Niyazi Gül Dörtnala (2015) - full transcript
Niyazi Gul, a veterinary surgeon leads what he considers a quiet life. He divides his time between teaching university students in the veterinary department and with his assistant Hediye's help, searching for the missing ingredient in a magic formula handed down from his grandfather. But when the troublesome lovers Sultan and Riza decide to race their horses and hear about Niyazi's elixir for animals, things begin to get complicated. In his mission to find the missing ingredient, Niyazi finds himself pitched into an action-packed adventure full of surprises.
Baa, baa, baa!
Baa, baa, baa!
Enough, Niyazi.
The pails are brimming.
Bless you a thousand times.
She hadn't given milk for ten days.
You talk to her and the floodgates open.
How do you understand each other?
She has ears.
You just need to speak her language.
Bravo, grandson!
Niyazi. Niyazi.
Help!
My boy shoved an egg back up a chicken!
-Run, Niyazi!
-Quick.
Run, Niyazi. Run!
I tell you, that boy
will be a terrific vet.
He'll go to school for it, God willing.
He'll be a vet in a shirt and a tie!
Now, friends.
During your veterinary careers,
you'll face many challenges.
Challenges like having
to pacify a wild animal.
What do we use for this?
Methadone hydrochloride.
It's a standard drug, as you know.
Sir, can it be used on any animal?
-Such as?
-Chickens.
Chickens are wild?
Don't laugh.
Ever seen a Rambo-like chicken
attacking humans in the forest?
Don't laugh.
What was the golden rule?
"We don't inject livestock
with methadone." Why?
It's hard for the liver to excrete
and so, it can contaminate the meat.
Now, our guest today is a bear.
Ursus arctos.
Bears can grow to a weight of 800 kg.
A one-ton beast has also
been sighted around Artvin.
The animal's been tormented for years.
It's been kept in captivity,
made to mimic swooning ladies
or dance to the tambourine
as an object of entertainment.
The poor thing's suffered
conditioned response training.
After class, his owner Metin
will join us in taking our friend
to the rehabilitation forest
where it'll be happy.
Now, why is man so mad about bears?
Well, they're sensitive, thoughtful,
have a gift for empathy...
Sir, what do you mean
by "sensitive and thoughtful"?
They always call on special occasions.
For heaven's sake!
You guys swap places.
You aren't paying attention.
Shame on you! Behave nicely, like this
bear. Look at it, as good as gold.
-God, what's going on?
-Zarife! Zarife!
-No touching, sir.
-Metin, hold the beast.
Easy now. It's over. Sit down.
I guess you never worked
with bears before, sir?
Sure I have. We ran
a fruit shop together once!
If you aren't listening, get out.
We're here to talk science.
Now people, take note.
I don't advise using standard drugs.
Why not? Here's the thing.
And I cover it in my book,
Being an Animal with Animals.
The herbal sedative
Supine 1 is perfect for this.
It's a plant-based blend of fennel root,
and harmless to animals.
Excretion from the liver is easy, too.
So, let's do it, Metin.
Plants? The bear needs more than plants!
It takes a bottle of vodka
to get it to sleep every night.
-Vodka?
-Yes.
What's with giving the animal vodka?
Now, hold it still.
-Zarife, relax.
-Good girl.
-It's nothing.
-Here we go.
Watch out! She hates it
in the rear, I warn you.
It's fine. There we go, all over.
So, what does this tell us?
Science is a never-ending quest
that not even a wild bear can escape.
Zarife. Zarife.
Sir, behind you!
Zarife! Stop!
-Zarife.
-What's going on?
It's gone wild.
-Stop, girl. Zarife!
-Hold the beast.
OK, but how?
Now she's got me.
Call the police. Security!
Run! Run!
EGE UNIVERSITY
VETERINARY SCHOOL
Don't be scared.
I'll get mad at you, Zarife!
Yes, Mr. Governor?
The duck's crying? What can I do?
I'll be there. Is Mrs. Naciye there?
I'm coming.
Look, Dr. Niyazi.
Some maniac took a shot at him.
Good grief! As if he was a game bird.
Come again?
You mean it's OK
to shoot game birds, don't you?
No. Maybe it sounded like that,
but you misunderstand me. Let me--
Shame on you!
Shame on you as head of department.
Shame on your professorship!
Shame on your diploma ribbon.
Shame on your mortarboard tassel!
Shame on the whole lot! Pooh, Niyazi!
God damn whoever fired the shot.
It was a slip-up. A slip of the tongue.
Good grief! Erring is human.
Don't give me that.
Don't talk about humans.
If they're human, I'm not.
I'm an animal.
-And so are you.
-I'm an animal, too.
-You?
-Sure, me too.
Great! We're all animals.
What happened with our sanctuary project?
The ministry's given the approval.
Since they gave an approval,
they won't give any funds.
-So?
-So we have to find a sponsor.
-Who'd give money like that nowadays?
-Someone will!
You have to find them!
-We'll find them.
-They'll be found.
They're onto the home stretch.
Number 10, Night Sultan,
holds on to the lead.
But on the outside is number 2, Shah Rıza.
There's just a horselength between them.
As the two thoroughbreds fight it out,
Night Sultan has the edge.
But it's Shah Rıza on the outside
who prevails over its rival.
And the race goes to Rıza Kabakoz
with the winning horse, Shah Rıza.
Damn it!
It's not like auctions, is it,
Sultan Şahmerdan?
Let's go before we're driven
by the scent of onions, Süleyman.
Back off, wuss!
You lost the race.
How about winning in love?
My marriage proposal is still standing.
Did you have enough
Russian salad, Rıza Kabakoz?
When I left you, only Serdar Ortaç
was missing in that pool.
Sultan, look--
"I was drunk, I acted like an animal."
Anything else you'd like to add?
It's behind me, I swear.
Forgive me. Give me another chance.
What we have is a titanic romance.
Other people love, we worship.
It's called "being madly in love."
All you are to me now
is a rival I long to trounce.
I'll get my revenge for today
at the Aegean Derby.
OK, it's a deal.
If you win,
my ranch, my horses,
my everything is yours.
I'll leave you alone.
I'll clear out of town.
And if you win?
You'll be mine.
You'll be my wife.
You'll be my woman.
Are you scared?
So much!
I'm scared that you're still
so dumb not to know me.
I accept your proposition.
Süleyman.
She accepted.
Mahmut, she accepted!
Start the wedding preparations! Fast!
Greetings, Ferruh!
Greetings, Niyazi. Welcome!
What are you up to now?
I'm about to show you something
that'll blow your mind.
In that case I hope it works out.
Hello there! Greetings, teacher!
To you too.
You never pay.
At least don't pick the priciest.
It says on the stick you win a freebie.
Rubbish. You've had 50 and no winners.
You get the cream, I get the crap.
I can't help it, Ferruh.
Complain to the firm.
What does it say here?
Complaints line! See?
Don't be scared.
Mestan, don't you be scared either.
Kemal. We all got used to you,
why can't you get used to him?
How can I get used to this mini dragon?
Look at him strut around, showing off.
As if he was a building contractor.
Wait till you see this, Niyazi.
How's that?
Great!
Put the singer Ankaralı Namık there,
start strumming, and you'll have
the animal belly dancing.
Shame on you, boys. Think like an animal.
The animal developed this trait
as a defense mechanism.
Why use it against the animal?
I thought better of you, Ferruh.
You torment animals, you know?
Add this to my tab.
I'll pay at the end of the month.
OK, teacher.
Ms. Sultan,
there are former champions
racing in the Aegean Derby.
Then, we'll be the champion of champions.
With Night Sultan?
With Night Sultan.
We'll win with Rıza's gift.
Beat him at his own game.
That horse can't win without the help
of enhancing drugs. It's impossible!
Find me the best vet in the country.
-We already--
-...work with the best, don't we?
Then, find me the very best.
Is it worth risking name and fame
over a prestige race?
Yes!
If it finishes off Rıza Kabakoz!
We'll win the Aegean Derby, Mahmut.
Tell all the stablemen, everyone.
I don't want any blunders.
We have to win the race, no question.
Pour me a whiskey, Mahmut.
Here, sir.
Sultan, I drink to our love.
I have everything, Mahmut.
I have horses, I have guns,
but where's the wife, Mahmut?
Am I half a gangster?
Am I a fake gangster?
Of course not!
Toss that bottle, Mahmut.
Oh, God!
Mr. Rıza, it was a bad throw!
OK, Mahmut. It's OK.
Don't start kissing my ass.
There's a thing called "gravity".
This is a wound of love
No medicine can heal it
Your words of comfort are no consolation
My beloved holds the cure, not you
Don't waste your time
Gevrek! Get the door!
Run, Gevrek! Get the door, honey!
Hello, Hediye.
Welcome, Mr. Niyazi.
You rascal.
I'm done in, boy.
Thanks.
-How are you, Hediye?
-Doing well, Mr. Niyazi. Working away.
Good.
God.
This is a wound of love
No medicine can heal it
Your words of comfort are no consolation
-What's this?
-Don't waste your time
-Is it you who taught him this?
-Yes. You said to get him talking.
Is this a way to get the bird talking?
A victim of fate. An Arabesque star.
I wondered why he plucked his feathers.
It's no good, Hediye.
Don't yell at me!
I have enough on my plate
without teaching the parrot!
I tell anyone who asks
that I work on Noah's Ark.
Cleaning this house sucks.
I trod on the turtles twice today.
The hedgehogs stabbed my ankles.
There's dog hair in my food!
Don't wind me up.
You'll make me do things I'll regret!
I forbid you to speak to me like that!
No, I forbid you. All these years
and you still act like a dictator!
You may hire me as help,
but I'm not a slave!
Who called you a slave?
What kind of talk is that?
I act like a dictator, you say?
You're talking to a professor!
I don't know what you're talking about!
What's going on?
You've got me all wound up.
-What are you laughing at?
-Professor, look at your tie.
It's beyond crooked.
It's easy to laugh. Fix it then.
Women know about these things.
You just put me through every mood.
There!
Did you change your aftershave?
No, I always use tangerine peel.
I tried clementine once,
but the scent is different.
You get all exasperated out there
and take it out on me.
You're wrong and you're strong.
Don't teach the bird these things.
OK, I'll make tea then.
Wait. Forget the tea.
I have an experiment to do.
I made a list here.
Get the stuff from the market.
-After you, professor!
-Why?
You never like what I buy.
Science with vegetables?
For goodness sake!
We'll be plagued by spirits
and have to be exorcised, God forbid!
Hediye, do you know you're the only thing
standing between me and a Nobel prize?
What does that make me?
I hope I die jumping on the ferry
before it docks.
-And blow up like a balloon in the sea.
-Good grief! Listen to you!
And your name is Hediye, meaning "gift".
Some gift! Like a bounced check!
How's the eggplant? Firm enough?
Great. Are you doing this on purpose?
Didn't we try eggplant?
Wasn't the result negative?
Which means we're done with eggplants.
-How am I supposed to keep track?
-Niyazi! Welcome!
My broccoli's awesome.
Ideal for experiments!
-Organic?
-Are you kidding?
It even talks! It calls me "daddy".
-Weigh out a kilo.
-Sure.
How's it going with the formula, Niyazi?
Made any cats and dogs fly?
You think that's funny,
don't you? Huh, melon-face?
No. You've got me wrong.
Zip it, you devil-type Pokémon!
You're talking to a professor!
Rude, insulting, pushy idiot.
-OK, Hediye. Let's not--
-What's OK?
He's gone gray in the cause of science.
A rock of a man and he says nothing.
For whom?
For whom? For the human race!
For animals actually. OK, Hediye. Enough.
-Are you done?
-Yes.
OK, here you go. Is that enough?
-It's fine, sure.
-OK.
Thankless jerks! Selfish morons!
May science do you no good!
Sometimes I can't figure
whose side you're on.
Yours of course. Who else?
They must respect you.
Have respect for this man!
This man must be respected!
Come on. To the experiments.
May the experiments do you harm!
My guinea pigs will come to visit
and eat your peppers and tomatoes
till there are none left!
What's with the rage, Hediye?
I'll have to vaccinate you!
Hediye, don't. Let the plants breathe.
You'll end up blind, you know?
You can barely see the thing,
so what good will it do to the animal?
Less chatter, Hediye.
Come on, get the guinea pig ready.
I already did. Do you want it circumcised?
The poor baby is ready.
Hold his head still.
Drug name: Potency.
Experiment number 7551.
Active ingredient: artichoke.
Here we go.
Come on, boy.
Come on, Süreyya Ayhan.
Come on, Usain Bolt.
I think we cracked it this time.
Come on, boy! Come on, champ! Good job!
Come on.
Come... Oh, God!
Another one gone.
Drug name: Potency. Experiment
number 7551. Artichoke: Negative.
What did you expect?
You should've given me the artichoke,
let me braise it in olive oil,
and then seen the animal run.
Should I have used dill, too?
Now you're playing the food critic!
May God give you sense. I'm leaving.
Leave. Leave!
Good grief! I don't have
to deal with you. Leave!
Why didn't it work?
I failed again with the drug, Fikret.
Grandpa.
Grandpa, grandpa. I know. Oh, Grandpa!
The man who passed away with his secret.
I've spent my life working on a formula.
We've grown old together, partner.
I've tried everything.
What was that last plant, Fikret?
What was it?
Grandpa, are you OK?
No, grandson. My time is up.
Now, open your ears and listen.
My last request for you
is that you finish school,
that you become a qualified vet
and wear a shirt and a tie.
Don't be a drummer as your dad.
Niyazi, there's just one medicine
I haven't taught you. A panacea!
If it's a panacea,
take it and you'll be cured.
God forbid, Niyazi!
It's a medicine for animals.
Humans must never take it.
It mustn't be lacking anything either.
Grab a pen and paper and write this down.
Razaki grapes, one oka,
balsam-pear,
germander,
bajoran,
asphodel, senna,
and most important of all...
Dear God.
Huh? I didn't catch you. What was that?
Grandpa?
Dad! Is he dead?
-Father!
-Grandpa! Oh, God! Grandpa!
Grandpa! Grandpa!
Good grief! What's with all the noise
so early in the morning?
Hediye!
You're baring your back.
What's with the noise, Hediye?
The house is like some tribal wedding!
What can I do? It's only noise.
I'm sick of talking to cats and birds.
I don't want noise! Not like that.
I almost fell out of bed!
You just think of me
as one of your animals, Mr. Niyazi.
You'll be putting out food for me
next to Gevrek's any time soon.
Have me vaccinated twice a year
and I'll keep the thieves out.
Good grief! Listen to you.
Full of back talk again.
I'm going.
-What time will you be back?
-None of your business! Are you my wife?
No, you've got me so wrong.
Remember you asked for ravioli?
I did the mince. Now I have to prepare
the dough. That's why I asked.
To get the timing right.
Why else would I ask?
I asked for ravioli, didn't I?
I'm sorry, Hediye.
Now it's like I've been mean to you.
I ask for something and
give you hell for it, sweetheart.
-Mr. Niyazi! Mr. Niyazi!
-Who's that?
-What's going on?
-Come on, move. We're off to a protest!
-A protest?
-Yes.
Goodness gracious!
Ms. Sultan, you're news today,
not so much for your furs and antiques
as for your stormy affair
with Rıza Kabakoz.
An affair I've ended.
Yes. I trust you'll be honest if I ask
whether it ended because of an infidelity.
Yes, friends. It involved a deception.
But I'm afraid
it was Sultan Şahmerdan deceiving herself.
My prince turned out to be a frog.
You mean it was a mistake.
No. I'm just saying love is blind.
Remember.
Love is like an hourglass.
As the heart fills, the mind empties.
Is Sultan Şahmerdan put off by love?
Far from it! From now on, I welcome
everything. I welcome everyone.
Leather, meat, fur! It's all murder!
-Leather, meat, fur! It's all murder!
-What's going on there, Süleyman?
Ms. Sultan, can we continue?
No, friends. Enough for today.
Thanks a lot.
-Leather, meat, fur! It's all murder!
-Come over here, Professor.
FUR = MURDER
What are you doing?
Is this necessary, Ms. Naciye?
Of course. We're creating awareness.
These animal lovers won't leave us alone.
Go see if they really do love animals.
Of course, my Sultan.
Shut it!
Look. Look at the man.
A professor, no less.
Why is the man like this?
Think about it. Go on, explain.
I'm veterinarian Prof. Dr. Niyazi Gül,
author of Being an Animal with Animals.
OK, furs were used by primitive humans...
God damn those primitive humans!
Whoever they were, I'm suing them, too!
Ms. Naciye, don't curse the dead.
Why not?
My darlings! My dar--
They ate your darlings.
Untie me, Ms. Naciye!
We must do something.
Just show them some love.
Congratulations to you.
Those mountains
The farmer
The hunter hit my wound
Today the nightingale
Oh, today the nightingale
My heart
The mountains, the nightingale
Seems he's a vet. An eminent professor.
Marvelous.
Fate goes well when its sends you help.
I want to know everything about him.
-What's that?
-Mr. Rıza sent it.
"Let the horse race and
love win, my Sültan. Rıza."
"My Sültan"?
Uh-huh. It says: "My Sültan."
With two hearts over
the U instead of dots.
Lucky he didn't poop over U.
Find me the vet right away.
I'm right here, Gevrek.
Who is it at this time?
What's up, boys?
There's a problem with the lizard.
This public enemy
fed the animal ice cream.
He suddenly went one color.
But the label said tropical flavor.
It's his home, isn't it?
He should like it.
But that animal Ferruh
has corrupted the lizard.
Two licks to the ice cream
and he got like this.
He has an inflammation of the pharynx.
Hell no!
"Hellner"?
What kind of disease is "Hellner"?
He has pharyngitis, Ferruh.
And I thought it was serious!
Then whip out his tonsils, douse him
in iodine, and let's get out of here!
Great news, Ferruh. You're laughing!
Get out of here! Laughing about what?
You waste of space, imbecile.
Does he have tonsils?
Why feed him ice cream?
Does he feed you things?
Does he say "let's eat flies"?
The animal is dying.
You still don't get it.
He's dying. You killed him.
He's dying?
For the love of God, save him!
He's my everything. He's my little lamb.
My little lamb!
Thanks, Niyazi. Thanks so much.
Now you've saved my Mestan,
life feels worth living again.
I'm back to being myself.
I'm amazed myself, to be honest.
In 25 years of working on the formula
this is the first time it's working.
We'll monitor the patient for a few days
and if the outcome is positive,
Mestan may become a symbol for science.
So, what you gave the lizard
is some kind of doping, right?
Let's not call it "doping".
A "multivitamin complex" is better.
Potency, my name for the
drug, is 100% plant-based.
It leaves no trace in the blood or urine.
You're telling the animal,
to draw on its body's reserves.
The animal cures itself.
Sure, it's doping in a way.
You should use it on horses in that case.
Then bet on the races and pack
your bags to move to the European Union!
We're talking science here.
I'm against horse racing. It's unethical.
Like its name. Horses can run themselves,
why would they need jockeys?
OK, Niyazi. If you
injected me with the drug,
would my own "lizard" perk up?
I mean performance-wise.
Sure. It would catch flies.
Dirty-minded dimwit.
This drug is meant
for animals, not humans.
You know what it could do
to humans? Ever heard of werewolves?
-Uh-huh.
-Think of a taxable version.
-That's what you'd be like.
-So, it's a bad idea.
Whatever. Come on, let's drink to Niyazi.
Niyazi. I know you don't drink,
but just a drop, to Mestan.
-No, no.
-Come on, don't resist.
-Fellas.
-To your health.
All right then.
Just a drop for Mestan's sake.
You rascal!
What a treat to have him as a pet.
Yes, Mestan. To your health then.
-Milady.
-I'm listening, Süleyman.
I think we've found what we're after.
This vet is extraordinary.
He's invented a kind
of multivitamin for animals.
The drug can't be detected
in blood or urine.
Did you hear that, Mahmut?
Who's this upstart?
The man's devoted to his principles.
-Meaning?
-He says he's against horse racing.
He could be impossible to convince.
My powers of persuasion work wonders.
As you know, Süleyman.
Fishy, don't you think?
What's going on, Mahmut?
The nightingale weeping at dawn
Don't you weep, let me weep
The nightingale wounding my heart
Don't you weep, let me weep
Let me weep
The nightingale
It's all my fault. I made him drink.
One glass and he was gone.
But every ball game has its experts.
And this shit is where we're qualified.
Zip it! Look what you brag about.
We knocked the guy out. Here, Niyazi.
Hediye.
Gevrek, back in your bed.
You've burst in like a hurricane again.
Didn't I tell you not to vacuum
while I'm working here?
Quiet! There's dust everywhere.
You'll get asthma.
You'll get COPD, educated imbecile!
Be careful!
It'll be your fault
if anything happens to me.
You even got dust in my tea.
I can't drink it.
No! Not on the desk.
Not on the desk.
Those are legal documents.
Nag, nag. Listen to you!
They're science papers.
Hediye, what are you doing?
What science? In all this dust?
-Not again!
-OK, get back. I'll handle it.
I'll do it. Get back. I'll handle it.
Turn the thing off!
Wait, I'll do it.
I'm dying.
I'm not interrupting, am I?
-How can I help?
-I'm Sultan Şahmerdan.
I know you.
After yesterday's scene at my home,
I think I have a right of reply.
I'll be waiting in my car, Professor.
If you don't come,
I'll chain myself to the door.
Who's that woman?
But it's morally wrong for me
to be here right now.
Obviously there's the fur issue.
So you're against my furs.
Surely you'll agree a zebra
fur looks better on the zebra.
If it wasn't on me, which animal's gut
would it be in? Have you considered that?
I'm not the mayor of Serengeti.
How would I know?
That logic is flawed. It could be alive.
Look, Dr. Niyazi. Let me explain.
This butterfly pendant here
was my first catch.
I caught it as a small child.
My nanny got so mad.
She gave me hell for killing it,
as butterflies only live for a day.
So I said to her:
In other words,
that it would live forever.
Try this on for size.
Yes, I tried it.
First, that isn't a butterfly.
It's a tineola bisselliella.
-What's that?
-A moth.
The common name is "moth".
And it loves fur and woolens.
You make an interesting pair.
Second, with your reasoning,
we'd all wear butterfly pendants,
make belts out of snakes,
bags out of crocodiles,
wrap foxes around our necks,
and wear sables on our heads.
And we'd soon be doing
God knows what with ivory.
Never! Remember, without animals
man would be very lonely on Earth.
I have much to learn from you, Professor.
It'll be an interesting game.
What exactly do you want from me?
I was most impressed
by your performance with the dogs.
So I thought perhaps you
could tame my Elizabeth.
Elizabeth?
Here, meet Elizabeth.
She's gotten so hostile and cranky.
-Meleagris gallopavo.
-Excuse me?
A turkey.
But not an ordinary turkey, Professor.
Isn't that right, Süleyman?
She came all the way from Yucatan, Mexico.
The last of her species.
Ten thousand? No way! That's a con turkey.
It's from a farm. You'd pay for it
75 or 100 in the market here.
-In the market?
-Yes. Paying ten grand was a rip-off.
Can you mount her?
So what's wrong with her?
Bring her here.
Hold on, girl. She's depressed.
She can't puff up.
Why?
The geese.
Take me to the geese!
Yes, now everything's clear.
-Meaning?
-A difference of family.
Family?
Yes! Family.
On the outside, they're both fowl.
But they're different fowl.
Geese belong to the duck family
and turkeys to the phasianidae.
-I'm lost.
-Think of bad blood between relatives.
Like a wife and a sister-in-law.
When they're together too long
there's backbiting, strife,
politics. It doesn't work out.
-So what's the answer?
-I'll talk to the ringleaders.
But geese are aggressive beasts.
One angry goose is worth
ten Kadir İnanırs.
Yes, you should stay back.
Yes, go ahead. Let's get out of here.
Help me! Süleyman, help me!
Merci.
Thanks for accepting
my dinner invitation, Professor.
Don't mention it.
My great-grandfather, Abdüşşekkür Pasha.
An imposing man, may he rest in peace.
And this is his worthless
wife, Gülbeşeker.
Worthless?
I'm afraid so. The only woman
in our family to succumb to another woman.
My Pasha grandfather
left her for some maid.
A match "maid" in heaven then!
Never a truer word spoken!
Yes.
-I'll sponsor your project, Professor.
-I'm not following you.
I'll invest the necessary sum
in your animal shelter project.
Ms. Sultan, how do you know
about it? You've thrown me off.
Let's not get lost in details.
My one condition is that the shelter
be named after my grandfather.
"Abdüşşekkür Pasha Animal Shelter".
"The Abdüşşekkür Pasha Animal Shelter".
Like a Turkish delight brand.
But sure. For animals It's great. Sweet.
It would be a great good deed, Ms. Sultan.
Many thanks.
Yes.
What do you mean
Shah Rıza is too lame to race?
I swear it's not my fault, Agha.
He got a nail in his hoof.
Shut it!
Then you'll run. You'll win the race.
Let me shoe you up. Pass me the hammer.
-It's not my fault!
-Pass me the horseshoe.
-I beg you, Agha!
-Pass me a nail.
-Shut it!
-Sir.
What is it?
Sorry to interrupt but...
-That vet...
-Well?
...is at Sultan's place.
-I heard him through.
-What?
-Mahmut.
-Yes.
We need
that vet.
Actually, Professor, we're much alike.
Strong-willed, resolute,
only happy when in charge.
-What star sign are you?
-Antelope.
Nice. Excuse me?
They're looking at me.
Beautiful, aren't they?
All hunted by me.
You haven't eaten a thing, Professor.
How can I, Ms. Sultan?
It sticks to my throat.
Look! The place is an abattoir.
I have all of nature's
animals looking at me.
It's like eating with Tarzan.
What can I do? I like my animals that way.
Like them alive! Stroke cats
and dogs. Hug a squirrel.
Ms. Sultan, I appreciate
you sponsor the shelter,
but I don't feel well.
I'd like to go if I may.
From what I heard, you're working
on a miracle drug for animals.
How did you?
I take an interest
in all things miraculous.
-Right! Get to the point.
-I admit we got off to a false start.
But since you helped Elizabeth today,
I'd like to support your drug project.
I'm ready to do whatever I can.
-Could you expand?
-Sure. Is one button enough?
What are you doing?
Just a joke.
-"Anatolian tiger".
-Excuse me?
Bon appetite.
Should I dispatch him?
No, Mahmut. We can't.
We can't touch him till the race.
She'd say we killed her vet.
She'd say that's why she lost.
She'd say I broke the deal.
She'd bang on and on.
Good grief.
Who the hell are you? What do you want?
Gallus gallus domesticus,
a.k.a. the chicken.
As a member of the phasianidae
domesticated centuries ago,
it's more prone to disease. Right, people?
Why? Because of its omnivorous diet.
Sir, by "omnivorous diet",
you mean they eat what?
The fixed menu.
Rice, beans, dessert if there is any.
Don't laugh.
OK, class dismissed. See you next week.
-Ms. Sultan.
-Hello. How are you?
-Ms. Naciye.
-Dr. Niyazi.
Talking about surprises, Ms. Sultan
has given us the land for our shelter.
Really?
That's great news.
To celebrate, we plan on going
for a ceasefire dinner together.
An animal-loving occasion.
Right, Professor?
-Sure, of course.
-Wonderful.
Well,
here's to our project.
-To our project.
-To solidarity.
To our partnership.
And to our animal friends.
Thanks to my dear professor,
I'm experiencing true enlightenment.
-I'm done with furs.
-Congratulations!
There are superb fakes around anyway.
Identical to the real thing.
Yes, I'm with you.
Let's take a look
at our project, shall we?
Maybe we can discuss the details.
-What's that?
-Mr. Rıza sent it. For you.
He must be mistaken.
I don't know the gentleman.
Anyway, we must send something back.
Watermelon and such.
It's the rules of good breeding.
Careful, you don't want to get us
both in deep water.
-Why?
-You enjoy yourself. I'll handle this.
Süleyman.
Now,
with your permission, I'd like to read you
the Universal Declaration
of Animal Rights.
"All animals are born equal
and have the same right to existence."
-"No animal should be mistreated."
-Excuse me.
It's "Conchita". My favorite tango.
Come, Professor. Let's not allow
the ardor of Argentina to die.
-Come where exactly?
-Onto the dance floor.
I can't do the dances of that region.
-Please, don't let me down.
-I can't, really.
Relax. Leave it to me.
Don't, Ms. Sultan. I'll disgrace myself.
I truly will. I don't know the moves.
-OK, two steps forward.
-Yes.
Back.
-Like this?
-Yes.
What's she doing?
Is she out to make me crazy?
Doesn't she know I'm here every night?
-Shall I do that, too?
-Yes.
Rıza. No, not here.
OK. Come on, let's go.
Tip me back.
And again.
Should I do it again?
No need.
You were superb, Professor.
Let's sit down.
-Ms. Sultan, a new romance?
-Can you look here?
-OK, guys. Thank you.
-Will you introduce the gentlemen to us?
Good grief, what's all this about?
Press, paparazzi, and what have you.
Alright, people, enough. Thank you.
The interview's over. Thank you. Goodbye.
Thank you so much, Ms. Sultan.
It's been a great evening.
Having taken wine and dinner. Thanks.
I'll find a cab to take me home if I may.
Your homely girl routine is killing me.
In this rain? We'll drop you off. Come on.
Thanks.
-Mahmut.
-Yes?
There used to be
unsolved murder cases, right?
-There still are.
-Good.
Don't kill him till you get
the drug he's invented.
First get the drug, then kill him.
We'll get the goods and the guy.
Of course.
God. Oh, God.
HEAD OVER HEELS
God, why did I have to see this?
Just look at the guy.
Shameless rat.
May he burn in hell!
May he blow up like a balloon!
You ugly louse!
Look how he's coming on to her.
Look at him.
May he fall into a pit oven!
You think I won't grill you?
You think I won't iron those shirts
while they're on you?
Just wait. Just wait.
Just wa-- Just--
Wait.
Prof. Dr. Niyazi GÜL
VETERINARY
Come on, boy.
God.
Gevrek?
Hediye.
Hediye.
Try something and you're dead.
Who are you? What's going on, buddy?
Gevrek, attack him!
Gevrek took a vacation, Professor.
Tell me quickly. Where's the drug?
I'm a veterinarian.
What drug are you after?
I have drugs for cats and dogs.
You're in the wrong place.
Maybe you'll remember
after swallowing this fish.
Come on! Where's the drug? Huh? Where?
May your hands stick together! May
your ass be boiled in hell's cauldrons!
Hit him, the damn crook!
Who is this maniac? Hit the crook!
The fish is dead.
You keep quiet!
Being a "nighthawk", aren't you?
Stop fighting, you two!
You want me to kill you?
Or kill the animals, huh?
Who are you? Pulling a gun
on animals, huh? You crocodile!
I'll bash you to pieces.
-Rat! I'll bash you to pieces.
-No! Not the hedgehog!
Not the poor hedgehog!
What are you doing?
Do I have to see
this 40-year-old man in magazines?
Huh? All over the gossip pages?
I just had a hair transplant! Please!
Here's your hair.
Here's your hair.
Give me that hair.
We're human beings!
Come here! Don't run away! The hedgehog!
Come here, you pimp!
Hediye. What's going on?
You're really losing the plot.
Why do you hit me? You got my privates.
No, really?
You say the women tore your hair out
and bashed your head with a hedgehog.
Yes, sir.
Did you go there to be a court jester?
I need to win this race.
You have to get me that drug.
Get it for me or you're dead.
I'll kill you first,
and then I'll beat you up.
I'll get it.
In the meantime,
-invite Sultan for breakfast tomorrow.
-Of course.
Things have mounted up.
It's time to settle up.
For sure.
Why did you ask me here, Rıza?
Have you given up on your bet?
I thought we could live here
when we get married.
I'll make the architect your dog.
You can furnish it as you like.
Don't count your chickens.
Maybe we could live abroad.
Sail around the world.
No.
It's over. This relationship is
totally over, Rıza Kabakoz.
You and your low-profile
social circle are out of my life.
You want to make me beg, Sultan?
To make me throw myself at your feet?
Love is a team thing.
It doesn't work without you.
Look, let's start a fresh new page.
No more guns!
So you say "no" to guns
but "yes" to Russian roulette.
Not the Russian thing again!
I told you, I'm a reformed man.
I'm into Russian writers now.
I read Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Putin.
-Don't you mean Pushkin?
-Right, Pushkin. Bring them in.
See? Am I looking?
Am I looking? No.
I'm not looking.
What man could resist looking?
I'm not looking. Why?
Because I'm in love.
I love you. I'm madly in love.
It's all because of these animals.
Do you think I bring
the girls here for myself?
It's for these animals.
Speak! Say you're animals.
We're animals.
There are things we can't get over.
We're animals, Ms. Sultan.
Sorry to be crass,
but we're slaves to certain instincts.
See? Without you, Sultan,
this place is a nature documentary.
Save me.
Here. Pull the trigger.
Come on. Pull the trigger.
But you can't.
Because you love me too.
See you at the race, Rıza.
What are you so sure of?
What are you so sure of?
My vet.
You're going to marry me.
You sure as hell are!
-Mahmut.
-Yes.
What's with this vet?
-What's up, girl?
-What do you think?
I bust a gut to make his life easier
and some painted slut swipes him away.
May her eyes drop out, socialite whore!
At times like this,
you should use your femininity.
Are you going sexual on me? Shame on you!
What's wrong? You've minced around him
in peasant-girl outfits for years.
-So, I should mop the floor in a dress?
-Did I say that?
Beauty is 90% what you wear.
Doesn't the guy have any special days?
Get yourself all dolled-up.
Confront him suddenly in your finery.
Dazzle him like a rabbit by headlamps.
-You think so?
-Sure.
You're right. I guess.
And I hope the shelter will very soon
draw all the interest it deserves.
Animals in need of help,
furs on the brink of extinction...
-What?
-Did she say "fur"?
I mean animals, of course.
They will now have a cozy home
and a care facility to go to.
Thanks to you and to us.
To success!
I don't know how to thank you, Ms. Sultan.
I know very well how, Dr. Niyazi.
Don't worry.
I'm inviting you
to my birthday party tonight.
Really? Then let me tell
Ms. Naciye and the governor.
Are you a folk dance group, Mr. Niyazi?
-I'm inviting just you.
-Right.
OK. Fine.
-My respects.
-Thank you. Thanks.
Ms. Sultan must be interested in curios
if she's asked you to her birthday.
Don't, Mr. Sunay. For heaven's sake.
The woman sponsored an animal shelter.
I have to accept her invitation.
Don't snap.
I didn't say anything bad.
You're a man worthy of sultans.
Good grief, jokes all the way.
This wit of yours.
Mr. Niyazi.
May your book be blessed.
May it bring good fortune.
I wish you every success.
Hediye, What are you doing?
-What's with the getup?
-What's wrong? Are you shocked?
I'm full of surprises
when needed, Mr. Niyazi.
Professor, Hediye helps me out.
She picks up after me. She's my maid.
Your "maid"?
Hediye, Come on. Go home.
What's with the in-your-face look?
Good grief!
Like a slutty clown.
A "clown"?
Well. Thanks, Mr. Niyazi.
VALENTINE'S DAY SOUVENIR
Good grief. She hung up.
She never used to do that.
Could Hediye be mad at me?
Let's just get through tonight
and I'll make up to her.
-Good evening.
-Good evening.
Ms. Sultan.
Hello. Hello there.
-Welcome, Professor.
-Hello. Greetings.
Happy birthday, Ms. Sultan.
May you find love and
have children and grandchildren.
May you hug them and love them.
God willing. Let me give you this.
Thanks. What is it?
Village candy.
Good Lord, Professor!
But I won't let you turn the evening
into a village event.
-With your permission, ma'am.
-You can retire. Thank you.
This way. Let's sit by the fire.
Ms. Sultan, isn't it a little
empty for a birthday party?
Do you have no family here?
Actually,
it isn't my birthday today.
I just wanted to be alone together.
Just you and me.
And the Chateau Rouge 1946.
1946?
-The dawn of Turkey's multi-party system.
-We'll have many more parties, Mr. Loner.
I shouldn't drink this.
Fermented drinks are not good for me.
I get reflux.
Maybe I could have a soda instead.
This wine is to be drunk
tonight, Professor.
Let me make some tea. I make great tea.
Our national drink.
Let's have tea and a nice chat.
Come on. Drink, drink, drink.
Then, just for you, I'll have a glass.
Sublime, isn't it?
-Acrid.
-What?
A little acrid. You need sulfur
for the fermentation process.
To preserve the bacteria for a long time.
It's like having tongs clamping
my tongue, pushing it back.
-Have another sip.
-Alright.
Let it work its magic.
Now.
I missed dancing with you,
Professor. You're a fast learner.
Isn't it a little hot?
I agree. Take off your jacket.
-What?
-Take it off.
-Take it off.
-Why's my jacket coming off?
Give it to me.
What's going on?
What are you trying to do?
Tonight, we'll pack away "maybes",
bury "if onlys" and let our hormones
go nuts, Niyazi.
Now.
Take off that tie.
No. Ms. Sultan, if the tie comes off,
-then a man loses control.
-Take it off.
Ms. Sultan, these are foreign things.
Hot-blooded basic instincts.
Ms. Sultan, a person without morals
is a person without evolution. Now!
This way.
Let the night envelop us,
Niyazi. Let desires burn.
Whip the horses inside you.
-Whip them?
-Ah, Tutankhamun!
-Caught it. What's this?
-A mummy.
No way!
It gives me the energy of Cleopatra.
What energy? Lick a battery
or hook yourself up to a car battery.
What's this place?
Come here.
No more talking. Here we go, Professor.
Fikret.
Fikret?
Hediye.
Ms. Sultan.
Good morning, noble prince.
-"Prince"?
-Or should I say "Pasha"?
That would work too.
Praise be, with that Pasha's
prowess of yours.
Ms. Sultan.
If anything I did last night was hurtful,
excessive, demeaning to women,
typical of a male-dominated society,
-bullying...
-So you were too drunk to remember?
Yes. I don't remember a thing.
I don't know what happened.
So forgive me if I did anything wrong.
Let bygones be bygones.
Let me give you this turban.
I should take my leave.
So I spent the night here.
I'll be waiting for you
in my study, Niyazi.
I'm in trouble for sure.
OK, now you'll be a zebra
and I a cheetah.
My Sultan.
The whole genre thing.
What were we doing?
-Shall I continue?
-God forbid!
What's this about, Ms. Sultan?
-Blackmail.
-Blackmail?
Whatever you want, I agree in advance.
But please, delete the video!
You would say that, wouldn't you?
This can be deleted
on one condition, Professor.
What's that?
You'll win the Aegean Derby for me.
Whether you give the horse a shot
or jockey her yourself is up to you.
-Otherwise?
-Otherwise,
you'll be an Internet
phenomenon overnight.
You'll get record views.
No pain, no gain, Professor.
Do you want a kiss for luck?
Why didn't you tell me, Mahmut? Why not?
The boys listened and listened but...
Listened to what?
Is this theater on the radio? What?
There was no radio, you know,
so they didn't, you know.
Fill in the gaps, Mahmut!
She and the vet left the living room.
Left the living room? And went where?
To the bedroom?
-To invade Sultan's privacy--
-Don't give me that!
Did they go to the bedroom? Answer me!
-I guess. Looks like the bedroom.
-Don't answer.
I don't want answers like that.
Get out, all of you!
Ah, Sultan!
It worked on the chameleon. It'll work
on the horse too, if I can make enough.
Dear God, don't count it as a sin.
What's up?
Niyazi. Mestan.
The lizard went his last color: Purple.
He can't be dead. It's impossible.
He can't be dead. It's impossible. God!
No one dies along with the dead.
Here, cologne.
I do. Watch me. I'm dead. I'm finished.
God help me.
What happens now?
OK, hamster. Show me you can do it.
Come on, please. Save me, boy.
Bring me luck, champ.
Come on, rascal.
Break the records. Go for it.
Come on, boy.
Drug name: Potency.
Experiment number 7582.
You can do it.
You can do it. Come on, save me.
Put an end to this torture.
Come--
The chameleon's dead.
My formula's gone. My reputation, too.
It never rains but it pours down.
You're toast, Niyazi. Toast.
-Hi, Professor.
-Hello, Professor.
How can you look these kids
in the face, Niyazi?
And you plan to dope the horse...
Dear God, what have I got myself into?
-Sir, you're an Internet phenomenon.
-Sir, you're awesome.
Some performance at your age!
But she didn't give a deadline.
Ah, Ms. Sultan.
-It's not what you think, son.
-Sir, you're something else.
-How many minutes is that?
-Look.
Shame on you! Stop.
Shame died long ago.
Everyone's had videos leaked.
How many views?
Over one million.
May God blind those viewing eyes!
Give that here.
You scared me to death. Sit down, punks.
What can I do, Gevrek?
The camel was told to flirt,
so it knocked down 40 tents.
Anyway. Take good care of yourself.
He'll find you another Hediye.
It's no big deal.
Goodbye.
OK, I'm putting this here. You tell him.
Say I knitted it for him.
Oh, sweetheart. Honey.
Look after yourself.
I've tried everything and have become
a vegetable trader in the name of science.
-Greetings.
-Greetings, Niyazi. Welcome.
What's up? You're alone. Where's the wife?
"The wife"?
You mean Hediye. No, she's not my wife.
Really? Sorry. I took you for married
after always seeing you here together.
She refers to you
as her man while shopping.
-"Her man"?
-That's right.
What's on your list today?
Peace. Peace and quiet.
She says "my man", huh? Good grief.
"My man", she says.
Gevrek. How's it going, boy?
Gevrek.
Are we cross, boy?
Oh, Gevrek.
What's this?
"Enjoy wearing it. Goodbye forever.
Signed: Hediye the Clown."
"Goodbye forever"?
Hediye, did you knit me a sweater?
-Hello?
-Vet.
We have a gift for you.
Who are you? What gift?
May your cheekbones sag
in the blink of an eyelid! May you die!
Hediye? Who the hell are you, mister?
What do you want from the girl?
Hediye. Hello?
Nothing. Why don't you
come over for a chat?
You know the deal with the police.
Tell me the address, you oaf.
Wherever it is, I'll come.
What do you want from her?
Give me the address.
I'm sending you the location.
As if a big-time professor had nothing
better to do but rescue his maid!
Be realistic, will you!
And try to be a real mobster.
Fart-for-brains! Just look at you.
You horse-thief lookalike!
Shut it, woman!
Couldn't you just have kidnapped the guy?
She was the only one home.
I didn't want problems.
I'd seen her before.
I took her for his sister.
You messed up. You failed. You screwed up.
He doesn't care about me.
You should've kidnapped
that tramp, Sultan.
Then you'd have seen Niyazi
come running here as fast as lightning.
They're having an affair.
Sure. He's become a kept man.
It's in the papers. Haven't you heard?
There are all kinds of pictures,
wild nights out, dancing, parties.
-And God knows what else.
-Enough!
Don't yell at me!
-I'll ram it down your throat. Loser!
-Enough.
Mahmut, how do you turn her off? Gag her,
pour cement into her, anything.
The girl has a mouth like a chainsaw.
Selahattin.
Tie her up.
-Here.
-Get off.
Stop.
May your hands shrivel
and may you die cursed. Black rats!
May jackals eat your asses!
Take her to the stables, Mahmut.
Take her to the stables!
We're the talk of the town, Sultan.
Not even a frame of blackmail material.
You wicked professor. Come here.
The man slept like a rhino.
Do you think he realized it?
So, Professor Niyazi. Let's hear it.
-Where's she? Hear what?
-About last night.
Did it relieve you going
to bed with Sultan?
You should at least have enjoyed it.
Speaking your language
will make me foul-mouthed.
-Piece of trash.
-Shut up!
Not a sound while you're grazing,
but see the knife, and you're bleating.
What do you want from me?
I'm victim and prisoner. What is this?
"Victim."
"Victim."
You'll win the Aegean Derby for me.
Whether you give the horse a shot
or jockey her yourself is up to you.
"Victim," huh?
-Where's the girl? What do you want?
-What I want is simple, vet.
Make my horse come first
and you won't die.
-That's all.
-How do you mean?
That's how we are, vet.
If you can't satisfy,
you won't excite.
Don't lust after everyone's girl.
No.
This horse won't run.
He has a bad infection.
Even Cüneyt Arkın couldn't help him.
Take him away.
OK. If he can't win, this one will.
I have a lot of horses.
Talk to the mic.
I'm not doing anything. Good grief.
Rejecting makes people humane.
Rıza, we're not rich. Untie us
and let us go. I won't tell anyone.
What's your problem?
-Your mom is!
-Shush!
Mr. Niyazi, did you come here for me?
No, I came as a tourist. Dear God!
I'm strung-out here.
Shut up.
Your phone's ringing.
Give it here.
Sultan.
-Hello?
-Mr. Niyazi?
He's in the shower.
Who should I say is calling?
-Rıza?
-Yes, it's Rıza.
Rıza.
-I'm making my own video with Niyazi.
-For God's sake.
That's slander.
Look at your gaffes,
coming from a man in wrinkled shirts.
Shut up!
How's it going, bride?
You threw a hen party, didn't you?
And with this oaf.
-I demand explanations, I don't give them.
-Really?
Your vet will be at our wedding
on the groom's side. Just so you know.
Damn you, Rıza. Damn you.
"Damn me," huh? Good.
A lady outside and a fishwife at home.
-I love it.
-God damn you.
Now, look.
You prime this horse for the race,
or else, I'll bury you both with it. OK?
OK.
Untie the girl. She's my assistant.
I can't do it without her.
Give it here.
OK.
Mr. Niyazi,
-I hope the horse doesn't die.
-I hope so too, Hediye.
OK, vet. Is the drug ready?
Yes.
What's that? One is quite enough.
Fill it up.
-Here.
-This one, too.
-One is enough for the animal.
-Fill it up, I said.
This one's for the horse.
If we don't win the race,
this one's for you.
I accept whatever comes my way, Rıza,
-but let Hediye go home.
-OK, but after the race, vet.
After the race.
Don't worry.
Yes, race lovers, the 75th Aegean Derby
will be starting any minute.
There's a massive crowd,
a strong interest.
It's an event for chosen thoroughbreds.
And just to remind you,
there are no sweepstakes at this race.
They're slowly heading for the start.
There's one small change to the race.
Rıza Kabakoz's Shah Rıza
has been withdrawn due to an injury.
He'll be replaced
by the same owner's Old Man
at lane number three.
All revenues raised by the race
will be spent on animal welfare.
And the top prize has been
announced as one million liras.
Well, well! Look who's here.
Our bet's still on, isn't it, Ms. Sultan?
I've organized everything
with the registrar.
-And I with the imam.
-OK. We'll do a religious wedding too.
The imam's for the funeral.
What right did you have--
Talking about the division
of property before marriage.
Did you forget something, Professor?
Yes, thanks to you.
That I'm human. I'm no longer human.
The bet's off. Count me out.
A person's word is their honor.
I forgive no one who breaks it.
And I forgive no one
who schemes behind my back.
What's done is done. I forgive you both.
I forgive you. Sit back, enjoy the race.
I'm leaving. I'll pick Hediye up and go.
Sit down, vet.
Sit down.
I'll speak to you both after the race.
And all is ready
for the 75th Aegean Derby.
They're under waiting
for the starting signal.
And they're off.
The 75th Aegean Derby has begun.
After a mass start, number 6, Madzi,
has taken the lead by a small margin.
Just outside is number 5, Night Sultan,
who's now sharing the lead.
Number 1, Doner Kebab, is on the outside,
and number 7, Gürsoy, is pushing hard.
Number 3, Old Man,
is well behind the group.
Night Sultan, is in the outer lane
taking over the lead by a horselength.
Another favorite, number 3,
Old Man, is lagging far behind.
Come on, boy. Move it. Move it for me.
But he isn't. Look at him.
He isn't moving.
Vet, what did you give him?
Have you thought what to say
to the press, Rıza Kabakoz?
Into the last 400 meters.
Number 6, Madzi, is making a real effort.
Number 5, Night Sultan,
is still in the lead,
followed by Madzi in second place.
But Old Man pushes through from behind.
Night Sultan is leading,
Old Man is going for it in second place.
Night Sultan continues to lead.
Old Man is going for it from the outside.
Old Man is steaming ahead.
Old Man is going for it.
He's closing in on Night Sultan.
Night Sultan is motoring.
Old Man is breaking through.
Old Man is coming. He takes over the lead.
Number 3, Old Man, owned by Rıza Kabakoz,
wins the 75th Aegean Derby.
There you go! That's my horse!
God!
There you go!
Members of the press,
we have something else to celebrate today.
Ms. Sultan will give you
the good news. Go ahead.
Yes, for me it's been
a very spontaneous thing too.
But as you know, Sultan
Şahmerdan is full of surprises.
We've decided to get married.
Mr. Niyazi and I are getting married!
What? We're doing what?
What are you talking about?
Now, most of you won't know
Professor Niyazi Gül.
The fact that he's an outsider
really attracted me.
He can't! I won't allow it.
Yes, racing lovers. Interesting things
are happening out on the course.
Old Man, the winner, hasn't stopped.
He's still running at the same speed.
His jockey can't control him.
Watch out, racing lovers.
Mahmut. Old Man.
Where's the vet, Mahmut?
Find him quickly. Find him.
Aegean Derby
The beast, he's a cheat,
a fraud, a thief, a smartass,
-and outrageously handsome.
-Mr. Niyazi?
No, Rıza! Rıza!
It's Mr. Rıza, the very man.
-What is it, Rıza?
-I worshiped you, Sultan. I did.
Look at the man you swapped me for.
But you'll be mine!
Because you're in love with me.
Maniac. Megalomaniac.
I love Niyazi. I'm marrying him.
He was inside me over and over again.
Say he wasn't! Say it's a lie!
You can't marry him!
I won't let you live! Either of you!
You're mine, Sultan. Mine!
No, I'm not. Do you understand? I'm not.
No one can love you like I do, Sultan.
No one can know you like I do.
I know everything about you.
Every single thing.
Damn you!
Pardon me, Ms. Sultan.
No. Fuck, fuck!
So we've been
broadcasting live for Mr. Rıza.
"Sultan TV Ultra HD".
BREAKING NEWS!
Officials report that Rıza Kabakoz
will be fined one million liras
if traces of doping are
found in his horse, Old Man,
which bolted after the Aegean Derby
and is still roaming loose in Izmir.
Mr. Rıza, I'd like to cover
your losses with my own funds.
I'll pay you over the years
in installments from my salary.
You just don't see the problem, vet.
The money doesn't matter.
What matters is you stole my Sultan away.
Good grief.
You messed with her head.
You wrecked an epic romance.
But thank God for revenge.
Let me say your last prayer for you, vet.
-What need is there for prayers?
-The Al-Fatiha.
God! Dad!
God.
The vet's dead.
Never heard of Mount Spil, Mahmut?
The boat's ready.
Tomorrow morning, from Foça to Lesbos.
OK, the boat's ready.
But where's my first lady?
-Some fairy tale!
-I say we beat it fast.
Downtown is dodgy.
They'll soon find the vet's corpse.
There's also the doping thing.
-We'll come back when things calm down.
-We aren't leaving, Mahmut.
We aren't going anywhere without Sultan.
Get off me! Jackal cubs!
We caught her trying to run away.
What have you done to my Niyazi?
Where is he, you dog?
Niyazi is dead.
-He met a sticky end.
-What do we do with her?
We'll deal with her tomorrow.
We aren't serial killers.
-Take her to the stables.
-Niyazi!
My Niyazi's gone. My Niyazi.
Whoa! Who's there? Who are you?
Psst.
-Look at that. It should make some money.
-Hopefully.
-We did a good job.
-OK. Here we go.
-Have another crate.
-Here we go then.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
Isn't that the teacher?
-Drop the fish!
-It's him. It's him.
What are you doing?
Put the stick down. The guy's a professor.
Teacher. Teacher, come here.
It's Metin. Metin.
Metin the Tick. Zarife's owner. Remember?
Oh, my God. He's totally lost it.
I thought he'd remember things here.
But there's no hope.
Niyazi. Don't you recognize me?
Look, it's Kemal. And this is Ferruh.
The lizard's dad. Remember?
This is him now. He barks and farts.
Pick any animal.
Wait. We'll soon see. I've cracked it.
Here. Over here.
No. He's a cat.
The way he's acting isn't human.
God! He's turned seriously weird.
Do you think a bath
at the hammam might help?
Hediye. Hediye. Hediye.
Hediye! Hediye!
Hediye!
Hediye!
Hediye!
Jump in, quick!
What's going on?
Wait for me! Wait! Hey, wait!
Mr. Niyazi, use the brakes sometime.
Step off the gas now and then.
Hediye!
Niyazi, checking the rear-view mirrors
is crucial for a safe drive!
But you aren't doing it!
I can see it from here.
Niyazi! Come on, get a grip!
Get a grip! Shoo!
God, God, God!
Why are you beating the car?
Do you know what "süveyda" is, Süleyman?
"Süveyda"?
Right in the middle of the heart
it's said there is a tiny, jet-black dot.
A mini chest where
certain feelings and sins
are locked away.
Like the core of the heart.
As love has escaped me,
my heart has shrunk so small
that I feel as if it was beating
inside that pitch-black chest.
Did I ask for so much, Süleyman?
No.
No, I did.
I just wanted him to love only me.
But I was defeated. I admit it.
Because I'm in love too.
But Mr. Rıza loves you back.
You know the most painful thing about it?
No one defeats Sultan Şahmerdan.
Not even herself!
What's on your mind?
Victory.
Victory or nothing!
Hey, stop! Just stop, man!
-Cool it, Niyazi.
-Mr. Niyazi.
-He's getting off.
-Stop. Wait for us.
Niyazi!
Niyazi!
Hediye!
-Niyazi!
-Niyazi, where are you going?
Come back, Niyazi.
Niyazi...
-He's being electrocuted!
-Find a wooden stick!
Where's some wood? This is wood.
Be patient. He's found some.
Don't hit his head!
Don't hit his head, I say!
DANGER OF DEATH
Hediye!
Stop! Don't move! Hands up!
Hediye!
Mr. Niyazi!
Guns! Gunshots! They fired gunshots!
Hello? Hello, police?
-Have you found Sultan, Mahmut?
-I'm on the case.
What "case", Mahmut? The "staircase"?
How soon will you find her?
Murderer! Animal murderer!
My Niyazi's murderer!
May you hurry to the corpse washers!
I pray to God you're buried
bolt upright in the grave
so your back and your butt
are never comfortable!
Foul blabbermouth!
Evil ogre!
Bury her, Mahmut! Bury her!
Hediye!
Damn, isn't the vet dead yet?
-Mahmut, how many lives does he have?
-Mr. Niyazi!
Hediye.
Catch him, quickly!
Mahmut, bring the girl here.
Shoot him, Mahmut!
What's going on?
Niyazi!
-Let the girl go!
-Yeah. I'll leave you all the girls!
They'll kill us, Niyazi. Let's run!
Seems like you missed my fist, vet.
Elephants never forget
the punches they take.
Take this!
What's up with you, man?
Keep away from me. Keep away!
Are you psycho, stoned, doped, or what?
I told you to let her go.
What did you want
from my beloved, Mr. Rıza?
I wanted Sultan.
Only the good love, right?
You have a heart, don't you?
The bad love, too.
And I'm in love. In love with Sultan.
Head over heels in love.
Rıza!
Sultan.
-Are you OK?
-You're here, right?
I'm here, don't worry.
Let's go, Hediye.
Niyazi! Mr. Niyazi!
-Teacher, are you OK?
-Are you OK?
May God punish you!
Niyazi! Please, Niyazi!
What's up, Niyazi?
Open your eyes.
-Nobody move. Police!
-What's up, Niyazi?
He's fainted. Call a hospital. A hospital.
Niyazi, I'll never upset you again.
Doctor, we're losing the patient.
Increase 50 units.
Grandpa?
-Grandpa?
-Niyazi, don't be afraid, child.
I'm not afraid, but...
Why am I younger, Grandpa?
I feel cold blowing
on the back of my neck.
That's how it is in boot camp, child.
Do you know why you're here, Niyazi?
I have so many troubles.
Which should I talk about?
You're here for your own stupidity.
This wouldn't have happened
if you'd written down my last request.
-The call to prayer started, Grandpa.
-Pin your ears back this time.
That's what will save you.
What's going on? Grandpa!
Dad!
Dad, it's a matter of life or death.
Stop playing!
What was that?
"Milk"?
Milk what?
Dad, stop! Am I here to dance?
It's a matter of life or death.
My heart will stop, Dad.
Dad!
Milk thistle.
Milk thistle.
The missing ingredient
is milk thistle. Yes.
NIYAZI GÜL, MIRACLE OF NATURE
Science World is Shocked
No side effects
NIYAZI GÜL AND THE MILK THISTLE MIRACLE
A SUCCESS STORY BORN OF MILK THISTLE
Turkish professor's amazing success
Turkish professor nominated
for a Nobel Prize
Milk thistle means success story.
With the authority vested in me
by the Ministry of Justice,
and before witnesses, I pronounce you
man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Merci.
Can you wait three years for me, Sultan?
Ever heard of love, Rıza?
Niyazi, do you really love me?
Hediye, if the kidnapping thing
hadn't happened,
such a close relationship
might not have been possible.
But everything has its positive side.
It's the same with animals, you know?
Take the Rhesus monkey of Madagascar.
Especially when the female's in danger
the animal's sweat glands...
-Professor!
-Yes?
You'll make me do things I'd regret.
You'll make me blow a fuse.
It's impossible to joke with you.
Of course I love you. How could I not?
I actually fought hard
my body's urges.
I asked myself what I was doing,
and finally, I let go.
"Life is short, birds fly,"
as the poem goes.
Not this bird, though.
-Want some pastries?
-Sure. I love them.
Hello. Can we have four of those?
-Are they hot?
-Piping hot.
Can we have the well-cooked ones?
Let's get the bones from the butcher.
-For Gevrek?
-We've really neglected him.
Baa, baa, baa!
Enough, Niyazi.
The pails are brimming.
Bless you a thousand times.
She hadn't given milk for ten days.
You talk to her and the floodgates open.
How do you understand each other?
She has ears.
You just need to speak her language.
Bravo, grandson!
Niyazi. Niyazi.
Help!
My boy shoved an egg back up a chicken!
-Run, Niyazi!
-Quick.
Run, Niyazi. Run!
I tell you, that boy
will be a terrific vet.
He'll go to school for it, God willing.
He'll be a vet in a shirt and a tie!
Now, friends.
During your veterinary careers,
you'll face many challenges.
Challenges like having
to pacify a wild animal.
What do we use for this?
Methadone hydrochloride.
It's a standard drug, as you know.
Sir, can it be used on any animal?
-Such as?
-Chickens.
Chickens are wild?
Don't laugh.
Ever seen a Rambo-like chicken
attacking humans in the forest?
Don't laugh.
What was the golden rule?
"We don't inject livestock
with methadone." Why?
It's hard for the liver to excrete
and so, it can contaminate the meat.
Now, our guest today is a bear.
Ursus arctos.
Bears can grow to a weight of 800 kg.
A one-ton beast has also
been sighted around Artvin.
The animal's been tormented for years.
It's been kept in captivity,
made to mimic swooning ladies
or dance to the tambourine
as an object of entertainment.
The poor thing's suffered
conditioned response training.
After class, his owner Metin
will join us in taking our friend
to the rehabilitation forest
where it'll be happy.
Now, why is man so mad about bears?
Well, they're sensitive, thoughtful,
have a gift for empathy...
Sir, what do you mean
by "sensitive and thoughtful"?
They always call on special occasions.
For heaven's sake!
You guys swap places.
You aren't paying attention.
Shame on you! Behave nicely, like this
bear. Look at it, as good as gold.
-God, what's going on?
-Zarife! Zarife!
-No touching, sir.
-Metin, hold the beast.
Easy now. It's over. Sit down.
I guess you never worked
with bears before, sir?
Sure I have. We ran
a fruit shop together once!
If you aren't listening, get out.
We're here to talk science.
Now people, take note.
I don't advise using standard drugs.
Why not? Here's the thing.
And I cover it in my book,
Being an Animal with Animals.
The herbal sedative
Supine 1 is perfect for this.
It's a plant-based blend of fennel root,
and harmless to animals.
Excretion from the liver is easy, too.
So, let's do it, Metin.
Plants? The bear needs more than plants!
It takes a bottle of vodka
to get it to sleep every night.
-Vodka?
-Yes.
What's with giving the animal vodka?
Now, hold it still.
-Zarife, relax.
-Good girl.
-It's nothing.
-Here we go.
Watch out! She hates it
in the rear, I warn you.
It's fine. There we go, all over.
So, what does this tell us?
Science is a never-ending quest
that not even a wild bear can escape.
Zarife. Zarife.
Sir, behind you!
Zarife! Stop!
-Zarife.
-What's going on?
It's gone wild.
-Stop, girl. Zarife!
-Hold the beast.
OK, but how?
Now she's got me.
Call the police. Security!
Run! Run!
EGE UNIVERSITY
VETERINARY SCHOOL
Don't be scared.
I'll get mad at you, Zarife!
Yes, Mr. Governor?
The duck's crying? What can I do?
I'll be there. Is Mrs. Naciye there?
I'm coming.
Look, Dr. Niyazi.
Some maniac took a shot at him.
Good grief! As if he was a game bird.
Come again?
You mean it's OK
to shoot game birds, don't you?
No. Maybe it sounded like that,
but you misunderstand me. Let me--
Shame on you!
Shame on you as head of department.
Shame on your professorship!
Shame on your diploma ribbon.
Shame on your mortarboard tassel!
Shame on the whole lot! Pooh, Niyazi!
God damn whoever fired the shot.
It was a slip-up. A slip of the tongue.
Good grief! Erring is human.
Don't give me that.
Don't talk about humans.
If they're human, I'm not.
I'm an animal.
-And so are you.
-I'm an animal, too.
-You?
-Sure, me too.
Great! We're all animals.
What happened with our sanctuary project?
The ministry's given the approval.
Since they gave an approval,
they won't give any funds.
-So?
-So we have to find a sponsor.
-Who'd give money like that nowadays?
-Someone will!
You have to find them!
-We'll find them.
-They'll be found.
They're onto the home stretch.
Number 10, Night Sultan,
holds on to the lead.
But on the outside is number 2, Shah Rıza.
There's just a horselength between them.
As the two thoroughbreds fight it out,
Night Sultan has the edge.
But it's Shah Rıza on the outside
who prevails over its rival.
And the race goes to Rıza Kabakoz
with the winning horse, Shah Rıza.
Damn it!
It's not like auctions, is it,
Sultan Şahmerdan?
Let's go before we're driven
by the scent of onions, Süleyman.
Back off, wuss!
You lost the race.
How about winning in love?
My marriage proposal is still standing.
Did you have enough
Russian salad, Rıza Kabakoz?
When I left you, only Serdar Ortaç
was missing in that pool.
Sultan, look--
"I was drunk, I acted like an animal."
Anything else you'd like to add?
It's behind me, I swear.
Forgive me. Give me another chance.
What we have is a titanic romance.
Other people love, we worship.
It's called "being madly in love."
All you are to me now
is a rival I long to trounce.
I'll get my revenge for today
at the Aegean Derby.
OK, it's a deal.
If you win,
my ranch, my horses,
my everything is yours.
I'll leave you alone.
I'll clear out of town.
And if you win?
You'll be mine.
You'll be my wife.
You'll be my woman.
Are you scared?
So much!
I'm scared that you're still
so dumb not to know me.
I accept your proposition.
Süleyman.
She accepted.
Mahmut, she accepted!
Start the wedding preparations! Fast!
Greetings, Ferruh!
Greetings, Niyazi. Welcome!
What are you up to now?
I'm about to show you something
that'll blow your mind.
In that case I hope it works out.
Hello there! Greetings, teacher!
To you too.
You never pay.
At least don't pick the priciest.
It says on the stick you win a freebie.
Rubbish. You've had 50 and no winners.
You get the cream, I get the crap.
I can't help it, Ferruh.
Complain to the firm.
What does it say here?
Complaints line! See?
Don't be scared.
Mestan, don't you be scared either.
Kemal. We all got used to you,
why can't you get used to him?
How can I get used to this mini dragon?
Look at him strut around, showing off.
As if he was a building contractor.
Wait till you see this, Niyazi.
How's that?
Great!
Put the singer Ankaralı Namık there,
start strumming, and you'll have
the animal belly dancing.
Shame on you, boys. Think like an animal.
The animal developed this trait
as a defense mechanism.
Why use it against the animal?
I thought better of you, Ferruh.
You torment animals, you know?
Add this to my tab.
I'll pay at the end of the month.
OK, teacher.
Ms. Sultan,
there are former champions
racing in the Aegean Derby.
Then, we'll be the champion of champions.
With Night Sultan?
With Night Sultan.
We'll win with Rıza's gift.
Beat him at his own game.
That horse can't win without the help
of enhancing drugs. It's impossible!
Find me the best vet in the country.
-We already--
-...work with the best, don't we?
Then, find me the very best.
Is it worth risking name and fame
over a prestige race?
Yes!
If it finishes off Rıza Kabakoz!
We'll win the Aegean Derby, Mahmut.
Tell all the stablemen, everyone.
I don't want any blunders.
We have to win the race, no question.
Pour me a whiskey, Mahmut.
Here, sir.
Sultan, I drink to our love.
I have everything, Mahmut.
I have horses, I have guns,
but where's the wife, Mahmut?
Am I half a gangster?
Am I a fake gangster?
Of course not!
Toss that bottle, Mahmut.
Oh, God!
Mr. Rıza, it was a bad throw!
OK, Mahmut. It's OK.
Don't start kissing my ass.
There's a thing called "gravity".
This is a wound of love
No medicine can heal it
Your words of comfort are no consolation
My beloved holds the cure, not you
Don't waste your time
Gevrek! Get the door!
Run, Gevrek! Get the door, honey!
Hello, Hediye.
Welcome, Mr. Niyazi.
You rascal.
I'm done in, boy.
Thanks.
-How are you, Hediye?
-Doing well, Mr. Niyazi. Working away.
Good.
God.
This is a wound of love
No medicine can heal it
Your words of comfort are no consolation
-What's this?
-Don't waste your time
-Is it you who taught him this?
-Yes. You said to get him talking.
Is this a way to get the bird talking?
A victim of fate. An Arabesque star.
I wondered why he plucked his feathers.
It's no good, Hediye.
Don't yell at me!
I have enough on my plate
without teaching the parrot!
I tell anyone who asks
that I work on Noah's Ark.
Cleaning this house sucks.
I trod on the turtles twice today.
The hedgehogs stabbed my ankles.
There's dog hair in my food!
Don't wind me up.
You'll make me do things I'll regret!
I forbid you to speak to me like that!
No, I forbid you. All these years
and you still act like a dictator!
You may hire me as help,
but I'm not a slave!
Who called you a slave?
What kind of talk is that?
I act like a dictator, you say?
You're talking to a professor!
I don't know what you're talking about!
What's going on?
You've got me all wound up.
-What are you laughing at?
-Professor, look at your tie.
It's beyond crooked.
It's easy to laugh. Fix it then.
Women know about these things.
You just put me through every mood.
There!
Did you change your aftershave?
No, I always use tangerine peel.
I tried clementine once,
but the scent is different.
You get all exasperated out there
and take it out on me.
You're wrong and you're strong.
Don't teach the bird these things.
OK, I'll make tea then.
Wait. Forget the tea.
I have an experiment to do.
I made a list here.
Get the stuff from the market.
-After you, professor!
-Why?
You never like what I buy.
Science with vegetables?
For goodness sake!
We'll be plagued by spirits
and have to be exorcised, God forbid!
Hediye, do you know you're the only thing
standing between me and a Nobel prize?
What does that make me?
I hope I die jumping on the ferry
before it docks.
-And blow up like a balloon in the sea.
-Good grief! Listen to you!
And your name is Hediye, meaning "gift".
Some gift! Like a bounced check!
How's the eggplant? Firm enough?
Great. Are you doing this on purpose?
Didn't we try eggplant?
Wasn't the result negative?
Which means we're done with eggplants.
-How am I supposed to keep track?
-Niyazi! Welcome!
My broccoli's awesome.
Ideal for experiments!
-Organic?
-Are you kidding?
It even talks! It calls me "daddy".
-Weigh out a kilo.
-Sure.
How's it going with the formula, Niyazi?
Made any cats and dogs fly?
You think that's funny,
don't you? Huh, melon-face?
No. You've got me wrong.
Zip it, you devil-type Pokémon!
You're talking to a professor!
Rude, insulting, pushy idiot.
-OK, Hediye. Let's not--
-What's OK?
He's gone gray in the cause of science.
A rock of a man and he says nothing.
For whom?
For whom? For the human race!
For animals actually. OK, Hediye. Enough.
-Are you done?
-Yes.
OK, here you go. Is that enough?
-It's fine, sure.
-OK.
Thankless jerks! Selfish morons!
May science do you no good!
Sometimes I can't figure
whose side you're on.
Yours of course. Who else?
They must respect you.
Have respect for this man!
This man must be respected!
Come on. To the experiments.
May the experiments do you harm!
My guinea pigs will come to visit
and eat your peppers and tomatoes
till there are none left!
What's with the rage, Hediye?
I'll have to vaccinate you!
Hediye, don't. Let the plants breathe.
You'll end up blind, you know?
You can barely see the thing,
so what good will it do to the animal?
Less chatter, Hediye.
Come on, get the guinea pig ready.
I already did. Do you want it circumcised?
The poor baby is ready.
Hold his head still.
Drug name: Potency.
Experiment number 7551.
Active ingredient: artichoke.
Here we go.
Come on, boy.
Come on, Süreyya Ayhan.
Come on, Usain Bolt.
I think we cracked it this time.
Come on, boy! Come on, champ! Good job!
Come on.
Come... Oh, God!
Another one gone.
Drug name: Potency. Experiment
number 7551. Artichoke: Negative.
What did you expect?
You should've given me the artichoke,
let me braise it in olive oil,
and then seen the animal run.
Should I have used dill, too?
Now you're playing the food critic!
May God give you sense. I'm leaving.
Leave. Leave!
Good grief! I don't have
to deal with you. Leave!
Why didn't it work?
I failed again with the drug, Fikret.
Grandpa.
Grandpa, grandpa. I know. Oh, Grandpa!
The man who passed away with his secret.
I've spent my life working on a formula.
We've grown old together, partner.
I've tried everything.
What was that last plant, Fikret?
What was it?
Grandpa, are you OK?
No, grandson. My time is up.
Now, open your ears and listen.
My last request for you
is that you finish school,
that you become a qualified vet
and wear a shirt and a tie.
Don't be a drummer as your dad.
Niyazi, there's just one medicine
I haven't taught you. A panacea!
If it's a panacea,
take it and you'll be cured.
God forbid, Niyazi!
It's a medicine for animals.
Humans must never take it.
It mustn't be lacking anything either.
Grab a pen and paper and write this down.
Razaki grapes, one oka,
balsam-pear,
germander,
bajoran,
asphodel, senna,
and most important of all...
Dear God.
Huh? I didn't catch you. What was that?
Grandpa?
Dad! Is he dead?
-Father!
-Grandpa! Oh, God! Grandpa!
Grandpa! Grandpa!
Good grief! What's with all the noise
so early in the morning?
Hediye!
You're baring your back.
What's with the noise, Hediye?
The house is like some tribal wedding!
What can I do? It's only noise.
I'm sick of talking to cats and birds.
I don't want noise! Not like that.
I almost fell out of bed!
You just think of me
as one of your animals, Mr. Niyazi.
You'll be putting out food for me
next to Gevrek's any time soon.
Have me vaccinated twice a year
and I'll keep the thieves out.
Good grief! Listen to you.
Full of back talk again.
I'm going.
-What time will you be back?
-None of your business! Are you my wife?
No, you've got me so wrong.
Remember you asked for ravioli?
I did the mince. Now I have to prepare
the dough. That's why I asked.
To get the timing right.
Why else would I ask?
I asked for ravioli, didn't I?
I'm sorry, Hediye.
Now it's like I've been mean to you.
I ask for something and
give you hell for it, sweetheart.
-Mr. Niyazi! Mr. Niyazi!
-Who's that?
-What's going on?
-Come on, move. We're off to a protest!
-A protest?
-Yes.
Goodness gracious!
Ms. Sultan, you're news today,
not so much for your furs and antiques
as for your stormy affair
with Rıza Kabakoz.
An affair I've ended.
Yes. I trust you'll be honest if I ask
whether it ended because of an infidelity.
Yes, friends. It involved a deception.
But I'm afraid
it was Sultan Şahmerdan deceiving herself.
My prince turned out to be a frog.
You mean it was a mistake.
No. I'm just saying love is blind.
Remember.
Love is like an hourglass.
As the heart fills, the mind empties.
Is Sultan Şahmerdan put off by love?
Far from it! From now on, I welcome
everything. I welcome everyone.
Leather, meat, fur! It's all murder!
-Leather, meat, fur! It's all murder!
-What's going on there, Süleyman?
Ms. Sultan, can we continue?
No, friends. Enough for today.
Thanks a lot.
-Leather, meat, fur! It's all murder!
-Come over here, Professor.
FUR = MURDER
What are you doing?
Is this necessary, Ms. Naciye?
Of course. We're creating awareness.
These animal lovers won't leave us alone.
Go see if they really do love animals.
Of course, my Sultan.
Shut it!
Look. Look at the man.
A professor, no less.
Why is the man like this?
Think about it. Go on, explain.
I'm veterinarian Prof. Dr. Niyazi Gül,
author of Being an Animal with Animals.
OK, furs were used by primitive humans...
God damn those primitive humans!
Whoever they were, I'm suing them, too!
Ms. Naciye, don't curse the dead.
Why not?
My darlings! My dar--
They ate your darlings.
Untie me, Ms. Naciye!
We must do something.
Just show them some love.
Congratulations to you.
Those mountains
The farmer
The hunter hit my wound
Today the nightingale
Oh, today the nightingale
My heart
The mountains, the nightingale
Seems he's a vet. An eminent professor.
Marvelous.
Fate goes well when its sends you help.
I want to know everything about him.
-What's that?
-Mr. Rıza sent it.
"Let the horse race and
love win, my Sültan. Rıza."
"My Sültan"?
Uh-huh. It says: "My Sültan."
With two hearts over
the U instead of dots.
Lucky he didn't poop over U.
Find me the vet right away.
I'm right here, Gevrek.
Who is it at this time?
What's up, boys?
There's a problem with the lizard.
This public enemy
fed the animal ice cream.
He suddenly went one color.
But the label said tropical flavor.
It's his home, isn't it?
He should like it.
But that animal Ferruh
has corrupted the lizard.
Two licks to the ice cream
and he got like this.
He has an inflammation of the pharynx.
Hell no!
"Hellner"?
What kind of disease is "Hellner"?
He has pharyngitis, Ferruh.
And I thought it was serious!
Then whip out his tonsils, douse him
in iodine, and let's get out of here!
Great news, Ferruh. You're laughing!
Get out of here! Laughing about what?
You waste of space, imbecile.
Does he have tonsils?
Why feed him ice cream?
Does he feed you things?
Does he say "let's eat flies"?
The animal is dying.
You still don't get it.
He's dying. You killed him.
He's dying?
For the love of God, save him!
He's my everything. He's my little lamb.
My little lamb!
Thanks, Niyazi. Thanks so much.
Now you've saved my Mestan,
life feels worth living again.
I'm back to being myself.
I'm amazed myself, to be honest.
In 25 years of working on the formula
this is the first time it's working.
We'll monitor the patient for a few days
and if the outcome is positive,
Mestan may become a symbol for science.
So, what you gave the lizard
is some kind of doping, right?
Let's not call it "doping".
A "multivitamin complex" is better.
Potency, my name for the
drug, is 100% plant-based.
It leaves no trace in the blood or urine.
You're telling the animal,
to draw on its body's reserves.
The animal cures itself.
Sure, it's doping in a way.
You should use it on horses in that case.
Then bet on the races and pack
your bags to move to the European Union!
We're talking science here.
I'm against horse racing. It's unethical.
Like its name. Horses can run themselves,
why would they need jockeys?
OK, Niyazi. If you
injected me with the drug,
would my own "lizard" perk up?
I mean performance-wise.
Sure. It would catch flies.
Dirty-minded dimwit.
This drug is meant
for animals, not humans.
You know what it could do
to humans? Ever heard of werewolves?
-Uh-huh.
-Think of a taxable version.
-That's what you'd be like.
-So, it's a bad idea.
Whatever. Come on, let's drink to Niyazi.
Niyazi. I know you don't drink,
but just a drop, to Mestan.
-No, no.
-Come on, don't resist.
-Fellas.
-To your health.
All right then.
Just a drop for Mestan's sake.
You rascal!
What a treat to have him as a pet.
Yes, Mestan. To your health then.
-Milady.
-I'm listening, Süleyman.
I think we've found what we're after.
This vet is extraordinary.
He's invented a kind
of multivitamin for animals.
The drug can't be detected
in blood or urine.
Did you hear that, Mahmut?
Who's this upstart?
The man's devoted to his principles.
-Meaning?
-He says he's against horse racing.
He could be impossible to convince.
My powers of persuasion work wonders.
As you know, Süleyman.
Fishy, don't you think?
What's going on, Mahmut?
The nightingale weeping at dawn
Don't you weep, let me weep
The nightingale wounding my heart
Don't you weep, let me weep
Let me weep
The nightingale
It's all my fault. I made him drink.
One glass and he was gone.
But every ball game has its experts.
And this shit is where we're qualified.
Zip it! Look what you brag about.
We knocked the guy out. Here, Niyazi.
Hediye.
Gevrek, back in your bed.
You've burst in like a hurricane again.
Didn't I tell you not to vacuum
while I'm working here?
Quiet! There's dust everywhere.
You'll get asthma.
You'll get COPD, educated imbecile!
Be careful!
It'll be your fault
if anything happens to me.
You even got dust in my tea.
I can't drink it.
No! Not on the desk.
Not on the desk.
Those are legal documents.
Nag, nag. Listen to you!
They're science papers.
Hediye, what are you doing?
What science? In all this dust?
-Not again!
-OK, get back. I'll handle it.
I'll do it. Get back. I'll handle it.
Turn the thing off!
Wait, I'll do it.
I'm dying.
I'm not interrupting, am I?
-How can I help?
-I'm Sultan Şahmerdan.
I know you.
After yesterday's scene at my home,
I think I have a right of reply.
I'll be waiting in my car, Professor.
If you don't come,
I'll chain myself to the door.
Who's that woman?
But it's morally wrong for me
to be here right now.
Obviously there's the fur issue.
So you're against my furs.
Surely you'll agree a zebra
fur looks better on the zebra.
If it wasn't on me, which animal's gut
would it be in? Have you considered that?
I'm not the mayor of Serengeti.
How would I know?
That logic is flawed. It could be alive.
Look, Dr. Niyazi. Let me explain.
This butterfly pendant here
was my first catch.
I caught it as a small child.
My nanny got so mad.
She gave me hell for killing it,
as butterflies only live for a day.
So I said to her:
In other words,
that it would live forever.
Try this on for size.
Yes, I tried it.
First, that isn't a butterfly.
It's a tineola bisselliella.
-What's that?
-A moth.
The common name is "moth".
And it loves fur and woolens.
You make an interesting pair.
Second, with your reasoning,
we'd all wear butterfly pendants,
make belts out of snakes,
bags out of crocodiles,
wrap foxes around our necks,
and wear sables on our heads.
And we'd soon be doing
God knows what with ivory.
Never! Remember, without animals
man would be very lonely on Earth.
I have much to learn from you, Professor.
It'll be an interesting game.
What exactly do you want from me?
I was most impressed
by your performance with the dogs.
So I thought perhaps you
could tame my Elizabeth.
Elizabeth?
Here, meet Elizabeth.
She's gotten so hostile and cranky.
-Meleagris gallopavo.
-Excuse me?
A turkey.
But not an ordinary turkey, Professor.
Isn't that right, Süleyman?
She came all the way from Yucatan, Mexico.
The last of her species.
Ten thousand? No way! That's a con turkey.
It's from a farm. You'd pay for it
75 or 100 in the market here.
-In the market?
-Yes. Paying ten grand was a rip-off.
Can you mount her?
So what's wrong with her?
Bring her here.
Hold on, girl. She's depressed.
She can't puff up.
Why?
The geese.
Take me to the geese!
Yes, now everything's clear.
-Meaning?
-A difference of family.
Family?
Yes! Family.
On the outside, they're both fowl.
But they're different fowl.
Geese belong to the duck family
and turkeys to the phasianidae.
-I'm lost.
-Think of bad blood between relatives.
Like a wife and a sister-in-law.
When they're together too long
there's backbiting, strife,
politics. It doesn't work out.
-So what's the answer?
-I'll talk to the ringleaders.
But geese are aggressive beasts.
One angry goose is worth
ten Kadir İnanırs.
Yes, you should stay back.
Yes, go ahead. Let's get out of here.
Help me! Süleyman, help me!
Merci.
Thanks for accepting
my dinner invitation, Professor.
Don't mention it.
My great-grandfather, Abdüşşekkür Pasha.
An imposing man, may he rest in peace.
And this is his worthless
wife, Gülbeşeker.
Worthless?
I'm afraid so. The only woman
in our family to succumb to another woman.
My Pasha grandfather
left her for some maid.
A match "maid" in heaven then!
Never a truer word spoken!
Yes.
-I'll sponsor your project, Professor.
-I'm not following you.
I'll invest the necessary sum
in your animal shelter project.
Ms. Sultan, how do you know
about it? You've thrown me off.
Let's not get lost in details.
My one condition is that the shelter
be named after my grandfather.
"Abdüşşekkür Pasha Animal Shelter".
"The Abdüşşekkür Pasha Animal Shelter".
Like a Turkish delight brand.
But sure. For animals It's great. Sweet.
It would be a great good deed, Ms. Sultan.
Many thanks.
Yes.
What do you mean
Shah Rıza is too lame to race?
I swear it's not my fault, Agha.
He got a nail in his hoof.
Shut it!
Then you'll run. You'll win the race.
Let me shoe you up. Pass me the hammer.
-It's not my fault!
-Pass me the horseshoe.
-I beg you, Agha!
-Pass me a nail.
-Shut it!
-Sir.
What is it?
Sorry to interrupt but...
-That vet...
-Well?
...is at Sultan's place.
-I heard him through.
-What?
-Mahmut.
-Yes.
We need
that vet.
Actually, Professor, we're much alike.
Strong-willed, resolute,
only happy when in charge.
-What star sign are you?
-Antelope.
Nice. Excuse me?
They're looking at me.
Beautiful, aren't they?
All hunted by me.
You haven't eaten a thing, Professor.
How can I, Ms. Sultan?
It sticks to my throat.
Look! The place is an abattoir.
I have all of nature's
animals looking at me.
It's like eating with Tarzan.
What can I do? I like my animals that way.
Like them alive! Stroke cats
and dogs. Hug a squirrel.
Ms. Sultan, I appreciate
you sponsor the shelter,
but I don't feel well.
I'd like to go if I may.
From what I heard, you're working
on a miracle drug for animals.
How did you?
I take an interest
in all things miraculous.
-Right! Get to the point.
-I admit we got off to a false start.
But since you helped Elizabeth today,
I'd like to support your drug project.
I'm ready to do whatever I can.
-Could you expand?
-Sure. Is one button enough?
What are you doing?
Just a joke.
-"Anatolian tiger".
-Excuse me?
Bon appetite.
Should I dispatch him?
No, Mahmut. We can't.
We can't touch him till the race.
She'd say we killed her vet.
She'd say that's why she lost.
She'd say I broke the deal.
She'd bang on and on.
Good grief.
Who the hell are you? What do you want?
Gallus gallus domesticus,
a.k.a. the chicken.
As a member of the phasianidae
domesticated centuries ago,
it's more prone to disease. Right, people?
Why? Because of its omnivorous diet.
Sir, by "omnivorous diet",
you mean they eat what?
The fixed menu.
Rice, beans, dessert if there is any.
Don't laugh.
OK, class dismissed. See you next week.
-Ms. Sultan.
-Hello. How are you?
-Ms. Naciye.
-Dr. Niyazi.
Talking about surprises, Ms. Sultan
has given us the land for our shelter.
Really?
That's great news.
To celebrate, we plan on going
for a ceasefire dinner together.
An animal-loving occasion.
Right, Professor?
-Sure, of course.
-Wonderful.
Well,
here's to our project.
-To our project.
-To solidarity.
To our partnership.
And to our animal friends.
Thanks to my dear professor,
I'm experiencing true enlightenment.
-I'm done with furs.
-Congratulations!
There are superb fakes around anyway.
Identical to the real thing.
Yes, I'm with you.
Let's take a look
at our project, shall we?
Maybe we can discuss the details.
-What's that?
-Mr. Rıza sent it. For you.
He must be mistaken.
I don't know the gentleman.
Anyway, we must send something back.
Watermelon and such.
It's the rules of good breeding.
Careful, you don't want to get us
both in deep water.
-Why?
-You enjoy yourself. I'll handle this.
Süleyman.
Now,
with your permission, I'd like to read you
the Universal Declaration
of Animal Rights.
"All animals are born equal
and have the same right to existence."
-"No animal should be mistreated."
-Excuse me.
It's "Conchita". My favorite tango.
Come, Professor. Let's not allow
the ardor of Argentina to die.
-Come where exactly?
-Onto the dance floor.
I can't do the dances of that region.
-Please, don't let me down.
-I can't, really.
Relax. Leave it to me.
Don't, Ms. Sultan. I'll disgrace myself.
I truly will. I don't know the moves.
-OK, two steps forward.
-Yes.
Back.
-Like this?
-Yes.
What's she doing?
Is she out to make me crazy?
Doesn't she know I'm here every night?
-Shall I do that, too?
-Yes.
Rıza. No, not here.
OK. Come on, let's go.
Tip me back.
And again.
Should I do it again?
No need.
You were superb, Professor.
Let's sit down.
-Ms. Sultan, a new romance?
-Can you look here?
-OK, guys. Thank you.
-Will you introduce the gentlemen to us?
Good grief, what's all this about?
Press, paparazzi, and what have you.
Alright, people, enough. Thank you.
The interview's over. Thank you. Goodbye.
Thank you so much, Ms. Sultan.
It's been a great evening.
Having taken wine and dinner. Thanks.
I'll find a cab to take me home if I may.
Your homely girl routine is killing me.
In this rain? We'll drop you off. Come on.
Thanks.
-Mahmut.
-Yes?
There used to be
unsolved murder cases, right?
-There still are.
-Good.
Don't kill him till you get
the drug he's invented.
First get the drug, then kill him.
We'll get the goods and the guy.
Of course.
God. Oh, God.
HEAD OVER HEELS
God, why did I have to see this?
Just look at the guy.
Shameless rat.
May he burn in hell!
May he blow up like a balloon!
You ugly louse!
Look how he's coming on to her.
Look at him.
May he fall into a pit oven!
You think I won't grill you?
You think I won't iron those shirts
while they're on you?
Just wait. Just wait.
Just wa-- Just--
Wait.
Prof. Dr. Niyazi GÜL
VETERINARY
Come on, boy.
God.
Gevrek?
Hediye.
Hediye.
Try something and you're dead.
Who are you? What's going on, buddy?
Gevrek, attack him!
Gevrek took a vacation, Professor.
Tell me quickly. Where's the drug?
I'm a veterinarian.
What drug are you after?
I have drugs for cats and dogs.
You're in the wrong place.
Maybe you'll remember
after swallowing this fish.
Come on! Where's the drug? Huh? Where?
May your hands stick together! May
your ass be boiled in hell's cauldrons!
Hit him, the damn crook!
Who is this maniac? Hit the crook!
The fish is dead.
You keep quiet!
Being a "nighthawk", aren't you?
Stop fighting, you two!
You want me to kill you?
Or kill the animals, huh?
Who are you? Pulling a gun
on animals, huh? You crocodile!
I'll bash you to pieces.
-Rat! I'll bash you to pieces.
-No! Not the hedgehog!
Not the poor hedgehog!
What are you doing?
Do I have to see
this 40-year-old man in magazines?
Huh? All over the gossip pages?
I just had a hair transplant! Please!
Here's your hair.
Here's your hair.
Give me that hair.
We're human beings!
Come here! Don't run away! The hedgehog!
Come here, you pimp!
Hediye. What's going on?
You're really losing the plot.
Why do you hit me? You got my privates.
No, really?
You say the women tore your hair out
and bashed your head with a hedgehog.
Yes, sir.
Did you go there to be a court jester?
I need to win this race.
You have to get me that drug.
Get it for me or you're dead.
I'll kill you first,
and then I'll beat you up.
I'll get it.
In the meantime,
-invite Sultan for breakfast tomorrow.
-Of course.
Things have mounted up.
It's time to settle up.
For sure.
Why did you ask me here, Rıza?
Have you given up on your bet?
I thought we could live here
when we get married.
I'll make the architect your dog.
You can furnish it as you like.
Don't count your chickens.
Maybe we could live abroad.
Sail around the world.
No.
It's over. This relationship is
totally over, Rıza Kabakoz.
You and your low-profile
social circle are out of my life.
You want to make me beg, Sultan?
To make me throw myself at your feet?
Love is a team thing.
It doesn't work without you.
Look, let's start a fresh new page.
No more guns!
So you say "no" to guns
but "yes" to Russian roulette.
Not the Russian thing again!
I told you, I'm a reformed man.
I'm into Russian writers now.
I read Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Putin.
-Don't you mean Pushkin?
-Right, Pushkin. Bring them in.
See? Am I looking?
Am I looking? No.
I'm not looking.
What man could resist looking?
I'm not looking. Why?
Because I'm in love.
I love you. I'm madly in love.
It's all because of these animals.
Do you think I bring
the girls here for myself?
It's for these animals.
Speak! Say you're animals.
We're animals.
There are things we can't get over.
We're animals, Ms. Sultan.
Sorry to be crass,
but we're slaves to certain instincts.
See? Without you, Sultan,
this place is a nature documentary.
Save me.
Here. Pull the trigger.
Come on. Pull the trigger.
But you can't.
Because you love me too.
See you at the race, Rıza.
What are you so sure of?
What are you so sure of?
My vet.
You're going to marry me.
You sure as hell are!
-Mahmut.
-Yes.
What's with this vet?
-What's up, girl?
-What do you think?
I bust a gut to make his life easier
and some painted slut swipes him away.
May her eyes drop out, socialite whore!
At times like this,
you should use your femininity.
Are you going sexual on me? Shame on you!
What's wrong? You've minced around him
in peasant-girl outfits for years.
-So, I should mop the floor in a dress?
-Did I say that?
Beauty is 90% what you wear.
Doesn't the guy have any special days?
Get yourself all dolled-up.
Confront him suddenly in your finery.
Dazzle him like a rabbit by headlamps.
-You think so?
-Sure.
You're right. I guess.
And I hope the shelter will very soon
draw all the interest it deserves.
Animals in need of help,
furs on the brink of extinction...
-What?
-Did she say "fur"?
I mean animals, of course.
They will now have a cozy home
and a care facility to go to.
Thanks to you and to us.
To success!
I don't know how to thank you, Ms. Sultan.
I know very well how, Dr. Niyazi.
Don't worry.
I'm inviting you
to my birthday party tonight.
Really? Then let me tell
Ms. Naciye and the governor.
Are you a folk dance group, Mr. Niyazi?
-I'm inviting just you.
-Right.
OK. Fine.
-My respects.
-Thank you. Thanks.
Ms. Sultan must be interested in curios
if she's asked you to her birthday.
Don't, Mr. Sunay. For heaven's sake.
The woman sponsored an animal shelter.
I have to accept her invitation.
Don't snap.
I didn't say anything bad.
You're a man worthy of sultans.
Good grief, jokes all the way.
This wit of yours.
Mr. Niyazi.
May your book be blessed.
May it bring good fortune.
I wish you every success.
Hediye, What are you doing?
-What's with the getup?
-What's wrong? Are you shocked?
I'm full of surprises
when needed, Mr. Niyazi.
Professor, Hediye helps me out.
She picks up after me. She's my maid.
Your "maid"?
Hediye, Come on. Go home.
What's with the in-your-face look?
Good grief!
Like a slutty clown.
A "clown"?
Well. Thanks, Mr. Niyazi.
VALENTINE'S DAY SOUVENIR
Good grief. She hung up.
She never used to do that.
Could Hediye be mad at me?
Let's just get through tonight
and I'll make up to her.
-Good evening.
-Good evening.
Ms. Sultan.
Hello. Hello there.
-Welcome, Professor.
-Hello. Greetings.
Happy birthday, Ms. Sultan.
May you find love and
have children and grandchildren.
May you hug them and love them.
God willing. Let me give you this.
Thanks. What is it?
Village candy.
Good Lord, Professor!
But I won't let you turn the evening
into a village event.
-With your permission, ma'am.
-You can retire. Thank you.
This way. Let's sit by the fire.
Ms. Sultan, isn't it a little
empty for a birthday party?
Do you have no family here?
Actually,
it isn't my birthday today.
I just wanted to be alone together.
Just you and me.
And the Chateau Rouge 1946.
1946?
-The dawn of Turkey's multi-party system.
-We'll have many more parties, Mr. Loner.
I shouldn't drink this.
Fermented drinks are not good for me.
I get reflux.
Maybe I could have a soda instead.
This wine is to be drunk
tonight, Professor.
Let me make some tea. I make great tea.
Our national drink.
Let's have tea and a nice chat.
Come on. Drink, drink, drink.
Then, just for you, I'll have a glass.
Sublime, isn't it?
-Acrid.
-What?
A little acrid. You need sulfur
for the fermentation process.
To preserve the bacteria for a long time.
It's like having tongs clamping
my tongue, pushing it back.
-Have another sip.
-Alright.
Let it work its magic.
Now.
I missed dancing with you,
Professor. You're a fast learner.
Isn't it a little hot?
I agree. Take off your jacket.
-What?
-Take it off.
-Take it off.
-Why's my jacket coming off?
Give it to me.
What's going on?
What are you trying to do?
Tonight, we'll pack away "maybes",
bury "if onlys" and let our hormones
go nuts, Niyazi.
Now.
Take off that tie.
No. Ms. Sultan, if the tie comes off,
-then a man loses control.
-Take it off.
Ms. Sultan, these are foreign things.
Hot-blooded basic instincts.
Ms. Sultan, a person without morals
is a person without evolution. Now!
This way.
Let the night envelop us,
Niyazi. Let desires burn.
Whip the horses inside you.
-Whip them?
-Ah, Tutankhamun!
-Caught it. What's this?
-A mummy.
No way!
It gives me the energy of Cleopatra.
What energy? Lick a battery
or hook yourself up to a car battery.
What's this place?
Come here.
No more talking. Here we go, Professor.
Fikret.
Fikret?
Hediye.
Ms. Sultan.
Good morning, noble prince.
-"Prince"?
-Or should I say "Pasha"?
That would work too.
Praise be, with that Pasha's
prowess of yours.
Ms. Sultan.
If anything I did last night was hurtful,
excessive, demeaning to women,
typical of a male-dominated society,
-bullying...
-So you were too drunk to remember?
Yes. I don't remember a thing.
I don't know what happened.
So forgive me if I did anything wrong.
Let bygones be bygones.
Let me give you this turban.
I should take my leave.
So I spent the night here.
I'll be waiting for you
in my study, Niyazi.
I'm in trouble for sure.
OK, now you'll be a zebra
and I a cheetah.
My Sultan.
The whole genre thing.
What were we doing?
-Shall I continue?
-God forbid!
What's this about, Ms. Sultan?
-Blackmail.
-Blackmail?
Whatever you want, I agree in advance.
But please, delete the video!
You would say that, wouldn't you?
This can be deleted
on one condition, Professor.
What's that?
You'll win the Aegean Derby for me.
Whether you give the horse a shot
or jockey her yourself is up to you.
-Otherwise?
-Otherwise,
you'll be an Internet
phenomenon overnight.
You'll get record views.
No pain, no gain, Professor.
Do you want a kiss for luck?
Why didn't you tell me, Mahmut? Why not?
The boys listened and listened but...
Listened to what?
Is this theater on the radio? What?
There was no radio, you know,
so they didn't, you know.
Fill in the gaps, Mahmut!
She and the vet left the living room.
Left the living room? And went where?
To the bedroom?
-To invade Sultan's privacy--
-Don't give me that!
Did they go to the bedroom? Answer me!
-I guess. Looks like the bedroom.
-Don't answer.
I don't want answers like that.
Get out, all of you!
Ah, Sultan!
It worked on the chameleon. It'll work
on the horse too, if I can make enough.
Dear God, don't count it as a sin.
What's up?
Niyazi. Mestan.
The lizard went his last color: Purple.
He can't be dead. It's impossible.
He can't be dead. It's impossible. God!
No one dies along with the dead.
Here, cologne.
I do. Watch me. I'm dead. I'm finished.
God help me.
What happens now?
OK, hamster. Show me you can do it.
Come on, please. Save me, boy.
Bring me luck, champ.
Come on, rascal.
Break the records. Go for it.
Come on, boy.
Drug name: Potency.
Experiment number 7582.
You can do it.
You can do it. Come on, save me.
Put an end to this torture.
Come--
The chameleon's dead.
My formula's gone. My reputation, too.
It never rains but it pours down.
You're toast, Niyazi. Toast.
-Hi, Professor.
-Hello, Professor.
How can you look these kids
in the face, Niyazi?
And you plan to dope the horse...
Dear God, what have I got myself into?
-Sir, you're an Internet phenomenon.
-Sir, you're awesome.
Some performance at your age!
But she didn't give a deadline.
Ah, Ms. Sultan.
-It's not what you think, son.
-Sir, you're something else.
-How many minutes is that?
-Look.
Shame on you! Stop.
Shame died long ago.
Everyone's had videos leaked.
How many views?
Over one million.
May God blind those viewing eyes!
Give that here.
You scared me to death. Sit down, punks.
What can I do, Gevrek?
The camel was told to flirt,
so it knocked down 40 tents.
Anyway. Take good care of yourself.
He'll find you another Hediye.
It's no big deal.
Goodbye.
OK, I'm putting this here. You tell him.
Say I knitted it for him.
Oh, sweetheart. Honey.
Look after yourself.
I've tried everything and have become
a vegetable trader in the name of science.
-Greetings.
-Greetings, Niyazi. Welcome.
What's up? You're alone. Where's the wife?
"The wife"?
You mean Hediye. No, she's not my wife.
Really? Sorry. I took you for married
after always seeing you here together.
She refers to you
as her man while shopping.
-"Her man"?
-That's right.
What's on your list today?
Peace. Peace and quiet.
She says "my man", huh? Good grief.
"My man", she says.
Gevrek. How's it going, boy?
Gevrek.
Are we cross, boy?
Oh, Gevrek.
What's this?
"Enjoy wearing it. Goodbye forever.
Signed: Hediye the Clown."
"Goodbye forever"?
Hediye, did you knit me a sweater?
-Hello?
-Vet.
We have a gift for you.
Who are you? What gift?
May your cheekbones sag
in the blink of an eyelid! May you die!
Hediye? Who the hell are you, mister?
What do you want from the girl?
Hediye. Hello?
Nothing. Why don't you
come over for a chat?
You know the deal with the police.
Tell me the address, you oaf.
Wherever it is, I'll come.
What do you want from her?
Give me the address.
I'm sending you the location.
As if a big-time professor had nothing
better to do but rescue his maid!
Be realistic, will you!
And try to be a real mobster.
Fart-for-brains! Just look at you.
You horse-thief lookalike!
Shut it, woman!
Couldn't you just have kidnapped the guy?
She was the only one home.
I didn't want problems.
I'd seen her before.
I took her for his sister.
You messed up. You failed. You screwed up.
He doesn't care about me.
You should've kidnapped
that tramp, Sultan.
Then you'd have seen Niyazi
come running here as fast as lightning.
They're having an affair.
Sure. He's become a kept man.
It's in the papers. Haven't you heard?
There are all kinds of pictures,
wild nights out, dancing, parties.
-And God knows what else.
-Enough!
Don't yell at me!
-I'll ram it down your throat. Loser!
-Enough.
Mahmut, how do you turn her off? Gag her,
pour cement into her, anything.
The girl has a mouth like a chainsaw.
Selahattin.
Tie her up.
-Here.
-Get off.
Stop.
May your hands shrivel
and may you die cursed. Black rats!
May jackals eat your asses!
Take her to the stables, Mahmut.
Take her to the stables!
We're the talk of the town, Sultan.
Not even a frame of blackmail material.
You wicked professor. Come here.
The man slept like a rhino.
Do you think he realized it?
So, Professor Niyazi. Let's hear it.
-Where's she? Hear what?
-About last night.
Did it relieve you going
to bed with Sultan?
You should at least have enjoyed it.
Speaking your language
will make me foul-mouthed.
-Piece of trash.
-Shut up!
Not a sound while you're grazing,
but see the knife, and you're bleating.
What do you want from me?
I'm victim and prisoner. What is this?
"Victim."
"Victim."
You'll win the Aegean Derby for me.
Whether you give the horse a shot
or jockey her yourself is up to you.
"Victim," huh?
-Where's the girl? What do you want?
-What I want is simple, vet.
Make my horse come first
and you won't die.
-That's all.
-How do you mean?
That's how we are, vet.
If you can't satisfy,
you won't excite.
Don't lust after everyone's girl.
No.
This horse won't run.
He has a bad infection.
Even Cüneyt Arkın couldn't help him.
Take him away.
OK. If he can't win, this one will.
I have a lot of horses.
Talk to the mic.
I'm not doing anything. Good grief.
Rejecting makes people humane.
Rıza, we're not rich. Untie us
and let us go. I won't tell anyone.
What's your problem?
-Your mom is!
-Shush!
Mr. Niyazi, did you come here for me?
No, I came as a tourist. Dear God!
I'm strung-out here.
Shut up.
Your phone's ringing.
Give it here.
Sultan.
-Hello?
-Mr. Niyazi?
He's in the shower.
Who should I say is calling?
-Rıza?
-Yes, it's Rıza.
Rıza.
-I'm making my own video with Niyazi.
-For God's sake.
That's slander.
Look at your gaffes,
coming from a man in wrinkled shirts.
Shut up!
How's it going, bride?
You threw a hen party, didn't you?
And with this oaf.
-I demand explanations, I don't give them.
-Really?
Your vet will be at our wedding
on the groom's side. Just so you know.
Damn you, Rıza. Damn you.
"Damn me," huh? Good.
A lady outside and a fishwife at home.
-I love it.
-God damn you.
Now, look.
You prime this horse for the race,
or else, I'll bury you both with it. OK?
OK.
Untie the girl. She's my assistant.
I can't do it without her.
Give it here.
OK.
Mr. Niyazi,
-I hope the horse doesn't die.
-I hope so too, Hediye.
OK, vet. Is the drug ready?
Yes.
What's that? One is quite enough.
Fill it up.
-Here.
-This one, too.
-One is enough for the animal.
-Fill it up, I said.
This one's for the horse.
If we don't win the race,
this one's for you.
I accept whatever comes my way, Rıza,
-but let Hediye go home.
-OK, but after the race, vet.
After the race.
Don't worry.
Yes, race lovers, the 75th Aegean Derby
will be starting any minute.
There's a massive crowd,
a strong interest.
It's an event for chosen thoroughbreds.
And just to remind you,
there are no sweepstakes at this race.
They're slowly heading for the start.
There's one small change to the race.
Rıza Kabakoz's Shah Rıza
has been withdrawn due to an injury.
He'll be replaced
by the same owner's Old Man
at lane number three.
All revenues raised by the race
will be spent on animal welfare.
And the top prize has been
announced as one million liras.
Well, well! Look who's here.
Our bet's still on, isn't it, Ms. Sultan?
I've organized everything
with the registrar.
-And I with the imam.
-OK. We'll do a religious wedding too.
The imam's for the funeral.
What right did you have--
Talking about the division
of property before marriage.
Did you forget something, Professor?
Yes, thanks to you.
That I'm human. I'm no longer human.
The bet's off. Count me out.
A person's word is their honor.
I forgive no one who breaks it.
And I forgive no one
who schemes behind my back.
What's done is done. I forgive you both.
I forgive you. Sit back, enjoy the race.
I'm leaving. I'll pick Hediye up and go.
Sit down, vet.
Sit down.
I'll speak to you both after the race.
And all is ready
for the 75th Aegean Derby.
They're under waiting
for the starting signal.
And they're off.
The 75th Aegean Derby has begun.
After a mass start, number 6, Madzi,
has taken the lead by a small margin.
Just outside is number 5, Night Sultan,
who's now sharing the lead.
Number 1, Doner Kebab, is on the outside,
and number 7, Gürsoy, is pushing hard.
Number 3, Old Man,
is well behind the group.
Night Sultan, is in the outer lane
taking over the lead by a horselength.
Another favorite, number 3,
Old Man, is lagging far behind.
Come on, boy. Move it. Move it for me.
But he isn't. Look at him.
He isn't moving.
Vet, what did you give him?
Have you thought what to say
to the press, Rıza Kabakoz?
Into the last 400 meters.
Number 6, Madzi, is making a real effort.
Number 5, Night Sultan,
is still in the lead,
followed by Madzi in second place.
But Old Man pushes through from behind.
Night Sultan is leading,
Old Man is going for it in second place.
Night Sultan continues to lead.
Old Man is going for it from the outside.
Old Man is steaming ahead.
Old Man is going for it.
He's closing in on Night Sultan.
Night Sultan is motoring.
Old Man is breaking through.
Old Man is coming. He takes over the lead.
Number 3, Old Man, owned by Rıza Kabakoz,
wins the 75th Aegean Derby.
There you go! That's my horse!
God!
There you go!
Members of the press,
we have something else to celebrate today.
Ms. Sultan will give you
the good news. Go ahead.
Yes, for me it's been
a very spontaneous thing too.
But as you know, Sultan
Şahmerdan is full of surprises.
We've decided to get married.
Mr. Niyazi and I are getting married!
What? We're doing what?
What are you talking about?
Now, most of you won't know
Professor Niyazi Gül.
The fact that he's an outsider
really attracted me.
He can't! I won't allow it.
Yes, racing lovers. Interesting things
are happening out on the course.
Old Man, the winner, hasn't stopped.
He's still running at the same speed.
His jockey can't control him.
Watch out, racing lovers.
Mahmut. Old Man.
Where's the vet, Mahmut?
Find him quickly. Find him.
Aegean Derby
The beast, he's a cheat,
a fraud, a thief, a smartass,
-and outrageously handsome.
-Mr. Niyazi?
No, Rıza! Rıza!
It's Mr. Rıza, the very man.
-What is it, Rıza?
-I worshiped you, Sultan. I did.
Look at the man you swapped me for.
But you'll be mine!
Because you're in love with me.
Maniac. Megalomaniac.
I love Niyazi. I'm marrying him.
He was inside me over and over again.
Say he wasn't! Say it's a lie!
You can't marry him!
I won't let you live! Either of you!
You're mine, Sultan. Mine!
No, I'm not. Do you understand? I'm not.
No one can love you like I do, Sultan.
No one can know you like I do.
I know everything about you.
Every single thing.
Damn you!
Pardon me, Ms. Sultan.
No. Fuck, fuck!
So we've been
broadcasting live for Mr. Rıza.
"Sultan TV Ultra HD".
BREAKING NEWS!
Officials report that Rıza Kabakoz
will be fined one million liras
if traces of doping are
found in his horse, Old Man,
which bolted after the Aegean Derby
and is still roaming loose in Izmir.
Mr. Rıza, I'd like to cover
your losses with my own funds.
I'll pay you over the years
in installments from my salary.
You just don't see the problem, vet.
The money doesn't matter.
What matters is you stole my Sultan away.
Good grief.
You messed with her head.
You wrecked an epic romance.
But thank God for revenge.
Let me say your last prayer for you, vet.
-What need is there for prayers?
-The Al-Fatiha.
God! Dad!
God.
The vet's dead.
Never heard of Mount Spil, Mahmut?
The boat's ready.
Tomorrow morning, from Foça to Lesbos.
OK, the boat's ready.
But where's my first lady?
-Some fairy tale!
-I say we beat it fast.
Downtown is dodgy.
They'll soon find the vet's corpse.
There's also the doping thing.
-We'll come back when things calm down.
-We aren't leaving, Mahmut.
We aren't going anywhere without Sultan.
Get off me! Jackal cubs!
We caught her trying to run away.
What have you done to my Niyazi?
Where is he, you dog?
Niyazi is dead.
-He met a sticky end.
-What do we do with her?
We'll deal with her tomorrow.
We aren't serial killers.
-Take her to the stables.
-Niyazi!
My Niyazi's gone. My Niyazi.
Whoa! Who's there? Who are you?
Psst.
-Look at that. It should make some money.
-Hopefully.
-We did a good job.
-OK. Here we go.
-Have another crate.
-Here we go then.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
Isn't that the teacher?
-Drop the fish!
-It's him. It's him.
What are you doing?
Put the stick down. The guy's a professor.
Teacher. Teacher, come here.
It's Metin. Metin.
Metin the Tick. Zarife's owner. Remember?
Oh, my God. He's totally lost it.
I thought he'd remember things here.
But there's no hope.
Niyazi. Don't you recognize me?
Look, it's Kemal. And this is Ferruh.
The lizard's dad. Remember?
This is him now. He barks and farts.
Pick any animal.
Wait. We'll soon see. I've cracked it.
Here. Over here.
No. He's a cat.
The way he's acting isn't human.
God! He's turned seriously weird.
Do you think a bath
at the hammam might help?
Hediye. Hediye. Hediye.
Hediye! Hediye!
Hediye!
Hediye!
Hediye!
Jump in, quick!
What's going on?
Wait for me! Wait! Hey, wait!
Mr. Niyazi, use the brakes sometime.
Step off the gas now and then.
Hediye!
Niyazi, checking the rear-view mirrors
is crucial for a safe drive!
But you aren't doing it!
I can see it from here.
Niyazi! Come on, get a grip!
Get a grip! Shoo!
God, God, God!
Why are you beating the car?
Do you know what "süveyda" is, Süleyman?
"Süveyda"?
Right in the middle of the heart
it's said there is a tiny, jet-black dot.
A mini chest where
certain feelings and sins
are locked away.
Like the core of the heart.
As love has escaped me,
my heart has shrunk so small
that I feel as if it was beating
inside that pitch-black chest.
Did I ask for so much, Süleyman?
No.
No, I did.
I just wanted him to love only me.
But I was defeated. I admit it.
Because I'm in love too.
But Mr. Rıza loves you back.
You know the most painful thing about it?
No one defeats Sultan Şahmerdan.
Not even herself!
What's on your mind?
Victory.
Victory or nothing!
Hey, stop! Just stop, man!
-Cool it, Niyazi.
-Mr. Niyazi.
-He's getting off.
-Stop. Wait for us.
Niyazi!
Niyazi!
Hediye!
-Niyazi!
-Niyazi, where are you going?
Come back, Niyazi.
Niyazi...
-He's being electrocuted!
-Find a wooden stick!
Where's some wood? This is wood.
Be patient. He's found some.
Don't hit his head!
Don't hit his head, I say!
DANGER OF DEATH
Hediye!
Stop! Don't move! Hands up!
Hediye!
Mr. Niyazi!
Guns! Gunshots! They fired gunshots!
Hello? Hello, police?
-Have you found Sultan, Mahmut?
-I'm on the case.
What "case", Mahmut? The "staircase"?
How soon will you find her?
Murderer! Animal murderer!
My Niyazi's murderer!
May you hurry to the corpse washers!
I pray to God you're buried
bolt upright in the grave
so your back and your butt
are never comfortable!
Foul blabbermouth!
Evil ogre!
Bury her, Mahmut! Bury her!
Hediye!
Damn, isn't the vet dead yet?
-Mahmut, how many lives does he have?
-Mr. Niyazi!
Hediye.
Catch him, quickly!
Mahmut, bring the girl here.
Shoot him, Mahmut!
What's going on?
Niyazi!
-Let the girl go!
-Yeah. I'll leave you all the girls!
They'll kill us, Niyazi. Let's run!
Seems like you missed my fist, vet.
Elephants never forget
the punches they take.
Take this!
What's up with you, man?
Keep away from me. Keep away!
Are you psycho, stoned, doped, or what?
I told you to let her go.
What did you want
from my beloved, Mr. Rıza?
I wanted Sultan.
Only the good love, right?
You have a heart, don't you?
The bad love, too.
And I'm in love. In love with Sultan.
Head over heels in love.
Rıza!
Sultan.
-Are you OK?
-You're here, right?
I'm here, don't worry.
Let's go, Hediye.
Niyazi! Mr. Niyazi!
-Teacher, are you OK?
-Are you OK?
May God punish you!
Niyazi! Please, Niyazi!
What's up, Niyazi?
Open your eyes.
-Nobody move. Police!
-What's up, Niyazi?
He's fainted. Call a hospital. A hospital.
Niyazi, I'll never upset you again.
Doctor, we're losing the patient.
Increase 50 units.
Grandpa?
-Grandpa?
-Niyazi, don't be afraid, child.
I'm not afraid, but...
Why am I younger, Grandpa?
I feel cold blowing
on the back of my neck.
That's how it is in boot camp, child.
Do you know why you're here, Niyazi?
I have so many troubles.
Which should I talk about?
You're here for your own stupidity.
This wouldn't have happened
if you'd written down my last request.
-The call to prayer started, Grandpa.
-Pin your ears back this time.
That's what will save you.
What's going on? Grandpa!
Dad!
Dad, it's a matter of life or death.
Stop playing!
What was that?
"Milk"?
Milk what?
Dad, stop! Am I here to dance?
It's a matter of life or death.
My heart will stop, Dad.
Dad!
Milk thistle.
Milk thistle.
The missing ingredient
is milk thistle. Yes.
NIYAZI GÜL, MIRACLE OF NATURE
Science World is Shocked
No side effects
NIYAZI GÜL AND THE MILK THISTLE MIRACLE
A SUCCESS STORY BORN OF MILK THISTLE
Turkish professor's amazing success
Turkish professor nominated
for a Nobel Prize
Milk thistle means success story.
With the authority vested in me
by the Ministry of Justice,
and before witnesses, I pronounce you
man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Merci.
Can you wait three years for me, Sultan?
Ever heard of love, Rıza?
Niyazi, do you really love me?
Hediye, if the kidnapping thing
hadn't happened,
such a close relationship
might not have been possible.
But everything has its positive side.
It's the same with animals, you know?
Take the Rhesus monkey of Madagascar.
Especially when the female's in danger
the animal's sweat glands...
-Professor!
-Yes?
You'll make me do things I'd regret.
You'll make me blow a fuse.
It's impossible to joke with you.
Of course I love you. How could I not?
I actually fought hard
my body's urges.
I asked myself what I was doing,
and finally, I let go.
"Life is short, birds fly,"
as the poem goes.
Not this bird, though.
-Want some pastries?
-Sure. I love them.
Hello. Can we have four of those?
-Are they hot?
-Piping hot.
Can we have the well-cooked ones?
Let's get the bones from the butcher.
-For Gevrek?
-We've really neglected him.