Off the Rails (2021) - full transcript

Yeah.
No, no. John, I understand.

All I'm asking for
is a short extension.

Yeah. Yeah, n-n-no,
it's gonna be great.

Cheers.

Oh, bugger!

Kate Fisher.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So, at nine o'clock,



you had six biscuits
and two bars of chocolate.

And then you said
you had an existential crisis.

Well, it's less of a food diary,
more of a novel, Graham.

Good one.

Sorry.
Do you mind if I take this?

Hey, Kate. Are you OK?

Oh, no.

The director would like to know
how long, Miss Blakeley.

Quite long.

Hey.

Kate. You look exhausted.

Thanks.

Did you ring
that guy I suggested?

I'm fine.



Scoot, scoot.

- Sorry.
- Sorry I'm late.

Driver ran over a pigeon.

We didn't think you were coming.

- "We?"
- Hi, Cassie.

Hi.

Look, it's us.

Where did they come from?

Interrailing. Nineteen.

Who took that one?

Steve.

Today we are paying tribute
to Anna Farmer.

A dear friend, a beloved
daughter, a loving mother.

Our faith tells us
that this is not the end,

but rather a new beginning.

And now Diana, Anna's mother,
will give the eulogy.

This is all wrong.

It's the wrong order of things.

She should be standing up here.

Not me,
and that's how it would be

if I had my way,
which apparently I don't.

She was too good for this world.

She shone a light
wherever she went.

And she sparked joy whatever
was happening around her.

She was also the most
intelligent woman

I've ever known.

She knew that every day
was a new beginning,

but I'm sorry
I can't feel like that today

because I've lost my daughter
and my best friend.

They say you should feel relief

when somebody you love
finds peace.

But I'm sorry, Anna,
I can't do that

because I miss you too much.

And now Anna's daughter
will play a song

chosen by her mother.

- Is that...?
- Maddie.

She looks just like her.

- This is unbearable.
- Yeah.

What is this?

It's Blondie.

Blondie.

♪ Dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ When I met you
in the restaurant

♪ You could tell
I was no debutante

♪ You asked me
what's my pleasure

♪ A movie or a measure?

♪ I'll have a cup of tea

♪ Just to keep on dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Dreaming

Diana.

Um... that-that was a...

A... beautiful service.

Beautiful.
It was really beautiful.

- The flowers were just...
- She was a beautiful person.

It's a pity you didn't
spend more time together.

I know. It's just...

What with family and work...

Yes. So much work.

We only get leave
for blood relatives.

I had to tell the producers
Anna was my grandmother.

How are you feeling, anyway?

I feel as if my soul
has been ripped out.

She wanted you to have this.

She thought the world of you.

What is it?

Interrail tickets.

"Dear Ones. It looks like
I took the first train... out."

"I miss you already."

"We never got to see those
lights in Palma Cathedral,

but you still can."

"Please go again."

"Go to Palma, dance
at God's Disco Ball for me."

"2nd Feb, 9am."

She wants us to go back.

For the 2nd February?
That's in five days.

My boys are in the middle
of term.

I've got a visit
arranged with Clay.

Why has she left us
four tickets?

♪ Colour me your colour, baby

♪ Colour me your car

♪ Colour me your colour,
darling

♪ I know who you are

♪ Cover me with kisses, baby

♪ Cover me with love

♪ Emotions come,
I don't know why

♪ Cover up love's alibi

- ♪ Call me
- ♪ Call me

♪ On the line

♪ Call me,
call me any, anytime

- ♪ Call me
- ♪ Call me

I'll arrive
when you're ready...

So, as we know
from bitter experience,

God's Disco Ball
only appears in Parma Cathedral

for 15 minutes once a year.

And that's in five days' time
exactly and so...

Sorry, can I have
everyone's attention, please?

Everyone?

These passes
give us unlimited travel

on Europe's rail network
for one month.

However, I have itemised
our previous trip,

so that Maddie can stop
and see all the sights,

but we still arrive
in Palma on time!

Ooh! This is shaping up
to be a real hoot.

I thought it'd be a good idea
if I kept the passports,

so we don't lose them
this time, Kate.

- What the hell?
- What on earth is that?

A travel pouch.

A travel pouch?
Like a fanny pack.

No, it's a travel...
safety thing.

It's a good idea.
Thank you very much. Mads?

Uh, I'll hold on to mine,
thanks.

OK. I also thought we should
have a communal kitty.

- I propose 200 euros per person.
- A hundred would be enough.

I was gonna pay for Maddie.

I can pay my own way.
Thanks, Liz.

Jeez, Liz, when did you
start talking like your mother?

A communal kitty?
We're going to Paris.

Paris is a very expensive city.

Paris is a city of love.

We need men.

We need dancing.

We need FlouFlou's.

Oh, I remember FlouFlou's. Oh.

We went there
on our first night.

It was like stepping
into another universe.

That's right.

We ended up on the bar
singing Blondie.

Why did we always
end up on the bar?

Because
we were always shit-faced.

And because Anna loved Blondie.

We should go.

I-I don't think
it's really appropriate.

Well, should I ask my mum
for permission?

That was a joke.

Ah, Paris! Ma belle...

How I've missed you!

Look, it's to the right.

- Liz, get your eyes off that.
- No, but...

You have to look up
at the skies, you know?

My map's buffering.

It's this way.

Bonjour, mes petites.

Cassie, I have scheduled loads
of time for shopping tomorrow.

- Maddie hardly wants to...
- What? What don't I want to do?

Very good.

I'm leaving.
I am getting out of here.

They're gonna think
you're nicking their stuff.

I did not come to Paris
to go shopping.

It is not possible to take
outside. And now the alarm.

Please, please.

This is new.
This has just come in.

This is for the, uh, girls.

More for younger people.
For your age I have something...

That's put us in our place,
hasn't it?

Some beautiful things
for your age group.

Look at me.

Has someone taken
the sunglasses from...?

Oh, you look so sexy.

You do look beautiful,
but you must tell me

if you are trying to help
yourself to the accessories.

We just put this back.
One moment.

If you would like
to try anything on,

we have a changing room there.

I'm not gonna feel bad
that that didn't fit.

A 2014 study
showed that the French

are actually the most
underweight nation on Earth

and it's not healthy.

What? Don't laugh at me.

- Are you gonna buy that?
- Uh... no.

Maddie? How's it going?

It's a bit much.

Well, come out
and maybe we can judge that.

- Oh, my God.
- Wow.

You look...

- Amazing.
- Amazing.

I'm gonna buy it.

Sorry, madam. Declined.

You have another card?

Uh... N-n-no, please.
Try it again.

I'll get it.
Don't worry about it.

Ridiculous.
There's plenty on it.

Oui. Vraiment? Tres bien.

Je suis desolee, madame.

A tout a l'heur.

Damn. Sorry. I left my phone in
the dressing room. Two minutes.

I should probably ring John.

Talk to her.

Hey, John. Hey, it's me.

It's Liz. It's your wife.

Did you take the boys' swimmers
out of the washing machine?

So, how's school?

I dropped out to look after Mum,
so failed all my exams

and got rejected by
every university I applied to.

Right.

- I love your dress.
- Thank you. It's French.

Hmm.

Oh, you have, uh...

- And gone?
- No, it's just, uh...

- May I?
- Please.

Shall we go?

♪ Here she comes now

♪ Oh, you know her

♪ Would you look at that hair

♪ Yeah, you know her

There's a whole lamb
in the freezer.

♪ She looks like
she stepped out

♪ Of the middle
of somebody's blues

♪ She looks like
the Sunday comics

♪ She thinks
she's Brenda Starr

♪ Her nose job
is real atomic...

This looks familiar.
Which way do we go?

Map says left.

It's a bit more rustic
than I remember.

Jesus... Oh.
I'm not staying here.

If it's where Mum stayed,
then it's good enough for me.

Can't be the same place.
We're not that old.

Oh, I'm afraid it is.

I remember being drunk
on those steps.

♪ Oh, you know her

♪ Miss Groupie Supreme

♪ Yeah, you know her,
Vera Vogue on parade

Oh, puke.

- Oh...
- I brought bleach.

You've always known
how to start the party.

This is where Anna and I slept.

Just trying to do my best. Just
trying to do what we did before.

I didn't get a rider
from your agent

about you having
to sleep on a bed of swans.

Let's hope this...

I don't think
anything's changed.

This could be the same bed.

That would be hilarious.

- You OK?
- Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

Oh. Thank you.

I've got... I've got some more,
actually. That's kind.

Here.

You both looked so good in 'em.

Thank you. I'll wear it
to Madame FlouFlou's.

My pleasure.

- Why did you do that?
- To be nice.

- That's not the point.
- Then what is the point?

You know very well what.

Please enlighten me, Kate.

I don't need you
buying a dress for me.

Can we go and get drunk
now like normal tourists?

I can't be seen
drinking in public.

Put it in a water bottle
like you used to.

I've just got
to make a quick phone call.

Of course I'm gonna pay
for him. He's my father.

Seeing as my character
got pregnant from an affair...

Did he draw blood?

Why don't you throw him out
on the street, then?

- Well, it's rugby.
- The audience might think

that she'd have learnt
the value of condoms by now.

Kendra's already killed
her husband on a boat.

It's ridiculous.

Well, you have
to stick up for me, Jordan.

You're my agent,
for Christ's sake.

I will be coming,
I will be paying.

I mean, come on.
Really? Really?

Girls, girls.

OK, OK. I'll call you back.

OK. Bye.

Let's just go to the Marais.

Exceptionally clean pavements.
Maddie will like it there.

I'm taking her
to this bar.

- I am right here.
- And who elected you leader?

Please, Cassie, can we
just try to have a nice time,

for Maddie's sake?

- Where's she going now?
- Maddie's going home.

Why?

Because it's just not the same
without Mum.

Maddie, wait.

She's right.
It's not the same.

No.

I can't take it off...

Just do what he says.
Just do what he says.

Merci.

Don't yell at her.
Do not yell at her.

Um, it...

Monsieur, pardon.

Maddie, just tell me what it is.

It's Mum.

What do you mean, hon?

Her ashes. I...

I wanted to leave
a part of her in Palma.

It was a stupid idea.
I'm stupid.

Qu'est-ce qu'elle dit?

- Cendres de sa mere?
- Oui.

Lizzie,
what's the next destination

on that itinerary of yours?

Barcelona.
But it doesn't leave from here.

It leaves from Gare du Lyon.
In an hour.

Well, then, we better hurry.

I thought we were going back.

You go back if you want to.
We've a promise to keep.

Come on.

♪ Colour me your colour, baby

♪ Colour me your car

♪ Colour me
your colour, darling

♪ I know who you are

♪ Come up
off your colour chart

♪ I know where
you're coming from

- ♪ Call me
- ♪ Call me

♪ On the line

♪ Call me,
call me any, anytime

- ♪ Call me
- ♪ Call me

♪ I'll arrive...

Oh! So stupid.

- What are these for?
- They take the edge off things.

- What?
- You know, mortgages, bills.

My dad's care home.
Might as well be the Ritz.

All the fun adult things.

Try Prozac, then.
Zoloft's for children.

I'm hot. It's hot.
Aren't you hot?

It's a hot flush. It'll pass.

You know, the menopause,
it is just unrelentingly bleak.

It's like puberty without hope.

I refuse to accept that.

I'm not going
to roll over and die,

just because Aunt Flo
has left the neighbourhood.

This age is the best age.

That's complete bollocks.

Of the 32 symptoms of menopause,
I have 34.

You know, I have got...

bald patches on my tuppence.

What symptoms have you had?
You haven't had that?

I get so irritated with people.

I wanna kill them
if they do stupid things.

Noted.

I forget what I'm doing,
right in the middle of doing it.

And my breasts are so swollen.

Every cloud...
I thought you'd had a boob job.

- Hmm.
- They do look good.

They are magnificent.

I remember
your mum singing this.

She had an amazing voice.

Like you.

Oh, come on.

I remember
your Britney Spears concert.

Stop.

I have no time for the men
who write this show.

All Kendra is now is five looks,

delivered in reaction
to a male doctor

explaining something to her.

So you've got
your surprised Kendra.

Your bemused Kendra...

And my personal favourite.

Constipated Kendra?

Why don't you just stop?

They've got me tied into this
shit for another five years.

And I can't risk getting sued
if I want my son back.

I didn't know
you were looking for love.

I'm not.

Oh, look. A sports car.

Dumbbells.

I've got to do
an advertorial for this app

and the only conclusion
I can reach

is that men never fail
to let you down.

Like Steve.

Mum told me that you and Cassie
fell out over him.

What is that?

Ground goat placenta.

- Ground goat?
- Placenta.

- OK.
- From Japan.

Oh, I understand now!

They don't have a word
for menopause.

- Uh-huh.
- You want one?

No, I super don't.

They call it the Second Spring.

It might help with growing back
the old... tuppence.

They weren't together, you know.

You do know that, don't you?
They'd split up.

And it wasn't an affair.
We were going to get married.

Unfortunately,
he still loved her.

Anyway, it's all in the past.

- No one since?
- No, I haven't had time.

As Mum got worse, I didn't
really have time, either.

How could a judge award
Steve full custody of Clay?

- You're his mother.
- Don't worry.

- I'm gonna nail him.
- How?

I've been building a case.

I've kept every letter,
every text message.

I'm gonna get him.

Horrible for Clay.

Hi, sweetie pie.

Mummy is so missing her boy.

I'm still in Europe, honey.

I love you
very, very, very much.

Bye, honey.

Cassie?

Yeah?

Hey, sorry. We're thinking
of getting off a stop early.

Kate's found a folk festival
in Girona. It could be fun.

- OK.
- Yeah?

Wow!

- Is this really a folk festival?
- I don't care.

♪ One way or another

Come on.

♪ I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya...

I'm quite flammable.

♪ One way or another,
I'm gonna win ya

♪ I'm gonna
get ya, get ya, get ya

♪ One way or another

♪ I'm gonna see ya

♪ I'm gonna meet ya,
meet ya, meet ya

♪ One day, maybe next week,
I'm gonna meet ya

♪ I'm gonna meet ya,
I'll meet ya

You're not supposed
to be drinking.

Get off! Get off!
I'm not your husband, Liz.

You can't boss me around.

- How dare you?
- You're being a control freak.

- I am not a control freak.
- Let me hold on to the cash.

But this is my money pouch.

What, what, what...? No!
Give that back.

You mean this awesome
fanny pack? Fanny pack?

- Shall we do something?
- Liz'll tire eventually.

Ow! Ow.

Ow...

Don't laugh.

It's not fucking funny.

Excuse... senor.
Senor, it was an accidente.

He's not listening.
He's doing Sudoku.

Come on. Be fair.

- Criminal damage? Really?
- Seems a bit much.

Can you tell him
my hand is crushed?

Oh, please.
You fell in slow motion.

- Let me talk to him.
- It's not true.

Excuse me? Hello? Senor?

We've got a train to catch.

- Hola!
- It's very important.

He doesn't appreciate you
touching the glass.

And I don't appreciate
his manner.

- We don't need this.
- Senor?

Oh. He's got to be joking.
Come on.

- Please, there's no need.
- Gosh. They're real handcuffs.

OK, no need. Senor.
OK. No, uh...

Uh, I am an American citizen.
Senor, please.

Cassie, another one.

- Cassie, he has a gun.
- Cassie.

- Pasaporte.
- No, no.

Do you have your passport?

He took it.

Kendra?

- Kendra Laroy?
- Hola.

Malibu Medical!
You are my favourite nurse.

Es Kendra.

Yes, it's Kendra. Si. Thank you.

- I'm so sorry.
- It's OK.

I love you!
Everything you do. Great.

- You are the best.
- Thank you. Thank you.

- So much I love you.
- Oh, so much thank you.

- I am very...
- Oh. OK. Whoa. Whoa, all right.

- Oh, God! Oh! Thank you.
- Oh, my word.

- Can you take a picture?
- I can't.

As I'm saying, I've actually
broken my hand.

There you go.
Ooh! Lighting's not so good.

- All right. OK.
- There you go.

- Bye, ladies.
- Bye. Thanks, Alfredo.

- Uh, bye-bye. Bye-bye.
- Adios.

Why this place?

Uh, great reviews online.

- Hm, OK. Interesting.
- Gracias.

- Thank God for Kendra.
- Why do people love her so much?

She pushed her husband
off a yacht.

- Friends?
- Obviously.

But a good friend will tell you
that you should not be drinking.

Oh, but it's just water.

- Mads, I need my phone.
- Yeah, one minute.

My editor wants me to tweet

about the imaginary date
I'm going on.

Imaginary date?

Don't ask.
It's a crappy advertorial

I've got involved with.

I won't be able to work this
wretched thing. Where is it?

Twitter coming up.

Colin Bateman. Nine Inches.

Excuse me?

I'm Dan.

You're Kate, right? Kate Fisher?

- Yeah.
- The answer to your question

is I'm reading a book called
Nine Inches by Colin Bateman.

Oh! Yeah, I love him.

- Have you read Divorcing Jack?
- Yes! It's brilliant.

- L-Look, I-I don't...
- You just messaged me.

On Still Got It Singles.

Dan. It's me! Dan. It's me.

We'll leave you to it.

Hi.

You look even more beautiful
in real life.

Listen, there's been a mistake.

Yeah, I know. It's an old photo.
Well, it's a very old photo.

I had a better one
of me in the gym,

but, to be honest,
I don't really go to the gym.

It's not about that.
You're actually very...

Very...

My little friend
got hold of my mobile phone.

I don't do online dating.

Oh, no, yeah. Me neither.
The internet scares me.

You could be talking to anyone.

I mean,
I could be a serial killer.

I'm not.
I'm not a serial killer.

I'm a musician.
I play the guitar.

Not that a musician is opposite
to a serial killer necessarily.

Um...
Can I get you a drink?

No. Thank you. I should, um...

- Yeah.
- Yep.

Right.

Well... who knows? Maybe
our paths will cross again.

You are evil.

- And he's cute.
- Yeah.

And he's a musician,
so he'll know places.

We should all go out.

We are here for Anna,
not to solicit.

- Dan?
- No.

Dan! Bring that cute
little tush here.

I swear to God,
I will not do this.

Um, I was, uh...

We were, um...

We were thinking possibly...

We wanna drink, we wanna dance
and we wanna have fun.

Make it happen, Dan!

OK.

♪ I know a girl
from a lonely street

♪ Cold as ice cream
but still as sweet

♪ Dry your eyes, Sunday Girl

Great. OK. So, salt.

- Yes.
- Shot. Lime. Right.

So, just lick your hand.
Take the salt.

And then... Hmm.

Then the shot. Then the lime.

Yeah, uh... Sorry.

Mansplaining. Yeah...

My daughter
always warned me about that.

- You have a daughter?
- Yeah, yeah.

But she's grown up now.
She's a musician.

God knows
we'll all die impoverished.

Oh. Kate loves music.

- You do?
- Not really.

She's beautiful.
She's got your eyes.

She's not my daughter.

She's our friend Anna's,
who just died of cancer.

Oh, that's tough.

Yeah, well, she's tough.

Well, I-I-I'm sure it made it
easier for her to leave Maddie

knowing that
you'd still be there.

Let's talk about you
and that guitar.

Is, uh, music
your sole endeavour?

Yeah.

Not just a midlife crisis.

It was worse before.
I used to work in insurance.

Oh, God, yes!
There's nothing worse.

Yeah. And, then, well, my wife
left me. Daughter grew up.

I thought, what's the point
in counting down the days,

in an empty house in Guildford,

when I could be,
you know, living

in an empty flat in Girona?

Would you like another drink?

Yeah. Yeah, why not?

Give a big hand
for Miss Harry Debby.

Next to the stage,
please put your hands together

and give a big El Pito welcome
to Kate Fisher and Dan.

What? No. No.

- Oh, yes!
- No, no, no.

- Whoo, whoo, whoo!
- No, I'm tone-deaf.

- No!
- Come on!

I sound like Elvis.

Brava! Brava!

Oh, good choice!

♪ The tide is high
but I'm holding on

♪ I'm gonna be
your number one

♪ I'm not the kind of girl

♪ Who gives up just like that

♪ Oh, no

♪ It's not the things you do
that tease and hurt me bad

♪ But it's the way
you do the things that you do

♪ I'm not the kind of girl

♪ Who gives up just like that

♪ Oh, no

♪ The tide is high
but I'm holding on

♪ I'm gonna be your number one

♪ Number one

♪ Number one

"Bohemian Rhapsody."
"Bohemian Rhapsody."

♪ The tide is high
but I'm holding on

Fifteen? The down side...

Well...

- This is me.
- Wow.

I'm playing
in Barcelona tomorrow

if you fancied another detour.

Um...

Liz has us
on a very tight schedule.

Um...

Just in case, hm?

Who knows
where you might end up?

Watch that.

I didn't want to be a doctor.

No, you wanted
to be a marine biologist.

I wanted to be
a marine biologist.

But instead you married the man
you lost your virginity to.

Oh, God. That's so sad.

It's so, so sad.

Aw, but I'm not a virgin
anymore!

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

- So?
- So what?

- You gonna see him again?
- We lead very different lives.

Oh, I need to call John.

I've got it on my mobile phone.

Need to tell him
that I broke my hand.

- Yep.
- And that he needs...

Oh. Needs to pay... Oh.

He... needs to...

OK. I'm gonna...
I'm gonna call a cab.

OK.

He needs to pay the council tax.

Council tax.

- Taxi!
- If he doesn't pay,

we'll be summoned,
and I can't go to prison, Kate.

- Why?
- I'm too pretty.

Oh, um... John there?

OK. Um... Who's speaking?

OK. Can I talk to John?

Right, no problem. I'll, um...

I-I'll call back in a bit.
Thank you.

- Was he there?
- Voicemail.

Where the hell
are all the taxis?

Where did that come from?

We need to get the next train.

You need
to learn to whistle, Cassie.

Where you like to go?

Train station.
Rapido, senor.

Choo-choo.

Oh, shit!

No, no, no, no, no!

I have to get in the car.

Oh, where's my water bottle?

♪ Papi, papi, ven y besame

♪ Papi, papi,
wipe off my sweat

♪ Papi, papi, ven y besame

♪ Papi, papi, you're the best

♪ No te detengas, no, no

♪ No pares nunca, no, no

♪ No te detengas...

Aren't we supposed
to be in Barcelona?

Italy? We're in Italy.

Stop screeching.

My brain feels like it's trying
to escape through my eye socket.

Me and my friends
need to get back to Barcelona.

Barcelona?

We're supposed
to be in Palma in two days.

For the lights.

- We cannot miss it this time.
- So, there are no trains back

because of strike action.

Bloody Europeans
and their workers' rights.

- Relax. We'll take a plane.
- Yes. A plane. You're a genius.

- Maddie, you kept your passport?
- Yes.

And the rest of us,
we should have enough...

Where's my pouch?

I need a burrito.

How do you say "burrito"
in Italian?

Il burrito.

- Fuck's sake!
- Will you just calm down?

Look, without that pouch,
we don't have our passports,

we don't have any money.
We can't fly.

Is there any other way
we can travel?

No passport?

We haven't got a hope in hell
of getting to Palma on time.

That is just one final way
that we can all let Anna down.

I'm a doctor, Kate.
I couldn't save her.

Yeah, but there was nothing
you could have done.

I could have done more.

We all could have.

OK, we can get back to
Barcelona on a few local trains,

but we have
to make a few changes.

- How many?
- Six.

Then four more.

- We don't need passports.
- But how?

We don't have any tickets.
We don't have any money.

Help yourselves. I basically
bought the whole shop.

- How?
- Apple Pay.

♪ Maria, you've gotta see her

♪ Go insane
and out of your mind

- John?
- Maddie, we don't know that.

Wait. John?

Lizzie's John?

A woman called Sabrina
answered the phone.

It could have been anyone.
A cleaner. Sabrina the cleaner.

Please, don't tell her.
She's got a lot on her mind.

She'd want to know. Believe me.

Know what?

Kate...

I...

I was the one
who lost the passports.

I knew it!

I knew it wouldn't be me.

You...

That means it's your fault
if we're late. Your fault.

Admit it. I think
you should actually say it.

- It'll be my fault.
- Thank you.

And admit you were wrong
about my pouch.

- I was wrong about your pouch.
- Yes. That's very big of you.

Well, Kate, I will require
two of your sandwiches.

And, Cassie,
three of your bags of crisps.

Excuse me.

Can you open them?
I've got... Agony.

♪ Oh, Denis, ooh-be-do,
I'm in love with you

♪ Denis, ooh-be-do,
I'm in love with you

♪ Denis, ooh-be-do

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ Denis, Denis,
oh, with your eyes so blue

♪ Denis, Denis,
I've got a crush on you

♪ Denis, Denis,
I'm so in love with you

♪ Oh, when we walk,
it always feels so nice

♪ And when we talk,
it seems like paradise

♪ Denis, Denis,
I'm so in love with you

♪ You're my king

♪ And I'm in heaven
every time I look at you

♪ When you smile,
it's like a dream

♪ And I'm so lucky
'cause I found a boy like you

Buongiorno.

- Buongiorno.
- Buongiorno.

- Inglese?
- Yes.

- Do you like to buy watch?
- I don't have any money.

Well, no problem.
It's a gift. Uh, regalo.

It suits you better
than anyone else here.

- Thank you.
- It's a fake.

What's happening?
What's happening?

Uh, the train is broken.

Oh, my God! It can't be!

No need to worry, ladies.
It always happens.

So, they fix it and then we go.

Sorry.

Don't worry.
We're gonna make it.

- How?
- We will.

Everything that can
go wrong is going wrong.

We'll find a way.

We made a promise to Anna.
February 2nd. Nine o'clock.

It only lasts a few minutes
and we are going to miss it.

- Again!
- We'll figure it out.

Maria.

Maria.

- We need a doctor.
- I'm a nurse.

No, you're not. She's not.

She's not.
I'm a... I'm a doctor.

It's fine, as long as
she's not having a contraction.

OK. She is having contractions.

- Um, how many weeks?
- Lots.

Don't worry.
She knows what she's doing.

- Liz, you've done it before.
- I'm a GP.

I don't deliver babies.

Well, you covered it
in medical school.

That was a very, very
long time ago.

I can't deliver a baby!
I'm still drunk!

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe. It's a wave.
It's a beautiful wave.

You're going over the wave
and you get to the other side.

I feel like we should
get off these tracks.

- Away from these people.
- And the goat.

I need to know
how dilated she is.

- Dilated?
- Oh, God.

We need to go inside.

- Then we need a flashlight.
- What?

- Maddie? Maddie.
- Yeah?

Alcohol and water.

Cassie, there's hand steriliser
in my bag. We could use that.

Jesus! Jesus!

- This way.
- We're just...

Doing really well. Just hold...

OK. Good.

Quick, Cassie!

Yeah. OK, good.

Well done.

- OK, OK.
- Here.

We're gonna put this
on your hands. Everywhere.

- You've got to be joking?
- It's a bit tricky for me.

- Oh, come on.
- What?

Listen, you've had Clay.

You're the only one here
who knows.

You've been to the classes,
surely?

I had a C-section and enough
drugs to kill Keith Richards.

Good luck.

I'm gonna need you
to gently, very gently,

insert your fingers
into her vagina

and see how many
you can get through her cervix.

OK?

Yeah. I'm gonna be right here,
Cass, OK?

- You need to do this.
- You can do this, Cassie.

- Easy for you to say.
- Do it, Cassie!

- OK, OK.
- Just coming.

OK.

OK.

All right. In?

- How does it feel?
- Interesting.

This was not on my bucket list.

I-I feel something. I...

Uh... it's, uh... It's hard.

OK.

- Shite.
- Shite? What's shite?

- She's having the baby.
- What?

- She's crowning.
- No! Wait!

For the love of God,
wait for a doctor with hands!

OK.

I found no doctor,
but I have a good grappa.

- OK.
- OK.

Hair of the dog.

Yeah. All right. You're not
the only one in shock.

We need to tell her not to
push until she really wants to.

- OK, she wants to push.
- She really wants to.

OK, after three.

Uno, due, tre.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Grazie. Grazie.

It's a relief I don't have
to go through that again.

It's ridiculous,
passing a watermelon

through something that size.

- Perfectly natural.
- Hmm.

Well, nature's a bitch.

So, Angelo has invited us

to his village for a party

to celebrate the new baby
and everything.

And there's a train
we can catch the next morning

that will take us to Palma,
get us there by lunchtime

and catch the lights
the next day.

Well, I think we've got time
for one more quick detour.

Yes!

Maybe I should
have another baby.

- Oh, no...
- You know, I still could.

I still have periods.

Salute, Santa Filomena.

Salute.

My dear English ladies.

Tonight we welcome you to ours,

not as friends, but as family.

To the English ladies
and the beautiful American.

Salute!

Salute!

We want thank you.

- Aw.
- What's her name?

- Laura.
- Elena.

Laura.

What about Anna?

Anna?

Hello, little man.
What's your name?

Fabrizzio. In guardia.

Oh. In guardia.

Fabrizzio.

Sorry. I guess they're excited.

You forget how strong they are.

- You have a bambino?
- Hmm.

And you miss him?

So much.

A good mother
is worth a hundred teachers.

Mine taught me to dance.

Where did it all go wrong, Liz?

After we left Paris, really.

No, I mean us.

I mean, you know,
you have all these aspirations

when you're Maddie's age.

You look out over the world,

then you take one path
and leave another

and... suddenly,
you're at the end of a tunnel,

hurtling at a hundred miles
an hour towards nothing at all.

I agree.
It's an absolute shitshow.

I shouldn't have married John.

I was just so young.

I didn't know anything else.

It's like signing a contract

to say that you'll only eat
ready salted crisps

for the rest
of your natural life.

I mean,
what about salt and vinegar?

- Prawn cocktail?
- Yes, OK.

He's not the most
exciting flavour

in the multipack selection,
but he is reliable.

And he's my one.

And... and he loves me.

Oh, Kate, Kate,
you're only halfway through.

It's never too late to find
a flavour that you really like.

After all,
there's so many of them.

I do love a ready salted,
though.

Do you sell pasta, too?

Pasta, Rolex,
prescription medications.

Whatever the Russians will buy,
I sell it.

♪ There is a house

♪ Down in New Orleans

♪ They call the Rising Sun

♪ Where many...

♪ Where many...

Oh. OK.

Uh... You need to have, um,

this finger on all the strings
the whole time.

I should go find my friends.

You kiss better than you play.

God, I love Italy.

Cassie still partying?

She's back to her old self.

Drunk?

God, I love Italy!

Somebody's happy.

Imagine what
we're all going to be like

when we see
the lights at Palma.

Oh, shit.

Oh, you crack me up.

OK, where's Cassie?

She do
the jiggy-jiggy with Giovanni.

- No!
- Yes.

Why don't you pack up her stuff?

- I'm sure she'll catch us up.
- Me?

Oh, you are so milking it.

Yeah, that is harsh, but fair.
I'll hold the car.

What the...

Fuck.

Hi.

Ciao, bella.

Ciao.

- Ciao.
- Ciao.

- How did you sleep?
- Oh, like a log.

- A log?
- Hmm.

It's a good thing.

There's no sign of her.

She knows we're going
for the 11 o'clock.

There's another
in a couple of hours.

That doesn't get there
till five.

It's cutting it very fine
to make the last boat to Palma.

You promise you'll call me?

I promise.

Where is she?

I've been trying
to make American pancakes.

- I don't think it's very good.
- Oh, it looks amazing.

Are you kidding?

Mmm. Mmm!

It's, um...

Inedible. But thank you.

Oh. Cassie.

- Ciao.
- Ciao.

You no take the train?

Oh, my God. I need a ride.

Grazie.

Excuse me.

I want you to have this.

How could she be so selfish?

She knows
what this means to Maddie.

It is utterly ridiculous!

We can just get the next train.

Before you say anything,
nothing happened.

Oh, yeah? And I'm the Pope.

We missed the train.

There's another one
at 12, right?

Oh. Oh, my bag!
Thank God you remembered.

No apology? No explanation?

I'm not really feeling
your energy this morning, Kate.

- Are you so insensitive?
- We can catch the next train!

Unless you meet another man
in the meantime.

Are you really gonna lecture me

about sexual morals,
Kate Fisher?

Oh, please don't go there.
Please leave it.

- You weren't even with him.
- There's a girls' code, Kate.

You don't sleep
with another girl's guy.

Why are you so desperate
to cling on to the past?

I'm not clinging on to anything.

Then how do you explain having
my letters to Steve in your bag?

They are not yours.

I don't need
to justify myself to you.

- No! You need to let go!
- You need to tell the truth.

I have apologised
time and time again.

What more do you want?

It is not me I'm talking about.

She deserves to know.

- Cassie.
- Know what?

Know what?

When I rang
John's phone in Spain,

a woman answered his phone.

Said her name was Sabrina.
Could have been anyone.

- Liz!
- Liz.

Oh, how can you be so spiteful?

She deserves to know the truth.

You wouldn't understand that.

She's not a pawn
to score points off.

I don't lie to my friends.

No! You use them
when it suits you.

When it's convenient to Cassie

because we're all
just supporting characters

in your crap little melodrama!

And that is why you never
saw Anna when she was sick,

because she would have
stolen the limelight!

You are pretty sanctimonious

for someone who slept with
their best friend's husband!

And you're pretty righteous

for someone who is drinking
herself out of custody!

Oh! Screw you!

Stop it! Just stop it!

Everyone just needs
to calm down.

Before Madame Bovary
tries to top herself again.

Kate.

Kate, you can't leave!
Kate! Kate!

It's over, Maddie. It was
a stupid idea and it's over.

Kate.

You don't just fall into bed
with somebody.

You don't trip on a paving stone
and fall into bed with someone.

♪ All I want is a room
with a view

♪ A sight worth seeing,
a vision of you

♪ All I want
is a room with a view

♪ Oh-oh-oh

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa

♪ I will give you
my finest hour

Couldn't you just buy
some fucking leather trousers?

Or a fucking motorbike?

♪ I will give you
my finest hour

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ All I want is a photo
in my wallet

♪ A small remembrance
of something more solid

♪ All I want
is a picture of you

♪ Picture this,
a day in December

♪ Picture this,
freezing-cold weather

♪ You got clouds on your lids

♪ And you'd be on the skids

♪ If it weren't for your job
at the garage

You're such a fucking cliche!

Such a fucking cliche!
You arse!

Hello?

♪ One and one
is what I'm telling you

♪ Oh, yeah

You're an arse, John!

An absolute Olympic-sized arse!

Yeah, I do feel a bit better.
Thank you.

♪ If it weren't for your job
at the garage

♪ If you could only, oh-oh

♪ Picture this,
a sky full of thunder

♪ Picture this,
my telephone number

♪ One and one
is what I'm telling you

♪ Get a pocket computer,
try to do what you used to do

♪ Yeah

You OK?

I sometimes think you prefer it
when I'm not.

I should have told you?

Yeah.

You should have.

Lizzie, it's not your fault.

Maybe it is, though.

I wear grey bras
and I eat carbohydrates and...

I don't laugh
at his jokes anymore.

I think deep down,
I knew he was doing it.

Just... chose not to see it

because to acknowledge it

would mean that I was a failure
as a mother, as a wife.

OK. Well, I see something
very different.

I see a mother who would
do anything for her kids.

Someone who would...

throw themselves under a train
for a friend

if she felt they needed it.

And probably more importantly...

someone I really admire.

I also think
you're pretty damn sexy,

so if he can't see that,
fuck him.

Yeah, fuck him!

- Actually, please don't.
- Hmm!

Huh.

I found another train
back to Paris.

Cass is in the cafe. If you
and Maddie want to join us...

I thought she was with you.

No.

- No?
- No, she followed you.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Hey, Cass.

Uh-oh.

I have been dropped
from the show.

The producers
said that my public image

wasn't in keeping with
the show's universal appeal.

- Cassie!
- Steve's won.

- I'm gonna lose Clay.
- No!

Cass, it doesn't work like that.
Surely it doesn't.

It does sometimes, though.

- No answer.
- Seriously?

What? What is it?

On top of every bloody
other thing that's gone on,

we've now lost Maddie.

Lost her?
What do you mean, lost her?

I think I know where she is.
Look, Cassie, I'm...

Come on. It's OK. Let's go.

I'll take my rucksack.

♪ I've been running circles
round a night that never ends

♪ I've been chasing heartache
in a city and a friend

♪ I've been with you so long

♪ Even seen you lose it,
but who cares?

♪ Racing down the Bowery
on a crowded afternoon

♪ Dripping from the downpour
of your insecure typhoon

♪ Can you even want me

♪ Or is this just a way
to keep you sane?

♪ Take me, then lose me

♪ Then tell them I'm yours

- ♪ Are you happy?
- Buongiorno.

I need a pastry and a lie-down.

♪ Drinking with yourself
but with a smile on your face

- Ladies, what's happened?
- We need your help.

What can I do for you?

- Angelo, is Maddie with you?
- No.

- We should call the police.
- They won't do anything.

She's 18.
Nobody's been abducted.

- Not yet.
- Oh, come on. Let's go.

- Where?
- I don't know.

- Anywhere. I won't lose her.
- Obviously.

I will scour the entire country
if I have to.

Maybe start with Palma.

The train left one hour ago
before her flight.

- How could we be so stupid?
- I'll buy the tickets.

We can't fly.
We haven't got passports.

She's going to the Light of God.

That's tomorrow morning.
We'll never make it in time.

- Not on trains.
- When there is a will,

there's a way. Follow me.

♪ Does it make you think

♪ Everybody
wants to be your friend?

♪ I can give you a heartbeat

♪ I can give you a friend

♪ I can make you
think everybody

Federico?

I'm assuming
Federico isn't the cleaner.

You're assuming
Federico is alive.

Ciao, Giovanni.

Federico is pilot.
Or used to be.

Now he works for me.

Doing what?

- Transporting.
- Passengers?

That's not important.
Now I will ask him to fly you.

But he's only able
to land in certain places.

Well, it is encouraging
he's able to land, at least.

Federico...

Palma? No.

Majorca?

Majorca? No.

- Menorca?
- Menorca? No.

Barcelona?

Barcelona is risky, also.

Federico.

Va bene.

It's OK.

No partying on my plane.

- Jesus...
- Christ.

Will that thing stay in the air?

Worse comes to the worst,
we can skydive.

Cassandra.

Your son is very blessed.

So am I.

Grazie.

- Ciao.
- Ciao.

Ciao!

Yes, good luck.

♪ Uh-huh, make me tonight

Can this thing
go any faster?

Would you like
to get out and push, hm?

Barcelona! Hola!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Silenzio!
I'm trying to land!

Welcome to Flight Club.

The first rule
of Flight Club is?

You don't talk
about Flight Club.

Ever.

So, what are we gonna do now?
The last boat is at six.

Well, we are about 20 miles
outside of Barcelona

and we still
have to get to the port.

I can call a cab.

Do you know what? I think
I've got something faster.

We have one hour
to get that boat, Kate.

So, this is faster, is it?

At least we're off that plane.

You ready
to dust off those leathers, Liz?

You watch me.

- Anyone order a midlife crisis?
- No time for dad jokes.

How are we supposed
to all fit in that?

We're not.
Thank you, man called Dan.

Does she know how to ride that?

She's a very responsible doctor.

How do you switch this thing on?

If you could just text me names,
um, addresses, dates of birth.

It's a very flexible policy.

Relax.
How long are you in Barcelona?

Two weeks. Why?

I'll bring you
the keys back there.

Come on, Juliet.
We're burning daylight.

OK. Light 'em up.

OK, girls. Go, go, go, go, go!

Yeah, uh, just... um...

- Thanks, Dan.
- You're welcome. Bye!

Remember your mirrors!

What mirrors?
Wow, isn't it lovely?

Maddie, we're coming!

No, no, no, no!

It's the last boat!

No! God!

God! Oh!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

- Kate, it wasn't your fault.
- No, it's mine.

Just like last time, we missed
the ferry because I overslept.

We missed it
because I lost my rucksack.

We missed it 'cause I got
the timetable wrong.

- No, you didn't. Anna did.
- She was always late.

Oh, God. What are we like?

Ladies, we need
to learn to sail our own boat.

Now, tell me. Didn't Kendra
have some nautical experience?

Go! Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

We are about to steal a boat.

We'll bring it back.

Oh, God! I'm so unfit.

- I think that's it.
- Full steam ahead, Kendra.

Where are the life jackets?

- They know we've stolen it.
- Just act casual.

- Say felony.
- Felony!

Just look around naturally.

- Naturally.
- We're gonna rot in jail.

Let's get this show on the road!

I still can't find
the life jackets!

♪ The tide is high
but I'm holding on

♪ I wanna be your number one

♪ Number one

♪ Number one

♪ Every girl wants you
to be her man

♪ But I'll wait, my dear,
till it's my turn

♪ I'm not the kind of girl

Sorry.

Sorry. On it!

On it like a bonnet.

God, I hope Maddie's OK.

You know, I think
she's the only one who ever was.

It's so peaceful.

No phones. No tweets.

- No emails.
- What's stopping you?

From what?

From living how you want.

Packing it all in?

Finding a new way.

I needed your letters
to help my case.

I hope you beat him, Cass.
Clay deserves you.

He already has me.

And he has a father.
A good father.

Besides,
I could do with joint custody,

now that they've ended
my contract.

You won't have any money.

But I'll have my freedom.

I missed you, Cass.

You too, Kate.

Cathedral ahoy!

Cathedral!

It's nearly nine. Quick!

OK, that's fine.
Just leave it. Leave it.

That's the worst clinch knot
I've ever tied.

♪ Had a heart of glass

♪ Seemed like the real thing
only to find

Uphill!

♪ Mucho mistrust,
love's gone behind

- Uphill!
- Oh, shit! The clouds.

Are they gonna
get in the way of the light?

Please, no!

Maddie? Can you see her?

Are you calling her?

It's gone straight to voicemail.

Maddie?

Maddie?

- Maddie?
- Maddie?

- Maddie?
- See her anywhere?

- Maddie?
- I think we should just go in.

OK.

Did you hear that?
It's not gonna happen.

♪ Love is so confusing,
there's no peace of mind

♪ If I fear I'm losing you,
it's just no good

♪ You teasing like you do

Is that where the sun
is supposed to shine?

No, it hits there
from the other side.

But not today.

♪ I don't wanna live
on charity

♪ Pleasure's real
or is it fantasy?

♪ Reel to reel
is living rarity

♪ People stop and stare at me

♪ We just walk on by

♪ We just keep on dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Feet, feet,
walking a two mile

♪ Meet, meet,
meet me at the turnstile

♪ I never met him

♪ I'll never forget him

♪ Dream, dream,
even for a little while

♪ Dream, dream

♪ Filling up an idle hour

♪ Fade away

♪ Radiate

♪ Imagine something
of your very own

♪ Something
you can have and hold

♪ I'd build a road in gold

♪ Just to keep on dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

I miss her so much.

It's OK.

I should have
been there for her.

I miss her, too.

We all miss her.

The clouds...

Disappeared.

I can't believe it.

God's Disco Ball.

It's superb.

- This is it.
- Anna's favourite beach.

We always said we'd come back.

You ready?

- Hands out.
- OK.

One.

Two. Three!

Look at that horizon.

There's so much out there.

Then let's go and get it.

Yeah!

♪ When I met you
in the restaurant

♪ You could tell
I was no debutante

♪ You asked me
what's my pleasure

♪ A movie or a measure?

♪ I'll have a cup of tea

♪ And tell you of my dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ I don't want
to live on charity

♪ Pleasure's real
or is it fantasy?

♪ Reel to reel
is living rarity

♪ People stop and stare at me

♪ We just walk on by

♪ We just keep on dreaming

♪ Feet, feet,
walking a two mile

♪ Meet, meet,
meet me at the turnstile

♪ I never met him

♪ I'll never forget him

♪ Dream, dream,
even for a little while

♪ Dream, dream,
filling up an idle hour

♪ Fade away, whoo

♪ Radiate

♪ I sit by
and watch the river flow

♪ I sit by
and watch the traffic go

♪ Imagine something
of your very own

♪ Something
you can have and hold

♪ I'd build a road in gold

♪ Just to have some dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Dreaming

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ Dreaming is free

♪ You stand on the edge

♪ You're never getting better

♪ Never getting better

♪ So close that

♪ You're shaking

♪ Skin is getting wetter

♪ Skin is getting wetter

♪ 'Cause I know
you thought you'd be fine

♪ It's just one more time

♪ But you crossed the line,
my love

♪ As you start
to try to lie still

♪ The dark moods took you

♪ But you swallowed the pill,
my love

♪ It's like you're on fire

♪ Tonight, you start to cry

♪ It's in the eyes

♪ As your heart starts to burn

♪ Tonight, I see you fly

♪ You're out of time

♪ You gotta start moving slower

♪ But you keep on moving on
and on and on

♪ As your body's rolling over

♪ I can see you
floating off into the sun

♪ As you start dropping lower

♪ I see your boat
is sinking down and down

♪ And then you find

♪ The other side

♪ You start to go under

♪ Tell me, can you hear me?

♪ Tell me, can you hear me?

♪ Your lips are so freezing

♪ I can't hear you breathing

♪ I can't hear you breathing

♪ But you said you were
walking through dreams

♪ And watching us scream

♪ You float out of reach,
my love

♪ And now the sky,
it starts to turn black

♪ You're under attack

♪ They can't call you back,
my love

♪ It's like you're on fire