Popcorn und Himbeereis (1978) - full transcript

POPCORN AND ICECREAM

- There's a party tonight.
- Fantastic! She looks like an expert with her mouth!

Yeah...

- Okay, I'll wait for you here.
- Is that an all-day sucker?

Alright, but hurry!

This chick is really fine!

- Hey, Vivi, you're here just in time! Wait a second...
- I can't. I have to get to the bank.

- No, wait... you have to do something for me!
- I have to get to the bank before it closes!

- I began going out with your boss yesterday.
- That old guy?

Come on, I'm not that crazy!
No, it was his son.

- I don't know him.
- He was fabulous!



From now on, Fritz is out.
I've had it with him.

- I thought you two were a match made in Heaven.
- You get sick of Fritz in a hurry.

I've been going with him for a whole week.

He wanted to see me today.
Go tell him, okay?

- Tell him what?
- Tell him it's over!

Tell him I've died, I've left the country.
Tell him whatever you want!

No, I've got a bag full of money
I'm supposed to deposit it right over there.

Okay, let me make the deposit, and you
go and announce the end of our big romance!

- Don't forget the stamped receipt!
- No, I'm going to spend it all!

I'll donate it to a nudist colony!

- Hey, gorgeous!
- Hi, Junior!

- How did you get here so quickly?
- In the yellow cannonball! Hop in...

You're kidding?
You take this thing out on the road?

Yeah, my Porsche is still laid up.
It may look beat up, but the seats recline!



I'd ride a moped with you
if the handlebar reclined!

There's nothing like love in the fresh air!

So, there's plenty to keep you
busy while I'm gone. Right, son?

You'll have a chance to learn the
business from top to bottom. Here...

- Hey! Do I have to learn all this?
- You have three weeks. I'll be going now.

- Just another meeting I need to attend.
- I hope she's nice!

It's not what you think, Junior.
It's business!

I'm going to the annual professional meeting.
Why don't you come along?

- No, I'd better start plowing through this stuff!
- Yes?

I felt I ought to wish you a happy
holiday once last time, Director.

Thank you, Mrs. Matisek.
You know my son, Bob?

Bobby!

Please answer that. I'm not here!

Hello? Kika Möbel...

Really? What?

I'm sorry, Mr. Hansen isn't here.

I don't care which idiot made a mistake!
I want my beds now! I need them!

- Mr. Hansen speaking. Who is it?
- Who is it? Who do you think it is?

Do all your customers wait three
weeks for six beds? Three weeks!

This is the Hotel Sabatini at Wörthersee.
Or haven't you ever heard of us?

Three weeks ago my husband paid you
for six beds! But you never sent them!

He even paid in cash!
So where are the beds? Eh?

Don't give me that bullshit!
Find our order, understand?

Uh oh, my little chickadee
is on the warpath again!

Do we need the beds right now?
Of course we need the beds, you fool!

My dear lady, I guarantee you'll get your beds.
I'll see that they're delivered today!

Don't you worry! I'll take care of it.

Who is in charge of deliveries?

But Director, all our delivery people have been
on vacation for the past 37 and one-half minutes.

Oh, yes. Well, no matter what,
we have to deliver those beds!

- Not only is she an important customer, she's a...
- Hellcat!

I wouldn't care to meet her some dark night.

You know what you're going to do? You're
going to see to it that those beds are delivered!

You'll do it personally.

If you weren't my father, I'd tell
you what you can do with those beds!

This is my business!

Yeah, it's a great set-up.
How about giving me a guided tour?

You want a look at our beds?

I thought your company specialized in playpens.

After you!

- Come on, cowboy, hop in the saddle!
- Aw shucks, ma'am...

Do you sell all your beds by
giving personal demonstrations?

Yeah, and you can have it wholesale!

- What about the sales pitch?
- Our goal is a satisfied customer!

You're crazy!

So, you'll also deliver the beds
to the hospital and the convent?

Yeah, it'll save the
company at least 50 Pfennigs.

Come on!
Can't you concentrate on anything?

- You know how to handle these beds?
- I'll have to be careful not to pinch anything!

- Quick, hide! Someone's coming!
- What on earth?

I thought you were the boss.
What's going on?

If you're the boss,
why do we have to hide?

Will you shut up and come here?

Come on...

- I wish you'd tell me what's going on.
- I'll explain it later. Come on!

There they are.

Okay...

They won't come apart.
I'll have to take them in one piece.

You'll need the large van.

Hello, this is Vivi. Is Bea there?

Yeah, it's pretty important.
She deposited 18.000 Marks in the bank for me,...

...and I need the receipt right away!

Tommorow? No, I have to catch a train
in 3 hours! I'm going to Italy for my holiday.

Oh, she said she'd be at the disco?
Okay, I know the one she means.

I'll meet her there. Thanks!

- Where's the receipt?
- What?

Come on, where's the receipt?
It's for 18.000 Marks!

18.000 Marks? You know what
I'd do if I had that kind of money?

What?

Is it true? You handed me 18.000 Marks?

Haven't you got the receipt for the money?
Where's the money?

- I put it here, so I wouldn't lose it.
- You mean you lost it?

But there's nothing to worry about.
Hey, Junior!

- Come here. We have to go back!
- Back where?

- To your company!
- Why, do you like it there?

Come on! I'll explain on the way.

The beds are gone!

Someone has delivered them.

I just want my money!

Stay right where you are,
or you'll get this stick!

Oh... it's you! What's going on?

Did they come in here
and take out a load of beds?

- Oh, yes!
- Let me see the order.

Hotel Sabatini, Wörthersee.
Okay! Come on!

Go figure... these kids!
They're all crazy!

Why did you have to do that?

Look what you've done to my new car!
Are you drunk, or just crazy?

If I ever get the chance,
I'll bash your head in!

All of you kids,
you're a menace on the road!

Take it easy, pops!
A drink will make you feel better.

Oh... thanks!

No, go ahead. Drink all you want.
Go on, have another drink!

I might as well.

Come on, drink up! I'll have mine
later, after the breathalyzer test.

What do you know?
Here come the cops!

You look to be in bad shape. I bet
your alcohol reading will be off the chart!

They'll be here for hours.
Come on, let's take the train.

You wrecked my new car.
You'll pay for this!

- You want to bet, pops?
- Don't call me pops!

- I'll tell the cops just what happened!
- Sure, you do that, pops!

Just don't breath too hard in their faces.

Hi there, Otto Bronzky's the name.

- Are you on holiday, miss?
- Yes.

Isn't it funny, how everything
goes more quickly on a train?

I mean, people can get acquainted right away ...

... in a manner of speaking.

Hey, gramps, my fiancee doesn't
appreciate being hit on by dirty old men, right?

- Come on, honey.
- Oh, alright...

- Thanks...
- Come in, it's been reserved just for you!

- What happened to the other passengers?
- They all left. I drove them crazy!

Hey! You're not going to
abandon me to the wolves, are you?

This isn't a train, it's a battlefield!

I found a Prince Charming.
This is my friend, Bea.

- Hi!
- This is my fiancee...

Any friend of...
By the way, what should I call you?

- Vivi. And you?
- Johnny.

- Make yourselves at home.
- Thanks.

What do you say?
How about a little snack?

No thanks!

Where is it?

My leather handbag?

My money's in it. Everything!

Great! That's all we needed!

I'm absolutely sure I had it.

- It was in Bob's car.
- Then there's no problem.

- I'll call him in the morning.
- That won't do any good today!

- We don't have money to pay for our tickets!
- Maybe your "fiancee" will help us out?

I'd be happy to help, but like the
song says, "I've got plenty of nothing."

I'm flat broke. It's a good thing I brought
this sandwich along, or I'd be starving!

- Maybe the conductor won't come along.
- Don't worry, he'll be here.

He always stops by when you least expect it.

- I can give you my ticket.
- You can?

- Sure, he's already seen it.
- But what about me?

What's this?
My little ladies, and practically alone!

I'll keep you company.

- Is that alright?
- These seats are all reserved!

No, my friend, they're not reserved.
Not any longer.

Or else they're reserved for Bronzky.

- No smoking in this compartment!
- These cigars are good for little girls.

It stinks!

You won't mind if I finish my sandwich?

- You may continue stuffing your fat face.
- On second thought, I don't think I can.

Why not?

Because I don't want to eat the rest of
my sandwich after you put your fat ass on it!

I did?

You idiot!
You wanted that to happen, didn't you?

No, I wanted my liverwurst.

Imbecile! Did you have to leave your
disgusting sandwich where I was going to sit?

Did you have to sit where
I put my liverwurst sandwich?

I hope you choke on it!

Hold this. I'll be right back!

This is the conductor.
Your ticket, please?

Later. I'll show you later.

- Oh, so don't have a ticket?
- Of course I have a ticket!

- Well then, let me see it!
- I can't come out right now!

Then slip your ticket under the door.

Just a second! Here's the ticket.
I've never seen anyone so persistent!

Thank you, sir!
Have a pleasant trip.

Thank you.

- What for?
- For all you've done for us.

- We had a lot of laughs.
- And that's a good thing!

- I'm sick of your gloomy expression!
- I should smile at losing 18.000 Marks?

I'm the one who lost it,
and I'm going to find it!

- What? You lost 18.000 Marks?
- Yes I did.

It was just one of those things that happens.
But I'll find it. I know where it is.

Oh, look - ice cream!
Let's have some. It's just what I need.

Let me see if I have enough change.
Yes! Let's go!

That's the guy! I'm going to settle
with him right now! Stop here, driver!

Hey! You and I have a score to settle!
You're going to learn your lesson!

Nobody plays Otto Bronzky for a fool!

No, you've mistaken me for someone else.

No, Otto Bronzky doesn't make mistakes!
And no one makes Otto Bronzky look like a fool!

Hey, gramps, you look like you're all
heated up. What you need is ice cream!

Bye bye!

Thanks again for coming so quickly.

Otherwise we'd have had to
put our guests out on the lawn.

We'd have to take down all
the "Keep Off the Grass" signs!

Stop laughing like a jackass!
There's no need to prove how stupid you are.

- Yes, dear...
- And your shipping department is run by idiots!

- Pookey, really...
- Don't worry, I'll tell them myself.

Good! Now I want a beer. A small one!

- Thank you very much for your order!
- She's a pain in the ass when she starts yapping.

That one goes to 21,
and the next one to 28.

- Here, would you sign the delivery slip?
- Of course.

You have a nice place here!

If not for that battle axe, a paradise.

I sometimes dream that a
friendly ghost has spirited her away.

- They tell the future - dreams do.
- If you give 'em a little help!

I have to deliver a load to the hospital, and then
the convent - but I don't know how to get there.

Oh, that's pretty easy. You take a left, followed
by a right. Then the new road straight ahead.

Then zig-zag, then zig.
You want directions to the convent, too?

Never mind...

Is that the last one?

- Yes.
- Good. Take it up!

Right...

Do you know where I can get a room?
I'm pretty tired, and shouldn't drive any more today.

Don't worry about it.
You're sleeping here tonight.

- That's great. I'll see you later.
- Any time...

- Yvonne!
- Are you glad to see me?

Yes, I'm very glad.
Is it possible you've made a mistake?

Really, darling?
You don't seem glad to see me.

Yes, of course I am.
But you surprised me!

- You asked me to come, darling!
- Yes, I did, but...

... it's off again!
Didn't you get my letter?

- You didn't get my letter?
- Haven't you missed your little Yvonne?

You're impossible, Yvonne!

But you said I'd be the star
in your new nightclub, darling!

- Yes... well...
- I have a delicious idea!

- Let's go to your room...
- My wife is here!

What? You're married?

I'm sorry, Yvonne.
I explained it in the letter!

- You cad!
- She's coming!

The beds are inside. Go take care of them!

Ah, a new guest!

- Do you have a reservation?
- I'm the new employee in your fleabag hotel.

Do you think you're being funny?
Alexander, do you know what she's talking about?

Yes, she means she's
going to work in the discotheque.

Yes... she's the new disc jockey.

- A female disc jockey?
- We can't turn her down based on her sex.

And she'll work at a much lower salary.

Where's my room?

In the hotel. Come along...

- Welcome, sir! Have a good trip?
- The less said about that, the better!

- Yes, sir.
- I was astonished on arriving here!

- Really? Something wrong?
- It looks like you did your best ...

... to hide the mountains!
What's the point in coming here?

We didn't tear them down.
They're right there, I assure you!

Certainly, but it's stupid to
hide the place's main attraction!

Right. I suppose there are two solutions.

Would you prefer we cut down
the trees, or raise the mountains?

Hey, I forgot to tell you.
I got the disc jockey job here!

Being a disc jockey is a great summer job!

Oh, man! I just had a great idea!
Where's a telephone?

- Everywhere, but who are you going to call?
- Bob... I'm sure I have his number.

- Why do you want to talk to him?
- For two reasons...

To get your handbag, and there's
something personal I want to ask him, ...

- ...because he does it very well.
- Oh, I see.

Ah! There's his number!

- Excuse me!
- It was my pleasure.

Fascinating! A minor miracle...

- Good afternoon, Father!
- God bless, children...

Good day...

You haven't seen the man?
I've been waiting for over an hour!

- Never around when I need him!
- What, you need a man?

You light candles to St. Barbara
all day, and wait for a miracle?

- Only he can do it!
- Do what?

What else? Fix my cooking stove.

Hey! What a place!
I could handle this for a while...

- I wonder if the guy with the beds has arrived?
- Hey, look over there!

I'll go check in at the hotel.

Are we too late?

Shit, it's locked...

- Dammit... this is just our luck!
- Shit...

- Hey, what are looking for?
- Our virginity, if you must know.

- You'll be looking for a long time!
- A brilliant remark!

What should we do?

For a start, close the door.

We're supposed to take orders from you?
Who do you think you are?

Seriously, what are you looking for in there?

Come on. This guy's a creep.
So long, Tarzan... thanks for nothing!

Maybe I can help you?

If someone hadn't delivered our
bed, we wouldn't be in this trouble!

Nobody asked for your help!
Let's go, we're wasting time with this guy!

Go on, deliver your junk... jerk!

So, where are the beds now?

If they were delivered here,
we'll check in and search the rooms.

So, this is pretty nice, eh?

You're sure you aren't saving
this room for visiting royalty?

At least there's no need to clean it.
I wouldn't want to disturb the cockroaches!

It's an interesting room.

- A great place to set up a funeral parlor.
- You'd never get a license! It's in a hotel.

You're wrong! It's a museum.
I haven't seen one of these for years!

You can arrange it any way you like.
Just keep the noise down.

Hmm... who's this?

What's a nice girl like
you doing in a dump like this?

Someone must have washed their feet in this water.

- Is someone there?
- Yes, there is.

- Who is it?
- I'm Johnny, the new disc jockey.

- Who are you?
- I'm Pamela...

Hey, Pamela, you have a great body!

Can you see through the wall?

Not very well.

Where are you?

I'm right here...

Do you think we could get acquainted?
What are you doing tonight?

I get off work at 10 o'clock.

Good... I'll see you at the discotheque then.

Okay, see you then.

These resort hotels are great.
You don't even have to pay in advance.

You have to settle up sooner or later.

No sweat, Bob's coming tomorrow.

- Do you and Bob really having something going?
- How would like me as your boss' wife?

- Aren't you rushing things a little?
- But he really turns me on!

Besides, he's pretty well set up.
Like my old granny used to say...

... better pick one who's rich and
healthy, rather than poor and sick.

And his clock works really well.
24 hours a day!

It always shows me a good time!

Is everything okay?

Hey, no one invited you in.

Oh, let's give the guy a treat. He might
be interested in a couple of naked girls.

Yeah... I might be.
What do you say we make it a threesome?

- Relax, playboy!
- What was it you wanted...

- ... before you got distracted?
- I wasn't distracted.

I've been demoted to a waiter.

What do you mean?
You won't be the disc jockey?

No. Some little blonde showed up before me!

Now she's the disc jockey, and I'm a waiter.

That's great!
As a waiter you can bring us free drinks!

- Thanks!
- I hope you like it.

Here's to your new job!

- Thanks.
- Cheers!

Being a waiter is a pain in the
neck, but it's better than nothing!

Well, I'm going to take a look around
and see if I can spot your beds. See ya!

- Okay, thanks!
- Yeah...

- Hey, don't tell me you're with those two?
- Sure, two at a time! Why not?

- Darling... why don't you come and...
- No! Not right here!

- Are you sure?
- Go back upstairs... and stay dressed!

- Alright then, I'll go naked!
- I said upstairs!

Come here!
Come here, you stuffed monkey!

Stuffed monkey?
Are you speaking to me?

Who did you think I was talking to?

What kind of a joint are you running?
How about a little service here?

You're the guest.
What would you like?

- Bring me a beer and pretzels!
- We are out of pretzels.

That's a disaster! Tell me,
do I have the best room in the hotel?

Oh, yes!

But it's no room!
It's a broom closet!

You mean that palatial suite?
Please, Mr. Bumsky.

It's Bronzky!

That's what I said: Bumsky.

Bah! The walls are so thin, I can hear
whatever the people in the next room are doing!

In the future, I will ask
your neighbors to do it silently!

- I mean, speak more quietly.
- That's a great idea.

- They're awfully noisy!
- If there's one thing our clientele has...

... it's good manners!
This hotel is quite discrete.

Maybe it is, but I hear noises!
And it goes on all night long!

Something odd is going on.
I'll look into it tonight.

Now... the menu.
Please make your selection.

My selection?
But there's only one item on the menu!

Right away, Mr. Bumsky!

- It's Bronzky!
- That's what I said, Bumsky.

Take that to Mr. Bumsky's table!

Here are the roooms with the new beds.
Now would be a good time to check them out.

Okay... all set.

I don't believe it! He's working here?
That figures... it's all I needed!

Hey, idiot!
Bring that over here!

- Me?
- Yes, you! Let me me have that!

Now can I take my clothes off?

You bet you can, sweety pie!

It's zero hour! Go ahead!

- Well, daddy, you want to get started?
- Oh, yes!

But we can't make any noise!

- Don't worry. I'll be as quiet as a mouse!
- That's it... don't make any noise!

We run a quiet hotel.

- We mustn't make any noise!
- Lay back...

- Sorry, we're here to do a check on the new beds.
- To make sure they meet all the standards.

There must be some mistake!

We're from the Sanitation Department.
No screwing until we've done an inspection.

- Inspection?
- I'm ready...

- They mean the bed!
- And a bed is important.

Alexander!

- My God!
- Alexander, where are you?

- Not a sound!
- We're in 139.

She's going to kill me!
Hello, dear...

Here's the whole gang, including one nude.

- What? Is someone nude?
- Right there!

- Where?
- There!

Oh! Her!!

You really shouldn't go around like that!

You might catch pneumonia,
and we wouldn't want that...

- You are a sexual Bluebeard!
- You think I...

You're obsessed!
It's all you think about!

- What do I think about?
- You'd jump at anything!

- My dear, I...
- Anything but me!

You know how long it's been?
Now go to our room!

Yes, I'm going, mama...

- Did you take a bath today?
- Of course I did!

Yes, but once isn't enough.
You must bathe three times a day.

- Let's go! It's bath time...
- If you say so...

Go ahead.

That'll keep her busy.

Quickly...

- You take those on that side.
- Okay...

- Here's the key.
- Thanks...

- That's my room. You want to come in?
- No thanks, I made a mistake.

No, on the contrary... it's no mistake!

After you...

It's not a bad room...

... but it never looked so good!

Yes, although the bed is quite ordinary.
No style at all.

There's nothing wrong with the bed.

Go ahead, try it!
Or we could try it together.

Cut it out, or I'll use judo on you!

Whatever you say. I won't touch you!

I just wonder why you were looking in here.

I needed a drink.

- Do you have anything?
- No, but I can get something. It's no problem.

Hello?

Hello?

No answer. The line sounds dead.

Why don't you go down to the bar,
and I'll wait here?

- I would, but how do I know you'll wait for me?
- I'll wait.

- Here you are, Mr. Bronzky.
- That's it, thanks! Wait...

- That'll do it for today. Take it away.
- But you hardly used it! Do some more...

What, are you giving me orders?
Go on, take it back!

- Two Campari and sodas with ice. Room 101.
- Coming! Just a minute...

Sometimes I think I was
born under an unlucky star.

- Hold it! They're on their way.
- But there's someplace I have to go!

Please... it's in here.

- What's going on here?
- Nothing.

The maid will soon be here to make the bed.

Come on! What are you after?
What do you expect to find?

Love. Couldn't you guess?
Love is all a woman wants.

Oh, go on.
That's just a joke, isn't it?

It's not. We're just itching to meet a rich
playboy. Why do you suppose we're here?

Very funny! You pretend you're lying,
but you're out for all you can get.

Yes... we're gold-diggers!
And where better to look than in a mattress?

- You're too amatuer to be a hustler.
- If I wanted to, I could give you the works!

But you couldn't stand it.
You're no more than a baby!

- You talk too much. Are you scared?
- Scared? No, children don't scare me!

Urinating in public is against the law!

Makes for a nice little ticket...

- Hi, partner.
- Hi!

The lousy cow! I'd like to kick her ass,
the lousy capitalist pig bitch!

- Why not just bang her?
- She's a police woman.

You know what that means?
I'd have to be crazy!

You're right. Come on!

That's it for today!

You don't get paid to dance! Get out!

- Hi! Looks like the fishing is good!
- Sorry, I don't get it.

All these drinks!
You must have a sucker on the line.

You're just a pest.
No one wants to listen to your crude remarks.

I was only kidding. May I join you?

- Do you always barge in like this?
- Yes, always!

- That's a pretty flower.
- Yeah, it brings me luck.

- How much do you want for it?
- I'm not interested in selling it.

- You'll have to earn it.
- I think one can have anything for a price.

- This is the man who delivered the beds. The driver...
- For goodness sakes, we're in this together!

- What are we in together?
- Vivi works for the same company - in accounting.

That's quite a coincidence!
I think that calls for a dance...

- Hey, did you dig that chick?
- You bet I did! Wonder where she hangs out?

- Put a tiger in your tank!
- Screw the tank, all I need is a bed!

Hello, tiger woman...

Hello, Johnny! It's Pamela...

- Who are you?
- Pamela...

- Ohhh...
- Didn't you recognize me? I knew you right away.

No. I'm sorry.
I only know you by your "credentials".

Come on, let's dance!

- Your boss will be coming here tomorrow.
- My boss?

No! His son...

Do you know the son, Hansen Junior?

Sort of. He's dangerous.
You have to be carefull with him!

Is he now? That's interesting.
I bet I'll get along with him.

I'm sure you would.

- You want to stick around and watch me operate?
- Sure, I'll be here. I wouldn't want to miss that!

No! Cover these up!
There's no sense in advertising...

- Whatever you do, keep them covered!
- But I want people to see my jewels.

Never cast pearls before swine...

Let's go...

He's doing it again!
I told you, no dancing! Get out!

- You know it's a no-parking zone here?
- I park where I want!

- What do you have there?
- Just something for tomorrow...

You're alone? Where are the two chicks?

- What?
- The girls...

They're upstairs, waiting.

I think that's bullshit.

- You don't believe me?
- No.

Come along...

Don't you want to? Come on...

Johnny!

You'll hear plenty in a few minutes.

If you say so...

You'll be hearing, not seeing...

Here I am! Your Johnny!
Come to daddy and we'll have a bit of action!

Oh, you're already undressed? Can't wait?

You're little breasts are so beautiful,
and your thighs so soft and nice!

I want to kiss them!

Oh, Johnny, please!

Oh, yes!
I can't wait. Quick, get in bed!

Oh, Johnny... have mercy!
You're so strong...

- More, more, more...
- Oh, my God!

- Don't stop now!
- I won't stop! I won't...

You're the best!

- No mercy for you!
- Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhhh...

My little goddess... my star from heaven!
I adore your breasts...

Oh, darling... oh!

Spill your seed on me!

Your flesh is so smooth, I want to bite it ...

- Like that?
- Oh, yes!

Yes, like that...

Stop that awful noise!
I'm not deaf, you idiots!

Yes... like that!

That's it! More...

Yes, yes, yes!

You, there! Will you shut up?
I'm trying to ...

Yessssss....

He's gone crazy!
I was great! We were great!

Man, that was good!

Johnny!

Johnny?

What's wrong, Johnny?
I thought you liked me!

I do, but I'm not the kind
of guy who gets serious so quickly.

- I think we should wait a while.
- Would you like to wait until morning?

- I'm not coming out.
- Give me a kiss, Johnny. Just one...

- Please?
- A kiss?

- Please, Johnny?

Then I'll be able to go to bed,
and dream of you all night.

- Word of honor?
- Word of honor.

Tiger!

- Tiger...
- You have a good rest.

- Thanks, it was wonderful.
- What... ?

- Why don't you stay a while?
- My duty calls...

Ciao...

Tiger, why are you writing me a parking ticket?

Duty is duty, and fun is fun.
I never mix business with pleasure.

Shit! Shit! Shit!

I made it with a cop!

So you're trying to find the money. Wouldn't
it be a good idea to let the company know?

You don't know old Hansen.
He'd fire me in a second, and enjoy doing it.

Maybe not. Every boss has a soft side.

Anyway, if worse comes to worst,
I'm ready to admit it's my fault.

- I'll lose my head over this.
- Don't be silly, we're going to find it.

It's got to be in one of those beds.

Well, if you need an
expert in beds, I'm your man.

That's great, now there are four of us looking!

- Who's the fourth?
- Johnny! He said he'd check out the entire hotel.

What is going on here?

Get out of my bed, you, you ...

... you pervert!

Hello...
I never thought I'd...

No, say it isn't true!
I never dreamed you'd cheat on me!

You... you're a nymphomaniac!
I never thought you'd shame your husband.

And some kind of lover you've picked!
Look at him - he's short and fat!

Don't touch him!
Get out!

You've got something coming,
and you're going to get it!

Stand right over here.

You've had it!
My honor must be avenged!

And you... you bloated whale.

Get out of my sight, you harlot!

And now it's your turn!

I'm innocent!

I never...
You mind not pointing that thing at me?

I've never been with your wife.
Please believe me!

Shut up! I've been trying to get rid of my
old lady for years, and now I can pack her off!

Now listen, I'm going to fire a couple of bullets out
the window, and you drop like you've been shot.

We'll fool everyone. She'll be in hysterics when
she sees the two of us lying dead on the floor.

Play your part well. It can't fail!

- But what if she murders me?
- Then that's that!

Everything will still be alright!

Now... let's do it!

Come on out, poopsey...

That pair of idiots won't bother us anymore.

Come on...

- Who is that?
- Who else? It's Bronzky!

Nice and hot...

Thank you, my child!

Nice and hot, the way you like it, Father.

Hey, Boss... avert thine eyes.

Let me help you up, my son.

Thank you!

Enjoy the Good Book!

Mommy...

Everyone at the party is wearing white. Very
classy! It's too bad we'll have nothing to wear.

Is your young boss coming tomorrow?

Why, I forgot all about that!
That's great! He'll take care of everything.

He'll buy me whatever I need.
I'll not only get dressed, but undressed!

Okay, then I'll see you there.

I hate to keep talking about the money,
but we only have one room left to check here.

Then I'll do the hospital.

And you do the convent, okay?

Me, with all those penguins?
That doesn't sound like very much fun.

Alright, you do the hospital,
and I'll do the convent.

Can we come along?

A couple of men, barging into a convent?
Sure...

I imagine you'd be quite busy in there.

- You?
- I didn't want you to get lost in the convent.

- Why don't we look together?
- Can't you be serious, Johnny?

- Men aren't supposed to be in here.
- Yeah, but I know where the bed is.

It's in the Mother Superior's room.

- I never heard of such a thing.
- Neither have I.

- It's not my concern.
- Of course you're right.

The only question is, who's concern is it?

- The Mother Superior. She'll decide.
- Yes, I'm sure she will.

- That would be best.
- I hope decides on chicken.

- We'll just have to wait and see.
- I know, but I hope she decides on chicken.

- The main thing is that Sister Cecelia cooks.
- Oh, yes, she must!

She's the best cook we've ever had!

- Especially chicken.
- Yes, especially chicken!

Jesus Christ!

Look out!

Damn thing!

Here!

Vivi?

Damn! It's not here!

For a nun, you have a strange
way of saying your prayers.

Bobby! You?
Then where's Johnny?

Vivi?

Vivi? Come on, don't keep
pretending. We're alone now.

Vivi, I mean it. You're a wonderful girl.
You really are. You're great!

I wanted to tell you,
I'm beginning to care a lot for you.

You and I could really be happy together.

If you like, we could make love,
and make each other happy.

I want to give you a kiss... please?

Johnny!
Johnny's out there!

- We'd better get Johnny out of here!
- Johnny? We need to get out of here!

Come on!

Stop, or I'll...

- Bob! Hey, Junior! Here I am!
- Hi, sweetheart...

The situation has changed, darling.
Would you like to come and spread your wings?

- Yes!
- No! Not here...

This is gonna be a good day!

Hey, Bea!

- I'm busy now. What is it?
- Did you find it?

No, and it looks like we won't.

This is the guy who caused all my trouble, Bob.
He delivered the bed.

- Hello. So you're Junior, the boss?
- Yeah, got anything against it?

No, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.
I've been hanging around hoping to meet you.

They call me Bobby,
and I happen to be the delivery man.

Very interesting.
You're the delivery man?

- Yes.
- Look, I don't care if...

Alright, let's call off the prizefight.
We need to find the money, not score points!

- We should look for the bed at the hospital.
- We'll never get in, it's past 6:00.

Hey, I almost forgot. The party is tonight!

- Hey, partner, there's a good-looking chick!
- There's one over at the bar, too!

Better go get her!
If you wait, someone else will pick her up.

- Yeah, but how do I start?
- No problem, I have a book...

"A Thousand Words of Teenager Slang"

It's important to open with the right line.
Then you can't miss...

Hey, you spaced into this galaxy,
or blasting on your own tangent?

- How about a little orbit together?
- Hey... blast off!

- Come on, I was just trying to make some contact.
- Get lost! I don't dig spacemen like you.

Hey, fatso, why don't you go
away, and stop being a nuisance?

Hey, I was only trying to...

Maybe teenager slang
isn't as good as you thought?

No, she just wasn't in the mood.

Understanding the teenage mind takes brains!

That's the way to operate, Johnny.

- Yeah... there's nothing to it.
- Wait here, I found my target!

- The moped driver!
- The money-hungry cop!

- You'd do better calling me the citizen's friend.
- That does sound better...

- Would you like to try another one?
- Like this?

- Stop! I meant the kiss.
- You'll have to earn that.

Come on...

- Johnny...
- Oh, hi. I guess it's better than nothing.

Come on...

- I'd like to do something crazy.
- Sure... and we'll do it all night long.

Shit! How can I make love to a police woman?

Would it help if I removed my uniform?

Don't just stand there. Come in.

But only if you want to!

- Cigarette?
- Okay...

It's your last. That is generous.

Thanks...

It's so hot...

It's like it was in Le Fils,
where Yves Montand was in bed...

...with a beautiful woman,
and they only had one cigarette.

- So, what did they do?
- He kissed her breasts.

That's nice.

So sweet.

Stop it!

You didn't like it?

It ws nice... but begin again.

Tenderly...

I love you.

You know, there's another place
that's especially good for kissing.

- You want me to kiss you there?
- Do as you like.

I love all of it. Kiss me...

... all of me!

I want you now!

Come to me...

- Do you love me?
- Don't ask...

Come on!

WARNING
HIGH EXPLOSIVES

Oh, man... that's what I call a real bang!

We're closing. I have to collect now.

Thank you...

Fucker!
Damn... dropped my hat!

Just wait 'til I catch you!

- Did see a guy with the bald head?
- Yes, he went that way.

- That way!
- Thanks... I'll get that sinner!

Hey! Let me through, he's getting away!

Wait, wait! Come back here!

How do you like that, my son?

KLAGENFURT HOSPITAL

It's impossible!
All these beds are made of cast iron.

What did you expect?
They're hospital beds.

So our bed may be in a room used by the staff.

Let's try our luck upstairs.
What's another story?

Maybe a story with a happy ending!

It looks like the end.
We can't do anything more for him here.

It would take a world-class
specialist to save him now.

Professor Degas in Paris has been
successful in quite a few similar cases.

Of course, but there's no way we'd
ever get the money to send him to Paris.

The poor guy...

Administer a sedative, and notify the
ward nurse he's to be moved to another room.

I'm sorry, but the fact is we need the room.

Hey, come here! I found the bed!

Okay, put him on this.

There's the bag! He's got my money!

- Come on, let go of the bag! It's mine!
- What's going on here?

Who are you?

- The patient's my father.
- Oh, he is?

If you don't leave immediately,
I'll call the police! Get out of here!

Okay, if that's how you want it!

Quick, the door!

- Sorry, we're in a bit of a rush!
- That's alright, doctor, you can start right away.

Well, when duty calls,
you have to answer it.

Let's see your tongue.

Oh my goodness...
It looks like highway pavement.

- What's this about highway pavement?
- His tongue... it's black!

What, exactly, are you doing in this room?

I'm the replacement doctor.
And who are you?

This is my patient. Is that clear?

Come on, you can't have every case in sight! Let
me start on this one, and you can operate next.

Operate? Operate?
Oh, no... I won't have that!

I got it! Let's go!

You win, my friend... you can operate on him!

We got it! We got it! We got it!

How do you like that? My sausage!

- Please leave me alone.
- It's good that your sitting down.

- Will you get lost?
- I have some news.

Listen, I feel lousy.

"A miracle happened today. Louis Kaye was dozing
in his hospital bed. It was a day like any other, ...

" ... but when he awoke, he discovered a bag
containing 18.000 Marks under his mattress."

That's great!
He found the money for us! Let's go!

- Hold on, read the rest of it.
- But this is our money!

Read to the end of the article.

"This money literally offers Mr. Kaye a last
chance. A specialist in Paris has already ...

" ... been consulted, and agreed to operate on
him in the near future. Unless someone else ...

" ...places a claim on the money,
it belongs to the finder.

"Thus far, no one has come forward to
claim the funds." We better get over there!

"This money literally
offers Mr. Kaye a last chance."

"A specialist in Paris has already been consulted,
and agreed to operate on him in the near future."

"Unless someone else places a claim
on the money, it belongs to the finder."

"No one has yet to
come forward to claim the funds."

Hey, it's in there!

All that money! Are you crazy?

You're not a millionaire.
You can't give away money like that!

I have about 100 Marks
and 70 Pfennigs in my account.

And you don't even make 10.000 a year!

A year? What does that matter
if it means that man might be a cured!

Even if you are a little crazy...
I think you're the best ever!

It's not a problem, Bea.
At the moment, I'm a little short.

But don't worry. I'll just call my old
man and he'll send me whatever I want.

- Well, if that's how it is, we're all set.
- That's how it is.

Hello, Fischer! Are you here, too?

Who is that? Do you know him?

The boss... Mr.Hansen!

Where's Bob?

- Why, he's right here!
- That's not my son, he's the warehouse manager.

Is that right?

I made all that stuff up.

I guess it's what I deserve.
You've got some explaining to do!

- Do you really care?
- Never mind, darling.

What does it matter, rich or poor?

It's like my old granny said,
"You can't count it in bed."

Fischer!

I'd just like to know what's going on here.

It'd be better if you asked your son.

- Bobby! The boss is here!
- Now the circus begins.

I'm really sorry about the money, Mr. Hansen.
It's all my fault.

I'd better fill you in, Pop.
I'm in love with her.

- What did you say?
- We're in love... that's all!

It happens every day. This time to us.

This way you won't lose your accountant.
She won't be leaving our firm.

You? Mr. Hansen is your... ??

Well, that's how it goes. Nobody's perfect!

- She's the one for me.
- You're the one I want.

- One of these days...
- Don't wait too long... I do love you!

- So how about it? Are you ready?
- Of course, I'm always ready!

- You're taking the pill?
- Sure! I always carry a bottle of aspirins.

Well, you have nothing to worry about with me.
I'm always ready for anything.

What are those things?

I told you, I'm ready for anything!

The black one is for widows.
The yellow one is for Oriental chicks.

The pink one is for young Communists.

And the white one... it's just for you!

THE MUSIC FROM "POPCORN
AND ICE CREAM" IS ON ARIOLA RECORDS