Nobody (2009) - full transcript

You want
to hear a really dumb story?

Well, I saved up every penny
I had, took out huge loans,

got two jobs so I could
be a starving artist,

well, more specifically,
so I could go to school

and maybe one day be a starving artist.

And I was at the finish line.

I was about to graduate when I realized

the persona I want to be,
the person I'm trying to be,

I'm not sure anymore if it's
the person I'm supposed to be.

Up until then, things
were going pretty good,

you know, partly because
I had all these issues,



nothing major, just regular life issues,

which was cool because, for me,

the work was always about
dealing with those issues.

That's why when this happened,
it screwed everything up.

Oh, no, no,
no, what I mean to say is,

maybe we've worked through
all of your issues.

- Well, no, I mean, that can't be right.

- This is an exciting time for you.

We turn the page to the
beginning of a new chapter,

limitless possibilities waiting to unfold,

full of discovery--
- I want you to put me back

the way you found me.

- But we've already worked
through all of your issues.

Wait, unless you're Jewish.



- I'm not.

- Lindeman sounds like a Jewish name.

- I know, everybody asks.

- 'Cause if you were Jewish--

- I'm not Jewish.

I'm Dutch, mostly.

- Well, congratulations, you're
official done with therapy.

How does it feel?

It felt like everything

I ever knew was irrelevant,

and I had to start over from scratch.

♪ Took a long trip to
try to get it right ♪

♪ They heard the crickets
singing in the trees ♪

♪ And the slow parade of the
whole thing coming down ♪

♪ City lights were fireflies ♪

♪ From the hill on the edge of town ♪

♪ I know that you had to change ♪

♪ And at the time, I didn't blame you ♪

♪ I just sort of took it personal ♪

♪ I think you like the taste
of sugarcoated rotten apples ♪

♪ Think I look funny with that hat on ♪

♪ People say the strangest things ♪

♪ In the name of self-defense ♪

♪ I need your blood in my arms,
so I cut off all my limbs ♪

♪ Right as I was
changing, realized I did ♪

♪ Shut your mouth, you stupid boy ♪

♪ You just don't understand ♪

♪ So I went looking for surrender ♪

♪ Looking for pretenders ♪

♪ Waiting all the time ♪

♪ Had so much love that I
didn't know what to do ♪

♪ So I wasted it on petty crime ♪

♪ If you want to change,
then you gotta grow ♪

♪ If you want to change,
then you gotta wait for it ♪

♪ If you gotta change,
then you gotta grow ♪

♪ If you gotta change, then
you gotta do it my way ♪

♪ People say the strangest things ♪

♪ In the name of self-defense ♪

♪ I need your blood in my arms,
so I cut off all my limbs ♪

♪ Right as I was
changing, realized I did ♪

♪ Shut your mouth, you stupid boy ♪

♪ You just don't understand ♪

♪ I understand perfectly ♪

- Lindeman, your stone block came today.

It's massive.
- Ooh, and beautiful.

We had them put it in your studio for you.

- Great.

- What's wrong, Lindeman?

- Nothing.

- I think Lindeman needs a hug.

- I don't need a hug.

- He wants a hug.

That's Alec and Edie.

They think everything is art.

So, one day they're collaborating
on a holiday theme mosaic,

and then next, they're making
flowers out of duct tape.

- Please, don't.

Oh, man, come on.

- Hey.

- Oh, this is PK.

He wanted to hang out at a
real art school for the day.

- So why'd he come here?

- Don't worry about him.

Lindeman's always like this.

- Actually, I'm not like this anymore.

- Is this the new you?

- Apparently.

- Well, does the new you want

to make plaster sculptures with us?

- No, he doesn't.

- Will the new you
consider the possibility

that love is the most
beautiful art in the world?

- And since art is everywhere,
then love is everywhere.

It's in everything and everyone.

They're pretty annoying.

- It's not in me.

- Now I need a hug.

Oh, come here.

Hey.

I love your sculpture
in the student center.

What are you gonna do next?

- That's the whole problem.

I have no idea.

I mean, if I were Zach,

I'd be trying to take down capitalism

one ridiculous performance
piece at a time.

Or if I were Margaret,
I'd be making videos

about being 27-year-old divorced lesbian.

♪ You are ♪

What would you do if you were her?

- I'd be the most beautiful
girl in Minnesota.

♪ Easy girl to kiss ♪

Lelle's a ceramic artist,

and everyone said she was
nice, but for some reason,

I just could never get up
the nerve to talk to her.

♪ I say girl ♪

- We wave some, but I've
never actually said hi.

- You should.

- I might.

The old me knew what to do.

I mean, the old me had
a way of doing things,

you know, like lunch.

Like, everyday, the old me
would go to the taco stand.

And everyday, the old
me would eat that taco.

And everyday, after eating that taco,

the old me would do what he needed to do.

But then, it's like one day,
poof, no more taco stand,

which means no more tacos,
which means no more anything.

- I like tacos.

- Wait, who are you?

- I'm PK.

My mom and I moved into the apartment

downstairs from Alec and Edie.

- How old are you?

- Almost 18.

I'm supposed to be a senior,

but I got held back because
we moved around a lot,

but I've been working on a
couple of pieces of my own

and, well, I draw them
in this book that I have.

Anyway, I was just
wondering if maybe sometime

you could give me a couple pointers.

- Man, right now, I
can't even help myself.

Holy crap.

TX 6?

Mind if I call you Tex?

That's how they mark rocks

at the quarry.

So that's how Tex got his name.

Tex was my final project.

- I'm Lindeman.

Call me Lindeman.

I guess we're gonna be working together.

I had a couple ideas.

They kinda suck.

- Quarter-life crisis, coming in hot.

Fiona's a photographer,

which meant that she was
even more pretentious

than the average art student.

- The end of graduate school in sight.

What's next?

What am I gonna do?

Where does little old me fit
into this big, crazy world?

- Yeah, actually, that's
not what's going on.

What do you think it is?

- I don't know, apparently,
I'm not suffering anymore.

- Says who?

- My shrink.

- Ooh, tough break.

That was kinda like your whole thing.

- I know, right?

And now, I have, like, no
idea what I'm supposed to do.

Just go outside!

You'll be depressed again in no time!

- I already thought of that!

It's no good.
- Why not?!

- Because now I know I need it,

so every time I start to get,
like, a little bit excited,

I kinda get depressed and
end up feeling the same way.

- Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.

- And the most annoying part

is that I can't even afford therapy.

I just make him these stupid candlesticks,

and he sees me every couple weeks.

I never thought we'd
work through everything.

- Relax, Lindeman.

I know it's your final
project and everything,

but, really, it's just another piece.

No, it isn't, not to me.

What do you mean?

- I don't really want to get into it,

but it just, it matters, right,

and I have no idea what to do.

You just need
to shake things up.

- What do you mean "shake things up"?

- Like, find a new perspective.

Like a new way

of looking at stuff?
- Like a whole

new point of view.

- I need a new thing.
- You need a new thing.

And just like that,

I had a plan.

- Okay, if one were to look--

- Take Celeste, Celeste is into death.

- Hmm.

Death.

Celeste
in the fashion program,

well, she was pretty much just into death.

- So when did you get interested in death?

Recently.

- Well, tonight, you're
gonna be with people

who completely understand the intensity

of what you're going through.

- Is this absolutely necessary?

- Hey.

You want to know what it's really like

if they think you're an outsider?

They're either gonna be self-conscious

or put on some big act for
you, neither of which are real.

But if you just blend in,
nobody knows you're there,

you can see them with their guard down.

- And I get all this from eyeliner?

We might have to
do something about that shirt.

- Huh?

I'm okay. I got it.

I've just never used a cape before.

Everyone, this is my friend.

Hey, man, what's up?

Lindeman.

- Nosferatu.

- This is Rain and that's Apnea.

Hey.

- Are we waiting for your cousin?

- Dante's gonna be late.

We should just get going.

- Apnea, would you like to start?

- This is called--

So this is what they did,

sat around in graveyards and
read bad poetry to each other.

I've never been so bored
slash freaked out in my life.

I brought a goat.

- Where did you get that thing?

- On the internet.

- Why'd you bring it here for?

- Was gonna sacrifice it.

- No.

- So we talk about death and
listen to music about death

and read poetry about
death, also which sucks,

so when I suggest real,
live, actual death,

everyone freaks out?

- He's right.

If we never do anything,
then what's the difference

between us and a goddamn book club?

- I'm in a book club.

- Okay, nobody here is afraid of death.

- Um--
- Who's going to be the one

to walk this creature into the next life?

- Think the new guy should do it.

- I don't want to kill the goat.

Okay, excuse me.

There is no life without death.

There's no day without night.

There's no beginning without an end.

Yeah, but that's a real goat.

- Lindeman will kill the goat.

- Awesome.

- Here.

Use this.

- All right, let's begin.

Rain, the music.

Nosferatu, the reading.

- Once upon a midnight dreary,

while I pondered, weak and weary,

over many a quaint and curious
volume of forgotten lore,

while I nodded, nearly--

I was gonna run away,

but I forgot I was wearing the cape.

Oh, my god.

What the hell?

Oh, crap.

- Oh, god, turn that off.

♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪

♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
- Your friend broke it.

It won't shut off.
♪ Ba du bop ♪

What are you doing?

- This goat's coming with me.

- Give us the goat.
- Back off, man!

You too, goat boy!

- Hey, that's my goat.

Mark Rothko: sexist pig.

Jackson Pollock: filthy misogynist.

Piet Mondrian: subjectified women.

- What does subjectified mean?

- What does it mean to you?

- Uh, I don't know.

- True.

Very true.

Hagel's my advisor,

which meant this was the guy

I was supposed to be going to for advice.

Well, thank you, class.

Good afternoon.

Lindeman, a word, please.

Please to tell me why I do not
have your artist's statement.

Okay, I will remind you.

Your artist's statement is your
proposal for your Exit Show,

which you remember, this
show, you need to graduate.

- I don't know what to do.

- You are blocked?

- Yes, I guess.

- In German, we have a saying,

- I don't think--
- Very good.

- Okay, but what am I supposed
to do if I can't work?

- Very good, Lindeman.

Very good.

Do you realize the entire Asian race

has almost no hair on their bodies?

- What's that?

- Thank you so much
for your lecture today.

I really enjoyed it.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Thank you very much,

Ms. Ling.

I knew she would like it.

- Yeah, about that, I
don't really get how a guy

who basically paints
squares can be sexist.

- I have no idea.

Lecture was verbatim
from book on feminism.

- So why do you teach it, then?

- Chicks dig it.

I want your artist's
statement by next week.

- Right.

♪ Oh, give us your vote ♪

♪ Give us your vote ♪

♪ If you know what's good for you ♪

♪ Oh, give us your vote ♪

♪ Give us your vote ♪

♪ If you know what's good for you ♪

♪ These are the lines ♪

♪ That we straighten every year ♪

♪ But it's the second time ♪

♪ They mapped the constellation ♪

I
guess the goat was handicapped

because she never walked.

And since they didn't make
little goat wheelchairs,

I just carried her around everywhere.

- Psst.

Hear you're looking for a new thing.

- Hey, Zach. What's up?

- Don't turn around, man.

Just keep walking.

Zach's a performance artist

who's big on South
American revolutionaries

and not eating meat.

- What's with the cloak
and dagger routine?

- Just a precaution.

You looking or not?

Yeah.

- You know what's happening in the world?

I guess I read the paper.

- Well, then I guess you read propaganda!

Open your eyes, man.

Everyday corporations force-feed you

a diet of misinformation and half-truths.

You want the truth?

- Maybe.

- The truth is kids recognize
McDonald's and Nike logos

before they can read.

They see 8,000 murders on television

before they finish elementary school.

The truth, my friend,

they're not broadcasting the
truth on the evening news.

- So what's on the evening news?

- Exactly.

I'm not gonna lie to
you, it's war out there.

War can get pretty intense.

When you're in the trenches and
the shit starts coming down,

all your training goes out the window

and all you've got is
adrenaline and instinct.

- What...

What training?

- You know why you do it?

It's not for the glory or
the medals or the parades,

although I like parades.

- So why do you do it?

- You do it for the little people.

So when the movement comes
knocking on your door,

they're gonna ask you a question

and they're not gonna ask it twice:

Are you with us or against us?

- I'm with you.

Welcome to the revolution.

- Okay, so how is this a revolution?

- I got more people coming.

Actually, there he is now.

Another foot soldier in the fight

against global imperialism.

Comrade Lindeman, Comrade Rodriguez.

Now we're all here.

- Actually, I have a band coming.

- Didn't authorize a band.

- It's just Alec and Edie.

- Since when are they in a band?

- Since today.

♪ Yeah, boy ♪

Okay,
even for Alec and Edie,

this was totally bonkers.

♪ We are the ones, Missile Machine ♪

♪ We are seen being in the death dream ♪

♪ Clap your hands, people,
for the Missile Machine ♪

- Okay, okay, okay.

Let's get to work.

Little help with the goat?

Oh, sure.

Oh, there you go, little buddy.

I don't understand my sign.

- Buy Nothing Day.

24 hours where we break the
chain of unfettered consumerism?

- Yeah, but if everyday
was Buy Nothing Day,

then we wouldn't be able to
eat or, like, live, so...

Yeah, but this is...

Totally cool.

- All right, these are the chants.

Let's try a few quick practice runs.

Pigs and cows, not food, but pals.

Pigs and cows, not food, but pals.

Pigs and
cows, not food, but pals.

- Are you kidding me?
- Pigs and cows,

not food, but pals!

- Bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum,

Missile Machine!
- No, no, no.

No!
- Bum bum bum bum--

- Comrades, Hagel's gonna here any minute.

♪ Hold on to your purse ♪

♪ Here comes the second verse ♪

- This is for a class?

- Yeah, Non-Static Political
First-Person Sculpture.

- Hey.

It's the Fruit of the Loom guys.

- Actually, this is a protest

against the unethical treatment of animals

and the morally reprehensible
food industry at large.

- Boys, go take a picture with
the Fruit of the Loom guys.

- We're vegetables.

Say cheese.

Let's wait till the radish

comes back, we'll take a
picture of the whole group.

- Gomez, get back here!

- Knock it off, let's go.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Excuse me.

We're gonna have to ask you to leave.

- Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

If we left you in peace
to count your money,

carry on with your orgy
of death and destruction,

to dance on the graves of
a thousand innocent cows

whose only crime was being cows.

- Zachary Michael, you know quite well

your mother and I don't dance.

- Stop hitting me with my own celery!

Cut it out!
- Can we please just talk

about this at home?

- Until the suffering
ends, we will not leave.

Until right is done, we will not leave.

Five minutes later,

his dad called the cops, and we left.

- All right, you fat
bitch, now we do it my way.

What?

Yeah, I called you fat.

What are you gonna do about it?

That's what I thought.

You think you can intimidate everybody

'cause you're two tons of granite?

Nuh-uh!

No way!

Man, it's not like you're marble.

It just won't work on me,
and I'll tell you why!

It's because I am a pimp!

And you know what else?!

I got a goddamn receipt.

You see this?

This says I own you, so from
now on, what I say goes, son!

If I say break dance, you say, what move?

If I say, moonwalk, you say, for how far?

And if I say head spin,
you say, for how long?!

Got it?!

Good!

Now that that's settled,

it's time for you to lose a few pounds.

I hate you.

The
happy sombrero was sorta like

my Mexican rally cap,

but it just wasn't the bottom
of the ninth inning yet.

- It's so derivative, it's
not even derivative anymore.

On the surface, it's
this new interpretation

of some neo-Cubist
classical pop somethingness,

but underneath, it's basically
just this retro-abstract

expressionistic realist nothingness,

which kinda just gives the whole thing

a feeling of surreal pastiche.

- That, and it blows.

I mean, how is this even art?

It's just a big, stupid bowl.

- Well, perhaps we take
a five-minute break

before we next critique
Lelle's series of mugs.

- I mean, what did I say?

- Lelle, why don't you come make

meditative Oriental ink paintings with us?

- Yeah, they're on rice
paper, and really Zen.

We've been doing them all night.

- Hi.
- Okay.

Hi.

Oh, come on.

- Oh, wait, I need help.

- Now is a bad time.

- Well, what am I supposed to do?

- Schedule an appointment
during business hours.

- It's been two months, and
I haven't done anything.

- Dammit, Lindeman.

I must go.

I have private tutoring session with Ling.

- Well, goddammit, Hagel.

You're supposed to be my adviser.

Give me some goddamn advice.

In English.

- You go to this address, ask for Sumi.

Hagel
had mentioned Sumi before.

She was some kinda Eastern mystic,

and spending time with
her was supposed to be

this deeply religious experience.

- What you want?

- Um, Professor Hagel said that if--

- Oh, why didn't you say
the professor sent you?

- No.

What would you even do with--

Right.

That was horrible.

- You got him cheese enchiladas?

- What? He's a vegetarian.

- So, how's it going?

- Worse every day.

- Why don't you just relax
and put on your lucky hat?

- Okay, it's not a lucky hat.

It's a happy sombrero.

And how could I possibly
even think of putting it on

at a time like this?

- Sorry I asked.

- Look, um, I was just kinda wondering--

- No.

- You don't even know what--
- You want to try my thing.

- How did you know--
- I'm an intellectual.

To people like us, people
like you are an open book.

- I can be people like us.

- I really don't think so.

- Okay, fine, if you had
to put some sort of number

on this awesome intellect
of yours, what would it be?

- Six.
- On a scale from one to 10?

- On a scale from one to six.

- Why would a scale only go to six?

- Don't know.

- I can do the intellectual thing.

As a matter of fact, right
now, this very conversation

is an intellectual speaking conversation.

- I don't think my people would agree.

- Why, why, why?!

What do I got to do, buy a blazer?

Learn the French?

What?

- All right, if I ask you the
first question on the test,

and you get it wrong,

do you promise to drop the whole subject?

- Absolutely.

- You are the greatest scientist
the world has ever known.

What single issue do you
dedicate your life to?

Hello?

- Uh, flying cars!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, moving sidewalks.

Ooh, a really nice hat.

- World peace.

World hunger.

Time travel.

- Oh, yeah, those are good.

Are you working on a time machine?

- Lindeman, you don't have to be

an intellectual to be an artist.

All you have to do is shut the hell up

and just make something.

It's not like you forgot how.

- No, I still know how,
I just don't know why.

- That's a problem.

- I promised myself that
when I finish grad school,

when I turn in this final project,

that I would know then
whether to keep at this

or to just walk away from the whole thing.

- So this is kinda gonna
determine the rest of your life.

- Pretty much.

And I don't have a
goddamn clue what to do.

- Why the long face?

- They don't know how lucky they are.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, look at Drew.

He grew up with racism,
bigotry, prejudice.

And Shelly, Shelly's from the streets.

She's got drugs, guns, poverty.

And Lane, Lane's like
a suicidal drug addict

with a disability.

It's like he hit the lottery.

He's one lucky guy.

- Where are my hardships?

Why isn't anybody against me?

- Thought you were Jewish.

- I'm not.
- 'Cause if you were Jewish--

- I'm Dutch.

Mostly.

- What if I could give you an introduction

to a very special group?

A group that's been laughed at

and marginalized and
slandered and even murdered

since the beginning of time?

- Wait. You're from Canada?

- I'm talking about being gay.

- Oh.

Margaret's a video installation

artist who, for some reason,

thinks of human sexuality as a sale.

- Wait, are you talking
about me being gay?

- Just think of human sexuality as a scale

from completely straight
to completely gay.

- But I don't want to be gay.

- Just try it.

- Nuh-uh.
- Come on.

- Nope.
- I dare you.

- Sorry.

Lindeman, the
semester's almost half over,

and you have absolutely nothing.

So, you don't have to try it for me,

and you don't have to try it for you,

and you don't even have to
try it for your country,

but you do have to try it for your work.

You owe it to your work.

- Would I have to be, like, super gay?

I feel ridiculous!

- You look fantastic!

Bottoms up!

You need to relax!

- Okay.

- You like to party?

- Yeah, it's like a party!

Oh, hey, this is my...

This is my drink.

- Looks tasty.

You make that shirt yourself?

For you.

Here you go.

Drink that, sailor.

Are you ready, boys?!

We have a special treat for you tonight!

Now appearing on the main stage,

Minneapolis's own, Big John!

♪ We built this city ♪

♪ We built this city on rock and roll ♪

♪ We built this city ♪

♪ We built this city on rock and roll ♪

♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪

♪ And where are all the gods ♪

♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules
to fight the rising odds ♪

♪ Isn't there a white
knight upon a fiery steed ♪

♪ Late at night, I toss and I turn ♪

♪ And I dream of what I need ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a hero
till the end of the night ♪

♪ He's gotta be fast and
he's gotta be strong ♪

♪ And he's gotta be fresh from the fight ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a hero
till the morning light ♪

♪ He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon ♪

♪ And he's gotta be larger than life ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪

♪ And where are all the gods ♪

♪ Where's the street lie, over
there or is it over there ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ What the hell am I doing here
with all of these gay guys ♪

♪ I sure don't know how
I got on this stage ♪

♪ But now I'm singing awesome ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a hero
till the end of the night ♪

♪ 'Cause he's gotta be this
and he's gotta be that ♪

♪ And he's gotta be totally awesome ♪

♪ I need a hero ♪

♪ I'm holding out for a hero
till the morning light ♪

♪ He's gotta be sure
and it's gotta be soon ♪

- Lindeman!

Lindeman!

Hey, where you going?

- Being gay is awesome.

- So why are you leaving?

- I don't do awesome.

What, what, what?

Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll come back later.

- No, it's okay.

Come in.

Can I just
ask you a question?

- Sit.

- I was just wondering--
- Oh, my, oh, my, look at me.

Look at me.

Do you know I used to be big time?

Yes, the critics called me.

You know this word?

- No.
- I dressed like pig,

they treated me like king.

Money, respect, women.

The women would beg.

One day ,

the next,.

I'll tell you some American expression:

No one would hire me with 10-meter pole.

So what could I do?

I became professor.

- Wow.

I just...

- Shh.

Confidentially, I am having
nonacademic relations with Ling.

- Really?

- Yeah, it was good for short time,

but now, she thinks I am oldy-moldy.

- No.
- Yes!

She says, over and over,
"Oldy-moldy, oldy-moldy."

And, you know, words I can take,

but her discovery of hockey troubles me.

- Okay, what's wrong with hockey?

- Well, she claims they are friends,

but last night, I caught the
goalie in my house, in my bed,

and he was teaching her
about the five-hole.

- Okay, what did you do?

- I walk out and I slam the
door so she knows how I feel.

- That's tough.

- What?

You think I went too far?

- Well--
- You're saying she came

to this country with nothing,

looking for a bit of compassion perhaps,

a touch of kindness and...

You're right, what have I given her?

Judgment.

- That's not what I said--

- Now I must beg forgiveness.

- No! Wait!

No, please, there's like a
month left until the final show

and I haven't even done
my artist's statement yet.

- Lindeman, forget the artist's statement.

No time left for words!

Now is time for action.

- I'm sorry I called you a fat bitch.

It was out of line and immature.

I want to make this right.

What?

Okay.

Who's fat?

What? I am.

Who's a bitch?

What? That's me.

Who's the pimp?

That's you, that's you, that's you.

Go, Tex.

Go, Tex.

Go, Tex, yo.

♪ Who likes to rock the party ♪

♪ Tex likes to rock the party ♪

♪ Who likes to rock the party ♪

♪ Tex likes to rock the party ♪

♪ Who likes to rock the ♪

Help.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

- Well, you look pretty bad.

- But I could be worse.

You know what I mean?

I've gotta get worse.

- Are you sure you're not--
- Oh, ask me if I'm Jewish,

and I swear I'll smack you in the mouth.

- So then what can I do for you?

- I want you to insult me.

- Interesting.

You feel that if I reject

certain behavioral characteristics,

it would result in overwhelming feelings

of inadequacy and underachievement,

thereby reinvigorating your creativity

which thrives in such an environment.

- Whatever.

If you make me feel bad,
then I might be able to work.

- Lindeman, that's masochism.

- Please.

- It's highly unorthodox
and most likely unethical,

but what the heck.

- Oh! Thank you.

- Prepare to receive the
requested verbal assault.

- Let her rip.

- At times, I find your
commitment to hygiene

a bit too sporadic.

- What kind of crap is that?

- Excuse me?

- That's the worst insult I've ever heard!

- Well, then never mind.

- No, no, no, please, you
can't leave me like this.

- Then please do not insult me

when I'm trying to insult you.

- Okay, it won't happen again.

- This time, I will not hold back.

- Please don't.

- Prepare to receive the
wrath of Dr. Elmore Weinstein.

There have been times

when I have found the
craftsmanship of your candlesticks

to be underwhelming.

- Oh, you're an asshole.

I apologized later,

said I was the asshole.

He agreed.

- It makes minimalism look baroque.

- Some of the pedestals are pretty cool.

- I love pedestals.

- Let's do a pedestal series.

- Let's.

- But there's nothing there.

- That's not true.

It's emotionally infused space

three inches above the pedestal.

- What do you think, Lindeman?

- Hi.

- Hi.

Bye.

- Bye.

- How did that go?

- Better.

- It's completely worthless.

- It's beyond worthless.

- Everything sold in the first hour,

and the old guy commissioned
another installment

for half a million dollars.

- Wish I'd thought of it.

- Me too.

- Hey.

Coming with us to Fiona's cabin?

- It's on the lake.

- The weather's supposed to be perfect.

- Come on, a bunch of us are
going up for the weekend.

- Nope.

- Everyone's going.

Fiona, Zach.

- Margaret, Celeste, Lelle, PK--

- Lelle's going?

Maybe my new thing,

the thing I was looking for, was Lelle.

♪ Oh, Momma thinks we're
made out of money ♪

♪ Daddy thinks we need more time ♪

♪ Sister's got her own opinion ♪

♪ Caught her on the other line ♪
- Isn't this amazing?

- I think I'm gonna kill myself.

- Ooh.

Ha.

Ha!

Get it away.

♪ I just wanna sing my song ♪

♪ So long to the city life ♪

♪ So long to the neon sign ♪

♪ I'm gone ♪

- Dude, this is like Nam.

- Hey, there's supposed to be
a trail around here somewhere.

Oh, watch the goat.

- Right.

Sorry.

- Oh, brought my book
in case you get a chance

to look at it.

- Yeah, maybe later.

♪ If I could get in touch with my cousin ♪

♪ Maybe we could go away for awhile ♪

♪ If we ever wanna come back ♪

♪ Girl, you know we're
gonna be back in style ♪

♪ 27 hours later ♪

♪ We could buy a couple bottles of wine ♪

♪ We don't need the conversation ♪

♪ 'Cause tonight, we're
going back in time ♪

♪ So long to the city life ♪

♪ So long to the neon sign ♪

♪ I'm gone ♪

♪ I'll trade the trouble and this drive ♪

♪ So long ♪

I
wanted to say something

that could put all of
this into perspective,

something honest, something deep.

- It's so

wide.

I like Beanie Weenies.

- What's not to like?

The weenies.

- Well, thanks for making brownies, Edie.

- Yeah.
- Thanks, Edie.

Yeah, those were really good.

Everything
I had was really good.

Why are you blushing?

- Should we tell them?

- Tell us what?

- Those were special brownies.

- Pot brownies?

- Think of them as love brownies.

- Wait. You got us high?

- It's called rolling.

- Like, specialty brownies.

- Oh, man.

- Oh, Lindeman, didn't we talk
about doing it all semester?

- Yeah, we did, but--

We just wanted to share the love.

- We're not gonna let
anything bad happen to you.

- Dang.

- I got some more firewood.

When you give drugs

to a bunch of people who
act like they're on drugs

all the time anyway,
things get a little weird.

Yow!

Yow!

Yow!

Yeah, boy!

Yeah, boy!

Yeah, boy!

Yeah, boy!

- Come on, Lindeman!

- How'd you get up there?

- I'm tree-sitting.

When those horrible people
come to cut down this tree,

I won't let them.

- Who's coming to cut down this tree?

- For food, I can eat the berries,

and I can fashion the leaves

into a surprisingly effective
moisture containment system.

Hmm.

It was now or never.

Time to man up.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- I love you.

- I love you too.

- I've always loved you.

- And I've always loved you.

And I've always loved that sweater.

- What?

- And I've always loved the sky.

And that bush.

And this ground.

- You love this ground?

- Touch it. Touch it.

Feel it.

This is sacred ground.

- It is?

- And I've always loved my mom.

But I've never thanked her for having me.

I should do that.

I should call her right now.

Do you have a phone?

- No.

But I think Margaret does.

- You're doing it.

You got it.

You're in it.

It's a good talk, bug.

Stay.

Stay.

Stay.

- It hurts, man.

It really, really hurts.

I know.

- But at least I'm starting
to figure some stuff out.

- What have you figured out?

- Well, for starters,

Lelle loves me like a sweater.

- I'm sorry.

- Then it's like I spent all this time

trying to find a new thing,

but all I really figured
out was all these things

that, you know, I'm not, all
these things that aren't me.

- All tucked in.

- Thanks.

- No problem.

- I think I'm ready.

- Are you sure?

- It's time for my happy sombrero.

- Is your sombrero for
when you're actually happy,

or when you're sad and
you want to be happy?

- It's for right now.

Thanks for doing this, by the way.

I know how you feel about the dirt, so...

- Actually, I don't mind it so much.

Anything else?

- Hey, is Margaret...

Oh, my god.

It's incredible.

- It's for you.

- Why?

- I think you're beautiful.

- How many brownies did you have?

- I didn't have any.

I'm allergic to chocolate.

- What, so you're just like this?

- Like what?

- What's it like to be rich?

- What's it like to covered at all times

by a thin layer of filth?

- Smells fancy.

- Smells terrible.

- Celeste, wanna make s'mores?

Sure.

- Do you want chocolate
marshmallow or peanut butter?

Peanut butter.

- Alec couldn't find the spoons.

- If you sit near the
fire, it gets really gooey.

Mm.

I love s'mores.

- The most miraculous food ever made.

- This peanut butter is to die for.

- Mm.

You have to try this.

- Mm.

Try mine.

Mm.

Mm.

- I want to try marshmallow
and peanut butter

at the same time.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Chocolate.

And peanut butter.

- How was that?

- Best one yet.

- I wanna try it.

♪ If I broke my jaw for you ♪

♪ I'd find a bloody tooth and rip it out ♪

♪ Throw it in the water ♪

♪ Where it'd flow into
the river, let it out ♪

♪ Out across the flood plain ♪

Oh, my god.

♪ Underneath the sanded silt ♪

♪ And in between the
smooth stones and seaweed ♪

- Hey!

I found my new thing!

- I fell out of a tree.

- Are you okay?

- I think I broke my arm.

So what's your new thing?

- Earth!

- Like planet Earth?

- Like planet Earth!

- You found planet Earth?

- Yeah.

- I think I broke my arm.

♪ Love is like a space ship burning up ♪

♪ When it hits the atmosphere ♪

♪ Wishing that for once it
might have wised up right ♪

♪ And stayed away from here ♪

♪ Up in outer space
where there's no oxygen ♪

♪ And nothing makes a sound ♪

♪ Martians build canals
to bring the water ♪

♪ And to sail their vessels down ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- What up, girl?

♪ Ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

What happened to you?

- PK's a genius.

- Yeah.

And tender and kind and pure.

Oh, my god, I can't believe
I'm about to say this.

I think I love him.

- You love him?

Like a sweater?

- I love him like...

I love him.

- Hey.
- Hello.

- Hey, you finally got a
chance to look at my book?

- Yeah.

It's unbelievable.

I
barely even noticed the guy,

but PK was what we all wanted to be.

He was an artist.

- You like it?

- I think you might be better

than all of us here put together.

Mm.

- That's cool, man.

Thanks.

- You cheated on me.

- It was just a regular threesome and--

- And you liked it.

- And I was just minding my own business--

- I can't find the spoons.

I can't find the spoons!

Spoons are right here.

- What happened?

- I think I just killed the
happiest couple in the world.

What's it like
to be a freaking moron?!

- I don't know, what's it
like to be a stuck-up bitch?

- Why are you being so
completely irrational?!

- Excuse me?

- Or are you just being
retarded for no reason?

- You can almost convince
yourself that you're a genius

until you're, like, standing next to one.

- What do you mean?

- I mean,

if my best work, like the
best that I could ever do,

won't even be half as good as
PK, why should I even bother?!

- Because you just found
your new Earth thing.

- Wasn't really mine.

It was just something
nobody else was using.

- Well, at least you're suffering again.

You can just go back to that.

- And you know what, that's not really

doing it for me anymore.

- So, you have your old thing back

and you have the new thing, and
you're not gonna use either?

- No.

- Wow.

So what are you gonna do?

- I quit.

♪ Taking gulps of big blue sea ♪

♪ Of Georgia peach and Texas tea ♪

- You two are in love.

- Love is dead.

- Why don't you just go talk to him?

- Why don't you shove it up your butt?

- But you said love is the most
beautiful art in the world.

- I should've said never have a threesome.

- But don't you just
wanna go give him a hug?

- I'd rather punch myself in the face.

- I didn't forget the goat in the woods.

- I'm not blaming anyone.

I would go back for the goat
myself if my arm wasn't broken.

- The goat will be fine.

- He can't even walk.

- He'll adjust.

He's from nature.

- Actually, he's from the internet.

♪ You were born in the '70s ♪

- People say I'm a lecher,
and perhaps they're right,

but people forget lechers
have feelings too.

- I know they do.

- And you, any progress?

- No.

I'm gonna be leaving school.

- So you still have nothing?

Don't be a fool.

Take an extension.

You turn it in the
summer, or even next year.

No, what I mean is, I'm done making art.

I'm walking away from the whole thing.

- You were the best at this school.

- Wow.

I don't know what to say.

- With any luck, in time,

you might even have been very good.

But not great.

- It is not likely.

- So what's the point if
I'm never gonna be great?

- The point remains the same

whether you are good or great.

Which is what?

- The same.

Still the same.

- Yeah, but...

Listen, none of it feels right anymore.

- Then you have made your decision.

- I just wanted to say goodbye.

- Well, as we say in Germany,

- What does it mean?

- Just that.

Just that.

- I need more boxes.

- Forget the boxes, Lindeman.

The show's in 48 hours.

Just turn that in.

Paint it white, cut it in half.

Christ, just turn it in as-is
and call it something French.

At least you'll get a degree.

- I don't care. I'm done.

- What are you gonna do
out in the real world?

- I'll get a real job.

I'll be a beekeeper or a blacksmith--

- Listen!

Beekeeper.

You have a chance to be a great artist.

- Yeah, but do I, really?

- Yes.

That's the thing about being an artist:

everyone has a chance.

Man, woman, child, living, dead.

Don't you understand?

You don't even have to be alive,

and you still get two
chances at immortality.

First, there's a chance you
might actually be a genius.

- I'm not a genius.

- True, that's true, but there's a chance

you might be mistaken for a genius.

- Yeah, but that's just--

- Plus, you have a
chance I never even had.

I'm too smart for my own good, you know?

I've been all over the world.

I mean, I know too many people
who've read too many books.

It's too late for me.

But you have a chance
of actually being happy.

- Because I'm dumb?

- Yes, but here's the beauty of it,

you will be so busy working and playing

and chasing shiny objects,

you won't even know that you're happy.

- Okay, but isn't, like, the
best part about being happy

actually getting to feel happy?

- How do you mean?

- I mean, I'm not the expert,

but it's like if I'm happy
and don't get to be happy,

then aren't I sort of unhappy?

- Actually, that's a good point.

- So what am I gonna do now?

I have no idea.

- Oh, come on, like two seconds ago,

I was this happy moron
chasing shiny stuff.

- That's life in the fast lane.

- I was in the fast lane?

Goes by like
in a blur, doesn't it?

- Sure does.

- You should've been more careful.

- So, basically, I'm nobody, I'm dumb,

and I'm never gonna be happy.

- Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

I'm gonna go get you
some more of these boxes.

- Thank you.

I didn't think it would end like this.

I really didn't.

♪ Bring on the tightrope walker ♪

♪ Boys and girls will
cheer as he ascends ♪

♪ Bring on the lion tamer ♪

♪ And everyone will roar ♪

♪ Bring on the dancing elephants ♪

♪ And then all the pretty
girls on horseback ♪

♪ Bring on the clowns ♪

♪ Who think that I'm in
need of some distraction ♪

♪ Bring on the clowns ♪

♪ I guess that you could
tell from my reaction ♪

♪ To put up a show ♪

It seemed like everyone

had it all figured out,

but I didn't even know where to start.

♪ Bring on the family of the high-wire ♪

♪ And let them all conspire
against these heights ♪

♪ Bring out the man who
ties himself in knots ♪

♪ And bring on that strong man ♪

♪ Who can lift that hollow
Russian car above his head ♪

♪ Then bring on the clowns ♪

- What are you doing here?

- It's my studio too.

And a free country.

- Thought you'd be out
cruising for more threesomes.

- Yeah, actually, I
just got back from one.

I have two more later on.

- Pig.
- Cow.

- I just came to get some of my stuff.

- Take what you want.

Have a nice life.

Yeah, I plan to.

- Yeah.

What's wrong?

- Oh, what do you care?

- I don't.

I don't.

I'm just asking.

What is it?

- The Muppet Movie.

Do you remember the night we watched this

for the first time?

- Bought you that record the next day.

- Do you remember what we
used to call each other?

- Of course I do.

- I'm so sorry.

- No, I'm so sorry.

- If I ever hurt you again, I'll die.

- If you ever die, I'll die.

- Gonzo?

- Yes, Beaker?

- Where's the goat?

- Oh.

Hey, man.

- Hey.

I hear you're on quite a tear.

- It's been crazy.

First, they offered me a full
ride to come here in the fall.

- That's cool.

- Yeah, but they had to take it back.

This is like grad school.

I'm just a junior in high school.

- That's too bad.
- Yeah.

Guess they had to be really
strict about that kinda stuff.

- I guess so.

- So I was really psyched when they asked

if I would teach a few
classes here in the fall.

- They want you to teach.

- Wild, huh?

- Yeah, that's, uh...

Wow.

Oh, but didn't I hear about a gallery?

- Oh, yeah, that, dude, a couple
places wanna do some shows.

- A couple.
- Yeah.

I mean, nobody even looked
at my stuff before you did,

so, you know, I really appreciate it.

- You deserve it.

- So, what are you doing here?

- Long story short, I
decided I was nobody.

- Hm.

That's kinda cool, huh?

- You think?

- Well, if you're nobody, you're, like,

flying under the radar.

- Yeah, I guess so.

- And if you're nobody, you
don't answer to anybody.

- No, probably not.

- So you're not just anybody.

- No?

- You're not like everybody.

Nope.

- And you're not like, "Hey,
look at me, I'm somebody."

- No way, man.

- If you're nobody, like, really nobody,

you're like your very own thing.

- You really think I'm nobody?

Yeah, man.

- I am nobody.

Even sounds cool.

- I am nobody.

One time in Spanish.

- So is this like the thing
you've been looking for?

- Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to work!

- What's the point if you're
not actually a genius?

- How should I know?!

Okay.

♪ Over the songs you sing ♪

♪ The ambulance explodes ♪

♪ Yeah, those songs you sing ♪

♪ They make everyone explode ♪

♪ You have no idea ♪

♪ Nowhere to get off ♪

♪ So you packed with fear ♪

♪ Yeah, be mine, everyone ♪

♪ But oh, my god, my god ♪

♪ Look at how much you've done ♪

- You're finished?

- Finished.

- How does it feel?

- Finished.

- This is--

- Yeah.

- Lindeman.

- I know, right?

- Right.

Right.

Right.

Mm.

The ceremony is in half an hour.

- You mean...

- You have to hurry.

And not to forget costume.

That's right,

you gotta wear a funny costume
to graduate from art school.

- Zachary Michael Joseph
Randolph Dalton Sim III!

- Go, Zach!

♪ You dim the lights,
administer the cure ♪

Matt Kenneth!

Lindeman.

- Woo!

♪ Baby, if you only knew ♪

♪ But I don't think you do ♪

♪ You take the lines ♪

♪ From ordinary books ♪

- Okay, now, this is our
new organic soy burger.

Tell me how you like that.

- Why, this is not what
you're supposed to do?

Oh, my, aw.

- Little help!

Yeah!

Nice one, honey!

Around the horn!

You
know, I still can't say for sure

how most of this fits together.

- So you don't climb trees anymore?

Oh, hell no.

What the hell is that...

Because some of this stuff

did actually hurt.

- Alec and Edie found
him right near the cabin.

- Aw, I heard he survived on s'mores.

Aw.

And
some of it was just insane.

What are you supposed to be?

I'm an electric car.

What are you supposed to be?

- I'm my own worst enemy.

Want a lift to the keg?

Sure.

But
it just kinda seemed like

the only thing I was actually doing

was beating my head against the wall.

- Let's all read the same thing,

get together and talk about it.

But let's not call it a book club.

You know, like, everything

I was trying to do was
just kinda pointless.

- My wife and I are thinking
of taking dancing lessons.

- You know a Jewish dance called the hora?

I guess
it just never seemed like

I was getting any close to
where I was trying to go.

Gomez!

Hey, why are you still
wearing that radish costume?

- Ooh, let me guess, slave and master.

- No, silly, we're S&M.

Ooh, that's a keeper!

Yes.

But,
you know, now that I think

about it, maybe all
those idiotic pit stops

were actually part of what got me here.

- What's next for you, Fiona?

- I'm going to get my PhD in Paris.

Gay Paris?

- Oui, gay Paris.

- Are you really gonna
teach here next fall?

- Nah.

My girl had a better plan.

- We are moving to New York City.

- What about you, Lindeman?

What's next for you?

- I don't know, but I think
it's gonna be pretty good.

- He can walk!

- He can run!

- Bye.

- Bye.

Hey, I told you

it was a really dumb story.

Now, I think feeling like you're doing

what you're supposed to be doing

is something that comes and goes.

I really don't know.

Here's what I do know: I'm Lindeman.

I'm just doing what I can with what I got.

It's a start.

♪ I've come down with something ♪

♪ I'm frozen, tied up, cast in lead ♪

♪ It's simple, so says the captain ♪

♪ Face forward, move slow, forge ahead ♪

♪ I'm earning a reputation ♪

♪ My conscience, mistrust, and regret ♪

♪ Courageous, just like the captain ♪

♪ Marching forward with
no doubt in his head ♪

♪ Onward ♪

♪ Onward ♪

♪ Onward ♪

♪ Onward ♪

♪ Hold on to your purse ♪

♪ Here comes the second verse ♪

♪ We are in the sky, we are in the sand ♪

♪ We are in the mountains
of Turkmenistan ♪

♪ We're with you when you're waking ♪

♪ We're with you in your dreams ♪

♪ We are the ones, Missile Machine ♪

♪ Missile Machine ♪

♪ Missile Machine ♪

♪ Missile Machine ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, Missile Machine ♪

♪ Missile Machine ♪

♪ Missile Machine ♪

♪ Missile Machine ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, Missile Machine ♪