Red Skelton: A Comedy Scrapbook (1981) - full transcript
(applause)
- [Ed] Cauliflower McPugg.
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Watch the hand, watch the hand!
(mumbles)
- Welcome to the Ed Sullivan Show.
- Yeah, well don't rub it in.
(laughing)
- Hey, we're talking
about Washington though.
Gertrude and Heathcliff, see.
They were talking, where
did you go this summer?
Oh I had a nice vacation, went back east.
Went back east.
I went to Washington D.C.
And as I was flying
over the capital I said,
"This one's on the house."
(laughing)
- Ah-choo!
- My poor leading man.
No one's going to recognize him.
- They'll recognize him.
(mumbles)
- Hey ladies and gentleman,
last week and the camera's
that we used in a sketch didn't blow up,
and when we start a joke,
we want it to finish.
What do you think?
- I think it'll work.
- Don't think, see.
In television we don't think, we know.
- I don't think we know either.
(laughing)
- Now here is the man
who built that thing,
Sam, it didn't work
last week, come in, Sam.
(laughing)
(applause)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Red Skelton,
A Comedy Scrapbook
featuring classic Red Skelton
characters, including,
Freddy the Freeloader,
Clem Kadiddlehopper,
Sheriff Deadeye,
Cauliflower McPugg,
Willie Lump-Lump,
George Appleby,
Bolivar Shagnasty,
San Fernando Red,
and many more.
Richard Red Skelton, no
other entertainer has ever
combined so many diverse
facets of American humor
into one comic persona.
A wise-cracking top banana in burlesque,
to beloved clown in folk humorous.
His more than half century
career has delighted
generations with good natured comedy.
Life of a clown with the
Hagenbeck-Wallace Circus
around the turn of the century was hard.
It meant very low pay,
and being away nine months
out of the year.
That's what Joe Skelton, Red's father did.
He married Ida Mae in 1905.
They moved to this house
in Vincennes, Indiana
and according to official
records, Red was born on
July 18, 1913.
Tragically, Red's father died two months
before Red was born.
When Red was 12 he
entertained in a traveling
medicine show, two years later at age 14,
Red got a job on a showboat
called the Cotton Blossom,
replacing an entertainer
who had just been shot
to death in a dispute
with a riverboat gambler.
During the late 1920's
Red traveled the midwest
performing in one show after another.
In 1930 he finally landed
a permanent job as the
third banana in the
Gayety Burlesque Theater
in Kansas City.
Starting salary, $75 per week.
And he met his first wife,
Edna, who was working
as an usherette at the theater.
She not only became Red's wife,
but his business manager
and artistic collaborator.
As the early '30s rolled
on, the depression deepened
and a new phenomena
arose called a walkathon,
or dance marathon.
The object was for couples
to stay on the dance
floor for days at a time,
only taking short breaks.
The last couple standing won a cash prize.
People loved watching these events,
but to ensure the crowd didn't get bored,
comics were hired to entertain.
Red landed a job at a
walkathon only to find out
he had to be on stage almost
as much as the contestants.
But it was this grueling
routine that sharpened
Red's comic skills.
By 1938, Red had established
himself as a popular
vaudeville act.
Film producer, Pandro Berman,
spotted Red performing
on Broadway and flew into
Hollywood to appear in the
RKO film Have a Wonderful
Time, which starred
Douglas Fairbanks Jr.
Red was well received, but
the picture was a flop.
In August of '38, Skelton
made his national radio debut
on the top rated Fleischmann's Hour,
hosted by singer, Rudy Vallee.
Red was a hit, and made
two more guest appearances.
It also helped push his
own local Chicago radio
show to the top of the ratings.
Later that year, Red was
back before the cameras
in a vitaphone short
subject called Seeing Red.
It featured Skelton doing some of his
popular stage routines.
By the early '40s, Red
was a major headliner in
vaudeville, and new
routines like Guzzler's Gin
were helping him to
earn over 5,000 a week.
The premise of Guzzler's Gin
was that a radio announcer
becomes drunk pitching a product.
- No upsetting the nerves, no bad taste,
it's a nice smooth drink,
poor a little in your glass
and drink it right down,
but be sure and ask for
Guzzler's Gin, a nice smooth drink.
(laughing)
Good.
Good (mumbles).
Drink a little after
dinner, drink some before,
you won't have to eat any dinner.
- [Narrator] In 1941,
Red was back in Hollywood
for good and completing
his second feature for MGM,
The People Verses Dr. Kildare.
Between his radio career
and movies, Red was enjoying
the good life, so much so,
that he put on 40 pounds,
which angered MGM mogul, Louis B. Mayer,
so much that he was quoted as
saying, "We hired Red Skelton
"not Oliver Hardy."
Red got the message and shaped
up to appear in the 1941
release, Whistling in the Dark.
A comedy mystery about a radio
detective called the Fox,
who also gets involved
in real life murder.
- Say, this is a nifty way to travel.
Have you boys have a lot of experience?
- We have.
- With coffins.
- Oh good, what?
(moaning)
I am the Fox, open that door!
- You'll never take me alive!
- Very well then I'll shoot the lock in.
(gun shots blasting)
- You have just heard
another thrilling drama
by the master brain of
murder, the Fox who creates
and solves each of these
perfect crimes himself.
- There's a certain gentleman
who is our (mumbles).
He wished to, shall we say, eliminate him.
We are relying on the Fox
to devise a perfect method.
- You mean you want me to
kill somebody on the level?
- No, you just do the
thinking, we'll do the work.
- I had a bed brought in.
- A bed, what for?
You expect me to dream up this murder?
Are you resting somewhere tonight?
- Open that thing and
tell him to let us in.
- I don't think that's such a good idea.
- Why not?
- He's liable to do it.
- Go ahead, darling,
we're not afraid, are we?
- Oh now don't get me wrong,
it's not that I'm afraid
because I am.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Red's film
career took off and by 1942
he starred in Ship Ahoy,
Maisie gets her Man,
Panama Hattie, and Whistling in Dixie.
By the early '40s, Red
was knocking 'em dead
in his own NBC radio show.
Characters like Clem Kadiddlehopper,
Cauliflower McPugg,
and the Mean Widdle Kid
became audience favorites.
He also appeared in films
like Du Barry was a
Lady, where he costarred
with another red head, Lucille Ball.
♪ Du Barry was a lady ♪
♪ No matter what they may say ♪
♪ Du Barry was a lady ♪
♪ The fairest gal of her day ♪
- Oh Louis are you gonna
play this thing again?
- Would you accept this little token?
- Oh darling!
Oh you really shouldn't have done that.
Oh Louis, I just can't accept this.
- Oh please do.
- No really, I just can't.
- All right, give it back.
♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪
♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪
♪ When other friendships go up in smoke ♪
♪ Ours will still be oke ♪
(upbeat orchestral music)
♪ Good evening friend ♪
- [Narrator] 1944 was an
eventful year for Skelton.
He divorced his wife, Edna,
got drafted into the army
and married his second
wife, Georgia Davis.
After the war, Skelton returned to radio,
and in 1946, the Ziegfeld
Follies was released.
- [Announcer] Ziegfeld Follies
marks the beginning of a
startling new era, in the
world of entertainment.
The Ziegfeld Follies is music and magic,
laughter, romance and
America's most beautiful girls.
- [Narrator] The film was
actually shot in 1944,
but released in 1946.
In it, Red reprises his
Guzzler's Gin routine,
renamed for the movie,
When Television Comes.
(whistling)
1948 saw the release of
more Skelton films like,
the classic comedy, The Fuller Brush Man.
A Southern Yankee, and Neptune's Daughter.
♪ Three little words ♪
♪ Oh what I'd give for
that one little phrase ♪
- [Narrator] In 1950, he
starred in one of his biggest
hits, Three Little Words.
- He'll like it, huh?
- Sure, sure, it's a nice little tune.
You ought to do something
with it sometime.
You ought to do something
with that shirt, too.
- [Announcer] Three Little
Words is a grand story,
a true story, based on
the lives and music of two
of America's greatest song
writers, Kalmar and Ruby.
Fred as Bert Kalmar, Red as Harry Ruby.
- Ball took a bad huff.
- A bad huff, a bad huff,
we go to rehearsal in
two weeks, what am I
gonna tell Sam Harris?
The balls took a bad huff?
He'll be delighted.
You and your baseball,
every time I turn around
you're playing baseball.
That's for kids, kids stuff!
- I suppose magic's for grown ups?
- And then we sat down and wrote,
♪ Who's sorry now, who's sorry now ♪
♪ Who's sorry now ♪
- And then we stood up and wrote,
♪ So long oolong, how
long you going a row ♪
♪ Maybe I'll live a life of regret ♪
♪ And maybe I'll give
much more than I get ♪
♪ But never the less
I'm in love with you ♪
- [Narrator] Later on in
1950, Red was also seen in
Watch the Birdie and the Yellow Cab Man.
- I'm sorry I was late, I'm
working on a new invention.
A bumper for automobiles
with a rubber stamp on it.
When you hit a pedestrian,
it says knocked out in California.
(baby fussing)
(explosion booming)
- [Narrator] In 1951,
television antenna's were
springing up all over America.
Many of Red's contemporary's
like Milton Berle
and Jack Benny, were
enjoying success on TV.
Earlier in 1949, Skelton
had moved his radio program
over to CBS and was being
paid $10,000 per show.
But, he retained his
rights to make a separate
television deal, as he had done
with his MGM film contract.
So in 1951, Red signed with NBC Television
reportedly for 5.5
million over seven years.
There was probably no
other performer more ready
for the weekly demands of
television than Red Skelton.
(applause)
- Thank you very much
ladies and gentleman.
It's always quite flattering
to get a reception
without doing anything.
I would like to thank you
for allowing me to come
into your living room,
and this as you know,
is my first televised broadcast.
I have working in every
branch of show business
but television, and
tonight opens that for me.
I played a lot of night clubs lately.
Course you know the night
club is, that's where high
class people stand around like this.
(laughing)
What time's the floor show start?
(laughing)
- [Announcer] Movies to Read By.
Brought to you by Clem Kadiddlehoper.
The used used car dealer.
- [Narrator] His popular
radio characters like
country bumpkin Clem
Kadiddlehoper, made an easy
transition to TV.
- Yes, sir, it's very
interesting, isn't it?
Very interesting.
We have some buys here
tonight and really are buys
as I said before.
Wait till I unveil this one.
Ain't that a beauty?
This is really a car that is a car!
Now, this car, oh this is not the price,
this is the year it was made in.
Now I want you to see
that this car is $1175
and look real close, no
trickery, you don't see
the word down there.
Now, as I said before, this
car we're not gonna let
go at that price, or at
$960 easy, but it's going to
go for $350 tonight.
Now you'll say to yourself,
what can I get for $350?
I'm gonna tell you, a rookin'.
I want to call your
attention to some of the nice
things here, a fog
light with build in fog.
Up boy, up, we're on the
air, up boy, up, up, up.
Good boy, hold it, hold it boy.
This is an Eisenhower
special, you don't know if
it's gonna run or not.
(laughing)
(applause)
This car was owned by an old
lady that only drove it once.
Only drove this car once,
she sold it right after that
nasty train accident.
Now I'm gonna tell you more about this car
in just a few minutes, stay tuned in.
I'd like to call your
attention to one thing,
it has the original rust
proof job on it here.
It has it's original rust,
we'll get back to our
movie and more about our
car in just a few minutes.
- [Narrator] Here's Red in
an early television sketch
doing more Beaverhead
with a cameo appearance by
the Mean Wittle Kid.
- I see where Joe Staleen
is trying to find a serum
that will make him younger.
Well that's not possible but
if you leave it up to us,
we'll see that you don't get any older.
(laughing)
Now I would like to tell you
about our American movie.
The night this movie, it
was not shot under water,
it just looks that way.
This picture has murder,
robbery, terror,
hate, revenge,
it's a story about boy and his dog.
It stars Arrow Flynn, he plays two parts.
Both a brother and a sister.
Still no good.
Hello, are you there, are you there?
Would you get me Fort Knox
please in Kentucky, yes.
United States of America,
we don't have a Kentucky
in England, you know!
Hello, Fort Knox?
How are you--
(laughing)
And now I'd like to tell
you about our sponsor.
Our sponsor is good ol'
Clavedon's Crumpet Juice.
Clavedon's Crumpet Juice
comes in different sizes.
Now here's the small size to carry around,
and there's a prize in every package.
Now here's one in this package here.
It's a genuine,
it's a genuine, well I really
don't know what that is.
It's a genuine isn't it though?
Now that's in there, now
in the mix size we have
a special prize that comes with that,
gotta put my tea away, you know.
(mumbles)
With this size you get a
prize, a surprise package
comes with this one.
Every box has a surprise, what did ya do,
nail it down, Sam?
Every one has a prize.
Well it's supposed to be a
surprise in there somewhere.
Oh well, holy oh!
Time for tea, time for tea.
Now then we have the larger
size, for people large
crumpet juice, and with that
we give you a large prize.
And this contains all the
vitamins that you'll ever need.
Would you step out, please?
Would you please?
Thank you.
(applause)
That also comes in the plain wrapper.
Now remember--
- Good morning, (mumbles)
- Oh how are you, Ben,
nice to see you, Ben.
That's big Ben.
(laughing)
Now I'd like to call your
attention, Clavedon's
Crumpet Juice makes old men
young, and young men younger.
I hope you keep that in mind.
I'll show you what a wonderful product.
(laughing)
I got to hurry, I'm
gonna be late for school.
(gun shots blasting)
- I think what would be
very good would be to
have a large, green mixed salad.
- A mixed green salad for a thousand men?
Oh let's not get sickening, boy.
Good heavens, we'll get it
all fixed up then I'll go
out here and get it for you.
- All right you go right
ahead, bring it in if I've
gotta cook it, boy,
gotta bring it in here.
- [Narrator] Another radio favorite,
Willy Lump Lump soon made
his television debut.
- There we are, hey, you
get that down at the dump?
Good, good.
This is will be nuts in no time.
Well, here we go.
(laughing)
(upbeat orchestral music)
(yelling)
(plates shattering)
(pans rattling)
(gun shots firing)
All that meat and no potatoes.
(laughing)
(talking over each other)
- At ease.
Well, sergeant, take this
mess down to the dump.
- Wait a minute.
You can't take me down to no dump.
I'm Willy Lump Lump.
- Oh lay down, I know
garbage when I see it.
- [Narrator] But his radio
character of J. Newton Numbskull
was an early television casualty.
- At this time, I will
endeavor to hypnotize this
beautiful lady.
Look me straight in the eye.
- I can't.
- Why?
You're cockeyed.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Television
allowed Skelton to use his
superb talent of pantomime.
Skills he developed to
perfection since his
earliest days in show business.
These routines were of course impossible
to perform on radio.
(laughing)
- That Willy Lump Lump's
been gone for five days now,
staggering around town
from joint to joint.
Well believe me, he's gonna
learn his lesson this time.
Just wait till he wakes up.
- Aren't you scared to
put him in that room?
It might frighten him to death.
- Well maybe but I've warned
him before too many times.
I said, "Willy, listen
to me, one of these days
"you're gonna come in
here so high you won't be
"able to get down."
Well this is it.
- (mumbles) heaven's sake.
They have revealed the laws of gravity.
- [Narrator] Trying to
push TV to its limits,
he experimented with special effects,
like this bizarre topsy turvy room.
- Oh no!
I gotta get some sleep.
(mumbles)
Oh good heavens.
I gotta rest for a minute.
Oh.
Oh.
(laughing)
(applause)
(mumbles) lay down.
I didn't realize that, that's what I need.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] His success was immediate
and Skelton was honored with two Emmy's.
One for being the best comedian,
and one for best comedy
series during 1951.
Red's debut season on TV.
- And I would like to thank
the ladies and gentleman
of the press, and also
the ladies and gentleman
of the Academy for voting our show twice.
One is they like our
show, and the other is
they like me as a comedian.
Well, you've seen 'em now,
so Ed you wanna take them?
(applause)
You know it was really quite a thrill to
get something like that,
you know, and over at the
Academy it's a funny thing.
As I walked in, there were
a lot of people outside
and someone yelled, "Red
Skelton's in the crowd!"
And they all turned
around and looked at me,
Gee, I was so embarrassed.
I was sorry I yelled.
(laughing)
The autograph collectors,
they had a cute idea
for the stars, they would
let 'em sign full sheets
of paper, and for the pit
players, a half a sheet of paper.
You ever try to autograph a spit ball?
Well, a little richer this week.
Came in they want pet mice,
I said, "What do you want
"with mice," they said, "They
don't brush their teeth,
"they don't take a bath or anything,"
he says, "They don't tell
one of 'em to move over,
"he got a new buddy from now on."
They went over to Gene
Fowler's house the other day
and they raided his coo-coo clock.
This is the truth, they
took a little coo-coo out
of the clock, so I says,
"Why did you do that?"
He'd go, "Well I didn't
mean no harm by it you know.
"I saw the coo-coo and I
thought maybe I could get some
coo-coo eggs and raise my own clocks."
- [Narrator] And somehow
with all this going on,
1951 saw Red appearing
in feature films like
Excuse my Dust
and Texas Carnival.
(whistling)
- Come on, boys.
♪ Waste no time, my friends the
eyes of Texas are upon you ♪
♪ Just one dime, step
up and try your luck ♪
♪ And don't begin that
clippity clop until (mumbles) ♪
♪ Take your time, your time ♪
♪ (mumbles) grab your
gal, don't hesitate ♪
- [Narrator] Right at
the crest of popularity,
1952 and 1953 saw more films
like Lovely to Look at,
The Great Diamond Robbery,
and one of his last films for MGM,
The Clown, a remake of the
silent classic tearjerker,
the Champ, showcase Skelton's
considerable dramatic talent.
- Goldie's got me a television deal.
Coast to coast a half hour program.
A half hour, the DoDo Delman show.
- No kidding!
- Yeah, we start rehearsals tomorrow.
I got a lot of slow material, too.
- I bet ya have!
- I'm glad you're gonna
be around to help me
because I'm gonna kill the people.
- I always said you could!
- There's no reason why I
can't stage a come back.
- The old slam!
- You'll be better than ever!
- We'll travel all over,
personal appearances
and everywhere!
Philadelphia, Chicago, Hollywood, Miami,
boy we'll really--
(laughing)
- [Announcer] Yes, sir,
the clown has everything.
A great show to see and hear.
Combining heartbreak with hilarious fun.
- [Narrator] Towards the end
of 1953, Red was undergoing
personal problems,
including a ruptured hernia
in his diaphragm which caused
breathing difficulties.
His TV show suffered and
NBC dropped the show.
But after recovering,
Red performed live at the
Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas.
He was such a hit that
CBS immediately signed him
to a TV contract, and Red
never forgot the NBC snub.
- Good evening, ladies and gentleman.
Welcome to the--
(dramatic music)
Taxi, taxi!
- [Announcer] From
television city in Hollywood,
the new Red Skelton Show!
- [Narrator] 1954 Red's TV
show was chosen to present
the Look Awards, of course,
before giving out the awards,
Red used the event to do an
hilarious Marlon Brando send up.
- Red, let's be sensible.
There are a lot of great
performances last year.
- Oh sure.
- What about Marlon Brando?
- Yeah, what about him?
- You mean that you think
that you could be better
than Marlon Brando?
- Well the guy wasn't tough enough.
He had no, wait, I'll
show you what I mean.
Here, give me a coat there.
Hold my coat for me, will ya?
Just as soon as I can get a little,
atmosphere in this room, I'll show you how
I would play the thing.
All right, fella.
(laughing)
Hey, you've seen big Jim around here?
- Run along, sonny, and
forget about big Jim.
He's tough.
- Yeah?
I'm tough too.
I'm on play stuff.
I'm real, tough, tough,
tough, tough, to become.
I'm tough.
Where I come from, it's so
tough when a cat wants milk
he hijacks a cow.
- [Narrator] Then Red got
down to the almost serious
business of giving out the awards.
- Congratulations, there's your award.
- Well, thanks Red and I
want to thank the editors
of Look Magazine for this wonderful honor.
- Well, gee, I gotta
tell you one thing about
my little boy, Richard,
he came in the other day,
and I said, "What's a
matter, you look tired,
you look a bit (mumbles)".
He said, "Well naturally I'm a bit drawen.
"I was up last night
watching television and I got
Disney spells."
(laughing)
So you can't blame him,
see, Valentina, my daughter
writes his material.
Again, congratulations.
Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Walt Disney.
And I was flattered
backstage when Mr. Hitchcock
looked at me and he compared me to you.
- He did, oh.
- He looked up and he says,
"That Skelton's a real lemon."
- You squeezed that one for
all it's worth, didn't you?
- Yeah.
Congratulations, ladies
and gentleman, Jack Lemmon.
You know, I don't like
to be catty or anything,
but I could have actually
been the star of Country Girl.
- What do you mean, play my part?
- No, Grace Kelly, but I turned it down.
- I don't think you ever could have
passed the physical, Red.
- Yeah, well, (laughing).
Yeah, I didn't get that till just now.
(laughing)
Well, Bing, I'd like to ask
you just one little thing.
- What, Red?
- Well, I'd like to do a
picture with you sometime.
- Why?
- I wanna make Bob Hope feel insecure.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] By 1955, Red was
firmly established on CBS.
- Good evening, ladies and gentleman.
Here we are in studio 31
at CBS Television city
in Hollywood, where the
new Red Skelton Show
presented by PET, evaporated milk
and Instant PET nonfat dry
milk is about to begin.
(gentle orchestral music)
(gasping)
- Oh, good heavens.
No wonder it got so warm last night.
Oh.
Oh brother, I gotta take a shower.
I gotta get a shower.
Oh nothing like--
(laughing)
All right, oh by the way, this robe
was made by my own little wife, Georgia.
And if anybody says it's ridiculous,
you're right.
(laughing)
Well they didn't make me do it,
it's just that I'm proud.
- Good morning, Mr. Skelton.
- Oh good morning, good
morning, good morning.
You and that sauerkraut juice again.
- My word, it's horribly stuffy in here.
- Yeah.
- I think someone ought to open a window.
- I think so too.
Got so hot in here last
night, I thought I'd
have to get up and take off my socks
in the middle of the night.
- Really?
- Somebody ought to open
that window, you know.
- Somebody should, definitely.
- All right, I can take
a hint, I'll do it.
- That's you.
(mumbles)
(choking)
I think it's gonna be a nice day.
(laughing)
- Come along, Mr. Skelton, come along.
You've got to drink your
sauerkraut juice tonic.
Yes, I sais sauerkraut juice,
but it's the doctor's orders.
Now listen, Mr. Skelton, sir.
If you don't drink this
juice then you can't have
your hot chocolate, with
that delicious wholesome
PET milk for breakfast.
- He's gonna be around here a long time.
(laughing drowns out speaker)
- Drink it all down like a good boy.
- Like a good boy, down the hatch.
- That's much better now,
not not not bad was it?
- No, it was all bad.
- I'll straighten up your bread--
- My bread?
- Oh.
- I buttered it so (mumbles).
- Mr. Skelton, you ought
to be ashamed of yourself.
Playing with your son
Richard's toys again.
- Well that's a normal
sort of a thing, gee,
I mean, weren't you ever a little boy?
- Of course not, much too undignified.
- Oh.
- Skelton, tell me, what
else of young Richard's
have you smuggled into this room?
- Oh nothing, I got nothing else.
- Ah-ha, ah-ha!
- There's nothing in here!
There's nothing in here!
(talking over each other)
- Oh, you felon!
- I'm what?
- I said, you felon.
- And don't you forget it.
- Dear, even his little chemical set.
- Well I've always been
interested in chemistry.
You know that one time I
tried to figure out something
that would kill gophers?
- And did it kill gophers?
- Well the stuff I mixed
didn't exactly kill 'em
but it made everything smell
so bad they left on their own.
- Really, sir, are you
gonna mix up something?
- Are you interested in it?
- I am, I'll get the table.
- Oh, I'm with you,
bring it right over here.
- (mumbles) thank you.
I'll get the pitcher.
- You get the pitcher,
yeah, can you get me--
- All ready sir.
- Let's see what should we start off with?
- Hydrogen peroxide.
- Oh splendid.
- Oh that ought to do it.
Phosphorus chloride.
- Oh how (mumbles).
- You wouldn't believe that,
but if it wasn't written
here I wouldn't be able to say it.
And here is one.
This is zinc nitrate.
- Zinc nitrate?
- Zinc nitrate, and you may not know this,
but the nitrate is much
cheaper than the day rate.
(laughing)
You get it?
Nitrate, and day rate?
- Yes of course I get it.
Very, very funny (mumbles)
when I'm off duty
I'll go and have a hearty laugh.
(laughing)
- Well here we are, we'll
put a little of this
in here, that little sulfur that'll do it.
(talking over each other)
I don't want it!
It's some sand!
Throw it out the window!
- Mr. Skelton!
Let's stop behaving like children,
now come along, you take it!
- What are you doing, I don't want it!
Open the window!
- Get it out, get it out!
Just in time.
You know you might have
blown the whole house down.
- There was a lady out
there drying clothes.
- What's happened?
- The smog cleared up, was all.
You should always remember
that when anything starts
foaming, the smog cleared up?
The smog cleared up!
Good heavens!
- Mr. Skelton!
Do you know what you been gone and done?
- No, what I have I
been and gone and done?
- You just discovered the
formula for eliminating smog!
(applause)
- Patience, patience, patience, patience.
Now as you all know, only
this morning we offered
a reward of 10 million dollars--
(talking over each other)
10 million dollars, yes,
for anyone who could come
up with the solution for smog.
Now, I beg you to be patient.
Somebody's sure to come
up with the right answer.
- Well they better!
(talking over each other)
- [Crowd] Down with smog, down with smog.
- Gentleman of the smog control board,
this is serious, nobody's
come up with an answer yet.
- I've come up with a wonderful idea--
- No, we have only a few
minutes before we can find
an answer--
- Look, I don't know
if you know it or not,
but I am a fella that--
- Now have any of you any suggestions?
- Don't you see me standing here?
- Don't you see me ignoring you?
Now, I repeat, any suggestions?
- I move we adjourn for a smoke.
- I second the motion.
- Moved to (mumbles) but
gentleman we have time
for only one cigarette
so let's be back here
in two hours.
- Wait a minute!
There's an ambitious little group.
Let me have a smoke--
(whistling)
- I'm secretary to the smog
(mumbles) is there anything
I can do for you?
- Well what do you got in mind?
I mean--
(laughing)
Well, yes, I'm looking for
someone that I can tell
about my formula.
- Oh I see, your name please?
- No, my name's not
please, it's Red Skelton.
- Where were you born?
- In a cab.
That's a taxi cab.
A yellow one.
I say it was yellow because
it was late at night
and it wouldn't hit anybody.
You gotta a yellow cab,
wouldn't hit anybody.
(laughing)
- When?
- When?
When the meter hit about $3 and a quarter.
♪ On top of old smokey ♪
- Well how do you do, Mr. Skelton?
♪ All covered, ♪
oh, how do you do?
- I'm the new smog (mumbles).
- Oh nice to meet you.
Say well, you're just
the guy I'm looking for.
I have--
- Oh, and this is the new smog boy.
- Oh, it is, really?
Oh smorgasbord, eh?
- We understand that
you came here to collect
the $10,000 reward.
- That's exactly why I'm here,
but first of all, I'd
like to know what happened
to that other bum that was out here.
- Oh we fired him.
- Oh good, well anyway,
I've got the new formula.
- You got the new formula?
- I've got the new formula
and I know how to get
rid of the smog.
- Mr. Skelton, not so
fast because we understand
you have the invention
but we'd like to see it.
- Oh it's not exactly
an invention, you see.
It's a chemical formula.
- Oh that's good, good, but where is it?
Well come on, where is it?
Come on, where is it?
- Wait a minute, I don't
think you guys have
anything to do with smog.
- Are you gonna come up with that formula?
- I am, boop.
This guy can't hit at all.
(laughing)
- You don't say, huh?
- No I won't sing.
- All right, then maybe
this will make you sing.
♪ On top of old smokey ♪
- Let's take him back to the hotel.
- No!
I'm not saying a word, (mumbles).
- Come on!
- Stop it, I'm tickly.
Will you stop it!
I've only got two things to say.
- What's that?
- PET Milk.
(dramatic music)
(thunder booming)
(wind howling)
- Oh it's such a beautiful night.
Only there is no smog.
Charlie.
- Yes boss?
- Charlie, you know I'm
expecting Red Skeleton.
Now go upstairs and put on some skin.
- Okay boss.
(bell dinging)
- Meredith.
Meredith.
Meredith, Red Skeleton is
at the door, let him in.
- How do you do, I'm Red Skelton,
and Peter Lorre is expecting me.
Hi, Pete.
- I'm terribly happy to
see you, Mr. Skeleton.
- Skelton, Skelton.
- I know, Mr. Skeleton, shake.
(groaning)
This is only a practical joke.
You see I'm going to become a comedian.
- Oh, you're going to be a comedian, huh?
Boy, what a straight man you got.
(mumbles)
- Meredith, take his hat off.
- Just the hat, not the head!
- His coat.
- Where did you get this butler?
- You have no idea what trouble
I have to keep servants.
Sam, don't you see I have a visitor?
- Sam?
- Oh, pardon me, let me introduce you.
This is Red Skeleton,
this is Sam Skeleton.
- Yeah, hi.
- That's Sam?
- He's a very interesting man.
The only trouble he hasn't got much hair.
- He hasn't got much Sam either.
- So long, Sam.
- See ya later, Sam.
Well, it was nice seeing
you, Peter, I'll see y--
- Red, we'll have to have a drink.
Darling, darling, shall
we have some drinks?
You have to have one.
- Ah!
- Voltura, meet Red Skeleton.
- How are ya, glad to meet ya.
- You look like a real dead wire to me.
- Oh this kid's slab happy.
- Shall we have a toast?
- To a short life, and a miserable one.
- Do you sleep on a perch?
- Bottoms up.
- Well I don't drink myself.
Pete, I've been poisoned!
What have you given me?
(mumbles)
- It's just plain water, isn't it darling?
- Of course.
- Just plain water.
- Are you sure just plain water?
Maybe that's why it tastes so funny.
I've been drinking nothing
but PET Milk for the last
three weeks.
- Well, nice spooking to you.
- Oh, you know she's a very nice ghoul.
- So nice, so cadaveris you know.
Now, Red, about my comedy
show, I think I'd like
to start it off with a
rousing musical number.
You have any advice?
- Well--
- Oh well just as brilliantly.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
- I said nothing.
- As long as it's a comedy,
I think we should have jokes, huh?
- Oh yeah, that would help, yeah jokes.
You wanna do jokes, huh?
Boy well I'll tell ya what,
you'll need funny hats.
You got any hats around?
Couple right here, here.
Here.
Ooh.
Here, where'd you get
these, I haven't seen these
kind in years.
- It belongs to my pall bearers.
- Oh yeah.
All comedians wear funny hats, see.
- Now I'm funny.
- Believe me.
- Okay.
- Now look, here's what I'll do.
We meet on the street
and I say, "Hello Pete."
And you say, "Hello, Red."
And I say, "We got a
new baby at our house."
And you say, "Is it gonna stay?"
And then I tell a joke, you got it?
- Uh-huh got it.
- Here we go.
Boy, yes it is.
Wow.
Hello.
Hi ya, Pete.
- Hello, Red.
- We got a new baby in our house.
- Is it a boy or a girl?
- What difference does it make?
- Makes a lot of difference, ask any baby.
- Look, all you gotta
do is to come up to me,
I say, we got a baby at
our house, and you say,
"Is it gonna stay?"
And then I tell you, you see?
Oh.
Hi ya, Pete.
- Hi Red.
- We got a new baby at our house.
- Is it, can't I even
ask how the mother is?
- It's just a joke.
- It's no joke to the mother.
- Look all you gotta say
is, "Is it gonna stay?"
And I tell the joke, you got it?
- Got it.
- Oh gee.
Hi, oh no we didn't rehearse this.
How are ya, Pete?
- Hi Red.
- We got a new baby at our house.
- Is it going to stay?
- I guess so, it's got it's clothes off.
(laughing)
Ya!
- Fine, now we got the joke, now.
I'd like to do a domestic
comedy, naturally.
- Yes.
- You know, husband wife,
like Jackie Gleason does.
Honeymooners, you know?
Do you have some advice?
- Well--
- Oh, Red this is one!
I've got to call my writer.
- I didn't say anything.
- I've got to call my writer!
This is brilliant.
This guy's good.
- Oh no!
Oh, no!
Oh, you've stolen my writers!
- Aren't they an intelligent
group of writers, huh?
Introduce them to you.
This is Joe, this is Lou, and this--
- You don't have to tell me who this is.
This is the guy that gave these
other writers PBS network.
Interesting subject right here--
(upbeat orchestral music)
- [Narrator] Red appeared
on the CBS drama series,
Climax, in an original
teleplay called Public Pigeon
Number One.
- One of the traditions
of show business is all
comedians want to play Hamlet.
The funnier the clown,
the more tragic are his
acting aspirations.
Well now tonight we are
not going to do Hamlet,
but we do have the pleasure
of presenting one of America's
great comedians, Mr. Red Skelton in his
dramatic debut on television.
We ask just one thing.
As this is serious drama,
please please try to
keep from laughing, please try.
And now ladies and gentleman, Red Skelton,
starring in Public Pigeon Number One,
co-starring Ann Rutherford,
tonight on Climax.
- [Lieutenant] Morning everybody.
- Hi ya there, Lieutenant Freely.
- [Lieutenant] Hello, Rusty.
- Rusty.
- Yeah?
- What did you say the
name of that company was?
- White Eagle Mines, class A.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
What ya gonna have there, Lieutenant?
- You didn't pick up your tip.
- Oh, it'll be there when I want it.
After all, how far can
a dime go these days?
- Oh, just give me a glass of milk, Rusty.
- Glass a milk, huh?
Anything new down at
headquarters, Lieutenant?
- Don't you ever read the newspapers?
- Well I try to, but it's
pretty hard to read upside down
you know.
- Oh here, here.
(dramatic orchestral music)
There's a $10,000 reward
for the capture of those
electronic swindlers, but we'll get 'em.
- Yeah, say, Lieutenant.
Have you heard anything
about a stock called
White Eagle Mines?
- [Lieutenant] Have I ever heard about it?
That one's the pip.
- Oh you don't say?
- That's not even worth
the paper it's written on.
- No!
I'm sorry, that milk is awful fresh today.
I'm sorry, are you sure
about those stocks?
Those dirty swindlers.
How much reward did you say, Lieutenant?
Did you say $10,000?
It's all right, mister,
don't worry about it at all.
Pretty hard to keep food
down in this restaurant.
Everybody complains.
- You're fired!
- Fired?
Well aren't you gonna give
me some sort of notice?
That's notice enough.
It broke on both sides.
Gee.
When things go good,
I'll see you around, Lieutenant.
- All right.
- It'll come in handy now.
- Oh Rusty.
Well it had to happen, it always does.
- I'm sorry Edith.
Maybe it's for the best, though.
- The best, how could you say that?
- Well I had to force myself.
- [Narrator] In 1956
while guest hosting on the
Shower of Stars, a
fellow CBS star paid Red
a surprise visit.
- What's going on out there?
- [Red] Hey, Jack Benny!
(applause)
- Red, what's happening here?
I came over here to do a show.
Found no place to park my car.
They didn't give me a dressing room.
Even the make up man, he didn't
have my name on the list.
- Well you're not supposed
to be on this show, Jack.
- What?
- No, you see the show
tonight is a shower devoted
to the talent and
artists's, artists, rather.
(laughing)
Talent artists who have sold a million.
- So, oh, I thought it
was saved a million.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, really.
I didn't know, I'm awfully sorry.
(applause)
(laughing)
- You know he's not kidding about money.
He fries bacon in lucks
so it won't shrink.
- [Narrator] Skelton had
made his last movie for MGM
in 1953, and with a heavy
TV schedule, his film output
slowed down.
But in 1956 he was back on
the screen in Mike Todd's
epic Around the World in 80 Days.
1957 saw an interesting development.
Red's final starring feature
film was based on his
1955 television production
of Public Pigeon Number One.
♪ Don't chicken, chicken ♪
♪ Knock me for a loop ♪
♪ Show me lots of lovin' ♪
- [Announcer] You may as
well settle down for a lot
of long loud laughs.
For here's just what the doctor ordered.
A picture that sets a fast,
furious and exciting pace
in mirthful, melodious entertainment.
Red may be Janet's big
heartthrob, but to everyone else,
he's just one pain in the neck.
- You're fired, you hear me?
You're fired!
- [Announcer] The fun
really starts when Red
is tagged as Public Pigeon
Number One by stock swindlers
who pose as government agents.
- I solemnly pledge.
- To uphold the principles of the bureau.
- To uphold the principles of the bureau.
- Through rain and sleet.
- Through rain and sleet.
- Till death do us part.
- Till death, you sure
we're not getting married?
I'm a G man.
- What?
- Sh!
- What kind of a signature is this?
- Mine.
- Peter Rabbit?
- Oh that, it's a nickname.
Kids used to call me Peter
Rabbit because of the way
I had of walking like this.
Hippity hop, hippity hop, hippity hop.
- [Narrator] By the end of
the '50s and early '60s,
Red was a television fixture,
with many of his characters
as famous as he was.
- [Announcer] A special
message from Red Skelton,
to all his little friends.
- Hi, you know I sure
am lucky to have a job
where I can wear 20 faces
and try to make people laugh.
But I got a surprise for you.
You know who that is?
Freddie the Freeloader and
this is Clem Kadiddlehopper
and Dead Eye, friends of mine.
Yours too, I hope.
Well, the PET Instant folks
have made these wonderful
masks especially so that
you can have as much fun
with 'em as I do.
- It's always fun shopping
in the dump today.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
All right, I do believe I've
died and gone to heaven.
Boy that smog's getting worse everyday.
That's not the peas, that's the smog.
I'll gorge myself tonight.
Beans, oh I love beans.
One, two, three, four, no, there's three.
One of 'ems moving.
Everybody out now.
Oh, an egg, an egg, now
why would anyone throw an
egg away, it says, oh
it must be a brand name.
It's McCoyen.
International Airport 1959.
Now why would, phew!
Personality all right.
Oh good heavens!
- Oh there's the bell.
- All right, Mr. Wentworth.
- What are they remaking, the great wall?
- Perspiration.
- What's wrong with that?
- It'll ruin my makeup.
- Oh come on, Mr.
Wentworth, knock him out.
- Wait a minute, are you (mumbles).
- My dear boy, those are
the ideal conditions.
- You're not getting me (mumbles).
- I did it.
- You hit me.
- I did.
- Yes.
- I did it!
- Oh come on.
Oh come on.
He's the kind of fight that
I wanna do all the time,
it's the first one I ever won!
- [Man] (mumbles) come here.
- (mumbles) you were magnificent!
- Was I really?
How about a kiss?
(mumbles)
- But this is Tuesday
night, Red Skelton show.
We have a script all prepared
here for you if you'll
just look this over here now.
- Oh Lord, you must be clowning.
I couldn't do Red's characters.
- But this is what Red wants you to do.
- Yeah, but the public would
think I flipped my wig.
- No but look, we have the
set, we have the costumes.
We have the script right here.
- But Dick, you don't understand.
I'm not a comedian.
People would just laugh at me.
- We can only hope.
- [Narrator] It isn't easy
to picture anyone else
doing a Red Skelton character,
but how about Ed Sullivan?
Well, it happened one night
in 1961 when Red was sick
and CBS asked the great
stone face to fill in.
(applause)
- Howdy folks, howdy!
(applause drowns out speaker)
Always tripping me up.
Getting embarrassing.
(mumbles)
Have to do it the hard way.
(gun shot blasts)
That's what I always
needed, open toed toes.
- This must be Freddie the Freeloader.
- Either that or a
Russian trick, be careful.
- Let's wake him up.
- Maybe a rouge.
Wake up, you--
- Gentleman, you are invading my boudoir.
- Are you Eddie the Freeloader?
- Yes, and no.
- Yes and no?
- Yes, if you have a care package.
No if you are coppers.
- [Narrator] During the early '60s,
another facet of Red's talent surfaced.
His musical ability, which
included the release of
an album of Skelton
conducting a full orchestra.
Red's fame had taken on
international proportions,
even to the special program
for the delegates of the
United Nations.
(applause)
- [Announcer] Mr. Skelton's
first pantomime will be that of
The Fool and the Feather.
(speaking in foreign language)
(chuckling)
- [Narrator] Red's show became so popular,
that in 1962, CBS expanded
the program to one hour.
And on the very first
Skelton hour, Red was joined
in the silent spot by another
beloved clown, Harpo Marx.
(gentle orchestral music)
(bomb booming)
Week after week, Skelton
rolled out his Louie cast
of characters to the delight
of his millions of fans.
Like the mild mannered George Appleby.
(gun shots blasting)
- Didn't I see you in the yellow pages?
- No!
(gun shots blasting)
- You're a bloody mess to be coming now.
He's dead.
He's dead.
There must be a way out of here.
Oh.
- [Narrator] Bolivar Shagnasty.
- That's pretty good,
Chester's got one of 'em going,
he's got two of 'em.
So you scarface, huh?
- Who is this crumb?
- Who you calling a crumb?
- You, that's who.
- Okay, I just wanna
know which crumb you were
referring to.
- This is Bolivar Shagnasty.
- Yeah, that's spelled
with two small snag shags
and one big nasty.
We all had bets on it.
- Bolivar, Bolivar, this is Mr. Scarface.
And these are his two boys.
- Oh, your boys, huh?
Will the real scarface
step forward, please?
(skin smacking)
One of us was wrong somewhere.
- Did you get the message?
- I got the massage.
I was right the first
time, I got the massage.
- Scarface, sir, Bolivar
made the most delicious beer
you ever tasted.
- Yeah, that's real beer,
that's the real bathtub beer.
- Are you crazy?
I make the greatest beer.
- Are you kidding?
My beer's 25 proof.
Course, yours is better, it's 38.
- [Narrator] Dead Eye.
- Anybody wanna buy him?
(mumbles)
This is the only horse
in the world with a built
in u-turn.
Here, take him over to
the blacksmith's shop
and get him some elevator shoes.
Every time he runs, his stomach dribbles.
Hey, where's the dancing girls?
What happened to my gal, Sue?
Hey Sue?
Sue!
Georgie!
Hey bartender.
Who's that hombre?
- Why that's Hondo, the
fastest man on the draw
in the west.
- Don't be silly, I'm the
fasted man on the draw!
(gun shot blasts)
Not even John Wayne can't do that.
I figure any time a prop
gets a bigger laugh than me
it's gotta go.
- [Narrator] Conman Sam Fernando Red.
- I wanna watch (mumbles).
- Why?
- We may have to eat these things.
- Look, here they come.
- Yeah, get behind the stand,
we'll be heard (mumbles).
- Guess they got away.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.
Well, it's not a total loss.
Why not?
- Oh come on San Fernando.
We just gotta get rid of these hot furs.
- Yeah, we'll find some way to do it.
Uh-oh, here comes a prospect.
(laughing)
Here comes a sucker, you
keep an eye out for the cops,
I'll sell him a coat.
Say, pardon me sir.
You look like an intelligent sucker.
I mean, how would you
like to buy a genuine
$2,000 mink coat for only $500?
- I don't think so, there
must be a catch to it.
- Neighbor, I'm gonna level with you.
These coats fell off a
truck that was headed to
Beverly Hills, yeah, I
tried to get the driver's
attention, I yelled as loud as I could,
but I was under a difficult condition.
- Difficult condition?
- I had my mouth closed.
Now, it's a real bargain friend.
A $2,000 coat for $500.
Buy it for your mother.
- No.
- Your sister.
Wife?
Well how about if you've got a wife,
how about your girlfriend?
- Say, that is a lovely coat.
Yes, oh that's beautiful.
- Yes it is.
- It's gorgeous.
- How about that bullheaded mink?
Oh, don't I'm allergic, I'm...
- Ah-choo!
- [Narrator] And during
the '60s, there was still
time for a movie or two
like a cameo appearance
in Oceans Eleven.
In the 1965 feature, those
magnificent men in their
flying machines, Red puts
in a hilarious final film
appearance portraying man's
early and unsuccessful
attempts to fly.
Skelton's television shows
were filled with memorable
moments, but some of
them were not planned,
and it's during these
unrehearsed events we can see
Skelton's genius for ad libbing.
- Flossy, what do you say?
- Young man?
- Oh!
- Now take it easy
young man, I'm harmless.
- Oh, you're harmless,
I'm glad to meet ya,
I'm Clem Kadiddlehopper.
- My name is Swathmartin,
J.P. Swathmartin.
- No kidding.
- Hey, that's a mighty fine
looking cow you got here.
- Isn't that a hunk of beef for ya?
Good boy, that's a nice cow.
(laughing)
Joyful cow, not only does she give milk.
But she gives Pepperidge pies.
- Feel this muckle.
Wait a minute, over here,
oh there it is, feel.
Right there, feel it.
How's that for a muscle?
- Feels like a wart on a rubber band.
- Yeah, that's fun, see two
can play at that little game.
- Move it over.
What do you think I got down here, a duck?
(laughing)
- Oh they all seem to
want this little black box
all of a sudden.
I wonder what could be in it.
I better not open it.
I'll just take a peek.
No, I better not either.
I'll just pretend it's not
there, that's what I'll do.
I wonder what it is though.
Oh gee, if I could just say
what I did at rehearsal now.
(laughing)
- Sounded desperate, his
voice was blood curdling.
- Sounded like your mother.
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know, what you got in mind?
- Going down to Florida, we got--
- Telegram for ya, Mr. Skeleton.
Elton, Elton.
- You said skeleton.
This is that Texan I
was telling you about.
A telegram?
- Yeah.
- Where from, sir?
- Western Union.
- I'll read it.
(mumbles)
Now that shows ya how you can
get excited reading lines,
you know you get everything mixed up.
Blah, blah, blah, (mumbles) oh.
- You brought a whole army of mosquitoes.
- I'd like to see you do that again.
I'd like to see you do that again.
- I just did it.
- I had my eyes closed, I didn't see it.
Thank you!
- Welcome.
Cherio.
- Right-oh.
- Right-oh.
- Any more?
Shut up, we got one more.
- [Narrator] In 1970, after
17 years on the network,
CBS canceled the Skelton Show.
Although the program was
still very strong in the
ratings, the network had
decided it wanted to go
after a younger, more urbane audience.
It also said the weekly
production budget of over
$200,000 per week was too high.
And so, ironically in 1970
and '71 found Red back
at NBC where it all
started 20 years earlier.
(upbeat music)
- [Announcer] Stop!
Look!
And laugh.
- Wow!
How sweet it is.
- [Announcer] With Red and his guest star.
- [Narrator] As the mid '70s came along,
Red was off television on a regular basis.
But he kept very active
making numerous stage
appearances, writing and
conducting music, and painting.
And later in the '80s,
Red forged new ground
entertaining yet another
generation with his cable
TV specials and live concerts.
And in 1986, the National
Academy of Television
Arts and Sciences awarded
Red their highest honor.
The Governor's Award.
For over 60 years, Red
Skelton has delighted us
with his simple, straight
forward approach to comedy.
He enjoyed making us laugh
and usually made himself
laugh, as well.
It's an honest laughter
filled with an American spirit
that is so much a part of his soul.
Richard Red Skelton, a national
treasure and beloved clown.
- Thank you very much,
ladies and gentleman.
I sincerely hope that I
haven't said or done anything
to offend anyone.
If I did, I really didn't mean to.
I do hope that you had
as much fun as I had.
It's really a lot of fun to
try and make people laugh.
I personally believe that
each and every one of us
was put here for a
purpose, that's to build
and not to destroy.
And if by chance someday
you're not feeling well,
and you should remember
some silly little thing that
I've said or done, and it
brings back a smile to your face
or a chuckle to your heart,
then my purpose has been served.
For my fellow man.
May I wish you all continued success
and God bless and good night.
(upbeat orchestral music)
- [Ed] Cauliflower McPugg.
- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Watch the hand, watch the hand!
(mumbles)
- Welcome to the Ed Sullivan Show.
- Yeah, well don't rub it in.
(laughing)
- Hey, we're talking
about Washington though.
Gertrude and Heathcliff, see.
They were talking, where
did you go this summer?
Oh I had a nice vacation, went back east.
Went back east.
I went to Washington D.C.
And as I was flying
over the capital I said,
"This one's on the house."
(laughing)
- Ah-choo!
- My poor leading man.
No one's going to recognize him.
- They'll recognize him.
(mumbles)
- Hey ladies and gentleman,
last week and the camera's
that we used in a sketch didn't blow up,
and when we start a joke,
we want it to finish.
What do you think?
- I think it'll work.
- Don't think, see.
In television we don't think, we know.
- I don't think we know either.
(laughing)
- Now here is the man
who built that thing,
Sam, it didn't work
last week, come in, Sam.
(laughing)
(applause)
(upbeat music)
- [Narrator] Red Skelton,
A Comedy Scrapbook
featuring classic Red Skelton
characters, including,
Freddy the Freeloader,
Clem Kadiddlehopper,
Sheriff Deadeye,
Cauliflower McPugg,
Willie Lump-Lump,
George Appleby,
Bolivar Shagnasty,
San Fernando Red,
and many more.
Richard Red Skelton, no
other entertainer has ever
combined so many diverse
facets of American humor
into one comic persona.
A wise-cracking top banana in burlesque,
to beloved clown in folk humorous.
His more than half century
career has delighted
generations with good natured comedy.
Life of a clown with the
Hagenbeck-Wallace Circus
around the turn of the century was hard.
It meant very low pay,
and being away nine months
out of the year.
That's what Joe Skelton, Red's father did.
He married Ida Mae in 1905.
They moved to this house
in Vincennes, Indiana
and according to official
records, Red was born on
July 18, 1913.
Tragically, Red's father died two months
before Red was born.
When Red was 12 he
entertained in a traveling
medicine show, two years later at age 14,
Red got a job on a showboat
called the Cotton Blossom,
replacing an entertainer
who had just been shot
to death in a dispute
with a riverboat gambler.
During the late 1920's
Red traveled the midwest
performing in one show after another.
In 1930 he finally landed
a permanent job as the
third banana in the
Gayety Burlesque Theater
in Kansas City.
Starting salary, $75 per week.
And he met his first wife,
Edna, who was working
as an usherette at the theater.
She not only became Red's wife,
but his business manager
and artistic collaborator.
As the early '30s rolled
on, the depression deepened
and a new phenomena
arose called a walkathon,
or dance marathon.
The object was for couples
to stay on the dance
floor for days at a time,
only taking short breaks.
The last couple standing won a cash prize.
People loved watching these events,
but to ensure the crowd didn't get bored,
comics were hired to entertain.
Red landed a job at a
walkathon only to find out
he had to be on stage almost
as much as the contestants.
But it was this grueling
routine that sharpened
Red's comic skills.
By 1938, Red had established
himself as a popular
vaudeville act.
Film producer, Pandro Berman,
spotted Red performing
on Broadway and flew into
Hollywood to appear in the
RKO film Have a Wonderful
Time, which starred
Douglas Fairbanks Jr.
Red was well received, but
the picture was a flop.
In August of '38, Skelton
made his national radio debut
on the top rated Fleischmann's Hour,
hosted by singer, Rudy Vallee.
Red was a hit, and made
two more guest appearances.
It also helped push his
own local Chicago radio
show to the top of the ratings.
Later that year, Red was
back before the cameras
in a vitaphone short
subject called Seeing Red.
It featured Skelton doing some of his
popular stage routines.
By the early '40s, Red
was a major headliner in
vaudeville, and new
routines like Guzzler's Gin
were helping him to
earn over 5,000 a week.
The premise of Guzzler's Gin
was that a radio announcer
becomes drunk pitching a product.
- No upsetting the nerves, no bad taste,
it's a nice smooth drink,
poor a little in your glass
and drink it right down,
but be sure and ask for
Guzzler's Gin, a nice smooth drink.
(laughing)
Good.
Good (mumbles).
Drink a little after
dinner, drink some before,
you won't have to eat any dinner.
- [Narrator] In 1941,
Red was back in Hollywood
for good and completing
his second feature for MGM,
The People Verses Dr. Kildare.
Between his radio career
and movies, Red was enjoying
the good life, so much so,
that he put on 40 pounds,
which angered MGM mogul, Louis B. Mayer,
so much that he was quoted as
saying, "We hired Red Skelton
"not Oliver Hardy."
Red got the message and shaped
up to appear in the 1941
release, Whistling in the Dark.
A comedy mystery about a radio
detective called the Fox,
who also gets involved
in real life murder.
- Say, this is a nifty way to travel.
Have you boys have a lot of experience?
- We have.
- With coffins.
- Oh good, what?
(moaning)
I am the Fox, open that door!
- You'll never take me alive!
- Very well then I'll shoot the lock in.
(gun shots blasting)
- You have just heard
another thrilling drama
by the master brain of
murder, the Fox who creates
and solves each of these
perfect crimes himself.
- There's a certain gentleman
who is our (mumbles).
He wished to, shall we say, eliminate him.
We are relying on the Fox
to devise a perfect method.
- You mean you want me to
kill somebody on the level?
- No, you just do the
thinking, we'll do the work.
- I had a bed brought in.
- A bed, what for?
You expect me to dream up this murder?
Are you resting somewhere tonight?
- Open that thing and
tell him to let us in.
- I don't think that's such a good idea.
- Why not?
- He's liable to do it.
- Go ahead, darling,
we're not afraid, are we?
- Oh now don't get me wrong,
it's not that I'm afraid
because I am.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Red's film
career took off and by 1942
he starred in Ship Ahoy,
Maisie gets her Man,
Panama Hattie, and Whistling in Dixie.
By the early '40s, Red
was knocking 'em dead
in his own NBC radio show.
Characters like Clem Kadiddlehopper,
Cauliflower McPugg,
and the Mean Widdle Kid
became audience favorites.
He also appeared in films
like Du Barry was a
Lady, where he costarred
with another red head, Lucille Ball.
♪ Du Barry was a lady ♪
♪ No matter what they may say ♪
♪ Du Barry was a lady ♪
♪ The fairest gal of her day ♪
- Oh Louis are you gonna
play this thing again?
- Would you accept this little token?
- Oh darling!
Oh you really shouldn't have done that.
Oh Louis, I just can't accept this.
- Oh please do.
- No really, I just can't.
- All right, give it back.
♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪
♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪
♪ When other friendships go up in smoke ♪
♪ Ours will still be oke ♪
(upbeat orchestral music)
♪ Good evening friend ♪
- [Narrator] 1944 was an
eventful year for Skelton.
He divorced his wife, Edna,
got drafted into the army
and married his second
wife, Georgia Davis.
After the war, Skelton returned to radio,
and in 1946, the Ziegfeld
Follies was released.
- [Announcer] Ziegfeld Follies
marks the beginning of a
startling new era, in the
world of entertainment.
The Ziegfeld Follies is music and magic,
laughter, romance and
America's most beautiful girls.
- [Narrator] The film was
actually shot in 1944,
but released in 1946.
In it, Red reprises his
Guzzler's Gin routine,
renamed for the movie,
When Television Comes.
(whistling)
1948 saw the release of
more Skelton films like,
the classic comedy, The Fuller Brush Man.
A Southern Yankee, and Neptune's Daughter.
♪ Three little words ♪
♪ Oh what I'd give for
that one little phrase ♪
- [Narrator] In 1950, he
starred in one of his biggest
hits, Three Little Words.
- He'll like it, huh?
- Sure, sure, it's a nice little tune.
You ought to do something
with it sometime.
You ought to do something
with that shirt, too.
- [Announcer] Three Little
Words is a grand story,
a true story, based on
the lives and music of two
of America's greatest song
writers, Kalmar and Ruby.
Fred as Bert Kalmar, Red as Harry Ruby.
- Ball took a bad huff.
- A bad huff, a bad huff,
we go to rehearsal in
two weeks, what am I
gonna tell Sam Harris?
The balls took a bad huff?
He'll be delighted.
You and your baseball,
every time I turn around
you're playing baseball.
That's for kids, kids stuff!
- I suppose magic's for grown ups?
- And then we sat down and wrote,
♪ Who's sorry now, who's sorry now ♪
♪ Who's sorry now ♪
- And then we stood up and wrote,
♪ So long oolong, how
long you going a row ♪
♪ Maybe I'll live a life of regret ♪
♪ And maybe I'll give
much more than I get ♪
♪ But never the less
I'm in love with you ♪
- [Narrator] Later on in
1950, Red was also seen in
Watch the Birdie and the Yellow Cab Man.
- I'm sorry I was late, I'm
working on a new invention.
A bumper for automobiles
with a rubber stamp on it.
When you hit a pedestrian,
it says knocked out in California.
(baby fussing)
(explosion booming)
- [Narrator] In 1951,
television antenna's were
springing up all over America.
Many of Red's contemporary's
like Milton Berle
and Jack Benny, were
enjoying success on TV.
Earlier in 1949, Skelton
had moved his radio program
over to CBS and was being
paid $10,000 per show.
But, he retained his
rights to make a separate
television deal, as he had done
with his MGM film contract.
So in 1951, Red signed with NBC Television
reportedly for 5.5
million over seven years.
There was probably no
other performer more ready
for the weekly demands of
television than Red Skelton.
(applause)
- Thank you very much
ladies and gentleman.
It's always quite flattering
to get a reception
without doing anything.
I would like to thank you
for allowing me to come
into your living room,
and this as you know,
is my first televised broadcast.
I have working in every
branch of show business
but television, and
tonight opens that for me.
I played a lot of night clubs lately.
Course you know the night
club is, that's where high
class people stand around like this.
(laughing)
What time's the floor show start?
(laughing)
- [Announcer] Movies to Read By.
Brought to you by Clem Kadiddlehoper.
The used used car dealer.
- [Narrator] His popular
radio characters like
country bumpkin Clem
Kadiddlehoper, made an easy
transition to TV.
- Yes, sir, it's very
interesting, isn't it?
Very interesting.
We have some buys here
tonight and really are buys
as I said before.
Wait till I unveil this one.
Ain't that a beauty?
This is really a car that is a car!
Now, this car, oh this is not the price,
this is the year it was made in.
Now I want you to see
that this car is $1175
and look real close, no
trickery, you don't see
the word down there.
Now, as I said before, this
car we're not gonna let
go at that price, or at
$960 easy, but it's going to
go for $350 tonight.
Now you'll say to yourself,
what can I get for $350?
I'm gonna tell you, a rookin'.
I want to call your
attention to some of the nice
things here, a fog
light with build in fog.
Up boy, up, we're on the
air, up boy, up, up, up.
Good boy, hold it, hold it boy.
This is an Eisenhower
special, you don't know if
it's gonna run or not.
(laughing)
(applause)
This car was owned by an old
lady that only drove it once.
Only drove this car once,
she sold it right after that
nasty train accident.
Now I'm gonna tell you more about this car
in just a few minutes, stay tuned in.
I'd like to call your
attention to one thing,
it has the original rust
proof job on it here.
It has it's original rust,
we'll get back to our
movie and more about our
car in just a few minutes.
- [Narrator] Here's Red in
an early television sketch
doing more Beaverhead
with a cameo appearance by
the Mean Wittle Kid.
- I see where Joe Staleen
is trying to find a serum
that will make him younger.
Well that's not possible but
if you leave it up to us,
we'll see that you don't get any older.
(laughing)
Now I would like to tell you
about our American movie.
The night this movie, it
was not shot under water,
it just looks that way.
This picture has murder,
robbery, terror,
hate, revenge,
it's a story about boy and his dog.
It stars Arrow Flynn, he plays two parts.
Both a brother and a sister.
Still no good.
Hello, are you there, are you there?
Would you get me Fort Knox
please in Kentucky, yes.
United States of America,
we don't have a Kentucky
in England, you know!
Hello, Fort Knox?
How are you--
(laughing)
And now I'd like to tell
you about our sponsor.
Our sponsor is good ol'
Clavedon's Crumpet Juice.
Clavedon's Crumpet Juice
comes in different sizes.
Now here's the small size to carry around,
and there's a prize in every package.
Now here's one in this package here.
It's a genuine,
it's a genuine, well I really
don't know what that is.
It's a genuine isn't it though?
Now that's in there, now
in the mix size we have
a special prize that comes with that,
gotta put my tea away, you know.
(mumbles)
With this size you get a
prize, a surprise package
comes with this one.
Every box has a surprise, what did ya do,
nail it down, Sam?
Every one has a prize.
Well it's supposed to be a
surprise in there somewhere.
Oh well, holy oh!
Time for tea, time for tea.
Now then we have the larger
size, for people large
crumpet juice, and with that
we give you a large prize.
And this contains all the
vitamins that you'll ever need.
Would you step out, please?
Would you please?
Thank you.
(applause)
That also comes in the plain wrapper.
Now remember--
- Good morning, (mumbles)
- Oh how are you, Ben,
nice to see you, Ben.
That's big Ben.
(laughing)
Now I'd like to call your
attention, Clavedon's
Crumpet Juice makes old men
young, and young men younger.
I hope you keep that in mind.
I'll show you what a wonderful product.
(laughing)
I got to hurry, I'm
gonna be late for school.
(gun shots blasting)
- I think what would be
very good would be to
have a large, green mixed salad.
- A mixed green salad for a thousand men?
Oh let's not get sickening, boy.
Good heavens, we'll get it
all fixed up then I'll go
out here and get it for you.
- All right you go right
ahead, bring it in if I've
gotta cook it, boy,
gotta bring it in here.
- [Narrator] Another radio favorite,
Willy Lump Lump soon made
his television debut.
- There we are, hey, you
get that down at the dump?
Good, good.
This is will be nuts in no time.
Well, here we go.
(laughing)
(upbeat orchestral music)
(yelling)
(plates shattering)
(pans rattling)
(gun shots firing)
All that meat and no potatoes.
(laughing)
(talking over each other)
- At ease.
Well, sergeant, take this
mess down to the dump.
- Wait a minute.
You can't take me down to no dump.
I'm Willy Lump Lump.
- Oh lay down, I know
garbage when I see it.
- [Narrator] But his radio
character of J. Newton Numbskull
was an early television casualty.
- At this time, I will
endeavor to hypnotize this
beautiful lady.
Look me straight in the eye.
- I can't.
- Why?
You're cockeyed.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] Television
allowed Skelton to use his
superb talent of pantomime.
Skills he developed to
perfection since his
earliest days in show business.
These routines were of course impossible
to perform on radio.
(laughing)
- That Willy Lump Lump's
been gone for five days now,
staggering around town
from joint to joint.
Well believe me, he's gonna
learn his lesson this time.
Just wait till he wakes up.
- Aren't you scared to
put him in that room?
It might frighten him to death.
- Well maybe but I've warned
him before too many times.
I said, "Willy, listen
to me, one of these days
"you're gonna come in
here so high you won't be
"able to get down."
Well this is it.
- (mumbles) heaven's sake.
They have revealed the laws of gravity.
- [Narrator] Trying to
push TV to its limits,
he experimented with special effects,
like this bizarre topsy turvy room.
- Oh no!
I gotta get some sleep.
(mumbles)
Oh good heavens.
I gotta rest for a minute.
Oh.
Oh.
(laughing)
(applause)
(mumbles) lay down.
I didn't realize that, that's what I need.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] His success was immediate
and Skelton was honored with two Emmy's.
One for being the best comedian,
and one for best comedy
series during 1951.
Red's debut season on TV.
- And I would like to thank
the ladies and gentleman
of the press, and also
the ladies and gentleman
of the Academy for voting our show twice.
One is they like our
show, and the other is
they like me as a comedian.
Well, you've seen 'em now,
so Ed you wanna take them?
(applause)
You know it was really quite a thrill to
get something like that,
you know, and over at the
Academy it's a funny thing.
As I walked in, there were
a lot of people outside
and someone yelled, "Red
Skelton's in the crowd!"
And they all turned
around and looked at me,
Gee, I was so embarrassed.
I was sorry I yelled.
(laughing)
The autograph collectors,
they had a cute idea
for the stars, they would
let 'em sign full sheets
of paper, and for the pit
players, a half a sheet of paper.
You ever try to autograph a spit ball?
Well, a little richer this week.
Came in they want pet mice,
I said, "What do you want
"with mice," they said, "They
don't brush their teeth,
"they don't take a bath or anything,"
he says, "They don't tell
one of 'em to move over,
"he got a new buddy from now on."
They went over to Gene
Fowler's house the other day
and they raided his coo-coo clock.
This is the truth, they
took a little coo-coo out
of the clock, so I says,
"Why did you do that?"
He'd go, "Well I didn't
mean no harm by it you know.
"I saw the coo-coo and I
thought maybe I could get some
coo-coo eggs and raise my own clocks."
- [Narrator] And somehow
with all this going on,
1951 saw Red appearing
in feature films like
Excuse my Dust
and Texas Carnival.
(whistling)
- Come on, boys.
♪ Waste no time, my friends the
eyes of Texas are upon you ♪
♪ Just one dime, step
up and try your luck ♪
♪ And don't begin that
clippity clop until (mumbles) ♪
♪ Take your time, your time ♪
♪ (mumbles) grab your
gal, don't hesitate ♪
- [Narrator] Right at
the crest of popularity,
1952 and 1953 saw more films
like Lovely to Look at,
The Great Diamond Robbery,
and one of his last films for MGM,
The Clown, a remake of the
silent classic tearjerker,
the Champ, showcase Skelton's
considerable dramatic talent.
- Goldie's got me a television deal.
Coast to coast a half hour program.
A half hour, the DoDo Delman show.
- No kidding!
- Yeah, we start rehearsals tomorrow.
I got a lot of slow material, too.
- I bet ya have!
- I'm glad you're gonna
be around to help me
because I'm gonna kill the people.
- I always said you could!
- There's no reason why I
can't stage a come back.
- The old slam!
- You'll be better than ever!
- We'll travel all over,
personal appearances
and everywhere!
Philadelphia, Chicago, Hollywood, Miami,
boy we'll really--
(laughing)
- [Announcer] Yes, sir,
the clown has everything.
A great show to see and hear.
Combining heartbreak with hilarious fun.
- [Narrator] Towards the end
of 1953, Red was undergoing
personal problems,
including a ruptured hernia
in his diaphragm which caused
breathing difficulties.
His TV show suffered and
NBC dropped the show.
But after recovering,
Red performed live at the
Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas.
He was such a hit that
CBS immediately signed him
to a TV contract, and Red
never forgot the NBC snub.
- Good evening, ladies and gentleman.
Welcome to the--
(dramatic music)
Taxi, taxi!
- [Announcer] From
television city in Hollywood,
the new Red Skelton Show!
- [Narrator] 1954 Red's TV
show was chosen to present
the Look Awards, of course,
before giving out the awards,
Red used the event to do an
hilarious Marlon Brando send up.
- Red, let's be sensible.
There are a lot of great
performances last year.
- Oh sure.
- What about Marlon Brando?
- Yeah, what about him?
- You mean that you think
that you could be better
than Marlon Brando?
- Well the guy wasn't tough enough.
He had no, wait, I'll
show you what I mean.
Here, give me a coat there.
Hold my coat for me, will ya?
Just as soon as I can get a little,
atmosphere in this room, I'll show you how
I would play the thing.
All right, fella.
(laughing)
Hey, you've seen big Jim around here?
- Run along, sonny, and
forget about big Jim.
He's tough.
- Yeah?
I'm tough too.
I'm on play stuff.
I'm real, tough, tough,
tough, tough, to become.
I'm tough.
Where I come from, it's so
tough when a cat wants milk
he hijacks a cow.
- [Narrator] Then Red got
down to the almost serious
business of giving out the awards.
- Congratulations, there's your award.
- Well, thanks Red and I
want to thank the editors
of Look Magazine for this wonderful honor.
- Well, gee, I gotta
tell you one thing about
my little boy, Richard,
he came in the other day,
and I said, "What's a
matter, you look tired,
you look a bit (mumbles)".
He said, "Well naturally I'm a bit drawen.
"I was up last night
watching television and I got
Disney spells."
(laughing)
So you can't blame him,
see, Valentina, my daughter
writes his material.
Again, congratulations.
Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Walt Disney.
And I was flattered
backstage when Mr. Hitchcock
looked at me and he compared me to you.
- He did, oh.
- He looked up and he says,
"That Skelton's a real lemon."
- You squeezed that one for
all it's worth, didn't you?
- Yeah.
Congratulations, ladies
and gentleman, Jack Lemmon.
You know, I don't like
to be catty or anything,
but I could have actually
been the star of Country Girl.
- What do you mean, play my part?
- No, Grace Kelly, but I turned it down.
- I don't think you ever could have
passed the physical, Red.
- Yeah, well, (laughing).
Yeah, I didn't get that till just now.
(laughing)
Well, Bing, I'd like to ask
you just one little thing.
- What, Red?
- Well, I'd like to do a
picture with you sometime.
- Why?
- I wanna make Bob Hope feel insecure.
(laughing)
- [Narrator] By 1955, Red was
firmly established on CBS.
- Good evening, ladies and gentleman.
Here we are in studio 31
at CBS Television city
in Hollywood, where the
new Red Skelton Show
presented by PET, evaporated milk
and Instant PET nonfat dry
milk is about to begin.
(gentle orchestral music)
(gasping)
- Oh, good heavens.
No wonder it got so warm last night.
Oh.
Oh brother, I gotta take a shower.
I gotta get a shower.
Oh nothing like--
(laughing)
All right, oh by the way, this robe
was made by my own little wife, Georgia.
And if anybody says it's ridiculous,
you're right.
(laughing)
Well they didn't make me do it,
it's just that I'm proud.
- Good morning, Mr. Skelton.
- Oh good morning, good
morning, good morning.
You and that sauerkraut juice again.
- My word, it's horribly stuffy in here.
- Yeah.
- I think someone ought to open a window.
- I think so too.
Got so hot in here last
night, I thought I'd
have to get up and take off my socks
in the middle of the night.
- Really?
- Somebody ought to open
that window, you know.
- Somebody should, definitely.
- All right, I can take
a hint, I'll do it.
- That's you.
(mumbles)
(choking)
I think it's gonna be a nice day.
(laughing)
- Come along, Mr. Skelton, come along.
You've got to drink your
sauerkraut juice tonic.
Yes, I sais sauerkraut juice,
but it's the doctor's orders.
Now listen, Mr. Skelton, sir.
If you don't drink this
juice then you can't have
your hot chocolate, with
that delicious wholesome
PET milk for breakfast.
- He's gonna be around here a long time.
(laughing drowns out speaker)
- Drink it all down like a good boy.
- Like a good boy, down the hatch.
- That's much better now,
not not not bad was it?
- No, it was all bad.
- I'll straighten up your bread--
- My bread?
- Oh.
- I buttered it so (mumbles).
- Mr. Skelton, you ought
to be ashamed of yourself.
Playing with your son
Richard's toys again.
- Well that's a normal
sort of a thing, gee,
I mean, weren't you ever a little boy?
- Of course not, much too undignified.
- Oh.
- Skelton, tell me, what
else of young Richard's
have you smuggled into this room?
- Oh nothing, I got nothing else.
- Ah-ha, ah-ha!
- There's nothing in here!
There's nothing in here!
(talking over each other)
- Oh, you felon!
- I'm what?
- I said, you felon.
- And don't you forget it.
- Dear, even his little chemical set.
- Well I've always been
interested in chemistry.
You know that one time I
tried to figure out something
that would kill gophers?
- And did it kill gophers?
- Well the stuff I mixed
didn't exactly kill 'em
but it made everything smell
so bad they left on their own.
- Really, sir, are you
gonna mix up something?
- Are you interested in it?
- I am, I'll get the table.
- Oh, I'm with you,
bring it right over here.
- (mumbles) thank you.
I'll get the pitcher.
- You get the pitcher,
yeah, can you get me--
- All ready sir.
- Let's see what should we start off with?
- Hydrogen peroxide.
- Oh splendid.
- Oh that ought to do it.
Phosphorus chloride.
- Oh how (mumbles).
- You wouldn't believe that,
but if it wasn't written
here I wouldn't be able to say it.
And here is one.
This is zinc nitrate.
- Zinc nitrate?
- Zinc nitrate, and you may not know this,
but the nitrate is much
cheaper than the day rate.
(laughing)
You get it?
Nitrate, and day rate?
- Yes of course I get it.
Very, very funny (mumbles)
when I'm off duty
I'll go and have a hearty laugh.
(laughing)
- Well here we are, we'll
put a little of this
in here, that little sulfur that'll do it.
(talking over each other)
I don't want it!
It's some sand!
Throw it out the window!
- Mr. Skelton!
Let's stop behaving like children,
now come along, you take it!
- What are you doing, I don't want it!
Open the window!
- Get it out, get it out!
Just in time.
You know you might have
blown the whole house down.
- There was a lady out
there drying clothes.
- What's happened?
- The smog cleared up, was all.
You should always remember
that when anything starts
foaming, the smog cleared up?
The smog cleared up!
Good heavens!
- Mr. Skelton!
Do you know what you been gone and done?
- No, what I have I
been and gone and done?
- You just discovered the
formula for eliminating smog!
(applause)
- Patience, patience, patience, patience.
Now as you all know, only
this morning we offered
a reward of 10 million dollars--
(talking over each other)
10 million dollars, yes,
for anyone who could come
up with the solution for smog.
Now, I beg you to be patient.
Somebody's sure to come
up with the right answer.
- Well they better!
(talking over each other)
- [Crowd] Down with smog, down with smog.
- Gentleman of the smog control board,
this is serious, nobody's
come up with an answer yet.
- I've come up with a wonderful idea--
- No, we have only a few
minutes before we can find
an answer--
- Look, I don't know
if you know it or not,
but I am a fella that--
- Now have any of you any suggestions?
- Don't you see me standing here?
- Don't you see me ignoring you?
Now, I repeat, any suggestions?
- I move we adjourn for a smoke.
- I second the motion.
- Moved to (mumbles) but
gentleman we have time
for only one cigarette
so let's be back here
in two hours.
- Wait a minute!
There's an ambitious little group.
Let me have a smoke--
(whistling)
- I'm secretary to the smog
(mumbles) is there anything
I can do for you?
- Well what do you got in mind?
I mean--
(laughing)
Well, yes, I'm looking for
someone that I can tell
about my formula.
- Oh I see, your name please?
- No, my name's not
please, it's Red Skelton.
- Where were you born?
- In a cab.
That's a taxi cab.
A yellow one.
I say it was yellow because
it was late at night
and it wouldn't hit anybody.
You gotta a yellow cab,
wouldn't hit anybody.
(laughing)
- When?
- When?
When the meter hit about $3 and a quarter.
♪ On top of old smokey ♪
- Well how do you do, Mr. Skelton?
♪ All covered, ♪
oh, how do you do?
- I'm the new smog (mumbles).
- Oh nice to meet you.
Say well, you're just
the guy I'm looking for.
I have--
- Oh, and this is the new smog boy.
- Oh, it is, really?
Oh smorgasbord, eh?
- We understand that
you came here to collect
the $10,000 reward.
- That's exactly why I'm here,
but first of all, I'd
like to know what happened
to that other bum that was out here.
- Oh we fired him.
- Oh good, well anyway,
I've got the new formula.
- You got the new formula?
- I've got the new formula
and I know how to get
rid of the smog.
- Mr. Skelton, not so
fast because we understand
you have the invention
but we'd like to see it.
- Oh it's not exactly
an invention, you see.
It's a chemical formula.
- Oh that's good, good, but where is it?
Well come on, where is it?
Come on, where is it?
- Wait a minute, I don't
think you guys have
anything to do with smog.
- Are you gonna come up with that formula?
- I am, boop.
This guy can't hit at all.
(laughing)
- You don't say, huh?
- No I won't sing.
- All right, then maybe
this will make you sing.
♪ On top of old smokey ♪
- Let's take him back to the hotel.
- No!
I'm not saying a word, (mumbles).
- Come on!
- Stop it, I'm tickly.
Will you stop it!
I've only got two things to say.
- What's that?
- PET Milk.
(dramatic music)
(thunder booming)
(wind howling)
- Oh it's such a beautiful night.
Only there is no smog.
Charlie.
- Yes boss?
- Charlie, you know I'm
expecting Red Skeleton.
Now go upstairs and put on some skin.
- Okay boss.
(bell dinging)
- Meredith.
Meredith.
Meredith, Red Skeleton is
at the door, let him in.
- How do you do, I'm Red Skelton,
and Peter Lorre is expecting me.
Hi, Pete.
- I'm terribly happy to
see you, Mr. Skeleton.
- Skelton, Skelton.
- I know, Mr. Skeleton, shake.
(groaning)
This is only a practical joke.
You see I'm going to become a comedian.
- Oh, you're going to be a comedian, huh?
Boy, what a straight man you got.
(mumbles)
- Meredith, take his hat off.
- Just the hat, not the head!
- His coat.
- Where did you get this butler?
- You have no idea what trouble
I have to keep servants.
Sam, don't you see I have a visitor?
- Sam?
- Oh, pardon me, let me introduce you.
This is Red Skeleton,
this is Sam Skeleton.
- Yeah, hi.
- That's Sam?
- He's a very interesting man.
The only trouble he hasn't got much hair.
- He hasn't got much Sam either.
- So long, Sam.
- See ya later, Sam.
Well, it was nice seeing
you, Peter, I'll see y--
- Red, we'll have to have a drink.
Darling, darling, shall
we have some drinks?
You have to have one.
- Ah!
- Voltura, meet Red Skeleton.
- How are ya, glad to meet ya.
- You look like a real dead wire to me.
- Oh this kid's slab happy.
- Shall we have a toast?
- To a short life, and a miserable one.
- Do you sleep on a perch?
- Bottoms up.
- Well I don't drink myself.
Pete, I've been poisoned!
What have you given me?
(mumbles)
- It's just plain water, isn't it darling?
- Of course.
- Just plain water.
- Are you sure just plain water?
Maybe that's why it tastes so funny.
I've been drinking nothing
but PET Milk for the last
three weeks.
- Well, nice spooking to you.
- Oh, you know she's a very nice ghoul.
- So nice, so cadaveris you know.
Now, Red, about my comedy
show, I think I'd like
to start it off with a
rousing musical number.
You have any advice?
- Well--
- Oh well just as brilliantly.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
- I said nothing.
- As long as it's a comedy,
I think we should have jokes, huh?
- Oh yeah, that would help, yeah jokes.
You wanna do jokes, huh?
Boy well I'll tell ya what,
you'll need funny hats.
You got any hats around?
Couple right here, here.
Here.
Ooh.
Here, where'd you get
these, I haven't seen these
kind in years.
- It belongs to my pall bearers.
- Oh yeah.
All comedians wear funny hats, see.
- Now I'm funny.
- Believe me.
- Okay.
- Now look, here's what I'll do.
We meet on the street
and I say, "Hello Pete."
And you say, "Hello, Red."
And I say, "We got a
new baby at our house."
And you say, "Is it gonna stay?"
And then I tell a joke, you got it?
- Uh-huh got it.
- Here we go.
Boy, yes it is.
Wow.
Hello.
Hi ya, Pete.
- Hello, Red.
- We got a new baby in our house.
- Is it a boy or a girl?
- What difference does it make?
- Makes a lot of difference, ask any baby.
- Look, all you gotta
do is to come up to me,
I say, we got a baby at
our house, and you say,
"Is it gonna stay?"
And then I tell you, you see?
Oh.
Hi ya, Pete.
- Hi Red.
- We got a new baby at our house.
- Is it, can't I even
ask how the mother is?
- It's just a joke.
- It's no joke to the mother.
- Look all you gotta say
is, "Is it gonna stay?"
And I tell the joke, you got it?
- Got it.
- Oh gee.
Hi, oh no we didn't rehearse this.
How are ya, Pete?
- Hi Red.
- We got a new baby at our house.
- Is it going to stay?
- I guess so, it's got it's clothes off.
(laughing)
Ya!
- Fine, now we got the joke, now.
I'd like to do a domestic
comedy, naturally.
- Yes.
- You know, husband wife,
like Jackie Gleason does.
Honeymooners, you know?
Do you have some advice?
- Well--
- Oh, Red this is one!
I've got to call my writer.
- I didn't say anything.
- I've got to call my writer!
This is brilliant.
This guy's good.
- Oh no!
Oh, no!
Oh, you've stolen my writers!
- Aren't they an intelligent
group of writers, huh?
Introduce them to you.
This is Joe, this is Lou, and this--
- You don't have to tell me who this is.
This is the guy that gave these
other writers PBS network.
Interesting subject right here--
(upbeat orchestral music)
- [Narrator] Red appeared
on the CBS drama series,
Climax, in an original
teleplay called Public Pigeon
Number One.
- One of the traditions
of show business is all
comedians want to play Hamlet.
The funnier the clown,
the more tragic are his
acting aspirations.
Well now tonight we are
not going to do Hamlet,
but we do have the pleasure
of presenting one of America's
great comedians, Mr. Red Skelton in his
dramatic debut on television.
We ask just one thing.
As this is serious drama,
please please try to
keep from laughing, please try.
And now ladies and gentleman, Red Skelton,
starring in Public Pigeon Number One,
co-starring Ann Rutherford,
tonight on Climax.
- [Lieutenant] Morning everybody.
- Hi ya there, Lieutenant Freely.
- [Lieutenant] Hello, Rusty.
- Rusty.
- Yeah?
- What did you say the
name of that company was?
- White Eagle Mines, class A.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
What ya gonna have there, Lieutenant?
- You didn't pick up your tip.
- Oh, it'll be there when I want it.
After all, how far can
a dime go these days?
- Oh, just give me a glass of milk, Rusty.
- Glass a milk, huh?
Anything new down at
headquarters, Lieutenant?
- Don't you ever read the newspapers?
- Well I try to, but it's
pretty hard to read upside down
you know.
- Oh here, here.
(dramatic orchestral music)
There's a $10,000 reward
for the capture of those
electronic swindlers, but we'll get 'em.
- Yeah, say, Lieutenant.
Have you heard anything
about a stock called
White Eagle Mines?
- [Lieutenant] Have I ever heard about it?
That one's the pip.
- Oh you don't say?
- That's not even worth
the paper it's written on.
- No!
I'm sorry, that milk is awful fresh today.
I'm sorry, are you sure
about those stocks?
Those dirty swindlers.
How much reward did you say, Lieutenant?
Did you say $10,000?
It's all right, mister,
don't worry about it at all.
Pretty hard to keep food
down in this restaurant.
Everybody complains.
- You're fired!
- Fired?
Well aren't you gonna give
me some sort of notice?
That's notice enough.
It broke on both sides.
Gee.
When things go good,
I'll see you around, Lieutenant.
- All right.
- It'll come in handy now.
- Oh Rusty.
Well it had to happen, it always does.
- I'm sorry Edith.
Maybe it's for the best, though.
- The best, how could you say that?
- Well I had to force myself.
- [Narrator] In 1956
while guest hosting on the
Shower of Stars, a
fellow CBS star paid Red
a surprise visit.
- What's going on out there?
- [Red] Hey, Jack Benny!
(applause)
- Red, what's happening here?
I came over here to do a show.
Found no place to park my car.
They didn't give me a dressing room.
Even the make up man, he didn't
have my name on the list.
- Well you're not supposed
to be on this show, Jack.
- What?
- No, you see the show
tonight is a shower devoted
to the talent and
artists's, artists, rather.
(laughing)
Talent artists who have sold a million.
- So, oh, I thought it
was saved a million.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, really.
I didn't know, I'm awfully sorry.
(applause)
(laughing)
- You know he's not kidding about money.
He fries bacon in lucks
so it won't shrink.
- [Narrator] Skelton had
made his last movie for MGM
in 1953, and with a heavy
TV schedule, his film output
slowed down.
But in 1956 he was back on
the screen in Mike Todd's
epic Around the World in 80 Days.
1957 saw an interesting development.
Red's final starring feature
film was based on his
1955 television production
of Public Pigeon Number One.
♪ Don't chicken, chicken ♪
♪ Knock me for a loop ♪
♪ Show me lots of lovin' ♪
- [Announcer] You may as
well settle down for a lot
of long loud laughs.
For here's just what the doctor ordered.
A picture that sets a fast,
furious and exciting pace
in mirthful, melodious entertainment.
Red may be Janet's big
heartthrob, but to everyone else,
he's just one pain in the neck.
- You're fired, you hear me?
You're fired!
- [Announcer] The fun
really starts when Red
is tagged as Public Pigeon
Number One by stock swindlers
who pose as government agents.
- I solemnly pledge.
- To uphold the principles of the bureau.
- To uphold the principles of the bureau.
- Through rain and sleet.
- Through rain and sleet.
- Till death do us part.
- Till death, you sure
we're not getting married?
I'm a G man.
- What?
- Sh!
- What kind of a signature is this?
- Mine.
- Peter Rabbit?
- Oh that, it's a nickname.
Kids used to call me Peter
Rabbit because of the way
I had of walking like this.
Hippity hop, hippity hop, hippity hop.
- [Narrator] By the end of
the '50s and early '60s,
Red was a television fixture,
with many of his characters
as famous as he was.
- [Announcer] A special
message from Red Skelton,
to all his little friends.
- Hi, you know I sure
am lucky to have a job
where I can wear 20 faces
and try to make people laugh.
But I got a surprise for you.
You know who that is?
Freddie the Freeloader and
this is Clem Kadiddlehopper
and Dead Eye, friends of mine.
Yours too, I hope.
Well, the PET Instant folks
have made these wonderful
masks especially so that
you can have as much fun
with 'em as I do.
- It's always fun shopping
in the dump today.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
All right, I do believe I've
died and gone to heaven.
Boy that smog's getting worse everyday.
That's not the peas, that's the smog.
I'll gorge myself tonight.
Beans, oh I love beans.
One, two, three, four, no, there's three.
One of 'ems moving.
Everybody out now.
Oh, an egg, an egg, now
why would anyone throw an
egg away, it says, oh
it must be a brand name.
It's McCoyen.
International Airport 1959.
Now why would, phew!
Personality all right.
Oh good heavens!
- Oh there's the bell.
- All right, Mr. Wentworth.
- What are they remaking, the great wall?
- Perspiration.
- What's wrong with that?
- It'll ruin my makeup.
- Oh come on, Mr.
Wentworth, knock him out.
- Wait a minute, are you (mumbles).
- My dear boy, those are
the ideal conditions.
- You're not getting me (mumbles).
- I did it.
- You hit me.
- I did.
- Yes.
- I did it!
- Oh come on.
Oh come on.
He's the kind of fight that
I wanna do all the time,
it's the first one I ever won!
- [Man] (mumbles) come here.
- (mumbles) you were magnificent!
- Was I really?
How about a kiss?
(mumbles)
- But this is Tuesday
night, Red Skelton show.
We have a script all prepared
here for you if you'll
just look this over here now.
- Oh Lord, you must be clowning.
I couldn't do Red's characters.
- But this is what Red wants you to do.
- Yeah, but the public would
think I flipped my wig.
- No but look, we have the
set, we have the costumes.
We have the script right here.
- But Dick, you don't understand.
I'm not a comedian.
People would just laugh at me.
- We can only hope.
- [Narrator] It isn't easy
to picture anyone else
doing a Red Skelton character,
but how about Ed Sullivan?
Well, it happened one night
in 1961 when Red was sick
and CBS asked the great
stone face to fill in.
(applause)
- Howdy folks, howdy!
(applause drowns out speaker)
Always tripping me up.
Getting embarrassing.
(mumbles)
Have to do it the hard way.
(gun shot blasts)
That's what I always
needed, open toed toes.
- This must be Freddie the Freeloader.
- Either that or a
Russian trick, be careful.
- Let's wake him up.
- Maybe a rouge.
Wake up, you--
- Gentleman, you are invading my boudoir.
- Are you Eddie the Freeloader?
- Yes, and no.
- Yes and no?
- Yes, if you have a care package.
No if you are coppers.
- [Narrator] During the early '60s,
another facet of Red's talent surfaced.
His musical ability, which
included the release of
an album of Skelton
conducting a full orchestra.
Red's fame had taken on
international proportions,
even to the special program
for the delegates of the
United Nations.
(applause)
- [Announcer] Mr. Skelton's
first pantomime will be that of
The Fool and the Feather.
(speaking in foreign language)
(chuckling)
- [Narrator] Red's show became so popular,
that in 1962, CBS expanded
the program to one hour.
And on the very first
Skelton hour, Red was joined
in the silent spot by another
beloved clown, Harpo Marx.
(gentle orchestral music)
(bomb booming)
Week after week, Skelton
rolled out his Louie cast
of characters to the delight
of his millions of fans.
Like the mild mannered George Appleby.
(gun shots blasting)
- Didn't I see you in the yellow pages?
- No!
(gun shots blasting)
- You're a bloody mess to be coming now.
He's dead.
He's dead.
There must be a way out of here.
Oh.
- [Narrator] Bolivar Shagnasty.
- That's pretty good,
Chester's got one of 'em going,
he's got two of 'em.
So you scarface, huh?
- Who is this crumb?
- Who you calling a crumb?
- You, that's who.
- Okay, I just wanna
know which crumb you were
referring to.
- This is Bolivar Shagnasty.
- Yeah, that's spelled
with two small snag shags
and one big nasty.
We all had bets on it.
- Bolivar, Bolivar, this is Mr. Scarface.
And these are his two boys.
- Oh, your boys, huh?
Will the real scarface
step forward, please?
(skin smacking)
One of us was wrong somewhere.
- Did you get the message?
- I got the massage.
I was right the first
time, I got the massage.
- Scarface, sir, Bolivar
made the most delicious beer
you ever tasted.
- Yeah, that's real beer,
that's the real bathtub beer.
- Are you crazy?
I make the greatest beer.
- Are you kidding?
My beer's 25 proof.
Course, yours is better, it's 38.
- [Narrator] Dead Eye.
- Anybody wanna buy him?
(mumbles)
This is the only horse
in the world with a built
in u-turn.
Here, take him over to
the blacksmith's shop
and get him some elevator shoes.
Every time he runs, his stomach dribbles.
Hey, where's the dancing girls?
What happened to my gal, Sue?
Hey Sue?
Sue!
Georgie!
Hey bartender.
Who's that hombre?
- Why that's Hondo, the
fastest man on the draw
in the west.
- Don't be silly, I'm the
fasted man on the draw!
(gun shot blasts)
Not even John Wayne can't do that.
I figure any time a prop
gets a bigger laugh than me
it's gotta go.
- [Narrator] Conman Sam Fernando Red.
- I wanna watch (mumbles).
- Why?
- We may have to eat these things.
- Look, here they come.
- Yeah, get behind the stand,
we'll be heard (mumbles).
- Guess they got away.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.
Well, it's not a total loss.
Why not?
- Oh come on San Fernando.
We just gotta get rid of these hot furs.
- Yeah, we'll find some way to do it.
Uh-oh, here comes a prospect.
(laughing)
Here comes a sucker, you
keep an eye out for the cops,
I'll sell him a coat.
Say, pardon me sir.
You look like an intelligent sucker.
I mean, how would you
like to buy a genuine
$2,000 mink coat for only $500?
- I don't think so, there
must be a catch to it.
- Neighbor, I'm gonna level with you.
These coats fell off a
truck that was headed to
Beverly Hills, yeah, I
tried to get the driver's
attention, I yelled as loud as I could,
but I was under a difficult condition.
- Difficult condition?
- I had my mouth closed.
Now, it's a real bargain friend.
A $2,000 coat for $500.
Buy it for your mother.
- No.
- Your sister.
Wife?
Well how about if you've got a wife,
how about your girlfriend?
- Say, that is a lovely coat.
Yes, oh that's beautiful.
- Yes it is.
- It's gorgeous.
- How about that bullheaded mink?
Oh, don't I'm allergic, I'm...
- Ah-choo!
- [Narrator] And during
the '60s, there was still
time for a movie or two
like a cameo appearance
in Oceans Eleven.
In the 1965 feature, those
magnificent men in their
flying machines, Red puts
in a hilarious final film
appearance portraying man's
early and unsuccessful
attempts to fly.
Skelton's television shows
were filled with memorable
moments, but some of
them were not planned,
and it's during these
unrehearsed events we can see
Skelton's genius for ad libbing.
- Flossy, what do you say?
- Young man?
- Oh!
- Now take it easy
young man, I'm harmless.
- Oh, you're harmless,
I'm glad to meet ya,
I'm Clem Kadiddlehopper.
- My name is Swathmartin,
J.P. Swathmartin.
- No kidding.
- Hey, that's a mighty fine
looking cow you got here.
- Isn't that a hunk of beef for ya?
Good boy, that's a nice cow.
(laughing)
Joyful cow, not only does she give milk.
But she gives Pepperidge pies.
- Feel this muckle.
Wait a minute, over here,
oh there it is, feel.
Right there, feel it.
How's that for a muscle?
- Feels like a wart on a rubber band.
- Yeah, that's fun, see two
can play at that little game.
- Move it over.
What do you think I got down here, a duck?
(laughing)
- Oh they all seem to
want this little black box
all of a sudden.
I wonder what could be in it.
I better not open it.
I'll just take a peek.
No, I better not either.
I'll just pretend it's not
there, that's what I'll do.
I wonder what it is though.
Oh gee, if I could just say
what I did at rehearsal now.
(laughing)
- Sounded desperate, his
voice was blood curdling.
- Sounded like your mother.
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know, what you got in mind?
- Going down to Florida, we got--
- Telegram for ya, Mr. Skeleton.
Elton, Elton.
- You said skeleton.
This is that Texan I
was telling you about.
A telegram?
- Yeah.
- Where from, sir?
- Western Union.
- I'll read it.
(mumbles)
Now that shows ya how you can
get excited reading lines,
you know you get everything mixed up.
Blah, blah, blah, (mumbles) oh.
- You brought a whole army of mosquitoes.
- I'd like to see you do that again.
I'd like to see you do that again.
- I just did it.
- I had my eyes closed, I didn't see it.
Thank you!
- Welcome.
Cherio.
- Right-oh.
- Right-oh.
- Any more?
Shut up, we got one more.
- [Narrator] In 1970, after
17 years on the network,
CBS canceled the Skelton Show.
Although the program was
still very strong in the
ratings, the network had
decided it wanted to go
after a younger, more urbane audience.
It also said the weekly
production budget of over
$200,000 per week was too high.
And so, ironically in 1970
and '71 found Red back
at NBC where it all
started 20 years earlier.
(upbeat music)
- [Announcer] Stop!
Look!
And laugh.
- Wow!
How sweet it is.
- [Announcer] With Red and his guest star.
- [Narrator] As the mid '70s came along,
Red was off television on a regular basis.
But he kept very active
making numerous stage
appearances, writing and
conducting music, and painting.
And later in the '80s,
Red forged new ground
entertaining yet another
generation with his cable
TV specials and live concerts.
And in 1986, the National
Academy of Television
Arts and Sciences awarded
Red their highest honor.
The Governor's Award.
For over 60 years, Red
Skelton has delighted us
with his simple, straight
forward approach to comedy.
He enjoyed making us laugh
and usually made himself
laugh, as well.
It's an honest laughter
filled with an American spirit
that is so much a part of his soul.
Richard Red Skelton, a national
treasure and beloved clown.
- Thank you very much,
ladies and gentleman.
I sincerely hope that I
haven't said or done anything
to offend anyone.
If I did, I really didn't mean to.
I do hope that you had
as much fun as I had.
It's really a lot of fun to
try and make people laugh.
I personally believe that
each and every one of us
was put here for a
purpose, that's to build
and not to destroy.
And if by chance someday
you're not feeling well,
and you should remember
some silly little thing that
I've said or done, and it
brings back a smile to your face
or a chuckle to your heart,
then my purpose has been served.
For my fellow man.
May I wish you all continued success
and God bless and good night.
(upbeat orchestral music)