Potato Dreams of America (2021) - full transcript
An autobiographical dark comedy about a gay boy growing up in the Soviet Union, his mail-order bride mother and their adventurous escape to America.
I've always been American in my heart.
Ever since my mother took
me to the movies.
You can't keep it from me.
This is my fucking house.
Come on, give it to me.
Get off me!
Come on, give me that
fucking bottle, you bitch.
I want it right fucking now!
Come on.
Give it to me.
Take Potato to the neighbors.
Take him out of here.
Get him out of here!
Now!
POTATO DREAMS OF AMERICA
BASED ON TRUE EVENTS
Put it down.
-Potato, where's your red scarf?
-I won't wear it.
What?
The red stands for all the blood
that was spilled for the revolution.
I won't wear your stupid
communist bloodthirsty scarf.
And what if I have a
word with your mother?
My mom says we should question
everything the government tells us.
You're a doctor.
What are you waiting for?
Does she now?
Give him this.
The communists are no
better than the Nazis.
They killed so many people.
They ruined this country.
I'm innocent. Help me.
If I said what you just said
when I was your age.
I'm innocent. Get me out.
Look straight, everyone.
Can't you see I'm dying here?
I need help.
Please.
So because Schwarz pressed
that big button before he let go.
There're all these giant
machines that start working
like underground, and
suddenly they like make
all this air and the air starts blowing
from underground, like in geysers.
-I've seen a geyser once.
-We don't care.
What happened next?
So the air goes whoosh and breaks
all the windows on Mars.
And everybody's just screaming.
What about
the three-tittied lady mutant?
Her too.
They all think they're gonna die.
Schwarz and this girl have these big,
swollen heads like crazy puppets.
-Hey, Dima, is this the geyser you saw?
-Shut up.
And finally, the oxygen spreads
everywhere, even where Schwarz is.
-So he stops dying, and he lives.
-What about his girlfriend?
-And his girlfriend lives too.
-And the three-tittied lady mutant?
Your mom's a three-tittied
mutant lady.
Wait, wait, look.
-Where did you find this?
-The dumpster.
-Pretty sweet, huh?
-Potato, look.
-Hey, give it back.
-Wow! Nice find.
Have you guys seen
Star Wars Episode 35?
-There's no Episode 35.
-Yes there is.
I saw it at my Grandma's
neighbor's place.
-You're stupid.
-Are there any hot chicks in it?
-Several.
-I wanna hear.
Me too. Someone told me
it's very good.
-Stupid.
-Tell it, tell it.
It begins... in space.
Dear compatriots.
Is this it?
It's really happening?
I'm not dreaming?
If my father were alive to see this.
He was so proud to serve
in the Red Army.
Screw him.
Are we gonna be free now?
I don't even know what that means.
No more Soviet Union,
no more communism.
-We'll have freedom of speech.
-Oh, and maybe toilet paper.
I was thinking maybe I
should move in with you.
Where is this coming from? Just last
week you tried breaking up with me.
Last week, I was lost.
After reading Nietzsche again,
I didn't know who I was.
-And now you do?
-I feel inspired by this.
Everything's gonna be different now.
I feel like a new man.
A divorced woman with
a child should be begging
strangers on the street
to move in with her.
-Grandma, don't be dumb.
-You hear what he said to me?
-Because you're dumb.
-I don't know.
You keep coming and going, and Potato
needs some stability in his life.
-Mom, I don't care.
-You stay outta this.
If you're worried about crowding you,
I really don't have that many things.
Just some clothes and a color TV.
A color TV?
-Did he just say a color TV?
-When did you get a color TV?
Last month. My brother bought
a new one and gave me his old one.
You really could use
a man around the house.
Why not?
Let's try it.
The more the merrier, right.
Color TV.
-What's going on?
-Just you wait.
Have you lost your mind?
We only have two channels.
It's coming.
What is? I don't see anything.
Everyone at school is talking about it.
It came on last night.
It's a renegade channel.
-They show American movies.
-I don't believe it.
-We have three channels now.
-I wanna see. Let me see.
American movies on TV.
American movies.
-What's this?
-Secret Channel Number Three.
They show American movies late
at night.
-No, no, not now.
-We'll never find out what happened.
-What happened?
-The power's out again.
-Oh God, not again.
-It was an accident.
An accident...
He was beaten to death.
He died from an accident.
You need to write that
in your report.
Accident.
Well, that didn't take long.
-What?
-Vova, how long before he moved out?
A couple months this time.
He said he needs to find himself.
Why can't he find
himself in your apartment?
Beats me. I don't care.
I just miss his color TV.
The women in our family are cursed.
We just can't hold on to our men.
You wanna hold on to these lousy men,
you go right ahead.
I'd rather be alone if
these are my only options.
-Alone?
-What about Potato?
-What about me?
-You need a father.
I have a father.
He's a sack of shit.
Bastard's refusing to pay child support
I have to go to court again next month.
-Any father is better than no father.
-Are you kidding me?
You want your grandson to
grow up watching a mean drunk
beat your daughter every night?
Your trouble is you've
never really loved a man.
-Except Potato.
-I'm okay with that.
Even right after you were born,
you were always cold.
You had these thin, mean
little lips that your pursed.
I know, Mom.
And bulging eyes like an ant.
-Yes, bulging eyes.
-Mom, your lips are not thin.
What other compliments
are in store for me today?
Oh, remember when
you were a little girl,
and you pulled your hair
back, and all the neighbors
kept telling you you
looked like an old Jew?
From what I recall, the only
person saying that was you.
We saw your little old Jew today,
the neighbors would say, and
I'd have to correct them.
Oh no, no, you saw my little
old half-Armenian girl today.
She's not a Jew.
I'm glad you were there
to clear that one up.
That's what mothers are for.
In the beginning, Christ Himself
only had a handful of followers,
and today there are millions around
the world who follow His word.
Now that the red Babel
has fallen, your classmates
and friends and neighbors will
start believing in Him too.
The important thing is, you should
never be ashamed of Christ.
-Bring Him home with you.
-Bring Him everywhere.
I'm not sure we have
room at my apartment.
I don't need much space.
All I need is your love.
All I need is love too.
-You look like you could use a friend.
-You're right.
My old friends are starting to drink
and sniff glue and talk about vaginas.
I can't do any of those things.
My mom is already stressed
out enough as it is.
-Tell me more about your mom.
-My mom is my best friend.
But... she's always sad.
-I'm always worried about her.
-Let me take care of your mom.
Let me take care of everything.
For real?
-Mom, I found Christ.
-That's nice.
Your mom looks like
she could be your sister.
Everyone says that.
She had me young.
Why do you think your mom
is always sad?
All she thinks about is when I turn 18
and get drafted into military.
She says nothing is worse
than the Russian military.
She's afraid I have no future.
-Do you think you have a future?
I can't let myself
think about the future.
-I have to stay strong for Mom.
-You have to have faith.
In what?
In good things that are gonna happen
to you. A better tomorrow.
Easier said than done.
It's like the American movies.
Why do you think the hero
always wins in the end?
Because they're in America.
No. Well, yeah, because
they're in America.
But also... because they believe.
Our lives are like Russian movies.
Nothing good ever happens.
Bad guys always win.
Then believe in American movies.
You have to believe.
And get your mother... to believe.
Stop it.
I think some of you are taking
these new freedoms a bit too far.
My parents say we can never be free
until we get rid of all the Jews.
Well that's a little harsh,
don't you think?
Put all the kikes
in an oven, like Hitler did.
-Too bad Hitler didn't finish the job.
-Shut up.
You know who's worse
than kikes? Faggots.
-Faggots make me sick.
-They're not really human.
I heard you can tell
a faggot by the way they walk.
Now, class, we really don't
have any of those people
in Russia, it's an American thing.
Drugs, perverts and AIDS.
-They all have AIDS.
-Freddie Mercury.
Freddie was not a faggot.
Of course he wasn't.
He was too talented.
Anyway, let's talk about
something more pleasant.
-Back to the subject of kikes.
-We're not supposed to use that word.
Kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes...
Come on. You don't have
to do what everyone does.
-Let go.
-No, don't do it. I know your dad is...
-Shut up, shut up.
You know nothing about me.
Kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes...
You can tell a
faggot by the way they walk.
Not in Russia.
Not really human.
-Faggot.
-By the way he walks.
The way he walks.
-Jesus?
-What?
-Am I a...
-Am I?
-What?
Never mind.
Jean-Claude's really about
to kick some ass right now.
The silence is my last resort
And the only option I will choose
My words are falling rather short
And making things far too confused
Oh my God, oh my God!
Oh my God, I think I'm dying.
-What?
-Something's just happened to me.
-What's happening to me?
-I don't know.
-Maybe you should ask your mom.
-You don't know?
Jesus, you're supposed
to know everything.
-Don't ask me. Ask Mom.
-What if she doesn't know either?
-What if it's something bad?
-What am I supposed to do, huh?
Give me the tissue.
What is this stuff?
That is weird.
It came out of me.
Do you think it's that thing men squirt
into women to make babies?
Oh my God.
-Oh I hope not.
-What if it happens again?
You know, I am sure that this
is never gonna happen again.
What if it does?
Well then we will just have
to tell your mother, won't we?
Happy March Eighth, may you stay
young and beautiful forever.
See? You thought you were in trouble
with me, but you're not.
-Why should I be in trouble?
-Lena, Lena, Lena.
How can I say this without
sounding too harsh?
You need to start doing your job.
-I have been doing my job.
-But have you been following my orders?
Whatever happened last
night was no accident.
I will not lie and say it was
an accident in my report.
I took an oath as a doctor.
You took an oath to help
the living, not the dead.
He wouldn't be dead if
they hadn't murdered him.
Who are they? Can you tell me?
Could you be accusing someone I know?
-I'm not accusing anyone.
Good, you really don't wanna be
throwing accusations around here.
All I know is there was foul play.
The boy was beaten to death.
I won't dishonor his memory by lying.
Maybe you should stop
worrying about this dead boy
and start thinking about your own son.
-I am thinking about my son.
-Are you?
He's all I think about, and I don't
want him to live in a world where...
Forget the world.
This isn't the world.
This is prison,
a purgatory for lost causes.
But your son, he is out
there in the real world,
and when he grows up and
gets drafted by the army,
will your principles protect him
from hazing, torture, malnutrition?
And his own very unfortunate accident?
Because... I could protect him.
I've got connections in the army.
I can make sure that he
gets through it all alive.
Or not.
It's your call.
Who do you think you are, anyway?
You think now that USSR is done,
you can stick your neck out?
The name may be different,
a new flag perhaps,
but the people are the same.
The same old Russia.
And it will grind you up and shit you
out, you and your fucking principles.
Unless you learn to accept things
as they always have
been and will always be.
-Anything interesting this time?
Yes, they're at it again.
Let me see.
I wanna see.
I like how they decorated their place.
They sure are lucky.
How come they never get outages
when we have one every night?
The governor's nephew
lives in their building.
I thought it was the mayor's mistress.
See, I told you capitalism
wasn't gonna be all that.
-This is not capitalism, Mom.
-Okay, well then what is capitalism?
I know it's not capitalism
when the same old farts
who were Communist Party
leaders are suddenly
privatizing all public land
and property for themselves.
Well, at least we can agree
that nothing's gotten better.
-Some things got better.
-Yeah, some things got better.
Like what?
Like... toilet paper.
We have Channel Number Three.
We can watch American movies.
Yes, and that does us a lotta good when
the electricity goes out every night.
The Iron Curtain has lifted.
We can travel, we can even get the hell
out if we want, you know.
-If you ask me, that's an improvement.
-You would leave the country?
-And where would you go?
-Anywhere.
What he said.
Anywhere is better than our beloved
motherland? Shame on you.
If your grandfather were alive to hear
you say that, he'd have a heart attack.
Thank goodness he's dead then.
No, I don't wanna dance with you.
You're a bad boy.
Yeah, you do.
Are you tired of Russian men?
Interested in meeting men from America?
Look no further. We got them all.
Cowboys, businessmen.
Doctors.
Lawyers.
Cowboys, businessmen.
Other employed men.
Request a free application
to add your profile
to our mail order bride catalog
so you too
can be chosen by an eligible bachelor
in a faraway exotic place like Dallas.
Or Santa Barbara.
Or Milwaukee.
Don't let your American
Prince Charming slip away.
Apply now.
-So, who's the lucky guy?
-Are you kidding?
A divorced mother. She's the lucky
one as long as he's breathing.
-Shut up.
-So are you gonna tell us?
-Nope.
-Why?
Leave her alone.
Why don't you wanna tell
us about your fancy date?
She probably doesn't wanna jinx it.
I understand. Don't tell them.
Do not tell them.
These are some jealous broads.
-Finish telling the movie.
-All right, where was I?
-He brought her back to the store.
-That's right. So, get this.
He brings her back
to that expensive store
and tells her
she can buy anything.
-Anything?
-Anything, and...
And he tells those stuck-up
salesmen to spoil her.
Treat her like a queen.
That store where she got
kicked out for being a hooker?
-Yeah.
-If I was her, I'd say big mistake.
I got money, bitches.
Okay, okay, tell me one thing.
Does he marry her at the end?
Let her finish telling the movie.
If it's not a happy ending,
I don't wanna hear the rest.
Of course he marries her.
It's an American movie.
-I wish I was a hooker in America.
-Don't we all.
-Occupation.
-Doctor in prison.
Prison doesn't sound very romantic.
I'll just say doctor.
Doctor in prison sounds bad-ass.
-I don't know if men go for bad-ass.
-Fine.
-Children?
-Me.
-Should I tell them about you, though?
-Grandma will definitely say no.
Yeah, that's a strike against me.
I think I should just
wait until you get married
and show up at your
doorstep as a surprise.
-Religion.
-Russian Orthodox.
Oh, you need to get to bed.
Your Sunday school's in the morning.
I'm not feeling it.
I got Jesus right here.
No, why would you do that?
He's clearly cheating on you.
-Nunchucks, really?
-That's what it's called?
-Confiscated from a gang.
-Cowabunga, like Michelangelo.
-Who?
-Never mind.
-Did he die?
-Yes, she did.
I took a train to her village and
begged her parents to donate it to me.
-Don't you get sad doing this?
-Oh yes, I'm sad. Life is sad.
Look at them, those manly boys.
Someday that'll be you,
if you're fortunate.
-Fortunate?
It's here or at the police academy if
I can get you in with my connections.
Or the military and if it's the latter
you'll never make it out alive.
-But I don't wanna be a policeman.
-Oh really? What do you wanna be?
-I wanna make movies.
-No one in our family has ever...
Do you know anyone that
gets to do what they like?
No.
Do you think when I was a little girl
I wanted to run a police museum?
No, I wanted to be a ballerina.
You see me dancing?
-What makes you so special?
-The fact that I want it so bad.
Sure.
You gotta give it to these gang
members. They're very creative.
Why don't you keep that?
Bring it with you to school.
-What?
-Bring it with you to school.
That way, the next time somebody picks
on you, you can pull it out and...
-No one is picking on me at school.
-Oh really?
That's not what your teachers say.
When did you speak to my teachers?
-You can't tell Mom.
-Oh my mommy, she's so fragile.
Fine, I'll bring it to school.
But if you ever tell Mom,
I will kill you.
Nice! That's a great way
to talk to your grandma.
-They turned off the water again.
-Mom!
I told you, I don't wanna open the
letter in the middle of the street.
We're almost home.
We'll get there and open it properly.
-What do you mean properly?
-I don't wanna open it here.
-Mom, it's a letter from America.
-I don't want anyone to hear.
There is no one here.
Please.
Fine.
Look, it's in English.
-There's a photo of him.
-How old is he?
Such a friendly face.
Let's get home and open
it with a dictionary.
Look.
His name is John.
John.
John.
-He works for Meecrosoft.
-What is that?
-It says something about computers.
-Computers?
Dear John, thank you so much
for your interest in me.
Your letter was a nice surprise
when I came home today.
What can I tell you about us?
Vladivostok is a big city
in the far east,
right next to China and Japan.
My son and I live in an
apartment on the fifth floor.
It's a little place,
but we try to make it cozy.
We are lucky there's only
two of us here,
Same size apartments in our building
are shared by three generations.
But my mother does visit us often.
I work as a doctor in prison.
It's challenging,
and sometimes they pay me.
I'm lucky to have a job,
but I don't love it.
I call my son Potato.
He is a very good student.
He loves school, American
movies and Jesus Christ.
He was so excited last week.
I saved and saved and
bought us a new color TV.
All we know about America
are American movies,
but it's enough to fall in
love with your country.
There are always happy endings.
-Mom?
-What?
Mom, I have to tell you something.
What is it?
Something terrible.
My little Potato, what is it?
My biology book?
Yes.
It says that when a boy exercises,
he's not going to want to...
What?
Touch himself.
Touch?
There.
-Masturbating?
-I guess.
I did.
I do sometimes.
The book says it's very
dangerous to your health.
I exercise, and I exercise,
just like the book says,
and I still end up.
Are there any other terrible things
you're planning on telling me?
Am I going to die?
Someday when you're
really really old, yes,
but not from doing that.
-But my biology book says...
-Your biology book is outdated garbage.
Look, I'm sorry you were so worried.
But everyone, hey,
everyone does it.
Okay?
Men and women.
-Everyone?
Everyone.
Even Grandma?
Even Grandma.
Grandma, we were
just talking about you.
Oh you were, were you?
Why can't you live on the first floor?
How was work?
I had a 48-hour shift in prison, Mom,
and they haven't paid me in two months.
-How do you think work was?
-I can't even ask now?
I got you that job.
I'd like to know how it's going.
All right, since you
really wanna know.
We had another accident.
Another dead boy, another neck broken.
I'm supposed to say it was a heart
attack, but I'm not going to say that,
so my boss is threatening to,
God knows what, kill me?
All the prisoners have tuberculosis,
and I don't have
anything to treat them with,
so now every time
that I cough I think maybe
I've caught it from them.
Oh, and did I mention that my boss
is threatening to kill me?
-What else would you like to know?
-No need to be so dramatic.
I wanna come home and try to forget
about what's happening at work, okay?
-Is that all right with you?
-Fine.
-Potato, what is that?
-Gift from Grandma.
It's nothing.
He was being bullied so badly
at school he was skipping class.
It's not true.
What do you want?
To give you this and talk
about getting back together.
No.
-No?
-Not interested.
I understand why you'd feel this way.
And I really appreciate
you giving me space
when I asked for it, but I've
had time to think it all over
and I believe I finally found myself.
Well I don't like what
I see, so keep looking.
-But, Baby, I...
-You see that over there?
You got a new color TV?
That's right, I saved
and I saved and I saved
and finally got us our very own
color TV.
So?
So I don't need your indecisive ass
anymore, okay? Goodbye.
What did you do that for?
Who's gonna want you now?
Nobody's gonna want me, Mom.
You would tell me if you were skipping
school and getting bullied!
--He doesn't tell you anything.
-Mom, I didn't want you to worry.
His back is covered in bruises. They
beat the shit out of him last week.
Stop, Mom, stop.
-Who did this to you?
-A bunch of his classmates.
Mom, where are you going?
I'm going to your school, to find out
who's been bullying you and kill them.
-You can't protect him forever.
-Mom, you can't do this.
-It will only make it worse, stop.
-You should listen to him. He's right.
You're only gonna make it worse.
The kid needs to toughen up.
It's only gonna make it worse.
He's going to be drafted
in a couple of years,
and the bullies at
school, they're gonna look
like angels compared to
what's coming for him.
I've told you and told you and told you
you are not raising him right.
He is far too sensitive.
The army will be the death of him.
You never shoulda left his father.
At least then Potato would
have a male figure in his life.
You have to eat.
There's no point.
What do you mean, Mom?
Don't you feel the walls closing in?
Mom, you're just sad.
It's okay.
You will feel better, like before.
I never felt better.
I don't remember feeling better.
There's always been this dark cloud
that follows me around
no matter where I go.
That's not a cloud, Mom.
That's just Grandma.
I wish we could fall asleep right now
and never wake up.
I could keep you safe.
This place is gonna crumble
around us. I can feel it.
Mom?
Get better.
Please!
I don't know what's going on.
Mom, please, you're scaring me.
-Good evening.
-Good evening, Nina Ivanovna.
Look what I got in the mail today.
It's for you.
Must be because we have
the same apartment number.
Wrong building, though.
The postman must have messed up.
I was very surprised to
find a letter from the USA.
I didn't mean to open it,
but I didn't look at the name.
-I just thought it was for me.
-That's okay.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
It's not every day you
get a letter like this.
-Thank you so much for bringing it.
-I hope you don't mind I smelled it.
American paper smells different.
Isn't that strange?
Have a good night.
Be sure and tell your American friend
to write the address more clearly.
We will. We will. Thank you.
Good night, Nina Ivanovna.
-Good night.
-Good night.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Do you know what it says?
-What does it say?
-I don't know.
I should get a dictionary
to make sure.
-What does it say, Mom?
-Oh God, I'm afraid to say it out loud.
Mom?
I think it says here that John wants
to bring us to America.
-Are you serious?
-Oh God, I'm afraid to believe.
-I'm afraid to get my hopes up.
-You should never be afraid to believe.
Let's pray.
Darling, dear Mary.
You're a mother, like me, so you know
why I feel so desperate.
Please let me marry this
kind man, this John.
Let me bring Potato to
America so he's safe
and doesn't get drafted
into the Russian army.
There's nothing I wouldn't
do to protect him.
Please, mother of God, do this for us
and I'll never ask for anything else.
If you're quiet enough in
the height of the night
You can hear the song of freedom
The stunning song of freedom
It beats in the dreams
of the girls and queens
And the men and the
boychicks and in-betweens
While the fears are busy away
The rumble of the moon,
it will drown and swoon
The years of yeses and nos
Gather the highs and the lows
What's left is freedom
Spread your span
Raise your hands
Catch the song of freedom
Catch the song of freedom
Ride her light
Into the sweet of the night
This is your song of freedom
This is your song of freedom
Demons within you will
think that you're them
As they gnaw and they
claw and they fight
Insisting that they're in the right
You can hold on to your crown
What was lost is now sound
You can hear the song of freedom
The gorgeous song of freedom
The rumble of the moon,
it will drown and swoon
The years of yeses and nos
Gather the highs and lows
What's left is freedom
Freedom
Spread your span
Raise your hands
This is your song of freedom
This is your song of freedom
Freedom
What?
Oh my God.
-Oh my God, oh my God.
-You give him computer?
Oh my God!
-How can you? It's too expensive.
-It was worth it to see him so happy.
You are kind.
Thank you. I love you.
Hey, he looks like he's never
seen a computer before.
Are you kidding?
In our family, nobody have phone.
Computer is like spaceship to him.
You're more than welcome.
For me.
Let's see, what could this be?
Oh, toy train, I love toy trains.
How did you know?
Your letters, one time
you say you love toy trains.
-And you remembered?
-Of course.
Well this is great, great.
It makes me feel like I was a kid.
-How do you say your name?
-Vasili.
I'm sorry, can you say it louder
so the whole class can hear?
-Why?
-You've got a beautiful Russian name.
Or is it Czech or something?
How do you pronounce it?
Vasili.
Vissel?
-Yeah, that's fine.
-What's this part?
-Name of my father. It goes in middle.
-Oh, say your middle name for me.
-I do not want to.
-Say your name please.
I do not want my father's name.
I'm having a hard time
understanding you,
but I can't start class until
you say your whole name.
Vasili Sergeyevich Naumenko.
Oh, that's nice, thank you.
Isn't that a beautiful name, class?
Great, you can have a seat.
Thank you.
And see, class, this is
what we were talking about,
about awareness and inclusivity.
Really paying attention
to how we're all alike
and all so different at the same time.
Really explore yourself.
Do you know why American
women so independent?
Why?
Because you
have all these machines.
Washing machine, drying machine,
microwave, dishes washing machine.
In Russia, we have nothing.
-I see you found Lena Number One.
-Huh?
Yeah, her name was Lena also. I met her
through the same catalog as you.
-She live with you in America?
-Briefly.
-Marriage only lasted three months.
-Marriage?
I didn't tell you because I didn't
think it was much of a marriage.
-What happened?
-Didn't work out.
Our beliefs were not compatible,
so I sent her back to Russia.
Sent her back?
I didn't wanna make a big deal of it,
but now that you know,
I guess it's a good reminder
for you not to disappoint me.
It's just a joke.
Mostly.
-I am very concerned about you.
-Why?
Because you're losing
your beautiful culture.
People come to this country,
and they lose their beautiful heritage.
And that's not what we want.
People say this country is a melting
pot, and I just disagree.
Why would you want a
boring, mushy, melting pot
when you could just toss a salad,
right?
Every culture is beautiful and unique.
I want to learn English.
This is all.
No, you're not hearing me.
And don't worry about English.
I think you should be
at a school with other
Russian speakers
and Russian interpreters
so you can be with your own kind.
-I do not want to be.
-I want you to meet someone.
Timor, this is Vasilin.
Nice to meet you.
He is also Russian.
So I'll leave you two to
talk amongst yourselves.
Be sure to speak Russian together.
Timor, Vasilin
really needs some friends.
Oh, and Vasilin, I'm gonna
move you from my class
into an ESL class,
it's gonna be a better fit for you.
-Would you fuck her?
-What?
Would you fuck that bitch?
Would you take your cock and rub it
in her face like this?
Look at her ass.
-I do not want.
-Oh, fresh off the boat, huh?
-No, I'm from Vladivostok.
-Cool, cool.
No, not cool.
I'm from Tbilisi,
but that cunt thinks I'm Russian
because she don't know difference.
I'm serious.
If she was like coming on to you.
You know, like, hey, I suck your big
Russian penis long time,
would you, you know, stick it in her?
I don't understand.
What are you, a faggot or something?
A homo?
Man, I'm just kidding you, man.
I hate faggots. In Tbilisi, if we think
some guy is a faggot, we kill him.
And no one even care.
Okay, later.
Hi.
-You survived the first day.
-American school very easy.
Back where I come from,
school is like hell.
Really?
Did you come here
with your whole family?
My mom. She is my whole family.
Hey, so, I'm taking an
art class this quarter,
and I have to do all these
sketches for homework.
Art is great.
I was thinking,
because I'm tired of drawing
pots and flowers, it would
be cool to have a life model.
-Would you model for me?
-Like naked with no clothes?
No!
I just mean you have a cool face.
I mean, drawing your face.
Why, did you wanna pose naked?
No, but, yeah, you can draw my face.
Here's my... number.
So it says here you
went to medical school?
Yes.
-So you're a doctor?
-Yes.
You know, here... we just make tacos.
I know.
-So, why do you wanna work here?
-I need work.
My English, not good.
I cannot be doctor here.
Fair enough.
So when can you start?
It's comforting to know that the tracks
are already there.
Number of routes and
destinations are predetermined.
Not like automobiles.
-Here we say cars.
-Cars.
You know, as you grow older,
you will see that sometimes
it's hard for us to understand
God's plan.
He gives us all this free
will just to watch us fail
and make bad choices.
Might even seem cruel at times.
But it's not for us to understand that.
Our job is to do what the Bible says.
Bible say so many thing.
-What was that?
-I say, Bible say so many thing?
Exactly. Everything we need
to know is right there,
if only we listen.
You know, I tried a number
of faiths before I settled
on Russian Orthodox,
and you know why I chose it?
Why?
There's no wiggle room
in its interpretation.
It's the purest of doctrines.
And it's this rigidity
that we all need now,
as the world turns into
a dark, wild jungle.
It's this rigidity that
will shelter us from temptation.
Keep us outta trouble, you know.
That's too small.
You cut like this.
-Sorry.
-It's okay, you'll do fine.
Thank you.
Is it true that you
were a doctor in Russia?
Yes.
My husband was a professor
back home.
Here, he works at a gas station.
I'd rather scrub floors here
than be doctor back in Russia.
I understand.
-You come to this country alone?
-My son and me came.
-I married American man.
-American? You must be so happy.
Your son can live here now
and have a real future.
So happy, no words how happy.
Your American husband,
he's good-looking?
He is nice.
He is not rich, either, or you would
not have to work here.
-It's okay, it's okay. I understand.
-I am very lucky.
Aat least you got a man.
Her over there... she's a lesbian.
She loves only women.
-Really?
-Um-hum.
Good for her.
Yes, good for her.
-How's it going?
-Good.
-Hey, how was Taxi Driver?
-My stepfather loves it.
Of course he does.
Such a good film.
Gregg Araki is one of my favorites.
Have you seen the Doom Generation?
So good, but I like this one too.
Cool cover, huh?
We have his new one two, Nowhere.
It's in the new section
if you wanna check it out.
Due Wednesday by eight PM.
Have a good day.
Wanna know what I
like best about guys' bodies?
They got this line running right
through the middle of them,
dividing their torsos in two.
It starts up here, around
the V of the collarbone.
If you had to choose...
which would you rather die for?
Sex?
Or love?
-Getting some air?
-Yeah, outside very nice.
Good night.
Good night.
Oh Christ God, bless the food
and drink of thy servants.
For holy art thou always, now, ever
and on to the ages of ages, amen.
So, must be a big culture shock for you
going to an American school, huh?
I like it very much.
People very friendly with me
here, and students don't try
to kill you every day like in Russia.
So, very nice.
Yeah, well, we are lucky we live here.
But you tell that to the liberals.
They will destroy this country yet.
I mean, prayer not allowed in school.
Homosexuality condoned.
Millions of innocent unborn
children slaughtered.
The government gets bigger
and bigger...
And believe me,
they would round us all up too
if they could, but in the United States
we have the right to bear arms.
-Where do you find bear arms?
-Poor bear, no.
No.
It means the right to own guns.
Don't shoot gun at bear.
Hunting is mean.
Nobody is shooting bears.
It's the government we have
to protect ourselves from.
They're the ones that are out
to get us.
I mean, they're vaccinating everybody,
putting fluoride in the water.
Fluoride is good for teeth.
I learn in medical school.
-No, it's not.
-No, not good.
-No, fluoride is bad.
-Fluoride is very bad.
Very bad.
So what to do?
There's nothing to do,
they have us cornered.
-Who?
-The government.
Then you should get lost.
She means hide.
There's nowhere to hide.
They control everything.
The phones, the water supply,
the liberal media.
But, and you will learn this in school,
basically, this is a Christian nation.
But the government has forgotten that.
They have taken God away,
and pretty soon
they will come and take
our guns away too.
What they do with God?
Not allowed, they said.
No God allowed.
Really?
Really, and if we keep telling God
that He is not welcome here,
I am sure He
will abandon this nation.
All this, so great.
What's great?
Dinner.
Hotdog.
This green thing.
-The relish.
-Relish, everything.
You know, every day I wake up
and my life feel upside down.
I feel, how you say, upside down now.
Upside down?
Before, I feel I have
bad dream and always afraid
bad dream never finish.
Now, I think I have wonderful dream
and always afraid I will wake up.
Right side up.
I'm expecting something.
I'll get it.
Good afternoon, I have quite
a few packages here for you.
Can you sign here?
Thank you. Bring it on in.
-They came.
-What this is?
The spices and baking products.
It's our retirement plan.
I'm gonna be selling these.
I didn't tell you.
-You sell salt and papers?
-Peppers.
Not exactly, I have to get other people
to sign up with the same company.
That's where the real money is.
It's capitalism. It's a little
confusing, but you'll learn.
No, I heard about it before.
In Russia, we call... pyramida, no?
-What?
-Pyramida.
-Pyramida.
-It's not a pyramid scheme!
This is our future here.
What do you know about business?
No, no, no, I know nothing.
I know nothing. I know nothing.
I am happy you are happy.
I hope you can be retarded very soon.
-Retired.
-Look, garlic and salt together.
Beautiful, so easy.
They put garlic and salt together,
so you do not have to,
how do you say this?
-To mix it?
-Do not have to mix it with your hands.
Life in America is so easy.
-They think of everything.
-Cin-nun-man.
Vanilla concentrat.
I never know they make
spice from a pumpkin.
-Where?
-Here.
Pumpkin spice, it's true.
You know my friend Hannah?
She has a lot of acne.
Yeah, I think I know.
You know what she told me?
You can't tell anyone. Promise.
I do not have anyone to tell.
Her boyfriend asks her to give him
blowjobs like every day they go out.
Really?
-Gross, right?
-Yeah.
-What is it with some guys?
-I do not know.
Would you ever pressure a girl
to give you a blowjob?
I would never pressure a girl.
-I just love your cute little accent.
-I hate it.
-I will learn to get rid of it.
-Don't. It's cute.
First time I feel like I find home,
place I want to be,
but nobody let me forget my past.
They all ask, where you from?
Russia, I love Russia.
It only makes you special.
I want other things to make
me special.
I think you're special in every way.
You too, Mandy.
You're my only real friend here.
You're so funny.
I like being your friend.
-My mom thinks we're dating, though.
-Dating?
It's funny, right?
Very funny.
-It is?
-I think so.
Why?
You're my best friend.
-Your only friend, according to you.
-It is true.
So ... if I started dating someone,
you wouldn't mind?
Of course, no, I'd be happy for you.
Why would I mind?
Because we talk on the phone
every day.
Everybody thinks we're dating.
I thought it was only your mom.
-Marilyn Manson?
-Yes.
-He sounds angry.
-Me too.
I know.
I hate that he tells us how to pray
and what to believe.
I think he's crazy.
John is different, I know.
He's not what we thought he was.
It's people like him who want
people like me to stay second class.
What people?
-You wouldn't understand.
-Potato, what are you talking about?
I can't tell you.
Please tell me.
You always tell me everything.
Not everything. I could
never tell you everything.
In Russia, you had so much depression.
How could I tell you everything?
I promise.
I promise, you can tell me.
You don't have to protect me.
I am strong.
I'm gay.
What?
Gay.
Gay?
Do you even know what that means?
This is all?
This is why you are so
depressed all the time?
This is why you sneak out at night?
Yes, I just, I feel so much.
I have to run.
I run and run until I am so
tired that I can finally sleep.
Potato, you promise, nothing
else has happened to you?
You promise, this is all, yes?
What do you mean this is all?
You think I care that you are a gay?
Everyone is a little bit gay.
What?
Sometimes, I see my
friends change clothes,
you know, I notice.
I have gay thoughts.
You wanted to have sex
with your women friends?
Oh no, no.
Mom, I am real gay.
Gay all the way.
This is fine.
This is fine.
I am so happy.
Happy that you finally trust
telling me.
And happy because now I
know you finish school.
You will not marry some girl
who tells you she is pregnant,
and you drop your studies and work all
your life to support this silly girl
and some ugly, screaming baby
who's probably not even your baby.
In Russia, I was always afraid
if it happened that way.
-I am so happy you gay.
-Mom.
I'm sorry, I know.
I know it's serious.
Oh, but I think it is good news.
But, Potato,
we cannot tell John.
Of course not, I know.
If he find out,
he will kick us out of America.
I will kill myself before I go back.
I'm serious, Potato.
He will send us back to Russia.
He had Russian wife before.
-What?
-He made rid of her.
She is back in Russia now.
He changes Russian wives
like old socks.
Just be patient.
Okay?
Will you tell me what
the surprise is about?
No.
Come in.
-Hi.
-Hi.
This is Cheryl.
She is my manager at work.
And I'm gay.
My partner, Carrie, is in the back.
And this is Brian. He is also gay.
Hi.
You're... gay?
Yes, I hear you are too.
You have the best mom.
Come in.
We've been
together five years now.
You're my first real gay people.
In Russia, I did not
know if I was only one,
or if gay people were monsters
from Mars.
That's how I felt in Tennessee.
No, but you have to remember,
it will get better.
Yeah, and once you can move out
of the house and live on your own.
Sorry, but it's true.
-No, she's a great mom.
-Of course, she's not the problem.
But the man she's married to.
I am more like his slave
than his wife.
He knows he can do anything to us
because we cannot go back to Russia.
It is like he has gun to our head.
When you get permanent status,
he can't send you back.
This one's studying to be a lawyer.
Maybe you can help them someday.
You will be okay, I promise.
We know how hard
it is when you're young.
Let's take a photo.
I have some film left over
from your engagement party.
-Engagement?
-Yes, we're going to marry in February.
Marry?
It's not legal yet,
but it will be, someday.
For now, we can still have
a ceremony in our church.
In a church?
Hey, just to let you know,
we got an extra copy
of The Living End for sale right here.
The Living End?
Yeah, I see you rented
it like 100 times,
so I figured you might just
wanna buy our extra copy.
I never rented this.
My bad.
Maybe someone else on the account?
-My stepson.
-Anyone on the account can rent it.
Anyway, let him know in
case he wants to buy it.
I will.
-I thought we'd have a movie night.
-Wait, I finish my English lesson soon.
No, now.
-Where's Potato?
-He go out with friends.
Friends, I can just imagine. That's
right. He doesn't need to see this.
-He's seen it many many times before.
-He did?
Oh yeah, it's his favorite movie.
What do you want me to do?
When I start to come, choke me.
-How do you explain that?
-What? I do not understand.
-What do you make of it?
-I do not make of it.
It must be mistake.
Why are you so angry?
It's no mistake.
Potato has rented this
homosexual movie for months now.
I just found out today,
and I was afraid to tell you.
I thought you'd be devastated, like
any good Christian mother would be!
But it doesn't seem to
bother you, does it?
Are you condoning this behavior?
-I do not. I do not.
-Good. Then let's send him away.
Send him away?
Yeah, there are good
Christian schools and camps
where we can send him
where they'll fix him.
Fix him?
No, what are you saying?
No, please.
I wanted a Christian family.
This is why I married you.
I thought you were Russian Orthodox.
You told me you were Russian
Orthodox. You lied to me!
I never lied.
We were supposed to help
each other stay on track,
but you've just been
mocking me this whole time.
Potato and I are Christian,
I promise you.
Oh, lies, lies, I don't
wanna hear it anymore!
Look, you go back pack your bags,
and I'm gonna take you to the airport,
buy you two tickets back to Russia.
No, you cannot, you cannot.
Please, please, please!
You really think I can't?
What do you think the INS
will say if I tell them
I don't wanna be married
to you anymore?
-No please, please.
-What do you think they will say?
No, please, please.
No, I promise you.
I promise.
Happy birthday...
What's wrong?
Oh, what is it?
Nothing matters.
This job do not matter.
-I just do not know where else to go.
-What is it?
He's kicking us out.
He will send us back to Russia.
He said this.
-He wants us to go.
-Your husband?
-He's threatened this before!
--Not like this. This time he mean it.
-Bastard.
-Asshole.
My son.
I cannot have my son go back to Russia,
get drafted in Russian army.
He has future here. We come so far.
We cannot go back.
You won't have to go back.
We'll hide you, here,
behind the tortilla boxes.
I'll talk to Carrie. Maybe we can find
you a lawyer or something.
-Maybe we can do something to help.
-We're just immigrants.
We have no rights.
That can't be true,
Lena, that can't be true.
You don't have to go. They cannot keep
you out if they cannot find you.
I feel like I cannot breathe.
Hello, Lena.
My name is Grace.
Sit with me please.
You must be so confused.
There's so much to explain.
Grace?
Grace, like Grace Slick.
You must have so many questions.
Questions. Yes, I have questions.
Where do I start?
When I was a wee child,
I realized that I wanted
to be just like my little girl cousins.
Deep down,
I knew I was just like them.
When I borrowed one of their dresses,
I didn't even know it
was supposed to be wrong.
Then my mother saw me.
She straightened me out.
She had this look,
I'll never forget it.
It's like she wanted to kill me.
And after that day,
she never mentioned it again.
But for me, oh, every
time I looked at her,
all I could see was that look.
On that day.
I didn't wear a dress for
a long time after that,
but, oh, I did let Grace sneak out
just before I went in the Navy.
But then I met my first wife,
and I thought everything
was gonna be okay somehow.
I loved her.
Then she caught me in the dress.
And the names she called me
and the things she threatened me with.
She told me I would never be
able to see my child again.
She hated me so much.
Just like my mother.
Then,
the loathing,
it just rubbed off on me,
and I was steeped in it.
My soul was infused
with this self-hatred.
I tried different drugs,
and then I quit them.
Moved every few years
to try and start a new life.
And then between trying on dresses,
I tried different religions.
And some of them were
very tolerant to me.
But I couldn't stand the tolerance.
It was like an unfulfilled promise.
They said that God loved me
for who I am.
And then I'd go in the real world,
and the real world told me
something very different.
I am so sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I lashed out at you.
You don't know how much
you helped me.
You see, I married
a Russian Orthodox woman
because I thought you
would be narrow-minded
and help me repress this.
But here you are with so
much love for everybody.
And it's this love that has allowed me
to be who I am.
Thank you.
I'm back.
Oh my God, it's Grace.
-Oh my God.
-It's been forever.
You look wonderful.
Where have you been?
And who's this adorable little thing?
This is my lovely wife, Lena.
This is your wife?
You're her wife?
-She came out to you?
-Yes.
You know, we have not seen
Miss Grace in quite a while.
If leaping in and outta that closet
was Olympic sport,
she got a gold medal already.
-Very funny.
-In and out, in and out.
-But remember, girls, no judgment here.
-Make yourself useful.
-Everyone has their own path.
-That's right.
-Yet we all ended up in here.
-That's right, that's right.
Grace lives for karaoke.
Oh that's my song. I want in.
Oh, the bitch is trying to
steal my song. Oh no, uh-huh.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Would you be so kind?
You're the best, by the way.
I want one of you.
What is your accent?
-What accent?
-Come on, what is it?
Russia, but I do not
like talking about it.
Russia? Right on.
-I have a neighbor who's Russian.
-Really? Must be my couzin.
-Your who?
-He's probably my couzin.
What are you saying?
Sorry, I don't understand.
My couzin, couzin, couzin.
Oh, your cousin.
Really?
No, I make joke.
So is Russia like really cold?
No, my Grandma just
moved to Sochi where it's...
Oh God, I love piroshky.
Russian? I knew you weren't American.
-I am American.
-No, you're not.
-I am.
-You're not.
-Yes, I am.
-You're not American.
I knew you were Russian
from the moment I saw you.
How did you know?
Your crazy Russian accent.
And those cheekbones.
Those cheekbones give it away.
Thanks.
-My roommate is reading War and Peace.
-Tolstoy's bad writer.
Gogol and Bulgakhov
were much better.
What?
Do you love borscht?
Which city are you from?
Vladivostok.
-Come again.
-Vladivostok.
-What?
-Vladivostok.
-Vladi-hardrock?
-Valley Woodstock?
Vladavowelsome.
Good job.
-Speak Russian to me.
-Why?
Because it's hot. Do it, do it!
-But, what should I say?
-Anything.
Perestroika, babushka.
-Really?
-Gorbachev. Dosvedanya.
-I'm not a parrot.
-Fucking do it!
Do it.
-Anna Karenina.
-Oh, you're fucking turning me on.
Gulag, Chernobyl.
-You're so fucking hot.
-Solzhenitsyn, Krasknaya Ploshad.
-What does that mean?
-It means you have nice ass in Russian.
You want me to come over
and teach you some more?
-Mom?
-Potato, I cannot do this anymore.
-What?
-Karaoke.
Transgender is fine with me,
but karaoke?
Nobody wants karaoke every night.
-Are you going to divorce?
-Yep.
-Did you tell Grace?
-I will. I will now.
-I already told your grandma.
-You did? What did Grandma say?
Your grandma does not want
me to get another divorce.
Your grandma said I must do
sex change to become male
so Grace and I can be
normal married couple.
-That sounds like Grandma.
-I tried to tell Grandma about karaoke.
But your grandma, she will
never understand karaoke.
Hold on, I will call you right back.
Grace, we need to talk.
I know. I meant to tell you.
We're gonna be hosting
the Wiccan sister night here.
We're learning how to do spells,
and Trish's place is the
size of a broom closet.
And it smells like cat piss.
Awesome.
This is not what I was
going to talk to you about.
Want to grab breakfast together?
I can't. I fly back
today, but thank you.
You're sweet.
Are you afraid?
-Of what?
-To go back to Iraq.
I mean, a little,
but I also love being in the Navy.
If I give you something,
promise you won't think I'm weird.
I can't promise that
until I see what it is.
Jerk.
Okay, I'm not a Jesus freak
or anything,
but I want you to have this.
Only if you want it, of course.
Really? You're so sweet.
Are you sure?
This little lady's been
through a lot with me.
I can tell.
Are you sure you want me to take it?
Because I will take it.
Be safe.
When I get back, you have to tell me
all about your life in Russia, okay?
I'm going to make a movie about it, and
you can watch it with everyone else.
Smart-ass.
This is it.
We are about to find
out what it feels like
to have your biggest dream come true.
-Just like in the movies.
-Ready for our happy American ending?
Boom! Let's cut.
-Jesus Fucking Christ!
-What the hell?
I really don't appreciate
that kinda language.
It's looking good.
If just keep up this pace...
One, two, ready.
DEDICATED TO GEORGE HAYES
1928-2018
Ever since my mother took
me to the movies.
You can't keep it from me.
This is my fucking house.
Come on, give it to me.
Get off me!
Come on, give me that
fucking bottle, you bitch.
I want it right fucking now!
Come on.
Give it to me.
Take Potato to the neighbors.
Take him out of here.
Get him out of here!
Now!
POTATO DREAMS OF AMERICA
BASED ON TRUE EVENTS
Put it down.
-Potato, where's your red scarf?
-I won't wear it.
What?
The red stands for all the blood
that was spilled for the revolution.
I won't wear your stupid
communist bloodthirsty scarf.
And what if I have a
word with your mother?
My mom says we should question
everything the government tells us.
You're a doctor.
What are you waiting for?
Does she now?
Give him this.
The communists are no
better than the Nazis.
They killed so many people.
They ruined this country.
I'm innocent. Help me.
If I said what you just said
when I was your age.
I'm innocent. Get me out.
Look straight, everyone.
Can't you see I'm dying here?
I need help.
Please.
So because Schwarz pressed
that big button before he let go.
There're all these giant
machines that start working
like underground, and
suddenly they like make
all this air and the air starts blowing
from underground, like in geysers.
-I've seen a geyser once.
-We don't care.
What happened next?
So the air goes whoosh and breaks
all the windows on Mars.
And everybody's just screaming.
What about
the three-tittied lady mutant?
Her too.
They all think they're gonna die.
Schwarz and this girl have these big,
swollen heads like crazy puppets.
-Hey, Dima, is this the geyser you saw?
-Shut up.
And finally, the oxygen spreads
everywhere, even where Schwarz is.
-So he stops dying, and he lives.
-What about his girlfriend?
-And his girlfriend lives too.
-And the three-tittied lady mutant?
Your mom's a three-tittied
mutant lady.
Wait, wait, look.
-Where did you find this?
-The dumpster.
-Pretty sweet, huh?
-Potato, look.
-Hey, give it back.
-Wow! Nice find.
Have you guys seen
Star Wars Episode 35?
-There's no Episode 35.
-Yes there is.
I saw it at my Grandma's
neighbor's place.
-You're stupid.
-Are there any hot chicks in it?
-Several.
-I wanna hear.
Me too. Someone told me
it's very good.
-Stupid.
-Tell it, tell it.
It begins... in space.
Dear compatriots.
Is this it?
It's really happening?
I'm not dreaming?
If my father were alive to see this.
He was so proud to serve
in the Red Army.
Screw him.
Are we gonna be free now?
I don't even know what that means.
No more Soviet Union,
no more communism.
-We'll have freedom of speech.
-Oh, and maybe toilet paper.
I was thinking maybe I
should move in with you.
Where is this coming from? Just last
week you tried breaking up with me.
Last week, I was lost.
After reading Nietzsche again,
I didn't know who I was.
-And now you do?
-I feel inspired by this.
Everything's gonna be different now.
I feel like a new man.
A divorced woman with
a child should be begging
strangers on the street
to move in with her.
-Grandma, don't be dumb.
-You hear what he said to me?
-Because you're dumb.
-I don't know.
You keep coming and going, and Potato
needs some stability in his life.
-Mom, I don't care.
-You stay outta this.
If you're worried about crowding you,
I really don't have that many things.
Just some clothes and a color TV.
A color TV?
-Did he just say a color TV?
-When did you get a color TV?
Last month. My brother bought
a new one and gave me his old one.
You really could use
a man around the house.
Why not?
Let's try it.
The more the merrier, right.
Color TV.
-What's going on?
-Just you wait.
Have you lost your mind?
We only have two channels.
It's coming.
What is? I don't see anything.
Everyone at school is talking about it.
It came on last night.
It's a renegade channel.
-They show American movies.
-I don't believe it.
-We have three channels now.
-I wanna see. Let me see.
American movies on TV.
American movies.
-What's this?
-Secret Channel Number Three.
They show American movies late
at night.
-No, no, not now.
-We'll never find out what happened.
-What happened?
-The power's out again.
-Oh God, not again.
-It was an accident.
An accident...
He was beaten to death.
He died from an accident.
You need to write that
in your report.
Accident.
Well, that didn't take long.
-What?
-Vova, how long before he moved out?
A couple months this time.
He said he needs to find himself.
Why can't he find
himself in your apartment?
Beats me. I don't care.
I just miss his color TV.
The women in our family are cursed.
We just can't hold on to our men.
You wanna hold on to these lousy men,
you go right ahead.
I'd rather be alone if
these are my only options.
-Alone?
-What about Potato?
-What about me?
-You need a father.
I have a father.
He's a sack of shit.
Bastard's refusing to pay child support
I have to go to court again next month.
-Any father is better than no father.
-Are you kidding me?
You want your grandson to
grow up watching a mean drunk
beat your daughter every night?
Your trouble is you've
never really loved a man.
-Except Potato.
-I'm okay with that.
Even right after you were born,
you were always cold.
You had these thin, mean
little lips that your pursed.
I know, Mom.
And bulging eyes like an ant.
-Yes, bulging eyes.
-Mom, your lips are not thin.
What other compliments
are in store for me today?
Oh, remember when
you were a little girl,
and you pulled your hair
back, and all the neighbors
kept telling you you
looked like an old Jew?
From what I recall, the only
person saying that was you.
We saw your little old Jew today,
the neighbors would say, and
I'd have to correct them.
Oh no, no, you saw my little
old half-Armenian girl today.
She's not a Jew.
I'm glad you were there
to clear that one up.
That's what mothers are for.
In the beginning, Christ Himself
only had a handful of followers,
and today there are millions around
the world who follow His word.
Now that the red Babel
has fallen, your classmates
and friends and neighbors will
start believing in Him too.
The important thing is, you should
never be ashamed of Christ.
-Bring Him home with you.
-Bring Him everywhere.
I'm not sure we have
room at my apartment.
I don't need much space.
All I need is your love.
All I need is love too.
-You look like you could use a friend.
-You're right.
My old friends are starting to drink
and sniff glue and talk about vaginas.
I can't do any of those things.
My mom is already stressed
out enough as it is.
-Tell me more about your mom.
-My mom is my best friend.
But... she's always sad.
-I'm always worried about her.
-Let me take care of your mom.
Let me take care of everything.
For real?
-Mom, I found Christ.
-That's nice.
Your mom looks like
she could be your sister.
Everyone says that.
She had me young.
Why do you think your mom
is always sad?
All she thinks about is when I turn 18
and get drafted into military.
She says nothing is worse
than the Russian military.
She's afraid I have no future.
-Do you think you have a future?
I can't let myself
think about the future.
-I have to stay strong for Mom.
-You have to have faith.
In what?
In good things that are gonna happen
to you. A better tomorrow.
Easier said than done.
It's like the American movies.
Why do you think the hero
always wins in the end?
Because they're in America.
No. Well, yeah, because
they're in America.
But also... because they believe.
Our lives are like Russian movies.
Nothing good ever happens.
Bad guys always win.
Then believe in American movies.
You have to believe.
And get your mother... to believe.
Stop it.
I think some of you are taking
these new freedoms a bit too far.
My parents say we can never be free
until we get rid of all the Jews.
Well that's a little harsh,
don't you think?
Put all the kikes
in an oven, like Hitler did.
-Too bad Hitler didn't finish the job.
-Shut up.
You know who's worse
than kikes? Faggots.
-Faggots make me sick.
-They're not really human.
I heard you can tell
a faggot by the way they walk.
Now, class, we really don't
have any of those people
in Russia, it's an American thing.
Drugs, perverts and AIDS.
-They all have AIDS.
-Freddie Mercury.
Freddie was not a faggot.
Of course he wasn't.
He was too talented.
Anyway, let's talk about
something more pleasant.
-Back to the subject of kikes.
-We're not supposed to use that word.
Kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes...
Come on. You don't have
to do what everyone does.
-Let go.
-No, don't do it. I know your dad is...
-Shut up, shut up.
You know nothing about me.
Kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes...
You can tell a
faggot by the way they walk.
Not in Russia.
Not really human.
-Faggot.
-By the way he walks.
The way he walks.
-Jesus?
-What?
-Am I a...
-Am I?
-What?
Never mind.
Jean-Claude's really about
to kick some ass right now.
The silence is my last resort
And the only option I will choose
My words are falling rather short
And making things far too confused
Oh my God, oh my God!
Oh my God, I think I'm dying.
-What?
-Something's just happened to me.
-What's happening to me?
-I don't know.
-Maybe you should ask your mom.
-You don't know?
Jesus, you're supposed
to know everything.
-Don't ask me. Ask Mom.
-What if she doesn't know either?
-What if it's something bad?
-What am I supposed to do, huh?
Give me the tissue.
What is this stuff?
That is weird.
It came out of me.
Do you think it's that thing men squirt
into women to make babies?
Oh my God.
-Oh I hope not.
-What if it happens again?
You know, I am sure that this
is never gonna happen again.
What if it does?
Well then we will just have
to tell your mother, won't we?
Happy March Eighth, may you stay
young and beautiful forever.
See? You thought you were in trouble
with me, but you're not.
-Why should I be in trouble?
-Lena, Lena, Lena.
How can I say this without
sounding too harsh?
You need to start doing your job.
-I have been doing my job.
-But have you been following my orders?
Whatever happened last
night was no accident.
I will not lie and say it was
an accident in my report.
I took an oath as a doctor.
You took an oath to help
the living, not the dead.
He wouldn't be dead if
they hadn't murdered him.
Who are they? Can you tell me?
Could you be accusing someone I know?
-I'm not accusing anyone.
Good, you really don't wanna be
throwing accusations around here.
All I know is there was foul play.
The boy was beaten to death.
I won't dishonor his memory by lying.
Maybe you should stop
worrying about this dead boy
and start thinking about your own son.
-I am thinking about my son.
-Are you?
He's all I think about, and I don't
want him to live in a world where...
Forget the world.
This isn't the world.
This is prison,
a purgatory for lost causes.
But your son, he is out
there in the real world,
and when he grows up and
gets drafted by the army,
will your principles protect him
from hazing, torture, malnutrition?
And his own very unfortunate accident?
Because... I could protect him.
I've got connections in the army.
I can make sure that he
gets through it all alive.
Or not.
It's your call.
Who do you think you are, anyway?
You think now that USSR is done,
you can stick your neck out?
The name may be different,
a new flag perhaps,
but the people are the same.
The same old Russia.
And it will grind you up and shit you
out, you and your fucking principles.
Unless you learn to accept things
as they always have
been and will always be.
-Anything interesting this time?
Yes, they're at it again.
Let me see.
I wanna see.
I like how they decorated their place.
They sure are lucky.
How come they never get outages
when we have one every night?
The governor's nephew
lives in their building.
I thought it was the mayor's mistress.
See, I told you capitalism
wasn't gonna be all that.
-This is not capitalism, Mom.
-Okay, well then what is capitalism?
I know it's not capitalism
when the same old farts
who were Communist Party
leaders are suddenly
privatizing all public land
and property for themselves.
Well, at least we can agree
that nothing's gotten better.
-Some things got better.
-Yeah, some things got better.
Like what?
Like... toilet paper.
We have Channel Number Three.
We can watch American movies.
Yes, and that does us a lotta good when
the electricity goes out every night.
The Iron Curtain has lifted.
We can travel, we can even get the hell
out if we want, you know.
-If you ask me, that's an improvement.
-You would leave the country?
-And where would you go?
-Anywhere.
What he said.
Anywhere is better than our beloved
motherland? Shame on you.
If your grandfather were alive to hear
you say that, he'd have a heart attack.
Thank goodness he's dead then.
No, I don't wanna dance with you.
You're a bad boy.
Yeah, you do.
Are you tired of Russian men?
Interested in meeting men from America?
Look no further. We got them all.
Cowboys, businessmen.
Doctors.
Lawyers.
Cowboys, businessmen.
Other employed men.
Request a free application
to add your profile
to our mail order bride catalog
so you too
can be chosen by an eligible bachelor
in a faraway exotic place like Dallas.
Or Santa Barbara.
Or Milwaukee.
Don't let your American
Prince Charming slip away.
Apply now.
-So, who's the lucky guy?
-Are you kidding?
A divorced mother. She's the lucky
one as long as he's breathing.
-Shut up.
-So are you gonna tell us?
-Nope.
-Why?
Leave her alone.
Why don't you wanna tell
us about your fancy date?
She probably doesn't wanna jinx it.
I understand. Don't tell them.
Do not tell them.
These are some jealous broads.
-Finish telling the movie.
-All right, where was I?
-He brought her back to the store.
-That's right. So, get this.
He brings her back
to that expensive store
and tells her
she can buy anything.
-Anything?
-Anything, and...
And he tells those stuck-up
salesmen to spoil her.
Treat her like a queen.
That store where she got
kicked out for being a hooker?
-Yeah.
-If I was her, I'd say big mistake.
I got money, bitches.
Okay, okay, tell me one thing.
Does he marry her at the end?
Let her finish telling the movie.
If it's not a happy ending,
I don't wanna hear the rest.
Of course he marries her.
It's an American movie.
-I wish I was a hooker in America.
-Don't we all.
-Occupation.
-Doctor in prison.
Prison doesn't sound very romantic.
I'll just say doctor.
Doctor in prison sounds bad-ass.
-I don't know if men go for bad-ass.
-Fine.
-Children?
-Me.
-Should I tell them about you, though?
-Grandma will definitely say no.
Yeah, that's a strike against me.
I think I should just
wait until you get married
and show up at your
doorstep as a surprise.
-Religion.
-Russian Orthodox.
Oh, you need to get to bed.
Your Sunday school's in the morning.
I'm not feeling it.
I got Jesus right here.
No, why would you do that?
He's clearly cheating on you.
-Nunchucks, really?
-That's what it's called?
-Confiscated from a gang.
-Cowabunga, like Michelangelo.
-Who?
-Never mind.
-Did he die?
-Yes, she did.
I took a train to her village and
begged her parents to donate it to me.
-Don't you get sad doing this?
-Oh yes, I'm sad. Life is sad.
Look at them, those manly boys.
Someday that'll be you,
if you're fortunate.
-Fortunate?
It's here or at the police academy if
I can get you in with my connections.
Or the military and if it's the latter
you'll never make it out alive.
-But I don't wanna be a policeman.
-Oh really? What do you wanna be?
-I wanna make movies.
-No one in our family has ever...
Do you know anyone that
gets to do what they like?
No.
Do you think when I was a little girl
I wanted to run a police museum?
No, I wanted to be a ballerina.
You see me dancing?
-What makes you so special?
-The fact that I want it so bad.
Sure.
You gotta give it to these gang
members. They're very creative.
Why don't you keep that?
Bring it with you to school.
-What?
-Bring it with you to school.
That way, the next time somebody picks
on you, you can pull it out and...
-No one is picking on me at school.
-Oh really?
That's not what your teachers say.
When did you speak to my teachers?
-You can't tell Mom.
-Oh my mommy, she's so fragile.
Fine, I'll bring it to school.
But if you ever tell Mom,
I will kill you.
Nice! That's a great way
to talk to your grandma.
-They turned off the water again.
-Mom!
I told you, I don't wanna open the
letter in the middle of the street.
We're almost home.
We'll get there and open it properly.
-What do you mean properly?
-I don't wanna open it here.
-Mom, it's a letter from America.
-I don't want anyone to hear.
There is no one here.
Please.
Fine.
Look, it's in English.
-There's a photo of him.
-How old is he?
Such a friendly face.
Let's get home and open
it with a dictionary.
Look.
His name is John.
John.
John.
-He works for Meecrosoft.
-What is that?
-It says something about computers.
-Computers?
Dear John, thank you so much
for your interest in me.
Your letter was a nice surprise
when I came home today.
What can I tell you about us?
Vladivostok is a big city
in the far east,
right next to China and Japan.
My son and I live in an
apartment on the fifth floor.
It's a little place,
but we try to make it cozy.
We are lucky there's only
two of us here,
Same size apartments in our building
are shared by three generations.
But my mother does visit us often.
I work as a doctor in prison.
It's challenging,
and sometimes they pay me.
I'm lucky to have a job,
but I don't love it.
I call my son Potato.
He is a very good student.
He loves school, American
movies and Jesus Christ.
He was so excited last week.
I saved and saved and
bought us a new color TV.
All we know about America
are American movies,
but it's enough to fall in
love with your country.
There are always happy endings.
-Mom?
-What?
Mom, I have to tell you something.
What is it?
Something terrible.
My little Potato, what is it?
My biology book?
Yes.
It says that when a boy exercises,
he's not going to want to...
What?
Touch himself.
Touch?
There.
-Masturbating?
-I guess.
I did.
I do sometimes.
The book says it's very
dangerous to your health.
I exercise, and I exercise,
just like the book says,
and I still end up.
Are there any other terrible things
you're planning on telling me?
Am I going to die?
Someday when you're
really really old, yes,
but not from doing that.
-But my biology book says...
-Your biology book is outdated garbage.
Look, I'm sorry you were so worried.
But everyone, hey,
everyone does it.
Okay?
Men and women.
-Everyone?
Everyone.
Even Grandma?
Even Grandma.
Grandma, we were
just talking about you.
Oh you were, were you?
Why can't you live on the first floor?
How was work?
I had a 48-hour shift in prison, Mom,
and they haven't paid me in two months.
-How do you think work was?
-I can't even ask now?
I got you that job.
I'd like to know how it's going.
All right, since you
really wanna know.
We had another accident.
Another dead boy, another neck broken.
I'm supposed to say it was a heart
attack, but I'm not going to say that,
so my boss is threatening to,
God knows what, kill me?
All the prisoners have tuberculosis,
and I don't have
anything to treat them with,
so now every time
that I cough I think maybe
I've caught it from them.
Oh, and did I mention that my boss
is threatening to kill me?
-What else would you like to know?
-No need to be so dramatic.
I wanna come home and try to forget
about what's happening at work, okay?
-Is that all right with you?
-Fine.
-Potato, what is that?
-Gift from Grandma.
It's nothing.
He was being bullied so badly
at school he was skipping class.
It's not true.
What do you want?
To give you this and talk
about getting back together.
No.
-No?
-Not interested.
I understand why you'd feel this way.
And I really appreciate
you giving me space
when I asked for it, but I've
had time to think it all over
and I believe I finally found myself.
Well I don't like what
I see, so keep looking.
-But, Baby, I...
-You see that over there?
You got a new color TV?
That's right, I saved
and I saved and I saved
and finally got us our very own
color TV.
So?
So I don't need your indecisive ass
anymore, okay? Goodbye.
What did you do that for?
Who's gonna want you now?
Nobody's gonna want me, Mom.
You would tell me if you were skipping
school and getting bullied!
--He doesn't tell you anything.
-Mom, I didn't want you to worry.
His back is covered in bruises. They
beat the shit out of him last week.
Stop, Mom, stop.
-Who did this to you?
-A bunch of his classmates.
Mom, where are you going?
I'm going to your school, to find out
who's been bullying you and kill them.
-You can't protect him forever.
-Mom, you can't do this.
-It will only make it worse, stop.
-You should listen to him. He's right.
You're only gonna make it worse.
The kid needs to toughen up.
It's only gonna make it worse.
He's going to be drafted
in a couple of years,
and the bullies at
school, they're gonna look
like angels compared to
what's coming for him.
I've told you and told you and told you
you are not raising him right.
He is far too sensitive.
The army will be the death of him.
You never shoulda left his father.
At least then Potato would
have a male figure in his life.
You have to eat.
There's no point.
What do you mean, Mom?
Don't you feel the walls closing in?
Mom, you're just sad.
It's okay.
You will feel better, like before.
I never felt better.
I don't remember feeling better.
There's always been this dark cloud
that follows me around
no matter where I go.
That's not a cloud, Mom.
That's just Grandma.
I wish we could fall asleep right now
and never wake up.
I could keep you safe.
This place is gonna crumble
around us. I can feel it.
Mom?
Get better.
Please!
I don't know what's going on.
Mom, please, you're scaring me.
-Good evening.
-Good evening, Nina Ivanovna.
Look what I got in the mail today.
It's for you.
Must be because we have
the same apartment number.
Wrong building, though.
The postman must have messed up.
I was very surprised to
find a letter from the USA.
I didn't mean to open it,
but I didn't look at the name.
-I just thought it was for me.
-That's okay.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
It's not every day you
get a letter like this.
-Thank you so much for bringing it.
-I hope you don't mind I smelled it.
American paper smells different.
Isn't that strange?
Have a good night.
Be sure and tell your American friend
to write the address more clearly.
We will. We will. Thank you.
Good night, Nina Ivanovna.
-Good night.
-Good night.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Do you know what it says?
-What does it say?
-I don't know.
I should get a dictionary
to make sure.
-What does it say, Mom?
-Oh God, I'm afraid to say it out loud.
Mom?
I think it says here that John wants
to bring us to America.
-Are you serious?
-Oh God, I'm afraid to believe.
-I'm afraid to get my hopes up.
-You should never be afraid to believe.
Let's pray.
Darling, dear Mary.
You're a mother, like me, so you know
why I feel so desperate.
Please let me marry this
kind man, this John.
Let me bring Potato to
America so he's safe
and doesn't get drafted
into the Russian army.
There's nothing I wouldn't
do to protect him.
Please, mother of God, do this for us
and I'll never ask for anything else.
If you're quiet enough in
the height of the night
You can hear the song of freedom
The stunning song of freedom
It beats in the dreams
of the girls and queens
And the men and the
boychicks and in-betweens
While the fears are busy away
The rumble of the moon,
it will drown and swoon
The years of yeses and nos
Gather the highs and the lows
What's left is freedom
Spread your span
Raise your hands
Catch the song of freedom
Catch the song of freedom
Ride her light
Into the sweet of the night
This is your song of freedom
This is your song of freedom
Demons within you will
think that you're them
As they gnaw and they
claw and they fight
Insisting that they're in the right
You can hold on to your crown
What was lost is now sound
You can hear the song of freedom
The gorgeous song of freedom
The rumble of the moon,
it will drown and swoon
The years of yeses and nos
Gather the highs and lows
What's left is freedom
Freedom
Spread your span
Raise your hands
This is your song of freedom
This is your song of freedom
Freedom
What?
Oh my God.
-Oh my God, oh my God.
-You give him computer?
Oh my God!
-How can you? It's too expensive.
-It was worth it to see him so happy.
You are kind.
Thank you. I love you.
Hey, he looks like he's never
seen a computer before.
Are you kidding?
In our family, nobody have phone.
Computer is like spaceship to him.
You're more than welcome.
For me.
Let's see, what could this be?
Oh, toy train, I love toy trains.
How did you know?
Your letters, one time
you say you love toy trains.
-And you remembered?
-Of course.
Well this is great, great.
It makes me feel like I was a kid.
-How do you say your name?
-Vasili.
I'm sorry, can you say it louder
so the whole class can hear?
-Why?
-You've got a beautiful Russian name.
Or is it Czech or something?
How do you pronounce it?
Vasili.
Vissel?
-Yeah, that's fine.
-What's this part?
-Name of my father. It goes in middle.
-Oh, say your middle name for me.
-I do not want to.
-Say your name please.
I do not want my father's name.
I'm having a hard time
understanding you,
but I can't start class until
you say your whole name.
Vasili Sergeyevich Naumenko.
Oh, that's nice, thank you.
Isn't that a beautiful name, class?
Great, you can have a seat.
Thank you.
And see, class, this is
what we were talking about,
about awareness and inclusivity.
Really paying attention
to how we're all alike
and all so different at the same time.
Really explore yourself.
Do you know why American
women so independent?
Why?
Because you
have all these machines.
Washing machine, drying machine,
microwave, dishes washing machine.
In Russia, we have nothing.
-I see you found Lena Number One.
-Huh?
Yeah, her name was Lena also. I met her
through the same catalog as you.
-She live with you in America?
-Briefly.
-Marriage only lasted three months.
-Marriage?
I didn't tell you because I didn't
think it was much of a marriage.
-What happened?
-Didn't work out.
Our beliefs were not compatible,
so I sent her back to Russia.
Sent her back?
I didn't wanna make a big deal of it,
but now that you know,
I guess it's a good reminder
for you not to disappoint me.
It's just a joke.
Mostly.
-I am very concerned about you.
-Why?
Because you're losing
your beautiful culture.
People come to this country,
and they lose their beautiful heritage.
And that's not what we want.
People say this country is a melting
pot, and I just disagree.
Why would you want a
boring, mushy, melting pot
when you could just toss a salad,
right?
Every culture is beautiful and unique.
I want to learn English.
This is all.
No, you're not hearing me.
And don't worry about English.
I think you should be
at a school with other
Russian speakers
and Russian interpreters
so you can be with your own kind.
-I do not want to be.
-I want you to meet someone.
Timor, this is Vasilin.
Nice to meet you.
He is also Russian.
So I'll leave you two to
talk amongst yourselves.
Be sure to speak Russian together.
Timor, Vasilin
really needs some friends.
Oh, and Vasilin, I'm gonna
move you from my class
into an ESL class,
it's gonna be a better fit for you.
-Would you fuck her?
-What?
Would you fuck that bitch?
Would you take your cock and rub it
in her face like this?
Look at her ass.
-I do not want.
-Oh, fresh off the boat, huh?
-No, I'm from Vladivostok.
-Cool, cool.
No, not cool.
I'm from Tbilisi,
but that cunt thinks I'm Russian
because she don't know difference.
I'm serious.
If she was like coming on to you.
You know, like, hey, I suck your big
Russian penis long time,
would you, you know, stick it in her?
I don't understand.
What are you, a faggot or something?
A homo?
Man, I'm just kidding you, man.
I hate faggots. In Tbilisi, if we think
some guy is a faggot, we kill him.
And no one even care.
Okay, later.
Hi.
-You survived the first day.
-American school very easy.
Back where I come from,
school is like hell.
Really?
Did you come here
with your whole family?
My mom. She is my whole family.
Hey, so, I'm taking an
art class this quarter,
and I have to do all these
sketches for homework.
Art is great.
I was thinking,
because I'm tired of drawing
pots and flowers, it would
be cool to have a life model.
-Would you model for me?
-Like naked with no clothes?
No!
I just mean you have a cool face.
I mean, drawing your face.
Why, did you wanna pose naked?
No, but, yeah, you can draw my face.
Here's my... number.
So it says here you
went to medical school?
Yes.
-So you're a doctor?
-Yes.
You know, here... we just make tacos.
I know.
-So, why do you wanna work here?
-I need work.
My English, not good.
I cannot be doctor here.
Fair enough.
So when can you start?
It's comforting to know that the tracks
are already there.
Number of routes and
destinations are predetermined.
Not like automobiles.
-Here we say cars.
-Cars.
You know, as you grow older,
you will see that sometimes
it's hard for us to understand
God's plan.
He gives us all this free
will just to watch us fail
and make bad choices.
Might even seem cruel at times.
But it's not for us to understand that.
Our job is to do what the Bible says.
Bible say so many thing.
-What was that?
-I say, Bible say so many thing?
Exactly. Everything we need
to know is right there,
if only we listen.
You know, I tried a number
of faiths before I settled
on Russian Orthodox,
and you know why I chose it?
Why?
There's no wiggle room
in its interpretation.
It's the purest of doctrines.
And it's this rigidity
that we all need now,
as the world turns into
a dark, wild jungle.
It's this rigidity that
will shelter us from temptation.
Keep us outta trouble, you know.
That's too small.
You cut like this.
-Sorry.
-It's okay, you'll do fine.
Thank you.
Is it true that you
were a doctor in Russia?
Yes.
My husband was a professor
back home.
Here, he works at a gas station.
I'd rather scrub floors here
than be doctor back in Russia.
I understand.
-You come to this country alone?
-My son and me came.
-I married American man.
-American? You must be so happy.
Your son can live here now
and have a real future.
So happy, no words how happy.
Your American husband,
he's good-looking?
He is nice.
He is not rich, either, or you would
not have to work here.
-It's okay, it's okay. I understand.
-I am very lucky.
Aat least you got a man.
Her over there... she's a lesbian.
She loves only women.
-Really?
-Um-hum.
Good for her.
Yes, good for her.
-How's it going?
-Good.
-Hey, how was Taxi Driver?
-My stepfather loves it.
Of course he does.
Such a good film.
Gregg Araki is one of my favorites.
Have you seen the Doom Generation?
So good, but I like this one too.
Cool cover, huh?
We have his new one two, Nowhere.
It's in the new section
if you wanna check it out.
Due Wednesday by eight PM.
Have a good day.
Wanna know what I
like best about guys' bodies?
They got this line running right
through the middle of them,
dividing their torsos in two.
It starts up here, around
the V of the collarbone.
If you had to choose...
which would you rather die for?
Sex?
Or love?
-Getting some air?
-Yeah, outside very nice.
Good night.
Good night.
Oh Christ God, bless the food
and drink of thy servants.
For holy art thou always, now, ever
and on to the ages of ages, amen.
So, must be a big culture shock for you
going to an American school, huh?
I like it very much.
People very friendly with me
here, and students don't try
to kill you every day like in Russia.
So, very nice.
Yeah, well, we are lucky we live here.
But you tell that to the liberals.
They will destroy this country yet.
I mean, prayer not allowed in school.
Homosexuality condoned.
Millions of innocent unborn
children slaughtered.
The government gets bigger
and bigger...
And believe me,
they would round us all up too
if they could, but in the United States
we have the right to bear arms.
-Where do you find bear arms?
-Poor bear, no.
No.
It means the right to own guns.
Don't shoot gun at bear.
Hunting is mean.
Nobody is shooting bears.
It's the government we have
to protect ourselves from.
They're the ones that are out
to get us.
I mean, they're vaccinating everybody,
putting fluoride in the water.
Fluoride is good for teeth.
I learn in medical school.
-No, it's not.
-No, not good.
-No, fluoride is bad.
-Fluoride is very bad.
Very bad.
So what to do?
There's nothing to do,
they have us cornered.
-Who?
-The government.
Then you should get lost.
She means hide.
There's nowhere to hide.
They control everything.
The phones, the water supply,
the liberal media.
But, and you will learn this in school,
basically, this is a Christian nation.
But the government has forgotten that.
They have taken God away,
and pretty soon
they will come and take
our guns away too.
What they do with God?
Not allowed, they said.
No God allowed.
Really?
Really, and if we keep telling God
that He is not welcome here,
I am sure He
will abandon this nation.
All this, so great.
What's great?
Dinner.
Hotdog.
This green thing.
-The relish.
-Relish, everything.
You know, every day I wake up
and my life feel upside down.
I feel, how you say, upside down now.
Upside down?
Before, I feel I have
bad dream and always afraid
bad dream never finish.
Now, I think I have wonderful dream
and always afraid I will wake up.
Right side up.
I'm expecting something.
I'll get it.
Good afternoon, I have quite
a few packages here for you.
Can you sign here?
Thank you. Bring it on in.
-They came.
-What this is?
The spices and baking products.
It's our retirement plan.
I'm gonna be selling these.
I didn't tell you.
-You sell salt and papers?
-Peppers.
Not exactly, I have to get other people
to sign up with the same company.
That's where the real money is.
It's capitalism. It's a little
confusing, but you'll learn.
No, I heard about it before.
In Russia, we call... pyramida, no?
-What?
-Pyramida.
-Pyramida.
-It's not a pyramid scheme!
This is our future here.
What do you know about business?
No, no, no, I know nothing.
I know nothing. I know nothing.
I am happy you are happy.
I hope you can be retarded very soon.
-Retired.
-Look, garlic and salt together.
Beautiful, so easy.
They put garlic and salt together,
so you do not have to,
how do you say this?
-To mix it?
-Do not have to mix it with your hands.
Life in America is so easy.
-They think of everything.
-Cin-nun-man.
Vanilla concentrat.
I never know they make
spice from a pumpkin.
-Where?
-Here.
Pumpkin spice, it's true.
You know my friend Hannah?
She has a lot of acne.
Yeah, I think I know.
You know what she told me?
You can't tell anyone. Promise.
I do not have anyone to tell.
Her boyfriend asks her to give him
blowjobs like every day they go out.
Really?
-Gross, right?
-Yeah.
-What is it with some guys?
-I do not know.
Would you ever pressure a girl
to give you a blowjob?
I would never pressure a girl.
-I just love your cute little accent.
-I hate it.
-I will learn to get rid of it.
-Don't. It's cute.
First time I feel like I find home,
place I want to be,
but nobody let me forget my past.
They all ask, where you from?
Russia, I love Russia.
It only makes you special.
I want other things to make
me special.
I think you're special in every way.
You too, Mandy.
You're my only real friend here.
You're so funny.
I like being your friend.
-My mom thinks we're dating, though.
-Dating?
It's funny, right?
Very funny.
-It is?
-I think so.
Why?
You're my best friend.
-Your only friend, according to you.
-It is true.
So ... if I started dating someone,
you wouldn't mind?
Of course, no, I'd be happy for you.
Why would I mind?
Because we talk on the phone
every day.
Everybody thinks we're dating.
I thought it was only your mom.
-Marilyn Manson?
-Yes.
-He sounds angry.
-Me too.
I know.
I hate that he tells us how to pray
and what to believe.
I think he's crazy.
John is different, I know.
He's not what we thought he was.
It's people like him who want
people like me to stay second class.
What people?
-You wouldn't understand.
-Potato, what are you talking about?
I can't tell you.
Please tell me.
You always tell me everything.
Not everything. I could
never tell you everything.
In Russia, you had so much depression.
How could I tell you everything?
I promise.
I promise, you can tell me.
You don't have to protect me.
I am strong.
I'm gay.
What?
Gay.
Gay?
Do you even know what that means?
This is all?
This is why you are so
depressed all the time?
This is why you sneak out at night?
Yes, I just, I feel so much.
I have to run.
I run and run until I am so
tired that I can finally sleep.
Potato, you promise, nothing
else has happened to you?
You promise, this is all, yes?
What do you mean this is all?
You think I care that you are a gay?
Everyone is a little bit gay.
What?
Sometimes, I see my
friends change clothes,
you know, I notice.
I have gay thoughts.
You wanted to have sex
with your women friends?
Oh no, no.
Mom, I am real gay.
Gay all the way.
This is fine.
This is fine.
I am so happy.
Happy that you finally trust
telling me.
And happy because now I
know you finish school.
You will not marry some girl
who tells you she is pregnant,
and you drop your studies and work all
your life to support this silly girl
and some ugly, screaming baby
who's probably not even your baby.
In Russia, I was always afraid
if it happened that way.
-I am so happy you gay.
-Mom.
I'm sorry, I know.
I know it's serious.
Oh, but I think it is good news.
But, Potato,
we cannot tell John.
Of course not, I know.
If he find out,
he will kick us out of America.
I will kill myself before I go back.
I'm serious, Potato.
He will send us back to Russia.
He had Russian wife before.
-What?
-He made rid of her.
She is back in Russia now.
He changes Russian wives
like old socks.
Just be patient.
Okay?
Will you tell me what
the surprise is about?
No.
Come in.
-Hi.
-Hi.
This is Cheryl.
She is my manager at work.
And I'm gay.
My partner, Carrie, is in the back.
And this is Brian. He is also gay.
Hi.
You're... gay?
Yes, I hear you are too.
You have the best mom.
Come in.
We've been
together five years now.
You're my first real gay people.
In Russia, I did not
know if I was only one,
or if gay people were monsters
from Mars.
That's how I felt in Tennessee.
No, but you have to remember,
it will get better.
Yeah, and once you can move out
of the house and live on your own.
Sorry, but it's true.
-No, she's a great mom.
-Of course, she's not the problem.
But the man she's married to.
I am more like his slave
than his wife.
He knows he can do anything to us
because we cannot go back to Russia.
It is like he has gun to our head.
When you get permanent status,
he can't send you back.
This one's studying to be a lawyer.
Maybe you can help them someday.
You will be okay, I promise.
We know how hard
it is when you're young.
Let's take a photo.
I have some film left over
from your engagement party.
-Engagement?
-Yes, we're going to marry in February.
Marry?
It's not legal yet,
but it will be, someday.
For now, we can still have
a ceremony in our church.
In a church?
Hey, just to let you know,
we got an extra copy
of The Living End for sale right here.
The Living End?
Yeah, I see you rented
it like 100 times,
so I figured you might just
wanna buy our extra copy.
I never rented this.
My bad.
Maybe someone else on the account?
-My stepson.
-Anyone on the account can rent it.
Anyway, let him know in
case he wants to buy it.
I will.
-I thought we'd have a movie night.
-Wait, I finish my English lesson soon.
No, now.
-Where's Potato?
-He go out with friends.
Friends, I can just imagine. That's
right. He doesn't need to see this.
-He's seen it many many times before.
-He did?
Oh yeah, it's his favorite movie.
What do you want me to do?
When I start to come, choke me.
-How do you explain that?
-What? I do not understand.
-What do you make of it?
-I do not make of it.
It must be mistake.
Why are you so angry?
It's no mistake.
Potato has rented this
homosexual movie for months now.
I just found out today,
and I was afraid to tell you.
I thought you'd be devastated, like
any good Christian mother would be!
But it doesn't seem to
bother you, does it?
Are you condoning this behavior?
-I do not. I do not.
-Good. Then let's send him away.
Send him away?
Yeah, there are good
Christian schools and camps
where we can send him
where they'll fix him.
Fix him?
No, what are you saying?
No, please.
I wanted a Christian family.
This is why I married you.
I thought you were Russian Orthodox.
You told me you were Russian
Orthodox. You lied to me!
I never lied.
We were supposed to help
each other stay on track,
but you've just been
mocking me this whole time.
Potato and I are Christian,
I promise you.
Oh, lies, lies, I don't
wanna hear it anymore!
Look, you go back pack your bags,
and I'm gonna take you to the airport,
buy you two tickets back to Russia.
No, you cannot, you cannot.
Please, please, please!
You really think I can't?
What do you think the INS
will say if I tell them
I don't wanna be married
to you anymore?
-No please, please.
-What do you think they will say?
No, please, please.
No, I promise you.
I promise.
Happy birthday...
What's wrong?
Oh, what is it?
Nothing matters.
This job do not matter.
-I just do not know where else to go.
-What is it?
He's kicking us out.
He will send us back to Russia.
He said this.
-He wants us to go.
-Your husband?
-He's threatened this before!
--Not like this. This time he mean it.
-Bastard.
-Asshole.
My son.
I cannot have my son go back to Russia,
get drafted in Russian army.
He has future here. We come so far.
We cannot go back.
You won't have to go back.
We'll hide you, here,
behind the tortilla boxes.
I'll talk to Carrie. Maybe we can find
you a lawyer or something.
-Maybe we can do something to help.
-We're just immigrants.
We have no rights.
That can't be true,
Lena, that can't be true.
You don't have to go. They cannot keep
you out if they cannot find you.
I feel like I cannot breathe.
Hello, Lena.
My name is Grace.
Sit with me please.
You must be so confused.
There's so much to explain.
Grace?
Grace, like Grace Slick.
You must have so many questions.
Questions. Yes, I have questions.
Where do I start?
When I was a wee child,
I realized that I wanted
to be just like my little girl cousins.
Deep down,
I knew I was just like them.
When I borrowed one of their dresses,
I didn't even know it
was supposed to be wrong.
Then my mother saw me.
She straightened me out.
She had this look,
I'll never forget it.
It's like she wanted to kill me.
And after that day,
she never mentioned it again.
But for me, oh, every
time I looked at her,
all I could see was that look.
On that day.
I didn't wear a dress for
a long time after that,
but, oh, I did let Grace sneak out
just before I went in the Navy.
But then I met my first wife,
and I thought everything
was gonna be okay somehow.
I loved her.
Then she caught me in the dress.
And the names she called me
and the things she threatened me with.
She told me I would never be
able to see my child again.
She hated me so much.
Just like my mother.
Then,
the loathing,
it just rubbed off on me,
and I was steeped in it.
My soul was infused
with this self-hatred.
I tried different drugs,
and then I quit them.
Moved every few years
to try and start a new life.
And then between trying on dresses,
I tried different religions.
And some of them were
very tolerant to me.
But I couldn't stand the tolerance.
It was like an unfulfilled promise.
They said that God loved me
for who I am.
And then I'd go in the real world,
and the real world told me
something very different.
I am so sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I lashed out at you.
You don't know how much
you helped me.
You see, I married
a Russian Orthodox woman
because I thought you
would be narrow-minded
and help me repress this.
But here you are with so
much love for everybody.
And it's this love that has allowed me
to be who I am.
Thank you.
I'm back.
Oh my God, it's Grace.
-Oh my God.
-It's been forever.
You look wonderful.
Where have you been?
And who's this adorable little thing?
This is my lovely wife, Lena.
This is your wife?
You're her wife?
-She came out to you?
-Yes.
You know, we have not seen
Miss Grace in quite a while.
If leaping in and outta that closet
was Olympic sport,
she got a gold medal already.
-Very funny.
-In and out, in and out.
-But remember, girls, no judgment here.
-Make yourself useful.
-Everyone has their own path.
-That's right.
-Yet we all ended up in here.
-That's right, that's right.
Grace lives for karaoke.
Oh that's my song. I want in.
Oh, the bitch is trying to
steal my song. Oh no, uh-huh.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Would you be so kind?
You're the best, by the way.
I want one of you.
What is your accent?
-What accent?
-Come on, what is it?
Russia, but I do not
like talking about it.
Russia? Right on.
-I have a neighbor who's Russian.
-Really? Must be my couzin.
-Your who?
-He's probably my couzin.
What are you saying?
Sorry, I don't understand.
My couzin, couzin, couzin.
Oh, your cousin.
Really?
No, I make joke.
So is Russia like really cold?
No, my Grandma just
moved to Sochi where it's...
Oh God, I love piroshky.
Russian? I knew you weren't American.
-I am American.
-No, you're not.
-I am.
-You're not.
-Yes, I am.
-You're not American.
I knew you were Russian
from the moment I saw you.
How did you know?
Your crazy Russian accent.
And those cheekbones.
Those cheekbones give it away.
Thanks.
-My roommate is reading War and Peace.
-Tolstoy's bad writer.
Gogol and Bulgakhov
were much better.
What?
Do you love borscht?
Which city are you from?
Vladivostok.
-Come again.
-Vladivostok.
-What?
-Vladivostok.
-Vladi-hardrock?
-Valley Woodstock?
Vladavowelsome.
Good job.
-Speak Russian to me.
-Why?
Because it's hot. Do it, do it!
-But, what should I say?
-Anything.
Perestroika, babushka.
-Really?
-Gorbachev. Dosvedanya.
-I'm not a parrot.
-Fucking do it!
Do it.
-Anna Karenina.
-Oh, you're fucking turning me on.
Gulag, Chernobyl.
-You're so fucking hot.
-Solzhenitsyn, Krasknaya Ploshad.
-What does that mean?
-It means you have nice ass in Russian.
You want me to come over
and teach you some more?
-Mom?
-Potato, I cannot do this anymore.
-What?
-Karaoke.
Transgender is fine with me,
but karaoke?
Nobody wants karaoke every night.
-Are you going to divorce?
-Yep.
-Did you tell Grace?
-I will. I will now.
-I already told your grandma.
-You did? What did Grandma say?
Your grandma does not want
me to get another divorce.
Your grandma said I must do
sex change to become male
so Grace and I can be
normal married couple.
-That sounds like Grandma.
-I tried to tell Grandma about karaoke.
But your grandma, she will
never understand karaoke.
Hold on, I will call you right back.
Grace, we need to talk.
I know. I meant to tell you.
We're gonna be hosting
the Wiccan sister night here.
We're learning how to do spells,
and Trish's place is the
size of a broom closet.
And it smells like cat piss.
Awesome.
This is not what I was
going to talk to you about.
Want to grab breakfast together?
I can't. I fly back
today, but thank you.
You're sweet.
Are you afraid?
-Of what?
-To go back to Iraq.
I mean, a little,
but I also love being in the Navy.
If I give you something,
promise you won't think I'm weird.
I can't promise that
until I see what it is.
Jerk.
Okay, I'm not a Jesus freak
or anything,
but I want you to have this.
Only if you want it, of course.
Really? You're so sweet.
Are you sure?
This little lady's been
through a lot with me.
I can tell.
Are you sure you want me to take it?
Because I will take it.
Be safe.
When I get back, you have to tell me
all about your life in Russia, okay?
I'm going to make a movie about it, and
you can watch it with everyone else.
Smart-ass.
This is it.
We are about to find
out what it feels like
to have your biggest dream come true.
-Just like in the movies.
-Ready for our happy American ending?
Boom! Let's cut.
-Jesus Fucking Christ!
-What the hell?
I really don't appreciate
that kinda language.
It's looking good.
If just keep up this pace...
One, two, ready.
DEDICATED TO GEORGE HAYES
1928-2018