call me Director.

-I mean by first name.
-Well ... Oskar.

Oskar...

-Nice smell on you.
-Yeah ... straw, brown beans and shit.

I think you smell nicer.

I have to show my luminous watch.
Have you seen one like that before?

Ask your sisters to come to our
table and I'll offer you a drink.

"Hostile attack is expected during the night."
Order high alert.

They're never getting tired ...

Waiter!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are here
at the last dance of the evening.

Have a nice evening.

Ådalen, Nisse ...
(Referencing Ådalen shootings, where military shot protesters)

Yes, yes ... but it's ...
it's a long time ago.

I have only one thing to say ...
Ådalen, Nisse.

-Password?
-Pear soda.

Don't mess around.

-Black pudding.
-With bacon! Pass.

End station and last stop ...
disembarkation for all passengers!

-Quiet
-Down the ladder, Tallroth.

This way. Oh hey!

-I am coming now.
-Help the ladies down.

[LAUGH AND CRIES]

No, darling ...

What the hell is this?

It's high alert and here you come with civilians!

We wanted to show the ladies
how we have it here in the bush.

Shut up, Löfgren! You have sabotaged the exercise from
the very beginning with your fucking childish schemes!

I'm tired of your whining too.
Why do you take this so serious?

Shut up,
it's high alert!

Don't interrupt! Sell some sofas to the
enemy instead. We have ladies visiting.

Here comes Nisse. Look!

Can we get a receipt too?

Write ... from the restaurant to the forest.

Hello everyone!
Hey there, Wickman.

-Damnit, Jönsson. You're drunk!
-Ådalen, Wickman ...

Remember Ådalen, Wickman.
We are the tools of the possessed.

-Right, Jonas?
-Good, just give it to him.

-Do you got some fire?
-FIRE!

We surrender! We surrender!

God, men are childish!

Helge?

Mom's little soldier!

This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy stayed at home...

...this...

...piggy...

Original Swedish subtitles: XMAS05
English translation: MA