Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood (2019) - full transcript

This man is worth 500 dollars.

And this man's going to collect.

He's Jake Cahill
and he lives by

Bounty Law.

You don't ever bring men
alive, now do you, Jake?

Not when there's three
of them and one of me.

What are you lookin' at,
bounty killer?

Lookin' at an ugly owl hoot
'bout to get his jaw busted.

Amateurs try and
take men in alive.

Amateurs usually don't make it.

Whether you're dead or alive,
you're just a dollar sign to



Jake Cahill on
Bounty Law.

Thursdays at 8:30.
Only on NBC.

Hello, everybody!

This is Allen Kincaid on
the set of the exciting hit

NBC and Screen Gems
television series

Bounty Law.

Now, if you think
you're seeing double,

don't adjust your
television sets

because, well,
in a way, you are.

To my right is
Bounty Law series lead

and Jake Cahill himself,
Rick Dalton.

And to my left is Rick's
stunt double, Cliff Booth.

Welcome, gentlemen and

thanks for taking the
time to visit with us.



Well, it's our pleasure, Al.

So, Rick, uh, explain
to the audience

exactly what it is
a stunt double does.

Well...

Actors are required to do
a lot of dangerous stuff.

Say, Jake Cahill gets
shot off a horse...

Now, can I fall off a horse?

Yes, I can, yes, I have.

Let's say I fall off
wrong and I

and I sprain my wrist or I-
or I twist my ankle, now...

that can put an undue
burden on production

'cause now maybe I
can't work for a week.

So, Cliff here is meant
to help carry the load.

Is that, uh, how you
describe your job, Cliff?

What, carrying his load?

Yeah, that's about right.

Join me next week on the set
of The Dick Van Dyke Show

where I'll be talking
to those comical cut-ups

Morey Amsterdam
and Rose Marie.

Till then, this is Allen Kincaid
signing off from Hollywood.

♪ 93 KHJ ♪

♪ Yeah, my man ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Oh, you're looking good, baby ♪

♪ I wanna tell you a story ♪

Hey, cutie.

♪ Every man oughta know ♪

♪ If you want a little lovin' ♪

The flowers.

♪ You gotta start real slow ♪

And that one too's mine.

♪ She's gonna love you tonight now ♪

Good boy.

♪ If you just treat her right now ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ All right! ♪

♪ Hey, yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey, all right! ♪

♪ Well, it's all right! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪

♪ Oh, work it now, one time! ♪

♪ Ooow! ♪

♪ You're too much, baby, all right ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

Murder, revenge and
passionate intrigue.

Virna Lisi stars in the Los
Angeles television premiere

of Love, Hate and Desire

Saturday at 9:00
on KHJ-TV 9.

Gina, Gina, Gina!

The face in the misty light.

Hello, Mr. Schwarz.

Whoa, Gina.

I, uh, I have a meeting
with a very handsome

cowboy man.

He's waiting for you in the bar.

Well...

since I just finished watching

a Rick Dalton
fucking film festival,

I think I know who you are.

Put it there.

Well, it's my
pleasure, Mr. Schwartz,

a-and thank you
for taking an interest.

Schwarz not Schwartz.

Goddammit to hell,
I'm-I'm sorry about that.

My pleasure, Mr. Schwarz.

- Call me Marvin.
- Marvin, call me Rick.

Rick. Oh, that your son?

My son...

No, that's my stunt double
Cliff Booth, yeah.

Good to meet you.

We've worked together
since the, uh,

the last two seasons
of Bounty Law.

- Yeah.
- My car's in the shop.

He gave me a ride.

That's a big fuckin' lie.

Rick got his driver's
license taken away

for too many drunk
driving tickets.

Cliff drives him
everywhere now.

Oh, fuck.

Sounds like a good friend.

I try.

I want to send you
greetings from my wife,

Mary Alice Schwarz.

Oh, well, that's nice.

Thanks a lot.

We had...

a Rick Dalton double feature in
our screening room last night.

Oh, well...

That's both flattering
and embarrassing.

What'd you see?

35mm prints...

of Tanner and
The 14 Fists of McCluskey.

I hope the uh...

Rick Dalton uh, double
feature wasn't too uh...

painful for you and the-
and the missus.

Oh, no. Painful. Stop.

What are you saying?

Mary Alice loves Westerns.

Our whole courtship,
we watched Westerns.

And we thoroughly enjoyed them.

- Oh, that's nice.
- Really good.

And um,

anyway, she goes to bed.

I open up a box of Havanas.

I light up.

I pour myself a cognac.

And I watch...

The 14 Fists of McCluskey.

What a picture.

- What a picture.
- Good picture, yeah.

Got to be so much fun.

All the shooting.

I love that stuff,
you know, the killing.

A lotta killing, a lotta killing.

So gentlemen,

the plan is we
reverse our forces

und drive the Allies
back into the sea!

And have nowhere to go.

Hermann!

Open the curtains!

Jawohl!

Anybody order fried sauerkraut?!

Burn, you Nazi basterds!

That's you operating the
flamethrower, isn't it?

Oh, you bet your sweet ass
it was, yeah, yeah.

It was you?

Yeah, l-let me tell you,
th-th-that's

one shitfuck crazy weapon.

Y-You do not want to be on
the wrong side of, boy, oh, boy.

Now, I-I practiced
with that dragon, uh...

three hours a day for two weeks.

N-Not just 'cause I wanted
to look good in the picture

but because I was

I was shit scared of the
damn thing, to be honest.

Might fucking lose!

Burn in a massive death!

All right, that's too hot.

Anything we could
do about that heat?

Rick, it's a flamethrower.

Yeah.

So I came to the
office early today...

and I watched

two episodes of Bounty Law

on a 16mm.

Jodey Janus.

Wanted for cow rustling
in the state of Wyoming.

425 dollars, dead or alive.

And you brought him
here to collect.

I don't even know
where here is.

This was the closest place.

Caught up with him about
five miles outside of town.

So, bounty killer...

the name of this
town is Janustown.

That boy you killed...

Jodey Janus...

he was the baby boy of
Major Nathan Maxwell Janus.

Who is...
Major Nathan Maxwell Janus?

Well, I'll be sure to
introduce you

when he gets here.

Bounty Law.

Starring Rick Dalton.

Then a couple of the
jokers over in our typists

sent over a kinescope of a
little treat featuring you.

♪ There's an old piano
that they playin' hot ♪

♪ Behind the green door ♪

♪ Don't know what they're doin' ♪

♪ But they laugh a lot ♪

♪ Behind the green door ♪

♪ Wish they'd let me in ♪

♪ So I can find out what's ♪

♪ Behind the green door ♪

So, uh, you've been doing, uh...

guest shots on uh,
episodic TV shows

the last couple of years.

Yeah, yeah, uh...

I'm doin' a-a pilot
for CBS right now.

It's called Lancer.

I play the heavy.

Did a... Ron Ely Tarzan
and uh...

Land of the Giants,
Green Hornet.

I did that show...

Bingo Martin with
that kid Scott Brown.

And I got a FBI
that airs this Sunday.

You uh, you always play
the bad guy on these shows?

Yeah.

Mmm. So, and they have
a fight scene at the end?

Well, not...
Land of the Giants or FBI

but the rest, yeah.

And you lose in the fight?

Yeah, of course.
I'm the heavy

Oh... that's an old trick
pulled by the networks.

You take Bingo Martin

- for example.
- Mm-hmm.

So, you got a new guy
like Scott Brown.

You want to build up
his bona fide.

So you hire a guy from a
canceled show to play the heavy.

Then at the end of the
show when they fight...

it's hero besting heavy.

But, what the audience
sees is Bingo Martin...

whipping Jake Cahill's ass.

You see?

Then next week,

it's Ron Ely.

The next week it's...

Bob Conrad wearing
his tight pants...

kicking your ass.

Yeah.

Now in another couple of
years playing punching bag

to every swinging dick
new to the network,

it's gonna have a
psychological effect

on how the audience
perceives you.

Right.

So, Rick...

who's gonna kick the shit
outta you next week?

Mannix?

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.?

The Girl from U.N.C.L.E.?

How about Batman and Robin?
Ping! Pow!

Chum! Zoom!

Down goes you.

Down goes your career
as a leading man.

Or do you go to Rome

and star in Westerns?

And win fucking fights.

Muchas gracias.

All right, what the
matter, partner?

It's official, old buddy.

I'm a has-been.

What are you talkin' about?
What'd that guy tell you?

Told me the goddamn
truth is what he told me.

Whoa, whoa.

Hey.

I'm sorry 'bout that.
Sorry 'bout that.

Here, put these on.

Don't cry in front
of the Mexicans.

What's gotten you so upset, man?

Well, if coming
face to face with the

failure that is your career
ain't worth cryin' about,

then I don't know
what the fuck is.

Why? That guy in there
turn you down?

No.

He wants to help me
get into Italian movies.

Well, then, what's the problem?

I gotta do fuckin' Italian
goddamn movies!

That's the fuckin' problem.

Fuck this bullshit!

Don't matter whether
I cry in public

nobody remembers
so fuck that, anyway.

Fuck!

- Fuck!
- Hey.

Hey, let's go.

Take me home, Cliff.

More that 1,000 commies
dead are reported

in fueled wide-spread
fighting in South Vietnam.

Fuckin' hippie motherfuckers.

♪ Always is always forever ♪

♪ As long as one is one ♪

♪ Inside yourself
for your father ♪

♪ All is none all
is none all is one ♪

♪ It's time we put
our love behind you ♪

♪ The illusion has
been just a dream ♪

♪ The valley of death
and I'll find you ♪

♪ Now is when on
a sunshine beam ♪

Hotdog buns!

♪ For there us shall surely be ♪

♪ No clothing,
or tears, or hunger ♪

♪ You shall see, you
shall see, you shall see ♪

♪ Always is always forever ♪

♪ As long as one is one ♪

♪ Inside yourself
for your father ♪

♪ All is one all
is one all is one ♪

Five years of ascent.

Ten years of-of...
treading water.

Now, race to the bottom.

Look, I never had much
of a career to speak of.

So, I can't say I really
know how you feel.

What are you talkin' 'bout?

Y-You're a stunt double.
Come on now, shit.

Rick, I'm your driver, man
I'm-I'm your gopher.

I'm not complaining.

Man, I like driving you around.

I like doing shit
around the house.

Housesitting in the Hollywood
hills when you're gone.

But I've been a full time
stunt man for a while now and

from where I'm standin',

going to Rome
to star in movies

does not sound like the
fate worse than death

that you seem to think it is.

Come on, now.
You ever seen a

a-an Italian Western, huh?

They're awful.
It's a fucking farce.

Yeah? How many
have you seen? One?

- Two?
- I've seen enough, all right?

Nobody likes Spaghetti Westerns.

Sweet. The Real Don Steele,
with Simon and Garfunkel hit,

Mrs. Robinson.

♪ And here's to you ♪

Frank Sinatra, Bill Cosby
and Nancy Sinatra

with Tom Smothers as
master of ceremonies

will appear in concert...

There are fearful
pictures on his skin.

But the most fearful thing
is tattooed on his soul.

The Illustrated Man.

Ray Bradbury's masterpiece
of the supernatural.

An incredible journey to the
outer limits of imagination.

Hell, man, stay in L.A.

Give it one for
next pilot season.

Ah, nah.

I'm... I'm too insecure now
to score come pilot season.

'Sides, Screen Gems
ain't gonna have

nothin' good to say about
me, you know that.

Shit, you made Bounty Law.

Nobody's gonna forgive
me for that last season,

no matter what I do.

I'm always gonna be
the horse's ass th-that

got Bounty Law canceled
'cause I wanted some...

fuckin' rinky-dink movie career.

Tom, my friend.

- I met him?
- No, you haven't.

What I'm saying is
you're not gonna meet him

- 'cause I don't think he likes you.
- Why?

Well...

Four men on a search.

Each man different.

Living his own way.

Searching.

Discovering.

Numero Uno.

The new thing in
colognes for men.

In all the world, there're only
four basic masculine scents.

Holy shit.

That... That was Polanski.

That was Roman Polanski,
h-he's lived there for a month now.

First time I seen him.

Holy shit.

What I always say?

Most important thing in this town,
is when you're making money,

you buy a house in town,
you don't rent.

Eddie O'Brien taught me that.

Hollywood real estate
means you live here.

You're not just visiting,

not just passin' through,

you fuckin' live here.

Here I am, flat on my ass,

and who-who do I got
livin' next door to me?

The director of Rosemary's
fuckin' Baby, that's who.

Polanski's the hottest director
in town right now,

probably the world!

He's my next door
fuckin' neighbor.

Shit.

I mean, who knows
what can happen?

Shit, I-I could be
one pool party away

from starrin' in a Polanski movie.

So, you're feeling better now?

Oh, yeah, yes.
Sorry 'bout all that.

Gimme my glasses back.

Come get 'em, fucker.

Alright, alright, Audie Murphy,
relax! There you go.

You gonna need me
for anything else?

Nah, nah, nah...

A lotta lines to learn
for tomorrow. Shit.

Alright, I'm gonna get
my carcass on home.

- Alright.
- Alright, 7:15 a.m.

7:15.

- Out the door?
- Out the door.

- In the car.
- Alright, see you then.

♪ Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...uck ♪

♪ Chuck a-chuck-chuck ♪

♪ Little darlin'
do not let a tear ♪

♪ Fall-a from your
ey-ey-ey-ey-eye ♪

♪ Well she wrote me the letter ♪

♪ Said that she couldn't live ♪

♪ Without me no more ♪

♪ Listen to me mister ♪

♪ Please don't you ever ♪

♪ My baby once more ♪

♪ Anyway ♪

♪ Give a listen ♪

♪ 'Cause I was born lonely ♪

♪ Down by the riverside ♪

♪ Learned to spin fortune wheels ♪

♪ And throw dice ♪

♪ I was just thirteen ♪

♪ When I had to leave home ♪

♪ Knew I couldn't stick around ♪

♪ I had to roam ♪

♪ Ain't good lookin' ♪

♪ But you know I ain't shy ♪

♪ Ain't afraid to look you girl ♪

♪ Hey, in the eye ♪

♪ So if you need some lovin' ♪

♪ Now, full o' jitterbugs
from Pico Rivera, baby ♪

♪ I'ma come on loose for ya ♪

♪ Hey, Hector!
Your momma lookin' for you ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, boy ♪

Well, if you haven't tried
one with Mug Root Beer,

start droolin' now.

Mug, old-fashioned root beer
in the new twist top bottle.

♪ KHJ Boss hit bomb! ♪

♪ This is the house
that Jack built, y'all ♪

♪ Remember this house! ♪

♪ MacArthur Park
is melting in the dark ♪

♪ All the sweet, green icing ♪

♪ Flowing down ♪

How was your day, hmm?

Wait till you see
what I got for you.

Wait till you see
what I got for you.

Look what I got for you.

Gonna blow your mind, man.

Whoop!

Come here.

Ah!

It's numbers game.

It's a wild game.

Take 3... 3 in the Attic.

These three.

Tobey, one full of life.

Was that a whine?

What'd I tell ya 'bout whining?
You whine, you don't eat.

I will throw this
shit in the trash.

I don't wanna, but I will.

Ya understand?

All right.

♪ That's all very well, but not
with my daughter, you don't ♪

It was closing time.

But he never came back.

Okay, Peggy, what happened?

I don't know.
Everything was fine.

While I was doing the dishes...

And then, a sudden change.

You know how musicians are,
they're temperamental cats.

Who knows what got into him?

Yeah!

Rick Dalton rehearsal
tape startin' in five...

four, three, two, one.

Pepe! Get your behind behind
that bar, I got a guest.

Johnny says...
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish...

How's business?

I've had worse.

Johnny says Spanish,

A toast.

To my wife and
all my sweethearts...

may they never meet.

Señor Madrid, care to
join me at my table

while I entertain my guest?

I would be delighted,
Mister DeCoteau.

Take the bottle wit' you.

And Pepe comes over.

Hey, where's that chili pepper
daughter of yours' fiddle?

She's asleep.

Well, wake her the heck up,

get her down here with
her fiddle and her bow

and entertain my guest!

Si, señor, but please don't
hurt her this time. I beg you.

I ain't gonna hurt her.

Just want her to play the fiddle.

Now, go fetch her and tell her

I'll give her a fat
five-dollar gold piece

if she'll play her little
chili pepper heart out!

So, Johnny...
what else you heard about me?

I heard you're pushin'
Lancer pretty hard,

but Lancer has money.

At some point,
he's gonna hire some guns

and push back.

9:00 in the City of Angels!

Your brother here, 10 to 5.

'Cause the weekend's still
got plenty to start with.

So rock on.

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na, na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na, na na na ♪

♪ I got a certain little
girl she's on my mind ♪

♪ No doubt about it
she looks so fine ♪

♪ She's the best girl
that I ever had ♪

♪ Sometimes she's gonna
make me feel so bad ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na, na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na, na na na ♪

♪ Hush, hush ♪

♪ I thought I heard her
calling my name now ♪

♪ Hush, hush ♪

♪ She broke my heart but I
love her just the same now ♪

♪ Hush, hush ♪

Oh, look, they're here.

♪ Thought I heard her
calling my name now ♪

♪ Hush, hush ♪

♪ I need her loving and
I'm not to blame now ♪

Hey! How are you doin', baby?

Hey!

How are you?

♪ The tears that you're
starting to cry are no good ♪

♪ Cause you know I loved you ♪

♪ Much better than anybody would ♪

♪ And it was understood ♪

♪ That I wouldn't be ♪

♪ Staying around a long time ♪

♪ You knew that someday ♪

♪ I'd wake up, baby ♪

♪ And I'd find ♪

♪ Somebody further down the line ♪

♪ I'm the son of a lovin' man ♪

♪ My daddy told me ♪

♪ Get you all the loving you can ♪

♪ And I can ♪

♪ 'Cause I, I'm the son ♪

♪ I'm the son, son ♪

♪ I'm the son, son
I'm the son, son ♪

♪ Son of a loving man ♪

♪ My daddy before me told me ♪

♪ That his daddy
before him told him ♪

♪ Never wait around ♪

♪ And never settle down ♪

♪ 'Cause there are
too many women ♪

♪ Who will hold on tight ♪

♪ To a loving man
who will come along ♪

♪ And treat them right ♪

♪ But you got to leave
with the morning light ♪

I'm gonna tell you a story.

She... was engaged to him.

And she...

flew to the UK

to make a film with him

and broke off her
engagement with him

and married him.

Then they... moved to Los Angeles...

and then the three of 'em
have been inseparable.

Really?

What's up?

Jay loves Sharon,
that's what's up.

And he knows...

as sure as God made
little green apples,

that one of these days,

that Polish prick's
gonna fuck things up

and when he does...

Jay's gonna be there.

Well, one thing's for sure.

Yeah?

What's that?

Sharon absolutely has a type.

Cute, short, talented guys
who look like 12-year-old boys.

Yeah.

I never stood a chance.

♪ I, I'm a son ♪

♪ I'm a son, son
I'm a son, son ♪

♪ I'm a son, son ♪

♪ Son of a loving man ♪

♪ I'm the son of a loving man ♪

♪ My daddy told me ♪

♪ Get you all
the loving you can ♪

It's 8:32 at KHJ
with Robert W. Morgan.

I only want you to listen to this
commercial if you're under 25.

It's about new
Tanya Tanning Butter.

Here, get your self-esteem.

Tanya Tanning Butter's
guaranteed to give you

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than you've ever thought possible.

It's so fast in fact, that you
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but we've all done that,
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If you want the deepest,
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Prices start at a low 85 cents,
that's a small price to pay.

♪ A deeper faster Hawaiian tan ♪

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when you use Tanya ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Tanya ♪

♪ From Malibu to Miami ♪

♪ You'll tan like
you're in Waikiki ♪

♪ Get Tanya ♪

♪ Get Tanya ♪

♪ Robert W. Morgan ♪

Hey...

I think the wind blew down
my TV antenna last night.

So, while I pissfart
around wardrobe,

you mind going
home and fixin' it?

I can.

You talk to the stunt gaffer
about me today?

That way, I know if
I'm working this week or not.

Yeah...

I've been meaning to tell you,
the guy who gaffes this...

best friends with Randy,

the guy from The Green Hornet.

So, really ain't nothin' for ya.

All right, well, if you don't
need me for anything else,

I'll pick you up after.

I don't need you, not today.

Go home, fix my
antenna, do whatever.

See ya 'round.

Hey!

You're Rick fucking Dalton.

Don't you forget it.

♪ Till you see my home town ♪

♪ Choo choo train ♪

Hey, hey, buddy,
I'm Rick Dalton.

You know where I'm
supposed to go?

I think they're waiting for you
in the makeup trailer.

Where's the makeup trailer?

Straight back to where
you came, hard right.

Rick Dalton!

Sam Wanamaker.

Hey, Sam.
Sorry about the wet hand.

Oh, don't worry about it.
I'm used to it with you.

I just wanted you to know
I'm the one who cast you

and I could not me more
delighted that you're doing this.

Oh, thank you, Sam...
I appreciate it.

It's a good part.

Have you met Jim Stacy,
the series lead?

Uh, not yet, no, no.

Well, you guys are gonna
be dynamite together.

Well, it sounds exciting.

Yeah, lightning in a bottle!

Now, you met

- Sonya, makeup and hair?
- Hi.

And this is Rebecca
who does costumes.

- Hi.
- Howdy.

Now, I want a whole
new look for Caleb.

I don't want this Western
costume the way they costume

The Big Valley and Bonanza
from the last decade.

I want a zeitgeist
flair in the costumes.

I mean, nothing anachronistic,

but when does 1869
and 1969 meet?

Especially when it
comes to you, Caleb.

First off, I wanna
give him a mustache.

A big, droopy,
Zapata-like mustache.

Now, about his jacket...

I wanna give him a
hippie jacket.

Something that he could wear
into the London Fog tonight

and look like the
hippest guy in the room.

Far out.
We got a Custer jacket,

fringes all down the arm.

It's tan now,
but I dye it dark brown,

he could hit the
strip in it tonight.

That's my girl.

Now, Rick, about your hair.

W-What about my hair?

I wanna go with a
different hairstyle.

Oh, what?

Something more... hippie-ish.

Well... you want me
to look like a hippie?

Well, think less hippie, more...

Hell's Angel!

Say... Sam, Sam, uh...

You got me covered up
in all this, uh...

this... junk.

Uh, how's the audience
gonna know it's me?

I hope they don't.

Hmm.

I don't want them to see
Jake Cahill.

I want them to see Caleb!

I hired you to be an actor, Rick,

and not a TV cowboy.

You're better than that.

♪ Los Angeles weather ♪

Hot today,
heat at 95 the high, sunny.

No smog, well,
what I mean is, a lotta smog

Up to 105 in
the San Fernando Valley.

90 Orange County, 80 beach.

Right now, 75 in Hollywood...

♪ Run to me ♪

♪ And the heavenly
fragrance that clings ♪

♪ It's Heaven Sent ♪

♪ Suddenly ♪

♪ You're an imp
wearing angel's wings ♪

♪ In Heaven Sent ♪

♪ Suddenly ♪

♪ You are all the things
that you want to be ♪

♪ In Heaven Sent ♪

Heaven Sent fragrance
by Helena Rubinstein.

Spray it on and
heavenly things happen.

Heaven Sent. Splash in it.

Laugh in it, live in it,
love in it.

You'll find Heaven
Sent fragrance in...

The next day,

and the next day
and the next day

and the next day
and the next day

♪ Kentucky woman ♪

♪ She shines with her
own kind of light ♪

♪ Seems this world's ♪

♪ Got you down ♪

♪ Your feelin'
bad vibrations frown ♪

♪ Well, open your eyes, girl ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ I'm gonna show you
how it ought to be ♪

♪ We're gonna have
a good thing ♪

♪ Such a good thing, baby ♪

♪ And when your world ♪

♪ Don't seem just right ♪

♪ And life's gettin'
you uptight ♪

♪ You can change
that wrong to right ♪

I-I-I've been
meanin' to tell you,

the guy who gaffes this,

best friends with Randy...

the guy from The Green Hornet,

so, really ain't no point.

Hey, Randy.

Cliff.

So, you're still with Rick, huh?

Still here.

He in there?

Yeah, just knock.

Look, j-just put him
into wardrobe, all right?

What's it gonna hurt? Then if you
need him, you got him, right?

Then I gotta have a conversation
with that wardrobe assistant,

and man, she's a fuckin' bitch,
I just don't...

Look, look, Randy, I'm askin'
you to help me out, man.

If the answer's no, the answer's no.
Not-Not no with excuses.

Hey, man.

This ain't a fuckin'
Andy McLaglen picture, you know.

And I can't afford to hire a
bunch of guys to smoke cigarettes

and sit around talkin'
to each other all day

on the chance
that I might use 'em.

I got a four man team here, Rick.

I need more than that,
I gotta get it approved.

And you know,
I-I gotta look after my dudes.

Hey, a-and if your dudes were
a better match for me,

I'd say, o-okay,
you got me, b-b-but

but th-that's not the case
and you know it.

He's a great fuckin'
match for me.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Hey, you could do
anything you want to him.

Shit, th-throw him
off a building, right?

Light him on fire, hit him
with a fucking Lincoln, right?

Get creative,
do whatever you want.

He's just happy
for the opportunity.

Rick.

Yeah.

I don't dig him.

And I don't dig the
vibe he brings on set.

What, is there some old
beef between you two?

Come on, man.

What?

The dude killed his fuckin' wife.

Oh... come on, man.

You don't believe
that old shit, do you?

Yes, Rick, I do.

And I work with my wife
and she believes it.

She didn't want his
creepy ass around.

You know, this is probably
the shittiest weather ever.

The shittiest weather
on the shittiest boat

with the shittiest person.

Natalie, my sister, said,
"He's a loser."

"He's a loser."

They all said it,
"He's a fuckin' loser",

and I didn't believe them.

So, I guess I'm
the fuckin' idiot.

And now you're
not gonna talk to me?

What, you don't
feel like fighting?

Well, I feel like fucking fight.

And I've been up here
by myself for four hours

on this fucking
shithole of a boat...

Yeah.

He's a goddamn war hero.

Okay, you fuckin' horse's ass.

Let's get you over to wardrobe.

Now, I'll put you in wardrobe,

but you don't stunt,
I don't pay you.

Appreciate the opportunity,
Randy. I won't let you down.

You know my wife,
Janet, don't you?

Yeah.

Steer clear of her.

Now, I admire Cassius Clay, I do.

What I admire is

in his sport, there's
an element of true combat.

When Cassius Clay meets
Sonny Liston in the ring,

that's not two
athletes posturing.

That's combat.

Two men trying to kill
each other right now.

If you don't beat him,

he kills you.

That's beyond athletics.

That's beyond Wide World of
Sports, you know?

That's two warriors
engaged in combat.

That's what I admire.

In martial arts tournaments,

they won't let you fight like that.
It's very frustrating.

You stand in front of a guy,

you just wanna let him have it.

But you can't.

So you gotta do this
play-acting, pattycake version.

Cassius Clay,
Sonny Liston, Joe Lewis.

The colored boxer,
not that white kickboxing asshole.

They do what they
need to do to win.

They unleash as much
punishment as they have to

to defeat the other guy.

But in martial arts tournaments,

I do to win what
they do to win.

I unleash all my power.

I kill people.

Well, if you fought
Cassius Clay, who would win?

Well, that would never happen.

But if you did, what do
you think would happen?

I'd make him a cripple.

Hey, you.

What's your name?

- Me?
- Yeah, you.

My name's Cliff.

I'm Rick Dalton's stunt double.

Stuntman?

Yeah.

You know, you're kind of
pretty for a stuntman.

That's what they tell me.

So, did I say
something funny, stuntman?

- Yeah, you kinda did.
- What's so funny?

Look, man,
I don't want any trouble.

I'm just here to do a job.

But you're laughing at
what I'm saying,

but I'm not saying
anything funny.

So, what do you
think is so funny?

What I think is...

you're a little man with a
big mouth and a big chip.

And I think you
should be embarrassed

to suggest that you'd
be anything more

than a stain on the seat of
Cassius Clay's trunks.

Brother...

you're the one
with the big mouth.

And I would really
enjoy closing it

especially in front
of all my friends.

But my hands are registered
as lethal weapons.

That means...

we get into a fight,
I accidentally kill you,

I go to jail.

Anybody accidentally kills
anybody in a fight, they go to jail.

It's called manslaughter.

I think all that lethal weapon
horseshit is just an excuse

so you dancers never have
to get in a real fight.

Okay.

How about a friendly contest?

No punching in the face,
two out of three.

Who puts who
on the ground first.

Nobody tries to hurt
nobody, just...

who ends up on their butt.

That's a great idea, Kato.

You know, Bruce,
that guy's kinda famous.

That guy?

For what?

Killed his wife and
got away with it.

That guy?

That guy.

Not bad, Kato.

Try that again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa!

What the fuck is going on here?

Hey, jackass, this is our series lead.

The fuck are you thinking?

You're right, Janet.
I'm sorry about that.

Don't fucking Janet me, you prick.

Hey! What's up, babe?

"What's up", Randy
is that your loser asshole

wife-killing buddy boy here

was beating the
shit out of Bruce!

What?

Hey, Randy.

Cliff!

What the fuck, man?

Let me just say...

nobody beat the
shit out of Bruce.

It was a friendly contest.
He barely touched me.

I think that dent in the car
says somethin' different.

Oh, my God!

What the fuck did
you do to my car?

What the fuck did
you do to her car?

I threw this little prick into it

but I did not know
it was her car.

Get the wardrobe off,

get your shit

and get fucked!

- Janet!
- What?

I will handle this.

Then, fucking handle it, Randy!

Cliff...

get the wardrobe off,

get your shit

and get off the lot.

Fair enough.

♪ Because I'm hungry for
those good things, baby ♪

♪ Hungry through and through ♪

♪ I'm hungry for
that sweet life, baby ♪

♪ With a real fine girl like you ♪

Aww, what's the matter?

You afraid I'll
tell Jim Morrison

you were dancing to
Paul Revere and the Raiders?

Are they not cool
enough for you?

♪ Custom-tailored world ♪

♪ That I wanna own someday ♪

♪ With a special place up high ♪

Who's this shaggy asshole?

Hello, can I help you?

Oh, yeah, hey, man,
I'm looking for Terry.

I'm a friend of Terry's
and, uh, Dennis Wilson.

Well, Terry and Candy
don't live here anymore.

This is the Polanski
residence now.

Really? They moved?

Dang!

Uh, you know-
you know where?

♪ 'Cause I'm hungry for
those good things, baby ♪

♪ I'm hungry through
and through ♪

Who is it, Jay?

It's okay, honey.
It's a friend of Terry's.

You should take the back path.

Thanks for telling me.

- ♪ I can almost taste it now ♪
- Ma'am.

♪ Oh, it's sweet as wine ♪

♪ Ain't gonna waste it now ♪

♪ When it's finally mine ♪

♪ Gonna live each minute ♪

Hey, Rick!

I know we just broke for lunch,

but you need to wait at least
an hour before you can eat.

Give the glue a chance to dry.

No worries, honey.
I got my book.

Say, say...

Where's the bad guy saloon?

You just go straight
to Western town,

take a right and a left
and you'll see it right there.

Thanks, honey.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Bother you if
I sat next to you,

and read my book, too?

I don't know.

Would you bother me?

I'll try not to.

Sit.

Sorry. Sorry 'bout that.

You don't eat lunch?

I've got a scene after lunch.

Yeah?

Eating lunch before I do
a scene makes me sluggish.

I believe it's the
job of an actor,

and I say actor not actress

because the word
actress is nonsensical.

It's the actor's job

to avoid impediments
to their performance.

It's the actor's job

to strive for 100% effectiveness.

Naturally, we never succeed,
but it's the pursuit

that's meaningful.

Who are you?

You can call me Mirabella.

Mi-Mirabella what?

Mirabella Lancer.

No, no, c-come on,
W-What's your real name?

When we're on set,

I prefer to only be referred
to by my character's name.

It helps me immerse in
the reality of the story.

I've tried it both ways and I'm

always just a tiny bit better
when I don't break character.

If I can be a tiny bit better...

I want to be.

You're the bad guy.
Caleb DeCoteau.

Thought it was
pronounced Caleb DeCoteau.

I'm pretty sure it's DeCoteau.

- DeCoteau.
- Mm-hmm.

DeCoteau. DeCoteau.

What are you reading?

It's a biography on Walt Disney.

It's fascinating.

He's a genius, you know.

I mean, once in every 50
or 100 years kind of genius.

Wh-What are you, twelve?

I'm eight.

What are you reading?

Just a Western.

What does that mean?
Is it good?

Pretty good.

What's the story?

Haven't finished it yet.

I didn't ask for the whole story.

What's the idea of the story?

Well... it's about, uh, this guy
who's a bronco buster.

It's a story of his life.

The guy's name is Tom Breezy

but everyone always
calls him Easy Breezy.

Now, when Easy Breezy
was in his 20s and-and

young and good-lookin', he could

he could break any horse
that you can throw at him.

Back then, he just had a way.

Now, he's into his, uh,

late 30s and takes a bad fall
and messes up his hip

He's not... crippled
or anything like that, but...

but he's got spine problems

he's never had before
and he spends, uh,

more of his days in pain than
he ever did before.

Jeepers, it sounds like a good novel.

Yeah, it's not bad.

Where are you in it?

About midway.

What's happening
to Easy Breezy now?

Uh, he's, uh...

He's not the best anymore.

In fact, far from it.

He's comin' to terms of what
it's like to be slightly more...

use...

Slightly more useless

each day.

I-It's okay, Caleb.

It's okay.

Sounds like a really sad book.

Poor Easy Breezy.

I'm practically cryin'
and I haven't even read it.

About 15 years,
you'll be livin' it.

What?

Nothin' pumpkinpuss.

I'm just...

I'm just teasin' ya.

You know somethin', you, uh...

you might be right
about this book.

I think it hits harder
than I gave it credit for.

I don't like names
like "pumpkinpuss"...

but since you're upset...

we'll talk about that
some other time.

♪ Yesterday a child
came out to wonder ♪

♪ Caught a dragonfly
inside a jar ♪

♪ Fearful when the sky
was full of thunder ♪

♪ And tearful at the
falling of a star ♪

♪ Then the child moved ten
times round the seasons ♪

♪ Skated over ten
clear frozen streams ♪

♪ Words like, when you're
older, must appease him ♪

I'm only going as far
as Westwood Village

Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
Come on in.

♪ And the seasons
they go round and round ♪

♪ And the painted ponies
go up and down ♪

♪ We're captive on
the carousel of time ♪

Thanks so much.

- Well, good luck on your adventure.
- Thank you.

- Have a good time at Big Sur.
- Thank you so much.

Take care.

Oh, hey.

Hello.

How can I help you, young lady?

I'm here to pick
up a first edition

of Thomas Hardy's
Tess of the d'Urbervilles I ordered.

It's under Polanski.

Yeah, you're talking
books here, kid.

Oh, I know. Isn't it wonderful?

- I just read it.
- Yeah?

I'm getting it as a
gift for my husband.

- Rick Dalton?
- You bet.

Jim Stacy.

It's my show. Welcome aboard.

We're real glad to have a pro like
you playing the heavy on the pilot.

And I gotta tell ya...

I came damn close to being
in The 14 Fists of McCluskey.

- No kiddin'?
- Yeah!

I just got my part for sheer luck.

Up until two weeks before
shootin', Fabian was in the part,

Th-Then he breaks his
shoulder doing The Virginian,

that's how I got it, so.

Ah!

Hey, Rick, I gotta ask you
somethin' I heard about.

Was it true you almost got the
McQueen part in The Great Escape?

Hilts, isn't it?

Captain Hilts, actually.

But, the story goes,
for a brief moment,

McQueen almost
passed on the movie

and in that brief moment,
I-I was on a list of four.

You have other plans?

I haven't seen Berlin yet from
the ground or from the air

and I plan on doing both
before the war's over.

You and who?

Me... and the three Georges.

Which three Georges?

Peppard, Maharis, and Chakiris.

- Oh, man!
- Yeah.

That's gotta hurt.

Yeah, well, I didn't get it.

McQueen did it.

And frankly,
I never had a chance.

Ten days isolation, Hilts.

Captain Hilts.

20 days.

Right.

Oh, uh, you'll still be here
when I get out?

Cooler.

One, please.

75 cents.

What if I'm in the movie?

What do you mean?

I mean, I'm in the movie.

I'm Sharon Tate.

You're in this?

Mm-hmm. I play Miss Carlson.
The klutz.

That's me.

But that's the girl from
Valley of the Dolls.

Well, that's me,

the girl from Valley of the Dolls.

- Really?
- Really.

Hey, Ruben! Come out here.

This is the girl from
Valley of the Dolls.

- Patty Duke?
- No, the other one.

- The girl from Peyton Place?
- No, the other one.

The one who ends up
doing dirty movies.

Oh...

She's in this movie.

Oh.

Sharon Tate.

Well...

Welcome to the Bruin, Miss Tate.

Thank you for coming
to our theater.

Would you like to come
in and see the show?

Could I?

By all means.

Thank you.

Hey... can I get a picture?

Oh, sure!

You know, why don't you
stand over by the poster?

So people will
know who you are.

Okay.

Could you?

Would you like
some refreshments?

- No, I'm fine, thank you.
- Enjoy the show.

♪ Well now see ♪

♪ C. C. Rider ♪

♪ I said see, see ♪

♪ What you have done now ♪

♪ You made me love you ♪

♪ Na na na, now,
your man has come ♪

♪ Alright ♪

Can I ask you a
personal question?

I wish you would.

How did a nice boy like you

get involved with a
group like The Heads?

I turned to them
after I was rejected

by the Daughters of the
American Revolution.

♪ I can't turn you loose ♪

♪ If I do, I'm gonna lose my
mind, ba-baby ♪

♪ Do it baby, why don't ya? ♪

♪ Why don't you gimme
everything I want ♪

♪ And it's for me alone ♪

Very pleasant hotel here.

- Mr. Helm.
- Yes?

Oh!

I'm Freya.

Welcome to Denmark, Mr. Helm.

These are for you.
Street maps, places of interest.

This is for you, too.

- Oh, what year was that?
- 1949.

Oh, it's a very good year.

I'm here to help you
in any way I can.

Well, that's very nice of you.

Is there anything you'd
like for me to do?

Yes, ma'am,
a couple of things.

Yes, sir?

Would you mind gettin'
off my camera case, please?

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh, that's fine.

That's okay.

I'm sorry about...

Welcome to Denmark.

Some kind of hotel
you got here.

Half a bottle's
better than none.

That's far enough, jughead.

Name's not jughead.

What you doin' 'round here, boy?

I'm thirsty.

That's a saloon, ain't it?

Oh, yeah.

That's a saloon.

Only you can't come in.

Mr. Gilbert.

Don't let me stop you
from earnin' your money.

I know how bored and restless
you get when you run out of...

tamales.

But Mr. Gilbert, if I was you...

you'd find out that
jughead's name.

Allow me to introduce
the two of ya.

This here is Bob Gilbert.

The businessman?

That's right.

Business Bob Gilbert.

Who might he be, Caleb?

Oh, that's a fella
by the name of Madrid.

Johnny Madrid.

Who's Johnny Madrid?

He ain't from 'round here.

No, really.

Who is he, Caleb?

Well, you're about to find out.

Businessman.

Ready when you are,

Gilbert.

Again, mas?

Johnny Madrid.

How long's it been?

Since that time in Juarez, 'bout...

three years ago.

Come on in, have a drink.

Hell, in that case...

buy you a drink, Caleb?

Sure, Johnny.

How 'bout some mezcal?

Like that time in Juarez.

People died that day.

Yes, they did.

But we had a good time.

Didn't we?

Yeah.

We did.

After you, DeCoteau.

Pepe!

Get your behind behind that
bar, I have a guest.

Dos mezcal.

You have food?

Beans and tortillas.

How's some beans?

I've had worse.

Give us a plate of beans.

One dollar.

To my wife
and all my sweethearts...

may they never meet.

Señor Madrid.

Would you care to
join me at my table

where I entertain my guests?

I'd be delighted,
Monsieur DeCoteau.

Take the bottle wit' ya.

So Johnny.

What brings you
to Royal Del Hole?

Oh, you know me, Caleb.

The money.

And who's paying around here?

I hope you.

And what have you
heard about me?

I heard about
the Lancer Ranch,

all the cattle
you've appropriated.

A lotta land, lotta
cows, a lotta money,

no law to speak of,

and nothin' but an
old man and some

Mexican ranch hands
to shoo ya off.

Hey...

where's that chili pepper
daughter of yours' fiddle?

She's asleep.

Wake her the heck up,
get her down here

with her fiddle and her bow
and entertain my guest.

Si, señor.

But please,
don't hurt her this time.

I ain't gonna hurt her.

I just want her to play the fiddle.

Line?

Go... go fetch her and tell her what?

Go fetch her and tell
her I'll give her

a fat five-dollar gold piece...

Right, right, go fetch her
and tell her I'll give her a fat

fat five-
fat five-dollar gold piece

if she played her little chili
pepper heart out, right?

- Right.
- Yeah.

I ain't gonna hurt her.

I just want her
to play the fiddle.

Now, go fetch her and tell her

I'll give her a fat
five-dollar gold piece

if she played her little
chili pepper heart out.

Go on!

So, Johnny.

What else you heard, hmm?

I heard you're pushing
Lancer pretty hard

but Lancer's got money.

At some point,

he's gonna hire some guns

and push back.

Line? Line, line, line...

"Maybe he already has."

Maybe...

Goddammit!
I fucked this whole thing up!

Damn, I fucked
this whole thing up.

Just go back, please.

Could we just cut?
Could we just cut?

- No, really, just say the fucking line!
- No, Sam, please.

"Maybe he already has"
"Maybe he already has"

Argh! Goddammit!
Alright! Alright! Alright!

Whoo!

Goddamn outlaw, Rick.
Come on now.

Hoo!

I got it. I got it.

Go back a bit, would you?

No, he's right. Back to one.

- Use all that anger, use it.
- Oh, I'ma use it.

- You show me tough.
- Mm-hmm.

And... action.

I heard you...

But Lancer's got money.

At some point,

he's gonna hire some guns and...

push back.

Maybe he already has.

Maybe.

Maybe I don't like Lancer.

Maybe I don't like his boots.

Maybe I don't like the
way he uses those boots

to step on people.

What the fuck was that?!

Jesus Christ!

Fuck!

Shit.

Damn it, Rick, you screwed up

the fucking lines!

Embarrass yourself like that in
front of all those goddamn people!

You're drinkin' all night.

Fuckin' drinkin' again,
eight goddamn

fuckin' whiskey sours.

Fuckin' bullshit.

You're a fuckin' miserable drunk.

Fuckin' remember your fuckin' lines.

I practiced 'em!

And now I don't look like
I goddamn practiced 'em!

You're sittin' there
like a fuckin' baboon...

Blah-blah-blah...

Duh-duh-duh...

Duh-duh-duh-duh. Fuck!

Eight fuckin' whiskey sours.

I couldn't stop at fuckin'
three or four, I have eight?!

Why?

You're a fuckin' alcoholic,
I drink too much!

Every fuckin' night!
Every fuckin' night!

That's it, that's fuckin' it!

That's fuckin' it.

You stop drinkin' right now, alright?

Promise yourself you'll
stop fuckin' drinkin'.

Dammit!

You gonna show
that fucking crew.

You gonna show that
goddamn Jim Stacy.

You gonna show all them
on that goddamn fuckin' set

who the fuck Rick Dalton is, alright?

Lemme tell you somethin'...

you don't get these lines right...

I'ma blow your fuckin'
brains out tonight.

Alright?

Your brains are gonna be splattered
all over your goddamn pool.

I mean it, motherfucker.

Get your shit together.

- Better?
- That's great!

Ladies and gentlemen...
the beat goes on.

♪ KHJ Los Angeles ♪

3:31 in Los Angeles.
This is The Real Don Steele.

♪ I know that it's ten ♪

♪ And you're stayin' in ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ And you're stayin' home ♪

♪ And I'm all alone ♪

♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪

♪ Won't you won't you
Won't you bring a little water ♪

♪ Bring a little wine ♪

♪ Bring a little lovin' ♪

♪ I feel fine ♪

♪ Know that you want to ♪

♪ I know that you do ♪

♪ Come in here and love with me ♪

♪ Hot August night ♪

♪ And the leaves hanging down ♪

♪ And the grass on the ground ♪

♪ Smelling sweet ♪

♪ Move up the road ♪

♪ To the outside of town ♪

♪ And the sound of
that good gospel beat ♪

Hey!
♪ Sits a ragged tent ♪

Hi!

♪ Where there ain't no trees ♪

♪ And that gospel group ♪

Whoo!

♪ Tellin' you and me ♪

♪ It's Love, Brother Love, say ♪

♪ Brother Love's
Travelling Salvation Show ♪

Fuck you, you fucking pig!

♪ Pack up the babies ♪

♪ And grab the old ladies ♪

♪ And everyone goes ♪

♪ 'Cause everyone knows ♪

♪ Brother Love's show ♪

Hello, hotstuff.

Looks like third time's the charm.

Mmm.

How were those pickles?

Real good.

They were the fancy kind.

Gimme a lift?

Where you goin'?

I'm going to Chatsworth.

Chatsworth?

You hitch up and down
Burbank Boulevard all day

till someone says they'll
dive you to Chatsworth?

Tourists love to drive me.

I'm their favorite part of their
L.A. vacation, you know.

They'll be telling stories about

a Hollywood hippie girl

that took them for a ride
at the Movie Ranch

for the rest of their lives.

Wait, Spahn Movie Ranch?

Yeah.

That's where you're going,
Spahn Movie Ranch?

Uh-huh.

W-Why you goin' there?

I live there.

Alone?

No.

Me and my friends.

So, you and a bunch
of friends like you

all live at Spahn Movie Ranch?

Yeah.

Well, hop in, I'll take you there.

Great!

♪ And when your
heart is troubled ♪

♪ You gotta reach
out your other hand ♪

♪ Reach it out to
the man up there ♪

♪ 'Cause that's what
he's there for ♪

You wanna go down here and
get on the Hollywood Freeway.

I know where it is.

Are you some
old cowboy guy that

used to make movies there?

Whoa!

What?

Surprised how accurate that
description of me really is.

Some old cowboy guy who used
to shoot movies at Spahn Ranch.

You used to...

make Westerns at the ranch
back in the old-timey days?

Well, if by the old-timey days

you mean television
eight years ago...

yeah.

You an actor?

No, I'm a stuntman.

Stuntman.

That's way better.

Why is that way better?

Actors are phony.

Oh.

They just say lines
that other people write

and pretend to murder
people on their...

stupid TV shows.

Meanwhile, real people
are being murdered every day

in Vietnam.

♪ Hey, little girl in the
high school sweater ♪

♪ Gee, but I'd like
to know you better ♪

♪ Just a-swingin' your
books and chewin' gum ♪

♪ Lookin' just like a juicy plum ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, little girl ♪

Want me to suck your
cock while driving?

♪ Hey, little girl in the
black silk stockings ♪

♪ Gee, but you got
my heart rockin' ♪

How old are you?

What?

How old are you?

Wow, man.

First time anybody asked that
in a long time.

What's the answer?

Okay.

You wanna play kiddie games?

18.

Feel better?

Got some ID, you know,

like a driver's
license or somethin'?

Are you joking?

No, I'm not.

I need to see somethin' official
to verify that you're 18

which you don't have

because you're not.

Talk about a bring down
bummer, dude.

That's you.

Yeah.

Obviously,

I'm not too young to fuck you.

But obviously,
you are too old to fuck me.

What I'm too old to do
is go to jail for poontang.

Prison's tryin' to
get me all my life,

ain't got me yet.

The day it does...

it won't be because of you.

No offense.

You all right, honey?

She's just fine,
ain't you, shorty?

I'm fine, Scott.

He hasn't touched you.

Camera's ready, Mr. Dalton.

Be right out.

The war.

I rode with the British cavalry...

Lancer's boys are here!

The old man here?

Nada.

But the son is.

Ah.

The one from Boston.

Don't know.

You from Boston?

Yes.

It's the Boston one!

Keep the others outside.

The brother come in.

You heard him, Boston.

Come on in, Boston.

See, honey?

I told you
they'd come to parlay.

You all right, honey?

Ah, she's just fine.

Ain't you, shorty?

I'm fine, Scott.

They haven't hurt you?

Not yet, I ain't.

But that can all change...

like that.

Say...

where'd you get that limp?

From the war.

Which side?

I rode with the British cavalry
in India.

What'd they call that outfit?

Bengal Lancers.

Now, now, now, now, that is funny.
That is funny.

That's not so funny.

Don't you get it?

Bengal... Lancer. Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

- That is kind of funny.
- It is.

You do know kidnapping
is a hanging offense.

So is blowin' the
heads off little girls.

They can only hang me once.

Right?

So...

You come down here for a...
for a Boston social?

Or we gonna talk price?

How much?

I'd say...

50 thousand dollars'd buy me

a whole lotta chicken
mole in Mexico.

It's a lot of money.

Well, she's a lotta little girl.

Or don't you agree?

I agree.

So, what's next?

Well, I'll send one of
my boys out to your ranch

to fill you in on all the
details, but, uh...

the one detail I'm gonna fill
you in on right now is this...

I don't want no
beaner bronco buster

handin' me that $50,000,

I want the old man himself...

Murdoch Lancer

puts $50,000 in my lap!

Or I'll heave this little
pitcher down the well!

You got that, Boston?!

Ha?!

Yeah.

Alright, messenger boy...

deliver my message.

Give me evil, sexy Hamlet...

Settle into it...

Enjoy it...

And cut!

Oh, boy.

I didn't hurt you there,
Mirabella, with that throw, did I?

No, no, no, I'm good.
I've got pads on.

I always throw myself on the
floor, just for fun,

even when I'm not getting paid.

Next plate.

Rick, Rick, Rick! Put her there!

- Oh.
- That was it!

That was absolutely fantastic.
I loved it!

Hey, and your idea about

throwing the little
girl on the ground,

that just worked like a charm.

- You said Shakespeare.
- Oh, that's right!

And that's what I
mean by 'scare me'.

Yeah.

Evil Hamlet scares people!

All right.

Oh, and by the way...

"beaner bronco buster"?

Where the hell did
that come from?

Improv.

It's wonderful.

It's a triple alliterative improv.

Don't get those too often.

- Okay! We're all good!
- All right.

- Don't need to go again?
- No, we're done.

That was fantastic!

Okay, we're moving on.
We're in the bordello.

Next set up.

That was the best acting
I've ever seen in my whole life.

Thank you.

Rick fucking Dalton.

That's a car.

That's a strange car.

Snake, go see who's outside.

So, who is it?

I ain't sure yet.

Bitchin' yellow Coupe de Ville.

Keep an eye on it.

Come on.

Where the hell is everybody?

Hey, where's Gypsy?

She's down by the chop shop.

- Hey!
- Hello!

Gypsy, I want you to
come meet my new friend.

Some old lookin' dude
on a Hawaiian shirt

who just gave
Pussycat a ride home.

He just give her a lift?

Nope.

She's bringing him down the
ranch to meet everybody.

Stay by the door,

tell me if he starts
comin' this way.

- Welcome to our community.
- Thanks for having me.

And thank you for giving our
precious Pussy a ride home.

Think nothin' of it.

We love Pussy.

Yes, we do.

Where is everybody?
Where's the children?

Everybody left for Santa Barbara.

Really?

Charlie's gone? Everybody left?

Well, not everybody everybody
but mostly everybody.

Dag.

I really wanted Cliff
to meet Charlie.

I think Charlie's
really gonna dig ya.

- Hey, Delilah.
- Well, maybe next time.

Yeah, you gotta come back.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, sure would.

How's it all comparing
to your glory days?

Well, things have changed.

Not a bad mount, Connie.

I used to ride horses
every day back in Tennessee.

- Is that right?
- Every day?

Well, every week.

All right.

She's a darlin'.

So... my name is Lulu.

This is Tex.

We're gonna be leading
you on a great trail ride

to the beautiful
Santa Susana canyon.

Now, uh...

Curt, I hear you're already
an experienced rider.

Yes.

- Yeah, and so are you, Connie?
- Yes, I am.

Tex, come here.

So, uh...

you're both experienced
riders, I guess, uh...

we'll just make this
ride about having fun!

Ready to have some fun?

So, uh, Pussycat brought
back some guy with her.

Gypsy wants you to go
give him a looksee.

Yeah, sure thing.

Oh, and here's someone
you actually have to meet.

One of our most favorite sons.

Tex, come over here
and say hi to Cliff.

- Howdy, Cliff.
- Tex.

What part of Texas you from?

Uh, place you never heard of.

Copeville.

Ever been to Houston?

'Course I have.

Yeah, spent two weeks once
on a Houston chain gang

in August, no less.

That don't sound
like a whole lotta fun.

It's the last cop's
jaw I ever broke

I can tell ya that.

Man.

Charlie's gonna dig you.

The Hawaiian guy
seems to be okay.

Everybody's talkin' all friendly.

Tex checked him out
and now he's riding away.

He comes this way, let me know.

Hey, does George Spahn
still own this ranch?

Yeah, George still owns it.

Does he still live here?

Yeah.

Does he still live...
right there?

Yeah.

Is he here now?

I guess so.

So, George gave you all
permission to be here.

'Course he did.

And you all take care of him.

Oh, we take care of George.

We love George.

Well, is there anything wrong

with me saying hello
to an old friend?

You can't see him right now.

Why can't I see him right now?

'Cause he's napping.

This is his naptime.

Well, I think I'll just go
see for myself.

You never know.

He mighta just woke up.

The Hawaiian guy's
coming this way.

Okay, ya'll, beat it.

I'll handle this guy.

♪ Every day, it's just fake it ♪

♪ Let me show you a new place ♪

♪ Add it to your collection ♪

♪ Shine on down
for this baby of mine ♪

♪ Mr. Moon, come on through ♪

♪ When Mr. Sun goes
we'll be counting on you ♪

♪ Mr. Sun, make it fine ♪

♪ Shine on down for
this baby of mine ♪

♪ Mr. Moon, come on through ♪

You the mama bear?

Can I help you?

I hope so.

I'm an old friend of George's,
thought I'd stop and say hello.

Well, that's very nice of you,

but unfortunately,
you picked the wrong time.

George is taking a nap right now.

Oh, that is unfortunate.

Yes, it is.

What's your name?

Cliff Booth.

How do you know George?

I used to shoot Westerns
here at the ranch.

When was the last
time you saw George?

Oh, I'd say about...

eight years ago.

Oh.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize
the two of you were so close.

Well, when he wakes up,
I'll let him know you came by.

I'd really like to say a quick hello now,
while I'm here.

Came a long ways.

Don't know when I'll
get back this way again.

Oh, I understand but
I'm afraid that's impossible.

Impossible.

Why is that impossible?

Because me and George like
to watch TV on Sunday nights.

FBI and Bonanza

but George finds it hard
to keep awake that late

so I make him take
a nap around now

so I don't get tripped out
of my George's TV time.

Well, look, red,

I'm comin' in there.

With my own two eyes,

I'm gonna get a
good look at George.

And this...

ain't stoppin' me.

Okay.

Suit yourself.

You never know.

The next boy you meet
may be the one.

So clean, it's actually
good for your skin.

So fresh and natural looking,

you're always ready for next time.

And you never know,

the next boy you meet
may be the one.

Sparkling drop of Retsyn.

He back there?

Door at the end of the hallway.

You might have to
shake him awake,

I fucked his brains
out this morning.

He may be tired.

Oh, Mister Eight-Years-Ago...

George is blind.

So you'll probably have to
tell him who you are.

George, you awake?

George?

George?

George?

George!

Hi, George.

- What's going on?
- Everything's all right.

I'm sorry to disturb you.

Who are you?

It's Cliff Booth.

Just stopped in to say hello
and see how you're doin'.

John Wilkes Booth?

Cliff Booth.

Who's that?

I-I used to shoot
Bounty Law here, George.

I was Rick Dalton's stunt double.

Who?

Rick Dalton.

The Dalton brothers...?

Rick Dalton.

Who's that?

He was the star of Bounty Law.

Who are you?

I was Rick's stunt double.

Rick... who?

It don't matter, George.

We were colleagues from the past
and I just wanted to...

make sure you're doin' okay.

I'm not doin' okay.

What's the matter?

Can't see shit!

Would you call that "the matter"?

The man can't see shit, okay?

I'm sorry about that.

I was told...
Squeaky sent me to bed.

Would that be the little
redhead out front?

What the fuck is
the matter with you?

First, you wake me up,

and now you're pretending
that I didn't tell you

I was fucking blind!

How am I gonna know

what the hell color
the head of the girl is

that's with me all the time?

Oh, fair enough, George.

No, it's all right.

Everyone don't need a stuntman.

I don't know who you are...

but you touched me today.

You came to visit me.

Now I gotta go back to sleep.

I gotta watch FBI tonight.

And I watch it with Squeaky.

She gets all pissed off
if I fall asleep.

What happens if
she gets pissed off, George?

Nothin'.

I just don't like
to disappoint her.

So, you gave all these
hippies permission to be here?

Just who the fuck are you?

I'm Cliff Booth.

I'm your stuntman.

We used to work
together, George.

I just wanna make
sure that you're okay.

That all these hippies aren't
taking advantage of ya.

- Squeaky?
- Yeah.

She loves me.

So, suck on that.

Take care, George.

Goddammit.

You embarrassed me.

Yeah, sorry 'bout that.

How'd your little
talk with George go?

Are we kidnapping him?

Not the word I'd use.

Well, now that
you've talked to him,

do you believe
everything's all right?

Not exactly.

This was a mistake,
you should leave!

Way aheada 'ya

George isn't blind!

You're the blind one!

♪ Baby I've been thinkin' 'bout ♪

♪ Runnin' away from you ♪

♪ After all you said and done ♪

♪ Don't wanna stay with you ♪

♪ It seemed like everything
we could have done ♪

♪ Has passed us by ♪

♪ Yeah, I got to get movin' ♪

♪ I'm tired of groovin' ♪

♪ With someone who can't get high ♪

♪ Don't chase me around ♪

♪ You're bringin' me down ♪

♪ I don't want to
play by your rules ♪

♪ My life is my own ♪

♪ So leave me alone ♪

♪ I don't want to be your fool ♪

You do that?

You know, that's not my car.

That's my boss' car.

And if somethin' were to
happen to my boss' car,

well, I get in trouble.

But lucky for you,
he's got a spare.

♪ Don't chase me around ♪

♪ You're bringin' me down ♪

♪ I don't want to play by your rules ♪

♪ Don't chase me around ♪

Fix it.

Fuck you.

♪ My life is my own ♪

♪ So leave me alone ♪

♪ I don't want to be your fool ♪

Ladies.

Come one step closer
and I will knock his teeth out!

Fix it.

Can I just get a rag
to wipe my face first?

Nope.

Tire first.

Sundance...

Get on a horse, go get Tex,

and get his ass down here.

Tex! Hey!

That Hawaiian guy's back at the
ranch, he's kicking Clem's face in.

Ah, suck this!

I'll take over for Tex.

Right this way.

It's 5:00 in Los Angeles.

♪ 93 KHJ ♪

♪ All the leaves are brown ♪

Clem you alright?

♪ And the sky is gray ♪

♪ I went for a walk ♪

♪ On a winter's day ♪

♪ I'd be safe and warm ♪

♪ If I was in L.A. ♪

♪ Oh, California Dreamin' ♪

♪ On such a winter's day, hey ♪

♪ I went into a church ♪

♪ I stopped along the way ♪

♪ Well, I got down on my,
on my, on my bended knees ♪

♪ And I began to pray ♪

♪ You know the preacher did succumb ♪

♪ He knows I'm going to stay ♪

♪ Yes, he knows 'cause I told him so ♪

♪ Oh, California dreamin' ♪

♪ On such a winter's day, yeah ♪

Will you, uh, will you
come in and watch my FBI?

Well, I just figured we would.

I got a six-pack in the back,
thought we'd order a pizza.

All right.

All right.

18 miles to Pendleton, Louis.

Any kinda luck, we'll be
unloading, back in El Toro

before my kids go to bed.

Hey...

bought me an acid-dipped
cigarette today.

Oh, yeah?

You wanna buy a
cigarette dipped in acid?

Yeah.

If I'm gonna trip,
I'm gonna trip here, man,

walkin' the woods, not my home.

Just gonna stash it here,
don't smoke it by mistake.

You wanna smoke some, smoke
some, just save me some.

No, I don't need to
trip out on no acid.

My booze don't need no buddy.

Whup, whoop...

- Here I come. Here I come.
- Hup, hup.

What's the trouble, Corporal?

Truck tailin' us, sir.

Might be a farmer in a
hurry to get some place.

Ah, take it as fast as you can.

Yes, sir.

This PCH?

Yeah, yeah. Malibu.

Puerto Canyon, some shit.

Uh-oh.

Here comes trouble.

Boom!

Oh, man, right in the face.

That was a smooth leap.

Thank you.

Dead number two.

I like that shot.

That guy's a fuckin' prick.

That's Bobby Hogan, good guy.

Alright, get ready
for my big FBI moment.

They're all dead, babe.

Good.

Michael Murtaugh.

- The F.B.I.
- Michael Murtaugh.

Buongiorno, Sergio.

Turn on channel seven.

ABC, FBI.

I'm watching your Nebraska Jim
as we speak.

William Reynolds

With guest stars
James Farentino

- Rick Dalton
- Whoo!

That chewing gum.

Norman Fell

Strong.

Tonight's episode:

- All the Streets are Silent
- All the streets are silent.

'Cept when Rick Dalton's got
a fuckin' shotgun, I'll tell ya that.

You're goddamn right.

That looks delicious.

- Thank you.
- Enjoy, sir.

Mm, mm, mm, mm... mm.

After that Musso and
Frank's lunch meeting,

Marvin did provide Rick
job opportunities

in the Italian film industry.

Rick Dalton, Marvin Schwarz here.
Hold on.

Hennessy XO on the rocks.

Yes, Mr. Schwarz.

Two words: Nebraska Jim,
Sergio Corbucci.

N-Nebraska what? Sergio who?

Sergio Corbucci.

And who's that.

The second best director
of Spaghetti Westerns

in the whole, wide world.

He's doing a new Western,
it's called Nebraska Jim.

And because of me,
he's considering you.

Well, Rick got Nebraska Jim.

And Rick made a rather
compelling Nebraska Jim

existing quite nicely within

Sergio Corbucci's rogues' gallery
of antiheroes.

In Rome, Rick loved the paparazzi

and the fuss they made over him

and his Nebraska Jim co-star,
Daphna Ben-Cobo

Right there, paparazzo.

What about me-a Rick!

He loved the food so much

that during his stay,
Rick gained almost 15 pounds.

But he didn't love the
Italians' way of making movies.

In fact, he thought
the post synched

every actor speaks
their own language

Tower of Babel shooting
style of European movies

was ridiculous.

While in Rome,

Marvin plugged Rick into three
other Italian productions.

His second Western was

Kill Me Quick, Ringo,
Said the Gringo.

Also starring Joseph Cotten

and directed by
Calvin Jackson Padget

pseudonym for Giorgio Ferroni.

His third was an
Italian-Spanish co-production

that paired him with Telly Savalas
titled, Red Blood, Red Skin.

directed by
Joaquin Romero Marchant

and based on the
Floyd Ray Wilson novel,

The Only Good Indian
is a Dead Indian.

And his fourth,

a spaghetti secret agent James
Bond ripoff type flick called,

Operazione Dyn-o-mite!

Directed by Antonio Margheriti.

Ultimately making Rick's

six-month Italian sojourn
fairly profitable.

Although his swank
Roman apartment

ate up a big chunk
of his earnings.

So, as Rick return to
Hollywood via Pan-Am...

he has four new
movies under his belt,

some money in his pocket,

and his brand spanking new
Italian wife

Scarlett Francesca Capucci.

Hurtling through the
air towards a new life

and uncertain future,

Rick was really not sure
about what lay ahead for him.

Way back in coach,

working on his
bottomless Bloody Mary,

Cliff Booth returned
to Los Angeles as well.

He kept Rick company during his
entire six-month stay in Italy.

However, as the two men
returned home,

they've come to
an understanding.

Here it goes now.

With the, uh...

with the new wife, I, uh...

I just, I-I can't afford
you anymore, Cliff.

You know.

I could barely afford
my own house anymore.

So, the plan is to...

sell the house and buy...

buy a condo i-in Toluca Lake,

bank the money, you know,
live off it, that type of thing.

Hopefully I'll score
come next pilot season.

It's a good plan.

Yeah.

But I don't know if I
have a career or not, if...

I'm a solid Los Angeles
citizen like Eddie O'Brien says

or if I'm
one step closer to

going back to Missouri.

When this whole European
journey's over,

I think we've, uh...

we've reached the
end of the trail, Cliff.

So, these last four
Italian flicks,

after nine years together,

would be Rick and Cliff's
final rodeo.

Cliff doesn't have a
clue what he's gonna do.

The only thing the two
men know of for sure,

tonight, Rick and Cliff will have
a good, old-fashioned drunk.

Both men know once the plane
touches down in El Segundo,

it'll be an end of an era
for both of them.

When you come to the end of
the line with a buddy who is

more than a brother
and a little less than a wife,

getting blind drunk together

is really the only
way to say farewell.

♪ You don't know
what's going on ♪

♪ You've been away
for much too long ♪

♪ You can't come back ♪

♪ And think you are still mine ♪

♪ You're out of touch, my baby ♪

♪ My poor old-fashioned baby ♪

♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ You're out of time ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby,
you're out of time ♪

♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ You're out of time ♪

♪ Yes, you are left out ♪

♪ Yes, you are left out, yes, you're ♪

♪ Left out of there
without a doubt 'cause ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby,
you're out of time ♪

Where do you want it?

Hello?

Hey, it's Joanna and the baby.

Hi! Come on up.

♪ But you can't come back ♪

♪ And be the first in line ♪

Hi!

Oh, pretty!

How are you?

♪ My poor unfaithful baby ♪

Oh, my God, Sharon, it's perfect.

Girl.

♪ Baby, baby ♪

That's good.

♪ You're out of time ♪

♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ You're out of time ♪

Aha!

Aha!

Aha!

♪ Left out of there
without a doubt 'cause ♪

Thanks, Julie.

Bye, Brandy.

♪ You're out of time ♪

Sharon had two friends move
into the Cielo Drive residence

while Roman was in London
preparing his next movie.

Voytek Frykowski

and old friend of
Roman's from Poland

and his girlfriend,
social worker, Abigail Folger

heiress to the vast
Folger coffee empire.

♪ Baby, baby, baby,
you're out of time ♪

♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ You're out of time ♪

♪ Yes, you are left out ♪

♪ Yes, you're ♪

♪ I said you're ♪

♪ Left out of there
without a doubt 'cause ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby,
you're out of time ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby,
you're out of time ♪

♪ I said baby, baby, baby ♪

That night, Sharon, her two
houseguests and naturally, Jay,

all went to the West Hollywood
Mexican restaurant landmark

El Coyote on Beverly for dinner.

What's going on at
the dirty movie place?

They're having a premiere.

Dirty movies have premieres?

Yeah, they're fun!

I know.

Right here for you.

Gentlemen.

While closer to 8:30,

Rick and Cliff went to the Valley
Mexican restaurant landmark

Casa Vega on Ventura.

Well, well, well,
if it ain't the cobra himself.

Hey, Doug, what's happening?

Hey, Rick, how you doing?
It's good to see you.

How's the wife doing?

Just kidding.

Brandy stayed behind
at Rick's house

guarding the beautiful Italian
woman asleep in her bed

and waiting for Cliff and Rick
to come home

while jet lagged Francesca slept.

But you just get paid for the day
that you cut his hair though, right?

No, no, I get paid a
thousand dollars a day.

I get paid a thousand
dollars the day I arrive...

At El Coyote, margaritas and
good times were had by all

except Sharon.

Sharon was experiencing

a touch of pregnancy-induced
melancholy.

Not only that,
it was later reported

that it was the hottest
night of the year.

And it made her feel especially
pregnant in all the worst ways.

Hungover, I don't wanna
party anymore, I'm tired.

He just got it done.

No, it's not 'cause
he just got it done.

He got just as much time as all
the rest of the goddamn directors.

But it's what he did with that time.

At Casa Vega,
Rick and Cliff drank so much

that when they left,
they left the Cadillac there

and took a cab home.

The greatest action director,

underrated guy of all time.

Around 10:00, Sharon and
her friends left El Coyote

and arrived back at her house.

I had like, 19 margaritas.

The four of them hung out
a little while longer

with Abigail even playing
the piano for them.

♪ Don't get me mad ♪

♪ Don't tell no lie ♪

♪ Don't make me sad ♪

♪ Don't pass me by ♪

♪ Baby are you holding ♪

♪ Holding anything but me? ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a real ♪

♪ Straight shooter
if you know what I mean ♪

♪ You can bring me love ♪

♪ You can hang around ♪

♪ You can bring me up ♪

♪ Don't you bring me down ♪

Until she returned to her room,

smoked a joint
and read a book.

That was around 11:00.

I love you, too, Charles.

And now it's time for what I
know you've all been waiting for.

A little fanfare please?

At more or less the same time,

Voytek laid on the couch
watching American television

and thought about how much better
it was than Polish television

as he smoked a big joint.

Somewhere around 11:10,

Sharon changed into
her comfy house attire.

Feel better?

Drastically better.

It was after 11:45

by the time the yellow
cab dropped Rick and Cliff

in front of the house.

Hey, right here for you.

Grazie, amico.

Brandy was glad to
see them return.

More margaritas.

Around midnight,
a completely drunk Rick Dalton

started making a blender
of frozen margaritas.

All right.

We're walkin'.

At the same time,
Cliff was attaching a leash

to an excited
Brandy's dog collar.

I remember you.

A cigarette dipped in acid.
What's that do?

You smoke it, it gets you high.

- How much?
- 50 cents.

50 cents.

Hippie girl, 50 cents.

Tonight the night?

Why not?

Away we go.

Our Polish friend

said it was the hottest
day of the year.

Despite the fact
that he said it,

actually, it might be true.

♪ I used to live
in New York City ♪

♪ Everything there
was dark and dirty ♪

♪ Outside my window
was a steeple ♪

♪ With a clock that always
said twelve thirty ♪

♪ Young girls are
coming to the canyon ♪

♪ And in the mornings
I can see them walking ♪

♪ I can no longer
keep my blinds drawn ♪

♪ And I can't keep myself ♪

Fuckin' private road.

Property taxes up the butt.

God damn.

Bunch of goddamn fuckin' hippies.

What the fuck?

Hey, you!

Yeah, asshole!
I'm talkin' to you!

The hell do you
think you're doin'

bringin' that noisy hunk o'
shit around here at midnight?

This is a private road, all right?

Who are you?

And who are you here to see, huh?

Nobody, sir. We just got lost.
I'm a little turned around.

Ah, horseshit.

Fuckin' hippies came up here to
smoke dope on a dark road, huh?

Next time you wanna try that,
fix your fuckin' muffler.

Look, we're really
sorry we disturbed you.

Look, chief,
you don't belong here.

Now take this mechanical asshole

and get it off my fuckin' street!

Hey!

Dennis Hopper!

Move this fuckin' piece of shit.

All right, well, just give me
a moment to turn it around.

Well, drive it backwards, numbnuts.

Fuckin' drive it and drive it now!

Okay, okay, stop yellin'.

Hold your horses. We're leavin'.

♪ Coming to the canyon ♪

The hell you lookin' at,
you little ginger hair fucker?

Hey, come around here again,
I'm gonna call the fuckin' cops.

Dirty fuckin' hippies.

But he's seen us.

He's awake. He's awake.

They're all awake.

They're listening to fucking records.

Everybody's fucking awake!

Look!

What did Charlie say?

He said...

"Go to Terry's old house

"and kill everybody in there."

And you heard him yourself.

He said make it witchy.

Now, he either said that...

or I'm a liar.

Now, are anyone o' you...

calling me a liar?

Hmm?

How about you?

Are you calling me a liar?

No, of course not.

Good.

Hold it.

Was that Rick Dalton?

Who?

The guy from Bounty Law.

Who, Jake Cahill?

Yeah! That guy in the road
was Jake Cahill.

Ho... wait a minute.

That was fucking Jake Cahill
that just yelled at us?

He was older,
but yeah, I think so.

Who's this Rick guy?

Jesus Christ, Sadie,
get it together!

Rick Dalton played Jake Cahill

on a cowboy show in the
50s called Bounty Law.

Fuck you, Katie.

Sorry I don't know the name of
every fascist dog TV in the 50s.

I can't believe that
asshole in the road

was Jake Cahill!

When I was a kid,
I had a Bounty Law lunch box.

That was my favorite
of all my lunch boxes.

Dig this...

You've been having
our trip session,

I've been expanding on
this one idea in my head.

Alright, dig it.

We all grew up watchin' TV,
you know what I mean?

And if you grew up watchin' TV,

that means you grew up
watchin' murder.

Every show on TV
that wasn't I-I Love Lucy

was about murder.

So, my idea is...

we kill the people
who taught us to kill.

I mean, where the
fuck are we, man?

We are in fucking Hollywood, man!

The people an entire generation

grew up watching kill
people live here.

And they live in
pigshit fucking luxury.

I say, fuck 'em.

I say we cut their cocks up
and make 'em eat it.

That's a great idea, Sadie.

You two ready to kill some pigs?

Wait a minute.

Uh, shit.

Sor... I forgot my knife
in the car.

Can I go-
Can I go back and get it?

- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.

- Wait a minute.
- What?

I locked the car.
You'll need keys to get in.

Oh.

Right.

Thank you.

Okay. I'll be right back.

Hurry up.

Yes, uh, just-just a little minute.

Ooh, that fucking bitch!

Shhh, calm down.

There's a fuckin'
house right there.

What do we do now?

Well, we do
what we came to do.

And when we're done, we just
split up and hitch home.

Any more questions, hmm?

Okay, pig killers.

Let's kill some piggies.

Oh, somebody's hungry.

All right.

It's feedin' time.

Brandy, couch.

And don't you move.

Man...

Aaah...

The train has left the station.

Aaaah!

Aaah!

Bad idea.

Whoa.

♪ Eighty men tried ♪

♪ And eighty men died ♪

♪ Now they're buried together ♪

♪ On the countryside ♪

♪ Ten, twenty, thirty,
forty, fifty or more ♪

♪ The Bloody Red Baron ♪

♪ Was rollin' up the score ♪

You go around there.

See if there's a back entrance.

All right, go.

Hey.

I am doing the best I can,
under the circumstances.

Now, I do not want
to get into it tonight.

Haa... can I help you?

Shit.

How many other
people are here?

Oh, just the one sleepin'
on the back there.

Well, get him, bring him
into the living room.

What if he says no?

Don't take no for an answer.
You're the one with the knife.

Get him in here!

Hey.

You are real, right?

We're as real as a doughnut,
motherfucker.

Go to the living room.

What is going on-ah?

Go!

Okay.

Who the fuck's that?

I don't know.

Francesca.

Oh...

Uh, wha...?

Oh, I know you.

I know all three of you.

Yeah! Spahn Ranch!

Spahn Ranch, yeah.

Hoo!

I don't know your name, but...

I remember that hair.

And you, I remember
your white, little face.

And you were on a horsie!

Yeah.

Uh... you are...

I'm the devil.

And I'm here to do
the devil's business.

Nah, it was dumber than that,
somethin' like... Rex...

Gad, shoot 'im, Tex!

Tex!

Son of a bitch!

Hey, you.

How dare you come into
my house, motherfucker!

♪ Keep me hangin' on ♪

♪ Get out of my life ♪

♪ Why don't you babe? ♪

♪ Get out of my life ♪

♪ Why don't you babe? ♪

What the fuck?!

Jesus Christ!

Holy shit.

Francesca!

Francesca, honey!

Sir, around what time was it that
you confronted the intruders?

About, uh, about midnight...
around midnight.

How do you know it was midnight?

Well... I was, uh...
I was in the kitchen, uh...

makin' margaritas and, uh...

I heard the sound
of a noisy muffler,

I looked up at the
clock, it said, uh...

the kitchen clock said midnight.

12:00 exactly?

It could've been 12:05,
somethin' like that.

And you didn't see 'em again

until the woman attacked
you in the pool?

No. No.

What did these perpetrators do?

Perpetrators?
They were hippie assholes.

Two of 'em burst through
the front door there...

And the guy hippie said
he was the devil.

And he said, "I'm here to...

do some... devil shit."

It's not verbatim, but...

Some devil shit?

And away we go!

W-W-Wait a minute.

What hospital you goin' to, Cliff?
I'll meet you there, huh?

Ah, you don't wanna
meet me in no hospital.

Why don't you take
care of your lady?

Hey, she just took five
fuckin' sleeping pills.

She'll be asleep
till Columbus Day.

You guys'll probably have to

come out here again
just to wake her ass up.

Hey, I'm not gonna die,
I may get a limp

but I ain't gonna die,
it's not my time yet, man.

All right? No use waitin'
in some waitin' room.

Why don't you go lie naked
with that fine creature?

Come visit me tomorrow.
Bring bagels.

You wanna do somethin' for me,
check on Brandy.

She may be a little
shook up after that.

She may wanna sleep with ya.

Are you kiddin' me?

She's sleeping with
Francesca right now.

You might never get her back.

We gotta go.

All right then, Cliff.

See you tomorrow, then.

Hey! Hey...

You're a good friend, Cliff.

I try.

Hello?

Hey.

I'm Jay Sebring, I'm a
friend of the Polanskis.

You're Rick Dalton, right?

Yeah, yeah... I'm Rick Dalton.

- I live next door.
- Oh, I know.

I tease Sharon that she lives
next door to Jake Cahill.

If she ever wants to put
a bounty on Roman's head,

she just has to go
next door, right?

No shit?

What the fuck happened?

Oh, these... these fucking
hippie weirdos, th-they...

they broke into my house.

What do you mean,
like, trying to rob you?

I don't know what
the fuck they wanted...

Were they robbin' me?
I don't know, were they...

freakin' out on
some bummer trip?

Who knows, but...

they tried to kill
my wife and my buddy.

Jesus Christ, are you serious?

Yeah, I'm fuckin' serious.

My buddy and his dog
killed two of 'em, and, uh...

shit, I... torched the last one.

- Torched?
- Yeah.

I burned her ass to a crisp.

How'd you do that?

Believe it or not, I...

I got a flamethrower
in my tool shed.

From The 14 Fists of McCluskey?

Yeah!

Yeah.

Th-That's the one.

It still works, too.

Thank God.

Hey, is everybody okay?

Well...

the fuckin' hippies aren't.

That's for goddamn sure.

Yeah.

But I'm fine, you know, uh...

my wife's fine, we're just, uh...

a little shook up, is all.

Oh, my God, that's terrifying.

Yeah.

Jay, honey,
is everything all right?

Everything's okay now, honey.

Uh, but hippies broke
into the house next door.

Oh, my God.

Well, that's terrifying.

Is everybody okay?

I'm talking to your next door
neighbor about it right now.

Rick Dalton?

Yeah! That's me.

Oh! Well, hello, neighbor.

Everybody okay?

Yes, yes, Sharon,
e-everybody's fine.

Are you okay?

Yes, I am, thank you
for asking that.

Rick, would you like to come
up to the house for a drink

and meet my other friends?

Yeah, sure. Thank you.

Oh, hooray!
Great, I'll buzz you up.

Hey, man, nice to meet you.

I'm Jay Sebring.

Hi, Rick.

Oh, hi.

So nice to finally meet you.

Nice to meet you.

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