Perfect Strangers (2020) - full transcript
In this feel good festive romance, two strangers come together to try and get home for Christmas.
[uptempo dramatic music]
[footsteps thudding]
[coins clanking]
[people murmuring]
- Spare some change.
- Yeah, okay.
- [bell ringing]
- [laughs] Okay.
[door latching]
[hanger clanking]
Perfect.
Nope.
[gentle festive music]
Ooh, ooh.
Sorry [laughs], how much is it?
- 20 pounds.
- It's a bit much, is it not?
It's very in this season.
Do you know what,
oh, what the hell,
it's the season after all.
[slow gentle music]
[people murmuring]
- Oh.
- There you go.
- Oh, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
[wind howling]
[coins clanking]
[both laughing]
Thank you.
You're welcome.
[bells jingling]
- Merry Christmas.
- Same to ya.
["Christmas, Burn it
All" by Randolph's Leap ]
What was that?
- Oh, be nice.
- [laughs] Seriously though?
♪ It's Christmas time and ♪
all your heroes are dead ♪
♪ So love yourself, your family
♪ and friends tonight instead ♪
♪ There's panic on
the streets you know ♪
♪ It's looking rough out there ♪
♪ They mistook Rudolph for a ♪
drone and shot him out the air ♪
♪ We're waiting for a victory ♪
♪ We're hoping for a sign ♪
♪ We're waiting for the winter ♪
sun to slowly rise and shine ♪
♪ It's Christmas time and ♪
all your heroes are dead ♪
♪ So love yourself, your family
♪ and friends tonight instead ♪
♪ It's Christmas time and ♪
all your dreams are gone ♪
♪ But Santa's on his way to ♪
bring a new and hopeful dawn ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ All is calm, all is bright ♪
♪ 'Round yon virgin,
mother and child ♪
[man laughing]
- Is that mulled wine?
- Ah, Gluhwein!
The original recipe as created
by my great, great grandmother,
passed down generation to
generation, slowly honed-
- Yeah, okay, okay,
okay, we get it.
You want to buy some?
Or do you wish to continue
to cast doubt on its
fine heritage, hmm?
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ Son of God ♪
Sorry, yeah,
yeah, I'll take one.
Brost, my friend, Brost!
♪ Son of God ♪
♪ Love's pure light ♪
- Slainte.
- Uh-uh.
Sorry.
There you go, keep the change.
Danke.
All right, Hen, how's yer maw?
[Rob gagging]
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
I can't wait until tomorrow,
I'm so excited to
see this, here.
What is this?
It's an early
Christmas present.
[Rob chuckling]
♪ All is calm ♪
♪ All is bright ♪
Oh Nicki.
It has a compass on it,
so you'll never lose your way.
Thank you.
[lips smooching]
Um,
you know what, I've actually
kind of got something
for you as well.
What did you get me?
Is it the silver [gasps]?
[tense dramatic music]
Oh,
what is that?
[Rob sighing]
Robert, what are
you doing [laughs]?
I'm getting my
best trousers dirty.
So I've been contemplating
the best way to bring this up.
[laughs] It's okay
if you couldn't get me
the 12 carat earrings.
Nicki,
would you do me
honor of becoming-
- Rob no, stop.
What?
We've talked about this.
I'm not ready.
That was three years ago.
I'm sorry.
Look Nicki, I love you,
and I don't see how
we need anything else.
Rob, I do love you.
I just,
I don't know if I'm
in love you anymore.
So where's this going?
I don't know [sobs].
[footsteps thudding]
[somber dramatic music]
[case clanking]
[seagulls squawking]
[car engine growling]
[Driver] There you go, 14.80.
Okay.
Let's see.
[coins thudding]
[both laughing]
Oh, right.
- Keep the change.
- Cheers, thanks a lot.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
[door latching]
[door latching]
[car engine growling]
[Jen knocking]
[door unlatching]
Hello?
Are you one of Santa's elves?
Why do you say that?
Because you have
a funny suit on.
- Oh [laughs].
- Noah, who's there?
[Noah] It's one
of Santa's elves!
[laughs] Him,
can I help you? I.
Sorry, I'm, I think I'm lost.
I'm actually just looking for=
Who's at the door, babe?
[stammers] Jen, Jen?
[tense dramatic music]
What's going on here?
Go inside, pal, finish
getting ready for Santa, hey?
Do you two know each other?
Yeah, you know, we
used to work together,
you know at the [stammers].
Why are you here?
- So you're his?
- His wife, yes.
[laughs] Great.
No, 'cause I've heard
nothing about you.
What's going on here?
I'm sure Jen's just dropping
off some Christmas presents.
[fist thudding]
[Mark grunting]
[Noah laughing]
Can you give this
to Santa for me?
Sure.
I'll give this to Santa for you.
Merry Christmas.
[somber dramatic music]
[rain pouring]
[footsteps thudding]
Bastard [sobs]!
Not you!
Although all men are
bastards just so you know,
no offense [sobs].
[Jen screaming]
None taken.
What?
No offense taken.
Oh right.
You don't look very happy
for a man holding
an engagement ring.
No.
Right, I'll leave you to it.
If you wouldn't mind, yeah.
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
I think we missed
the last train.
Really?
The last train
isn't due 'til six.
I've been sitting
here for two hours.
The snow must have taken
some of the lines out,
nothing's getting out this far.
[Jen sighing]
Well, that is great.
Of all the days to
get stuck out here.
It's not ideal.
Yeah.
So where are you heading to?
Glasgow.
Same.
Do you not have
anywhere out here to stay?
No.
Me neither,
not anymore.
Hi, I'm Jen.
Rob.
You know Christmas is
the best time of year
to make new friends, right?
Is that right?
Absolutely.
Especially when you drop a few.
You know it's like teeth,
when one falls out,
another moves in.
Out with the old, in with
the new, all of that.
It's the most wonderful
time of the year!
Christmas is supposed
to be about joy,
giving, and being surrounded
by those you love,
or you know, those you
have literally just met.
You.
You talk a lot!
Yeah, just trying
to fill that dead air.
So why are you here
alone on Christmas Eve?
Let's just say today
didn't go as planned.
You and me both.
Yeah?
Like I said, all men are-
[tense dramatic music]
Illegitimate, I got it.
Let's team up!
I beg your pardon?
Look we are both
going the same place,
so surely if we pool our
resources we can get home.
Come on, no-one ought to
be alone at Christmas.
And say we do,
am I gonna have to listen
to more cliches like that?
Without a doubt!
It is the season [laughs]!
I'm a bit of a Christmas nut,
just wait until
you get to know me.
All right.
Come on.
Okay, what's our game plan?
Oh, bingo!
Local taxi company.
- A taxi, You're kidding?
- Why?
'Cause it'll cost a fortune.
It's Christmas, I'm
sure we can haggle.
[stammers] I promise
I won't break it.
[phone dinging]
You're wasting your time.
[Jen hushes]
I'm trying to save the day.
[cellphone ringing]
- Hello there, Taxis.|
- Hello?
Hi, yeah, can we have a taxi
at the train station, please?
- Aye, all right, pet.
- Yeah,
it's going to Glasgow.
[operator laughing]
- Hello?
- Brilliant.
What is it?
[Operator] Wait a minute,
would you like the regular
sleigh or the estate?
- What was that?
- Do I need to go
and get Rudolf out of
his stable [laughs]?
Glasgow, oh that's
brilliant [laughs].
[cellphone dinging]
[cellphone ringing]
She wanted to go to Glasgow.
What did you expect
on Christmas Eve?
It's a 6-hour round trip for
the driver, who would risk it?
Well, you know what
about festive spirit,
goodwill to all
men and all that?
It froze to death
20 minutes ago.
Come on, what are we doing?
Well, do you have anyone
that can come and pick us up?
- Parents?
- They're on a cruise, yours?
Don't drive.
- Who doesn't drive nowadays.
- Yeah all right, Judgey.
Yes, I know where
we can get a car.
Thought you had nowhere to go.
Would you just
trust me, and come on.
Do you know what, stay here,
freeze your plums
off, I'm going.
Okay, okay, coming.
[gentle whimsical music]
[birds chirping]
What are we doing here?
Procuring transport.
Procuring?
Yeah, I'll be just a second.
[Mark murmuring]
[Mark] No, I don't want
it, it's your usual excuse.
It's your usual reply,
because you always do it.
[Mark murmuring]
[Clare] Fancy women
comes to the house.
[Mark] Fancy women?
What fancy women,
how do you get there?
[Clare shouting]
[Mark shouting]
And don't tell me to move,
you always say
that [indistinct].
I don't know why [laughs].
[Clare shouting]
Oh, come on, don't start.
[Clare] We have our son here.
[Mark] Don't bring him in,
what's Noah got to do with it.
What has Noah got to do with it?
[Clare] She met
him at the door.
Is it my fault?
[both shouting]
Jackpot [gasps]!
[keys jangling]
Elf?
Noah, Isn't it?
Why are you in here?
Oh,
I am doing some recon
for Santa, I'm working for him.
Yeah, so I have to
get him some keys.
- Magic keys.
- Yeah, yeah.
Not all houses
have got chimneys,
so I need to give
magic keys to Santa,
so that he can get
in on Christmas Eve.
But why can't Santa
use his own magic keys?
Yeah he can, but every house
has got a different lock,
so I need to come in and
get the keys for that house.
Noah, why are you
hiding in a cupboard?
Because my Mum and
Dad are shouting.
Oh.
Yeah.
Noah,
You are the best boy.
Seriously, Santa talks
about you all the time,
you are at the top
of his nice list.
I need to get out of here so
that I can get your letter
to Santa so you need
to help me get out
without any grown-ups seeing me.
Why can't the
grown-ups see you?
Because grown-ups ruin magic
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so if you
check out there,
and make sure that there's
no adults out there,
- can you do that for me?
- Mm-hmm.
[door unlatching]
[uptempo whimsical music]
Come on, Elfie.
[door squeaking]
Thank you so much, Noah!
Merry Christmas!
Mm-hmm.
[footsteps thudding]
Hi.
[uptempo whimsical music]
This one [laughs].
Oh you can't be serious?
It's fine, let's go
[uptempo dramatic music]
[car engine growling]
[Jen panting]
Get that heater
on, it's freezing.
I don't get it,
if you had a car waiting
a few streets away,
then why were you
waiting for a train?
It's my ex's.
It can't have been
that bad a breakup
if he let you borrow his car.
Yeah right, remember
how I mentioned
- that all men are bastards.
- Yeah, yeah,
years, within two
minutes of meeting me,
- you said it twice in fact
- Yeah.
Well, mostly I was
talking about him.
You know, I am sure
he will understand
that when he finds out
he loaned me his car.
Do you mean he doesn't know?
Not yet, no.
[uptempo whimsical music]
Have we just stolen this car?
Stolen [laughs],
such an ugly word.
No [laughs],
you're shitting me?!
Oh God I'm in a stolen car
It's gonna be the first
Christmas I spend not just alone,
but alone inside
of a prison cell.
You, you're an
actual crazy person.
Would you calm down.
I mean so what.
So what.
I hope he cries like a baby
when he finds this is gone.
He is a lying, cheating bastard.
He deserves everything he gets!
- Jen!
- Oh, he loves this car.
- Jen!
- [chuckles] Well,
he doesn't know the
meaning of the word, love!
I am gonna roll this
'60s piece of shit
- over a motherf###### cliff -
- Jen!
Jen watch the road, stop!
[tires screeching]
[car engine growling]
My God, I'm
sorry, I'm so sorry,
I'm [pants] so sorry.
That's okay.
Would you like me to drive?
No, I'm okay, I'm okay, I,
I can do it.
Okay.
Gosh, the weather is horrible
Its fine, it's just
because we're up high.
All Scottish mountains
have snow on the top.
I'm sorry, I didn't realize
you were a meteorologist
Will you please, please!
Don't make me beat you
to death with a thesaurus
Pardon me, I'll
try and limit myself
to less than two syllables
from now on, shall I?
Is something coming towards us?
- [siren blaring]
- Oh.
Oh!
They found us!
Shit.
[Jen chuckling]
[car engine growling]
[window whooshing]
[Officer] You all right there.
Hi.
That's a fancy car you've got,
you don't see many
of them on the road.
- Oh God.
- [hushes] Oh right.
I thought they
were pretty common.
No.
No, a car like that
definitely stands out.
Right, does it?
I think it would best
if you both stepped out
of the vehicle and come
out into the police car
Look, this was all her idea,
I had absolutely
nothing to do with me!
- What are you saying, lad?
- Would you be cool.
I'm just saying it was
her that took the car!
I would have stopped
her if I'd known!
What are you saying?
[laughs] He's saying he
wanted me to bring the Jeep!
But you know what, I didn't
think it was gonna be this bad,
so I convinced him
to come in this.
Who are you two making for?
- Prison.
- Glasgow.
Glasgow, no chance.
It's only going to get worse.
the road's a bit of a mess,
best give up before
you get stuck.
Where have you just come from?
Bridge of Orchy,
but it wasn't so bad down there,
it's up here the
snow's falling fast.
I think we're gonna take
a chance, thanks though
Oh, you're mad!
You'll never make it.
Find somewhere warm and
bed down for the night
We'll be okay, thanks.
[car engine growling]
[Rob sighing]
- You total grass!
- Are you kidding?
We were just stopped by
the police in a stolen car.
You totally stuck me in it!
And you totally just
made me an accessory
- to grand theft auto!
- And yet, not in prison!
You're welcome.
Look, let's just get going
- Whoa, what are you doing?
- What?
He's literally just said,
the road is un-passable.
He didn't say it
was un-passable.
He said the snow
was thick up here.
We'll be fine once we
got off the mountains.
And its worth the risk?
Well, it's either carry
on, or sleep in the car.
Now, I'm happy with either
as long as you don't
mind getting cozy.
Just.
Just drive
slowly.
And the first sign of
the weather turning bad,
we turn around, agreed?
Trust me.
[uptempo dramatic music]
Last time you said
that you stole a car
[car engine growling]
[car engine growling]
[snow whooshing]
are we stuck?
Yeah, it's just sliding.
Stop, stop, stop it.
You'll burn out the clutch
Can you see the road?
- No.
- No.
Well that's that then,
we're not going anywhere.
Jesus Christ!
[door unlatching]
[door latching]
[door unlatching]
[door latching]
I said we should turn back.
We were warned, but did
you listen, did you?
Hell no, and now here we are,
freezing to death in
the middle of nowhere!
At least I don't have to
worry about going to prison
for grand theft auto, but
it's a shame in a way,
'cause Big Bobo my cellmate
could have kept me warm.
Do you know what?
I know I've only known
you about five minutes,
but I've got a wee
observation to make.
You are incapable of
listening to anyone!
Trains canceled, taxis
say it's too far,
the police say
it's too dangerous,
but you!, you steal
your ex's car,
and you almost kill
us, you're certifiable.
[Jen sobbing]
No, no, no, no, don't you cry.
Look, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, all right?
I know I can be a bit
of a dick but please,
please don't cry
Oh, I'm just screwing
with you [laughs].
I can cry on cue.
It's kind of a party trick.
But you're really mean.
You can't speak to
people like that.
Seriously?
Yeah, don't be a dick.
That's good.
Don't be a dick [laughs].
[Rob screaming]
Do you feel better?
Do you know where we are?
I think so, I'm pretty
sure there's a village
just up ahead.
How does that help?
'Cause nothing is
getting out this far.
Well, they will obviously
have a recovery truck,
or a plow, or something [sighs].
Like these wee villages
need to be prepared
for this sort of stuff
Yeah, we'll just call them up,
we'll say "Hey, can you
send your recovery truck,
or your plow, or something
on Christmas Eve?"
Or are you just planning
on stealing that too?
Why, are you gonna
grass me in again?
I don't see how I'm the bad
guy here when you stole a car.
Look, if you aren't
calling the fuzz,
I really wanna go
home for Christmas,
so can we please just try?
Well, we sure as
shit can't stay here
[uptempo whimsical music]
[door unlatching]
[bags crumbling]
[Rob sighing]
Christ almighty, have
you got enough stuff?
No, probably not.
[tense dramatic music]
What are you?
Do you want me to help you
with some of those bags?
No, I can manage.
So, what happened?
I think it's a
combination of the low body,
and the tires just
not being equipped.
I know, I mean you obviously
weren't supposed to be
on your own on Christmas
Eve waiting for a train,
so what happened?
Oh come on, your story
cannot be as bad as mine.
Oh really.
So what's your story?
So you see?
You don't wanna talk about
it any more than I do.
Smart arse.
[sighs] Look, will you
please just let me carry
some of those bags.
I think I can carry a
couple of bags by myself.
Shit.
[Rob thudding]
Sorry, what was that?
Smart arse!
- Are you all right?
- Yes, I'm fine, thank you.
Jesus Christ.
Okay, if it stops you
from falling on your arse,
you can carry some of my bags
[sniffs] Why are you
carrying all that crap?
I'm not, you are.
Right.
Yeah well, not all of us
are as good at being alone
as you are.
Oh God, I'm sorry,
that came out wrong.
- I didn't mean that-
- It's fine!
- I have like a [stammers]-
- Forget it!
[wind howling]
[Rob sniffing]
Let's get going, we
need to get to the village
before it gets dark.
Sure.
God, I picked a great
time to quit smoking.
Yeah, I think we're lost.
I might actually be able
to do something about that.
My watch has a compass.
O fancy.
Yeah, it's also only
a couple of hours old.
Are you sure you
know how to work it?
Yes, I've got my
Gold Duke of Edinburgh.
Oh well, I feel
completely reassured.
- We're going that way.
- If you say so.
Trust me.
[uptempo dramatic music]
Lead on, McDuff.
[laughs] oh.
[glasses clanking]
- Good evening.
- Are you lost?
- No.
- Yes.
Out the way, come on in, don't
be shy, your mother wasnae.
Sorry about them,
they're harmless, mostly.
Now, how can I help you?
Our car got stranded
a few miles back,
do you have a tow, or a
plow, or anything nearby?
There sure is, round
at McLarnon's Garage
Brilliant, do
you have a number?
I'll give it to you.
They'll be open first
thing on Boxing Day
Boxing Day?
No, I need to go home tonight!
Oh, I'm sorry, pet, that's
just not going to happen.
Look, I know
it's Christmas Eve,
but my friend here
really needs to get home.
- We'll pay anything.
- Oh,
it's not a matter of money, son.
- It's snowed in.
- Snowed in.
The snow plow is snowed
in, how's that even possible?
Garage door won't open.
The plow is on the
wrong side of the door.
[Ernie laughing]
Look, I'm sorry, but
I think this is it.
That's okay,
I was daft to think we
could get back anyway.
Do you have any rooms left?
You're in luck.
There is one room
left at the Inn!
- One room?
- Mm-hmm [affirmative].
The last room in the house.
Well, we'll just have to
make do then, it's a twin yeah?
No, it's a, it's a double.
[laughs] Right.
It's fine, we'll take it.
You know what, I'll just
kip down here in the reception
Oh, I'm very sorry, that
is against hotel policy.
Come on, we'll top and tail,
you know with pillow dividers
like you did when
you were a kid.
I don't know.
I promise my feet don't smell.
You know, I've seen a lot of
things from behind this desk.
A lot of beautiful women trying
to avoid getting into bed
with strange men, but
never the other way round.
You calling me strange?
You calling me beautiful?
I'll need a credit
card, or debit card,
or pound of flesh.
Just my wee joke,
I prefer plastic.
- I'll get this.
- No seriously let me.
No Honestly.
I'll get the room,
you got the car.
Touche!
[machine beeping]
It is your card, right?
Well, it's top of the
stairs, last room on the right.
Thanks.
There's just one more thing.
Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
- Yeah, thank you.
[uptempo festive music]
[door latching]
20 quid says he gets
his hole before midnight.
I'll take that bet.
30 quid, did you say?
- 20.
- 20?
All right, here you are.
You still owe me 50 quid.
What number did he say again?
He didn't, he said
last on the left.
Are you sure about that,
I think he said right?
I know my left from my right.
Okay, well you might
wanna have a little word
with your fancy
compass-watch thing.
Why?
Because this isn't Bridge
of Orchy, it's Glencoe,
we've dumped the car and
doubled back on ourselves!
And how is that my fault.
"Ooh, I got my gold
Duke of Edinburgh,"
who reads a compass upside down!
I just don't wanna
talk to you, all right?
- Chris.
- Ow.
Chris, you come back here,
and apologize to this lady.
I'm so sorry, apparently
I can't do anything right
- at the moment.
- No, don't worry about it.
- Teenage boys are tough.
- Well yes,
and then eventually they
grow up to be adults.
Nothing worse than adult
males, they're the worst!
- It must be this one.
- No, it's the left
All right.
[door unlatching]
[door latching]
[Rob sighing]
Well, this is.
It is nothing
that a bit of tinsel
and a tree wouldn't fix.
Oh excellent, well,
give me five minutes,
I'll pop out, I'll
chop down a pine tree.
We could plant it in the toilet.
Awesome [giggles].
What's in these bags?
What's in these?
It's undelivered
Christmas presents.
- Undelivered?
- Yes,
undelivered.
Okay, well, you
can have the bed,
I'll be fine here
[tense dramatic music]
[mirror squeaking]
It is really coming
down out there.
The shower's free.
No, you're all right.
You should really get
changed, you'll get ill.
Yeah, yeah, well, I
haven't got anything else.
[bag thudding]
There you go, Merry Christmas.
Is this not for someone?
No, not anymore.
Are you sure,
because won't someone?
No, away and get
yourself sorted, go.
Right, right.
Maybe we can head down to
the bar, and get some dinner.
- Yip.
- Yeah, maybe a wee dram
- to warm us up.
- Sure.
'Cause we deserve
it, you drink whisky?
[somber dramatic music]
[shower running]
[door unlatching]
[Rob sighing]
[Jen laughing]
- Oh, can I-
- what are you doing?
[electronic festive music]
That's perfect.
[laughs] No, no, it's not
happening, absolutely not.
[case clanking]
Oh.
Yours?
Yeah.
Sorry.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to-
- No, no,
[stammers] it's fine, it's fine.
- It's just-
- No, no, no.
You don't have to explain this.
I don't even know what
I'm still doing with it,
It's bit of a story.
- Do you want to?
- No.
No, thank you.
I'm fine.
Did you say something
about whiskey.
Listen, I am here-
- Jen,
whiskey.
♪ The stars brightly shine ♪
♪ In the night ♪
♪ While the deer say goodnight ♪
"Night of the
Living Dead" in here.
Okay, well, we'll
soon fix that.
Merry Christmas!
♪ And sailing nearby ♪
Here's to you, pet.
Come on, we'll go get a drink.
I want my 20 quid
back by the way.
He's pulling heehaw in that
jumper, what a turn off.
[Ernie] Oh, dinnae lose your
nerve, the night is young.
She's hardly setting the
world on fire wearing hers.
Evening all.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
- Hi.
- Settling in?
Chosen your side of the bed?
Yes, thank you.
He's a bit touchy.
Oh well, your pillow dividers
will take good care of that!
We'll have two
single malts please.
Any preference?
- Surprise us.
- But nothing too peaty!
Ice, water?
Neat for me, anything for you?
More whisky?
Easy done, two large
whiskeys coming right up.
So the weather get the
better of you, did it?
You could say that.
Thank you.
What about you, car trouble?
Oh no, no, no, Frank and
I come here every Christmas.
Aye, we'd be buggered if I
was left in charge of a Turkey.
Oh, that's no way to
talk about your ex wife.
[both laughing]
[glass clanking]
How long have you
two known each other?
Wow, over 60 years now.
62-and-a-half years.
That is a long time.
Aye, it is,
well, you see my wife
died six years ago,
and Frank can't stomach another
divorce lawyer, so [laughs]
- here we are.
- Aye, here we are.
Two rowdy old buggers
giving it laldy
until we kick the
bucket dancing.
Well, I can drink to that.
- Slainte.
- Slainte.
- Slainte.
- Slainte.
[glasses clanking]
[Frank giggling]
She's a bonny lass
See, the bet's still on.
Mm-hmm.
["Hello Mama:" by John Condron]
♪ Hello mama ♪
♪ It's been a while ♪
♪ I just want to write this ♪
I can't imagine knowing
someone for 60 years.
62-and-a-half.
How's the whiskey.
♪ I know sometimes ♪
Mm, smooth.
caramel tones.
A fine choice.
You don't have a clue what
you're talking about, do you?
No, I have no idea [laughs].
I just like the taste.
♪ I'm gonna be all right ♪
♪ You don't have to worry ♪
♪ I'm gonna be all right ♪
It's not very festive, is it?
No, it's not, maybe
you could help them out.
Oh, I don't think so.
No, then what's
with the guitar?
I don't really play anymore.
I used to jam with Mark.
- Mark?
- The bastard.
Oh, right, him.
Yeah, played
together years back.
Were you any good?
We weren't bad,
Bot would get
occasionally one point.
[Rob] So what happened?
Just life.
Bills needed paying.
I got busy with work.
He got busy with other stuff.
I was only ever okay,
I was never gonna
make a living at it.
Do you sing?
I did.
Oh, go and get it,
seriously I'd love to
hear you play something.
No, [stammers] I only
play for me, myself, and I.
Well that's a shame.
Really I wasn't that good.
Music is good for the soul.
Yeah.
♪ You don't have to worry ♪
I just don't feel like
I've got much to sing about
at the moment.
♪ I'm gonna be all right ♪
♪ You don't have to worry ♪
I know what you
mean, but sing anyway.
There are sad songs.
To sad songs.
[glasses clanking]
So what is it that
you do for a living?
Me, finance Manager
- Really?
- Yeah.
I had you down
as a psychiatrist.
Do I talk that much?
No, not enough, you listen.
Okay, time for a role reversal.
I'll be the doctor, you
be the rich patient.
Really, and do you charge
a steep, hourly rate?
Absolutely, you finance
bankers get paid way too much.
And I feel that you have got
a lot buried underneath this-
- Tough exterior?
No, I was gonna say jumper.
[both laughing]
Do you know actually
the whiskey and the cold
has confused the hell
out of my bladder.
So I'll be right back.
Oh, I will have
whatever you're having,
just not the cullen skink.
[grunts] Can I interest you
in some traditional
Scottish delicacies?
- What's good?
- It's all edible.
Fish and chips.
No, sorry.
No, sorry, all gone
Butter chicken?
Sorry nae butter
or chicken
- Steak pie?
- Aye,
wait, no I had the last one.
- Was it good?
- A bIt dry, truth be told.
Well that's reassuring.
[toilet flushing]
[water flowing]
Whoa, whoa, steady
on there, honey.
Can I?
Yeah, let's see, yeah.
Trust me, you will
thank me later.
Chin up.
So are you trying
to impress someone?
No.
Under the, keep still.
Is it the young lad out there?
Mm-hmm [laughs].
There we are, less is more.
You're way too pretty to be
covering up with too much crap.
You sound just like my dad!
Yeah, well, sometimes,
occasionally, once in a while,
dad's are right.
Just don't ever admit
it to them [laughs].
So, are you gonna
make your move then?
I don't know, I don't
even know his name.
Oh, it's Chris, I
assume Christopher.
Chris?
- I'm Jen.
- Clara.
Chris and Clara.
It's got a nice ring to it.
Like Bodger and Badger
What?
Oh, nevermind, it's
a generational thing.
Go get him.
Someone's Christmas
wish should come true.
I don't know.
Well, if he tells
me to get lost?
Then you've learned a
valuable lesson in life.
Love hurts.
Wow, rude and unnecessary.
Well, just stop
filling the lassie's head
full of nonsense.
[uptempo dramatic music]
There's no such thing
as a happy ever after.
[uptempo guitar music]
Don't listen to her.
Like if he tells you to
get lost, he's an idiot.
But if you miss out, because
you're too scared to try,
then you're an idiot.
Thanks I think.
You are welcome, I am here
all night weather dependent.
[door squeaking]
♪ I still have lots to give ♪
Okay, Clara.
♪ I still have lots to give ♪
Everybody loves a
festive romance.
♪ I still have lots to give ♪
cullen skink?
Aye, we can do that, aye.
- How is it?
- Wet.
Great, helpful,
two of those please?
Nae bother.
So what have we got?
Ah.
Was there a particular reason
you didn't want
the cullen skink?
I hate seafood, why?
Shit.
No, that's okay, based
on the rest of the menu,
I don't think that soup
has ever seen a fish
in its entire life so
you're probably fine.
So we've got Sullen
Skank for dinner?
Yeah,
and soup.
You know your self-loathing
has actually made
your jokes better.
So where were we?
Oh, we were talking
about your music.
Oh, I thought
we'd covered that.
Okay.
So why is your ex a bastard?
The usual story.
Boy meets girl.
Boy and girl gig,
Girl falls for boy.
Boy has a secret family.
[somber dramatic music]
All right.
That old classic.
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
Were you together long?
Five years.
Do you know we actually
met at an open mic night.
I should have clicked when
all the time we spent together
was at his holiday home up here,
and not at his place,
but I didn't.
We even talked about
getting married,
and then today,
I come up to the holiday home,
and I'm greeted by
his wife and kid.
How's that for screwed up?
What a dick.
[both laughing]
Yeah.
Right, your turn.
The ring, tell me
about your, who is she?
Yeah, to be honest,
I'd rather just forget
about that just now.
I just wanna erase this
[stammers] whole day.
If only we could put
that on our Christmas list.
I know.
Maybe we could still ask
Santa for a time machine!
Don't be so ridiculous.
Look, he will have already left.
[both laughing]
You know I don't know about you,
but I could do
with another drink.
Good idea.
It's my round!
Is it me, or is this
place severely understaffed.
Well it's not exactly "Friday
Night at The Apollo," is it?
[uptempo guitar music]
- Hey, excuse me.
- Hey.
- Can I maybe ask a favor?
- Absolutely.
Do you think you
could play something
a little bit more festive?
Was it something I said?
Anna give you
the cold shoulder?
A bit frosty, yeah.
Well, she's been here,
what, three days now,
and hardly spoken to a soul.
Aye, the poor lassie
she told me that-
- Come on now, it's
not your story to tell.
Right you are, I'll just
shut up, and drink my drink.
- All right, cheers.
- Slainte.
Speaking of, what do
you actually have to do
to get a drink around here.
I heard the chef
walked out this morning.
Worried he was gonna get
stuck here and not get home.
He had the right idea.
Apparently, it's
just the manager left,
pulling double duty.
- I'm Jim, by the way.
- Rob,
how do you do?
Enjoying our
Highland Christmas?
Not quite.
So do you come up
here every Christmas?
First time actually.
Spending it with my daughter,
she was in Inverness
with her mom.
Oh, right.
You got kids?
No, no, no, no kids.
Well, you won't understand
until you're a dad,
but let me tell you this.
No woman will ever break your
heart like your own daughter!
Anyway, have a good one!
Who puts an
orange down a toilet
[indistinct]
[glasses clanking]
- [all laughing]
- Yes.
- There we go.
- Good idea.
- There we are.
- Here.
- Two for me, thank you.
- Ooh, greedy.
Ne for each hand.
[Jim laughing]
Gosh, that's a bit generous.
Don't leave us out.
And there we are now.
That's you, that's you,
and there's yourself.
Now, there we go.
Now, I'll tell him when
he comes out of the bog.
[all laughing]
- Bottoms up.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
It was me that put
in the orange [laughs].
Ooh, thanks.
You're welcome.
I asked the band
to play something
a little bit more festive
before people in here
starts slashing their wrists
It couldn't hurt.
- ♪ Right along those shallows ♪
- Look,
I didn't mean to push you there.
I just figured it's better
to let the bad feelings out,
you know rather than let
them build up inside.
Yes, it's just, I
don't really know you.
Oh yeah, of
course, sorry, yeah.
♪ All around this world ♪
♪ That was a hurting fist ♪
We went to high
school together,
proper high school sweethearts.
Okay, I was the head boy and
she was head girl in our year.
We had everything,
everything going for us.
So over the years, you know,
I brought up the idea
of marriage a few times,
but then three years ago,
I thought I'm gonna
properly propose.
That's when I got the ring,
and I got our names engraved
on it, and everything.
But she told me,
in no uncertain terms
that she wasn't ready.
And then she made me feel like,
like we both
weren't ready, and
she asked me to wait.
So,
I waited
until today.
I produced the ring again,
and then I asked her,
and I got the same answer.
But this time she said,
she loves me,
but she's not sure
she's in love with me.
No.
[somber dramatic music]
Yes, so there was
like standing alone,
thinking how did I get here,
how did my relationship
become this?
What even was my
relationship, was it love?
Or had love just become
familiar,
convenient?
I don't know, I don't,
I don't have the answers,
but what I do know
is that 12 hours ago,
I had
everything, just everything
right at my fingertips.
Now all I've got is frostbite.
[glass clanking]
[somber dramatic music]
[drumsticks clanking]
["Bonnie on the Clyde"
by John Condron]
♪ There was snow upon a hill ♪
♪ When I met this pretty girl ♪
Come on.
♪ She said her name was Bonnie ♪
Wait, where are we going?
What are we doing.?
♪ She had spoken to the Lord ♪
♪ And He'd given her His word ♪
Out with the bad,
and in with the good.
I'm not much of a dancer.
Oh humbug!
[both laughing]
♪ We had no time to waste ♪
♪ We got started right away ♪
♪ But the weeks, they passed ♪
on by without a sign ♪
♪ Promise her I'm not lying ♪
♪ It was not for
the lack of trying ♪
♪ But it turned out we ♪
were simply out of time ♪
♪ As the Lord is my witness ♪
♪ We'll have that
kid by Christmas ♪
♪ Promised us that we
will have this day ♪
♪ No one's gonna take
that dream away ♪
[spoon clanking]
Hey, come on, come on.
♪ She said, the Lord,
He spoke to me ♪
♪ He said, Bonnie,
don't you see ♪
♪ There's a holy reason ♪
why you can't conceive ♪
- ♪ It's your destiny ♪
- This is hard.
♪ To take my son from me ♪
♪ All you've got to
do is just believe ♪
♪ Look for a sign
that you can read ♪
I totally get that
you're hurting, I am too,
but it's Christmas.
Let's just leave all the bad
stuff outside until Boxing Day.
Yeah, I don't think
that's how it works.
Pretty sure it is!
♪ There'll be a star-shaped ♪
birthmark on his ass ♪
Look, just like this
hotel, and everyone in it,
we are caught in
this frozen bubble,
[slow dramatic music]
we're cut off, we're out
of sync from the world.
So, let's just
leave it all outside
until we return to the world.
♪ Jesus there on Christmas Day ♪
- ♪ We ate turkey on the floor ♪
- I'm sorry.
♪ As they were banging
down the door ♪
♪ But they'll never split ♪
this family on this day ♪
♪ As the Lord is my witness ♪
♪ We'll get that
boy at Christmas ♪
♪ No one's taking
our Jesus away ♪
♪ We knew the time had come ♪
♪ To bring the Lord's only son ♪
♪ Turned on the
gas, lit a match ♪
♪ And began to pray ♪
It tastes a lot better than
it smells I can assure you.
♪ As the Lord was my witness ♪
Oh Jesus Christ.
♪ We were with that
boy at Christmas ♪
♪ They tried but couldn't ♪
take our Lord away ♪
♪ And now we're with ♪
our Jesus in the hay ♪
♪ And now we're with ♪
our Jesus in the hay ♪
Amen.
[match flicking]
[rain pouring]
[match flicking]
You'd never know
it had been snowing.
Give it 20 minutes.
You know that's bad for you?
You should try this instead.
Oh, that is nasty.
Told you so.
Where did you even get it.
Cigarette machine
covered in dust,
looked a decade old.
[Rob grunting]
I think the universe is
trying to tell you something
really deep like
[stammers] quit.
I've got control over our
nothing in my life just now,
except for this,
this foosty fag.
So the tobacco
police can do one.
Point taken.
It's midnight.
Uh-uh, not yet.
10,
nine,
eight,
seven,
six,
five,
four,
three,
two,
one.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Do you know we should
be toasting or something.
Come on, I don't
feel like toasting
Come on, stay in the moment.
To, wow [laughs].
To.
To the unlucky?
[Jen sighing]
To the stranded.
The deserted.
To the lonely.
To the abandoned.
To strangers.
[uptempo dramatic music]
To strangers.
[glasses clanking]
Yeah, I know that
look on your face,
I've been wearing
it myself all day.
It's that crushing,
sick-to-your-stomach feeling.
[sighs] All these
years living a lie.
All those years I
thought it was love.
That wasn't love.
Then what is?
Am I even capable of it?
What if I never
find something real?
What if we have found it,
and missed it, because
we were living a lie?
No one should be
alone on Christmas.
You and Christmas.
[uptempo dramatic music]
[cellphone ringing]
- Shit.
- Yeah [grunts].
Do you know what,
I'm really tired,
and I'm not really
thinking straight,
so I'm gonna go to bed.
You should call her back.
Yeah, maybe.
Hey, everything will be fine.
It's Christmas.
- Would you stop that please?
- What?
All of that childish
tmas-will-make-everything-better
stuff, it won't!
It's not some magical event
where all the
wrongs are righted.
Roll up, roll up for one day
only, the shit doesn't stick.
You can't, you can't just
put a pin in feelings,
and leave them 'til Boxing Day,
'cause that's not
how feelings work.
"Oh thanks, Santa, for coming
down on your magical sleigh,
and making it so as we don't
have to worry about war,
or poverty, or heartbreak!
I'm so glad it's the
25th of December,
and now I can just
be deliriously happy,
'cause who's sad on
Christmas," don't,
don't kid yourself.
Or if you are, don't drag me in,
don't drag me in
to the delusion.
Christmas is a day just
a day, just a miserable
shit day like all the others.
[somber dramatic music]
Goodnight then.
Shit.
[door latching]
[light button clicking]
[wind howling]
["Not Easy To love"
by John Condron]
♪ You always make me smile ♪
Morning.
Is it.
Have you been here all night?
What gave it away?
Listen, last night was.
♪ I hope you know ♪
Did you phone her back?
♪ You belong with me ♪
No.
♪ Try to be with me ♪
I checked the traffic though.
We're stuck here another day.
Right!
If we can't go
home for Christmas,
then I'm bringing
Christmas to us!
Sid, I will need
place settings for 10!
Nine.
Would you come on!
Lift that rain
cloud for one day!
I am not gonna let your
negativity ruin Christmas!
How dare you?
You know absolutely
nothing about me.
You don't know any of us,
so how dare you force your faux,
cheerful Christmas spirit on us?
Yeah, I've seen your face
when you think no
one's been looking,
you are full of shit.
And you know what?
No amount of Christmas
spirit is gonna fix
what broke you.
So don't you dare drag us
through this pantomime-like
puppets in your healing process.
Grow up and leave me out of it.
Sorry, my dear, we're just
not feeling very festive.
Aye.
Most of the folk down
here come up to get away
from all that Christmas stuff.
I'm the only hotel
in about a 100-mile
not making a fortune making
Christmas dinner today
for a reason.
So what?
The only thing you have in
your kitchen is sullen skank?
Guys.
Come on!
[footsteps thudding]
Really?
Was that?
Was that necessary?
You're all here by choice,
but she is stuck here.
Miles from home and her family
on her favorite day of the year.
She just wants someone
to share it with,
we can't give her that?
She just wants to
spread a bit of joy.
Are we all so determined
to be miserable,
we can't just let
someone be happy?
Shame on us.
[footsteps thudding]
[door latching]
I could do Christmas.
I actually really
love Christmas.
Then why in God's
name did you come away
instead of staying at
your mom's for the party?
I've done Christmas
at my mom's for years.
I wanted to be with you.
You should have told me.
[wind howling]
[door unlatching]
[Jen sobbing]
Oh, don't take it
personally, my dear.
Her wife died in a car
accident a few months back,
and well, people say
things they don't mean
when they're grieving.
My God, it's her
first Christmas alone.
Yes, well, can't blame her.
We want to pretend
it isn't happening.
And all this time I've
been throwing it in her face,
because I didn't wanna admit
that I was hurt [sobs].
I'm such a dick.
No, don't beat
yourself up, pet.
I can't even imagine,
and I thought I knew what
heartbreak felt like.
Well, it's all relative.
Pain isn't a competition.
When my Susan passed away,
I couldn't face up to it.
Oh Christ,
listen to me, passed away.
I'm still trying to soften
the cold, hard truth of it.
I think that is a perfectly
natural thing to do.
Aye, well,
Whatever the pain and
whenever it came from,
we all need that anchor to
help us back on our feet again.
That mad old bugger in
there, he's my anchor.
[Jen laughing]
Yes, and Anna well,
she hasn't got one yet.
But you, well, I think you
have in that young man.
[sighs] I don't know.
Ships passing in
the night, perhaps.
Come on, let's go back inside.
Can't stay out here
in this weather.
I think I'm gonna take a walk.
See if the roads
have cleared any.
No, be safe.
I'll be fine.
[somber dramatic music]
[footsteps thudding]
[door unlatching]
[uptempo pop music]
Ah
laddy,
I've just been speaking
with your good lady
oh, you know what I mean.
She could do with a friend.
Where is she?
She's gone for a walk.
She says, she's going to
see if the roads are clear.
- On our own?
- Mm-hmm.
Christ.
[somber dramatic music]
Jen!
[tense dramatic music]
Jen!
Jen!
Rob?
Rob, I think I hear you.
Jen.
- What were you thinking?
- I'm so sorry,
I wasn't thinking.
I just needed to get
away, so I could think.
Listen,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that we got stranded.
I'm sorry you didn't get
the Christmas you wanted.
- It's just a day.
- No, it's not.
If you've taught me anything,
it's that Christmas should be
about so much more than that.
It's about bringing people
together, and, and here we are.
I don't think our paths
were ever supposed to cross.
You get on my nerves,
we're nothing alike,
you made me steal a car, and
now, we're freezing to death,
but there's something about you.
You make me feel
warm inside.
I don't know what this
is but I know you.
[uptempo dramatic music]
They're coming,
they're coming.
[uptempo jazz music]
[bell ringing]
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my honor to
have you all here.
at the Clachaig for a very
extraordinary Christmas dinner.
Please be seated.
[stammers] I don't
understand [laughs].
Well, you see,
someone helped us find
our Christmas spirit [laughs].
I mean it's,
- it's.
- Perfect.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Go ahead.
[all chuckling]
There's your name
tag, look, just there.
Sit yourself down there, lad.
Thank you.
I don't suppose
you saw the kids
- when you were outside?
- No, I don't think so.
My Chris is a good boy.
That's what I'm worried about.
I was a good boy too,
I know what they get up to.
[all laughing]
Aye, young love, you
were there the once.
I'm surprised you can remember
[all laughing]
Christmas brings out the
romantic out in us all.
Aye that is true.
That reminds me, you two
old codgers owe me 20 quid.
That's not an
admission of hee-haw.
[all laughing]
[all jeering]
[all cheering]
What are you all looking at?
- We were just outside-
- Snogging?
Snogging,...Dad,
nobody says that anymore!
You're so embarrassing.
[all laughing]
Here's To the first kiss,
or as we say up here,
a sheep dip [laughs].
I think what he means
to say is, to young love.
Aye, lang may yer lum reek.
[all laughing]
Cheers to that,
cheers to that.
[all laughing]
[glasses clanking]
Oh, hey.
[all applauding]
Bravo, bravo.
What, what's going on?
Well, I'm looking
for new horizons,
and Sid's looking for a
chef, so one day at a time.
I didn't know you were a chef.
Are you kidding me, she
cooked all the Christmas dinner.
Did you really?
[Sid] It's all edible.
I didn't know.
Thank you
It doesn't mean
I like Christmas.
I just couldn't bear
the thought of you guys
after all of your hard work
having to eat Sid's food
[all laughing]
None taken.
Merry Christmas, everyone
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
[people murmuring]
[glasses clanking]
- [slow dramatic music]
- Merry Christmas.
Let's get started.
Here, pass the salad.
Aye.
It's hot.
[people murmuring]
[slow dramatic music]
And she was not going to just
feel like there was any point
[wind howling]
[Ernie snoring]
That's the first
proper Christmas dinner
I've had in years.
Christmas was always about
the wee, one you know?
So when she wasn't around,
I just didn't feel like
there was any point anymore.
They just don't need
you like they used to.
Oh my God, tell my about it.
We live in the same house,
barely ever see him.
Lost to a generation of
X-Stations, and Playboxes, and.
What about his father?
[laughs] Yeah, that shipped
sailed a long time ago,
and if we are very
lucky, it bloody sank!
[Jim laughing]
I know what you mean.
[people murmuring]
Okay, sorry folks, bad news.
The band can't get through.
The road's blocked
coming through the moor.
I think we're gonna be singing
for our supper tonight.
But that's all right, we
could just put the CD on again.
No.
No, don't do that.
You have all worked so hard
to give me my Christmas,
so let me ruin yours [laughs].
- [all laughing]
- Okay.
- Ah, awesome.
- Thank you.
[chair thudding]
Wrapping your pain in tinsel
doesn't make it go away,
and I'm sorry if I forgot that,
and I'm even more sorry
if I made it harder,
but my worst Christmas ever
has become my best,
because I have met this
collection of people that care.
People care.
[chair thudding]
[Jen panting]
["Lifeline" by Natalie Clark]
♪ There's a whole lot of ♪
things I've not told you ♪
♪ It's not just because
I don't want to ♪
♪ I first must get
rid of the thing ♪
♪ That I did when I need to ♪
[Jen harmonizing]
♪ Whenever we meet
it's a lifeline ♪
♪ You know there's
never a right time ♪
♪ To ask why we can't have ♪
the life that we planned ♪
♪ When were able to ♪
♪ Riding through the night ♪
♪ While my eyes scream
until the light ♪
♪ Surprises me ♪
♪ How much I realize ♪
♪ You're gone ♪
[Jen harmonizing]
♪ You said it was I
who had saved you ♪
♪ In truth, I was lost
when I found you ♪
♪ The fear of the unknown ♪
♪ And you were my home
when I needed you ♪
♪ Driving through the night ♪
♪ While my eyes scream
until the light ♪
♪ Surprises me ♪
♪ How much I realize ♪
♪ They're gone ♪
[Jen harmonizing]
[tense dramatic music]
[audience applauding]
[audience cheering]
It hasn't snowed for hours
Yeah.
[slow dramatic music]
[car engine growling]
Well.
Here we are.
Yip, here we are [laughs].
Thank you.
For what?
For bringing me home
a little bit happier
than when you found me.
Well, maybe not all
men are illegitimate.
[laughs] So there's
hope for the human race?
I suppose I better get going.
- Do you wanna?
- Maybe we should both,
both get where we need to be.
[tense dramatic music]
Yeah, you're right.
- I-
- Hey listen.
[both stammering]
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[tense dramatic music]
See you around.
See ya.
[uptempo cheery music]
♪ Another year gone, and I ♪
am here on your doorstep ♪
♪ But I ain't caroling ♪
♪ It's been a year or two ♪
♪ Since I've been kissing ♪
you under mistletoe ♪
♪ In front of the fire ♪
♪ This time of year gets ♪
you kind of melancholy ♪
♪ Kind of romantic ♪
♪ So I am knocking
on your door ♪
♪ All wrapped up
out in the snow ♪
♪ Just letting you know ♪
♪ All I wanna do is ♪
give you the best gift ♪
♪ Give you that sweet ♪
lift in your spirit ♪
♪ All I wanna do is
open your heart up ♪
♪ Give you that sweet love, ♪
there's nothing to it ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ Is get on back to you ♪
♪ Tell me you want me too ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ All I wanna do is ♪
give you the best gift ♪
♪ Give you that sweet ♪
lift in your spirit ♪
♪ All I wanna do is
open your heart up ♪
♪ Give you that sweet love, ♪
there's nothing to it ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ Is get on back to you ♪
♪ Tell me you want me too ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ Is get to you
under a winter star ♪
[footsteps thudding]
[coins clanking]
[people murmuring]
- Spare some change.
- Yeah, okay.
- [bell ringing]
- [laughs] Okay.
[door latching]
[hanger clanking]
Perfect.
Nope.
[gentle festive music]
Ooh, ooh.
Sorry [laughs], how much is it?
- 20 pounds.
- It's a bit much, is it not?
It's very in this season.
Do you know what,
oh, what the hell,
it's the season after all.
[slow gentle music]
[people murmuring]
- Oh.
- There you go.
- Oh, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
[wind howling]
[coins clanking]
[both laughing]
Thank you.
You're welcome.
[bells jingling]
- Merry Christmas.
- Same to ya.
["Christmas, Burn it
All" by Randolph's Leap ]
What was that?
- Oh, be nice.
- [laughs] Seriously though?
♪ It's Christmas time and ♪
all your heroes are dead ♪
♪ So love yourself, your family
♪ and friends tonight instead ♪
♪ There's panic on
the streets you know ♪
♪ It's looking rough out there ♪
♪ They mistook Rudolph for a ♪
drone and shot him out the air ♪
♪ We're waiting for a victory ♪
♪ We're hoping for a sign ♪
♪ We're waiting for the winter ♪
sun to slowly rise and shine ♪
♪ It's Christmas time and ♪
all your heroes are dead ♪
♪ So love yourself, your family
♪ and friends tonight instead ♪
♪ It's Christmas time and ♪
all your dreams are gone ♪
♪ But Santa's on his way to ♪
bring a new and hopeful dawn ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ All is calm, all is bright ♪
♪ 'Round yon virgin,
mother and child ♪
[man laughing]
- Is that mulled wine?
- Ah, Gluhwein!
The original recipe as created
by my great, great grandmother,
passed down generation to
generation, slowly honed-
- Yeah, okay, okay,
okay, we get it.
You want to buy some?
Or do you wish to continue
to cast doubt on its
fine heritage, hmm?
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ Son of God ♪
Sorry, yeah,
yeah, I'll take one.
Brost, my friend, Brost!
♪ Son of God ♪
♪ Love's pure light ♪
- Slainte.
- Uh-uh.
Sorry.
There you go, keep the change.
Danke.
All right, Hen, how's yer maw?
[Rob gagging]
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
I can't wait until tomorrow,
I'm so excited to
see this, here.
What is this?
It's an early
Christmas present.
[Rob chuckling]
♪ All is calm ♪
♪ All is bright ♪
Oh Nicki.
It has a compass on it,
so you'll never lose your way.
Thank you.
[lips smooching]
Um,
you know what, I've actually
kind of got something
for you as well.
What did you get me?
Is it the silver [gasps]?
[tense dramatic music]
Oh,
what is that?
[Rob sighing]
Robert, what are
you doing [laughs]?
I'm getting my
best trousers dirty.
So I've been contemplating
the best way to bring this up.
[laughs] It's okay
if you couldn't get me
the 12 carat earrings.
Nicki,
would you do me
honor of becoming-
- Rob no, stop.
What?
We've talked about this.
I'm not ready.
That was three years ago.
I'm sorry.
Look Nicki, I love you,
and I don't see how
we need anything else.
Rob, I do love you.
I just,
I don't know if I'm
in love you anymore.
So where's this going?
I don't know [sobs].
[footsteps thudding]
[somber dramatic music]
[case clanking]
[seagulls squawking]
[car engine growling]
[Driver] There you go, 14.80.
Okay.
Let's see.
[coins thudding]
[both laughing]
Oh, right.
- Keep the change.
- Cheers, thanks a lot.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
[door latching]
[door latching]
[car engine growling]
[Jen knocking]
[door unlatching]
Hello?
Are you one of Santa's elves?
Why do you say that?
Because you have
a funny suit on.
- Oh [laughs].
- Noah, who's there?
[Noah] It's one
of Santa's elves!
[laughs] Him,
can I help you? I.
Sorry, I'm, I think I'm lost.
I'm actually just looking for=
Who's at the door, babe?
[stammers] Jen, Jen?
[tense dramatic music]
What's going on here?
Go inside, pal, finish
getting ready for Santa, hey?
Do you two know each other?
Yeah, you know, we
used to work together,
you know at the [stammers].
Why are you here?
- So you're his?
- His wife, yes.
[laughs] Great.
No, 'cause I've heard
nothing about you.
What's going on here?
I'm sure Jen's just dropping
off some Christmas presents.
[fist thudding]
[Mark grunting]
[Noah laughing]
Can you give this
to Santa for me?
Sure.
I'll give this to Santa for you.
Merry Christmas.
[somber dramatic music]
[rain pouring]
[footsteps thudding]
Bastard [sobs]!
Not you!
Although all men are
bastards just so you know,
no offense [sobs].
[Jen screaming]
None taken.
What?
No offense taken.
Oh right.
You don't look very happy
for a man holding
an engagement ring.
No.
Right, I'll leave you to it.
If you wouldn't mind, yeah.
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
I think we missed
the last train.
Really?
The last train
isn't due 'til six.
I've been sitting
here for two hours.
The snow must have taken
some of the lines out,
nothing's getting out this far.
[Jen sighing]
Well, that is great.
Of all the days to
get stuck out here.
It's not ideal.
Yeah.
So where are you heading to?
Glasgow.
Same.
Do you not have
anywhere out here to stay?
No.
Me neither,
not anymore.
Hi, I'm Jen.
Rob.
You know Christmas is
the best time of year
to make new friends, right?
Is that right?
Absolutely.
Especially when you drop a few.
You know it's like teeth,
when one falls out,
another moves in.
Out with the old, in with
the new, all of that.
It's the most wonderful
time of the year!
Christmas is supposed
to be about joy,
giving, and being surrounded
by those you love,
or you know, those you
have literally just met.
You.
You talk a lot!
Yeah, just trying
to fill that dead air.
So why are you here
alone on Christmas Eve?
Let's just say today
didn't go as planned.
You and me both.
Yeah?
Like I said, all men are-
[tense dramatic music]
Illegitimate, I got it.
Let's team up!
I beg your pardon?
Look we are both
going the same place,
so surely if we pool our
resources we can get home.
Come on, no-one ought to
be alone at Christmas.
And say we do,
am I gonna have to listen
to more cliches like that?
Without a doubt!
It is the season [laughs]!
I'm a bit of a Christmas nut,
just wait until
you get to know me.
All right.
Come on.
Okay, what's our game plan?
Oh, bingo!
Local taxi company.
- A taxi, You're kidding?
- Why?
'Cause it'll cost a fortune.
It's Christmas, I'm
sure we can haggle.
[stammers] I promise
I won't break it.
[phone dinging]
You're wasting your time.
[Jen hushes]
I'm trying to save the day.
[cellphone ringing]
- Hello there, Taxis.|
- Hello?
Hi, yeah, can we have a taxi
at the train station, please?
- Aye, all right, pet.
- Yeah,
it's going to Glasgow.
[operator laughing]
- Hello?
- Brilliant.
What is it?
[Operator] Wait a minute,
would you like the regular
sleigh or the estate?
- What was that?
- Do I need to go
and get Rudolf out of
his stable [laughs]?
Glasgow, oh that's
brilliant [laughs].
[cellphone dinging]
[cellphone ringing]
She wanted to go to Glasgow.
What did you expect
on Christmas Eve?
It's a 6-hour round trip for
the driver, who would risk it?
Well, you know what
about festive spirit,
goodwill to all
men and all that?
It froze to death
20 minutes ago.
Come on, what are we doing?
Well, do you have anyone
that can come and pick us up?
- Parents?
- They're on a cruise, yours?
Don't drive.
- Who doesn't drive nowadays.
- Yeah all right, Judgey.
Yes, I know where
we can get a car.
Thought you had nowhere to go.
Would you just
trust me, and come on.
Do you know what, stay here,
freeze your plums
off, I'm going.
Okay, okay, coming.
[gentle whimsical music]
[birds chirping]
What are we doing here?
Procuring transport.
Procuring?
Yeah, I'll be just a second.
[Mark murmuring]
[Mark] No, I don't want
it, it's your usual excuse.
It's your usual reply,
because you always do it.
[Mark murmuring]
[Clare] Fancy women
comes to the house.
[Mark] Fancy women?
What fancy women,
how do you get there?
[Clare shouting]
[Mark shouting]
And don't tell me to move,
you always say
that [indistinct].
I don't know why [laughs].
[Clare shouting]
Oh, come on, don't start.
[Clare] We have our son here.
[Mark] Don't bring him in,
what's Noah got to do with it.
What has Noah got to do with it?
[Clare] She met
him at the door.
Is it my fault?
[both shouting]
Jackpot [gasps]!
[keys jangling]
Elf?
Noah, Isn't it?
Why are you in here?
Oh,
I am doing some recon
for Santa, I'm working for him.
Yeah, so I have to
get him some keys.
- Magic keys.
- Yeah, yeah.
Not all houses
have got chimneys,
so I need to give
magic keys to Santa,
so that he can get
in on Christmas Eve.
But why can't Santa
use his own magic keys?
Yeah he can, but every house
has got a different lock,
so I need to come in and
get the keys for that house.
Noah, why are you
hiding in a cupboard?
Because my Mum and
Dad are shouting.
Oh.
Yeah.
Noah,
You are the best boy.
Seriously, Santa talks
about you all the time,
you are at the top
of his nice list.
I need to get out of here so
that I can get your letter
to Santa so you need
to help me get out
without any grown-ups seeing me.
Why can't the
grown-ups see you?
Because grown-ups ruin magic
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so if you
check out there,
and make sure that there's
no adults out there,
- can you do that for me?
- Mm-hmm.
[door unlatching]
[uptempo whimsical music]
Come on, Elfie.
[door squeaking]
Thank you so much, Noah!
Merry Christmas!
Mm-hmm.
[footsteps thudding]
Hi.
[uptempo whimsical music]
This one [laughs].
Oh you can't be serious?
It's fine, let's go
[uptempo dramatic music]
[car engine growling]
[Jen panting]
Get that heater
on, it's freezing.
I don't get it,
if you had a car waiting
a few streets away,
then why were you
waiting for a train?
It's my ex's.
It can't have been
that bad a breakup
if he let you borrow his car.
Yeah right, remember
how I mentioned
- that all men are bastards.
- Yeah, yeah,
years, within two
minutes of meeting me,
- you said it twice in fact
- Yeah.
Well, mostly I was
talking about him.
You know, I am sure
he will understand
that when he finds out
he loaned me his car.
Do you mean he doesn't know?
Not yet, no.
[uptempo whimsical music]
Have we just stolen this car?
Stolen [laughs],
such an ugly word.
No [laughs],
you're shitting me?!
Oh God I'm in a stolen car
It's gonna be the first
Christmas I spend not just alone,
but alone inside
of a prison cell.
You, you're an
actual crazy person.
Would you calm down.
I mean so what.
So what.
I hope he cries like a baby
when he finds this is gone.
He is a lying, cheating bastard.
He deserves everything he gets!
- Jen!
- Oh, he loves this car.
- Jen!
- [chuckles] Well,
he doesn't know the
meaning of the word, love!
I am gonna roll this
'60s piece of shit
- over a motherf###### cliff -
- Jen!
Jen watch the road, stop!
[tires screeching]
[car engine growling]
My God, I'm
sorry, I'm so sorry,
I'm [pants] so sorry.
That's okay.
Would you like me to drive?
No, I'm okay, I'm okay, I,
I can do it.
Okay.
Gosh, the weather is horrible
Its fine, it's just
because we're up high.
All Scottish mountains
have snow on the top.
I'm sorry, I didn't realize
you were a meteorologist
Will you please, please!
Don't make me beat you
to death with a thesaurus
Pardon me, I'll
try and limit myself
to less than two syllables
from now on, shall I?
Is something coming towards us?
- [siren blaring]
- Oh.
Oh!
They found us!
Shit.
[Jen chuckling]
[car engine growling]
[window whooshing]
[Officer] You all right there.
Hi.
That's a fancy car you've got,
you don't see many
of them on the road.
- Oh God.
- [hushes] Oh right.
I thought they
were pretty common.
No.
No, a car like that
definitely stands out.
Right, does it?
I think it would best
if you both stepped out
of the vehicle and come
out into the police car
Look, this was all her idea,
I had absolutely
nothing to do with me!
- What are you saying, lad?
- Would you be cool.
I'm just saying it was
her that took the car!
I would have stopped
her if I'd known!
What are you saying?
[laughs] He's saying he
wanted me to bring the Jeep!
But you know what, I didn't
think it was gonna be this bad,
so I convinced him
to come in this.
Who are you two making for?
- Prison.
- Glasgow.
Glasgow, no chance.
It's only going to get worse.
the road's a bit of a mess,
best give up before
you get stuck.
Where have you just come from?
Bridge of Orchy,
but it wasn't so bad down there,
it's up here the
snow's falling fast.
I think we're gonna take
a chance, thanks though
Oh, you're mad!
You'll never make it.
Find somewhere warm and
bed down for the night
We'll be okay, thanks.
[car engine growling]
[Rob sighing]
- You total grass!
- Are you kidding?
We were just stopped by
the police in a stolen car.
You totally stuck me in it!
And you totally just
made me an accessory
- to grand theft auto!
- And yet, not in prison!
You're welcome.
Look, let's just get going
- Whoa, what are you doing?
- What?
He's literally just said,
the road is un-passable.
He didn't say it
was un-passable.
He said the snow
was thick up here.
We'll be fine once we
got off the mountains.
And its worth the risk?
Well, it's either carry
on, or sleep in the car.
Now, I'm happy with either
as long as you don't
mind getting cozy.
Just.
Just drive
slowly.
And the first sign of
the weather turning bad,
we turn around, agreed?
Trust me.
[uptempo dramatic music]
Last time you said
that you stole a car
[car engine growling]
[car engine growling]
[snow whooshing]
are we stuck?
Yeah, it's just sliding.
Stop, stop, stop it.
You'll burn out the clutch
Can you see the road?
- No.
- No.
Well that's that then,
we're not going anywhere.
Jesus Christ!
[door unlatching]
[door latching]
[door unlatching]
[door latching]
I said we should turn back.
We were warned, but did
you listen, did you?
Hell no, and now here we are,
freezing to death in
the middle of nowhere!
At least I don't have to
worry about going to prison
for grand theft auto, but
it's a shame in a way,
'cause Big Bobo my cellmate
could have kept me warm.
Do you know what?
I know I've only known
you about five minutes,
but I've got a wee
observation to make.
You are incapable of
listening to anyone!
Trains canceled, taxis
say it's too far,
the police say
it's too dangerous,
but you!, you steal
your ex's car,
and you almost kill
us, you're certifiable.
[Jen sobbing]
No, no, no, no, don't you cry.
Look, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, all right?
I know I can be a bit
of a dick but please,
please don't cry
Oh, I'm just screwing
with you [laughs].
I can cry on cue.
It's kind of a party trick.
But you're really mean.
You can't speak to
people like that.
Seriously?
Yeah, don't be a dick.
That's good.
Don't be a dick [laughs].
[Rob screaming]
Do you feel better?
Do you know where we are?
I think so, I'm pretty
sure there's a village
just up ahead.
How does that help?
'Cause nothing is
getting out this far.
Well, they will obviously
have a recovery truck,
or a plow, or something [sighs].
Like these wee villages
need to be prepared
for this sort of stuff
Yeah, we'll just call them up,
we'll say "Hey, can you
send your recovery truck,
or your plow, or something
on Christmas Eve?"
Or are you just planning
on stealing that too?
Why, are you gonna
grass me in again?
I don't see how I'm the bad
guy here when you stole a car.
Look, if you aren't
calling the fuzz,
I really wanna go
home for Christmas,
so can we please just try?
Well, we sure as
shit can't stay here
[uptempo whimsical music]
[door unlatching]
[bags crumbling]
[Rob sighing]
Christ almighty, have
you got enough stuff?
No, probably not.
[tense dramatic music]
What are you?
Do you want me to help you
with some of those bags?
No, I can manage.
So, what happened?
I think it's a
combination of the low body,
and the tires just
not being equipped.
I know, I mean you obviously
weren't supposed to be
on your own on Christmas
Eve waiting for a train,
so what happened?
Oh come on, your story
cannot be as bad as mine.
Oh really.
So what's your story?
So you see?
You don't wanna talk about
it any more than I do.
Smart arse.
[sighs] Look, will you
please just let me carry
some of those bags.
I think I can carry a
couple of bags by myself.
Shit.
[Rob thudding]
Sorry, what was that?
Smart arse!
- Are you all right?
- Yes, I'm fine, thank you.
Jesus Christ.
Okay, if it stops you
from falling on your arse,
you can carry some of my bags
[sniffs] Why are you
carrying all that crap?
I'm not, you are.
Right.
Yeah well, not all of us
are as good at being alone
as you are.
Oh God, I'm sorry,
that came out wrong.
- I didn't mean that-
- It's fine!
- I have like a [stammers]-
- Forget it!
[wind howling]
[Rob sniffing]
Let's get going, we
need to get to the village
before it gets dark.
Sure.
God, I picked a great
time to quit smoking.
Yeah, I think we're lost.
I might actually be able
to do something about that.
My watch has a compass.
O fancy.
Yeah, it's also only
a couple of hours old.
Are you sure you
know how to work it?
Yes, I've got my
Gold Duke of Edinburgh.
Oh well, I feel
completely reassured.
- We're going that way.
- If you say so.
Trust me.
[uptempo dramatic music]
Lead on, McDuff.
[laughs] oh.
[glasses clanking]
- Good evening.
- Are you lost?
- No.
- Yes.
Out the way, come on in, don't
be shy, your mother wasnae.
Sorry about them,
they're harmless, mostly.
Now, how can I help you?
Our car got stranded
a few miles back,
do you have a tow, or a
plow, or anything nearby?
There sure is, round
at McLarnon's Garage
Brilliant, do
you have a number?
I'll give it to you.
They'll be open first
thing on Boxing Day
Boxing Day?
No, I need to go home tonight!
Oh, I'm sorry, pet, that's
just not going to happen.
Look, I know
it's Christmas Eve,
but my friend here
really needs to get home.
- We'll pay anything.
- Oh,
it's not a matter of money, son.
- It's snowed in.
- Snowed in.
The snow plow is snowed
in, how's that even possible?
Garage door won't open.
The plow is on the
wrong side of the door.
[Ernie laughing]
Look, I'm sorry, but
I think this is it.
That's okay,
I was daft to think we
could get back anyway.
Do you have any rooms left?
You're in luck.
There is one room
left at the Inn!
- One room?
- Mm-hmm [affirmative].
The last room in the house.
Well, we'll just have to
make do then, it's a twin yeah?
No, it's a, it's a double.
[laughs] Right.
It's fine, we'll take it.
You know what, I'll just
kip down here in the reception
Oh, I'm very sorry, that
is against hotel policy.
Come on, we'll top and tail,
you know with pillow dividers
like you did when
you were a kid.
I don't know.
I promise my feet don't smell.
You know, I've seen a lot of
things from behind this desk.
A lot of beautiful women trying
to avoid getting into bed
with strange men, but
never the other way round.
You calling me strange?
You calling me beautiful?
I'll need a credit
card, or debit card,
or pound of flesh.
Just my wee joke,
I prefer plastic.
- I'll get this.
- No seriously let me.
No Honestly.
I'll get the room,
you got the car.
Touche!
[machine beeping]
It is your card, right?
Well, it's top of the
stairs, last room on the right.
Thanks.
There's just one more thing.
Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!
- Yeah, thank you.
[uptempo festive music]
[door latching]
20 quid says he gets
his hole before midnight.
I'll take that bet.
30 quid, did you say?
- 20.
- 20?
All right, here you are.
You still owe me 50 quid.
What number did he say again?
He didn't, he said
last on the left.
Are you sure about that,
I think he said right?
I know my left from my right.
Okay, well you might
wanna have a little word
with your fancy
compass-watch thing.
Why?
Because this isn't Bridge
of Orchy, it's Glencoe,
we've dumped the car and
doubled back on ourselves!
And how is that my fault.
"Ooh, I got my gold
Duke of Edinburgh,"
who reads a compass upside down!
I just don't wanna
talk to you, all right?
- Chris.
- Ow.
Chris, you come back here,
and apologize to this lady.
I'm so sorry, apparently
I can't do anything right
- at the moment.
- No, don't worry about it.
- Teenage boys are tough.
- Well yes,
and then eventually they
grow up to be adults.
Nothing worse than adult
males, they're the worst!
- It must be this one.
- No, it's the left
All right.
[door unlatching]
[door latching]
[Rob sighing]
Well, this is.
It is nothing
that a bit of tinsel
and a tree wouldn't fix.
Oh excellent, well,
give me five minutes,
I'll pop out, I'll
chop down a pine tree.
We could plant it in the toilet.
Awesome [giggles].
What's in these bags?
What's in these?
It's undelivered
Christmas presents.
- Undelivered?
- Yes,
undelivered.
Okay, well, you
can have the bed,
I'll be fine here
[tense dramatic music]
[mirror squeaking]
It is really coming
down out there.
The shower's free.
No, you're all right.
You should really get
changed, you'll get ill.
Yeah, yeah, well, I
haven't got anything else.
[bag thudding]
There you go, Merry Christmas.
Is this not for someone?
No, not anymore.
Are you sure,
because won't someone?
No, away and get
yourself sorted, go.
Right, right.
Maybe we can head down to
the bar, and get some dinner.
- Yip.
- Yeah, maybe a wee dram
- to warm us up.
- Sure.
'Cause we deserve
it, you drink whisky?
[somber dramatic music]
[shower running]
[door unlatching]
[Rob sighing]
[Jen laughing]
- Oh, can I-
- what are you doing?
[electronic festive music]
That's perfect.
[laughs] No, no, it's not
happening, absolutely not.
[case clanking]
Oh.
Yours?
Yeah.
Sorry.
- Sorry, I didn't mean to-
- No, no,
[stammers] it's fine, it's fine.
- It's just-
- No, no, no.
You don't have to explain this.
I don't even know what
I'm still doing with it,
It's bit of a story.
- Do you want to?
- No.
No, thank you.
I'm fine.
Did you say something
about whiskey.
Listen, I am here-
- Jen,
whiskey.
♪ The stars brightly shine ♪
♪ In the night ♪
♪ While the deer say goodnight ♪
"Night of the
Living Dead" in here.
Okay, well, we'll
soon fix that.
Merry Christmas!
♪ And sailing nearby ♪
Here's to you, pet.
Come on, we'll go get a drink.
I want my 20 quid
back by the way.
He's pulling heehaw in that
jumper, what a turn off.
[Ernie] Oh, dinnae lose your
nerve, the night is young.
She's hardly setting the
world on fire wearing hers.
Evening all.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
- Hi.
- Settling in?
Chosen your side of the bed?
Yes, thank you.
He's a bit touchy.
Oh well, your pillow dividers
will take good care of that!
We'll have two
single malts please.
Any preference?
- Surprise us.
- But nothing too peaty!
Ice, water?
Neat for me, anything for you?
More whisky?
Easy done, two large
whiskeys coming right up.
So the weather get the
better of you, did it?
You could say that.
Thank you.
What about you, car trouble?
Oh no, no, no, Frank and
I come here every Christmas.
Aye, we'd be buggered if I
was left in charge of a Turkey.
Oh, that's no way to
talk about your ex wife.
[both laughing]
[glass clanking]
How long have you
two known each other?
Wow, over 60 years now.
62-and-a-half years.
That is a long time.
Aye, it is,
well, you see my wife
died six years ago,
and Frank can't stomach another
divorce lawyer, so [laughs]
- here we are.
- Aye, here we are.
Two rowdy old buggers
giving it laldy
until we kick the
bucket dancing.
Well, I can drink to that.
- Slainte.
- Slainte.
- Slainte.
- Slainte.
[glasses clanking]
[Frank giggling]
She's a bonny lass
See, the bet's still on.
Mm-hmm.
["Hello Mama:" by John Condron]
♪ Hello mama ♪
♪ It's been a while ♪
♪ I just want to write this ♪
I can't imagine knowing
someone for 60 years.
62-and-a-half.
How's the whiskey.
♪ I know sometimes ♪
Mm, smooth.
caramel tones.
A fine choice.
You don't have a clue what
you're talking about, do you?
No, I have no idea [laughs].
I just like the taste.
♪ I'm gonna be all right ♪
♪ You don't have to worry ♪
♪ I'm gonna be all right ♪
It's not very festive, is it?
No, it's not, maybe
you could help them out.
Oh, I don't think so.
No, then what's
with the guitar?
I don't really play anymore.
I used to jam with Mark.
- Mark?
- The bastard.
Oh, right, him.
Yeah, played
together years back.
Were you any good?
We weren't bad,
Bot would get
occasionally one point.
[Rob] So what happened?
Just life.
Bills needed paying.
I got busy with work.
He got busy with other stuff.
I was only ever okay,
I was never gonna
make a living at it.
Do you sing?
I did.
Oh, go and get it,
seriously I'd love to
hear you play something.
No, [stammers] I only
play for me, myself, and I.
Well that's a shame.
Really I wasn't that good.
Music is good for the soul.
Yeah.
♪ You don't have to worry ♪
I just don't feel like
I've got much to sing about
at the moment.
♪ I'm gonna be all right ♪
♪ You don't have to worry ♪
I know what you
mean, but sing anyway.
There are sad songs.
To sad songs.
[glasses clanking]
So what is it that
you do for a living?
Me, finance Manager
- Really?
- Yeah.
I had you down
as a psychiatrist.
Do I talk that much?
No, not enough, you listen.
Okay, time for a role reversal.
I'll be the doctor, you
be the rich patient.
Really, and do you charge
a steep, hourly rate?
Absolutely, you finance
bankers get paid way too much.
And I feel that you have got
a lot buried underneath this-
- Tough exterior?
No, I was gonna say jumper.
[both laughing]
Do you know actually
the whiskey and the cold
has confused the hell
out of my bladder.
So I'll be right back.
Oh, I will have
whatever you're having,
just not the cullen skink.
[grunts] Can I interest you
in some traditional
Scottish delicacies?
- What's good?
- It's all edible.
Fish and chips.
No, sorry.
No, sorry, all gone
Butter chicken?
Sorry nae butter
or chicken
- Steak pie?
- Aye,
wait, no I had the last one.
- Was it good?
- A bIt dry, truth be told.
Well that's reassuring.
[toilet flushing]
[water flowing]
Whoa, whoa, steady
on there, honey.
Can I?
Yeah, let's see, yeah.
Trust me, you will
thank me later.
Chin up.
So are you trying
to impress someone?
No.
Under the, keep still.
Is it the young lad out there?
Mm-hmm [laughs].
There we are, less is more.
You're way too pretty to be
covering up with too much crap.
You sound just like my dad!
Yeah, well, sometimes,
occasionally, once in a while,
dad's are right.
Just don't ever admit
it to them [laughs].
So, are you gonna
make your move then?
I don't know, I don't
even know his name.
Oh, it's Chris, I
assume Christopher.
Chris?
- I'm Jen.
- Clara.
Chris and Clara.
It's got a nice ring to it.
Like Bodger and Badger
What?
Oh, nevermind, it's
a generational thing.
Go get him.
Someone's Christmas
wish should come true.
I don't know.
Well, if he tells
me to get lost?
Then you've learned a
valuable lesson in life.
Love hurts.
Wow, rude and unnecessary.
Well, just stop
filling the lassie's head
full of nonsense.
[uptempo dramatic music]
There's no such thing
as a happy ever after.
[uptempo guitar music]
Don't listen to her.
Like if he tells you to
get lost, he's an idiot.
But if you miss out, because
you're too scared to try,
then you're an idiot.
Thanks I think.
You are welcome, I am here
all night weather dependent.
[door squeaking]
♪ I still have lots to give ♪
Okay, Clara.
♪ I still have lots to give ♪
Everybody loves a
festive romance.
♪ I still have lots to give ♪
cullen skink?
Aye, we can do that, aye.
- How is it?
- Wet.
Great, helpful,
two of those please?
Nae bother.
So what have we got?
Ah.
Was there a particular reason
you didn't want
the cullen skink?
I hate seafood, why?
Shit.
No, that's okay, based
on the rest of the menu,
I don't think that soup
has ever seen a fish
in its entire life so
you're probably fine.
So we've got Sullen
Skank for dinner?
Yeah,
and soup.
You know your self-loathing
has actually made
your jokes better.
So where were we?
Oh, we were talking
about your music.
Oh, I thought
we'd covered that.
Okay.
So why is your ex a bastard?
The usual story.
Boy meets girl.
Boy and girl gig,
Girl falls for boy.
Boy has a secret family.
[somber dramatic music]
All right.
That old classic.
- Sorry.
- It's all right.
Were you together long?
Five years.
Do you know we actually
met at an open mic night.
I should have clicked when
all the time we spent together
was at his holiday home up here,
and not at his place,
but I didn't.
We even talked about
getting married,
and then today,
I come up to the holiday home,
and I'm greeted by
his wife and kid.
How's that for screwed up?
What a dick.
[both laughing]
Yeah.
Right, your turn.
The ring, tell me
about your, who is she?
Yeah, to be honest,
I'd rather just forget
about that just now.
I just wanna erase this
[stammers] whole day.
If only we could put
that on our Christmas list.
I know.
Maybe we could still ask
Santa for a time machine!
Don't be so ridiculous.
Look, he will have already left.
[both laughing]
You know I don't know about you,
but I could do
with another drink.
Good idea.
It's my round!
Is it me, or is this
place severely understaffed.
Well it's not exactly "Friday
Night at The Apollo," is it?
[uptempo guitar music]
- Hey, excuse me.
- Hey.
- Can I maybe ask a favor?
- Absolutely.
Do you think you
could play something
a little bit more festive?
Was it something I said?
Anna give you
the cold shoulder?
A bit frosty, yeah.
Well, she's been here,
what, three days now,
and hardly spoken to a soul.
Aye, the poor lassie
she told me that-
- Come on now, it's
not your story to tell.
Right you are, I'll just
shut up, and drink my drink.
- All right, cheers.
- Slainte.
Speaking of, what do
you actually have to do
to get a drink around here.
I heard the chef
walked out this morning.
Worried he was gonna get
stuck here and not get home.
He had the right idea.
Apparently, it's
just the manager left,
pulling double duty.
- I'm Jim, by the way.
- Rob,
how do you do?
Enjoying our
Highland Christmas?
Not quite.
So do you come up
here every Christmas?
First time actually.
Spending it with my daughter,
she was in Inverness
with her mom.
Oh, right.
You got kids?
No, no, no, no kids.
Well, you won't understand
until you're a dad,
but let me tell you this.
No woman will ever break your
heart like your own daughter!
Anyway, have a good one!
Who puts an
orange down a toilet
[indistinct]
[glasses clanking]
- [all laughing]
- Yes.
- There we go.
- Good idea.
- There we are.
- Here.
- Two for me, thank you.
- Ooh, greedy.
Ne for each hand.
[Jim laughing]
Gosh, that's a bit generous.
Don't leave us out.
And there we are now.
That's you, that's you,
and there's yourself.
Now, there we go.
Now, I'll tell him when
he comes out of the bog.
[all laughing]
- Bottoms up.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
It was me that put
in the orange [laughs].
Ooh, thanks.
You're welcome.
I asked the band
to play something
a little bit more festive
before people in here
starts slashing their wrists
It couldn't hurt.
- ♪ Right along those shallows ♪
- Look,
I didn't mean to push you there.
I just figured it's better
to let the bad feelings out,
you know rather than let
them build up inside.
Yes, it's just, I
don't really know you.
Oh yeah, of
course, sorry, yeah.
♪ All around this world ♪
♪ That was a hurting fist ♪
We went to high
school together,
proper high school sweethearts.
Okay, I was the head boy and
she was head girl in our year.
We had everything,
everything going for us.
So over the years, you know,
I brought up the idea
of marriage a few times,
but then three years ago,
I thought I'm gonna
properly propose.
That's when I got the ring,
and I got our names engraved
on it, and everything.
But she told me,
in no uncertain terms
that she wasn't ready.
And then she made me feel like,
like we both
weren't ready, and
she asked me to wait.
So,
I waited
until today.
I produced the ring again,
and then I asked her,
and I got the same answer.
But this time she said,
she loves me,
but she's not sure
she's in love with me.
No.
[somber dramatic music]
Yes, so there was
like standing alone,
thinking how did I get here,
how did my relationship
become this?
What even was my
relationship, was it love?
Or had love just become
familiar,
convenient?
I don't know, I don't,
I don't have the answers,
but what I do know
is that 12 hours ago,
I had
everything, just everything
right at my fingertips.
Now all I've got is frostbite.
[glass clanking]
[somber dramatic music]
[drumsticks clanking]
["Bonnie on the Clyde"
by John Condron]
♪ There was snow upon a hill ♪
♪ When I met this pretty girl ♪
Come on.
♪ She said her name was Bonnie ♪
Wait, where are we going?
What are we doing.?
♪ She had spoken to the Lord ♪
♪ And He'd given her His word ♪
Out with the bad,
and in with the good.
I'm not much of a dancer.
Oh humbug!
[both laughing]
♪ We had no time to waste ♪
♪ We got started right away ♪
♪ But the weeks, they passed ♪
on by without a sign ♪
♪ Promise her I'm not lying ♪
♪ It was not for
the lack of trying ♪
♪ But it turned out we ♪
were simply out of time ♪
♪ As the Lord is my witness ♪
♪ We'll have that
kid by Christmas ♪
♪ Promised us that we
will have this day ♪
♪ No one's gonna take
that dream away ♪
[spoon clanking]
Hey, come on, come on.
♪ She said, the Lord,
He spoke to me ♪
♪ He said, Bonnie,
don't you see ♪
♪ There's a holy reason ♪
why you can't conceive ♪
- ♪ It's your destiny ♪
- This is hard.
♪ To take my son from me ♪
♪ All you've got to
do is just believe ♪
♪ Look for a sign
that you can read ♪
I totally get that
you're hurting, I am too,
but it's Christmas.
Let's just leave all the bad
stuff outside until Boxing Day.
Yeah, I don't think
that's how it works.
Pretty sure it is!
♪ There'll be a star-shaped ♪
birthmark on his ass ♪
Look, just like this
hotel, and everyone in it,
we are caught in
this frozen bubble,
[slow dramatic music]
we're cut off, we're out
of sync from the world.
So, let's just
leave it all outside
until we return to the world.
♪ Jesus there on Christmas Day ♪
- ♪ We ate turkey on the floor ♪
- I'm sorry.
♪ As they were banging
down the door ♪
♪ But they'll never split ♪
this family on this day ♪
♪ As the Lord is my witness ♪
♪ We'll get that
boy at Christmas ♪
♪ No one's taking
our Jesus away ♪
♪ We knew the time had come ♪
♪ To bring the Lord's only son ♪
♪ Turned on the
gas, lit a match ♪
♪ And began to pray ♪
It tastes a lot better than
it smells I can assure you.
♪ As the Lord was my witness ♪
Oh Jesus Christ.
♪ We were with that
boy at Christmas ♪
♪ They tried but couldn't ♪
take our Lord away ♪
♪ And now we're with ♪
our Jesus in the hay ♪
♪ And now we're with ♪
our Jesus in the hay ♪
Amen.
[match flicking]
[rain pouring]
[match flicking]
You'd never know
it had been snowing.
Give it 20 minutes.
You know that's bad for you?
You should try this instead.
Oh, that is nasty.
Told you so.
Where did you even get it.
Cigarette machine
covered in dust,
looked a decade old.
[Rob grunting]
I think the universe is
trying to tell you something
really deep like
[stammers] quit.
I've got control over our
nothing in my life just now,
except for this,
this foosty fag.
So the tobacco
police can do one.
Point taken.
It's midnight.
Uh-uh, not yet.
10,
nine,
eight,
seven,
six,
five,
four,
three,
two,
one.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Do you know we should
be toasting or something.
Come on, I don't
feel like toasting
Come on, stay in the moment.
To, wow [laughs].
To.
To the unlucky?
[Jen sighing]
To the stranded.
The deserted.
To the lonely.
To the abandoned.
To strangers.
[uptempo dramatic music]
To strangers.
[glasses clanking]
Yeah, I know that
look on your face,
I've been wearing
it myself all day.
It's that crushing,
sick-to-your-stomach feeling.
[sighs] All these
years living a lie.
All those years I
thought it was love.
That wasn't love.
Then what is?
Am I even capable of it?
What if I never
find something real?
What if we have found it,
and missed it, because
we were living a lie?
No one should be
alone on Christmas.
You and Christmas.
[uptempo dramatic music]
[cellphone ringing]
- Shit.
- Yeah [grunts].
Do you know what,
I'm really tired,
and I'm not really
thinking straight,
so I'm gonna go to bed.
You should call her back.
Yeah, maybe.
Hey, everything will be fine.
It's Christmas.
- Would you stop that please?
- What?
All of that childish
tmas-will-make-everything-better
stuff, it won't!
It's not some magical event
where all the
wrongs are righted.
Roll up, roll up for one day
only, the shit doesn't stick.
You can't, you can't just
put a pin in feelings,
and leave them 'til Boxing Day,
'cause that's not
how feelings work.
"Oh thanks, Santa, for coming
down on your magical sleigh,
and making it so as we don't
have to worry about war,
or poverty, or heartbreak!
I'm so glad it's the
25th of December,
and now I can just
be deliriously happy,
'cause who's sad on
Christmas," don't,
don't kid yourself.
Or if you are, don't drag me in,
don't drag me in
to the delusion.
Christmas is a day just
a day, just a miserable
shit day like all the others.
[somber dramatic music]
Goodnight then.
Shit.
[door latching]
[light button clicking]
[wind howling]
["Not Easy To love"
by John Condron]
♪ You always make me smile ♪
Morning.
Is it.
Have you been here all night?
What gave it away?
Listen, last night was.
♪ I hope you know ♪
Did you phone her back?
♪ You belong with me ♪
No.
♪ Try to be with me ♪
I checked the traffic though.
We're stuck here another day.
Right!
If we can't go
home for Christmas,
then I'm bringing
Christmas to us!
Sid, I will need
place settings for 10!
Nine.
Would you come on!
Lift that rain
cloud for one day!
I am not gonna let your
negativity ruin Christmas!
How dare you?
You know absolutely
nothing about me.
You don't know any of us,
so how dare you force your faux,
cheerful Christmas spirit on us?
Yeah, I've seen your face
when you think no
one's been looking,
you are full of shit.
And you know what?
No amount of Christmas
spirit is gonna fix
what broke you.
So don't you dare drag us
through this pantomime-like
puppets in your healing process.
Grow up and leave me out of it.
Sorry, my dear, we're just
not feeling very festive.
Aye.
Most of the folk down
here come up to get away
from all that Christmas stuff.
I'm the only hotel
in about a 100-mile
not making a fortune making
Christmas dinner today
for a reason.
So what?
The only thing you have in
your kitchen is sullen skank?
Guys.
Come on!
[footsteps thudding]
Really?
Was that?
Was that necessary?
You're all here by choice,
but she is stuck here.
Miles from home and her family
on her favorite day of the year.
She just wants someone
to share it with,
we can't give her that?
She just wants to
spread a bit of joy.
Are we all so determined
to be miserable,
we can't just let
someone be happy?
Shame on us.
[footsteps thudding]
[door latching]
I could do Christmas.
I actually really
love Christmas.
Then why in God's
name did you come away
instead of staying at
your mom's for the party?
I've done Christmas
at my mom's for years.
I wanted to be with you.
You should have told me.
[wind howling]
[door unlatching]
[Jen sobbing]
Oh, don't take it
personally, my dear.
Her wife died in a car
accident a few months back,
and well, people say
things they don't mean
when they're grieving.
My God, it's her
first Christmas alone.
Yes, well, can't blame her.
We want to pretend
it isn't happening.
And all this time I've
been throwing it in her face,
because I didn't wanna admit
that I was hurt [sobs].
I'm such a dick.
No, don't beat
yourself up, pet.
I can't even imagine,
and I thought I knew what
heartbreak felt like.
Well, it's all relative.
Pain isn't a competition.
When my Susan passed away,
I couldn't face up to it.
Oh Christ,
listen to me, passed away.
I'm still trying to soften
the cold, hard truth of it.
I think that is a perfectly
natural thing to do.
Aye, well,
Whatever the pain and
whenever it came from,
we all need that anchor to
help us back on our feet again.
That mad old bugger in
there, he's my anchor.
[Jen laughing]
Yes, and Anna well,
she hasn't got one yet.
But you, well, I think you
have in that young man.
[sighs] I don't know.
Ships passing in
the night, perhaps.
Come on, let's go back inside.
Can't stay out here
in this weather.
I think I'm gonna take a walk.
See if the roads
have cleared any.
No, be safe.
I'll be fine.
[somber dramatic music]
[footsteps thudding]
[door unlatching]
[uptempo pop music]
Ah
laddy,
I've just been speaking
with your good lady
oh, you know what I mean.
She could do with a friend.
Where is she?
She's gone for a walk.
She says, she's going to
see if the roads are clear.
- On our own?
- Mm-hmm.
Christ.
[somber dramatic music]
Jen!
[tense dramatic music]
Jen!
Jen!
Rob?
Rob, I think I hear you.
Jen.
- What were you thinking?
- I'm so sorry,
I wasn't thinking.
I just needed to get
away, so I could think.
Listen,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that we got stranded.
I'm sorry you didn't get
the Christmas you wanted.
- It's just a day.
- No, it's not.
If you've taught me anything,
it's that Christmas should be
about so much more than that.
It's about bringing people
together, and, and here we are.
I don't think our paths
were ever supposed to cross.
You get on my nerves,
we're nothing alike,
you made me steal a car, and
now, we're freezing to death,
but there's something about you.
You make me feel
warm inside.
I don't know what this
is but I know you.
[uptempo dramatic music]
They're coming,
they're coming.
[uptempo jazz music]
[bell ringing]
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is my honor to
have you all here.
at the Clachaig for a very
extraordinary Christmas dinner.
Please be seated.
[stammers] I don't
understand [laughs].
Well, you see,
someone helped us find
our Christmas spirit [laughs].
I mean it's,
- it's.
- Perfect.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Go ahead.
[all chuckling]
There's your name
tag, look, just there.
Sit yourself down there, lad.
Thank you.
I don't suppose
you saw the kids
- when you were outside?
- No, I don't think so.
My Chris is a good boy.
That's what I'm worried about.
I was a good boy too,
I know what they get up to.
[all laughing]
Aye, young love, you
were there the once.
I'm surprised you can remember
[all laughing]
Christmas brings out the
romantic out in us all.
Aye that is true.
That reminds me, you two
old codgers owe me 20 quid.
That's not an
admission of hee-haw.
[all laughing]
[all jeering]
[all cheering]
What are you all looking at?
- We were just outside-
- Snogging?
Snogging,...Dad,
nobody says that anymore!
You're so embarrassing.
[all laughing]
Here's To the first kiss,
or as we say up here,
a sheep dip [laughs].
I think what he means
to say is, to young love.
Aye, lang may yer lum reek.
[all laughing]
Cheers to that,
cheers to that.
[all laughing]
[glasses clanking]
Oh, hey.
[all applauding]
Bravo, bravo.
What, what's going on?
Well, I'm looking
for new horizons,
and Sid's looking for a
chef, so one day at a time.
I didn't know you were a chef.
Are you kidding me, she
cooked all the Christmas dinner.
Did you really?
[Sid] It's all edible.
I didn't know.
Thank you
It doesn't mean
I like Christmas.
I just couldn't bear
the thought of you guys
after all of your hard work
having to eat Sid's food
[all laughing]
None taken.
Merry Christmas, everyone
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
[people murmuring]
[glasses clanking]
- [slow dramatic music]
- Merry Christmas.
Let's get started.
Here, pass the salad.
Aye.
It's hot.
[people murmuring]
[slow dramatic music]
And she was not going to just
feel like there was any point
[wind howling]
[Ernie snoring]
That's the first
proper Christmas dinner
I've had in years.
Christmas was always about
the wee, one you know?
So when she wasn't around,
I just didn't feel like
there was any point anymore.
They just don't need
you like they used to.
Oh my God, tell my about it.
We live in the same house,
barely ever see him.
Lost to a generation of
X-Stations, and Playboxes, and.
What about his father?
[laughs] Yeah, that shipped
sailed a long time ago,
and if we are very
lucky, it bloody sank!
[Jim laughing]
I know what you mean.
[people murmuring]
Okay, sorry folks, bad news.
The band can't get through.
The road's blocked
coming through the moor.
I think we're gonna be singing
for our supper tonight.
But that's all right, we
could just put the CD on again.
No.
No, don't do that.
You have all worked so hard
to give me my Christmas,
so let me ruin yours [laughs].
- [all laughing]
- Okay.
- Ah, awesome.
- Thank you.
[chair thudding]
Wrapping your pain in tinsel
doesn't make it go away,
and I'm sorry if I forgot that,
and I'm even more sorry
if I made it harder,
but my worst Christmas ever
has become my best,
because I have met this
collection of people that care.
People care.
[chair thudding]
[Jen panting]
["Lifeline" by Natalie Clark]
♪ There's a whole lot of ♪
things I've not told you ♪
♪ It's not just because
I don't want to ♪
♪ I first must get
rid of the thing ♪
♪ That I did when I need to ♪
[Jen harmonizing]
♪ Whenever we meet
it's a lifeline ♪
♪ You know there's
never a right time ♪
♪ To ask why we can't have ♪
the life that we planned ♪
♪ When were able to ♪
♪ Riding through the night ♪
♪ While my eyes scream
until the light ♪
♪ Surprises me ♪
♪ How much I realize ♪
♪ You're gone ♪
[Jen harmonizing]
♪ You said it was I
who had saved you ♪
♪ In truth, I was lost
when I found you ♪
♪ The fear of the unknown ♪
♪ And you were my home
when I needed you ♪
♪ Driving through the night ♪
♪ While my eyes scream
until the light ♪
♪ Surprises me ♪
♪ How much I realize ♪
♪ They're gone ♪
[Jen harmonizing]
[tense dramatic music]
[audience applauding]
[audience cheering]
It hasn't snowed for hours
Yeah.
[slow dramatic music]
[car engine growling]
Well.
Here we are.
Yip, here we are [laughs].
Thank you.
For what?
For bringing me home
a little bit happier
than when you found me.
Well, maybe not all
men are illegitimate.
[laughs] So there's
hope for the human race?
I suppose I better get going.
- Do you wanna?
- Maybe we should both,
both get where we need to be.
[tense dramatic music]
Yeah, you're right.
- I-
- Hey listen.
[both stammering]
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[tense dramatic music]
See you around.
See ya.
[uptempo cheery music]
♪ Another year gone, and I ♪
am here on your doorstep ♪
♪ But I ain't caroling ♪
♪ It's been a year or two ♪
♪ Since I've been kissing ♪
you under mistletoe ♪
♪ In front of the fire ♪
♪ This time of year gets ♪
you kind of melancholy ♪
♪ Kind of romantic ♪
♪ So I am knocking
on your door ♪
♪ All wrapped up
out in the snow ♪
♪ Just letting you know ♪
♪ All I wanna do is ♪
give you the best gift ♪
♪ Give you that sweet ♪
lift in your spirit ♪
♪ All I wanna do is
open your heart up ♪
♪ Give you that sweet love, ♪
there's nothing to it ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ Is get on back to you ♪
♪ Tell me you want me too ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ All I wanna do is ♪
give you the best gift ♪
♪ Give you that sweet ♪
lift in your spirit ♪
♪ All I wanna do is
open your heart up ♪
♪ Give you that sweet love, ♪
there's nothing to it ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ Is get on back to you ♪
♪ Tell me you want me too ♪
♪ All I want to do ♪
♪ Is get to you
under a winter star ♪