NY84 (2016) - full transcript

I don't know

where it came from but...

Full songs just started...

coming in my mind,

I'm not sure

where they came from exactly.

I'm sure part of it

was the chaos

of everything around me...

but...

Before I met Anton, I actually

never considered myself...

to be an artist,

I never... had a label for it,

I didn't think about it...

It's weird,

from the moment I met Anton

I felt so connected to him.

There was something

behind his eyes.

I knew that him and I would be

connected for a very long time.

When I first met Kate,

I didn't know who I was.

She pushed me silently,

I pushed her vocally.

From the moment our eyes met,

it was like looking at myself

in the mirror.

I saw in her

what I didn't see in myself.

And I think she saw the same...

When Keith entered our life...

He completed us.

She's kind of

like a tree,

and Anton and I

are like the fruit.

And we grow together.

Hopefully, we'll fall

and make our own trees.

The three of us together,

for me that was...

the most amazing...

part of my life.

He's waiting, he is...

To steal you down...

until your body, it comes.

And the day grows faster...

but you can't put out

the never...

I awoke to the raven.

Well, if you want to know,

your mother's quite busy

these days,

she's still involved

with the church and planning

your grandmother's

retirement party.

I hope you will come.

So, what have you been doing?

We haven't heard much

from you lately.

Been working on my music,

and my poetry...

Your poetry?

And what does that pay?

Are you listening?

It is time for you to get a job.

Look at the people you run with.

All these musicians, freaks,

weirdos, faggots!

I'm gay too.

I like boys and girls.

Your mother would die

if she heard that.

You're sick.

Are you on drugs?

Tell me the truth. Are you?

You're making poor

and dangerous choices

you will regret

for the rest of your life.

If that's what you want to do,

don't bother coming home.

Don't call me.

Don't call your mother.

We don't want to know.

The Center for

Disease Control has uncovered

disturbing new evidence

of the epidemic's reach.

Formerly known as Gay Related

Immune Deficiency or GRID...

AIDS weakens the immune system,

leaving its victims open

to common infections

like tuberculosis, pneumonia

as well as rare forms of cancer.

At risk groups include

homosexuals, hemophiliacs,

and intravenous drug users.

Health care is a right.

Medicine is a right.

Dignity is a right.

At this point,

we have had 1.6 billion dollars

allocated for AIDS education

and AIDS research.

We have been asking

for more money

for residential care of

the two million Americans

that are HIV positive.

At this point

that has not occurred...

As a NYPD Narcotic's detective

I'm out on the streets

every day.

I can't really get too close,

because I don't want to get

their saliva.

I just tell them

to go against the wall.

"Spread your arms,

spread your legs..."

But I have two daughters

and I can't have them go

to the park anymore.

There are syringes,

there are drug dealers,

there are homeless people here.

And you know I heard

that people can catch AIDS

by sneezing on other people.

They say it's transmitted

through like saliva,

and blood and sweat.

I can't take that chance

with my kids.

The virus has been causing

widespread panic across

the U.S.,

where over 4,000 people

have been infected

since the discovery

of the disease in 1981.

Almost half have died.

This is an epidemic.

How many more need to die before

you do something about it, huh?

It could be your brothers,

your sisters, your aunts,

your uncles, your fathers,

your mothers, your sons,

your daughters.

It will be them next.

Do something, make it happen.

Make a change,

make a difference.

All right? You're OK?

The virus

is completely unprecedented.

It compromises the immune system

of the patient

and opens them up to

a wide range of complications.

It's not easy to describe

because the medical community

has a lot to learn from it.

We have more questions

than answers at this stage.

Since no one knows how

the virus is transmitted,

we can't tell you

how not to catch it.

You just can't stay away

from this or that.

We just need to keep researching

and make sure

that our patients receive

appropriate care.

That's all we can do for now.

- Doctor, you're needed in...

- I got it, thank you.

I started volunteering when

my brother told me he got it,

unfortunately so...

There's not much we can do.

Basically, we help

the patient to die.

We try our best

to make them comfortable.

There's been a lot of people

coming through the door lately,

but we really don't have

a place for them.

We only have so many beds

in this hospital, and...

I'm sorry,

I have to get back to work.

"Dark and wrinkled,

like a purple pink.

It breathes, nestling humbly

amongst the still-damp.

Froth of love,

follow the gentle slope

of the white buttocks all

the way to the crater's edge.

Filaments like tears

of milk have wept

for the cruel wind,

which pushes them back,

across the little clots

of reddish marl

they lose themselves

in the same slope

that called them.

My dreams have kissed

its opening.

My soul,

jealous of physical coitus,

has made it

its fawn-coloured tear-bottle

and nest of sobs.

It is the rapturous olive

and the wheedling flute,

The tube from which

the heavenly burnt almond falls:

Feminine Canaan enclosed

among moistures."

Hey!

How are you today?

I'm OK.

The nurses want more blood

from me.

They're like vampires.

Do you want me to go

get somebody?

No, no, it's OK.

I'm used to waiting.

Are they always this slow here?

Well they don't have

enough staff

for all the patients, so...

We wait.

- Who's that?

- It's Jim.

Is he nice?

Yeah. He seems nice.

He's worse off than me,

that's all I really know

about him.

It's so ugly here.

I wish I could paint the walls

for you or something.

Yeah, more colours.

We should graffiti them.

You should...

Oh I brought you some something.

Colours.

- Sorry.

- It's OK.

Do you remember that?

Yeah!

Shit!

You know what the Jews say:

"Why does shit

always happen to us?"

So you're Jewish now?

And the Catholics say,

"If shit happens,

then we deserve it."

You're not Catholic either.

And the Buddhists say,

"If shit happens, then

it really isn't shit anymore."

So you're a Buddhist then?

No. They feel great.

I feel like shit, Kate.

I know.

I'm sorry.

How is everyone?

How's Tony?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him.

What about John?

I'm not sure.

What about Damian?

I saw Damian.

Like a couple weeks ago.

He good?

Yeah, he's OK.

Good.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

I miss Anton too.

Where is he?

I don't know,

I think he's just working

all the time now.

I should be working.

Yeah... well...

I have to go,

but I'm gonna come back

in a couple of days, OK?

OK.

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Okay.

I'll see you soon.

Several cases of the disorder

have appeared in straight,

otherwise healthy, hemophiliacs

that receive

regular blood transfusions.

As a result,

health officials are sending out

a national alert

to doctors and patients.

Blood banks and hospitals

may be using infected blood.

They don't know

what they're talkin' about.

If you're doing undercover work

and you're gonna wear gloves

and a mask...

You never know... A junkie

can come from behind you,

he can hit you...

If you've ever been in a fight,

you know how he goes.

He punches you in the face,

he cuts his hands,

he cuts your face,

you've got blood on blood

and you're fucked.

It starts out

as a small purple lesion,

similar to a bruise

or an insect bite.

Then it becomes a sarcoma

on the skin

or you get pneumonia.

Then it becomes more aggressive.

Lesions appear everywhere

on the body

and inside the mouth.

Well... Here I am,

back in the Hospital again.

Another day,

another ward.

It's February and it's cold.

And I'm wondering

Am I gonna see another winter?

They say I got AIDS

from a blood transfusion.

From a hemophilia.

And the nurse,

she says I still have

some options left

to try

and beat this thing but...

I don't believe her.

I just wait.

I sleep when I can

but it's never... really great.

You know it reminds me

of my old dog before he died.

It took months...

- Harold!

- Ma chérie!

Delightful to see!

How was Berlin?

Berlin was kicky!

Loved it! Loved it!

Welcome back!

Did you finally

get a chance to see David?

There is life on Mars.

Ah! He's fabulous, isn't he?

Thank you so much for coming.

Sweetheart.

You're the most beautiful girl

in the room,

you gotta better be careful.

I might attack you.

I would hope so,

I wouldn't miss

your party for the world.

It wouldn't be

a party without you.

Françoise!

I'm so glad cause

I was so worried.

I hope he gets out alive,

because that man...

Do you model as well?

Make sure we get

some pictures of him.

Yeah...

Francisco?

Francisco? Yes?

This is Anton Simon.

He's a photographer.

Anton.

It's lovely to meet you.

Kate and Keith.

Ah, friends of Anton.

Models too.

Hello...

You're having fun?

It's good to see you.

He's having a pretty good time.

Any friend of Anton's

is a friend of mine.

Pleasure meeting you,

I hope that...

I understand

you're very talented.

Thank you.

Perfect.

Give me your head

to your knees, please.

Beautiful!

Stay just like that.

You would look up

towards the light...

...Because they are unsigned,

I can't sell you

a piece of work

that isn't signed

by the artist.

I understand that you're upset

but it is out of my control.

Yes, the London Gallery called

but it doesn't make

a difference.

OK, what I'm gonna do,

is after I get off

the phone with you,

I'm gonna call

the artist again.

But honestly he's been extremely

difficult to get a hold of.

OK, thank you for your patience.

Have a good one.

So, basically, we have the buyer

but we can't sell the piece.

Because it isn't signed

by the artist.

It's becoming

a really big problem

because his work

is really hot right now.

If you still can't find him

I suggest asking Harold Sherer.

He might know.

Harold's an art collector.

He mentored Simon.

He schooled him in art history.

He could speak about his work.

He might know where he is.

But I can show you

some of his collection.

Like this one.

Doesn't it never remind you

of the Renaissance sculptures

of Michelangelo?

Or this one.

Look at the skin.

See the texture?

It's beautiful.

Yes, the portfolio's

from the artist.

And he sent them

to New York, already...

And he will be sending them

to London

and to Paris next week.

Yes, that is correct.

OK, thank you very much

for calling, goodbye.

I'm ready.

Well, I could see right away

he was uniquely talented but...

Anybody could.

I don't want to get him

into any trouble but...

we had a lot of fun.

He was very entertaining, and...

there was something magnificent

about him.

So we hit it off, and...

I introduced him

to a few people.

And he was on his way.

I could tell from his work

he was probably

on to something pretty big.

He was pretty unpolished

when we met,

in fact he was really living

like a homeless person.

I haven't seen him for a while.

It'd be nice to see him, again.

Well...

I love Anton...

I miss him.

Could you take care of this?

Hello?

Yes.

Yes, yes one moment please.

It's the airlines.

They're calling again.

Tell them I'll call them back.

Yes, hello? Yes, I'm sorry...

I probably shouldn't

tell you this, but...

I'm trying to arrange

a flight to Paris

to the Pasteur Institute

for myself

and for some friends, and...

We're running into

some difficulties

because the airlines don't like

to fly people

with infections.

So I may have

to charter a private 737.

I always loved

Paris in the Winter.

OK?

He's always...

like to follow

the dark side, really.

I have to say

he's worshipped excess.

But I'll...

I'll let Anton know,

you're trying to get

in touch with him.

Can I get an ash tray?

Please.

Are we OK like this?

You never know

why a still image is happening.

It's like magic.

A moment is frozen

in time forever,

and it'll stay that way

long after you die...

Is someone coming

into the door?

We're trying

to do an interview here.

I suppose you want

to speak about

the "homoeroticism"

of my work?

It's a driving force...

An inspiration...

But the "official" gay community

doesn't have much use

for my work.

They find it... too extreme.

"Why would you represent this?"

They asked, and...

I'm only carrying

on classical traditions

depicting both

the beautiful and...

destructive sides

of human nature.

It's like...

"The Massacre

of Saint Sebastian."

I remember when I first

started taking photographs.

I had no idea

it would lead me to any...

particular aesthetic vision,

or...

creative process.

I just snapped these photos

of my friends, and it became...

I miss the time when

I had no vision,

no self-consciousness,

when innocence

was a part of the process.

Because... for me,

without innocence,

there is no experience.

"The moon,

who is caprice itself,

looked through the window

while you were sleeping

in your cradle,

and said to herself:

'That child pleases me.'

And softly she descended

her staircase of clouds

and noiselessly passed

through the Windows-panes.

It was while contemplating

this visitor

that your eyes became

so bizarrely large,

and your cheeks

extraordinarily pale.

And ever so gently

she clasped your neck

and you have forever retained

the desire to weep..."

However,

in the expansion of her joy,

the Moon filled the room

like a phosphorescent vapour,

like a luminous poison;

and all the living light

thought and said:

'You shall suffer for ever

the influence of my kiss.

You shall be beautiful

in my fashion.

You shall love that which I love

and that which loves me..."

I'm investigating

new treatments...

The Pasteur Institute,

we have a vaccine

that's ready in two years,

maybe sooner for

experimental cases like mine.

At this point

I will take just about anything.

Reminds me of all the drugs

I used to take at the club.

Without the fun of course.

I feel like a monkey in a lab...

Waiting for my next injection.

There you are!

Ah!

They sent me

to the wrong room at first.

- How are you today?

- Better.

Feel good? You look good.

I have been so busy lately.

Yesterday, after work,

I had to stop and get groceries

and who do you think I met?

Remember Mary?

Our old neighbor.

Oh my god, what a gossip!

She was telling me

all about everybody's business

like I really cared.

She must have had my ear

for maybe an hour!

Then I had to go home

and tidy up the house

a little bit before I left.

And I just got here

late last night.

And here I am.

Are they still

giving you medicine in this IV?

Yeah.

Hope it's going out.

So how's the food here?

Is it like mine?

Not as good.

Um... I do have to tell you,

I stopped at church

on the way,

and I said a prayer for you.

Honey, you are gonna beat

this pneumonia.

I know it.

OK? You're gonna beat it.

Oh, your dad says hello.

Yeah. He's on a business trip

as usual.

Hey, how do you like

my new shirt?

You like the colour?

I like it.

Then my sister called

and she was telling me

that new dog they got,

it's still not housebroken.

Could you believe that?

How do they put up with it?

Right? That's why

I never got you a dog.

I'm sorry.

But cats are easier,

don't you think?

I love cats.

Yeah. Me too.

This place isn't so bad.

Could use a coat of paint,

right?

Oh honey, I'm gonna have

to be going home tomorrow.

Okay.

I couldn't get anyone

to water my plants

and I'm afraid

they're gonna die.

This winter's been really bad...

Yes, the signing is today.

Yes, we do have a few left.

One moment...

Yeah, he's here right now.

OK, great.

Yes, one moment...

Yes, it's here.

It's 16 by 24...

Hello?

Yes, we're hoping

to be at the armory.

Can you possibly call back

on Monday?

Yes, we're hoping to go

to the armory

Honestly, if could call back

on Monday,

I can give you a better answer.

Cause he's actually in here

right now. He's here today.

Portfolio of five.

Great, one moment!

If you can call back on Monday

that actually would be easier.

He's actually here right now

doing a signing.

Do you wanna to go for a walk?

Hello?

Yeah, actually he just left.

Yes, one moment.

There's something

I never told you.

Yeah?

The first time I saw you

wasn't in that bookshop.

Really?

I found a picture of you

in a trash can on St. Mark's.

I knew I was gonna

see you again.

I'm glad you did.

In ten years,

if we're both still single,

we should have a baby.

If you could

just wait here for a minute?

I'm gonna check him, OK?

Uh...

If you could just give us

about... five minutes?

That'll be OK?

Ah!

This is a photo

I wanted to show you before.

No one would ever imagine...

he would shoot a woman.

But he did,

in a good way...

She used to come to...

my parties

with some other friends.

Sorry,

he's getting really tired.

I'm not tired...

I'm angry.

I...

I know why... you're here.

You probably heard...

one of my boyfriends

is suing me.

He will get a million dollars...

for "emotional distress"...

because I might have exposed

him to AIDS.

Bullshit!

He tested negative!

He used to be

the life of the party...

And he had so many friends...

from all walks of life.

And, and I felt like...

the luckiest person

in the whole world...

to be in a place like that...

and to be with someone like him,

someone who...

cared so much

about people and art

and so much about his craft.

He's getting sicker every day.

And, he can barely move

a muscle in his body, so...

I'm the only one here.

There's no one else coming.

Um... I think

we should let him rest.

So, if you guys don't mind...

I'll just show you out.

He's playing the music.

Hate the fear

I'm so lonely

Against the wall

Lost in the night

Now so clear

Dead ends on fire

I gotta breathe into fight

Screaming and shaking

I'm a gunned down believer

But I'm still ready for war

I stand back,

watch the world burn

Ashes and blood of the whore

Do you remember the high

The down, the low

that took us to the outside?

But now the Angel I see

Will take away from you

and me the heaven

So here I come

with my one last trick

No one sees me in your eyes

I'm just a theft

and you heart will be broken

Rise from the fruits of my lies

Do you remember the high

The down, the low

that took us to the outside?

But now the Angel I see

Will take away from you

and me the heaven

But no I won't, I won't

I won't, I won't believe them

Oh no I don't, I don't

I don't, I don't believe them

Stay alive darling

I don't wanna see you die

I'm on your side honey

No, no, no, we'll be together

I will see you

I will see you

I will see you

A-ya-a-ya-a-ya-a-ya

I will see you

I will see you

I will see you

A-ya-a-ya-a-ya-a-ya

We use to smile,

use to love this town

Good men, my friends

This running poison

will kill you down,

but I know it's not the end

Do you remember the high

The down, the low that took us

to the outside?

But now the Angel I see

Will take away from you

and me the heaven

But no I won't, I won't

I won't, I won't believe them

Oh no I don't, I don't

I don't, I don't believe them

But no I won't, I won't

I won't, I won't believe them

Oh no I don't, I don't

I don't, I don't believe them

Stay alive

Stay alive darling

I don't wanna see you die

I'm on your side

Oh no, no, we'll be together

I will see you

I will see you

I will see you

What happened to your friend?

You're OK like this?

Never been better.

Those drugs are pretty strong.

You know Darwin says:

"We all came up from shit."

"And we'll all go back to it."

It's in the Bible.

I'm ready, Kate.

Ready for what?

I know where I'm going.

You're not going anywhere.

You just to rest.

I brought you something.

It's a gift

from Anton and myself.

Oh God...

He looks like a shit too!

"Always"...?

I'll always be there...

Give me a kiss?

Um... I'm gonna go,

I'll see you soon, OK?

No.

Just say...

Just say goodbye, now.

You're gonna be OK.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

"Thy soul shall

find itself alone

Mid dark thoughts

of the gray tombstone

Not one,

of all the crowd, to pry

Into thine hour of secrecy."

"Be silent in that solitude,

Which is not loneliness..."

"...for then,

the spirits of the dead

who stood In life before thee

are again in death

around thee..."

"...and their will shall

overshadow thee, be still."

"...The night,

though clear, shall frown,

and the stars

shall not look down

from their high thrones

in the Heaven..."

"...With light

like hope to mortals given,

But their red orbs,

without beam,

To thy weariness shall seem...

"...As a burning

and a fever Which

would cling

to thee forever.

Now are thoughts thou

shalt not banish,

Now are visions

never to vanish;

From thy spirit shall they pass

No more,

like dew-drop from the grass.

The breeze, the breath of God,

is still,

And the mist upon the hill

Shadowy, shadowy,

yet unbroken,

Is a symbol and a token.

How it hangs on the trees,

A mystery of mysteries!"

I awoke to the raven

I do not sleep

I could not

I came dressed in death

You knew it was coming

before I arrived

We're like that, we know

It has to end where it started

You sat in the light

Eyes in the dark

Ready to take it

Ready to surrender

And like that, it has gone

You gave up the ghost

right on time

A language only us three

could speak

Held us back like racing dogs

So I ran to the church

With no prayers in mind,

I shook

In the basement, I shook

In the ground, I shook

We did it though

There is nothing to fear

but fear itself

And that no longer exists

For I know my job

It is out of my hands

and it is not my choice

I will pay service

for all those left in tears

All those without flesh

I won't stay silent

For while the machine

is at work

I will fight

You can inhabit

my vessel anytime you like

Take the walk

Take the ride

Goodbye my friend

You are in the ether now

Until I join you

I will stay and fight stronger

I won't stay silent

I won't stay silent

Before I met Anton,

I actually never

considered myself...

to be an artist, I never...

had a label for it,

I didn't think about it.

Anton was the one

that told me...

I was an artist,

and I should fight for that

and pursue that in everything

that I do...

In 1980, I was never

trying to do anything,

It just...

I don't know,

being around both of them,

Anton and Keith,

I guess brought something

out of me,

but I wasn't sure

what it was exactly.

I would sing to myself

and write little things, but...

It wasn't until years later,

in 84,

when I started losing

everyone around me,

and I kind a felt

like I had nothing...

left to lose anymore, so...

I don't know

where it came from but...

Full songs just started...

coming in my mind,

I'm not sure

where they came from exactly.

I'm sure part

of it was the chaos

and everything around me...

but...

part of me thinks it came

from Keith and Anton,

and it came from a place

I still don't understand.