No Surrender (1985) - full transcript
A scheduling mixup means two groups of old-timers have reserved the same bar for a party on the same night. The situation is trickier than expected since the bar is in Liverpool, and one group are Protestant die-hards while the other consists of Catholics hard-liners.
[music playing]
[QUIETLY] Come on.
Come on!
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
[footsteps approaching]
Billy?
That's you, isn't it, Billy?
It's me.
[laughs] Billy!
Billy boy!
You and me, Billy.
Me and you.
Billy the Beast and me, eh?
[laughs]
What is it you want?
There are things I have to do.
I have obligations tonight.
Here's me, all the way overfrom Belfast, just to see you,
special.
You and me were friends, Billy.
We fought together.
That's an obligation
in itself, surely.
Is it?
Course it is.
How dare you?
I've kept in touch.
In me own fashion.
Not sure that I've noticed.
NORMAN: Oh, but I have, Billy.
I have.
You'd be surprised.
Nothing surprises
me these days, Norman.
Not even this.
[inaudible], how about
we drink, Billy, eh?
For old times' sake and
the new year coming, eh?
No.
You don't get a
good pint in there.
Not at first.
Way to [inaudible]
behave yourself.
I remember when you were a drunk[inaudible] three [inaudible]
at once.
I woulda done a lot
of things at once.
I'll stay as I am.
I told you I'm in a hurry.
Speak your mind
and then I'll go.
Speak your weight if you
want, I don't much care.
I'm on the run.
And what's so funny about that?
You're on the run?
You won't get far at your age.
It's actually serious.
I doubt it.
Seriously.
It's for a good cause, Billy.
For God knows [inaudible].
There are some who
are still following
in your footsteps, Billy.
I'll be walking on agood deal of shite, then.
I have to go now.
No surrender, Billy.
No fucking surrender!
I surrender.
In fact, I give up.
Course, uh, I understand why.
I mean we all do.
Oh, why?
I mean it was an
[inaudible] shame
about that daughter of yours.
You know the one I mean?
I have three daughters.
Aye.
But only one of them wentback to Northern Ireland.
Made a fool of herself and you.
A whirlwind romance.
A sudden marriage to
a Catholic, Billy.
A [inaudible] Catholic.
A strong Catholic.
One troublesome Catholic.
I know.
I know, but she's happy.
Well, a whole lot of
other people aren't.
Look, Norman.
My father died a
pauper in the city.
Starved out of our own countryto come and starve here.
He had nothing to
give me, me da.
But he left me three thingswhen he died-- me religion, me
politics, and me football team.
All true blue, and
it's still the same.
I still have it all.
I will never talk
to the Catholic boy.
I won't have anything
to do with him.
But the violence of
it all has left me.
We have her address, Billy.
I can even remember
the name of the road
without having to
refer to my files.
See, I told you.
I told you I kept in touch.
I don't believe you.
14 Lady [inaudible]
Road, [inaudible].
What do you want?
[laughs] Go on, have
a wee drink, Billy.
Come on.
Look after your car, mister!
What for?
Because otherwise
it won't fucking well
be when you get back.
I can see you've had
a pleasant Christmas,
deep in the bosom
of your family.
You want?
- How much?
- A quid.
Each.
On your bike.
Here.
Happy New Year.
Have an accident.
Got any ciggies?
I don't smoke.
You will do when
you come out of there.
It's death in there.
You'll come out crying.
All the acts.
I'm not an act.
Now, go home.
Beat it.
Kill a midget or something.
I know a way you can
get in the back way.
I'll bet you do.
But it'll cost you.
BOY 1: Can you hear something?
BOY 2: Yeah, me bottle
has just fucking broken.
No, listen.
Aah, I don't know, Digsy.
For fuck's sake, this
is the fucking pits.
I was going to a party.
Who were you going with?
Clear your fucking conscience.
They don't take that
at the off-license.
New Year's fucking Eve.
I've got CSE
certificates, you know.
Shut up, will you.
There's someone coming.
All right.
No one's going to get hurt.
Shit, he's blind.
Look, pop.
Just give us what you
got and we'll go, OK?
Let's just fucking
go, for fuck's sake.
Look, I'm not kidding.
Just give us it, OK?
- All ri--
- Just give us it.
All right.
All right.
I'll give it to you.
Ow, ow, ow.
Don't take him, Digsy.
He can't [inaudible]
if he can't hear you.
BOY 2: Fuck off, will you?
Don't fucking
[inaudible] for that.
What was all that about?
Why?
What's it to you?
I just, uh--
I planned to-- nothing.
Just, sort of, uh not the normalway of entering a nightclub.
He forgot his coat.
OK?
Friggin' idgit.
You'll spend your dying
days in Dartmoor Prison.
Not at all.
I'll be all right.
Just lie low for a while
and then sleigh it away
when they're finished
looking for me.
Now, we're nearly here.
Wait.
Hold on, I'm gonna stop here.
BILLY: That makes sense--
safe house in the block
of pensioner's sluts.
Hm.
Look, Billy.
Look!
I've been blown, Billy!
I've been blown!
They pay good money
to informers, nowadays.
Shut up, Billy and get
hell outta here fast.
RON: [inaudible]
over here, love.
It's getting late.
I'm doing my best, Ron?
There's no point
in doing anything
unless you do your best.
RON: What did you make
the tea for, then?
What's the matter
with the tea?
Oh, nothing, Barb.
But, [inaudible]
Ron, do you think
I'll be all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, great.
As long as they set theirlimbo bar to 5 foot 7, eh.
Tell me about the fancy dress.
Oh, yeah.
Well, the first prize
is a 10-day cruise
for two, [inaudible].
It's not to the WestIndies, by any chance, is it?
In some case, SouthernIceland, I shouldn't wonder.
Still, 10 days anywhere isbetter than being stuck here.
[SINGING] Davy, DavyCrockett, king of the wild--
[knocking]
[police shouting]
Christ.
Oh, my angina.
What the friggin' helldo you think you're doing?
This is 26.
Yeah, and at least [inaudible]someone with a heart condition.
[wheezing]
I'll have you for this--
Is your name Norman Donahue?
You are?
I said, is your
name Norman Donahue?
Is it, shite.
He's supposed to be Irish--
I mean, he is Irish.
But this is number 26.
Yeah, 26 Atley Heights.
You are.
Atley?
Yeah.
This is Atley?
Yeah.
Not Gateschool?
No!
[COPS MUTTERING]
Oh, you've had it
for this, you have!
You all right, love?
We'll get a
carpenter straight out.
We keep it on standby
for these incidents.
I'll bet you do.
What's the score with you?
I've been trying to
get in for half an hour.
We're not open.
Not yet.
Look, I'm going
to be working here.
More fool you.
I am working here.
Right now.
If you're an act,
you're miles too early.
I'm not an act.
Now, open the door, will you.
What are you, then?
I'm the new manager.
Is that good enough for you?
No.
Not yet.
[YELLING] Frank!
I don't have to do this.
I could be unemployed right now.
Where to, boss?
Do you know where we're going?
No, I-- [LOUDLY] no.
Where do you want to go?
The 12th of July
Memorial Hall.
All right, it's
only down there.
Can't you walk?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.
That's OK, Dad.
What are we tonight?
What are we what?
Are we Labor,
Liberal, Conservative,
Church of England, RomanCatholic, Help the Aged--
who's taking us out?
I ain't pretending to be Hebrew.
I don't know any of their hymns.
Anyone listening
to you, woman,
would think you were deaf.
Patton George?
It's our own kind tonight.
It's the lodge, Martha.
Billy's boys.
Pennywhistlers and
orange [inaudible].
Oh, ey.
I hate them more
than Help the Aged.
Yeah, that's him.
I've seen his picture.
Are you Greek, or what?
No, I've got a sunlamp.
Now, open the friggin' door.
BILLY: Nowhere
left to go, Norman.
They should be there.
Actually, maybe
they're on the run
as well, renewing oldfriendships from 40 years ago.
That was the last time
I saw you, Norman--
40 years ago in another city.
I had nowhere
else to go, Billy.
So you came here,
threatening my family.
No.
No, I came to you for help.
You better come with me, then.
What?
On a peasant pensioner's aiding?
Well, you'll not be
out of place, will you?
And nobody else
wants you, Norman.
We can sing all the
old songs, anyway.
I just want
somewhere to go, Billy.
Just for the night, even.
Look, I'll give thefellas another ring, just
to let them know where I'll be.
Where will I be?
Charleston Club, Stanley Road.
And bring a pen, get free bingo.
I don't know about
no new manager.
Yeah, well, you know one now.
What happened to McCarthur?
He's going.
We're doing this weektogether, then he's leaving.
He's left.
What?
Oh, and he's come back.
Sort of like these famousrock bands when they split up,
you know.
And then they come back,
if you get me drift.
Uh, no, Frank.
Not yet.
He's given a
final performance,
and he's going to sing.
Ah, I know you're
wrong, there.
He wouldn't do that.
He's got a terrible voice.
Are you trying to
tell me something?
Uh, no.
Don't think so, anyway.
Look, don't worry about it.
You'll find out soon enough.
Yeah.
I'm really looking
forward to it.
I thought you might.
But in the meantime, justas a matter of interest--
merely to satisfy my curiosity--
you haven't been a passenger ina Mercedes recently have you?
Could be, kid.
Could be.
I've wined and dined
with kings, I have.
You can tell, can't you?
Oh, [inaudible].
There you have it.
A Mercedes is nothing
special to me.
Bernard, here,
will attend to you.
I've got one or two littleproblems to sort out.
You know.
Not really, no.
Incidentally, Frank,
what do you do here?
Nothing.
I'm a great [inaudible]
for delegating, me.
Anyway, I'll catch
up with you later.
See how you manage.
You know, not everythinghere meets the eye.
Aye, you get them
at the door, boss.
Usually after 11 o'clock, fullof ale and looking for a fight.
They won't look you
in the eye either.
There's no answer to that.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
there is, boss.
I've got a few up my sleeve.
Things like, uh, fuck offbefore I give you brain damage!
Of course, of course.
I can see you're
going to be a constant
source of help andencouragement to me, "Ber-ned."
"Ber-nard."
Ahh.
I was in the French
Foreign Legion, you see.
Oh, well, now
that you tell me--
Uh, can I give you
a bit of advice, boss?
Is this really urgent?
No.
Not yet.
You see, I look after theoutside as well, boss.
And I think you ought to knowthat, um, no vehicle in, like,
recent memory has survivedlonger than half an hour
in the car park.
The kids around
there are savages.
Say no more.
And if I'm not
back in 10 minutes,
don't call me boss anymore.OK?
All right, boss.
By the way, what time do you--
we-- open?
Not yet.
He won't last long.
Ladies and
gentlemen, the veterans
of the Southern
Cross Memorial Band.
Welcome, one and all--
those we see every night
and those we don't.
For those of you who don'tknow me, I'm Billy McRacken.
I was Grand Master
of this lodge.
Now, I'm a pensioner.
But I'll talk no more.
The coach is waiting.
But before you go, a toast.
Ladies and gentlemen, raiseyour glasses to the Queen.
Who?
The Queen!
Oh, that's all right, then.
I'm not standing up
for no southern gunman.
You tell him that, George.
Thank you, Martha.
I'm glad to see that you don'tchange from year to year.
The Queen.
Hey, Billy.
Is he hitting
people again, George?
Oh, we stopped that.
What's up, Billy?
He's been very ill, you know.
He was a very violentperson when he was young,
even when he wasn't young.
Why don't you tell the wholebloody hall, Martha Gorman,
huh?
Is he talking to us, George?
You're only herebecause it's a free night
out, the pair of you.
Never see hide nor
hair of you otherwise.
Where were you on the
12th of July, huh?
I have terrible
trouble marching
these days, Billy McRacken.
And I never could bring meselfto shout, fuck the Pope,
in public.
Piss off, you daft
old [inaudible].
But I can lip read.
[laughs] Very good, Martha.
[thump]
FRANK: Not yet, not yet.
By Satan, I'll be.
Looks as if we're open.
[muffled singing]
CHERYL: [SINGING]
I still love you.
Always thinking of you.
I still love you.
I love you.
Always thinking of you.
Don't wait too long.
If things go wrong, I'll
be home where I belong.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're so kind.
And it's really wonderfulto be back here again so
soon after Caesar's Palace.
And for me next number,
I'd like to sing
a song that was made famousby my old friend and confid--
confide--
companion-- why, he's
almost like a daddy
to me, Mr. Ray Charles.
Thank you, Max.
[SINGING] Born to lose, Iwill live my life in vain.
Every--
[chair scrapes]
[inaudible] Who is that?
I was just--
[inaudible] You the singer?
No, the manager.
The singer's manager?
Just a manager.
I don't get it.
That's about par
for the course.
You're not related to
the bouncer are you?
If I am, he hasn't told me.
What do you manage?
To keep alive, just about.
Body and soul is another matter.
Oh, yeah.
And you?
What do you do here?
I help here.
Well, that's no threat tothe Trades Descriptions Act.
If you say so.
Got to go now.
And help?
Yeah.
I help the chef--
you know, the cook--
and things.
And I put the cards
on the tables.
You know, [inaudible]
over 60s club.
They don't call
them living dead.
Singers [inaudible], you know?
They have the velvet
jackets in them.
And the trousers.
I just keep me
sandwiches in mine.
You taking the piss out of me?
No, no, it's--
you like singing?
Yeah.
Singing's the best.
No way.
We got the Southern
Orange Lodge in tonight.
I hate the Orange Lodge, do you?
We all do now, [inaudible]runs in the family.
Well, I know who will begetting fed last tonight.
I, uh, enjoyed it.
The singing.
Yeah?
Honest.
Oh, that's nice.
'Cause it gets on
everyone else's tits.
Christ, [inaudible].
[crowd chattering]
- I wish you'd seen me.
- Oh, no.
So do I.
Oh, I've been in trainingfor the likes of them,
waiting for them, daringthe bastards to make a move.
Feel that, go on, feel that.
Like rock, that, rock.
I ask you, has this body
changed, Tony, has it?
Well--
You remember this
body, don't you, Tony?
Course I do, Paddy.
Never missed a fight.
[inaudible] at 38.
Third round, knocked out.
Apart from when I was in jail.
You know, I felt like
Charles Bronson before.
Out on the streets of New York.
Bloody good, that, pal.
What?
Your fancy dress, [inaudible].
Oh, it's no fancy dress.
[tires screeching]
You haven't heard
the last of this.
You'll never guess
what's happened to us!
Uh, hey, you.
Boss.
Can you come here, please.
Quickly.
Trouble?
Uh, not yet.
But it's not not trouble,if you know what I mean.
Not yet.
I know you're new and
that, so I rang Frank,
but he said it was
your compartment.
Good old Frank.
It's one of the turns, boss.
You can call me
sir if you want.
Well met, [inaudible] boss.
Wait until you see these.
McCarther must have gone
off his fucking cake.
[passengers singing]
BERNARD: Don't call me bollocks!
MICHAEL: Look, lads,first of all, what are you
and what exactly
are you doing here?
We're the band.
Not yet, you're not.
Have you got a
confirmation card?
No, but I got my firstholy communion certificate.
All right, hey, Macker.
Could you do Glenn Miller?
You mean fly off in the fog?
You'll fucking
fly in a minute.
MICHAEL: All right, fellas.
Now, no offense, Mez, butthere's been a mistake made.
There's nothing
down for you here.
It's as simple as that.
There'll be 400 people
in here tonight,
and every single
sodden one of them
will have a bus pass
and a pension book.
They'll want to
get legless, have
a nice dance, a few
laughs, lots of bingo,
and sing a song at the end.
I'll be honest, is that you?
We don't do bingo.
Oh, hey, lad, when
God gave you teeth,
he spoiled a good ass.
I'll have two kebab and
chips, please, waiter.
I'm glad you've come.
I haven't seen the
tide-mark in ages.
I fucking hate bouncers.
All right, all
right, now, listen.
Who booked you in here?
I don't know, do I?
If you're the manager,
you booked us in.
Yeah, I'm the manager
now, but I wasn't then.
I'll have to solve this.
Look, we want to play.
We want to play.
All right, stay here.
Tell Frank to be in my
office in 10 minutes.
Who me?
I can't tell f--
Tell him.
[passengers singing]
The trouble is that
when we were kids
and we stepped out of
line, we got battered.
Anyone could batter you then.
Not only that, you
could batter anyone.
We battered the Orange Lodge.
They tried to batter us.
We both used to batter thechinks and the niggers.
And then the police
battered the lot of us.
But nobody could batteranyone better than I could
batter them, and that's a fact.
Now, isn't that right, Tony?
Oh, you're right there, Paddy.
But, nowadays, nobody
batters any bugger.
Not unless they've got a Stanleyknife and 15 mates or 50 years
advantage.
Well, nowadays, nobody
believes any bugger.
Nobody listens to any bugger.
And the kids don't
give a bugger.
There's no values.
There's no decency.
There's no respect
that I can see.
One thing I fervently
hope and pray
is that I put those two littlebastards into intensive care.
It's a wig, Winnie.
Course it's a bloody wig.
He was as bold as a Billyboy at my John's funeral.
How can he have hair now?
Well, what about
hair transport?
You mean [inaudible]
Well, whoever.
Ahh.
Look at those poor
gits, broken down.
Oh, I know.
What a shame.
On a night like tonight.
WARDEN: Do you know
what hypothermia is?
You mention
hypothermia again to me.
All I'm saying is
can you realize what--
[inaudible] used to be.
I'm only the driver.
Now, if I'd hit a petrol
tanker on the wrong side
of the road doing
85 miles an hour,
we'd all been
burned to boogery--
you might have due
course to comment.
But otherwise, all as I knowis it won't go, all right?
Yes, but I've got sevenold people freezing to death!
I'm going to apply the
comprehensive emergency
procedure as laid down by thefirm for events such as these.
And?
I'm going to find a phone.
You got 10 pence, please?
[passengers singing]
I'll stay in the toiletswhen we get there, Billy.
Just come out to use the phone.
Might be a good idea after all.
You know, save their number.
And who's gonna be lookingfor me with that bunch of--
joofering jizz, would
you look at that?
[angry shouting]
Fucking hell,
Billy, he's got a gun.
Well, of course
he's got a gun.
He's supposed to be a
cowboy, you soft git.
I'll give you memorial!
All bloody [inaudible]
lot of you!
Paddy Burke.
Billy McRacken!
Billy McRacken!
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
Never left the
playground, George.
Never left the
bloody playground.
[angry shouting]
Well?
Well, you better tell
me what's going on.
Why?
Because I want to
know, that's why.
It's not a good enough
reason, I'm afraid.
Sorry.
It's good enough for me.
Well, I must have higherstandards than you, then.
There's nothing going
on here that's got
anything to do with you.
And for that, be grateful.
Been lookingeverywhere for you, boss.
Excuse me, Frank, but I'd
just like to ask boss--
uh, him-- to come
outside for a minute.
Please.
Now.
[WHISPER] It's the car park.
Hello, Cheryl.
[all shouting angrily]
[inaudible]
Oh, fuck off [inaudible]Billy McRacken?
Billy McRacken.
[crowd silences]
I know you're there.
I want you, Billy McRacken.
We have unfinishedbusiness, Billy McRacken.
Not tonight.
I have too much on my mind.
No.
Tonight, Billy McRacken.
Tonight.
Not tonight.
Nor any other night.
[catholics cheer]
What are they doing
here in fancy dress?
Rosco de Ville.
And?
I don't know what's
going on, boss.
Honestly, I don't.
He was only here
a fortnight ago.
[inaudible] pity.
Died?
Died?
We had a requiem mass for him.
The 12th of July MemorialHall with musical accompaniment.
And at least onenotorious, loyalist gunman.
Hey, you gentlemen.
No musical instruments allowed.
By order.
The only order Ilisten to is last orders.
Well, you listen
to these, old son,
or you won't get
your first order in.
Hey, well, you heard the boy.
Come on.
We're here to enjoy
ourselves, that's all.
Well, it's a pity
we didn't enjoy
ourselves in the car park.
Put them back.
Come on.
Back to the coach.
Come on.
They're coming in.
I am not phoning Frank.
Evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope You don't mind me
asking, but are you sure
you've got the right club?
Course we have.
What do you think we are, soft?
Uh, no, no.
It's just that we, uh--
this is the Charleston
Club, madam.
And this is the sameColumbus Room and Catholic
Social Club Pensioner's[inaudible] Here's our card,
young man.
We're expected.
As far as I know, weweren't planning any fanc--
fanc-- fancy day?
Satisfied?
You better [inaudible]
What's happening, Tony?
Oh, no, no, not at all, uh.
Welcome to the Charleston Club.
Uh, the night is young and--
I hate that word.
In fact, I hate the young.
And, uh, no.
Well, the, uh, the year is oldand, uh, the night is yours.
Yeah, fine, great.
But listen here, you.
We're only paying full
prices for our drinks.
The turkey dinner
better [inaudible].
And have you got a happy hour?
Happy hours aren't
for you, madam.
Well, we'll get
those [inaudible]
I've got to have a pee.
Oh, no.
Oh, Bernard!
Oh, boogity.
Oh, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard!
Prospects [inaudible]
Shirt lifters.
Dinner mashers.
Ass bandits.
Faggots.
It's a fur coat--
the comedian.
Poofter.
Pervert.
Yeah, yeah, but
is he any good?
Nah, fucking awful.
[ANGRILY] I have
had enough of this.
Uh.
I'll go and, um--
MAN 1: Does the Pope
know you're an Arab?
Eh?
MAN 2: Fuck off, Ayatollah!
Hey, Winnie, what doyou think about those two,
either side of Billy the Beast?
Oh, not a lot.
[inaudible] left put [inaudible]in Children's Hospital.
Ah, that was nearly
60 years ago, girl.
I know.
But me mom always said that wasthe reason he molested people.
Oh, he can molest me
any day of the week.
What [inaudible]
No, him with the mustache.
The one that broke
your Roger's skull.
I've always fancied him.
But he was on the wrong side.
What's his name again?
I only ever knew
him as [inaudible].
But do you think
they'll go for us?
I mean dressed like this?
44 pence, please.
Bloody day like robbery.
16 pence each in [inaudible].
Still, great days
they were, though.
Yeah.
Do you think?
Oh, aye.
Especially for you, Billy boy.
King of the castle.
Heard you'd got repossessed.
Aw, come on, Billy.
Don't worry, Billy.
There's enough of us here.
We'll stand by you.
And you beat him last time.
Don't forget that.
More than anyone
else ever did.
I want no trouble tonight.
But if there is,
we'll be there.
FRANK: All right, allright, for Christ's sake.
Talk to me.
Now.
Again?
Now.
[SINGING] Now and again,there are fools such as I.
It's "now and then."
I know.
I was improvising.
Look, you.
Nobody does that to me!
Yeah, well, that's allright because I am nobody.
Noted [inaudible].
And nobody should have
to put up with this,
and therefore, this nobodyis given in his notice
as from fucking now.
I'm terrible, mate.
I don't take no notice.
Look, you!
Oh, shit.
Trouble?
Soon.
Yeah, you bet.
Frank.
[man whimpers]
Hello, Michael.
How goes the night?
You didn't mention this
in the job description.
No.
I know I didn't, did I.
Yeah, well, you're going tohave to readvertise, Mr. Ross,
because, you see, I
thought I was going
to manage a nightclub,
not a friggin' asylum
for the violently insane.
Frank.
I'm not qualified.
Oh, yes, you are.
Really.
[man whimpers]
In fact, you're
very highly qualified.
Let me show you.
You see, I do think thatdespite our teething troubles,
not to mention Mr. McCarthur's
teething troubles--
Goodbye.
Oh, you can't go yet.
not yet.
We haven't had the
floor show yet.
[mccarthur moans]
You see.
I told you he was gonna sing.
Look, whatever it is,
I don't want to know.
There you are, Michael.
I knew you were the
right man for me.
Hm?
With the perfect attitude--
head down, nose clean,
blinkered, and honest,
as well as being, perhaps,just a little bit scared.
Ah.
A fortuneteller.
No.
Far from it.
I am a businessman.
I have adopted the principlesof market forces and fear.
Try charm at first, by allmeans, but then use terror.
[mccarthur pants]
Robert, here,
will vouch for that.
What do you say?
Nah, no thanks.
This is another world.
I don't belong here.
ROSS: Course you don't I
wouldn't want you to be
part of this unpleasantness.
I just want you to run
my little club for me.
Let my questionable
money run through you.
Don't rob too much off me.
Be nice to those withvaricose veins who come here.
And don't get too ambitious.
Now, Michael, what onEarth can be the problem?
Forget it.
[QUIETLY] Come on.
Hm?
You can talk to me.
You have to talk to me.
You can call me
Leonard if you want.
Well, apart from discoveringthis little torture chamber,
here, I've got a group
that can't play music,
one bad comedian plus boyfriend,a nervous breakdown calling
himself a magician,
and two coach
loads full of
70-year-old religious
maniacs looking for a fight.
Oh, yeah, and a fancy dresscontest that no one knew about.
First prize-- a 10
days cruise for two.
Did you do this, Robert?
Did you?
[mccarthur moans]
You mean, you booked
in all this rubbish,
and then sent out these foamy,fancy dress invitations--
what--
as a sort of farewell present?
Well, booger me
sideways, Robert, eh?
[inaudible] you will almostgo up in my estimation.
Almost.
And what happens
if I just walk
out of here now and disappear?
You mean without trace?
There's a good boy.
Haven't you got that?
Oh, yeah.
Great thinking.
Good thinking, like, you know.
Make [inaudible] things
equal, wouldn't it.
All right.
Suppose I'd better goand sorta case the joint.
[gasps]
And while you're
at it, I'll have
a [inaudible] over [inaudible]and a double [inaudible].
[groans]
What is it?
It's all right, Ronny.
Tony's getting to me.
Are you OK?
I'd make an exaction.
I want to know
exactly where it is.
What is it, Barb?
My chest is all hot.
Yeah, well, I'm not surprised.
You're wearing a pair of falseboobs, two tons of makeup,
you would have caught abottle of gin in the couch.
Is what is all this
stupid excitement.
There, there.
Billy boy!
Frickin' Jesus.
You know what I've
forgotten, Ronny?
What?
Oh, no, you haven't, have you?
What's the matter, Billy?
[chicken noises]
[SINGING] It's not the leavingof Liverpool that grieves me.
I wish I was funny.
I wish I thought I was funny.
Seriously, though,
Michael, don't go.
Not now.
It would be very
foolish to go now.
You can get used
to threats, you know.
That was a promise.
Yeah, well, I'll
think of something.
I doubt it.
Don't doubt it.
But I do.
I mean, you couldn't
sell your house in time.
And even if you work far
away, I wouldn't mind.
I like holidays.
But I haven't done anything.
I know that.
But these days,
witnesses to the crime
are often in as much dangeras those as what to whom
the crime was done to.
You're all right
on one-liners,
but you don't [inaudible]fall apart on long sentences.
Now, don't be like that.
Now when we're just
about to be friends.
We can be good for each other.
We can work
together, me and you.
Really.
Course we can.
McCarthur was a fool.
Yeah, but you
shouldn't get beaten
to shit just for being a fool.
Ah, but there was
more to it than that.
You see, he wanted it all forhimself, whereas me and you--
now we understand each other.
We can do it quietly
and together.
Believe me, there's more
ways of robbing Mr. Ross
than he came up with.
Anyway, I'll leave you
with that, shall I?
Save you having to
think of anything.
Only, don't stay out too long.
You'll catch your death.
[SINGING] It's not the leavingof Liverpool doot doo doo doot.
So, Mr. [inaudible],
I decided to become
a comedian after I escapedfrom the Foreign Legion.
Hey, listen.
If you can get a
laugh in French,
you can get a laugh anywhere.
Did we have an
audition night here?
Yeah, Tuesdays [inaudible].
I'll put your name downwith all the other dreamers.
Oh, and don't hide the cigar.
You can have it.
Called theft, normally, buthere it's just called normal.
Thanks, boss, yeah.
I mean-- right, um.
Uh, everything all
right with Frank?
No.
But it will be.
One way or another.
You want to fight,
go to the stadium.
Now, are youse on or not, lads?
Because if you are, I wantthem dancing, not complaining.
Can you give us a bit longer?
You lot need an eternity.
Even that wouldn't
be long enough.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
Good-- [VOICE CRACKS] goodevening, ladies and gentlemen.
Good evening, ladies and--
uh, good evening.
Rosco de Ville.
Novelty act.
I do a bit of everything.
I'm a bit worried
about me rabbit,
which is sort of the highlightof me act, me rabbit.
Sod your rabbit.
Can you sing
country and Western?
Ah, everything apart fromsinging, I should have said.
I can sing.
We'll, uh, put you
on in the middle.
And we'll have a
vet standing by.
Do something.
Do something.
Do it.
Come on!
Do something!
Just for once, eh?
If you are thinking ofassisting in the planning
of anything tonight,
Tony [inaudible] Devony,
you better think again.
Nothing is to happen
here, tonight.
You hear me?
Of course I do, Billy.
Last thing on me mind.
It will be.
Believe me.
Norman.
Well, what's happening?
I can't get an answer.
Well, you can't stay here.
Things are going
wrong out there.
Fucking Catholics.
I can hear them in here.
[inaudible] fucking--
I have got money, Norman.
Fucking--
Enough money for ataxi for almost anywhere.
Are you trying to
get me caught, Billy?
Do you know what's the firstthing the cops are going to do?
Warn the taxis.
There is no way
that I am getting--
I want you to go.
If the police come
here and they find--
That wouldn't be a
very good thing, Billy.
For both of us.
Because only you
know that I'm here.
The police will come
if there's trouble,
and there's trouble
brewing out there.
I'll try again after--
Norman, go away.
I don't want you here.
- Ahh.
Norman.
I'm scared.
Scared?
You?
Heh.
Don't be scared, Billy boy.
You just think of thatlovely daughter of yours.
That's why I'm scared.
Because if one finger is laid onher or her kin because of you--
Shh.
[door opens]
[footsteps]
[stall door closes]
Not because of me, Billy boy.
Because of you.
I mean look at them.
I mean just look at them.
Been to a funeral today?
Eh?
Hardly worth coming home.
WOMAN: Go home!
He might look to Bing
Crosby when you see him.
Did it land anywhere?
Oh, direct hit.
--I'll stay on longer.
ALL: Boo!
You don't frighten me.
Shut up!
I'll set your pension
books on fire!
Are you sure you
want me to do this?
The first switch is
just by the door.
And the second is
five paces down--
You do it.
And I'll have the same again.
Don't you think we can
have a kitty on this?
Kitty?
For just the pair of us?
Don't be s--
COMEDIAN: I'm going
to go off now.
I'm going to try
and kill meself.
I'm gonna try and kill myself.
ALL: Boo!
Replenish your glasses,we've got the magician on next.
I'd like to say you've
been a good audience.
I'd like to say but I can't.
Fucking coffin dodgers.
I'm not well, Ronny.
Oh, I know, I know.
I think we'd better go
home and get the pills.
Oh, then we'd
miss everything--
the fancy dress and everything.
Yeah, but they don't havecruises in intensive care.
Come on.
We might just make
it back in time.
Don't be long, Ronny.
There's gonna be some fun here.
Oh, great, yeah.
Barbara's not feel--
Fun.
What makes you think that?
[laughs] Because
I'm going to start it.
Billy!
A Catholic.
Years of persecution.
PADDY: Billy!
It's only because
he's underprivileged.
Billy boy!
[crash]
Fucking [inaudible] can'tyou look where you're going?
I didn't do it on purpose.
I was just going to get--
You're going to pay for this.
And if I was a bit
fitter, so would you!
Well, what are you
going to do about, then?
Leave him alone, [inaudible].
Stay out of this, woman.
Now, Ted, the
season of good will--
There's no season of
good will between us.
Yeah, well, [inaudible]tonight because otherwise,
old as you are, you'll
go out the door.
Can you keep a grip
of these, Father?
Do you want an honest answer?
Don't bother.
What about you?
I can't keep a grip on
myself these days, kid.
But if I were you,
I'd just call the police
and get it over with.
Now, there's an idea.
Yeah.
What is?
Nothing.
Just that, uh, things
could be warming up.
Gravy?
Gravy?
I'm always doing it.
I've left me friggin' gravy on.
[groans] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[cackling in distance]
Listen, I want you to
do something, Bernard.
Hold off--
[silence falls]
Hold off--
[cackling]
[QUIETLY] Fuck.
No. 'Tis a shame, isn't it?
Have you ever looked
into the future, Winnie?
Well, I had a dream,
once, about the winner
of the National.
But it was the day after.
Just stop crying, ey.
It's a big night.
Isn't it nice?
[CRYING] No, it's not.
I can't--
Do you want to tell me whatyou're crying for, Bobby?
[CRYING] I'm crying
because I [inaudible]
Is this all there is?
You should know, Billy.
You booked us into
this shambles.
No, I meant--
You see.
You see.
You see.
Get the drinks in, Bernard.
How old do you think they are?
Too old.
Is that all we've
got to look forward to?
You might as well
go out with a bang.
At the third stroke.
Guess what we used
to call me Gran.
She got two easy.
At the third stroke, shedrove me mother demented.
Less than a baby at the end.
Me and Aunt [inaudible] hatedher for what she did to me mom.
Used to sneak up behind herand kick her up the bone.
She did that to your mother?
No.
We did that to her.
Yeah, she was a
laugh sometimes.
Priest came to see heronce on one of the nights
when she was dying.
Asked her if she'd ever haveany regrets, and she said,
the only regret I've
ever had, Father, is
that I never got enough dick.
McCarthur doesn't deserve me.
He wasn't very nice.
Why, what are you
doing for them?
Nothing, really.
I'm doing it for myself.
Bernard, tell the
comedian to disappear
but we'll pay him in full.
Right, boss.
Oh, and get the magicianready for me, and if he dies--
Excuse me Mr.
Thingy, it's like this.
I can't go on there.
Not in front of--
in front of them.
It's like me rabbit on me head.
It's the big part of me act.
It's had and accident.
It's not me, it's me
rabbit, as you can see.
I've been compared toPaul Daniels, only taller
and with me own head of hair.
I understand.
It's tough at the top.
Uh oh.
Right.
Throw the band straighton and if all else fails,
I'll get up and
do a few numbers.
Meanwhile, you--
I knew you were a singer.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'm glad you
used the past tense.
Go away, Bernard.
Right, boss.
Look, do me a favor, Cheryl.
Get that lot looked afterand then get some food out.
The only chance
we've got tonight
is if we keep them occupied.
Go on.
For me.
Please.
Yeah.
I said go on.
Yeah, all right, listen.
Do you fancy a fuck?
There are quieter
ways of occupying
them than that, Cheryl.
- Not now, but--
Would you like to go
to the pictures tonight?
It's a war film.
[inaudible] say my name.
How many times I've
gotta tell you, lad?
Where have you been?
Both my places of
safety have gone, here.
I need to leave now.
Well, as soon as possible.
I'm in the end cubicle ofthe toilets in the Charleston
Club, Stanley Road.
Aye.
Have you got that?
Aye.
I'm here.
Make sure you're not followed.
Great.
End cubicle, men's toilets,Charleston Club, Stanley Road,
OK?
Now, you two lads--
you're gonna get
20 years for this.
And you know what?
I'm glad.
Now, come on!
I'm not fucking missing this.
That's right, officer.
The Charleston Club.
A man got absolutely battered.
BERNARD: Boss?
[knocks on door]
No, I'm certainly not a crank.
Thank you.
BERNARD: Boss?
[knocks on door] Boss?
[knocks on door] Boss?
[knocks on door] Hey, boss!
[knocks on door] Boss!
Coulda sworn you
had a queer in here.
Have you done it?
Yeah, [inaudible]
So have I.
Hey, I really enjoy tellingqueers to sod off, boss.
Met a lot of them in the FrenchForeign Legion, you know.
I thought it was all going tobe adventure and killing people,
but I spent most of me timewith me ass to the wall.
Stay here for a
minute, Bernard.
Get the supper's ready.
Eh, am I, like, uhyour assistant now, boss?
Uh, yeah.
Assistant manager.
But I've got something
to do and, uh, a man's
gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Eh, you can piss in
the sink in the dressing
rooms if you like, boss.
Everybody else does.
You don't judge a book
by the cover, you know.
I do.
I can't read.
[sighs] Assistant manager.
You've got five
minutes, at the most,
to clean him up,
clean the mess up,
and get yourselves out of here.
And when the police come--
If the police come.
I'll just show them round andconvince them it was someone's
idea of a practical joke.
What if we take
you with us as well?
Nobody's going
anywhere with you.
He isn't.
And I'm certainly not.
I don't believe you.
And nobody gets hurt anymore.
I definitely don't
believe you, then.
Oh, you will do
when the police come
and the letter arrivesand when it gets opened--
if something happens to me.
You see, there is
no alternative.
And what do you
get out of this?
I doubt if you'd
understand, Mr. Ross.
Try me.
I know I'm a nobody, butI'm nobody else's nobody.
I still say he's bluffing.
[inaudible].
ROSS: Get a damp
cloth, would you?
And a dry one.
Now.
Speke Airport.
Every man has his
price, Michael.
What's yours?
You've just paid it.
Oh, Frank.
You will remind Mr. McCarthurabout the Official Secrets Act,
won't you?
Oh, I think he already knows.
Do you?
[inaudible].
Good.
Don't make a habit
of this, will you?
Hm?
These are hard
times to be a hero.
Happy New Year.
What about the Orange Lodge?
No, it's not cold enough yet.
Get us a bottle
of whiskey, Billy.
I'm going.
Now?
Soon.
I've made contact.
All your troubles are over.
Now, get us that whiskey.
I'm going to need it.
[all singing]
Paddy.
Billy's going out, Paddy.
Not now, for Christ's sake.
I'm eating dinner.
If you want to do
something, [inaudible]
Somebody should complain.
It just shouldn't.
I know, but still.
Can I [inaudible] too?
Battered?
Are you sure?
We've had an extremely
peaceful night here.
- You called them, Billy.- No.
- You called them.
- No, I didn't.
You're dead, Billy.
And we don't even know if--
[inaudible] thatfucking daughter or yours!
Be quiet!
[interposing voices]
Is that a gun?
Course I've got a gun.
I'm a fucking terrorist!
[bone cracks]
[bathroom door opens]
MICHAEL: And as you cansee, there's no one getting
battered in here, either.
OFFICER 1: I know.
You think people
would have better
things to do on New Year's Eve.
MICHAEL: All the lonely people.
OFFICER 2: Thank
you, Eleanor Rigby.
OFFICER 1: They wouldn't belonely if I got hold of them.
OFFICER 2: Are
you busy in there?
I'm on overtime, lad.
OFFICER 1: [chuckles]
That'll be all.
New Year's fucking Eve.
[bathroom door opens and closes]
Am I going mad in my old age?
MICHAEL: OK, lads.
Take care.
[inaudible]
Oh, fucking hell, Billy.
What?
What do you mean, what?
We can't get our dinner,the band's being [inaudible]
they're throwing a[inaudible] on the next table,
and these bastard [inaudible]
All right, all
right, all right.
It's not fucking all right.
It's not gonna be!
Now, don't take
it out on me, eh?
Hey, you.
You, lad.
Yes, you.
Call yourself a manager.
Oh, uh, the fancy
dress will commence--
Frig the fancy dress!
They ought not to be in heremixing with ordinary people.
And if they've got
to be in here--
I mean why-- why don't you--
why can't they be out of sight?
I never want to be like that.
Don't.
Your descriptive powers
won't do it justice.
[SINGING] Listen to
me before it's too late,
and it's not [inaudible]
where they'll go
on a cruise but it's
gonna come from the sky.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
It's gonna come from the sky.
It's gonna come from the sky.
Look at me!
I'm young and free!
Look at you!
Bone where muscle used to be!
[inaudible] We call the shots.
You lead your life.
You tagged the nuts.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
It's gonna come from the sky.
It's gonna come from the sky.
Fall out!
Get off!
Get out, you fucking bastards!
Where's Frank?
You better get Frank.
[all cheering]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
The [inaudible]
We'll see who's got no balls.
[SINGING] [inaudible]
No wonder you were
crazy as a kid, Billy.
You must have known it
would all come to this.
Where you going?
I've gone.
I'm going to have to
spend a penny, Martha.
Don't be too long, please.
We gotta do something.
Now?
When they're having
such a good time?
Don't be a spoilsport.
And she can really sing, Cheryl.
[inaudible]
Billy!
Beat it!
Go on, beat it!
Oh, God.
Tony?
TONY: [WEAKLY] Yeah.
Tony.
Yeah.
Uh, didn't you tell me thefoyer was your responsibility,
Bernard, at some point tonight?
All this for 2.86
pounds an hour.
[SINGING] If you needme, I want you to call me.
I said if you need me, all
you gotta do is call me.
BOTH: [SINGING] But
don't wait too long.
If things go wrong,
I'll be home.
Whoa.
If you want me, send for me.
Say if you want me, want me,all you gotta do is send for me.
But don't wait too long.
You gotta pick up your phone andI'll be home, where I belong.
It's him!
Oh, fuck!
Belt him one.
Go on.
Slaughter him!
Gentlemen, [inaudible] please.
[inaudible]
Right.
Let me out now.
Police.
Yeah.
Charleston Club.
Stanley Road.
Uh, like, disturbance.
Friggin' [inaudible] Yeah.
As soon as you can.
OFFICER: Turn back!
Police!
Get out!
Come on, get out the way!
Let us through!
All right.
All right.
What's going on in here.
We've all got diarrhea.
So what he reckons happenedis that the dead fella,
the Irishman, must have hadhis gun trained on Paddy
while he was fighting,
ready to kill him, like.
And even though-- even thoughPaddy was in the state he was
in, when he went
through that doorway,
he still had enough strength--
the bells.
The bells.
And he still had
enough strength,
when he saw the gun, tothrow himself at the Irishman
and strangle him, before
he collapsed himself.
He's a fucking hero, isn't he?
Mad, though he is.
Has Paddy said
anything about it?
The bells.
The bells.
No.
He was unconscious when theambulance took him away.
Tony Stevony went with him.
To look after him, like?
No.
He was unconscious as well.
Billy the Beast [inaudible]on the way out the toilets.
MEN: [SINGING] --all to see.
He planted it and he rootedit for everyone to see.
We are the sons of billionsthat held the potpourri.
Oh, E-I-E-I-E-I-O,E-I-E-I-E-I-O, E-I-E-I-E-I-O,
Paddy was a bastard.
E-I-O.
The, uh, first prize
in tonight's fancy
dress competition goes to[inaudible] and Harley.
[singing "auld lang syne"]
Happy new year?
MICHAEL: Home.
BERNARD: Well, it's
either that or an orgy.
I'm not quite certain.
MICHAEL: I know.
Same with me
CHERYL: And me.
MICHAEL: But when you gethome, give her one for me.
BERNARD: I don't think my motherwould appreciate that, though.
He lives with his mother?
Yeah.
I don't.
Live with me mother.
[inaudible]
I don't live with anyone--
anymore.
MICHAEL: I do.
So it's my place.
I'm a happily married man.
Oh, yeah.
Well it won't last.
Never does.
Cheryl.
Elizabeth, it's me.
And you.
Happy New Year.
Mm.
Elizabeth, um, I'd like
to speak to Brandon.
Brandon, my son-in-law.
Brandon, would you--
would you consider
it sentimental of me,
after all these years,
if I was to wish you
a Happy New Year?
[QUIETLY] Come on.
Come on!
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
[footsteps approaching]
Billy?
That's you, isn't it, Billy?
It's me.
[laughs] Billy!
Billy boy!
You and me, Billy.
Me and you.
Billy the Beast and me, eh?
[laughs]
What is it you want?
There are things I have to do.
I have obligations tonight.
Here's me, all the way overfrom Belfast, just to see you,
special.
You and me were friends, Billy.
We fought together.
That's an obligation
in itself, surely.
Is it?
Course it is.
How dare you?
I've kept in touch.
In me own fashion.
Not sure that I've noticed.
NORMAN: Oh, but I have, Billy.
I have.
You'd be surprised.
Nothing surprises
me these days, Norman.
Not even this.
[inaudible], how about
we drink, Billy, eh?
For old times' sake and
the new year coming, eh?
No.
You don't get a
good pint in there.
Not at first.
Way to [inaudible]
behave yourself.
I remember when you were a drunk[inaudible] three [inaudible]
at once.
I woulda done a lot
of things at once.
I'll stay as I am.
I told you I'm in a hurry.
Speak your mind
and then I'll go.
Speak your weight if you
want, I don't much care.
I'm on the run.
And what's so funny about that?
You're on the run?
You won't get far at your age.
It's actually serious.
I doubt it.
Seriously.
It's for a good cause, Billy.
For God knows [inaudible].
There are some who
are still following
in your footsteps, Billy.
I'll be walking on agood deal of shite, then.
I have to go now.
No surrender, Billy.
No fucking surrender!
I surrender.
In fact, I give up.
Course, uh, I understand why.
I mean we all do.
Oh, why?
I mean it was an
[inaudible] shame
about that daughter of yours.
You know the one I mean?
I have three daughters.
Aye.
But only one of them wentback to Northern Ireland.
Made a fool of herself and you.
A whirlwind romance.
A sudden marriage to
a Catholic, Billy.
A [inaudible] Catholic.
A strong Catholic.
One troublesome Catholic.
I know.
I know, but she's happy.
Well, a whole lot of
other people aren't.
Look, Norman.
My father died a
pauper in the city.
Starved out of our own countryto come and starve here.
He had nothing to
give me, me da.
But he left me three thingswhen he died-- me religion, me
politics, and me football team.
All true blue, and
it's still the same.
I still have it all.
I will never talk
to the Catholic boy.
I won't have anything
to do with him.
But the violence of
it all has left me.
We have her address, Billy.
I can even remember
the name of the road
without having to
refer to my files.
See, I told you.
I told you I kept in touch.
I don't believe you.
14 Lady [inaudible]
Road, [inaudible].
What do you want?
[laughs] Go on, have
a wee drink, Billy.
Come on.
Look after your car, mister!
What for?
Because otherwise
it won't fucking well
be when you get back.
I can see you've had
a pleasant Christmas,
deep in the bosom
of your family.
You want?
- How much?
- A quid.
Each.
On your bike.
Here.
Happy New Year.
Have an accident.
Got any ciggies?
I don't smoke.
You will do when
you come out of there.
It's death in there.
You'll come out crying.
All the acts.
I'm not an act.
Now, go home.
Beat it.
Kill a midget or something.
I know a way you can
get in the back way.
I'll bet you do.
But it'll cost you.
BOY 1: Can you hear something?
BOY 2: Yeah, me bottle
has just fucking broken.
No, listen.
Aah, I don't know, Digsy.
For fuck's sake, this
is the fucking pits.
I was going to a party.
Who were you going with?
Clear your fucking conscience.
They don't take that
at the off-license.
New Year's fucking Eve.
I've got CSE
certificates, you know.
Shut up, will you.
There's someone coming.
All right.
No one's going to get hurt.
Shit, he's blind.
Look, pop.
Just give us what you
got and we'll go, OK?
Let's just fucking
go, for fuck's sake.
Look, I'm not kidding.
Just give us it, OK?
- All ri--
- Just give us it.
All right.
All right.
I'll give it to you.
Ow, ow, ow.
Don't take him, Digsy.
He can't [inaudible]
if he can't hear you.
BOY 2: Fuck off, will you?
Don't fucking
[inaudible] for that.
What was all that about?
Why?
What's it to you?
I just, uh--
I planned to-- nothing.
Just, sort of, uh not the normalway of entering a nightclub.
He forgot his coat.
OK?
Friggin' idgit.
You'll spend your dying
days in Dartmoor Prison.
Not at all.
I'll be all right.
Just lie low for a while
and then sleigh it away
when they're finished
looking for me.
Now, we're nearly here.
Wait.
Hold on, I'm gonna stop here.
BILLY: That makes sense--
safe house in the block
of pensioner's sluts.
Hm.
Look, Billy.
Look!
I've been blown, Billy!
I've been blown!
They pay good money
to informers, nowadays.
Shut up, Billy and get
hell outta here fast.
RON: [inaudible]
over here, love.
It's getting late.
I'm doing my best, Ron?
There's no point
in doing anything
unless you do your best.
RON: What did you make
the tea for, then?
What's the matter
with the tea?
Oh, nothing, Barb.
But, [inaudible]
Ron, do you think
I'll be all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah, great.
As long as they set theirlimbo bar to 5 foot 7, eh.
Tell me about the fancy dress.
Oh, yeah.
Well, the first prize
is a 10-day cruise
for two, [inaudible].
It's not to the WestIndies, by any chance, is it?
In some case, SouthernIceland, I shouldn't wonder.
Still, 10 days anywhere isbetter than being stuck here.
[SINGING] Davy, DavyCrockett, king of the wild--
[knocking]
[police shouting]
Christ.
Oh, my angina.
What the friggin' helldo you think you're doing?
This is 26.
Yeah, and at least [inaudible]someone with a heart condition.
[wheezing]
I'll have you for this--
Is your name Norman Donahue?
You are?
I said, is your
name Norman Donahue?
Is it, shite.
He's supposed to be Irish--
I mean, he is Irish.
But this is number 26.
Yeah, 26 Atley Heights.
You are.
Atley?
Yeah.
This is Atley?
Yeah.
Not Gateschool?
No!
[COPS MUTTERING]
Oh, you've had it
for this, you have!
You all right, love?
We'll get a
carpenter straight out.
We keep it on standby
for these incidents.
I'll bet you do.
What's the score with you?
I've been trying to
get in for half an hour.
We're not open.
Not yet.
Look, I'm going
to be working here.
More fool you.
I am working here.
Right now.
If you're an act,
you're miles too early.
I'm not an act.
Now, open the door, will you.
What are you, then?
I'm the new manager.
Is that good enough for you?
No.
Not yet.
[YELLING] Frank!
I don't have to do this.
I could be unemployed right now.
Where to, boss?
Do you know where we're going?
No, I-- [LOUDLY] no.
Where do you want to go?
The 12th of July
Memorial Hall.
All right, it's
only down there.
Can't you walk?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing.
That's OK, Dad.
What are we tonight?
What are we what?
Are we Labor,
Liberal, Conservative,
Church of England, RomanCatholic, Help the Aged--
who's taking us out?
I ain't pretending to be Hebrew.
I don't know any of their hymns.
Anyone listening
to you, woman,
would think you were deaf.
Patton George?
It's our own kind tonight.
It's the lodge, Martha.
Billy's boys.
Pennywhistlers and
orange [inaudible].
Oh, ey.
I hate them more
than Help the Aged.
Yeah, that's him.
I've seen his picture.
Are you Greek, or what?
No, I've got a sunlamp.
Now, open the friggin' door.
BILLY: Nowhere
left to go, Norman.
They should be there.
Actually, maybe
they're on the run
as well, renewing oldfriendships from 40 years ago.
That was the last time
I saw you, Norman--
40 years ago in another city.
I had nowhere
else to go, Billy.
So you came here,
threatening my family.
No.
No, I came to you for help.
You better come with me, then.
What?
On a peasant pensioner's aiding?
Well, you'll not be
out of place, will you?
And nobody else
wants you, Norman.
We can sing all the
old songs, anyway.
I just want
somewhere to go, Billy.
Just for the night, even.
Look, I'll give thefellas another ring, just
to let them know where I'll be.
Where will I be?
Charleston Club, Stanley Road.
And bring a pen, get free bingo.
I don't know about
no new manager.
Yeah, well, you know one now.
What happened to McCarthur?
He's going.
We're doing this weektogether, then he's leaving.
He's left.
What?
Oh, and he's come back.
Sort of like these famousrock bands when they split up,
you know.
And then they come back,
if you get me drift.
Uh, no, Frank.
Not yet.
He's given a
final performance,
and he's going to sing.
Ah, I know you're
wrong, there.
He wouldn't do that.
He's got a terrible voice.
Are you trying to
tell me something?
Uh, no.
Don't think so, anyway.
Look, don't worry about it.
You'll find out soon enough.
Yeah.
I'm really looking
forward to it.
I thought you might.
But in the meantime, justas a matter of interest--
merely to satisfy my curiosity--
you haven't been a passenger ina Mercedes recently have you?
Could be, kid.
Could be.
I've wined and dined
with kings, I have.
You can tell, can't you?
Oh, [inaudible].
There you have it.
A Mercedes is nothing
special to me.
Bernard, here,
will attend to you.
I've got one or two littleproblems to sort out.
You know.
Not really, no.
Incidentally, Frank,
what do you do here?
Nothing.
I'm a great [inaudible]
for delegating, me.
Anyway, I'll catch
up with you later.
See how you manage.
You know, not everythinghere meets the eye.
Aye, you get them
at the door, boss.
Usually after 11 o'clock, fullof ale and looking for a fight.
They won't look you
in the eye either.
There's no answer to that.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
there is, boss.
I've got a few up my sleeve.
Things like, uh, fuck offbefore I give you brain damage!
Of course, of course.
I can see you're
going to be a constant
source of help andencouragement to me, "Ber-ned."
"Ber-nard."
Ahh.
I was in the French
Foreign Legion, you see.
Oh, well, now
that you tell me--
Uh, can I give you
a bit of advice, boss?
Is this really urgent?
No.
Not yet.
You see, I look after theoutside as well, boss.
And I think you ought to knowthat, um, no vehicle in, like,
recent memory has survivedlonger than half an hour
in the car park.
The kids around
there are savages.
Say no more.
And if I'm not
back in 10 minutes,
don't call me boss anymore.OK?
All right, boss.
By the way, what time do you--
we-- open?
Not yet.
He won't last long.
Ladies and
gentlemen, the veterans
of the Southern
Cross Memorial Band.
Welcome, one and all--
those we see every night
and those we don't.
For those of you who don'tknow me, I'm Billy McRacken.
I was Grand Master
of this lodge.
Now, I'm a pensioner.
But I'll talk no more.
The coach is waiting.
But before you go, a toast.
Ladies and gentlemen, raiseyour glasses to the Queen.
Who?
The Queen!
Oh, that's all right, then.
I'm not standing up
for no southern gunman.
You tell him that, George.
Thank you, Martha.
I'm glad to see that you don'tchange from year to year.
The Queen.
Hey, Billy.
Is he hitting
people again, George?
Oh, we stopped that.
What's up, Billy?
He's been very ill, you know.
He was a very violentperson when he was young,
even when he wasn't young.
Why don't you tell the wholebloody hall, Martha Gorman,
huh?
Is he talking to us, George?
You're only herebecause it's a free night
out, the pair of you.
Never see hide nor
hair of you otherwise.
Where were you on the
12th of July, huh?
I have terrible
trouble marching
these days, Billy McRacken.
And I never could bring meselfto shout, fuck the Pope,
in public.
Piss off, you daft
old [inaudible].
But I can lip read.
[laughs] Very good, Martha.
[thump]
FRANK: Not yet, not yet.
By Satan, I'll be.
Looks as if we're open.
[muffled singing]
CHERYL: [SINGING]
I still love you.
Always thinking of you.
I still love you.
I love you.
Always thinking of you.
Don't wait too long.
If things go wrong, I'll
be home where I belong.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're so kind.
And it's really wonderfulto be back here again so
soon after Caesar's Palace.
And for me next number,
I'd like to sing
a song that was made famousby my old friend and confid--
confide--
companion-- why, he's
almost like a daddy
to me, Mr. Ray Charles.
Thank you, Max.
[SINGING] Born to lose, Iwill live my life in vain.
Every--
[chair scrapes]
[inaudible] Who is that?
I was just--
[inaudible] You the singer?
No, the manager.
The singer's manager?
Just a manager.
I don't get it.
That's about par
for the course.
You're not related to
the bouncer are you?
If I am, he hasn't told me.
What do you manage?
To keep alive, just about.
Body and soul is another matter.
Oh, yeah.
And you?
What do you do here?
I help here.
Well, that's no threat tothe Trades Descriptions Act.
If you say so.
Got to go now.
And help?
Yeah.
I help the chef--
you know, the cook--
and things.
And I put the cards
on the tables.
You know, [inaudible]
over 60s club.
They don't call
them living dead.
Singers [inaudible], you know?
They have the velvet
jackets in them.
And the trousers.
I just keep me
sandwiches in mine.
You taking the piss out of me?
No, no, it's--
you like singing?
Yeah.
Singing's the best.
No way.
We got the Southern
Orange Lodge in tonight.
I hate the Orange Lodge, do you?
We all do now, [inaudible]runs in the family.
Well, I know who will begetting fed last tonight.
I, uh, enjoyed it.
The singing.
Yeah?
Honest.
Oh, that's nice.
'Cause it gets on
everyone else's tits.
Christ, [inaudible].
[crowd chattering]
- I wish you'd seen me.
- Oh, no.
So do I.
Oh, I've been in trainingfor the likes of them,
waiting for them, daringthe bastards to make a move.
Feel that, go on, feel that.
Like rock, that, rock.
I ask you, has this body
changed, Tony, has it?
Well--
You remember this
body, don't you, Tony?
Course I do, Paddy.
Never missed a fight.
[inaudible] at 38.
Third round, knocked out.
Apart from when I was in jail.
You know, I felt like
Charles Bronson before.
Out on the streets of New York.
Bloody good, that, pal.
What?
Your fancy dress, [inaudible].
Oh, it's no fancy dress.
[tires screeching]
You haven't heard
the last of this.
You'll never guess
what's happened to us!
Uh, hey, you.
Boss.
Can you come here, please.
Quickly.
Trouble?
Uh, not yet.
But it's not not trouble,if you know what I mean.
Not yet.
I know you're new and
that, so I rang Frank,
but he said it was
your compartment.
Good old Frank.
It's one of the turns, boss.
You can call me
sir if you want.
Well met, [inaudible] boss.
Wait until you see these.
McCarther must have gone
off his fucking cake.
[passengers singing]
BERNARD: Don't call me bollocks!
MICHAEL: Look, lads,first of all, what are you
and what exactly
are you doing here?
We're the band.
Not yet, you're not.
Have you got a
confirmation card?
No, but I got my firstholy communion certificate.
All right, hey, Macker.
Could you do Glenn Miller?
You mean fly off in the fog?
You'll fucking
fly in a minute.
MICHAEL: All right, fellas.
Now, no offense, Mez, butthere's been a mistake made.
There's nothing
down for you here.
It's as simple as that.
There'll be 400 people
in here tonight,
and every single
sodden one of them
will have a bus pass
and a pension book.
They'll want to
get legless, have
a nice dance, a few
laughs, lots of bingo,
and sing a song at the end.
I'll be honest, is that you?
We don't do bingo.
Oh, hey, lad, when
God gave you teeth,
he spoiled a good ass.
I'll have two kebab and
chips, please, waiter.
I'm glad you've come.
I haven't seen the
tide-mark in ages.
I fucking hate bouncers.
All right, all
right, now, listen.
Who booked you in here?
I don't know, do I?
If you're the manager,
you booked us in.
Yeah, I'm the manager
now, but I wasn't then.
I'll have to solve this.
Look, we want to play.
We want to play.
All right, stay here.
Tell Frank to be in my
office in 10 minutes.
Who me?
I can't tell f--
Tell him.
[passengers singing]
The trouble is that
when we were kids
and we stepped out of
line, we got battered.
Anyone could batter you then.
Not only that, you
could batter anyone.
We battered the Orange Lodge.
They tried to batter us.
We both used to batter thechinks and the niggers.
And then the police
battered the lot of us.
But nobody could batteranyone better than I could
batter them, and that's a fact.
Now, isn't that right, Tony?
Oh, you're right there, Paddy.
But, nowadays, nobody
batters any bugger.
Not unless they've got a Stanleyknife and 15 mates or 50 years
advantage.
Well, nowadays, nobody
believes any bugger.
Nobody listens to any bugger.
And the kids don't
give a bugger.
There's no values.
There's no decency.
There's no respect
that I can see.
One thing I fervently
hope and pray
is that I put those two littlebastards into intensive care.
It's a wig, Winnie.
Course it's a bloody wig.
He was as bold as a Billyboy at my John's funeral.
How can he have hair now?
Well, what about
hair transport?
You mean [inaudible]
Well, whoever.
Ahh.
Look at those poor
gits, broken down.
Oh, I know.
What a shame.
On a night like tonight.
WARDEN: Do you know
what hypothermia is?
You mention
hypothermia again to me.
All I'm saying is
can you realize what--
[inaudible] used to be.
I'm only the driver.
Now, if I'd hit a petrol
tanker on the wrong side
of the road doing
85 miles an hour,
we'd all been
burned to boogery--
you might have due
course to comment.
But otherwise, all as I knowis it won't go, all right?
Yes, but I've got sevenold people freezing to death!
I'm going to apply the
comprehensive emergency
procedure as laid down by thefirm for events such as these.
And?
I'm going to find a phone.
You got 10 pence, please?
[passengers singing]
I'll stay in the toiletswhen we get there, Billy.
Just come out to use the phone.
Might be a good idea after all.
You know, save their number.
And who's gonna be lookingfor me with that bunch of--
joofering jizz, would
you look at that?
[angry shouting]
Fucking hell,
Billy, he's got a gun.
Well, of course
he's got a gun.
He's supposed to be a
cowboy, you soft git.
I'll give you memorial!
All bloody [inaudible]
lot of you!
Paddy Burke.
Billy McRacken!
Billy McRacken!
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
Never left the
playground, George.
Never left the
bloody playground.
[angry shouting]
Well?
Well, you better tell
me what's going on.
Why?
Because I want to
know, that's why.
It's not a good enough
reason, I'm afraid.
Sorry.
It's good enough for me.
Well, I must have higherstandards than you, then.
There's nothing going
on here that's got
anything to do with you.
And for that, be grateful.
Been lookingeverywhere for you, boss.
Excuse me, Frank, but I'd
just like to ask boss--
uh, him-- to come
outside for a minute.
Please.
Now.
[WHISPER] It's the car park.
Hello, Cheryl.
[all shouting angrily]
[inaudible]
Oh, fuck off [inaudible]Billy McRacken?
Billy McRacken.
[crowd silences]
I know you're there.
I want you, Billy McRacken.
We have unfinishedbusiness, Billy McRacken.
Not tonight.
I have too much on my mind.
No.
Tonight, Billy McRacken.
Tonight.
Not tonight.
Nor any other night.
[catholics cheer]
What are they doing
here in fancy dress?
Rosco de Ville.
And?
I don't know what's
going on, boss.
Honestly, I don't.
He was only here
a fortnight ago.
[inaudible] pity.
Died?
Died?
We had a requiem mass for him.
The 12th of July MemorialHall with musical accompaniment.
And at least onenotorious, loyalist gunman.
Hey, you gentlemen.
No musical instruments allowed.
By order.
The only order Ilisten to is last orders.
Well, you listen
to these, old son,
or you won't get
your first order in.
Hey, well, you heard the boy.
Come on.
We're here to enjoy
ourselves, that's all.
Well, it's a pity
we didn't enjoy
ourselves in the car park.
Put them back.
Come on.
Back to the coach.
Come on.
They're coming in.
I am not phoning Frank.
Evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope You don't mind me
asking, but are you sure
you've got the right club?
Course we have.
What do you think we are, soft?
Uh, no, no.
It's just that we, uh--
this is the Charleston
Club, madam.
And this is the sameColumbus Room and Catholic
Social Club Pensioner's[inaudible] Here's our card,
young man.
We're expected.
As far as I know, weweren't planning any fanc--
fanc-- fancy day?
Satisfied?
You better [inaudible]
What's happening, Tony?
Oh, no, no, not at all, uh.
Welcome to the Charleston Club.
Uh, the night is young and--
I hate that word.
In fact, I hate the young.
And, uh, no.
Well, the, uh, the year is oldand, uh, the night is yours.
Yeah, fine, great.
But listen here, you.
We're only paying full
prices for our drinks.
The turkey dinner
better [inaudible].
And have you got a happy hour?
Happy hours aren't
for you, madam.
Well, we'll get
those [inaudible]
I've got to have a pee.
Oh, no.
Oh, Bernard!
Oh, boogity.
Oh, Bernard, Bernard, Bernard!
Prospects [inaudible]
Shirt lifters.
Dinner mashers.
Ass bandits.
Faggots.
It's a fur coat--
the comedian.
Poofter.
Pervert.
Yeah, yeah, but
is he any good?
Nah, fucking awful.
[ANGRILY] I have
had enough of this.
Uh.
I'll go and, um--
MAN 1: Does the Pope
know you're an Arab?
Eh?
MAN 2: Fuck off, Ayatollah!
Hey, Winnie, what doyou think about those two,
either side of Billy the Beast?
Oh, not a lot.
[inaudible] left put [inaudible]in Children's Hospital.
Ah, that was nearly
60 years ago, girl.
I know.
But me mom always said that wasthe reason he molested people.
Oh, he can molest me
any day of the week.
What [inaudible]
No, him with the mustache.
The one that broke
your Roger's skull.
I've always fancied him.
But he was on the wrong side.
What's his name again?
I only ever knew
him as [inaudible].
But do you think
they'll go for us?
I mean dressed like this?
44 pence, please.
Bloody day like robbery.
16 pence each in [inaudible].
Still, great days
they were, though.
Yeah.
Do you think?
Oh, aye.
Especially for you, Billy boy.
King of the castle.
Heard you'd got repossessed.
Aw, come on, Billy.
Don't worry, Billy.
There's enough of us here.
We'll stand by you.
And you beat him last time.
Don't forget that.
More than anyone
else ever did.
I want no trouble tonight.
But if there is,
we'll be there.
FRANK: All right, allright, for Christ's sake.
Talk to me.
Now.
Again?
Now.
[SINGING] Now and again,there are fools such as I.
It's "now and then."
I know.
I was improvising.
Look, you.
Nobody does that to me!
Yeah, well, that's allright because I am nobody.
Noted [inaudible].
And nobody should have
to put up with this,
and therefore, this nobodyis given in his notice
as from fucking now.
I'm terrible, mate.
I don't take no notice.
Look, you!
Oh, shit.
Trouble?
Soon.
Yeah, you bet.
Frank.
[man whimpers]
Hello, Michael.
How goes the night?
You didn't mention this
in the job description.
No.
I know I didn't, did I.
Yeah, well, you're going tohave to readvertise, Mr. Ross,
because, you see, I
thought I was going
to manage a nightclub,
not a friggin' asylum
for the violently insane.
Frank.
I'm not qualified.
Oh, yes, you are.
Really.
[man whimpers]
In fact, you're
very highly qualified.
Let me show you.
You see, I do think thatdespite our teething troubles,
not to mention Mr. McCarthur's
teething troubles--
Goodbye.
Oh, you can't go yet.
not yet.
We haven't had the
floor show yet.
[mccarthur moans]
You see.
I told you he was gonna sing.
Look, whatever it is,
I don't want to know.
There you are, Michael.
I knew you were the
right man for me.
Hm?
With the perfect attitude--
head down, nose clean,
blinkered, and honest,
as well as being, perhaps,just a little bit scared.
Ah.
A fortuneteller.
No.
Far from it.
I am a businessman.
I have adopted the principlesof market forces and fear.
Try charm at first, by allmeans, but then use terror.
[mccarthur pants]
Robert, here,
will vouch for that.
What do you say?
Nah, no thanks.
This is another world.
I don't belong here.
ROSS: Course you don't I
wouldn't want you to be
part of this unpleasantness.
I just want you to run
my little club for me.
Let my questionable
money run through you.
Don't rob too much off me.
Be nice to those withvaricose veins who come here.
And don't get too ambitious.
Now, Michael, what onEarth can be the problem?
Forget it.
[QUIETLY] Come on.
Hm?
You can talk to me.
You have to talk to me.
You can call me
Leonard if you want.
Well, apart from discoveringthis little torture chamber,
here, I've got a group
that can't play music,
one bad comedian plus boyfriend,a nervous breakdown calling
himself a magician,
and two coach
loads full of
70-year-old religious
maniacs looking for a fight.
Oh, yeah, and a fancy dresscontest that no one knew about.
First prize-- a 10
days cruise for two.
Did you do this, Robert?
Did you?
[mccarthur moans]
You mean, you booked
in all this rubbish,
and then sent out these foamy,fancy dress invitations--
what--
as a sort of farewell present?
Well, booger me
sideways, Robert, eh?
[inaudible] you will almostgo up in my estimation.
Almost.
And what happens
if I just walk
out of here now and disappear?
You mean without trace?
There's a good boy.
Haven't you got that?
Oh, yeah.
Great thinking.
Good thinking, like, you know.
Make [inaudible] things
equal, wouldn't it.
All right.
Suppose I'd better goand sorta case the joint.
[gasps]
And while you're
at it, I'll have
a [inaudible] over [inaudible]and a double [inaudible].
[groans]
What is it?
It's all right, Ronny.
Tony's getting to me.
Are you OK?
I'd make an exaction.
I want to know
exactly where it is.
What is it, Barb?
My chest is all hot.
Yeah, well, I'm not surprised.
You're wearing a pair of falseboobs, two tons of makeup,
you would have caught abottle of gin in the couch.
Is what is all this
stupid excitement.
There, there.
Billy boy!
Frickin' Jesus.
You know what I've
forgotten, Ronny?
What?
Oh, no, you haven't, have you?
What's the matter, Billy?
[chicken noises]
[SINGING] It's not the leavingof Liverpool that grieves me.
I wish I was funny.
I wish I thought I was funny.
Seriously, though,
Michael, don't go.
Not now.
It would be very
foolish to go now.
You can get used
to threats, you know.
That was a promise.
Yeah, well, I'll
think of something.
I doubt it.
Don't doubt it.
But I do.
I mean, you couldn't
sell your house in time.
And even if you work far
away, I wouldn't mind.
I like holidays.
But I haven't done anything.
I know that.
But these days,
witnesses to the crime
are often in as much dangeras those as what to whom
the crime was done to.
You're all right
on one-liners,
but you don't [inaudible]fall apart on long sentences.
Now, don't be like that.
Now when we're just
about to be friends.
We can be good for each other.
We can work
together, me and you.
Really.
Course we can.
McCarthur was a fool.
Yeah, but you
shouldn't get beaten
to shit just for being a fool.
Ah, but there was
more to it than that.
You see, he wanted it all forhimself, whereas me and you--
now we understand each other.
We can do it quietly
and together.
Believe me, there's more
ways of robbing Mr. Ross
than he came up with.
Anyway, I'll leave you
with that, shall I?
Save you having to
think of anything.
Only, don't stay out too long.
You'll catch your death.
[SINGING] It's not the leavingof Liverpool doot doo doo doot.
So, Mr. [inaudible],
I decided to become
a comedian after I escapedfrom the Foreign Legion.
Hey, listen.
If you can get a
laugh in French,
you can get a laugh anywhere.
Did we have an
audition night here?
Yeah, Tuesdays [inaudible].
I'll put your name downwith all the other dreamers.
Oh, and don't hide the cigar.
You can have it.
Called theft, normally, buthere it's just called normal.
Thanks, boss, yeah.
I mean-- right, um.
Uh, everything all
right with Frank?
No.
But it will be.
One way or another.
You want to fight,
go to the stadium.
Now, are youse on or not, lads?
Because if you are, I wantthem dancing, not complaining.
Can you give us a bit longer?
You lot need an eternity.
Even that wouldn't
be long enough.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
Good-- [VOICE CRACKS] goodevening, ladies and gentlemen.
Good evening, ladies and--
uh, good evening.
Rosco de Ville.
Novelty act.
I do a bit of everything.
I'm a bit worried
about me rabbit,
which is sort of the highlightof me act, me rabbit.
Sod your rabbit.
Can you sing
country and Western?
Ah, everything apart fromsinging, I should have said.
I can sing.
We'll, uh, put you
on in the middle.
And we'll have a
vet standing by.
Do something.
Do something.
Do it.
Come on!
Do something!
Just for once, eh?
If you are thinking ofassisting in the planning
of anything tonight,
Tony [inaudible] Devony,
you better think again.
Nothing is to happen
here, tonight.
You hear me?
Of course I do, Billy.
Last thing on me mind.
It will be.
Believe me.
Norman.
Well, what's happening?
I can't get an answer.
Well, you can't stay here.
Things are going
wrong out there.
Fucking Catholics.
I can hear them in here.
[inaudible] fucking--
I have got money, Norman.
Fucking--
Enough money for ataxi for almost anywhere.
Are you trying to
get me caught, Billy?
Do you know what's the firstthing the cops are going to do?
Warn the taxis.
There is no way
that I am getting--
I want you to go.
If the police come
here and they find--
That wouldn't be a
very good thing, Billy.
For both of us.
Because only you
know that I'm here.
The police will come
if there's trouble,
and there's trouble
brewing out there.
I'll try again after--
Norman, go away.
I don't want you here.
- Ahh.
Norman.
I'm scared.
Scared?
You?
Heh.
Don't be scared, Billy boy.
You just think of thatlovely daughter of yours.
That's why I'm scared.
Because if one finger is laid onher or her kin because of you--
Shh.
[door opens]
[footsteps]
[stall door closes]
Not because of me, Billy boy.
Because of you.
I mean look at them.
I mean just look at them.
Been to a funeral today?
Eh?
Hardly worth coming home.
WOMAN: Go home!
He might look to Bing
Crosby when you see him.
Did it land anywhere?
Oh, direct hit.
--I'll stay on longer.
ALL: Boo!
You don't frighten me.
Shut up!
I'll set your pension
books on fire!
Are you sure you
want me to do this?
The first switch is
just by the door.
And the second is
five paces down--
You do it.
And I'll have the same again.
Don't you think we can
have a kitty on this?
Kitty?
For just the pair of us?
Don't be s--
COMEDIAN: I'm going
to go off now.
I'm going to try
and kill meself.
I'm gonna try and kill myself.
ALL: Boo!
Replenish your glasses,we've got the magician on next.
I'd like to say you've
been a good audience.
I'd like to say but I can't.
Fucking coffin dodgers.
I'm not well, Ronny.
Oh, I know, I know.
I think we'd better go
home and get the pills.
Oh, then we'd
miss everything--
the fancy dress and everything.
Yeah, but they don't havecruises in intensive care.
Come on.
We might just make
it back in time.
Don't be long, Ronny.
There's gonna be some fun here.
Oh, great, yeah.
Barbara's not feel--
Fun.
What makes you think that?
[laughs] Because
I'm going to start it.
Billy!
A Catholic.
Years of persecution.
PADDY: Billy!
It's only because
he's underprivileged.
Billy boy!
[crash]
Fucking [inaudible] can'tyou look where you're going?
I didn't do it on purpose.
I was just going to get--
You're going to pay for this.
And if I was a bit
fitter, so would you!
Well, what are you
going to do about, then?
Leave him alone, [inaudible].
Stay out of this, woman.
Now, Ted, the
season of good will--
There's no season of
good will between us.
Yeah, well, [inaudible]tonight because otherwise,
old as you are, you'll
go out the door.
Can you keep a grip
of these, Father?
Do you want an honest answer?
Don't bother.
What about you?
I can't keep a grip on
myself these days, kid.
But if I were you,
I'd just call the police
and get it over with.
Now, there's an idea.
Yeah.
What is?
Nothing.
Just that, uh, things
could be warming up.
Gravy?
Gravy?
I'm always doing it.
I've left me friggin' gravy on.
[groans] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[cackling in distance]
Listen, I want you to
do something, Bernard.
Hold off--
[silence falls]
Hold off--
[cackling]
[QUIETLY] Fuck.
No. 'Tis a shame, isn't it?
Have you ever looked
into the future, Winnie?
Well, I had a dream,
once, about the winner
of the National.
But it was the day after.
Just stop crying, ey.
It's a big night.
Isn't it nice?
[CRYING] No, it's not.
I can't--
Do you want to tell me whatyou're crying for, Bobby?
[CRYING] I'm crying
because I [inaudible]
Is this all there is?
You should know, Billy.
You booked us into
this shambles.
No, I meant--
You see.
You see.
You see.
Get the drinks in, Bernard.
How old do you think they are?
Too old.
Is that all we've
got to look forward to?
You might as well
go out with a bang.
At the third stroke.
Guess what we used
to call me Gran.
She got two easy.
At the third stroke, shedrove me mother demented.
Less than a baby at the end.
Me and Aunt [inaudible] hatedher for what she did to me mom.
Used to sneak up behind herand kick her up the bone.
She did that to your mother?
No.
We did that to her.
Yeah, she was a
laugh sometimes.
Priest came to see heronce on one of the nights
when she was dying.
Asked her if she'd ever haveany regrets, and she said,
the only regret I've
ever had, Father, is
that I never got enough dick.
McCarthur doesn't deserve me.
He wasn't very nice.
Why, what are you
doing for them?
Nothing, really.
I'm doing it for myself.
Bernard, tell the
comedian to disappear
but we'll pay him in full.
Right, boss.
Oh, and get the magicianready for me, and if he dies--
Excuse me Mr.
Thingy, it's like this.
I can't go on there.
Not in front of--
in front of them.
It's like me rabbit on me head.
It's the big part of me act.
It's had and accident.
It's not me, it's me
rabbit, as you can see.
I've been compared toPaul Daniels, only taller
and with me own head of hair.
I understand.
It's tough at the top.
Uh oh.
Right.
Throw the band straighton and if all else fails,
I'll get up and
do a few numbers.
Meanwhile, you--
I knew you were a singer.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'm glad you
used the past tense.
Go away, Bernard.
Right, boss.
Look, do me a favor, Cheryl.
Get that lot looked afterand then get some food out.
The only chance
we've got tonight
is if we keep them occupied.
Go on.
For me.
Please.
Yeah.
I said go on.
Yeah, all right, listen.
Do you fancy a fuck?
There are quieter
ways of occupying
them than that, Cheryl.
- Not now, but--
Would you like to go
to the pictures tonight?
It's a war film.
[inaudible] say my name.
How many times I've
gotta tell you, lad?
Where have you been?
Both my places of
safety have gone, here.
I need to leave now.
Well, as soon as possible.
I'm in the end cubicle ofthe toilets in the Charleston
Club, Stanley Road.
Aye.
Have you got that?
Aye.
I'm here.
Make sure you're not followed.
Great.
End cubicle, men's toilets,Charleston Club, Stanley Road,
OK?
Now, you two lads--
you're gonna get
20 years for this.
And you know what?
I'm glad.
Now, come on!
I'm not fucking missing this.
That's right, officer.
The Charleston Club.
A man got absolutely battered.
BERNARD: Boss?
[knocks on door]
No, I'm certainly not a crank.
Thank you.
BERNARD: Boss?
[knocks on door] Boss?
[knocks on door] Boss?
[knocks on door] Hey, boss!
[knocks on door] Boss!
Coulda sworn you
had a queer in here.
Have you done it?
Yeah, [inaudible]
So have I.
Hey, I really enjoy tellingqueers to sod off, boss.
Met a lot of them in the FrenchForeign Legion, you know.
I thought it was all going tobe adventure and killing people,
but I spent most of me timewith me ass to the wall.
Stay here for a
minute, Bernard.
Get the supper's ready.
Eh, am I, like, uhyour assistant now, boss?
Uh, yeah.
Assistant manager.
But I've got something
to do and, uh, a man's
gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Eh, you can piss in
the sink in the dressing
rooms if you like, boss.
Everybody else does.
You don't judge a book
by the cover, you know.
I do.
I can't read.
[sighs] Assistant manager.
You've got five
minutes, at the most,
to clean him up,
clean the mess up,
and get yourselves out of here.
And when the police come--
If the police come.
I'll just show them round andconvince them it was someone's
idea of a practical joke.
What if we take
you with us as well?
Nobody's going
anywhere with you.
He isn't.
And I'm certainly not.
I don't believe you.
And nobody gets hurt anymore.
I definitely don't
believe you, then.
Oh, you will do
when the police come
and the letter arrivesand when it gets opened--
if something happens to me.
You see, there is
no alternative.
And what do you
get out of this?
I doubt if you'd
understand, Mr. Ross.
Try me.
I know I'm a nobody, butI'm nobody else's nobody.
I still say he's bluffing.
[inaudible].
ROSS: Get a damp
cloth, would you?
And a dry one.
Now.
Speke Airport.
Every man has his
price, Michael.
What's yours?
You've just paid it.
Oh, Frank.
You will remind Mr. McCarthurabout the Official Secrets Act,
won't you?
Oh, I think he already knows.
Do you?
[inaudible].
Good.
Don't make a habit
of this, will you?
Hm?
These are hard
times to be a hero.
Happy New Year.
What about the Orange Lodge?
No, it's not cold enough yet.
Get us a bottle
of whiskey, Billy.
I'm going.
Now?
Soon.
I've made contact.
All your troubles are over.
Now, get us that whiskey.
I'm going to need it.
[all singing]
Paddy.
Billy's going out, Paddy.
Not now, for Christ's sake.
I'm eating dinner.
If you want to do
something, [inaudible]
Somebody should complain.
It just shouldn't.
I know, but still.
Can I [inaudible] too?
Battered?
Are you sure?
We've had an extremely
peaceful night here.
- You called them, Billy.- No.
- You called them.
- No, I didn't.
You're dead, Billy.
And we don't even know if--
[inaudible] thatfucking daughter or yours!
Be quiet!
[interposing voices]
Is that a gun?
Course I've got a gun.
I'm a fucking terrorist!
[bone cracks]
[bathroom door opens]
MICHAEL: And as you cansee, there's no one getting
battered in here, either.
OFFICER 1: I know.
You think people
would have better
things to do on New Year's Eve.
MICHAEL: All the lonely people.
OFFICER 2: Thank
you, Eleanor Rigby.
OFFICER 1: They wouldn't belonely if I got hold of them.
OFFICER 2: Are
you busy in there?
I'm on overtime, lad.
OFFICER 1: [chuckles]
That'll be all.
New Year's fucking Eve.
[bathroom door opens and closes]
Am I going mad in my old age?
MICHAEL: OK, lads.
Take care.
[inaudible]
Oh, fucking hell, Billy.
What?
What do you mean, what?
We can't get our dinner,the band's being [inaudible]
they're throwing a[inaudible] on the next table,
and these bastard [inaudible]
All right, all
right, all right.
It's not fucking all right.
It's not gonna be!
Now, don't take
it out on me, eh?
Hey, you.
You, lad.
Yes, you.
Call yourself a manager.
Oh, uh, the fancy
dress will commence--
Frig the fancy dress!
They ought not to be in heremixing with ordinary people.
And if they've got
to be in here--
I mean why-- why don't you--
why can't they be out of sight?
I never want to be like that.
Don't.
Your descriptive powers
won't do it justice.
[SINGING] Listen to
me before it's too late,
and it's not [inaudible]
where they'll go
on a cruise but it's
gonna come from the sky.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
It's gonna come from the sky.
It's gonna come from the sky.
Look at me!
I'm young and free!
Look at you!
Bone where muscle used to be!
[inaudible] We call the shots.
You lead your life.
You tagged the nuts.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die.
We're gonna die, die, die,die, die, we're gonna die.
It's gonna come from the sky.
It's gonna come from the sky.
Fall out!
Get off!
Get out, you fucking bastards!
Where's Frank?
You better get Frank.
[all cheering]
[inaudible]
[inaudible]
The [inaudible]
We'll see who's got no balls.
[SINGING] [inaudible]
No wonder you were
crazy as a kid, Billy.
You must have known it
would all come to this.
Where you going?
I've gone.
I'm going to have to
spend a penny, Martha.
Don't be too long, please.
We gotta do something.
Now?
When they're having
such a good time?
Don't be a spoilsport.
And she can really sing, Cheryl.
[inaudible]
Billy!
Beat it!
Go on, beat it!
Oh, God.
Tony?
TONY: [WEAKLY] Yeah.
Tony.
Yeah.
Uh, didn't you tell me thefoyer was your responsibility,
Bernard, at some point tonight?
All this for 2.86
pounds an hour.
[SINGING] If you needme, I want you to call me.
I said if you need me, all
you gotta do is call me.
BOTH: [SINGING] But
don't wait too long.
If things go wrong,
I'll be home.
Whoa.
If you want me, send for me.
Say if you want me, want me,all you gotta do is send for me.
But don't wait too long.
You gotta pick up your phone andI'll be home, where I belong.
It's him!
Oh, fuck!
Belt him one.
Go on.
Slaughter him!
Gentlemen, [inaudible] please.
[inaudible]
Right.
Let me out now.
Police.
Yeah.
Charleston Club.
Stanley Road.
Uh, like, disturbance.
Friggin' [inaudible] Yeah.
As soon as you can.
OFFICER: Turn back!
Police!
Get out!
Come on, get out the way!
Let us through!
All right.
All right.
What's going on in here.
We've all got diarrhea.
So what he reckons happenedis that the dead fella,
the Irishman, must have hadhis gun trained on Paddy
while he was fighting,
ready to kill him, like.
And even though-- even thoughPaddy was in the state he was
in, when he went
through that doorway,
he still had enough strength--
the bells.
The bells.
And he still had
enough strength,
when he saw the gun, tothrow himself at the Irishman
and strangle him, before
he collapsed himself.
He's a fucking hero, isn't he?
Mad, though he is.
Has Paddy said
anything about it?
The bells.
The bells.
No.
He was unconscious when theambulance took him away.
Tony Stevony went with him.
To look after him, like?
No.
He was unconscious as well.
Billy the Beast [inaudible]on the way out the toilets.
MEN: [SINGING] --all to see.
He planted it and he rootedit for everyone to see.
We are the sons of billionsthat held the potpourri.
Oh, E-I-E-I-E-I-O,E-I-E-I-E-I-O, E-I-E-I-E-I-O,
Paddy was a bastard.
E-I-O.
The, uh, first prize
in tonight's fancy
dress competition goes to[inaudible] and Harley.
[singing "auld lang syne"]
Happy new year?
MICHAEL: Home.
BERNARD: Well, it's
either that or an orgy.
I'm not quite certain.
MICHAEL: I know.
Same with me
CHERYL: And me.
MICHAEL: But when you gethome, give her one for me.
BERNARD: I don't think my motherwould appreciate that, though.
He lives with his mother?
Yeah.
I don't.
Live with me mother.
[inaudible]
I don't live with anyone--
anymore.
MICHAEL: I do.
So it's my place.
I'm a happily married man.
Oh, yeah.
Well it won't last.
Never does.
Cheryl.
Elizabeth, it's me.
And you.
Happy New Year.
Mm.
Elizabeth, um, I'd like
to speak to Brandon.
Brandon, my son-in-law.
Brandon, would you--
would you consider
it sentimental of me,
after all these years,
if I was to wish you
a Happy New Year?