Palais royal! (2005) - full transcript

Eugenia is the queen of an imaginary European country. When her husband dies, quite unexpectedly, the country is left without a king. According to the law, the new king needs to be married so that leaves out the eldest son. Her youngest son, Prince Arnaud is married to the lovely Armelle and they have two young children. They become the future rulers of the kingdom.

Three rows of pearls
roll down our cheeks

Rows of pearls
or strings of tears

Roll in our hearts
left to weep

Shoot up to the sun,
lighting up the sky

Your fair-haired angels
one day will know

That our queen

was you

What will they do
without their mom?

And what of us,
sitting here alone and dumb?

And what of them,
full of certainties

And what of you,
up there in the moon?

Why always the same souls?

Why take those
who do what's right?

Why take those

who bind us tight?

Three rows of tears

around your fair neck

Why always the same souls?

Why take those
who do what's right?

Why take those
who bind us tight?

Rows of pearls or...

strings of tears


- Hearts are trumps.
- Two no trumps.

Armelle, let it rip.


Check out that babe.

- Bow-legged.
- Yeah, you're right.

Wait, let me help.

It is heavy.

I need my crossword.

I'll get it for you.

I'd rather do it myself.

Armelle's a one-woman
senior center!

- Can I put it up now?
- Go ahead.

That's not nice. Stop it.


Armelle, why'd you trump the club?

To let you finesse against the king.

Never mind.
I'm going to take a leak.

Ask the slut
if she has a crewneck.

Crewneck or V-neck?

Crew. V-necks are faggy.

Yeah, you're right.
That's what I have.

How is it?

I don't get their sizes,
or their accents.

In the States I have no problem.

Even the ten is too big.

- A little small?
- No, it's great.

You're right, I'll take it.

Hello, Gilbert Butcher's.

Yes, hold on. One second.

Of course.

What is it with you?

You're out of your mind.

Are you naked?

A bra? Which one?

Blue with white polka dots.

Laurence, I found
a camel one in size 8.

- Here.
- Great.

The chestnut is the last one.
They can have one sent over.

Only takes 15 minutes.

I don't want to wait.
We're going shoe-hunting.

Hey Mel, got something nice?

Laurence found two great ones.

- What?
- Sweaters.

Hang on, let me handle this.
I mean we're buying so much.


No sense of salesmanship.

Well, I do.

It's a nice view.

80 pounds for Aussie wine.
These limeys have some nerve.

- The key...
- I'm loaded.

What can we give them?
Chili con carne.

No, 8 is too late. 6:30's better!
Lend me a pen.

You don't do it right.

You have to wait
for the green light.

Quiet! People are sleeping.

Titi, scotch?



Cherry Schweppes?


Little dessert?


How can you stand him?

I'm not sleepy at all.
Wish we had a joint.

Could you lend me a nightgown?
I forgot mine.

And I hate sleeping in the nude.

I have pajamas.

Way too big for me.
OK, I'll make do.

There we go.

I wouldn't dare, with customs.

You shouldn't.
But no one cares about me.

No one cares about Arnaud.

If they nabbed Alban,
that would be sticky.

I can't picture your uptight brother
smoking a joint.

Watch it, he's the heir
to the throne.

Titi, did you take my Omega 3?

- What's that?
- Oh, great.

Good stuff.

Hey, Mellie!

Laurence was such a pain all day.

Deep down you like her.

Are you naked?

I lent Laurence my pajamas.

Turn over, my love.

- Won't have a son like that.
- That's for sure.

- Think of your mom.
- The hell with her.

Come on, be a dear.
Just this once.

That can't be.
My father died in '92.


But how?

Actually, we switched rooms.

Have you tried his cell?
I can give you the number.

I'll take care of it.

You can count on me.

The fucking light!

Andr? died
while we were eating out.

Andr?... Andr??

Shit. How?

Helicopter accident.
After a ski trip.

His guide, too.
They're both dead.

Died instantly.
Only Alban got out unscathed.

I have to tell Arnaud.

What's his room number?
Is it 505?

No, we're 505.

Was our old room 506?

It's across the hall.

Would you go?

Why should I?

It's a woman's thing.
When Rex died, you told the kids.

Not the same thing.

It is, sort of.

He's not my old schoolmate.

Am I waking you?

Yes. What's the matter?

They called my room.

Reception has you in our room,
that's why.

Cut to the chase.

Your dad had a health issue
in a chopper.

What issue?

I don't know.

That's all they told me.
You're to go to the military airport.

Is it serious?

Yeah, I guess. A little.

I really don't have any details.
But Alban's fine.

I spoke to an English lady,
then someone else...

No baggage?

We left close friends behind.
They'll handle all that.

Hope it's not serious.

And that it's not permanent.

He's so athletic.


I hope your journey is as pleasant
as possible in the circumstances.

Thank you for coming out tonight.
This ruins a weekend.

No, really...

You're very kind.

Arnie, give me your passport.

That's not necessary.

Well then,

unfortunately, we will be seeing
each other on Saturday.

What's on for Saturday?


the interment.

Not easy being the eldest.

Taking over the family business...

He had so much left to teach me.

Didn't Daphne come?

If you're hungry, boys...

there are some refreshments
in the pantry.

Sandwiches, crackers.

Thank you, Marie-Pierre.

She still has that wart.
I'd forgotten.

She wasn't so stiff
when she brought my snack.

Daphne couldn't make it?

I'm going to the pantry.

I haven't eaten since the accident.

I'd better have my bandage changed.

You see, Armelle,

even at 62, he was still my baby.

Of course.

He was so cute, so supple.

You could twist him all around.

Made his little poop
every day at the same time,

like clockwork.

How nice.

Mom, didn't Daphne come?

She left him last week.

No one knows it yet.

I thought she'd be back, but...

I hear she's found
someone new, in Spain.

She seemed perfect.

What can I tell you?
He never could keep them.

And the nose won't help matters.

Would it be possible, Arnaud,
to meet with you about 10 AM...

Monday in the little anteroom
behind the smoking room?

Oh, sure. No problem.

Is 10 too early for you, Arnaud?

No, not at all.

Praise the Lord.

While, in private, Queen Eugenia
grieves at the fallen king's side,

a few subjects of the crown,
stricken by last night's news,

have very discreetly come

to lend her their support
and express their love

for one who, over 35 years,
understood them so well.

King Andr? died in an accident
last night at 8:10

after climbing one of the mountains
he loved so well.

Exiting the royal residence now

is Alban, very close to his father,
also at the accident

and miraculously saved
by the sandwiches on his lap.

This discreet, thoughtful prince

is prematurely called
to succeed his father.

Alban, our future king.

Here's his younger brother, Arnaud,
his wife, Armelle,

with her father,
Count van de Couque.

A family, a nation, a kingdom

stricken with the loss
of a beloved monarch.

At St Eloi Cathedral
funeral preparations are underway.

The Cathedral will welcome
leaders from the world over

come to pay their respects
to this private man,

this good and simple king.

Come to Grandpa. That's enough.

Come wash,
you dirty little girl.

Come to Grandpa.

Come take a 'ath
with Grandpa in the 'athtu'.

Or Grandpa will 'eat you.

See? I told you,

she can't say "b" anymore.

Her teacher sent me.
I thought it was silliness.

For starters, you'd better
keep B?rang?re on weekends.

Even before treatment.

She can visit her grandparents,
but only for lunch.

Tell them she goes swimming
on Saturday evenings now.

I think it's better,
for now in any case.

Can they visit?

Excuse me.

Your prison visit!

Little Chris is here
with his inhaler.

B?rang?re was 25 minutes late!

Dylan's dad brought you a ham.
Should I give it to Karima?

Christine, it's pork.

Oh, that's right.


Oh, right, I get it.

Let's not waste time.

So that's how it's going to be?

Seven years of geopolitics,

summers in college
instead of reading comics.

What did I ever do?

Not my fault Daphne's sunbathing
on that idiot's yacht.

I loved her.
Why didn't she come back?

A future king!

Get a grip.
You can't be seen like this. Go hide.

I'm still asleep.
Signing papers at 10 AM!

No time to get my drawers on.

I don't deserve this!

Honey, sit down
and listen to Ren?-Guy.

Dear Arnaud,

despite the sorrow
we all share today,

as you know, we must think
of your father's succession.

Your brother Alban has always had

some trouble retaining
his hypothetical fianc?es.

We thought it best that you,
however unprepared you may be,

leap into the breach

and take the place
which had been meant for him.

- Me?
- Yes, you, Arnaud.

The Charter, dating from Calixte I,
is quite clear on this point.

"Let none claimeth by any right
the crown and scepter's might

"if no petticoat be in sight."
It's crystal-clear.

It happened once before, in 1458,
at the death of Eloi the Vigorous.

The younger Alibert
replaced the unbetrothed Ambroise.

Alas, in that case,
the kingdom was the worse for it,

but we are quite confident,
praise the Lord,

that won't be the case with you.

We're certain. I have no doubt.

Some remembrances of your father.

I couldn't even look.

One thing. I've heard a rumor...

that there's been a little...

marijuana going around your home.

You understand that, from now on...

Oh right, but it's not me.
That's Armelle.

I'll talk to her.


So lovely,
these strokes and flourishes...

What are those glasses?

I'm 6-0 in the left eye.

I've had trouble reading.
I need glasses now.

Stinks of wine.

I drove a bum to the pool.

He slept in the car
while I was shopping.

You're driving bums
to the pool now!

Not enough with stutterers,
jail visits,

idiot immigrants,
and not locking your car?

Enough bull!
"Kind" doesn't rhyme with "cretin"!

We have to talk.

I had a totally big meeting
with Mom and Ren?-Guy.

Much better, thanks.

Since I started calligraphy,
I've found a certain serenity.

It does me the world of good.

Do some every day?

Not every day.

Yesterday, I did a big P.
So relaxing.

Getting back to the point,
I'd like this to go quickly.

Your little dentist job has to go.

- Speech therapist.
- Right, sorry.

You'll have no time for that.
It must take concentration.

Yes, of course.

Arnaud has the right stuff.

I don't say that
because we get along so well.

What can I say?
It's this damned charter.

I was glad Arnaud reacted so well.
It can't be easy.

It can't be easy for Alban.

Yes, but what can you do?
With his extra testicle...

I've been honest.

I always warned his girlfriends
in advance.

Who knows why they run?

My "three strands" are yours.

I had them when the boys were born.
Still perfect.

Pearls come in handy.
Must wear them, or they die.

Here, try it on.

There's a safety catch.

Wait, let me help.

You might touch up your hair.

Just so it looks a little tidier.

You're fine in your way.
Maybe something neater.

That's nice. Very nice.

Of course, not with green, but...

Speaking of green,
I hope you've completely stopped...

You know... the dope smoking.

I'm known for my casual style,
but I don't like that much.

Oh, and I found this
in Health magazine.

A diet for having boys.

I copied it.
It's supposed to work.

I never had any problems.
Eat salty foods,

no dairy.

Or very little.
Read it later.

Rudy! Flopsy!

Sorry. They always do that
with strangers.

Ren?-Guy, come in.

Well, Armelle.

We've filled your schedule
for the next 3 months.

Our apologies for minor changes
to be made, with your input,

on a daily basis.

We've canceled your patients.

From now on, you will have

much more amusing things to do.


Harder, honey. Harder.

With the queen,
our future sovereigns

Arnaud and his wife, Armelle.

Arnaud, unemployed,
polo enthusiast, will succeed Andr?,

replacing Alban,
sadly unwed when tragedy struck.

The coronation will take place
after the mourning period.

Alban's still not married.


I don't know.

It's my pleasure to introduce
His Royal Highness Prince Arnaud,

who will honor us by inaugurating
the Jean Bourdieu Library,

which his father would be proud
to see completed.

Your Highness.

To remember Jean Bourdieu

is to evoke a monument.

Who better than this great poet
could lend his name to this place

of culture, of discovery and reading?

For a book is a promise.

There are 300,000 promises

now awaiting the patronage

of, we hope, a large public.

In this time of new tech... nologies,

when our nation has jumped
on the internet bandwagon

while in motion,

what better than a book
to stop time

and travel through centuries?


rather than long speeches,

allow me to immediately unveil
the plaque

and baptize
this new seat of learning,

this new jewel in our crown.


Over here.

- Very nice.
- Great.

- Like this?
- Very good.

That's good.

He wanted me off the grass.

Dad's not angry.
But those pictures are for his work.

Dad works?

Yes, he does now.

Let's go, girls! Your turn!

Could you smile just a little?

More laid back.

More natural.

Yeah, almost. Better.

Got a pastel color?
Maybe something fresher?

This isn't fresh?

Your husband's right.

Good thinking.

I'll go see in your closets.

I'd rather go.

I need you in the picture.

Don't move.

Weekend, my doggie.

Here, Weekend. Good boy.

Very nice.

I got the same shot in France
with the Sarkozy boy. Nice.

Move, you're blocking the steak.

Looks overcooked.

No, it's fine. Very homey.

But could Madam look like
you think it's good?

Like you can't wait to taste it.

What are you doing?

It's for my own pleasure.

No way, quit it right away.

No second camera.
I got the exclusive.

They're my friends.

Forget it.

I can erase them, it's digital.

Great. Do it.

I found a pen.

Take some notes.

You'll have to sign treaties.

Don't look at me.

Just work, like usual.


Get some supplies from the closet.


Here, there are sporty ones too.

Armelle, office supplies!
Folders, files.

I'll put them back properly.


- Mistake from my "Big Blue" period.
- It's erasable.

We do incredible stuff now.

I erased the mustache
of the woman who won the lottery.

We can whiten the lady's teeth.
Simple as pie.

Really? Great.

Shake your bootie, we're late.

Not shooting?

No, there'll be thousands
of photographs tonight.

- I got what I need.
- Oh, OK.

Be good with Bricka.

After dinner, you can watch
Bugs Bricka... Bunny. Sorry.

That's OK.

Soup all over it!


- Not very deft, is she?
- Sure isn't.

You're great, Arnaud, really.

Very sweet, with the girls.

The steak in the kitchen,
very nice. Very homey.

You should be careful.
The detergent on the window sill.


I like the office.

Handsome, dignified.

No, not at all.
You're concentrating on work.

No, you're just fine.

Could I speak to Armelle?

I have two or three tips.

Armelle, it's Mom.

Hello. How are you?

Fine, thanks.
No, of course you're not.

You fixed your heating problem?

Yes, sure.

I don't remember. I'll get it.
It's on Arnaud's desk.

Here it is.

Page 38?

Right. Yes. Yes, of course.

More smile.

Oh, page 42.

Yes, right.

I saw that. The reporter...
The photographer was there.

More vases. You're right,
it's more lively.

Yes, he looks good in glasses.

No problem. You too.

Let me see.

Your Majesty,
have some more blood sausage.

A treat in the morning!

Your Highness.

Made entirely from local produce.

Very good.

You won't have some beer?

Thanks anyway,
but I only drink water.

But my wife could have some.

Tasted this one yet?

Finish your glass, Your Majesty.

Never mix.

Bottoms up.

Try this one.

More malt,

but less alcohol content
than the last one.


Arnaud! Arnaud! Arnaud!

Gentlemen... Well done.

On your mark, get set...



Lower! Right!

Practice for next year.

Just picture it. On her back

in the mud
with her bouquet and scarf.

Right, I forgot.
She was blindfolded.

What a disaster.

Ever hear of "Bite the Biscuit?"

It's famous! More up north,
but really, Armelle.

For her first time out,

nice going, Princess.

That isn't nice.

Ass up, like a mud wrestler!

Titi, ice cream?

Looks bad, but I'm hungry.

Not me. I have to drop
ten pounds for my coronation.

At the palace,
I'll have a gym installed.

Titi, roll us a joint?

- You packed?
- Can't find the bathing suits.

We leave at 9:30.

That idiot Henri- Louis
got me an 8:45 for UVs.

Yeah, right. That's too early.

There's a little girl crying.


"Omasoosee." What a disaster.
No ear for the lingo.

He's very honored that you're here.
Very honored.

This aquarium was constructed
in 1955. Half a century.


Even if you don't understand,
you could be a little nicer.

The guy in the green suit.
Not the stupid interpreter.

That just isn't done.

Fine, alright.

Look at me!

It's fun, nice.

I can't wear this to dinner.

You can't change, it's a gift.
Look at me.

You don't have the whole shebang.

You have to make an effort.

You don't seem to realize
what's at stake here.

I have diplomatic priorities.

A coronation coming.

So if I'm dragging
this dead weight along...

Kissing everyone hello

and giving your gifts
to chambermaids, won't cut it.

It'll come. I'm learning.

I don't like costumes.

Or fish.

Or flowers.

I'm not picking that up.

We asked you to come in

as we heard disturbing things
about your Sri Lanka trip.

As you can imagine,
we have contacts the world over.

Arnaud's call earlier
only confirmed what we read

over the wire.

Everything has gone quickly.

Perhaps I haven't taken time
to explain the very basics

of your new position.

Some people adapt naturally.
Some don't.

All gifts,

so generously given,

must be shown and proudly worn,

whatever your personal preferences.

You are the image
of our whole realm,

whether traveling abroad
or in your own car.

And lastly,

don't forget to use
the favorable days of your cycle

to get started on a future prince,

keenly awaited
by the whole kingdom.

If you warn me in advance,
I might even

clear part of your schedule
on those days.

That's all, Armelle.

I think that does it.

Both doors lead to the same place.
Take your pick.

And Armelle...

Smile. Don't forget to smile.

You might get a tulip named for you.

You'll see, it's nice.

A crate of bulbs for you.

Tulips don't smell, Armelle.

You did have Marc do your hair?

A tall blond with a red mustache?

That's him. Strange.

For this afternoon,
you should change tops.

Seems silly, but people get bored.

You can't imagine
how attentive they are.

How lucky we are
to be outdoors with the flowers.

Poor Arnaud
in a brick factory in Khubourg.

- Turn over.
- Who do you think I am?

Ask Gilbert to plant them.

Scratchy sheets!

Didn't my shot numb you?

Dumb shit.

Just need a jacket.

I'll get it for you.

The white one,
or the beige one with gold buttons?

Or maybe pants. It's chilly.

I'll get them.

Don't bother, Bricka.
I'll find something.

Don't forget your panties.
Last time I had to hide them.

I'm very happy today.
Let me tell you why.

For years I have led
a grass-roots struggle

for renewed support
of that simple act of giving blood.

That's why I asked Princess Armelle,

Her Royal Highness,

to come lend a hand.

It didn't take much persuasion

for her to set an example

by giving a drop of her royal blood.

I hasten to add,
if anyone was wondering,

it is free.

And you even get a little snack.

I tasted it, very good.

Thank you, Armelle.

Up it comes...

A little smile?

Well done, Armelle.

I'm not hungry.

You should eat. We took a lot.

Really, a pint is a lot.

In a half hour
we're having cake.

What cake?

We're expected
at the senior center for tea.

It's not in my schedule.

It was planned well in advance.

Anyway, they can't wait.

You'll see,

you'll brighten their day.

Her Royal Highness,
Princess Armelle!

I'll clear a path to that asshole.

I'm starving.

Mrs. Victor.

Mr. Cordier, former diplomat.

Our eldest, Jeannette.
Over there, Mr Secretary.

Some refreshments?

Come this way.

She won the prize!
The crown!

Long live the Queen!


A little smile.

There, very nice.


You can start eating.

Jeannette, how are you?


You haven't had your drink.

I'm loaded.

We got it, let's go.

You have TV?

It's great now, terrific.

All those new programs.

This is a model establishment.

Sorting and recycling.

- Wonderful! Paper with...
- Glass with glass.

Paper with paper.

I hope you all sort
your personal trash.

Very important for ecology.


I'm sorry, Mr. Secretary.

I don't know how they got in.
There's a receptionist.

I thought that was over.

They always miss me,
but they got her.

Attacking a woman like that.
Ugly, very ugly.

No, let me.

After all, I am a doctor.

She hit her head, I heard it.


- Nothing.
- Nothing?

Help me turn her over.

Princess, princess.


- She moved!
- Indeed.

Are you sure?

I'm expected for dinner,
but to put your mind at ease,

we could pop by my friend
Stoffer's clinic for a quick X-ray.

Gum. Good thinking.

We usually keep some
in the car, right?

But today, we're out of ammo.

I'd love one.



With that cardboard crown.

Sure there's no copies
of this spectacle?

Absolutely, Eugenia.

I went personally
to this senior center,

the visit to which, by the by,
was not on her schedule.

They brought me a poor old buzzard

who, praise the Lord,
gave me the camera.

I did, of course, leave him
a small reward.

The papers would have a field day.

She is such a twit. It's a first.

In ten centuries,
no one ever touched the royal family.

Between you and me,
I think people don't much like her.

She's just not popular, not...

I think we'd better
whittle down her schedule.

For remaining obligations,

keep her on a tight leash.

Do you still sell this item?

Yes, of course.

We have for years.

It's a Swiss company,
a favored supplier.

I'd like the same ones.

We've just received
the new color line.

Turquoise, little ladybugs.
It's younger.

- A nice change.
- No, the same ones.

Prefer the classics?

So that was... size L?

- No, size M.
- Fine.

No, actually, size S is better.

I'll show you one.
But you'll see it's teeny-weeny.

Unless, of course,
the gentleman is very slender.




It's a good item, sells well.

A classic.

Good choice.

The 15th looks good.
I'll have a little time then.

Thank you. Nice meeting you.

Mind the wire.

I was interrupted.

For the video, we'll see.
Don't mention it.

Thanks, bye.

Coming to the match?

No, my trainer is coming.

- Really?
- Yeah.


Relax the shoulders.

Like that, Bruno?

Don't arch.

Straighten up.

Very good, Princess.


And left.

Like that is better.

No, that's tense.

Let's look at the buttocks.
Lean over.

That's all very tense.

Straighten up.

See you tonight.

What is it with me?

I suddenly feel
all fuzzy and weird

I feel sort of like

A little bird whispered in my ear

What is it with me today,

I'm in love with my wife!

Like on our first date
I'm in love with my wife!

I want to kiss her

I need to caress her

And I'm going to take her

on a vacation

Like newlyweds

Maybe we got married too young

I needed to do what a man has to do

I've tired of all my conquests

I now know she's my one true love

The cat,

the dog, the cat.

No, the cat!

Now the abs.

On your back, legs up, ankles.

I push, you try to resist.

You think I can?

It's up to you.

I'm going to take your pulse.


Nice going, old chap!

Tomorrow about five?

Wednesday is Tiphaine's birthday.
15 kids and no Titi.

Laurence, this is important.

When can you? You tell me.

No, not on the phone.

Why so damn mysterious?

Laurence, I have
three thirsty horses here.


At your place.

No, not my place.

Thursday, at five,
under the chestnut tree.

What are you looking at?

I'm not looking.



I told Delvaux not to alter it
or I wouldn't back him.

The Donge redistricting
was a complete panic.

He was surprised I knew.

After the Vanbergue thing,
what a nerve! Bunch of cretins.

I tried not to rub it in.

That asshole is so sensitive.

You know,

we eat too much at those inaugurals.

I must've gained 10 pounds.

I can't get into my boxers.

So I see.

Your Chinese masseur.

Tell me, Bricka,

did you eat tripe?

- No, why?
- No reason.

You sure you want a second scotch?

Let me see your dress again.


Keep an eye on her.
Let's avoid ridicule tonight.

Don't worry.

I'm checking.

I never knew cream tart
made hair grow.

I use it daily.

Don't make me laugh.

Not easy to loosen
the two Pokemons up.

After the '94 fiasco,
we owed them this.

Alban, still into classical music?

The medals go on the left.

Do you see what I see?

What do we do?

Figure it out, big boy.


Very refreshing, actually.

Boy, was I tired last night.
I don't get it.

I'm awake now though.

Feel that?

Watch the hair, please.


That's alright.

We can't find our Kinder eggs.
We looked all over.

Bricka put them on the table.

I don't know where they are.

Keep looking. You'll find them.

Lay off.

Your mail.

Eaten any garlic cheese recently?

- No, why?
- No reason.

Dr. Lecoutre will show you the way.

Could you let go of my arm?


Visitors, Mr. Coutard.

Ren?-Guy, half a bowl left.
Small spoonfuls.

He can hardly open his mouth.

Well, I think I'll get some coffee.

We have our whole lives
to drink coffee.

One last spoonful?

Oh, isn't he cute?

Hello there.


Armelle, sign the visitors' book
when Prince Arnaud has finished.


"With love man can do anything."

"Maye thiss space

helpe many finde health
who were sick."

I got your coat.

Lots of people waiting outside.

No, I think I'll...

Yeah, right. It's warm out.

No, let me speak to the editor.
This is important.

Hello, sir.
My name is Marie- Ange Dor?.

I'm a shopkeeper.

In my neighborhood, I often saw

Prince Arnaud
with a woman who isn't his wife.

Yes. Since you seem interested,

the womans name
is Laurence De Beck.

L-a-u-r-e-n-c-e, as in Laurence.

New word: "D-e".

New word: "B..."
No, "B".


I don't know if it's helpful,
but you can check where she goes.

You'll see what you find.

Here is her address:
48 Route de Brouckante. Yes, 48.

A big, redbrick house.

To the right
of the plaster figurine shop.

Don't mention it.

If you like, I also have
her license plate.

It's not easy for me.

It's the only way.

For you as well.

No, please don't cry.

You'll make me cry too.

There, there.

It's over now, all over.

Laurence: Our Camilla!

So one day we can go back
to what was then,

so tomorrow
may be yesterday again.

So one day we can go back
to what was then,

so tomorrow
may be yesterday again.


Come out.

That last one...

By far the best.


Major goosebumps.

I was listening, it was perfect.

I could do another one.
Wasn't it a little neutral?

No, really.
We'll play it for you.

Sure, let's play it back.

After all you've been through,

it was really nice of you
to come at all.

Hats off to you, hon.

- Great.
- Want tea?

Princess, what was your reaction?

That duet to support brumopathy -

why didn't you cancel?

Do you feel betrayed by Laurence?

Did Arnaud confess?

Will you welcome
the Norwegian royals later today?

Can you save your marriage?

I'm focused
on protecting my babies.

I was leaving her.

Yeah, right.
You can see that in the photo.

I'd just told her it was over.

She was crying.
I hugged her to console her.

Tell your daughters that.

It is their dad in the woods
with their godmother,

dry leaves stuck on his ass.

Did Mom call to say
you were handsome, concentrating,

very professional?

With that,
a divorce would be a cinch.

No, don't. This is so silly.

"No crown, no scepter's might
with no petticoat in sight."

Tell me what you want me to do.

What do you want me to do?

For starters,
stop spitting in my ear.

I don't know,
ask Laurence to marry you.

Laurence De Beck, n?e Coignard,
bathmat manufacturer,

married, two kids.
No good.

Give me
one more chance, I beg you.

Get a grip. Look.

The two Neutrogenas
are smiling at you.

Arnaud sucks!

Poor Arnaud,

king of the forest.

You're in deep poo now!

I like you picking us up, Mom.

I like it, too.

Bricka always gives me
my snack right away.

We'll have a feast at home.

Alright, cool!

But that's not the way home.

Through the garden, it's nicer.

More splendid.

Your Highness.

Picking up
Princesses Constance and Louise?

I get my kids at school,
like any mom.

A mom and a woman

who forgave her husband
to protect her family.

You don't think,
you just act, you move on.

I have two daughters.
I think I've kept them safe.

With lots of love, that's all.

A mother, a woman, a citizen

more and more active
on the domestic front,

helping the poor.

I try to act, in my own little way.

I've decided to launch
"Poundcake for the Needy Day."

If each of us made one poundcake...

- It's so easy:
4 eggs, flour, butter, sugar -

the world would be a better place.

Also... Well, now's not the time.

Please, Princess. Go ahead.

Since you're here...

We have a very beautiful palace,
but it's always closed.

So I've organized an open house

on November 15th
from 8 AM to 10 PM.

I wanted to give people back
some of what's theirs.

Thank you very much.

No, don't mention it.

Armelle, Armelle!

Your gym instructor

has just arrived.

Have him wait, be right there.

Bricka, did you eat spoiled salmon?

No, why?

No reason.

Come on, ten more.

You like keeping me waiting?
What am I, a salesman?

No, Bruno.
I had a couple of things to do.

So are we meeting at lkea
on Wednesday at 4?

I have my son that day.

I don't see him much.

Loosen those adductives.

Lift your thighs.

Like that. That's good.

There. Got a lighter?

I think so.

OK, come over here.

What is this?

Hold it tight. I'll count to ten.
Walk and don't drop it.

Don't drop it.


OK, let's put it back in.

Hold it tight.

Bruno, it's hard.

Look! A secret passage!

Captain Hook's treasure!

It's huge in here!

- What's this?
- I don't know.

The stroller in the begonias.

Where's Mr. Gibon? I told him
to stay in the garden, dammit!

Why did she organize
this damned stupid open-house?

Ridiculous masquerade!

She did catch us unawares.

From now on,

as long as I'm alive, the palace
will be forever closed to the public!

It is unpleasant, I agree.

Praise the Lord, we're safe here.

Look, it's open.

This is gorgeous.

This is private.

Isn't it open house today?

- The queen!
- Where?

Hello. Welcome.

So weird to see you here!

Watch your ice cream.

That's silk.

It's delicate and old.

Can we take a picture with you?

My hair's untidy.

You look fine like that.

Don't stand there by yourself.
There's room for you.

Excuse me.

Excuse me,
where is the mens room?

Half a block down on the left,
there's a caf? with full amenities.

That hag is busting our chops.

It's ringing off the hook.

There's not a single Armelle mug
left in stock.

There are just
two chipped plates left.

They say they might recycle
the Arnaud ones.

Let's face it.
Since the Laurence affair...

sales have slipped.

I've been thinking
maybe it would be best

to push the coronation back
just a little.

What a sucker,
getting caught like that.

We were, praise the Lord,

always more discreet.

And less watched.

Let them have tee-shirts.

We've done that,
but we're running low.

We reprinted some jigsaw puzzles
last week. They're sold out.

The watches and spoons
were due yesterday,

but the ship
has been held up in Amsterdam.

It's a customs problem.
Nothing I can do.

Tell your wholesalers to watch it.

The wipes and the margarine,
I think, is a bit much.

Well, Eugenia,
it does butter the kingdom's bread.

We don't need that.

The queen was talking crap.

She said the maid heard them
make the appointment.

It's only ten after four.

They played like shit last night.

After two penalties, I went to bed.

With all the money they make!

Look! The princess's car.

And the guy. Right on time.

Too far. I need a longer lens.

- The entrance would've been better.
- Yeah, right!

In the open, with our big guns!

- Owen.
- Yes?

Back in a half hour.

Don't hurry! This is cool!

Colorful, inexpensive.
I want to buy it all!

Quiet. We're not here for that...

Where are you taking me?

Yesterday afternoon,
the princess lent her support

to the medical team
of "One Waffle, One Vaccine."

The princess came despite
the heatwave in southern Bazombi?.

More proof of her generosity
and her commitment.

Budget Minister Louis Neveld
today defended his new bill...

What good is this?

If I want to see her kiss a kid,
I'll buy a newspaper.

Really, Your Highness...

There were two of us.
I brought a friend, for back-up.

Putting a lamp into her trunk.

Sell it to This Old House.
It's not what I wanted.

I couldn't just ask them...
Sorry to be vulgar...

to start necking in the parking lot.

It's not you, Queenie,

but maybe the maid
gave you a bum tip.

- It happens.
- I haven't got all day.

Here's half of your fee.

Which is quite enough.

Thanks anyway.

You're lucky it's Christmas soon.

Everything Happens Before 60

I'm going back to bed. Coming?

I'm reading.

Should I put my little man here?

No, darling, it's not great.
What do you think?

I'll make a better one,
with more red.

Don't bother.
We have enough decorations.

Real balls are prettier, right?

Yes, they are, Constance dear.

Mom, remember
when you were nice?

Not now. Go brush your teeth.

What a beautiful view.

Although it's a lot colder
on the chairlift.

Mind you, modern clothing
is so advanced.

These gloves stop you
getting frostbite.

I see why you don't like the J-bar,
with your little problem...

with your particularity.

With your extra testicle
the bar must get in the way.

- Must hurt.
- What are you talking about?

I didn't mean to offend.
We all have something.

I have a beauty mark
behind my ear to live with.

I knew a girl in school
with two anuses.

Must've been complicated.

I wonder what became of her.
Nice girl. V?ronique Gonel...

Sorry for harping on about it,
but I don't understand.

Relax, you can't tell
by looking at you.

It's not like you wear a sign.
You'll find a girl who loves you,

who won't bother counting.

Where did you hear this?

I think your mother told me,
I can't remember.

Yes, it was your mother.

I guess she was protecting you
by telling your girlfriends.

I don't believe it.

Must be plenty of men
on the slopes with 3 nuts

who have wives and kids.

Here we are.

Thank heaven for those Italians

or I'd still be up there,
suffering in the snow.

When I saw them,
I was so relieved.

These Italians are very nice.
Always very elegant.

I never liked cell phones,

but it changed my mind.
Pass me a brioche.

With blueberry jam?

That's kind of you.

Don't be sad, son.

It isn't serious.

I'll be in a cast 3 weeks.

I'll use the time for calligraphy.
I have to catch up.

Could I watch, Grandmother?

If you're good.

Hot water never works here.


Arnaud, in this light,
you look like Ren?-Guy.

It's incredible.

Yes, you're right, Armelle.

I noticed it when he was born.

Don't be mad.

He's handsome.

I don't agree.
Where do you get these ideas?

It's snowing.

It has been
since three this afternoon.

They changed the time
for midnight mass.

I liked it at nine.

Better for the kids.

Much better.

Much better...

One new message

Merry Christmas! From Bruno

Your little Jesus has room in my inn

Look, it's Santa Claus.

It's me!

Honey, they'll be here
in 2 minutes. Go hide.

By the way, your grandma's present
is in the fridge.

Hurry up. They're...

Alban, where are the gifts?

No gifts this year.
And no Santa Claus.

Alban, go hide.
The girls are coming.

No, I won't hide.
It's all over.

What did you say

to keep me from reigning,
from marrying, being happy?

Whatever do you mean?

Drinking champagne
with nothing in your belly.

At least have a slice of bread.

So I'll be silent again!

I'm not drunk.
I know what I'm saying.

Now I know
why every girl left me.

Make me out a freak. Great idea.

Didn't you see the one time
you changed my diaper?

Too busy with Ren?-Guy,

taking care of Arnie,

the love child.

I knew it. I figured it out!

First Christmas without poor dad.

You snuck around behind his back.

Maybe you arranged the accident

to kill us both, and crown Arnaud!

How Christian! How nice!

I had time to think it through
during mass.

I spent my childhood

in Switzerland, eating Swiss cheese,
while Arnie in his mommy's skirt

never did homework,
his 3 brain cells

wired on marijuana!

While I slaved in universities,

all for nothing!

No, I don't have three testicles!

No! And I'll prove it!

Don't, my dear!
Grandma believes you.

The king-to-be in the woods
while his wife

works for charity.

You ruined me. I had no chance.



Old cow!

Selfish bitch,
you got what you wanted!

That's our mother!

Shut up, bastard.

Only your glasses come from Dad!

Calm down. Take my hanky.

Give me the bottle.

I'm loaded.

That's not Santa, it's Alban.

They're not worth
getting so upset about.

It's not worth the pain.

You're too sensitive

and they're so heartless.

You rest,
I'll bring you some turkey.

If I were you,
I think I'd write a book.

Sure, with all you know.

- Think so?
- Of course.

Calm down.
Take deep breaths.

Your mother really does tell
tall tales.

Watch him jump over the fence.

OK, all this in the garbage.

I see.

- What do you see?
- No, nothing.

Touch mom's phone - I'll tell.

- Give me that.
- No.

Give me that.

Mom'll smack you.

She won't - I'll smack her.

- Girls, up to your rooms.
- Why?

I have an errand to run.


I recentered your energy.

You might be tired tonight.

Have some herb tea
and wear socks to bed.

Not very sexy for Prince Arnaud,
but it's for the best.

Your phone. Should I get it?

Not mine. I left it home.

Must be mine. Excuse me.

A grain of rice is unstuck.

Excuse me, yes.

That's normal.

Pancreatic meridian reaction.

It shows
the point was adequately stimulated.

Do you have enough cellular lotion?

Do you have enough lotion?

- Where were you?
- I need tea.

Does 90% fat ring a bell?

I don't get it.

Well I do!

Your cell phone.

- You forgot it.
- You called?

Bruno did. Five times.

You were dynamite yesterday.
He wants to punish you good.

Working out is great.

Firm up your pussy while I gorge on your 40% crap!

And Alban says thank you.

He's got 50 pages written already.

The title is "Dethroned"
or "Naked King." He's not sure which.

This remind you of anything?

It's for you.

Won't change you back,
but it'll do me good.

You're crazy! Crazy!

You'll wake my girls.

Poor little things
looking for their chocolates

while their bitch of a mother
ate them on the sly

and stashed the surprises
under the bed!

- Sweet Armelle, my ass!
- Help!

And the day winds up
with the Tulip Ball.

Armelle has scarlet fever
and can't attend. Get well soon.


Hey, hon. Sleep well?

Here's some vanilla tea.

Fatia made us pastries.
She's a mother to us.

I won't have her on the balcony.
I won't say it again!

It's my birthday - I decide!

I said she had scarlet fever.
I couldn't give a royal fu...

Sorry, Arnaud,
but after what you told me...

We don't need her.

Armelle, Armelle!

She doesn't have scarlet fever.



Not even a faint hope?

Ren?-Guy, you must've botched it!

I even said that, for her,
we were redoing the gold leaf

on the King Anselme carriage,
last used in 1740.

I ran out of arguments.
She clammed up

and gave me a look to kill.

I gave up the ghost.

Next thing you know,
we'll be a republic!

It isn't that bad.

It is! After the excerpts
from Alban's book, that'll be next!

There's talk of slashing
half our budget!

The Prime Minister
actually phoned me

at 7:15 AM, just after my croissant!

He even hinted

that if she didn't come,
it would be...

A revolt.

No. A revolution!
A real big, bloody mess.

Our last resort,
in these dire times,

is for you to ask her yourself,

personally, in person,



I forgot, she's gone into exile
at the home of Maurane, the vocalist.

Come in, Lionel. It's open.

I said it's open!

Push the garbage cans
out of the way.

Relax, I'm coming.

What a jerk!

Hello, Your Majesty...

Your Highness.


Please come in.

Want some java,
I mean some coffee?

No, thanks. I've had lunch.

It's nice here.
Not easy to find, but...

A group of us bought it.

We have a nanny for all the kids.
It's cool!

Fine. I know Armelle is here.

She's upstairs working out.

I'll tell her you're here.

I have all the equipment.
I used it for two weeks.


Hello, Armelle.

Don't stop on my account.

Very becoming outfit.
Must be comfortable.

Yes, very.

I'll come straight to the point.
I regret the misunderstandings,

these little passing quarrels

which, while insignificant,
are sadly part of life.

Let's let bygones be bygones.

Arnaud is sorry

for his tantrum.

As a favor to me,
come to his coronation next week.

It was delayed once.
We can't put it off forever.

I know the "Give Peace A Jump"
event is important to you.

Very laudable.

But perhaps this trip to England
could be put off until next year.

we don't adore the English.

After all they filched
from us in Africa...

You could come for an hour.

Even a half hour.

Fifteen minutes.

The compass.

The t-square.

Sewing scissors.

The cat.

The dog.

The dolphin.

The dog again.

The heliport.

The paved heliport.
I said paved.

Good. Starting to take.

What can we eat?

You, I know.

That's good, baby.

Our viewers should know

you didn't want a list
of questions in advance.

Only natural.

But so rare nowadays.

The queen is said to be harsh
with you and her grandchildren.

People say so many things.
One must keep them in perspective.

True, she's not drawn to children.

But she's very keen on her garden,
loves her flowers.

Much has been made
of her stinginess,

the thing about the stale chocolate
she gave the help for Christmas.

And I've heard
she has hygiene issues.

All that is so petty.

She doesn't need that kind
of publicity right now.

Which is why I wanted some space,

as well as not feeling
very safe in my homeland...

Alban implies as much
in the excerpts

from his book published last week.

So he wrote it. I didn't know.

I advised against it.
I thought it a bad idea.

I try to bring this family together.

It's not always easy. After all,
they have different fathers.

Psychologically, it's more complex.

Of course.

I can't believe it.

May I pinch you?

Yes, please do.

As you're so close to the people,
we have a surprise.

Elodie is 18.

I found her freezing
in the hotel lobby.

She wanted to bring you a gift.


She spent her savings
just to show her love for you.

I'm sorry.

This is too wonderful.

I can't get over it.

Poor kid.

Hello, Elodie.

How does it feel to see
the princess in the flesh?

It's too great.
I'm not used to this.

That's a gift of life.

If you're free tomorrow, Elodie,
come backstage to the jump.

Then the two of us can go
shopping together as friends.

Oh yes, I'm free.

Here, it's for you.

It's nothing. Just so you think
of me when you look at it.

Thank you, that's so sweet.

Thank you, Elodie.

See you later, dear.

See you tomorrow. Promise?

You see, it's people like these
I care about.

More so than squabbles
over court and power.

So many send their love.

I get sacks full of mail,
adorable musical greeting cards.

I wanted

to thank people personally
here tonight. May I?

Of course.

Thank you so much.


Thanks to your growing popularity,

the global committee selected you

to participate in the second year
of a major event,

"Give Peace A Jump,"
which many here see as

a great leap for peace.

And bungee jumping
with you in London

will be no less than Pavarotti,

Carole Bouquet...

The Dalai Lama.

Yes, the man.

And David Beckham, Brad Pitt...

You're the only royal to be chosen,
for all you represent.

Have you had any special training?

I just worked out,
some roller blading.

Yeah, you worked out. Shut up.

Didn't Denise's girl
do bungee jumping?

The older one?

- She's in Australia.
- So what?

Armelle is so brave.

She's very athletic.

Pavarotti lost weight.

He did the Atkins diet.

Are you ready?
I wanted to wish you luck.

Princess, it's me.

It's Elodie. You promised!

No baggage?

No more at home.
I could only find this.

Sorry to meet you here twice
in so short a time.

Hope it's not serious.
Or permanent. She's so athletic.

Thanks for coming out tonight.
This ruins a weekend.

Well, it's the least I could do.

Unfortunately, we will be seeing
each other Saturday.

What do I have on Saturday?

The queen never appreciated her.

Even though Armelle
was defending her on TV

right before the big jump.

She knew way too much.

All that crap they feed us:

She mistakenly took
Pavarotti's bungee

and bounced one too many times.

Their staff and everyone
rigged the bungee beforehand.

I know it.

God has called you

back to the fold.


Through your grace,

your goodness, and your kindness,

you gave meaning
to the word "love."

Armelle, in Celtic,

means "princess of the bears."

Haven't we all been
a bear with her?

Let us search inside ourselves,
each one of us,

deep in our hearts for the bear

which may at times be hurtful,

even murderous.

Struck down in mid-flight,

as you gave of yourself,
as you jumped for peace...


who thought always of others,

who initiated that great day

of open house.

The time has come
to return to Jesus.

Jesus calls to you,


"I need you.

"Up here in Heaven too,
we need you."