Rachel, Rachel (1968) - full transcript

Thirty-five year old spinster and virgin Rachel Cameron is a sad, lonely woman. She lives in the small town of Japonica, Connecticut where she grew up. She teaches second grade at Japonica Elementary School and lives with her highly demanding widowed mother (her funeral director father passed away fourteen years ago) in the same apartment above a funeral home where she grew up, despite the home now not being owned by them. Rachel often uses her mother as an excuse not to do things. Rachel represses her emotions, and is prone to daydreaming to envision alternate paths for herself in certain situations if she only had the nerve to do those things. Even when Nick Kazlik, a childhood acquaintance who has returned to Japonica for a summer visit with his family, makes it clear that he wants to have fun with her while he's in town, she can't act on his request out of fear of the unknown. But after a couple of incidents with her only real friend Calla Mackie, who is a fellow teacher at the school, Rachel begins to allow herself more freedom. But as Rachel's repressions slowly melt away, how her emotions will manifest themselves becomes the question.

Don't let it be day.

Get up.

Mmm, not yet.

I'm having a heart attack.

Every day is the same:
Heart attacks, cancer.

Get up.

I'm dead.

Can I move my arms?

Lazy Mary, will you get up?

Will you get up?
Will you get up?

Lazy Mary, will you get up?
Or you'll be late for...

- School.

Good morning, Rachel dear.

Morning, Mother.

Say, I was wondering if by any chance
you intend to pass Shabab's...

...on your way home from school
this evening?

Well, I don't intend anything
at the moment but I can.

Well, maybe you could pick me up
one of those nice chocolate bars.

All right.

It can be small.

The 5 cent one's
plenty good enough for me.

Good morning, Hector.

Morning, Rachel.

You're out on the job early this morning.

I had the damnedest nightmares
all night long.

Guilty conscience?

Don't I wish.


Don't get me the milk, you know.
Get the plain.

- Not too much cholesterol in that.
- What?

The chocolate.

What was she doing up there?

She thinks of everybody
and now all the other...

Stupid thought.


I mustn't give houseroom in my skull
to that sort of thing.

Muriel Simpson says she'll die

For the want of the Golden City

She is handsome, she is pretty

She's the queen of the Golden City

Inside, Grade 2s.

Everybody at his seat
before the bell stops.

Come on, now.

Miss Cameron?

Boy, what a day, huh?

There's chill in the air now,
but it's gonna be a scorcher.

Yes, the summer certainly
seems to be upon us.

Yeah. Angela's working
on her summer cold already.

Every year like clockwork.

Hey, you know,
your eyes look a little red too.

Uh, the sandman failed to pay
his usual visit to me last night.

You know, you ought to take
a nerve relaxer. I do.

Once the tension's gone...

...sleep can be a very
sensual experience.

Leighton, is there something special
you have in mind?

Oh, well, Angela and I were wondering...

...if you'd like to have some supper
with us at home tonight.

Well, she'd really like it.

So would I. I mean, we've been meaning
to have you for a very long time...

...but Angela's been busy
with out-of-town relations...

...and now summer's here
and we haven't had our little Rachel in...

Angela's been busy
with out-of-town relations...

...and now summer's here
and we haven't had our little Rachel in...

...for a single meal.

So if you could see your way clear...

...you'd be putting balm
on sore consciences.

Well, tonight is my mother's
bridge night. Uh...

Leighton, I'm awfully sorry.

I usually fix her coffee and sandwiches.

Oh, what a pity.

So we're gonna have a lot of fun.

And an old friend of yours
is gonna be there too.

Just the four of us.

- Who is that?

Too late now. Ha, ha.

Unless you change your mind.

James Doherty,
will you get off that swing this instant?

Or else.


Look at you, the fastest gun in the West
and the slowest thing on two feet.

Now, look alive.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

That's a boy.


That's very good.

Miss Cameron.

Just a minute. Get in line.

We' re off to the library
to look at castles and keeps.

What are you off to?

- We're going to be fairies and butterflies.
- Ooh.

Oh, guess who invited me
for supper tonight and I said no.

The Groper.

He probably serves rat.

Come on up after,
I bought you a nothing gift.


A companion that needs taking care of...

...but unlike your mother,
it doesn't talk back.

All right.

Have all my Walter Raleighs died?

Drawbridges do not open by themselves.

Thank you.

Psst! Outside.

Close the door.

Four times five equals 20.

Four times six equals 24.

I've been going over
your attendance records...

...among other things.

James Doherty's been absent too much.

Three weeks in March.

Ten days in May.

And again this week.

Yes, I know, it's tonsillitis.

James has too much honor
to play hooky.

I only wanna talk to him, Rachel.

Now, would you send the
young gentleman out to me, please?

Leighton, it's his mother's fault,
she wrote the excuses.

Would you like to conduct
the entire investigation?

...one equals nine.

Nine times two equals 18.

Nine times three equals 27.

Nine times four equals 36.


Would you go to Mr. Siddley, please?

He's waiting in the hall.

James, get your things. Come along.

- Where are we going?
- Home, to my house.

Miss Cameron.


Do I still have to call you
Miss Cameron anymore?

Darling, you can call me
anything you like.


God, but I wanna leave this school.

No, you don't.

If you wanted to leave, you'd leave.

You'll never leave anything, Rachel.

Rachel Cameron says she'll die

For the want of the Golden City

She is handsome, she is pretty

She's the queen of the Golden City

She is pretty, one, two, three

Queen of Golden City

Y oo-hoo!


Calla, I have asked you before
not to call me "child. "

It sounds ridiculous.

Sorry, slip of the tongue.

You coming up?

I'd come down but I'm busy
trying to get my eagle back in his cage.

Jacob, will you get your ass down here?

Just ignore him.

Where's my present?

May it watch over you till fall.


It's the one we saw at the flower show.


I can't take that.

That's too much.

I'll borrow it from you.

Oh, shut up.


When things get glumpy,
you just hold it up to the light.

You get the feeling
you're actually sitting under it.

And everything gets very calm and quiet.

It's too much.

I just wish I had something
to give to you.

What are you planning to do
between now and Labor Day?

Sit on the porch with Mama?

I guess so.

I am going to paint my apartment lilac.

We bought a whole mess of lilac paint
on sale...

...to use at tabernacle.

But nobody liked it but me.

I'm gonna get a good suntan.

No, I'm not.

Every summer, I say that
and I buy oodles of suntan lotion...

...and at the end of the summer,
I'm still just as pale as a mushroom.

Yeah, well, we shouldn't make too much
of vacations.

They're just time like any other time.

A dozen Sunday newspapers.

I'm in the exact middle of my life.


I'm exactly in the middle of my life.

This is my last...

...ascending summer.

Everything else from now on is just...

...rolling downhill into my grave.

My life didn't even begin
until a year ago next week.

The eve of the Fourth of July
was my Dependence Day.


Don't correct me. That was the day
I started leaning on the Lord.

Calla, we made a bargain
not to talk about that.

I think friends are more important
than bargains.

I'm not gonna listen.

I'm just gonna whistle.

Don't you wanna open yourself up
to life and loving experiences?

Calla, if I wanna hear people yell and
slobber and make fools of themselves...

...I will go to an insane asylum.

You're certainly an authority...

...for someone who doesn't know
a damn thing about it.

Well, I don't know whether
you're talking about God or LSD.

That's the second time
you've been bitchy today.

"Don't call me 'child,' Calla.
It sounds ridiculous. "

You just made me aware
of how we talk, that's all.

Like Sidony T ravis,
have you ever heard her?

" Rachel, dear,
would you be a good girl...

...and pass me
one of those yummy cookies? "

Calla, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Well, back to our respective cages.

I just wanna say one thing.

Every time we've ever gone
for an ice cream cone...

...you've ordered vanilla.

That's not the only kind, Rachel.

There are 30 other flavors,
plus a flavor of the month.

And there are more people on this Earth
than just you.


When's the next...?

- What do you call it? Service?
- T omorrow. Why?

If you want me to, I'll come.

Don't do me any favors.

Do you want your tree back?

All right, I'm gonna plant it.

Right here in the asphalt.

Oh, Rachel.



Slaughter, slaughter
Undertaker's daughter

Slaughter, slaughter

Undertaker's daughter

Slaughter, slaughter

Undertaker's daughter

Slaughter, slaughter

Undertaker's daughter

Slaughter, slaughter

Undertaker's daughter

Slaughter, slaughter

Undertaker's daughter

Slaughter, slaughter

Undertaker's daughter

Rachel, is that you out there?

You ought to be upstairs with your mom.

Are you Stevie?

No, I'm Nick.

You look just like Stevie.

Twins means you look like somebody.

- Did Dad put him in the basket?
- Yeah.

Did you...? Did you watch?

They wouldn't let me.


Did I hear myself say to get upstairs
or was that my imagination?

Dad, what are you gonna do to him?

I'm gonna make him happy again
and put back his smile.

Now, you best do what I ask
before I count to three. One.

What made him die?

He had the infantile, like all the others.
I'm counting, miss. One's used up.

You know what happens
when I get to three.


Two and a half.

Two and three-quarters.

Two and seven-eighths.


You're awfully late this evening, dear.

I almost gave up.

I'm sorry.

I don't enjoy sitting here
entertaining the pots and pans.

- Where are you?
- I'm right here, Mother.

Don't kiss me, dear.

I'm all full of egg white.

Oh, I'm exhausted.

When it got to be 6:00
and you still hadn't come...

...I thought, "Oh, my goodness,
she's correcting papers.

Shabab's will be closed and I bet
she forgot all about my chocolate bar. "

Oh. I did. I'm sorry.

I'm not criticizing, dear.

We all forget sometimes.

Anyhow, I got it myself.

I took a nice long walk in the heat.

Well, why don't you just lie down and
take a rest and I'll fix the sandwiches?

Oh, no, darling.

Really, I'm fine.

Truly, I am.

I just hope you're not coming down
with something.

Why? Should I be?

Well, dear, do that over here
where I can see you.

You have a fever?

- No.
- Here.

Give me your forehead.

Oh, just a little warm, that's all.

Mother, I'm always warm.

I heard the most awful thing
about the Stewart girl today.

Cassie Stewart has, shall we say...

...been away.

Been away with quotation marks?

Double quotation marks. Twins.

And no prospect of a husband in sight.

Can you imagine her poor mother?

She's a very nice woman. Really, she is.

Not too cultivated but very nice.

Oh, what a heartbreak for her.


Yes, I suppose that must be
twice the heartbreak of one.

That's right, dear.

Just go ahead and make light of it.

Life is just a comedy to you.

She going to keep them?

Oh, that's what's so awful about it.
She is.

I found out all about it.

It was Mrs. Barnes that told me.

I ran into her this morning on the porch
at poor old Mr. Shoemaker's funeral.

And I said to her... I said... I said:

"Well, I thank my lucky stars...

...I never had one moment's worry
with either one of my daughters. "

Oh, Verla, you're not going to no-trump.

Oh, girls, isn't she the meanest thing?

Don't be a sore loser, May.

When you come to my house,
you can win.

Three hearts.

May I be a greedy piggy
and look at that candy box?

I think I'll just try
one of these peppermints.

Don't feel them, Florence.
You always feel everything.

I wish somebody would explain...

...why they keep putting
those green ones in with the limey taste.

If they're going to look like peppermints,
they should taste like peppermints.

Don't you agree?

Excuse me, but I have to go to bed now.


Until later, dear.

Oh, my precious.

And I thank you so much.

Goodness, yes.

Well, those elegant sandwiches
were simply delicious.

So glad you enjoyed them.

Enjoyed them?

I'm not gonna be able
to haul myself out of this chair.

Good night.

Good night.
Good night.

I think Rachel is just marvelous.

I mean, the way she manages things.

And anybody who teaches
is an absolute saint.

Oh, she's always been wonderful.

Don't, Rachel.


But it's just so I can sleep.


Okay, everybody back. Come on.

Now, vacation hasn't started yet.
Don't push.

Goodbye, James.

"Some relations
with a double standard. "

What are you gonna have today, Rachel?

I'll have some, uh, cigarettes...

...and, uh, chocolate bars.

Oh, should I get some suntan lotion?

Take a small one, Rachel.

I'll give you a check
for the whole caboodle, all right?

Rachel Cameron.


Nick Kazlik.

The one with the brother in the basket.

- You're staring.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't think I would've recognized you.

I mean, we haven't seen each other
since high school.

Thought we'd have
your company at Leighton's.

Oh, were you the one? Oh.

I'll give you a chance to make it up.

- You wanna go to a movie tonight?
- What's playing?

What's the difference?

That'll be 4.02, Rachel.

Oh, thank you, Lee.

Well, actually, I couldn't go tonight...

...because I promised a friend
that I would go someplace with her.

Actually, I ought to be pointing my nose
in the direction of home right now.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

You still live in the same place?

Oh, yes, I keep house for my mother.

I have since my father died.

I didn't know he died.

There's no need for condolences.

It was 14 years ago.

That's a lot of housekeeping.

You didn't get to college?

Yes, I went to college.
But when he died, I had to come back.

You see, my mother sold the place
to Hector Jonas...

...for such a nominal sum...

...that, uh, he allowed us to live upstairs
in perpetuity.

Or at least until we were ready
to take our business downstairs to him.

I'm sorry, what did you ask me?

I'm a schoolteacher.

I didn't ask you.

But so am I.

Oh, in the city?

High school.

You teach high school in the city?

Why did you come back here?

T o see my folks.

They're beginning to slow down.

Another look.

That's all.

Well, I hope you have a nice visit.

Excuse me.

You wanna go to a movie
tomorrow night?

I don't like movies very much.

I mean, I see so many of them
on television.

How about your sister? Is she busy?

Oh, Stacey?
Stacey got married and moved away.

We don't see much of her
since she, uh, had her children.

And you got left behind?


I forgot my galoshes.



- Thank you.
Uh, no offense.

I was just looking for a little action.
I thought maybe you might be too.

Maybe I'll see you, Nick.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh, come on, Rachel,
we'll miss the beginning.

I'm a sleepwalker.

Have you by any chance
had yourself a little nipsy on the sly?


First, an encounter at Shabab's.

And then home to the cooking sherry,
that's me.

Nothing's real.

Nothing is now.

If somebody pinched me,
I wouldn't even hurt.

I don't know, I've only got one life.

I say to myself, "Oh, maybe next time
this or that comes around, I'll grab it. "

But nothing ever comes around again,
ever, does it?

Don't chicken out.
It's nothing to be afraid of.

I know myself. I can't make...

You don't know anything about yourself.
Trust me.

Welcome, brother.

Lean on the Lord.

Calla, good to see you.

This is my friend, Rachel Cameron.

How are you?
Two seats right over there.

Love, baby.

- What?
- Love.

It's for you.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I'm laughing.

Laughter's beautiful, baby. Be free.

Brothers and sisters!


Shh. I'm right beside you.

Brothers and sisters...

...I'm just standing here...

...feeling so...


...and I have to tell you why.

I can't keep the joy inside me.

Listen to me.

Those of you who were here
one night last winter...

...remember that we had a visitor.

- Yes.

A man who brought God
right into this room.

Brought the voice of the living God...

...right into this room
like a mighty rushing wind.

Praise God.
- Praise God.

- Praise God.
- Praise God.

He's here with us again.

Praise the Lord.

That man is sitting right there.

Right back in that dark kitchen.

Oh, my God. I'm so grateful.

- Calla, who is he?
Do you love him?

He's so beautiful,
I can't even describe him.

And he speaks in tongues.

Praise God.
- He does what?

- He's got the gift of tongues.
Praise God.

Praise God.

Close the doors, please.

Please, everyone, sit down.

I've been a lot of places
and something's happening.

But something is beginning to happen.

And not just with kids but all...

All kinds of people, all ages.

All over.

Maybe for the first time
since Jesus Christ.

You see, there's this...



...to be...


- Words.
- Words.

Words and walls. Walls...

...between us. Chasms.

The animals are less alone
with roaring...

...than we are with all our words.

How we suffer.

How we...

...languish in the deep
and lifeless dungeons of ourselves.

We're cut off from each other.

We're cut off from God...

...and each other.

Oh, what can we do?

Can't we be what we are?

Isn't that our first and final obligation?

To be more...

...and more what we are?

More and more the image...

...God made us? His? Mine? Man's?

Look at your neighbor.

The human being in front or next to you
that you don't know. Look in his eye.

Now, who is he?

He's you.

And you're him
and you're both suffering...

...because you can't say what you want
to each other. What do you want to say?

What do you feel?


Say it again.


Oh, say it, people.

Say it.

- Love.

Praise God.

With all your hearts, people, love.


Do you know what that is
to say that here?

In this life?

In this world?

It's happening.

Love that is given by God through us
to one another...

...the greatest gift of the spirit,
don't you feel it happening?

Don't you love the Lord
with all your hearts?

- Y es.
Love the Lord.

Come out in front, old man.

Will you help him, please?

And you, will you help her?

And you, come right out here.

And you, ma'am.

Go on.

And you?

- No.
You mustn't be afraid.

Are you so frightened of a hand?


It's only a hand.

It won't harm you, don't you know that?

...fingers to hold with, to hold on with.

Would you hold onto me?

I think you want to. Be willing, please?

Please allow what you're feeling.

The door is open.


Say it with me. Love.

It's just a word, don't be embarrassed.
Say it. Love.

- Love.
- Love.

Again, love.

Again, love.

Will you all stand, please?

Join hands.

Join hands in an endless chain of love
that our living God can pass through.

Oh, my friends...

...I believe the Lord is here this
very minute wanting to help us.

Oh, please, Lord...

...please free these people
from all their suffering.

The Church of the Apostles...

...this very Church did indeed enjoy...

...and practice to the fullest
every gift of the spirit.

Y eah.
Every gift of the spirit.

Now there are diversities of gifts
but given by the same spirit.

For the one is given by the spirit
the words of wisdom.

Praise God.
To another the gift of healing.

To another the working of miracles.

To another diverse kinds of tongues.

Praise God.
Oh, Lord...

- ... above!
- Praise God.

Oh, Lord, Lord above!

Love me. Love me.

Love me. Love me.

Love me. Love me.

Love me. Love me.

Love me. Love me.

Love me.

Love me.

Are you all right?

Please. Say something to me.

Talk to me.

Say my name.

What happened?


Nothing bad.

I was on the floor.

Nothing bad happened.

Honestly, Rachel.

I... Was I loud?

Did it take long?

It was a couple of minutes maybe.

- But was I loud?
- Oh, no.

It was just a tiny little voice,
you could hardly hear it.

I don't believe you.

I am not a liar, Rachel.

In case you think God had something
to do with that, he didn't.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to snap, I just...

Oh, don't do that.

I feel so responsible.

I made a fool of myself.

Listen, we're all fools.

You can't be part of the human race
and not be a fool to somebody.

But I can't trust myself anymore.
I don't know...

Oh, honey, honey.

Honey lamb.

My poor honey lamb.

Oh, it practically kills me
to see you like this.

Oh, Rachel.


Oh, I didn't... I didn't mean that.

Oh, God.

Oh, please.

Now I'm a fool.

I'm a fool.

The wind blows low, the wind blows high

The snow comes falling from the sky

Rachel Cameron says she'll die

For the want of the Golden City

She is handsome, she is pretty

She's the queen of Golden City

She is pretty, one, two, three

In the Golden City

Y o!


Is that...? Is that Nick Kazlik?

What are you doing? T aking a walk?

I'm going down to the river
to read a book.

How are you?

I'll tell you tonight
if you wanna take in a movie.

I'll have to check
with my social secretary.

You do that and I'll see you around 8.

Thank you.


I said, okay.


How are you?

How do you do?

How do you double-do?

Will you be with me?

Do you promise to be with me?

Doctors can't make promises.

Just try to let the sedative
take its effect now.

Oh, to think, Jim...

...you'll be holding my heart
in your hands...

...actually holding it
in your two good hands.

Haven't I always done that?


I'm sorry I didn't pull into the drive...

...but if I parked behind that hearse,
I'd feel like I was next in line.

Oh, listen, don't I know.

Crawl up here slowly.

Put your face against mine.

Now look.

There. In the corner.

My God.

It's not...

It's not even human.

- Thank you.
- That's to make up for taking me so long.

Didn't you get something for yourself?


There's a technique to this because
these things go off like cherry bombs.

Now, if the manager hears,
no drinking on the premises.

That sort of thing.

So if it's a comedy,
wait until everybody's laughing.

But if it's quiet, the way it is now...

...you gotta create
your own diversionary action.


Sorry, buddy, no drinking in here. Out.

- Out?

Oh, that's what I said, out.

Come on, you too.

- Cheers.


Here's to you and here's to me
and if we ever disagree, here's to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Nick, your
old man's been in here looking for you.

He kept hollering your brother's name.
Steve, Steve.

Well, next time,
tell him to look in the graveyard.


Three times this week,
he's called me Steve.

That's awful.

Don't waste your sympathy.

The wily bastard's as lucid as I am.

It's part of a plot.

To make me take over the farm.

Aw, you're the bastard.

My heart really bleeds for him.

I hate cows, that's all.

I'm not my brother, okay?



I don't like the way they parade
around nude in mixed company.

I think they should either wear
brassieres, half-slips or go to jail.

What about you?

We really...

...go at each other
like mastodons sometimes.

We really tromp each other.

You and your father?


Don't you think people
that love each other usually...


I should have been the one
in the basket.

Father spiders and brother spiders.

We all have our share.

Sometimes even the ones
you think are gone are still with you.

When you step on a spider,
it wriggles till the sun goes down.

I don't know. I think that's snakes.

- It's the same thing.
- Oh.

I like you, Rachel.

Well, thank you, heh, heh.

Hey, Don, you wanna shoot me over
another beer?

Boy, when you look at a person,
you really look.

Was I staring?

Oh, right across to the wrong side
of the tracks.

What did you think of us?

Us bohunk kids way back then?

I envied you.


Did you think we spent all our time
getting laid?

And doing gay Slavic dances?

I've embarrassed you again.

Like when I said I was looking
for a little action. I'm sorry.

No, it's just that sometimes you don't
talk very much like a schoolteacher.

There aren't any second-graders here.

Let's dance.

Oh, I only do the box step.

You wanna go someplace with me?

Some place?

My mother has a rather uncertain heart...

...and she gets very worried about me
when I'm not home on time...

...so I think maybe the evening
had better be over now.

Mother spiders weave
very sticky webs too.

"I wanna go, I wanna stay.

He loves me, he loves me not. "

Should I make the big decision for you?


Thank you.

How polite and well brought up you are.

"Thank you. Please. " For everything.

It's very thoughtful of you
to have brought that along.

Hmm, that's me.

Gallant to the end.

- Have a seat.
- Heh, heh.

You have beautiful skin.

Thank you.

Touch me.

The moon's so bright,
I can see the cemetery.

Well, that grave's a fine and private place

But none, I think, do there embrace

What's wrong?

I just want it to be so...

Don't worry, love.

It's never much good the first time.

Is it so obvious, then?

Is what so obvious?

That it's the first time for me?

You don't have to play the virgin.

I'm not gonna go around
saying you're a whore.

Who's that?

Cinderella home from the ball?

Oh, you must've had a lovely evening,
dear, to have stayed out so late.

Well, we drove around.

It was a lovely evening.

Oh, I hope you didn't catch cold.
The wind seemed awfully chilly to me.

I opened the window and closed it again.

Uh, did you have to take your heart pill?


And I forgot my sleepy-bye pill too.

I just feel so wide-awake
and bright-eyed.

Does it show?

Can a miracle happen and never show?


Look, honey, I'm not such
a whiz at saying things.

He didn't say "whiz"
and he didn't call me "honey. "

He said, "Fix yourself up
when you get home. "

That's all.

But how can I?

I can't just walk into the drugstore
and ask for, well, what I need.

Unless Mother has something.

Some antique rubber museum piece that
you can still smell the disinfectant on.

Oh, Nick...

...I know I didn't do well.

It couldn't have been very nice for you.

God, please.

Whoever you are...

...please let him see me again.

So I can make it up to him.

Just so I can cancel out the clumsiness.

Anyone seen that rotten thing that's on
at the Manawaka Theater this week?

" Not I, " said the Little Red Hen.

I think you' re sitting on the pencil.

I always said that Claudette Colbert
was so sweet and natural.

And she always had such lovely hair.

And Marguerite Clark,
she was darling too.

Oh, that was years ago, Holly.

Years and years ago.

Well, it doesn't seem
years and years ago to me.

- Pass.
- Three hearts.


Who is it?


You're not exactly invisible, Calla.

I left you a note but it blew down.
It's by the step.

I just hadn't seen you around anywhere
so I thought something might be wrong.

No, I've just been kind of busy.

Yeah, well, I was just passing by.

Oh, Rachel...

...I've been so miserable.

Calla, it's my mother's bridge night.

I'd like to stay out and talk but I
really think I'd better go back upstairs.

You don't know what it's like.

AII I do is stare at the phone.

I know it won't ring
and I don't have the courage to call.

You build things up
out of all proportion.

I'm not asking you to go out...

...or even see me...

...but if we could have just one talk.

I mean...

...if this silence goes on,
it'll be impossible at school.

I don't see why.

You might as well give me my note back.

I told you all that was in it...

...and the rest of the confession,
you don't need.

You look wonderful.

You too.

Well, I'm just gonna take
that dirty old queen.

What do you think of them apples?

Are you gonna discard?

Oh, look, there's Hector.

Hello, Hector!

How's my favorite big gamblers
this afternoon?

Oh, we're scalding.

Can't you do something
about the humidity, Hector?

If you're a real friend, you would.

I have here two quarts
of ripple fudge ice cream in this bag...

...and I'd love to accommodate you girls
before it melts.

Thank you, Hector, but I'm a vanilla girl.

Or rather, I was.

Cold rich things on a warm day
only make you warmer, Hector.

I tried.

What's so funny?

Well, I finally wormed it out of him.

Why he smells so much nicer
than your father did.

He smells just like a pine tree, you know.

He told me that now
they're putting perfume...

...into the embalming fluid.

Pine, cedar, rose,
any pretty scent you like.

Your father always smelled
of formaldehyde.

Stuck to his clothes,
it clung to everything he touched.

Just like those nasty wolverines I read
about in the National Geographic.

They leave their stench on everything
they catch so that nothing else will eat it.

When he died
and we aired out the house...

...I realized that I hadn't taken
a decent breath in 25 years.

Did she think
he carried death upstairs with him?

Did she think it was catching?

Did I?

Well, I'm going to go down with three.

What do you mean, "was"?

Don't you like vanilla anymore?

No, as a matter of fact,
I think I probably hate it.

- Mother, who is it?


No, I'm sorry.
She's having her shower right now.

- Who's calling, please?
I'm coming. I'm coming.

Who's calling, please?

Just a minute. I'm coming.

He says it's a Dr. Timothy Leary.

- Hello.


Oh, hello.

My folks are away for the weekend...

...so I thought maybe you'd like
to play house.

We've got, like, three bedrooms...

...so we can chase each other
from room-to-room between, you know...

Y es, I ' d love to read that book.
It sounds very interesting.

Can you get it from the public library?

Oh, you can't talk, right?

Right, at this moment,
I'm Venus Observed.

I'll pick you up in an hour.

We can go to the store and stock up...

...and you can cook us huge meals
in between raptures.

I'd love to see that play at the university.

Uh, I hear it got excellent reviews.

The only trouble is, do you think
we could get back at a decent hour?

I'm not planning to take you back at all.

All we have to do is call your mother
and tell her something reassuring...

...like the car went over a cliff.

Oh, fine.

With you in it.

We don't wanna be too hard
on the old heart, right?

You're terrible.

Then what are you laughing for?



Wanna go up now?

All right.

Try to relax.

I am. I'm sorry.

- Nick.
- Shh.

That's a comfortable chuckle.

Are you gonna keep it to yourself
or let me in on it?

I was just...


...a poem that my father saved.

He used to save funny things that people
wanted to have put on their tombstone.

And this one was, uh:

Your days away don't piddle
At every season strive

For once you 're past the middle
You 're more dead than alive

Isn't that awful?

It's apropos of me.

I don't know, a guy drops dead
in the middle of a piddle deserves...

...to immortalize the moment.

I wanna say something
I've never said before.


I'm happy.

You're just feeling smug
because you've improved a little.

You know what I wish?

For your sake.

So you wouldn't have all that worry
about your father, I've...

Have you ever considered
coming back here?

T o live and teaching here and...


You stopped breathing.

For a minute, I thought...

Thought what?

When I like somebody...

...I get scared. I sometimes...

I dream about them
being already embalmed.

- If I hold onto you, nothing can happen.
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What time is it?

It's 10:00...

...and I haven't even fed you yet.
I'm a helluva host.

I can go downstairs...

...and make you an omelet.

Or whatever you want.

I don't know what you eat.

Nick, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to surround you like that...

...I was only joking.

I'm not breakable.

See? All in one piece.

It's just such a new experience,
having contact with anyone.

Just feeling you inside your skin is...


Just a few cents' worth of chemicals...

...is all that's under my skin
and a lot of water.

We're 90 percent water.

That's not all that's under your skin.

You're a loving person, Nick Kazlik.

Babe, we've only had two dates.
You don't know me at all.

I know enough.

I know enough to say...

...that I love you.

I want a child. I...

Look, I wanna show you something.

I think you should see this.

I am not God.

I can't solve anything.

May I borrow your bathrobe, please?

I'm sorry I didn't get
to cook you that omelet.

Well, you can do that the next time.

You mean that?

Do I ever say anything I don't mean?

Good night.

I'll see you, okay?

Don't forget to call
before the eggs get rotten.

Mother, I'm here.

What is it?

I had an attack, that's what is it.

Doctor said I might have died
from such a shock.

What shock?

It's on your bed.

Why didn't you get married
like a normal woman...

...and have children
like your sister Stacey did?

She watches the street
like a captain watches the sea...

...praying for a funeral to come by
and cheer her up.

And I wait...

...like Calla...

...for the phone to ring.

Oh, Nick.


Hello. Who is speaking, please?

May I speak...

...to Mr. Nick Kazlik, please?

Nick no here.

Could you, uh...?
When do you expect him back?

Maybe Christmastime, maybe next year.

My son go away on Sunday.

Could you tell me where I could
reach him? Is he with his family?

Nick ain't got no family.

He never got married yet.

Who is speaking?

Who is speaking, please?

It's all right. I'm sorry.


Can I buy you a drink?


You looked like you could use a drink.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

Mama too?

Yes, she's fine.

Well, I only ask because I haven't heard
too much talk up there lately.

I was gonna ring the bell,
but, uh, I heard footsteps...

...and the john flush.

I didn't wanna be a butt-in.

It's reassuring to know
that you're aware of us, Hector.

Oh, well, hell, hell, I mean...

Rye or sherry, name your poison.


Wait. You wanna go inside?
I got air conditioning.

No, I think out here.

I've only been in there once and I...

Now, you stay put.
You stay there and I'll be out in a flash.

You came in.
Oh, Rachel, I'm really honored.


Let me know if it's light enough.

It's fine.

That's the first time
I ever saw you take a drink.

Oh, I know you, you know.

I'm an observer of human expressions.

I've gotta be in this business.

Hell, I'm the one who puts them there.

I wanna tell you...

...whatever the problem is...

Uh, and I'm not asking.

You know what you're like?

You're like
one of those trick birthday candles...

...that won't blow out no matter how
hard you try, they keep coming back.

You got real guts, Rachel.

Uh, do you like
what I've done to the place?

Well, you certainly
have driven death away.

Well, it's just a question of, uh...



What am I selling?

I'm selling relief.

Did I tell you about relief?

- Not yet. Ashes?
- Ashes.

Did I tell you that I bought
a super-duper upright organ...

...that plays all by itself?

- What, Rachel?
- Nothing.

Aw, what?


I didn't know you could just go out
and buy those.

How nice for everyone's wife.

I'm sorry.

You know, you really know how to
make me lose my train of thought.

Hector, if a woman died...

...while she was carrying a child,
what would you do about it?

In what sense are you referring?

Would you embalm them...

...together or separately?

You shock me, Rachel.

That's a terrible question.

I hope it was a purely scientific one.

I'd like to see where you do it.

In the name of God,
what are you doing?

Get up. Come on. Get up.

Get up out of there. Come on. Get up.




Come take her from me.
She's been in the room.

Don't stand there, woman.
She has to be scrubbed right away.


...would you mind putting
your arm around me?

Not at all.

Oh, God.

I wish I wasn't losing my hair.

Hector, things like that don't matter.

- Oh, they do, they do...
- No, they don't.

...if you're getting bald.

They do.

Hector, help me.


Sometimes I can't even tie my shoelace.

I think I've done something
that's going to finish my mother.

You oughtn't to tell me things like that.

I don't know. I don't know anything.

If I gave you the wrong advice,
can you imagine?

But you know.

Oh, the only thing I'm good for...

...is to tell you where to go to have it...

...you know...


Who is it?

It's me, Rachel.


Have you any idea what time it is?

Well, it's 3:00.

I think that's a helluva nerve.

Well, I'm a very drunk,
very pregnant lady and I need a friend.

I'm out of saccharine,
can you stand sugar?

I just take milk.

You know, if I think about...

...having it...

...without considering anybody else...

...it just seems like...

What? Finish it.

More than anything I could hope for
in my whole life.

Without Nick?

Oh, he wasn't real.

I made him up.

But it's living there, all by itself.

Inside of me.

I never thought anything...

...alive could ever grow in me.

You think I could?

You think I'd dare?

If you did...

...this could be
the first decision you made...

...that showed any respect for yourself.

Mrs. James?

You look like a healthy woman,
blood pressure's normal.

Your heart's still beating.

That's... That's nice.

We don't want that cotton anymore.


Chicago? I know Chicago.

Where's Cannon Street?

It's, uh...

Oh, it's just out by the lake.

One of those ritzy
North Side neighborhoods, huh?

I guess so.

Any complications so far?

- No, should there be?

- Thirty-five is just a little late to start.
- Oh.

Now, let's lie down.

- It's all right, just lie down.

That's it.

Try to think of his college education.

Now, try to relax.

I am. I'm sorry.

All right, now try to relax now,
Mrs. James.

Okay, you can sit up now.

You all right?

I'm afraid Junior's not planning
to visit you just yet...

...but I'm glad you came in
when you did.

What do you mean?

It's not what we thought it was.

There's something there,
it's causing the symptoms...

...and it ought to come out.

What ought to come out?

It's just a small cyst.

It's nothing to be concerned about.

Is that all?

It couldn't be anything else.

I'm sorry, Mrs. James. Would you like
to be left alone for a minute?

Oh, God.

Rachel Cameron says she'll die

For the want of the Golden City

Lazy Mary, will you get up?

Will you get up?

Rachel, is that you out there?

Come on, wide-awake now.

Good morning, Rachel dear.

You keep pining for a life of your own...

...but somehow, with you and her,
it always turns out to be bridge night.

Where are you?
I'm counting. One's used up now.

That's a girl. Come on, now.

You know what happens
when I get to three.


Two and a half.

Two and three-quarters.

The operation is over.

You' re out of danger.

How can I be out of danger
if I'm not dead?

You'll be all right.

Well, just look at you.

All fed and rested.

Would I ever love
to change places with you?

Oh, before I forget.

I brought the stationery like I promised.

And I forgot something. What else?

Mother, I don't like to plunge into this
like this...

...but there's just...
Is no graceful way of doing it.

Calla helped me to apply
for a teaching job in Oregon...

...and I was accepted.
And I'm moving there next month.


Drat. I forgot the stamps.

- I forgot the stamps.
- Would you stop fidgeting in your bag...

...and look at me for once, please?

Did you hear what I had to say?

It's too silly to hear.

It's not silly.

- If you want a little change, I...
- I don't want a little change.

There's no reason to be moving.

Move. Why?

Because it's time.

Now, I have already gotten my ticket...

...and if you want to go with me,
I'll give you the money for yours.

We'll discuss that when you get home,
you know.

You'll get to see your grandchildren.

I don't want to move, Rachel.

Then don't.

- You know I can't be left alone, that's...
- Then come with me.

Doctor doesn't want me to exert myself.

All you'd have to do is get on a bus.

I don't want to, Rachel.

Please! Please. Please.

You don't want to what? You don't
want to go or you don't want to stay?

I don't want to.

You're the cruelest thing that ever lived.

Don't you care what happens to me?

After all those sleepy-bye pills...

...and chocolate bars
and sandwiches and walks...

...can you ask me that?

Yes, I care.

But I can't keep you alive.

That's not up to me.

Never was.

Would I have to sell my furniture?

Couldn't I even take my room?

Y es, you can take your room.

You can take anything you like.

Mother. Mama.


All the way back.

Such a long, sad, lonely, awful time.

The moment comes.

I'm always pushing things
out of their cages.


Sometimes I wish
I could've been different for you.

Y eah, well, don't go making
a fool of yourself.

You know how you feel about fools.

Maybe I'm proud to be one.


Take care.

I hope you find what you want.

Not to worry. I'll survive.

The wind blows low, the wind blows high

The snow comes falling from the sky

Rachel Cameron says she'll die

For the want of the Golden City

She is handsome, she is pretty

She's the queen of the Golden City

She is pretty, one, two, three

In the Golden City

The wind said, " When?"
The wind said, "Soon "

The dream comes flying from the moon

Rachel Cameron sings the tune

At the gates of the Golden City

They are happy, they are pretty

All who dwell in the Golden City
They are happy...

Where I'm going anything may happen.

Nothing may happen.

Maybe I'll find a friend.

Maybe I'll even marry
a middle-aged widower...

...and have children in my time.

Most of the chances are against it...

...but not, I think, quite all.

It may be that my children
will always be temporary...

...never to be held.

But so are everyone's.

I will be afraid.


I may be lonely always.

What will happen?

What will happen?

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