Pirates of the Caribbean: Tales of the Code: Wedlocked (2011) - full transcript
In this short prequel to the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, two feisty brides-to-be discover that they have something in common - the absent groom. Still, there are plenty of pirates who'd love to trade their goats for 'em.
You?
Corner of Dock Street and Third Avenue.
You come for the wedding?
Clearly.
You shouldn't have. And by that I mean
you shouldn't have!
You? Are getting married?
How far along are ya?
Ha! My groom has dreamy eyes,
and speaks fancy words...
- With lots of syllables.
- My groom is a cap'n!
- Men all over the world speak his name.
- Perhaps you've heard of my fiancée?
[BOTH AT ONCE:] Jack Sparrow!
[BOTH:] Arrgghhh!
That scoundrel thinks he
can marry the both of us!
[ALL LAUGHING AND CHEERING]
It's the 'appiest day in a girl's life.
My Lords, Chaps, Masters, Esquires
and gentlemen of portent.
I present to you such loveliness
as to make you weep.
Such grace as will strike you sober!
Each wench, certified virginal!
Pure as snowflakes they are!
- Leastwise in spirit, if not flesh.
- How dare you!
- Where's Jack?
- Yeah?
Now, first item up for bid, twenty pieces
of silver, do I hear twenty?
- Five! I bid five!
- That's not... Five?
- Five?
- I say that... Five?
I have five. Do I hear ten?
These are treasures beyond measure.
- [MARQUIS D'AVIS:] Twenty for the redhead!
- Do I hear thirty? Taking thirty.
- Thirty!
- Thirty. Do I hear forty?
- Fine. Forty for the redhead!
- Step aside, Giselle.
- We wants the redhead!
- It's advertising is it then? Fine.
[ALL:] Ooh!
- Here's for the one with the flaxen hair!
- Ooh, "flaxen"?
- [SLURRY GIBSON:] Fifty for the redhead
- Fifty. Fifty. Do I hear sixty?
[GREGOR:] Sixty!
[ATENCO:] Fifteen for the flax...
er... for the not redhead.
I have been egregiously under-bid upon!
[MARQUIS D'AVIS:] Seventy for the redhead!
You're not believin' the trickery
in those locks are ya?
- There's no trickery here!
- Oh, then it must be elsewhere, is that it?
[SLAP]
Coming up from this one you'll be scraping
barnacles from the hull for a week!
- Stop it!
- Oh, wretch.
- Stupid widow.
- Aahhh!
[MUSIC PLAYS]
[ALL LAUGH]
- Ergh.
- Argh.
[SCREAMING]
[MUSIC DIES AWAY]
[CACOPHONY OF CHEERS]
Wildcats!
I'll bid two hundred for the pair!
- Two twenty five!
- Offering them as a lot.
- Two fifty!
- Three hundred!
- Three fifty!
- We bid four hundred!
- We?
- We formed a corporation.
Five hundred!
- Five fifty.
- Six hundred!
- We bid six... seventeen.
- And a goat!
Nigel, you love that goat.
You love that goat!
And a goat!
Seven hundred... and two goats!
Seven hundred and two goats it is!
[ALL:] Owww!
- Seven hundred?
- We're rich!
We have goats!
[BOTH SQUEAL]
I... I am rich, I have goats.
I regret to inform you that, as facilitator
of this transaction,
I take in form of commission,
a fair percentage.
- How much?
- 100%
- You can't do that.
- As holder of the property disposed,
- in fact I can.
- No one owns me.
We're not property!
- Are they for sale or not?
- [ALL:] Yeah?
Wait! Lower your cannons...
I traded for them fair 'n square,
meaning I can do as I like,
including re-sell at profit.
It says so right over here,
- in the hallowed Pirate Code.
- Aye, the code be the law, as always.
And woe to anyone who shows
it any disrespect.
[GISELLE CLEARS THROAT]
So, for the sake of argument, this
stocking I was wearing...
[ALL HOOT]
Ow, oh God.
- You own this?
- Absolutely.
And if I sang a song,
you own that too?
- Undoubtedly.
- Fine, then own this...
[SLAP]
[ALL GASP]
You're gonna pay for that!
No, wait...
Sold, to the man with the goat!
I only borrowed the goat!
Buyer's remorse!
They're still yours.
[JEROME FIRES A SHOT]
Don't you see, this is all
the doing of one man...
Jack Sparrow!
Where?!
- I don't believe it, he shot the code.
- He shot the code.
Cap'n Teague'll have his head.
Get him outta here!
Be not deterred, gentlemen, I have a fresh
consignment of fine Peruvian llamas
due in a fortnight.
Gently, gently.
Lock up the code.
Strike the wenches.
And if any of ye ever speak a word of this,
I'll have your tongue.
[COTTON:] Aye, sir, mum's the word.
[COTTON'S PARROT:] Mum's the word.
Ergh, next time I see him I'll be
re-acquainting Jack Sparrow with
- with the palm of my hand.
- So will I.
Not that I don't trust Jack,
but in case he got cold feet
I thought perhaps taking these out of his
boat might slow him down a bit.
♪♪ ["Pyrate Bryde" by Warren Goodlang]
♪ Jenny was green
Not yet 17 ♪
♪ But wiser than her years ♪
♪ She'd help all the men
who she'd not see again ♪
♪ To overcome their fears ♪
♪ A pirate bride
A pirate bride ♪
♪ I searched all the seven seas ♪
♪ For women of fire
and lusty desire ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪
♪ Alice was fine
and loved her wine ♪
♪ She knew just how to sigh ♪
♪ And only got drunk
a few times a month ♪
♪ And days that end in "y" ♪
♪ Carrie would sneeze
and probably had fleas ♪
♪ Her health was not so fair ♪
♪ What she lacked in mirth
she made up in girth ♪
♪ And lots and lots of hair ♪
♪ A pirate bride
A pirate bride ♪
♪ I searched all the seven seas ♪
♪ For women of fire
and lusty desire ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪
♪ Peggy would limp
and look like a chimp ♪
♪ Her legs were made of wood ♪
♪ But after we drank
she no longer stank ♪
♪ And rather looked quite good ♪
♪ A pirate bride
A pirate bride ♪
♪ I searched all the seven seas ♪
♪ For women of fire
and lusty desire ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪♪
Corner of Dock Street and Third Avenue.
You come for the wedding?
Clearly.
You shouldn't have. And by that I mean
you shouldn't have!
You? Are getting married?
How far along are ya?
Ha! My groom has dreamy eyes,
and speaks fancy words...
- With lots of syllables.
- My groom is a cap'n!
- Men all over the world speak his name.
- Perhaps you've heard of my fiancée?
[BOTH AT ONCE:] Jack Sparrow!
[BOTH:] Arrgghhh!
That scoundrel thinks he
can marry the both of us!
[ALL LAUGHING AND CHEERING]
It's the 'appiest day in a girl's life.
My Lords, Chaps, Masters, Esquires
and gentlemen of portent.
I present to you such loveliness
as to make you weep.
Such grace as will strike you sober!
Each wench, certified virginal!
Pure as snowflakes they are!
- Leastwise in spirit, if not flesh.
- How dare you!
- Where's Jack?
- Yeah?
Now, first item up for bid, twenty pieces
of silver, do I hear twenty?
- Five! I bid five!
- That's not... Five?
- Five?
- I say that... Five?
I have five. Do I hear ten?
These are treasures beyond measure.
- [MARQUIS D'AVIS:] Twenty for the redhead!
- Do I hear thirty? Taking thirty.
- Thirty!
- Thirty. Do I hear forty?
- Fine. Forty for the redhead!
- Step aside, Giselle.
- We wants the redhead!
- It's advertising is it then? Fine.
[ALL:] Ooh!
- Here's for the one with the flaxen hair!
- Ooh, "flaxen"?
- [SLURRY GIBSON:] Fifty for the redhead
- Fifty. Fifty. Do I hear sixty?
[GREGOR:] Sixty!
[ATENCO:] Fifteen for the flax...
er... for the not redhead.
I have been egregiously under-bid upon!
[MARQUIS D'AVIS:] Seventy for the redhead!
You're not believin' the trickery
in those locks are ya?
- There's no trickery here!
- Oh, then it must be elsewhere, is that it?
[SLAP]
Coming up from this one you'll be scraping
barnacles from the hull for a week!
- Stop it!
- Oh, wretch.
- Stupid widow.
- Aahhh!
[MUSIC PLAYS]
[ALL LAUGH]
- Ergh.
- Argh.
[SCREAMING]
[MUSIC DIES AWAY]
[CACOPHONY OF CHEERS]
Wildcats!
I'll bid two hundred for the pair!
- Two twenty five!
- Offering them as a lot.
- Two fifty!
- Three hundred!
- Three fifty!
- We bid four hundred!
- We?
- We formed a corporation.
Five hundred!
- Five fifty.
- Six hundred!
- We bid six... seventeen.
- And a goat!
Nigel, you love that goat.
You love that goat!
And a goat!
Seven hundred... and two goats!
Seven hundred and two goats it is!
[ALL:] Owww!
- Seven hundred?
- We're rich!
We have goats!
[BOTH SQUEAL]
I... I am rich, I have goats.
I regret to inform you that, as facilitator
of this transaction,
I take in form of commission,
a fair percentage.
- How much?
- 100%
- You can't do that.
- As holder of the property disposed,
- in fact I can.
- No one owns me.
We're not property!
- Are they for sale or not?
- [ALL:] Yeah?
Wait! Lower your cannons...
I traded for them fair 'n square,
meaning I can do as I like,
including re-sell at profit.
It says so right over here,
- in the hallowed Pirate Code.
- Aye, the code be the law, as always.
And woe to anyone who shows
it any disrespect.
[GISELLE CLEARS THROAT]
So, for the sake of argument, this
stocking I was wearing...
[ALL HOOT]
Ow, oh God.
- You own this?
- Absolutely.
And if I sang a song,
you own that too?
- Undoubtedly.
- Fine, then own this...
[SLAP]
[ALL GASP]
You're gonna pay for that!
No, wait...
Sold, to the man with the goat!
I only borrowed the goat!
Buyer's remorse!
They're still yours.
[JEROME FIRES A SHOT]
Don't you see, this is all
the doing of one man...
Jack Sparrow!
Where?!
- I don't believe it, he shot the code.
- He shot the code.
Cap'n Teague'll have his head.
Get him outta here!
Be not deterred, gentlemen, I have a fresh
consignment of fine Peruvian llamas
due in a fortnight.
Gently, gently.
Lock up the code.
Strike the wenches.
And if any of ye ever speak a word of this,
I'll have your tongue.
[COTTON:] Aye, sir, mum's the word.
[COTTON'S PARROT:] Mum's the word.
Ergh, next time I see him I'll be
re-acquainting Jack Sparrow with
- with the palm of my hand.
- So will I.
Not that I don't trust Jack,
but in case he got cold feet
I thought perhaps taking these out of his
boat might slow him down a bit.
♪♪ ["Pyrate Bryde" by Warren Goodlang]
♪ Jenny was green
Not yet 17 ♪
♪ But wiser than her years ♪
♪ She'd help all the men
who she'd not see again ♪
♪ To overcome their fears ♪
♪ A pirate bride
A pirate bride ♪
♪ I searched all the seven seas ♪
♪ For women of fire
and lusty desire ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪
♪ Alice was fine
and loved her wine ♪
♪ She knew just how to sigh ♪
♪ And only got drunk
a few times a month ♪
♪ And days that end in "y" ♪
♪ Carrie would sneeze
and probably had fleas ♪
♪ Her health was not so fair ♪
♪ What she lacked in mirth
she made up in girth ♪
♪ And lots and lots of hair ♪
♪ A pirate bride
A pirate bride ♪
♪ I searched all the seven seas ♪
♪ For women of fire
and lusty desire ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪
♪ Peggy would limp
and look like a chimp ♪
♪ Her legs were made of wood ♪
♪ But after we drank
she no longer stank ♪
♪ And rather looked quite good ♪
♪ A pirate bride
A pirate bride ♪
♪ I searched all the seven seas ♪
♪ For women of fire
and lusty desire ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪
♪ A bonny pirate bride for me ♪♪