Once Is Not Enough (1975) - full transcript

( mellow theme playing )

( groans )

What time is it?

Past noon.

Noon?

Why'd you get me up
so early?

You said early.

Two o'clock appointment,
you said.

Oh. Hell, yes.

It's a very
heavy appointment.

Did I tell you that?



You don't tell me
everything, you know.

It's not because
I don't love you, Mabel.

Talk to me while I take
a shower, will ya?

Sure.

I won't have time
for breakfast.

Gotta rush.

Why don't you get up
at 8:00 or 9:00

like most everybody else?

Because I'm not like
most everybody else.

Would you like a little company
in your shower?

Ah. Goes to prove
what I've said all along.

Between and irresistible man
and a beautiful woman,

a purely platonic relationship
is impossible.

Step right in, Mabel.



Thank you, Mr. Wayne,

but I was referring to
the redhead in the guest room.

Oh, there's a redhead
in the guest room?

First redhead that's been there
in more than two weeks.

Mabel, what makes you
so color conscious?

I wonder.

Stop splashing
that water all around.

Who do you think
is gonna mop it up?

I won't.

I doubt
if the redhead will,

so I guess that leaves you,
my love.

Funny. I came
to the same conclusion.

Mike Wayne
to see Mr. Rheingold.

You don't remember me,
do you, Mr. Wayne?

Scotty. My God!

Are you still here?

Three presidents,
four production heads

and two conglomerates,
and I'm still here.

You must be the only one.

You know the old
directors building.

Mr. Rheingold's office is
just at the end of the hall.

You can't miss it.

Don't see how I can.
Used to be my office.

WOMAN:
Mr. Rheingold's office.

Yes, I'm sorry.
He's busy right now.

Can he get back to you later?
All right.

I think Mr. Rheingold's
expecting me. Mike Wayne.

Oh, yes, Mr. Wayne,
go right in.

Thank you.

You should know how
to deal with it.

You've been
in the business long enough.

A friend of yours
just walked in, Mike Wayne.

Frankie Short says
to say hello

and how are you.

Tell Frankie how I am is none
of his business.

Mike says,
"Go screw yourself."

Ha-ha. Okay.

Poor Frankie.

He's shooting a picture
with that French broad--

What's her name?

She wants
her part built up.

Keeps yelling,
"Meat, give me more meat!"

She's driving Frankie crazy.

Tell him to fire her
and hire a vegetarian.

( laughs )

The scripts they send me.

This one belongs
in intensive care.

Well, not this one.

How's your wife?

I don't know.
I never ask.

She never volunteers.

I heard from New York.

What was your deal
with the publisher?

Five-thousand dollars
for a 6-month option

against $80,000
and 2 1/2 percent?

Three percent.

Well, New York says
they'll give you $7,500

for your rights,

even though you got less than
20 days to go on the option.

And no renewal clause.

So cutting the bullshit,

they want the property,
but not me.

Well, you know New York.

They feel that because
of the nature of the property,

it needs, well,
a younger man to produce it.

Yeah, preferably
a bearded younger man.

Well, I guess there's
only one thing left

for you to say.

What's that?

Let's have lunch someday.

( chuckles )

Tell the boys in New York
two things for me, will you?

One, tell them
to go screw themselves.

Two...

I accept the offer.

( drops script on the floor )

( telephone ringing )

Hello.

OPERATOR:
Dr. Peterson is calling
Mr. Wayne from Geneva.

Will you accept?
Yes, I'll accept charges.

Go ahead, Dr. Peterson,
I have Mr. Wayne on the line.

PETERSON:
Mr. Wayne, this is urgent!
Can you come here immediately?

( majestic theme playing )

Taxi.

MIKE:
This is the fifth operation

in almost three years.

I'll take a room at the inn
in the village.

I'll see her every day.

No, you will go home.

We will send her back to you
in three months,

maybe less.
Why?

I'm gonna stay here
and see her.

PETERSON:
Every waking moment must
be spent in therapy,

in striving to get well.

There is nothing else.
Nothing.

( eerie theme playing )

No, please take me back
to my hotel.

Impossibile,
Signorina January.

Why impossibile?

Because in the hotel,

your papa's in bed
with Mel Battalito.

How do you know that?
That's a damn lie!

FRANCO:
Signorina, it is
an ancient Roman law.

The producer is making love
with the leading lady,

and the daughter
of the producer

is making love
with the leading man!

Can't you stop talking
about my father?

Ha-ha. It is your father

you have anger with,
signorina, huh? Avvero!

Can't you go any faster
than this, Franco?

Hold on, signorina.
Hold me tight.

( tires squeal )

( horns honk )

Stop, Franco!

( January screaming )

You must realize
how protected

she has been
in our world of the clinic.

She must be easedback
into your world,

not thrown into it.

You're afraid
I'm gonna spoil her.

She's told me many times
of those weekends

when she came back
from school.

Dr. Peterson,
from the time she was 7,

she had no mother.
Sure, I spoiled her.

I hope to go
on spoiling her

for the rest
of her life.

( dogs barking )

( mellow Spanish theme playing )

I've never waited
this long

for a woman
in a beauty parlor.

Ha-ha. Oh, you look beautiful,
darling.

Louis, here.
There you are.

You have me wondering.

Oh.

What about?

Well, you were
in Switzerland.

Why did you stop off
in Marbella

instead of going
straight home?

I've been wondering
about you.

Yes?

Are you the third or fourth
richest woman in the world?

As of a week ago Tuesday,
the fifth.

An airline deal went sour.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I was going to ask

if you had some cheese to go
with these crackers,

but considering your reduced
circumstances, forget it.

When did we first meet?

MIKE:
The Academy Awards,
eight years ago.

DEE:
Ha-ha-ha. Oh, yes!

You were quite drunk

and told me the story
of your life.

Fortunately, I was
a little tipsy myself

and didn't have
to listen.

Well, I was younger then.
There wasn't much to tell.

I must send this
to January.

How did you ever come

to saddle your daughter
with a name like that?

MIKE:
Because she was born
on New Year's Day.

And I swore I would
give her the world.

When January was 4,

I went to California to
produce my first movie.

When January was 5,

I produced two hit pictures
in one year

and was nominated
for an Oscar.

When she was 6,
I won the Oscar.

When January was 7,
I did my--

Ha-ha! It's so strange.
What?

Well, I mean you're
telling the story of your life

in terms
of your daughter.

"When January was 4,
I so and so.

When January was 5..."

Well, obviously,
you have no children.

Four husbands. Nary a child.

Why?

MIKE:
Now you certainly can't mean

that all four of them
shot blanks?

DEE:
The truth is, I was never

on good enough terms
with any of my husbands

to get that productive.

This is the only part
I really enjoy.

The first encounter.

Four husbands,

very expensive,
I can tell you.

Why do you keep
on marrying?

'Cause after six,
I get one for nothing.

( chuckles )

For the last two weeks,

you've danced attendance
on me, Mr. Wayne.

Well, actually,
we haven't danced at all.

I hate Spanish music.

$20 tips to captains,

$800 tabs in nightclubs
for big parties.

And I've had
a marvelous time.

Mike, I'm rich,
so I can be rude.

Second day you were here,

I had you looked up
in Dun & Bradstreet.

You have $2,600

and some change
in the bank.

I'm poor,
so I can be proud.

That figure isn't
exactly up to date.

I sold an option for $7,500
before leaving L.A.

Mm. Most of which you used
to pay the back rent

on your penthouse
in Beverly Hills.

How did you know that?

I own the building.

I brought up
this distasteful subject

to let you know
that I do not back plays.

I do not finance motion picture
productions. Never.

Mrs. Granger,
I do not intend

to produce any more plays
or motion pictures.

Ever.

What do you intend to do?

I intend to have lunch.

WOMAN ( on PA ):
Continental Airlines Flight 663

now departing Gate 1
for Chicago.

All aboard, please.

Continental Airlines
Flight 663

now departing Gate 1
for Chicago.

( both laughing )

Oh, Daddy,
you look super.

You look just great,
baby.

Gee, I hope nobody thinks
we're father and daughter.

I hope they think
you're a dirty old man,

and I'm your bride.

Look,
give me all your bags.

Oh, that's all there is.

I'm wearing
my best outfit.

Do you like it?
I got it in Geneva.

Come on, baby,

tomorrow we're gonna
buy out New York.

God, it's so great
to beback,Mike.

Mike? Where did
"Daddy" go?

Oh, you're too gorgeous
to be called daddy.

You are gorgeous,
you know.

I'm a dignified
elderly gentleman.

Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Is this us?

Yeah, this is us.

( wolf whistles )
Oh, come on. Get in.

You've been
in limos before.

JANUARY:
I love it.

It's just so wonderful

after all that sanitary snow
in Switzerland.

Ican't wait to get my nice
clean lungs all polluted.

You can bet on that.

I have the same feeling
I used to have

when I came in
on my birthday.

All that caviar and champagne
at the Plaza.

Yeah.

I hated school.

Yeah, I know you did.
$20,000 worth.

Thank you.
What happened to the Plaza?

I haven't been to the Plaza
for years.

Now wait till you see
this pad.

( glass breaks )

( both laughing )

Candlelight, caviar.

Whoa, champagne.

But it isn't my birthday.

Maybe not, but it's
one hell of an occasion.

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Who arranged this
so beautifully, the maid?

Is Mabel still with you?

No, no, Mabel's in L.A.

I pensioned her off.

To us.

No, to you.

This is your time.

I wanna see you get
the most out of it.

Tell me all
about your new film.

My new film.
Mm-hmm.

Who told you that?

No one, but I know
how you operate.

All those postcards
from Spain.

I knew you had to be shooting
a new movie.

Are you afraid of jinxing it
by telling me?

Nope.

There's no movie, baby.

A TV series?

God forbid.

A play.
You've got a hit play.

No, I haven't.
Neither does anybody else.

Why do you keep looking
at your watch?

Hmm?

( majestic theme playing )

Right on time.

( both laugh )

You know,
during the day,

there's a great view
of the park from here.

Will I be able to see
my wishing hill?

Forget your wishing hill,
baby.

It's owned
by drunks and junkies now.

Lots of large dogs use it
for a john.

You know, everybody
has large dogs now,

not for pets,
for protection.

Oh, please, Mike,

no harsh facts
of life tonight.

I want to think
nothing's changed...

for a while anyway.

Who are all these people?

Oh, just friends.

She looks so...

As if I should know her.

Who is she?

Isn't she...

Karla?

That's right.
I thought...

Didn't you offer her
a million dollars

to come out
of retirement?

She never said yes,
never said no,

but it got me a lot
of publicity.

God,
all the girls at school

just thought
she was marvelous.

Maybe it's because
she's foreign.

Do you see her much?

Well,
nobody sees her much.

She's a bigger recluse
than Garbo or Howard Hughes.

But if you
have her picture...

Well, she's just friends.

Baby, you look sleepy.
I know it's still early.

But it must be after midnight in
Switzerland.

You'd better go to bed.

I'll take a little walk,
get the papers

and turn in early too.

But we haven't talked
about you,

what you're doing
or anything.

Tomorrow.

We meet for breakfast,
we do a lot of talking.

But Mike.
Tomorrow.

I'm glad you're back.

Hey, would you believe it?

New York has only
two morning papers now.

The Times and the News.

You go to bed. Heh-heh.

( siren wailing )

( soft theme playing )

( whispers ):
Daddy?

( door opens )

DEE:
It's ridiculous
you not telling her.

And me,
sitting in a bar,

like a hooker, waiting
for you to pick me up.

MIKE:
Come on,
it's her first night.

I didn't want
to complicate it.

I'll have a long talk
with January in the morning,

before you two meet.

DEE:
You've made it that much more
difficult for everybody.

Mike, come on in.

Seems we have company.

What the hell are you doing
snooping around in here?

I couldn't sleep.

I wanted to talk.

Your door was open.

Mike, you're not going
to let your daughter go

without introducing us?

January,

this is Dee.

Oh, Mike, come on.

That's not really
a proper introduction.

Dee is my wife.

Married last week.

Congratulations.

( melancholy theme playing )

I figured you'd come here.

Such a small hill.

When I was little,
it seemed like a mountain.

How long you been walking
in the park?

Since about dawn.

My God, nobody walks
in the park at dawn.

You could have been hurt,
killed.

I got hurt pretty good
last night.

One more jolt.

Do you love her, Mike?

Not madly.

Does she love you?

She claims not.

Do you even like her?

Well, it's difficult not
to feel a little something

for a woman
with all that money,

especially when
you're broke.

I just couldn't get
a picture off the ground.

Couldn't put
a play together.

You were coming out
of the clinic in three months.

You've never known anything
but luxury,

so, well, I went
to Marbella.

Of course,
she knew why I was there,

but I made her laugh.

More important,
I dress up her dinner table.

And you serviced her
in bed?

Ah, with Dee,
that's almost incidental.

No, she only made
two conditions:

No show business,

and I have to learn how
to play backgammon.

So we're married.

You'remarried.

She's between divorces.

Hey, where'd you learn
to hit so hard?

Couldn't we try to get
a small apartment somewhere?

I mean, I could try for a job.
Acting, modeling, anything.

And live on that?

Baby, I did too many pictures
where the rich are miserable

and the poor have fun.

Only in movies, baby.

Oh, come on.

Hey,
what are you crying for?

We're in great shape.

Look, baby,

I'd kill for you,

and all I'm being asked to do
is play a little backgammon.

My God, it's almost 9:00.

Come on.

Let's go, huh?

All right.

Oh, let me see.
That's five and one.

And then here's five.

No, wait a minute.
( doorbell rings )

Here's your five.

( laughing )

Oh, John, will you put these
in Miss Wayne's room?

Maria.

Oh, good,
David's here.

Hello in there.

Hi.

Is Mike getting
any better?

I don't really like
backgammon.

It's a very difficult game
to cheat at.

You'll find a way.

January, this is my cousin
David Milford.

Hello.
David's also my stockbroker.

By the way, I brought those
stock options for you to sign.

I'll sign 'em,
but I don't understand 'em.

You understand it
better than I do.

You understand it better
than the head of the firm.

I'm sure
you understand it better

than the president
of the stock exchange does.

How do you like the way
your daughter looks?

Isn't she beautiful?

Eh, she's all right.

DEE: Where are the papers?
In the den.

Let's get it over with,
then we can all get drunk.

She's my cousin,
but it was none of my doing.

In answer to your unspoken
question, Daddy,

yes, he's very handsome. Is he
very rich?

No, but he has
a very rich cousin.

Who also happens to be
my very rich stepmother.

Isn't that convenient?

Oh, there was a phone call
for you.

A Miss Linda Riggs.

Linda Riggs?
Mm-hmm.

Linda Riggs.

Oh, my God,
Linda Riggs!

She was the oldest,
the ugliest

and smartest girl
at school.

( knock on door )

Come in!

I hate you.

You're too damn beautiful,

but then why not
with a father like Mike Wayne?

I'm supposed to see
Miss Riggs at 3:00 and--

Ms.Riggs, honey.

January!

Who the hell
do you think I am?

Hello!

I forgot. How long has
it been since you've seen me?

Eight, nine years.

Well, I've had a nose job.
My teeth have been capped,

my tits were lifted,
my ass was flattened,

and my knees
were straightened.

My navel, I'm proud to say,
was untouched.

It's perfect.

Oh, I always thought
you were wonderful.

You had such
a great personality, Linda.

And wouldn't you know it?

I went through all
that trouble and expense

just to get beautiful,
and now ugly is in.

I want my old nose back.

Hey, didn't I read
in Alumni Magazine

that you were
an actress once?

Just once.

My father backed a play,
and I got the lead.

I went out there a star,
and I came back an understudy.

Then I got a job
on this magazine.

I screwed every guy
in this organization,

literally and figuratively.

And I gave the shaft to every
woman who stood in my way.

Now at 28,

I am the youngest editor
Gloss Magazine has ever had

or any woman's magazine,
I think.

Ask me if I'm happy.

Are you happy?

Deliriously.
( intercom buzzes )

Today, that is.
Yesterday I was miserable,

and I might be miserable
again tomorrow.

Who knows? It's crazy.

Yeah?

Put him on hold.

This has turned into one
of my busiest days,

and we've got so much
to talk over.

January, I'm really glad
to see you.

Why don't we have dinner
tomorrow night?

Oh, I have a date
with David Milford.

David Milford?
He's the biggest stud in town.

How did you manage it
so soon?

Well, he's my dad's
wife's cousin.

( buzzing )
Of course.

Otherwise you'd be
on the waiting list.

I said, put him on hold.

You said on the phone yesterday
you'd like to model.

Or act.
Right.

I called this agency,

and they're looking for
a fresh face for a commercial.

I've got the name
of the agency,

who to see,
the address, all that jazz.

You know what I want from you?
What?

I'd love to get a story
on Deidre and your father.

Now I have tried
and tried,

but she always
turns us down.

( buzzing )
It's all here.

Don't forget
to tell him I sent you.

Thank you, Linda.

Listen, I love it.

Okay, what line's he on?

Right. January,
I want you to call me.

I want to hear all about your
date with David Milford.

Everything. Take notes.

Hello, Bruce. You wanna know
something? You're a shit.

Or a reasonable facsimile.

Mm-hm.

( disco music playing
over speakers )

Thank you.

May I have one?

I didn't know you smoked.

Oh, I don't. I'm up
for a cigarette commercial.

I have until noon tomorrow
to learn.

You inhale.

David,
what a nice surprise.

How are you?
Good to see you.

You know everyone here.
Hi, how are you?

May I introduce
four beautiful people

whose names escape me?

MAN:
Hello.

( speaking indistinctly )

( coughs )

Are you all right?
Can I get you anything?

WOMAN:
Hello, David.

How are you, David, darling?

Damp.

Her name is either, uh,

Francine or, uh, Rosalie.

Well, I took her out
a few times

and then I dropped her.

Dropped her?

Such a pretty girl.

Well, I dropped her
for an even prettier girl.

That makes sense,
doesn't it?

( whistle blows )

Well?

Well?

Frankly, I'd love to sleep
with you.

Oh, just like that?

A simple statement
like that?

Why does it have to be
so complicated?

Of course,
if you don't want to...

I didn't say
I didn't want to.

I said I'm not going to.

Let's see.
What exactly does that mean?

It means that
I'm not Francine or Rosalie.

Sorry.
This late in life,

I didn't expect to bump
into Mary Poppins, either.

Incidentally,
how was he?

I wouldn't know.

What do you mean
you wouldn't know?

Do you mean to stand there
and tell me

that David Milford asked you
to go to bed with him

and you said no?

January,
what is it with you?

You didn't sleep
with that divine Italian

who was responsible
for you breaking your skull.

You reject David Milford.

I don't understand.

I find nothing appealing
about either one.

There is
a terrible thought

pushing its way
into my mind.

It is too awful
to put into words.

Do you mean
am I a virgin?

( gasps )

You said that word.
I didn't.

Are you?

Yes, I am.

Honey,
I'm your friend.

We went
to school together.

Wild horses
will not drag

your shameful secret
out of me.

There must be
an explanation.

I know.
You've got the guilts.

It's like cheating
on Daddy.

The first thing to do

is to get you away from father
and that wife of his.

You need an apartment
of your own.

Why? I'm happy where I am.

A beautiful room
all newly decorated for me.

Bullshit.
What?

I said bullshit.

January, who are you
trying to con?

You hate living there,

and you can't stand seeing
your father with that woman.

Well, I do feel funny
living there.

It's her apartment.

I feel like an interloper.

A what?

Interloper.
Right.

Listen, there's a bachelor
in my building.

He lives right above me.

I think he's a closet queen,
but besides that,

he teaches at Columbia,

and he's going to Europe
on his sabbatical.

Why don't we take a look
at his apartment right now?

How would I pay for it?
The commercial fell through.

I wouldn't ask Mike for money.
I have none of my own.

You'll work for Linda Riggs
and Gloss Magazine.

With the circles
you're traveling in, honey,

you're an asset.

Linda, I can't write.

Neither can I.
All you do is research.

We have an entire staff

of underpaid schmucks
who do the writing.

Oh, my dear, it's so lucky for
you you've fallen into my hands.

I'll teach you everything.
Writing, screwing: everything.

Do you know what a man
said to me last night?

He said, "Linda, you have
ten fingers like a mouth

and a mouth like
ten fingers."

Now you couldn't ask
for a better reference

than that, could you?
Come on.

Thank you, darling,
for all the tidbits.

Take care.
God bless you.

If he can find the time.

You hear the sad news?
We're losing a boarder.

January's
rented an apartment.

It's just one room,
really.

I planned that beautiful
bedroom for you, January.

I went to a lot
of trouble.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What the hell?
She's a working girl now.

If that's what you want,
that's what you get.

January, didn't you have
a date with David tonight?

Yes,
but something came up.

Well, I was just on the phone
with a friend from Westport.

She happened to mention
that she saw David walking

with Karla in the Village.

Is that the something
that came up?

He deserted your daughter
for a woman twice his age

for a stupid
uneducated peasant.

Hey, I thought Karla
was a friend of yours.

She is, but that doesn't
make her any less stupid

or any younger.

Well, isn't that
David's business?

You know,
we bothdecided

that David and January

would be perfect
for each other.

January couldn't have
given David

very much encouragement,

or he wouldn't be
running off

to Westport with that...
That foreigner.

I had everything
all planned.

We'd all spend the holidays
together in Palm Beach.

I thought I'd send the plane
for January and David,

and we'd have a family thing
there at Easter.

I want to give a big ball,
ask all the fun people.

I thought
that January and David

would announce
their engagement by then.

Wait a minute.
That's all very nice,

but maybe David's not what
January wants.

How can she know
what she wants?

She has to be taught
to want the right things.

For three years,

she had to be taught
to walk and talk.

From now on,
it's her ball game.

All right, let her work
at that dingy magazine

let her live
in that ratty room.

I'm not going
to try anymore.

Let her freeze
in New York.

I'm not going to beg her
to come to Palm Beach.

Yeah, maybe I won't go
to Palm Beach, either.

Oh, really?
Oh, really.

Tell me, Mike,
what will you do?

Move out of here?

Find a big apartment

for yourself
and your daughter?

Produce a movie,

amass a fortune
to leave her?

Go ahead.

Why should I even bother
to try and get her married?

You can give her the world.
Hey, you listen to me--

Please, you mustn't
quarrel over me!

I mean, I'd love to come
to Palm Beach,

and, Dee, I appreciate
all you've done.

And don't worry
about David and me.

I mean, I'm seeing him again
tomorrow night.

And I'll try to be
more encouraging.

I have to run.

I'm late for work.

You just cut my balls off
in front of my daughter.

Oh, stop it, Mike. Let's not
fight. We never have before.

I'll be packed
and out in an hour.

( door closes )

Don't be a fool.

Our first fight
and it's my fault.

Forgive me, Mike.

I never had a child,

and in my eagerness
to treat January as a daughter,

I'm saying all
the wrong things,

overprotective.
The same way I am with David.

I apologize to you.

I'll call January
and apologize to her.

Well, there's really
only one way

to make up a fight,
isn't there?

Isn't it, um, time-saving
that we're in the bedroom?

There's only one way
to make up this fight.

Oh?

Only one way to make it up
to January.

I never asked you
for a thing, did I?

I even signed
a premarital agreement

that if we divorced,
I don't get a dime, right?

I'll tear it up.

No, no, keep it.
I don't want a cent.

What do you want?

I want to talk to you.

( lounge music
playing over speakers )

How are you getting along
in your pad?

Oh, super.

How are you getting along
in yours?

Why don't you come up
and find out?

I've got a lot of albums
I think you'll like.

Champagne. We can talk.

Would you be amazed
if I said yes?

A little.

Would you be encouraged?

A lot.

( over speakers ):
* When somebody loves you *

* It's no good
Unless he loves you *

* All the way *

* Happy to be near you *

Just throw
your coat anyplace.

How many whiskey sours did you
have at El Morocco anyway?

You should know.
You paid for them.

That couldn't be
a phony fireplace, could it?

Naturally.

( cork pops )

* Deeper than
The deep-blue seas *

* That's how deep it goes *

* If it's real *

Fascinating.

I wanted it
to look like a bordello.

And you succeeded.

Dom Perignon.

Dom Perignon?

That's for special occasions,
isn't it?

I sincerely hope so.

Dee gave me an entire case
for my birthday.

How old are you, David?

29.

29?

My friend Linda says 29
is a terrible age

because when you say it,
no one believes you.

Like-- Thank you.

Like 27, they'll believe,
but 28, 29 both sound phony.

I'm quoting
my friend Linda.

To your friend Linda.

* All the way *

Incidentally, why is my glass
much fuller than yours?

Because I'm nervous,

and I was trying
to get you drunk.

( chuckles )

Those are Gucci shoes,
aren't they?

Mm-hmm.

My friend Linda says
right now Gucci is in

and Pucci is out.

Maybe it's
the other way around.

Anyway, my friend Linda says
it's very important to know...

Oh.

I didn't know men
used hairspray.

Oh, no, put me down.

I'll walk
if you don't mind.

God, we're quiet.

I'm sorry
I disappointed you.

I didn't say that,
did I?

Much worse. You didn't
say anything at all.

I'm sorry.
I just didn't...

I mean, it never occurred
to me that...

That you were the first?

David, I wanted to fall
in love with you.

I really did.
I thought this would do it.

Takes time to get
to know each other.

Maybe the next time
or the time after that.

David, if the music,
the champagne

and a round bed
couldn't do it...

What you're saying is you don't
want to see me again, right?

I'll ask my friend...

BOTH: Linda.

Maria,
Mr. Wayne's taking a nap.

When he wakes up,
will you tell him

I'm out playing
backgammon with Joyce?

Yes, Mrs. Granger.

Oh, and will you
phone down to the garage

and tell Charles
to bring the car up?

The Waldorf.

DEE:
Pick me up here
at 6:00.

MAN ( on PA ):
Will Allen Masters please
report to the front desk?

Orders wanted at once.

Front desk, please.

( suspenseful theme playing )

( door opens )

Where the hell
have you been?

Is that the way you talk
to the woman you love?

Am I late?

You know damn well
you're late.

What have you been doing?

Shoplifting.

Oh, come on, Karla,
where were you?

Just out walking.
You walking. Why?

Because I am too old
and too dignified to jog.

Incidentally, Dee,

the leading men in my pictures
would say to me:

"You're so beautiful
when you're angry."

I'm sorry I can't say
the same for you.

( laughs )

Oh, Karla.

Why do you do everything
to bring out the worst in me?

( sultry theme playing )

You know what I did today?

What?

I put $10,000
in your savings account.

The joint savings account
of Connie and Ronnie Smith.

Connie puts in,
Ronnie takes out.

I'm sure everyone
in the bank is on to you.

Oh, they didn't
recognize me.

Oh, but can I help it
that I am so magnificent

that everyone recognizes me?

( both laugh )

Oh, Karla,
you can be so divine.

Why do you go out of your way
to irritate me at times?

Maybe because I like
to upset

the very proper
Mrs. Dee Milford Granger Wayne.

By the way,
your new husband,

very attractive.

Oh, we had our first fight
the other day.

Oh? Who won?

Well,
he's still my husband,

but as sort
of a make-up gesture,

I had to settle $3 million
on his daughter.

So I guess you could
call it a draw.

Where does he think
you are now?

He played nine holes of golf
and fell asleep.

( both laugh )

So I told Maria I was going
to play backgammon with Joyce.

And who is Joyce?

Someone I, um, invented.

( laughs )

Karla,

have you been seeing
much of David lately?

Yes.

You have Mike.
I, too, need an escort.

I think he likes
my stepdaughter.

I think
you would like him

to like
your stepdaughter, huh?

Does he mean anything
to you really?

Of course he does.

Why else would I see him?

Karla, you are a bitch.

Yes.

What time did you tell
your chauffeur

to pick you up at the Waldorf?

About an hour.

What did you and husband do
after you had the fight?

I mean, besides settle
millions on his daughter.

We, uh, went to bed,
made love.

Well. We'll have had
this sort of fight.

Mm-hm.

And you did put $10,000
into my account?

( Dee chuckles )
Didn't you?

So...

( all laughing )

No, really,
I'm not kidding.

I have this thing
about older men.

Not that I don't like
young men too.

I mean, I even like
middle-aged men.

Ha-ha! I love 'em all.
Look at her.

I know I'm embarrassing January,
Mr. Wayne, but--

Please. As long as
you've got the hots for me

you might as well call me Mike.
That's a beginning.

JANUARY:
I'll have a hamburger.

Oh, I'm sorry, darling.

Joyce kept winning,
and I was furious,

and I forgot
about the time.

How are you, January?

Dee, this is my friend
and boss Linda Riggs.

Hello, friend and boss.

Hello,
nice to meet you.

You know, I've printed dozens
of pictures of her,

but none of them
do you justice.

Well, now you're
my friend too.

What's everybody drinking?
I ordered you a Scotch.

MAN: Hello, you son of a bitch.
Hello, Tom.

Come here, Hugh.
I want you to meet a real bore.

He was not born a bore.

He had to work at it,
and I honor him for it.

Mrs.Wayne, I presume.

Yes, Mr. Colt, you see,
I know who you are.

Unfortunately,
everyone knows who I am!

Is it true, Mrs. Wayne, you just
bought Cuba from Castro?

Oh, it's true. It'll be
announced next week.

TOM:
Now, goddamn it--

I think we gotta get going.
Wait a minute!

You know what your husband
did to me, Mrs. Wayne?

He took my best book,

my Pulitzer Prize-winning
novel

and fucked it up as a movie.

You calmly turn around
and marry him.

I never saw the movie.
That makes a difference.

Of course, I never
read the book either.

LINDA: Uh, Mr. Colt?
Yeah?

Hi, I'm Linda Riggs,

and I've read every word
you've ever written.

I didn't know you were
in New York.

I thought you were
in California

working on your new book.
I can write anywhere.

I'm not surprised.

You son of a bitch.
Just a minute!

Come on, get up!

Ordinarily, I'd love
to oblige you,

but my wife and I are going
to the theater tonight.

I'm sorry.
I realize how hard you try

to live up to your reputation
as a barroom brawler.

You're goddamn right!

I don't know how
this lovely young lady

would react to the sight
of blood,

so I'll let you
off the hook.

Been nice meeting you,
Mrs. Wayne.

What a character.

That friend of his
looked familiar.

Pulitzer or no Pulitzer,

he's always been
a better drinker than a writer.

Check, please.

Wasn't that embarrassing?

Embarrassing is the only way
to live, honey.

Calm down. It was perfect.

Forgive me!

But I can't take my eyes
off your ass!

Say "thank you,"
January.

Thank you.

Can we buy you two girls
a drink?

I live practically
around the corner.

Why don't I buy you a drink?
Come on, gorgeous.

JANUARY:
We may never
see him again.

Who's she?

Her name's Linda Riggs,
and she's the youngest...

...editor in the history
of a woman's magazine.

That's incredible.
Yes, isn't it?

I'm very impressed.
Tell me,

what's your long-legged friend
the youngest of?

She's the youngest
and only child

of your friend
Mike Wayne.

You are? Oh.

Say, I hope you didn't
take Tom's attack

on your father
too seriously.

You know, when he's sober,
he's the sweetest--

Dee, my stepmother,
said you look familiar.

Should you?

The astronaut?
Hugh Robertson, the astronaut?

Richardson, not Robertson.

Oh, right, Richardson.

Well, I don't know why
I didn't recognize him.

His picture's been on TV
I don't know how many times.

Don't feel too bad.

People don't pay attention
to astronauts anymore.

Really.

Okay, who was the first man
to walk on the moon?

Neil Armstrong.

Ah, good for you.
And the second?

Uh, wait a minute.

I'll have it in a minute.

Buzz...
Buzz Aldrin, right?

I don't believe it.

It's true.

She didn't. She couldn't
divorce an astronaut.

Yeah, one month to the day
after he got back.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

We didn't get along
before I flew to the moon.

It was no better
when I got back.

In fact,
she's already remarried.

He rented a house
in Westhampton.

It's very reasonable.
It's off-season.

And he sits on the beach.

He sleeps on it
most of the time.

He's trying to figure out
who he is.

I say, you know damn well
who you are.

You're Hugh Richardson,
and that ain't much.

I'm Tom Colt. That ain't much
either, so what the hell?

Why worry about it?
Where are you?

I live here.

Oh, buddy.

I have just enough time to catch
the last train to the beach.

No, you're gonna stay overnight
at the Plaza with me.

No, too many things to do
in the morning.

Why don't you try making me
that offer?

I need a few words
with Hugh.

January, come here.

I think Mr. Colt
and I are going to end up

in the feathers tonight.

Linda, tell me something.

Yeah?

Is there any man you don't
want to go to bed with?

If there is, honey,
I haven't met him.

Now, listen...
HUGH: Taxi!

I have a plan.

Stay for one drink
and then split.

I'll give you a cue,
okay?

When I say, "January,
I think your cat article

"is just going
to be great."

Wait a minute.

Then you say,
"Oh, that's right.

"I've got some work to do
tonight. I'd better go."

Then you go. Got it?

Okay.
Okay.

See you again, I hope.

Either here
or on the moon.

All right,
where do you live?

Right above Linda.

So having a drink
at my place

saves us all a flight
of stairs, doesn't it?

At my age, that's very
important, isn't it?

Is it?
Yeah.

( funky rock music playing )

( laughs )

Mr. and Mrs. Shapiro
are reconciling again.

Anybody care to watch this?

What I care to do is
turn off that goddamn machine.

Don't you appreciate rock?

No. Do you?

Yes, I do.
I have to. It's in.

( music stops )
Well, I don't have to.

I'm tentative, which means

I don't have to wear
wide lapels,

grow a beard and pretend
to like crap like that.

Are you gonna join
in this conversation?

When I have something
to say, I will.

Incidentally, January,

I think your cat article
is going to be just great.

Thank you.

I don't think
you heard what I said.

I said I think
your cat article

is going to be
just great.

Oh. Oh. That reminds me.

I have some work to do
on it tonight. I'd better go.

Can't do that.

I wouldn't feel safe
with Linda.

( Linda laughs )

I'm just right upstairs.
Yell if you're in trouble.

You haven't finished
your drink.

She can take her drink with her.
Here, take your drink.

I trust you
with the glass.

I should think so.

It happens to be my glass,

which I trusted you with
last week.

Good night, Mr. Colt.

Good night.
I think you're beautiful.

Thank you.
I think you are, too.

Almost as beautiful
as my father.

Can I do something
to your drink?

No, I'll get it.

Why don't you get
into something more comfortable?

( laughs )

I think it's "slip in."

Then slip into something
more comfortable.

Well, that's marvelous.

We're not gonna fence
or anything like that, are we?

No.

No. Just two grown-up,
sophisticated people.

That about sums it up.

Okay. I'll just be
a minute... or two.

Listen, if you don't appreciate
rock I've got plenty of others.

Mood stuff.
How's this?

Music To Get It Up By.

My God.

TOM:
I don't see any of
my books around here.

That's right.

Just because I'm an editor
doesn't mean I can read.

( tapping on window )

Hi. I just happened
to be in the neighborhood.

I thought I'd drop by
for a drink.

Couldn't you get that
from Linda?

Huh? Yeah, well, that's not
all I can get from Linda.

Most men find Linda
very attractive.

Silicon tits
and a computerized brain

is not my idea
of a sexy combination.

But that's not
the real Linda.

I think I've had
all the Lindas I need.

I just came here
to apologize.

I was very rough
on your father.

Yes, you were.

So I'm determined

to be charming
to his daughter.

Okay.

Okay?

Be charming.

Yes, I'm a little
out of practice.

Don't you want
a drink?

No.

Well, you haven't asked me
thequestion yet.

Oh?

Why do I drink
so much?

All right.

Why doyou?

Well, I blame Omar Khayyam,
who once said,

"Drink! For you know not
whence you came, nor why.

"Drink! For you know not
why you go, nor where."

Possibly two...

of the silliest lines
ever written.

Total cop-out
for anything and everything.

Eating,
drinking and screwing.

Am I keeping you
from your cat article?

No. There's no cat article.

Huh?

I'm simply not a writer.

Very wise of you.

( crashing downstairs )

You son of a bitch!

( window slams shut )

( giggling )

I suppose that's
the real Linda.

How old are you?

Don't tell me.

If you're that young,
don't tell me.

I'm not all that young.

In a few years, I'll be
firmly ensconced in the 20's.

At 20 you're ensconced.

At my age,
you're implanted.

You're no older
than my father,

and I think that's the most
wonderful time of life.

From where you sit.

Wait till
you get there.

I seem to have finished
my drink.

Oh, don't go yet.

( tender theme playing )

Should return
this glass to Linda.

I don't have to.
It's mine too.

Well, you are a delightful,
delicious...

enchanting creature.

Tell me that again
sometime

when you're sober.

Good night.

Good night.

( door closes )

( tender theme playing )

( telephone ringing )

Hello?

TOM:
I just wanted
to tell you I'm sober now,

and you are a delightful,
delicious, enchanting creature.

( line clicks )

Thank you very much,
Mr. Colt.

Thank you, um...

Uh, Myrna.

Myrna.

Thanks, Myrna,
for buying the book.

I need the money.
Bye-bye.

Who is this for?

Don't tell me
you haven't read my book.

Oh, yes, Linda's copy.

I don't intend
to read it again,

just one
for the coffee table.

The last resting place
for all good books.

"To January...

"with equal parts...

"of love...

"and lust."

I'll settle for that.

( upbeat theme playing )

( January laughs )

Hey!

Hey, wait a minute!

( coughs )

Now that I have demonstrated
what good shape I'm in

do you mind
if we slow down?

Sure. Where to now?

Young in body, young at heart.
How about the zoo?

Okay.
( grunts )

( laughing )

MAN ( on TV ):
And with 12 seconds left,

the Falcons have the ball
on Detroit's 35-yard line.

Shannon's going back to pass.

He has Burrow open
in the end zone.

This could be it.
Johnson's moving over.

Johnson intercepts.
That's it for Atlanta.

Now what in the hell
am I gonna do

Monday nights
when the season's over?

Well, where have you been
the last three hours?

You know who played?

Uh... two teams.
Good. Good.

With names
like animals, right?

For your information,

the Atlanta Falcons
and the Detroit Lions.

And in Los Angeles,
it's the Rams.

That's right.

Why is it always such
fierce, masculine names?

Because it is
a fierce, masculine game.

Would you prefer

the Atlanta Swans
and the Detroit Doves?

Mm, much.

I'm tired of telling you
how adorable you are.

You want a drink?

Oh, yes, please.
A strong one.

Something bothering you
this evening?

Oh, the strangest
coincidence.

Do you know this is
the very same suite

my father rented
all year round for years,

just so we could
share it together

on my weekends
in from school?

Well,
at the ancient age of 20,

you're flooded
with memories.

Mm-hmm.

Here. Spare me
the memories.

What'd you do
this afternoon?

Read up on you.

Why?

Because I think
I love you.

What'd you find out?

Oh, enough to discourage
any ordinary girl,

but not me.

Well...

it's after midnight.

You better finish your drink.

I'll, uh, call you
in the morning.

A few days ago,

you autographed
your book for me.

"With equal parts of love
and lust," you said.

So?

So... do you love me?

Yes.

Can't ask for a simpler,
more straightforward answer

than that, can you?

Do you lust for me?

Well, not in the same suite
you shared with Daddy

on those idyllic weekends.

It's not either simple
or straightforward.

How do you feel
about the beach?

Westhampton?

Yeah, Hugh invited me out.

We can stay over.

Hell, he sleeps on the beach
most of the time anyway.

When?

How about Thursday?
We'll make it a long weekend.

I'd love to.

Come on.
I'll get you a cab.

Damn it, January.
I hate that son of a bitch.

JANUARY:
I'm sorry to hear that.

I love him.

I don't understand.

You could have
a wonderful guy like David.

I'm not looking for
a wonderful guy like David.

I'm looking for a terrible man
like my father,

and I think
I've found him.

You found him, all right.
A man who's had four wives.

Dee's had five husbands.
I'm sorry, Mike.

Tom Colt's married
right now.

He's got a wife
and a kid.

He's not living with her.

Are you?

Well, I mean,
are you living with him?

If that son of a bitch
tries anything, I'll...

Have--?

Have you been intimate
with him?

Now what
the hell's funny?

Have I been intimate?

Oh, what a lovely way
to put it.

Mike Wayne,
the sophisticate.

And you were struggling so,

and there's so many other
words you could have used.

How about "copulation,"
"cohabitation,"

"intercourse"
or even "fornication"?

What the hell's
the matter with you?

Ah, but then of course,
there's always

those 4-letter words like--
Stop it!

My God, January. I hate
what that man's done to you.

And I'm not exactly crazy
about what Dee's done to you.

What the hell
do you mean by that?

Oh, I mean I've seen you
at these dinner parties.

I've heard you laughing

at the same
deadly dull stories.

All right. All right.

Just paying my dues, baby.

I believe
in paying my dues.

Hooray for you.
May I go now?

No.

I love you, baby.

I love you, Mike.

Listen, don't go looking
for me in other men.

I'm nothing to look for.

You know, Dee's opening

the Palm Beach house
next week.

Will you come?

How long have you
been seeing Tom?

It's been every night
for at least a week, right?

Right.
And nothing's happened?

Not in the sense you mean, no.

What on earth
is wrong with you, January?

What on earth
is wrong with you, Linda?

Just because you're
practically a virgin--

An already
an endangered species.

-don't keep giving me
that "holier than thou" shit.

There isn't a man
I've slept with

who hasn't meant something
to this magazine.

Also,
I happen to like screwing.

I think it's terrific.

And I don't know.

Even with my nose job and all,
I still feel ugly.

That's why
I screw around a lot.

It makes
me feel attractive.

Everybody's got
their reasons.

And with you,
my sweet goldilocks,

everything relates
to your father.

Even that accident
on the motorcycle.

You got on that damn thing
just to punish him

for being in bed with his
leading lady and you know it.

Please, Linda,
I've had enough analysis.

Especially
amateur analysis.

I'm not analyzing
I'm talking about reasons.

You think you're
in love with Tom Colt

because you relate
him to your father.

If I hear that word "relate"
just once more--

Okay, forget
the word "relate."

I'll tell you
something.

It would be a lot healthier
if you just got it over with

and went to bed
with your father.

Why don't you ask him?

All he can do
is say no.

Oh, shut up, Linda.

Okay, if it makes you
feel any better,

I'm spending the weekend with
Tom in Westhampton.

The TV reception there
is terrible.

You won't be able
to watch football.

I just don't know, Linda.

I mean, he says he loves me.

But after a whole week,
he seems...

Well, he...
He seems--

You mean his dingle
is like spaghetti?

Oh, God, Linda. Must you
put everything so crudely?

Listen, my dear,
despite women's lib--

Hear, hear. I'm all for it.

--it is still part of the
female's responsibility

to get the old show on the road,
if you know what I mean.

Do you know what I mean?

Only too well.

Get me Dr. Alpert on the phone.

Just before you go to
Westhampton

I want you to take this shot.

What shot?
Calm down.

Just trust me.
It's a vitamin shot.

It's a combination of vitamin B,
plus some E.

Dr. Alpert mixes it
right in front of you.

It's dynamite.
You feel wonderful.

I mean, you glow,
you spin, you whirl.

And you don't have
an inhibition in the world.

And somehow it seems to rub off
on the man and it's magic.

( phone buzzes )

Hello. Who's this?

Hi, Ruth. Let me
talk to Dr. Alpert.

I'm sending over a delicate
flower I want him to transform

into Miss Horny of the year.

You're so right, January.
I'm crude, aren't I?

( upbeat theme playing )

Hey!

( door closes )

It's time for me
to hit the dunes.

You'll freeze.
I'm used to it.

As a matter of fact,

I don't think I could
even sleep indoors anymore.

There's bourbon
in the kitchen.

Sleep as late
as you like.

( door closes )

Shall we do
the dishes?

Yes...

in the morning.

We got
a little champagne left.

Mm, pour it on the fire.
It'll make a lovely noise.

To hell with that.

Ah, now we stare
into the flickering flames.

It's mandatory, isn't it?

( tender theme playing )

( tense theme playing )

( tense theme playing )

( shower running )

( tender theme playing )

You wanna laugh?

Is that how it goes?

First love
and then laughter?

You know what
you've done for me?

It was the first time
I've made it in years.

It's funny, isn't it?

The barroom brawler,
the drinker,

the man with all the hair
on his chest.

Naked, raw, virile,
violent sex, a bang a page.

If you can't...

live your fantasies,
you write about 'em.

But, Tom,
you have a baby.

How old is he,
6 months?

A little older,

but that's
another funny story.

About two years ago...

I decided I wanted a kid,

so I decided
to adopt a kid.

But you had to be married
to adopt a kid.

Three women had already
divorced me.

And then I met
Miss Nina Lou Brown.

She's a starlet type.

Average girl,
but she liked kids,

and I could really tell
she liked kids.

So I told her about me.

Oh, what the hell?
She would've found out anyway.

It was Miss Nina
who came up with the idea,

and here's the funny part.
You ready?

Artificial insemination.

What the hell?
It works for sheep and cattle,

and it worked for me.

Took a little while.

Well, about six and a half
months ago,

she gave me a kid.

A son.

Do you love her?

I love her
for what she gave me.

In return for which
I gave her freedom,

so long as she's discreet.

She's a good mother
to my son.

She enjoys
being Mrs. Tom Colt.

That's it.

That's it.

JANUARY:
Hugh! Hey, Hugh!

( laughs )

Good morning, Hugh!

Good morning!

I came to invite you
to breakfast.

Is it ready?

No. I was counting
on you for that.

Cold cornflakes
is all I can manage.

( panting )

Is Tom up and about?

God, is he sleepy.

What would you like
for breakfast?

Mmm...
Hmm?

Absolutely nothing.

I feel marvelous,
just marvelous.

I don't need food,

but if there's
any bacon and eggs...

( laughing )

Hey, what's the matter?

I gather
you're in love with Tom.

Oh, yes.

And yes and yes!

Didn't take very long,
did it?

Well, I haven't been around
very long.

I don't know any better.

January...
What? Hmm?

I don't know if you know
how good Tom's marriage is.

Look, I know Nina Lou will
never give him a divorce.

He told me that.

That's right.

She never will,

and Tom will never
give up his son.

Hugh, I know
he'll never marry me.

Don't worry about it.

Then what the hell
are you so happy about?

Well, I've got
Tom Colt for a lover.

Hugh Richardson
for a friend.

What more could a girl
ask for, hmm?

Hey, you are my friend,
aren't you?

I'm your friend.

Come on. I'll race you.

You're on!
( laughing )

No, you talk to my agent
about that.

I can take it from them.

( January laughing )

What is today, Friday?

Tuesday or Wednesday
at the latest, all right?

You got it.
How do you like that?

It's 6:30 in Los Angeles,
and they call me.

HUGH:
Los Angeles
fall into the sea?

Not yet.

HUGH:
Too bad.
Better luck next time.

No, they want me to do
a screenplay

of one of my old books.

Oh, yeah? Which one?

Well, I don't know.

I just asked 'em
how much money,

and they said plenty.
So you're going?

So we'regoing.
We are?

You bet your sweet
little ass we are.

We got a bungalow
at the Beverly Hills Hotel,

all expenses paid
by the studio.

Looks like my place
to go to the kitchen.

Coffee or sanka?

I trust you to make
the right decision.

What's wrong with you?

I promised my father

I'd meet him and Dee
in Palm Beach next week.

So you won't.
I can't tell him

I'm going to live with you
in Los Angeles, can I?

Why not?

All right.

All right, you don't wanna
tell him that,

you tell him
you're going to the coast

to do a story on me.

That is your job,
isn't it?

I've never lied
to my father.

What a wonderful day
to begin.

I'll dial Western Union
for you.

( dialing )

( January giggling )

TOM:
Now what is it?

JANUARY:
Nothing.

I was just thinking...
Mm-hmm?

If you were impotent,

you certainly couldn't
prove it by me.

Am I allowed
a cliché question?

You know the rule.
One cliché a day.

What is it?

Do I make you happy?

Tolerably.

Is there any way--

Anything in which
I disappoint you?

Well, if you must know,

I was rather expecting
something larger

in the way of breasts.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

Well, in a somewhat
related area,

I could
come right back at you.

Only I'm too young
and innocent.

I robbed you of your innocence.
And I thank you.

After a night of
passionate love-making

do you know what two
of the most beautiful words

in the English language are?

No, what are they?

"Room service."
( laughing )

Hey. Heh-heh.

MABEL:
I wonder why high-class stores
don't put prices in windows.

Because they don't dare.

( laughs )

What time have you got?

When you asked me five minutes
ago it was ten to 3.

So not it must be five to 3.

( chuckles )

Would you mind
if I called the hotel again?

You'll call whether
I mind or not.

You don't have
to tell me.

He ain't back yet?
No.

No message neither?

No.

Your father treated me
the same way.

Why am I so nervous?

I mean, my God,
he's just seeing his son.

Well, this is what
I told you all through lunch.

Mabel.
Yes?

If you were me, would you
be worrying about Tom?

Here's my Santa Monica bus.

Honey, I'm the wrong one
for you to ask.

I worked for
your father 12 years

and it was just
one long parade of poontang.

Goodbye, Mabel.

Bye-bye, baby.
Call me soon now.

January?

JANUARY:
Yes?

Why are you sitting
in the dark?

Because I'm afraid
of the light.

How's the baby?

Bright as hell
for 7 months old.

What did he do
that was so brilliant?

He dribbled a little.

Till 10 at night?

Nina Lou had
some people over.

She asked me
to stay for dinner.

So you stayed
for appearance's sake?

Exactly.

What'd you do?

Well, I had lunch
with Mabel.

Seafood salad,
in case you're interested.

That's good for you.
It's got a lot of vitamins.

Mm-hmm.

Don't look at me
like that.

I did not lay a finger
on Nina Lou.

And vice versa?

And vice versa.

I love you.

( tender theme playing )

( January giggling )

You're biting the goods!

( door opens )

( ominous theme playing )

Mike!

( yelling )

Leave him alone!
Stop it, Mike!

Stop it! Stop it!

Put some clothes on.

I'll wait
in the other room.

I never burst
into your bedroom, did I?!

I never beat up Dee,
did I?

A couple of loose caps.

Maybe a busted nose.

Oh, God, Tom.

That's all right.
It's been busted before.

Your father's got
a hell of a punch.

Give me some Kleenex,
will you?

We'll forget
any of this happened.

You'll come back
to Palm Beach with me.

Now listen.

I'll be in the polo lounge
for half an hour.

If you don't come by then,
I'll leave.

January, he's a bum.

If you have any brain,
you'll pack his things

and call his wife
to pick him up.

Now remember, I'm leaving
in exactly half an hour.

I'm really sorry, Tom.

All right. Forget it.

But I'd have done
the same thing

if you were my daughter.

Well, he just doesn't know
how I feel about you.

Write him a letter.

Are you alone

or expecting someone,
Mr. Wayne?

Huh?

Are you alone
or expecting someone?

I'm expecting someone.

Are you sure
you'll be all right?

I've been better,
but I'll make it.

Well, I'll be back
in a little while.

Back?

Well, I just want to see him
and tell him I'm staying.

Well, he'll know that
if you don't show up.

I've got to tell him.

Kid...
What?

I've always had a hunch
I was just a replacement.

Now I'll know.

It's me or Daddy,
not both of us.

You go to that lounge,
you made your choice.

But I've got to tell him.

I mean, I can't just
let him go off like this.

I can't let him
just wait there.

Why not?
I have to talk to him.

Listen, he came in here
and beat the crap out of me

because you love me.

Now if you go to him
for even five minutes,

you'll make a bum
out of me.

It's like another punch
in the nose.

So if you go to him,
there's no coming back.

Check, please.

Mr. Wayne,
you didn't have anything.

( melancholy theme playing )

JANUARY:
I never burst
into your bedroom, did I?

I never beat up Dee, did I?

Couldn't we have gotten
a small apartment somewhere?

I mean, I could've tried
for a job--

Acting, modeling, anything.

MIKE:
I love you, baby.

JANUARY:
I love you, Mike.

DEE:
So what it amounts to

is I'm losing
my fifth husband.

That's right.

There's another woman,
I presume.

Right again.

Would it be prying
if I asked who?

January.

Oh.

Well, it's gonna be
a little awkward

telling the judge
that the correspondent

is my husband's daughter,

but what's a little
awkwardness between friends?

Dee, I'm sorry.

I married you
and lost her.

You think divorcing me
will get her back?

This will get her back.

Oh. I've been wondering
what that was.

It's my next movie.

A script I bought
from two college kids.

It's about young people,
and January can help me.

We start shooting
in about three months,

so it'll be
an around-the-clock job,

and January would work
with me, live with me,

and I'll have her respect
again, and, I hope, her love.

Two such scarce commodities.

How nice. You'll have
each other. Who will I have?

Karla?

I didn't detect any shock
in your voice, or did I?

No, and no reproach either.

Thank you.

( chuckles )

Well, at last,

I can give my old friend Joyce
a decent burial.

( chuckles )

Oh, just a minute.

You haven't forgotten
the trust fund

I set up for January,
have you?

No, I haven't forgotten.

Well, of course,
I'll have to revoke that now.

Of course.

You don't mind?

Well, I mind,
but I understand.

I'm very glad.

Well, there's no
particular reason to hurry.

The weather's beautiful
here now.

We can stay here
the rest of the week.

Oh, uh, you may have
your choice of six guest rooms.

( chuckles )

Why not?
I'll work on my script.

We'll order the plane

to take us back
to New York,

we can do the lawyer bit,

and everything very, uh,
civilized.

Almost too civilized.

A violent storm hit
St. Louis, Missouri today

and lightning
struck and killed

four little girls
at a St. Louis school.

And huge hailstones came down
all over the Midwest.

In parts of Minnesota
hail piled up...

Do you have to play
that damn thing so loud?

I'm trying to work.

What's on
that's so important?

Just the weather report.

Weather report?
Hell, it's Los Angeles.

Today's
just like yesterday.

Tomorrow's gonna be
just like today.

I know that,

but after the weather report
comes the stock market,

and that's equally
fascinating.

( TV muted )

What's wrong?

You promised you'd only
work four hours a day

and we'd be together
the rest.

Well, I know, but things
are going so well,

I shouldn't quit.

That's what you said
last week

when everything was going
so badly.

Well, I also
remember saying,

"never fall in love
with a writer."

Well, it's too late now.

But I'll remember it
next time.

Why don't you leave
this damn bungalow?

There's a beautiful pool
out there.

Yeah, well, there's also
those beautiful studs

hanging around
that beautiful pool.

Well, how about
tennis lessons?

Oh, I don't need
tennis lessons.

Last time we played,
I beat you 6-2, 6-love.

What do you got circled?

It's about Mike.

He's back
in the picture business.

Which I'm sure
will survive.

My father was the best
producer in the business.

And I'm the best writer!

Well, at least he beats me
6-love, 6-love.

I don't see
the connection.

Well, neither do I.

( chuckles )

I have to go back
to work.

It's almost dinnertime.

I'll have a tray
sent here.

Can I read what
you've written so far?

Well, it's a rough draft.
I'd rather you wouldn't.

Well, how about when it's all
nice and smooth and polished?

Okay. Maybe.

You don't respect
my opinion, do you?

I don't respect
anybody's opinion.

Sweetheart, don't you
know me well enough

to know that I'd say
I love it no matter what?

All right,
when I get it retyped.

( telephone ringing )

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mabel.

What's wrong?

What?

Mike!

( organ playing somber hymn )

( all chattering )

Oh, I hate funerals.

They depress
the hell out of me.

Services are barbaric.
They always are.

Time be, you'll
be planning for yourself.

I don't intend to die.
There's no future in it.

That's a comforting thought.

Truth is always
a comfort, David.

MAN:
Karla! There's Karla!

( all clamoring )

Excuse me.

( all clamoring )

Well, I guess we've lost him.

Doesn't he know
you just inherited $3 million?

I wish there was graceful way
I could give it to him.

Don't be crazy. He'd find some
graceful way to accept it.

( telephone ringing )

MARIA:
Hello?

No, Miss Wayne is not taking
any calls until the morning.

Who is it, Maria?

Who is it calling,
please?

It's a Mr. Richardson,
Miss January.

It's all right, Maria.
I'll take it.

Hugh! I'm so glad
to hear from you.

I'm sorry
about your father.

Did you get my telegram?

I suppose so.

There's a whole pile
I haven't opened yet.

Awful of me. Thank you.

Where are you,
at the beach?

Yeah. Would you like
to come out?

Or maybe you're too busy
with Tom in town.

Tom in town?

Yeah, we had dinner
Tuesday night.

Tuesday?

You mean he hasn't...

Oh. Don't tell me I've put
my big foot in it.

Please excuse me.
I wanna call the Plaza. Bye.

WOMAN:
Plaza.

Mr. Tom Colt, please.

One moment, please.

Ringing.

Mr. Colt doesn't answer.

Thank you.

( doorbell buzzing )

Who the hell is it?

JANUARY:
It's me, Linda. January.

January?

I want to talk to you,
Linda.

Honey, you couldn't
have picked a worse time.

May I come in?

No.
Please?

No. Do you know why?

There happens to be
a certain Mr. Ed Whitman--

The boss of Gloss.
--in my bed right now,

and do you know where
we were when you rang?

Talk about point killing.

It's Tom. He's been in town
and hasn't called me.

I tried the Plaza.

Try P.J.'s.
If he's in town, he's there.

I gotta go.

( chattering )

Hey, Buzz, you want a hamburger?
Sure.

( chattering )

Tom.

I thought
I'd be safe here.

I didn't think
you liked this place.

You've been in New York
for two days.

Why didn't you let me know
you were coming?

Why didn't you call?

Is there someplace
we can talk?

Gonna have a scene?

I promise.

Come on. Excuse me.

Some white wine?

Well, at least you didn't
find me with another woman.

Is there another woman?

Well, there is
no other woman.

I can say that much for myself,
but not much else.

Tom, once you said
you'd never be without me.

Were they just words?

No, I meant them.

I wasn't just lying
on top of the dang words.

I meant them.

Well, then...?

I made a big mistake.

I read the script
with your father.

I regretted that
when I thought about it.

From that moment on,
I had a commitment to you,

and I don't want
any commitments.

But I--
I learned.

I haven't written
half the books

I intended to write.

I haven't done
half the things

I wanted to do.

What came between us
is time.

You have so much of it.

Hell, you even have
enough time to be unhappy.

Tom, do you love me?

Irrelevant.

Well, I love you,
and you're all I've got.

You have youth and beauty,
$3 million,

and an 8-room apartment.

What do you mean,
I'm all you got?

If you only knew how little
that money means to me.

Don't say that.

Your father earned
that money for you.

Maybe he only worked at it
for less than a year,

but believe me,

that's the hardest money
he ever earned.

( crying )

You said you wouldn't.

Look at it this way.

You gave
a middle-aged guy

his last pretense
of being a stud.

For that, I'll always
be grateful.

But we did have
something special, didn't we?

Yeah.
Well?

We did once.

Well, once is not enough.

Let's please
have some drinks.

Tom! Please.

I hate to end our little
talk on a note of slight,

but unquestionable vulgarity,
but I do have to pee.

It'd make everything
so much easier for both of us

if you weren't here
when I got back.

( melancholy theme playing )

( horn honks )

( tires screech )

You dumb
drunken broad!

You could've been killed!

( tires squeal )

Well, where the hell
have you been?

I've been waiting.
What?

That son of a bitch,
that bastard!

Who? Who are you
talking about?

Ed Whitman, my ex-boss.

That's who
I'm talking about.

I kept his shirt.

I'd like to see him
explain this to his wife,

the son of a bitch.

Your ex-boss?
That's right, I said "ex."

Do you know what that son of
a bitch had the nerve to do?

First he laid me,
and then he fired me!

He what?
That's right, he fired me!

I don't have a job!
Shh!

I don't care
who hears me!

He said I was a great lay,
but I was a lousy editor!

Well, I'm not
a lousy editor!

I'm a great goddamn editor!

Stop it!

I don't care who hears me!
Goddamn it!

I'll tell you something.

He was the lousiest
fucking lay I ever had!

How you doing?
I'm okay.

Can you imagine him telling me
I was a great lay

but a lousy editor?

Would you rather he put it
the other way around?

Ha-ha! No.

I guess
at least this way

I can screw myself
into another job.

Here.

It's nice and hot,
and it has honey in it.

Sleep well.
Thank you.

January, what about you?

What do you mean,
what about me?

Well, I've been carrying on
about myself,

and I didn't even ask you.

What happened
with you and Tom?

Tom who?

( mellow theme playing )

( door opens and shuts )

( mellow theme playing )

What did I tell you?

JANUARY:
To us.

No. To you.

This is your time.

I wanna see you
get the most out of it.

MIKE:
You know,
Dee's opening the house

in Palm Beach next week.

Will you come?

* You touched my life *

* For one brief trace of time *

* A shooting star *

* Across my sky *

* Now I am living *

* On the echoes *

* Of that yesterday *

* Reliving dreams *

* My heart can fool away *

* Love wrote our story once *

* But once is not enough *

* Now that I've learned *

* How kisses warm the night *

* In arms that shut
The world outside *

* I tasted love just once *

* But once is not enough *

* For all the loving needs *

* I feel deep inside **