Pootie Tang (2001) - full transcript
Pootie Tang, the musician/actor/folk hero of the ghetto, is chronicled from his early childhood to his battles against the evil Corporate America, who try to steal his magic belt and make him sell out by endorsing addictive products to his people. Pootie must learn to find himself and defeat the evil corporation for all the young black children of America, supatime.
We have with us today, a man
who scarcely needs an introduction.
Pootie Tang,
good to have you with us.
Sepatown.
You've had incredible success
in lots of fields,
music, films, martial arts, pottery.
How do you do it?
I'm a pone tonie.
Got my dillies on a peppatain.
l hear that.
Pootie, a lot of young artists say
you are their inspiration.
Well, l can't say the nay no,
my brother. Wa-da-tah!
You've got a new movie
coming out, right?
Yeah. lt's called ''Sine Your Pitty
On The Runny Kind''.
And who's in it, besides yourself?
There's Trucky, Bad Bitty, Dirty Dee...
...Lacey, J.B....
...Biggie Shorty...
and Robert Vaughn.
You have a clip you'd like to show us?
Let's take a look at this clip
from Pootie Tang's new movie:
''Sine Your Pitty
On The Runny Kine''.
lt was the year 2001 .
lt was the best of times,
it was the worst of times.
The big city was thriving,
but the inner city was dying.
Who was killing it?
This man, Dick Lecter,
head of Corporate America.
But the people had hope,
because there was one man
who could fight the power.
One man who
could stop the madness.
One man who could beat Dick Lecter
like the LAPD.
That man...
that man was Pootie Tang.
See that guy? That's Bad Bitty,
the baddest drug dealer in town.
Hey, Bad Bitty, here comes Dirty Dee.
Dirty bastard!
That's Dirty Dee,
the dirtiest dude around.
He handles all of
Corporate America's dirty work.
Next to Dirty Dee...
that's Froggy, the enforcer.
Yo, Bad Bitty, how you been?
l'm bad, Dirty Dee.
You're still dirty, l can see.
Lets deal, baby.
- You got yours?
- Froggy.
Dirty money.
You got yours?
How do l know if they're any good?
Let's test them out.
Hey, kid! Come over here.
That's Kid, the dumbest kid in town.
What do you want, mister?
Here, have some of this.
ls it candy?
- Told you.
- Yeah.
lt's the kind of candy
that you smoke out of a pipe.
Pipe candy!
Pootie Tang!
Capachow.
Yeah! Pootie Tang!
Dirty Dee, you a baddy daddy
lamatai tebby chai.
Get that Pootie!
That's a canapan, all the way down.
Mother...!
Shut up, bitch.
O.K., l quit.
Run, Pootie, run!
Come on!
Get out, get out!
Hiya, Pootie Tang.
Sa da tay!
Pootie Tang was born in a small town
outside Gary, lndiana...
...and that town was called Chicago.
Everyone noticed something different
about the way Pootie would talk.
lt baffled everyone...
doctors, scientists...
Let me put it like this.
Pootie Tang is, was and will always
be too cool for words.
Pootie Tang
was the most popular kid in town.
We didn't always know what he was
saying, but we knew what he meant.
l knew l was his best friend.
That's me, Trucky.
He had a special effect on people,
especially the ladies,
not girls, grown ass-women.
- Hiya, Pootie Tang.
- l'm a tine cappy, my damie.
Wa-da-tah.
All right, Pootie Tang.
But for some of the ladies,
Pootie was too hot to handle.
Damn you, Pootie Tang.
l can't take no more of this.
Who do you think you are,
treating me this way?
l've had it with you,
you hear me talking?
This is it, l'm finished with you.
Stay out of my life.
You think l'm joking?
Take your shit and get out!
Pootie Tang, l'm sick of you.
Pootie...Pootie, don't go!
Pootie Tang was an only child.
His father, Daddy Tang,
worked hard to raise Pootie right.
He had this belt.
He was so fast with it
that before Pootie could do wrong,
Daddy Tang would set him right.
Don't grab those peas
without asking your mama.
May l dane
on the cammies, Mama Di?
Yes you may, Pootie Tang.
That's better.
You got to have respect
to get respect, Pootie Tang.
So, do you have any girlfriends
at school, Pootie?
Mama Di, there's a sine tipi tai
in a classi ti, she's a solo toni.
Don't you talk dirty
to your mama, boy.
Always got your head in them girls.
Put your head in the books
and leave the ladies alone.
And that's how it was. Daddy Tang
and his belt were always there
teaching Pootie the difference
between good and bad.
When l say he was always there,
l mean he was always there.
Pootie, let's steal some apples.
When Pootie was six,
his mother died,
leaving him and his father alone.
Pootie was very sad.
l know, son.
But his father was a comfort to him.
Don't slurp your soup in here, boy!
Two weeks later,
another terrible tragedy.
His father was fatally injured
at the steel mill.
lt was incredible.
Only the third time a man had been
mauled by a gorilla at that steel mill.
On his deathbed, Daddy Tang
had Pootie make a solemn promise.
Pootie, l know l brought you up tough,
but that's cos l love you.
lt's tough out there, Pootie.
You've got drugs...
...crime...gorillas.
l ain't gonna be here much longer.
So, l'm gonna give you this.
Pootie, that's my belt.
As long as you got right on your side,
you can whip anyone's ass,
with just that belt.
l know you love the ladies,
and Lord knows the ladies love you.
Don't let the ladies
come between you and the belt.
Those were Daddy Tang's last words.
''Don't let the ladies
come between you and the belt.''
But there was something else
about the ladies
Daddy Tang forgot to tell Pootie.
Pootie Tang turned out just fine.
Daddy Tang would have been proud.
Pootie had it all.
Hit records, movies, magazine covers,
fancy cars, famous friends,
beautiful clothes
and ladies, ladies, ladies.
Through it all,
l was right there by his side.
That's me, Trucky.
And that's my man,
Pootie Tang.
Big-time celebrity, crime fighter
and role model to children.
Pootie Tang has a message
for the children of America.
So you better wapatah
to the bammies,
cos the cammietowns a biddie
on the Pannie Stai!
Pootie says cigarettes and fast food
are bad like netatai.
And don't drink malt liquor
cos you don't need to,
cos you're O.K., sa da tay.
Also, eat all your vegetables,
and don't bang the dillies.
That's Frank.
Dick Lecter's right hand man.
So what do we care?
We care because he's making these.
People have been making P.S.A.'s
for years. lt hasn't made a difference.
Eddie, hit me with those figures.
Since the inception
of Pootie Tang's PSA campaign,
sales of Lecter burgers
are down 30 per cent,
Lecter cigarettes down 20 per cent
and Lecter whisky
is almost out of business.
Someone's getting to these kids
and it's killing us.
lt's killing us.
lt's killing us.
Hello, Mr. Lecter.
- Frank, l have a job for you.
- Yes, sir.
l'll tell you, Pootie Tang's
one bad brother, man.
That's J.B. and Lacey.
We make up Pootie's crew.
Pootie Tang will draw you a picture
of how he's gonna kick your ass
then mail it to you
ten days in advance.
The picture gets there.
You go, ''What the hell is this?''
Then he knocks on your door,
properly kicks your ass,
and you still won't know
what happened.
Got that right.
He's a kick-ass artiste.
He's like the Da Vinci of ass-kicking.
That's him right?
Pootie Tang,
the Da Vinci of ass-kicking.
Pootie Tang whips your ass so bad,
you can write it off on your taxes.
Right here. Ass whipping number one,
ass whipping number two...
That's just getting beat up.
l'd also like to add that Pootie Tang
can kick some ass too, boy.
Here comes Pootie Tang now.
- Hey, Pootie!
- We were just talking about you.
Hey man, you going
to Biggie Shorty's party tomorrow?
l guess you're wondering
who is Biggie Shorty.
l'm Biggie Shorty.
l'll tell you about me and Pootie Tang.
Since the very day we met,
l knew Pootie was to be my man.
l knew all l had to do was wait.
One day, all that bullshit would catch
up with Pootie and he would be mine.
You going to Biggie Shorty's party
tomorrow?
Ranacan.
You're a party man!
There's gonna be
some bitches in there!
You right, respect the women.
Respect the women.
Look at that car!
Man, that car's big.
And long like a whole snake.
That car's so big,
it's got its own sky.
Yeah, it's big too.
- Keep it running.
- Yes, sir.
Hiya, fellas!
Kinda hot for a hootenanny, huh?
Hear that? A hootenanny.
What the hell is a damn hootenanny?
l'm looking for Pootie Tang.
Pootie Tang.
What do you want with Pootie Tang?
l need to talk to him.
l'm a representative of Lecter Corp.
Do you know what that is?
Great.
Dick Lecter,
the CEO of Lecter Corp. likes you.
He likes you, Pootie. He wants
to make you a very rich man.
l have a contract here
for Pootie to endorse.
Tasty heavy pork chunk cereal.
lt's delicious.
lt's a wonderful product.
Kids love it and kids love you.
We just want to put that together.
Nah di. That's a canapan
to the senachai.
l didn't even say how much it pays.
20 million dollars to sign
for just one year.
What do you say, Pootie?
l got to say the nay no, my brother.
Wa-da-tah.
Wa-da-tah? How do you say
the nay no to 20 million, why?
Maybe Pootie don't wanna sign
because he knows you're full of it.
First of all,
he knows that cereal's full of sugar.
Number two,
that's not all that you guys sell.
You sell cigarettes, whisky,
burgers, switchblades,
and it also says you will no longer
let Pootie do P.S.A's.
telling kids to eat healthy
and to be smart.
Sure, exclusivity goes without saying.
l'm sure your ugly intentions
go without saying.
Take a walk, money man.
See my damie?
Pootie Tang don't wa-da-tah
to the shana cow
cos that's my cama cama
leepa-chai, dig?
Hey Tang, to you they're children,
to me they're dollar signs.
Cover your grill!
Sa da tay!
You're funny man,
you are a funny man.
Wild boy!
Pootie smacked the taste
out of Frank's mouth.
Man, that was a funny time.
But one man was not laughing at all.
Pootie Tang goes out there
and makes everybody love him.
And he tells them
not to buy my products.
He steals from me.
What do l do?
l say take my money, here take it.
And he says no.
l guess you're wondering,
who is this bitch?
That's lreenie,
Dick Lecter's main squeeze,
and the most dangerous woman
on the planet.
She don't look it,
but she can bring any man down.
l know what makes Pootie Tang...
tick...tock...tick.
That's cool. All right.
lt's all gone now, Pootie.
What do you wanna do?
Lepatime.
What's he got on his mind?
We're starting from scratch, l guess.
Pootie knows what to do.
This is gonna be good.
l'll play back the levels
the way you set them.
No instruments, no vocals, no levels.
Everything silent.
Set it on me. Bleed.
Pootie don't need no words,
don't even need no music.
We have got a hit, baby.
l like it, everybody seems to like it.
Now something you'll all like.
We got the world premiere
from Pootie Tang
and you know it'll be
out of this world.
You all loved his last record,
''Sine Your Pitty On The Runny Kine''.
You're all gonna love this new one.
The new one is called...
So let's listen up to the new record
by Pootie Tang, called...
from Pootie Tang.
Damn, this is good.
This is good. Pootie did it again.
Pootie too good.
Turn that noise down, dammit!
Legendary Pootie Tang
has done it again,
with his new song entitled...
...already considered
one of the greatest hits of all time.
This was the scene earlier today, as
fans mobbed Pootie Tang in the street.
Many said they hadn't heard an artist
this profound since Al B Sure.
Pootie was blowing up now.
We're talking big.
l mean Macarena big.
We're talking Electric Slide big.
Bentleys and girls in bikini thongs big.
Everybody want a piece of Pootie.
You think l'm playing?
Wait a minute.
We got Pootie Tang
in the house tonight.
Come on, Pootie.
l need you to sing a song with me.
l love you, Pootie Tang.
That's a bata shane,
my tellie. Wa-da-tah.
Pootie Tang was with us here tonight.
Pootie Tang!
l love you, l want you.
l want to be with you.
Pootie, please, please...
l want you, l love you Pootie...
Don't leave me out here
on my lonesome.
Give a girl something!
lt's not right.
She's fine! Why did Pootie
pass that up? Cos she's crazy.
She's licking milk out of a bowl.
- Biggie Shorty.
- Pootie Tang! All right!
Bata shane, my dillie?
Same as always, baby.
You come back tomorrow,
we gonna have a party.
Talk about all the sisters and me.
- You gonna be there?
- Wa-da-tah!
All right, Pootie!
Hey, young boys!
Hey! Look at her!
She's a lady!
Oh, man, pull up!
What do you want?
- You want something?
- Yeah, baby, l want it.
What do you want?
How about the two of us?
How much?
What's your problem?
Just cos a girl dresses fancy
and stands on street corners
near some whores,
- you think she's hooking?
- Wouldn't you?
No, l wouldn't.
l'm a lady, you greasy bastard.
Ah, yeah! Pootie Tang
and the boys are here.
Yo, man, a Biggie Shorty party
is exclusive.
They don't let nobody in.
They got to line around the block.
You know what? Nobody we know
could get in this party.
They don't let no light in,
no electricity, no water.
They don't let air in.
Air is right now going,
''Hey, l'm air. l'm on the list''.
And they won't let air in.
Air gets in everywhere.
That's how exclusive
a Biggie Shorty party is.
Hey, you know what else?
lt's hard to get in too.
l hate you!
Pretty girl. Pretty girl!
Pretty girl out there!
Pootie, you are the sexiest bastard
on God's green earth.
Yeah.
l tell you though, someday, l'm gonna
get a piece of you for myself.
- Sepatown.
- Sepatown, my ass!
You gonna be inside a bed
with me someday.
You mark my words,
you skinny wonderful man.
Pretty girl. Pretty girl?
Sexy!
Pretty girl?
Pretty girl!
How does a woman
get to you anyway?
lt's like a state secret.
How to be with Pootie Tang.
All right, get off him.
He don't want none of your mess.
l tell you what, Pootie.
Someday, you gonna meet
your match in a woman.
Some day you gonna meet
the Darth Vader of T and A.
Some woman's gonna kick your ass
and love you to death.
And you gonna be in the dumps,
banged to death
by the dark side of love.
And on that day, Pootie,
l'm gonna be there.
And l'm gonna make
sweet love to you.
Sexy girl!
- Damn, man.
- Oh, l'm sorry.
l thought you were
somebody else, man.
Sorry, man.
Sorry!
l didn't get your name, did l?
Damn, do l know you?
Do you want me to pull your legs off?
Pardon me?
Wanna make out?
l might enjoy that.
l just might enjoy that.
You know, l just might enjoy that.
O.K., wait a minute...
Wait a minute!
Call me a sissy,
but you need to stop.
You're tearing me apart,
you're killing me.
- You want me to stop?
- Well, yes l do.
O.K., then tell me something.
- What do you wanna know?
- What's Pootie's secret?
l can't tell you that.
l would never do anything
to hurt Pootie Tang.
But like l said, lreenie knew
how to break a brother down.
- l can't tell you that.
- You can't? All right.
O.K., wait, l'll tell you,
l'll tell you.
l'll tell you. lt's the belt.
lt's magical. He can kick
anybody's ass with that damn belt.
Freeze, sucker.
Give me your money, you fancy pants
bastard or l'll stick this in you deep.
Wa-da-tah, my damie.
l'm not your damie.
Give me your cash. l know you got it.
Hey, l told you to back off.
Pootie, hey, Pootie.
Pootie. The craziest thing
happened to me.
l'm in the club...
Pootie look out!
Bang, bang, bang!
Pootie? Everything under control?
Kayed a brother, di.
Kayed a brother, di!
I'm a shamey day.
I'm a shamey day!
lt hurts Pootie to kill a man.
But he knows he's got to do it.
But it hurts him so bad
to right those wrongs.
My man, Pootie Tang.
Come back on the bettie tai!
Come back on the bettie tai!
Come back on the bettie tai!
Pootie Tang?
All right, my damie.
Why didn't Trucky tell Pootie
he told lreenie all his business?
Just running his mouth.
When you see a man brought
back from the dead, you forget shit.
Or maybe you're just a dumb ass.
Stop the movie.
Remember when Daddy Tang
told little Pootie,
''Don't let the ladies come
between you and the belt''.
Daddy Tang forgot to tell Pootie
about his only weakness...
...hoes. Even Pootie Tang's belt
was no match for lreenie.
You can't beat a hoe with a belt.
They like that shit.
l'm sorry.
Did my cart hit your cart?
l'm so sorry about that.
Did l hurt you?
What a drag.
Again, l am very...sorry.
Will you do something for me?
Sign your pretty name.
Sign it...sign it.
He's signed it.
He's signed it.
He's signed it.
He signed it?
Nice job, lreenie.
You're a damn genius, baby.
''l, Pootie Tang,
surrender to Lecter Corp.
''all rights to my image and likeness.
''l will wholeheartedly endorse
all Lecter Corp. products
''and will do my best to convince
the children of the world
''the above-mentioned
are all clean, safe
''and should be used by all of them.''
Not the tipi tais, no!
You are part of the corporation
just like us.
Thought you could stay out of it?
Welcome aboard, Pootie Tang.
Are you looking
for something, my friend?
l've got it all, now.
Shocking news today
as Pootie Tang endorses
several controversial products
for Lecter Corp.,
the infamous giant corporation.
Something on the TV
about Pootie Tang.
Man, my kids looked up to him.
They don't even look at Dad
like they looked at him.
But since he crossed, my little man
came up to me the other day
and was like,
''How can he do that bullshit, man?''
Pootie Tang has made my children
cry. l'll not support him anymore.
Lecter Corp. effectively owns the name
Pootie Tang, his image and copyright.
Pootie Tang has agreed to do several
commercials endorsing our sneakers,
food products, cigarettes, whisky,
mace, switchblades, rat poison...
- Pootie!
- Oh, no.
l always had a high opinion of Pootie
Tang, but the way things are going,
not only is he sold out,
he's scraping the bottom of the barrel.
He was drugged by that crazy lreenie.
Haven't you been watching the movie?
That's what disturbs me.
He's telling kids not to go to school,
to eat fast food, to do drugs.
This is not the Pootie Tang
l used to know and admire.
He would never tell kids
stuff like that.
You're in denial.
He's doing dirt to his own reputation.
- You don't know Pootie Tang.
- l don't know Pootie Tang?
l know Pootie Tang and this isn't
the Pootie Tang l thought l knew.
l thought a man of your stature would
have better sense than to fall for that.
Look, this is all falling apart.
The man used to be admired
by people of all walks of life.
lf the world is gonna fall
for this mess about my Pootie Tang,
then maybe the world
don't deserve him.
What do you think Pootie Tang
needs at this point in his life?
He just needs some of my good loving,
and he will be all right.
- You watch.
- l hope you're right.
- l know l am.
- We'll see.
- We'll see.
- That's right.
- Watch.
- l will.
Pootie Tang was messed up.
- Punk bitch!
- Sell out!
Look at him.
- Get a job, you bum.
- Get it together!
Pootie looked like
someone who did it and ran.
Pootie turned to the only woman
who could help him,
Biggie Shorty.
Pootie!
- Pootie! Poor Pootie Tang.
- Tipi tais.
That's all right.
Mama's got you. lt's all right.
Biggie Shorty's
gonna take care of you.
Don't you worry.
Gonna have sex with you too,
you know.
Finally.
Are you sure you gotta go, Pootie?
Yeah.
That's a damn shame.
You're the best piece of man
l ever had.
You could stay here and live between
my bosoms for the rest of your life.
Pootie got to flittie tai.
Man's got to do, l suppose.
l guess whilst you're gone, they can't
make you do more commercials.
Where you gonna go?
l tell you what.
l got a little farmhouse
outside Greenville.
lt was my mama's.
lt ain't much but nobody's living there.
You go out there,
find yourself, blah, blah, blah.
Then you come back to me, O.K.?
That's a fine tine, baby.
Give me some of that bony ass
one more time before you hit the road.
Man, l hate prison.
Prison sucks.
l reckon it's supposed to.
You got something for me?
This is fine dirt, man, good dirt.
l'm gonna hook you up.
l hate these bastards.
They make me shower every day.
They never let me get dirty.
l'm Dirty Dee, dammit!
Dirty Dee,
you gonna be dirty again soon.
l promise.
lt's that Pootie Tang.
He got to be stopped.
l'm the one that's gonna stop him.
Pootie damn Tang!
Pootie!
Pootie was headed to the farm
l wanted to go with him.
Because it was all my fault.
Everything that happened,
it's all my fault.
l told that bitch all these things
and she just used it against him.
l was sorry.
lt was killing me.
l only did it for the ass.
That deri-teri was all the dinie.
l felt like he'd saved my life.
And l'd messed his all up.
l wanted him to forgive me.
Trucky, you my main damie, man.
Ain't no bad tammies between us.
l wondered if he meant it.
I'm a baino denie.
l wanted to go to the farm with him.
Wa-da-tah!
All right, me and Pootie
going to the farm!
l'm looking forward to this farm life.
Enough of the city.
This is just what we need, Pootie.
Live off the fat of the land,
work hard, farming,
farming, farming.
l can't wait, man. l cannot wait.
l'm gonna milk that cow.
All that milk, two per cent fat free,
skimmed milk.
All that milk. Chocolate milk.
l don't need no television,
cappuccino, partying all night long.
l'm gonna put blisters on my hands.
Sweat on my back.
That's what l want.
Shit!
Oh man, my pants.
My damn pants.
Farming, farming, farming.
This is not the thing, man.
This ain't cool.
Dirty shoes, dirty pants,
dirty shirt, stinky.
lt's hotter than a camel's hump here,
mosquitoes all over my shirt.
l can't do it, man.
Whose dog is following me around?
Whose dog is that?
Could be anybody's dog.
l didn't want to leave Pootie,
but l couldn't do that survivor shit.
l'll back my ass,
l need conveniences, man.
On the other hand,
Pootie was loving every minute of it.
He was rejuvenated.
Rejuvenated.
He was juvenated before,
lost it and got juvenated again.
And when Pootie planted
his first corn stalk...
Damie.
...he was happy.
Too damn happy, if you ask me.
lt was just corn.
lt was just what he needed
to take his mind off his troubles.
Rown on the crowny town.
Morning.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Not now, Stacy, honey.
There's a new fella in town.
He's coming in here in a minute.
- So?
- Maybe you can marry him.
Daddy!
Cut that shit out, Stacy.
Here he comes.
Hi, there.
You got your can filled all right?
This is my daughter, Stacy.
Dillie on...
...my damie.
She's a looker, ain't she?
Dirty Dee!
God, you stink!
Thank you.
- l want to talk about Pootie Tang.
- Public enemy number one.
We learned that anything
can be addictive.
We pumped our burgers
so full of MSD
people can't even taste
real food anymore.
Today American kids don't eat
because they're hungry.
They eat because they've just got
to have another Lecter burger.
l own Pootie's name. l don't need him
to sell my products anymore.
l've got thousands
of them all over the country.
l'm just gonna give them the clothes
and this training tape.
Remember, when making
a public appearance
Pootie Tang always struts like this.
Next week we're opening a brand new
nationwide chain of burger stands.
Pootie's Bad Time Burgers.
ln fact, the only thing that could mess
it up is if the real Pootie showed up.
But that ain't good enough.
l want him dead.
l'd like to put that bitch in the ground
myself, but l ain't magical.
l've been trying
to get Pootie for years.
He's offed all my boys.
All l got left is Froggy.
Nobody knows where Pootie is.
l know where he is.
l got people everywhere. Nobody can
hide from Corporate America.
And as far as how to beat him...
Maybe this will help.
Hello.
Remember her?
That's Stacy, the sheriff's daughter.
He's been trying to get her married
since she was 12 years old.
Hello, is anybody here?
l'm sorry, l...
l made you a pie.
Do you want the pie?
l know l'm not a pretty girl or...
...or sexy.
You'd probably like a...
...sexy girl, right?
Baby...
...I'm gonna sine your pitty
on the runny kine.
That's what makes Pootie Tang
a real hero.
He can't see a woman
not loving herself.
He's gonna put the love in.
l say just give her a compliment.
l like your shoes.
Have you been working out?
What you doing with your hair?
But l tell you what.
l'm only gonna buy this hero shit,
so many times.
Meanwhile, back in the city,
all hell was breaking loose.
l'm talking about drug dealing,
drug using,
booty shaking, too much damn TV,
drinking, people eating too much
and getting fat,
fighting, kids out of school,
ain't nobody reading.
People acting straight damn fools.
And Corporate America was loving it.
Look at them, it's a party.
Since he left, everything just went
bonkers. Everybody lost their mind.
Pootie Tang, you shouldn't do this.
Come back to the city
where you belong.
Back on the farm,
the worst happened.
Pootie Tang's corn stalk died.
For the third time in his life, Pootie
lost the only important thing to him.
First his family, then his belt,
and now his corn died.
Farm life was driving Pootie crazy.
He must have lost his damn mind.
He's down on his knees
crying over a piece of corn.
Not even popcorn, regular damn corn.
Pootie Tang had lost hope. lt would
take a miracle to bring him back.
Pootie.
Pootie Tang.
Up here, Pootie.
Hey, watch the leaves.
Daddy?
Damn right l'm your Daddy.
What you doing running away
from your problems?
Did l teach you like that?
Don't mumble, boy.
Pootie, my boy?
Mama Di.
Pootie, you're a good man.
l'm proud of you.
You have so much love in you.
You can give it like a gift.
Your father was wrong to tell you
to guard it like a secret.
What was that?
- Shut your mouth.
- Hey, woman.
You corn ass fool.
Pootie, teach the world
right from wrong,
but love the world at the same time.
That's the key.
Where's your belt, boy?
You let the ladies get your belt?
l knew that would happen.
Now you lost all your confidence.
l'm here to tell you
there's nothing special about that belt.
l bought it a Piggly Wiggly
for 95 cents.
You don't need that belt, cos you got
the goodness in your heart.
Now go out there and take that
and kick some ass.
Don't mumble, boy.
Now go out there, take that goodness,
and teach the world right from wrong.
l think maybe you and me
got something to talk about.
l understand you and...Stacy there...
got to know each other.
Had yourself a little time?
Yeah!
That's terrific!
When's the wedding?
Like l say, l sure would be mighty
proud to have you for a son-in-law.
What the hell?
Pootie Tang!
Pootie Tang!
What you doing way out here?
You know these guys?
l've come to call you out,
maggot eating bitch.
You ain't come one,
but many tine tanies.
l gets by with a little help
from my friends.
Now, listen here, fellas.
We don't want no trouble here.
Why don't you just move on through?
- What's up, papa-in-law?
- Back off there.
l'm sheriff of this town.
Hold up, hold up! Rewind that.
Let me see that one more time.
l'm sheriff of this town.
That had to hurt his ass.
l know he's embarrassed.
Slap him like a bitch.
He shouldn't have messed
around and got Pootie Tang mad.
Question: where you think you going?
Wait! Hold up Pootie.
Capa-town, my ass.
You're not so bad now are you?
Guess you...slapped him like a bitch.
Yeah.
Now...
like l was saying.
l was searching for Pootie
high and low.
Then l remembered
he was at the farm.
All this time l'd been talking about the
farm, how did l forget he was there?
l got there just in time.
- Pootie, come back right now.
- What's the dabble, di?
There's a wedding going on here.
They're making you sell products,
even when you're not there!
l'm talking about cigarettes.
And look, Pootie Tang malt liquor.
They got all these Pootie-a-likes
hawking all this shit.
And everybody thinks it's you.
Come back to the city,
so everybody knows the truth.
Come on.
All right, Pootie Tang.
l ain't the marrying type.
l don't make my bed,
l leave the toilet seat up...
But she is a lovely lady, though.
Pootie Tang and l are thrilled
to be opening this,
the first Pootie Tang Bad Time
Burger restaurant, right Pootie?
Sa da tay!
Sa da tay. Got that?
That ain't Pootie Tang.
That's Doodie Tang.
That ain't Pootie Tang either.
l know that ain't Pootie Tang.
l just said it's Doodie Tang.
Shut up!
Sepatown, tipi tais.
Yo sepatown, tipi tais.
Christ.
- That's Pootie Tang!
- Wa-da-tah.
Don't pay attention to him.
That's nobody.
This is Pootie Tang.
Yes, l'm Pootie.
Now, clap it up my hammies...
...rinatine, my America.
Coola may my...
You think you've solved the problem?
Guess again.
See, l got more Pooties than you do.
You're not only late,
but you're outnumbered.
By this time tomorrow, there will be
so many Pooties, you won't matter.
He ain't alone, mister rich man.
l'm here too.
Pootie! Pootie!
You looking at my ass?
You bastards ain't going any place.
Bye-bye Bad Time.
All right! l got him, Pootie.
Capachow!
Pootie Tang is back!
Pootie Tang!
- No, no Pootie.
- l got to say the nay no, my brother.
What will you do now, Pootie?
- We're gonna get married.
- Yeah.
And that's the way it went down.
Pootie Tang got his man,
and Biggie Shorty got hers
but not before she handled
one piece of business.
Oh, hi!
Man, it is hot today.
lt's hot out here.
lt is hot today.
You know it's hot out.
Yeah, l just said that.
You know it's hot too.
That's why l said it, man.
lt is hot out here.
l know, l'm just saying it's hot too.
And as for me, Trucky...
Oh shit, the lasagna!
Dammit Trucky, l can't believe
you burned that lasagna again.
That is the longest movie clip
l've ever seen.
Then you are Pootie Tang.
Sa da tay!
Exactly. Pootie Tang,
it's been bettie having you by.
Bob, I dabe the sammie.
I dabe the sammie.
Cole me on the panny sty.
Sorry, what was that?
Cole me on the panny sty.
What the hell are you talking about?
Cole me down on the panny sty?
Oh, cole me down on the panny sty.
All right.
Thank you, Pootie Tang.
Pootie Tang,
Pootie Tang! l love it.
He's so sexy,
l love Pootie.
Cut!
Pootie Tang got three gold records.
Pootie gets all the Grammies
because he's Pootie Tang.
- He's terrific.
- l don't think he's so great.
Pootie got you now.
Pootie's about to make reservations
on you now.
The red phone is blinking!
lt's over for you now.
lt's over now for you.
You know it's over.
He got you in the radar.
Pootie got you now.
Red phone ringing.
Man's got to do, l suppose.
l guess whilst you're gone,
they can't make you do more movies.
- No more movies!
- Do that line again.
I'm gonna sine your pitty
on the runny kine.
We don't like no trouble around here.
You know, quiet town.
You look all right, though.
A little weird, though, ain't you?
That's my panny, di.
l suppose so.
Yeah, baby,
it's time to get dirty.
l can't hear a word you're saying
because l got earplugs in.
But l'm tired of talking.
Everybody run away.
Run, run, run!
Pootie stays.
I'm gonna sine your kitty
on the sepatown.
I'm gonna sine your pitty...
...on the runny...kine.
Pootie did it again.
Sa da tay!
English (en)
who scarcely needs an introduction.
Pootie Tang,
good to have you with us.
Sepatown.
You've had incredible success
in lots of fields,
music, films, martial arts, pottery.
How do you do it?
I'm a pone tonie.
Got my dillies on a peppatain.
l hear that.
Pootie, a lot of young artists say
you are their inspiration.
Well, l can't say the nay no,
my brother. Wa-da-tah!
You've got a new movie
coming out, right?
Yeah. lt's called ''Sine Your Pitty
On The Runny Kind''.
And who's in it, besides yourself?
There's Trucky, Bad Bitty, Dirty Dee...
...Lacey, J.B....
...Biggie Shorty...
and Robert Vaughn.
You have a clip you'd like to show us?
Let's take a look at this clip
from Pootie Tang's new movie:
''Sine Your Pitty
On The Runny Kine''.
lt was the year 2001 .
lt was the best of times,
it was the worst of times.
The big city was thriving,
but the inner city was dying.
Who was killing it?
This man, Dick Lecter,
head of Corporate America.
But the people had hope,
because there was one man
who could fight the power.
One man who
could stop the madness.
One man who could beat Dick Lecter
like the LAPD.
That man...
that man was Pootie Tang.
See that guy? That's Bad Bitty,
the baddest drug dealer in town.
Hey, Bad Bitty, here comes Dirty Dee.
Dirty bastard!
That's Dirty Dee,
the dirtiest dude around.
He handles all of
Corporate America's dirty work.
Next to Dirty Dee...
that's Froggy, the enforcer.
Yo, Bad Bitty, how you been?
l'm bad, Dirty Dee.
You're still dirty, l can see.
Lets deal, baby.
- You got yours?
- Froggy.
Dirty money.
You got yours?
How do l know if they're any good?
Let's test them out.
Hey, kid! Come over here.
That's Kid, the dumbest kid in town.
What do you want, mister?
Here, have some of this.
ls it candy?
- Told you.
- Yeah.
lt's the kind of candy
that you smoke out of a pipe.
Pipe candy!
Pootie Tang!
Capachow.
Yeah! Pootie Tang!
Dirty Dee, you a baddy daddy
lamatai tebby chai.
Get that Pootie!
That's a canapan, all the way down.
Mother...!
Shut up, bitch.
O.K., l quit.
Run, Pootie, run!
Come on!
Get out, get out!
Hiya, Pootie Tang.
Sa da tay!
Pootie Tang was born in a small town
outside Gary, lndiana...
...and that town was called Chicago.
Everyone noticed something different
about the way Pootie would talk.
lt baffled everyone...
doctors, scientists...
Let me put it like this.
Pootie Tang is, was and will always
be too cool for words.
Pootie Tang
was the most popular kid in town.
We didn't always know what he was
saying, but we knew what he meant.
l knew l was his best friend.
That's me, Trucky.
He had a special effect on people,
especially the ladies,
not girls, grown ass-women.
- Hiya, Pootie Tang.
- l'm a tine cappy, my damie.
Wa-da-tah.
All right, Pootie Tang.
But for some of the ladies,
Pootie was too hot to handle.
Damn you, Pootie Tang.
l can't take no more of this.
Who do you think you are,
treating me this way?
l've had it with you,
you hear me talking?
This is it, l'm finished with you.
Stay out of my life.
You think l'm joking?
Take your shit and get out!
Pootie Tang, l'm sick of you.
Pootie...Pootie, don't go!
Pootie Tang was an only child.
His father, Daddy Tang,
worked hard to raise Pootie right.
He had this belt.
He was so fast with it
that before Pootie could do wrong,
Daddy Tang would set him right.
Don't grab those peas
without asking your mama.
May l dane
on the cammies, Mama Di?
Yes you may, Pootie Tang.
That's better.
You got to have respect
to get respect, Pootie Tang.
So, do you have any girlfriends
at school, Pootie?
Mama Di, there's a sine tipi tai
in a classi ti, she's a solo toni.
Don't you talk dirty
to your mama, boy.
Always got your head in them girls.
Put your head in the books
and leave the ladies alone.
And that's how it was. Daddy Tang
and his belt were always there
teaching Pootie the difference
between good and bad.
When l say he was always there,
l mean he was always there.
Pootie, let's steal some apples.
When Pootie was six,
his mother died,
leaving him and his father alone.
Pootie was very sad.
l know, son.
But his father was a comfort to him.
Don't slurp your soup in here, boy!
Two weeks later,
another terrible tragedy.
His father was fatally injured
at the steel mill.
lt was incredible.
Only the third time a man had been
mauled by a gorilla at that steel mill.
On his deathbed, Daddy Tang
had Pootie make a solemn promise.
Pootie, l know l brought you up tough,
but that's cos l love you.
lt's tough out there, Pootie.
You've got drugs...
...crime...gorillas.
l ain't gonna be here much longer.
So, l'm gonna give you this.
Pootie, that's my belt.
As long as you got right on your side,
you can whip anyone's ass,
with just that belt.
l know you love the ladies,
and Lord knows the ladies love you.
Don't let the ladies
come between you and the belt.
Those were Daddy Tang's last words.
''Don't let the ladies
come between you and the belt.''
But there was something else
about the ladies
Daddy Tang forgot to tell Pootie.
Pootie Tang turned out just fine.
Daddy Tang would have been proud.
Pootie had it all.
Hit records, movies, magazine covers,
fancy cars, famous friends,
beautiful clothes
and ladies, ladies, ladies.
Through it all,
l was right there by his side.
That's me, Trucky.
And that's my man,
Pootie Tang.
Big-time celebrity, crime fighter
and role model to children.
Pootie Tang has a message
for the children of America.
So you better wapatah
to the bammies,
cos the cammietowns a biddie
on the Pannie Stai!
Pootie says cigarettes and fast food
are bad like netatai.
And don't drink malt liquor
cos you don't need to,
cos you're O.K., sa da tay.
Also, eat all your vegetables,
and don't bang the dillies.
That's Frank.
Dick Lecter's right hand man.
So what do we care?
We care because he's making these.
People have been making P.S.A.'s
for years. lt hasn't made a difference.
Eddie, hit me with those figures.
Since the inception
of Pootie Tang's PSA campaign,
sales of Lecter burgers
are down 30 per cent,
Lecter cigarettes down 20 per cent
and Lecter whisky
is almost out of business.
Someone's getting to these kids
and it's killing us.
lt's killing us.
lt's killing us.
Hello, Mr. Lecter.
- Frank, l have a job for you.
- Yes, sir.
l'll tell you, Pootie Tang's
one bad brother, man.
That's J.B. and Lacey.
We make up Pootie's crew.
Pootie Tang will draw you a picture
of how he's gonna kick your ass
then mail it to you
ten days in advance.
The picture gets there.
You go, ''What the hell is this?''
Then he knocks on your door,
properly kicks your ass,
and you still won't know
what happened.
Got that right.
He's a kick-ass artiste.
He's like the Da Vinci of ass-kicking.
That's him right?
Pootie Tang,
the Da Vinci of ass-kicking.
Pootie Tang whips your ass so bad,
you can write it off on your taxes.
Right here. Ass whipping number one,
ass whipping number two...
That's just getting beat up.
l'd also like to add that Pootie Tang
can kick some ass too, boy.
Here comes Pootie Tang now.
- Hey, Pootie!
- We were just talking about you.
Hey man, you going
to Biggie Shorty's party tomorrow?
l guess you're wondering
who is Biggie Shorty.
l'm Biggie Shorty.
l'll tell you about me and Pootie Tang.
Since the very day we met,
l knew Pootie was to be my man.
l knew all l had to do was wait.
One day, all that bullshit would catch
up with Pootie and he would be mine.
You going to Biggie Shorty's party
tomorrow?
Ranacan.
You're a party man!
There's gonna be
some bitches in there!
You right, respect the women.
Respect the women.
Look at that car!
Man, that car's big.
And long like a whole snake.
That car's so big,
it's got its own sky.
Yeah, it's big too.
- Keep it running.
- Yes, sir.
Hiya, fellas!
Kinda hot for a hootenanny, huh?
Hear that? A hootenanny.
What the hell is a damn hootenanny?
l'm looking for Pootie Tang.
Pootie Tang.
What do you want with Pootie Tang?
l need to talk to him.
l'm a representative of Lecter Corp.
Do you know what that is?
Great.
Dick Lecter,
the CEO of Lecter Corp. likes you.
He likes you, Pootie. He wants
to make you a very rich man.
l have a contract here
for Pootie to endorse.
Tasty heavy pork chunk cereal.
lt's delicious.
lt's a wonderful product.
Kids love it and kids love you.
We just want to put that together.
Nah di. That's a canapan
to the senachai.
l didn't even say how much it pays.
20 million dollars to sign
for just one year.
What do you say, Pootie?
l got to say the nay no, my brother.
Wa-da-tah.
Wa-da-tah? How do you say
the nay no to 20 million, why?
Maybe Pootie don't wanna sign
because he knows you're full of it.
First of all,
he knows that cereal's full of sugar.
Number two,
that's not all that you guys sell.
You sell cigarettes, whisky,
burgers, switchblades,
and it also says you will no longer
let Pootie do P.S.A's.
telling kids to eat healthy
and to be smart.
Sure, exclusivity goes without saying.
l'm sure your ugly intentions
go without saying.
Take a walk, money man.
See my damie?
Pootie Tang don't wa-da-tah
to the shana cow
cos that's my cama cama
leepa-chai, dig?
Hey Tang, to you they're children,
to me they're dollar signs.
Cover your grill!
Sa da tay!
You're funny man,
you are a funny man.
Wild boy!
Pootie smacked the taste
out of Frank's mouth.
Man, that was a funny time.
But one man was not laughing at all.
Pootie Tang goes out there
and makes everybody love him.
And he tells them
not to buy my products.
He steals from me.
What do l do?
l say take my money, here take it.
And he says no.
l guess you're wondering,
who is this bitch?
That's lreenie,
Dick Lecter's main squeeze,
and the most dangerous woman
on the planet.
She don't look it,
but she can bring any man down.
l know what makes Pootie Tang...
tick...tock...tick.
That's cool. All right.
lt's all gone now, Pootie.
What do you wanna do?
Lepatime.
What's he got on his mind?
We're starting from scratch, l guess.
Pootie knows what to do.
This is gonna be good.
l'll play back the levels
the way you set them.
No instruments, no vocals, no levels.
Everything silent.
Set it on me. Bleed.
Pootie don't need no words,
don't even need no music.
We have got a hit, baby.
l like it, everybody seems to like it.
Now something you'll all like.
We got the world premiere
from Pootie Tang
and you know it'll be
out of this world.
You all loved his last record,
''Sine Your Pitty On The Runny Kine''.
You're all gonna love this new one.
The new one is called...
So let's listen up to the new record
by Pootie Tang, called...
from Pootie Tang.
Damn, this is good.
This is good. Pootie did it again.
Pootie too good.
Turn that noise down, dammit!
Legendary Pootie Tang
has done it again,
with his new song entitled...
...already considered
one of the greatest hits of all time.
This was the scene earlier today, as
fans mobbed Pootie Tang in the street.
Many said they hadn't heard an artist
this profound since Al B Sure.
Pootie was blowing up now.
We're talking big.
l mean Macarena big.
We're talking Electric Slide big.
Bentleys and girls in bikini thongs big.
Everybody want a piece of Pootie.
You think l'm playing?
Wait a minute.
We got Pootie Tang
in the house tonight.
Come on, Pootie.
l need you to sing a song with me.
l love you, Pootie Tang.
That's a bata shane,
my tellie. Wa-da-tah.
Pootie Tang was with us here tonight.
Pootie Tang!
l love you, l want you.
l want to be with you.
Pootie, please, please...
l want you, l love you Pootie...
Don't leave me out here
on my lonesome.
Give a girl something!
lt's not right.
She's fine! Why did Pootie
pass that up? Cos she's crazy.
She's licking milk out of a bowl.
- Biggie Shorty.
- Pootie Tang! All right!
Bata shane, my dillie?
Same as always, baby.
You come back tomorrow,
we gonna have a party.
Talk about all the sisters and me.
- You gonna be there?
- Wa-da-tah!
All right, Pootie!
Hey, young boys!
Hey! Look at her!
She's a lady!
Oh, man, pull up!
What do you want?
- You want something?
- Yeah, baby, l want it.
What do you want?
How about the two of us?
How much?
What's your problem?
Just cos a girl dresses fancy
and stands on street corners
near some whores,
- you think she's hooking?
- Wouldn't you?
No, l wouldn't.
l'm a lady, you greasy bastard.
Ah, yeah! Pootie Tang
and the boys are here.
Yo, man, a Biggie Shorty party
is exclusive.
They don't let nobody in.
They got to line around the block.
You know what? Nobody we know
could get in this party.
They don't let no light in,
no electricity, no water.
They don't let air in.
Air is right now going,
''Hey, l'm air. l'm on the list''.
And they won't let air in.
Air gets in everywhere.
That's how exclusive
a Biggie Shorty party is.
Hey, you know what else?
lt's hard to get in too.
l hate you!
Pretty girl. Pretty girl!
Pretty girl out there!
Pootie, you are the sexiest bastard
on God's green earth.
Yeah.
l tell you though, someday, l'm gonna
get a piece of you for myself.
- Sepatown.
- Sepatown, my ass!
You gonna be inside a bed
with me someday.
You mark my words,
you skinny wonderful man.
Pretty girl. Pretty girl?
Sexy!
Pretty girl?
Pretty girl!
How does a woman
get to you anyway?
lt's like a state secret.
How to be with Pootie Tang.
All right, get off him.
He don't want none of your mess.
l tell you what, Pootie.
Someday, you gonna meet
your match in a woman.
Some day you gonna meet
the Darth Vader of T and A.
Some woman's gonna kick your ass
and love you to death.
And you gonna be in the dumps,
banged to death
by the dark side of love.
And on that day, Pootie,
l'm gonna be there.
And l'm gonna make
sweet love to you.
Sexy girl!
- Damn, man.
- Oh, l'm sorry.
l thought you were
somebody else, man.
Sorry, man.
Sorry!
l didn't get your name, did l?
Damn, do l know you?
Do you want me to pull your legs off?
Pardon me?
Wanna make out?
l might enjoy that.
l just might enjoy that.
You know, l just might enjoy that.
O.K., wait a minute...
Wait a minute!
Call me a sissy,
but you need to stop.
You're tearing me apart,
you're killing me.
- You want me to stop?
- Well, yes l do.
O.K., then tell me something.
- What do you wanna know?
- What's Pootie's secret?
l can't tell you that.
l would never do anything
to hurt Pootie Tang.
But like l said, lreenie knew
how to break a brother down.
- l can't tell you that.
- You can't? All right.
O.K., wait, l'll tell you,
l'll tell you.
l'll tell you. lt's the belt.
lt's magical. He can kick
anybody's ass with that damn belt.
Freeze, sucker.
Give me your money, you fancy pants
bastard or l'll stick this in you deep.
Wa-da-tah, my damie.
l'm not your damie.
Give me your cash. l know you got it.
Hey, l told you to back off.
Pootie, hey, Pootie.
Pootie. The craziest thing
happened to me.
l'm in the club...
Pootie look out!
Bang, bang, bang!
Pootie? Everything under control?
Kayed a brother, di.
Kayed a brother, di!
I'm a shamey day.
I'm a shamey day!
lt hurts Pootie to kill a man.
But he knows he's got to do it.
But it hurts him so bad
to right those wrongs.
My man, Pootie Tang.
Come back on the bettie tai!
Come back on the bettie tai!
Come back on the bettie tai!
Pootie Tang?
All right, my damie.
Why didn't Trucky tell Pootie
he told lreenie all his business?
Just running his mouth.
When you see a man brought
back from the dead, you forget shit.
Or maybe you're just a dumb ass.
Stop the movie.
Remember when Daddy Tang
told little Pootie,
''Don't let the ladies come
between you and the belt''.
Daddy Tang forgot to tell Pootie
about his only weakness...
...hoes. Even Pootie Tang's belt
was no match for lreenie.
You can't beat a hoe with a belt.
They like that shit.
l'm sorry.
Did my cart hit your cart?
l'm so sorry about that.
Did l hurt you?
What a drag.
Again, l am very...sorry.
Will you do something for me?
Sign your pretty name.
Sign it...sign it.
He's signed it.
He's signed it.
He's signed it.
He signed it?
Nice job, lreenie.
You're a damn genius, baby.
''l, Pootie Tang,
surrender to Lecter Corp.
''all rights to my image and likeness.
''l will wholeheartedly endorse
all Lecter Corp. products
''and will do my best to convince
the children of the world
''the above-mentioned
are all clean, safe
''and should be used by all of them.''
Not the tipi tais, no!
You are part of the corporation
just like us.
Thought you could stay out of it?
Welcome aboard, Pootie Tang.
Are you looking
for something, my friend?
l've got it all, now.
Shocking news today
as Pootie Tang endorses
several controversial products
for Lecter Corp.,
the infamous giant corporation.
Something on the TV
about Pootie Tang.
Man, my kids looked up to him.
They don't even look at Dad
like they looked at him.
But since he crossed, my little man
came up to me the other day
and was like,
''How can he do that bullshit, man?''
Pootie Tang has made my children
cry. l'll not support him anymore.
Lecter Corp. effectively owns the name
Pootie Tang, his image and copyright.
Pootie Tang has agreed to do several
commercials endorsing our sneakers,
food products, cigarettes, whisky,
mace, switchblades, rat poison...
- Pootie!
- Oh, no.
l always had a high opinion of Pootie
Tang, but the way things are going,
not only is he sold out,
he's scraping the bottom of the barrel.
He was drugged by that crazy lreenie.
Haven't you been watching the movie?
That's what disturbs me.
He's telling kids not to go to school,
to eat fast food, to do drugs.
This is not the Pootie Tang
l used to know and admire.
He would never tell kids
stuff like that.
You're in denial.
He's doing dirt to his own reputation.
- You don't know Pootie Tang.
- l don't know Pootie Tang?
l know Pootie Tang and this isn't
the Pootie Tang l thought l knew.
l thought a man of your stature would
have better sense than to fall for that.
Look, this is all falling apart.
The man used to be admired
by people of all walks of life.
lf the world is gonna fall
for this mess about my Pootie Tang,
then maybe the world
don't deserve him.
What do you think Pootie Tang
needs at this point in his life?
He just needs some of my good loving,
and he will be all right.
- You watch.
- l hope you're right.
- l know l am.
- We'll see.
- We'll see.
- That's right.
- Watch.
- l will.
Pootie Tang was messed up.
- Punk bitch!
- Sell out!
Look at him.
- Get a job, you bum.
- Get it together!
Pootie looked like
someone who did it and ran.
Pootie turned to the only woman
who could help him,
Biggie Shorty.
Pootie!
- Pootie! Poor Pootie Tang.
- Tipi tais.
That's all right.
Mama's got you. lt's all right.
Biggie Shorty's
gonna take care of you.
Don't you worry.
Gonna have sex with you too,
you know.
Finally.
Are you sure you gotta go, Pootie?
Yeah.
That's a damn shame.
You're the best piece of man
l ever had.
You could stay here and live between
my bosoms for the rest of your life.
Pootie got to flittie tai.
Man's got to do, l suppose.
l guess whilst you're gone, they can't
make you do more commercials.
Where you gonna go?
l tell you what.
l got a little farmhouse
outside Greenville.
lt was my mama's.
lt ain't much but nobody's living there.
You go out there,
find yourself, blah, blah, blah.
Then you come back to me, O.K.?
That's a fine tine, baby.
Give me some of that bony ass
one more time before you hit the road.
Man, l hate prison.
Prison sucks.
l reckon it's supposed to.
You got something for me?
This is fine dirt, man, good dirt.
l'm gonna hook you up.
l hate these bastards.
They make me shower every day.
They never let me get dirty.
l'm Dirty Dee, dammit!
Dirty Dee,
you gonna be dirty again soon.
l promise.
lt's that Pootie Tang.
He got to be stopped.
l'm the one that's gonna stop him.
Pootie damn Tang!
Pootie!
Pootie was headed to the farm
l wanted to go with him.
Because it was all my fault.
Everything that happened,
it's all my fault.
l told that bitch all these things
and she just used it against him.
l was sorry.
lt was killing me.
l only did it for the ass.
That deri-teri was all the dinie.
l felt like he'd saved my life.
And l'd messed his all up.
l wanted him to forgive me.
Trucky, you my main damie, man.
Ain't no bad tammies between us.
l wondered if he meant it.
I'm a baino denie.
l wanted to go to the farm with him.
Wa-da-tah!
All right, me and Pootie
going to the farm!
l'm looking forward to this farm life.
Enough of the city.
This is just what we need, Pootie.
Live off the fat of the land,
work hard, farming,
farming, farming.
l can't wait, man. l cannot wait.
l'm gonna milk that cow.
All that milk, two per cent fat free,
skimmed milk.
All that milk. Chocolate milk.
l don't need no television,
cappuccino, partying all night long.
l'm gonna put blisters on my hands.
Sweat on my back.
That's what l want.
Shit!
Oh man, my pants.
My damn pants.
Farming, farming, farming.
This is not the thing, man.
This ain't cool.
Dirty shoes, dirty pants,
dirty shirt, stinky.
lt's hotter than a camel's hump here,
mosquitoes all over my shirt.
l can't do it, man.
Whose dog is following me around?
Whose dog is that?
Could be anybody's dog.
l didn't want to leave Pootie,
but l couldn't do that survivor shit.
l'll back my ass,
l need conveniences, man.
On the other hand,
Pootie was loving every minute of it.
He was rejuvenated.
Rejuvenated.
He was juvenated before,
lost it and got juvenated again.
And when Pootie planted
his first corn stalk...
Damie.
...he was happy.
Too damn happy, if you ask me.
lt was just corn.
lt was just what he needed
to take his mind off his troubles.
Rown on the crowny town.
Morning.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Not now, Stacy, honey.
There's a new fella in town.
He's coming in here in a minute.
- So?
- Maybe you can marry him.
Daddy!
Cut that shit out, Stacy.
Here he comes.
Hi, there.
You got your can filled all right?
This is my daughter, Stacy.
Dillie on...
...my damie.
She's a looker, ain't she?
Dirty Dee!
God, you stink!
Thank you.
- l want to talk about Pootie Tang.
- Public enemy number one.
We learned that anything
can be addictive.
We pumped our burgers
so full of MSD
people can't even taste
real food anymore.
Today American kids don't eat
because they're hungry.
They eat because they've just got
to have another Lecter burger.
l own Pootie's name. l don't need him
to sell my products anymore.
l've got thousands
of them all over the country.
l'm just gonna give them the clothes
and this training tape.
Remember, when making
a public appearance
Pootie Tang always struts like this.
Next week we're opening a brand new
nationwide chain of burger stands.
Pootie's Bad Time Burgers.
ln fact, the only thing that could mess
it up is if the real Pootie showed up.
But that ain't good enough.
l want him dead.
l'd like to put that bitch in the ground
myself, but l ain't magical.
l've been trying
to get Pootie for years.
He's offed all my boys.
All l got left is Froggy.
Nobody knows where Pootie is.
l know where he is.
l got people everywhere. Nobody can
hide from Corporate America.
And as far as how to beat him...
Maybe this will help.
Hello.
Remember her?
That's Stacy, the sheriff's daughter.
He's been trying to get her married
since she was 12 years old.
Hello, is anybody here?
l'm sorry, l...
l made you a pie.
Do you want the pie?
l know l'm not a pretty girl or...
...or sexy.
You'd probably like a...
...sexy girl, right?
Baby...
...I'm gonna sine your pitty
on the runny kine.
That's what makes Pootie Tang
a real hero.
He can't see a woman
not loving herself.
He's gonna put the love in.
l say just give her a compliment.
l like your shoes.
Have you been working out?
What you doing with your hair?
But l tell you what.
l'm only gonna buy this hero shit,
so many times.
Meanwhile, back in the city,
all hell was breaking loose.
l'm talking about drug dealing,
drug using,
booty shaking, too much damn TV,
drinking, people eating too much
and getting fat,
fighting, kids out of school,
ain't nobody reading.
People acting straight damn fools.
And Corporate America was loving it.
Look at them, it's a party.
Since he left, everything just went
bonkers. Everybody lost their mind.
Pootie Tang, you shouldn't do this.
Come back to the city
where you belong.
Back on the farm,
the worst happened.
Pootie Tang's corn stalk died.
For the third time in his life, Pootie
lost the only important thing to him.
First his family, then his belt,
and now his corn died.
Farm life was driving Pootie crazy.
He must have lost his damn mind.
He's down on his knees
crying over a piece of corn.
Not even popcorn, regular damn corn.
Pootie Tang had lost hope. lt would
take a miracle to bring him back.
Pootie.
Pootie Tang.
Up here, Pootie.
Hey, watch the leaves.
Daddy?
Damn right l'm your Daddy.
What you doing running away
from your problems?
Did l teach you like that?
Don't mumble, boy.
Pootie, my boy?
Mama Di.
Pootie, you're a good man.
l'm proud of you.
You have so much love in you.
You can give it like a gift.
Your father was wrong to tell you
to guard it like a secret.
What was that?
- Shut your mouth.
- Hey, woman.
You corn ass fool.
Pootie, teach the world
right from wrong,
but love the world at the same time.
That's the key.
Where's your belt, boy?
You let the ladies get your belt?
l knew that would happen.
Now you lost all your confidence.
l'm here to tell you
there's nothing special about that belt.
l bought it a Piggly Wiggly
for 95 cents.
You don't need that belt, cos you got
the goodness in your heart.
Now go out there and take that
and kick some ass.
Don't mumble, boy.
Now go out there, take that goodness,
and teach the world right from wrong.
l think maybe you and me
got something to talk about.
l understand you and...Stacy there...
got to know each other.
Had yourself a little time?
Yeah!
That's terrific!
When's the wedding?
Like l say, l sure would be mighty
proud to have you for a son-in-law.
What the hell?
Pootie Tang!
Pootie Tang!
What you doing way out here?
You know these guys?
l've come to call you out,
maggot eating bitch.
You ain't come one,
but many tine tanies.
l gets by with a little help
from my friends.
Now, listen here, fellas.
We don't want no trouble here.
Why don't you just move on through?
- What's up, papa-in-law?
- Back off there.
l'm sheriff of this town.
Hold up, hold up! Rewind that.
Let me see that one more time.
l'm sheriff of this town.
That had to hurt his ass.
l know he's embarrassed.
Slap him like a bitch.
He shouldn't have messed
around and got Pootie Tang mad.
Question: where you think you going?
Wait! Hold up Pootie.
Capa-town, my ass.
You're not so bad now are you?
Guess you...slapped him like a bitch.
Yeah.
Now...
like l was saying.
l was searching for Pootie
high and low.
Then l remembered
he was at the farm.
All this time l'd been talking about the
farm, how did l forget he was there?
l got there just in time.
- Pootie, come back right now.
- What's the dabble, di?
There's a wedding going on here.
They're making you sell products,
even when you're not there!
l'm talking about cigarettes.
And look, Pootie Tang malt liquor.
They got all these Pootie-a-likes
hawking all this shit.
And everybody thinks it's you.
Come back to the city,
so everybody knows the truth.
Come on.
All right, Pootie Tang.
l ain't the marrying type.
l don't make my bed,
l leave the toilet seat up...
But she is a lovely lady, though.
Pootie Tang and l are thrilled
to be opening this,
the first Pootie Tang Bad Time
Burger restaurant, right Pootie?
Sa da tay!
Sa da tay. Got that?
That ain't Pootie Tang.
That's Doodie Tang.
That ain't Pootie Tang either.
l know that ain't Pootie Tang.
l just said it's Doodie Tang.
Shut up!
Sepatown, tipi tais.
Yo sepatown, tipi tais.
Christ.
- That's Pootie Tang!
- Wa-da-tah.
Don't pay attention to him.
That's nobody.
This is Pootie Tang.
Yes, l'm Pootie.
Now, clap it up my hammies...
...rinatine, my America.
Coola may my...
You think you've solved the problem?
Guess again.
See, l got more Pooties than you do.
You're not only late,
but you're outnumbered.
By this time tomorrow, there will be
so many Pooties, you won't matter.
He ain't alone, mister rich man.
l'm here too.
Pootie! Pootie!
You looking at my ass?
You bastards ain't going any place.
Bye-bye Bad Time.
All right! l got him, Pootie.
Capachow!
Pootie Tang is back!
Pootie Tang!
- No, no Pootie.
- l got to say the nay no, my brother.
What will you do now, Pootie?
- We're gonna get married.
- Yeah.
And that's the way it went down.
Pootie Tang got his man,
and Biggie Shorty got hers
but not before she handled
one piece of business.
Oh, hi!
Man, it is hot today.
lt's hot out here.
lt is hot today.
You know it's hot out.
Yeah, l just said that.
You know it's hot too.
That's why l said it, man.
lt is hot out here.
l know, l'm just saying it's hot too.
And as for me, Trucky...
Oh shit, the lasagna!
Dammit Trucky, l can't believe
you burned that lasagna again.
That is the longest movie clip
l've ever seen.
Then you are Pootie Tang.
Sa da tay!
Exactly. Pootie Tang,
it's been bettie having you by.
Bob, I dabe the sammie.
I dabe the sammie.
Cole me on the panny sty.
Sorry, what was that?
Cole me on the panny sty.
What the hell are you talking about?
Cole me down on the panny sty?
Oh, cole me down on the panny sty.
All right.
Thank you, Pootie Tang.
Pootie Tang,
Pootie Tang! l love it.
He's so sexy,
l love Pootie.
Cut!
Pootie Tang got three gold records.
Pootie gets all the Grammies
because he's Pootie Tang.
- He's terrific.
- l don't think he's so great.
Pootie got you now.
Pootie's about to make reservations
on you now.
The red phone is blinking!
lt's over for you now.
lt's over now for you.
You know it's over.
He got you in the radar.
Pootie got you now.
Red phone ringing.
Man's got to do, l suppose.
l guess whilst you're gone,
they can't make you do more movies.
- No more movies!
- Do that line again.
I'm gonna sine your pitty
on the runny kine.
We don't like no trouble around here.
You know, quiet town.
You look all right, though.
A little weird, though, ain't you?
That's my panny, di.
l suppose so.
Yeah, baby,
it's time to get dirty.
l can't hear a word you're saying
because l got earplugs in.
But l'm tired of talking.
Everybody run away.
Run, run, run!
Pootie stays.
I'm gonna sine your kitty
on the sepatown.
I'm gonna sine your pitty...
...on the runny...kine.
Pootie did it again.
Sa da tay!
English (en)