Out of Office (2022) - full transcript

Calm down.

I'm not the one
who can't hold down a job.

I haven't asked you
for money in forever.

What the hell do you think
room and board is?

Okay,
let's take the temperature down

just a little bit.

- Tell her.
- Janet.

- Tell her.
- Tell me what?

- We sold the house.
- Janet.

Your mother and I
are moving to Paris

to kick off our retirement.



It's a year
of croissants and brie.

But we don't know that
it'll only be for a year.

Yeah, we do not.
We do not know that.

So essentially,
you'll be on your own.

That's fine.

I can be on my own.

Well, we would love to see that.

- We would.
- And look,

we will always be there for you
if you need us.

But see, the point is,
Missy Moo, we won't.

That's not the point.

Just to clarify, you will
or will not be there for me?

Not.

Oh.



Let's get this job.

Okay.

Here's the thing, Eliza.

You are going to get this job.
Probably.

You know?
'Cause you're very charming.

Thank you.

We're also going to lose the
job, because you're gonna

want to say what's in your head,

and we have to watch
what we say and do.

Oh, shit!

Hi.
- Hello.

Uh, Eliza, right?

Yes. Hey.
Nice to meet you.

We had said 11:00, right?

We said 11:16, actually.

11:16?

So I'm Kyle,
and you are in very good hands,

'cause I did extremely well
in personnel intake

at business school.

"At business school."

Way to fit that in
in the first ten seconds, Kyle.

Are you lost?

Because you wandered
into my work.

I am definitely lost,
'cause I'm with you.

Okay, maybe I can draw you
a map...

- Could you?
- Of our house.

Could you?
Could you highlight the exits

so I can get out of this house?

As you wish, Buttercup!

Kyle. Kyle.
We agreed we'd mute

when talking to others.

I swear, if one more person
forgets to mute,

I am going to shoot myself
in the leg.

- Why the leg?
- I got kids, man.

Can't just go around shooting
myself in the face, can I?

The leg is more deadly
than the face.

Femoral artery.

Runs right down
the upper thighs.

It's a great way to drop a man.

He sees you going for that area,

his instinct will be
to protect the balls,

leaving the thighs vulnerable.

What he should do
is protect the thighs

and give up the balls.

Question.

This is my interview, right?

Yes, but business doesn't
stop for an interview.

We gotta move
at the speed of money.

Oh, Mona thought
she heard her name.

He said "money," not "Mona."

Mona is our cat's name.

It's her middle name, actually.

We just call her Mona.
- Mm-hmm.

Except when she claws
at the curtains.

- Yeah.
- Then it's...

Elizabeth Mona Morningsted.

Think your actions
through, please.

But she's a good kitty.

We got her after we
found out that I'm infertile.

I guess I have a lot of semen,

but there's no actual sperms
in there.

All milk, no cereal.

Do you have a lot
of work to do today?

Yeah, I got some stuff
I could be doing.

Okay, Eliza,
a lot of short-term jobs here.

Yes, thank you.

Oh. You went to
the same college as Neal.

What?

That's very cool
to meet a fellow alumna.

What are the odds?

Those were good years
of my life.

Yeah.

We probably ran across
each other

so many times,
and we didn't even know it.

That's wild.

You have to remember
Professor Clowning, right?

He was my favorite.
Super funny.

You'll be happy to know
that he finally decided

to go through with that surgery

getting that growth
removed from his nose.

Wasn't it crazy
how he just used to

pile up the other professors
in his car with him,

be, like,
20 of them in that car?

Okay, maybe you two can
reminisce some other time.

Um...

Oh, here's something.

It looks like you stayed
at Mitchell and Edward

for the better part of the year.

Mm. Mm-hmm, yes.

What kind of company was this?

It's two names.

Okay. Well, what kind
of business were they in?

You know,
I think Mitchell was a lawyer.

Were you a paralegal?

What? No. No.

I couldn't. I don't.

You're kind of, like,
not answering his questions.

Wouldn't you say
that's true, Boss?

Eliza, if I were to ask
Mitchell or Edward

what it was you did,
what would they say?

Oh, well,
they would say, you know,

probably that
my main responsibility

was as a surrogate.

Surrogate.
Like...

Like, a baby in you?

- Yes.
- Okay. Interesting.

I don't have any follow-up
questions at this moment.

I mean, the ones I have,
I'm not allowed to ask.

Is there anything
on here that would

qualify you for this job?
- I'm certain.

Could you just real quick
remind me

what it is this company does?

Seriously?

Wenner Platforms is the
third-largest outsourcing

company for
in-website help chats.

Really?
You haven't heard of us?

Of course.
Right.

I...

Yeah.
I think that's probably it.

Oh.
That's it?

Thank you very much.

We'll get back to you.

I'm not gonna spend
the rest of my days

cleaning up after your crap.

Okay, excuse me; I have to go
offline for just an emergency.

Okay.

You're a dirty bastard!

Don't talk like that!

You know I love you!
- Go fuck yourself, buddy!

You're a fucking
horrible person!

I will knock you the fuck
out, you little motherfucker!

I am in a meeting!

I'm sorry. There was
a brief garbage fire,

and I was just violently
coughing, but I'm okay.

Kyle, thanks for muting, dude.

Oh, no problem.
Yeah.

Can I get my wife committed
to an asylum for a few days

just to give me a break.

Is that something people do?

You know, Boss,
if you're serious about this,

you can get yourself committed.

And I can walk you through
how to get

insurance to pay for it.

No.

It wouldn't be accurate.

I mean, she's the bat shit one.

I mean,
doctors would know instantly.

Would you consider an option

where you put it
in the dishwasher?

Although I'm the first to say
that hand-washing dishes

is wonderfully satisfying.

He makes his own soaps
that he washes the dishes with.

I reduce solid soaps
to liquid soaps.

No way!
That wasn't even my dish!

No, see?

The cream cheese
has poppy seeds on it.

Wasn't my bagel, okay?

Mark, what would you do?

- The dishes.
- Do the dishes.

This is not about dishes.
It's about power!

I do the dishes, she wins.

I'm surprised
you can't see that.

Kyle, nobody here is gonna
put themselves in the middle

of your marriage.

Why don't you take
the dirty dish

and put it with her stuff?

Yes.

Yes.
This woman gets it.

Kyle, I think she's kidding.

I'm not.
You should go do it.

Ask yourself this:

will putting the dish with her
stuff escalate unnecessarily...

- Yes.
- Into a bigger fight?

Or will it calm things down so
you two can talk through it?

- No, no.
- Yes.

Eliza?

Okay.

Play this out in my head.

So you could wash the dish.

Do it Neal's way,
which I don't know,

it just kind of feels wrong.

Feels very wrong.
Be right back.

See?

Now I finally have someone here

who understands
relationships and seems

to care about my marriage.

Is that so hard?
Is that really so hard?

What you eating there, Mark?

Made it a couple nights ago.
Coq au vin.

- Did someone say coq au vin?
- Uh-oh.

Mark, you just pressed
Winston's starter button.

Coq au vin happens to be
my signature dish.

Mark, I got a tip for you.

Next time you prepare it,

soak the chicken in the red wine

for a full 24 hours
before you cook it.

It's a game-changer.

I use Riesling.

Oh, what?

- What's it supposed to be?
- Red.

Always red.

Riesling lifts out
the other flavors.

Heightens them.

You dig?

I do not dig.

Your loss, brother.
- It's my loss, brother?

Oh, I'm your brother now,
Mark, am I?

Really?
I'm your brother now?

I'm not your brother,
'cause you're somebody who

goes out there and breaks
rules like some kind of

goddamn vigilante,
and that's no brother of mine.

I don't even talk
to my real brother.

And for reasons
much less severe than this.

You stole a neighbor's flower?

Dr. Martin gave it to me.

- Why?
- Because he's nice to me.

He doesn't need
a reason to be nice.

He's senile.

You clean that dish?

I took care of it.

Hey.
How'd it go?

It was okay.

Well, you'll find something.

No, they offered me the job.

- They offered it to you?
- Yeah.

They said you have the job?

That's what they said.

They said those words?

Yeah.

Janet.

- What?
- Come here.

Jesus, what?

Come here!

What the fuck is it?

Eliza got the new job.

Congratulations.

She never had trouble
getting the job.

It was keeping the job
that was the Rubik's Cube.

You know what?
Call me crazy,

I think you're gonna do great
on your own.

Why would that be crazy?

I left some money for you
with your sister, all right?

And it's not much, but it'll be
there for you if you need it.

Shouldn't you be
leaving money with me for her

since I'm the older one?

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

But, you know, she's good
with money and budgets.

You're the creative one.

Although she's
very creative too.

What's wrong?

Why does something
have to be wrong?

Because you called me
three times in a row.

Pick up the first time
and that won't happen.

Okay, Liza, I cannot talk.
I am at work.

But this is an emergency.

Just give me one sec.

Okay.

Our childhood is over.

Okay.

How dare he?

It's just his opinion, dear.

Get some sleep.

If you want to make
coq au vin with a Riesling,

okay, I guess.

But you do not get to call
it coq au vin at that point.

It's white wine chicken.

Please, Winston. Okay?

Hi. Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good...
- Hey, guys,

I have a crazy idea.

I know it's my first day.

But how about we only say
"good morning," like,

once a month,

you know, and then we
can spare ourselves

from this whole thing every day,

'cause that's just, like...

Yeah?

And then, you know,
we'd have lots of free time.

What is she talking about?

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

In my underwear drawer, Kyle?

You think it's funny?

Oh!
What the hell?

If one of those shards of glass

end back up in
my underwear drawer,

I'm gonna take it
and cut off your dick.

Ooh.

That might be difficult

given your new found allergy
to dick.

Your dick, Kyle.

Your dick.

I'm having an affair,
and I'm loving it.

No, you're not.

We both work from home.

How is that even possible?

- I take walks.
- With who?

Our neighbor.

Dr. Martin?

He's 78.

Have fun.

He has longer balls than you.

That's not even a thing.

Guys don't care
how long their balls are.

They're huge.

His scrotum is huge.

It's not like it's a sign
of virility or anything.

It's just... it sounds
more like a disease.

Yeah, if the disease
is having your own slack line.

It stretches with age.

It's not a fair comparison.

- He has a bigger scrotum.
- Stop.

Stop it.

I'm sorry about all that, guys.

It's just my wife.

She's going through
a tough time with her career,

and she's also the worst
person who ever lived.

The dish thing was a bad idea.

The boys literally
told you what to do, honey.

Yeah, it was hard to see
at the time.

Eliza, I'm beginning
to question your judgment.

Let's call this strike one.

Oh.

Wow.
You're wasting no time.

They asked us
for a short escrow.

And I said, "Yes, please."

You were fired, weren't you?

Were you terminated?

- Uh-uh.
- Are you gonna be spending

9:00 to 5:00
at Panda Express again

and pretending to go to work
like you did last time?

What happened?

It's not my fault, okay?

My boss just
entangled me in his marriage.

Did you sleep with him?

No judgment.
- No!

He just has a bad marriage
and needs my help.

No judgment?

If he needs your help,
then you make sure

that his marriage is the best
marriage that exists

on the planet,
because now his marriage

is your biggest problem.

Now, what's your problem?

I said, what's your problem?

Mom.

His marriage.
That's your problem.

And what do we have here?

Oh!
- What is this?

Two perfectly cooked plates
of coq au vin for lunch.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Everybody, take a look at it.

That's a feast
for the eyes right there.

- Awfully dark.
- That's because it's been

properly soaked in a Bordeaux,
Mark.

Man, business-class meal
right in your own home.

This is really the best
coq au vin I've ever tasted.

You hear that, Mark?
I'm the best she's ever had.

I was just talking
about the chicken.

You hear that, Mark?

I'm the best chicken
she's ever had.

So what does everybody here do?

Same as you.

Answer help chats.

So we're all
in a meeting forever?

Well, right,
if I'm not watching,

you'll just wank all day.

Well, that's unlikely.

I mean, Mark might do that.

- I...
- Not Margie.

You don't think that I...
myself?

Sometimes she has to, 'cause
I can't always get her there.

Not due to a lack of trying.

But sometimes the trying
is what doesn't get me there.

- Yeah.
- 'Cause you always say,

"I'm trying. I'm trying."

Sorry, I have, like, a full
life with, like, women in it.

I've known all kinds of women.
- No, I was just...

Along with a lack of semen,
I also have

a lot of blood flow issues.

Sometimes when I get an erection

my fingertips get very cold.

Yeah.
No, I was just trying to

save you all
from an endless meeting, but...

I'm sorry,
did you say endless meeting?

Wow.
This is where we work.

- Yeah. Sure. But...
- This is our office.

And I'm sorry, with all due
respect, you're stuck in 2018.

Who don't you go back in your
time machine and go to a land

where everybody went
to the physical office?

Enjoy Meghan Markle's wedding.

She thinks
being a princess sucks.

Oh.

Just got an email
from Mr. Donahue.

He is gonna join us for
our video conference later.

- Oh, I miss him.
- Oh, okay.

- Something up?
- Nah, it's just an update

on the sale of our company.

- The what?
- Oh, haven't I mentioned it?

Yeah, we've been bought
by a Mexican technology company

with an active investment arm.

Yeah, I'm sure I told
you guys about that.

Our jobs, are they in danger?

Why would they be?

My sister-in-law lost her job

when Exxon-Mobil bought The Gap.

Not sure that happened, Margie.

No, it really did.

We even loaned her
a lot of money.

Winston, she got us again.

God, I don't want to stereotype,

because lord knows I hate
when that's being done to me.

- Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
- But if we're being bought

by a German company, half of us
would go, absolutely.

But the Mexicans?

In terms of efficiency,
they have a different...

Wait for it...
- Nope.

Oh, no.

Nope.

Culture.

Huh.

Just try and give us
some warning, okay?

I've got bills,
and to find a job

that pays as much as this one

is gonna take me
at least a week.

Huh-duh, duh-dee-ba-duh.

You know what?
It's your choice

to be unskilled workers.

You know, really, you should
appreciate what you got, okay?

Because there's
not a lot of jobs

like this in which
absolutely anybody can do.

How about a "Babe" break?

- Oh, yeah.
- A what?

All right, let's do it.

- Oh, good!
- Where are we now?

Farmer Hogget
can't get Babe to eat.

Okay, shh-shh.
Okay, here we go.

Man, it's like serotonin,
you know?

Oh, I'm so glad Babe's eating.

So glad.

Your head is very heavy.

Ah!

- Whoo!
- Presto!

- Paris!
- Paris!

Mmm, that's not good.

I think that went bad.
- No.

I wouldn't drink it.

I feel like
I've brought up, like,

our official insemination
a couple times.

- Mm-hmm.
- And we've kind of

maybe glossed that over.

Oh, I don't want to spend
the money on that.

I'll say it again.

Maybe your friend Bill.

Bill?

Mm-hmm.

I'd like to find
a guy who's exactly like me,

except with a full-functioning
reproductive system.

I know, but we don't talk
to your brother anymore.

Yeah, after 8 1/2 years
of radio silence,

I feel like I gotta take
my brother out to a dinner

first or something.

I can't.

I can't deal
with the family stuff.

No, I know.

We also haven't fully
discussed the methodology

by which we would procure
the genetic material

from Bill if it was Bill.

Well, we would sleep together.

Okay, can we just work
like a normal working work?

You...
you okay over there, Kyle?

Fine.

You got to pee, Boss?

Why don't you go
and do that then?

I can't.

Why can't you pee, sweetie?

I have that.

Eventually it feels like
I'm hanging on to so little

that I don't want
to let anything go.

Look, Ally and I had a fight,

and I said I'm not coming out
until she apologies,

which she hasn't.

So she can't see me
leave this room.

That's so stupid.
Just go pee.

Just go talk to your wife.

I mean, you see that, don't you?

Like,
how incredibly obvious it is?

No, Neal.
I see nothing.

Eliza?

You leave the room, she wins.

God, you get it!

Yes!
- No, dear,

that is not exactly
practical advice now, is it?

I hear you, Margie, but this
feels like, if Kyle gives in,

Ally will just pull
the same shit next week.

Right. Right.
That is my concern as well.

Can you crawl out
under her view?

- Like a coward?
- Yeah, like a coward.

I can try.

Nothing cowardly
about crawling on your belly.

If you were a snake, you'd
think walking was cowardly.

- It's a no-go.
- Maybe a window?

Use the toilet, Kyle.

Use a window, Kyle.

Hello?
Is this the meeting?

Did I get the right place?

Oh, fuck.

It's me, Mr. Donahue.

- Hey, Mr. Donahue.
- Have you guys all met Ernie?

Huh?
Say hi, Ernie.

Say hi, Ernie.
- Hi, Ernie.

Ah, there we go.

That's Ernie for, "Hi, there."

Did everybody say hi?

I didn't know
if anyone was on mute.

- What can we do for you?
- Oh, right.

As you have no doubt
all heard by now,

our little gem of a company
has been acquired

by Quint an a Sistemas
de Información.

Based in Quint an as, Mexico.

I had to look up where that is.

It's kind of
the New Mexico of Mexico.

Cool, cool, cool.
Anything else?

Ernie, you need to go out?

You do, don't you?

I can feel the tremors from his
bladder when he has to go out.

What? Okay. Okay.

Hold your horses there.

Okay.

There you go.
You just do your business.

Look at it all coming out.

Wow.

Good, strong stream.
Good, strong stream.

- Oh...
- Fuck.

You're gonna be like
a deflated beach ball.

Oh, I'm proud of you.
- Fuck.

- Okay. Now it's just drips.
- Fuck.

You did it again.
Come on, Ernie. Here we go.

After he pees,
he likes to stare at the wall.

There's one wall
that he just loves.

Where was I?

Yes, so the Sistemas
folks are gonna

be arriving here next month.

I thought we should throw
them a welcoming party.

Good chance for everyone
to meet.

And I hope that each one
of you will be in attendance.

Do you think you could
just email us the rest?

I'm sorry,
we're very... we're very busy.

Okay, well,
the last thing on my agenda,

I want to do a presentation
for everyone

so they know what
to expect in the new merger.

I think do it in person, you
know, get everyone together.

Kyle, if you were
to have it at your place,

there would be an extra $15
to cover whatever

electricity is used, water.

If that sounds good to you,
then I say snap it up.

There you go.

It was great to see everyone.

Bye.

And I will end
the call on my end...

- Goodbye.
- Now.

Goodbye.

Oh, it's right there.

Okay, I'm looking for End.

It's the bottom left.

Oh, I see Leave Meeting.

Okay.
- Yep.

And Leave Meeting
in three, two, one.

Nope.

Do I say it?

Leave meeting.

Leave meeting.

I'll tell you what, I'm
gonna unplug it at the wall.

Oh, God.
Oh, God.

Oh, God.

You okay, Boss?

I just need a minute.

Oh, dear God.

Did you not just hear
me say use the toilet?

Can't stop now.

Ahh.

Ahh.

The window was
the winning idea, Eliza.

Good work.

I didn't know you had
that much ambition.

Coming after my job.

Kyle. Open up.

You have your apology ready?

Dr. Martin is here.

Tell him I'm working,
and if he needs help

starting his heart,
he should call 911.

Kyle, I'd appreciate
a minute of your time.

Oh, hey, guys.
What a pleasant surprise.

What is in here?
What's going on?

My wife said you defecated
on your own shrubbery

from high up.

- That's ridiculous.
- I told him that.

I told him that.

Look,
what you're saying is absurd.

Why would anyone do that when
they have a toilet available?

She says you tried
to aim a turd right on her.

That's not even possible.

Like, the anus can't throw.

No. Hey, please,
the window is stuck.

It hasn't opened in years.

You're gonna throw
out your back.

- Oh...
- Oh, are you okay?

Oh, sir, sir.
- I got it. I got it.

I got it. Let me get it.
Let me get it.

- Oh, no, Kyle.
- Oh, God, what?

- God, Kyle!
- Oh, just tell me why.

I don't smell anything.

What paths
have you chosen as a man?

You still owe me an apology.

I am so sorry, Dr. Martin.

I just don't understand how
something like this happens.

I just don't understand
our marriage right now.

All we do is fight all the time.

I don't know what to do
with this guy.

Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.

Marriage is a long
and winding path.

Sometimes it's all muddy
for a while.

Fuck you.

Woods are unpredictable.

Sometimes you go
in the woods and poop.

And maybe that's
what happened today.

Oh.

Nice. Uh...

Eliza, the window
was an atrocious idea.

Really, just awful.

Strike two.

I feel like
we're forgetting something.

- You're not. There's...
- All right, don't...

What are you throwing?

She doesn't know
what's in that bag.

All right, give me a hug.
I feel...

I have mixed emotions
about this.

You all right?
You okay?

- No.
- I want to check in.

If you want to go to Jamba
Juice get in the car first.

Oh, nightstand.

- Do you need help?
- No, I got it.

Well, it's your place, so...

Here's the thing, I give my
boss the kind of relationship

advice he wants to hear,
and then when things go wrong,

he punishes me.

I think I have, like, two
strikes against me already.

But the second one
I can't argue with.

I think my running shoes
are older than you are.

I thought we might...

Give me that.

We gonna do this.
- We gonna do this.

Long run?

I'll allow it.

Hmm.

Hey.

Hi.
You have legs.

Yeah, you do too.

- Shall we?
- Yeah, yeah, we should.

What?
- Oh, nothing, nothing.

- What?
- Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing.

I just... I thought you
were gonna ask me out.

What's up, winners?

- Hey!
- Hi. Come on in.

Fashionably late.
- Hey.

Come on in.

Okay.

I think that should do it.

Okay, yeah.

Sorry for the delay,
but this presentation

was prepared
by Mr. Donahue and myself

just to walk everyone
through what to expect

when Wenner Platforms transforms

into Wenner Platforms,
A division of...

So that's our new company name?

Wenner Platforms, A division of?

It is.

Maybe the next slide, Kyle.

Shut up, Mark.

Okay.
That's the full name.

Quint an a Sistemas
de Información.

So that is all the
información you need.

Okay. Wow.

Any questions?

This is what the dilemma is.

Like, you're saying, "Hey, dog,

how are we gonna
combine these companies, bro?"

Well, I'll answer it, bro.

Vertical integration.

Put companies
on top of each other.

Make a big building.

Practical integration, email...

Uh-oh.

Does that mean that we all have
to get new email addresses?

Been looking at this all day.

- Yeah, I mean...
- Can smell the cinnamon.

Perhaps, you know...

Tennessee, that is for everyone.

- Yeah, I'll share it.
- That's an absurd amount.

I really just want the fruit.

- Then have an apple.
- Ally!

Ally! Ally!

What does she...

Ally! Ally!

Hey, Mrs. Martin.
How are you?

How could you?

- Mrs. Martin?
- Oh, don't.

Why would you do that?

Mrs. Martin,
can we talk about this

another time, please?
- No.

Now.

When two people
are in a relationship,

and one of them
is in a wheelchair,

the other person is allowed
to have his needs satisfied.

I satisfy his needs.

How?

How did you even find out?

He told me.

Well, why are you not yelling
at him?

I did.
But an 80-year-old man

doesn't exactly have
a lot of defenses

against a young seductress.

You know, someday you'll
care about your marriage,

and then you'll know what
it means to respect the ring.

I do not have time for this.

Ally.
Open the door.

- What have you done, Ally?
- He loves my art!

Oh, he's the one?
Open the door and face her.

- No.
- Yes.

- No. No.
- Open.

- No. No.
- Open the door.

- No.
- Open the door.

- No.
- Open the door.

No.

No. No.

Strong! Fuck.

Ow. Ow! My rib!

Go do your meeting, Kyle.

No. No.

- Open the door.
- No.

- I need to get the mail.
- The mail?

- Yes.
- I'll get the mail.

I'll get the mail,
but I promise not to...

I'll get the mail.
I'll get the mail.

No, I'll get the mail.
No, I'll get the mail.

You can't look me in the eye,
but you can take a scrotum

that's three quarters
of a century old

and stick it in your mouth?

Hey!

Wait till Next Door
hears about this.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Ha.

Uh... so let's see.

Where were we?

Email. Ooh.

And payroll.

- Maybe we should stop.
- Yeah.

- Yeah?
- What a good idea.

Why don't we take
a little break, huh?

I'd like to...
I'd like to stop.

Dude, I'm sorry, man.
Like, oof.

Maybe you'd like to listen
to a certain piece of music

that makes you feel
a certain way.

I have an acoustic play list
that I love.

Um... it's got Sam Smith
and...

And Indigo Girls.

Let me...

- Uh, I need...
- Let me just help you.

Great.

Great.

What do we do?

I don't see you two together.

Oh... we're not.

But thank you so much
for sensing

how much I wanted your input.

- Sure.
- Yeah.

It's just, when
a surrogate carries a baby...

- Uh-huh.
- Stray DNA seeps out

of the baby and goes straight
up to the mother's brain.

I mean, damages
can't be known for years.

I'm just being
results-orientated here.

You could have an affair
of your own.

Oh. Okay.

Well, I didn't expect you
to go in that direction.

Like, that would really
balance out the seesaw.

Balance out the seesaw.

Seesaw of revenge.

I don't think it's revenge.

I think it's more justice,
you know?

The scales of vengeance.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good work.
Good work, Eliza.

So I don't think
I should ask you out.

- Oh.
- I mean, you know,

mixing work and dating,

especially in today's
climate, is kind of dangerous.

Will you give me a ride to
the company party next week?

- Sure.
- Great.

It's a date.
- I didn't say it was a date.

Yeah, I know.
I... I said that.

No. It's not a date.

No, totally not a date.

Excuse me, everybody.

Sorry to bother you, okay?

Wanted to invite you
to a special gathering

for Margie's birthday.

Oh!
Dope. Phenomenal.

- Okay.
- Nice.

Yeah, we're gonna do
it Tuesday night.

- Tuesday is the company party.
- Exactly.

We're gonna do this party
inside that party.

What does that mean?

We'll have a table set aside.

We'll do gifts for her there.

We'll stick a candle
in the dessert.

She's gonna love it.

Okay, but can we agree
to cap the gift?

I don't want to be the
a-hole who spent the most.

I just don't think I understand

what you're planning.
- She's coming back.

Don't say another
word about it, okay?

Shut... Mark, shut up.

Oh, you know what?

While I have everyone,
my birthday's coming up,

and I was thinking in three
Saturdays from this Saturday

if everyone wanted to come over.

Are you pointing at me?

I just want to do something
special for my birthday,

and I...

Yo!

The door is right there.

That's not obvious.

Mailman finds it.

I think he's got it memorized.

You know, it is so weird
to walk into a room

I'm extremely familiar with
from this angle only.

Um, uh, our folks.
- Don't...

- Should I get this for you?
- No.

Leave it.
Just leave it.

They moved to Paris,
and they're calling to gloat.

I think you should take it.

Why?

Out of respect for your parents?

I don't follow.

No. Neal.

No.

Bonjour, sweetie.

Je Face Time-ing de Paris.

Did you find an apartment?

Better.

We found a foot on the ground.

That's the literal
translation for pied-a-terre.

- Wow.
- "Pied" is "foot."

"Terre" is "ground."

- Honey, she doesn't care.
- I find it interesting.

So do you still have the job?

Yeah.
Why wouldn't I?

Okay.

We're just gonna
pretend that the last

28 years never happened.
That's okay.

See what I'm up against?

Did Ro give you the number?

- What number?
- Our old lawyer.

She can help you
with that surrogacy money.

- Janet, stop.
- Who gets pregnant for free?

She made a decision.

Well, I want you to call her.

She might be dead now,
but still, give her a call.

Okay? Bye-bye.
Bonjour.

You know what? I actually
have to go too, so...

Are you eating well?

Yeah.

Hey, good for you
not accepting the money.

You were a crappy surrogate.
That's integrity.

- Okay.
- Guess what the first

French stethoscope was.

A wooden flute.

This whole country is a song.

Ah! Augh, dang it.

- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah,

I think my leg's
messing with me.

Hey, look what's over here.

It's an invisible cane
over here.

And I think
that's gonna help me walk.

We can keep walking.
Come on, now.

Keep up, now.
Come on.

Wait a second.
My other leg's messing with me.

- Oh, both legs.
- Both of them are messed up.

And look over here.

It's an invisible walker.

My luck has changed.
Look at that.

- Oh, my God.
- I'll take that.

Put it right here.

Ooh, I'm way too young to be
feeling like this, you know.

Oh, oh, oh, ooh, wait a second.

My wrists are hurting me.
They're hurting me really bad.

Can you please just take this
invisible walker from me?

You want me to take it?

Yeah.
There you go.

Yeah.
There it is.

Okay.
All right.

All right.

You look good walking
with that walker.

Oh.

Ma'am, I can't move
if I don't have my walker,

so could you please help me?

Just lift me up a little?

- Yeah, I got you.
- Just help me, please.

Yeah, you get it.

All right.
All right.

You know, you are way
smarter than your parents

give you credit for, you know?

Hey.

I can't believe
my father is retiring.

When he started Frames & More

before I was born,
it was just a single store.

He never even dreamed
it would be two stores.

And now look at us.
Two stores!

Hello, everyone.
Hello.

Oh, so good to see everyone.

Good evening, and hola evening.

Excuse me.

You obviously heard me
giving a toast.

So good to see you all here,

and I'm glad
that no one got caught

in that accident on Route 15.

From what I saw,
it was pretty rough stuff,

and I hope no children
were badly hurt.

Okay.
It gives me great pleasure

to introduce our new owner.

He is a man from another
culture, the Mexican culture,

which they've been
in the news a lot lately,

as you know,
viz-a-viz the border.

Wherever you stand politically,
I think we can all agree

that the separating of families,

however well-intentioned,
was clearly ineffective.

And for that,
on behalf of our country,

I hereby formally apologize.

And now please welcome
Senor X Fernandez!

Thank you.

I had no idea
any of that was going on.

The only American news
I watch is tennis.

Oh.

My name is Sergio Fernandez.

I buy good companies,

and I make them
fantastic companies.

My father lets me buy
one company every two years.

I pick it.

I buy it.

I turn it around.

Let's see what I can do.
Three companies so far.

First and third, big successes.
Big.

Middle one was difficult,
because

I started to build a house,
right,

and a lot of little details.

A lot of tiny decisions to make.

In the middle of it,
my contractor went bankrupt.

It's a crazy story.

The house came out great,
two swimming pools.

Wonderful. In Montecito.
Gorgeous.

It sounds like it's stunning.

I know, and I couldn't
enjoy it for a while,

because the company...

and a lot of people
lost their jobs.

It was a family owned company,
not unlike... and...

But you know what?
You live and learn.

And I'll never touch
textiles again.

Anyway, look, that's done.

My vision for this company
is big.

I ask you,
how big is your vision?

Triple it!

You folks make so many sales
a year, like, X sales.

Well, imagine 3X sales!

There's nothing we can't do!

We work hard.

We work harder.

Till we are as hard as a rock.

Tonight we celebrate
our new strength.

Tonight is champagne.
Tonight is caviar.

Tonight is coke
off each other's tits.

Questions.

Sir.
- Are we gonna have new emails?

We are.

Yes.

Are we gonna have access
to the old emails?

'Cause, you know,
I reference those with clients.

That's wonderful.
That's a follow-up,

and we thank you for that.

That's a question for IT.
- Okay.

But if that functionality is
available, you will have it.

Yes.

Yellow dress.
- Oh, thank you.

I've had it since college.

With the email address,
will we be able

to forward from our old
email address

to our new email address or...

Attention, everybody.

This is not just
a simple work function.

It's also a birthday party.

Happy birthday!

What are you... what are
you... what are you doing?

I wanted to have a
little surprise for you.

Party inside a party.
Are you surprised?

Yes, dear, I am very surprised.

- Good.
- Thank you.

I didn't get her anything.

All that matters
is that you're here.

Got you that.

Winston,
we said no gifts this year.

I'm sorry.
My passion for you, it's...

- Come here for a second.
- I had to.

She's meeting me here.

She's gorgeous.

- Yes.
- Oh, it's magnificent.

You said I'm up or down
for anything or anyone.

Yeah, I needed results, so...

Why up or down?

Well, I forgot
which way was more fun.

- Thank you.
- I guess they both work.

I hope you like it.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God.

Hopefully, this spices
things up for you guys.

- Wow.
- I have a cousin

in the nightgown business,

and this is a typical lattice.

Do you mind displaying it
on your body?

- On my body?
- Yeah.

You don't have to...
You don't have to.

Absolutely.
Don't worry.

I'm happily married, so just...

It looks so breathable.

And red is Bill's
favorite color.

That's wonderful.

Bill's the man she hopes will
contribute semen to our quest

for a child,
because I have a lot of semen,

but it doesn't...
- We know.

- Retain much sperm.
- We know.

- Wow. What's next?
- I just need you for a second.

Thanks so much.
- Just... just... just give us...

Give us a second.
- Real quick.

What... wait.
What are you doing?

- I'm going shopping.
- No.

Hi.

Sorry to interrupt.

We're your neighbors
from next door.

And this is my friend Neal.

We met at Princeton,
where he was

the valedictorian
and an incredible poet

and perhaps has something
beautiful to share

on the topic of retirement.

Yeah.

So happy you're retiring.

You know, I hope you find
a new passion.

Painting. You know?

Go to a rec center.

Look at me.
Look at my hands.

Look at my hands.

Like a bird.

Ohh.

Oh, my gosh, a massage?

Yes.
Yes, yes, I certainly will.

Thank you.

Chuck brings his table
right to your bouse.

Really?
He'll bring it to my house?

- Yes.
- That's so nice.

Chuck just goes up and down.

You'll feel relaxed.

You'll escape your reality.

Oh, my... and how
do you know Chuck?

I'm Chuck.

Right?
- Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.
That's my masseuse name.

- Thank you, Kyle.
- You're welcome.

Thank you very much.

I'd be happy
to give you a massage

if you want a massage.

Happy birthday.

- Oh, Eliza. Really?
- Thank you.

I did feel like I had to.

This paper's so pretty.
Thank you.

I know you the like
the color, so...

You didn't have to
get me anything.

This is...

- Oh, tea kettle.
- Oh, my gosh, a tea kettle.

Eliza!

That's perfect for you.

That is very thoughtful, Eliza.

Thank you.

Yep, I thought it out,
and I realized

that's what you need most,
right?

Yeah.
You did not have to

get me a thing, truly.

Ding-dong. Final gift.
Best for last.

Happy birthday, Margie.
- Oh.

- Here you go.
- Oh!

What a lovely pot, Mark.

Open it.

Okay.

Uh-oh.
- It's coq au vin.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

It's my recipe right there.

Pretty rude, actually,

to bring dinner
to a dinner party.

That's rude, Mark.

We talked so much about it.

I just wanted to show
you my recipe, and...

- It smells great.
- Wow.

- Happy birthday.
- That is very thoughtful.

Absolutely.

You should eat it.

I certainly couldn't.

No.

Give it a taste.

- Dear...
- Hmm?

Please try it, Margie.

It'll never be as good
as it is right now.

Hmm.

I'll just... you know, I'll just...

I'll just try a little bit,
a little taste of it.

Yeah.

Margie,
you don't have to eat that.

I know.
Well, it's a gift,

and I feel bad.

I'll just take a single bite.
Okay.

Mmm. Mmm.

That is very nice.

It is very nice, Mark.

- Very nice, Mark.
- Oh, man.

So whose would you say
is better?

Between Mark and Winston?
- Thank you.

They are... they are
both excellent.

Both excellent.
- God.

Feel like 50 bucks.

Winston.

Hey, this is silly, okay?

This is silly. Why don't you
just try a bite, okay?

You can have two great dishes.

Come on. Just try it.
- Try it, Winnie.

Give it a whirl.
- Try it.

- Try a bite of what?
- The coq au vin.

- Oh, I would love to.
- Okay.

It's my favorite dish.

I'd love to try some coq au vin.

Okay, and where should
I point the fork?

'Cause it's not into this
big dish of dog shit.

This chicken has no evidence
of red wine's involvement

at all, so I can't even possibly

imagine how that's coq au vin,
so someone please tell me,

where's the coq au vin?
'Cause I'd love to try some.

Oh, is it hiding under here?

Is it hiding under this wet,
undercooked, rubbery chicken

that's clearly overly
salted and under-peppered,

by the way, Mark?

It's not... it's not under there.

So has anybody
seen any coq au vin?

'Cause I'd love to try it.

I don't see any evidence
of red wine in here.

I don't see any evidence
of red wine in here.

Let's just get down...
Should we just get down

to the depths of it?
Yeah, no,

even at the bottom of the dish
I don't see an ounce

of coq au vin, so I'm sorry,

it's not in there, all right?

So I don't know what this game
is that you're playing, Mark.

Oh, you just keep taking bites
calmly

like none of this is happening?

Keep playing the game, Mark.

I just want to apologize
for everything.

Enjoy the party without me.

And happy birthday, baby.
I love you.

We'll talk about it at home.
- I don't want...

I'll go wait in the car!

I'm not cut out for this!

Beat it.

- Hi.
- Oh.

Oh.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No, you're good.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- I'm sorry.

Pardon me.

- Mitchell and Edward.
- Yeah.

Those are the two that you
were a surrogate for, right?

Mm-hmm.

It may be important.

It's okay.

There might be, like,
a breach of contract issue.

They make surrogates sign this
thing that says that you're

not gonna drink or smoke while
you're pregnant, obviously,

and I wouldn't do that.

But you're also
supposed to, like,

take vitamins and go
on all these walks

and go to bed by a certain time.

And I didn't always do that.

So, like, you know,
if there's a problem,

guess who they go after?

So... so there's a problem?

We should dance.

- Oh.
- It's a party.

Do it.
- I'm not...

Let's do it.

You're a very good dancer.

Oh, thank you.

Took fencing lessons, so some
of the same skills apply.

Oh, good, so you can protect us?

Yeah. Well, if we get
attacked by a fencer,

then yeah.
- Can you defend against this?

Oh, wow.

I'm so sorry.

I thought you were
gonna block that.

Yeah. Well, that's not
part of the skill set.

You know, if we get any closer,
they might start to talk.

I don't think they're
gonna be talking about us.

I said, are you ready to rock?

- Yeah, baby.
- Yes!

Yes!

It tickles.
It tickles.

It tickles.

- Oh, my goodness.
- Hey, look at me.

Tom Selleck.

Yee-haw!

Okay.

I'm so sorry.
I don't know who this guy is.

I...

Oh.

Do you...

Uh...

What?

Yeah?

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

Yes.
- Oh, my God.

- You ready?
- Yes. Ready.

There you go.
- Thank you.

- After you.
- Oh my gosh, so gentlemanly.

Thank you.

Hi.

Uh, look, I just... I just
want you to know

this isn't going anywhere.

Yeah, that's okay.

Look, I don't have
the bandwidth for anything

emotional right now.

Fine with me.

I guess what
I really wanted to say is,

just don't fall in love with me.

- Not a problem.
- Just let me finish.

My wife, she cheated on me
with an octogenarian.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.
I mean, I'm coping.

But maybe she's truly
happy with someone

older and more feeble.

Maybe that makes
her feel strong.

But what I do know
is that I look ridiculous.

You want to put this on?

I got you something.

Oh?

It's just a few notions
about how I feel about us.

I hope it's not too soon.

Steven.

"Steven, I want you to know
that I'm sorry about making

"such a fuss about your store
not attracting the right kind

"of clientele for the area.

"Frames & More has been
nothing but a great neighbor.

"I wish you the very
best in your retirement.

Truly yours, Jonas Jewelers."

- I meant every word.
- Mm.

For when you replace
the tea kettle.

Yeah.

And therefore,
I deduced the diamonds

must be in some crevice
of the countess's body,

Ridiculous!

I have been searched.

Yes, but thoroughly?

I have brought in a specialist.

Good evening, madame.

- Good evening, sir.
- Good evening, sir.

Hi.

We should go somewhere.

Yeah. You sure Kyle's
gonna be all right?

Yeah.
He's a grown man.

You've read and reread that
dating profile many times,

so if he missed something,
that's kind of a choice.

He met that girl
on a dating app?

- Yeah.
- And you knew?

- Yeah.
- Why didn't you stop him?

Why would I do that?
He didn't want me to do that.

Were you helping him?

Yeah, a little.

You might have put
the nail in the coffin

of their marriage.

Well, the builder of the coffin

is not the killer of the person.

Coffin builder actually serves
a very essential service.

Yeah, but the coffin builder
is not the hero.

Like, he's the weird guy
with the long face

and the creepy music.

Nobody ever says,
"Oh, thank goodness

for the coffin builder."

Nobody's looking
forward to that.

That's just a casting issue.

Like, imagine Ryan Reynolds
in that role.

Mm-hmm.

That's cash money.

The stuff you do
has consequences.

The stuff?

Yeah, with Kyle.

And you egged Margie
into trying the coq au vin

in front of Winston.

Margie wanted the coq au vin.

Did you see the look
on her face?

She was waiting for permission.

You stole a sweet,
old man's tea kettle.

What makes him sweet?

'Cause he's old?

Have you talked
to an old person?

Eliza.

Okay.

I know that tone.

And I know that look.

- Where are you going?
- You're boring.

- You're reckless.
- You're a bystander.

Well, you're an agitator.

I'm an alligator?

That's a compliment.

Alligator is a very
powerful animal.

- Where are the diamonds?
- I don't know.

You cand find them, can you?
- Oh, God, you're the queen.

I am the queen.
Tell me again.

You're not the queen.
I know the queen.

She's old.

Do you want these diamonds
or not?

I've got to find the diamonds.

Well, I don't want you
to find the diamonds.

- Okay, but...
- You know what I'll give you?

- What's that?
- I'll give you maybe a ruby.

- Oh, no.
- Maybe a ruby.

- Oh, no.
- That's all you fuckin'...

That's all you fuckin' get.
- Oh, it's my job.

I gotta do my job.
- Do your job then.

It's not working.

And that's why it's not working.

Good thing I don't know.

Good thing I don't know.
Try harder.

Try harder.
- Oh, please.

Nope. That's not it.

Nope.
That's not it.

Nope.
That's not it.

Still not finding them.

Still not finding them.

Hi.

Okay.

Oh, fuck.

No. Fuck.

Hey.
Buddy, can you get up?

Wake up.

Seriously, can you please
just get the fuck out?

Hey, dude,
I really need you to go.

I work from home.

I'm about to get on
a video conference, so...

I'm up.

Okay, guy, come on.

You gotta go.
Let's go.

Okay.
Never mind.

You just stay here.

Please don't move.

Uh...

Wow.
What a night.

I woke up with pictures
of people in my phone

that I don't even know.

And it's not even
an iPhone anymore.

Thank you all for coming
to my birthday celebration.

Winston is out at
the grocery store shopping.

I am not.

I'm specifically not there.

Please go to the grocery store.

So, Kyle, how was she?

Oh, yeah. Fine.

Well, you two seemed
to be hitting it off.

You know, somewhat.

Come on, dude.
Spill.

Look, this isn't a locker room.

I'm not here to tell you
who grabbed who,

how long it was grabbed,
or what historical character

did the grabbing.

No, they're called
private parts for a reason.

Done with conversation.

Okay.

Uh, you get home okay, Eliza?

I did.

I'm gonna throw up.

Whoa.

Wow.

Oh, I'm never gonna drink again.

Thank you.

It's for the cat.

It's not for you.

It's for the cat.

The cat still loves you.

I know the difference.

I wouldn't eat
out of a cat bowl.

I was saying it to be nice.

I miss the army.

No, electricity is optional.

No, electricity is not optional.

Have you heard of cave people?

Oh, my God.

Okay, just, like,
act professionally

and you'll have electricity
and a job, like a normal adult.

Did Mom tell you to say that?

Did she?

Dad?
- No.

- Was it Dad?
- Might have been Dad.

Who literally gave you money
to make sure I never forget

that I'm the fuck up?

Liza.

Hmm?

Look, I believe
in reprogramming our brains.

What?
I do it for myself.

You take a decision you've made
that was impulsive and, like,

not at all good, and you, like,
imagine being in that moment

and making a different decision.

Follow it through
to a better outcome.

Hold this in your hand.

Close your eyes.

It'll create a sense
memory and help

activate the new brain pathways
that we're about to build.

Let's go to an early
memory, a bad decision,

when these pathways
were first formed.

I can't think of anything.

When you mailed in
a resignation letter for Dad.

Why does no one in our
family let me forget that?

When you almost drowned
trying to save a penguin.

- Oh, that one.
- When you...

Do the penguin.
Do the penguin one.

Okay.

You were six, right?
- Yeah.

Imagine you're there again,
okay, as a six-year-old.

What do you see?
- I see her looking at me.

- Where are you?
- I'm climbing the railing.

Is that a good idea?

Yeah, 'cause I'm little,
and I need to see better.

Okay, then what happens?

She tilts her head,
and I tilt my head,

and we're, like, communicating.

Are you really,
or did you both just

tilt your heads, Liza?

Because tilted heads
doesn't mean anything.

I feel you don't get
how penguins think.

Okay, Liza, stop fighting it.

Close your eyes.

Then what happens?

She looks up
and takes a step and slips.

And then what happens?

And she falls in the water,
and I think she's drowning.

And then?

And then I jump in after her,

'cause I have to save her.
- Okay.

Wait, wait, wait.
Now back up.

You're there.
You see the penguin fall in.

Now, Liza, instead of
jumping in, stop and think.

- No, there's no time.
- Okay, you stop and think.

You think, "The penguin
can swim, and I can't swim.

The penguin will be okay."
- No.

"Yeah.
And I might not."

You think...
- But...

"No. No.
The best course of action

is not to follow my instincts."
- But the penguin...

No. Fuck the penguin.

Fuck the penguin.

Fuck the penguin.

Fuck the penguin.

Hello?

Hey.

Eliza, you are right on time.

You look rested.

- Wow.
- Shh!

Hey.
No negative energy.

So we both wanted
you to hear this.

We wanted to see you...

Also...

I can't hear you.

We just wanted to make sure...

This is for me?

Oh. Hello.

Look whose beautiful eyes
are open.

- Oh, are they open?
- They're open.

Let me see.

Come here and see
those beautiful...

Oh, they're... too late, closed.

I haven't seen her eyes yet.

She falls asleep immediately.

You know what they look like.
We should let her sleep.

No, no, no, no.
We're gonna stay on a schedule.

We said we would.

We just wanted to thank you.

For what?

Wh... for everything
I just said.

For making us a family.

I honestly never thought
we'd get here.

- Yeah.
- Really?

Mm-hmm.

Ohh.

It's her birthday.

We each have one.

I wasn't expecting a gift.

Well, what were you expecting?

It's just, at the end, I wasn't

really doing a lot
of walking, and I couldn't

keep my vitamins down.

And I did a lot of things
on the do-not-do list.

Actually, I had McDonald's.

All the time.

I thought the baby might come
out looking like a hamburger.

I did have a few sips of wine.

Oh, well.

- A little bit.
- Yeah, sips.

I had a lot of sips of wine.

Okay, stop.

It's okay.
- And when you sent me

to that wellness spa,

I actually just went to Vegas.

It was really hard at the end.
- Well...

You know, I hated
being pregnant, and I...

I acted out,
and I'm really sorry.

Hmm.

Hey, if we were to do this
all over again,

whatever you did,
I would want you to do it

precisely the same way,
because she is perfect.

Really?

She is.

Eliza,
meet Jennifer Eliza Michaels.

What?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I...

Okay.

What is this?

There is just
so much wrong here.

And then you do this.

After we part,
I wanted you to remember

that we weren't always awful.

Winston, can you be
a dear and get me some more

chamomile tea, please?

Winston.

Dear.

The chamomile?

Whatever point
you're trying to make...

Excuse me.

Hey, what's that white
on Margie's screen?

What are you talking about?

Is that smoke?

Oh, maybe that's just
steam from the kettle?

That's some awfully dark steam.

- Oh!
- Oh, no.

- Oh, my God.
- Stay calm.

It will probably
shut itself off.

These things are made
to turn themselves off.

- Shit.
- Margie?

Hey.
Margie!

Stop yelling.

They can't hear us.
Call the house.

Right. Right.
She's not in my contacts.

- You don't have her number?
- We all just log on.

I mean, does anybody have it?

The only number we need is 911.

- 911.
- Hi.

Yes, there's a fire.

It's not at my house.
It's at my coworker's,

and I see her
on our video conference.

Ma'am, ma'am, do you
have an address for me?

Her address.

What... does anyone
have her address?

No... nobody?
- I don't know it.

You should be writing
these things down!

- I'll start doing that!
- What's her last name?

What's her last name?

Really?

- Relk.
- Roark?

Rock.
- Relk.

- Revel.
- Reep?

Ripe?
- Revolver.

We just going in Google
and typing in R

and seeing what comes up
afterward?

Ma'am, we're gonna need a name.

Okay, they're gonna need an
address or a name.

She's kind of being
a dick about it.

I'm calling HR.

One.

Two.
- I don't know.

I think it's by
a Starbucks, maybe.

They have the cups a lot.

Repeat options.

Or maybe she just had
lots of Starbucks cups

that she, like, saves.
You know how people do that?

She could be hoarding the cups.

Representative.

Look, how many Margie
and Winstons can there be?

Tell them they were
thinking of adding a pool.

So look for a backyard that's
big enough to have a pool.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

It's starting to go out
on its own.

- Don't. Don't.
- Whoa. Whoa.

Don't. Don't, don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't, don't!

Oh!

They could get trapped in there

and totally die from the smoke.

No one's gonna
tell me I'm wrong?

Okay, I gotta go over there.

What? Where?

I don't know where.

You're just gonna
look everywhere?

It's stupid to just run
around the neighborhood.

Make a grid.
Search it methodically.

Even then, you're probably not
gonna find the girl's body.

Okay, someone from HR
will get back to me.

Just stay put.

I can't just do nothing.

What do you think
you can really do?

Eliza, you cannot go.

You are not a fireman.

It will be a liability
to the company.

No, Eliza, you go,
and that's strike three.

Eliza!

Come on.

Oh, what the hell?

- Oh!
- Fire truck! Fire truck!

- Fire truck! Fire truck!
- Fire truck! Fire truck!

- Fire truck!
- Yeah!

Signal. Signal. Signal. Signal.

Okay.
- I can't believe this.

You're okay.

Hey, we were so worried.
- Oh, my gosh.

Looks like the fire's
contained to the office.

My curtains. I...

We'll steal
the neighbor's curtains.

Okay.

What on Earth
could have caused this?

We'll never know.

Hey, guys,
HR just got back to me.

You would not believe how close
we all live to each other.

- Sir.
- Oh, shit.

A real fire.

I think I saw kitty litter.

Should I go and look for a cat?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Cursory glance couldn't hurt,
but the cat

can die before a human
even stubs his toe.

- Copy that.
- Yeah.

You're totally burning
your house, dude.

You want to let it simmer
on a low heat.

This is too much.

No, a house like this
you want to get,

like, a nice char
the around the edges,

just like that.

Cocky hot piece of shit.

Appreciate that.

Hey, would you...

Would you ever consider
impregnating my wife?

Winston, sweetie,
Kyle was offering

for us to stay at his house;
isn't that so nice?

- No, we should not.
- Yeah.

Yeah.
- Why would we do that?

- Because...
- He's a crazy person.

Not clinically, no.

So I mean, I said yes.

Look how sad he is.
He's gonna do it.

- He's a broken man.
- We're gonna do it.

Oh, my God. Actually,
you all can come over.

You know, we can watch "Babe."
You know, it's been a while.

The original "Babe"
or the German "Babe"?

No, thank you.

Do you know how
the fire got started?

Cheap electric kettle.

Why is everyone looking at her?

Oh, she didn't give you
that kettle, did she?

- Yeah.
- Wow.

Yes.

Sorry.

Sorry for being me.

I'm gonna go.

Thanks so much
for the opportunity.

I no longer work at Wenner
Platforms, A division of

Quint an a Sistemas
de Información, anymore.

You can think of that, and
it'll make you feel better.

Hey.

You're not fired.

Yeah, okay, well,
three strikes, right?

So...

You get 1,000.

Really?

I get 1,000.

Yes.

Wait, is that...

Hey.
Let's go inside.

Come on.

Okay.

Hey, Kyle, you have any popcorn?

Oh, I don't know.

Hmm.

That's some very large popcorn.

Yeah, well,
it's all I could find, so...

Thanks for the ride
on your scooter.

It was very impressive.

Well, you know,
it actually takes

no skill to ride a scooter.

Like, none whatsoever.

Sorry about the hairy ass
running across your screen

the other day.

Trying to make sure
that never happens again.

You know, if this is, like,
weird for you

and you don't want me
to be here, that's fine.

You can just tell me, and,
I mean,

I won't quit,
'cause I really need this,

but I can, you know...

Wait, what, you think I don't
want you to work here anymore?

I don't know.

You know, my whole life, I've
had this voice on my shoulder

telling me to make
sensible decisions,

and, you know, it's loud.

It hurts me ear.

You know,
shoulder to ear is very short.

And you, you're, like, the
woman that comes in and flicks

my little shoulder man away.

And I'm starting
to hear my own thoughts.

And I can deal with
a hairy butt in your face,

but I was just hoping
that it'd be mine.

Well, go on then.

Kiss the girl.
- Okay.

Okay.
No.

My voice does not sound
like Boris Johnson.

It's not Boris Johnson.

It's more of a humble
chimney sweep.

Okay.
I know I need one remote

to start the other remote.

Oh, dear, what did I do?

Maybe try Netflix.

Oh, no, it was Ally's account.

She logged out.
Scorched earth on that one.

Check Amazon.

Oh, what, and make Bezos richer?

No, he should pay me
to watch his crap.

- Very thoughtful.
- Thank you, dear.

- Egg?
- Oh, yeah.

Put it in my pocket.

Egg?

Absolutely.

And now, "Babe."

Oh, okay. All right.

All right.

This is a tale about
an unprejudiced heart

and how it changed
our valley forever.

There was a time not so long ago

when pigs were afforded no
respect, except by other pigs.

They lived their whole lives
in a cruel and sunless world.