Psycho Goreman (2020) - full transcript
After unearthing a gem that controls an evil monster looking to destroy the Universe, a young girl and her brother use it to make him do their bidding.
Many moons ago on
the distant planet of Gigax,
a nameless evil
reigned supreme.
This ruthless being
had amassed power beyond measure
and was preparing to strike down
all that was good
and just in the universe.
Before he could fulfill
his dark destiny,
the forces of light
banded together,
and in their most desperate hour
toppled the dark one
from his throne.
He was imprisoned in a place
far beyond reach,
for if he were ever
to be released,
it would spell certain doom
for all existence.
Okay, here's the deal, men.
Winner is champion of
the universe,
loser gets buried alive.
Got it?
That's fair.
- Ready?
- Set?
- Crazy Ball!
- Crazy Ball!
You're toast, Mimi.
Not even close, you dork!
Ow, my butt!
Yes, five point butt bonus.
Swing ball.
One...
Crazy ball.
- Two...
- Crazy ball.
- Three.
- Three of a kind!
Four, alright,
four points for me.
I'll get you at
the switcheroo, crumb scum.
Just you watch.
Buckle up for a dirt sandwich,
you little maniac.
Aaaah!
Switcheroo. Aaah!
I win!
Start digging, Luke.
Damn switcheroo.
Keep digging, boy.
Hey, hurry up so I can bury you
and go to sleep already.
I'm gonna bring your bed
into my room
and make one of those,
oh, what do you call it.
Oh, super beds.
Oh, yeah, that's cool.
Is that a coffin?
Is this where
they buried Grandma?
No, I don't think so.
Let me see.
It's really stuck in there good.
Maybe if I press those,
it'll do something?
No, I'm the Crazy Ball champion
so I get all the treasures.
Right, of course.
Let's see.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Dumb dumb chump, here we go.
Wow, first try.
Come to mama.
Cover it up!
Hurry, before mom and dad see.
Shovel faster, numnuts.
I'm trying.
Luke, Mimi, do you kids
know what time it is?
- 9:00.
- 9:00.
What happens at 9:00.
Get inside.
It's time for bed.
Dad?
You okay, sport?
Is there such thing
as monsters?
Well, here's the thing, Luke.
In a lot of ways,
humans are the real monsters.
So I'd say yes.
Okay, what your genius father
is trying to say is no,
there's no such thing
as monsters.
What happened to your head?
Somebody lost at Crazy Ball.
Again?
Mimi, I don't want to keep
going through this, okay?
Remember what we said last time
you were playing kookie ball?
It's Crazy Ball!
Plus, it's not even my fault.
Check the tapes. Luke sucks.
It doesn't matter, okay?
You need to take it easy
on your brother.
He won't want to play
with you anymore.
What's the deal
with monsters?
Are they fake? Are they real?
All the above?
Yeah, what's with all
the monster talk tonight?
It's just that, if there
are monsters coming to kill us,
could you make sure they...
could you make sure
they kill Luke first?
That's harsh.
But okay.
Mimi, that's
a horrible thing to say.
Why?!
Dismissed.
Good night, wacko.
Dad!
Good night.
Look at this shit!
There's not a pawn shop in town
that's going to want this crap!
If it's all garbage,
why did that old guy put up
such a fight when we busted in?
I think I sprained my wrist
clocking that geezer.
Look at this. Why the hell
would you even grab this?
Suck my dick, asshole!
It was dark.
And that's a nice frame.
Not any more.
What the hell did
you say, buddy?
A variation
of the Ironian tongue.
How primitive.
Let's just get out of here!
This guy's on something.
Hey, you dickless shit.
We already killed
one asshole tonight.
And we'll gladly do it again!
Your flesh is unevolved
and weak.
Perhaps in a few millennia, you
will make worthy adversaries.
But not today.
Hey, man, please,
I don't want to die.
Then live forever.
This is a really big hole.
How did you even dig this?
Huh?
Alright, first I want to say,
great job on the hole, son.
- Thanks.
- Second I want to say,
this is completely unacceptable.
- Oh.
- Somebody's going to
have to fill this in.
Anybody.
One of you even.
- I vote dad.
- Me too.
Yeah, me three.
And if I... when I vote,
I will vote for all of
- you three, as a family.
- No, no.
Doesn't work that way.
Alright.
So much for democracy, huh?
Do the dishes, Greg.
What made these?
If I had to guess,
I'd say some wino
was on his way home
from a bender last night.
Thought he could Evel Knievel
his way over this hole
and fell in.
- What else could it be really?
- Maybe a raccoon.
That doesn't make
any damn sense.
Oh!
Oh, oh, my hand.
- Are you okay?
- Oh, God, my hand.
- Well, that didn't take long.
- Oh, it hurts so bad, Susan!
- Okay, okay.
- Oh, my God.
- Come on.
- Oh, Susan.
Ow! Don't even look
at it, it hurts.
Did you see the size
of those freaking claw marks?
We need to tell
somebody what happened.
Maybe we should
go to the police.
I don't trust cops.
Not one bit.
We're going to go search
ourselves tonight.
That's crazy.
We don't know
what was down there.
What's crazy is what a stupid
wiener you can be some times.
Pull up your diapers
because we're going to go find
what crawled out
of your grave last night
like a couple of real
American heroes.
Can you dig it?!
Yeah. I dig it.
- Hey, man.
- Hey, Alistair.
You beat Rage Master 64 yet?
Yeah, man, medium difficulty.
- No way.
- Hey, kiddy.
You look good in your
little outfit there.
Why don't you give us
a spin, hunky boy?
Um, no thanks.
Never mind.
My math!
Is your sister crazy?
Mimi, look.
That way.
There's no way
this was a dirty wino bum.
Look at how even
his footsteps are.
Duh. When has dad ever
been right about anything?
Yeah, good point.
I'm not going in there.
Here, take this.
I call it the Luke killer.
It will protect you.
How the hell
does this work?
Ow! The damn thing cut me.
You're using it wrong.
Don't kill her Mark.
I'm going to kill you.
Mimi, wait. Oh, crap.
Stop jumping at everything!
You're jumping, too.
I'm jumping because
you're jumping!
This place is dangerous.
Didn't somebody die back
when this was a shoe factory?
Nobody ever died
from making shoes, Luke.
That's just crazy.
Besides, the most dangerous
thing in here...
is me.
We should get out of here.
Hey, creep!
We know you're in here.
Show yourself or...
or I'll break you
into a pile of bones?
No, that wasn't good.
This is super dumb.
Let's go.
Is that fear I smell?
How sweet.
Oh, my God.
Man, that's what
this one called me.
Aah!
Are you also man?
You are much smaller creatures.
No matter.
You will suffer like the rest.
Know that in the sweet
release of death
you'll be spared
the sight of your planet
being torn to pieces,
watching as everyone
you hold dear is drowned
in a sea of their own blood.
Shut it!
No, I am not a man.
I am a wo-man.
And you're going to let go of
my stupid wiener bro right now!
Mimi, look.
Is this yours?
Speak.
The gem of Praxidice.
This cannot be.
Believe it, buster.
Stop messing around
and explain, scum.
The Geminia One, whoever wields
it is able to command me
for as long as it's
in their possession.
But know this, child.
The power you wield
will be short lived.
Sure, sure. But first let's
test this baby out.
Alright, Monster Mash.
Pick up my bro and, uh,
spin him around a bunch.
Hey, come on.
Ah.
It hurts.
Alright, put the cry baby down.
Enough! The longer we play
these childish games,
the more horrifying
your deaths will be.
This is but a small example
of what I am capable of.
His eternal pain
will take his mind
beyond the furthest
reaches of madness.
Preserved in an endless
state of... no!
He was my masterpiece!
Oh, sorry man.
Thank you.
Do you have a name,
Monster Man?
No name can encompass
my dark will.
Though my enemies
will sometimes refer to me
as the arch duke of nightmares.
Well, that sucks.
Never mind.
We can workshop this.
Luke!
- Yeah?
- I want names.
They've got to be fresh,
they've got to be cool.
Go.
We can't name it.
He's going to kill us.
Ha! You would pray
for something so simple.
I will drink your
endless screams as I rip...
Dinosaur-us Flex.
That's not bad actually.
- Rexothundrax?
- Cobrala Khan.
Revenge X Bad Lord.
- Heartless Creep.
- Oh, Rip Lord.
How about Shadow Slammer?
Or even Merman.
Nemesis Grim Night.
No, too sinister.
How about Dark Lord
of Wonderful Smooches?
I will never accept
such a title.
Stop running
and clap your hands,
you know, for a while at least.
How about Psycho Man?
Mm, Goreman?
That's it.
Did I get it?
No.
Stop that annoying clapping!
His name will be...
Psycho Goreman!
Or PG for short.
I don't see how that's better
than Archduke of Nightmares.
Psycho Goreman, that's great.
It's fun, it's hip,
it's wow, and it's now.
You're making
a terrible mistake,
you putrid little creature.
Soon I'll get the gem back,
and when I do...
Nice to meet you, PG.
I'm Mimi.
And I'm Luke.
Aaah! I wield powers
unimaginable
to your simple minds.
Soon you will beg me
for mercy.
But know that you will
only receive pain.
Knock knock?
What?
Knock knock?
Have you succumbed
to madness already?
Just say "who's there" already.
Geez, what planet are you from?
Gigax.
Who's there?
Me. Crazy Ball champion
of the universe.
And the champion says...
go over there,
sit down, shut up,
and wait for us
to come back in the morning.
You dig?
Dig what?
Go!
You will suffer in eternity
for this!
Yeah, yeah.
Bye-e-e-e-e-e!
I wonder what
it's favorite shows are.
Do you think it likes
grilled cheeses and tacos?
We should bring him
some welcome goodies
before we take him out
on the town.
What do you mean
take him out on the town?
I got to show him off.
I'll be the coolest kid
in school.
He's going to kill everybody
if we take him anywhere.
No, he won't.
Not unless I tell him to.
Mimi, I'm pretty good at going
along with your crazy ideas.
But we need to think
about this one.
Fine. I should probably teach
him some cool tricks anyways.
See what kind of slick stuff
he can do.
Watch out, world,
it's Mimi's time to shine.
The vasiaults have analyzed
the cosmic resonance
and confirmed our suspicions.
The ultimate evil has awoken.
How can this be possible?
Who could have deciphered
the sequence
that released
the gem of Praxidice?
I approved
the sequence myself.
Whoever solved it
must have intelligence
that far surpasses our own.
Which is a notion that I find
quite preposterous, I must say.
- Preposterous?
- That's right.
Enough!
Our mistake was being merciful
to that demon
instead of wiping him
from the galaxy forever.
It is clear that the rules
of the Gigaxian unity accords
have failed us.
What do you suggest
we do, Templar Pandora?
It's time to elect justice
through the Templar code.
There will be no trial
for that abomination.
The only verdict is for him
to die by my hand.
He has single handedly
extinguished entire planets
from existence.
How do you expect to
defeat him on your own, hm?
I do not fear him.
I have faith that the gods
will watch over and protect me.
Ooh, sounds like a load
of superstitious nonsense to me.
What was that?
- Huh?
- Huh?
No, no, no.
I didn't say anything.
- You don't believe me?
- I believe you, Templar.
It's just, we're boys
having a laugh.
And...
- Just a bit of...
- Just what?
I think it's an excellent plan
so why don't we just move on?
Lots of things
to discuss here.
Aah!
Do you not believe that it is
my destiny to vanquish
this darkness from the universe?
I... would leave...
Never forget that it was we,
the Templars,
that cleansed your worlds
of the dark one's scourge.
It was the will of the gods
that saved you,
and they can just as easily have
you all wiped from existence.
Remember this.
Yes, you're very kind.
What are the creatures
of this planet?
Humans, your holiness.
Bring me one of these
human things.
- Where am I?
- Come here, my dear.
Don't be afraid.
He will not escape us this time.
The light of heaven will always
extinguish the darkness of evil.
May the gods watch over me.
And the president said,
"But, Mimi, every day's
your birthday."
Then we started eating
the whole cake
while they broadcasted
it to the whole world.
And that's when I woke up.
Which really sucked because
I wanted to finish
that tasty cake.
Okay, so who's this
guy you have got living
in the old shoe factory?
You're going to
love him, Alistair.
He's this big scary monster
that wants to kill everybody.
Huh?
Hey, could one of you guys
help me with this?
No, thanks.
Holy crud.
I know, right?
PG, wake up!
PG, wake up. I want you
to meet our friend, Alistair.
Wait, were we supposed
to feed him?
You alive, buddy?
Aaah!
Stop!
Nice try.
Anyways, Alistair,
this is Psycho Goreman.
Or PG for short.
- Hi.
- Silence!
Okay.
We've brought you
some reading material, PG.
And a TV to watch.
Did you sleep okay?
I'm sorry we didn't
bring any pornos.
Petty displays of wealth.
How can your short life spans
allow such narcissism?
Yeah, but look
at all the hunky boys.
I do not care for hunky boys.
Or do I?
PG, can I ask you something?
No!
PG, I don't like that attitude.
Be nice, please.
Luke, ask him again.
Can I ask you something?
What?
What are you?
That is a tale bathed
in the blood
of a million dead memories.
I was born in a time before
time, on the planet Gigax.
A world light years
from your own.
My entire existence
was servitude,
under the rule of beings that
claimed to serve a higher power
that governed over us all.
These entities,
known as the Templars,
had no more divine purpose
than the dirt I excavated
to help build their churches.
But still they were able
to crush the people of Gigax
beneath their gilded heels.
The Templars preached to us
their holy scriptures,
declaring their
rightful ownership of Gigax.
To them, we were nothing
more than parasites
trespassing on hallowed ground.
That candy was weird.
But then one day
every thing changed.
I discovered an artifact
thought to be lost forever,
forged by ancient
Gigaxian warlocks out of energy
from the darkest corners
of the galaxy...
the gem of Praxidice.
The moment I took
the gem in my hand
and felt its immense power,
my destiny was clear.
I would destroy the Templars
and anyone else
that stood against me.
The gem bonded with me
and gave me power
beyond all other beings.
I was able to raise an army
led by my loyal generals,
the Paladins of Sydion,
and take back Gigax.
But I didn't stop there.
It was clear that my thirst
for death would only be
satiated if I snuffed out
all light in the universe.
But I was overthrown
and imprisoned
by the Templars
and their planetary alliance.
They stole the gem
and, with it, my power.
To this day, I do not understand
how such weak minded insects
could defeat the greatest
power in the galaxy.
TV's working.
Well, that boring dumb story
made me tired.
Let's go, guys.
PG, your homework
is to watch more TV
and learn how to be more fun.
Otherwise...
I will have to punish you.
Well, it was nice meeting you.
It would nicer if you were dead.
Alright, bye.
Energy runs through this box.
It might be enough.
Spirits of the electroverse,
find my world and alert
the Paladins of Sydion
that their master walks again.
The gem of Praxidice
has been taken
by two brainless meat children.
You must attain the gem
even if it has to be pried
from their tiny dead hands.
Thanks for
having me to stay over
for dinner, Mrs. Hallenbeck.
Glad to have you, Alistair.
Yes, very glad to have you.
Well, I was busy filling
in that hole in the backyard,
so unfortunately, Mr. Hallenbeck
had the pleasure
of playing master chef tonight.
How great is
this chicken, Alistair?
It's my special recipe.
It's, uh...
It's a little tough, Dad.
The microwave will do that.
But it sure brings
out the flavor.
What did you three maniacs
get up to?
We, um... Ow!
We were playing
guns in the forest.
Guns?
Now that sounds like fun.
Back when I was in the army, we
used to play guns all the time.
Except it was called
the Iraq War.
We played for keeps.
Meaning I killed people.
Okay, don't listen to GI Joker
over here.
He's never fired
a gun in his life.
- Anyways...
- Can me and Alistair
play video games?
Mm-hmm. Just put your plates
by the sink, okay, honey?
But, Alistair,
games are for nerds.
Wouldn't you rather go
in the driveway
and throw basketballs
at Luke or something?
Oh, uh, yeah, thanks.
But I just really want
to play some vids.
Come on, let's go.
Guess I'll play by myself then.
Hey, Mimi.
Can you come back
and finish your broccoli?
No, I cannot, because champions
don't eat broccoli!
Well, she finished
my delicious chicken.
And in the end, isn't that
all that really matters?
No, she didn't.
And then I heard Kyle
put all his pubes in a bag
and sold them to Mason
for five bucks.
Isn't that crazy?
Dude, what's he going to do
with a bag of pubes?
What the frig are you doing?
- But...
- Took you long enough.
I don't have all night.
Time is a false construct that
only exists for
primitive beings unable to phase
into the ninth dimension.
Also I got lost.
Mimi, what the heck
are you doing?
He can't be here.
He can be wherever
I want him to be.
Remember?
Heads up, dumpy butt.
Bulls eye!
This reminds me of
an ancient torture technique
I learned from the worms
of Janus many moons ago.
Should I go?
This is getting a little weird.
Those were good people,
those worms.
I don't care about
your stupid ancient techniques.
Unless they can make Alistair
stop being such a freaking dork.
I once used my dark magic
to help the warlord of Zatonia
seduce the moon princess.
I can do the same
for you if you wish.
You can make him want
to chuck basketballs with me.
Alright, I'm going to bounce.
Good night, everybody.
Do it.
So be it.
Your wish is my command.
Oh, Jesus!
Greg, what did you do
to the microwave?
Cooked a great meal
for my family, that's what.
You're welcome.
It's totally wrecked.
You're welcome.
That's great.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What did you do to him?
Get away from my kids!
My lucky bat!
Come on!
Greg, what the hell
are you doing?
Aaah!
You dare stand against me with
such a weak excuse for a weapon?
No, I didn't. She did. She did.
You asshole!
Don't hurt my parents.
That's an order.
Um, Mom, dad, I want you to meet
my new best pal,
Psycho Goreman,
or PG for short.
I don't care what his name is,
you need to call the police.
Are you kidding me?
What's a cop going to do
against this thing?
- Is he going to kill us?
- No way.
PG's a big softy.
He wouldn't hurt anybody.
Right, buddy?
My entire existence is built
on death and destruction.
I will kill you both.
No, no, no, no.
No, you won't.
PG's just being a goof.
He's family now. Don't worry.
Be worried.
When I'm free of
your daughter's control,
I will bath in your blood.
Ha!
PG, you're such a whack job!
I will kill you.
I will kill you.
I will kill you.
♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak off ♪
♪ Freak off ♪
♪ Freak yourself ♪
♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪
Hey, asshole!
Nice Halloween costume!
♪ Freak all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak off! ♪
♪ Freak you ♪
♪ You're not my monster,
tell me what to do ♪
♪ Freak yourself ♪
♪ I'm a heckin' mess ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
What the fuck, man?
So tomorrow
we've got a tight schedule.
We're bowling at 10:00,
and then a light picnic brunch,
which we'll have to have
around noon
so that Mom can take us
to the grocery store.
I've set aside
four hours for baking
so hopefully that's enough time
to bake all 12 cakes.
Wow.
I wish my face could do that.
What do you eat
back at home, PG?
Food is not only for
sustenance back on Gigax.
It's part of an honor code.
To be eaten is considered
a warriors death.
I remember during the battle
on the Bridge of Souls.
I've got it.
Here's the new plan.
Six hours for baking,
and we push upside down karaoke
to Sunday.
Boom!
Does that...
Of course it does.
Case closed. Judge Mimi will
return after these messages.
Don't mind if I do.
I was going to eat those.
I think you've
had enough, fatso.
Champion's got to eat.
So good.
Hello, boy.
What is happening right now?
You have crossed
the dream barrier
and are traversing
the nightmare realm.
It is here where I am able to
communicate with your privately.
Hidden in your dark thoughts.
What do you want?
You know what I want.
The gem.
This sick game
must come to an end.
Get it for me
so that I can be free.
I can't do that.
Mimi found the gem.
It belongs to her now.
Finders keepers, that's the law.
How long before others
learn of my awakening
and invade this quiet
little planet of yours?
Sooner or later,
the gem will be mine.
Help me now, and I might
consider sparing your life.
I can't betray
my sister like that.
Do you think she would
grant you the same courtesy?
No.
I see the way she treats you.
These small torments
are just the beginning.
How long before
she puts her life before yours?
She would never do that.
I think.
You know this is the only way.
Give me the gem so we can
both be free of her madness.
I'm sorry, but I don't think
I can do it.
It will lead to bad things
if I help you.
Fine!
You are stronger than I thought.
But also incredibly stupid.
So... what happens now?
We wait for this dream
of yours to conclude.
Okay.
Alright, cats, what I'm about to
teach you today is confidential.
The government can not,
under any circumstances,
find out about this game.
Got it?
Okay, so there's two teams.
Each team starts by throwing
their balls as far away...
So you got to run and get
the other teams balls in...
Chuck them at your opponents,
the other player throws their
- ball as high as they can...
- And then spin around like this.
Each Jumping Jack
gives you a point.
Then whoever gets hit
has to take the ball.
But only while the opposing
player is doing...
But there is a special
move called the switcheroo.
Which happens when
two balls collide in mid air.
And when that happens, whoever
punches their opponent first
gets all of the other
team's points plus one.
Okay, the game ends
when you reach 67 points.
I have no idea what's going on.
Do you?
Oh, no.
Get away from the kids!
Right now!
What the hell is that thing?
- Just remember your training.
- There's no time. Shoot him!
I should have let those hit you.
Hurry up, PG.
We don't have all day.
You are protectors
of this realm?
I was expecting something
a bit more impressive.
Who are you?
Who am I?
Let me show you, law dealer.
Ahh.
I am your master now.
Tell your people
darkness has fallen.
Resist the eclipse
of my power again
and I will not
show you the mercy
I've shown your friend.
Run.
Vince, give me the key!
Here, another contestant
for your game of nonsense.
PG, now I have to
start all over again.
Okay, so there's two teams.
Each team starts by
throwing their ball
as far away from
the other team as possible.
Do you get it?
See, he gets it.
Glad one of you
monster boys understands.
That soulless husk
is just telling you
what you want to hear.
Whatever, you're dumb, I get it.
Let's play.
Oh, I get Alistair's
done for the day.
Bye, Alistair.
I'll be right back, you morons.
Don't move.
Are you okay, buddy?
Yeah, it's just...
What?
Do you think
I'll ever be normal again?
Probably not.
But who cares?
I like you just
the way you are.
Oh, okay.
Bye, Alistair!
You beautiful blob.
So the "F" word works
in a lot of different ways.
If you stub your toe, you can be
like, "Ow, my frigging toe!"
Or if you see something
weird or crazy,
you can be like,
"What the frig?"
But the best one is when
you're telling someone off.
You can be like...
you tell it to them, Luke.
Frig off.
Frig off.
Use that on someone
you really hate.
What is this?
Some kind of special card?
What is this junk?!
I told you guys
to write me love letters
telling me how amazing I was!
What a waste of beautiful card.
What is love?
You know, have you ever felt all
warm and fuzzy about somebody?
Like when you rip out
your enemy's spine
and display it
to their grieving family?
No, not... no, not exactly.
Love is...
Love is a happy feeling
towards somebody you care about.
You feel complete.
Even if you didn't think
you were missing something
in the first place.
All I feel is anger and hate.
I will never be whole.
Don't worry about it, PG.
Love is for losers anyway.
Oh, yeah? I thought you were
so in love with Alistair.
That doesn't count.
We're just friends
that are going to get married
and be together forever.
And fight a lot,
like mom and dad do.
PG, I don't like the way Luke's
making fun of me.
Kill him, please.
No, please!
Stop!
Just kidding!
Your face.
You're such a scaredy cat.
And you're just... no!
So close.
That's it!
Now you get to pull the wagon.
Faster, you dog.
Hey, buddy.
You're safe now.
It was horrible.
His eyes.
It's like he was
looking into my soul.
And Vince.
Excuse me, human. I'm searching
for a nameless evil
that was buried here long ago.
He's awoken
and has most likely slaughtered
half your people already.
Have you seen him?
No offense, ma'am, but that
description is a little vague.
I've seen him!
That think that killed Vince!
Emmett O'Brien,
didn't you listen to a thing
that this poor man says?
No.
God, you're a dumb ass.
I must find him.
Give me everything.
Something's coming.
What? You got to dump?
Welcome back to the land
of the living, master.
Spare me the theatrics,
Dark Scream.
What took you so long?
We came as soon
as we could, my lord.
Let me be the first to say
that we are all so very glad
to see that you're alive.
PG, are these silly
little guys your friends?
Why don't you introduce us?
They don't look very friendly.
Ah, yes, Paladins,
this is Mimi and...
her brother.
It's Luke.
You should know my name by now.
They are the humans
responsible for freeing me.
That's right. You're welcome.
Mimi has the Gem of Praxidice.
Don't worry.
She doesn't know how to use it.
You may kill them now.
You fool.
Why would we do that?
Excuse me?
We like things
the way they are now.
You must be joking?
Far from it, master.
We are quite content
with running the fifth moon
of Gigax ourselves,
sharing the duties equally.
We take turns
as the appointed leader
so everyone
gets a fair chance.
As you can see,
it is currently my turn.
Let me guess, you made a deal
with those righteous idiots,
the Templars.
In exchange for
your imprisonment,
they agreed to spare us
any further inconveniences.
I put my trust in the worst
the galaxy has to offer,
and this is how you repay me?
I should have known better.
Except for you, Cassius 3000.
I always knew
I couldn't trust you.
Huh, come on.
We all knew this day was coming.
So why don't you lay down
and die like a good little boy?
Yeah, like a good
little boy, yeah.
You imbeciles.
Pandora's crusade
will not stop with me.
Her gaze will fall upon your
wretched hides soon enough.
Your shared crown is nothing
but a symbol
of your own incompetence.
Then we will trade this crown
for one made
from your shattered skull.
Kill him!
PG, you jerk!
Stop right there!
What? No!
What are you doing?!
You told them to kill me!
They're going to
kill you instead.
See how you like it.
Ahh.
How long is this
going to go on for?
What do you mean?
I mean, shouldn't
he apologize or something?
No, it's all right. Hey, PG!
- What?!
- Apologize.
I'm sorry.
Not good enough.
Let's try this again,
but this time,
you got to really mean it.
A ruler never apologizes.
It's a betrayal
of everything I stand for.
I would die... Aah!
Yes, scream for me.
Fine, you don't want
to give me a real apology,
that's your problem.
Come on, Luke. We go.
Wait!
Wait.
Yeah, do you have
something you'd like to say?
I am truly sorry,
little creature.
Great. Apology accepted.
Now, was that so hard?
Go get them, dude.
Yes!
Ha-ha!
Oh, my...
Taste of my magic, witch master.
No way, lady.
You chose this, now live
with the consequences.
Please spare me.
Look into the pool
and see the horror that dwells
inside true darkness.
Do you see?
That's where real darkness lies.
Within ourselves.
I... understand now.
Good.
Maybe in the afterlife you can
be crowned the king of fools.
Gloat all you want.
Soon enough the Templars
will find you.
And throw you back
in your dark prison forever.
Despite being a gibbering idiot,
you fought honorably.
So I will give you
a warriors death.
No, please.
The horrors you've just
witnessed cannot be unseen.
Your young minds
will carry this
until it consumes you
in a miserable death.
Cool.
Can we go home now?
Yes.
It's time to rest.
PG, what's wrong?
I'm dying.
- What?!
- What?!
Of course.
They must have saved my blood
from the battle
of the zone keepers
and cursed their blades with it.
Clever move, Dark Scream.
We can't move him
ourselves.
We need to call for help.
Great idea, dingus!
How are we going to do that?!
Well, I don't know, cowboy cat,
what is the difference between
a saddle and a can of paint?
- You're going to love this one.
- What is this? What is that?
Oh, yeah. I bought a new TV.
In other news, I'm going to take
a couple of weeks off work
till my hand
can heal completely.
So you might want to pick up
a few extra shifts
at the pharmacy.
You dumped me for this beauty.
- No!
- Hey. What the frig?
Maybe you should pull up
your pants, huh?
Just hike them up,
pack up your precious TV,
get your lazy ass
out of this house.
Lazy?
How dare you!
You know how much
I hate that word.
My parents used it,
my teachers used it.
And now you?
Shame on you, Susan.
You're better than that.
You know what I hate, Greg?
I hate how you will find
any excuse you can
not to go to work,
help with the kids,
do anything whatsoever
around the house.
Oh, I don't do
a damn thing, huh?
Let's have it.
What do you do, huh?
I'm waiting.
Oh, you think you're frigging
better than me, huh?
You think you're frigging
better than me, huh?
Well I have a BA in English.
What have you done
with your life?
Huh? What have you done
with your life?
I ask you.
Find me!
Find me or you all die!
Aaaah!
Aaaah!
What the frig?!
Where am I going?
The ravine near highway 11
and Ryerson Avenue!
Aaah!
Oh! Oh!
I don't know where that is.
Aaaah!
Go south of Prescott Road
until you reach
the second set of lights!
Go!
- Come on!
- Hurry!
Over here! Go faster!
Right here!
No, no, no.
Aaah!
I'm sorry, PG.
You should be.
This is all your doing.
Could you move over and make
room for my wagon please?
Thanks, bud.
You think I'm lazy, PG?
Who's mom talking to?
Kids, kids get out of the truck
and come inside.
Why? Who's the skirt?
She needs to talk
to your friend, okay?
It isn't safe out here.
Come, children.
You don't want to be
anywhere near that... thing.
Pandora.
I see you've come to cleanse
the universe of me once again.
Immaculate timing as always.
Drop the disguise and show
these humans the face
they will bow to once
you enslave them
into endless servitude.
Endless servitude?
Sounds like being
married to you, Susan.
Greg, shut up
and get out of the truck.
Kids, come inside, okay?
Let these two figure
their shit out.
Dad, don't.
Just do what she says, child.
I will not ask you again.
Uh, excuse me?
You don't talk to me like that.
Luke, here's my idea.
You go beat her up,
and we'll drive away.
She doesn't look that tough.
Do not let her weak
human skin fool you.
She will strike you
down immediately.
Good to know. Thanks, PG.
Luke, beat her up.
But PG just said...
Shut up, your wiener,
and go fight her like a hero!
Do it now!
You know what, Mimi?
I can't. I just can't.
You go beat up
that lady right now!
I'll bash her brains
if you don't.
This has gone too far.
I've had enough.
You can't push me
around anymore.
Fine!
Then you're out of the band!
Greg, for once
in your lazy ass life,
you don't actually have
to do anything, okay?
Just get out of the truck
and come inside.
How's this for lazy, Susan?
Greg.
Hang on, kiddo.
Greg, don't even
thing about it!
Bye!
We must act fast before
he's able to regenerate.
This beast will consume
all the light in the universe
if we don't stop him.
Okay. So what do we do?
Follow me.
Slowly, slowly.
Gonna wrap you up, okay, PG?
I feel my life slipping away.
Stay with me, PG.
I'm not going to let you go.
There's only one remedy
for this curse.
You must give me the gem.
What?
No, no, you'll kill everybody.
It's the only way.
The gem is linked
to my life force.
Once it's in my possession,
I will regain my strength.
Excuse me.
Mr. Goreman.
Can I get a moment alone
with my daughter, please?
Thank you.
How you doing?
Dad, I'm sacred.
I don't know what to do.
First off, that's a lie.
I know for a fact
you've never been scared
of anything in your life.
That's true.
Look, I know I'm not
a good dad or a smart dad.
But I still have
some dad wisdom for you.
When I was your age, a weird guy
in a van outside my school asked
if I wanted to see
his baseball cards.
I said yes without thinking.
And he took me
in the back of his van
and showed me
his giant collection
of pristine baseball cards.
I had a lot of fun.
And I'm thankful I put my trust
in that creepy weirdo.
So I think you should trust your
weird murdering monster friend.
It's the grown up thing to do.
Thanks, Dad.
That makes a lot of sense.
No problem, kiddo.
I need a bit of a think.
I'll be in my office
if you need me.
Your partner made a very poor
choice taking the evil one
from us.
Oh, wow!
My mistake was
letting him live.
It was selfish of me
to want him to suffer forever.
I won't make that mistake again.
Drink it.
It's time for you
to stand beside me
and right the wrongs
of this universe.
I'll drink that.
Is it gross?
The final battle has begun.
The fate of the universe
rests in Pandora's hands.
And what if she fails?
Then there will be
no stopping him.
She is our last hope.
Stop hogging these blugels.
They're for everyone.
Pass those blugels.
Hi, God.
Now, I know I don't do
all the goody two-shoes stuff
you say everybody should do,
but I can't help it.
And I'll do whatever
the heck I want, okay?
Anyways, I need your advice.
A huge battle between evil and
worse evil is about to go down.
And I have a very
big decision to make.
What shades should I wear?
That's a trick question.
I know I'm going
to wear the zebra ones.
In conclusion,
why am I even talking to you?
There's a new God in town,
and his name is Psycho Goreman.
And he's coming for you, buddy.
So this TV won't stop bleeding.
Okay, here's the deal, man.
I'll give you the gem
so you can kill that mean lady.
But you have to promise
that you won't kill us, okay?
I will not kill you,
little creature.
Or your family of idiots.
Do you mean it?
Yes.
Wait, what about telling him
not to kill everybody else
on the planet?
Oh, yeah. Oops.
Oops is right.
Oh, crud.
What? Where's the gem?
Your time is up, evil one.
Oh, man! Get out of here, lady!
Step aside, Mimi!
Mom?
Susan?
- Hi.
- Shut up, thief.
Just walk away, child.
It's time I rid the universe
of this cursed thing.
Give me the gem, boy.
No, not until my family is safe.
That's the deal.
You don't get it.
Do you, lady?
Nobody tells me what to do.
Not you, not her, not him.
Yeah.
Not the president. Not anybody!
Mimi, this is serious!
Stop it right now!
Never, ever, ever!
That's some good
parenting, honey.
I wish I could help.
I'm just too damn lazy.
You!
Whoa.
Susan.
Think about what
you're doing here.
Hey.
Aaaah!
Mimi, stop!
Shut up, you fat traitor!
Killing me won't bring back
the thousands of warriors
I've massacred
with my bare hands.
No, but ending you will light
a new dawn for my people.
And I shall lead the galaxy
toward a bright future,
built on a law
and order of the Templars.
Go, Pandora! I believe in you.
I've always believed in you.
Just couldn't stay away
from the TV, could you, Greg?
Susan, I would still
forgive you for this
if you stopped right now.
I'll go to therapy now
if you want,
if you still want to do that.
if that's what you still want.
Come on, yes!
Die!
Please. Don't.
I've been doing
a lot of thinking, Greg.
I think you're the cause
of all the headaches in my life.
And I think it's payback time!
Susan, you're choking me.
Give me the gem.
Don't make me use this, bro.
It's just like Dad said.
People are the real monsters.
And you're one of them.
Is it not part
of the Templar code
to allow a defeated foe one last
chance for battle, if requested?
The Templar code
says lots of things.
You are weak,
and we have the gem.
There is no way
you could defeat me in battle.
I do not request
hand-to-hand combat.
If you are truly the warrior
you claim to be,
you will honor this request.
Name your contest.
I will defeat you
no matter the circumstance.
Mimi!
Huh?
You will decide the contest.
Okay, you three
will be Team Suck.
You two plus me
will be Team Hero.
If Team Hero wins,
we get the gem.
And if Team Suck wins,
you can have PG.
Got it?
Could you explain
the switcheroo part again?
Nope.
Should have paid attention.
Okay, chumps, let's do this.
Ready...
Set...
Still love you, Susan.
- Crazy Ball!
- Crazy Ball!
Ow!
I don't understand sports.
No.
Quick!
Do Jumping Jacks!
Crazy Ball. Crazy Ball.
What are Jumping Jacks again?
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Where are your gods
tonight now, Pandora?
Aah!
Yeah!
I win butt bonus.
66 points.
One more point
and Team Suck wins.
Dream on, back stabber.
This is for the time you made me
eat my own sand castle.
I was helping you!
Now that beautiful sand castle
will be with you forever!
I was so sick I had to miss
a week of school.
You're welcome!
The switcheroo.
If they get
the switcheroo, they'll win!
Oh, this game is
complete nonsense.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Dumb dumb chuck, here we go!
Yes!
I win again.
We win!
Aaah!
How does failure taste, Pandora?
Now give me the gem.
I will humor this no longer.
No way!
What are you doing?!
The beast must die!
Mimi, get out!
No!
I'll protect you, PG.
Aaah!
Luke, give me the gem!
Please throw it to me, you dork!
I don't know.
You're always so mean to me,
and I just wish that you would
say you were sorry for once.
And I'm always there
for you when you need me,
but I thought we were a team.
And you're always beating me up
and calling me names.
♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Frig all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm the hecking best ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
What is this?
Is this love?
Yes, silly.
Sing along.
♪ Frig off ♪
♪ Frig you ♪
♪ You're not my boss ♪
♪ You don't tell me what to do ♪
♪ Frig off ♪
♪ Frig you ♪
♪ You're not my boss ♪
♪ You don't tell me what do ♪
Frig yourself.
You are not worthy of the gifts
I have bestowed upon you.
Susan?
Greg.
Hey.
Yeah, you need to take me
to the hospital, okay?
I can't feel my hand.
I think it might be broken.
Luke, can you drive?
- No.
- The judgment is...
death.
You're toast now,
you big metal moron.
Even with your powers restored,
how can you expect
to defeat my holy blade?
You are defenseless
against me.
Then I'll make my own.
You'll not stand between me
and my holy destiny.
Frig off.
I'm not going to say it.
But I have something
to tell you.
Not my hunky boys!
Aaaah!
You have no idea
what you've done.
The universe
as you know it is finished.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you guys.
Finish me, nameless one.
Get this over with
so that I can be at peace.
There will never
be peace for you.
I've been to the after world,
and it's a place where fools
like you suffer the worst.
And my name is...
Psycho Goreman.
That's a beautiful name.
You fought with honor.
It's only fitting I give you
a warriors death.
No, not that!
No!
- Let's go.
- Oh, no.
What is he doing?
Oh, you don't want to see this.
You know, I remember when this
used to be a shoe factory.
Delicious.
Well, what now?
Now I will do
what I was meant to do...
destroy everything.
The age of chaos begins anew.
Yes, and?
And I will spare your lives.
Take it.
Really?
I don't need it
anymore, little one.
For the first time
in centuries I feel whole.
Thanks to your family,
I now know that true power
comes from within.
The power of love.
What?
Goodbye, Mimi.
Goodbye, Greg and Susan and...
boy.
It's time for me to take
this new found power
and use it to destroy
the galaxy.
PG, wait!
Well, we learned a lot today.
About what?
Okay, okay, let's go
to the hospital.
Okay, Greg, come on.
Come. This way.
Whoa, okay.
Chaos has erupted in downtown
Spangler Springs
as police are powerless
to stop the rampage
of what can only be described
as a giant naked purple man.
Alistair, come on
it's time for dinner.
♪ Two heads, one heart ♪
♪ Every reason to bite ♪
♪ He fights for justice,
redemption, and love ♪
♪ He will stop till
he bathes in their blood ♪
He doesn't know
how to find us, does he?
Right. Well, luckily,
Cortex has a plan B.
There's always a way out.
So who wants to
kill themselves first?
♪ A nameless evil
once buried forever ♪
♪ Now he's awake,
and he's ready for terror ♪
♪ But hold up, wait,
there's a catch ♪
♪ This kid Mimi has
a plan to hatch ♪
♪ With the magic,
she has the power ♪
♪ The monster's her friend,
it's her finest hour ♪
♪ They'll go adventures,
cause all kinds of trouble ♪
♪ Blow up the world
and dance on the rubble ♪
♪ First he needs a name ♪
♪ Something cool,
it can't be lame ♪
♪ That's when it struck her
so cool and so mean ♪
♪ The monster will be named PG ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ A council of aliens ♪
♪ It's evil and scary ♪
♪ Saw PG awaken from
where he was buried ♪
♪ He has to be stopped,
and who better to do it ♪
♪ Templar Pandora, yeah,
it's time to move ♪
♪ But they weren't
the only team ♪
♪ Who noticed that PG was free ♪
♪ His old pals like
the Monster Mash ♪
♪ Showed up to betray him
and take out the trash ♪
♪ But Mr. Goreman,
he ain't fool ♪
♪ He killed them all, yeah,
he took them to school ♪
♪ And they'll never
forget his name ♪
♪ It's the last thing
that they'll say ♪
♪ PG ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Meanwhile at home,
Mimi's dad is a mess ♪
♪ He can't keep a job
or cook a chicken breast ♪
♪ When PG comes home
at his darkest hour ♪
♪ Mimi's dad shows that
he's not a coward ♪
♪ Final battle is at hand,
but PG can barely stand ♪
♪ So he chooses a contest
to settle it all ♪
♪ His fate is decided
by Crazy Ball ♪
♪ When the galaxy
runs in fear ♪
♪ That's when Mimi
and her brother appear ♪
♪ At the end of the day,
it's not about killing ♪
♪ It's all about family,
and I've got a feeling ♪
♪ That everything will be okay ♪
♪ Not sure why I feel that way ♪
♪ The galaxy is in flames, and
a murdering monster's to blame ♪
♪ PG ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Stay in school, kids ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Don't do drugs ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
the distant planet of Gigax,
a nameless evil
reigned supreme.
This ruthless being
had amassed power beyond measure
and was preparing to strike down
all that was good
and just in the universe.
Before he could fulfill
his dark destiny,
the forces of light
banded together,
and in their most desperate hour
toppled the dark one
from his throne.
He was imprisoned in a place
far beyond reach,
for if he were ever
to be released,
it would spell certain doom
for all existence.
Okay, here's the deal, men.
Winner is champion of
the universe,
loser gets buried alive.
Got it?
That's fair.
- Ready?
- Set?
- Crazy Ball!
- Crazy Ball!
You're toast, Mimi.
Not even close, you dork!
Ow, my butt!
Yes, five point butt bonus.
Swing ball.
One...
Crazy ball.
- Two...
- Crazy ball.
- Three.
- Three of a kind!
Four, alright,
four points for me.
I'll get you at
the switcheroo, crumb scum.
Just you watch.
Buckle up for a dirt sandwich,
you little maniac.
Aaaah!
Switcheroo. Aaah!
I win!
Start digging, Luke.
Damn switcheroo.
Keep digging, boy.
Hey, hurry up so I can bury you
and go to sleep already.
I'm gonna bring your bed
into my room
and make one of those,
oh, what do you call it.
Oh, super beds.
Oh, yeah, that's cool.
Is that a coffin?
Is this where
they buried Grandma?
No, I don't think so.
Let me see.
It's really stuck in there good.
Maybe if I press those,
it'll do something?
No, I'm the Crazy Ball champion
so I get all the treasures.
Right, of course.
Let's see.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Dumb dumb chump, here we go.
Wow, first try.
Come to mama.
Cover it up!
Hurry, before mom and dad see.
Shovel faster, numnuts.
I'm trying.
Luke, Mimi, do you kids
know what time it is?
- 9:00.
- 9:00.
What happens at 9:00.
Get inside.
It's time for bed.
Dad?
You okay, sport?
Is there such thing
as monsters?
Well, here's the thing, Luke.
In a lot of ways,
humans are the real monsters.
So I'd say yes.
Okay, what your genius father
is trying to say is no,
there's no such thing
as monsters.
What happened to your head?
Somebody lost at Crazy Ball.
Again?
Mimi, I don't want to keep
going through this, okay?
Remember what we said last time
you were playing kookie ball?
It's Crazy Ball!
Plus, it's not even my fault.
Check the tapes. Luke sucks.
It doesn't matter, okay?
You need to take it easy
on your brother.
He won't want to play
with you anymore.
What's the deal
with monsters?
Are they fake? Are they real?
All the above?
Yeah, what's with all
the monster talk tonight?
It's just that, if there
are monsters coming to kill us,
could you make sure they...
could you make sure
they kill Luke first?
That's harsh.
But okay.
Mimi, that's
a horrible thing to say.
Why?!
Dismissed.
Good night, wacko.
Dad!
Good night.
Look at this shit!
There's not a pawn shop in town
that's going to want this crap!
If it's all garbage,
why did that old guy put up
such a fight when we busted in?
I think I sprained my wrist
clocking that geezer.
Look at this. Why the hell
would you even grab this?
Suck my dick, asshole!
It was dark.
And that's a nice frame.
Not any more.
What the hell did
you say, buddy?
A variation
of the Ironian tongue.
How primitive.
Let's just get out of here!
This guy's on something.
Hey, you dickless shit.
We already killed
one asshole tonight.
And we'll gladly do it again!
Your flesh is unevolved
and weak.
Perhaps in a few millennia, you
will make worthy adversaries.
But not today.
Hey, man, please,
I don't want to die.
Then live forever.
This is a really big hole.
How did you even dig this?
Huh?
Alright, first I want to say,
great job on the hole, son.
- Thanks.
- Second I want to say,
this is completely unacceptable.
- Oh.
- Somebody's going to
have to fill this in.
Anybody.
One of you even.
- I vote dad.
- Me too.
Yeah, me three.
And if I... when I vote,
I will vote for all of
- you three, as a family.
- No, no.
Doesn't work that way.
Alright.
So much for democracy, huh?
Do the dishes, Greg.
What made these?
If I had to guess,
I'd say some wino
was on his way home
from a bender last night.
Thought he could Evel Knievel
his way over this hole
and fell in.
- What else could it be really?
- Maybe a raccoon.
That doesn't make
any damn sense.
Oh!
Oh, oh, my hand.
- Are you okay?
- Oh, God, my hand.
- Well, that didn't take long.
- Oh, it hurts so bad, Susan!
- Okay, okay.
- Oh, my God.
- Come on.
- Oh, Susan.
Ow! Don't even look
at it, it hurts.
Did you see the size
of those freaking claw marks?
We need to tell
somebody what happened.
Maybe we should
go to the police.
I don't trust cops.
Not one bit.
We're going to go search
ourselves tonight.
That's crazy.
We don't know
what was down there.
What's crazy is what a stupid
wiener you can be some times.
Pull up your diapers
because we're going to go find
what crawled out
of your grave last night
like a couple of real
American heroes.
Can you dig it?!
Yeah. I dig it.
- Hey, man.
- Hey, Alistair.
You beat Rage Master 64 yet?
Yeah, man, medium difficulty.
- No way.
- Hey, kiddy.
You look good in your
little outfit there.
Why don't you give us
a spin, hunky boy?
Um, no thanks.
Never mind.
My math!
Is your sister crazy?
Mimi, look.
That way.
There's no way
this was a dirty wino bum.
Look at how even
his footsteps are.
Duh. When has dad ever
been right about anything?
Yeah, good point.
I'm not going in there.
Here, take this.
I call it the Luke killer.
It will protect you.
How the hell
does this work?
Ow! The damn thing cut me.
You're using it wrong.
Don't kill her Mark.
I'm going to kill you.
Mimi, wait. Oh, crap.
Stop jumping at everything!
You're jumping, too.
I'm jumping because
you're jumping!
This place is dangerous.
Didn't somebody die back
when this was a shoe factory?
Nobody ever died
from making shoes, Luke.
That's just crazy.
Besides, the most dangerous
thing in here...
is me.
We should get out of here.
Hey, creep!
We know you're in here.
Show yourself or...
or I'll break you
into a pile of bones?
No, that wasn't good.
This is super dumb.
Let's go.
Is that fear I smell?
How sweet.
Oh, my God.
Man, that's what
this one called me.
Aah!
Are you also man?
You are much smaller creatures.
No matter.
You will suffer like the rest.
Know that in the sweet
release of death
you'll be spared
the sight of your planet
being torn to pieces,
watching as everyone
you hold dear is drowned
in a sea of their own blood.
Shut it!
No, I am not a man.
I am a wo-man.
And you're going to let go of
my stupid wiener bro right now!
Mimi, look.
Is this yours?
Speak.
The gem of Praxidice.
This cannot be.
Believe it, buster.
Stop messing around
and explain, scum.
The Geminia One, whoever wields
it is able to command me
for as long as it's
in their possession.
But know this, child.
The power you wield
will be short lived.
Sure, sure. But first let's
test this baby out.
Alright, Monster Mash.
Pick up my bro and, uh,
spin him around a bunch.
Hey, come on.
Ah.
It hurts.
Alright, put the cry baby down.
Enough! The longer we play
these childish games,
the more horrifying
your deaths will be.
This is but a small example
of what I am capable of.
His eternal pain
will take his mind
beyond the furthest
reaches of madness.
Preserved in an endless
state of... no!
He was my masterpiece!
Oh, sorry man.
Thank you.
Do you have a name,
Monster Man?
No name can encompass
my dark will.
Though my enemies
will sometimes refer to me
as the arch duke of nightmares.
Well, that sucks.
Never mind.
We can workshop this.
Luke!
- Yeah?
- I want names.
They've got to be fresh,
they've got to be cool.
Go.
We can't name it.
He's going to kill us.
Ha! You would pray
for something so simple.
I will drink your
endless screams as I rip...
Dinosaur-us Flex.
That's not bad actually.
- Rexothundrax?
- Cobrala Khan.
Revenge X Bad Lord.
- Heartless Creep.
- Oh, Rip Lord.
How about Shadow Slammer?
Or even Merman.
Nemesis Grim Night.
No, too sinister.
How about Dark Lord
of Wonderful Smooches?
I will never accept
such a title.
Stop running
and clap your hands,
you know, for a while at least.
How about Psycho Man?
Mm, Goreman?
That's it.
Did I get it?
No.
Stop that annoying clapping!
His name will be...
Psycho Goreman!
Or PG for short.
I don't see how that's better
than Archduke of Nightmares.
Psycho Goreman, that's great.
It's fun, it's hip,
it's wow, and it's now.
You're making
a terrible mistake,
you putrid little creature.
Soon I'll get the gem back,
and when I do...
Nice to meet you, PG.
I'm Mimi.
And I'm Luke.
Aaah! I wield powers
unimaginable
to your simple minds.
Soon you will beg me
for mercy.
But know that you will
only receive pain.
Knock knock?
What?
Knock knock?
Have you succumbed
to madness already?
Just say "who's there" already.
Geez, what planet are you from?
Gigax.
Who's there?
Me. Crazy Ball champion
of the universe.
And the champion says...
go over there,
sit down, shut up,
and wait for us
to come back in the morning.
You dig?
Dig what?
Go!
You will suffer in eternity
for this!
Yeah, yeah.
Bye-e-e-e-e-e!
I wonder what
it's favorite shows are.
Do you think it likes
grilled cheeses and tacos?
We should bring him
some welcome goodies
before we take him out
on the town.
What do you mean
take him out on the town?
I got to show him off.
I'll be the coolest kid
in school.
He's going to kill everybody
if we take him anywhere.
No, he won't.
Not unless I tell him to.
Mimi, I'm pretty good at going
along with your crazy ideas.
But we need to think
about this one.
Fine. I should probably teach
him some cool tricks anyways.
See what kind of slick stuff
he can do.
Watch out, world,
it's Mimi's time to shine.
The vasiaults have analyzed
the cosmic resonance
and confirmed our suspicions.
The ultimate evil has awoken.
How can this be possible?
Who could have deciphered
the sequence
that released
the gem of Praxidice?
I approved
the sequence myself.
Whoever solved it
must have intelligence
that far surpasses our own.
Which is a notion that I find
quite preposterous, I must say.
- Preposterous?
- That's right.
Enough!
Our mistake was being merciful
to that demon
instead of wiping him
from the galaxy forever.
It is clear that the rules
of the Gigaxian unity accords
have failed us.
What do you suggest
we do, Templar Pandora?
It's time to elect justice
through the Templar code.
There will be no trial
for that abomination.
The only verdict is for him
to die by my hand.
He has single handedly
extinguished entire planets
from existence.
How do you expect to
defeat him on your own, hm?
I do not fear him.
I have faith that the gods
will watch over and protect me.
Ooh, sounds like a load
of superstitious nonsense to me.
What was that?
- Huh?
- Huh?
No, no, no.
I didn't say anything.
- You don't believe me?
- I believe you, Templar.
It's just, we're boys
having a laugh.
And...
- Just a bit of...
- Just what?
I think it's an excellent plan
so why don't we just move on?
Lots of things
to discuss here.
Aah!
Do you not believe that it is
my destiny to vanquish
this darkness from the universe?
I... would leave...
Never forget that it was we,
the Templars,
that cleansed your worlds
of the dark one's scourge.
It was the will of the gods
that saved you,
and they can just as easily have
you all wiped from existence.
Remember this.
Yes, you're very kind.
What are the creatures
of this planet?
Humans, your holiness.
Bring me one of these
human things.
- Where am I?
- Come here, my dear.
Don't be afraid.
He will not escape us this time.
The light of heaven will always
extinguish the darkness of evil.
May the gods watch over me.
And the president said,
"But, Mimi, every day's
your birthday."
Then we started eating
the whole cake
while they broadcasted
it to the whole world.
And that's when I woke up.
Which really sucked because
I wanted to finish
that tasty cake.
Okay, so who's this
guy you have got living
in the old shoe factory?
You're going to
love him, Alistair.
He's this big scary monster
that wants to kill everybody.
Huh?
Hey, could one of you guys
help me with this?
No, thanks.
Holy crud.
I know, right?
PG, wake up!
PG, wake up. I want you
to meet our friend, Alistair.
Wait, were we supposed
to feed him?
You alive, buddy?
Aaah!
Stop!
Nice try.
Anyways, Alistair,
this is Psycho Goreman.
Or PG for short.
- Hi.
- Silence!
Okay.
We've brought you
some reading material, PG.
And a TV to watch.
Did you sleep okay?
I'm sorry we didn't
bring any pornos.
Petty displays of wealth.
How can your short life spans
allow such narcissism?
Yeah, but look
at all the hunky boys.
I do not care for hunky boys.
Or do I?
PG, can I ask you something?
No!
PG, I don't like that attitude.
Be nice, please.
Luke, ask him again.
Can I ask you something?
What?
What are you?
That is a tale bathed
in the blood
of a million dead memories.
I was born in a time before
time, on the planet Gigax.
A world light years
from your own.
My entire existence
was servitude,
under the rule of beings that
claimed to serve a higher power
that governed over us all.
These entities,
known as the Templars,
had no more divine purpose
than the dirt I excavated
to help build their churches.
But still they were able
to crush the people of Gigax
beneath their gilded heels.
The Templars preached to us
their holy scriptures,
declaring their
rightful ownership of Gigax.
To them, we were nothing
more than parasites
trespassing on hallowed ground.
That candy was weird.
But then one day
every thing changed.
I discovered an artifact
thought to be lost forever,
forged by ancient
Gigaxian warlocks out of energy
from the darkest corners
of the galaxy...
the gem of Praxidice.
The moment I took
the gem in my hand
and felt its immense power,
my destiny was clear.
I would destroy the Templars
and anyone else
that stood against me.
The gem bonded with me
and gave me power
beyond all other beings.
I was able to raise an army
led by my loyal generals,
the Paladins of Sydion,
and take back Gigax.
But I didn't stop there.
It was clear that my thirst
for death would only be
satiated if I snuffed out
all light in the universe.
But I was overthrown
and imprisoned
by the Templars
and their planetary alliance.
They stole the gem
and, with it, my power.
To this day, I do not understand
how such weak minded insects
could defeat the greatest
power in the galaxy.
TV's working.
Well, that boring dumb story
made me tired.
Let's go, guys.
PG, your homework
is to watch more TV
and learn how to be more fun.
Otherwise...
I will have to punish you.
Well, it was nice meeting you.
It would nicer if you were dead.
Alright, bye.
Energy runs through this box.
It might be enough.
Spirits of the electroverse,
find my world and alert
the Paladins of Sydion
that their master walks again.
The gem of Praxidice
has been taken
by two brainless meat children.
You must attain the gem
even if it has to be pried
from their tiny dead hands.
Thanks for
having me to stay over
for dinner, Mrs. Hallenbeck.
Glad to have you, Alistair.
Yes, very glad to have you.
Well, I was busy filling
in that hole in the backyard,
so unfortunately, Mr. Hallenbeck
had the pleasure
of playing master chef tonight.
How great is
this chicken, Alistair?
It's my special recipe.
It's, uh...
It's a little tough, Dad.
The microwave will do that.
But it sure brings
out the flavor.
What did you three maniacs
get up to?
We, um... Ow!
We were playing
guns in the forest.
Guns?
Now that sounds like fun.
Back when I was in the army, we
used to play guns all the time.
Except it was called
the Iraq War.
We played for keeps.
Meaning I killed people.
Okay, don't listen to GI Joker
over here.
He's never fired
a gun in his life.
- Anyways...
- Can me and Alistair
play video games?
Mm-hmm. Just put your plates
by the sink, okay, honey?
But, Alistair,
games are for nerds.
Wouldn't you rather go
in the driveway
and throw basketballs
at Luke or something?
Oh, uh, yeah, thanks.
But I just really want
to play some vids.
Come on, let's go.
Guess I'll play by myself then.
Hey, Mimi.
Can you come back
and finish your broccoli?
No, I cannot, because champions
don't eat broccoli!
Well, she finished
my delicious chicken.
And in the end, isn't that
all that really matters?
No, she didn't.
And then I heard Kyle
put all his pubes in a bag
and sold them to Mason
for five bucks.
Isn't that crazy?
Dude, what's he going to do
with a bag of pubes?
What the frig are you doing?
- But...
- Took you long enough.
I don't have all night.
Time is a false construct that
only exists for
primitive beings unable to phase
into the ninth dimension.
Also I got lost.
Mimi, what the heck
are you doing?
He can't be here.
He can be wherever
I want him to be.
Remember?
Heads up, dumpy butt.
Bulls eye!
This reminds me of
an ancient torture technique
I learned from the worms
of Janus many moons ago.
Should I go?
This is getting a little weird.
Those were good people,
those worms.
I don't care about
your stupid ancient techniques.
Unless they can make Alistair
stop being such a freaking dork.
I once used my dark magic
to help the warlord of Zatonia
seduce the moon princess.
I can do the same
for you if you wish.
You can make him want
to chuck basketballs with me.
Alright, I'm going to bounce.
Good night, everybody.
Do it.
So be it.
Your wish is my command.
Oh, Jesus!
Greg, what did you do
to the microwave?
Cooked a great meal
for my family, that's what.
You're welcome.
It's totally wrecked.
You're welcome.
That's great.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What did you do to him?
Get away from my kids!
My lucky bat!
Come on!
Greg, what the hell
are you doing?
Aaah!
You dare stand against me with
such a weak excuse for a weapon?
No, I didn't. She did. She did.
You asshole!
Don't hurt my parents.
That's an order.
Um, Mom, dad, I want you to meet
my new best pal,
Psycho Goreman,
or PG for short.
I don't care what his name is,
you need to call the police.
Are you kidding me?
What's a cop going to do
against this thing?
- Is he going to kill us?
- No way.
PG's a big softy.
He wouldn't hurt anybody.
Right, buddy?
My entire existence is built
on death and destruction.
I will kill you both.
No, no, no, no.
No, you won't.
PG's just being a goof.
He's family now. Don't worry.
Be worried.
When I'm free of
your daughter's control,
I will bath in your blood.
Ha!
PG, you're such a whack job!
I will kill you.
I will kill you.
I will kill you.
♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak off ♪
♪ Freak off ♪
♪ Freak yourself ♪
♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪
Hey, asshole!
Nice Halloween costume!
♪ Freak all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak off! ♪
♪ Freak you ♪
♪ You're not my monster,
tell me what to do ♪
♪ Freak yourself ♪
♪ I'm a heckin' mess ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Freak all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
What the fuck, man?
So tomorrow
we've got a tight schedule.
We're bowling at 10:00,
and then a light picnic brunch,
which we'll have to have
around noon
so that Mom can take us
to the grocery store.
I've set aside
four hours for baking
so hopefully that's enough time
to bake all 12 cakes.
Wow.
I wish my face could do that.
What do you eat
back at home, PG?
Food is not only for
sustenance back on Gigax.
It's part of an honor code.
To be eaten is considered
a warriors death.
I remember during the battle
on the Bridge of Souls.
I've got it.
Here's the new plan.
Six hours for baking,
and we push upside down karaoke
to Sunday.
Boom!
Does that...
Of course it does.
Case closed. Judge Mimi will
return after these messages.
Don't mind if I do.
I was going to eat those.
I think you've
had enough, fatso.
Champion's got to eat.
So good.
Hello, boy.
What is happening right now?
You have crossed
the dream barrier
and are traversing
the nightmare realm.
It is here where I am able to
communicate with your privately.
Hidden in your dark thoughts.
What do you want?
You know what I want.
The gem.
This sick game
must come to an end.
Get it for me
so that I can be free.
I can't do that.
Mimi found the gem.
It belongs to her now.
Finders keepers, that's the law.
How long before others
learn of my awakening
and invade this quiet
little planet of yours?
Sooner or later,
the gem will be mine.
Help me now, and I might
consider sparing your life.
I can't betray
my sister like that.
Do you think she would
grant you the same courtesy?
No.
I see the way she treats you.
These small torments
are just the beginning.
How long before
she puts her life before yours?
She would never do that.
I think.
You know this is the only way.
Give me the gem so we can
both be free of her madness.
I'm sorry, but I don't think
I can do it.
It will lead to bad things
if I help you.
Fine!
You are stronger than I thought.
But also incredibly stupid.
So... what happens now?
We wait for this dream
of yours to conclude.
Okay.
Alright, cats, what I'm about to
teach you today is confidential.
The government can not,
under any circumstances,
find out about this game.
Got it?
Okay, so there's two teams.
Each team starts by throwing
their balls as far away...
So you got to run and get
the other teams balls in...
Chuck them at your opponents,
the other player throws their
- ball as high as they can...
- And then spin around like this.
Each Jumping Jack
gives you a point.
Then whoever gets hit
has to take the ball.
But only while the opposing
player is doing...
But there is a special
move called the switcheroo.
Which happens when
two balls collide in mid air.
And when that happens, whoever
punches their opponent first
gets all of the other
team's points plus one.
Okay, the game ends
when you reach 67 points.
I have no idea what's going on.
Do you?
Oh, no.
Get away from the kids!
Right now!
What the hell is that thing?
- Just remember your training.
- There's no time. Shoot him!
I should have let those hit you.
Hurry up, PG.
We don't have all day.
You are protectors
of this realm?
I was expecting something
a bit more impressive.
Who are you?
Who am I?
Let me show you, law dealer.
Ahh.
I am your master now.
Tell your people
darkness has fallen.
Resist the eclipse
of my power again
and I will not
show you the mercy
I've shown your friend.
Run.
Vince, give me the key!
Here, another contestant
for your game of nonsense.
PG, now I have to
start all over again.
Okay, so there's two teams.
Each team starts by
throwing their ball
as far away from
the other team as possible.
Do you get it?
See, he gets it.
Glad one of you
monster boys understands.
That soulless husk
is just telling you
what you want to hear.
Whatever, you're dumb, I get it.
Let's play.
Oh, I get Alistair's
done for the day.
Bye, Alistair.
I'll be right back, you morons.
Don't move.
Are you okay, buddy?
Yeah, it's just...
What?
Do you think
I'll ever be normal again?
Probably not.
But who cares?
I like you just
the way you are.
Oh, okay.
Bye, Alistair!
You beautiful blob.
So the "F" word works
in a lot of different ways.
If you stub your toe, you can be
like, "Ow, my frigging toe!"
Or if you see something
weird or crazy,
you can be like,
"What the frig?"
But the best one is when
you're telling someone off.
You can be like...
you tell it to them, Luke.
Frig off.
Frig off.
Use that on someone
you really hate.
What is this?
Some kind of special card?
What is this junk?!
I told you guys
to write me love letters
telling me how amazing I was!
What a waste of beautiful card.
What is love?
You know, have you ever felt all
warm and fuzzy about somebody?
Like when you rip out
your enemy's spine
and display it
to their grieving family?
No, not... no, not exactly.
Love is...
Love is a happy feeling
towards somebody you care about.
You feel complete.
Even if you didn't think
you were missing something
in the first place.
All I feel is anger and hate.
I will never be whole.
Don't worry about it, PG.
Love is for losers anyway.
Oh, yeah? I thought you were
so in love with Alistair.
That doesn't count.
We're just friends
that are going to get married
and be together forever.
And fight a lot,
like mom and dad do.
PG, I don't like the way Luke's
making fun of me.
Kill him, please.
No, please!
Stop!
Just kidding!
Your face.
You're such a scaredy cat.
And you're just... no!
So close.
That's it!
Now you get to pull the wagon.
Faster, you dog.
Hey, buddy.
You're safe now.
It was horrible.
His eyes.
It's like he was
looking into my soul.
And Vince.
Excuse me, human. I'm searching
for a nameless evil
that was buried here long ago.
He's awoken
and has most likely slaughtered
half your people already.
Have you seen him?
No offense, ma'am, but that
description is a little vague.
I've seen him!
That think that killed Vince!
Emmett O'Brien,
didn't you listen to a thing
that this poor man says?
No.
God, you're a dumb ass.
I must find him.
Give me everything.
Something's coming.
What? You got to dump?
Welcome back to the land
of the living, master.
Spare me the theatrics,
Dark Scream.
What took you so long?
We came as soon
as we could, my lord.
Let me be the first to say
that we are all so very glad
to see that you're alive.
PG, are these silly
little guys your friends?
Why don't you introduce us?
They don't look very friendly.
Ah, yes, Paladins,
this is Mimi and...
her brother.
It's Luke.
You should know my name by now.
They are the humans
responsible for freeing me.
That's right. You're welcome.
Mimi has the Gem of Praxidice.
Don't worry.
She doesn't know how to use it.
You may kill them now.
You fool.
Why would we do that?
Excuse me?
We like things
the way they are now.
You must be joking?
Far from it, master.
We are quite content
with running the fifth moon
of Gigax ourselves,
sharing the duties equally.
We take turns
as the appointed leader
so everyone
gets a fair chance.
As you can see,
it is currently my turn.
Let me guess, you made a deal
with those righteous idiots,
the Templars.
In exchange for
your imprisonment,
they agreed to spare us
any further inconveniences.
I put my trust in the worst
the galaxy has to offer,
and this is how you repay me?
I should have known better.
Except for you, Cassius 3000.
I always knew
I couldn't trust you.
Huh, come on.
We all knew this day was coming.
So why don't you lay down
and die like a good little boy?
Yeah, like a good
little boy, yeah.
You imbeciles.
Pandora's crusade
will not stop with me.
Her gaze will fall upon your
wretched hides soon enough.
Your shared crown is nothing
but a symbol
of your own incompetence.
Then we will trade this crown
for one made
from your shattered skull.
Kill him!
PG, you jerk!
Stop right there!
What? No!
What are you doing?!
You told them to kill me!
They're going to
kill you instead.
See how you like it.
Ahh.
How long is this
going to go on for?
What do you mean?
I mean, shouldn't
he apologize or something?
No, it's all right. Hey, PG!
- What?!
- Apologize.
I'm sorry.
Not good enough.
Let's try this again,
but this time,
you got to really mean it.
A ruler never apologizes.
It's a betrayal
of everything I stand for.
I would die... Aah!
Yes, scream for me.
Fine, you don't want
to give me a real apology,
that's your problem.
Come on, Luke. We go.
Wait!
Wait.
Yeah, do you have
something you'd like to say?
I am truly sorry,
little creature.
Great. Apology accepted.
Now, was that so hard?
Go get them, dude.
Yes!
Ha-ha!
Oh, my...
Taste of my magic, witch master.
No way, lady.
You chose this, now live
with the consequences.
Please spare me.
Look into the pool
and see the horror that dwells
inside true darkness.
Do you see?
That's where real darkness lies.
Within ourselves.
I... understand now.
Good.
Maybe in the afterlife you can
be crowned the king of fools.
Gloat all you want.
Soon enough the Templars
will find you.
And throw you back
in your dark prison forever.
Despite being a gibbering idiot,
you fought honorably.
So I will give you
a warriors death.
No, please.
The horrors you've just
witnessed cannot be unseen.
Your young minds
will carry this
until it consumes you
in a miserable death.
Cool.
Can we go home now?
Yes.
It's time to rest.
PG, what's wrong?
I'm dying.
- What?!
- What?!
Of course.
They must have saved my blood
from the battle
of the zone keepers
and cursed their blades with it.
Clever move, Dark Scream.
We can't move him
ourselves.
We need to call for help.
Great idea, dingus!
How are we going to do that?!
Well, I don't know, cowboy cat,
what is the difference between
a saddle and a can of paint?
- You're going to love this one.
- What is this? What is that?
Oh, yeah. I bought a new TV.
In other news, I'm going to take
a couple of weeks off work
till my hand
can heal completely.
So you might want to pick up
a few extra shifts
at the pharmacy.
You dumped me for this beauty.
- No!
- Hey. What the frig?
Maybe you should pull up
your pants, huh?
Just hike them up,
pack up your precious TV,
get your lazy ass
out of this house.
Lazy?
How dare you!
You know how much
I hate that word.
My parents used it,
my teachers used it.
And now you?
Shame on you, Susan.
You're better than that.
You know what I hate, Greg?
I hate how you will find
any excuse you can
not to go to work,
help with the kids,
do anything whatsoever
around the house.
Oh, I don't do
a damn thing, huh?
Let's have it.
What do you do, huh?
I'm waiting.
Oh, you think you're frigging
better than me, huh?
You think you're frigging
better than me, huh?
Well I have a BA in English.
What have you done
with your life?
Huh? What have you done
with your life?
I ask you.
Find me!
Find me or you all die!
Aaaah!
Aaaah!
What the frig?!
Where am I going?
The ravine near highway 11
and Ryerson Avenue!
Aaah!
Oh! Oh!
I don't know where that is.
Aaaah!
Go south of Prescott Road
until you reach
the second set of lights!
Go!
- Come on!
- Hurry!
Over here! Go faster!
Right here!
No, no, no.
Aaah!
I'm sorry, PG.
You should be.
This is all your doing.
Could you move over and make
room for my wagon please?
Thanks, bud.
You think I'm lazy, PG?
Who's mom talking to?
Kids, kids get out of the truck
and come inside.
Why? Who's the skirt?
She needs to talk
to your friend, okay?
It isn't safe out here.
Come, children.
You don't want to be
anywhere near that... thing.
Pandora.
I see you've come to cleanse
the universe of me once again.
Immaculate timing as always.
Drop the disguise and show
these humans the face
they will bow to once
you enslave them
into endless servitude.
Endless servitude?
Sounds like being
married to you, Susan.
Greg, shut up
and get out of the truck.
Kids, come inside, okay?
Let these two figure
their shit out.
Dad, don't.
Just do what she says, child.
I will not ask you again.
Uh, excuse me?
You don't talk to me like that.
Luke, here's my idea.
You go beat her up,
and we'll drive away.
She doesn't look that tough.
Do not let her weak
human skin fool you.
She will strike you
down immediately.
Good to know. Thanks, PG.
Luke, beat her up.
But PG just said...
Shut up, your wiener,
and go fight her like a hero!
Do it now!
You know what, Mimi?
I can't. I just can't.
You go beat up
that lady right now!
I'll bash her brains
if you don't.
This has gone too far.
I've had enough.
You can't push me
around anymore.
Fine!
Then you're out of the band!
Greg, for once
in your lazy ass life,
you don't actually have
to do anything, okay?
Just get out of the truck
and come inside.
How's this for lazy, Susan?
Greg.
Hang on, kiddo.
Greg, don't even
thing about it!
Bye!
We must act fast before
he's able to regenerate.
This beast will consume
all the light in the universe
if we don't stop him.
Okay. So what do we do?
Follow me.
Slowly, slowly.
Gonna wrap you up, okay, PG?
I feel my life slipping away.
Stay with me, PG.
I'm not going to let you go.
There's only one remedy
for this curse.
You must give me the gem.
What?
No, no, you'll kill everybody.
It's the only way.
The gem is linked
to my life force.
Once it's in my possession,
I will regain my strength.
Excuse me.
Mr. Goreman.
Can I get a moment alone
with my daughter, please?
Thank you.
How you doing?
Dad, I'm sacred.
I don't know what to do.
First off, that's a lie.
I know for a fact
you've never been scared
of anything in your life.
That's true.
Look, I know I'm not
a good dad or a smart dad.
But I still have
some dad wisdom for you.
When I was your age, a weird guy
in a van outside my school asked
if I wanted to see
his baseball cards.
I said yes without thinking.
And he took me
in the back of his van
and showed me
his giant collection
of pristine baseball cards.
I had a lot of fun.
And I'm thankful I put my trust
in that creepy weirdo.
So I think you should trust your
weird murdering monster friend.
It's the grown up thing to do.
Thanks, Dad.
That makes a lot of sense.
No problem, kiddo.
I need a bit of a think.
I'll be in my office
if you need me.
Your partner made a very poor
choice taking the evil one
from us.
Oh, wow!
My mistake was
letting him live.
It was selfish of me
to want him to suffer forever.
I won't make that mistake again.
Drink it.
It's time for you
to stand beside me
and right the wrongs
of this universe.
I'll drink that.
Is it gross?
The final battle has begun.
The fate of the universe
rests in Pandora's hands.
And what if she fails?
Then there will be
no stopping him.
She is our last hope.
Stop hogging these blugels.
They're for everyone.
Pass those blugels.
Hi, God.
Now, I know I don't do
all the goody two-shoes stuff
you say everybody should do,
but I can't help it.
And I'll do whatever
the heck I want, okay?
Anyways, I need your advice.
A huge battle between evil and
worse evil is about to go down.
And I have a very
big decision to make.
What shades should I wear?
That's a trick question.
I know I'm going
to wear the zebra ones.
In conclusion,
why am I even talking to you?
There's a new God in town,
and his name is Psycho Goreman.
And he's coming for you, buddy.
So this TV won't stop bleeding.
Okay, here's the deal, man.
I'll give you the gem
so you can kill that mean lady.
But you have to promise
that you won't kill us, okay?
I will not kill you,
little creature.
Or your family of idiots.
Do you mean it?
Yes.
Wait, what about telling him
not to kill everybody else
on the planet?
Oh, yeah. Oops.
Oops is right.
Oh, crud.
What? Where's the gem?
Your time is up, evil one.
Oh, man! Get out of here, lady!
Step aside, Mimi!
Mom?
Susan?
- Hi.
- Shut up, thief.
Just walk away, child.
It's time I rid the universe
of this cursed thing.
Give me the gem, boy.
No, not until my family is safe.
That's the deal.
You don't get it.
Do you, lady?
Nobody tells me what to do.
Not you, not her, not him.
Yeah.
Not the president. Not anybody!
Mimi, this is serious!
Stop it right now!
Never, ever, ever!
That's some good
parenting, honey.
I wish I could help.
I'm just too damn lazy.
You!
Whoa.
Susan.
Think about what
you're doing here.
Hey.
Aaaah!
Mimi, stop!
Shut up, you fat traitor!
Killing me won't bring back
the thousands of warriors
I've massacred
with my bare hands.
No, but ending you will light
a new dawn for my people.
And I shall lead the galaxy
toward a bright future,
built on a law
and order of the Templars.
Go, Pandora! I believe in you.
I've always believed in you.
Just couldn't stay away
from the TV, could you, Greg?
Susan, I would still
forgive you for this
if you stopped right now.
I'll go to therapy now
if you want,
if you still want to do that.
if that's what you still want.
Come on, yes!
Die!
Please. Don't.
I've been doing
a lot of thinking, Greg.
I think you're the cause
of all the headaches in my life.
And I think it's payback time!
Susan, you're choking me.
Give me the gem.
Don't make me use this, bro.
It's just like Dad said.
People are the real monsters.
And you're one of them.
Is it not part
of the Templar code
to allow a defeated foe one last
chance for battle, if requested?
The Templar code
says lots of things.
You are weak,
and we have the gem.
There is no way
you could defeat me in battle.
I do not request
hand-to-hand combat.
If you are truly the warrior
you claim to be,
you will honor this request.
Name your contest.
I will defeat you
no matter the circumstance.
Mimi!
Huh?
You will decide the contest.
Okay, you three
will be Team Suck.
You two plus me
will be Team Hero.
If Team Hero wins,
we get the gem.
And if Team Suck wins,
you can have PG.
Got it?
Could you explain
the switcheroo part again?
Nope.
Should have paid attention.
Okay, chumps, let's do this.
Ready...
Set...
Still love you, Susan.
- Crazy Ball!
- Crazy Ball!
Ow!
I don't understand sports.
No.
Quick!
Do Jumping Jacks!
Crazy Ball. Crazy Ball.
What are Jumping Jacks again?
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Where are your gods
tonight now, Pandora?
Aah!
Yeah!
I win butt bonus.
66 points.
One more point
and Team Suck wins.
Dream on, back stabber.
This is for the time you made me
eat my own sand castle.
I was helping you!
Now that beautiful sand castle
will be with you forever!
I was so sick I had to miss
a week of school.
You're welcome!
The switcheroo.
If they get
the switcheroo, they'll win!
Oh, this game is
complete nonsense.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Dumb dumb chuck, here we go!
Yes!
I win again.
We win!
Aaah!
How does failure taste, Pandora?
Now give me the gem.
I will humor this no longer.
No way!
What are you doing?!
The beast must die!
Mimi, get out!
No!
I'll protect you, PG.
Aaah!
Luke, give me the gem!
Please throw it to me, you dork!
I don't know.
You're always so mean to me,
and I just wish that you would
say you were sorry for once.
And I'm always there
for you when you need me,
but I thought we were a team.
And you're always beating me up
and calling me names.
♪ I'm the heckin' best ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Frig all the rest ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm the hecking best ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
What is this?
Is this love?
Yes, silly.
Sing along.
♪ Frig off ♪
♪ Frig you ♪
♪ You're not my boss ♪
♪ You don't tell me what to do ♪
♪ Frig off ♪
♪ Frig you ♪
♪ You're not my boss ♪
♪ You don't tell me what do ♪
Frig yourself.
You are not worthy of the gifts
I have bestowed upon you.
Susan?
Greg.
Hey.
Yeah, you need to take me
to the hospital, okay?
I can't feel my hand.
I think it might be broken.
Luke, can you drive?
- No.
- The judgment is...
death.
You're toast now,
you big metal moron.
Even with your powers restored,
how can you expect
to defeat my holy blade?
You are defenseless
against me.
Then I'll make my own.
You'll not stand between me
and my holy destiny.
Frig off.
I'm not going to say it.
But I have something
to tell you.
Not my hunky boys!
Aaaah!
You have no idea
what you've done.
The universe
as you know it is finished.
Thank you.
I'm proud of you guys.
Finish me, nameless one.
Get this over with
so that I can be at peace.
There will never
be peace for you.
I've been to the after world,
and it's a place where fools
like you suffer the worst.
And my name is...
Psycho Goreman.
That's a beautiful name.
You fought with honor.
It's only fitting I give you
a warriors death.
No, not that!
No!
- Let's go.
- Oh, no.
What is he doing?
Oh, you don't want to see this.
You know, I remember when this
used to be a shoe factory.
Delicious.
Well, what now?
Now I will do
what I was meant to do...
destroy everything.
The age of chaos begins anew.
Yes, and?
And I will spare your lives.
Take it.
Really?
I don't need it
anymore, little one.
For the first time
in centuries I feel whole.
Thanks to your family,
I now know that true power
comes from within.
The power of love.
What?
Goodbye, Mimi.
Goodbye, Greg and Susan and...
boy.
It's time for me to take
this new found power
and use it to destroy
the galaxy.
PG, wait!
Well, we learned a lot today.
About what?
Okay, okay, let's go
to the hospital.
Okay, Greg, come on.
Come. This way.
Whoa, okay.
Chaos has erupted in downtown
Spangler Springs
as police are powerless
to stop the rampage
of what can only be described
as a giant naked purple man.
Alistair, come on
it's time for dinner.
♪ Two heads, one heart ♪
♪ Every reason to bite ♪
♪ He fights for justice,
redemption, and love ♪
♪ He will stop till
he bathes in their blood ♪
He doesn't know
how to find us, does he?
Right. Well, luckily,
Cortex has a plan B.
There's always a way out.
So who wants to
kill themselves first?
♪ A nameless evil
once buried forever ♪
♪ Now he's awake,
and he's ready for terror ♪
♪ But hold up, wait,
there's a catch ♪
♪ This kid Mimi has
a plan to hatch ♪
♪ With the magic,
she has the power ♪
♪ The monster's her friend,
it's her finest hour ♪
♪ They'll go adventures,
cause all kinds of trouble ♪
♪ Blow up the world
and dance on the rubble ♪
♪ First he needs a name ♪
♪ Something cool,
it can't be lame ♪
♪ That's when it struck her
so cool and so mean ♪
♪ The monster will be named PG ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ A council of aliens ♪
♪ It's evil and scary ♪
♪ Saw PG awaken from
where he was buried ♪
♪ He has to be stopped,
and who better to do it ♪
♪ Templar Pandora, yeah,
it's time to move ♪
♪ But they weren't
the only team ♪
♪ Who noticed that PG was free ♪
♪ His old pals like
the Monster Mash ♪
♪ Showed up to betray him
and take out the trash ♪
♪ But Mr. Goreman,
he ain't fool ♪
♪ He killed them all, yeah,
he took them to school ♪
♪ And they'll never
forget his name ♪
♪ It's the last thing
that they'll say ♪
♪ PG ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Meanwhile at home,
Mimi's dad is a mess ♪
♪ He can't keep a job
or cook a chicken breast ♪
♪ When PG comes home
at his darkest hour ♪
♪ Mimi's dad shows that
he's not a coward ♪
♪ Final battle is at hand,
but PG can barely stand ♪
♪ So he chooses a contest
to settle it all ♪
♪ His fate is decided
by Crazy Ball ♪
♪ When the galaxy
runs in fear ♪
♪ That's when Mimi
and her brother appear ♪
♪ At the end of the day,
it's not about killing ♪
♪ It's all about family,
and I've got a feeling ♪
♪ That everything will be okay ♪
♪ Not sure why I feel that way ♪
♪ The galaxy is in flames, and
a murdering monster's to blame ♪
♪ PG ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Psycho Goreman, psycho ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Stay in school, kids ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ Don't do drugs ♪
♪ PG for short ♪
♪ PG for short ♪