Quackser Fortune Has a Cousin in the Bronx (1970) - full transcript

In Dublin, a working class family has been unsuccessful in convincing their son to get a real job: the son prefers his job of scooping up horse's dung and selling it for flower gardens. An American exchange student almost runs him over and gets to know him. The dung man has ignored warnings from his family and suddenly the horses have been banned from Dublin. His new love is leaving for America and he must find a way to cope with the new reality.

- Tea girl, will you
come out with that

before I burst me bladder?

- Hey, keep quiet, or
you'll wake him up.

- It wouldn't kill
His Royal Highness

to get up at a Christian hour.

- You'd think he was the
bloody King of England

the way you worry about him.

- Oh, calm down, will you?

Turn that thing off.

You'll want to hurry
up now, you'll be late.

- Oh.

Eye on that bike before you go.

Or I do.

- Oh, you've not gone yet.

You'd be late for
your own funeral.

- No, it's not our
turn until next week.

Hey, Mother, would
you ever let us out?

- All right, have you
got the bike then?

- Yes, I've got it.


Bye, Mom.

- Bye bye now,
Love, mind yourself.

- Bye, Mom!

- God bless!

We already know.

- All right, I will!

Aye lad, give us one
of them, would ya?

Thank ya.

Good morning, Mrs.
Riley, how are ya?

- Good
morning, Mrs. Fortune.

- Dublin's horses must go.

In a shock announcement,
Seamus O'Riordan,

Minister of Transport and Power,

today condemned Dublin's
famous delivery horses

as "relics of the dead past".




How do you want your eggs?

Boiled or fried?

- Fried!

- You all right?

- Yeah.

- You sure you're all right?

- Yeah, I feel much better now.

- I don't know why you
don't get a normal job

like the rest of them.

- Come on, Bess, off we go.

- Hello, Quackser.

Would you like a cup of tea?

- Oh, no thanks.

I just had a pot full.

- Hey, would you ever put some
of that stuff on me flowers?

Poor plants are dying.

- Oh, do you need some?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

- That's grand.

Ah, you're a grand
feller, Quackser.

- I know it.

And you have a grand garden.

- Let's see now.

Right enough.

There you are.

- Thanks very much.

- You're welcome.

- Sorry!

- I'll show you!

- You're lucky you're
not killed on the street.

All these damn lorries and
cars all over the place.

- You're a dying
profession, Quackser.

- Well, I'll tell ya, Paddy,

as long as there's
one horse left,

I'll work me own business.

Isn't that right, Bess?

Horse manure!

Fresh dung!

Horse manure!

- Excuse me.

Hey, do you really sell that?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- Yeah, it's me job.

- Your job?

- Yeah.

Fresh dung!

- I wish ol' Rex would oblige,

but he's never on schedule.

- Here's horse manure!

- Who buys it?

- Anyone.

- Mind if I ask your name?

- What you want to
know my name for?

- I just do.

- Quackser.

- What?

- Quackser.

- Quackser?

- That's it, that's it.

- Quackser what?

- Fortune.

- Is that an Irish name?

- Which?

- Quackser.

- No, no, that's
what they call me.

I used to make
noises like a duck

when I was a baby.

Fresh dung!

Here's horse manure!

- I've never heard of anyone

being named after
a duck.

- What's wrong with a duck?

- Nothing's wrong with a duck.

- Me real name is Aloysius.

- I think I like
Quackser better.

- So do I.

Fresh dung!

- I want to apologize
for the other day.

- Apologize for what?

- For nearly ruining your cart.

- Was that you?

- I'm afraid it was, I'm sorry.

Gotta go.

Bye, Quackser.

- Listen, Miss
Fancy Horse Rider!

The next time you
won't escape so easy,

I'm tellin' ya!

Did you know that my
real name was Aloysius?

- Lovely.

Another cup of tea?

- No, no, I'm fine.

- Didn't you think
it was going to

pour buckets just
a few minutes ago?

Now it's fine as can be.

- Yeah.

I thought sure it would
be pouring buckets by now.

- Would you like a
little brown soda bread?

It's in the oven.

- Oh, no, no, I'm fine.

- Are you sure you
don't want a sweet?

I've got a bit of
cake put away for ya.

- I couldn't, thanks very much.

I couldn't eat another crumb.

- Did you notice I tried
that new raspberry jam

you said your sister
brought home last Friday.

- It was good, it was good.

But if you ask me, I like
the marmalade better.

The berry stuff
is a little sweet.

- Hm, I think you're right.

How's your father?

Has he got over that
steam blast yet?

- Oh yeah.

It only took him
a day to recover.

He was wearing his winter togs.

- Well, thank God for that.

You know, it could've
been serious.

- Yeah.

- Do you like me
tea blend, Quackser?

- I do, I do, I love it.

- It wasn't too strong
this time, was it?

- No, no.

It was good.

- You don't think I
made it too strong?

- No, it was fine,
Betsy, it was fine.

- Ah, thank goodness.

You know, I was afraid
I put a bit too much

of the Turkish blend in it.

- Well, let's put it this way.

It's the kind of stuff
you don't fall asleep on,

but it was good, Betsy.

It was good.

- Hello, Quackser.

I was hoping you'd
come along here.

- What for?

- Do I have to have a reason?

Can I walk with you?

- Now, what you want
to walk with me for?

- I just do.

May I?

- You win.

But I'm working, mind ya.

- Hey!

Where we going?

- Lunchtime!

Watch yourself.

- You come here for
lunch very often?

- Oh, well, I go around,

but this is me favorite place.

- Do you rate
"Gulliver's Travel"?

- Gulliver's what?

- Travel.

- Ah, no.


- Well, Jonathan Swift, who
wrote "Gulliver's Travels"

was the Dean of St. Patrick's

before he went to London.

Didn't you know that you
live in one of the most

interesting cities in the world?

- Who said I didn't know?

- And Handel's Messiah had
its world premier here.

- Handels did?

I didn't know that.

You know a lot, don't you?

I've lived in
Dublin all my life.

I never heard so much
stuff about the place.

- Well, you don't
have to know about it,

you're living here.

- I was going to ask...

- Yes?

- I love crusts
on bed, don't you?

- Well
goodbye, Quackser.

- You're going?

- I think I should.

- Did I say something wrong?

- No.

- Then what are you
going so fast for?

Would you like a bite?

- Thank you.

- Why don't you come up
to Carvener's with me

for a drink?

That's what I was
going to ask you.

- Okay.

Sure, okay.

- You will?

- Sure.

- That's it.

I never work past one o'clock.

Uh, would you like a ride?

- In that?

- Wait a minute.

Stand up there.

Stand up here.

- Okay.


I'll just tread this over.

That's it, wait a minute.

Now sit down here.

Careful now.

Now put your feet on
the side, that's it.

Now hold on here.

Are you all set?

- Yep.

- All right, come
on Bess, let's go.

- Oh!

- But see, she had the
horse in the bloody cart.

- Forced me out with the dog.

- Hello.


Hello, Mike.


You can sit down here.

Don't worry.

- There's a ladies
lounge, Quackser.

- Oh.

Through there.

Cut it out.

- How's Betsy, Quackser?

- She's fine.

That new horseshoe
did the trick.

- Good her shoveled her up,

no Irish horse did that.

- And he didn't win
hard at the racetrack.

- What are you having, Quackser?

- Uh, two large bottles.

- Two large bottles.

What's the woman drinking?

- What?

- What's she going to have?

- One of them.

- It's an awful occupation.

- What is?

- Syrup, and
smelling that stuff.

- Thank you.

Well, here's to an unusual man

with an unusual job.

- Who's that?

- That's you!

- Me?

Oh, I'll drink to that.
- Yeah!

- Quackser, Maguide would
like your permission

to talk to the lady.

- Yeah, keep your seats please.

I don't mind standing.

- This is Maguire.

- Hello.

- Madam, if you don't
mind me saying so,

you've got a great
pair of shoes.

- Well, thank you very much.

- Not at all, not at all.

- How's Betsy, Quackser?

- Fine.

I said she was fine.

- I've been in the
business 30 years myself,

and those are the finest...

Would you mind if I
took a closer look?

- No, go ahead.

- Them's patented leather,
isn't that it, Maguire?

- I believe they're alligator.

- Madam, crocodile skin.

- Oh, he knows his
leather, Quackser.

- Coming in the
door, I looked at your feet,

and I thought of the wife.

- You like feet, don't you, Tom?

- Me wife would cry if
she could just touch them.

- She loves shoes, Mrs. Maguire.

- Ah, that is a
beautiful bit of workmanship.

- Well, I tell ya, Tom.

Take a last good look,

and keep a picture
of them in your mind.

- How's Betsy, Quackser?

- Fine, she's fine.

Thanks for asking.

- Oh, give Quackser
and the young lady

a drink on me, Tim.

And don't look like the
other fellas either, Tim.

- He hasn't got a penny.

- Oh, a great pair of shoes.

- Yeah, they're lovely,
I noticed them meself.

- Justice couldn't be done

to a better pair of feet.

- Ah.

When I was a kid, they used to
have horses drawing the milk

from my hometown in America.

- America?

- Yes.

Hartford, Connecticut.

- Oh, yeah.



- Do you know Connecticut?

- No, but I have a
cousin in the Bronx.

Would I like it in America?

Me ma says I would.

She says the Bronx
is a grand place.

- I don't know, I've
never been to the Bronx.

- You've never
been to the Bronx?

Come all the way from
Connecticut to Dublin.

What for?

- To study at Trinity.

- Does it cost much?

- Yeah, it costs quite a bit.

- Have you learned anything yet?

- Well...

Did you know that
Dublin is a Danish name?

It means "Black River".

- How much did they
charge you for that?

We're at me house now.

- Hey, Quackser.

Where did you pick
up the bit of stuff?

- Quackser!

- That's me ma.

- Quackser,
where the hell were ya?

- I took another way!

- Well, bye bye now, Mrs--

- Come on, you can meet me ma.


Where'd she go?

Why don't you sit down?

I want you to meet somebody.

- Will you come here
a minute, Quackser?

Why do you have to do it now?

- You reckon--

- Why didn't you tell me you
had visitors on your mind?

Have you gone mad or what?

- I'm not mad.

- Going around in
this day and age

in her bare feet.

- She must be very poor.

It's a long story, Ma.

- Yeah, I'm sure it is.

Would you like a cup of tea?

- Oh, thank
you very much.

- Thanks, Ma.

- Does she wear those
pajamas in the daytime?

- She's from America.

- Oh, I shoulda known.

- You don't
have to bother.

- It's nothing, I don't mind.

- Quackser!

Here, take this.

Hey, hey!

This isn't for you.

- I wouldn't drink from that.

- Oh take it in and
don't break anything.

- Don't panic, Ma.

Here we are.

- Quackser, my name is Zazel.

- What?

- I hope you don't
mind margarine,

I'm afraid I ran out of butter.

- No, that's lovely, thank you.

My name is Zazel.

- Oh, Zazel's from America.

- America?
- Isn't that right, Zazel?

- Is that so now?

Won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

- Here, Ma.

- What's the horse
plight like over there?

We have a cousin in the Bronx,

but he never writes
a word about us.

- In Connecticut?


- Did you know that
Dublin means "Black River"

in Danish, Ma?

- Have the horses
stopped running out?

- Not at the racetracks.

They're still extremely
popular there.

- Sugar?

- Yes please, two.

- But you don't have the horses

bringing round the grub?

- No, not really.

- On holidays, I suppose?

- No, I'm at university,

I'm doing research at Trinity.

- Research?

I wonder now if you
could ever research

me son's head for him.

He seems to be
blind to everything

that passes him on the street.

- You wouldn't believe
the things I heard

about Dublin today.

- No, I'm sure I wouldn't.

- Tell her, Zazel, go on.

- I'm sure your
mother's not interested

in our conversation.

- No, no, she would be.

Go on, tell her.

- Would you leave the
girl alone, Quackser?

- Tell her, she would, go on.

- Well, I told Quackser
that Queen Victoria

loved the furnishings
in Dublin Castle.

- Well, it's easy
enough to love something

when it doesn't belong to you.

- Would you like a cigarette?

- No, no thanks,
I never touch them.

- Quackser?

- Oh.

Thanks very much.

- What?

- I told Zazel thanks very
much for the cigarette.

You know...

Oh, thanks.

I don't know how many times

I passed these places
we've seen today,

and I never knew a damn thing

about who lived
where or did what.

- You go filling his head
with all them details

you'll give him a headache.

- Mm, it's good for me to know.

- You can hardly read or write,

what good will it do ya?

Or you'll put your
brain out to Dundrum.

- What's Dundrum?

- It's where they put you

when you get light in the head.

- I'm not that far yet.


- Oh, no.

- No, no, I want you to keep it.

- But Quackser, you
spent half your day

walking around
Dublin after horses--

- And you gave away your
shoes to Maguire's wife.


- Bye!

- Write me a letter!

- Okay, I will.

No, I don't have to!

I'll be at Trinity for a while.

- Then I'll see you again?

- Yes, the Ambassador's
Cinema on Tuesday

at eight o'clock, okay?

- Eight o'clock?

- Yes!

- Eight o'clock?


- Where's Quackser?

- Hello, Da.

- Keep the cart
away from the door

before I break me leg sometime.

- Ah, the expression.

Do you want to see?

- I don't think so, not tonight.

The water's already there, dear.

- Oh, thanks, honey,
thanks indeed.

You know, not for nothing,

he think he's finally
got money to himself,

and got a decent job.

Thought of helping the
family or something.

They're both gonna
be messing about

with that old horse manure.

He knows bloody well
there's a place for him

in the foundry anytime
he wants to pop him.

- God, if he had the
nerve, he could sing it.

- No, no, that's not good
enough for Prince Quackser.

- Would you leave him alone?

He's going out tonight
to enjoy himself.

What are you looking for?

- Nothing.

- Well, I'm sorry I spoke.

- Where's the comb?

- The what?

- The comb, the comb!

- What do you want the comb for?

- Kathleen, lend us yours.

- No, you're not going to use--

- Will you give me your comb?

- No.

- Jesus!

Give me a comb, somebody!

- Why don't you use
your bloody shovel?

- Another thing, Mother.

Why can't he use
the word fertilizer

instead of always saying manure?

It's embarrassing in the street.

- Would you leave
well enough alone?

It's after taking me five years

to get him to use
the word manure.

- Oh, listen, would
you put that down,

let's have a look
at the television!

- I want to borrow
your tie, Dad.

- Me tie?

For what?

- For my neck.

- Well, all right.

But now be careful with it.

I have to have something
to hold me trousers up

when I go to work
in the morning.

- He didn't
even wash his hair.

- Where you going anyway?

- I have something to do.

- My God, it's dreadful.

- Must be love.

- Listen, Quackser.

- What's up?

- I hope she's worth it.

- Give me the booking!

Here's horse manure!

Give me the booking!

Fresh dung.

Hello, hello.

- Hello, where have you been?

I've been looking all over.

- You have?

- Yes.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

You've been driving
around in that?

- Yes.

You like it?

- No.

- Quackser.

- You're the driver.

- I'm sorry.

Don't be angry, I
apologize for last night.

- Which night?

Oh that, that's nothing,

don't worry about that.

- Do you want to come for
a drive in the mountains?

- What for?

- Because I borrowed
the car especially.

- Oh yeah?

- Don't you like it up there?

- I don't know, I never been.

- Never?

- No, never.

- It's fantastic out
on the open roads.

- Mm.

- Well, do you want
to come or don't you?

- Oh, I don't think so.

- Why not?

- 'Cause I'd rather
not go with you.

- Okay.

- What are you doing here?

- I was
looking for the library.

- I'm glad you're here.

I'm delighted, really, I am.

- You are?

You still want to
drive to the mountains?

Do you?

It's supposed to be
fantastic on the open roads.

- I gave the car back.

- We could take the bus.

- All right, I'll
try and borrow it.

Wait for me.

- Where you going?

- Be right back.

- I brought you some flowers.

- Thank you.

- That's heather.

- It's very lovely.

- Yeah.

It's a very common flower.

- Why don't you come
around and sit down?

- Um...


- Right here.

- Oh, it's a terrific view.

- It's nice.

- Will ye go, Lassie go,

and we'll all go together.

To pluck wild mountain thyme,

all around the blooming heather.

I learned that in school.

Where have they gone?

- Who?

- The horses?

- Down to the splinter
dock like the rest of them.

- What for?

- Oh, they ship
them out from there,

to the slaughterhouse.

- And then they'll
be killed and gone?

- Well, you've said it.

Dog food, or glue.

- Ma!


- What's up with ya?

- Ma!

- What in God's
name is the matter with ya?

- Did you know about the horses?

- What, where?

- The horses, all of 'em.

- Which horses?

- Delivery.

Horses, they're
putting a stop to it.

- They've stopped up what?

- Delivering!

They'll be no more
horses delivering.

No more manure.

The dung will be all gone.


The horses.

- I made you a cup of tea.

- A cup of tea?

The horses are leaving.

- I knew the horses would go,

but so did you.

We kept telling ya.

- What's in here?

- The news of it.

It was first in there
over a month ago.

That's last month's,
that's yesterdays.

Go on, read it.

- Help me, Ma.

- All right, Son,
I'll read it for ya.

The Department of
Transport and Power

announced plans to
switch over to the faster

and more modern mean,

the motor driven engine

beginning Thursday
morning, the 21st of may.

- That's next Thursday.

- That's the end of
the horses, Quackser.

You can always go to your
Cousin John in America.

♪ As I was thrown
along the road ♪

♪ At home when I was walking

♪ I heard that we left behind

♪ Didn't you hear,
less we're talking ♪

- Hi, thank you.

- They're taking the
horses off the street.

- What?

- They're taking
the horses away.

- All of them?

- Yeah.

- Listen, meet me across
the street from Trinity

outside the front gate, okay?

- Across the street?

- Yeah.

♪ As I was going
along the road ♪

♪ At home, when I was talking

♪ I heard that we left behind

♪ Didn't you hear,
less we're talking ♪

- Well, what's so important?

- Where have you been?

- Don't be upset.

- I've been standing
here waiting for ya.

All the horses are going.

Did you happen to
hear me say that

over all the singing?

- Is that true, are they really?

- Yeah, I'm standing
here telling ya.

- Well, I'm very sorry,

but what do you want
me to do about it?

- You silly bitch.

You don't even really care.

- God damn you, Quackser,

there are a certain
amount of manners

that I expect from a man.

- Manners?

Oh, manners me arse!

I don't want any
posh and polish.

I want to talk to you.

- Apparently, Quackser.

Apparently you don't
quite understand.

- I don't want any
attitude from you.

I didn't come here for answers.

- Don't be so stupid, Quackser!

- I'm not stupid.

- Well, you're
acting very stupid.

- Now, shut up.

- Listen
to me, Quackser.

- Now shut up and don't
talk to me that way.

You talk to any other
fella that way--

- Get your hands off me.

- Now I wanted to talk to you.

- Quackser, you are hurting me.

- Now, I got
something on my mind,

and I want to talk to you.

Now listen to me.

- I have nothing to
say to you, Quackser.

- Will you just listen to me?

- Oh, it was foolish in the
first place, the whole thing.


Quackser, please I didn't...

I'm sorry.

- Maybe I don't have
the right kind of job.

- Now don't say that.

I don't think of you that way.

- How do you think of me?

- Come on.

- I won't work in the foundry.

I won't do it.

- Have you thought of
going back to school?

- School?

I'm nearly 30.

When I was 13, I was
in the 4th class,

and they skipped me into the 5th

'cause I was getting too old,

and then they let me out.

- You'll find another
job, Quackser,

I know you will, don't worry.

- Well...

If I can't make
me own kinda work,

I won't find it.

Before, I could follow the
horses anywhere in Dublin.

I can remember a
time when there was

so many horses
going around Dublin

that the flowers used to grow up

in the middle of the road.

- Have you ever thought
of going to America?

- To the Bronx?

- No, not just to the Bronx.

- Me dancing at Trinity?

I'd look funny there.

- You're the man I want
to dance with at night.

- Yeah, but me
dancing at Trinity...

- Quackser, it's the
last dance of the term

before I have to go.

Will you come?

- Well, I will if you're sure.

- I'm sure.

- Well, where do I go to?

- Why don't I meet you
at the dance, okay?

Because it's formal,

and I have to get
very dressed up.

- Formal what?

- Formal dress.

But don't worry about that,

just wear a good suit.

- Are you going to a fancy
dress ball, Quackser?

- Not a ball, it's
a dance, Gigi.

Well, that's it.

- Put a bit more black
polishing them shoes.

I can still see the
brown coming through.

- But you'll be late if you do.

- Why, what time is it?

- 10 to nine.

- 10 to nine?

Oh, I better run.

And thanks for the loan
of your bike, love.

- But I--

- Don't wait up.

- Oh, where's the
Chinaman you've got?

Joseph, take that, will you?

The bigger, redder,
shinier one...

- Oh, look, John, just
invited a story here.

- Yeah, I
saw my grandfather.

- Oh, no, I think
they're the plastic ones.

No, no, no, it's so shiny
when I look at them,

and the way they go
all the way down.

- Oh, but how long?

- Get off.

- So you haven't
seen me perform?

- They'll see
us waving at the bar!

- Last turn
and the turn before.

- Oh no.

- Damien, would you
get me another drink?

- Well, you haven't
finished that one yet.

- Please, Damien.

- Of course.

Well, what's the matter?

- That man over there...

- Who?

- That man dancing
with Elaine Boland.

- You know him?

- That's Quackser.

- That's Quackser?

You must be joking.

- Damien, would you
please take me outside?

- Of course.

- Thanks very much.


- Now, before
the next dance,

don't forget your
raffle tickets.

Our lovely lady
still has two left.

- Look at him.

- Are we going?

- I can't.

- All right, let me
go and speak to him.

- Damien, I invited him.

I should dance with him.

- If you can bear it.

- Now take your
partner for the bossa nova.

- Wait here for
me, I'll be back.



- Zazel, there you are.

- Oh, you're all wet.

- Yes, that was Elaine.

Want to dance?

What kind of a place is this?

Everyone keeps
handing me things.

- You came all that
way in the rain.

You must be very hungry.

- Not much.

Did you like your dance?

Did you?

Did you like your dance with me?


- Why don't we go outside
and get some fresh air, okay?

- Zazel?

- Let me fix your tie.

- I'll get the car.

- Oh, thanks, I got
me bike outside.

- Look, I wasn't talking to you,

you bloody fool.

- Don't talk like that, Mister.

- No, Damien, please.

- Zazel, is this one
of your bogman friends

in his Sunday best?

My God, a tacky penny--

- Look, you said he was plain,

but this is ridiculous.

- Damien, there's
no need to be rude!

- For God's sake,
let's get out of here

before I lose my temper.

- Damien, please.

- You better take your
hands off her, Mister.

- Look, I'm sorry.

I don't like shit
around my girlfriend.

- Come on, chaps.

- For Christ's sake, Damien!

Do something!

Let go of him!

Stop it!

You God damn bastards!


Are you all right?

Are you okay?


- Did I ruin the party?

- No, you were fine.

They're just a bunch of drunks.

- That's what I'm needing.

- What?

- A few more stiff drinks.

- Let's do that.

- Nothing's open at this hour.

- Why don't we try
one of the hotels?

Do you want to do that?

- If you think it's all right.

- I know it's all
right, and I'm treating.

- Okay.

Hop up.

- Wait for me.


- I think the bar is closed.

- Well then, we
won't go to the bar.

- Then where are we going?

- Well, we can always order
from our room, can't we?

- Do we have a room here?

- No.

214, please.

- Uh, what was
that number again?

- 214.

- Oh.

- Thank you.

- Where are we going?

- 214.

- What if
someone's in there?

- I haven't
figured that out yet.

- Hey.

Do me a favor, will ya?

Take that to the
big party upstairs.

I'm gonna light up a smoke,

my feet are killing me.

- I hope it's empty.


- Where do you want this, lady?

- On that table please, sir.

- You got a lovely place here.

This bath is the
size of my bedroom.

- Where are ya?

- Cheers to
you, Mister!

- Cheers
to you, Missus.

How do you like that?

- Oh, oh!

- We don't have any
cups to drink from!

- To hell with a cup!

- And to hell with
these brown shoes too!

- And to hell with
everything between us!

- That's right!

To hell with
everything between us!

And to hell with
this duck's jacket.

And to hell with starch linen!

And to hell with boring ties!

And to hell with underwear!

- What are you doing in there?

- I've always
wanted to wash lying down.

- What I want to
know is how much

you've paid for that suit?

- It was a
shilling for the trousers,

and a shilling for the tail.

- Two buckets?

- That's it!

- You having fun?

- Look what I found!


- Are you happy?

- All I need now
is a rubber duck.

Why don't you come in with me?

- I think I'll wait outside.

- All right.

Did you know that me
ma used to work here?

- That's a lovely suit!

I wish I had one.

- Hey!

What's going on?

Bloody idiot!

- Hey!

Come back over here!

- What's up?

- Your trousers.

- And you digging up vengeance.

Sweet God in heaven.

Creating a hazardous situation.

- Lucky for him, there
was no damage done

to city property.

Do you know what they
could've done to you?

What I can't understand is
what you were thinking of.

It's time you thought
about going off

to your Cousin
John in the Bronx.

I'll write to him
again this evening.

It's a good thing for
you we were first,

and that the judge
was a kind man.

Me, pleading and begging for ya.

- Our only son raised
to be a shipless,

don't want to think.

It's time he thought about
the world he lives in.

But I'm not going to
be working me arse off

while you take a holiday.

Make up your mind to that.

It's either the
foundry or America.

- I'm
buying, who's drinking?

- That's the bloody American!

- Save a pint for me, Tim.

- Quackser, where the
hell have you been?

- I've been dancing.

That's the trouble.

- Hello, love.

- Hello, Betsy.

- Well, now.

Will we be going to see
your sweet face again,

all your old pals, huh?

- I don't think so.

I came to tell ya,
I'm off to the Bronx.

- The Bronx?

- The Bronx, is it?

- I always knew you'd do
well by yourself, man.

- I always wanted
to go to the Bronx.

- She wanted to be
a film star, you know?

- Yeah, still do.

- And there's no horses
in the Bronx, Quackser.

But there's plenty of cows.

- God, you have lovely
hands, Quackser.

- I've got an aunt in St. Louis.

- St. Louis?

That's not in the
Bronx, that's in France.

- Ah, you think you
know everything.

- Pleasant journey, Quackser.

- You'll be a rich
man, Quackser.

- Yeah, should take
me about two weeks.

- Ah, you're a grand
feller, Quackser.

- I know it.

Well, God bless.

- Good luck to ya.

- And there's plenty more
where this came from.

♪ What in the world

- What of the bad news
about Cousin John's death

that did it to him, I wonder?

- And to think that we
were going to let him go

without knowing.

My poor son.

Maybe we shouldn't
have given him

the bad news so sudden.

- You all right?

I think he must be,
he's fast asleep.

- Asleep?

He's stone drunk.

- Drunk?
- Drunk?

- I never had a
chance to tell him

that Cousin John is dead.

After buying drink for every
bloody scrounger in Dublin.

- Not with the fare?

- Yes.

- With me dress money!

- And he pawned my bicycle!

- Quackser, are you
spending all the money

that was to take you to America?

- Quackser,
where's my dress money?

- I want the money for me bike!

- Gruesome son, get up!

You're wasting a life's worth.

You didn't want to go to
America in the first place.

Scared, scared as those horses

that you've driven mad!

- My money!

- Here, here, let's all take it!

- Oh, whose is this?

- Mine.

- I've got a pound.

- A couple more.

- Right, now that settles it.

Tomorrow, he starts
work at the foundry.

Come along, Quackser.

You don't want to be
late the first day.

Come on, you'll get used to it.

- Fuck off.

- Is that you, Mike?

- Mike?

It's me, Quackser.

- Quackser?

And I have some
brown bread left,

and them cold cuts.

Is it all right?

- It was fine, Betsy.

It was fine.

- I didn't put too
much butter on, did I?

I was afraid I put a little
bit too much butter on.

God, you have lovely
hands, Quackser.

Are you sure you don't
want another cup of tea?

Are you listening?


Are you there?

- I'm here, Betsy.

I'm here.

You may be 15 years older,

but there's none
like you, Betsy.

- Quackser.

- Mhm?

- That shovel.

And you following the horses,

them that's left.

Not the most modern thing
for a man like yourself.

You knew that,
didn't you, Quackser?

- Betsy.

There's nothing more
modern than the feelings

I have for you at this minute.

- God, you have
lovely hands, Quackser.

- He's coming!

He's coming now!

- Hello, son.

- Hello, Quackser, how are ya?

- Over here now, sit down.

Yeah, sit in the easy chair.

That's it, make
yourself comfortable.

Now, would you like your tea?

- Yeah.
- Good.

- I didn't get a job.

- Did you look?

- No.

- Where were you?

We were looking
all over for you.

- I was at the garage.

What are you doing
home so early, Dad?

- Business.

- Are you
all right, son?

- I'm fine.

- Good.

- I'm fine.

What's wrong?

- Nothing's wrong.

- Quackser, I've
been meaning to tell ya,

there's no hurry getting my
bicycle from the pawn office,

just in case you were
worrying about it.

- What's up?

- You're are, son.

Do you remember your
poor old Cousin John

in the Bronx?

- Oh, I saw a lovely dress on
the way to work this morning.

- For God's sake, would
you tell him, Pete?

Your Cousin John
remembered you in his will.

His stipulation on his deathbed,

that you are to
receive the money

from the sale of his motorcar.

He's out there leaving you $500

to do what you like with.

- $500?

- That's it.

- How much is that
in real money?

- Over 200 pounds.

- 200 pounds?

- Over 200 pounds.

Now you can carry out

your plans for progress
after all, huh?

- I saw a lovely dress on
my way to work this morning.

- You can even go to
America if you want to.

- Well, only

I have for you, Quackser is,

keep away from pubs for a while.

What are you gonna do
with the money anyway?

The horses are gone for good.

- Why would give
over talk about horses now?

- He could buy
a new bicycle now anyway.

- Quackser,
are you all right?

- I've
made up me mind!

- Now don't be rash.

- What are
you going to do?

- I'm going
to buy a motorcar!

By the way, did you
know that Dublin

is actually a Danish name?

It means "Black River".

Now, Jonathan Swift,

who actually wrote
"Gulliver's Travels",

was erector of this
cathedral over here

which is St.
Patrick's Cathedral.

I used to have my
lunches there everyday

when I was working
on another job.

- Mr. Fortune, would
you mind, please?

- And did you
know that Messiah's Handel

had its world premier here?