On the Record (2020) - full transcript

♪ ♪

- What is missing from Me Too?

I... it's difficult for me

to say,

- but I don't think
- it's a coincidence

- That most of the women
- who have come forward

- In Hollywood
- have been white women.

- I don't think
- it's a coincidence

That they are generally

quite successful.

If we look at the earning power



of people in America,

for example,

at the very top are white men,

and at the very bottom

are women of color,

and that is something

that I think is necessary

to look at when we are talking

about who gets to come forward

and give their own stories

about surviving sexual abuse

or sexual assault.

- America picks and chooses

who they're gonna listen to.



- Not only does class
- have an indicator,

But what that person

looks like has an indicator.

So who we decide to listen to

is totally predicated

on who we see as valuable

in America.

♪ ♪

- A lot of black women

felt disconnected

from Me Too initially.

They felt like, "That's great

"that this sister is out there,

"and we support her

as an individual,

but this movement

is not for us."

♪ ♪

- If we're gonna

move this forward,

it can't simply remain

a problem of the beautiful,

- the wealthy,
- the popular.

This has to be a moment where,

yes, that might lead us,

but we need to be able

to make sure

that a broader group of women

are introduced

into the public consciousness

at the same time.

♪ ♪

- It is high time

that the lens turns to us

and that we're allowed

to be heard

and, more importantly,

believed.

♪ ♪

Where is it?

Okay, so I think I have

to look in my closet.

How could I have lost it

so quickly?

Here it is.

Yeah, this is the demo

for "Junior M.A.F.I.A."

That's insane, right?

- Yeah.

With Lil' Kim and...

- I think actually
- Biggie gave me this,

Or Daddy-O must have given me

this demo.

At the time, Biggie was...

Let's just call it

a entrepreneur.

So he was working outside,

you know?

- He just lived
- around the corner,

And he was trying

to be a rapper.

- I was trying to be
- a rap A&R person.

- We were all trying
- to be something.

- ♪ Tell the people

what you're here for ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ It's the message
- in the song ♪

♪ That makes you rock on ♪

♪ Some people go to places ♪

♪ Where they don't belong ♪

♪ Whether wrong or right ♪

♪ A lot of people fight ♪

♪ But I'm here to bless ♪

♪ This mic, all right ♪

- When I lived here,

I worked at Empire

Artist Management.

I was a receptionist

pre-Def Jam.

I was working with Gang Starr,

DJ Premier,

Jeru the Damaja.

This is how I would walk

to the train,

and I specifically walked this

way because Biggie told me,

"Walk down my block

because I run my block

- "and everybody knows
- you're cool with me,

"so if you walk down my block,

- you're not gonna have
- any problems."

- I mean, it was different.
- It was the early '90s.

- There were crack vials
- everywhere.

It was still, you know,

rough and rugged.

I always wonder

what would have happened

if Biggie had lived.

I feel like Biggie...

Biggie had my back.

♪ ♪

Music has always been sort of

this language that I spoke.

Everything from, you know,

the Doors to the Beatles

to Prince to jazz.

- You know, my mom was a big
- Billie Holiday fan,

So I consumed Billie Holiday

voraciously.

- I mean, I would stay up
- in the middle of the night

And organize my mom's albums

on the living room floor

and I would just play

the songs in order

and I would chase the fades.

I would turn it up to catch

every last drop of the record

because some of the best stuff

was in the fade.

Hip-hop then also had this

additional appeal to me

as this sort of black movement

that was empowering people

- who were otherwise lost
- and overlooked,

- And I grew up feeling
- like that was my mission

As the daughter

of local politicians.

I grew up in the thick

of black D.C.

- You know,
- knocking on doors,

Trying to convert one voter

at a time,

and then hip-hop just combined

two things that I loved:

activism and this sense

of pride with music.

And it seemed like it could

sort of, I thought,

change the world.

- Mayor Dixon, are you...

Mrs. Dixon, are you prepared

to take the oath?

I am indeed.

- Would you please place

your left hand on the Bible?

- When my mom was elected

mayor of D.C.,

I took my junior year off

from Stanford

to help

with her inaugural ball,

and in the process of putting

together her inauguration,

- I had the opportunity
- to pick the artists.

- So I picked Rare Essence,
- my favorite go-go band.

I picked Kwamé.

- ♪ I came here for something ♪

♪ Funky to happen ♪

- And I picked Big Daddy Kane.

- ♪ Let me hear you say ho ♪

Ho!

♪ Say ho ♪

- Suddenly I was interacting
- with the people

Behind the scenes,

and it occurred to me,

"Oh, what about those jobs?

"Maybe that's what I should do.

- "There's, like, this industry,
- and there's people

- "who aren't the artists
- but they kind of

"make it all happen.

Maybe that's the thing for me."

And so when I found out

there was this job called A&R,

where you could discover

new artists

and make great songs,

- you know,
- I started reading "Billboard,"

And I had all of these books

and magazines,

and Russell Simmons

was a huge part of, like,

that sort of ideal.

Like, that's where I wanna be.

I mean, I drove across

the country to New York

with a dream

to make hip-hop records.

I mean, I... I can't even put

into words how excited I was.

♪ ♪

- I was an A&R coordinator

at EMI Records.

- I met Drew when she'd
- just finished college

- And she had moved to New York
- from D.C.

She was, like, this bright

spirit that came out,

and we hit it off right away.

- I started by answering

phones at various companies

from Jive Records

to Warner Bros. Records

and eventually became

a publishing executive

at Zomba Music Publishing.

- Drew was a young, powerful

something to watch.

An interesting,

intelligent woman

who cared so much

about this music.

- After about two years

of just being in the mix,

eventually I guess people

sort of figured out,

"Oh, this woman is always

hanging out and showing up

and knowing what's hot."

- And so when Def Jam called me
- and was like,

"Russell wants to offer you

this job,"

I mean, I was thrilled.

I was... it was my...

- It was like, "That's it.
- I won."

♪ Yes ♪

♪ Was the start of my last jam ♪

♪ So here it is again,

another def jam ♪

- Who didn't wanna be
- Russell Simmons?

- I mean, he had the foresight
- to cultivate

What was in these clubs

and in these streets

in New York City

- and make it into, like,
- this business.

- The Russell Simmons

that I met

when I was 21 or 22

was the godfather

of the whole damn thing.

- I met Russell

at Disco Fever.

Disco Fever was, like,

the popular club in the Bronx

that everybody who was somebody

was able to go.

You know, he was like God

to everybody.

- Everybody always looked

at Russell as Def Jam,

so that's a black label.

'Cause the major labels

was not touching us.

- They were saying,
- "You a fad.

What is this rap thing?"

- He managed Run-DMC,

one of the first groups

to ever break the mold

- with pop music
- with Aerosmith.

- That had never
- been done before.

- ♪ She told me to ♪

- ♪ Walk this way ♪

♪ Talk this way ♪

- And Drew was there

in the middle of, like,

all of this swell of hip-hop,

and Def Jam became the royalty

of labels to be on.

- Working for Russell Simmons,

doing A&R,

I mean, I could not

have scripted it better.

♪ ♪

- Exactly one month since the

first "New York Times" story

about Weinstein's harassment,

more and more powerful men

have been held to account.

- They've been accused
- of harassing

Or assaulting behavior,

so what is next?

Or maybe I should say,

"Who is next?"

♪ ♪

- So when the Harvey Weinstein

stories started coming out,

it was upsetting.

- I didn't know anything
- about him.

I didn't know him,

but it was so familiar,

and I was so grateful

- that those women
- were being believed,

- 'cause I knew... I could
- just feel in my bones...

Like, I know what that's like;

I know what that's about.

But I was also kind of like,

"I don't really wanna read

these articles.

"I don't really

wanna take this in,

"because I don't want this

to get too close to me,

"where I'm gonna have

to decide,

"well, what would I do

- "if I had the opportunity
- to come forward?

I don't think I wanna

even think about that."

And also, I felt like,

as a black woman,

- I was like,
- "I don't know if this applies.

I don't think this applies."

- Victims of sexual harassment

in Hollywood

- continue
- to tell their stories.

This morning, allegations

surfaced against Brett Ratner,

- a filmmaker best known
- for directing

The "Rush Hour" trilogy.

- When Brett's name came up,

- then I literally started to get,
- like, you know,

The, like, knots in my stomach.

Like, "Oh, boy,

here we go."

And then Russell's name

started to come up

in the stories about Brett.

- The "Los Angeles Times"
- revealed accusations

Of Simmons teaming up

with Hollywood director

Brett Ratner

to allegedly assault women.

- And then literally
- what happened,

- One of my friends,
- she said,

- "You know, I'm friends
- with Jodi Kantor

- At 'The New York Times.'
- Do you wanna talk with her?"

- I was like, "No, no, no, no, no,
- no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I do not wanna be radioactive.

No."

But then he denied everything,

and I was so infuriated that

I texted her back and I said,

"Okay, intro me

to Jodi Kantor.

Just intro me."

I spoke

to "The New York Times."

So I met with Jodi

and Joe Coscarelli,

the other reporter,

and I was like,

"This is off the record.

"I'm just meeting with you.

- "I just wanna kind of generally
- tell you my story,

"and you guys tell me if you

think it's even worth,

- you know, documenting."
- Mm-hmm.

- So they were like,
- "We'll think about it."

You know, "Just think about it.

- Let's stay in touch."
- And, um...

- What are the stakes for you

in terms of this, like,

coming out?

- Chaos.

I don't really want chaos

'cause I have kids

and my husband

doesn't like chaos.

- Have you talked to your kids?

- My kids know generally

that men

behaved inappropriately

with me in the music industry,

and that's all I said.

And I'm also just afraid

that after finally finding

some sort of peace after

some really rough years,

it's inviting more chaos

into our lives.

So this is, um, where Def Jam

used to be.

160 Varick Street.

Spent two years of my life here.

You know, I definitely remember

somewhere along this street,

catching cabs because

I have #LightPrivilege,

so I would, like,

get the cab,

and, like, I remember, like,

Method Man and Redman

- would be like,
- "All right, guys,

Everybody in, everybody in!"

I would be, like,

the stealth cab catcher.

This was Def Jam in the '90s.

This is where it all went down.

♪ ♪

- I was an executive assistant

at Def Jam.

It didn't feel like an office

so much as almost, like,

you're in a...

Like, a club.

- When I started doing outside

counsel legal services

for Def Jam,

- Russell had in place
- someone else

Who was really running

the operation day-to-day.

- That was Lyor Cohen.
- Very, very so...

I mean, he's legendary

for being, you know,

just this hugely strong

personality.

- Russell and I's daily

meeting was at Danceteria,

'cause he was just nonstop:

"and we're going to do this,

"and once we do this,

we're going to do that,

and goddamn,

she's fine."

- So Lyor was president
- of the label

On my first day.

At some point, he called me

into his office and he's like,

"I don't know

who the fuck you are,

"but I don't have any time

for any of Russell's

"tall, skinny bitches,

"so this is what

I want you to do.

"If you see me in the building,

"if you see me in the hallway,

"find the nearest open office...

"the nearest open door,

- "go into it,
- and hide,

"because I don't want

to fucking see any tall,

- "skinny bitches who are friends
- with Russell.

Got it?

Got it, tall, skinny?"

I was like, "Got it."

- It was clear what he meant.

There was this perception

that I had a certain kind

of relationship with Russell,

which was definitely not true,

and so I didn't wanna fail.

I mean, how much better

of a shot could I get

than being the director

of A&R at Def Jam?

This has to work.

And so the only way to really

get his full attention...

'cause he was quite scattered...

Was to be in front of him.

- So I would stay in touch
- with his driver, Kenny Mac.

- "Where is he gonna be and when
- is he gonna be there?"

- He'd be like, "He's gonna be
- in front of the building.

Just come out now."

And that's essentially

how I made it work.

Eventually Russell gave me

a soundtrack to put together,

and it was

a hip-hop documentary

- and it was like a survey
- of hip-hop.

- ♪ Put your hands in the air

if you's a true player ♪

- So when you're pulling

a soundtrack,

you have to get all these

different types of sounds

for the score.

- ♪ The R to the E

to the S-P-ECT ♪

- Working with

that kind of a budget

and it's, like,

your first record to do,

it was, like, a daunting task,

- but, um, like, she was
- definitely up for the challenge.

- Here you had

very sophisticated deals

that had to be done

to license these songs,

to license the sound recordings

of the songs,

artists that you had to deal

with all their representatives,

and so she had a lot

of ground to cover.

- I just started picking up
- the phone and calling, like,

- "Hi, my name is Drew Dixon.
- I work at Def Jam.

- "We're doing a soundtrack
- about hip-hop

And I think it's important

that you're represented.

- "I wanna represent
- the Midwest.

- "I wanna represent
- the South.

- "I feel like
- these are the genres

That represent

the state of the art,"

- and I just sort of made it up
- as I went along.

- Like, I called
- Bone Thugs-n-Harmony

- Out of the clear blue
- 'cause I saw them

On "Video Music Jukebox,"

- and I just called them and said,
- "Can we have a song?"

- And they were like, "Cool,"
- and even, like,

- Def Jam was like, "Who?"
- And I was like, "Trust me.

They're dope."

- ♪ It's an everyday thang ♪

- ♪ When you let
- your nuts hang ♪

- And at the end of the
- record, I have a shout-out.

- "Everyday Thang,"
- if you listen to it.

- Much love to Drew

and everybody at Def Jam.

- It was my first shout-out.

- It was so great.
- Well, they were like,

- "You're from Def Jam
- and you're calling us?"

I was like, "Yeah,

you guys are dope."

- Tupac was on that album.

Slick Rick,

Dr. Dre.

She got Method Man and Redman

on the record together.

- Method Man and Redman.

That literally meant she gave

some of the best MCs

on the planet a deal.

That's dope.

That's dope.

- "The Show" was a big success.

Um, I worked on other things

that were big successes.

I, um, heard an interlude

when they were working

on Method Man's album,

- and the interlude literally
- was just Method Man

A cappella saying,

"Shorty, I'm there for you

anytime you need me.

- "For real, girl,
- it's me in your world.

Believe me."

- ♪ Believe me ♪

- ♪ Nothing make a man
- feel better than a woman ♪

- ♪ Queen with a crown
- that be down for whatever ♪

- I was like, "Wow.

Well, that's dope.

"That's, like,

a hip-hop sonnet.

That's dope."

- Like, I remember
- telling Russell,

"That's a song.

That's not an interlude.

And it should be a duet."

- I was like,
- "What about Mary?"

He's like, "Okay."

- And then I remember
- a phone call with Puffy.

And he's like, "Okay, so I

have an idea for this record.

Do you know the song

"You're All I Need to Get By"

- by Marvin Gaye
- and Tammi Terrell?

I was like, "Of course I do."

- He's like, "Okay, can you sing
- the Tammi Terrell part?"

- And I was like, "Okay."
- ♪ You're all I need ♪

- ♪ You're all I need ♪

- ♪ All I need ♪
- ♪ To get by ♪

- ♪ To get by ♪

- ♪ Aye ♪

- He's like, "Okay,

now imagine the...

The 'Children's Story' track."

He's like, "Okay."

- ♪ Shorty, I'm there for you
- anytime you... ♪

- And I'm, like, singing Tammi
- and he's like...

- ♪ For real girl ♪
- I was like, "Oh, my God.

"Mind blown!

Yo, this is crazy!

Oh, my God.

We have to do this."

- To this day

when you hear that song,

- you know that the people
- behind that had a vision.

First of all, you had to know

- that Mary and Method
- go together.

They just do,

but who knew?

- The record won a Grammy.

I mean, literally,

it's on Obama's mixtape

- of his favorite songs,
- and I'm like...

After the duet was successful,

- and then "The Show" soundtrack
- hit number one

On the R&B chart,

shipped platinum,

- it really helped build
- our credibility

With PolyGram records.

I was suddenly on the radar

with the parent company.

I wasn't just Drew Dixon

from Def Jam.

Lyor sent me this, like,

massive gourmet gift basket

to thank me for my hard work

and to sort of say, "I'm sorry

I didn't appreciate

how talented you were."

- That's one
- of the beautiful things

About the music industry.

If you have a great work ethic

and you have some talent,

you can end up

running a label.

- So it is a space
- where there was

A lot of mobility for women,

but at the same time,

there was tremendous amount

of sexual harassment that was

just baked into the culture.

Thank you, Daddy.

- Music comes with a certain

sense of promiscuity.

Like, whether you're an artist

- or the... you're the guy
- making the artist,

You have that kind of power

where sex is just part

of the game.

- When things went awry,

if things were uncomfortable,

if they were misogynist,

if they were sexist,

you didn't get a lot

of sympathy for that, you know?

That was considered

the price of admission.

- The first time Russell

was inappropriate with me,

we were at Café Tabac.

- He was waiting outside
- of the restroom

- As I was leaving the restroom
- and he grabbed me

And pulled me into a closet

and tried to kiss me

and I got away,

and then it started happening

in my office,

and he would come in

and lock the door.

- The first couple times,
- he would just try to kiss me

And I got out of it,

but then Russell escalated

- from pushing me
- against the wall

- To literally coming in,
- not touching me,

But exposing himself.

I thought that he was,

like, this tragic, like,

ADD puppy dog that I just had

to keep retraining,

but then he wasn't,

like, violent.

- He always sheepishly

apologized later,

so I thought, "He feels bad,"

and he would sort of back off

for a while, and then

he would do it again.

I guess I thought it was part

of the culture

and I needed

to just manage around it,

and then eventually I thought

that I had proven myself

and was now too valuable for him

to wanna burn the bridge.

I thought,

"I am an executive with value,

"and he's a businessperson,

- "and he's a very
- well-regarded one,

So surely he'll leave me alone."

I really didn't understand

that all of those

other violations

of my physical boundaries

were breaking me down.

- You stay because you hope

that perhaps you can

provide enough value

to the company

and move ahead,

but part of the ability

to ascend

is contingent upon your ability

to either, A,

comply with someone's

sexual advances

or letting them think that they

might have a shot in hell

without encouraging them.

- It's something that you have
- to go along with

Because the alternative

is that you'll be unemployed.

- I think for a lot of women

of that era,

it's only now that we're really

unpacking how toxic

so much of that time was.

- When I was in college

and rap started,

it was like party music,

and at some point, I remember

dancing and... and singing along,

and then words... "bitch,"

"ho," you know,

stuff like that started

coming into the music,

and I was like,

"I'm not quite sure

if I'm down for this."

- I'd say by mid-'80s,

you have your G Raps and

you have your hard-core MCs

who are introducing misogyny

over, like, dope beats

and then things

become palatable.

- And then you introduce video

at the level video begins

in the '90s, and women began

to look alike.

They were all typically

light-skinned.

They all had long

and/or wavy hair.

It was clearly a statement

against the large majority

of black women,

how we look

and how we present.

- ♪ And go dig in them guts
- like a gardener ♪

♪ If she starts screaming,

I'ma fuck the bitch harder ♪

- I actually think that
- the things that are being said

About black women

are actually racist.

You know,

you're basically dancing,

you know, to, um, ideology

that had been, you know,

spread by defenders of slavery.

You don't realize that this

is basically the same kind

of idea that justified the...

The abuse of black women

for centuries.

- When I was younger,

- I would look at the women
- and I would judge them, right?

- And I would feel
- some type of way,

But as I get older,

- I look at the culture
- that breeds that.

- Hip-hop certainly didn't

invent misogyny in music.

Just did not.

Every other music form

essentially

has some level of misogyny.

- Hip-hop has always

been reflective

of the world that we live in.

These white patriarchal

power structures that exist,

we just mimic them,

and we carry them on

and make them our own.

- Hip-hop was not just

about misogyny,

that hip-hop was not just

about sexism.

- ♪ We got to fight

the powers that be ♪

- And even though

it may have been couched

in very hyper-masculine

imagery and language,

there was really an expression

of, like, pain

- and struggle
- and what it meant

To grow up with the legacy

that the hip-hop

generation inherited.

- You stand in solidarity

with the movement

as a black woman.

You don't parse the sexism

within the movement

as a black woman,

and we were all so excited

about hip-hop and what it meant

- that we just sort of
- tolerated it.

We laughed it off.

- We thought, like,
- "Whatever.

"It's, you know, like...

It's...

Don't be so thin-skinned,"

is sort of what we said

to anyone who pushed back

against some of that language,

and now that I'm older,

I realize that language

set a tone,

but I didn't see it that way

at the time.

"The New York Times" is doing

a super-rigorous

background check

to determine if I'm even

a credible source,

and I haven't even decided

if I'm gonna do this...

If I'm even gonna go

on the record.

- Hello?

- Hey, Joe.
- How are you?

- Good, and you?
- I'm okay.

Is this an okay time?

- Are we... are we on camera?

- Uh, you are,
- so if you don't wanna be,

We can... we can remedy that.

- Yeah, I mean, I think

this'll probably be, like,

- sort of sensitive.
- Okay.

- Uh, I don't know.

I, uh...

- I don't really know
- what the rules are,

But I just feel like...

'cause we wanna sort of

take you through the story,

uh...

- Yeah, okay.

- Yeah, I don't... I don't know.

Uh, let me merge Melena

onto the call.

- Is that okay?
- Sure.

♪ ♪

I don't have a game plan.

Zero.

I haven't told the story

in probably a decade,

and talking to the reporters

just brought it all back.

♪ ♪

That particular night,

we were all at the Bowery Bar,

which was very common,

and he left ahead of me,

which I think I actually

purposely waited for

because there had been times

when he'd sort of

followed me out,

and I had to walk by

his apartment to get a cab,

and he stopped me

- and he asked me
- where I was going,

And I said I was going home

and I was just getting cash

to get a cab,

- and he was like,
- "Don't be ridiculous, Money.

- "Like, you've got
- this hit record.

"Like, you're a big deal.

"Like,

you're a big executive now.

Why don't you, um,

let me order you a car?"

And so I went upstairs,

and this was the first time

- I literally walked
- into his apartment

And I was alone,

and I... I immediately

felt uncomfortable,

and so then I said,

"Why don't I wait downstairs

for the car?"

And he said,

- "No, no, no, no,
- no problem, Money,

"but there's a demo that I got

that you're gonna love.

I want you to hear that first,"

which is catnip for me.

I was like, "Really?

Okay.

"Um, why don't I

take it with me?

I'll take it with me."

And he's like, "Okay, cool.

Um, it's in the CD player."

I'm like,

"Where's the CD player?"

"It's in my bedroom.

- Just go in there
- and make a left."

So I go in and I see

this huge, daunting stereo.

- I remember I was struggling
- to figure out

How to turn it on.

The next thing I know,

he is naked

wearing a condom,

and he just grabbed me.

He just grabbed me,

and he just threw me on the bed

and he wrestled me to the bed

and pins me down,

and I'm fighting,

and I'm saying no.

He's telling me to stop

fighting in a very cold...

Menacing,

detached voice

that I'd never,

ever heard from him before.

Um, I see handcuffs dangling

from the canopy.

I'm not saying for one second

- I had any interaction
- with those,

But they scared me,

and I just blacked out.

I blacked out.

I blacked out,

which is something survivors

often do.

It's, like,

a self-preservation tactic.

♪ ♪

The next thing I remember,

I was in the bathtub

with him naked

and he says,

"And so now that you

and I are fucking, Drew,

we'll hang out

and we'll fuck all the time."

And I was just like,

"I'm gonna go."

- I don't know if I said,
- "I'm gonna go."

Maybe I said I'm gonna go.

- I got out,
- I'm naked,

I'm wet,

I'm naked walking around his bed

trying to find my clothes,

and I walk home.

I lived 22 blocks away.

I walk home.

And when I got home,

I got in the shower

with all my clothes on,

- and I took, like,
- a cold shower,

Lying down just crying,

and I just laid there

for a really long time.

♪ ♪

I was reduced to nothing

in that moment.

I was nothing.

I was trash.

Nothing about me mattered.

Nothing about anything that

makes me who I am mattered.

I was a physical object.

I was a physical device.

I was a physical...

I... I... some physical thing

that he utilized

for his pleasure.

♪ ♪

- At that time,
- when she came to me,

- She had told me that she had
- been assaulted

A few days earlier.

- I believed her
- when she told me.

I could see it in her face,

like, something had happened.

- That spirit,
- that light wasn't there.

Like, it had been, like,

almost, like, taken away.

♪ ♪

Then I had asked her, um,

"Are you all right?

Do you wanna go to the police?"

And she was reluctant

because she was like,

- "No one's gonna
- take me seriously.

"He's, like, Russell Simmons.

Like, who's gonna believe me?"

- I think I must have

continued working there

for a little while longer.

- I remember going in
- for some meeting

And he was in the building

and asked me to sit on his lap,

and I just remember

feeling like, "My God."

I'm like...

"He thinks I'm that person now."

"I'm not that person."

And so then I, like,

submitted a handwritten letter

of resignation

- which I wrote once and had,
- like, all these cross-outs,

But I literally did not even

have the physical strength

to crumple it up

and start again.

- And they were like,
- "Do you want more money?

- "Do you wanna be
- a vice president?

- How much money
- is it gonna take?"

This is Russell talking.

And then finally Lyor

was like, "Stop.

"Stop talking.

"Let her go.

She's gone.

Let her go."

And that was it.

Yeah.

So...

Wait, that was a call

from California.

That's scary.

Hey, Joe.

Like, every 310 phone call

I get today,

- I have to tell,
- you I've had a heart attack.

I'm like... I think it's, like,

either Russell or LA,

- and I'm like,
- "Oh, my God, oh, my God,

- Should I not answer?
- Oh, my God."

- Mm-hmm.

- Sure, okay.

- Mm.

Okay, okay.

"The New York Times"

called me back and said

there were other women and

there were other black women

who've been assaulted

by Russell,

- that they won't
- go on the record

Unless I go on the record,

but I'm still terrified

of the backlash.

♪ ♪

- I remember my senior year
- and Stanford,

Watching

the Anita Hill hearings.

- Professor, do you swear
- to tell the whole truth

- And nothing but the truth,
- so help you God?

- I do.

- He spoke about acts
- that he had seen

In pornographic films

involving such matters as women

having sex with animals

and films showing group sex

or rape scenes.

- I was like, "Well, that

didn't go very well for her.

"He's on the Supreme Court now.

I'm never gonna do that."

- Now, again,

for the record,

did he just say,

"I have great physical

capability and attributes,"

or was he more graphic in...

- He was much more graphic.

- Can you tell us what he said?

- Well, I can tell you that

he compared his penis size,

uh, he measured his penis

in terms of le... length,

um, those kinds of comments.

- I mean, that's one thing

about being a victim

of sexual abuse.

The words are on your mouth.

You're the one that has

to disgust the world

- by telling them
- what happened to you,

So you then become associated

with this vile,

vile act.

You are defiled again because

you have to tell people,

and they see it on your lips.

- Unequivocally,

uncategorically,

that I deny each

and every single allegation

against me today

that suggested in any way

that I had conversations

of a sexual nature...

- And then the person who did it

is shocked to the core,

as is society,

so then they're aligned

with society like...

Clutching their pearls.

- It is a high-tech lynching

for uppity blacks

who in any way deign

to think for themselves.

- And you have this tawdry,

sordid

nastiness on your lips,

so you seem gross.

- There are a lot of people...

And you know it, Desiree...

Who say

2:00 in the morning

in a man's room with beds,

what... what were you doing there

at 2:00 in the morning?

- I just wasn't thinking.

It... there's... you know,

there's no other explanation.

- And then I remember
- Desiree Washington,

Who was the pageant winner

who was raped by Mike Tyson,

and, like, the black community

was not kind to her.

- "The Washington Post"

conducted interviews

with young women

in college of your age,

black women,

and they didn't seem to show

a lot of sympathy.

One said, "18-year-olds are not

naive in this day and age.

- What did she think a guy wanted
- at 2:00 in the morning?"

Another said, "She asked for it.

She got it.

It's not fair to cry rape."

- It's sad.

It's sad that women

in 1992 feel that way.

- It's like,
- "Oh, no.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

"I'm never, ever

gonna be that person.

"He's Russell Simmons.

He's the king of hip-hop."

"No, I'm never gonna be

that person.

"The black community

will hate my guts.

No."

- Black women's need, um,

and really duty that we feel

- to protect black men
- is definitely

- A hindrance
- to protecting ourselves.

There's this added layer

in the black community

that we have to contend with

of, like,

"Oh, you're gonna put this

before the race?"

- Right, "You're gonna put this...
- Because this...

- "you let this thing happen
- to you,

Now we have to pay for it

as a race?"

And... and then we're silenced

even more.

- On the one hand,

- they are in an incredible amount
- of pain

And want their perpetrator

to be punished,

but they're also fearful

of being cast as the person

who is putting a black man

in the line of fire.

- Many black women will allow

race loyalty to buy them

an early tombstone because

they cannot reconcile

the idea of engaging in

- American criminal
- justice system

That has been so brutal

to black men.

- This whole
- ride-or-die mentality

Is killing black women.

- There's part of us that, um,
- we're innately designed

To protect them because America

destroys our men, right?

- So we're designed
- to protect them

From what America

has historically done to them.

- From slavery to beyond, like,
- to Jim Crow,

Like, we're designed

to innately protect them

'cause we know the struggle.

- If we go back historically,

we know that one

of the allegations

that led to the lynching

of black men

has been sexual assault.

So there has developed over

time in the black community

an awareness that lynching

is an expression

of white supremacy.

It's a particular expression,

the sexual projection

of black men

as being dangerous.

- You're worried

as a black woman

that you'll say something

that will have

consequences that you

hadn't anticipated.

Even down to just calling

the police.

- Your responsibility

to muffle, you know,

your screams is greater

than his responsibility

not to do it in the first place.

- It's a very, very terrible

burden to bear

to know that you might still

be judged as somehow

being a traitor.

- Are we gonna pile on?

We're gonna add fuel

to the fire of the myth

of the sexually aggressive

black man?

I don't wanna do that.

I wanted Russell

to be a hero too.

I mean, for 22 years,

I took it for the team.

- Russell Simmons is the king
- of hip-hop,

And I was proud of him

for that.

So I took it for the team.

I didn't wanna let

the culture down.

I love the culture.

I loved Russell too.

- Turn your head

to the left for me.

Turn to the right.

I think it's important

that you do tell your story

because people, like...

Little girls need it.

Even grown women with little

girls inside of them

need it... to hear,

like, "It wasn't just me.

- Oh, my God, somebody else
- went through the same thing."

Like...

And you're showing, like,

your daughter, like,

"Look, no matter what happens,

you can overcome it."

And really, more people

are abused than they talk about.

- You know?
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

- I grew up in a certain part

of the Bronx.

When you used to go outside,

on every corner,

somebody was playing or rapping.

You have Grandmaster Flash

playing on one corner

and you could have Kool Herc

playing on the other.

It was empowering, like,

to hear somebody's talking

about where you're coming from

and... and actually making

our neighborhood

look fabulous, you know?

- And me,
- I felt important.

- You know, when we discovered
- hip-hop and rap,

That's... we went for it.

♪ ♪

Mercedes Ladies is the first

all-female DJ and rap group

in hip-hop history.

We had to be tough because

we was going against

an all-male arena,

and that's how we met Russell,

and so I told him

Mercedes Ladies is looking

for some serious management,

so he's like,

"Oh, yeah, I heard of y'all,

- and I wanna get you
- in the studio."

So for three,

four months straight,

we was just rehearsing

every single day.

He had us in there for hours,

and we was like,

- "We're finally gonna get
- our chance, you know?

After the hard work,

it's finally paying off."

And then one night, he says,

- "You wanna come see
- my new office?"

It was a little, small office,

and then he's like,

"Sit down, sit down."

- So then he sat down
- next to me,

So I thought we was

gonna talk business,

and the next thing you know,

I'm pinned down to the, um...

The couch that he had,

and I could remember

I kept saying,

- "What are you doing?
- Like, get off of me.

What are you doing?"

So I'm trying

to force him off of me.

It happened so fast.

He had his pants down,

and it just...

He just took, took,

took what he wanted.

♪ ♪

When you're raised in that

environment in the hood,

everybody was taught

that things happened.

You just didn't talk about it,

and so I just always

put on this front.

Like, everybody always say,

um, "Sheri, how you doing?"

- And this is me,
- always with a smile.

- "Oh, I'm okay.
- I'm okay,"

And then I, um,

finally realized,

all these years,

I wasn't okay.

I wasn't okay,

but I'm taking more control

of myself now

and forgiving myself

and... and starting to know

who my... my worth is

and not... my worth is not based

on things I've been in life

and all the unfairness

that was done to me in life.

My... my worth is based on that

I got through these things

and I'm still standing.

♪ ♪

- It was in '94.

I was modeling.

I was living in Europe.

I was in Italy working,

and I came back because I...

There was some personal drama

that I was going through,

and I reached out to Russell

'cause we had stayed friendly.

We hadn't had any type of

physical sexual relationship

in close to two years,

and it was really odd.

I remember he was

drinking Pellegrino,

- and I was like,
- "You're not gonna have a drink?"

'Cause we used

to party hard together.

And he said... he said,

"No, I'm not drinking.

I quit drinking."

I said, "Okay."

You know, he was...

He was coming on to me.

He said something,

and I told him, I said,

- "Russell, I've got
- a boyfriend,

And I'm really happy,

and that's not happening."

And... and he grabbed my hands

and he said, "Sil Lai,

we are friends."

He said, "That's your pussy,

"and I would never

take anything from you

that you didn't give me."

And at a certain point,

I said to him,

"I wanna go home,"

but instead of taking me

to my girlfriend's place,

he took me to his place.

I figured I would just crash

like I'd crashed

at other friends' houses.

I remember I came upstairs

and I passed out

on... on his bed

and I heard some noise.

I think he had gone

to take a shower,

and he... and I opened my eyes

and he is walking towards me

and he's naked except

he's wearing a condom.

I kept on saying,

"No, no, no,"

and... and I remember thinking,

"My boyfriend, my boyfriend,

my boyfriend."

And then he raped me,

and I couldn't fight.

I couldn't do anything.

I just lay there.

And then when it was over,

I remember he just said,

"Okay, well,

you know,

I'm gonna have Kenny

take you home,"

and I get dropped off

and I go upstairs

and I... I freaked.

I freaked out.

I...

I... I mean, I just...

I was so angry

and I was so filled

with self-loathing

and I was so filled

with guilt...

And rage, just rage

over what he had done,

and so I swallowed...

I believe it was 18

prescription sleeping pills.

These things were lethal,

and I kissed my son good-bye.

I just remember looking at him

and seeing how...

How beautiful

and how pure he was.

I mean, he really was

such a beautiful child,

and, um...

I was like,

"Your mother's a failure."

"She can't do anything right,

and nobody treats her

like a human being."

"You're just a fuck toy.

You're a chew toy

for men of power."

"This is your life."

"How are you going to be able

to give him anything?

How are you gonna be able

to be there?"

- And I said...
- You know,

- My girlfriend
- that I was staying with,

She was older...

20 years older than me.

She was very responsible,

and I said,

"Carol's gonna be

your mommy now."

Eventually I get taken

to the hospital.

- It's too late to pump
- my stomach.

They give me

activated charcoal,

and it was touch-and-go.

The doctors said that

had I gotten there 20,

25 minutes later,

I would have been dead.

It's definitely the low point

of my life,

and it caverned me,

and I left fashion.

I didn't wanna do anything

where I would see people

who were adjacent to this man.

Russell was everywhere

I looked.

- ♪ Now you tell me

who the fuck is winning ♪

♪ I'm on my Russell Simmons,

Nicki denim, Nicki linen ♪

- Our special guest
- Russell Simmons,

A man who needs no introduction.

- He was named one of the top 25

most influential people.

- The one and only,

the godfather of hip-hop,

Russell Simmons is in the house.

- Oh, man.

- Russell Simmons went on

to create clothing lines,

"Def Comedy Jam" on HBO,

- and "Def Poetry Jam"
- on Broadway.

- Russell Simmons
- is one of the wealthiest

Entrepreneurs in the world.

- He later sold his stake

in Def Jam for $100 million.

- ♪ Who's the animal
- invented lower living ♪

♪ The projects thank God

for Russell Simmons ♪

- A pioneering philanthropist

- who's also a "New York Times"
- best-selling author.

- He describes the journey

in his new book, "Super Rich."

- He's out with a new book,

"Success Through Stillness."

- This whole idea
- of being selfless

- And giving all this effort
- to the world

But not taking care of yourself,

you're not as good a servant,

- so you have to take care
- of yourself.

- You know him

as the godfather of hip-hop.

- Russell Simmons!

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

I love you.

- I told a few friends about

what happened with Russell,

but I didn't tell

that many people.

- I just wanted
- to put it behind me.

Even in that dark shame,

I just wanted to make records.

Once I decided, okay,

I have something to offer,

well, let me try again.

And then finally I met Clive,

and I loved Clive.

He was a music man.

So I started working

for Clive Davis

at Arista Records

in May of 1996,

and I was back.

I had a run of phenomenal hits.

- ♪ A rose is still a rose ♪

- Lauryn Hill gave me

"A Rose Is Still a Rose"

for Aretha.

- ♪ Your love is my love ♪

- Wyclef gave me "My Love

is Your Love" for Whitney.

- So I worked closely
- with the artists

Who made the Album of the Year

two years in a row.

Lauryn one year...

- "The Miseducation
- of Lauryn Hill,"

Lauryn Hill.

- Carlos Santana

the next year.

♪ ♪

- And I was good.

- I had a hot hand,
- and I was back.

♪ ♪

And then in 2000,

L.A. Reid replaced Clive Davis

as my boss at Arista Records.

- L.A. Reid is one
- of the most important

Black music producers

and black record executives

really of the past 20 years.

He discovered TLC,

Toni Braxton,

Usher,

Outkast,

and I really admired him.

- And then when I worked
- with him,

- All of a sudden,
- it just changed.

It became,

"Meet me at the Four Seasons

when you leave the studio."

And so I felt like,

"Okay,

"maybe I can just

sort of be flirtatious

"and play along and,

you know,

he can play with my hair

in the back of the car,"

and... and then you realize

this is gonna end one way.

He wants me to come to the hotel

with him and listen to music

and I just keep not going,

and he gets meaner and meaner

and meaner,

and there are more and more

professional consequences.

I auditioned Kanye West,

and not only did

he pass on Kanye.

L.A. Reid dressed me down

in front

of the entire A&R department.

- "Drew, this was not only
- a pass.

This was a waste of my time."

And I remember after, like,

a 45-minute

dressing down, saying,

- "Kanye's still
- in the waiting area.

"Can I just go tell him?

'Cause he's waiting."

- And I remember I brought Kanye
- into my office.

He had tears in his eyes.

- I was like,
- "Let me tell you something.

"You're gonna get a deal

You're gonna win Grammys.

- "You're gonna look back
- on this.

"You're gonna laugh.

Promise you."

John Legend was the last

artist I tried to sign

- back when he was
- John Stephens.

I scheduled an audition

for him with L.A.,

and he was really excited.

We even booked a concert space

two days before

so that he could rehearse

with his band,

and then L.A. told me

he didn't wanna go,

and he told his senior staff

not to go.

He passed on him.

He just passed.

So I walked in all alone

and watched John perform

with his band

in the folding chairs.

I was the only one there.

I had to tell John,

"I can't sign you.

I'm so sorry."

Unless I sleep with L.A. Reid

as a quid pro quo,

not because I like him but

literally as a quid pro quo,

I am doomed.

- I mean, I can't get
- John Legend

Or Kanye West signed?

I mean, I'm dead

in the water now.

So I give up.

I give up.

I give up.

After a decade of working

my way up from the bottom

of my industry,

I just quit.

I also completely and utterly

cut myself off from the parts

of myself that I love the most:

my creativity,

music.

I mean, I don't listen to any

of the songs that I made.

I don't listen to them.

I just...

I tried to bury that part

of myself in, like, a manhole.

And I just tried

to become cerebral

and steady.

So I thought,

"I'm going to Harvard

Business School."

I ran away from anything that

might even get anywhere near

- that pain
- and I turned around

And I scorched the earth

so I would never,

ever have the option

of going back.

♪ ♪

What I'm grateful for is that

I met my husband there

- and we got married and had the
- two most wonderful children

On the Earth,

and I really did wanna be able

to be the person

that absolutely covered them

365 days a year,

but there was a part of me

that was sleepwalking.

You know, I just ran away

from my dream,

from my passion.

♪ ♪

- Let's get started

with breaking news.

- Allegations
- of sexual harassment

Are rocking

another media mogul.

- This time,
- it's Russell Simmons.

- In a scathing letter
- to Simmons

- Published today
- by "The Hollywood Reporter,"

Screenwriter Jenny Lumet

alleges Simmons forced her

to have sex with him

back in 1991.

She writes in very graphic

and disturbing detail...

- There were three things

that pushed me over the edge:

Jenny Lumet's piece...

- First of all,
- she's a black woman

Putting herself out there.

She specifically said,

"When I read

Keri Claussen's account

"and he called her a liar,

I couldn't let her twist

in the wind knowing

what I know,"

and I remember thinking,

"Well,

- "I can't let Jenny twist
- in the wind.

- "I mean,
- I don't know her,

But I can't let her twist

in the wind."

The other thing

was Beverly Young.

- She was one
- of the Roy Moore accusers,

And she was crying on TV

about him assaulting her

when she was

a 16-year-old waitress.

- Mr. Moore reached over

and began groping me

and putting his hands

on my breasts.

Instead of stopping,

he began squeezing my neck,

attempting to force my head

onto his crotch.

- I saw her on TV crying,
- and I thought,

- This is her hometown.
- She's in her 60s.

- These are the... these are
- the only people

- She's ever known,
- and she's standing

In her hometown where she will

spend the rest of her life,

in all likelihood,

putting it all on the line

and being called a liar.

That's brave.

- And then the other thing
- that did it,

I read Harold Perrineau's

statement

about his daughter Aurora,

and he said he was terrified

- when she decided
- to come forward,

But he said he looked at her

the other day and realized,

- "My daughter's not
- a victim anymore.

She's a warrior."

And I thought,

"I'd like to be a warrior.

"I'm tired of being a victim.

"I've been a victim

for 22 years.

"Let me see what

the other thing feels like.

Can't be worse."

And that's when I said,

"Okay,

I will go on the record."

- Hey, Joe,
- it's Drew.

Just out of curiosity,

in any of the other cases,

have the sources

been contacted?

So I can literally say,

- "If you wanna talk to somebody,
- if you wanna comment,

- You can speak
- to the reporters"?

You're saying that to say that

his lawyers would tell him

not to call me?

Right?

- Okay, are you only reaching out
- to Russell,

- Or are you also reaching out
- to L.A.?

So he isn't...

So they're both in the story?

Okay.

They are both going to find out

that they're in the story

either tonight

or tomorrow morning,

and they will know that they

are in the story

and that I named them.

- From recent searches,

and this is a search

of information about,

- uh, the United States
- proceeding?

- Well, it's, uh...
- It's a query.

- The White House
- and President Trump's

- Private attorneys
- will go over the part...

♪ ♪

- Joe texted me.

They have Russell's

lawyer's response.

He admits harassing me.

He denies sex.

He says we made out a few times,

and he, uh... the "Times"

will call me once they talk

to their lawyer.

♪ ♪

Wow.

If locking someone

in their office

and pulling your penis out

and making out with them

in a tiny space

- where they can't escape
- is making out a few times,

Then that's an interesting way

to describe it.

Can't do that right now.

- I don't think
- I should call anybody.

I don't wanna, like,

rope anybody into my, like,

mania right now.

I'll just wait for them

to call me back.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Hi.
- Just the paper.

- Do you need a bag?

- Uh, no, thanks.

$2.50.

I'll just do the $20.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Russell Simmons is strongly

denying new accusations

that he raped three women

decades ago.

All three women say

their music industry careers

were derailed or ruined.

Simmons says he categorically

rejects the allegations.

- In extensive reports

in the "LA Times"

and "New York Times,"

nine more women accuse Simmons

of a wide range of misconduct.

- Russell invited me out.

Um, he wanted me

to see his new apartment.

- I felt really safe with him,

and I don't think

we were comrades,

but I felt like we were,

I mean, peer...

Like, hangout peers.

- And we talked a lot
- about yoga.

We talked a lot

about spirituality.

- And he said, "Well, why don't
- we go back to my apartment

And we can talk there?"

- And suddenly here I am

and he has pinned me.

- It was just so out

of left field.

- I remember being really shocked
- to the point where I...

I thought it was a joke.

- And I was absolutely shocked

and taken aback

and I froze.

- He pushed me into the door...

In through the door

- and pushed me down
- on the ground.

- I remember fighting it,

fighting on the bed,

because I didn't want

his penis in me.

- He puts his knees on my legs

and pins my hands down.

- I think of it akin
- to that feeling

That must happen when you think

that you're on a plane

and it starts to go down.

- That, "No, no, no,
- this isn't happening."

- That anybody could so swiftly

and forcibly penetrate me...

Um...

While... actually while

I'm saying no.

- He wanted

to physically dominate me

and rape me.

- I pushed him off of me

and I was like,

"What the fuck are you doing?

- What the fuck
- is wrong with you?"

- I kicked really, really hard

and I fucking screamed,

- and I... and I just ran
- to the door

- And he, like,
- let me go.

- I had to really do some

dark nights of the soul

- to work through this layer
- of shame.

- He took a piece of me with him

when he did this,

and then... then he carried it

with him,

and he carried it with him

for three fucking decades.

♪ ♪

- On Instagram,

- Russell Simmons was defiant,
- writing,

"Today, I begin

to properly defend myself."

- Simmons again denied

all the allegations of rape

and other misconduct,

- and then he posted
- the hashtag,

And he used "NotMe.

♪ ♪

- You think you'll be vindicated

at the end of all this, man?

- Honestly, I mean,
- I wouldn't...

- I don't have a stitch
- of violence in me.

I would never hurt anybody.

And I never had

any violence in me,

but, you know...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, no...

- It's a difficult time
- for everybody.

- Absolutely, absolutely.
- All right.

- Thanks, guys.
- All right, man.

- We'll be watching for you,
- Rus.

- Have a good one, man.
- Take care.

- Have a good night, you guys.
- Thank you guys.

♪ ♪

- You pinned me down

with your entire might.

I was screaming.

I was crying.

I was begging.

- Have a good night, Rus!

- That's violent.

That's violent.

You're violent.

♪ ♪

- There is a discourse

that says that it's still,

like, a cultural impossibility

for black women to be raped.

- They, um, use their sexuality

as gold diggers.

They use their sexuality

as means of control.

Um, you really can't

sexually abuse

- or rape a black woman
- because there's nothing

That they wouldn't do.

- White women are always...
- There's a stereotype

Of being, like,

docile and sweet

and innocent and pure,

and if this docile and sweet

and innocent, pure

can still get questioned

and not believed and discounted,

- what do you think is happening
- to black women in America

When we come forward with

stories about sexual violence?

- It's enraging.

It's enraging to know that

you are more likely to be harmed

and yet fewer people

are going to believe you.

- Fewer people are going
- to help you.

- The system doesn't appear set up
- in any way to help you.

- We're not entering

into America's history

with any kind of protection,

and that has a lot

to do with our history

from the transatlantic

slave trade.

♪ ♪

- When I was 26 years old,

my dad invited me to go

on this trip with him

to West Africa,

and we went to

St. George's Castle in Ghana.

So it's this big fort, really,

and in the middle

of it is a church,

and then on either side,

there were two chambers...

- One for women,
- one for men...

Where the slaves were held,

and in the courtyard,

the women were chained

to a cannonball by the ankle,

and they were selected

to be raped by the governor

or they were raped

by the guards.

These women had no right

to say no

for the rest of their lives,

and so I think more than half

of the women were pregnant

by the time they got on the boat

for the middle passage.

The other thing that

was really striking to me,

there's this little room

and there's scratch marks

and this is where the men

who attempted to defend

the women were taken to die.

So just the intentional

cruel breakdown

of the black

male-female dynamic

from the beginning.

And...

I understand the plunder

of black men

and I understand...

The burden of black men,

but I also think it's time

for somebody to acknowledge

the burden and the plunder

of black women.

- What did you think
- of the article?

How are the millennials

taking it?

- I was really happy with how

the article was written

and that they didn't hesitate

to be very clear, like,

this is... not only is this these

particular women's experiences

but because they are black

- and because they're
- in this industry,

This is what

it is like for them.

- All right, I'm gonna play

this, um, clip

from Hot 97 this morning,

which I'm actually kind of

scared to listen to

'cause Hot 97

is where hip-hop lives.

- Mm.

- So that would be, like,

a very pro-Russell platform.

- Let's hear it.

- On Hot 97.

- So "The New York Times"

- posted a report
- that four women

Are detailing their experiences

of sexual misconduct

and rape from Russell Simmons

between the years

of 1988 to 2014.

- Hold my hand for this.

- He said, "I absolutely

have not raped anyone.

Absolutely not."

Russell's somebody I consider

a friend in this business.

At times like this,

it is about having

open conversation.

- Doesn't mean
- I don't like Russell.

Doesn't mean I don't like what

he's contributed to hip-hop,

- but it does mean that
- the way you go about...

- I disagree.
- Sexualizing women

- And your behavior has been
- out of line for a long time,

- And it needs
- to be addressed now.

- Can I ask the tough question
- in the room, though?

Does it sound like

we're being nicer to,

- easier on,
- and more open-minded

About Russell than anyone else

who's caught an accusation?

I could at the very least say

I thought he seemed coarse

- and inappropriate probably
- around women,

And now he has several

rape allegations,

some of which are from women

who are very credible,

- worked in the industry
- at executive levels, not...

- And who's saying

they don't believe them?

- I'm saying the tone

we're having to me is one

that's much more like,

"Well, open.

Let's have dialogue."

- We didn't do that
- for other people.

- Mm-hmm.
- Even though we have evidence

To that he was...

Has been a... a dirtbag,

we're all kinda keeping our lips

a little bit pursed

and not going the next step.

- He's real.

- Russell's like,

"That's not how I remember it.

I'm stepping down."

- Then the rape allegations
- come out.

He's like, "I absolutely"...

- But is that why
- he stepped down?

Why'd he really step down?

- Mm-hmm.
- Because... I don't know.

- Why?
- What are you saying?

- Because he knew more

were coming, guys.

- And guess who else did.
- We did.

- Word.
- Word.

- There's these... all these
- women who were trying

To make it in the industry.

One had to... what...

- She just ran away,
- and guess what.

- Then she ended up working
- for L.A. Reid.

- And then he did
- something to her.

- And then he did it!

- Yeah.

- Sorry, that's not where
- my prayers went.

- My prayers were, like,
- to any woman who's had

- To be in this industry
- the last 30 years.

Wow.

- Uh, when... when

Drew disappeared,

it didn't strike me per se,

because a lot of women

had started to disappear.

- So when did you find out

why she'd left?

- Um, when I read

"The New York Times."

And it was devastating to me.

Devastating.

I was shaking for days.

Every story... every Russell story

is personal and...

Hard,

really, really hard,

and so when I read that

about Drew,

I was in bed.

- I stayed in bed
- because I was like,

"This is my Drew."

I immediately went

right back there

to my 23-year-old self.

I know her! So well.

Even now, like, this has

just unpacked so much,

- it's just forced me to think
- about all the things

That I've endured

and experienced

and seen,

and particularly with Russell,

because I was

a 22-year-old woman

alone with Russell

in the early '90s,

and so I know exactly

what is possible,

and even though I...

You know, I have fear

around speaking, um, publicly

for all the wrong reasons, like,

I'm smart enough to know

that shame has no place

and, you know, all the things

that I would say

to any younger woman

who needed my counsel,

I have all

the right things to say.

Um, but I'm also

a very private person.

I'm also a journalist.

I'm not used

to being the subject.

And this isn't a rape story.

That's another reason why I...

I think I don't want

to conflate

my story with other stories.

But the fact remains that you

can keep something inside

for 25 years

and keep on keeping on,

and then a thing can happen

like the bravery

of someone like Drew

or Sil Lai

or Jenny

or any of these women

who have dared

to say a name and speak

to a specific time

and you didn't have

to reconcile.

You've gotta deal,

and that's really why

I showed up today.

I'm here really to bear witness

and to say I'm really sorry

to all of these women

who have suffered,

and to those who

will never tell their story,

that's okay too.

I believe you too,

and there's so many of us

who believe you too.

So, um, you know...

You know.

- I am looking forward

to meeting Sil Lai.

Her story just came out

in "The Hollywood Reporter."

And I'm always happy

to see Jenny.

I've met her twice now,

and we've gotten to know

each other over text as well,

and I consider her

a sister already.

It's this bond that's hard

to describe.

- Come in, come in, come in!

Wow, I'm seeing you in person

after all this time!

- Jenny?

- Hello.

- Here, have a seat here.

- I... I was, like, in mom mode.

- Me too.

- Well...
- I was making pancakes.

- This is good.
- I can have a Beyoncé, like...

- Right in the wind.

- I'm doing this mental

checklist with everybody.

- Oh, yeah.

- 'Cause I wanna know

who I know is still supporting

this man 19 allegations in.

- Oh, yeah.
- Are you an ally?

Are you a real ally?

Are you down with him?

Do you support me?

Why do you not

say anything to me?

Why do you stay silent?

- It was kind of

like I did not...

Expect, uh...

Anyone to be in it

for the long haul with me,

and I was okay.

- Mm.

- Um, it'd be lovely,

but I'm glad I met you guys,

- 'cause we're in it
- for the long haul.

- Like, I don't... I've been

in bed for four days.

Like, I don't know

how to do this.

I don't know... how do you tell

your story in front

of a national...

In a national forum?

But at the same time

realizing the privilege.

Like, looking at us,

we're all light-skinned.

We're all

"conventionally attractive."

The fact that our story

has been told

- is a privilege.
- Mm-hmm.

- It shouldn't be a privilege.

Every woman's story

deserves to be heard.

- Part of the reason
- I did speak out

Is because I do have

light privilege,

so I have to go ahead

and stick my neck out

and say, "Me too,"

for other black women

who are not safe.

♪ ♪

- I wasn't prepared

in whatever way

to speak at all until 2017,

which is the first time

I said anything to anybody.

And I thought...

"I wish I could have gotten

my shit together earlier..."

"So he would have left

everybody alone."

♪ ♪

- The aftermath

of coming forward is just...

You can't even begin

to describe what it's like,

but someone else out there

knows exactly what it is,

you know, and to go through

the first,

the assault,

and then the coming forward...

And there's a bond.

You know, there's a bond there.

♪ ♪

- I don't know

that there's any comp...

Like, any comparable...

- No, there isn't
- any comparable...

- Experience to coming forward,

being believed,

finding other victims...

- The trauma,
- the coming forward...

- Of the same trauma

by the same person

and suddenly we're together.

I mean, I'd been alone

for 22 years.

I thought it was just me.

- Meeting you was,

"I'm not alone."

- Yeah.

- Meeting you now is,

"I'm not alone."

Um, it's a big deal.

- It's a big deal.

♪ ♪

After the article came out,

I asked my husband

for a divorce,

not because it was, like,

toxic or terrible

but because suddenly

I had to deal with this thing

that had happened to me

in, like,

a three-dimensional way,

and I found myself

in a very dark place

and ultimately had

to summon the strength

to leave

and get to know myself

and find out

who that person is.

- I thought the only thing
- that would be different

After "The New York Times"

published my story

is that the rest of the world

- would have the information
- I had.

What I did not anticipate

is that I would have

a new relationship

with this information,

which was essentially I had

- to process it
- for the first time.

It was, like,

unmetabolized information.

Like, it's like

I'd swallowed it whole in 1995

and I had never actually

digested it.

You know, it was literally like

pressing play

on a movie that

I paused 22 years ago

in, like, the middle

of the scariest scene.

I'm just like, play.

♪ ♪

I didn't even realize until

I read the "New York Times"

article

that there was never even a CD.

I literally for 22 years

have wondered

what it was

and was it good

until I read the article

and realized...

- I mean,
- read the article,

Met other survivors of his,

talked to...

Talked to them about

the traps he set.

It's like, "Oh, my God.

There was no CD."

There was never a CD.

It was all a ruse

to get me in there

- 'cause he knew I would
- wanna hear the demo

And it was my job,

and that is why I walked right

into that trap

with Russell Simmons at 24.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You're all I need ♪

♪ To get by ♪

♪ Aye ♪

♪ You're all I need ♪

♪ To get by ♪

♪ Aye ♪

- ♪ Shorty, I'm there for you

anytime you need me ♪

♪ For real, girl, it's me

in your world, believe me ♪

♪ Nothing make a man

feel better than a woman ♪

♪ Queen with a crown

that be down for whatever ♪

♪ There are few things

that's forever, my lady ♪

- ♪ We can make war
- or make babies ♪

♪ Back when I was nothing ♪

♪ You made a brother feel

like he was something ♪

♪ That's why I'm with you to

this day, boo, no fronting ♪

- You have to ask yourself,

you know,

where would her career

have gone in music?

What music did we lose?

What are we poorer for

for Drew not being

a music executive?

If this is what her 20s was,

the magic,

what would the next

20 years have been?

And we'll never know.

It's like we've been robbed

of that.

- When people get out, like, um,

for those kind of reasons,

I think that us as the public,

- we suffer because we don't know
- what they could have produced

Or what they could have brought.

Like, maybe music wouldn't

have changed the way it did

if we had more women,

uh, in music.

- This is so emblematic

of what happens

to women routinely,

and we lose.

We all lose when

brilliant women go away,

when powerful women go away,

you know?

When people lose

their inner light,

that thing... when shame keeps you

from stepping up,

what... all of that,

it's a loss for all of us.

It really, really is.

- You know, I've had glimpses

of access to my creativity

and my joy

and my fearlessness,

but it's really been buried.

The most authentic part

of myself carried the pain,

so I couldn't...

I couldn't open that box.

- Would you rather hear a song

called "Medicine" or "Silver"?

- "Medicine."
- Okay.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Let me spell it out, babe,

I want you to go ♪

♪ ♪

♪ All you do is try to teach me

things I've already known ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Do you really think it helps

me having you in control ♪

- There's a mom whose daughter

is in the 11th grade

- at my kids' school
- and she read the article

- And thought
- that I might be able

To give her daughter advice.

- The last thing I thought
- would come from this article

Was having somebody want me

to help them with music.

I thought I was, like,

officially closing that door

whether I wanted to or not.

♪ ♪

It's awesome.

I love it.

- Like, I love it.
- You do?

- Yeah, so those are some

of my favorite verses of yours.

- Like...
- Yeah?

- Of, like, all.
- Really?

- I love those verses.

They're really haunting and,

like, I love them.

- Oh, thanks.

- Beautiful.

- Thank you.

♪ ♪

♪ And you can't wrap your mind

around my words ♪

♪ ♪

♪ But your healing efforts

only make me hurt ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ You're not a medicine,

you're not a medicine ♪

♪ You gave me bad news

and I'm stuck in my bed again ♪

♪ You're not a medicine,

you're not a medicine ♪

♪ ♪

- I am excited

to be making music again.

I mean, it's sort of like...

It's like breathing.

- I feel like I've been holding
- my breath for 16 years

And I didn't know it.

♪ ♪

If you're a rape survivor,

you are the crime scene.

My life is the crime scene.

The crime doesn't end

the moment the assault ends.

The crime is perpetrated

and reperpetrated

every day that you

carry it with you,

and it informs your behavior,

so, like,

I'm a living crime scene.

And I realize now it was a cage.

I had no idea how much

this one night of my life

shattered me,

and until I said it out loud

and lived to, like,

tell the tale...

I'm still here...

I couldn't fully start to put

the pieces back together,

- and I would have
- been shattered forever

If this Me Too moment

hadn't happened.

I mean, literally,

it's like... it saved my life.

I... it saved my life.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ These damnable heresies ♪

♪ Sold into slavery ♪

♪ By my insecurities ♪

♪ Oh, they keep

taking me down ♪

♪ Shaking me down ♪

♪ Taking me down ♪

♪ They keep breaking me down ♪

♪ Shaking me, taking me ♪

♪ Total hypocrisy ♪

♪ Teaching me lies ♪

♪ Spirituality ♪

♪ Through human eyes ♪

♪ Total confusion ♪

♪ No right or wrong ♪

♪ Keeping the people ♪

♪ From where they belong ♪

♪ Refusing to speak ♪

♪ Afraid to upset ♪

♪ Spending the rest

of your life ♪

♪ Oh, in total regret ♪

♪ This emotional force ♪

♪ Keeps conforming my mind ♪

♪ Keeping me blind,

keeping me blind ♪

♪ Keeping me blind ♪

♪ From the reality ♪

♪ Of what's being done, yeah ♪

♪ I keep playing the fool ♪

♪ To help everyone ♪

♪ These damnable heresies ♪

♪ Sold into slavery ♪

♪ By my insecurities ♪

♪ Oh, they keep

taking me down ♪

♪ Shaking me down,

down, down ♪

♪ Taking me down ♪

♪ They keep taking me,

breaking me ♪

♪ Making me ♪

♪ These damnable heresies ♪

♪ Sold into slavery ♪

♪ By my insecurities ♪

♪ Oh, they keep taking me ♪