On the Other Foot (2022) - full transcript

Stop it.

Keep it gone.

Keep it gone, it's
what we gotta do.

What you doin'?

I'm just, just gonna
give her some change, Dad.

Change?

Where's your mummy and daddy?

I don't have no mummy and daddy.

Are you hungry?

Yeah?

Well, see you shoulda
thought about that



before you jumped on
the back of a lorry

with mummy and
daddy, shouldn't ya?

Hey?

Come on, Brandon,
we're gonna be late.

Come on.

Hi Brandon, son.

Billy.

- You all right?
- Not bad.

Have me gob, tooth's
killing me, Fraz.

Toothache?

I had this abscess in here.

You wanna get that seen to.

This went like all green.

It was all green.



Yeah, yeah, yeah, no we
get the picture, mate.

How's your missus, all right?

Mmm.

Oh.

Hey, here's Glen.

Hey, this time next week,
mate, that'll be you.

Good evening, everybody.

- Evening.
- Thanks for coming tonight.

You all know my son, Terry.

♪ Rock paper scissors shoot ♪

What are you doing?

What's it look like?

You know, you're
not supposed to play

that kind of music in the house.

Dad's gonna go mental.

Dad's ain't gonna go anything,

'cause Dad ain't
gonna find out, is he?

Is he?

Now go to bed, it's late.

You're not gonna say
anything, are you?

To Dad, I mean.

Of course not.

I don't wanna be
stuck with Brandon.

Night.

Oh God.

Morning sleepy head.

Didn't wanna wake you.

What a night that was.

Grabbed the curry,

ended up back in the pub
with Frazer and Glen,

and I am hangin'.

No sympathy from me,
all self-inflicted.

I wondered why Sammy
brought Brandon back.

Oh, hello, love.

Hello, there.

Is there any coffee?

Yep, got it right here.

Morning girls.

Where is Brandon, anyway?

- Thank you.
- Dad.

Hey, I told
you about that chupsin'

or whatever it is
that lot call it.

Billy?

Not in this house, love.

How do
you want your eggs?

Fried, I think.

Is there any beans?

- Yeah.
- Love a bean.

You know what beans
mean, don't ya?

Gross.

So what are you two up to
today, then? Anything nice?

Go shopping with mum.

Oh, I'm meetin' Luke later.

Ooh, Luke.

Shut up, Ann.

When we gonna get to
meet this Luke then?

Or is he a figment of your...

Oh, before I forget,
Terry says hello,

and he wants to know when
you're coming to the meeting.

Ew, no thanks.

Anyway, I'm meant
to be going dancin'

with Sahara now, but...

Speak of the devil.

Bloody hell.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- Come in.

I'll just get my stuff.

Why do you have to be like that?

Sahara's a good
kid, you know that.

Maybe the White part of her is,

but I ain't sure
about the other bit.

Billy, stop.

Just sayin', that's all.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Pitcher.

Sahara, how are you
doing, sweetheart?

I'm good, thank you.

This is my cousin Ivy.

- Hi.
- Hiya.

What about your eggs?

No, you're all right, love.

Lost me appetite.

Excuse me.

♪ They say they love
my hair and my eyes ♪

♪ The way the booty match ♪

♪ I came from it ♪

♪ I really came from it ♪

♪ Stumbled northwest and
Googled the name on it ♪

Oh bloody hell.

♪ When you was playin' Sonic ♪

You're
tuned into DJ Maxim

- and the Best of British show.
- Finally.

So much
great music coming outta the UK

and some well known classics.

Make sure you keep it locked.

It wouldn't be a Best of
British show without this one.

This is one of my
personal favorites.

"Mama Used to Say," Junior.

- The Best of British.
- Best of British?

Best of British my spotty arse.

How's that?

Taxi.

No chance, love.

- Mr. Johnson?
- Hi.

This way, please.

- Oh.
- Oh, sorry, mate.

Shall we dance?

Cool, these seats are...

Oh, pennies.

Show me your smile.

Very good, lovely.

All right.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

- See you next time?
- Take care.

- Bye.
- Bye, have a good day.

All right, your name, please.

It's Pitcher, Billy Pitcher.

Here you are.

Your appointment
is with Dr. Ali.

Is that who?

Dr. Ali.

Yeah, who'd that be, who is he?

Where's my regular dentist?

Er, Dr. Roberts?

That's him.

I'm afraid he's off this week.

All his patients are
being seen by Dr. Ali.

Nah, you're all right,
love. I'll see someone else.

Who else is working?

Two others in today.

There's Dr. Femi Oglunabi.

African, you can't even
pronounce his name?

Who else is there?

Dr. Patel.

And I'll book you in for
a six-month appointment,

if that's okay with you.

Oh for...

No, you're all right, love.

I'll rebook, to be
honest with you. Oh geez.

You're clearly in
a lot of pain, sir.

I really think you should
get that looked at.

- Dr. Ali is one of our top-
- I told you I wanna leave it.

Oh god.

Do you speak any English, mate?

Do you speak any English?

Hello, my name's Dr. Ali.

Nice to meeting you.

You sit very still.

No move.

I take out one tooth.

I take out two tooth.

Pain, go away.

Nah, you're all right, mate.

- I'm gonna go, I think.
- I'm only joking,

Mr. Pitcher, I speak
English just fine.

Now I can see from your notes,

you're here to have a filling
replaced in your back tooth.

It's a super simple procedure.

Nothing to worry about.

We'll have you done and
dusted in in no time.

Patience here will
get you ready?

Okay, just gonna
put this on, one moment.

Yeah mind me, mind me.

Oh, sorry.

Lookin'
lovely. Mr. Pitcher.

You washed your hands?

- I'm wearing gloves.
- So?

- Yes, I washed my hands.
- Good.

Okay, you open nice and wide.

It's just a little prick.

Who you callin' a prick?

- No, no, from the needle?
- Right.

Let's open nice and wide.

Here we go.

Ah.

♪ The kids are gone ♪

♪ Nobody here but us ♪

Yeah, come in.

Oh, it's you.

Oh, come on, Princess
don't be like that.

I've come to say
sorry about earlier.

Now, you're mate, you
know, I like her she's-

Dad, just stop.

No, you don't.

You don't like
anyone that's Black.

You don't like anyone
of color, actually.

You're...

You're racist.

Racist? Is that what
you think of me?

I ain't racist.

What's worse, you
won't even admit it.

I ain't racist, all right?

I got nothing against any of
'em. I just prefer me own type.

See, you'd understand.

If you come to the meetings
with me and Brandon

you'd understand, Claire.

You wouldn't catch
me dead in that place

with any of those people.

It's horrible.

I've got loads of black mates.

Have ya?

Have you?

What is wrong with you?

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I come to apologize.

Just...

Just enjoy your date.

Claire, listen.

You do know I love
you, don't you?

Just give me a hug, yeah?

Come here.

Where you going tonight anyway?

Somewhere nice?

Just goin' for dinner
and some drinks.

That'll be lovely.

Lovely.

I'll see ya later.

Oh, Claire,

listen tomorrow evening, dinner,

why don't you invite this,

sorry, what's his name?

- Luke.
- Luke, that's it.

Why don't you invite Luke over?

Mum and I'll do a slap-up meal.

We can get to meet him.

Dad, there's really no need to-

No, no, listen,
it's a great idea.

It'll be my little olive
branch to you, wouldn't it?

And I need to know what Prince
is courtin' my Princess,

don't I? You have a
lovely time tonight.

Don't be too late back.

♪ When the shoe is
on the other foot ♪

♪ When the shoe is
on the other foot ♪

♪ You don't like it ♪

Right.

Dad.

What, Princess? How was last
night? How'd you get on?

Yeah, yeah,
it was great, thanks.

Dad, listen about tonight.

- I really don't think it's-
- Oh, hang on.

Listen, let me get that.

Oh, it's your mother.

Hello.

Yeah, yeah, good.

I'll check. Brandon, how
we doin' for eggs and milk?

There's four eggs.

Yeah, there's some milk,
but I was gonna use it for...

Yeah,
yeah, we got milk.

We got eggs.

You get the spaghetti?

What about the mince?

Get all the other
stuff we talked?

Yes, all right, I'm sorry.

I just wanna make sure
everything's perfect for her,

that's all.

Yeah, yeah, I'll tell her.

I love you, bye,
bye, bye, bye.

So mum says hello.

And she says to saying that
she's got some desserts

for later just in case.

And I am making my
classics spag bowl,

so the job's a good 'un.

What were you gonna say?

You were gonna say something.

Nevermind.

Move, Brandon.

Oi, be nice
to your brother.

Sahara, I am so dead.

Dad wants to-

Are you busy?

Look, I'll call you back,
but make sure you pick up.

What's up?

Performin' arts project.

I gotta make up a
dance routine to this.

Okay.

- Okay, that's lit. Turn it up.
- That's what?

Turn it down in case Dad hears.

It's fine.

He's in the kitchen
listening to the radio.

Okay, so show me what
you've got so far.

♪ Baby you're too
drunk to drive ♪

♪ I know and it's all right ♪

No, no, no, that's
not gonna work.

What else?

♪ As long as I can ♪

Okay, okay, we have got
a lot of work to do.

Just stand there

and loosen up

and just listen to the music.

Okay?

Step, drag, step,
drag, step, drag.

Yeah, that's it.

Okay, now body ripple.

Yeah, sis.

Now maybe like...

♪ Baby I'm too drunk to drive ♪

I am not doing that.

No?

- Too much?
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

From the top?

♪ See your face tonight ♪

That's festive.

♪ I don't want
nothing from you ♪

♪ Just give me your time ♪

♪ We can have some fun and
pour some liquor tonight ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ I'm gonna do the
thing that you like ♪

♪ Inner peace ♪

♪ With my mind and my heart ♪

Hey guys, it's almost seven.

♪ When your love
is near it goes ♪

♪ Straight up to your finger ♪

I'll get it, love.

You carry on.

♪ Life has showed me that it's ♪

All right,
mate, all right.

Who is it, love?

Nah, it's one of them
Jehovah's lot, I think.

Just ignore him.

He'll go away in a minute.

Not being funny, mate.

Ain't really our thing, yeah?

We're a Church of England.

I told you, mate-

Good evening, sir.

- Trot on, it ain't our thing.
- Luke.

Luke?

Dad, this is Luke.

Luke, meet my dad.

Good evening, Mr. Pitcher.

It's nice to finally meet you.

Billy?

You okay?

So, Luke, what is it you do?

- Do you work?
- Yeah, you got a job, mate?

Is what she's askin'.

What?

Just askin'.

You know what them lot are like.

Them lot?

- Dad.
- Them, no,

young people is what I meant.

I'm just asking if he's
got a job, that's all.

Well, I'm training
to be a surgeon.

A neurosurgeon, actually.

Wow, that's impressive.

That's messin'
around with the...

Well, kinda.

It's more technical than that.

I hear a little accent.

Where are you from?

Well, my mom's from Britain,

but I was raised in the States.

Ah, same here.

Oh really, where from?

Yeah, in California.

Mine too, where?

Los Angeles?

My whole dad's family
is in Orange County.

- Small world.
- Nice.

What do you do here?

I am a primary school teacher.

Gosh, Billy-

Do you wanna get
a room, you two?

What's she's saying, mate,
is she's British, all right?

British.

Okay.

And what do you do, Mr. Pitcher?

Me?

I drive a black taxi.

You know, a black cab.

Okay, can I talk
to you for a sec?

Now.

Right now.

What?

You know exactly what, Bill.

Oh God, you only call me Bill
when you've got the hump.

Exactly.

I have got one of them...

I have got a Black
geezer in my house,

dressed like a bloody
dental technician,

and you want me to be happy?

What's the neighbor's
gonna think?

Oh, screw the neighbors.

Claire.

What is that?

Don't laugh, Brandon.

It's not funny.

I'm sorry, babe.

It's my dad's.

I told him to take it down,
but he must have forgot.

Okay, if you won't
do it for you,

you do it for her.

- This was your idea.
- Yeah, but how did I know

she was gonna bring
up a bloody great big-

Okay, you go in there,
and you be be nice.

Okay?

Nice.

Nice.

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I could do with a break.

Do you have any vacation plans?

Going anywhere nice this summer?

Oh, I'm not really
sure, to be honest.

I was thinking about going
to Ghana this summer.

What's that, back
to your own country?

Where you're from?

Well, I was born in
Clapham, so I'm British.

You aren't British,
are you, son?

I mean, you might have
been born in Clapham,

but that don't make you British.

- I mean you ain't-
- What, I'm not White?

So if a White person
is born in Africa,

is he African or is he
White or is he both?

Don't get
snarky with me son.

How about some dessert?

I've got some apple crumble
with vanilla ice cream,

and I've also made some-

Chocolates.

Brownies.

Can I have a chocolate brownie?

Please.

Sure.

I hate you.

Hey.

All right, love,

- how are you?
- Hey, girls.

Listen, I heard about
last night, yeah?

Mad ting.

Yeah, well I'm not proud
of it, but what can I do?

He's my dad.

Uh, pretend he's not.

Just wish he would
be more liberal.

Good luck with that one.

Listen, trust me,

after last night it's
a whole new meaning

to the movie "Get Out."

Like, all I wanted
to do was get out.

You know what I mean, bruv?

Sorry, love.

- Savage.
- Listen,

if you look up "racist"
in the dictionary,

you see a picture of her
little brother and her dad

just there, strong
face and everything.

What, with like a White
sheet over his head?

- Just ready to lynch a man-
- Ready, bruv.

Okay, okay, this is my
family we're talkin' about.

Cursin' them won't
change anythin'.

I dunno what to do anymore.

I know.

Why don't you invite your dad
to the church this weekend?

Guys, Pastor Ade's gonna be
there. It's gonna be so lit.

Live band, woi oi!

Are you for real?

My dad would literally die
if he stepped foot in there.

Great, problem solved.

Let's go.

I'm jokin', relax, relax.

Listen, Pastor Ade
might be able to

knock some sense into him.

The only time my dad goes
to any type of meeting is...

- What?
- What?

- What?
- What?

I think there is a way.

Go on.

Tell me more.

What?

What are you on about?

I literally never
said that, man.

You're lying.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Where's your mum?

She's gone to Aunty Sue's.

Look, Princess, I just wanted
to say that I'm really-

Sorry, yeah.

Dad's this sounds like déjà vu.

No, listen, love, I really am.

I mean, he seems
like a nice boy,

but I just don't think he's
right for you, that's all.

Why not?

- 'Cause he's Black?
- No.

May..., maybe, yeah, listen,

there's some lovely White lads
down at the meetings, yeah?

I mean there's
Terry, Glen's son.

He's a cracking lad.

He's got a good job.

- He's a really good lad-
- No, dad.

I like Luke.

Why do you have to see a color?

Why can't you just see a person?

- I really hate-
- Forget it.

Seeing you like this.

I really do.

I hate seeing you upset.

I mean I'd do anything.

Yeah, anything.

Anything?

Well.

Yes, anything.

Well, I know how much your
meetings mean to you, dad.

So, I'll come to one of
your meetings with you,

if you come somewhere with me.

Well, that's, deal, yes, yes.

Absolutely.

Bingo.

Hallelujah, praise the Lord.

Everybody make some noise.

Glory to God.

Oh Lord, oh Jesus.

Oh glorious.

Okay, guys, my name's Therese,

and I'm here just to prepare
you guys for greatness.

Now, I have no other than
the legend, the magnificent,

Pastor Ade.

- Say amen.
- Amen.

If you woke up this
morning feeling alive,

and I don't just mean alive,

I mean alive, you know
that God did that.

Amen.

Amen.

My name is Pastor Ade, but
you can call me Big Adz.

I don't know.

Dad.

Look at me.

I feel stupid.

My trousers are falling
down and everything.

In your heart.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

White people are late.

- Yo, Kai.
- Look at them.

- White people, come forward.
- Oh shit.

Come forward,
come forward, come forward.

Oh yeah, oh yeah,
clap for them.

Clap for them, clap for them.

White people, come forward.

Come forward. Oh yeah,
oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.

I have a seat for you two.

White people, welcome.

Today is Umbadehdeh Day, mmm.

Umba what, umba what?

Shh.

Who here needs my healing?

Who, who, who, who?

I wanna know who my dad is.

I've got a thousand uncles.

Everyone's uncle,
but who's my dad?

Can you stop it now?

I've got this itching down,

you know, it burns, it burns.

Amen.

Amen.

Who here needs my
healing? Anyone?

Mmm.

Bloody ignorant.

Do you know what, love?

This bloke thinks
he's Paul Daniels.

Yeah, I wish I was Black.

I actually do.

Do a better job than him.

I mean, look at 'em.

I need more...

Also, Pastor, she's
very, very fertile.

- Mmm.
- Very fertile.

Pastor...

Hey.

Friend, get
up, get up, get up, get up.

Nah nah nah nah nah.

No, you keep your mumbo
jumbo stuff, mate.

Let me help
you, get up, get up, get up.

What?

Get up.

- Go on dad.
- Get up get get up get up.

All right.

- Let me help you.
- I'm up.

Let me help you.

You feel it?

Yeah, man, look at me shaking.

- Go on.
- Let me help you.

Can we leave now?

I've had enough of this, please.

But it's not finished.

And I wanted you to talk
to Pastor Ade after about-

You can stay, all right?

I'm going.

I said I'd come, and I did.

I'll see you at home.

- But dad.
- And listen,

you promised me remember?

Don't forget.

But, Dad.

Where's your dad?

He left.

Guess you're right.

He's never gonna change, is he?

So what does this mean for us?

My ancestors have been through

hundreds of years of
oppression and pain,

always trying, always fightin'.

Never giving up or
taking no for an answer.

Look, I'm sorry, Claire, but-

Yeah, it's okay, I understand.

But we can still
be mates, right?

Do you really understand?

Do you think I'm gonna let
anyone, let alone your dad,

come in the way of me and
the woman I want to be with?

Hell no.

What in the Emmerdale?

Guys, this is a
church, you know?

You lot need to get a room.

I told you a lot, yeah? You
can come to mine, you know?

Where's Vanilla Ice.

My dad left.

So?

So I guess we keep tryin'.

They never gave up
and neither will we.

Get a girl or die tryin', yeah.

- Affection?
- Kissing?

In the house of the Lord.

In the church.

The pressures of life is wrong.

Disgrace.

This is indeed a disgrace.

And the father.

Claire.

Claire, love, turn
that music down.

You know your dad doesn't
like that kinda music.

♪ Take your time young man ♪

Morning, mum.

What's for breakfast?

Hang on, if you're there,

then who's in here.

♪ Take your time young man ♪

I've blocked the toilet again.

♪ Take your time, get over ♪

Dad?

♪ The years were rushin' by ♪

Give us a cookie.

No, they're mine.

Uh, did you pay for them?

Yes, I did actually.

Mate, don't be harsh.

- Just share.
- No.

Sorry, I'm just off the
barber's gonna get a quick trim.

I've got that interview
comin' up this week.

So, thank you,

Laters.

What is he doing?

Did he just say trim?

And did he just say laters?

Oh.

Really, Billy?

Oh goodness.

All right, Sam,
darlin', where's Pascal?

I'm going to get him for you.

Cheers, nice one.

All right, ginge?

Cheer up mate,
might never happen.

Here he is right,
all right Pascal.

Hi, sir.

Can I help you?

"Sir"? What are
you talkin' about "sir"?

I know it's been a while,
but I ain't changed that much.

Have I cut you before?

Oh, I see, we're
playin' that game are we?

All right mate, yeah,

I'll have a little
bit off the side.

I'll have a little
bit off the back.

And you can mess about
with the little fringe bit,

and we...

Huh, uh, uh.

Oh, Billy, now listen.

Don't freak out, yeah?

Who said that?

Said what?

Now, I need
you to breathe, Billy,

all right, listen.

There's two of us in here.

Now, we're the same,
but we sound different.

All right?

Now I'm talkin' to you,

I'm the other you, yeah?

There's two of us.

Are you all right?

No, no it's a dream.

This is...

This is all a,
it's all a dream.

Now, Billy,
listen to me, mate.

This ain't a dream.

Oh shit.

I'm gonna wake up, wake up.

Hold on, no.

Listen, what do you see?

What color am I?

Are you having a laugh?

Do I look like I'm
havin' a laugh?

Look, listen to me,
what color am I?

You're Black.

You're Black.

He's right,
you're Black.

We're Black, Bill.

Now, listen to me, Bill.

We got to calm down, all right?

You have gotta calm down.

We're okay, all right?

Listen, we're all right.

Stop running.

You'll give us a heart attack.

Now listen, I know
we got curly hair,

we've got funny nose,
but we're all right.

I dunno what's goin' on.

I dunno what's going on,
but we're gonna be okay.

All right?

Oh God.

Yeah, look at our hands.

Oh god.

Yeah, I know.

I know, we got a black beard.

I dunno why we've
got a black beard,

but we've got a black beard.

What is going on?

Yeah, it's real, Bill.

Oh, god.

Listen, Bill.

I know.

- Look at our hands.
- Not believin' this.

They're Black, we're Black.
I don't know what's goin' on.

I don't,
believe, I am not.

Hey, Black brother.

Would you like to try one of
our Arab money oils, brother?

What, me?

They're our best seller.

Support the Nation and
our quest to uplift

all of us Black people.

Look, I don't want none
of this Arabic stuff.

Do I look Black to you?

You see, that's the
problem right there.

So many of us young
Black brothers

have lost their identity.

Don't know who they are,
what color they are.

Listen, no, what I mean
is what do you see?

Do you know what I see?

I see a scared
young Black brother,

someone who's in need
of help and direction.

I see a Black brother who...

All right, Bill,

now think about
this for a moment.

We can't just go
blasting in there.

We'll frighten the
life out of 'em.

Think about it.

Keys.

No, no.

Oh, bollocks.

Oh, keys, Bill.

I must have left them inside.

No, how am I gonna
talk my way out of this one?

Mum, it's a Black man.

Can I open it?

Hold on, I'm coming.

Just open
the door, Brandon.

Claire.

Claire, love, did you
order an Uber or anything?

No.

Wrong address.

Maybe next door.

No, no, no, no love, it's me.

It's Bill, it's Billy.

What?

No, love, it's, Brenda,
it's me, it's Bill.

How do you know my name?

Who are...

I don't know you.

Look, if you don't go away,

I am gonna set the dog on you.

Dog?

We haven't got a dog.

Love, it's me.

It's Billy.

That's it, I'm
calling the police.

No, no, don't call the police.

It's Bill.

Well, that went well
didn't it? Well done, mate.

What are you lookin' at?

I never did like that woman.

Go in the back, Bill.

Go round the back.

♪ Ignore ♪

♪ You press ignore ♪

♪ Shut me out ♪

♪ So let ♪

♪ You wanna keep ♪

♪ To yourself to yourself ♪

Mum, there's a
Black man in the garden.

The Black man from the
front door is in the garden.

Don't freak out, right?

This is all gonna
sound really weird.

- Dad.
- Okay, thank God for that.

When did you get home?

I must have been upstairs.

I thought you said you
were gonna get a haircut.

Oh no, no, the
barbers were shut,

and I've got back.

Just listen, listen.

I still look like me, right?

I mean I'm still me, yeah?

What?

See, I told
you we'd be fine.

Why you smiling like that?

No reason. I'm just happy to
see you, love, that's all.

Come here, come here.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

I'm the best I've been
for ages, to be honest.

Dad, you're creeping me out.

There was a strange
man at the door.

Well, nevermind.

Yeah, I told him I was
gonna call the police.

It must have
frightened him off.

Dad, I'm
sure that was a...

Nevermind.

What is goin' on?

Yeah, we're
still Black, mate.

We better get used to it.

I don't wanna get used to it.

I wanna get used to
that, but not that.

There's no point in doin' that
mate. You won't scrub it off.

We're stuck with it.

Oh God, look at me.

Billy, mate, what are you doing?

Just shut up will you?

I'm just sayin', we're Black.

Everything all
right, love? You okay.

Oh, yeah, it's my
tooth playin' up again.

I'll be out in a minute.

You know,
it's almost 7 p.m.

You're gonna be late
for your meeting.

Aren't you supposed to
be chairing tonight?

Don't be late.

Bollocks.

Bollocks.

- Billy.
- Maybe I'm just Black

sometimes.

Billy, Billy,

we can't go to the
meetin' looking like this.

You do know that, don't ya?

♪ Wake up wake up ♪

♪ Wake up wake up ♪

All right,
stay calm, Bill.

All right, you ain't
done nothin' wrong.

It's all good.

You're sweet as a nut.

What the hell's this?

Oh come on, mate, I'm...

Do you mind steppin' out
the vehicle, young man?

Hold up, yeah, I do.

What's goin' on?

- What's the problem.
- Hey.

We ask the questions here, son.

All you've gotta do is answer.

Step out the cab.

All right, fine,
okay, I'll do it.

I'm comin', all
right, all right.

Easy, here I'm out.

What's this about anyway?

Is this your taxi?

Course it is.

You're
wanted for a man

who fits a description of...

What does he fit the
description of again?

You fit the description of a man

wanted for a robbery in Ken...

West...

Westminster.

Westminster,
that one'll do.

They're
makin' this shit up.

Are you havin' a bloody laugh?

I don't even drive around
Kensington and Westminster.

Stop waving your
hand around.

Wait, hold, what's
this really about?

You got anything
you should have on ya?

Like a knife?

- Drugs?
- No....

Any
sort of firearms?

You what?

No.

If you Blacky got
a knife on you,

put your hands on
the taxi, mate.

That's it.

Quick search, yeah.

I've had enough.

Put your hands behind your
back, you're under arrest.

Come out the way.

Whoa whoa
whoa, wait a minute,

wait a minute, wait a minute.

I arrest the Black ones.

You know that.

I need the brownie
points here, mate?

No, you've had
three this morning.

It's mine, all right?

Ah, this
is a joke. What's this?

Guys, none of
you are gettin' this one.

We gotta go.

Let's move.

Great.

It's your lucky day, sunshine.

Now piss off, let's go, come on.

I'll be
seein' you around.

Stay outta trouble, bruv.

All right, lads?

You got a problem, Black boy?

What you even doin' round here?

Well, speak up.

What are you doing?

You ain't gonna get
no fares around here.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's, that's exactly.

That's what I've
been talking' about.

Keep Britain White.

That's what I'm sayin', lads.

What?

Are you takin' the
bloody piss, mate?

Come, on, the
meeting's about to start.

- You're lucky.
- Come on.

Billy,
we're Black, mate.

We're Black.

What, already?

Oh God.

That's gotta be the
worst dream I've-

No, what am I saying?

Nightmare I've ever had.

Mmmuh, I love you.

Morning, Mrs. Humphrey.

Oh, shit, shit, shit.

No, no, no.

- Aaargh.
- Yep.

We're still Black, mate.

Claire, I need to talk to ya.

- You didn't knock.
- Yeah, I know,

- this is urgent.
- You can't just-

Put some clothes on.

Come on on, hurry up.

All right.

All right, you ready for this?

I'm Black.

That geezer at the church,

he's put some sort of spell
on me. The priest bloke.

He's put a spell on
me. I've turned Black.

You're not Black, Dad.

I'm not being funny, but
have you been drinkin'?

I'm serious.

I am Black.

You're so not Black, Dad.

Come here, look in there.

Look, look, look.

♪ You said you're
comin' through ♪

Oh, snap.

Now this ain't funny.

But how?

We don't know.

What, what?

Umbadehdeh Day.

Umba what what what?

Hold on a sec.

Claire, this ain't
no time for selfies.

Love, you
want some breakfast?

Yes, please, love.

I'll eggs, bacon, a fried slice.

- You know Umbadehdeh?
- Sausages.

Whatever you're havin' love.

Day, can you just
tell me more about it?

Uh-huh.

So it is like a curse?

A spell.

Ah, okay.

More like a wish?

Right, yeah, yeah, okay, I see.

Okay, thanks babe, bye.

Eww.

Dad, did you ask
or wish to be Black

when we were in the church?

Me ask to be Black?
Are you havin' a laugh?

I wouldn't wish to be
Black in a million...

Yes you did, Bill.

Hold on.

- Hold on.
- What?

Oh.

You said
I'm not being funny,

but this bloke thinks
he's Paul Daniels.

Remember?

"For once I wish I was
Black, I actually do."

- Oh, shit.
- What?

The geezer, when he was doin'
all that mumbo jumbo stuff,

he had his hands on my
shoulders, I said...

I said, "I wish I was
Black, I actually do."

But I was jokin'.

I won't being serious, love.

Why would I wanna be Black?

Umbadehdeh Day comes round
like once every 100 years.

Hold on.

Come on.

Good, yeah.

Okay, here look.

A spiritual day in
the African calendar

where what you wish
for may come true.

Normally associated
with doing good

or changing someone's outlook,

i.e., poor to rich
or fat to slim.

See, Bill, careful for
what you wish for me, mate.

Shut up, I didn't
wish for this, did I?

Leave me alone.

Mate, I'm only
sayin', that's all.

Huh?

Who is you talkin' to dad?

Oh, no one, nothing, I'm just,

just listen, we've gotta
get back to that church.

Gotta find that geezer.

He's gotta change me black.

Back, He's gotta change me back.

Oh God help us.

Pastor, we
need to talk to you.

You mean under all this,

you are actually a White man?

Hey.

- Mmm.
- Exactly, he's my dad.

Your dad, your dad.

This one?

Father, forgive me.

Father, forgive me.

I actually thought the
whole thing was bullshit.

So you mean to tell me you
are White, White, White?

As in small penis, White.

Can't season chicken, White.

Can't sit out in the
sun for too long, White.

Wait mate, listen,
this ain't funny, mate.

You did this.

I did this.

No, you, you, you did this.

This is what you wanted.

This was your wish.

- I never asked for...
- This is what you asked for.

I never asked for this.

Listen, wait, wait, wait.

I will talk to the elders.

I will be right
back.

What's he laughin' at?

I'll give
you small penis.

Hello, sir.

Sorry to disturb you.

Elder Barrymore,
I have a question.

Umbadehdeh Day, is it real?

Man, what time is it over there?

It's real.

How do you think I got
the cars, the penthouse...

Stop.

How do you think I got the
cars, the penthouse, the...

Stop.

I gotta go.

I need to go and pray right now.

Relax,
it's gonna be fine.

Gonna be fine, look at me.

There's nothin' fine about-

Yeah, hold up,
hold up, here he is.

So, you want the good
news or the bad news?

The good news is it will
only last for 72 hours.

72 hours, that's three days.

Are you, what, good news-

Calm down, calm down.

I love being Black, it's great.

You should love it, too.

All right, well, what's
the bad news then?

The bad news is outside
there you are Black.

Inside your home you are White,

except when you
look in the mirror.

When you look in the mirror,
you see the real you,

the true you, fat,
Black, and stupid.

Like you are now.

What am I gonna do?

You are going to
have to be Black.

My friend, it has its pluses.

What sort of pluses?

What, is that it?

Wait, wait, hold on, hold on.

You said may.

Mmhmm.

- May last 72 hours, right?
- Uh-huh.

The black bead I
put in your pocket,

smash it, burn sage over it.

It will reverse it.

Before you know it you
are back to being White,

Chas and Dave, fish and
chips, the stuff you know.

The bead.

Dad.

My god, right.

Have you seen my trousers? The
ones I had on the other day.

The ones with the
fancy patterns on.

Oh, those African
wallpaper looking things?

Those ones,
where are they?

- They're in the wash.
- In the wash.

The wash?

Ah, the wash.

What was in the pockets?

Change, tissue, oh, and
some old dirty bead.

Beads, what'd you
do with the beads?

Upstairs.

Upstairs, bead, oh
my god, oh my god.

My life.

Oh the bin.

No, the bin's empty, love.

Yeah, it's bin day.

I threw everything out.

Threw everything out.

Three days.

You're tellin' me I
gotta look like Kunta

or whatever his name is
for three bloody days?

It ain't funny, Claire.

Dad, seriously, you
don't look too bad.

And now that your
voice is changed,

you actually sound cool.

Okay, the hair's
a bit Jackson 5,

or actually, no,

Andre 3000,

but it's nothin' that
a trip to the barbers

and some new clothes won't fix.

Luke can help you.

But we definitely gotta
keep this from the others.

Especially Brandon.

Andre who?

Look at the hands.

People will start lookin'
just put 'em down.

Stick to your own kind.

Just ignore 'em, Dad.

I do.

Wait, is she talkin' about us?

Yeah, me and Luke
get it all the time,

but we just ignore 'em.

They're just ignorant.

How would she like it
if it was her daughter?

Hey guys.

Hey.

How are you?

This is Sahara's cousin, Gavin.

Gavin, why
we gotta be Gavin?

What's wrong with Billy?

He's gonna be stayin'
with me for a few days.

He's stayin' with
you at your house?

No, no, no, not with me.

I mean, with,

he's gonna be with
us for a few days.

He don't know London too
well, and Sahara's busy,

so I said, maybe you lot can
take him and do the whole

male bonding thing.

Take him to get his hair done.

Cool, I got you, bro.

Nice to meet you.

What a gwarn?

Yeah, big up yourself, bro.

Done know the stuff, nah.

Nah, man.

Don't try and act Black.

Just be yourself.

Actually, no, don't be yourself.

Just be-

Yo, we gotta go, you know?

I'm gonna take
you to the barbers

before me and Khan
go kick ball, yeah?

Go on, Dad.

Just try and act normal.

Normal.

Normal White
or normal Black?

Oh no.

All right,
just walk normal.

How they walk.

That's it.

Ah, it's the bloke
from "The Green Mile"

and Tupac with a ponytail.

Oh God, I'm knackered.

Ta, nice.

Yo bruv, this is me, cuz.

Ooh, that's
a nice motor.

Gotta be drug
money, though, hey.

All those tattoos,
gotta be drugs.

Gotta be a Yardie.

Nice car.

Yeah, it's aight,
something light.

I'm lookin' to get a
new one soon, though.

Feds keep pullin'
mine over, you get me.

Where'd you get it?

I mean, how'd you get it?

Bruv, man bought this cuz, cash.

Another new car, bro?

Like you're a boss.

How many properties you got now?

Bruv, I don't
even know, 11, 12,

but lord willing, bruv, 20
at the end of the year, bruv.

- You get me, guv?
- Yeah.

Man's tryin' to buy
the whole of London.

Bruv, I'm tellin' you.

While some of us are still
livin' in social housin'

eatin' chicken and chips.

You look good, though,
bruv, you get me?

That's all that matters.

That's all that matters, bruv.

Bro, come man.

I'm parked round
the corner, man,

you can come round with me.

Bruv, I'm tellin'
you, let's go bruv, let's go.

We are definitely
gonna get nicked now, Bill.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

Do you want anything?

Yeah, I'll get wherever
you're gettin' mate,

- yeah, sweet.
- Cool.

What you
havin' big man?

Oh, bollocks.

What do they call
their haircuts?

I'll have a short back
and sides, governor,

and do whatever you
do to the top, yeah.

Did you just say short
back and sides, gov?

Are you being serious?

So what I'm gonna do is I'm
gonna shave down the sides.

Leave a little bit on the top,

and maybe get Sandra in the back

to cane roll it for you, yeah?

What's a cane role?

Is that like a,

is that like a
bread or something?

This is a barbers,
not a bakery, bruv.

Hey, how's dad?

How's he doing?

Dad?

Gav.

I said how's Gav doin'?

Not dad.

But how is he?

Everything okay?

I mean he's all right, I guess.

He's a bit weird, though.

Where did you say
he was from again?

I mean he's-

That's great, babe.

I'm really glad
you're gettin' on.

Listen, I've gotta go,
but I'll call you later.

All right?

Bye.

Wait, Claire, Claire, hello?

Oh hey, that's nice, bruv.

Good, innit?

Man was lookin' like one of
the Jackson 5s before, man.

- ♪ Hee hee ♪
- Bad, innit?

Here you go.

Oh, this better not be

one of them mumbo jumbo drinks
with all that shit in it.

It's gonna be the worst
three days of my life.

Yo, Luke, I was just
sayin' to Simon,

ain't it all men cheat?

Yeah, all Black men.

Bruv, that's mad general, man.

I've never done that.

I've never cheated.

Wait, how long have you
been with your girl, though?

Yeah, how long have
you been with my Princess?

Been with her for about a year,

but I've known her
for three years.

Wait, three years?

And you ain't saw a next
ting or beat a next gal?

Yeah, hold
on, hold on, beat who?

Who beats women?

He better not have put
his filthy hands on my-

Nah, man, I don't
need no next gal.

Why beat a next girl when we've
got good one at the house?

One's enough, bruv.

Speak for yourself, son.

Look, I'm an old man,
and I still get tings.

Young tings, too.

You still, you
know, at your age?

I can still lay a
little pipe on them.

Yes, Pops is still beatin'.

Why would
you call sex a beat?

Listen, me and Claire
are good, you know.

I mean Simon, you met her.

I mean she's sensible, fun.

She loves our culture.

Her body's bangin', and she-

Careful son, careful.

Ticks all the right
boxes for me, bruv.

I don't need on next gal.

Bruv, I'm good.

Have you met her pops yet?

- I mean her dad's-
- I'm what?

- Her dad-
- What am I, son?

Wants the best for her,
which is understandable.

I mean, he's not cool with the
whole Black and White thing,

but he'll come around.

Over my dad dead body.

There's no way-

Billy, shh, you muppet.

There's no way I'm gonna let
my hair grow like that again.

That was,

that was ridiculous.

This is the bollocks, mate.

What'd you call this again?

Cane roll.

Hello?

All right, yeah.

Yeah, we're comin' out.

All right bruv, let's go.

Thank God for that.

All right, boss man.

Nice.

Yeah, sweet, sweet.

Hold on, hold on,
where you goin'?

- Money, bro.
- Pay him, man.

All right, all right.

- Yeah, keep the change.
- Obviously.

Right, can I leave some flyers?

One of those
illegal drug parties?

Yeah, let's have a look at that.

What, insurance?

Yo, I was lookin'
for a rave to go to as well.

- Where is this?
- No, no, no.

I'm an owner of
Prank or Fitt 2020,

and this is health
and life insurance.

Surely you guys
have life insurance.

Hey Bill,
health insurance.

Pull the other one, mate.

They'd rather spend their
money on a flash car or chain.

As if I can afford car
insurance, big man.

Come on.

Exactly.

Bruv, I'm good, you know,

but these lot.

Gav, let's go.

Just leave the
flyers over there, big man.

Cheers.

Yo, man's lookin'
fresh still.

What, so you man ready, yeah?

Wait, hold on, hold
on, ready for what?

What, Luke, didn't tell you?

What, no, what, what?

I am somebody.

I am good enough.

I can do anything.

I like myself.

I am somebody.

I am good enough.

I can do anything.

That's right.

We have to believe in ourselves.

All right.

Good, back is the key.

H.

B.

Ta.

Get that front hand
up, guys, front hand.

What is with all
this side karate bollocks?

I wanna see legs going, legs
are strong. Legs and hands.

It's not a proper sport.

Good.

Boxing, that's
a proper man's sport.

Ali, Fraser, Sugar
Ray, what's his name?

And yummy.

Is there any of the new
starters that wanna come over

and give it a go?

Have a little tussle.

He does.

Gav, Gav go on.

- Come on.
- Come on.

Nah, you all right, mate.

Nah, nah, boxing,
that's more my thing.

Do you know what, they're
both competitive sports,

but come and give
it a go, come on.

Oh god.

Well, I suppose it's a chance
to put one on their ass

without gettin'
banged up for it.

He's about to get murdered.

I like your belt.

So, what I'm gonna do.

Any one of these students,

you're gonna have a
little fight with.

You pick whichever
one you want, go on.

Any one?

Oh no, can't hit
one with glasses.

Even a Black one.

Anyone you want.

Yeah, that one,
little one there.

Ryan, come to the front.

Right.

Have some of this.

Fightin' stance.

I bet he's
tooled up, little shit.

Oh my god.

I ain't losin' this today,
mate, I tell ya that.

I let you win.

Ah.

Oh, shit.

You good?

No, it's, he's only small.

I didn't wanna hurt
the nipper, that's all.

- A nipper bruv?
- A nipper?

Who even says that?

I'm starvin', look, can
we get somethin' to eat?

Table for three, guys?

- Yes, please.
- No problem,

please follow me
and take this table.

Yeah, I was
thinkin' egg and chips

or a bacon sarnie, to be honest.

What the bloody hell is that?

Oh god.

Oi oi.

Billy, cover your
eyes, we're married.

Billy.

Bruv.

What you doing?

Nothing.

I just got somethin' in my eye.

All right, guys, here's
your menus to start with.

Can I take your drink orders

before I take your food
orders first, please.

Yeah, I'll have a pint, love.

Thanks.

- A pint?
- A pint?

Pint.

Billy, you thinkin'?

Of apple juice.

I'll have a pint of...

You know what?

Just a glass of
apple juice, please.

All right, a glass
of apple juice.

And for you guys.

Let me get a Guinness
punch, please.

Yeah, the same for me.

So two Guinness punches

and one apple juice
for you, right?

Okay, I'll be back in a
minute with your drink, guys.

Oh, hello, good
evening, Cynthia.

Okay, oh no, no, no worries.

You're not disturbing me.

Yeah, okay, I'll talk Boris
to execute those papers

first thing in the morning.

And yeah, oh, by the way,

great work on the
Michael Eton site.

Excellent work, love it.

Okay, you have a good
evening, Cynthia.

What?

Bruv, I'm tellin' you, man,

when it comes to this business
ting, you gotta do it proper.

Especially when it comes
to chattin' on the phone,

otherwise, these men
think you're dumb.

You get me?

Man's got three degrees and
a masters, say something.

Anyway, what you men having?

Oh yeah, hard food?

Who wants to eat hard food?

Chicken with rice and...

Oh, who puts peas in
their bloody rice?

You know what, I'm
just gonna have a soup.

Fish tea?

Who has fish in their tea?

All right, guys,
here is your drinks.

We have Guinness
punch for you guys.

There's your one.

And a special apple
juice for you.

All right, darling.

Yeah.

This here, right,
this is pukka, mate.

Told you this place was lit.

All right guys,

can I get you guys
anything else?

We're good, you know.

Can we get the bill, please?

Yeah, sure.

Listen, you see this.

The seasonin', the flavor,

what's in this soup?

It's a bit of all right.

You know what, I'm not sure.

But I'm gonna go back and check
for your darlin', all right?

I'm tellin', fam,
she's onto you, cuz.

Mm-hmm.

Billy, leave it.

Yeah, it's all right.

But it ain't brown sauce is it?

Yeah.

My guy, nice.

Hey, how was your day?

How was it?

Well, I'm alive, aren't I?

What do you mean?

Do you not watch
the news, Claire?

Every weekend
someone gets stabbed.

They're always tryin' to
kill each other, aren't they?

With all this gang malarkey.

Yeah, and what about
all those stories

you used to tell me
about football hooligans

and those crazy music festivals?

You know, just 'cause
it's not on the news

doesn't mean it's
not happening, Dad.

Whatever.

I'm off to a club tomorrow

with Luke.

- My Luke?
- Your Luke.

I didn't want to
go, but he insisted.

Said it'd make you happy.

Yeah, that sounds like him.

Wait, did you say club?

Club.

Dad, but you can't.

Dance.

No.

He can't dance.

I said he can't dance.

Do you know how
embarrassin' this is?

Mum and dad invited
you over for barbecue.

I invited Gavin as well.

I said I invited you and Gavin.

That would be nice.

What?

Why would you?

I mean, that sounds
nice, thanks.

What's up?

Is everything okay?

Okay, bye.

Trust me, you don't wanna know.

Right, right, right.

You see the next one?

It's a bad, bad single
from Lady Leshurr.

Are you lot ready?

Make a bit more noise than that.

I'm going for a slash.

I'm going, slash, I'm
going for a slash.

Forty, yeah.

Two, these are extortion
prices, man, for two Xans?

Mate, you'll love it, yeah?

Have a good night.

Terry Samuels.

Terry?

Yeah, who wants to know?

It's me.

I don't know you, fella.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, yeah, the, yeah, no.

The lads outside
said to talk to you

if I wanted to get some stuff.

Stuff?

You a Fed, cuzzy?

Why's he
talkin' like a...

What's Fed cuzzy?

Do I look like a Fed cuzzy?

What you lookin'?

White, Dro, Special
K, crank, snow?

Bit of Crow, ripples, Roofies.

I got some Big H at
the minute as well,

and that's looking good, so.

Anything I don't have,

if you wanna order
it, I can get it.

You know what I mean?

Or just bell me anyway.

Just bell me if
you need something.

Terry,
Terry's a drug dealer.

Oop, sorry.

We gotta need more drinks.

- Yeah, I'm tellin' ya.
- Let's order, yeah?

Guys, guys, guys.

Do you know there's a guy
in the toilet dealing drugs?

What, the White boy, Terry?

Yeah, he does that
all the time, G.

He does?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

We don't do drugs,

but everyone knows
he's the man to go to

if you need somethin'.

Apparently his dad's big time.

No, I'm not havin'
that. Glen's not a drug dealer.

Anyway, I've gotta go home.

- Got uni in the mornin'.
- All right.

I know you're not tryin'
to spook me either.

Bring it in.

- See ya later, babe.
- Yeah.

Wait, hold on.

How am I gonna get back?

Kai will take you home, man.

It's all good, G.

I got you,

- don't worry about that, man.
- Just relax.

Relax, unwind your muscles?

You wanna drink, bruv?

Yeah, yeah,
yeah, I'll have a pint.

A pint?

What, no magnum, nah?

I don't eat ice cream.

I swear.

Oi, oi, oi, what
are you lot doing?

Come man, let's go.

Oh, it's like that, yeah?

Bruv, you good?

Come, get up.

Do I look
like I'm fuckin' okay?

I fuckin' hate your lot.

All of you's.

Bloody scum.

What?

I'm supposed to
say thanks, am I?

How do you think I got this
on the side of me head?

You're fuckin' lot, that's who.

You're all the fuckin' same.

All of you's.

We're not all the
same, you know?

You've got that
interview, remember?

Interview?

What interview?

Oh no, 'cause they
canceled, love.

They phoned and canceled.

They didn't need me for it.

You have always been crap
at lying, Billy Pitcher.

I know you're nervous.

It's been a long time,
but you'll be fine.

You are more than qualified.

I'll put the kettle on.

Chin up.

There.

That's better.

Now, remember, first
impressions count.

There's the man I married.

Right, lovely.

I gotta go.

I don't wanna be late.

Love you.

20 minutes, Bill, 20 minutes.

We've gotta get home, come on.

Is that the Enforcer gun?

Oh yeah, man.

It's awesome, isn't it?

My dad got it for my birthday.

Look at it.

Oh, could I have a quick go?

Sorry, my dad needs me.

- Come on.
- Sorry.

Mom, can I have that?

No Jayden.

But that's the new Enforcer gun.

Listen, you are a
young Black male.

You are not the same as
most of your friends.

White children don't get
stopped by the police

or have trouble findin'
jobs when they're older,

'cause of their color.

No Jayden.

- But that's not fair.
- No, I know.

But that's just
the way that it is.

Am I right?

Yeah, sure.

Well that's
bollocks, for a start.

Most Black kids just
don't wanna learn.

That's all, they're lazy.

They don't wanna learn.

They just wanna be rappers
or footballers or something.

But nothin' to do with
being bloody Black.

Come, Jayden, let's go.

Can I have a Nintendo
Switch then instead?

No, Jayden.

Benjie's got one.

Listen, I got
you some books to read.

More books.

All right, son.

Hey, how you doin'?

Yeah, all right.

You?

Little bit nervous.

I really don't like interviews,

but hey, this is my ninth.

You'd think I was
used to it by now?

Ninth, bloody hell.

I'm under-qualified,

- that's what that is.
- Yeah.

I heard he's a right tyrant.

At least we got a call back.

May the best man win.

Trust me, it's not
always the best man.

Why are
you lookin' at me?

Can we have Mr. Seymour, please?

That's me.

Well, wish me luck, lads?

Finally, he was
in their bloody ages.

Well, we might as well go home.

Your man there was saying
he has a diploma and degree.

In what, business and finance?

Plus he was working as last
manager for nine years.

- Him?
- Nine years.

Talk about a resume.

That's impressive,
but mine trumps his.

I was workin' my
last job 16 years.

Good luck, lads.

Well, that was quick.

Must have skimmed his CV
and given him the job.

Mr. Pitcher, please.

That's me.

Good luck, mate.

Thanks.

Do come in.

Thank you, Mr. Bryant.

How, you doin', you all right?

Do take a seat.

- So, Mr. Pitcher.
- That's me.

Very impressive CV.

- Thank you.
- Thank you for coming.

So, do you have what it takes
to join ABC and Associate?

100%.

And I wouldn't waste
your time or mine.

If you look at my CV, you'll
see I'm more than qualified.

Got many years of experience-

Okay, well, thank
you for coming down.

We've got a few more
people to see today,

but we'll be in touch
if you are successful.

Thank you for coming.

Are you...

Are they havin' a laugh?

First geezer was sittin'
here for 30 minutes.

I haven't been sat
down for two minutes.

Okay, well, sir-

We'll be in touch.

Thank you for coming.

No you won't.

Patsy,
could you show

the next person in please?

Hello, mate, how are you?
Thank you so much for coming.

Listen, do you
want tea or coffee?

Patsy, do you...

You all right, you sure?

All right, how was your journey?

Very good.

Oh, good,
it's lovely to see you.

And thank you for taking
your time to come in.

Gotta say, obviously
we've read everything.

You would be...

How can I help you today?

I'm looking for
something to go alongside

my newly purchased
Banksy, actually.

- What are you thinking?
- The perfect one

for you here.

It's called Eternal Journey.

It's by Robbie Walters,

and it's a steal at
only 25,000 pounds.

Hello, and welcome
to my exhibition.

I'm Braithwaite, but
my friends call me BW.

Champagne?

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

Listen, if you see
anything that you like

or think you can afford,

don't hesitate to
come and let me know.

Okay?

Brilliant.

Braithwaite?

You know, I didn't
know you like art.

Because I'm Black?

No silly, 'cause you're Luke.

I'm jokin'.

Yeah, I love this stuff.

Ayesha Faisal, she's one
of my favorite artists.

Just look at the detail.

Exquisite, isn't it?

And this one is
only 42,522 pounds.

Only?

Yes, it's my favorite.

They call it On the Other Foot.

It's meant to symbolize change,

movement,

and reflection.

Okay, thank you, yeah.

Yeah, it's funny.

They're like servin' you sass.

Oh gosh.

You know what?

I like that.

'Cause you can take their wool

and you can make
wool to do knitting.

Yeah.

- Or crochet, in my case.
- Oh gosh.

I've been thinking about
your dad, you know?

Yeah, how is he?

What?

What?

No, I mean, what about him?

I was just thinkin',

he's not really racist, is he?

He's more prejudice.

I mean, he just doesn't
like people of color.

I mean, that's his choice.

No, he's racist.

Actually, he's both, I guess.

He thinks White
people are superior

and don't like anything
to do with Black people.

I mean, it is fine
not to like someone,

but you don't have
to be disrespectful.

Anyway, how's Gavin doin'?

Gavin?

Oh my gosh.

Do you really wanna know?

Listen, Gavin's weird.

Are darn, that's the phone.

Yeah, back in a bit.

Your friend's strange, man.

- Why, what'd you mean?
- He just don't get it.

Thank you.

Like, I must have said to him,

"Oh, you must be used
to getting bare girls

"chasin' after you."

He was like, "Why would I have

"naked women chasin' after me?"

No, no, no. Do you
know what it was?

It was when I asked him
what's his heritage,

and he was like, oh, I'm from
England through and through.

Which Black man is from
England through and through?

He's all right, I guess.

Hello Mrs.
Humphreys, how are you?

I thought you was
the decent type.

In all my years. Mrs. Pitcher,

I never thought
you was a Jezebel.

A what?

What are you on about?

You think I ain't seen him,

sneaking in and out like
a thief in the night.

I've got my eyes on you.

I may be old, but
I'm not coocoo.

I've seen him.

The Black lad.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Him.

Over there.

Yeah, I saw you.

You wait till her
husband comes home.

You'll have your
guts for garters.

I'll go and knock the door.

I'll get the equipment
and meet you over there.

All right, cheers.

I'm watching.

Jezebel.

Afternoon, Mrs. Humphrey.

I knew it.

I knew I wasn't going mad.

She's a...

Hold on, how do
you know my name?

How the hell are
we gonna explain this?

You're,

you're the treasury
at the church, right?

Yeah, everybody knows you.

You're the best.

Nice, Billy,
nice one, son, nice one.

Yeah, that's me.

I've been there
for 45 years now.

Well actually it would
be 46 in September.

I don't recall seeing you there.

Oh, the name's Gavin.

I...

I'm deep cleaning
the house, yeah.

Oh yeah, infestation.

Mice, I think it is.

Oh, okay.

Between you and me,

I've always thought
they looked a bit,

you know, dirty.

Especially him.

Oh shit.

♪ No one is born
better than another ♪

♪ We are all as one ♪

♪ If I'm beautiful
then you are too ♪

♪ Because we are the same ♪

♪ Born together ♪

♪ Empower each other ♪

♪ Love one another ♪

Look, I dunno about
all of this, love.

Well, then why did you agree
to it in the first place?

What, wait, if it weren't
for you and taking me down

to that poxy little-

Hey, you guys made it.

Hi babe.

Alright, love.

Hi, darling.

Claire.

Great to see you again.

Hi, Mrs. Johnson.

Wait, why didn't you
invite your mum and dad?

Oh, they were busy, but
they sent their love.

And this is Gavin.

Sahara's cousin.

Hello.

Luke's been tellin'
me all about you.

He thinks you're a great guy.

He does?

Yeah, man.

You're cool, bro.

Come, let me get you a
drink and introduce you

- to the rest of the family.
- Easy, tiger.

I've not seen that boy
so focused and happy.

Thank you.

He makes me really
happy too, Mum.

Well, besides every strong
man is an even stronger woman.

Mm-hmm.

- You want a drink?
- Yeah.

Come on.

That's my big brother,
Clifton, yeah.

He's got legs for arms.

Look at that.

He's been away for ages.

What, banged up?

Down the scrubs? I knew
there had to be at least one.

What was it, murder, fraud?

Come on, let's hear it.

- Gavin.
- How you doin', Gavin?

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, man, it feels
good to be back.

I'm in the army.

Army?

- He's a soldier.
- Yeah,

home leave at the moment.

But I spent the last
three years in Syria.

This is my beautiful wife, Amy.

- Hey, it's nice to meet you.
- Hello, Amy.

Make yourself at home, man.

All right, let me
show you where dad is?

Who brought the rain?

You two?

Oh.

Good old Equiano.

Watch this Pops.

Mmm mmm mmm mmm?

Stop?

Pour it, man.

- Yeah.
- Pour it.

- That's too much.
- More.

You sure?

- Some more, man, come on.
- But Pops.

No, that's enough.

I know you.

There you go.

Mm-hmm.

Now there you are, Dad.

Hold on, genius at work.

- How you doing?
- Meet my bredrin, Gavin.

Oh, Gavin?

- Gavin, yep.
- Nice to meet you, man.

Welcome to my humble abode.

Thank you.

Hey, is that her?

Hey, there she is.

My little Princess.

Princess?

Only I call her Princess.

How
you doin' today?

Yeah, good, thanks, Dad.

Dad?

Now you are takin' the piss.

I am not having that.

I take it you've met
Luke's girlfriend, Claire.

She's a beautiful soul.

Yeah, we've met.

Ah, I just can't wait
to meet your parents.

'Cause if you are anything
to go by, they are amazing.

Oh, thanks Mr. Johnson.

You'll get to meet my dad
sooner than you think.

Yeah, very funny, love.

Oh, that's my tune.
Move out of the way boy.

Ahhayy.

Wooee. You think only you
young people know how to do it.

Ey ey.

Hey, hello.

- Oi, listen up, everyone.
- Oh no.

- Dad.
- Hello.

We can
hear you man, talk.

- Hey.
- Dad, what you doing?

I got this.

You're drunk.

You're drunk.

Listen.

Black people.

Listen.

I, listen at the,
before I didn't...

Me, I didn't like,

I didn't wanna be
a black person,

but listen now, now I could,

I'm glad to say I am
proud to be one of 'em.

One of you.

One know of us.

One know of us.

I knew the rum was strong,

'cause Pops made me put
too much in there, boy,

but I never knew
it turn a man fool.

Yeah, we're all the same.

You Black people.

Dad, stop it, you're
embarrassin' me.

He's drunk, everyone.

Look, it's raining,
let's all just go inside.

Come on, Gavin.

Wait, there, I'm not Gavin.

Look, I'm Billy.

I'm not Gavin.

Black people, you
complain about slavery.

And so they should,

that they would
jump into the sea.

They did to escape.

I used to look down
on Black people.

I did.

But, after being Black,

I started to realize that...

What's what?

What's it, Luke, what
is it you call it?

Being Black's lit.

The food, the music,
the culture, the women.

They're amazing, they're lovely.

Hey, yo, man's lean, bruv.
It's rainin', I'm goin' inside.

Wait, wait, wait, what, what?

Claire, I'm so sorry.

I've been horrible to Luke.

You see Luke, listen, Luke.

You are great boy
for my daughter.

Dad, what'd you
put in the punch?

He's drunk.

Billy, Billy we
ain't feelin' too good, mate.

Thank you.

Oh my head.

Look at the state of me.

Geez.

Ha.

Uh, ha.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Claire, wake up.

Wake up, Claire. Wake up,
look at me, look, look, look.

I'm White.

I'm White again.

- What time is it?
- I don't care.

It doesn't matter.

Look at me, I'm White.

Look.

You were cooler
when you were Black.

Don't gimme that old pony.

I'm White again,
Claire, I'm White.

And listen, and the
meeting's tonight,

and you promised me you'd
come. Don't let me down, lovey.

Do not let me down.

Ugh.

Brenda, get a kettle on.

He's gettin' up.

Everyone's gotta put
their two cents in, innit?

I hope
he's got a good one.

Yeah, can I get your
attention, please?

I'll try and keep it brief.

- It's just boring.
- Can I get your attention,

please, just.

Just a bit of hush.

Thank you.

So some of you may know me. My
name is Billy, Billy Pitcher.

And I've been doing
some thinkin'.

So I wanna start by saying
that I'm British and I'm proud.

Here, here.

But I wish we could
just see the one color.

That's right, White.

Go on, Billy.

I wish we could just
see the color of love.

Not Black, not White, just love.

One universal color.

Shut up, will ya?

Listen, no, 'cause listen,

we've been hypocrites, all
of us. Me, you, all of us.

And you, Fraser.

- You what?
- Yeah.

Couple of weeks ago we
went out for a bite to eat,

didn't we?

We said the food was some
of the best we've ever had.

Where did we go?

Ah, what's it's name?

Abdul's Curry House.

Exactly, Indian.

George, you support
Chelsea, right?

Yeah, have done
since I was a kid.

The old man used to take me.

Yeah we both haven't we.

But how many of our
players are Black?

And how many of
them Black players

have helped us win matches?

Yeah, but that's different,

- innit, mate?
- Is it?

See, I seen the way
you leap out your seat

when a Black player
scores a goal.

How 'bout you, Sean?

How much money have
you spent on fake tans?

Oh.

I mean, you claim to not
like people of color,

but you spend half your
life tryin' to look darker.

Justin.

Justin.

What?

I know you was attacked
the other week.

Wasn't ya?

And what?

And what color was the geezer

that stopped you gettin'
your ass whooped?

Was he White?

He was Black.

He was what?

I said he was Black.

He was Black.

How about you, Mark?

You had your car accident
a couple of months ago.

What was the color of the blokes

that pulled you
outta the wreckage?

Well, they weren't good
old White folk, were they?

But they was still British.

See what I'm sayin'
is color is nothin'.

It means nothin'.

We're all the same.

We bleed the same.

We laugh the same.

We hurt the same.

And we love the same.

Hold on.

You lot are just gonna sit
here and listen to this crap?

Bill, you lost the
plot or somethin'?

Glen, have a word.

Yeah, Bill, what's goin' on?

Have you been drinkin'?

I tell you what's
goin' on, shall I?

You got a daughter ain't ya?

Just like mine.

And would you rather she
was with a person of color

who loved her unconditionally,
treated her like a queen,

worshiped the
ground she walks on?

Or with a White bloke
who sells drugs,

degrades women,
and has no morals?

Yeah, see, I love Britain.

I'll always love Britain.

But I love the Britain
I live in today

and all that makes it great.

And that includes
all the other races.

Wait until you can't
get a job or an house,

'cause of all these lot.

Just shut it, mate.

Princess, we
don't belong here.

Let's go.

Brandon.

Ta da.

It's a joke.

Oh, Glen's up.

Glen's up and about.

Come on, Glen.

I'm so proud of you two.

I love you both.

Love you, too, Dad.

Oh, thank God.

You can't.

Reset one more.

I'm not gonna let anyone,

let alone your dad...

Do you think I'm gonna
let anyone, let...

I'm gonna say it again.

I'm gonna do it
again.

So, I'm just off
for the barber's.

I've gotta do that...

Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'.

Keep Britain...

I was gonna say Black, sorry.

- Sorry.
- Sorry, that's my bad.

Can we, sorry,

can we repeat the
lines?

Mmm.

Dad!

Sorry.

Wait, it was, you
were the one who...

Free practices right now,
so if you need any...

It's cold, innit?

Oh.

Wow, okay.

I'm back to normal, Claire.

Look at me, I'm White.

Are you all right?

I'm White, ha ha.

Your name's not Claire, either.

Never mind.

- Claire.
- No, it's not.

I knew it.

I knew I wasn't going mad.

- She's such a...
- After...

- afternoon.
- Hold on, hold on.

How'd you know my name?

I didn't say your name.

Sorry.

He's not cool with the
whole Black and White thing,

but he'll come around.

Over my
dead body.