Nyitva (2018) - full transcript

Now wishing you all the best,

and now you may kiss the bride!

I'm home!

Hello!

Hi, honey!

At least take your pants off.

Give me a kiss!

I didn't mean there, but okay...

Don't lie in bed in your street clothes.

-It is not hygienic.
-Give me a kiss!

You can't wait? You naughty thing! Huh?



You're crazy, stop!

Then give me a kiss.

-How many people has my doctor saved?
-Never mind.

Oh, no. Again?

I swear to use my medical knowledge
to benefit the health of my patients.

Especially if they love sticking
their dicks into vacuum cleaners.

Jesus...

I don't know what's so good about that...

-What time do you start tomorrow?
-I took the morning shift from Ernő.

-So, is getting up at five o'clock good?
-Fucking great.

Great.

5:04 a.m.

Dinner?

What are you doing?



Nothing, just...

-You're masturbating?
-No, just...

-Why didn't you wake me?
-You slept so sweetly. Don't flip out.

-Next time please just wake me up, ok?
-Don't shout!

Ok. But I feel left out.

-What? Because I masturbate sometimes?
-Sometimes?

-Oh, come on, you do it too!
-That's different.

How do you know that?

And why is it different?

-Because I am a man!
-Yeah, right.

What if you do in front of me?

-No way!
-Why?

Because it's private.

-We've been living together for 3.5 years.
-And?

Let's sleep. You have to get up soon.

Who do you think about?

You.

And you?

You.

Pinky swear?

Pinky swear.

-Guys do the same.
-And Ivan isn't bothered...

Don't you worry about Ivan, please.
He started it.

Though he was quite surprised,

when I suggested we could
also go to a swinger club.

That wouldn't work for me.
I'm just not like that.

Like what?

What's wrong with me trying to enjoy
the remaining ten good years?

You have 15 at least...

Thanks.

The secret to a happy relationship
is a good lover, on the side.

-Hi Fanny!
-Hi Fanny!

Hey guys!

-Hey!
-Hi.

-Did you bring one for me as well?
-Sure.

-How is baby Simon?
-Well, we don't sleep much.

You'll see soon enough.
Got to run, ok? Kisses!

-Is there anyone at Bálint's?
-I don't think so!

-Kisses.
-Kisses.

All urologists have many kids,
because we don't use rubber at home.

-Fanny! Hi!
-Hello!

This is Julcsi. She's a fresh resident
at the urology department.

Hello. Julia Papai.

Congratulations.

For what?

For the job.

Oh, thanks. Got to go.

Great colleague.

Great? Colleague?

So what, you examined her?

-Discussed some professional techniques?
-Come on! Nothing happened.

Yeah, right.

-But you wish it had.
-What? No!

-You do not want to do the sexy nurse?
-No.

Of course not.

You don't find her attractive, sexy, hot?

-In what sense?
-Don't play the fool with me!

The basis of a happy
relationship is honesty.

I can see that you fancy her.

-Acting all perky.
-I wasn't perky.

Do you fancy her?

-Yes. I fancy her.
-Fucking great.

You asked.

I swear nothing happened.

Sure! Tighter skin,
longer legs, better boobs.

-No, her boobs are not better.
-What?

Fanny! Come on. Fanny, please!
Please don't do this! Fanny!

Oh, please...

Don't cry!

-I'm sorry. I'd never hurt you.
-I know.

Ok, so we have a situation here.

I'm sure we'll find a rational solution.

Did you ever have a relationship,
where sex was fantastic after five years?

What?

Rate it.
Rate it from one to ten for each year.

-So?
-I don't know.

Ten is crazy, fantastic,
I almost get a heart-attack good...

-one is dreadful.
-Okay. Well, then ten.

If we're not honest,
than it makes no sense.

I think...

it's a solid eight.

Sometimes 8.5.
But on average, a solid eight.

-Quantity?
-Quantity was alright wasn't it?

Yes. Then an average of nine.

-Second year?
-That's when we moved in together.

Yes. Quantity seven,

quality seven.

Third year.
You started working at the clinic.

-Quantity five. Quality six!
-Come on, it isn't fair!

You can't compare first-time sex to sex,
when living and sleeping together.

That's exactly the point! We got to do
something, before things go wrong.

Do you know how much we kissed last year?
Thirty two minutes.

How did you calculate that?

Well, with an average
of 18 seconds per kiss,

-say twice a week, that is 52...
-Okay.

You want to kiss more?

-Get some more glasses!
-We tried everything

...even to breast-pump, but
then we decided on the formula.

Baby formula?

How can you give formula to your kid?
You're joking right? You can't be serious.

WHO suggests to breastfeed
till the age of two.

I wanted to, but my boobs
are not as big as yours.

This has nothing to do with it.
Does not depend on size.

It's a matter of choice.
You want to breastfeed or not.

I had it spilling out
from the neighbor's baby...

I wanted to breastfeed,
but I just couldn't handle the pain,

I'm still bleeding from the episiotomy,
I just couldn't take it anymore.

He is only interested in the boobs.
Though this won't change, really.

Ohh, poor Vica.

I don't know how she didn't realize it.
It's been going on for over six months.

Maybe you shouldn't blame the victim.
Though I never really liked Dezső.

He's exactly the type who gets it
on with his 22-year old secretary.

-Why, there is such a type?
-Yes. Men...

Ernő?

The only reason he doesn't
fuck one of the nurses

is because he knows
I would crush his balls...

-What a little macho pig you will become.
-Yep, but guard your balls, because mom...

-The girls will weep after you, sweety!
-Looks just like Ernő.

Twenty-two years old!

-Can you believe it?
-But it's not just Dezső's fault.

It always takes two.

Didn't they just buy a house?
What about their baby?

Eszter would rip my balls off,
that's for sure.

Well hello!

It's just you.

So, what's up?

-So... you also use these Turkish diapers?
-No, we use the fancy organic ones.

With the first child we used the same.

-And you guys were also constipated?
-We're over it.

So...

-does the diaper disposal thing work yet?
-Yeah, I first...

He lied to her for six months,
can you believe it?

That's the worst part of it.

The betrayal.

We should get it fixed.

Listen, I do no want us to end up
like Vica, do you hear me?

Promise me, that we will not do this
to each other.

Let's be honest with each other.

-Pinky swear.
-Pinky swear.

-Where were we?
-Episode five, minute 22.

Alex, there's no water here.

Fuck.

Look, what's that?

-Hello?!
-Shut the fuck up!

They might be our enemy.

-You fancy her too?
-What?

-Rebecca?
-No!

Fine. Yes.

It doesn't matter,
I will never see her in this life.

-So only that's holding back you...
-Where is this coming from?

Five years of a happy,
balanced relationship,

yet if Apocalypse-chick swung by,
you wouldn't hesitate to do her?

-What? If George Clooney came knocking?
-George Clooney.

-He is smoking hot.
-Alright.

I would let you have him.

-Let me?
-Yes. Why, you wouldn't?

If, say Monica Belucci flung by, and said:

"Ciao Bello, come here!"

-You wouldn't let me?
-What?

I'm certain you wouldn't.
It's really selfish of you.

-Selfish?
-Yes!

I've had a crush on Monica since
my childhood. You know that.

It wouldn't change a thing.
I would still love you.

This is just theoretical,
no one will swing by here!

Sure.

You preach about honesty,
then fuss over something this stupid?

You know what? You're right.

If we allow each other,
it's not cheating.

-There's no lying, no betrayal.
-In theory.

-Not just in theory.
-In practice as well?

So, you would let me sleep with anyone?

-In practice!
-That's not exactly what I said.

-You couldn't do it.
-Why not?

-You aren't like that.
-Like what?

-Brave and gutsy?
-I didn't mean it that way.

For your information,
I can be quite gutsy!

And hot, and sexy and all.

-Get dressed!
-Why?

-We have to take a left soon.
-When soon?

Like now. We just passed it.

Tell me before, not after.

-I'll turn around.
-It's a one-way street.

Fine, then we go around.

Are you sure you want this?

What do I know?
But we are here already.

Yes.

Yes.

Then go for it.

There's a changing room.
You could change there.

The entrance opens from there.

You need permission to join,
otherwise you will be kicked out.

A no means no, a yes means yes.

-Fanni?
-Bálint?

-Are you sure this is the best place?
-It's got an 8.4 rating on Wikipedia.

-This place, on Wikipedia? No shit.
-Next time you figure out where to go.

Fancy her?

How the hell can she walk
in those high heels?

I've treated that guy for hernia.

Hey there. I'm Marco.
Want to join in with me?

What's wrong? Doctor!

-Doctor! Is there a doctor here?
-Yes, yes, over here. A urologist.

-Is that a proper doctor?
-Where is that doctor?

Step back! Please, everyone, step back.

Sir?

-Call an ambulance. I started CPR.
-Call an ambulance!

Come on, sweetheart!

Don't stop!

To blow the remaining coke into him,
or what?

You guys?

Don't dick around. Get over here!

I'll take over.

-What happened?
-Not now, later.

-With him...
-He just became stiff all of a sudden.

-Veins, monitor.
-I'll do it.

Thank you.

-Thank you so much. You saved his life.
-It was nothing. It's my job.

Sorry, Doc. There's this...

swelling here.
Maybe you could look at it?

-Well, maybe it's...
-Beat it, Marco! Doc!

Next round is on me.
Always good to have a doctor in the team.

Well, I didn't see this coming.

I'm so proud of you.

Look, I'm sorry.

You really are very brave, sexy
and gutsy and all.

I just thought we should do something,
you know...

...to have the courage to be honest
with one other, no matter what.

To be yourselves with each other.

This is the basis of a happy
and lasting relationship.

-Can we light the candles?
-Did you pay for that too?

-Yes.
-I told you not to.

No need to pay for unnecessary nonsense.

Then? Yes?

You can't judge a book
by its cover, right?

I always suspected that Fanny was not
as innocent as she put out there.

-Esther would never agree to this.
-So you ride the ambulance now?

Didn't I take your night shifts
so you can help out with the baby?

I cannot sleep at home anyway.

I don't even know who screams more,
Esther or the baby.

And how does Esther handle
being alone so much?

-She's fine, she is not alone.
-Hey there.

-Here are the lab results. Would you look?
-Sure!

Okay. Bye!

Thanks a lot!

-Where were we?
-Esther?

Yeah, Esther... No, she isn't alone!

I have to do everything, all alone.

-But why don't you tell him?
-It's pointless.

He behaves like an overgrown baby.
It's really annoying.

-But he loves you so much.
-Of course, otherwise...

Hey, don't move.

And, what were the people like?
Buffed up guys and tanned bimbos?

-Not exactly.
-What then?

-Well, everyone seemed normal.
-Really?

Fucking wow.

-I look like a grumpy tranny.
-Thanks.

Cunt.

Box.

Pink taco.

Pussy, cooter,
bearded clam, honey pot.

Cooch.

Thank you. Fanny?

It is important to articulate these words.
There are no taboos here.

-Coochie.
-Well done.

Vagina, vulva, vaginal entry, labia,
clitoris...

Maybe something more personal?

-I use these.
-Thank you.

Now let's go over
the basic rules of sexual self-awareness.

The most important rule?

-Honesty.
-That's right.

We have to be honest and outspoken
about what we want and don't want.

Rule Number two?

-Respect.
-That's right.

We respect our own and
each others desires.

We don't judge.

Thank you.
Let's do the end of session exercise!

Everybody find your positions,

and relax

and flex.

Relax, flex.

Relax.

10-20 minutes a day of intimate gymnastics
is enough. The outcome is guaranteed.

Flex, relax.

Flex, relax.

So?

Well...

we could have more oral sex.

-I should do it more, or you?
-You, you, you.

Like you really want to do it.
Like you enjoy it.

Oral sex...

with joy.

Yes?

Any other positions, toys?

We could try a threesome.

Threesome.

Yes?

Maybe you could give me
a prostate massage.

It's a very sensitive area. Patients
often get an erection during examination.

Your turn.

We could do role play.

-Sexy nurse!
-That is out of question.

Ok.

You could also do it more,
with your mouth.

-I always do.
-Yes, as a warm-up, for about two seconds.

Fine.

And...

you could be more passionate.

More wild.

-You hate it when I bite you!
-But not like that!

I want to feel that you want me.

You want me so much
that you lose control...

like you used to.

Okay.

Fine.

Anything else?

That's all.

Your feet are cold.

Esther and Ernő out of question.

Vica also got quite fat
after giving birth.

Ernő is also fat,
and he didn't give birth.

-That's different.
-Why? He wasn't even pregnant.

A distant acquaintance?
Someone we could never run into?

432 friends.

Panni Sugár?

You fancy Panni Sugár?

-Why?
-No!

-Her?
-No.

-Her?
-No.

-Julcsi is your friend on Facebook?
-Yes, just like all my other colleagues.

-I see...
-Ivett also got married? When?

She's never set foot in a church,
why didn't she come to me?

Jesus! I will definitely not
dress up like a meringue.

Maybe all this is stupid.

Everyone has settled down,
happily giving birth,

-going on vacations and wellness weekends.
-Bad buffets and fungal infections.

This is not the point.

Maybe something's wrong with us?

No. Tomi has been cheating for years.
Everyone knows. I think Réka too.

Foodnazi...

Maybe, it would be better to be ignorant.

-Blessed are the poor in spirit.
-No, we are blessed.

Look, nothing's wrong with us.

Are we still this happy?

Yes. People don't jump all over each other
after five years, which perfectly normal.

-This is not a fair system, is it?
-No. Yes.

This is why the Internet was invented.

Nice work. Silicone, but nicely done.

Have you ever touched one?

-Once. Not bad. You?
-I've never touched any boobs.

"Sex with a woman."

-Why, you wouldn't mind?
-Are you crazy?

-"Touch each other!"
-Jesus.

We are doing this for our relationship.
For our mature and sincere relationship.

Oh fuck! Fuck!

Ok, maybe you are right.
But that resident girl is just too sexy.

You're sexy too.

-I would make it with ya.
-Really?

- Sure, all guys are stupid. Right?
-Show me your panties, baby!

-Sexist pigs!
-Chill, it wasn't meant for you.

Hey stop, wait!

Excuse me! Don't you care
that you are destroying everything

women have fought for over the centuries?
Women are not sexual objects.

Not all, that's for sure.

Is that all you want? You want that?
Big boobs, long legs, big lashes?

-That's all?
-Yes, just like that.

And her thoughts?
Her brain? Her intellect?

What?

I'm a senior lecturer at the university.
But thanks.

Hallo?

What's wrong?

Chill out, It is just a little exercise.
A little confidence.

Let's start, girls.

Five, six, seven, eight... and flamingo...

Stretch your legs...

Straight up... lean back...
and up...

Stand by the pole, slide down. That's it!
Stretch your legs.

Push the breasts out.

Turn... stroke the legs.
Very good.

Go around the pole.
And propeller.

Push your hips.

Super. And firefighter's posture.

For the first time in class,
I dared to watch myself in the mirror.

-And it was so good.
-Today I also saw the Goddess in me.

For about three seconds...

-I need to pee.
-Ok, I'm coming, wait.

-And you?
-For me, it's a mission.

It's the Century of Women.
Finally, we get to do what we want to do.

Not only men get to have free sex,
but women too.

Me for example. And you?

-Bálint and I, we are great, it's just...
-You don't fuck anymore.

-Well, that's how it goes.
-Well, we're actually trying to fix it.

-So we wrote this list--
-I don't believe in monogamy.

I don't think it works.
Totally unrealistic expectations.

One man for the rest of your life?

While we always crave for something new,
something different.

It's the same basic instinct,
like stability and safety.

We're wired this stupid way.

Yeah.

I've been living in a happy marriage
for 15 years.

-Wow.
-Open for five years.

At first, we ventured together,
but now we do it separately.

It works like magic.
There is only one rule.

We tell each other everything,
even if it hurts.

And condoms.

-Hey guys! Everything ok?
-Hi! Yes.

Hi!

Hello.

-All is good?
-Sure. I swim. I am swimming!

-Wait, wait!
-Chill.

-Slowly!
-I'm careful.

Gently!

When you'll be an old fart,
you can grow it out.

-What will happen if you leave me?
-I'll still come over and do it.

Yes?

-What now, you want to leave me?
-That's not what I said.

Maybe you are projecting.

I could never find a better
nosehair-remover psychologist.

-No! Don't tickle!
-Okay. Tonight?

-I've never done this before.
-Me neither. We're going?

Yes.

Come on!At least let's have
a base minimum. Age 25?

-Rule number 3.
-Won't there be too many rules?

-We need rules, otherwise what'll happen?
-Fun and laughter.

Chaos and apocalypse.

-Her over there?
-Her boobs are too small.

-Her?
-Maybe.

-But how?
-Well, we go up to her and ask.

-Like "Hey, yo! What time is it?"
-Yes!

-Alright, you go.
-Why me? We agreed to do it together.

Yes, but I've never
picked up a girl before.

Fine. I go. Get her. We take her home.

-Good, Jane waits here for Tarzan.
-No, no, Jane follows Tarzan.

So I'm going to do my BA here,
then adios.

The department of archeology
is quite good in Copenhagen.

And do you fancy my girlfriend?

-Yes.
-Really?

Would you like to come home with us?

Is this a joke?

Or...

candid camera?

Or a bet?

Sorry guys, but this...

threesome thing is so childish.
I'm not in high school anymore.

Holy shit!

Yeah. She liked me!

It's on the house.

Welcome!

Come in.

Cool place. Don't take your shoes off, ok?

-Or there's slippers, if...
-No, no need, thanks.

It's almost morning, and we still...

-Yes, here we are.
-Yeah, you guys are awesome.

I also wanted an open relationship,
but of course my ex called me a slut.

-So, this way?
-Yeah-yeah, that's the bedroom.

-Good, sit.
-So she will...

-I'll be, we'll be right back.
-OK.

Are you sure you want this?

-Why, you don't?
-Me? You want it?

Look, this chick has done this before.
And we need a new experience.

You said so.

-Should we wake her up?
-I don't think we could.

-What's her name?
-I thought you knew.

God, what are we doing...

-Would have loved to see you two kiss.
-Typical.

-Why? I saw you staring at her lips.
-Not true!

And what are mine like?

Getting there.

-Your girlfriend picks up chicks for you?
-Yeah.

I can't believe it.

You on this already? On this?

-Everyone is on it. Real hotties.
-Why are you on it?

Why? I'm allowed to look?

It's gonna suck,
if she really falls for someone else.

Say, she meets someone younger,
more muscular, taller.

Nah, it's not about that. This way
it's a more adult, mature relationship.

I've seen the future
and it ain't pretty.

Are you going to eat that?

-What a sweet little girl.
-Boy. A little boy.

-How was with the chick? Did you have sex?
-Come on!

We didn't even get there.

-Ok, but what happened, tell me.
-I don't know.

It was weird.
As if it wasn't even us.

-Ok. Was it different? Her skin smoother?
-I'm telling you, I don't know.

-But it was exciting... the thought.
-But did you kiss at least?

If you're going to kiss me here,
they're will stone us to death.

Sorry, these fucking hormones.

I can't even remember the last time
I had a good fuck.

Nobody told me, that when you give birth,
you'll be surrounded by frigid bitches.

Seriously... You give birth,
you lose your common sense.

It all goes into the placenta.

You push it out,
it goes into the trash. That's it.

-You're crazy.
-Dear God.

What is the problem?

I don't get it,
why doesn't anybody like us?

I told you to lose the carbs.

-Episode seven next?
-Yup.

Again. Come on.

Come on, we got this.

There's no point. Come on.

Come on.

Alex, there's no more time.
We've gotta go.

I'm not leaving Rebecca behind.

There's a hundred people
in that school, Alex. We've gotta go.

Shit.

Alex, just go.

This sucks.

You need to save the republic. Just go.

Come on!

I'm doing this for you.

-I love you.
-I know.

Hey, let's go.

Is he leaving her there?

-Give it to me, it's mine!
-Zoard!

Stop it! Go to your room!

-They are as lively, as Pete was.
-At least they've got something from me.

Not as if we were better
off with anything else.

-I love you too, honey.
-Have some more potatoes...

-Thanks, I'm full.
-Eat this, it's paleo.

-The schnitzel isn't paleo.
-Than what is it?

Whatever.

-You never listen to me.
-Ok, then eat cucumber salad.

So, Fanny dear, how are you two doing?

All is great.
Fanny works-out a lot, she exercises.

And how is the baby project?

-Mom, please.
-Why are you rushing them?

Let them enjoy life
for a couple more years.

What's more enjoyable in life
than raising children?

-Should I make a list?
-Seriously, stop it!

They are not even married.

-Well, yeah.
-You'd surely get a discount, right, sis?

-We talked about traveling first.
-Now then!

Where to?

-Asia, South America...
-That's exciting!

Really? And when are you going?

-When?
-Not until I get my promotion, you know...

I can't believe this!

-Mommy!
-Hey, hey, hey!

-Is this yours?
-Yeah, thanks!

Cheers to the birthday boy!

-Happy birthday!
-Happy birthday!

So, you want some?

MDMA. First class.

So how does this whole open thing work?

You can't fight the power of novelty,
and you don't have to.

It has nothing to do with your partner.
What you have does not have to suffer.

Why would I love Sandra less, who is
by the way the hottest woman on Earth...

Thanks, baby.

just because I fancy
that little curly one over there?

Which one?

I'd take her home too.

I shouldn't be so selfish.

I can't believe that I alone can give her
all that she desires.

It's stupid.

What she can't get from me,
she should get from someone else.

Happy birthday! Good luck!

-Coming?
-Yeah. Yes.

It'll make you have fun.

You will dance. A lot.

Put it under your tongue.
Yeah, that's enough.

Nice dress.

I just hate thongs, they give me wedgies.
Not you?

I'm not wearing any panties.

Sorry.

-Should we go back?
-Sure.

And what did you guys agree on?
What are the rules?

Penetration only with primary partner?
Or with anyone?

Well, we didn't talk this through.

Maybe it's about time.

-Are you all right?
-Should we stop?

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

We don't have to continue,
if you don't want to.

Yes.

I want to.

...to celebrate that you embark
on a journey together,

that will hold so many new adventures
and new pleasures for you both.

Pleasures that neither of you
have even dreamed of.

Congratulations!

You want a taste?

Yeah.

Tadam!

-What do you think?
-Yummy!

-It's like...
-Soft?

Juicy? Wet?

Yes?

Thought you have developed
a taste for such things.

-Seriously, yesterday...
-Stop it!

How are you?

Oh my God.
It's as if I've been struck by lightning.

-Wait, are we competing now?
-Since when is this a competition?

-Since we eat from the same cake.
-It happened once.

You don't want to bring more chicks?

Who said we're not bringing
a guy home next time?

Hell no...

And why not?

You know,
you've got to expand the comfort zone.

Anyways, why are two women sex,
and two men gross?

It's a double standard,
I hope you admit that.

I see enough hairy asses every day.
I hope, you admit that.

Whoa!

So how do I do a prostate massage?

We've aroused the little devil in you,
haven't we?

You know, if the apocalypse
happened today... I'd save you.

I'd hunt rabbits and...

bobcats... buffaloes...

and all only with you.

Well, after all... it's always
good to have a doctor on the team.

They'll sleep through it anyway.

You talk best about modern urology.
I didn't fall asleep after the fifth time!

Sandwiches!

Thank you!

-I think we're ready, right?
-For what?

The next step. You know...
to venture separately.

Yeah.

-Don't you think?
-Yeah. Yes. Sure.

So...

-Is Julcsi attending too?
-Maybe. I don't know. Kisses. I'm off.

Kiss.

-Well, hello there.
-Hello.

I START IN AN HOUR
DO YOU MISS ME?

ROOT FOR ME

Good afternoon!

...above standard ejaculation examination,
gives infos about the maturity of sperms.

Hence, the ability of fertilization.

It affects a lot more people
than we think.

As we all know, the genitals have other
very important functions as well.

Sorry... Yes.

Where was I?

Thank you for your attention.

ROOT FOR ME

I missed you.

-So early?
-It was terribly boring.

But why didn't you call me?

I texted you.

Bálint, this is David.

-David, Bálint, he is...
-Fanny's fiancé.

You've never proposed.

-I think, I'd better go.
-No need.

Who wants coffee?

Here.

And where did you two meet?

In the spa.
David is a lifeguard.

-Listen, I'm gonna go now, ok?
-No, no, it's all good.

We are in open relationship.
We do whatever we want to.

So you don't mind,
if Fanny dates other guys?

Or girls.

-And you don't mind either?
-No.

It's all good.

I'd totally flip.

Wait...

chill.

Make a wish.

-Bottom or top?
-Bottom.

-Thanks for the coffee.
-Wait!

Thank you.

Ciao!

Really? A chippendale?

-Lifeguard.
-And where? Here on the sofa?

-No... just...
-Right.

-We agreed. This isn't fair.
-This is not fair.

And how was it?

I guess his dick is as big as me.
Right? He must be amazing!

-We didn't even fuck.
-No? You played solitaire?

No... just...

Beautiful...

If I remember correctly, it was you

who rushed so eagerly to the
conference yesterday.

So you didn't get to fuck Julcsi?

Rule No. 12: do not bring anyone up
here alone.

Rule No. 13: don't show up unexpectedly.
Does this help now?!

You feel like shit,
and I should feel guilty?

Do I need permission? I live here.

I wonder if you don't care whom I fucked
at the conference, because you become...

so tolerant, selfless and enlightened,

or because you don't care
enough about me anymore.

What did you mean by fiancé?

Never-mind. Forget it.

I've been waiting for you to propose
for years. You never brought it up.

What did you wish for?

It's a secret.

I thought we didn't have secrets.

...this inner compass shall guide you...

this inner certainness
back towards each other,

even when you get a little lost.

That... That's normal.

Yeah, right...

I declare, that according to
the Hungarian Civil Code,

you are now husband and wife.

-We haven't yet said yes.
-Why, is it a no?

No, yes. Yes.

-Ah, yes.
-Yes.

So where do I sign?

-How many partners have you had?
-About ten.

-In the past year?
-In the past month.

I see. Well, then for their sake,
I hope you used condoms.

Herpes.

Take this paper to the
sexual health department

-and start making phone calls.
-I didn't ask for preaching, Doc.

Here, go watch a movie.
Our babysitter canceled again.

-It won't work, Fanny has pole dancing.
-Then take someone else.

Isn't that the point of this
whole open relationship thing?

It is.

So what's up... how is it working?

It isn't.

Why?

Aren't you getting laid? You're allowed.

I don't know.

-I'm going down, can one of you help me?
-Sure.

You don't look like
you enjoy the situation.

It seemed mature solution.

I think if someone fancies another person,
then that relationship...

well, it's not working anymore.

A relationship is not just about
sex. There's a spiritual side.

Yeah right...

Didn't we agree to watch it together?

You are always busy,
and I didn't feel like waiting any more.

Out of 7.4 billion people on the planet,
you had to take Julcsi.

-What's the big deal?
-Because she is taboo!

-Rule No. 16.
-Because you keep all the rules, right?

-What do you mean? Yes I do!
-Really?

How could I have obeyed
a rule that didn't even exist?

-You could have guessed, I'd flip. No?
-Let's just drop it. It's boring.

I'm sorry you find me boring.

-We just watched a movie.
-But we agreed, that you'll watch with me!

Why not just ask her for a blow job!
You come in five minutes anyway...

Thanks a lot.

-Where are you going?
-To get a blow job.

Imagine your jealousy
as a living creature.

Embrace it, don't fight it.

Do not fight it...

Well, hello.

It will be 2100.

Do you think I'm sexy?

It's 2100, please.

One second.

-Wait, did you just make a pass at me?
-Forget it.

No, listen, I'm in, you know.
I thought this only happens in movies.

What is this?

Pizza.

-Asked without ham, and with artichokes.
-Why, you vegan?

I'm not vegan, I just don't want ham.
Is this so complicated?

-Don't flip out, it's just pizza.

If we agree on something,
why can't it be done that way?

Give me money!

-I don't want the pizza, I'm not paying.
-Crazy bitch!

-Pizza prick!
-Fuck you!

I even love her freakin' obsession
with tidiness, got it?

Even the fact she sets the alarm
only to even numbers,

and zero doesn't count.

I hardly recognize her any more,
while I know her the best.

What if she fell out of love with me?

Ok, shall we try this again?

You want a VAT bill?

So, how was it?

Super, I just drank too much. You?

I relaxed... meditated.
I feel much better.

That's great.

Here, if I press it, it hurts.
It's sensitive. It's not hernia, is it?

You should come to the clinic.

I was thinking...
you could check it here.

After dessert... it takes a few minutes.
Boti, Zuzu!

-Guys!
-Slow down already.

So adorable. Right, Fanny dear?

-Mom, it's really not the right time.
-Well, when is the time?

The two happiest days of my life were
when you were born.

Is it a sin, to wish this for my children?

It's because of me.

-Are you impotent?
-Moron.

We might be, well...

Got a job offer from an English hospital.
We haven't yet decided.

-Half hospital there is Hungarian.
-Here the entire country is Hungarian.

What? Why?

Because we don't believe in monogamy.

It doesn't work. Didn't work.

Doesn't work for us either,
but we don't become hippies.

-We aren't hippies.
-What do you mean, it doesn't work?

A civilized man will do it discretely.

-Are you cheating on Silvy?
-I presume she does the same.

-But what I don't know, doesn't hurt me.
-But then you are living a lie.

-And?
-What and? It doesn't bother you?

Oh come on.

Every two years a few plates break,
then a few days of sulking, and it's over.

I think what you're doing is way
more painful than a few little lies.

We should talk.

About this whole thing.
I know that it's hard and painful,

-and maybe this is not for us...
-I slept with Julcsi.

When?

-You took the chippendale home.
-How many times?

Once?

More than once?

In the hospital?

Last week, or when?

Even before the rules?

Before that, once...

Fanny, what are you doing?
Fanny, wait! Fanny!

-Please, let's talk.
-Don't follow me.

-Can't we discuss in a civilized manner?
-Is it civilized, that you fuck the nurse?

-Resident.
-Yeah, right. Sorry.

I knew it, I saw it on you.
It's instinctual, it's evolution right?

-To spread your seeds all over the place?
-Well, actually...

-Hi Doc!
-We build nests and gather berries...

You really think,
this is every women's dream?

-The physiological needs differ...
-And why didn't you tell me?

-You didn't have the guts, right?
-I didn't want to hurt you.

I have cheated on you too. Last year.

-What?
-And it was fucking great!

I'm so glad I didn't restrain
myself for your sake!

-Who was it?
-It doesn't matter.

It does matter! I have the right to know.

The mountain guide.

-While I took Melinda to the hospital?
-You were too eager to offer the ride...

-I'm a doctor!
-She barely had a few bruises!

-With that huge-ass Bosnian goatfucker?
-Croatian! And he was kind and funny...

and strong and guess what, he wanted me.

I can't believe this.

-What do you like in her?
-It's not like that...

Is she more feminine? Younger?

-You put shit in the pancake.
-Yours is filled with rose jam, right?

-There's no such thing!
-Of course there is.

-So?
-What so?

We started this whole fucking
open relationship thing,

so we wouldn't hurt each other
like the others.

-You only had to obey a few rules.
-29!

Why her, Bálint? Why not a random
patient you'd never see again? Why her?!

Because she was right there, fuck it!
She was new and sexy and wild. There.

Because you are extremely wild in bed?

All I need to find out,
you've been faking your orgasms.

Am I right?

-Sometimes.
-Great...

-It's your fault if you're not honest.
-Trust me, I'd be the happiest...

if I could come from a little in-and-out,
but I can't. It's biology.

74.6% of women don't have vaginal orgasms.

74.6? Where did you come up with this?
Got any proof?

Mr. Doctor knows better...

Right! Enlighten me. How should I know?
I don't have a vagina!

No, Julcsi has a vagina!

She can do all kinds of orgasms
in 18 seconds, simultaneously and mixed!

-And how about David's watersnake?
-Julcsi dear doesn't have a vagina,

but a cute little coochie. Like I used to.

-Let's forget this, okay?
-No.

We will not forget this.

If we don't talk this through now,
you can move out right away.

-What?
-I will not live in a lie.

...to be there for one another
for the rest of your lives,

to trust,
love...

and respect each other.

And to forgive one another...

even if it fucking hurts.

Sorry.

-Don't!
-Sorry.

Kiss!

-Leave me alone.
-Why?

You are the worst official
I have ever dealt with.

-Why, how many weddings have you had?
-Three, in total.

No.

Four.

-Yeah, right!
-Great.

And our shared stuff?

Bye.

-But why did you quit?
-Because I hated it Mom, that's why.

What are you going to do now?
No house, no job, no boyfriend.

-I don't know.
-Specifically?

I don't know, Mom, and I don't care!

I'm free. I can do whatever I want,
wherever I want, with whomever I want.

Carpe diem!

Fuck this!

Hey.

Hi.

I was surprised to hear from you.

But happy too.

It's good to see you. Are you ok?

Good.

I'm good. All my lab results are negative.

I got an 8 o'clock appointment for you,
tomorrow.

What is this?

Chlamydia.

David wasn't careful.
The question is, were you careful?

Where's this from?

It's a bit more important,
whether you're negative as well.

Confidentiality? Medical oath?
Personal rights?

-Were you guys careful, or not?
-Of course...

-What do you think of me?
-I'm worried about you, is that a crime?

How stupid of me,
I thought you called to...

-Fanny! Fanny!
-Good luck with the nurse-chick.

-Bálint saw you at the hospital.
-And?

-He was worried about me.
-I can imagine.

-And what do you want now? To test me?
-No.

Just...

if you know where you got it.

-Because it's not from me.
-No.

Then?

What is this now?

Thought you are in an open relationship...
or were, or I don't know.

And we aren't even dating.

We aren't, but we do have something
to do with each other.

And with others as well.

Whatever, forget it.

It was your idea to do it this way.
And now you're judging me?

I'm sorry.

Hey now! No jumping!

-Want some?
-No way.

Will you set the alarm?

-No, odd numbers are not good.
-Why not?

Well fine, it's good.

-You wanted to mess with me!
-Please, calm down!

I'm not going to calm down!
Leave me fucking alone, Erika!

I'm getting into nerve condition!

-Are you in love?
-I am. What are you?

-Don't start it!
-You are a shit-kicker ass-head!

Screw you!

-Don't laugh at me, fuck it!
-Laci!

I'm going there
and begin to hurt your face!

I might have really screwed
this whole thing up.

I just don't know.

What do you want to do?

I don't know what I want.

Then? Who knows?

She doesn't interest me...

She just... annoys me.

Julcsi?

She is a wild Latina demon...

a Caribbean coconut muffin...
a sweet sexy beast!

I would bang her against
a palm tree all night.

Thanks for sharing
your sexual fantasies...

-Esther and I have a favour to ask.
-To babysit Simon?

-Tomorrow is not good, but maybe...
-Not that.

So... we were thinking...

maybe checking out a swinger place.

-Don't.
-Chill...

-We won't be as stupid as you guys.
-Thanks.

Sorry, but...

we want to check it out.
That's more than enough.

Everything is great,
it's just that neither of us have been...

We need a guide.

Changing rooms are in the back.

You need permission to join,
otherwise you will be kicked out.

A no means no. A yes means yes.

Are you sure you guys want to do this?

-Sure.
-Yes.

What are you drinking?

-A beer.
-I'd like a vodka-soda.

I'd also like a beer, thanks.

What?

-Is there any food here?
-Let's look around!

Did you know?

-Listen here...
-Look...

-No, you go ahead...
-You start...

I miss you, actually.

I miss you too.

-I know that you have moved on and all...
-Why, have you?

So, I've been thinking...

and if the apocalypse came,

then I'd come back for you,
it's you I'd save.

I'd want to...

hunt rabbits and bobcats,
and all with you.

So, I still want you.

And if you feel the same way, then
everything else just matter of details,

and we can sort it out.

Rationally?

Yes.

Or irrationally?

Yes.

-Did you get it fixed?
-Yep.

-Wellness weekends rock!
-Nobody says "rock" anymore.

-Wait, turn left here.
-Where? Where here?

-Shit, we passed it.
-Tell me before, not after.

There'll be a bus stop,
you can turn around.

-But it's not allowed.
-No one's coming.

But it is still not allowed.

Holy crap!

It was brave of them to go
to a swinger club for us. No?

Or we just happened to be a good excuse.

I don't know.

I don't think it's for them.
This isn't easy.

No, it isn't.

-Hi.
-Hello.

Hey, guys.

Do you understand
what the director is talking about?

God, we are shooting season two
and she still doesn't know my name.

-She keeps calling me Alex.
-She won an Oscar.

Yeah.

Hi.