Oolong Courtyard: KungFu School (2018) - full transcript

Sh, slow down,

or we'll be found by others

We've already been found

What?

That way

Please let me do it

Hurry up, let's go

OK

Hide yourself

shh!

Senior brother,



Let's have a meal

Let's have a meal

Let's have a meal

Good morning!

Ya!

Ya!

The sunlight in the temple

is still so warm and bright.

Let me put on these

GD sunglasses

to cover my eyes from the dazzling sunlight

So comfortable

Thank God

and thank the Land Mother



Thank Master Long Eyebrow

for giving us food,

crystal clear white rice,

and cabbage, rich in nutrition

Thank you

Great gratitude

and praise for our Master

OK, OK, OK

let's have a meal

It's the first day of the lunar month

when an extra dish should be added

Where is it?

Don't eat in a rush

It's a little bit salty

Ayah

the rice is just right

Master

Yeah?

Our temple is not well

There are some problems

with its financial situation

we need to enter the market

and solve it with more followers

Yeah, that's good

I'm just afraid we can no longer
protect the temple if we enter the market

You know these days,

there are more and more thieves

My brother,

Kunlun Crank,

visited me last year

and gave me the "Own Goal" divine stone

so that I can keep it safe

only the code can open the divine stone.

It is very important,

you should not tell others

of course, as

the "Own Goal" divine stone

is a rare and valuable treasure

Its reappearance

will definitely attract bad guys who

will cast greedy eyes on it

You must be careful

Ah

Eat, eat you meal

- Master?
- Yes?

Is it okay for an adult to not eat meat?

I can't let these children suffer with me

I know

we haven't eaten meat for a long time

- Piggy
- Yes?

You'll be responsible for this thing

You mean the chicken store
at the foot of the mountain?

That's really a good time for me

Master, just let me do this

I'll go down the mountain later

find some part-time jobs

and bring back some roasted chickens

so that everyone can eat meat

We have to wait so long

and we've been eating vegetables for months

Please, master, I beg you,

just allow us to go out for a meal.

OK, OK, OK

- Liang?
- Master?

Take them out for a meal

OK

Big brother, is this what you mean
by going out for a meal?

I'm no longer a three-year-old child

I'm four years old and

you can't trick us like this

Isn't Fat Master going down the mountain?

You will have meat to eat soon

Just eat, hurry

They've got a lot of honeypots.

People lie which reveals the truth

Fool

Shh! Lower you voice!

Where is that?

Lower your voice

or we'll be found by them

Oh my god

He's come back...

and with his companions

It''s OK,

he's married to a Japanese woman,

ask him to wait for a while

Wait a minute

Captain, captain!

We've been found this time

Ayah, it's OK, ask them to wait

They're people!

You're a Japanese ninja

Hey bro, I made a mistake

this is just cosplay

Just look at our strange costumes,

We look like Japanese ninjas

I come from Tieling and he's from Shenyang

Right?

Yeah, he's right.

Japanese devils!

He said he would double the

the subscription as compensation for us

He said Japanese ninja accept death

and would cut the belly and take the punishment

So he can't do right, but he is bold.

Please go ahead

Yes

The fat one first

Please

my father...

Cut

I cut it and the punishment is over

Sorry, sorry

It's dead,

- Go away
- Let's go

So painful

All of you are liars

Liars

You're a liar

and you lied to me that you would
spend time with me

Baby!

You haven't hugged me since I was little

You said that you would hug me
as long as I was top in my class

and now I'm on top

OK, OK, OK, how about next time?

Give me more time, OK?

I don't believe you, I don't care,
you promised!

Don't!

You have a rare anaphylactic reaction

towards the opposite sex.

You'll have an anaphylactic attack
every time you touch a female

It is untreatable.

Daughter, I'm so sorry.

Hello?

Is this the director?

I left a message.

I'm a star!

I heard that you have a new movie
about to start, right?

Is there any role suitable for me?

Yeah

I waited for two, five and eight character tiles,

but he won before me by a single tile.

What is it?

I just played two rounds and
lost more than 20,000 to them

Do you think there's something shady here?

I just feel that the owner is wired

He won a lot, but only provided us
with boiled dumplings

I'm not going back again.

Ayah

Leg! My Leg!

Don't act fake.

My leg is probably disabled.

Please call 120 for me quickly!

Call the police!

Ayah!

Don't act fake and now you play a possum!

What you're doing now is
called "feigning injury"!

Wait, I'll ask my friends to come here

Ah!

Don't panic, lady

This guy just want to blackmail you

Excuse me, excuse me.

I'll only give you 2000 yuan

Believe it or not, if I light
this firecracker,

he'll run immediately

That's professional and dedicated.

You!

You're murdering me...

I'll sue both of you1

Is that "feigning injury"?

Your injury is serious

Yes

Compensate me...

Compensate me!!

Compensate! Compensate!

I can't afford it

You're seriously injured.

You have to go to the hospital

Hey, lady,

if he's sent to the hospital,
the police will be involved

Maybe you'll be arrested

How about letting me handle this?

I can take him to some deserted place

instead of the hospital

That's good

Wei

Spend the money carefully.

Thank you, Wei

Why are you in a hurry?

This is too little, give me two more.

The leopard cannot change his spots

You'll be locked up some day

Who are you?

My phone?

I don't know what you're talking about

Please don't misunderstand,
I'm not here for the phone,

but for you

That's the same thing

Hey, bro, I want to experience
real life by following you

Experience what? Damn it, you're crazy.

Hey, bro, listen to me

My name is Star Chen

My uncle is a famous director

but he said that I'm not a good actor
because I have no life experience

Can you teach me how to live?

How to live, right?

You should have said so earlier.

Experience life?

It's simple, I'll teach you.

OK, but you have to free me, right?

or how can I teach you to live?

- Sorry!
- Life...

- Yes?
- ...is simple.

Life is actually --

Bro, bro!

Teach me again!

- Bro!
- I'll beat you!

Free me!

Bro, I think your acting skills
are excellent

Will you be my Master?

I'll listen and follow you all the time

You'll be obedient to me, right?

Yes!

There is a pharmacy...

Bring me a medical liquor.

What happened, bro? Are you hurt?

Bro, you're so dedicated

Hurry up!

OK, wait for me bro, I'll be back soon!

Fool!

Why are you in a hurry?

Do you want to die?

Compensate me...

...compensate me...

What are you looking at?

It's over...not worth trying...

Bro, your acting is not as professional
as it was last time

This is more pretending, not
really professional acting

Bro, are you OK? Bro?

Hold on!

Oh my God, there isn't an elevator
in this six story building?

How do you live with it?

A..Auntie

You misunderstand...we're not...

Auntie...auntie

So embarrassed...so embarrassed

Can't you hold me on your back?
Do you know what others think?

No...Bro, I can't see how you perform

when I hold you on my back

You know, just now you performed like...

- Like what?
- Like an idiot

Bro, it's said that feigning
injury is profitable

How can you be so poor?

None of your business

I want to know about the life of a liar

Let's eat, brother

Come on, take a bite

- No
- Just one bite

No

Brother, it's not good for me
to just play games here all the time

Stand up and walk around

OK

Take me to pee

Just pee here, brother

Brother, is it raining?

Aya, don't! Stop! Don't pee towards me!
It's smelly!

- Stop!
- Don't get on my bed then!

What should I do?

It's him!

Brother Blast,

you have to help me to teach them a lesson

you must spare them nothing

in giving them an unforgettable lesson.

so that they won't forget

Brother Blast...

You're the legendary Brother Blast!

I was too nervous to recognize you

I'm Wei from Tiandi Gangster

Chen Haonan is my 2nd uncle,
while Shanji is my big brother

We're the same people, you
must be familiar with them!

I don't care which gang you're in

A finger must be chopped off, as
long as you play tricks like this

You can decide which one

Tell me!

Brother Blast...

believe it or not, all I want
is to see you today

You're a legend in this field

It is said that when

the "Own Goal" divine stone reappears

only that divine stone

can cure you

"Own Goal" divine stone?

Yeah

Where is it?

In the "Own Goal" Temple

Is your tattoo related to the temple?

"Own Goal" Temple?

Yeah, I know it!

I grew up there!

Brother, the image on the door

is the same as the tattoo

on your chest

It imprints on the bones and inscribes
on the memory. You can't understand.

This is just an old school

Are you sure that the divine stone
mentioned by Brother Blast is here?

You have to help me

and I don't care how much it costs

Since you grow up in the temple

you can bring me the divine stone

"Slide Over the Water"

"Diversion"

"Buddha's Mighty Palm"

Bro, this school isn't any good

They don't teach any useful Kungfu

These days, any school with a name plate
can enter the market and recruit students

- Prices for the school houses have soared
- Yeah

Hey

Little ones

Any adults here?

None of your business

Can you let us in?

Good move. I'll buy you some candy?

Toys?

Ice cream?

Teddy bears?

Remote controlled aircraft?

What can we do so that you can allow us in?

OK, I'll ask you a question

and you can enter if you're right

OK, ask me

What is an "Invisible Sword"?

- "Invisible Sword"?
- Wrong!

- "Intangible Sword"?
- Wrong!

- "Qinggang Sword"?
- Wrong!

You can't see it?

Yes!

You can not see an invisible sword,

so you have the same IQ as them?

How dare you can smile now!

Just go ahead

Ayah!

This boy is really showing off

He is a Kungfu addict and

practices Kungfu outside when he has time

It's useless

Except Bruce Lee, he's intereste
in nothing else

- You'd better not piss him off, OK?
- I see

Be smart, don't act dumb

Warrior! Warrior!

I never expected that one could
master the long lost legendary Kungfu

move "Slide Over The Water".
I admire you.

It's not hard at all. A simple movement.

Not really "Sliding Over The Water"

I know that you will want to hide
your special ability and name

Rest assured, I will keep your secret.

I will never tell!

Your "Slide on the Basket" --

Brother! I can do that too!

It's made of metal

"Slide Over The Water"

You two read too many Kungfu novels

I just stand there

When I saw you just now,

your attitude was different than I expected

You seems to be one who
would never keep your word

Go ask the person in
charge to come here

You can say that Wei from
The Brotherhood comes to learn

Fat guy,

as we're the same type of person,

I feel that your bad attitude towards me

I hope that you'll never see me angry

I hate when people call me

"Fat Guy"

Warrior,

I made offensive remarks, but I
wanted to see your true ability

Warrior, I know you're master...

Open the door...warrior...

Open the door, please...

Warrior

Warrior

Ayah!

Open the door, please

Open the door, please

Warrior...

I want to use the toilet

I will show respect, Warrior

I can't hold it anymore

Please open the door

hey

Brother Blast

Yeah, everything's good

We've arrived at

the temple now

Yeah, please, rest assured

Set you mind at ease

Once a member of The Brotherhood,
I'll die for The Brotherhood

We...

have no parents

We led a vagrant life and
survived on the streets since we were young

In order to feed ourselves,

we become members of The Brotherhood

We do devilish things,

swindling and bluffing,

and sometimes when I realized
that I've done a lot of bad things

I started to feel strange and not myself

Even I started to hate myself

Everyone has his or her parents

Yeah

Each time when I awake from my dream

I tell myself to stop being a Gangster

but they would chop off all my fingers

All fingers!

Master, that makes me miserable

Master, you must save me

If I have no fingers,

I'll be the next Doraemon

Doraemon

Ayah

Living in this society,

you must pay back for what you've done

Few gangsters have a happy ending

It isn't rare

but to my surprise

I heard that your ringtone is

Superstar of SHE, right?

Yes

I would have never though you

a fan of SHE

Master is as kind as Buddha

He wants to save your poor life.
He can't watch you die miserably

He allows you to stay with conditions

- Yes
- I thought he was just a SHE fanactic

- Shut up!
- Nonsense

He's just too young to say something good

Hello, fellow students

Are you playing?

- Yeah
- It's time for a meal

Big brother is waiting for you

Ah!

Warrior!

Big Brother

Ah

Both of them?

How about that one?

He's washing, you can let him be

OK

Then we can greet that dummy

Big Brother, he's your charge now

You treat guests separately. They're
really interesting kids.

The first meal for any new comer

is the "Own Goal" Noodle from the temple

First rule: you must finish it

or you'll be punished

No problem. I'm so hungry.

Give it a try

It's not too much, how can I not finish it?

- It tastes bad?
- Try it.

Delicious!

- Really?
- I'm not even full

- Not full?
- Ok, as he's not here

you can eat his

Don't waste it

Who are you?

Little warriors?

I'm Star Chen

It's my first time here,
so I don't know

Your name is Star Chen?

How can a real star be so ugly?

You little bastards!

- Do you really have to insult my looks?
- Which one you calling a "Little Bastard"?

You look ugly

and you're dumb

Let's teach him a lesson

I'll ask you another question

and if you know the answer, you can go

When will the chrysanthemums bloom?

- September?
- No!

- October?
- No!

- November
- Wrong!

When?

When you're in the toilet!

You fool!

I'm full now

Me and you

The second rule: if you're full,

you need to put the cover on the bowl

that means you're full or

I will add more noodles for you

It's my first time. I'm embarrased
that I didn't know.

- So, one more please
- One more

You don't have to be in a rush

It's been a long time since I was so full

You're slow

I can't eat anymore. Can you stay
a little further away from me?

OK, I'll keep my distance
OK, OK, OK...

Eat, hurry up

What?!

You don't have enough

That is enough

for me to eat

That's bad!

- Ah!
- Aya!

Aya, don't waste it

Can you stay away from me?

- Can you stand there?
- OK, OK, OK

- More?
- OK, OK

- More?
- OK, OK, OK

Eat

I can't

So you have to leave

- I will not leave
- So eat

Come on. Come on, hurry up.

Come on. You're brave. You're strong.

You have no problem and you can finish it

Ah! Ah!

Eat it all!

Don't waste it,

or you have to leave the temple

Ah!

That's good!

Wake up! Wake up!

- The fermented bean curd has gone bad!
- What? What?

Get up. We should start work immediately.

What kind of work do we do at midnight?

Looking for the divine stone

We can leave as soon as we find it

I don't want to stay here for another day

Hurry up!

Listen, there are a lot of traps

You'll suffer if you get caught

Yeah, I've already suffered

Don't worry, I'm here

Good boy

You can lead the way

and I'll safeguard your back

Brother,

I wonder if you stepped

into a cesspool

Your feet are so smelly

Don't you know genectics?

My father told me that when
his feet left his shoes

everyone in the room ran away

Amazing

It's not boasting

As you can guess, my feet are stinky

When I take off my shoes,
everyone in the room runs away

Action!

The enemy arrives in the field in 5 seconds

Stop!

We're standing in place

Wow

Internal Force Dissolution Method

That is really the greatest

the awe-inspiring reputation of
Alexander Crazy Man

is known to the world

It's a pleasure for me to see

the domineering power of the
warrior from the Northeast region

It must be my luck for three entire lives

How about visiting here next time,

so we can have a real fight?

Withdraw

We can't beat the Dominator

Stop

Big Brother

Why aren't you sleeping?

Why are you out here?

Can you guess?

- We're going to the toilet
- Yes, the toilet

- The toilet?
- Yeah

Do you think I believe?

Big Brother, do you smell something?

You're gross!

I couldn't hold it anymore

So we're in a rush

Fast! The toilet's on the left,

Just go!

What did you eat? Why it is so smelly?

Goodbye, Brother!

You're smart...and making progress

Sorry that I couldn't control that

Did you bring toilet paper?

Brother, slow down.
Wait for me.

Warrior

We came here to learn Kungfu

not how to squat on the toilet

This is a martial arts squat

It's different from toilet squatting

Listen

"Gifted Leg of Stormy Evil"

comes from the squat

How can it?

Little monkey

open the door,

please open it

so that I can come in

No, no, no, I won't open it

my mother hasn't come home yet

I won't open the door

- Are you playing with us?
- Yeah

- Little girl --
- What? Little Girl?

I'm your little pretty evil senior sister

OK, little, pretty, evil, senior sister

Can I ask you a question?

Why don't we go to the studio for practice?

I don't know

Do you know the divine stone?

I don't know

Why you don't know anything?

I don't know, I don't know

Little sister,

can you ask me a question?

If I can answer it,

and then you can tell us, right?

- OK
- Can you tell me,

how to make that handsome guy love me?

OK, you've fallen in love with him?

You don't have to be embarrassed

It is said that the beauty

will fall in love with the hero,
while the hero just loves

He will love your kind of evil beauty

As long as you practice a lot,

he will love you

"Iron Sand Palm"

Why are you running?

I won't bite you

If our Big Brother isn't just a fat guy,

and I know he has real abilities,

is it too risky for us to take action?

Brother,

why don't we just stay here

and learn something?

Then we won't be bullied after we leave

Your biggest problems is lack of wisdom

What era do you think it is now?

Kungfu means nothing at all.
Spend your life on it

and your enemy kills you with a bullet

So what should we do now?

If we can't take action,

we will have to use our tricks

Do we have to do this? We're just acting.

Do we have to take mean actions?

Put on your robe and
take off your coat

To achieve our goal, we'll
need to take evil measures

Thank the Mother Land

Thank God

Thank Master Long Eyebrow for the food

the crystal clear white rice,

and the cabbage rich in nutrition,

thank you

Great gratitude

and praise for our Master

Come on

Eat

Xing, what's wrong?

- Someone bullied you?
- No

He just think that he's not a good cook,

so he feels guilty

Ayah, how can it be?

Just eat

Eat

Delicious, it's delicious!

It's delicious!

It's delicious!

Delicious, it's delicious!

If you think it's delicious, have more!

Come on, just eat!

A mouthful of food. Hurry up!

Eat!

Eat it up!

It's my pleasure to introduce

the online celebrity and

a famous deep breathing exercise master,

Alexander Crazy Man

Master Bao

So powerful

People

are human beings, instead of birds

which can fly,

however,

we can use the force by borrowing it

so that we can also fly over the eaves
and run on the walls

(English)

Dummy

Brother! Brother! Wake up!

The principle of the sword

means those moves of the
sword you can master

We can say that you must

feel the sword

so that the sword can feel you

People who do this are
Sword Masters

Before we fight,

we must shout

During the fight,

you can defend and also you can -- ayah!

Ayah!

Yeah, you shout

but you can not attack me from behind

Ayah!

- Ayah, mommy...
- M...Master

- This...
- Ayah, my God...

Ayah!

Alright, I can't beat you now

you can go, I can't teach him

The performance today isn't proof
of my real abilities

Ayah, my God! With who...

with who...

that...

I've eaten too much for lunch

I have to go to the toilet

(English)

(English)

(English)

(English)

You stay still!

(English)

Stop!

You stay still!

You stay still!

Stay still!

You ruined my looks!

You must return my youth!

We can have meat if we catch some fish

Ruirui

You'd better check it out

how many fish have they caught?

Yes sir, no problem

How many fish do you have?

I'm starving to death

I'll ask you a question

If you can answer it,

all my fish are yours

OK, ask me

Listen

Two brothers fall in the river

the one who is saved

is called Zhiming

how about the other one in the water?

Help!

You're a dummy

Big brother, look at this

- Who drew this?
- I did

That's amazing, which one is me?

This is you, Sunlight

Who drew the "HATE" tattoo on your body?

Why "HATE" on the little boy?

When he was a baby, he was left
at the door of an orphanage

At that time, he already had the tattoo

it must be his parents

who were clearly illiterate

and wrote the wrong character

The "E" is written as "F"

Because of this tattoo

in the orphanage, he was bullied

by many of those in the institution

He and Ruirui were brought
here to the temple

Time for lunch!

Time for lunch!

- Wow, it smells delicious!
- Yeah!

Wait, wait, I'll take a photo

- Yes, take a photo!
- Take a photo, take a photo!

Yeah

Can I have a photo with you?

Of course!

Yeah

Thank you, thank you

Hello, hello

Hello, everyone. I'm Lucy Chen, a
report with Wang News

I'm guessing you're the people
from the temple?

Yes, yes

I'm working on a column about it's
hundred-year traditions

and it's local heroes

I'd like to ask, where
did you buy this?

Oh..

if you like

you can have it

Amitabha

what did you say?

Oh, a visit, right?

(English)

No problem,

really?

Thank you, master

Little Brother, is everyone so stable?

Water Land in "Own Goal" Temple

Are you kidding?

Thank you Congcong, for sending me the kiss

and I also express my gratitude towards
the "No Mercy" mistress for 999 roses!

Anyone who wants to know more about me

can click the left top part

and follow me

Ayah

"Own Goal" Temple in the rain

brings us a another kind of beauty

and especially looking down
on the temple from the sky

Ayah!

Mamma Mia!

Ayah!

Together, we just experienced

the so-called
"Storm Arising From a Clear Sky"

...sky...finished...

Tell me...

...why did you come here?

Wei --

Don't call me that

It's useless for me

My nosebleed drained off years ago

Even if you don't say it, I know that

a merciless opportunist like you

came here for that divine stone

It's been a long time since we met last.
Why do you just want to argue?

I know you hate me

but without love,

how does hatred emerge?

Thank you

I don't know

and I don't want to know

why you left me at that time

I just know that

I won't fall in love with anyone else

I'll only love myself

What kind of tattoo do you want?

Whatever

One that can cover this one

There is no choice of "whatever"

Then just this one

Since the day you left me,

I swore that I'd be a bad guy

a really bad guy that does
all kinds of evil things

Your appearance reminds me of

my original intention

Can you not be so mean?

I have my own unspoken difficulty

You won't understand even if I tell you

Nobody can bully me twice,

especially you

Thousands of people spit on the

smile of the magnanimous

I'll get the stone before you

We'll just wait and see

You're a bad guy

You're a really bad guy
that can do all evil things

I know it is difficult

You shouldn't say difficult

I know

you're so handsome

and your looks will influence your skill

You shouldn't be afraid.
You must work hard.

You must work hard. You will be
a bad guy again one day.

Come on, you can do this.

Yeah

Brother, is this too much?

Too much?

You should know the roles we are playing

We should be bad,

killing and setting fire are the only way

people know that danger has come

They will protect their treasure

We'll make them give us the divine stone

If we don't take action, the stone
will be taken by others for sure!

It's your opportunity to take advantage

You take this. Take it!

- It's difficult for me
- They will give it to us

Just take it

You're welcome. Take it. Take it.

I'm not ready. Maybe next time.

Listen to me, OK

Be a good boy or I'll beat you

You know what, just take it.
You're good at this.

- Are you stupid?
- I didn't mean to set a real fire

Brother! Brother! Brother!

Hurry up, we should leave!

What? Leave?

Wake them up!

They will grab what is important

Master! Fire!

Wake up!

It's on fire!

Brother! Wake up!

There's a fire!

Run!

It's on fire, run, quickly!

Quickly! Quickly! Quickly! Quickly!

Big Brother!

Quickly! Run quickly!

Big Brother!

Master...w hat are you doing?

Aren't I supposed to transmit air to you

and you deliver it to him?

No!

I understand

- Wake up, wake up
- That's good!

I'm awake

Just as I said!

He has such bad temper,

he won't die so easily

You've been in a coma for three days

We all took turns caring for you

That's what we should do,

we're family

OK, OK

We shouldn't bother you

Have a good rest

Before you sleep,

you should brush your teeth

Let's go, let's go

I'll leave now

Have a good rest

Thank you all

Master just said

we are family

Yes

I heard that

he said we are family

If we are family members...

so we just set fire to our own home?

Brother, are you going soft?

When you said family just now,

you didn't wrinkle your nose

Really?

Let's go

Let's go

Go ahead

Let's go, go ahead

Let's go

Everyone!

We just experienced a terrible fire

and all the people of "Own Goal" Temple

have been reborn

It is said that as long as the

master and the apprentice
hold the same spirit

we can cut through metal together

Come here, come here!

Look at the camera

Yeah, look at the camera

Yeah!

"Own Goal" Temple is back!

Come on, say hello!

Yeah!

Everyone has a birthday

and when your birthday comes,

the Moon sister will watch you from the sky

and tell you

after a birthday

you've earned your age

But we don't have a mother

and we don't know our birthdays

Master Long Eyebrow said July 7th,

the anniversary of the temple,

is your birthday

All of us will celebrate with you

Yay!!!

Brother, when is your birthday?

Since I was little, I grew up eating
in different homes

and even the date on my ID card is fake

What about you?

I think we're different

My father celebrates my birthday
when he's drunk.

You guys!

Don't steal the cake!

I'll beat your ass!
How dare you run!

Did you hear something?

I just heard mention of cake

Why cake?

Is this somebody's birthday?

It's none of our business

Oh, right!

Do you remember the day we registered?

The date I filled in for

my birthday is today,

November 11th!

So they're preparing for your birthday?

Impossible!

How could it be possible?

That must be the so-called

"whipped cream" on the birthday cake

Brother, why is it bitter?

Are you stupid?

Chocolate is bitter?

Isn't chocolate black?

It's not good to have white chocolate?

You're so ignorant

What important day it is today?

Yeah, yeah, what is today?

You mean today?

- Ah!
- It is an important day!

I would have forgotten
if you didn't remind me!

Today is "Double Eleven" Day,

a great time for shopping on Taobao

We should hurry up!

- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- That's right!

I wanna see which toy I want to buy

Face mask sales, everything
at a 30% discount!

No...no, no, no

Today is a very important day

I almost forget!

Today is...

is...

the day when "Pearl Princess of China"
has its 200th episode

rebroadcast and has its last episode shown

Let's go!

- Let's watch "Pearl Princess of China"!
- Let's watch TV!

- Quickly!
- Hurry up, hurry up!

Sit down, Master

Who sent you to get close to the emperor?

Tell me!

I just wonder how stubborn you can be

Why did you do this?

I have no ill will towards you

No ill will?

You colluded with that evil princess
to make me suffer

Today, it's time for me to
take my revenge

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you...

Brother, let's celebrate your birthday

Hurry up, blow out the candle

Are you fool?!

If I can't blow out the candle,

I'll fall on even days for a whole year

Don't you know how unlucky I am now?

Didn't you just blow it out?

Because I'm smart!

I'll light up another candle,
and you can blow it out again

(English)

(English)

(English)

(English)

(English)

(English)

Happy birthday to Wei

(English)

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to Wei!

Happy birthday to you!

It's too long since I checked my phone

Brother Blast almost attacked
me by voicemail

I'd better call him back

What are you looking at? Stand watch

Hello, Brother Blast

It's Wei

Are you crazy?

You bastard finally appeared!

What the hell are you doing?

Do you want to die now?

Brother Blast, listen to me

What are you going to tell me?

Don't you value your life?

Or are you just ignoring me?

Be careful, I'll kill you

Brother Blast, my signal is not good here

You bastard,

I'll kick your ass

Why you so many excuses?

- Brother Blast, I know
- Bullshit!

How do you survive you idiot?

Even a snail can do this!

Did your mother give birth
to a brainless child?

Can you just fucking listen to me?!

Brother Blast,

did you hear something?

Bastard,

you got balls

Brother Blast, I learned from you

Bullshit

Did you get the stone?

The stone? Brother...

...the stone...is...

...almost...in my charge

What are you saying?

So you don't have it?!

No, brother...that is, it's...

it's just...I know where it is...

...just one or two days...I'll have it

I just wondered...

if I needed to report it to you.

...so that you weren't worried

Listen,

don't blame me for being cruel and mean

If you can't get the divine stone,

I'll kill everyone at the temple

Just wait for me

Brother Blast...

What are you looking at? I told
you to be a look out

Brother, we've been found

Maybe we can just do it,

kill them all

What the fuck?

You just said we're family

If your mother found that
you're doing something wrong

would you kill your mother?

Wei, I just want to talk
with you alone

Keep watch

You...

You should not pretend to be pitiful

I come here today because

I want to tell you

why I left you back then

I left because of an unspoken difficulty

Difficulty?

It must be some self guilt

Yes, that's right

before I met you

I was pregnant before the marriage

and the father of my child abandoned me

Liang is your name

and your mother gave you
a tattoo on your arm

as the sign for a future reunion

Later on,

I met you

I missed my child even more

When I went back to the orphanage

the child was gone

For these years

I acted crazy

and I only wished to find him

So you left me without any words

and you think that I'll believe you now?

Today, I came here to tell you

why I'm here

Here, this place is to practice Kung Fu

On the plate outside

it reads "Important Place for Practice",
"Staff Admittance Only"

I'm sure that

the "Own Goal" divine stone is hidden here

I've done all things you wanted me to do

and as to the promise you made,
can you keep it now?

you want to know where your child is?
That's simple.

After Brother Convex beat the
principal of the kintergarden,

we have the information you want

However, only after I get
what I want

will you get what you want

You're a mother

I know how you feel

You've been waiting so many years

You won't care about a few days

Can you promise me,

you'll get what you want and
not hurt anyone else?

It's meaningless for you to tell me this

I admit,

I loved you so much before

but now,

you're a dead to me,

just like this tattoo

We can't go back

You can go now

Get out

Master!

You...when did you get here

What you said

I've heard it all

No, master,

It's not what you think it is

I just

want to tell her

we should protect the environment

You! If you don't wrinkle your nose,

I'd believe you

All what should be gone has gone away

All memories have faded away

Even if we have said goodbye

I can't see any bitterness in your eyes

All things you give me

is just a baseless story,

the more innocent your smile,

the more I will love you,

In the twinkling of an eye

some understandings

some promises will never be realized

In a second,

I find that I'm no longer

familiar with your face like I was before.

My snowy world...

OK

What is love?

Love drives men crazy

I feel your pain,

your suffering,

the things that have passed

You don't need to talk about it to me

The past has passed

Tomorrow, go down the mountain
and back to your home

We're here today,

hoping that you can give us
the "Own Goal" divine stone

It's a priceless treasure

It belongs to the one who is capable
and worthy of holding it.

So the winner today,

shall own the treasure

That's good.

I can't just give you the stone
because of what you say

It depends on your competence

It is said that whatever
moves you read in Kung Fu novels,

they're at the "Own Goal" Temple

No matter how strong Kung Fu is,

they can't fight against a single bullet

That's not true at all

They 're a little troublesome for me

Maybe next time, you can try a shotgun

Don't move!

Exactly!

Is your bone harder than the bullet?

Young man, you just said that

the strongest should have the treasure

So why should you have the stone?

With that!

Old bastard

give me that

or I'll kill them

You promised

that if you had the stone, you'd spare them

Auntie!

How can you stand with those bad guys?

I'm so sorry

I'm also a bad guy

Don't hurt them

They know where the divine stone is

Let them show you the way

The Brotherhood has come from the city

This is real trouble

So what should we do now?

Maybe we can pretend to be passer-byers

I've got another idea

OK

This way

What? Stand up!

- Stop holding me!
- Run!

- Just run!
- Why would I let you run?

How dare you kick me! Try now!

Liang!

Run away!

Liang?

- What are you doing?
- Leave me alone

Just come out!

I can see you!

Give me...out, out, out!

Come out!

Little bastard!

Come out! Little bastard!

Come out!

Yay!!!

Yeah!!!

Comehere!

Little bastard!

Where are you, come out now!

- Come out!
- Don't, don't come out!

Shut up!

Wow! So handsome!

Wow!

Boy, you're so handsome,
I love you so much!

Boy! don't run away

Stop!

Is it your name, Liang?

I'm your mother

I...I have no mother

My mother abandoned me long ago

Sorry

Sorry, I'm so sorry

Sorry

Sorry

I never knew that

people can catch bullets with bare hands

but you have no hands now

To be honest, I don't want to kill people

as long as I can get what I want,

I guarantee everyone lives

But if you don't cooperate

Don't play games, boy!

Don't come any closer!

Or I'll shoot!

I'll shoot for real!

I'll shoot you now!

Brother, you'd be dead if you
were here 3 minutes earlier

Come on, release us fast

Before I release you,

you need to tell me the code

Brother...

Exactly!

I now have the divine stone

but need the code

You're the only one who knows

without the code

the stone will no longer be divine.

In front of my Master,

I've taken an oath

To never speak it, even it rots my stomach

Master, you have my support

I'll make the choice for you

if I have to

Your brains will spill out

Release me,

I'll go get the divine stone

You're so stupid

The one I gave you

is a fake

I hold the real one

Just tell me the code!

Brother, what should we do?

What kind of role will we play?

This time,

we play ourselves

This is our home!

If they want trouble,

they'll need my permission!

Brother!

No eyes on your back?

Fat boy!

You came back!

Yes, master, and I've
brought you chickens

You made a wish on the divine stone

You wanted me to live again

Why?

Because we're brothers

Of the five followers of the Master,

you're the dumbest

I finally realize

why all people

show me respect

I finally know

the truth, that

when you're at the end of your rope

the only thing you can think of

is nothing

But this

I beg you...

I beg you...

Daughter...daughter...

I'm so sorry

Liang,

Daddy feels sorry for you...

help him stand up

I'm so sorry

Come on, stand up

You can abandon you dignity

and cry before me, down on your knees

It means that you've been

caught by the Devil in your heart

The "Own Goal" divine stone
is the treasure of the temple

The founder gave strict orders to

never sell the stone, no matter the offer

However,

we can lend it to you

There are two sentences

I hope you can remember with your heart

So long as you believe in Buddhism,

your daughter and all other people

will be happy all the time

Happy Birthday!

Wei,

it's been awhile since we last
earned extra money

I have no pennies in my pocket

The pocket might be stuck
in between my ass

Hey --

when can we go on another mission?

I'm broke

so I have to be careful where I spend money

People go through different stages

We've committed all sorts of crimes

but now

we're entering another stage

To put it simply,

we're starting with a clean slate

Open the door, please!

Warrior!

Open the door, please!

"Gifted Leg of Stormy Evil"

starts with a squat

How can it?

Brother, does everybody sit just so?

(English)

Hong,

it's you!

Hong! Yes, yes, it's Hong!

Since you left,

I've stayed in the temple

no matter how hard the days were

I waited for you, alone and miserably,
for thirty years

Do you remember the wild flowers
I gave you years ago?

And that love song I sang to you?

And that electric spiritual climax?

You must remember, you must remember!

Master, you mistake me
for another

I'm not Hong

I'm just here to use the toilet

Use..?

Come with me

Can...

Can I have a photo with you?

It's not appropriate to take
a photo when I'm on the toilet