No, No, Nanette (1940) - full transcript
Perky young Nanette attempts to save the marriage of her uncle and aunt by untangling Uncle Jimmy from several innocent but ensnaring flirtations. Attempting one such unentanglement, Nanette enlists the help of theatrical producer Bill Trainor, who promptly falls in love with her. The same thing happens when artist Tom Gillespie is called on for help. But soon Uncle Jimmy's flirtations become too numerous, and Nanette's romances with Tom and Bill run into trouble. Will Uncle Jimmy's marriage survive, and will Nanette find happiness with Tom, Bill, or somebody else?
[INTRODUCTION MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[COMEDIC HONKING]
-Pauline, what's this?
-Bacon.
-Well, I know this.
-We've already had our
allowance for the month.
-You mean--
-Not another slice
until next Wednesday.
-Good morning, darling.
-Good morning, darling.
-I've never seen
such a man for bacon.
-Never seen such
bacon for a man.
-(STERN) Pauline.
Where's Nanette?
-She's already
had her breakfast,
what there was of it.
Bread pudding and milk.
Not my idea of a breakfast.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GRUNTING]
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) Good
morning, Ms. Nanette.
-Good morning, Styles.
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) Good morning.
Say, Ms. Nanette, I don't want
to seem "insquisixtive" but,
um, how are they feeding
you up at the house?
-Oh.
How do they feed me?
Well, uh, this morning I had
orange juice, strawberries
and cream, poach eggs on toast--
-Poached eggs?
-(AGREEING) Poached eggs.
-Do you know what
they gave Pauline
and Remington this
morning for breakfast?
-Bread pudding with milk.
-Oh, that sounds horrible.
-Sounds horrible?
It would be alright if you
only had to listen to it,
but you got to eat it.
-Your horoscope
says, beware of 1940.
Sun in Taurus,
moon in Capricorn.
You are externally
a materialist,
but this is a liable.
In reality, an idealist with
a tendency to dissipate cash.
And that's where I come in.
-Darling, we have a
million in the bank.
-My darling, always
looking on the bright side.
Even in '29 when
everyone's business
was crashing right to
left, you were optimistic.
-Are they eating apples?
-Oh, yes.
Delicious.
But she don't eat them.
She Cancer.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Just imagine,
a little stalk like this
holding up a great
big apple like that.
-Yeah.
She calls that one, Taurus.
And this one, she calls
Sagitariu-- Sagi-- Sagi--
Sagi-- This one
is called, Plato.
And this one is called--
-It came off in my hands.
-(MISUNDERSTANDING) It
came off in my hands.
No.
That's silly.
She calls it-- What did you do?
What did you do?
You waste the [INAUDIBLE].
You got to stick it back.
What are we going to do?
-Keep calm, Styles.
Can't put Taurus back, can we?
Would you like half?
-Yes.
No, no, no, no, no.
-Come on, you have half.
-Alright.
No.
I got a wife and four kids.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-It came collect.
-Send it back collect.
Give it back to the boy.
MRS. SUSAN SMITH: Oh, a mistake?
-Terrible.
-Maybe it's for me.
-No, no, no.
It's my mistake.
-You, you got to
swallow the core,
so there won't be
no finger prints.
-My little lamb.
Some deal went wrong?
No deal at all, really.
I never thought it was.
-Here she comes.
Quick.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Uncle, yoohoo.
Uncle.
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) I don't
mind mashers and macaroni.
I don't even mind
sending the paper
napkins out to be dry cleaned.
But when she asks me to put
yellow soap instead of cheese
in the mousetraps?
I'm leaving and [INAUDIBLE].
-What is the matter, Uncle?
-Nanette, I'm in a mess.
-Business?
-No.
-Hey.
Not Auntie?
-No.
-Well, what is it?
-Oh, well don't think I mean--
Well, I don't mean it in a way.
See, the poor girl
had lost her purse.
-What poor girl?
-A lovely Russian girl I met
on the Albany night boat.
-(DISGUSTED) Uncle.
-Oh, no.
No, Nanette.
It's not what you're
thinking at all.
Don't you see, Nanette, she
was terribly anxious to go
on this date and her family,
some kind of nobility,
objected and cut her off.
-Without a penny?
-Without a penny.
So I lent her some money
for acting lessons.
-Uncle, that girl
didn't need any lessons.
So?
Oh, Uncle.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Uncle, why?
-Well, you see, I'm
a very ordinary man,
trying to work out
life's happy plan.
Doing unto others, as I'd
like them to do unto me.
When I find a very
lonely sole, to be kind
becomes my only goal.
I feel so much better when
I tell them my philosophy.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(SINGING) I want to be happy.
I won't be happy until
I make them happy, too.
-(SINGING) Life's really worth
living when we are both giving.
Why can't I give some to you?
Uncle, I've got an idea.
Pay off this Russian you found.
She'll go back to Syracuse
for the right amount.
-The right amount out of
my miserable allowance?
-Oh, no bonds?
-Well, no.
Only the ones
under Susan's name.
-Oh, yeah.
No jewelry?
-I don't know.
-No jewelry.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Mr. William Trainor, sir.
Calling from the Elbee theatre.
-I'm busy, Remington.
I can't talk to anyone.
-Very good, sir.
-And stop bothering
me, Remington.
-Yes, sir.
-Remington?
Who did you say?
-A Mr. Trainor, miss.
-Uncle.
You know, William Trainor's
a theatrical producer.
-Yes.
-Oh, well, Remy?
-Yes, miss.
-Uncle, talk to him.
What are you thinking?
That's a miracle.
-Is it?
-Now you can leave it all to me.
Say, it's great to
hear your voice, Bill.
-Say it's great to
hear your voice, Bill.
-Jimmy?
How are you?
Say, when can we get
some beer together?
I haven't seen you since--
Say, can't you afford a paper?
I'm breaking in a
new musical comedy--
-Breaking in a new
musical comedy?
Opening in two weeks?
Called, "So Long, Sister."
How do you like the title?
-We'll change it
to, So Long, Sonya.
We'll change it to,
"So Long, Sonya."
-Huh?
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) Hello, Bill.
-Oh, hello.
Be with you in a minute.
-Auntie's birthday party.
-Auntie's birthday party?
Oh, no.
It was just my little
niece, Nanette.
-Ask him to a party.
-What?
Oh, yes.
Look, will you come to, you
know, my wife's birthday party?
-Right.
I'll be there.
So long, Jimmy.
-Jimmy Smith?
-Mmhmm.
-Of North Shore?
-Mmhmm.
Dave, let's have
the first number.
DAVE: Alright, girls.
-But what about me, Bill?
-If you had been here
just one day earlier,
I had just the spot for you.
-When you get into the house,
you'll shine with hospitality.
-Hospitality?
With what?
-We've got some apricot
brandy in the cellar.
-That's true, yeah.
-You'll reminisce while
you sip your brandy.
You'll enjoy the music
and the nice breezes.
He'll take Sonya
for his new show--
Oh, Uncle, all your
troubles are over.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(SINGING) When skies are
grey and you say you are blue,
I'll send the sun
smiling through.
TOGETHER: (SINGING)
Cause' I want to be happy.
And I want you happy.
And I make you happy, too.
[LAUGHING]
[HUMMING]
-Is everything ready, Uncle?
[WHISTLING]
-You might drown your
fish before you catch him.
-Well, first we
celebrate our reunion.
Yes.
Then, we reminisce.
Then, I remind him that
I backed his first play.
Talk about how we
knew it would succeed.
Then we--
-You cry.
-We cry into our glasses.
Bill has his dancing star and
Uncle kisses Sonja good bye.
-And indigestion.
Come on, darling.
-There he is, pardon me.
Darling.
Going to all this trouble
just because I'm a year older.
-Oh, well I--
-It's an exquisite perfume.
-Do you like it?
It's called extravagant life.
-That's a lovely bottle.
When it's empty, I can
use for a savings bank.
Come take a look at the
cake Maggie made me.
-(WHISPERING) Leave him to me.
-Maggie, that Gillespie
is coming to the party.
-Who's Gillespie?
-He's that [INAUDIBLE]
who draws those pictures
of girls when they're
nude, you know.
-Do you mean he makes
a living doing that?
[DOORBELL RINGING]
-The bell.
-The Smith house?
-(RUDE) Yes.
-I'm Mr. Gillespie.
-Why, Mr. Gillespie.
We were just talking about you.
-Really?
-You know, speak of the devil.
-There's the great man.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-I'm Nanette.
Nanette Smith.
Uncle asked me to meet you.
He's with Auntie
looking at the cake.
-Well, that was kind of him.
And tell me of you, Ms. Smith.
-Oh, you know, Uncle
talks so much about you
and what great pals you are.
-(SURPRISED) Really?
I'm flattered.
At least I hope I should be.
-Well, you certainly should.
If you only knew what
Uncle thinks about you.
-You surprise me.
-He was only just
saying to me, he said,
there wasn't anything that
he wouldn't do for you.
That is, If you
wanted anything done.
Come on, let's find him.
-(NERVOUS) I think
the cake's a little--
-Nanette?
Nanette?
Yoohoo?
Oh, hello, Tom.
-Hello, Sue.
-I see you've met our niece.
-Tom?
-Gillespie.
-Oh, how do you
do, Mr. Gillespie?
Oh, of course, we've met before.
I thought he was-- I'm sorry.
I thought you were someone else.
-Well, not half
as sorry as I am.
-Tom, everyone's
dying to meet you.
Just because you're the man that
draws the girls without the,
uh, you know.
-I thought it was Bill.
-No.
-Well, are you sure it isn't?
-Yes.
-That's him.
-That's Bill.
-(RUDE) You're late.
-Thanks for reminding me.
-You're welcome.
-Oh, happy-go-lucky Bill.
Sonya.
-Sonya?
From Syracuse?
-Yes.
-Oh, Uncle.
You're joking.
-At my own execution?
Nanette, what am I going to do?
-Uncle, you hide yourself
in the conservatory,
I'll get rid of her and
I'll bring him into you.
Now, get yourself a drink
because you need it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(NERVOUS) Call up Mr.
Stillwater-- Stillwater--
Stillwater-- and
Stillwater and tell
him to come over
here right away.
It's urgent.
-[INAUDIBLE]
-No, no, no, no.
His house.
-Hi, it's nice to see you.
-Susie, the same old.
You haven't changed a bit.
Meet Sonya Sonyavich.
-Auntie, did you see
that-- Why, Mr. Trainor.
How do you do?
How do you do?
BILL TRAINOR: How do you do?
-Well, actually I
prefer portrait work,
but my bankers prefer
Gillespie girls.
[LAUGHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Excuse me.
May I?
-Excuse me.
-How are you, Tom?
-Hello, Bill.
Nice seeing you.
-Yes.
I see you.
-You know, I'm always being
mistaken for someone else.
-Oh, are you?
-Yes.
It used to annoy me,
but now I'm rather glad.
-I'm through with the chorus.
I have another place
in the theatre.
-Maybe.
But your muscles aren't
in the right place
for pushing scenery.
-Very funny.
-Mr. Gillespie, would you
like to do something for me?
-Why, I certainly would.
-Well, would you
mind touching in
and dancing with
that girl over there?
The one in gold.
-(NERVOUS) May I?
-Sure.
-Bill, I've been
looking for you.
Come on, let's dance.
-Oh, yes.
I've been, uh,
looking for you, too.
-Now, what foot
do we start with?
-Oh, just let nature
take it's course.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Excuse me.
[DOOR SLAMMING]
-Is he on his way?
-Yes, sir.
-You know, there are 3
Mr. Stillwaters in family.
-Yes, sir.
I know.
-I don't wish to
see Stillwater Jr.
-Jimmy.
Why have you been hiding?
-Hiding?
What would give you that idea?
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, that laugh.
I cannot resist it.
-Remington, that's all.
You may go.
-Right, sir.
-I want only you.
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, excuse me.
Auntie?
May I take Mr. Trainor to
see the picture of Grandpa?
You know, the one as a boy.
-What, now?
-Now.
-That's the [INAUDIBLE],
I won't get any older.
-Now, I was interested in
your theatrical ambition,
but friendship is one
thing and the other thing
is another thing entirely.
-Oh, Jimmy.
Is this some cruel joke?
With your own lips, you said,
[SINGING]
-Do I make you happy, too?
-I say that to everybody because
I want everybody to be happy.
That doesn't mean--
-It does to me, Jimmy.
That twinkle in your eye
could only mean one thing.
-There wasn't any
twinkle in my eye.
At least not the
twinkle you mean.
It was this kind of--
-Oh, Jimmy, that's it.
Me too.
-Well, where's grandpa?
-Oh, grandpa.
Oh.
He's in the cellar.
Where we keep apricot brandy.
You like apricot
brandy, don't you?
-Yes, but, just now, you
see, I'm on the water wagon.
-Oh.
On the water wagon.
-I've got your career
all cut out for you.
A famous producer
and big, juicy part.
-What part?
-The dancing part.
I can't tell you
all the details now,
but I'm going to tell
you later this evening.
-Oh, Jimmy.
-You better keep that on because
it, uh, it's a draft in here--
-Well, we'll show
those other producers.
They think I'm no good.
They think I stink.
But we'll show them, darling.
-Yes, we'll show them,
darling, but quietly.
-(WHISPERING) Yes, Jimmy.
Very quietly.
You make me so happy.
-(SINGING) Do I
make you happy, too?
-Do I hear someone singing?
[SINGING]
-Singing, Madame?
-Yes.
Sounds as though it's coming
from the conservatory.
-Conservatory?
Oh, Madame.
Just reminds me.
A little bird got in
there today and we
haven't been able to catch it.
-Oh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Hello, Bill.
-How are you, Tom?
-You don't mind if I'm in
a little hurry, do you?
I've got something
to get back to.
-Suits me.
Cigarette?
-Yes, fine.
-Take your pick.
Same old curves,
different model.
-Mary, Zoe and Mona.
-Amusing little
party last night.
-Yes, wasn't she?
I mean, wasn't it?
-(LAUGHING) Rather attractive.
-Yes, very.
-If you like the type.
-Well, yes.
If you like the type.
-Mr. Trainor?
-Over at the table.
-Hello.
-Oh, hello.
-I'm not late, am I?
-Late?
Oh, no.
It's 11 o'clock.
Just on time.
-(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
-Oh, uh, "nee-vo."
[SINGING]
-Oh, Dave?
Give them a break.
DAVE: OK, girls.
Take 10 minutes.
-Max, we'll be needing you.
-You know, Mr.
Trainor, I think you're
going to have a
very great surprise.
-Yes.
And so are you.
[GIRLS TALKING]
-Now, maestro.
-My name's Max.
What are you gonna do?
-Allegro.
The first part, Allegro.
The second part,
andante and pianissimo.
-Yeah, I know that but what--
-Watch the move.
Here's where I'm the wind.
Slow on the turns and the
third part, I'm the swan.
The same music as in the dove.
-Oh, yeah.
I get it.
You want to kill 2
birds with one stone.
[LAUGHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
-What an artist.
-Yes.
What an artist.
-You realize, don't
you, that this
is only a sideline
for Sonyavich.
You should see her act.
-Thanks.
-Yes, isn't she marvelous?
-Terrible.
-Oh, my bag.
I'm sorry I've dropped my bag.
-Oh, my purse tore--
-You can fix it where
we're going for lunch.
-Lunch?
-Yes.
You know, that little thing
between breakfast and dinner?
-Oh, yes.
Lunch.
I'd just love to but I--
-That's great.
-Of course, she's great.
What did I tell you?
She'll simply make your show.
-Oh.
She'd be a riot.
-She gets the part.
Oh, Bill.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-DAVE: That's enough, girls.
-That's from Uncle.
-I get the part.
MAX: You get the bird.
-Hey.
-Oh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Oh, I'll take it.
-Say, this must be
the wrong house.
You sure this is
the Smith house?
-Mmhmm.
-It isn't a mistake?
-No.
-Well, she died or something.
-Good evening, miss.
-Oh, hello, Remington.
Where's Uncle?
-He's in the library, miss.
And I'm afraid, bathed in gloom.
-Not dissimilar in
character is the case
of Hovermeyer plaintiff
and Crenshaw defendant
in the New Paul
district courts, 1917.
Plaintiff charged--
-Thank goodness you're safe.
Where have you been?
Why are you--
-Oh, never mind that, Uncle.
Thank goodness you're safe.
-She didn't get the part?
-She got the part.
-She got the part.
-What part?
What part?
-She got the part, Stillwater.
It's all settled.
-Settled?
-Nanette.
How did you ever do it?
-Oh, it's a long story, Uncle.
And my feet--
-And I was just on the
point of sending out
on an overdose of
sleeping powders
and now everything's settled.
My slate is wiped
clean and never again.
-Oh, Uncle.
I forgot.
-Alright.
-Nanette?
-Uncle?
What on earth is it now?
"My father insists I
marry Elmer tomorrow.
Don't forget you
promised you'd help me.
I'm in Boston.
Love, Betty."
Uncle.
-From Bridgeport.
-Not another?
-No, no.
It's not another, no.
This one wanted to try to make
both ends meet, that's all.
See, she was
waiting on the table
and we got into
conversation and she
was very unhappy
about her father.
She wanted to be an
interior decorator,
he wanted her to marry
a man 2 times her age.
So naturally--
-Oh, is that you, senior?
The Smith affair.
He's broken out
in another place.
-Pauline?
Did you get everything
of Mr. Smiths?
Shoes, shirts, suits, woolen
underwear, woolen socks.
-Don't wear them in New York.
It's too hot.
-Do you mind if Mr.
Smith has cold feet?
-Not if you don't.
-Jimmy, you do pick the oddest
times for your business trips.
[HONKING]
Auntie there's the taxi.
-Alright.
[PHONE RINGING]
-Oh, I must answer the phone.
-Stop it.
Let Remington answer it.
-Oh, yes.
-Goodbye, Madame.
-We have plenty of time.
-It's daylight savings time.
-That means we've
gained an hour.
-No, darling.
It means we've lost
all the sunlight now.
-The Smith home.
Yes, madame.
From Bridgeport?
Mr. Smith has left.
He's going around
the world twice
and he won't be
back for 5 years.
No, madame.
He's going around the world--
I really don't care where your
from.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
-Madame, you are no lady.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Here we are.
Practically at the door.
-Yes, that's the door.
-Pauline, isn't
New York wonderful?
-But it's small.
It looks much bigger
in the movies.
-Just think, 7 million
souls in one city.
-Yes, and goodness
knows how many heels.
-Oh, Pauline.
-Allow me, madame.
-No, thank you.
We can manage,
thank you very much.
-You know, Jimmy.
This looks awfully expensive.
Do you think we should
use our right name, Smith?
-Why not, darling?
-Well, you know, a big
publisher like you,
they might recognize
you and charge us extra.
-How about adding
another "h," hm?
-You're quite pleased here.
She'll never find
you in New York.
-No.
[DOG BARKING]
-(SPEAKING FRENCH)
-Betty.
Bridgeport.
-Kitty from Kansas.
-Kitty from Kansas?
-She's an artist.
Paints, you know.
[DOG BARKING]
-(FRENCH ACCENT) Is there a
page for Katherine Revere.
-No, madame.
-Merci.
Come, come.
[DOG BARKING]
-Jimmy?
Jimmy?
-What?
-You're always disappearing
as if you were trying
to hide from someone
or something.
-Hide?
Me?
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, this is not
a laughing matter.
You know, this is a very
bad day for Taurus people.
-(FRENCH ACCENT) Happen
you to know wrong,
has the motorcar arrived?
-Oh.
-Oh.
Look, my dear, I don't
think we ought to stay here.
-Oh, I like it.
They've given us a special rate.
-Uncle thinks it isn't safe.
-What?
Yes.
Termites.
-From California?
Someone might have brought
them in a suitcase.
-Oh, nonsense.
How could anyone make
a living doing that?
Come on, let's
look at the rooms.
When he does arrive,
will you kindly
tell him that Ms. Revere
is not in the habit
of being kept waiting.
-Yes, madame.
KITTY (OFF SCREEN): Yoohoo.
Yoohoo.
[DOG BARKING]
-Yoohoo.
-Floors, please?
-10.
-13.
-13.
-Kansas.
How nice.
We'll be neighbors.
-Oh, "tres charmant."
[LAUGHING]
-Why, Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
-(FOREIGN ACCENT)
Why, Ms. Revere.
-Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
-The charming Ms. Revere.
Floor 13, please.
What a lovely surprise.
-Oh, how terribly,
terribly good to see you.
-Are you exhibiting?
-Oh, "mais non."
I don't feel I'm ready.
-Ah, take me.
In art, if the soul is
ready, the hand is ready.
You need only thirst for truth,
the fingers will respond.
-Well, true.
-My dear, stick
to bright colors.
Don't you ever develop
a taste for pastels.
-I know.
I took a whole bottle last week
and my cough was daftly bad.
[LAUGHING]
-Pauline?
Pauline, how'd you know
Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle's
friend was from Kansas?
-The accent.
-Uncle, 3 of them?
-Yes.
And on the floor?
-Oh, but Kitty isn't here.
But you would only think so.
-You're right.
I certainly would not.
I suppose she lost
her purse, too?
No, she was wasting her time
with as a manicurist and all
the time she had the makings
of a great portrait painter.
-I see.
Well, it felt so natural.
Wouldn't you have done the same
if Rembrandt had come to you?
-Not if he moved his
hips like Kansas Kitty.
-Jimmy, you look faint.
Darling, you're
working too hard.
Doing too many things at once.
-Auntie, I was just telling
Uncle exactly the same thing.
-Makes me dizzy.
Now I hear there's been
a lot of suicides here.
-Really?
Open the window wide,
darling, will you?
-I'll just opened one.
-Good.
-Uncle, we've got
to figure this out.
-I should have jumped with
the other boys in '29.
-I've got an idea.
Just how badly does your
little friend want to paint?
-Well, she'd rather
paint than eat.
-She would?
Good.
-See, I've been a sort of
fairy godmother to her.
-Information, please.
Uncle, you can
leave it all to me.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-I suppose you thought
it was pretty mean of me
to go off and leave
you flat as I did.
-Oh, that's quite a long walk.
-And yet, you asked me
to show you the town.
That was very forgiving.
-Well, I'm glad you think that.
-Can I do anything
to square accounts?
-Oh, yes, you can.
That is, if I can
think of anything.
-Please try.
-Oh, strangely, an idea is
just coming into my mind.
-Good.
Good.
-Oh, it isn't quite there yet.
-Well, maybe a whiff of the
Hudson would help it along.
Come on.
-Yes, maybe it would.
All this makes me
wish I were an artist.
-Have you ever tried your hand?
-Uh, no.
I haven't but--
-You should.
You'd find it fun.
-Oh, yes.
I suppose if the soul
is ready, one only
needs to thirst for truth
and the fingers will respond.
-Yes, I see what you mean.
-I have a friend who's--
-Would you like to see where
I painted my first picture?
And sold it?
-I'd love to.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-John.
-Good afternoon.
-Good afternoon.
Oh, I like this.
It's quaint.
-Oh, John?
May we have some tea?
-And cozy.
-Oh, hey.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-The view.
-Yes, quite a view.
-You mean my masterpieces?
-(LAUGHING) Well,
they're a little--
-Shocking.
I
-No, just a little startling
when you see them all together.
-(LAUGHING) Let's just
say they're a commercial.
Oh, Nanette.
-Tom, I really must tell
you, I know someone who's a--
-Nanette, look.
That view, with the sun just so.
For 8 years, I've been
trying to paint that
and I've never gotten it
just the way I wanted.
You can almost feel that glow.
Oh, but I'm sorry.
You were saying?
-Oh, now, what was I saying?
-You mean, I put it
out of your mind?
-Yes, I'm afraid you have.
Oh.
Washington Square.
-Oh, yes.
-Who did that?
-Gillespie.
-No.
Not you.
-You surprised?
Well, what I mean is it's, uh,
not much like your usual style.
-It has no legs in it.
Throws everyone.
You like it?
-I love it.
-It's yours.
-Who, me?
-For you.
-Oh, Tom.
That's wonderful.
-Oh, come, come.
It's not that good.
John, that's exactly
what we need.
A nice cup of tea.
-Shall I brew it, sir?
-No, no.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
-I'll do it.
-Oh, you'd be surprised what
a good cup of tea I can make.
Ow.
-I think you'd
better let me do it.
-Maybe I am a little
out of practice.
-Well, this helps.
Mr. Gillespie, I don't believe
you've ever made a cup of tea.
-Miss, miss, you're very
difficult to deceive.
-You're not so easy.
Now, go sit down.
The kettle isn't boiling yet.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-I really must be going.
I just have to talk
to you about someone
who'd rather paint than eat.
-Oh, oh.
Hold it.
That's good.
Who wouldn't rather
paint than eat?
-Tom, I must go.
I have to get back to Uncle.
-Well, he'll
probably be napping.
-Yes, that's what I'm afraid of.
Good bye.
-There are 2 million Smiths
in the telephone book,
but if anyone calls
me, I'm not here.
Remember, my name is
Smithh with 2 h's.
Smithh.
-Very good, sir.
-Thank you.
-You must meet Mrs. Smith.
-Yes, I'm sure Mrs. Smith and
I will get along delightfully.
[DOG BARKING]
-Pauline, let those dogs go.
-Don't worry.
They're going.
-Guess who?
Jimmy.
-How do you do?
-You meant to surprise me.
Oh, how sweet.
How terribly sweet.
Jimmy [INAUDIBLE].
-My wife handles all my
financial affairs now.
-Jimmy.
Remember the old Kitty Revere?
Just a simple, naive girl
clipping your cuticles.
But that's all behind us.
To the future, Jimmy.
And then, when the Metropolitan
Museum is asking for the first
from the brush of
Katherine Revere,
you, Jimmy, will be the
happiest man at the hanging.
-I certainly will.
-Hello, Pauline.
-Hello.
-Uncle in?
-He's in there with Kansas.
-Kansas?
-Mon cheri, that
twinkle in your eye--
-No, no, no.
I haven't got a
twinkle in my eye.
Not the twinkle you mean.
It's this one--
-Oh.
That's it.
Jimmy.
[SINGING]
-It's-- that's
alright, Pauline--
-Alright.
Sounds sorry to me.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Uncle.
-Ms. Revere, my
niece Ms.-- Ms.--
-Oh, little Nanette.
Jimmy told me so many
things about you.
-Mr. James Smith?
-Mr. James Smith is not
staying at this hotel, madame.
-Oh, yes.
I know.
I'm Mrs. James Smith.
Were you aware--
-A Mr. James Smith is not
staying at this hotel.
Those were his
instructions, madame.
-Well, when Mr. James Smith
does stay at this hotel,
will you tell him
that Mrs. James Smith
will be back in a few minutes.
-Ms. Nanette Smith, please?
-What's the name, please?
-Ms. Nanette Smith is
staying with Mr. James Smith.
Hello, Tom.
-Hi, Susan.
-Slight case of amnesia.
Jimmy doesn't know
he's staying here.
-Well, it must
run in the family.
I gave this to Nanette and
she left it in my studio.
-It's been so nice
meeting little Nanette,
I think I'll stay and
meet Mrs. Smith, too.
Oh, Jimmy.
What a divine picture of you.
-(ANGRY) And very nicely framed.
-Nanette was born in April.
Her planetary influences
were excellent.
April 19.
-I don't know whether it
was the planet's or not,
but someone deserves
a lot of credit--
-Of course, it was the planets.
Your parents have
nothing to do with it.
Nothing.
-Really?
-Now, look here.
Will you get out of here.
-Don't stop me, darling.
-Uncle.
-Poor, Jimmy.
-Oh, you wolf in
chicken feathers.
-No, don't, Nanette.
You'll just make her desperate.
Nanette, this is the end.
Oh.
-This is what comes of lying
awake at night worrying
about your career and
seeing that you can be taken
under the wing of an
artist, a great artist.
-What great artist?
-Gillespie.
-Gillespie?
Not the Gillespie?
Oh, Jimmy.
You darling.
You darling.
Why didn't you tell
me you were putting
me under the wing of Gillespie.
Gillespie.
At last, I will paint.
-Astrologically, Aries and
Leo are mad about each other.
But a special
effort must be made
to like each other's
friends, then
everything will run smoothly.
-I'll Remember that.
-Do you hear?
We shall paint.
[DOG BARKING]
-Darling, you darling.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
-Hi, Pauline.
-Oh, Mr. Gillespie.
-Mrs. Smith said I might deliver
this personally to Ms. Nanette.
-Oh, did you do that?
-Mmhmm.
-Nice.
Well, you'll find her in there.
-Thank you.
[KNOCKING]
-Oh, hello.
-Hello.
You left this, I thought
I'd bring it around.
Sorry, am I intruding?
-Oh, no.
Not at all, Mr. Gillespie.
-Mr. Gillespie?
-Mr. Gillespie.
[DOG BARKING]
-Oh, Tom.
This is a very old
friend of mine.
-Old friend?
-This is the biggest moment
of my life, absolutely.
-Well, any friend of
Nanette's, is a friend of mine.
-When do we begin?
I'm ready.
Do with me what you will.
-Tom, you don't know
what this means to me.
-What means to--
-Uncle means that this is
the girl that I, that is, we,
were telling you is
so interested in art.
-Mr. Gillespie, I want
to paint horribly.
-That's easy.
Particularly if you're
a friend of Nanette's.
-Oh, a very dear
friend of little Nan's.
-I'm sorry you have
to leave so soon.
-Oh, yes.
Good bye.
What a day this has been.
And you made it all come true.
Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy.
Are you ready?
[DOG BARKING]
-Allow me.
-If you hurry, you can
catch the next elevator.
-Oh, don't you worry.
I'll take good care of her.
And don't be surprised
if the teacher
should learn something
from the pupil.
-I won't be a bit surprised.
-Mr. Gillespie, if only I
had a successful [INAUDIBLE].
Then you could mold me.
I promise you one thing,
I'll work hard for you.
-Oh, I'll be glad to look
over anything you've got.
-I'll even mix your paint.
I may not look it, but I
can do the messiest things.
-My slate is wiped clean
once more and never again.
-That's right, Uncle.
Never again.
-Excuse me, sir,
but would you like
me to fix the flowers
in Mrs. Smith's bedroom?
-Yes.
Let's do it together.
-Uncle.
-Oh, yes.
Never again.
-I can't seem to get the
right expression on the fish.
-Uh, this is the fish.
-But still I feel I'm blooming
under the touch of the master.
-Good morning, madame.
-Good morning, John.
Hello.
-Oh, hello.
-Oh, alright, alright.
I know that's all for the day.
Dear little Nan.
You know, I should be
very happy to paint you,
when I finish my fish.
-That would be nice.
-Tom is such a great master.
I feel I should be able to
tackle anything by then.
Au revoir, maestro.
Au revoir, little Nan.
-The things I do for Uncle.
Oh, Tom.
You don't know how much
I appreciate what you've
done for Unc-- I mean
for, uh, Kitty and me.
-Not at all, not
at all, but she is
a bit of a strain
on Leo for Aries.
-Leo for Aries?
Yes, I'm the Leo.
I'm a bit of an astrologist.
-Oh, that's funny.
So is Auntie.
-Is she?
Well, Kitty could
have been worse.
-Could she?
-Oh yes.
You remember that Sonya
something or other that
was auditioning for Bill
Trainor up in Boston?
-Uh, yes.
I believe I do recollect.
Didn't she do something
with a bubble?
-That's the one, that's the one.
Well, she got the
job, bubble and all.
Someone landed him with her.
-No.
-Yes.
She's sure to kill the show.
She's simply awful.
To find Bill Trainor
around rehearsals now,
you've got to look
in dark corners.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
-Marvelous, Bill.
Wonderful.
-It is great.
-Wherever did you find her?
-Yes, Bill.
Where did you dig
around for her?
-That's a long story.
Oh, can I hear all
about it after the show?
-Sorry, can you
make it tomorrow,
I have a supper
party this evening.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
-Pop goes the profits.
-Bill, you look like
Diamond Jim Brady tonight.
-Thanks, I feel just like him.
-And Jimmy, you look like
the mouse that ate the cat.
-A bubble dancer.
You know, frankly, I didn't
think she had a thing.
-Nobody else did either.
-Oh, but I--
-And here's to the girl
who made it all possible.
-Yes, here's to--
-Sonya.
-Oh, yes.
[INAUDIBLE]
-To Nanette.
BILL AND TOM:
(SIMULTANEOUSLY) Dance?
-Oh, well, truth is
stranger than fiction.
-Uncle, you promised
me this dance.
-Oh, did I?
-It's your favorite
tune, don't you remember?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-When did I ever
promise you a dance?
-You didn't, but I
had to get you away.
-Why?
Did I say something?
-Just about enough
to hang yourself
with Auntie right there.
-Oh, don't you
worry about Auntie.
Auntie and I understand
each other perfectly.
-Bill, what is all
this Sonya mystery?
I suppose she was [INAUDIBLE].
-Why, of course.
-Of course.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Well, Mr. Stillwater.
-Oh, my dear Mrs. Smith.
How are you?
-This is Mr. Gillespie
and Mr. Trainor,
this is Mr. Stillwater Sr.
-How you doing?
-My pleasure.
-So, Jr. proved himself a
chip off the old block, eh?
-Really?
-Particularly when it comes to
getting a Smith out of a jam.
-Jam?
-The Stillwaters have been
getting Smiths out of jams
ever since the Boston Tea Party.
-Is that so?
-Why, Mr. Smith's
great grandfather
threw the first case
overboard, if you remember.
-If I remember?
-You know, Jimmy, it
looks as if Nanette
will be able to pick her choice.
-Well, they both seemed very
interested, didn't they?
-Yes.
-I think it'll be Bill.
-Why?
-Can you see with
the light like that?
-The light's much better
than you think, dear.
-Because didn't you hear
they all say that Nanette was
responsible for
Sonya Sonyavich's--
-Uh, the lamp.
What happened to it?
-Aw, right in your eye, darling?
-Yes.
It was right in my eye.
-Did you know that
Flirtle-Wirtle's friend
was studying with Tom Gillespie?
-(STUTTERING) Uh, I
think, oh, darling,
can I have a glass of water?
-Mmhmm.
She seems to know
quite a lot about--
-Darling, this lamp's
awfully bright, do you mind?
-Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
One would think I was
giving you the third degree.
[LAUGHING]
-Good night, sweet.
-Are you tired?
-Oh, no.
Just a little numb.
-Oh, it looks perfect.
Perfect.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-It's a--
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I fell asleep.
-You did.
-I was dancing.
-Mr. Gillespie
cannot be disturbed--
-Oh, I never disturb
him, I inspire him.
Hello, Tom.
-Hello, Hutch.
Ms. Smith, my business
manager, Mr. Hutchinson.
-How do you do?
-I do alright, thanks.
You don't do so bad either, Tom.
Congratulations, your
taste is improving.
[LAUGHING]
-Now, now, don't encourage him.
-Pardon me, just a minute.
-How about a special piece
of work for [INAUDIBLE]?
-No, not today, Hutch.
And if I'm in the same mood
tomorrow, nothing then either.
-You dropped your apple, Hutch.
-You didn't do that.
-She did.
-Oh, Tom.
It's wonderful.
-Why, it's just the thing.
[INAUDIBLE] will give
5 grand for that.
Why, they'll sell a
billion cigarettes.
-Sorry, I don't smoke.
Now, we'll change the
background on the color maze,
dangle a cigarette
from those ruby lips--
-It might interest you to know
that it's not mine to sell.
-No?
-No.
Specially commissioned
by Ms. Nanette Smith.
-Ms. Smith, It's
almost lunch time.
Will you do me the honor--
-Pick up your apple, Hutch.
-Look here, Tom.
Your clients have been yelling
for something new and now,
when you've turned out
a beauty like this--
-It's not for sale, too bad.
-You mind if I kick
something on my way out?
-No.
Make it yourself, Hutch.
-I will.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-You weren't serious.
-That spoiled it a little bit,
it was to have been a surprise.
-Nanette, he proposed?
-Oh, no, Pauline.
But he's painted the most
beautiful picture you ever saw.
-Not in the-- you know.
-(STERN) Pauline.
Are Uncle and Auntie in?
-Yes, they're in.
-Oh, Nanette.
Will you meet Betty
Bennet from Bridgeport.
-Betty from Bridgeport?
-She's a great friend
of Mr. Stillwater's.
-Oh, of Mr. Stillwat--
How do you do?
How do you do?
-We've been having some very
dirty weather lately in Boston.
-Filthy weather.
-Another storm?
-I'm afraid so.
-That reminds me,
did you boys ever
settle that trouble
with, uh, Syracuse.
-Oh, yes.
A very satisfactory and
unexpected settlement.
[COUGHING]
-Looks as though
she's had a shock.
-Get a glass of water for her.
-I'll get it, dear.
-Will you?
-You idiot.
She doesn't know
anything about it.
-About what?
-What you've come
to see me about.
-About me.
-Have you finished
with my curling iron?
-Go get some headache pills?
-Headache?
-Yes.
-Sr. thought it best for
me to bring Betty here
and settle the matter
once and for all.
-How much will you do it for?
-200 thousand.
-200 thousand?
-Pay with cash for 48 hours.
-This always helps me.
Try it, darling.
-Here, on page 72 it
says, elevate the legs.
-Elevate the legs.
-She's very cute, isn't she?
-The feet should be
high, get some pillows.
-Pillows?
-Yes, pillows.
-But they'd settle
out of court for 5250.
5250?
I haven't even got the 50.
-5250.
5 thousand, 5 grand.
Uncle, you can leave it to me.
Your troubles have
all gone up in smoke.
Come along, darling.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Gillespie, it's a
fine piece of work.
-Thank you very much.
You don't think
there's too much--
-Oh, no, no.
This is something you don't
have to be modest about.
-Do you think the owner will
allow us to show it in London?
-It'll ride a great reception.
New York, Philadelphia, Boston.
-John, Mr. Gillespie not in?
-He'll be back for tea.
-Alright, I'll wait.
-You'll be staying for tea?
-Mmhmm.
Yes, thank you.
Betty from Bridgeport.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(SINGING) I'm discontented,
with homes that I've rented,
so I have invented my own.
-(SINGING) Somewhere
secluded, our troubles
diluted and [INAUDIBLE] unknown.
-(SINGING) Far from
the cry of the city--
[WHISTLING]
-(SINGING) Cozy to hide in,
to live side by side in--
-(SINGING) Don't let
it abide in my dreams.
-(SINGING) Picture
me, upon your knee.
Just tea for two
and two for tea.
Just me for you, and
you for me alone.
Nobody near to see or hear.
No friends or relations
on weekend vacations.
We won't have it known, dear,
that we own a telephone, dear.
-(SINGING) Day will break and
I'll awake and start to bake
a sugar cake for you to take
for all the boys to see.
We will raise a family.
A girl for you, a boy for me.
Can't you see how
happy we would be?
-(LAUGHING) Oh, darling,
have I got good news.
-Oh, have I got good news.
Your portrait's done the
most wonderful thing.
-Wonderful.
Wait until you hear, I've
really got great news--
-No, no, no.
Me first.
-Who's the head of this family?
-Oh, well, you are.
-You've heard of Galt,
Beaver and Eisen?
Well, anyway, they're big
art dealers, connoisseurs.
They're crazy about it, they
want to exhibit it everywhere.
New York, London,
Boston, Philadelphia.
-What?
-Your portrait, of course.
Don't you see, darling?
It means the Gillespie
girl is dead.
No long a world of legs,
lingerie, mouthwash.
Now I can paint what I want.
Nanette, you did it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Be very careful with it.
-What's going on here, Hutch?
-Madame, your check.
5250.
Congratulations.
-What is this, Hutch?
One of you're impractical jokes?
Put that back.
-Oh, Tom.
Tom, I sold it.
I didn't know.
There's been a mistake,
you can't have it.
-Sold it?
-Yes.
Here, take it back.
-Oh, I couldn't take it back.
I've already started to build
up a whole campaign around it.
It was hers to sell?
-Oh, yes.
Yes, the project
belonged to Ms. Smith.
-Who bought it?
-[INAUDIBLE].
-Perfect.
I'll sketch in a
cigarette dangling
from her lips for nothing.
-Oh, Tom.
-You've got to leave it alone.
Alright, boys.
Take it away.
-Don't worry, it won't
be lost to posterity.
You'll see it next month on the
back cover of college humor.
-Yes, I really
didn't want to-- I
[MUSIC PLAYING]Just--
-I'll tell her you're here.
-I don't like the looks of it.
She's all worked up and
the other fellow's here.
-Pauline, will you tend
to your own business.
-I will, but don't
say I didn't warn you.
-Hello?
-Hello.
-These are beautiful, Bill.
-They should be
studded with diamonds.
It looks as if,
"So Long, Sisters"
is good for a year's run.
-You don't mean it?
I mean, after all,
what did I tell you.
-And so you did.
So this evening, we're
going to celebrate.
-Oh, not this evening, Bill.
I don't feel much
like celebrating.
-Say, what's happened
to that laugh?
-I guess I used it
all up on [INAUDIBLE].
-Well, what do you say we go out
and try to find it again, huh?
-Alright, Bill.
I'll be with you in 10 minutes.
Where do we go?
-Oriental Cafe on 66th street.
-Oh, well, that one's
just about right.
-She jumped at a dinner
engagement from Bill
as if she hadn't had a
thing to eat in a month.
-Who did?
-Nanette.
-Well, what of it?
-My guess is, she's been trying
to help someone out of a jam
and got in a jam herself.
Oh.
You're going to spoil me.
Purple Passion.
-Yes.
Excuse me, darling.
I just remembered something.
-Purple Passion.
-In that kind of a mood.
-In that kind of a mood.
-Oh, (SPEAKING FRENCH) let's go
out someplace wicked tonight.
-What about Fire Stand?
-Oh, sublime.
I feel like dancing
tonight in the worst way.
-Well, you get yourself a
scotch there while I shave.
-I think I'll have a little
slug of something mild.
-You'll find the
gin on the table.
Make mine whiskey and soda.
A double whiskey and soda.
Jim.
KITTY (OFF SCREEN): Gin?
I thought you said
whiskey and soda?
-Yes.
Whiskey and soda.
KITTY (OFF SCREEN) Oh,
make up you're mind.
-(WHISPERING) What
are you doing here?
Never mind What happened
between you and Nanette?
-She knew I put
everything I felt
about her into that painting.
-What painting?
-Her portrait.
She sold it.
-How much?
-Does it matter?
-Yes.
Yes, it does matter.
-5250.
-[INAUDIBLE].
-You knew?
-Shall I bring it in?
-Oh, no, no.
I-- I haven't any pants.
-Cheri, la la.
-(WHISPERING) What
would you say,
if I were to tell you that I've
been leading a double life?
-Good heavens--
-You wouldn't be so surprised.
I've just been trying to
spread a little sunshine.
-Does Sue know?
-Hasn't the slightest suspicion.
-(SINGING) I want to be
happy, but I won't be happy,
until I make you happy, too.
-Well, that's understandable.
My husband likes to
spread a little happiness.
-Well, he promised me the moon.
He lured me on.
-Are you sure you're
talking about my husband?
-Yes, Jimmy.
-I'm the only steady
one in the family.
-You don't mean it.
-I do mean it.
-Your drink is getting clammy.
-Thank you.
Where's Nanette now?
Something about oriental dinner.
Someplace on 46th street.
-Oh, you mean that restaurant
where you sit in booths?
-Private booths.
-Oh, that's where
Bill always starts.
-You mustn't let her out
of your sight for a minute.
-Don't worry.
-Good luck.
-Darling, do you
like oriental food?
-I thought we were
going to the Fire Stand?
-Ah, Mr. Trainor.
-Evening, Sung.
-Your usual dinner, sir?
-Great.
-And your usual booth?
-Great.
-You're a regular customer.
-Oh, yes.
Very regular.
-What's this?
-An old Balinese custom.
-Do I have to do it?
-Of course.
-This is going to be fun.
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, this is nice.
Just as you described it.
-You take tea, Mr. Trainor?
-Would you like tea, Nanette?
-Mmhmm.
-Tea for two.
And Sung, have them prepare
some of that duck, you know,
your special dish.
-With pleasure.
-Say, say, will you
please come back to Bali?
-Sorry, Bill.
Where do we sit?
-Right there.
With your feet tucked under.
-Oh.
Right?
-Right.
-Oh, yes.
Can we have that booth?
-You're the boss, sir.
-But your shoes, sir.
-Hm?
Oh.
-Well, very amusing.
-Nice and private.
-What do I do?
Eat it?
No.
Just take it and
crack it like that.
-Tea for two, sir?
-Oh, no, no.
Anything but tea.
-Make mine vodka
with a dash of gin.
-With pleasure.
-Admires you.
-I think I better crack mine.
-I think we better
change places.
You're in the draft.
-Oh, you do make the
silliest excuses.
[SOUND OF GONG]
-Well, we've got company.
-I'm sorry, I--
-Why Nanette, what an
unexpected pleasure.
-Well, it's unexpected.
-That's what comes of not
watching what you're doing.
-Why, Bill.
How are you?
Nice seeing you.
-Yes.
Nice seeing you.
-You must think we're
perfectly awful.
-No, just preoccupied.
-I'm sorry, I really don't
know how it happened.
-You do, too, sweetie.
You were leaning
over much too far.
-Well, uh, see you again.
-Yeah.
Glad you dropped in.
-(LAUGHING) Isn't it silly?
-(WHISPERING) Come on.
-What do you say we, uh,
go somewhere else where
the traffic's a
bit thinner, huh?
-Let's get some fresh air.
-Oh, well.
It's the unexpected things
that make life such fun.
-Come on, Kitty.
-Well, I just got set.
Darling, you're so
restless tonight.
Little Nan was so surprised
when we dropped in.
Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
-Ms. Revere.
-My Fish.
-My dear, you have arrived.
-I have?
Where?
Le grande prix de l'exposision
des artistes. (IN FRENCH)
-Hey, hey.
Snap out of it.
-Hurry up, Kitty.
-Moi?
-Mais oui.
-Mais non.
Mais non.
-Central Park.
-Yes, sir.
-Of course there's only 5000
restaurants in New York City
and he had to pick the oriental.
I think it's a conspiracy.
-Of course it's a conspiracy.
-Thank you.
-Evening, Pauline.
Is Mrs. Smith here?
-Yes.
And she's expecting you.
-Good.
-Hello, Jimmy.
Jimmy, darling,
have a nice walk?
You know, you didn't tell
me about little Betty.
She's not up to your
usual standards.
Darling, you mustn't
lose your touch.
-Oh, Susan, I--
-You mean that you knew
about him all the time?
-But of course.
-It's disgusting.
You, you, you twerp, you.
-Jimmy, she's sweet.
You should have told me.
-Oh, to think I have such
a dear, understanding wife.
-Yes.
-I never meant any harm.
I just wanted to spread
a little sunshine.
-Yes.
That's what I told her.
-It was all so innocent.
You know, I'm as pure as a lily.
-Yes, a harem lily.
Sonya Sonyavich.
Kitty from Kansas.
Betty from Bridgeport.
You Casanova.
Right under my nose.
You thought I was blind.
You vest pocket romeo.
-But daring, it was never
on an emotional basis.
It was purely intellectual.
-I suppose you
discussed the classics?
If that trio ever curled up
in bed with a good book ,
the book would curl up first.
-Darling, couldn't we
discuss this in the morning
when we've cooled off?
-By then I'll be sizzling
at the Grand Hotel Reno.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Driver, see that?
-Yeah.
-Follow it.
-Follow it?
-Follow it.
-Who does he think I am?
-I believe they're
still following us.
-Oh, no, no, no they're not.
Come on.
Nanette, why don't
you forget him?
-Bill, it was nice of you to
give me such a grand evening.
-Oh, thank you.
[RADIO PLAYING]
-Shut that off, driver.
-But--
-I don't care.
I want to hear something.
-You know, Nanette,
that in the Nevada,
you can get married,
just like that.
-Married?
-Married.
You don't have to wait for
the license and in 45 minutes
your in California
on your honey moon.
-Oh, that's
convenient, isn't it?
-Yes, I think so.
-Did you hear anything?
Brother, in my profession,
it's unethical to eaves-droop.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-(SINGING) When skies are
grey and you are blue,
I'll send the sun
shining through.
-I can't get a wink of sleep.
What's all the noise?
-Quiet, Pauline.
Hello, Mr. Stillwater?
I want a divorce.
-A divorce?
-Yes, a-- Quiet, Pauline.
-A divorce?
Yes, madame.
Who is speaking?
Mrs. Smith?
-Is this Sr. or Jr. speaking?
Oh, no, no.
You better have Sr. handle this.
Unfortunately, Sr. Is out
with an important client
and we are unable to locate him.
-Oh, but you must find him.
I'm leaving for Reno tonight
and Sr. must make that plane.
-What is it?
-Just the Smith
family cracking up.
-Cracking up?
Blow me down.
-Long distance, please.
-Mr. Smith, if I
could be of service?
-Some writing paper.
-Hello, Remington.
Order 12 cases of champagne,
lots of caviar and absinth.
And double the servants' wages.
Yes, that's right.
I said, double the
servants' wages.
-Pauline, you know?
-Everything.
-Very sad.
-Very sad.
Oh, Mr. Smith, is it too late?
-I've got everything worked out.
I'm going to a little island
in the Pacific, yes, Pacific
and forget it all.
-Very sad.
-No, no.
Mr. Smith will not be returning.
MRS. SUSAN SMITH
(OFF SCREEN): Never.
-Very sad.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Thank you, sir.
-Now, listen.
You hurry up and get packed and
I'll pick you up in 15 minutes.
-Alright.
I'll be ready.
-Taxi.
-Say, we seem to be
following each other around.
-Yes, we do.
Don't we?
-Say, that reminds me.
-What is this?
A hold up?
-No, it's a kidnapping.
-Oh, now look here--
-Now, you look here--
-Pauline, don't
tell Nanette yet.
-No.
[DOOR BELL RINGING]
-Pauline, I'm eloping.
-Eloping?
-But not a word to Uncle and
Auntie until it's too late.
-No, I won't.
They've got plenty on
their own platters.
-Pauline, will you
help me pack up?
I've only got a few minutes.
Can I get through
without being seen?
-Of all the crazy nights--
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-What do we pack?
Summery things.
California.
-California.
That's better than
Niagara Falls.
-Oh, Pauline.
-I'm so glad you didn't pick
that fellow with the curls.
My father said that curls were
always a sign of weakness,
but then he was as
bald as a [INAUDIBLE].
-Did you get it?
-Yes.
-He didn't see you?
-No.
I got it out of
Nanette's bedroom.
-Pauline, give him this.
-Oh, Mrs. Smith.
-No.
Not now.
Not until I'm gone.
When it's too late.
-Pauline.
-Give that to Mrs. Smith.
Not now.
Wait until after I've gone.
Until it's too late.
-Oh, Mr. Smith.
[PHONE RINGING]
-Hello?
Yes, she's here.
Do you wish to speak to her?
Alright.
I got it.
Hey.
Just a minute.
What did you say your name was?
-Which one did you pick?
-Oh, the right one, Pauline.
-Well, the right one
said he can't come back
and that you're to go to the
airport, straight in the plane,
and then he will
bring the tickets.
And he's using the name of
Brown to avoid publicity.
-Oh, thank you, Pauline.
-Don't thank me, I think
you're making a mistake.
-Oh, yes, well, will
you see that this not
reaches Mr. Gillespie,
but not until I'm gone.
Until--
-I know, until it's too late.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ATTENDENT: All aboard, flight
7, west bound for [INAUDIBLE].
As you board the plane, please
give your name and your host.
All aboard, please.
-Mrs. Susan Smith.
-Oh, good evening.
You're going to Reno.
-Is Mr. Stillwater
booked on the plane.
-Yes, he is due to board.
-Good.
-Ms. Nanette Smith.
-Oh, yes.
Nevada and then Los Angeles.
Mr. Brown has your ticket.
-Is he--
-Yes, he's aboard.
-Oh, thank you.
-If you don't wish to retire
at once, you may take any.
-Thank you.
-James Smith.
-Where to, sir?
-The Virgin Islands.
-Change planes at Los Angeles.
-OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Alright, I'll see
that it gets to them.
-Oh, are you sure
Mr. Brown is aboard?
-Yes, he's in his bed.
-In his bed?
-Well, I think he's a little
afraid of being air sick.
Quite common.
Nothing ever really happens.
-Now, if you'll
take your seat, I'll
help you fasten the safety belt.
-Mr. Smith, would you
care for some gum?
-Nanette.
-Auntie.
What are you doing here?
-What are you doing?
-I'm eloping.
-Good.
I'm getting divorced.
-Divorced?
-Oh, yes.
Your Uncle turned out
to be quite a bluebeard.
-No.
-I've already combed
3 out of his beard,
so I'm going to Reno
and get him shaved.
Now, never mind about me.
You're going in
and I'm going out.
Come here, darling.
Congratulations.
Where's the groom?
-He's in bed.
He's not feeling very well.
-Probably a little nervous.
-This is for you Ms. Smith.
And you, Mrs. Smith.
-Jimmy.
-Tom.
-For you, Mr. Smith.
-Sue.
-Hostess?
-Yes, madame.
-Is there anything leaking?
-I don't think so.
-Ms. Smith, Mr. Brown
would like to see you.
-Thank you.
-Brown?
-Bill.
-Bill?
-Where is he?
-Oh, he's in his bed.
He's still scared
of being air sick.
-Air sick?
Looks as if you
picked a lemon, too.
-Ms. Smith will be
in in just a moment.
-Oh, Bill.
What's the matter?
-I don't know.
I feel hot and cold all at the
same time and I feel like ice.
-Well, what can I do?
-Well, a hot water
bottle might help.
-Hot water bottle?
-Auntie.
Have you a hot water bottle?
-Hot water--
-He's got cold feet.
-How romantic.
-Oh, we'll you see, there
may be some complications.
-Try the hostess, darling.
-Bill, I'll see the host--
-Well, hello.
-Tom.
What are you doing here?
-Well, it's rather a long story.
You see--
-He's the complications.
-But Bill, we're practically
married or something.
-Heck, I know, but I
couldn't leave Tom behind.
You see, he loves you, too.
I made him admit it.
-Oh.
You made him admit it?
-No, but it was easy.
-Oh, well, let me
tell you something.
I'm getting right off this
plane this very minute.
-You can't.
-Nanette.
-Oh, so sorry, Aunty.
You can leave it to me.
Everything will be settled.
-Settled?
And I've lost my Jimmy.
-Oh, don't cry
like that, Auntie.
-It's the only way I know how.
-Uncle, she's divorcing him.
-Divorcing him?
-Divorce?
-Oh, Sue.
You can't do that.
-Of course you can't.
You've got to forgive him
-Forgive him?
And he's hundreds of miles away.
It's all my fault.
I didn't understand it.
He just wanted to spread
a little happiness.
-Oh, that's right, Auntie.
You must forgive him.
-If he were here right now, I'd
throw my arms around his neck
and ask him to forgive me.
-Susan.
-You weasel.
Following me, eh?
-But darling--
-Don't "darling" me.
Mr. Stillwater.
-Hey you.
-Hey.
-I've been counting sheep
and you scared away over 300
with your racket.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr. Stillwater?
Mr. Still--
-Mrs. Smith, I'm afraid
you're disturbing
the other passengers.
-I'm sorry, darling.
I'm looking for Mr. Stillwater.
-Oh, darling, we
must save Uncle.
-What?
Again?
-Oh, Auntie, you
must forgive him.
-I wouldn't forgive
him if he came
crawling to me on
his hands and knees.
-But still, think
of his virtues.
-He doesn't smoke,
he doesn't drink--
-No.
He saves himself
for the big things.
-Bill, I was only trying to
spread a little sunshine.
-Yes, I know, Jimmy.
But you laid it on
a bit too thick.
Get back in your tee pee.
-Mr. Stillwater, will
you serve the papers?
-My dear Mrs. Smith, you
have no grounds for divorce.
-No grounds?
-No.
Until marrying you, your husband
had a surplus of happiness.
So he disposed of
his surplus happiness
to less happy children.
-Children.
Did you ever meet Sonya?
-Yes.
A sweet child.
Who tonight was [INAUDIBLE]
as comedy queen of Broadway,
to wed the eminent Greek
professor, [INAUDIBLE].
-And what about
Kitty from Kansas?
-At this moment, being
joined in holy matrimony
to the curator of many
museums, Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
And tomorrow, she will be hung
at the Metropolitan Museum.
-Good.
-974, 975, 976, 977--
-And I suppose Betty
from Bridgeport
is a sweet little soul--
-Mrs. Smith, I must ask you to
speak with respect to the wife
of one of the eminent members
of the legal profession.
-My foot.
-No.
My wife.
-Your wife?
-Hello.
-There she is.
-Betty Bridgeport.
[LAUGHING]
-Why don't you go to bed?
-(WHISPERING) Why
don't you go to bed?
Good night.
-(WHISPERING) Good night.
-(WHISPERING) Good night.
-(WHISPERING) Good night.
-(SCREAMING) Good night.
ALL: (SCREAMING) Good night.
-You've been
wonderful, both of you.
Thank you.
Tom, as you--
-And particularly
Bill, you know, he--
-Oh, why of course.
I knew it all the time.
-A radio for Mr. Smith.
-I'll take it.
Thank you.
-Radio for you, darling.
Fluffy from Frisco.
Mr. Stillwater?
Mr. Stillwater?
Mr. Stillwater?
[MUSIC PLAYING] -(SINGING)
I want to be happy,
but I can't be happy until
I make you happy, too.
-(SINGING) Life's really worth
living when we are both giving.
Why can't I give some to you?
TOGETHER: (SINGING) When skies
are grey and you say you are
blue, I'll send the
sun smiling through.
TOGETHER (OFF SCREEN):
(SINGING) I want to be happy,
but I can't be happy until
I make you happy, too.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[COMEDIC HONKING]
-Pauline, what's this?
-Bacon.
-Well, I know this.
-We've already had our
allowance for the month.
-You mean--
-Not another slice
until next Wednesday.
-Good morning, darling.
-Good morning, darling.
-I've never seen
such a man for bacon.
-Never seen such
bacon for a man.
-(STERN) Pauline.
Where's Nanette?
-She's already
had her breakfast,
what there was of it.
Bread pudding and milk.
Not my idea of a breakfast.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GRUNTING]
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) Good
morning, Ms. Nanette.
-Good morning, Styles.
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) Good morning.
Say, Ms. Nanette, I don't want
to seem "insquisixtive" but,
um, how are they feeding
you up at the house?
-Oh.
How do they feed me?
Well, uh, this morning I had
orange juice, strawberries
and cream, poach eggs on toast--
-Poached eggs?
-(AGREEING) Poached eggs.
-Do you know what
they gave Pauline
and Remington this
morning for breakfast?
-Bread pudding with milk.
-Oh, that sounds horrible.
-Sounds horrible?
It would be alright if you
only had to listen to it,
but you got to eat it.
-Your horoscope
says, beware of 1940.
Sun in Taurus,
moon in Capricorn.
You are externally
a materialist,
but this is a liable.
In reality, an idealist with
a tendency to dissipate cash.
And that's where I come in.
-Darling, we have a
million in the bank.
-My darling, always
looking on the bright side.
Even in '29 when
everyone's business
was crashing right to
left, you were optimistic.
-Are they eating apples?
-Oh, yes.
Delicious.
But she don't eat them.
She Cancer.
[MUSIC PLAYING] Just imagine,
a little stalk like this
holding up a great
big apple like that.
-Yeah.
She calls that one, Taurus.
And this one, she calls
Sagitariu-- Sagi-- Sagi--
Sagi-- This one
is called, Plato.
And this one is called--
-It came off in my hands.
-(MISUNDERSTANDING) It
came off in my hands.
No.
That's silly.
She calls it-- What did you do?
What did you do?
You waste the [INAUDIBLE].
You got to stick it back.
What are we going to do?
-Keep calm, Styles.
Can't put Taurus back, can we?
Would you like half?
-Yes.
No, no, no, no, no.
-Come on, you have half.
-Alright.
No.
I got a wife and four kids.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-It came collect.
-Send it back collect.
Give it back to the boy.
MRS. SUSAN SMITH: Oh, a mistake?
-Terrible.
-Maybe it's for me.
-No, no, no.
It's my mistake.
-You, you got to
swallow the core,
so there won't be
no finger prints.
-My little lamb.
Some deal went wrong?
No deal at all, really.
I never thought it was.
-Here she comes.
Quick.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Uncle, yoohoo.
Uncle.
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) I don't
mind mashers and macaroni.
I don't even mind
sending the paper
napkins out to be dry cleaned.
But when she asks me to put
yellow soap instead of cheese
in the mousetraps?
I'm leaving and [INAUDIBLE].
-What is the matter, Uncle?
-Nanette, I'm in a mess.
-Business?
-No.
-Hey.
Not Auntie?
-No.
-Well, what is it?
-Oh, well don't think I mean--
Well, I don't mean it in a way.
See, the poor girl
had lost her purse.
-What poor girl?
-A lovely Russian girl I met
on the Albany night boat.
-(DISGUSTED) Uncle.
-Oh, no.
No, Nanette.
It's not what you're
thinking at all.
Don't you see, Nanette, she
was terribly anxious to go
on this date and her family,
some kind of nobility,
objected and cut her off.
-Without a penny?
-Without a penny.
So I lent her some money
for acting lessons.
-Uncle, that girl
didn't need any lessons.
So?
Oh, Uncle.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Uncle, why?
-Well, you see, I'm
a very ordinary man,
trying to work out
life's happy plan.
Doing unto others, as I'd
like them to do unto me.
When I find a very
lonely sole, to be kind
becomes my only goal.
I feel so much better when
I tell them my philosophy.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(SINGING) I want to be happy.
I won't be happy until
I make them happy, too.
-(SINGING) Life's really worth
living when we are both giving.
Why can't I give some to you?
Uncle, I've got an idea.
Pay off this Russian you found.
She'll go back to Syracuse
for the right amount.
-The right amount out of
my miserable allowance?
-Oh, no bonds?
-Well, no.
Only the ones
under Susan's name.
-Oh, yeah.
No jewelry?
-I don't know.
-No jewelry.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Mr. William Trainor, sir.
Calling from the Elbee theatre.
-I'm busy, Remington.
I can't talk to anyone.
-Very good, sir.
-And stop bothering
me, Remington.
-Yes, sir.
-Remington?
Who did you say?
-A Mr. Trainor, miss.
-Uncle.
You know, William Trainor's
a theatrical producer.
-Yes.
-Oh, well, Remy?
-Yes, miss.
-Uncle, talk to him.
What are you thinking?
That's a miracle.
-Is it?
-Now you can leave it all to me.
Say, it's great to
hear your voice, Bill.
-Say it's great to
hear your voice, Bill.
-Jimmy?
How are you?
Say, when can we get
some beer together?
I haven't seen you since--
Say, can't you afford a paper?
I'm breaking in a
new musical comedy--
-Breaking in a new
musical comedy?
Opening in two weeks?
Called, "So Long, Sister."
How do you like the title?
-We'll change it
to, So Long, Sonya.
We'll change it to,
"So Long, Sonya."
-Huh?
-(FOREIGN ACCENT) Hello, Bill.
-Oh, hello.
Be with you in a minute.
-Auntie's birthday party.
-Auntie's birthday party?
Oh, no.
It was just my little
niece, Nanette.
-Ask him to a party.
-What?
Oh, yes.
Look, will you come to, you
know, my wife's birthday party?
-Right.
I'll be there.
So long, Jimmy.
-Jimmy Smith?
-Mmhmm.
-Of North Shore?
-Mmhmm.
Dave, let's have
the first number.
DAVE: Alright, girls.
-But what about me, Bill?
-If you had been here
just one day earlier,
I had just the spot for you.
-When you get into the house,
you'll shine with hospitality.
-Hospitality?
With what?
-We've got some apricot
brandy in the cellar.
-That's true, yeah.
-You'll reminisce while
you sip your brandy.
You'll enjoy the music
and the nice breezes.
He'll take Sonya
for his new show--
Oh, Uncle, all your
troubles are over.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(SINGING) When skies are
grey and you say you are blue,
I'll send the sun
smiling through.
TOGETHER: (SINGING)
Cause' I want to be happy.
And I want you happy.
And I make you happy, too.
[LAUGHING]
[HUMMING]
-Is everything ready, Uncle?
[WHISTLING]
-You might drown your
fish before you catch him.
-Well, first we
celebrate our reunion.
Yes.
Then, we reminisce.
Then, I remind him that
I backed his first play.
Talk about how we
knew it would succeed.
Then we--
-You cry.
-We cry into our glasses.
Bill has his dancing star and
Uncle kisses Sonja good bye.
-And indigestion.
Come on, darling.
-There he is, pardon me.
Darling.
Going to all this trouble
just because I'm a year older.
-Oh, well I--
-It's an exquisite perfume.
-Do you like it?
It's called extravagant life.
-That's a lovely bottle.
When it's empty, I can
use for a savings bank.
Come take a look at the
cake Maggie made me.
-(WHISPERING) Leave him to me.
-Maggie, that Gillespie
is coming to the party.
-Who's Gillespie?
-He's that [INAUDIBLE]
who draws those pictures
of girls when they're
nude, you know.
-Do you mean he makes
a living doing that?
[DOORBELL RINGING]
-The bell.
-The Smith house?
-(RUDE) Yes.
-I'm Mr. Gillespie.
-Why, Mr. Gillespie.
We were just talking about you.
-Really?
-You know, speak of the devil.
-There's the great man.
-Hello.
-Hello.
-I'm Nanette.
Nanette Smith.
Uncle asked me to meet you.
He's with Auntie
looking at the cake.
-Well, that was kind of him.
And tell me of you, Ms. Smith.
-Oh, you know, Uncle
talks so much about you
and what great pals you are.
-(SURPRISED) Really?
I'm flattered.
At least I hope I should be.
-Well, you certainly should.
If you only knew what
Uncle thinks about you.
-You surprise me.
-He was only just
saying to me, he said,
there wasn't anything that
he wouldn't do for you.
That is, If you
wanted anything done.
Come on, let's find him.
-(NERVOUS) I think
the cake's a little--
-Nanette?
Nanette?
Yoohoo?
Oh, hello, Tom.
-Hello, Sue.
-I see you've met our niece.
-Tom?
-Gillespie.
-Oh, how do you
do, Mr. Gillespie?
Oh, of course, we've met before.
I thought he was-- I'm sorry.
I thought you were someone else.
-Well, not half
as sorry as I am.
-Tom, everyone's
dying to meet you.
Just because you're the man that
draws the girls without the,
uh, you know.
-I thought it was Bill.
-No.
-Well, are you sure it isn't?
-Yes.
-That's him.
-That's Bill.
-(RUDE) You're late.
-Thanks for reminding me.
-You're welcome.
-Oh, happy-go-lucky Bill.
Sonya.
-Sonya?
From Syracuse?
-Yes.
-Oh, Uncle.
You're joking.
-At my own execution?
Nanette, what am I going to do?
-Uncle, you hide yourself
in the conservatory,
I'll get rid of her and
I'll bring him into you.
Now, get yourself a drink
because you need it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(NERVOUS) Call up Mr.
Stillwater-- Stillwater--
Stillwater-- and
Stillwater and tell
him to come over
here right away.
It's urgent.
-[INAUDIBLE]
-No, no, no, no.
His house.
-Hi, it's nice to see you.
-Susie, the same old.
You haven't changed a bit.
Meet Sonya Sonyavich.
-Auntie, did you see
that-- Why, Mr. Trainor.
How do you do?
How do you do?
BILL TRAINOR: How do you do?
-Well, actually I
prefer portrait work,
but my bankers prefer
Gillespie girls.
[LAUGHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Excuse me.
May I?
-Excuse me.
-How are you, Tom?
-Hello, Bill.
Nice seeing you.
-Yes.
I see you.
-You know, I'm always being
mistaken for someone else.
-Oh, are you?
-Yes.
It used to annoy me,
but now I'm rather glad.
-I'm through with the chorus.
I have another place
in the theatre.
-Maybe.
But your muscles aren't
in the right place
for pushing scenery.
-Very funny.
-Mr. Gillespie, would you
like to do something for me?
-Why, I certainly would.
-Well, would you
mind touching in
and dancing with
that girl over there?
The one in gold.
-(NERVOUS) May I?
-Sure.
-Bill, I've been
looking for you.
Come on, let's dance.
-Oh, yes.
I've been, uh,
looking for you, too.
-Now, what foot
do we start with?
-Oh, just let nature
take it's course.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Excuse me.
[DOOR SLAMMING]
-Is he on his way?
-Yes, sir.
-You know, there are 3
Mr. Stillwaters in family.
-Yes, sir.
I know.
-I don't wish to
see Stillwater Jr.
-Jimmy.
Why have you been hiding?
-Hiding?
What would give you that idea?
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, that laugh.
I cannot resist it.
-Remington, that's all.
You may go.
-Right, sir.
-I want only you.
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, excuse me.
Auntie?
May I take Mr. Trainor to
see the picture of Grandpa?
You know, the one as a boy.
-What, now?
-Now.
-That's the [INAUDIBLE],
I won't get any older.
-Now, I was interested in
your theatrical ambition,
but friendship is one
thing and the other thing
is another thing entirely.
-Oh, Jimmy.
Is this some cruel joke?
With your own lips, you said,
[SINGING]
-Do I make you happy, too?
-I say that to everybody because
I want everybody to be happy.
That doesn't mean--
-It does to me, Jimmy.
That twinkle in your eye
could only mean one thing.
-There wasn't any
twinkle in my eye.
At least not the
twinkle you mean.
It was this kind of--
-Oh, Jimmy, that's it.
Me too.
-Well, where's grandpa?
-Oh, grandpa.
Oh.
He's in the cellar.
Where we keep apricot brandy.
You like apricot
brandy, don't you?
-Yes, but, just now, you
see, I'm on the water wagon.
-Oh.
On the water wagon.
-I've got your career
all cut out for you.
A famous producer
and big, juicy part.
-What part?
-The dancing part.
I can't tell you
all the details now,
but I'm going to tell
you later this evening.
-Oh, Jimmy.
-You better keep that on because
it, uh, it's a draft in here--
-Well, we'll show
those other producers.
They think I'm no good.
They think I stink.
But we'll show them, darling.
-Yes, we'll show them,
darling, but quietly.
-(WHISPERING) Yes, Jimmy.
Very quietly.
You make me so happy.
-(SINGING) Do I
make you happy, too?
-Do I hear someone singing?
[SINGING]
-Singing, Madame?
-Yes.
Sounds as though it's coming
from the conservatory.
-Conservatory?
Oh, Madame.
Just reminds me.
A little bird got in
there today and we
haven't been able to catch it.
-Oh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Hello, Bill.
-How are you, Tom?
-You don't mind if I'm in
a little hurry, do you?
I've got something
to get back to.
-Suits me.
Cigarette?
-Yes, fine.
-Take your pick.
Same old curves,
different model.
-Mary, Zoe and Mona.
-Amusing little
party last night.
-Yes, wasn't she?
I mean, wasn't it?
-(LAUGHING) Rather attractive.
-Yes, very.
-If you like the type.
-Well, yes.
If you like the type.
-Mr. Trainor?
-Over at the table.
-Hello.
-Oh, hello.
-I'm not late, am I?
-Late?
Oh, no.
It's 11 o'clock.
Just on time.
-(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
-Oh, uh, "nee-vo."
[SINGING]
-Oh, Dave?
Give them a break.
DAVE: OK, girls.
Take 10 minutes.
-Max, we'll be needing you.
-You know, Mr.
Trainor, I think you're
going to have a
very great surprise.
-Yes.
And so are you.
[GIRLS TALKING]
-Now, maestro.
-My name's Max.
What are you gonna do?
-Allegro.
The first part, Allegro.
The second part,
andante and pianissimo.
-Yeah, I know that but what--
-Watch the move.
Here's where I'm the wind.
Slow on the turns and the
third part, I'm the swan.
The same music as in the dove.
-Oh, yeah.
I get it.
You want to kill 2
birds with one stone.
[LAUGHING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
-What an artist.
-Yes.
What an artist.
-You realize, don't
you, that this
is only a sideline
for Sonyavich.
You should see her act.
-Thanks.
-Yes, isn't she marvelous?
-Terrible.
-Oh, my bag.
I'm sorry I've dropped my bag.
-Oh, my purse tore--
-You can fix it where
we're going for lunch.
-Lunch?
-Yes.
You know, that little thing
between breakfast and dinner?
-Oh, yes.
Lunch.
I'd just love to but I--
-That's great.
-Of course, she's great.
What did I tell you?
She'll simply make your show.
-Oh.
She'd be a riot.
-She gets the part.
Oh, Bill.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-DAVE: That's enough, girls.
-That's from Uncle.
-I get the part.
MAX: You get the bird.
-Hey.
-Oh.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Oh, I'll take it.
-Say, this must be
the wrong house.
You sure this is
the Smith house?
-Mmhmm.
-It isn't a mistake?
-No.
-Well, she died or something.
-Good evening, miss.
-Oh, hello, Remington.
Where's Uncle?
-He's in the library, miss.
And I'm afraid, bathed in gloom.
-Not dissimilar in
character is the case
of Hovermeyer plaintiff
and Crenshaw defendant
in the New Paul
district courts, 1917.
Plaintiff charged--
-Thank goodness you're safe.
Where have you been?
Why are you--
-Oh, never mind that, Uncle.
Thank goodness you're safe.
-She didn't get the part?
-She got the part.
-She got the part.
-What part?
What part?
-She got the part, Stillwater.
It's all settled.
-Settled?
-Nanette.
How did you ever do it?
-Oh, it's a long story, Uncle.
And my feet--
-And I was just on the
point of sending out
on an overdose of
sleeping powders
and now everything's settled.
My slate is wiped
clean and never again.
-Oh, Uncle.
I forgot.
-Alright.
-Nanette?
-Uncle?
What on earth is it now?
"My father insists I
marry Elmer tomorrow.
Don't forget you
promised you'd help me.
I'm in Boston.
Love, Betty."
Uncle.
-From Bridgeport.
-Not another?
-No, no.
It's not another, no.
This one wanted to try to make
both ends meet, that's all.
See, she was
waiting on the table
and we got into
conversation and she
was very unhappy
about her father.
She wanted to be an
interior decorator,
he wanted her to marry
a man 2 times her age.
So naturally--
-Oh, is that you, senior?
The Smith affair.
He's broken out
in another place.
-Pauline?
Did you get everything
of Mr. Smiths?
Shoes, shirts, suits, woolen
underwear, woolen socks.
-Don't wear them in New York.
It's too hot.
-Do you mind if Mr.
Smith has cold feet?
-Not if you don't.
-Jimmy, you do pick the oddest
times for your business trips.
[HONKING]
Auntie there's the taxi.
-Alright.
[PHONE RINGING]
-Oh, I must answer the phone.
-Stop it.
Let Remington answer it.
-Oh, yes.
-Goodbye, Madame.
-We have plenty of time.
-It's daylight savings time.
-That means we've
gained an hour.
-No, darling.
It means we've lost
all the sunlight now.
-The Smith home.
Yes, madame.
From Bridgeport?
Mr. Smith has left.
He's going around
the world twice
and he won't be
back for 5 years.
No, madame.
He's going around the world--
I really don't care where your
from.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
-Madame, you are no lady.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Here we are.
Practically at the door.
-Yes, that's the door.
-Pauline, isn't
New York wonderful?
-But it's small.
It looks much bigger
in the movies.
-Just think, 7 million
souls in one city.
-Yes, and goodness
knows how many heels.
-Oh, Pauline.
-Allow me, madame.
-No, thank you.
We can manage,
thank you very much.
-You know, Jimmy.
This looks awfully expensive.
Do you think we should
use our right name, Smith?
-Why not, darling?
-Well, you know, a big
publisher like you,
they might recognize
you and charge us extra.
-How about adding
another "h," hm?
-You're quite pleased here.
She'll never find
you in New York.
-No.
[DOG BARKING]
-(SPEAKING FRENCH)
-Betty.
Bridgeport.
-Kitty from Kansas.
-Kitty from Kansas?
-She's an artist.
Paints, you know.
[DOG BARKING]
-(FRENCH ACCENT) Is there a
page for Katherine Revere.
-No, madame.
-Merci.
Come, come.
[DOG BARKING]
-Jimmy?
Jimmy?
-What?
-You're always disappearing
as if you were trying
to hide from someone
or something.
-Hide?
Me?
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, this is not
a laughing matter.
You know, this is a very
bad day for Taurus people.
-(FRENCH ACCENT) Happen
you to know wrong,
has the motorcar arrived?
-Oh.
-Oh.
Look, my dear, I don't
think we ought to stay here.
-Oh, I like it.
They've given us a special rate.
-Uncle thinks it isn't safe.
-What?
Yes.
Termites.
-From California?
Someone might have brought
them in a suitcase.
-Oh, nonsense.
How could anyone make
a living doing that?
Come on, let's
look at the rooms.
When he does arrive,
will you kindly
tell him that Ms. Revere
is not in the habit
of being kept waiting.
-Yes, madame.
KITTY (OFF SCREEN): Yoohoo.
Yoohoo.
[DOG BARKING]
-Yoohoo.
-Floors, please?
-10.
-13.
-13.
-Kansas.
How nice.
We'll be neighbors.
-Oh, "tres charmant."
[LAUGHING]
-Why, Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
-(FOREIGN ACCENT)
Why, Ms. Revere.
-Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
-The charming Ms. Revere.
Floor 13, please.
What a lovely surprise.
-Oh, how terribly,
terribly good to see you.
-Are you exhibiting?
-Oh, "mais non."
I don't feel I'm ready.
-Ah, take me.
In art, if the soul is
ready, the hand is ready.
You need only thirst for truth,
the fingers will respond.
-Well, true.
-My dear, stick
to bright colors.
Don't you ever develop
a taste for pastels.
-I know.
I took a whole bottle last week
and my cough was daftly bad.
[LAUGHING]
-Pauline?
Pauline, how'd you know
Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle's
friend was from Kansas?
-The accent.
-Uncle, 3 of them?
-Yes.
And on the floor?
-Oh, but Kitty isn't here.
But you would only think so.
-You're right.
I certainly would not.
I suppose she lost
her purse, too?
No, she was wasting her time
with as a manicurist and all
the time she had the makings
of a great portrait painter.
-I see.
Well, it felt so natural.
Wouldn't you have done the same
if Rembrandt had come to you?
-Not if he moved his
hips like Kansas Kitty.
-Jimmy, you look faint.
Darling, you're
working too hard.
Doing too many things at once.
-Auntie, I was just telling
Uncle exactly the same thing.
-Makes me dizzy.
Now I hear there's been
a lot of suicides here.
-Really?
Open the window wide,
darling, will you?
-I'll just opened one.
-Good.
-Uncle, we've got
to figure this out.
-I should have jumped with
the other boys in '29.
-I've got an idea.
Just how badly does your
little friend want to paint?
-Well, she'd rather
paint than eat.
-She would?
Good.
-See, I've been a sort of
fairy godmother to her.
-Information, please.
Uncle, you can
leave it all to me.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-I suppose you thought
it was pretty mean of me
to go off and leave
you flat as I did.
-Oh, that's quite a long walk.
-And yet, you asked me
to show you the town.
That was very forgiving.
-Well, I'm glad you think that.
-Can I do anything
to square accounts?
-Oh, yes, you can.
That is, if I can
think of anything.
-Please try.
-Oh, strangely, an idea is
just coming into my mind.
-Good.
Good.
-Oh, it isn't quite there yet.
-Well, maybe a whiff of the
Hudson would help it along.
Come on.
-Yes, maybe it would.
All this makes me
wish I were an artist.
-Have you ever tried your hand?
-Uh, no.
I haven't but--
-You should.
You'd find it fun.
-Oh, yes.
I suppose if the soul
is ready, one only
needs to thirst for truth
and the fingers will respond.
-Yes, I see what you mean.
-I have a friend who's--
-Would you like to see where
I painted my first picture?
And sold it?
-I'd love to.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-John.
-Good afternoon.
-Good afternoon.
Oh, I like this.
It's quaint.
-Oh, John?
May we have some tea?
-And cozy.
-Oh, hey.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-The view.
-Yes, quite a view.
-You mean my masterpieces?
-(LAUGHING) Well,
they're a little--
-Shocking.
I
-No, just a little startling
when you see them all together.
-(LAUGHING) Let's just
say they're a commercial.
Oh, Nanette.
-Tom, I really must tell
you, I know someone who's a--
-Nanette, look.
That view, with the sun just so.
For 8 years, I've been
trying to paint that
and I've never gotten it
just the way I wanted.
You can almost feel that glow.
Oh, but I'm sorry.
You were saying?
-Oh, now, what was I saying?
-You mean, I put it
out of your mind?
-Yes, I'm afraid you have.
Oh.
Washington Square.
-Oh, yes.
-Who did that?
-Gillespie.
-No.
Not you.
-You surprised?
Well, what I mean is it's, uh,
not much like your usual style.
-It has no legs in it.
Throws everyone.
You like it?
-I love it.
-It's yours.
-Who, me?
-For you.
-Oh, Tom.
That's wonderful.
-Oh, come, come.
It's not that good.
John, that's exactly
what we need.
A nice cup of tea.
-Shall I brew it, sir?
-No, no.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
-I'll do it.
-Oh, you'd be surprised what
a good cup of tea I can make.
Ow.
-I think you'd
better let me do it.
-Maybe I am a little
out of practice.
-Well, this helps.
Mr. Gillespie, I don't believe
you've ever made a cup of tea.
-Miss, miss, you're very
difficult to deceive.
-You're not so easy.
Now, go sit down.
The kettle isn't boiling yet.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-I really must be going.
I just have to talk
to you about someone
who'd rather paint than eat.
-Oh, oh.
Hold it.
That's good.
Who wouldn't rather
paint than eat?
-Tom, I must go.
I have to get back to Uncle.
-Well, he'll
probably be napping.
-Yes, that's what I'm afraid of.
Good bye.
-There are 2 million Smiths
in the telephone book,
but if anyone calls
me, I'm not here.
Remember, my name is
Smithh with 2 h's.
Smithh.
-Very good, sir.
-Thank you.
-You must meet Mrs. Smith.
-Yes, I'm sure Mrs. Smith and
I will get along delightfully.
[DOG BARKING]
-Pauline, let those dogs go.
-Don't worry.
They're going.
-Guess who?
Jimmy.
-How do you do?
-You meant to surprise me.
Oh, how sweet.
How terribly sweet.
Jimmy [INAUDIBLE].
-My wife handles all my
financial affairs now.
-Jimmy.
Remember the old Kitty Revere?
Just a simple, naive girl
clipping your cuticles.
But that's all behind us.
To the future, Jimmy.
And then, when the Metropolitan
Museum is asking for the first
from the brush of
Katherine Revere,
you, Jimmy, will be the
happiest man at the hanging.
-I certainly will.
-Hello, Pauline.
-Hello.
-Uncle in?
-He's in there with Kansas.
-Kansas?
-Mon cheri, that
twinkle in your eye--
-No, no, no.
I haven't got a
twinkle in my eye.
Not the twinkle you mean.
It's this one--
-Oh.
That's it.
Jimmy.
[SINGING]
-It's-- that's
alright, Pauline--
-Alright.
Sounds sorry to me.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Uncle.
-Ms. Revere, my
niece Ms.-- Ms.--
-Oh, little Nanette.
Jimmy told me so many
things about you.
-Mr. James Smith?
-Mr. James Smith is not
staying at this hotel, madame.
-Oh, yes.
I know.
I'm Mrs. James Smith.
Were you aware--
-A Mr. James Smith is not
staying at this hotel.
Those were his
instructions, madame.
-Well, when Mr. James Smith
does stay at this hotel,
will you tell him
that Mrs. James Smith
will be back in a few minutes.
-Ms. Nanette Smith, please?
-What's the name, please?
-Ms. Nanette Smith is
staying with Mr. James Smith.
Hello, Tom.
-Hi, Susan.
-Slight case of amnesia.
Jimmy doesn't know
he's staying here.
-Well, it must
run in the family.
I gave this to Nanette and
she left it in my studio.
-It's been so nice
meeting little Nanette,
I think I'll stay and
meet Mrs. Smith, too.
Oh, Jimmy.
What a divine picture of you.
-(ANGRY) And very nicely framed.
-Nanette was born in April.
Her planetary influences
were excellent.
April 19.
-I don't know whether it
was the planet's or not,
but someone deserves
a lot of credit--
-Of course, it was the planets.
Your parents have
nothing to do with it.
Nothing.
-Really?
-Now, look here.
Will you get out of here.
-Don't stop me, darling.
-Uncle.
-Poor, Jimmy.
-Oh, you wolf in
chicken feathers.
-No, don't, Nanette.
You'll just make her desperate.
Nanette, this is the end.
Oh.
-This is what comes of lying
awake at night worrying
about your career and
seeing that you can be taken
under the wing of an
artist, a great artist.
-What great artist?
-Gillespie.
-Gillespie?
Not the Gillespie?
Oh, Jimmy.
You darling.
You darling.
Why didn't you tell
me you were putting
me under the wing of Gillespie.
Gillespie.
At last, I will paint.
-Astrologically, Aries and
Leo are mad about each other.
But a special
effort must be made
to like each other's
friends, then
everything will run smoothly.
-I'll Remember that.
-Do you hear?
We shall paint.
[DOG BARKING]
-Darling, you darling.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
-Hi, Pauline.
-Oh, Mr. Gillespie.
-Mrs. Smith said I might deliver
this personally to Ms. Nanette.
-Oh, did you do that?
-Mmhmm.
-Nice.
Well, you'll find her in there.
-Thank you.
[KNOCKING]
-Oh, hello.
-Hello.
You left this, I thought
I'd bring it around.
Sorry, am I intruding?
-Oh, no.
Not at all, Mr. Gillespie.
-Mr. Gillespie?
-Mr. Gillespie.
[DOG BARKING]
-Oh, Tom.
This is a very old
friend of mine.
-Old friend?
-This is the biggest moment
of my life, absolutely.
-Well, any friend of
Nanette's, is a friend of mine.
-When do we begin?
I'm ready.
Do with me what you will.
-Tom, you don't know
what this means to me.
-What means to--
-Uncle means that this is
the girl that I, that is, we,
were telling you is
so interested in art.
-Mr. Gillespie, I want
to paint horribly.
-That's easy.
Particularly if you're
a friend of Nanette's.
-Oh, a very dear
friend of little Nan's.
-I'm sorry you have
to leave so soon.
-Oh, yes.
Good bye.
What a day this has been.
And you made it all come true.
Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy.
Are you ready?
[DOG BARKING]
-Allow me.
-If you hurry, you can
catch the next elevator.
-Oh, don't you worry.
I'll take good care of her.
And don't be surprised
if the teacher
should learn something
from the pupil.
-I won't be a bit surprised.
-Mr. Gillespie, if only I
had a successful [INAUDIBLE].
Then you could mold me.
I promise you one thing,
I'll work hard for you.
-Oh, I'll be glad to look
over anything you've got.
-I'll even mix your paint.
I may not look it, but I
can do the messiest things.
-My slate is wiped clean
once more and never again.
-That's right, Uncle.
Never again.
-Excuse me, sir,
but would you like
me to fix the flowers
in Mrs. Smith's bedroom?
-Yes.
Let's do it together.
-Uncle.
-Oh, yes.
Never again.
-I can't seem to get the
right expression on the fish.
-Uh, this is the fish.
-But still I feel I'm blooming
under the touch of the master.
-Good morning, madame.
-Good morning, John.
Hello.
-Oh, hello.
-Oh, alright, alright.
I know that's all for the day.
Dear little Nan.
You know, I should be
very happy to paint you,
when I finish my fish.
-That would be nice.
-Tom is such a great master.
I feel I should be able to
tackle anything by then.
Au revoir, maestro.
Au revoir, little Nan.
-The things I do for Uncle.
Oh, Tom.
You don't know how much
I appreciate what you've
done for Unc-- I mean
for, uh, Kitty and me.
-Not at all, not
at all, but she is
a bit of a strain
on Leo for Aries.
-Leo for Aries?
Yes, I'm the Leo.
I'm a bit of an astrologist.
-Oh, that's funny.
So is Auntie.
-Is she?
Well, Kitty could
have been worse.
-Could she?
-Oh yes.
You remember that Sonya
something or other that
was auditioning for Bill
Trainor up in Boston?
-Uh, yes.
I believe I do recollect.
Didn't she do something
with a bubble?
-That's the one, that's the one.
Well, she got the
job, bubble and all.
Someone landed him with her.
-No.
-Yes.
She's sure to kill the show.
She's simply awful.
To find Bill Trainor
around rehearsals now,
you've got to look
in dark corners.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
-Marvelous, Bill.
Wonderful.
-It is great.
-Wherever did you find her?
-Yes, Bill.
Where did you dig
around for her?
-That's a long story.
Oh, can I hear all
about it after the show?
-Sorry, can you
make it tomorrow,
I have a supper
party this evening.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
-Pop goes the profits.
-Bill, you look like
Diamond Jim Brady tonight.
-Thanks, I feel just like him.
-And Jimmy, you look like
the mouse that ate the cat.
-A bubble dancer.
You know, frankly, I didn't
think she had a thing.
-Nobody else did either.
-Oh, but I--
-And here's to the girl
who made it all possible.
-Yes, here's to--
-Sonya.
-Oh, yes.
[INAUDIBLE]
-To Nanette.
BILL AND TOM:
(SIMULTANEOUSLY) Dance?
-Oh, well, truth is
stranger than fiction.
-Uncle, you promised
me this dance.
-Oh, did I?
-It's your favorite
tune, don't you remember?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-When did I ever
promise you a dance?
-You didn't, but I
had to get you away.
-Why?
Did I say something?
-Just about enough
to hang yourself
with Auntie right there.
-Oh, don't you
worry about Auntie.
Auntie and I understand
each other perfectly.
-Bill, what is all
this Sonya mystery?
I suppose she was [INAUDIBLE].
-Why, of course.
-Of course.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Well, Mr. Stillwater.
-Oh, my dear Mrs. Smith.
How are you?
-This is Mr. Gillespie
and Mr. Trainor,
this is Mr. Stillwater Sr.
-How you doing?
-My pleasure.
-So, Jr. proved himself a
chip off the old block, eh?
-Really?
-Particularly when it comes to
getting a Smith out of a jam.
-Jam?
-The Stillwaters have been
getting Smiths out of jams
ever since the Boston Tea Party.
-Is that so?
-Why, Mr. Smith's
great grandfather
threw the first case
overboard, if you remember.
-If I remember?
-You know, Jimmy, it
looks as if Nanette
will be able to pick her choice.
-Well, they both seemed very
interested, didn't they?
-Yes.
-I think it'll be Bill.
-Why?
-Can you see with
the light like that?
-The light's much better
than you think, dear.
-Because didn't you hear
they all say that Nanette was
responsible for
Sonya Sonyavich's--
-Uh, the lamp.
What happened to it?
-Aw, right in your eye, darling?
-Yes.
It was right in my eye.
-Did you know that
Flirtle-Wirtle's friend
was studying with Tom Gillespie?
-(STUTTERING) Uh, I
think, oh, darling,
can I have a glass of water?
-Mmhmm.
She seems to know
quite a lot about--
-Darling, this lamp's
awfully bright, do you mind?
-Oh, I'm sorry, darling.
One would think I was
giving you the third degree.
[LAUGHING]
-Good night, sweet.
-Are you tired?
-Oh, no.
Just a little numb.
-Oh, it looks perfect.
Perfect.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-It's a--
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I fell asleep.
-You did.
-I was dancing.
-Mr. Gillespie
cannot be disturbed--
-Oh, I never disturb
him, I inspire him.
Hello, Tom.
-Hello, Hutch.
Ms. Smith, my business
manager, Mr. Hutchinson.
-How do you do?
-I do alright, thanks.
You don't do so bad either, Tom.
Congratulations, your
taste is improving.
[LAUGHING]
-Now, now, don't encourage him.
-Pardon me, just a minute.
-How about a special piece
of work for [INAUDIBLE]?
-No, not today, Hutch.
And if I'm in the same mood
tomorrow, nothing then either.
-You dropped your apple, Hutch.
-You didn't do that.
-She did.
-Oh, Tom.
It's wonderful.
-Why, it's just the thing.
[INAUDIBLE] will give
5 grand for that.
Why, they'll sell a
billion cigarettes.
-Sorry, I don't smoke.
Now, we'll change the
background on the color maze,
dangle a cigarette
from those ruby lips--
-It might interest you to know
that it's not mine to sell.
-No?
-No.
Specially commissioned
by Ms. Nanette Smith.
-Ms. Smith, It's
almost lunch time.
Will you do me the honor--
-Pick up your apple, Hutch.
-Look here, Tom.
Your clients have been yelling
for something new and now,
when you've turned out
a beauty like this--
-It's not for sale, too bad.
-You mind if I kick
something on my way out?
-No.
Make it yourself, Hutch.
-I will.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-You weren't serious.
-That spoiled it a little bit,
it was to have been a surprise.
-Nanette, he proposed?
-Oh, no, Pauline.
But he's painted the most
beautiful picture you ever saw.
-Not in the-- you know.
-(STERN) Pauline.
Are Uncle and Auntie in?
-Yes, they're in.
-Oh, Nanette.
Will you meet Betty
Bennet from Bridgeport.
-Betty from Bridgeport?
-She's a great friend
of Mr. Stillwater's.
-Oh, of Mr. Stillwat--
How do you do?
How do you do?
-We've been having some very
dirty weather lately in Boston.
-Filthy weather.
-Another storm?
-I'm afraid so.
-That reminds me,
did you boys ever
settle that trouble
with, uh, Syracuse.
-Oh, yes.
A very satisfactory and
unexpected settlement.
[COUGHING]
-Looks as though
she's had a shock.
-Get a glass of water for her.
-I'll get it, dear.
-Will you?
-You idiot.
She doesn't know
anything about it.
-About what?
-What you've come
to see me about.
-About me.
-Have you finished
with my curling iron?
-Go get some headache pills?
-Headache?
-Yes.
-Sr. thought it best for
me to bring Betty here
and settle the matter
once and for all.
-How much will you do it for?
-200 thousand.
-200 thousand?
-Pay with cash for 48 hours.
-This always helps me.
Try it, darling.
-Here, on page 72 it
says, elevate the legs.
-Elevate the legs.
-She's very cute, isn't she?
-The feet should be
high, get some pillows.
-Pillows?
-Yes, pillows.
-But they'd settle
out of court for 5250.
5250?
I haven't even got the 50.
-5250.
5 thousand, 5 grand.
Uncle, you can leave it to me.
Your troubles have
all gone up in smoke.
Come along, darling.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Gillespie, it's a
fine piece of work.
-Thank you very much.
You don't think
there's too much--
-Oh, no, no.
This is something you don't
have to be modest about.
-Do you think the owner will
allow us to show it in London?
-It'll ride a great reception.
New York, Philadelphia, Boston.
-John, Mr. Gillespie not in?
-He'll be back for tea.
-Alright, I'll wait.
-You'll be staying for tea?
-Mmhmm.
Yes, thank you.
Betty from Bridgeport.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-(SINGING) I'm discontented,
with homes that I've rented,
so I have invented my own.
-(SINGING) Somewhere
secluded, our troubles
diluted and [INAUDIBLE] unknown.
-(SINGING) Far from
the cry of the city--
[WHISTLING]
-(SINGING) Cozy to hide in,
to live side by side in--
-(SINGING) Don't let
it abide in my dreams.
-(SINGING) Picture
me, upon your knee.
Just tea for two
and two for tea.
Just me for you, and
you for me alone.
Nobody near to see or hear.
No friends or relations
on weekend vacations.
We won't have it known, dear,
that we own a telephone, dear.
-(SINGING) Day will break and
I'll awake and start to bake
a sugar cake for you to take
for all the boys to see.
We will raise a family.
A girl for you, a boy for me.
Can't you see how
happy we would be?
-(LAUGHING) Oh, darling,
have I got good news.
-Oh, have I got good news.
Your portrait's done the
most wonderful thing.
-Wonderful.
Wait until you hear, I've
really got great news--
-No, no, no.
Me first.
-Who's the head of this family?
-Oh, well, you are.
-You've heard of Galt,
Beaver and Eisen?
Well, anyway, they're big
art dealers, connoisseurs.
They're crazy about it, they
want to exhibit it everywhere.
New York, London,
Boston, Philadelphia.
-What?
-Your portrait, of course.
Don't you see, darling?
It means the Gillespie
girl is dead.
No long a world of legs,
lingerie, mouthwash.
Now I can paint what I want.
Nanette, you did it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Be very careful with it.
-What's going on here, Hutch?
-Madame, your check.
5250.
Congratulations.
-What is this, Hutch?
One of you're impractical jokes?
Put that back.
-Oh, Tom.
Tom, I sold it.
I didn't know.
There's been a mistake,
you can't have it.
-Sold it?
-Yes.
Here, take it back.
-Oh, I couldn't take it back.
I've already started to build
up a whole campaign around it.
It was hers to sell?
-Oh, yes.
Yes, the project
belonged to Ms. Smith.
-Who bought it?
-[INAUDIBLE].
-Perfect.
I'll sketch in a
cigarette dangling
from her lips for nothing.
-Oh, Tom.
-You've got to leave it alone.
Alright, boys.
Take it away.
-Don't worry, it won't
be lost to posterity.
You'll see it next month on the
back cover of college humor.
-Yes, I really
didn't want to-- I
[MUSIC PLAYING]Just--
-I'll tell her you're here.
-I don't like the looks of it.
She's all worked up and
the other fellow's here.
-Pauline, will you tend
to your own business.
-I will, but don't
say I didn't warn you.
-Hello?
-Hello.
-These are beautiful, Bill.
-They should be
studded with diamonds.
It looks as if,
"So Long, Sisters"
is good for a year's run.
-You don't mean it?
I mean, after all,
what did I tell you.
-And so you did.
So this evening, we're
going to celebrate.
-Oh, not this evening, Bill.
I don't feel much
like celebrating.
-Say, what's happened
to that laugh?
-I guess I used it
all up on [INAUDIBLE].
-Well, what do you say we go out
and try to find it again, huh?
-Alright, Bill.
I'll be with you in 10 minutes.
Where do we go?
-Oriental Cafe on 66th street.
-Oh, well, that one's
just about right.
-She jumped at a dinner
engagement from Bill
as if she hadn't had a
thing to eat in a month.
-Who did?
-Nanette.
-Well, what of it?
-My guess is, she's been trying
to help someone out of a jam
and got in a jam herself.
Oh.
You're going to spoil me.
Purple Passion.
-Yes.
Excuse me, darling.
I just remembered something.
-Purple Passion.
-In that kind of a mood.
-In that kind of a mood.
-Oh, (SPEAKING FRENCH) let's go
out someplace wicked tonight.
-What about Fire Stand?
-Oh, sublime.
I feel like dancing
tonight in the worst way.
-Well, you get yourself a
scotch there while I shave.
-I think I'll have a little
slug of something mild.
-You'll find the
gin on the table.
Make mine whiskey and soda.
A double whiskey and soda.
Jim.
KITTY (OFF SCREEN): Gin?
I thought you said
whiskey and soda?
-Yes.
Whiskey and soda.
KITTY (OFF SCREEN) Oh,
make up you're mind.
-(WHISPERING) What
are you doing here?
Never mind What happened
between you and Nanette?
-She knew I put
everything I felt
about her into that painting.
-What painting?
-Her portrait.
She sold it.
-How much?
-Does it matter?
-Yes.
Yes, it does matter.
-5250.
-[INAUDIBLE].
-You knew?
-Shall I bring it in?
-Oh, no, no.
I-- I haven't any pants.
-Cheri, la la.
-(WHISPERING) What
would you say,
if I were to tell you that I've
been leading a double life?
-Good heavens--
-You wouldn't be so surprised.
I've just been trying to
spread a little sunshine.
-Does Sue know?
-Hasn't the slightest suspicion.
-(SINGING) I want to be
happy, but I won't be happy,
until I make you happy, too.
-Well, that's understandable.
My husband likes to
spread a little happiness.
-Well, he promised me the moon.
He lured me on.
-Are you sure you're
talking about my husband?
-Yes, Jimmy.
-I'm the only steady
one in the family.
-You don't mean it.
-I do mean it.
-Your drink is getting clammy.
-Thank you.
Where's Nanette now?
Something about oriental dinner.
Someplace on 46th street.
-Oh, you mean that restaurant
where you sit in booths?
-Private booths.
-Oh, that's where
Bill always starts.
-You mustn't let her out
of your sight for a minute.
-Don't worry.
-Good luck.
-Darling, do you
like oriental food?
-I thought we were
going to the Fire Stand?
-Ah, Mr. Trainor.
-Evening, Sung.
-Your usual dinner, sir?
-Great.
-And your usual booth?
-Great.
-You're a regular customer.
-Oh, yes.
Very regular.
-What's this?
-An old Balinese custom.
-Do I have to do it?
-Of course.
-This is going to be fun.
[LAUGHING]
-Oh, this is nice.
Just as you described it.
-You take tea, Mr. Trainor?
-Would you like tea, Nanette?
-Mmhmm.
-Tea for two.
And Sung, have them prepare
some of that duck, you know,
your special dish.
-With pleasure.
-Say, say, will you
please come back to Bali?
-Sorry, Bill.
Where do we sit?
-Right there.
With your feet tucked under.
-Oh.
Right?
-Right.
-Oh, yes.
Can we have that booth?
-You're the boss, sir.
-But your shoes, sir.
-Hm?
Oh.
-Well, very amusing.
-Nice and private.
-What do I do?
Eat it?
No.
Just take it and
crack it like that.
-Tea for two, sir?
-Oh, no, no.
Anything but tea.
-Make mine vodka
with a dash of gin.
-With pleasure.
-Admires you.
-I think I better crack mine.
-I think we better
change places.
You're in the draft.
-Oh, you do make the
silliest excuses.
[SOUND OF GONG]
-Well, we've got company.
-I'm sorry, I--
-Why Nanette, what an
unexpected pleasure.
-Well, it's unexpected.
-That's what comes of not
watching what you're doing.
-Why, Bill.
How are you?
Nice seeing you.
-Yes.
Nice seeing you.
-You must think we're
perfectly awful.
-No, just preoccupied.
-I'm sorry, I really don't
know how it happened.
-You do, too, sweetie.
You were leaning
over much too far.
-Well, uh, see you again.
-Yeah.
Glad you dropped in.
-(LAUGHING) Isn't it silly?
-(WHISPERING) Come on.
-What do you say we, uh,
go somewhere else where
the traffic's a
bit thinner, huh?
-Let's get some fresh air.
-Oh, well.
It's the unexpected things
that make life such fun.
-Come on, Kitty.
-Well, I just got set.
Darling, you're so
restless tonight.
Little Nan was so surprised
when we dropped in.
Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
-Ms. Revere.
-My Fish.
-My dear, you have arrived.
-I have?
Where?
Le grande prix de l'exposision
des artistes. (IN FRENCH)
-Hey, hey.
Snap out of it.
-Hurry up, Kitty.
-Moi?
-Mais oui.
-Mais non.
Mais non.
-Central Park.
-Yes, sir.
-Of course there's only 5000
restaurants in New York City
and he had to pick the oriental.
I think it's a conspiracy.
-Of course it's a conspiracy.
-Thank you.
-Evening, Pauline.
Is Mrs. Smith here?
-Yes.
And she's expecting you.
-Good.
-Hello, Jimmy.
Jimmy, darling,
have a nice walk?
You know, you didn't tell
me about little Betty.
She's not up to your
usual standards.
Darling, you mustn't
lose your touch.
-Oh, Susan, I--
-You mean that you knew
about him all the time?
-But of course.
-It's disgusting.
You, you, you twerp, you.
-Jimmy, she's sweet.
You should have told me.
-Oh, to think I have such
a dear, understanding wife.
-Yes.
-I never meant any harm.
I just wanted to spread
a little sunshine.
-Yes.
That's what I told her.
-It was all so innocent.
You know, I'm as pure as a lily.
-Yes, a harem lily.
Sonya Sonyavich.
Kitty from Kansas.
Betty from Bridgeport.
You Casanova.
Right under my nose.
You thought I was blind.
You vest pocket romeo.
-But daring, it was never
on an emotional basis.
It was purely intellectual.
-I suppose you
discussed the classics?
If that trio ever curled up
in bed with a good book ,
the book would curl up first.
-Darling, couldn't we
discuss this in the morning
when we've cooled off?
-By then I'll be sizzling
at the Grand Hotel Reno.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Driver, see that?
-Yeah.
-Follow it.
-Follow it?
-Follow it.
-Who does he think I am?
-I believe they're
still following us.
-Oh, no, no, no they're not.
Come on.
Nanette, why don't
you forget him?
-Bill, it was nice of you to
give me such a grand evening.
-Oh, thank you.
[RADIO PLAYING]
-Shut that off, driver.
-But--
-I don't care.
I want to hear something.
-You know, Nanette,
that in the Nevada,
you can get married,
just like that.
-Married?
-Married.
You don't have to wait for
the license and in 45 minutes
your in California
on your honey moon.
-Oh, that's
convenient, isn't it?
-Yes, I think so.
-Did you hear anything?
Brother, in my profession,
it's unethical to eaves-droop.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-(SINGING) When skies are
grey and you are blue,
I'll send the sun
shining through.
-I can't get a wink of sleep.
What's all the noise?
-Quiet, Pauline.
Hello, Mr. Stillwater?
I want a divorce.
-A divorce?
-Yes, a-- Quiet, Pauline.
-A divorce?
Yes, madame.
Who is speaking?
Mrs. Smith?
-Is this Sr. or Jr. speaking?
Oh, no, no.
You better have Sr. handle this.
Unfortunately, Sr. Is out
with an important client
and we are unable to locate him.
-Oh, but you must find him.
I'm leaving for Reno tonight
and Sr. must make that plane.
-What is it?
-Just the Smith
family cracking up.
-Cracking up?
Blow me down.
-Long distance, please.
-Mr. Smith, if I
could be of service?
-Some writing paper.
-Hello, Remington.
Order 12 cases of champagne,
lots of caviar and absinth.
And double the servants' wages.
Yes, that's right.
I said, double the
servants' wages.
-Pauline, you know?
-Everything.
-Very sad.
-Very sad.
Oh, Mr. Smith, is it too late?
-I've got everything worked out.
I'm going to a little island
in the Pacific, yes, Pacific
and forget it all.
-Very sad.
-No, no.
Mr. Smith will not be returning.
MRS. SUSAN SMITH
(OFF SCREEN): Never.
-Very sad.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Thank you, sir.
-Now, listen.
You hurry up and get packed and
I'll pick you up in 15 minutes.
-Alright.
I'll be ready.
-Taxi.
-Say, we seem to be
following each other around.
-Yes, we do.
Don't we?
-Say, that reminds me.
-What is this?
A hold up?
-No, it's a kidnapping.
-Oh, now look here--
-Now, you look here--
-Pauline, don't
tell Nanette yet.
-No.
[DOOR BELL RINGING]
-Pauline, I'm eloping.
-Eloping?
-But not a word to Uncle and
Auntie until it's too late.
-No, I won't.
They've got plenty on
their own platters.
-Pauline, will you
help me pack up?
I've only got a few minutes.
Can I get through
without being seen?
-Of all the crazy nights--
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-What do we pack?
Summery things.
California.
-California.
That's better than
Niagara Falls.
-Oh, Pauline.
-I'm so glad you didn't pick
that fellow with the curls.
My father said that curls were
always a sign of weakness,
but then he was as
bald as a [INAUDIBLE].
-Did you get it?
-Yes.
-He didn't see you?
-No.
I got it out of
Nanette's bedroom.
-Pauline, give him this.
-Oh, Mrs. Smith.
-No.
Not now.
Not until I'm gone.
When it's too late.
-Pauline.
-Give that to Mrs. Smith.
Not now.
Wait until after I've gone.
Until it's too late.
-Oh, Mr. Smith.
[PHONE RINGING]
-Hello?
Yes, she's here.
Do you wish to speak to her?
Alright.
I got it.
Hey.
Just a minute.
What did you say your name was?
-Which one did you pick?
-Oh, the right one, Pauline.
-Well, the right one
said he can't come back
and that you're to go to the
airport, straight in the plane,
and then he will
bring the tickets.
And he's using the name of
Brown to avoid publicity.
-Oh, thank you, Pauline.
-Don't thank me, I think
you're making a mistake.
-Oh, yes, well, will
you see that this not
reaches Mr. Gillespie,
but not until I'm gone.
Until--
-I know, until it's too late.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ATTENDENT: All aboard, flight
7, west bound for [INAUDIBLE].
As you board the plane, please
give your name and your host.
All aboard, please.
-Mrs. Susan Smith.
-Oh, good evening.
You're going to Reno.
-Is Mr. Stillwater
booked on the plane.
-Yes, he is due to board.
-Good.
-Ms. Nanette Smith.
-Oh, yes.
Nevada and then Los Angeles.
Mr. Brown has your ticket.
-Is he--
-Yes, he's aboard.
-Oh, thank you.
-If you don't wish to retire
at once, you may take any.
-Thank you.
-James Smith.
-Where to, sir?
-The Virgin Islands.
-Change planes at Los Angeles.
-OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Alright, I'll see
that it gets to them.
-Oh, are you sure
Mr. Brown is aboard?
-Yes, he's in his bed.
-In his bed?
-Well, I think he's a little
afraid of being air sick.
Quite common.
Nothing ever really happens.
-Now, if you'll
take your seat, I'll
help you fasten the safety belt.
-Mr. Smith, would you
care for some gum?
-Nanette.
-Auntie.
What are you doing here?
-What are you doing?
-I'm eloping.
-Good.
I'm getting divorced.
-Divorced?
-Oh, yes.
Your Uncle turned out
to be quite a bluebeard.
-No.
-I've already combed
3 out of his beard,
so I'm going to Reno
and get him shaved.
Now, never mind about me.
You're going in
and I'm going out.
Come here, darling.
Congratulations.
Where's the groom?
-He's in bed.
He's not feeling very well.
-Probably a little nervous.
-This is for you Ms. Smith.
And you, Mrs. Smith.
-Jimmy.
-Tom.
-For you, Mr. Smith.
-Sue.
-Hostess?
-Yes, madame.
-Is there anything leaking?
-I don't think so.
-Ms. Smith, Mr. Brown
would like to see you.
-Thank you.
-Brown?
-Bill.
-Bill?
-Where is he?
-Oh, he's in his bed.
He's still scared
of being air sick.
-Air sick?
Looks as if you
picked a lemon, too.
-Ms. Smith will be
in in just a moment.
-Oh, Bill.
What's the matter?
-I don't know.
I feel hot and cold all at the
same time and I feel like ice.
-Well, what can I do?
-Well, a hot water
bottle might help.
-Hot water bottle?
-Auntie.
Have you a hot water bottle?
-Hot water--
-He's got cold feet.
-How romantic.
-Oh, we'll you see, there
may be some complications.
-Try the hostess, darling.
-Bill, I'll see the host--
-Well, hello.
-Tom.
What are you doing here?
-Well, it's rather a long story.
You see--
-He's the complications.
-But Bill, we're practically
married or something.
-Heck, I know, but I
couldn't leave Tom behind.
You see, he loves you, too.
I made him admit it.
-Oh.
You made him admit it?
-No, but it was easy.
-Oh, well, let me
tell you something.
I'm getting right off this
plane this very minute.
-You can't.
-Nanette.
-Oh, so sorry, Aunty.
You can leave it to me.
Everything will be settled.
-Settled?
And I've lost my Jimmy.
-Oh, don't cry
like that, Auntie.
-It's the only way I know how.
-Uncle, she's divorcing him.
-Divorcing him?
-Divorce?
-Oh, Sue.
You can't do that.
-Of course you can't.
You've got to forgive him
-Forgive him?
And he's hundreds of miles away.
It's all my fault.
I didn't understand it.
He just wanted to spread
a little happiness.
-Oh, that's right, Auntie.
You must forgive him.
-If he were here right now, I'd
throw my arms around his neck
and ask him to forgive me.
-Susan.
-You weasel.
Following me, eh?
-But darling--
-Don't "darling" me.
Mr. Stillwater.
-Hey you.
-Hey.
-I've been counting sheep
and you scared away over 300
with your racket.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
Mr. Stillwater?
Mr. Still--
-Mrs. Smith, I'm afraid
you're disturbing
the other passengers.
-I'm sorry, darling.
I'm looking for Mr. Stillwater.
-Oh, darling, we
must save Uncle.
-What?
Again?
-Oh, Auntie, you
must forgive him.
-I wouldn't forgive
him if he came
crawling to me on
his hands and knees.
-But still, think
of his virtues.
-He doesn't smoke,
he doesn't drink--
-No.
He saves himself
for the big things.
-Bill, I was only trying to
spread a little sunshine.
-Yes, I know, Jimmy.
But you laid it on
a bit too thick.
Get back in your tee pee.
-Mr. Stillwater, will
you serve the papers?
-My dear Mrs. Smith, you
have no grounds for divorce.
-No grounds?
-No.
Until marrying you, your husband
had a surplus of happiness.
So he disposed of
his surplus happiness
to less happy children.
-Children.
Did you ever meet Sonya?
-Yes.
A sweet child.
Who tonight was [INAUDIBLE]
as comedy queen of Broadway,
to wed the eminent Greek
professor, [INAUDIBLE].
-And what about
Kitty from Kansas?
-At this moment, being
joined in holy matrimony
to the curator of many
museums, Mr. Flirtle-Wirtle.
And tomorrow, she will be hung
at the Metropolitan Museum.
-Good.
-974, 975, 976, 977--
-And I suppose Betty
from Bridgeport
is a sweet little soul--
-Mrs. Smith, I must ask you to
speak with respect to the wife
of one of the eminent members
of the legal profession.
-My foot.
-No.
My wife.
-Your wife?
-Hello.
-There she is.
-Betty Bridgeport.
[LAUGHING]
-Why don't you go to bed?
-(WHISPERING) Why
don't you go to bed?
Good night.
-(WHISPERING) Good night.
-(WHISPERING) Good night.
-(WHISPERING) Good night.
-(SCREAMING) Good night.
ALL: (SCREAMING) Good night.
-You've been
wonderful, both of you.
Thank you.
Tom, as you--
-And particularly
Bill, you know, he--
-Oh, why of course.
I knew it all the time.
-A radio for Mr. Smith.
-I'll take it.
Thank you.
-Radio for you, darling.
Fluffy from Frisco.
Mr. Stillwater?
Mr. Stillwater?
Mr. Stillwater?
[MUSIC PLAYING] -(SINGING)
I want to be happy,
but I can't be happy until
I make you happy, too.
-(SINGING) Life's really worth
living when we are both giving.
Why can't I give some to you?
TOGETHER: (SINGING) When skies
are grey and you say you are
blue, I'll send the
sun smiling through.
TOGETHER (OFF SCREEN):
(SINGING) I want to be happy,
but I can't be happy until
I make you happy, too.
[MUSIC PLAYING]