Pond Life (2018) - full transcript

♪ Roll, river

♪ Keep on rolling

♪ Ancient lady cold

♪ I'm forsaken

♪ Lost and forgotten

♪ Roll, river, roll

♪ Roll, river

♪ Roll, river, roll

♪ Let it take me

♪ Free and unchain me

♪ Ancient lady cold



♪ Keep on rolling

♪ Roll on for ever

♪ Hope we shall meet at home

♪ Roll, river

♪ Roll, river, roll

♪ You hold my body

♪ Lost and forsaken

♪ In your deep waters cold

♪ Oh, sacred river

♪ Take me to my sweetheart

♪ My lonely bones

♪ Will she remember?

♪ Oh, river, take me

♪ On my journey home



♪ Deep, dark waters

♪ Fill your secrets

♪ River angel, rise

♪ Roll, river

♪ Roll, river, roll

♪ Roll, river

♪ Roll over my home

♪ I feel it in my fingers

♪ I feel it in my toes

♪ Cassie

♪ Love is all around me, Cassie...

Shut up and stand still!

♪ And so the feeling grows, Cassie

♪ You know I love you, I always will

♪ My mind's made up
by the way that I feel

♪ There'll be no beginning

♪ There'll be no end

♪ Cos on my love, Cassie,
you can depend

♪ I see your face before me, Cassie

♪ When I am on my bed, Cassie

♪ I kinda get to thinking, Cassandra

♪ Of all the things you said

Fucking dead, innit? What?

♪ What becomes of the broken-hearted?

♪ Paid a penny and I only farted

♪ I've got to find

♪ Some kind of peace of mind, baby

Oi! Your pole's going in!
Your pole's in! Your pole...

Your pole's in.

It's gone in t'water! Your pole!

What is that?

Huh?

You're having a dump
and expecting me to watch your tackle!

A fish took it in t'water.

What do you mean,
a fish took it in t'water?

What the... You little fucker!

Maurice!

- Trev, my pole's off for a swim.
- Waste of time.

Come on.

Oi!

Where's it taken it?

I'll tell you what, that's the one!
That's the one!

Oi!

Come back, you little...

Oi! Oi!

Oi! I'll get you!

I know who you are!

Oh, bollocks!

- Must have been bloody massive.
- What do you reckon, 20?

That was the big bugger, Trevor.
That was the one. Definite.

A toddler could have pulled that in.

I saw it.

Had a back like a pig.

I leave you alone for five minutes

and you can't be arsed
to look after me tackle!

No chance of catching her anyway.

No chance, eh?

Wish me luck, Cassie.

♪ I feel it in my fingers

♪ I feel it in my toes

And the next number, number 22.

In the French language,
what is "fromidge"?

Is it milk, butter or cheese?

- All right, mate.
- All right, fella.

In the French language,
what is "fromidge"?

- Is it milk, butter or cheese?
- He caught one.

Back were like a pig.

Number 23.
Who wrote Lady Chatterley's Lover?

That's the mucky one. So I've been told.

Upstairs, downstairs,
in the chicken shed. It got banned.

- She wanted prawn.
- It's all they had.

When did you get reinstated?

And that question again,
who wrote Lady Chatterley's Lover?

And your last number, number 24.

David!

Please!

Please let me help you.

I love you, David.

Put summat decent on, quick.

- ♪ Blue moon...
- What's this?

- Again?
- I fell asleep.

How many times have you seen this?

I only watch it
when there's a full moon.

I'm gonna be sick!

Bye!

Come on.

You wanna know why
I can't stand still when I'm singing.

Some people clap their hands.
Some people stomp their feet.

I just do it altogether, I guess.

That's the postman. He says
he's Elvis Presley, but he isn't.

That's a pigeon on the Co-op roof.

That's some girls in the park.

Bugger off!

It's gonna be
the biggest fish ever, Mam.

I'm telling him he'd better
look after you. All right?

My mam says
you've got to marry me, Trev.

Pogo!

Saturday morning, South Pacific.

No, it's not really.
It's South Yorkshire.

Hiya! Will you say something?

I'll miss my bus, love.

My grandma used to live down there.

Oh, and there's a dog. Morning!

Don't know what to say now.

There's Shane!

So it's good barbecue weather.
We do have a little rain today...

Oi!

Thank you!

See ya!

- Cassie!
- Wait a minute!

I'm busting!

- Cassie!
- Wait, I said!

Irene's getting you a suitcase
of her mother's to put your stuff in,

instead of it
being all over the bloody shop.

Right. And where's that going?
In t'shed?

- She won't shift!
- Oi!

- Hey! Where you going?
- I need a piss!

Cassie?

Cassie, what you doing?

Cassie, what you doing?

Cassie!

And this track has been
number one for how many weeks? Six!

Well, let's see where it is tomorrow.

We were all singing along here
in the studio. Some better than others.

You were quick.

I've told you,
you don't buy owt from round there.

- It's half a mile to the top shops.
- I don't care.

I'll take 'em back,
then, shall I?

I'll have me change.

I'll have me fag.

It's about time you wrote a letter back.

Yeah... I'm gonna.

He's still your brother.

Hey.

- You have to try and get on.
- Eh?

With Irene and her two.

Suitcase? Bit of a hint, innit?

Oh, it's about t'best use of the space
that we've got between us, that's all.

Right.

Get some bloody clothes on, will you?

- Not caught it yet?
- Eh?

Moby Dick.

Password?

Which one?

- Summat to do with fish.
- Chips.

- Is your Trevor up yet?
- No.

Oh.

You off with us tonight?

- Where?
- Down t'ponds.

- You coming?
- Course.

- Er, is that for Trev?
- Uh-oh! Yeah.

Love letter, is it?

Is it?

I'm off out to play, Mam.

Excuse me.

Erm...

Erm...

Oh. Thanks, love.

- Is your Malcolm in?
- No, he's gone on an errand for me.

Ready, ready? Watch this shot.

That's rubbish.

Hey, hey!

Whoo! Whoo!

Hold on! Hold on!

Strike!

- Is that a blank tape?
- No.

- Do you want it?
- Yes.

I haven't got one.

- I gave you one.
- But I've used it.

Well, this is for you anyway.

I'm doing you a tape.

- Why? Am I going in hospital again?
- No.

I just thought I'd do you one.

I said I would. Summer special.

Summer special? Yeah.
So I can remember?

- Yeah.
- Instead of all that stuff I don't want

what gets stuck and I can't get it out.

- Eh?
- Yasser Arafat and that.

I'm gone in the head, me,
aren't I, Trev?

Yeah.

Your mam says you can come with me.

She's getting me some cheese triangles.

Look after you, she says.

For better, for worse.

We need to go and get some bait.

- This is the best summer of my life.
- Come on.

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe,
I'd been married a long time ago

♪ Where did you come from?
Where did you go?

♪ Where did you come from,
Cotton-Eye Joe?

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe,
I'd been married a long time ago

♪ Where did you come from?
Where did you go?

♪ Where did you come from,
Cotton-Eye Joe?

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe,
I'd been married a long time ago

♪ Where did you come from?
Where did you go?

♪ Where did you come from,
Cotton-Eye Joe?

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe,
I'd been married a long time ago

♪ Where did you come from?
Where did you go?

♪ Where did you come from,
Cotton-Eye Joe?

Hey! Over here!

Hey!

If we don't get rescued soon, I'll have
to cut you open and drink your blood.

Just before you do, I managed
to catch this shark for us to eat.

Yeah, but it pulls you in
and starts to mangle you up.

Yeah, but I managed
to stab it with my knife.

Only it's not there
cos you've left it on the raft,

so I pick it up and dive in to save you!

I'm the shark, right,
and I start to chew on your leg.

Oh, get off!

Get off you, dirty sod! You've slavered
all over me leg. Get off!

Soz!

- Soz, Dave.
- Get lost!

Sorry.

It's all right.

Come on!

You're not even doing it properly.
Do it again.

- Tosser.
- What?

Leave it. He's an Edlington.

Can I get these
and a pint of red, please?

Yeah, of course you can, mate.

- Thanks.
- There you go.

My mam says thanks
for the calamine lotion.

- We used it all. I got you a new one.
- Thanks, love.

Is Cassie in?

Er, not for you, love.

Tough on crime.

Tough on the causes of crime.

Tough on crime.
Tough on the causes of crime.

Tough on crime.

Tough on the causes of crime.

Turn this over. It's crap.

- That was a partly political broadcast.
- Now...

Could do with a video camera.

When I catch that fish,
you can be on the news.

I thought it was a yellow submarine
when I first saw it.

Then she swirled around
and dived back down to the depths.

Just a ripple.

He's gonna shoot. He shoots! He scores.

Yes! Get in!

I'm off to call her Nessie. What if she
pulls me in and drags me round t'pond?

You'll have to give me
the kiss of life, Trev.

Malcolm!

- What you got?
- Maggots.

I'll get a mixing bowl.
Take these in for us, Malc.

- Cassie. Just give us...
- I don't talk to poofs.

They're still wriggling.

What's she say that for?

- What did you want her for?
- Private.

- I thought she'd finished with you.
- Get lost!

I did get lost once. In the Arndale.

My mam was looking for me everywhere.
We passed each other on the escalator.

Why do we have to wait till tonight
to catch this fish with your Trev?

I've told you. It's too hot.
They don't feed much during the t'day.

That's a leg.

You should have stuck her down on a bit
of card. Corn flakes box or summat.

Yeah, but I like fitting all the bits
together. Save the best bits till last.

- You off fishing?
- Come with us if you want.

I'm off up the arcade. Golden Nugget.

There's a couple of new games.
They're dead good. I went last night.

- Has stopped stinging, then?
- Yeah.

What did you do?

Maurice Edlington
threw us in some nettles.

I only had me shorts on cos it were hot.

How could you put a fish on a tape?
You couldn't, could you?

Unless it was a dolphin.

- Hey, Pogo.
- What?

I'm fishing.

Whoa!

Whoa!

That's a bloody peacock, innit?

- Who's this?
- Trev's band.

Him and Vic and Maurice Edlington.
Innit, Trev?

Your band. They were ace.

They used to practise in t'shed
and leave door open, so we could hear,

and we'd all be doing
head banging in the back, like...

Hi, Cassie.

- I'm thinking of having me hair cut.
- I'll do it for you.

I might go into town.
Number one round here.

- Have it red on top.
- It'll look nice.

My mam says
it'll look like a carbuncle.

- A what?
- A boil.

What did you say?

I told her she looks like
a walnut in a wig.

- Give us a fag.
- Sod off!

- Is your Mam old?
- No.

Just looks it.

We used to have
a majorette's uniform at our house.

My mam said it's what I used to wear,
but it isn't.

You know you said
one of them songs you did

was about a bird
you once went out with?

Yeah.

- And she chucked you, right?
- Right.

So, how long did it take you
to get over it?

A broken heart never mends, Malc.

Oh, shit.

Can't you stop your Cassie
going out with Maurice Edlington?

- For you?
- For hersen.

He's turning her against everybody
and that. Don't you reckon?

It's not for me to tell her, is it?
She's not my proper sister.

- Do you hate him?
- Course I don't.

His brother were your best mate,
wasn't he?

They used to be a couple of good kids,
Vic and Maurice, before everything.

Yeah.

You can't make somebody like you, Malc.

No, I know that.
I can't stop thinking about her, though.

Well, there's nowt you can do about it.

I sometimes try to astral-project
myself into her bedroom.

- Eh?
- I don't mean to do owt.

I mean, just to put my thoughts
into her head.

It's sending me mad.

When I play them arcade games,
I sometimes wish I could get inside

and never come out again,
like in that film.

You won't say owt to her, will you?

I mean, you can tell her
what an ace kid I am and that.

- No. I won't say owt.
- Pogo?

If I was a majorette,
why haven't I got a bugle?

I think I'll get off.

OK. See you.

I've got a sailor's cap, but that
doesn't mean I was in the navy.

And a Davy Crockett hat.

- Do me a summer special now.
- If you like.

Can I have a love song, so I can
remember Malcolm in love in my summer?

Yeah, I'll give it a go.

I'm off for my dinner now, Trev. Bye.

Bye.

♪ Now my friends,
it's time for me to go

♪ And where I'm headed,
only the good Lord knows

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ If I close this door

- ♪ Will I feel I've belonged here
- Hello. Good boy.

- ♪ Before?
- Walkies.

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Lady of the lake, she fishes all alone

♪ All the days that we can make

♪ By calling here a home

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ If I close this door...

Pogo is a nutcase!
She's a fruit and nut case!

- Bugger off!
- Oi! Don't you swear at her, you loony.

Pogo is a nutcase!
She's a fruit and nut case!

Pogo is a nutcase!
She's a fruit and nut case!

You're bloody mental, you lot.
You wet the bed.

- Are you a girl or a boy?
- It's a monkey nut!

I'm not a monkey nut,
you bloody buggering arsehole!

Oi!

♪ It's time for me to see
where my will and wheels may take me

♪ Round the curve, will I hold my nerve?
Cos there's no braking

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ What if I close this door?

♪ Will I feel I belonged here before?

♪ Will I feel I've belonged here before?

We see this fish.
I swear to God, it was like a pig.

It had everything except an 'airy back.
It was the one, wasn't it?

Something like that.

The tail... What, that?

That long. Summat like that.

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ What if I close this door?

♪ Will I feel I've belonged here at all?

I'll finish the song later.

I need to tell you summat.

You see...

..there's not really much room at home.

I'm getting under people's feet a bit.

And...

Well, there i'n't no places,
flats and that, round here, so...

..I'm moving out.

Only to town.

My Auntie Betty in Hexthorpe
works in Pennywise

and she says
there might be a job coming up.

You know, just in the warehouse,
moving boxes.

I think I'm sorted
for somewhere to stay for now.

I've a mate, got a flat near
the hospital. Says I can stop with him.

It's all right.

It'll do till I find somewhere.

Course, I won't be able
to take my tackle with me,

so I'll leave you in charge.

I'll tell my dad to let you come
in the shed if you want.

I'll miss you.

I can't stay here, though, can I?

I can't take you with me.

You look after things here.

Oh, daft ha'p'orth.

I'll come back and see you.

I'll do some tapes.

Look after your mum and Trevor's shed.

Look after all the gear

for when we go
on some more fishing expeditions.

Think about those weekends
down at Decoy Ponds, eh?

Love you.

I'm helping Trevor
mix our secret bait now.

All right, love.

I wish I could sod off.

- Where?
- Anywhere.

I would, but with me dad gone,
and me brother...

..I'm stuck.

What about me?

D'you hear about them two kids
in Rossington?

Parents didn't want 'em
going out together

and her dad got a job somewhere else,
so they were gonna be moving away.

- Do you know what they did?
- What?

They stood between the rails, hand
in hand, in front of the London train.

I could do that.

Maurice, don't say that!

Oh, I could.
Maybe I could do it for you.

Really?

No.

- You don't spell it like that, do you?
- What?

- Cassie.
- Yeah.

- I've spelt it with a K.
- Where?

- I've tattooed it on my leg!
- You lie.

- No, no, no. I have.
- You daft git! Let's have a look!

Help! Somebody help me!

Get off!

Missus! Help! Get off!

That time we saw that couple

and we thought she had a bandage round
her knee, but it were her knickers.

It's me! Malcolm Panks!
I'm not anybody!

You've got me mixed up
with somebody else! Honest!

Look, I can't keep still any longer.

My nettle rash is itching.

Just let me scratch, right?

Don't drop the boulder on me head.

I'm getting neck ache, for fuck's sake!

If it's about Cassie Buckfield,

I used to go out with her,
but I finished with her.

Is it because of that?

I'm suffocating!

Eh, Panksy, what's up?

What are you talking to yourself for?

Who you talking to?

Have they gone?

- Who?
- Them kids.

- What did they do?
- Nearly killed me.

Crazy! They're nutters!

- Did you see 'em?
- One of 'em had Doc Martens, I think.

What did they say?

One of 'em just said,

"We've got a boulder here and we're
gonna cave your head in if you move."

What are you gonna do?

I'm off home. I keep getting
smacked in every time I come out!

♪ Mix it up and make it nice

♪ Goes the weasel

♪ Mix me a match, catch me a catch

♪ Walk three times backwards round it

And you will see the fish
you're going to marry.

Who'd marry you, monkey nut?

Will you get Trevor, please?

♪ I love thee, Lord Jesus

♪ I ask thee to stay

♪ Close by me for ever

♪ And love me I pray

♪ Oh, Jesus is a f...

♪ Jesus is a f...

Wash your mouth out with soap and water!

♪ Jesus is a...

Hey, it's all right, it's all right.
I'm here.

I'm here.

You're not supposed to eat it.

It's bait for the carp.

That's a good mix.

I think you mixed that well.

Not too soft or it'll come off the hook
when you cast out.

Not too hard or the hook
won't connect when you strike.

This is just right. We'll put
all this in the bait boxes, eh?

Eh?

You fill this one.

I got this recipe out of Angler's Mail.

They did a thing
about special bait for carp.

High protein.

You can feed 'em on owt, though,
if they're used to finding it.

Banana, even.

It's all right.

I'm here.

Hiya, Trev. We've come
to help you get t'tackle ready.

Hiya, Pogo. Is me mam doing us
some sandwiches and a flask?

- She might do you.
- I'm borrowing a proper rod.

- Me mam's getting it this afternoon.
- Well, what sort?

- A fishing rod.
- Yeah, I know, but what type?

Is it a float rod, carp rod,
pike rod, ledger rod?

Me uncle got it at Bridlington.

- A sea-fishing rod?
- Yeah.

You can't... Oh, it'll do.

- How long are we staying out for?
- Will we need to take sleeping bags?

It gets cold at night.

I'm taking a pair
of my mam's old tights.

You poof.

They keep your legs warm,
don't they, Trev?

You wear women's tights?

Sometimes.

What's it like?

Look, you two can be putting
the rods and the bank sticks in my bag.

It's all out there.

You all right now?

I think I need to use the toilet.

Come on. I'll take you home.

I bet it's dead spooky
down there at night, don't you?

Yeah. We might see a ghost.

Whooo!

Very funny.

- Hey, you're fishing, right?
- Right.

There's this ghost behind you

with his head tucked under his arm.

- And you swing back to cast out.
- Yeah.

And you hook his head.

Then it goes... ptoooooh

- into the middle of the pond.
- Then it goes...

- That would be funny.
- Wouldn't it?

There's a notepad in t'cupboard.

I'm not writing.

You are.

There's nowt to put.

Mam's on a date? Ooh!

Hey.

She's having a bit of a lie-down.

She'll be right as rain
in an hour or so.

I'll look after her.

Oh, I know you will.

Anyway, you've got to take her.

I'm off out.

- Oh?
- Hmm.

Next door's asked me to go with 'em
up t'club for a couple of hours.

- What do you think?
- You should.

It's a change of scenery, innit?

Not the bingo. I can't stand that.

You don't think I'm being...?

Go.

Yeah.

Cassie.

Cassie, it's me, Malcolm.

I'm sending my brain waves out to you.

They're in the street.

They're coming in
through your letterbox.

up your stairs,

under your bedroom door.

I'm in your room.

I'm sat next to you.

Don't be scared.
It's just a close encounter.

Can you feel my love reaching out?

I love you.

I've got one of your hair slides.

I nicked it
from your kitchen the other day.

Can you feel me kissing you?

Oh, Cassie, please be me girlfriend.

Look, Maurice Edlington don't love you,
not the way I do.

Malcolm!

Hang on. Me mam's shouting me.

What are you doing?

Never been cleaned since you've had it,
by the looks of it.

- How many are you feeding?
- Me and David.

Well, go easy with the butter.
That's all there is.

Cassie!

Cassie!

Go and tell her to turn it down,
will you?

Cassie!

Cassie!

Sorry. Your mam says turn it down.

Down's not off.

Thanks.

- Where are you off?
- Why?

- Are you off out with Maurice?
- What if I am?

- I'm trying to...
- I can look after myself, thank you.

I'm not a little kid.

I'm not half-baked like that Pogo.

Just be careful around him.

Maurice is a laugh.

He's not boring like you
and everybody else around here.

I don't need you trying to tell me
how to run my life. Look at your own.

What do you do, eh?

What do you do?

Pathetic.

Just leave my stuff alone, will you?

Get out! Go on.
Get out. This is my room!

- It used to be mine.
- Yeah, well...

It doesn't mean you can just waltz in
whenever you like.

Get out, go on!
Go and play with your floats!

His brother Vic is away
because of a girl.

- What?
- His brother is in prison.

What did he do?

He took her in t'woods.

She thought
they were just going for a walk.

It finished their family.

Kids at school would shout things
about Vic and Maurice'd go berserk.

I mean, like, really crazy.

He's eaten up with it, Cassie.

It's sent him bad.

I think you've done this room lovely.

Better than when I had it.

You can put
your trust in me and I vow to you,

I shall repay that trust
with unstinting service and dedication

to our party and our country.

And I shall not let...

Oi! What are you doing?

..our party are joined together again.

So you're going to see him
for "definate"?

- Yeah.
- Well, "definite" is I-N-I not I-N-A.

And I want to see a community

where if it's not good
enough for my children,

then it's good enough for theirs
and anyone else's in our society.

Right.

Sandwiches packed.

Now, you be good.

- Mam, Mam!
- What?

- Where are you off?
- Out.

- Can I come?
- No.

- Go on!
- Get off home to your dad.

Fucking kids these days, I tell ya.

Well, it'll give us more space.

Won't it?

Yeah, I suppose, so.

He needs to find somewhere.

- When are you going to tell him?
- I'm getting there.

- Oh, aye?
- Yes, I've broached it.

Broached it?

- I'll tell him, shall I?
- You bloody well won't.

We're here.
What time do you call this?

We're ready to go,
when you are, yeah?

♪ The sea calls

♪ Out to an old hand

♪ To go sailing to new lands

♪ They pay for your worth

♪ Bread, drink and a berth

♪ Ah, honey

♪ I've got to go

♪ The ship took

♪ The crew off to new lands

♪ The boson piped all hands

♪ And with it you'll go

♪ A journey to the unknown

♪ Ah, honey

- Hi!
- Come on!

♪ I've got to go

♪ I've got to go

Lend us 20p?

Ten, then?

- Where's me reel?
- I want to get started!

Don't be in such a rush,
eh, Trev?

Don't stamp about on the banks.

I've told you,
you'll scare the fish off.

- Have you seen my reel?
- No.

What are you doing?

- Do you see that?
- Where?

I'm looking for the reel
your Trev lent me.

Out there. A big splash.

- You did put it in the box?
- I thought you did.

- What was it?
- It's gone now.

- What are you doing?
- I'm hungry.

There's supposed to be
some dead big pike in here.

Supposed to be.

This wasn't no pike. This was a Golders
Green yellow submarine, eh, Trev?

Shall I throw a bit of sandwich in,
see if it comes up for it? Periscope up.

Ah, beetroot sandwich. Mmm.

Chuck some of that bread in
what makes ducks sink.

Yeah. Achtung!
Depth charge! Dive! Dive!

Keep it quiet!

- Five p?
- Piss off.

Give us a swig of cider.

You never tell me about yourself.

No. I let other people do that.

I don't listen
to what other people have to say.

Good.

Well, if I don't tell you owt
and you don't listen to gossip,

we could last a fair bit.

Yeah. If you want us to.

I can't find me reel.

We've got to have put it
in the tackle bag!

Shh. You have to keep quiet
when you're fishing.

You're an expert, are you, Pogo?

I'm going to be.

I'm going to have to go back
and get it. Come with us.

- I'm not. You go.
- Oh, come on.

- Trev?
- What?

- Put me hook on for us.
- In a minute.

He's doing mine first.
You'll have to wait.

- Pogo?
- What?

Can I kiss your girlfriend?

I wanna do what you want.

- I don't wanna say...
- What?

- You get me confused.
- How?

Well, I get scared, all right?

What about?

Well, I'm... I'm scared

if you know how much I think about you,

you'll get scared and leave me.

I don't get scared. I'm hard me.

Steel.

- You all right?
- Fuck off, bastard.

Couple of announcements
before the bingo.

Correction to picture quiz last night.

Question number ten.

Aye. Yeah. I can only go
on what's written in front of me.

Come on!

After consideration,

I have to concede
that photo was Tony Blair

and not, as was on my answer sheet,
Bobby Darin.

So any as put Tony Blair
and were on 23 points,

I think that were Archie's table,

we'll sort out a meat board for you.

We can't give you the meat board
what won

as t'sausages have been had,
so I'm told.

Yeah!

Right, so it's Tony Blair
for number ten.

Fat chance of that.

Right. Er, moving on.

Go on! Just clear off.

Chuck some ground bait
in for us, Dave.

Belt out a few free offerings,
little balls of ground bait.

- Is nobody coming with us?
- In a bit. Let me catch summat first.

- Where, Trev?
- Four swims in line with each rod.

- About there?
- A bit further.

- Can I start now?
- No, not yet.

Come on, Nessie.
Come and pick up all them tasty morsels.

Quiet!

I spy with my little eye...

Something beginning with T.

- Torch.
- Tackle box.

- You're not playing.
- Trumpet.

Settle down.

Sorry, Trev. I'm getting excited.

I thought you were my mate.

I shouldn't have to tell you this.

There's already a notice gone up.
But I guess some of you can't read.

It's been brought
to the attention of the committee

that the area behind the fire doors

is being used
by certain individuals as a urinal.

Any person found doing so

will be suspended from club membership
forthwith indefinitely.

You have been warned.

Right, eyes down.

Shh! Shut up.

- What?
- I heard summat. Listen.

It's a ghost!

- Don't.
- Huh!

I can't see where it's going.
It's got no head.

Shut up.

- Hiya!
- Bloody hell!

- What?
- Quiet!

- How you doing?
- I'm doing all right.

- How many you got?
- Eh?

- Fish.
- I've only just started.

I'm going back on me own, then.

Chuffin' hell! Will you shut up?

Hang on, then.
Look after me rod for us, Malc.

Don't catch owt, though.
Leave it for when I come back, right?

Yeah, sure.

It's great, innit?

Stars coming out and that.

Everything still.

It's like a different place at night.

- Same as school.
- Eh?

That's different at night.

Hmm.

No, I mean... this bit.

It's sort of special.

Like one of them cathedrals
where you have to talk quiet.

- What's that?
- It's Dave turning into a werewolf.

That star reflected down there.

It's like fishing in the universe.

- Oh, Christ!
- Don't stop.

The bit where
his hand starts to ripple

and the hair starts to grow.

Yeah, and his jaw came right out.
It were ace, weren't it?

What's up?

You just poked your finger
in my eye!

Oh, soz.

I can't see.

Right in me fucking eyeball!

Soz. Soz, Dave.

That bloody hurt!

I said I'm sorry.

You fucking dickhead.

Well, it hurt me
when you bit me in the neck before.

What am I suppose tell me mam?
Dave Buckfield give me a love bite?

Oi! I'm gonna kill you!

Get off! Get off, you!

I hate you!

Get... Get off!

- What's that?
- What?

- That lump on your leg?
- Nowt!

- What you got on?
- Eh?

- Let's have a look.
- Get off!

You've got stockings on!

I haven't!

Yeah, you have.
What's that, a suspender belt?

No!

- Yes, it is! You've got stockings on!
- Get off!

I'm off home.

Didn't your mam have any tights?

She'd only lend me these.

She thinks I'm using 'em
to net tiddlers.

Don't tell.

Don't tell anyone, Dave.

What do they feel like?

They feel all right.

What, sexy?

Yeah, a bit.

What if you'd have got knocked over
on t'way round our house?

I know. I were thinking that.

Last time I come here
at night, I chucked some magazines in.

What?

Some mucky magazines.
My mam found 'em in my bedroom.

She wouldn't let me put 'em in dustbin
in case the dustbin man found 'em.

So I got a sack out of the coal shed,
put 'em in that,

came down here and...

Pffff!

Trev?

Hmm?

You know when you get older...

..do you, like,
understand things better?

No.

What happens, then?

You just have more things
you don't understand.

Is that why you come fishing?

- I don't wanna get older.
- Who does?

Me! I do. You can give me your years
if you don't want 'em.

My mam says
she still feels 16 in her head.

But she can't do.

I mean, she never has a laugh or owt.

Do you still feel 16?

- No.
- No.

Y-You sort of act
like someone in their 20s.

- I am.
- Yeah.

This is weird, innit?

♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little star

♪ How I wonder what you are

♪ Up above the world so high

♪ Like a diamond in the sky

♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little star

♪ How I wonder what you are

We've come for a reel.

He forgot it.

It's in here somewhere.

- Look for it, then.
- It doesn't matter.

Come on, quick!

We didn't know
there was anybody in here.

Well, there is.

Found it.

I know you, don't I?

- No.
- What's up?

- I know him.
- So?

Don't I?

- No.
- What's going on?

Come on, Maurice. Let him out.

Never forget a face.

Yesterday, do you remember where it was?

He were down at the ponds yesterday
watching a bloke fishing.

You weren't watching something else?

Leave him, Maurice.
Let him go now. Don't frighten him.

You're a good runner, aren't you?

No.

You're a little jack rabbit!

Tell him, Cassie. He's my mate.
Tell him to pack it in.

Maurice.

This little jack rabbit
was watching us yesterday.

- Was it you?
- I didn't see anything.

- There was nothing to see!
- I know.

You enjoy it, watching in the woods?

- No.
- Just a hobby? Like trainspotting?

Leave him, Maurice, please.
He's my mate. He didn't mean anything.

He won't do it again. Will you?

Did we get a five-star rating?

He doesn't understand what
you're on about. Leave it now. Come on.

- Do you like girls?
- Do something!

- They're all right.
- Do you know what you are, eh?

- Eh?
- Yes.

- What?
- I'm going. Let me out!

What?

A pervert.

He doesn't mean anything.
He's just a kid.

- Don't take it out on him.
- Don't take what out on him?

We let him get away with it, then?

We let the dirty little bastard go?

Go on! Sod off!

Don't take what out on him?

What's Trevor been telling you, then?

- Come on.
- I'm off home.

Oh, come on. Come on, Shane.

I'm off in.

What am I doing, then?

I'll see ya.

Hey...

So what did he tell you, then?

He was on about what your brother did.

He told me who the girl was.

It was Pogo, wasn't it?

Why do moths fly into the light?

Maybe he's afraid of the dark.

So why don't they just
fly about in daytime?

I still sleep with my curtains open.

Me mam says God put stars in the sky to
keep us from being afraid of the dark.

I used to be.

Did you, Trev?

I can't remember.

You grow out of all that.

Trev, can I reel it in
to see if my bait's still on?

It might have come off. Can I check it?

If you want, yeah.

Oh, no.

- What?
- Oh, no, I knew this would happen.

It's doing it!

Oh, fuck! There's a fish on it.

- What do I do?
- Strike! Strike!

Oh! There's summat on!

Oh, it's caught mine! Strike, you fool!

Oh, bloody bananas!
I've got summat here.

Keep your rod up!

- What is it, a carp or a pike?
- Carp, I think.

Feels like an octopus on heat!

Oh, it's coming in
like a wet sack, Trev!

- So's mine.
- Oh!

- What is it?
- Is it Nessie?

What we got?

You've caught each other
and half a ton of weed.

Is that all? I had a fish, didn't I?

Pogo's line must have caught yours
when she reeled in. No fish.

I nearly had a bloody heart attack
cos of you!

Look after me rod, Pogo,
while I untangle this lot.

You shouldn't
have been fishing so close.

- I didn't cast it!
- Hey, pack it in, you two.

Knobhead.

Do you want some help?

Yeah. Grab hold of that end.

You'll have to cut the line.

I thought we'd found
your porn collection, Malc.

If that's what you want.
Do what you want. I don't care.

Cassie.

Turn around.

Turn around.

What's this, eh?

A dead donkey?

This is Nessie, this is!

- Whoa! Hold on!
- I can do it. Let me do it.

She's moving. She's going down.
I can feel her getting deeper.

- Come on.
- Slowing down.

She's stopped.

I can't shift her. She's massive.

Hmm.

Yellow submarine.

Don't try to reel in.
You'll snap off. Just hold. Just wait.

When she goes, just let her go.

There's some reeds down this side.
Make sure she doesn't get in them.

If she goes towards the reeds,
just pull her away.

Keep it tight. Pull sideways.

And she'll come around.

She's going! She's going! We're off!

- Just let me...
- No! Me! Let me!

Let me tighten the reel.
She's taking too much line.

It must be the Loch Ness Monster!

Yippee! There she blows!

Watch what you're doing! Watch it!

Come on, girl. Come on, Nessie.

Start to reel in. Keep it tight.

You're doing great. If the hook's
well in her lip, she's yours.

- Can the hook come out?
- A big 'un can bend the hook.

- A fish?
- Yeah, sometimes the line just snaps.

- What, and the hook stays in?
- Shut up, will you? Shut it!

Keep it tight. Don't force it.

Oh, Trev, she feels fantastic!

I can feel her muscles
trembling through the line.

- Come on, Nessie.
- Come on, Nessie. Come on, girl.

Can you see?

Shit! She's had enough.
She's tiring.

Get the net.
Pass us the landing net, Malc.

The landing net,
not the bloody keep net!

- It's better than arcade games, this.
- Don't let me lose her.

Not now. Please. I promise I'll be good.

Just let me hold her.
Just let me see her.

I won't hurt you, Nessie. I promise.

- Come on, Nessie. That's it.
- There she is!

- Come on. Come on.
- Go on, Trev.

Come on, Nessie.

She's huge!

I've got her.

Look at this! Look at this!

- Oh, man!
- That's amazing!

It must weigh 15, maybe 18 pounds.

- Have I hurt her?
- No, I'm taking the hook out now.

Don't make it hurt her, Trev.

It won't.
There's no barb on these hooks.

There. Done.

Does this make it your best summer?

She's lovely.

It's the biggest fish
ever caught here, and you caught it.

She doesn't like it out here, Trev.

She wants to go back in the water.
Let's put her back now.

Just let me try and weigh her first.

- I've got some scales somewhere.
- No, no.

We know it's Nessie. We don't need that.

Please put her back, Trev.

It's your catch.

Her little eye is telling me
she wants to go.

She wants to go back in the water, Trev.

Come on. We'll let you go.

I've never seen owt like this.

That was...

Yeah.

It was a bit...

Wasn't it?

Champion Pogo!

♪ We are the champions

- ♪ We are the champions
- You did it! You really did it.

♪ We are the champions
We are the champions

You can kiss me if you like.

- Malcolm?
- No, thanks. I might turn into a frog.

Oh! Ribbitt! Ribbitt!

I'm suffocating!

Hang on to him.
He might jump in the lake!

Oh, I wish you were Cassie.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no!

Cassie! I love you!

It's me, Malcolm!

Can you hear me?

Can you hear him, Cassie?

Yoo-hoo! Cassie! Yoo-hoo!

Over the misty lake to my beloved.

Hurry up and answer him
before we drown him.

♪ Oh, the lady of the la-a-ake

Eh, Pogo?

You're the lady of the lake now,
aren't you?

What's that?

- It's a legend.
- About fish?

Knights in armour. Damsels in distress.

Which am I?

Cassie's a damsel in distress.

I'm off to get a 12-foot lance

and I'm off to shove it
right up Maurice Edlington's arse!

Come on!

♪ I feel it in my fingers

♪ I feel it in my toes

♪ Well, love is all around me

♪ And so the feeling grows

♪ It's written on the wind

♪ It's everywhere I go

♪ So if you really love me

♪ Come on and let it show

♪ You know I love you, I always will

♪ My mind's made up
by the way that I feel

♪ There's no beginning

♪ There'll be no end

♪ Cos on my love you can depend

♪ So if you really love me

♪ Come on and let it show

♪ Come on and let it show

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Pies are coming.

I'll finish the song later.

I need to tell you summat.

You see, there's not really much room
at home.

I'm getting
under people's feet a bit and...

And there i'n't no places,
flats and that, round here, so...

..I'm moving out.

Only to town.

My Auntie Betty in Hexthorpe
works in Pennywise.

And she says
there might be a job coming up.

You know, just in the warehouse,
moving boxes.

I caught a fish last night.
Did he tell you?

He's got another think coming
if he thinks I'm gonna miss him.

I don't need a bodyguard, you know.
You don't have to stay.

Do you think I'm gonna nick something?

- Do you want me to go?
- No.

It won't take me long to forget him.

I'll soon forget him,
just like I forget everything else.

♪ One, two, three, four five,
once I caught a fish alive

♪ Six, seven, eight, nine, ten

♪ Then I put it back again

Your Trevor helped me.

He'll be coming back, though, won't he?
Sometimes?

Yes.

When I go to the hospital
for the last time,

will I have forgotten everything?

Will it be like a blank tape?

You'll remember Trevor.

Why?

Because he loves you.

Does he?

Yes. I'll remember Trevor loves me.

And I love my mam and she loves me.

And I love Jesus and he loves me.

They'll probably get mixed up so I think
me mam is Jesus and Trevor is me mam.

But I'll have the love, though,
won't I? That'll still be there.

I won't remember where it came from,
but I can take it with me, can't I?

I can take it with me when I go up
to meet Jesus and give it back to him.

It all came from him in the first place,
didn't it?

I don't know.

We're learning about drugs in RE.

Hello, Malcolm.

What's up with her?

Her and Maurice have finished.

- Have they?
- Last night.

- Really?
- Yes.

Go on, then.

- What?
- Ask her to go out with you.

- Do you think I should?
- Go on.

I can't.

My hands are all sweaty.

I could do with some roll-on.

Wish me luck, then.

Good luck.

I'll let you know how it goes.

I think I'm sorted
for somewhere to stay for now.

I've a mate, got a flat near
the hospital. Says I can stop with him.

It's all right.

It'll do till I find somewhere.

Course, I won't be able
to take my tackle with me,

so I'll leave you in charge.

I'll tell my dad to let you come
in the shed if you want.

I'll miss you.

I can't stay here, though, can I?

I can't take you with me.

♪ Lady of the lake, she fishes all alone

♪ All the days that we can make
by calling here a home

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ If I close this door

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Lady by the lake
holds a mirror to the sky

♪ Hiding 'neath the clouds
is where all the little fishes hide

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ If I close this door

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Ah, my friend, it's time for me to go

♪ And where I'm headed
only the good Lord knows

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ If I close this door

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ All the caves filled with wonder

♪ Just beyond the tide

♪ Makes all the days
that I've blundered

♪ Trying not to decide

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ What if I close this door?

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ It's time for me to see
where my will and wheels may take me

♪ Round the curve, will I hold my nerve?

♪ Cos there's no braking

♪ Sometimes I wonder

♪ What if I close this door?

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here before?

♪ Will I feel
I've belonged here at all?