People from Space (1999) - full transcript

-I used to be an exotic dancer.

And Bob was a regular at
this club I worked at.

It was a really difficult
time in my life.

And I guess I was
feeling a little empty.

[MUSIC - PATSY CLINE,
"HEARTACHES"]

BOB: Felicia, where is Sean?

It's already 9:25.

He said he was going to
be here at 9 o'clock.

I don't understand this guy.

-Honey, you need to relax, OK?

BOB: I am relaxed.



-No, you're not.

We said last night that we were
just going to have a nice time.

And you said that you were going
to work on trying to relax.

OK?

-I mean, remember last year?

I don't know if you remember
last year-- exactly a year

ago-- he was
supposed to come over

and we were supposed to go
trick-or-treating together.

And he never showed up.

-Remember he had a
problem with his costume?

You know what his
limitations are.

And we said last
night that we were

just going to enjoy the day, OK?
BOB: Ok.

Are the dishes all done?



-I'm doing the dishes, OK?

-All right.

-We're going to
have a nice day off.

-I don't know where he is.

It's already 9:25.

He was supposed to
be here at 9:15.

FELICIA: Maybe they slept late.

Maybe they had a
little bit of traffic.

-That's Sean.

He's such a fucking
idiot sometimes.

He's a great guy.

But, I mean, I tell him
to be here at 9 o'clock.

And he's not here at 9 o'clock.

FELICIA: We don't
have an agenda today.

We're just going to relax.

You can't control other people.

So you need to just
calm down and relax.

And I'm sure maybe
they just slept late.

You know, they have the day off.

Who knows?
-I gotta relax.

Maybe I'll have
something to drink.

-I know you had a
stressful week--

-I had a very stressful week.

You know how many insurance
policies I sold this week?

Zero.

Zero.

Goose egg.

FELICIA: Well, but
you tried very hard

and next week will be better.

So today--

-Oh, there's nothing to eat.

-We just had a huge
breakfast, honey.

What else- what do
you want to eat?

-I want some-- I don't
know.Like, a big egg.

I want a gigantic bowl
of eggs or something.

-You're not hungry.

You know, you're not hungry.

You already had a big breakfast.

-OK.

Well--

-Why don't you just--
I tell you what to do.

-What?

-Why don't you look in
the paper and maybe see

if there's some ideas
that we might have

a nice weekend
with these people.

-I don't see anything in here.

There's just-- look,
we can go to a garden.

Go to a garden.
Visit the garden.

There's nothing but
gardens in here.

-OK.

[DOORBELL]

-Hi.

-Hi.

-How you doing?

-How you doing?

-You finally made it, you too.

-Yeah.

-Hey man, what's going on?

-Hey, um I need some aspirin.
BOB: How you doing?

Thanks for coming.
-I have a wicked headache.

Thanks for coming.
-I have a wicked headache.
-I have a wicked headache.
SEAN: Good, good.

-I have a wicked headache.
SEAN: Good, good.

BOB: Uh, Felicia
has some aspirin.

-Really?

OK.
BOB: Yeah.

She's in the kitchen.

Felicia, Missy
needs some aspirin.

Could you give her some aspirin?

I think we have some Bayer.

OK?

Hey, man, what's happening?

-Things are good.
Things are good.

BOB: Oh, really?
-Great morning.

BOB: Did-- did you do
any surfing this morning?

-Oh, yeah.

dawn patrol.

Man, it was beautiful.

Waist-high.

Totally clean.

BOB: We've been
talking about doing

some of that surfing together--
-Oh, you should go.

We should--
BOB: You never call me.

But you never call me, Sean.

You told me about five
times that we were going

to to surfing and we never have.

-We'll do it.

BOB: But anyway,
we'll do it, right?

-We'll do it.
BOB: Right?

We're going to go surfing.

Again, this weekend,
let's just sit around

and watch the baseball
game or something.

OK?
-Sounds great.

Sounds great.

BOB: OK.

Why don't you come on in.

And, uh, we'll just
sit down in the living

room and let's just chat.

Because I haven't seen
you in about three weeks.

We can sit on the couch.

So can I get you
something to drink?

Like OJ or water or
something like that?

What do you like?

-Oh, you know, Bob, if you had
a beer, that would be fantastic.

-Beer?

Uh, I don't know
if I have any beer.

It's kind of early.

What is that?

Like surfer-- what surfers do?

Beer?

Let me-- let me see if
I have anything, OK?

Let me see.

What kind of beer do you like?

SEAN: What do got?

-Uh, I got, uh, Schlitz--

SEAN: Schlitz.

-And Budweiser.

-Schlitz.

BOB: Schlitz?

Oh, wait a minute.

No, I thought I
had some Schlitz.

-Schlitz?

You still drink that?

BOB: No.

How about a Bud?

-They're good.

-Why can't you switch to
some good beer or something?

BOB: Is a Budweiser OK?

SEAN: Whatever, Bob.

-OK.

All right.
MISSY: Asprin.

Yes.

Thank God.

-I don't drink myself.

In the morning.
FELICIA: You wanted two, right?

MISSY: Yes, I want-- I want two.
-There you go.

MISSY: Yes, I want-- I want two.
-There you go.
SEAN: Cool, thanks.

SEAN: Cool, thanks.

-There are huge aspirin.

My god.

BOB: I think it's a twist off.

-What are these horse
pills or something?

My god.

BOB: Let's talk about what
we're going to do today.

Because we don't
have too much time.

I think we should get-- you
know, it's kind of late.

Let's discuss what
we're going to do.

And I make a list of things
that I thought we could do.

FELICIA: You, you,
you made a list?

BOB: I made a a list.
FELICIA: He likes to make lists.

BOB: And I like to
make lists because I'm

an organized person.

Here's a list of things
that I thought we could do.

One, bird watching.

We could go bird watching.

-We've already that.

Um--

-OK.

MISSY: If there's
time to do that.

-Yeah.

Oh, that's right.

We don't have any time to do
that because you were late.

So we can't do.

So forget that.

We could go apple picking.

What do you think
about that, Felicia?

-That would be nice.

BOB: Do we have time to do that?

-I could do that.

Yeah.

-Oh, honey.

Could you-- no, I'm
allergic to smoke.

Could you do that outside?

Just go outside.
I'm sorry.

Yeah.
BOB: OK.

Apple picking.

Do you like apple picking, Sean?

MISSY: You liked it
the last time we went.

Or were you lying?

You were lying.

BOB: OK.

We could also go to the museum.

They have a new collection.
MISSY: Of what?

-Of Edward Munch.
FELICIA: Oh a museum would be--

-Of Edward Munch.
FELICIA: Oh a museum would be--
FELICIA: Oh a museum would be--
MISSY: Oh, well.

FELICIA: Oh a museum would be--
MISSY: Oh, well.

-Yeah.
You want to go see him?

He's a little depressing.

But, but that's the--

-It's kind of nice
outside today, though.

I want to be outside.

-The final idea I had
was baseball game.

Minor league baseball game.

Do you want to do that?

BOB: OK.

Well--

-Sometimes I don't
like baseball.

Sometimes I do.

You know what I mean?
BOB: OK.

We're not going to
do bird watching.

We're not going to
do apple picking.

We're not going to do the
museum or the baseball game.

So what do you want to do?

-Camping.

BOB: Camping?

-Do you want to?
BOB: Yeah.

We could do camping.
That's a good idea.

We're going camping.

MISSY: We could
make a camp fire.

-Camping.

MISSY: I love camp fires.

Come on, let's do it.
Let's do it.

-Wait a minute.

Sean, I just got an idea.

That's a great idea.

You know why?

Because two years ago,
a UFO was supposed

to have crash landed
up at Beaver Tail Lake.

Did you read that?

MISSY: I heard about that.

I totally heard about that.
-I'm not kidding.

SEAN: A UFO?

-And there's $100,000 reward.

-A $100,00?

BOB: So we would not
only find the alien UFO,

we would get $100,000.

MISSY: Oh, that
would be the best.

BOB: So I think we should go.

Do you have any
camping equipment?

SEAN: Sure.
MISSY: I think so.

-OK.

Go home and get your
camping equipment.

And then we have that camping
equipment left over, right?

FELICIA: Yeah.
I'm not a great camper, honey.

BOB: Well, we have
something to go--

FELICIA: But a $100,000
would, you know--

-Yeah.

OK.

Go home, get your
camping equipment,

meet us back here
in two hours, OK?

MISSY: Two hours?

FELICIA: We could probably
do that in an hour.

-OK.
Come in an hour.

Let's do that.

You're going to come
back in an hour.

SEAN: Easy, easy.
-OK.

Come back in an hour.

And let's go camping.

-Listen you guys, seriously.

This UFO took these people away.

Wake up.

-Wait, I heard about that.

MISSY: Yeah.

And then when they came back
and they didn't have any leg.

-How could they return
if they had no legs?

SEAN: Dude, airlift them out.
MISSY: Yeah.

-But, did they find the
legs when they went back or?

-I think they grew back.
They grew back.

-I think they grew back.
They grew back.
They grew back.
BOB: OK.

They grew back.
BOB: OK.

Why don't you guys--
-No.

No.

BOB: Go home.

Get your stuff.

Come back in an hour.

And we'll go up to
Beaver Tail Lake, OK?

Agreed?
-All right.

BOB: We're going to do that?
FELICIA: Oh, OK.

BOB: Is it OK?
FELICIA: Yeah, let's go.

-Ok.
Let's go.

-All right.
BOB: All right.

Come on.

Let's g.

MISSY: See ya.

BOB: OK.

We'll see you later,
you love birds.

And hurry up, we're under
a real time constraint.

-Yeah.

I'm just going to stop at
the GAP really, really fast.

BOB: No, don't--
-There's a tank top sale.

I have to go.
BOB: No.

Don't stop anywhere.

Missy, please don't
stop anywhere.

We don't have any time.

OK?

And make sure you come back.

Please come back.

-Felicia--

-What?

-We're going to go to Beaver
Tail Lake to look for a UFO.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BOB: Hey, I think when we
get down to Beaver Tail Lake,

if we all remain calm we'll be
able to do what we have to do.

You know what I mean?

FELICIA: Did you get-- did
you bring the bug spray?

-No, I didn't.

I-- you were
supposed to bring it.

-I need bug spray.
FELICIA: OK.

Because like I have--

SEAN: No bugs--
bugs don't like me.

They don't--

-Lyme Disease.

You can get, uh,
horrible Lyme Disease.

MISSY: Oh, no, no.

That's ticks.

SEAN: I never get bit.

I never get bit.

MISSY: Mosquitos you can get--
you can get encephalitis.

FELICIA: Oh, what are you-- um,
could you not do that in here?

I'm really-- I'm, I'm
allergic to cigarettes.

BOB: Sean.

FELICIA: Any kind of smoke.

BOB: Sean, Felicia is
allergic to cigarette smoke.

Could you not do that in here?

-We'll be in the
woods really soon.

-It's cool.

It's cool.

FELICIA: Thanks.

So, Sean, how's the uh,
video business going?

-Oh, it's cool.

It's cool.

Yeah, it's mellow.

FELICIA: Great.

-I mean.

-He's going to get
a raise next month.

Right, honey?

-Oh, totally.

Yeah.

Yeah.

BOB: What's the biggest seller
right now video-was, Sean?

Is it Clint Eastwood still?

-No, no, no, no, no.

He was--

FELICIA: That was
a long time ago.

-Yeah, that was
like five year ago.

-Clint's a general
good-- good sell.

But right now I think it's, um,
I'm tyring to think what's--

-The Titanic.

-Titanic is still up there.

I mean, Jesus.

-That's a killer movie, man.

-It's sad.

FELICIA: So do you have,
like X rated movies, too?

In there?
SEAN: Oh--oh, yeah.

FELICIA: Oh, you do?

Is it, like, a
special department?

MISSY: He doesn't
watch any of those.

Sean doesn't watch those.

FELICIA: Yeah, but you've--

-Anybody have any idea what
an alien might look like?

FELICIA: Yeah, like the ET guy.

-What?

FELICIA: You know, like in ET.

-No, I don't think he
looks anything like that.

MISSY: I think they
have big heads.

SEAN: You're still on
this alien thing, man.

There just aren't any.

FELICIA: I think that, um--

-I read in an article one
time, in Scientific American,

they look like-- probably
look like a gigantic computer

or like a university professor.

-Do you think they have pets?

The aliens?

Do you think they have pets?

Like, do they have
dogs and cats?

SEAN: They eat their pets.

FELICIA: You know, I
think of them-- No,

I think-- I think that
they're really friendly.

I mean, I think that
they're just like us.

-OK.

My idea is this.

We'll get to the lake.

We'll park the car.

We'll start hiking
a couple of miles.

And, uh, I think it will take
us to the middle of the day.

Then we'll stop,
we'll have lunch,

and then we'll walk some more.

And, uh, then
we'll probably camp

out-- uh, camp for the night.

How does that sound like?

Does that sound
good to everybody?

-Sound like a hoot.

BOB: Missy, do you think
that you can do that?

-Sure.

I didn't hear what you said.

But that's fine.

BOB: If we all do our-- what
we're supposed to be doing,

we'll be OK.

All right?

All right, Felicia?

FELICIA: Well, do we all have,
like, a certain job in this?

What do you mean, doing
what we're supposed to do?

-I mean, you know,
just don't tell me

halfway there that you're tired.

You know?
FELICIA: OK.

Well, hopefully I won't be tire.

-I mean, you have a
tendency-- in the past,

you did that a couple of times.

Remember we drove up
to New Hampshire--

FELICIA: I just got tired.

BOB: You got tired,
like, at ten miles

out of the-- away from the town.

FELICIA: I think it was
more than ten miles.

-Ten miles away from
home you got tired.

FELICIA: Well, you know,
it takes a lot of energy

to keep you calm all day.

[RADIO ADVERTISEMENTS]

BOB: OK, everybody.

Let's sing a song, OK?

I'm going to start
it, all right?

Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya.

Come on, everybody.

EVERYBODY: Kumbaya,
my Lord, kumbaya.

FELICIA: Come on, Sean.

EVERYBODY: Kumbaya,
my Lord, kumbaya.

Oh, my Lord, kumbaya.

BOB: OK.

Here's one.

FELICIA: What the next verse?

BOB: They'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes.

EVERYBODY: She'll
be coming round

the mountain when she comes.

She'll be coming
round the mountain--

FELICIA: What about the one?

100 bottles of beer on the wall.

100 bottles of beer?

-I'm guessing that
there haven't been

any other people
looking for the UFO.

I mean, I haven't heard any
announcement that the $100,000

was awarded yet to anyone.

So I have to assume that a,
nobody has found the UFO yet.

And b, uh, we're one of the few
people who are looking for it.

So let's just go
on that assumption.

FELICIA: OK.

SEAN: UFO fever probably died
down a year and a half ago.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BOB: Excuse me, do
you know how to get

to Beaver Tail Lake, sir?

We're kind of lost.

-Why the fuck do you want
to go to Beaver Tail Lake?

-Well, I want to
go hiking up there.

Do you know where that is?

It's down this road, I believe.

-I don't stand around in the
asshole of nowhere for nothing.

Um, change maybe?

-Here, honey, we
have money here.

Here.

Give him as much
money as we have.

Be nice to him.

-OK.

How's that?

-I guess it'll have to do.

BOB: We were told it's that way.

Is there where we can go?

-Um, are we talking about
the front end of your car

or the back end of your car?

BOB: Both ends.

The whole car and
my three passengers.

-Well, no.

This way and that way.

This way the front
end of your car?

Is that way the back
end of your car?

How do I know?

-Listen, let me try to
start this over again.

OK.

We just want to go the
fuck to Beaver Tail Lake.

Do you know how to do that?

-Oh, fucking mother of god.

Have pity on the blind.

I mean, come on.
Come on.

BOB: Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

-Come on.

BOB: Yeah, well, that's all
we have right now so can you

tell me know how to get
to Beaver Tail Lake?

-You think that I could
do something like this?

-Do something like what?

-Give directions on the road.

-Oh, I don't it's a job.

I mean, I think you
have to be blind.

-Somewhere on the lake.

-No, no.

It does matter.

Because on the east side--
uh, who are you people?

BOB: Well, that doesn't matter.

Listen--

-Well, no, no, it does.

Because some people come for
the rock concert and some people

come for the Big Foot
thing and some people

come for the lizard in the lake.

And then there's
some people that

come for uh, the north side.

You know the north side?
-All right.

All right.

I get it.

Listen, here.

Here's some more money.

Let me try one more time.
-One more time's OK.

BOB: How's that?
-All right.

All right.

Well, you know, it's thin
but it's a little bit better.

Now look, on the north
side and the west side--

SEAN: Just give him some weed.
FELICIA: Give him some--

SEAN: Just give him some weed.
FELICIA: Give him some--
FELICIA: Give him some--
MISSY: All right.

FELICIA: Give him some--
MISSY: All right.

Yeah.

FELICIA: I don't know.

Do you think he wants?

SEAN: Share.

-Just give it to him.

-No, I don't think
I should do that.

MISSY: Why not?

What else is he
going to do out here?

-I don't want to encourage
people to be doing drugs.

I don't think that's
the right thing.

MISSY: This is a natural herb.

-OK, listen.

I gotta go.

OK?

I'm going to go now.

OK?

So, so--

-But you don't know
where you're going.

BOB: It doesn't matter.
We'll find it.

-You don't know
where you're going.

No, it does matter.
BOB: We'll just see you later.

-It does matter.
BOB: All right?

All right?

See you later.

-I don't give a rat's
ass what you do.

I don't give a rat's ass.

-All right.

Beaver Tail Lake.

This is not what I
remember it to be like.

But I don't know.

-Will you pop the trunk?

-OK. get your stuff.

What have you got in there?

A bed?

Missy?

This backpack is huge.

-It's not that big, is it?

-This is the map.

And we're going to
be-- going from Beaver

Tail Pond to Beaver Tail Lake.

And if we find the
pond, we should

be able to find the lake.

OK, ladies.

FELICIA: OK.

-Gather round.

I want to show you what we're
going to be doing today.

MISSY: Yep.

-Listen very closely
because it's real important.

This forest goes on
for about 15 miles.

-OK.

-In all four directions.

I don't know what's back there.

I've never been there.

So let's just assume we
don't know what's back there.

It could be anything.

Sean?

Can you listen for
a second, Sean?

Please?

Thanks a lot.

And, uh, but this is the map.

OK?

-OK.

-We're going to be
starting essentially--

we're going to walk down
here about two miles--

maybe 2 and 1/2 miles--
to Beaver Tail Pond.

OK?

-Isn't that, um-- that's
Beaver Tail River.

Just so you know.

-No.

It's not a river, Missy.

It says Beaver Tail Pond.

-No, it's-- actually,
it's a river.

But that's OK.

-This is a river-- no,
this is a river over here.

-She might have been here.
She might know it's a river.

-OK.

OK.

-I came here a
long time ago so--

-All right.

But I think this is-- this
is the river over here.

And this is the pond over here.

So we're going to go to
Beaver Tail Pond down here.

About 2 and 1/2 miles.

Sean, can-- can you look
at the-- come over here.

And then we've got to find from
that-- that-- from there we

go to Beaver Tail Lake, which
is supposedly where the UFO is.

-So there's a pond,
there's a river, and a lake

and they're all name tail?
-No.

There's no river.

There is a river.

But we don't have
to find the river.

-OK.

-Ok.

What I want you to understand
is this map is very important.

We cannot lose this map.

Because if we're out there 2 and
1/2 miles, 3 miles, and we get

lost and we lose the map we're
basically essentially fucked.

So--

FELICIA: Do you want
me to hold the map?

BOB: Yeah, you hold it.
You hold it.

I want you to hold it.

MISSY: I can hold it.
BOB: No.

-I think maybe I should hold it.
-No.

Let her hold it.

She's OK, Missy.

So you hold it.

Because you've held
maps before, right?

MISSY: Her's doesn't have
a zipper and mine does.

-OK.

If we're all cool--

MISSY: All right.

FELICIA: We're relaxed.

-I'm relaxed.

FELICIA: OK.

BOB: OK,

MISSY: We're relaxed.

SEAN: Bob, chill.

I got the bread crumbs.
-All right.

I'm chilled.
OK.

I'm chilled, Sean.

Don't worry about it.

All right.

Let's go.

FELICIA: All right.

BOB: OK.

And, uh, watch for snakes.

Ah, just kidding
there's not snakes.

SEAN: Boo.

FELICIA: Oh, come on, Sean.

SEAN: Spooky.

FELICIA: Does anyone
know what to do

if attacked by a wild bear?

SEAN: Act taller than the bear.

FELICIA: No. you're
supposed to--

SEAN: Act taller than the bear.

MISSY: What happens if we have
to go to the bathroom again?

SEAN: Sorry, Missy.

FELICIA: Yeah, be careful.

SEAN: Ah, the crossroads.

BOB: All right.

FELICIA: Now what?

BOB: It's a trail.

FELICIA: OK, um, we should--

SEAN: Miss?
BOB: Missy?

FELICIA: Missy?

-I thought I saw a rabbit.
BOB: No.

You didn't see anything.

Just please stay
around here because we

got to stick together.

OK?
-She'll be all right.

She'll be all right.
-Can I have the map?

-Uh, do I have it?

-Yeah, you have the map.

-I have the map.

-All right.

I have to look at the map.

-The precious map.

-See where we are.

The map.

OK.

-I'm still getting
bitten for some reason.

-What do you see, Miss?

-I want to-- OK.

FELICIA: Come on, guys.

We have to stay together.

BOB: OK.

It looks like we've
gone about 200 feet.

But I don't know where we are.

I can't find where
this trail is.

FELICIA: Well, it looks to
me like we should go south.

-No.

I think we're lost
already and we've only

been hiking for
about two minutes.

-Relax.

You always do this.

-We go west first.

And then we can loop around.

FELICIA: I think we
need to go south.

BOB: No.
No.

We came from the west.

Now we have to go north.

Sean, what do you think?

FELICIA: No.

Don't ask him.

-We came from here, the car.

Now we have to go north.

-I think we should go south.

-No, no, no.

It's so much easier to go west.

-I think you're
reading it backwards.

-I think we have to go north.

Because we were right here.

-Because then you have
to skip over everything.

-Now the pond is--

-You're reading it upside
down, do you know that?

-No.
You're right.

It is upside down.

I'm sorry.

-They're totally lost.

-My hunch is that we have
to go-- we're right here.

What are you saying?

-South.

-OK.

We have to go south.

MISSY: What are we doing?

BOB: I don't know
which way to go.

OK.

Uh, uh, I think what
we want to do is--

-Go south?

MISSY: Go west.

-Eenie, meenie, miney,mo.

SEAN: That's a good method.

BOB: Well, Sean.

Do you have a better method?

I mean, you know, you were--
you were in the Marines,

weren't you?

What were you in
the to Cub Scouts.

How does a Cub Scout
become a Boy Scout?

You know?

He eats a brownie.

OK.

Listen, I think what
we're going to do

is I'm going to have to
make a decision here.

OK?

And I think what
we're going to do

is-- let me read
the map some more.

I don't know whether it's
that way or that way.

MISSY: Can I see the map?

BOB: No, I'm reading the map.

Don't worry I know
how to read the map.

Sean, come here.

I want to talk to
you about this.

OK.

Ladies, we made a-- Sean
and I have talked about it.

We decided what
we're going to do.

FELICIA: Yes.

-Sean and I have decided--

FELICIA: OK.

-That we're going
to go that way.

OK?

We're going to go that way.

All right?

Are we all agreed?

FELICIA: OK.

-OK.

Let's go.

Go ahead.

You lead, Missy.

But, Missy, please stay
within the group, OK?

Because, you know,
there's bears.

FELICIA: He's got her.

Just-- would you relax?

BOB: I'm relaxed.

FELICIA: You're
going to make crazy.

BOB: I'm relaxed.

I'm completely relaxed.

I've never been more
relaxed in my life.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

INTERVIEWER: You
think that the money

is more important than the--

-No, the money
means nothing to me.

I really-- the $100,000
just is not that important.

I mean, I mean, I think I should
get all the money because-- me

and Felicia-- because
it was all of our idea.

INTERVIEWER: You're not afraid
of getting abducted yourself?

BOB: No.

I've never worried
about getting abducted

by aliens or UFOs
or even humans.

I just-- I don't
think that anybody

would want to abduct me.

There's nothing really, like,
abduct-able about me at all.

INTERVIEWER: Do you
really believe in UFOs?

-Yeah.

I really-- I think
there are UFOs.

I think there are aliens
from another civilization.

If I didn't, I probably wouldn't
have come out here today.

FELICIA: OK.

I really need a rest.

MISSY: Want to stop here?

FELICIA: This looks
like a good spot.

BOB: All right.

Let's rest here, OK?

FELICIA: All right.

-I think we're
going to find a UFO.

I think we're going
to find the alien.

But, uh, quite
frankly I don't know

how Felicia and Missy and
Sean are going to hold up.

But, uh, we'll have to see
what happens this weekend.

BOB: Hello?

MISSY: Hey, um, what would
you guys do with the money?

BOB: Hello out there?
SEAN: New TV.

BOB: Hello?

Hello?

Is anybody out there?

Is anybody--

MISSY: I would give
it all to charity.

-Is anybody out there now?

Is anybody out there now?

Is anybody out there?

MISSY: Can you remind me
again why we're doing this?

BOB: We're looking for a UFO.

MISSY: Is there a
reason behind this?

BOB: If you know where
one is, please tell us.

MISSY: If anyone I know comes
out here, I'm so embarrassed.

-Sean, do you realize if we
find this UFO-- do you have

any conception that if we
find it, well make $100,000.

Do you realize what that mean?

You can quit that job.

That stupid fucking
job at the video store.

-More importantly, Bob--

-I can quit the job at
the insurance office.

We'll be rich.

-How we see life as we
know it will change, Bob.

You don't really
think there's a UFO?

Do you?

BOB: I think there
really is a UFO.

There really is a UFO.

I'm in it for the whole way.

I mean, I'm going to do the
best I can to find the UFO.

By hook or by crook.

Because we're looking at
$100,000 if we find it.

Apart from that, Sean's
being kind of a dick.

But it's going OK.

Look at this fucking thing.

SEAN: What?

-What the hell is this?

-What?

-Over-- look at this.

FELICIA: What's going on now?

-It's some sort of, uh, totem.

MISSY: What's happening?

What is that?

SEAN: It's made
out of thumb tacks.

BOB: You know what this is?

FELICIA: Be careful
what you're touching.

MISSY: What is that?

FELICIA: What is that?

MISSY: This is freaking
me out, you guys.

FELICIA: He looks
kind of frightened.

-All right.

Let's keep going.

FELICIA: I think someone's
trying to tell us something.

BOB: I don't want to hang
around here for too long.

FELICIA: I don't know.
I'm getting a little worried.

BOB: Let's keep going.

FELICIA: Are you sure?

OK.
MISSY: Why are we--

FELICIA: Le'ts
all stay together.

INTERVIEWER: How are
things going so far?

-We're all here for one purpose.

To find the UFO, you know?

And when I get back
with all the money,

I'm going to make my
own animal league.

For animals.

Like dogs and cats and
hamsters and things like that.

Because that's really
what is important to me.

Is taken care of animals
like hamsters and gerbils.

INTERVIEWER: Do you
believe in UFOs?

-I do.

Uh-huh.

And I really think that,
if UFOs come down here,

that they probably
have pets that

need to be taken care of, too.

That I can help with their pets.

In the UFOs.

So that's really
what I want to do.

So If I could just help
them with their pets

that would be really good.

INTERVIEWER: You're not afraid
of being abducted or anything?

-No.

That would be a very
good experience, I think.

For anybody to go and see
some different life forms.

I'm very interested in
different life forms.

-Hey.
Hold up.

Hold up.

-What?

-Check it out.

-What?

-Check it out.

BOB: I don't see anything.

What?
What are you talking about?

SEAN: No.
That flash.

FELICIA: What's the problem?

MISSY: What?

BOB: That light?
MISSY: What did we stop for?

-Yeah.
There's a pattern to it.

-Yeah.
There's a pattern to it.
There's a pattern to it.
MISSY: What?

There's a pattern to it.
MISSY: What?

FELICIA: What light?
-Hey, Miss.

MISSY: What?

-Grab the pen out of my pocket.

BOB: Be careful.

Be quiet.

OK.

Sean, are you talking
about the thing going on--

-Wait, wait.

U, Y, O, A--

BOB: What? do you know
Morse Code or something?

-Yeah, my dad
taught me as a kid.

BOB: Well, what does it say?

-A, S, S-- asshole?

BOB: What?

-You are an asshole.

That's what it says.

-Sean, will you cut--
stop the bullshit.

-I'm telling you No.
I'm not shitting you.

-It says-- are you trying
to tell me it says,

you're an asshole?

-That's the pattern.

-You're an asshole.

-That's the pattern.
MISSY: Honey, are you sure?

-All right.
-I'm telling you.

That's what it says.

-All right.

Well, let's go check it
out and see what it is.

Just be careful of
the poison ivy, OK?

Do you still see
that light, Sean?

SEAN: No.

It keeps repeating.

BOB: What does it-- Does it
still say you're an asshole.

SEAN: Yeah.

FELICIA: Bob, what's happening?

BOB: I don't know
what's happening.

We're just going to go
toward that light, OK?

-Honey, come on.

I don't want to lose you.

SEAN: I'm tell you, man.

SEAN: Bob, what
the hell is that?

-I don't know.

What the fuck is this?

Maybe you shouldn't
look at this at all.

OK?

Don't look at this.

This is obviously a
signal of some kind

to tell us that
we're near the UFO.

-This is just starting
to get a little--

-I feel like I'm
going to throw up.

BOB: You want this?
-Come on.

[WOLF HOWLING]

-So do you think this is a
good idea coming out here?

-I think this was a great idea.

-You really did?

-Yeah.

I mean, you know, you
do this all the time.

You make a decision, you
want to do something,

and then you second
guess yourself.

-What the hell
are we doing here?

-I don't know.

I was just going
to ask you that.

What's up with Bob?

-I know.

I mean, Felicia's OK.

But Bob is starting to
freak me out a little bit.

-I am worried about Sean
and Missy, quite frankly.

-Well, why don't you
just relax a little bit.

They're grownups.

-I mean, are they
going to be able to it?

Missy already seems
like she's cracking

up or something
under the strain.

-The guy is just going off.

-He's, like, really
into this UFO thing.

You know, I mean--

-In a way that isn't right.

-No.

He's not right.

-I think she's ready
for an insane asylum.

-Well, she's--

-I don't think she
really has a brain.

You know?

-Well, she's not, you know,
the brightest light bulb

in the world.

But it's--

-I don't even think
she's a light bulb.

I think she's like a candle.

-Yeah.

It's, it's, it's really--
it's, it's making me in a way

that I haven't been.

I mean, it's, it's, it's weird.

-It's wicked weird.

-So you really think
there is a UFO out there?

-I'm convinced?

-In Beaver Tail Lake?
-Yes.

-You think there's a UFO?
-Yes.

I feel really-- I have
a good feeling about it.

-I've been really
nervous latley.

I don't know I feel like--
I mean, don't get me wrong,

I feel like I'm sort of
holding us both up here.

You know?

I mean, I've--

-How?

-I've got this killer
job at the video store.

-Well, you do have a killer job.

-And I'm making
some sweet money.

-It's big time money.

-But I fell like I'm
the only one doing it.

-And you're telling
me this because?

-I mean, I fell like
you ought to get a job.

-A job?

-What to know what I think?

-What

-You really want to
know what I think?

-I hope it's going
to make me happy.

-I think Missy
and Sean are going

to try to get the
UFO without us.

-Oh, no.
I don't think so.

-And then they'll keep
all the money without us.

-You always do this.

-I need some help here.

I can't be the only
one buying dinner.

-Did you hear that?
-No.

You're hearing things.
-I think Sean's listening to us.

You're hearing things.
-I think Sean's listening to us.
-I think Sean's listening to us.
-No.

-I think Sean's listening to us.
-No.

He's not listening to us.
Relax.

-Sean?

Are you out there?
All right.

All right.

All right.

I'll relax.

I promise.

Let's out to the
campfire tonight.

We'll be really relaxed.

OK?

-OK.

-Let's pretend we never had
this conversation at all.

-OK.

-OK?

-Good.

-Great.

-Great.

-This is a great fire.

-Are you having a
good time, honey?

Isn't this nice?
-It's a great fire.

You know, this is
the type of fire--

-Who did this fire?

Did I do this fire?

-Th is is the type of fire-- No.

This is the type of
fire that they probably

burnt Joan of Arc
at the stake on.

You know?
-Oh, honey.

Where do you come up
with these things?

BOB: What do you think
it was like getting

burnt at the stake?
-Honey, please.

You know?

BOB: It must have been
really disgusting.

-You're a-- you're
a sick dude, man.

You know that?

BOB: Yeah, but did you ever
think what it might have been

like getting burnt at the stake.
-You know him.

You know him.

-Honey, don't even
think those things.

-Yeah, I know him.
-Just stop it.

BOB: This hurts just doing this.

I can't imagine getting
burnt at the stake.

It must be hard.

-What would you rather do: burn
to death or freeze to death?

If I was going to die.

BOB: I'd like to-- I'd
like to fry to death.

You know?

Like, put me in a big batter.

-This is a horrible
conversation.

-Deep fry to death?
BOB: Deep.

Like a french fry.

Then somebody would eat me.

Now listen, today was
a little difficult

because it was the
first day, all right?

Tomorrow's going
to be a lot better.

I just know it.

We're going to
find what we need.

The pond.

We're going to find the pond.

-River.

-It's a pond, Missy.

-Yeah, whatever.

-Just by what you thought
you saw on the map.

All right?

It's a pond.

-Whatever.

-And then we're going
to find the river.

And then we're going
to find the lake.

And then we're going to
find the UFO in the lake.

-Oh, yes.

Right there.

-Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I hear somebody-- I hear
somebody having sex.

-We are having sex.
-Wait a minute.

No, no, no.

Somebody else.

Wait.

Listen.

Do you hear that?

Somebody else.

-What?

Who else is here?

-Maybe it's Missy or Sean.

-So?
Why can't they have sex?

-Maybe they're listening to us.

I got to go check it out.

I can't do it.
I got to go check it out.

-OK.

Fine.

-I got to check it out.

I got to-- Missy?

What's wrong?

-Sean's gone again.

-Well, where did he go?

-I don't know.

-How long ago did you see him?

-Three or four hours ago.

I don't know.

-Hey, listen, I'm going
to go look for him.

You stay right here.

Don't go anywhere, OK?

I'll be right back.

-Where else am I going to go?

[WOLF HOWLING]

BOB: Sean, where are you?

-What?

BOB: Sean?

-I'm over here.

BOB: Where are you?

-Over here.

-Where have you been?

-Oh, sitting right here.

-I've been looking all over
for you for the last 1/2 hour.

Missy said you took off on her.

What's going on?

Are you having an
argument with her?

-Yeah.

A little bit.

I sort of flipped
out on and took off.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Well, what kind of
argument did you have?

What's the problem with you two?

-I think I got upset with her.

I've been-- I'm trying
to get her to get a job.

I don't know.

I feel like I'm carrying all the
weight and I'm not sure she's--

-Yeah.

You think you're, like,
busting your balls

and she's home polishing
her nails, right?

-Right.

-Don't let her take
advantage of you, Sean.

I've Told that a
couple thousand time.

You know.

When Felicia takes advantage of
me, I just want to clobber her.

Well, you know, not
literally clobber her.

But I had to be after her
for over a year and a half

to get a job.

You've got to tell her
she's got to get out.

You got to give
her an ultimatum.

Get out and do something.

You know what I mean?

She's just can't
stay home all day.

That's my advice to you.

I won't say anything else
after that, all right?

Everything else OK?

-Yeah.

It's fine.
-You sure everything else is OK?

-Yeah.
We're going great.

-Nothing else is going on wrong?
-Nah.

It's great.

-You can tell me.

Because we've been friends now.

You know?

-We're fine.

-You sure everything's OK?

How is your sex
life, for instance?

-That's a little personal, Bob.

-Well, I'm only asking
that because you're

going after that
thing like, uh, you

know, Mr. Woody
for Christ's sake.

So just tell me--

-No, everything's fine.

-You sure everything's fine?

-No.

It's not fine.

-What do you mean?

-We haven't done it
in about four months.

-Oh, Christ.

Four months.

You want a word of advice?

I'll give you a word of advice.

-Sure.

-Actually, four words.

Teenage sex games.

-Hey, how you doing?

-What's up?

-What's the problem?

FELICIA: Oh, I don't know.

He's out, you know,
doing Bob things.

-Bob things?

What things are those?

-You know what
I'm talking about?

-I have no idea.

-Oh, listen to this.

About three weeks ago, I
was in this video store--

not the one you work at,
but the other one, you know?

Across town?

Joe Blows?

I was in there and
I got this movie.

And I brought it home.

And I watched it.

It was unbelievable.

What this things is about
is that these two guys

are wandering
around in the woods.

You see, they're
lost and everything.

And they come across this
camp that's a camp for girls.

-You probably wonder what
we're doing together.

MISSY: Yeah, like, don't
you want some excitement?

-Yeah, I do.

And, um, he's so dorky.

-He's dorky.

But, I mean, he's money.

FELICIA: I need something more.

Do you ever have fantasies?

MISSY: Fantasies?

-Every single girl in this
camp is fucking unbelievable.

You know, like, gigantic tits.

-Ooh, no way.

-Yeah, and these girls
they adopt these two guys.

-Everyone has fantasies.

-You have?

Tell me one.

-All right.

One of them's that
I'm in the woods.

And, um, I meet this
really, really hot guy.

And he has like a really,
really hot friend.

And we just do it right
there in the woods.

Like, all night long.

-Really?

Does he have, like,
like, a really big penis?

-Oh, We just have sex
all night in the trees.

-You and the two?

I like that fantasy.

-These guys go nuts
for these girls

over the next three
or four weeks.

And they're just fucking
their brains out.

And it's unbelievable.

-I want to be spanked.

MISSY: OK.

Oh, my god.

-Tell me about Sean.

What's he like?

Big penis?

MISSY: Well, yeah.

He has a big penis.

But he smokes so much dope.

He smokes too much.

He needs to do
something about that.

Have you ever been with a woman?

-No.

I've thought about it though.

-Did you?

-Well.

-I mean, if I-- if
I ever, you know,

if I ever would or
thought about it,

I think-- I think
she would be blond.

-You know, they went
to heaven and dies.

You know what I mean?

It's just unbelievable.

So my advice to you
is get Teenage Sex

Camp as soon as possible.

And you won't regret it, OK?

And I think, uh,
hey, quite frankly,

Missy won't regret it either.

You know what I mean?

OK?

You know what I mean?

-Bob, you know, I didn't realize
you were this much of a perver,

dude.

-I'm not a purve.

It's this--
everybody knows this.

MISSY: What if they come back?

You nervous?

-I don't know.

Just-- I don't know.

It's just like I'm-- it would
be like an experiment, you know?

Like--

MISSY: But we'd never tell
them we would do that.

[MUSIC - PATSY CLINE, "STRANGE"]

-Hey, Miss?

Check this out.

Miss?

[SCREAM]

SEAN: Miss?

BOB: Missy?

You OK?

TWIG MAN: She's fine.

She's passed out.

BOB: What the hell happened?

TWIG MAN: She fainted.

-She fainted?

TWIG MAN: I startled her.

Sorry about that.

She'll be all right.

BOB: Who are you?

-I'm Twiggy.

BOB: Twig man?

-I live here.

BOB: What's that thing?

TWIG MAN: That's my concertina.

BOB: What you do with that?

TWIG MAN: I play it.

Here, you want a little music?

BOB: Sure.

TWIG MAN: Music would
help calm her down.

As I wandered out on
the dockside so fair.

To view the still water
and take the salt air.

I spied an old fisherman
singing this song.

Singing, take me away, boys.

Me time is not long.

Wrap me up in the oyster net.

No more on the
docks I'll be seen.

Just tell me old shipmates
I'm taking a trip, mates.

I'll see you one day.

BOB: Excellent.

FELICIA: Thank you.

Thank you.

-Can you tell us something?

We're looking for
Beaver Tail Lake.

Do you know where
Beaver Tail Lake is?

-Six miles north.

FELICIA: Uh-huh.

BOB: Yeah.

-All right.

You'll come to a stone wall.

On the other side of the stone
wall, you'll find the trail.

Dead Man's Trail.

At that point, you
go west 1/2 mile.

Then follow the
trail east 1/2 mile.

Six paces north-northeast.

A step.

And then two paces
south-southwest.

FELICIA: Two south.

-Look over your left
shoulder, and you'll

see Beaver Tail Lake.

BOB: Ok.

So that's what we do.

All right.

So we got to find the lake.

That's just what I thought.

Thank you very much, man.

-Bye-bye.

-Bye.

FELICIA: Be careful.

Have a nice day.

BOB: Be careful.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Stop right here.

I think we're lost.

-What?

We're fucking lost?

FELICIA: Come on, Bob.

Are you serious?

-Where the fuck are we anyways?
BOB: Don't worry about it.

We'll be OK.

-Who is going to feed my my cat?

OK?

Who?
-Let's just calm down.

-OK.

Just relax.

OK?

Sometimes he exaggerates.

We're not-- like,
how lost are we?

-Shut up.

OK.

Listen, OK.

-I'm not saying
anything, you big dick.

BOB: Where's the-- where's
the map I gave you?

Do you have the map?

FELICIA: How lost are we?
What do you mean we're lost?

-We're not that lost.

Don't worry about it.

-I know sometimes
you exaggerate.

-We're not-- we're
a little bit lost.

I have a general
idea of where we are.

OK?

Where is the map I gave you?

Do you have the map?

-Missy, you wanted to
see the map, remember?

-Missy, do you have the map?
I need the map.

Do you have the map?

-You asked-- you
wanted to see the map.

-Where is the map?

-It's right back here.

BOB: I don't see the map.

I don't see the map.

I just see something else here.

But it's not the map.

FELICIA: Oh, come on.

Missy.

-This isn't the map.

This is-- this is a map
of Buffalo, New York.

This is totally useless.

-It's not going work.

-We cannot use that.

We need a map.

Do you have a road map of
anything even near here?

-No.

BOB: I would take that.

Do you have anything?

-No.

I don't have anything.

Jesus.

-OK.

Stop yelling at her.

Because it's not
going to help things.

-All right.
All right.

We need a map.

So what I'm going to
do is find some paper.

And I'm going to draw
another map here.

We came in here.

We saw Twig Man.

He said--

FELICIA: Go six miles.

-Six miles that way.

If we find Beaver Tail Pond,
which I believe is that way,

we can get to Beaver Tail
Lake, which is beyond that.

And then we will find
the alien spaceship.

I'm going to.

I'll see you later.

If you want to go with me,
I'm going to keep going.

But if you want to
stay here, that's fine.

MISSY: Oh, you just want
to leave us here now.

That's cool.
-So I'll see you later.

-You want to leave us here?

-No, if you want to
come with me, you can.

But I'm going.
See you.

-OK.

Well, I feel
responsible for them.

You know, we brought
them out here.

BOB: If you want to
come with me, that's OK.

Come on.

-We should go.

I mean, I need to go with him.

You guys-- I need
to go with him.

I mean, he's my husband.

It'll be OK.

It'll be all right.

Sean's going.

I mean, you need to go.

-I like your lipstick.

-You like this lipstick color?

-Yeah.

INTERVIEWER: So, Sean, how's
this adventure going so far?

-It's all right.

I don't know.

I mean, what do you mean?

I mean, we're in
the fucking woods.

I mean, that's cool.

INTERVIEWER: Getting
along with everybody?

-For the most part.

I don't know.

I mean, yeah.

Felicia's great.

Missy's cool.

Bob's freaking me a little bit.

I mean, he's-- he's really
fucking controlling.

And I don't know
quite-- I don't know.

I'm having a little bit
of a hard time with it.

I don't know.

It's--

INTERVIEWER: Do you
believe in abductions?

-I don't know.

I believe maybe people think
that they've been abducted.

I mean, the world is
pretty much what you want.

I mean, you build
your own little thing.

And you live in it.

And, you know, if that
happens in your little box,

then that's what you do.

INTERVIEWER: You
wouldn't want to,

uh, go up in a
spaceship with Missy?

-I mean, if there were such
a thing, it might be cool.

I mean, I got nothing
really going on here.

My job's all right.

You know, I get to
watch a lot of shit.

But, I mean--

Yeah, no.

That's be cool.

I mean, if they were nice.

I mean, I don't want them
poking my eyeballs out

with some fucking probe.

-You guys here that?

FELICIA: What?

-I don't know.

There's weird buzzing sound.

FELICIA: Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

SEAN: Oh.

FELICIA: Oh.

-I just came.

SEAN: I totally
sprayed my shorts.

-Could someone please
tell me what's going on?

BOB: That what intense.

FELICIA: I just had an orgasm.

You'll have one.

-What?

BOB: I just had an orgasm.

-You all just had an orgasm?

BOB: You'll have
an organism, Missy.

Don't worry about it.

When we see the aliens, when
we find them, you'll have one.

SEAN: Baby, don't go away mad.

-Something's happening to
me out in the woods here.

I don't know what it is.

But I'm just-- I
think it's the aliens.

You know, I think that
they're really here.

Because I'm feeling just
warm and tingly and things

are just happening to my body.

I just haven't felt
these things with Bob.

I think that we're going
to find the aliens.

And I think that there's
an alien out there for me.

And I think he's waiting
for me in the spaceship.

Oh, I do.

And I think he's been
sending me signals.

And I'm feeling-- I'm
just feeling different.

I've never felt this way before.

But something inside
me is exploding.

And I'm feeling like,
warm and tingly.

And I'm just--

I've never felt these
things with Bob.

But I know that there's an
alien that's giving me signals.

And that he's waiting for me.

And that's why I
know we're out here.

And he's just going to--
he's going to abduct me.

And he's going to grab me.

And he's going to take
me into the spaceship.

And he's going to throw
me onto the bed and I'm--

INTERVIEWER: Let me ask
you a personal question?

-Sure.

INTERVIEWER: Have
you ever thought

of acting in porno films?

-No.

I never thought--
I work in a bank.

INTERVIEWER: So you never
done any porno films?

-No.

I'm trying to tell
you that something

is happening to me out
here in these woods.

INTERVIEWER: You've never ever--
-It's the aliens.

INTERVIEWER: You've
never ever done porno?

-No.

I haven't.

It's what's happening
here out in the woods.

It's the aliens are
giving me signals.

And they're sending
things through my body.

God.

I can't even believe
you'd as me that question.

It's just like, I'm
feeling so good.

You know, that was like a real
downer what you just said.

I'm feeling really--
I'm feeling so great.

-You guys.

I'm just totally
tired, all right?

I just want to rest.

-That's fine.

Can we take a little rest?

-OK.

You two rest.

-Oh, my feet.

-Listen, uh, Sean I, uh, think
I saw something over there.

I want to talk to you
about it for a second, OK?

Listen, you guys, uh,
you stay right here.

We'll be right back, OK?
FELICIA: All right.

Yeah.

MISSY: Don't leave us.

-Well, just stay right there.

BOB: Listen, uh, Sean, I'm a
little worried about Missy.

I don't think she
can take the strain

of walking through
the woods lie this.

I'm just thinking she's going
to crack up at any moment.

-I don't know.

I think she'll be all right.

I'm actually a little more
worried about Felicia.

-Felicia?

-Yeah.

-What's wrong with Felicia?

-Ah, I just think that she's--
it seems like she's getting

a little bent out of shape,
you know what I mean?

There's stuff
going on her that--

-Felicia's perfectly OK.

There's nothing wrong with her.

-No.

Just--

-That's the way she is.

She's just, you
know, very neurotic.

The way she combs her
hair and her makeup.

-Oh, she's not looking neurotic.
She's-- there's something else.

I mean, she's-- Missy's fine.

She's fine.

-OK.

Listen.

It's raining out now, it's
going to get colder out.

I think we should do is figure
a way to leave them here.

And you and I go on
to Beaver Tail Pond.

What do you think about that?

-No.

They'll freak.

-They'll freak?

You think so?
-They'll freak.

Yeah.

It's a given.

-You're probably right.

They would.

-Completely.

-All right.

Let's try to keep them calm.

Tell them we only have
a few more hours to go.

And I think we'll be all right.

Just, let's keep
the ladies calm.

And, uh, when we go back there,
and say what were we talking

about, just say, uh,
you had a problem

with your toe nail or something.

OK?

-Whatever.

I'll think of something.

-OK.

OK.

You feeling better?

MISSY: Mm-hm.

-All right.

Let's, uh, stay here
for a little bit longer.

We'll go get some
lunch pretty soon.

In a couple of hours we'll,
uh, pitch camp again.

And we'll have a good night.

-Oh.

We're sleeping out here again?

-Yeah.

What's wrong with that?

And then we'll,
uh, hopefully we'll

find the pond at any moment.

All right?

Is that OK with you, Sean?

-It's good.

-Now, if it's raining,
we'll just stop.

We'll be OK.

Don't fucking do that.

All right?

You almost hit me in the eye.

-I didn't hit you
in the eye, Bob.

-Bob, relax please.

-I'm completely relaxed.

You always say, relax.

I'm relaxed.

I may not look relaxed
on the outside.

But inside I'm the, like,
epitome of relaxiosity.

You know I mean?

I'm very, very relaxed.

-Right.

-So don't tell me not to relax.

Because when you tell me
to relax, it upsets me.

And then I don't get
relaxed, Felicia?

All right?
-Don't yell at me.

Fine.
But don't yell at me.

-Because, you know, when
you said that I got up.

-Fine.

-I've got a lot of
things on my mind.

I gotta keep Missy calm.

I got to keep you calm.

-Forget I said it.

-Sean.

-I gotta keep Sean
on the same planet.

-Forget that I said it.
I didn't say it.

-And I gotta-- I
gotta do everything.

All right?

-Fine.

-I have to do everything.

All right?

So let's go.

Get up.

Come on.

-I'm not saying another
word the whole trip.

BOB: All right.

Look what I see.

MISSY: Oh, my god.

We found the pond.

Yes.

SEAN: I don't see
a path anywhere.

SEAN: What are
you talking about?

-We're supposed to find the
Dead Man's Trail, remember?

FELICIA: Yeah.
And a wall.

Something-- this--
this isn't right.

SEAN: This isn't it .

-This is-- you know, the
direction from Twig Man.

MISSY: This has to be it.

This is it.

FELICIA: I mean,
Twig Man is nuts.

-There's no other
pond around here.

It has to be it.

This is Beaver Tail Pond.

-This isn't it.

I can tell that's not it.

-What?

This isn't the pond?

-It is the pond.

There's no sign there that
says this is the pond.

But we're assuming
this is the pond.

SEAN: We want that sign, Bob.

-There isn't going to be a sign.

SEAN: We need the sign.
FELICIA: I'm not leaving.

FELICIA: But there's
supposed to be--

BOB: I'm going to go
look for the path.

-I'm not leaving.

I'm staying here.

Right here.

I'm not moving anymore.

I'm tired.

This is my-- this is my--
Sean, are you staying with me?

BOB: Missy, come on.

MISSY: No.

I'm staying.

BOB: I'm going to
leave you here.

MISSY: Fine.

Go.

BOB: Missy, come on.

SEAN: I don't know, Miss.

Fuck this, man.

-What, honey?

-You know, I don't know.

-What?

Yeah, but we found the pond.

-It's not the pond.

-What do you mean
it's not the pond?

-It could be your pond.

It's not the pond.

-This is the pond.

This is the pond.
-No.

This is bullshit.

Let's get out of here.

-Where are we going to go?

-Fucking bullshit.

Fuck him, man.

Fuck him.

Let's get out of here.

He doesn't know what
the fuck he's doing.

He's on some fucking
power trip or some shit.

I don't know.

I'm tell you.

-All right.

-What do you mean all right?

-OK.

-Yeah?

-OK.

-OK.

Listen, we go to go.

This is the pond.

We found the pond, Missy.

Sean, we found the pond.

You know that's right.

-It's not the pond, Bob.

-Come on.

Let's go.

Let's go.

-Fine.

Fine.
-Come on.

Everyone stick together.

We have to stay together.

We've come this far.

BOB: You go first.

FELICIA: OK.

Thank you.

MISSY: I'm going to cry.

FELICIA: No, you're not.

MISSY: I miss my kitties.

SEAN: Come here, it's all right.

BOB: You'll have plenty of time
for that when you come home.

-He's, like a great boyfriend.

He takes care of me.

And, you know, he's really cool.

And Felicia's awesome.

She's just-- we talk about
boys and makeup and stuff.

She's really cool, you know?

I mean, it's like she's
not even older than me.

You know?

It's almost like she's my age.

It's like she's a sister
or something, you know?

But, um, well, Bob you know.

Kind of a dork.

But that's OK.

Because we all are
here to do one thing.

And we're just
going to get money.

[GUITAR MUSIC]

-Hey, Sean.

SEAN: Yeah?

-Where's Missy?

-What are you talking about?

-She's not here.

-What do you mean?

-Where is she?

-I thought she
was with you guys.

-Wait a minute.

Let's listen and see
if we hear anything.

Missy?

-Miss?

-Missy?

-Missy?

-OK.

Go look for her.

But just stay in
the general area.

Don't go too far.

[CALLING]

[SCREAM]

BOB: What's wrong?

All right.

Calm down.

Calm down.

Calm down.

It's just a doll
nailed to a tree.

It doesn't mean anything.

It's just a doll
nailed to a tree.

It doesn't fucking
mean anything.

-That's fucked up.

-You know what this
could mean, Sean?

This means-- you
know what this means?

This means the
aliens are nearby.

What else could
it possibly mean?

We're in the middle of nowhere.

We're probably near the alien.

-That's not aliens, man.

-It's aliens.

-No, that's something else.

-It even looks like
her a little bit.

-Oh, don't you get it?

This is Missy?

-Yeah, that's obviously Missy.

Now we're going to discuss
what to do about that.

-OK.
-And I think what--

-Fuck the lake.

I need to find Missy.
It's very important to me.

-No, you stay here.

We agreed we're going
to go to the lake.

-OK.

I think the aliens are friendly.

I think that's something else.

-And the fact that Missy
is missing is your fault.

Your problem.

-Fine.

-Not our problem.

-Fine.

-Missy is your problem.

-Fine.

-This is the situation.

Sean, listen, I
can't spend too much

time looking for Missy, here.

OK?
Why don't you just stay here.

-Whoa, we're on a schedule?

-She's probably
collecting flowers.

You know she's an idiot.

-Collecting flowers
in this shit?

-I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.

-Bob, don't say that.

-I didn't mean to
say she's an idiot.

All right?

She's not an idiot.

All right?

She's very, very bright.

But she likes to
collect flowers.

And that's what's going on here.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Missy?

-What is this?

What's this?

-Hey, that's Missy's phone.

-Oh, we've got a phone.

-Missy's phone?

-We can call for,
you know, help.

-Why the hell didn't she
tell us she had a cellphone?

-Call 411.

-No.

411?

That's the information.

We want the police.

-Find out where we are.

See if they know where
the spaceship is.

-All right.

Police?

Hello?

Is this the police?

Beaver Tail Lake police?

Listen, we were out here
looking for the alien.

And there were four of us.

Now there's only three of us.

Yeah, the alien.

And we saw this guy, Twig Man.

You might know about--

No, I'm not insane.

I'm not insane.

Hello?

No.

I'm not insane.

What?

Hello?

Hello?

-What happened?

BOB: He hung up.

-Real fucking smart.

Alien?

You're the only
one on the planet

who believes in the alien.

He's going to be like, freak.

-Sean, why didn't Missy
tell us she had this?

That's what I want to know.

Here, you give
this back to Missy

if you find her--
if you find here.

And tell her, next time tell,
us when she has a cell phone.

-Oh, now it's fucking dead.

What'd you do to it?

-If there is a next time.

OK?

-Missy?

Missy?

-He busted it.

-He didn't break the phone.

Missy?

BOB: Where is she, Sean?

-Uh, you know, I'd pull her out
if I had her in my pocket, Bob.

-Picking daisies no doubt.

That's where we're
going to find her.

Picking fucking daisies.

[SCREAMING]

-Oh, my god.
Are you bleeding?

Miss?

Miss?

Miss?

MISSY: I'm going to hang myself.

BOB: Is she putting makeup on?

-I want my lipstick.

I want my lipstick.

-This is not normal behavior.

This is really--

BOB: Give me that.

-Get away from me.

BOB: What the hell difference
does it make putting makeup on?

No one's going to see in the
middle of the woods, Missy.

SEAN: Sweetie, sweetie,
sweetie, come here.

1, 2, 3.

Counting.

Counting.

Counting, counting, counting.

FELICIA: You need to get
her help when you go home.

-We're wasting too much
time putting makeup

on in the middle of the woods.

I'm so beautiful.

Don't you think
I'm so attractive?

SEAN: What the hell
is he talking about?

-Come on.

Let's go.

FELICIA: You know, when you go
home, you need to get her help.

BOB: She needs help.
That's right.

She needed help the
day she was born.

Now let's go.

FELICIA: It's not
normal behavior.

MISSY: I'm falling off a cliff.

I'm falling off a cliff.

Am I at home yet?

Am I at home?

My bed.

I need my bed.

SEAN: Get up

-This is my bed.

Goodnight, honey.

-Come on.

Miss, Miss, Miss?

-What, what, what, what, what?

-Bob, wait for us.

I'm realizing, like, I just
can't live like this anymore.

And I know, I know I'm going
to find one of those aliens

and he's going to take me
away in that spaceship.

And that's really
what I pray for.

I love Missy and Sean.

I mean, they're really,
really good people.

And, you know, Bob is Bob.

And I love Bob, but
he's-- he's such a dork.

And I'm realizing out here,
like, he's just, he's a dork.

INTERVIEWER: In what way?

-In every possible way.

And sexually mostly.

-When I married
Felicia, I thought

she was a stable, really
down-to-earth person.

And, uh, you know, as a result
of this trip I think, quite

frankly, she's like a stark
raving lunatic of some kind.

And, uh, I just
don't know what's

going to happen after
this whole thing is over.

Either she's going to take off.

Or I'm going to take off.

Or, uh, you know, we'll
strangle each other.

Or I'll blow my
brains out with a gun.

OK, listen.

We got to get up
really early tomorrow

morning, Missy and Sean.

So what I want you to do
is go right back to you

tent and go right to sleep so
we can get up bright and early

and go to Beaver Tail Lake.

OK?

I want to get a lot
accomplished tomorrow.

All right?

So go back to your tent right
now and go right to sleep.

You understand?
You understand?

FELICIA: Yes.

You don't have to tell me,
like, when to go to sleep.

-We go to go right to sleep.

What the fuck was that?

-Oh, my god.

-Shit.

-It was from right over there.

About 100 feet away.

Listen.

I'm going to go check it out.

-No, no, I'll check it out.

I'll check it out.

-Yeah, good idea, Sean.

Go check it out.

All right?

-Are you sure he's
OK by himself?

BOB: He'll be all right.

Just be careful, Sean, OK?

We don't know what's out there.

-Sean?

-Sean?

BOB: Sean?

-Sean?

-Sean, honey?

-Why isn't he answering us?

-I don't know.

-Jesus Christ.

-I think I should go.

I think I should go.

-No, you stay here.

We don't need two people lost.

Sean?

Are you OK?

-I was just shitting
with you guys.

You miss me?

BOB: You know, Sean, maybe if
you smoked less of that dope,

you'd be less of a dope.

Did you ever think about that?

-Maybe if you
smoked dope you'd be

less of a freaking, uptight
freaking insurance dude.

-Yeah, well, maybe that's why
you work in a video store.

Some guy comes in, gives you $1,
and you give him a videotape.

What's the big deal with that?

-What's so fucking cool
about insurance, Bob?

BOB: Hey, hey, listen, Sean,
insurance is really important.

Because if we didn't have it.

We wouldn't even
be here tonight.

We wouldn't even
be here tonight.

Because we would have no car.

And we wouldn't have been
able to drive up here.

SEAN: Who needs a car, man?

BOB: Insurance is
extremely important.

I work really hard at
the insurance office.

-He does.

BOB: You work at the
goddamned video store.

Somebody gives you $0.50, and
you give them a blank tape.

But I work in an office
that does important things.

FELICIA: Sean, it's
an important job.

BOB: I'm sorry I got
mad at you, Sean.

I really am sorry.

-No, Bob, man, no.

BOB: I'm sorry that--
maybe I'm sorry that you

even came up here this weekend.

Maybe I should be sorry that
I even asked you to come.

Maybe the whole idea
was completely stupid.

FELICIA: Honey.

-Bob, why you got to
be like that, man?

BOB: I'm a normal person.

I really am normal.

-Agitated right now.

BOB: I'm really normal.

I'm just a normal as you are.

SEAN: Dude, the trip you're
on is just going out.

BOB: You're normal.

I'm normal.

Missy's normal.

And Felicia's normal.

But I'm just as normal as you.

OK?

Let's just agree.

What?

OK?

Well, Sean was giving
me a hard time.

MISSY: He's a very,
very troubled man.

-Let's face it.

Everything that's happened this
week is because I had the idea.

It was my idea to come up here.

-Honey, you don't smoke.

BOB: It was my
idea to make a list

to decide what
we're going to do.

When Missy freaked
out, you know,

I was the one who remained calm.

What have you done?

The whole time we've been up
here, for the last two days,

what have you done?

You haven't done anything, Sean.

-Bob, all that's
fucking cool and shit.

But it doesn't help the fact
that you're still a dork.

-Don't call me a dork,
Sean, when you're

in the pot-smoking
video store dork.

And I'm not.

And there's nothing
wrong with working

in a goddamn insurance office.

I'm proud of working
in insurance.

OK?

We should all be thankful that
I have some iota of the brain

and could come up with something
that will make us $100,000.

Because if we make
$25,000 each, Sean,

you'll be able to get
out of that video store.

And Missy, you'll be able
to get the gerbils you want

or whatever the
hell it is you need.

Right?

-Well, I just want
hamsters and gerbils.

-OK.

And Felicia won't have to
work at the bank anymore.

She can probably
stay home and watch

her soap operas all day, right?

And you can thank me if all
those things go down tomorrow.

OK?

That's all I'm going to say.

So I'll see you
bright and early,

everybody, 6 o'clock
tomorrow morning.

See you then.

-Honey, I mean.

You want me to come with you?

MISSY: What's his problem?

-I can't find my backpack.

Does anybody care that I
can't find my back pack?

It has a second map in it.

Felicia, it has
your makeup in it.

INTERVIEWER: What do you
think aliens look like?

Do you think they look human?

-Well, if you think about,
I mean, everything around us

could be an alien.

I mean, we don't know
what they look like.

So if we don't know
what they look like,

then theoretically
everything-- everything

around here-- that tree.

Uh, you know, you
could be an alien.

These leaves on the ground.

I could be an alien.

I mean, how do you know
for sure that you're

not talking to an
alien right now?

I could be an alien.

INTERVIEWER: Are you and alien.

-I'm not an alien.

I actually have a
driver's license.

Let me show that
to you right now.

Here it is.

That's my driver's
license showing

that I am licensed
to drive a car.

A vehicle.

So I don't think-- I
think you would agree

that an alien would
not have that.

Right?

And-- do you want a credit card?

BOB: Hello?

Hello?

Damn, the want $0.85 cents
for the first three minutes.

Can you fucking believe that?

Hello?

Listen, we're out here
in the middle of nowhere.

Please?

Hello, operator?

FELICIA: That was
our last chance.

I know it was our last chance.

-It wasn't our last chance.

Don't worry about it.

Felicia, it'll be all right.

Don't worry about it.

Come on.

Come on, let's go.

We got to keep moving.

Come on.

It will be all right.

-OK, Bob.

-I'm just trying
to calm you down.

Now let's go.

Everything will be OK.

It's a temporary setback.

It's a payphone.

And it wanted some money.

And we didn't have any money.

So it's no big deal.

We'll find another payphone.

-What the fuck is this?

What does this look
like to you, Sean?

SEAN: Looks like something
I made in summer camp.

MISSY: No.

It's like a kite or something.

FELICIA: It's, like, a
weird kite or something.

-No, no, no.

This looks like some
cheap movie prop.

That's what it looks like to me.

Wait a minute.

What's this over here?

SEAN: What?

-It looks like there's
something under that stone.

SEAN: It's just a rock.

-Go check it out, Sean.

I'll hold this.

Go check that out.

-Fine.

It's just a fucking rock.

BOB: Get back everybody.

SEAN: Oh, Jesus.

What the fuck is that shit?

FELICIA: Gross.

SEAN: Don't touch it.
FELICIA: Don't touch it, Bob.

-Too late now, I
already touched it.

-Your fingers are
going to fall off.

BOB: Don't you realize
what all this means?

You know what this means?

FELICIA: What?

-This is some kind of
sentinel from the aliens.

They put it here as a signal
that they're in the area.

And they want us to find them.

-Fuck that.

It's some demented
camp counselor, man.

-It Isn't.

It's a sentinel.

Sean, I think we
should walk down there

and follow this
dried up riverbed.

-Get away from that thing.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Fucking shit.

FELICIA: It's the same lake.

-We're going around in circles.

All right, don't freak
out, Missy, on me again.

Please.

-You kept us up
here for three days.

It's the same lake.

-Maybe it just looks
like the same place.

MISSY: You know?

There's only one reason
why you brought us up here.

There's only one reason.

BOB: What's that?

-Remember last night?

He tried to kiss me, pervert.

-I didn't try to kiss you.

MISSY: You're a pervert.

-You're a liar.

-Don't you even think about it.

-You're a fucking liar.

FELICIA: What would you
guys have been doing anyway?

-I didn't try to
do anything on you.

FELICIA: Sean would have
been home getting stoned

and you'd be home doing nothing.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

INTERVIEWER: Did you
throw a pass at Missy?

-Uh, the only pass I've
ever thrown at Missy

was when we were playing
football a couple weeks ago.

That was the only pass
I've ever thrown at her.

I've never touched her, I've
never felt her up, I've never,

you know, taken my pants
off in front of her

or anything like that.

-Not only are you a pervert--

-What are you talking
about pervert?

-You made a move
on me last night.

FELICIA: You made a move on her?

I doubt it.

[INAUDIBLE]

-It doesn't matter.

I doesn't even matter.

-You're a spoiled brat.

Prima donna.

-We're all tired.

I'm tired.

-You get lost every second.

-You shut the fuck up.

-You shut up.

And don't say
anything about him.

-I like Sean and Missy.

I've always liked them.

That's why I wanted
them to come over.

Because I personally don't
have a lot of friends.

I mean, I have a few friends.

Well, actually, I
have one friend.

But he's in Nevada.

-None of this really matters.

It doesn't matter because
we're not at the right pond.

We never found a UFO.

Even if we had found a UFO, it
doesn't matter because nobody

brought a movie camera and
what distributor is going

to distribute a film
without a UFO in it?

[DIAL TONE]

INTERVIEWER: So how did
the big adventure go?

-I think it went pretty well.

I'm-- I'm really
happy that I did it.

I can't speak for
the other people.

But I personally am
happy we went out there.

I think we saw what was a UFO.

What was an alien spacecraft.

We couldn't improve it.

But I'm glad I went.

And, uh, you know, I'd go again.

I don't know if I'd go
with the same people.

I probably wouldn't go out
there with Felicia again.

-Well, you know, what
was-- it was difficult.

It was rainy and we were tired
and I didn't get much sleep.

But the experience was the best
thing that ever happen to me.

It change my life.

-Um, the trip?

Which one?

The, uh--

INTERVIEWER: You
went hiking recently.

-Oh, right right.

With, uh, Felicia.

And, um,

-Bob.

-Bob.

-Oh, it was, uh, it was kind of.

I don't know.

What did you?

I thought it was kind
of a downer, honestly.

It was really a big buzz stomp.

INTERVIEWER: Where's Felicia?

-Um, Felicia, actually we
separated about a month ago.

And as far as I know, she's now
seeing a construction worker.

-I am just so happy right now.

I can't even tell you.

I mean, this man
is just fabulous.

I can't even-- I
can't even talk about.

INTERVIEWER: Do you
believe in UFOs?

SEAN: No.

MISSY: Ooh, that's a toughy.

You know, I keep my mind open.

Because you never know
really, what's out there.

-Oh, I definitely
believe in aliens.

I'm positive that we
encountered the aliens.

-I think we did see aliens.

There are definitely
aliens out there

in the universe somewhere.

And I'm still convinced of that.

-I think the closest thing
that I know to an alien

is fucking Bob.

-I talked to a couple of
scientists when I got back.

And they said it sounded
like an alien spacecraft.

And I wouldn't be surprised
if there had been.

-I know that we definitely
encountered them.

And there were things
that happened out

in the woods that were
because of the aliens.

-Bob insists--

-So does Felicia.

-Up and down that
this thing was a UFO.

I, you know, it
could've been anything.

-I know that they were--
they were in the atmosphere.

They were there.

Because things were happening
to me that was about the aliens.

-You know, I don't get it.

The whole fascination
with aliens.

It's, I mean, sure there's
other stuff going on but--

-You know, we did
find that spaceship.

But Bob left the camera at home.

-I'm disappointed we get
the $100,000 reward money

because we didn't
have any pictures.

And we didn't have any proof.

That there was a
spaceship out there.

-I've got this little theory
that, honestly, it was like--

-Monster trucks.

-Monster trucks.

Like, just parked.

I mean, I don't know.

It's just like--

-I think there was a rally
that day that we missed.

-The light.

-Yeah.

-I believe in aliens.

I always believed in aliens.

And I still do.

And I think that
people in general

out there should
believe in aliens.

And if they see one,
don't let people

tell them that it isn't one.

-No.

There's not.

-I guess they had
just-- they went back.

Or maybe we scared them off.

So that part wasn't meant to be.

But my life was changed.

-I believe in a galaxy far, far
away there are alien beings.

And that one day, everybody
here on earth will meet one.

-I mean, Bob's just not
the right guy for me.

And I needed and adventure like
this to really awakened myself.

And to see that I just
need something different.

-Sean and I dot real close.

And we're engaged now.

So I guess it kind of
worked out for the best.

You know?

Cause we got closer.

You know?

-Sean and Missy?

I still talk to them.

As a matter of fact, they're due
over here in about 45 minutes.

And I don't know what
we're going to be doing.

We probably won't be
looking for a UFO.

I know that.

We'll probably-- I don't know,
we'll probably just go bowling.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

INTERVIEWER: Rolling.

Action.

[SCREAM]

-Is that all right?