Mutant Vampire Zombies from the 'Hood! (2008) - full transcript

[explosion]

♪♪♪

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-[radio tuning] -[man] Hey, get out!

[hip hop music]

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[radio tuning]

[rock music]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪



[radio tuning]

[electronic music]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[radio tuning]

[hip hop music]

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♪♪♪

[Jack] Man, I told you, don't touch a black man's radio.

[David] Are you black?

Ask your mama.

[Jack chuckles]

Hey, here they come.



[car approaching]

[Jack] Dragon Chin and company. Mm-Hm.

Pretty little bastard, ain't he?

Uh. Now, that's pretty.

[David] Latiffa.

Main squeeze and star of upcoming negotiations.

Squeeze? What are you, Beaver Fucking Cleaver?

She is the bitch, man. That's G-Dog's bitch.

The bitch.

G-Dog with the fine folks on the streets.

[David] He's one of the smarter baggers to come out of Compton.

He doesn't actually look for trouble.

[Jack] Yeah, but trouble sure do seem to find him, don't it?

Word.

Give it up, bro.

-What? I've got flavor. -Okay.

You alright, baby?

She's fine, G-Dog. You ready to deal?

He put his hands on you?

Not a finger.

[Dragon] We've been treating her like JLo at the Ritz.

-Ain't that right, baby? -Eat me.

[Dragon chuckles]

You thought that charm school hadn't paid off.

Let's do this, Dragon.

And tell your boys to go easy on them while I trigger fingers.

We're all good.

I've been looking forward to nailing these bastards for months.

Yeah? Well, our snitchers did their job.

Shit's going down right here.

We get the calling.

[G-Dog] You went too far this time, Dragon.

[Dragon] You had my dope. That was my score down to none.

You don't go kidnapping a man's bitch over some drugs.

It's the only way I could get your attention.

I've got to make a living just like every other homie in the hood.

Homie?

When I started doing kung fu, then you call yourself homie.

Send her over.

I'll see dope first.

[Jack] What the hell is this place?

-It's a medical storehouse. -What?

They keep a bunch of nuclear medicine crap here.

The walls are lead shielded.

How'd you get so educated, white boy?

I pulled up the specs on this place the other day.

It's good to know the terrain you're working with.

I learned that in Iraq, negro.

[laughs]

Bitch first, motherfucker.

Homie, you don't trust my yellow ass, do you?

Latiffa, come on over here,

show your daddy I'm fine a host and I kept you safe and happy.

You okay, baby?

Yeah.

I just wanna go home, okay?

Now, you mind if sample this shit?

I insist.

It's sugar!

Sweets for the sweet.

[David] Freeze! Police!

Drop your weapons, gentlemen or we're gonna be dropping a lot of multi ethnic gas.

Fuck you.

[shots]

What's the call, G?

Cops think they'll nail and shit.

All they are getting is sugar.

Let Dragon take the hit.

Stay on the pigs. I'm going after G-Dog.

[shots]

[grunts]

Jack!

-[shots] -[dialing]

Come on, man.

Man, what the hell is this?

[passing out]

Jack.

Hey.

[mumbling]

-[loading weapon] -Oh, man.

Look, I gotta get him some help.

You don't need to do nothing, but shut the fuck up.

Boy, I should cap your ass right now.

But I won't.

You know why? 'Cause I'm feeling charitable.

And when the Dog feels charitable, nobody gets hurt.

Now, I'm gonna let you go with a warning.

I catch you in my hood again, and your ass is mine.

Clear?

[steps approaching]

[Latiffa] G.

-[G-Dog] You okay, baby? -Something's wrong.

-What are you talking about? -Outside

This guy, it's... it's not right.

And there ain't no people.

There are now cars on the streets...

Not moving anyway.

What the fuck happened to us last night?

I don't know, man. It was like the northern lights, only worse.

Hey, where's Darnell?

Darnell! Darnell, where is your black ass?

Baby, I'm getting a bad feeling about this. Let's check it out.

Get your ass out of here, cop.

[man screaming]

That's Darnell! Larson, with me!

Motherfucker, if those are your pig back up hurting my boy,

your ass is toast.

Watch him until I get back.

Dead.

Nope.

Yo, G, man, this is too fucking weird, man.

Stop whining like a little bitch and let's find Darnell.

Shit.

[man moaning]

Darnell, that you brother?

Answer me, homeboy. You down there?

What the--

-G, this is fresh. -Keep moving.

Hey, let's get the rest of the crew, man.

We find Darnell first.

Man, this is bad. I got a bad feeling, G.

Shut up. I know it's bad. Keep moving.

Darnell?

-[G-Dog] Oh, damn. -Darnell.

Look at his neck.

Kill... kill me.

-Who did this to you? -Please...

It's coming... back.

No.

No.

[zombie groans]

[zombie groans]

[zombie groans]

Motherfucker, what's that thing, man?

Motherfucker, you take one more step and I'll blast you.

I warned you.

[zombie groans]

[shot]

-[zombie groans] -[G-Dog] Shit.

[groans]

What the fuck is that thing, man?

He gonna stay down this time, G.

[shots]

Shit.

[shots]

[gunshot]

Gotta brain kill the bastards. No other way.

-What, old man? -Damned things.

Can't just belly gut them.

Only in the head. Only way.

Man, what the fuck is that son of a bitch?

We must have put a dozen bullets into it.

[old man] Don't know what it is.

Eats blood. I know that much.

I already killed a few this morning when I woke up.

They are here 'cause of that light show last night.

At least that's what the TV man says.

TV man?

Yep, only station playing.

Old man, what the fuck are you gibbering about?

TV don't work right.

Only one station playing, chavalo .

That clear enough?

[Latiffa] Where do you think you're going?

To a hospital.

Move your ass back till I know what all that shooting is.

My partner's dying, Latiffa.

How do you know my name?

-I know all of you. -How?

I'm a cop. It's what I do. It's why we were here last night.

To take my man down, right?

That was the plan.

Well, your plan got fucked up, didn't it?

Pig, you move your ass back or I will blow your fucking head off.

[David] No, you won't.

You seem pretty sure of yourself.

Not of myself. Of you.

Oh, yeah?

You're not a killer.

[Dragon] Shoot the bastard.

I'll be back for you later, motherfucker.

Yeah, I look forward to that, pig.

Then I can do to you what I did to your partner.

You shut the fuck up, you hear me?

Oh, I love it when you're angry.

Put some color in those cheeks.

[man] Shut up, won't you?

I should end you right now.

♪♪♪

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[G-Dog] Old man, where are you taking us?

Thought we was gonna look at the TV, man.

Soon enough, chavalo .

[old man] Just wanted to show you something first.

-[woman screaming] -So you don't think the TV man is crazy.

[Larson] Show us what, old man?

[woman screaming]

Show you that hell has come back to earth, boys.

-[woman screaming] -[zombies groaning]

-[woman screaming] -[zombies groaning]

[woman screams]

-[woman screams] -[zombies groan]

[old man] Seen enough?

Why are we like that?

Why only some motherfuckers turning monster?

You, me and my homie is cool.

Don't know.

I was in my basement which is pretty deep under.

What about you boys?

At a warehouse.

What does the TV guy say about it?

Didn't watch past where he said that light storm caused all this mess.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

-[Jack groans] -You alright?

[Jack] Alright.

[suspenseful music]

[Jack groans]

I'm pretty fucked up, partner.

Not for long, pal.

I'm gonna get you to county in five minutes.

What's going on?

Some pretty weird shit went down last night, Jack.

You mean besides me getting shot and all?

Hey, G-Dog and the others, where are they?

Don't worry about them. Let me do some driving.

[groan]

[Jack screams]

[Jack screams]

[shots]

[Jack moans]

You missed me.

What the hell are you?

Hungry.

[Jack screams]

[gunshot]

Got to shoot them in the head, cop.

[shot]

[Larson] Man, it's not a living thing, motherfucker.

These are vampires, bloodsuckers.

Nosferatu. Dracula, baby.

The world changed last night, cop.

There's a whole new bad guy in the street.

[David] I need to help my partner here.

Just hang in there, Jack.

[car engine failing]

Come on, man.

[car engine failing]

They got my boy Darnell too, same shit.

Neck ripped off like hell.

Fuck.

This is crazy.

Nobody could take a bullet to the heart and keep going.

I don't care if you're on PCP.

Yo, cop, these niggas could do everything but skull-fuck you with their atomic dicks.

And who the fuck knows? Maybe they could do that too.

[Latiffa] G!

What the fuck was all the shooting about?

You better tell them, man. They're your homies.

Shit.

Zombies? Man, you watch too much TV.

-Look, it's Godzilla! Ooh! -[Li laughs]

Look, he's telling it straight.

They're vampires, Nosferatu, the undead.

No, don't try to help.

These guys aren't lying, man. They killed my partner.

And Darnell. They tore his throat out.

Yo, this is bullshit.

Really?

Hold on, hold on, man.

Yo, Dragon. Give him the gun.

-What? -You heard me.

[G-Dog] Where you think you're going?

Kill him. Move Dragon, kill it.

[Larson] That is so wrong, man.

Shoot the motherfucker in the heart.

Ugly intestine eating cannibal,

you ate your last piece of living.

[shots]

Satisfied?

You missed, motherfucker.

[zombie groans]

Die asshole.

[shooting] You should be dead already.

So, that's one dead motherfucker--

-[zombie groans] -[Dragon screams]

[speaking in foreign language]

Smile.

You got any more guns in that car of yours, cop?

My name is David.

And yeah, I've got guns.

G, what's the move, man?

We're gonna watch some television.

-What? -Television, my brother.

My name is Dr. Reginald Monte.

I've tapped into this public access channel

and I'm broadcasting to you from my home.

All other stations appear to be off the air.

Shit. That means I'm gonna miss the Ice Capades.

I am an astrophysicist.

That's good.

Last night a solar flare occurred for over fifteen hours.

It has apparently altered our atmosphere worldwide

with some type of radiation.

We lost consciousness.

The majority who did not have become the inhuman monsters we have seen outside.

These monsters feed on blood.

Most appear to be insane animals

acting on their most basic impulses.

But we had a few who were actually calling out to us

sounding rational, almost normal.

The mutation therefore is varied.

Varied? What the hell's that supposed to mean?

If there are any of you out there, try to make it to my home in Santa Monica.

We need to form a defense and there is safety in numbers.

Come to Wilshire and Broadway.

And bring guns. Lots of guns.

This is my daughter Lisa.

Homie's got a pretty white-looking daughter.

- I shall continue repeating-- -He must have fucked an albino.

-[man] Yeah, I fucked one-- -Yo, man, shut the fuck up and listen.

- And God bless. - And don't forget the guns.

[TV static]

Shit don't make no sense.

Why aren't we affected?

I think I might know.

Oh, yeah? Well, pig, I'm all ears to hear your expertise.

That warehouse we were in was lead shielded.

Lead?

It's a storehouse for radiological pharmaceuticals.

The feds enforce pretty strict regulations when it comes to housing that material.

Well, it makes sense. So, we didn't get zapped by the solar flare, right?

That would be my guess.

[old man] Pretty good guess, son.

Me, I went down deep in my basement,

made of three-inch brick.

Probably did the trick to protect my old ass.

Damn, as if Compton wasn't bad enough,

now we got to deal with this shit.

Gets worse.

What do you mean?

Whatever that radiation was, it affects cars.

[David] How's that?

It just don't start. That's all.

Could be an electrical thing.

No, man, if that was the case, the TV wouldn't work.

Man, now we ain't got no wheels?

[man] I don't get something.

These vampires or whatever the fuck they are, how come they're out in the day?

Oh, shit, he's right.

Nosferatu don't operate like that.

[G-Dog] Man, will you stop with the Nosferatu bullshit?

[David] And these things don't care about sunlight.

[G-Dog] Yeah, Larson, they ain't movie vampires like Tom fucking Cruise.

I don't know if they are vampires or if they're zombies or what, but the good news is--

The good news is we can take them out.

Yeah, when Darnell got bit and checked out, he didn't rise from no fucking dead.

Yeah, same as my partner Jack. He ain't no zombie.

[moaning]

[G-Dog] Damn. You were saying?

-Jack. -[moaning]

Partner, help me.

Don't move.

Man, shoot the motherfucking cop.

-That ain't your partner. -Shut up!

So hungry, David.

[moaning]

Man, does that look like your partner?

Sorry, Jack.

[shot]

Man, shit, we have some deep fucking shit now, man.

I didn't sign up for this shit.

I mean, vampires?

Vampires. I don't fucking believe this shit.

Man, game over. Game over.

[G-Dog] You finished, motherfucker?

[man] No! Shit!

Get him off!

Get him off!

G, what up, Dog?

Fuck you.

[shot]

I don't want to end up like that.

[man heaving]

Hey.

Please.

I'm sorry.

[shot]

Yo, this is out of control.

What we're gonna do now, G? You got an answer for that, huh?

Yeah, I got an answer for that.

Unless anyone else got a better idea,

I say we walk our asses down to the scientist's house

and fight these motherfuckers.

I could not agree more.

-Shouldn't we bury them? -What?

Brother, you want to take the time to do that, you go right ahead.

But in case you ain't keeping up with current events,

we're surrounded by mean motherfucking brain-eating, blood sucking motherfuckers!

Good point.

We could use another gun, mister.

Why don't you come with us?

Ain't got nothing keeping me here.

And I'm getting old real easy.

Just some fucked up shit.

[zombie groaning]

[groans]

[shot]

[Monte] I will repeat my message again in five minutes.

Stay off the street and stay close to your television.

I heard the shot.

Only one in the last hour.

I think they're getting the message.

What are we gonna do, dad?

I have to keep broadcasting, honey.

If we stay in the city, they're eventually going to break down the gates.

It's only a matter of time.

You know what, I am really glad you're here.

Why's that, dad?

Because you handle a rifle better than I ever could.

[laughs]

I'm so scared, dad.

It's like the end of the world, isn't it?

Hey, hey. You're still breathing?

Heart still pumping?

Hell, me too.

So, it's not the end then, is it?

I guess I better get some more ammunition from the cellar.

-[sighs] -Lisa.

-Yeah. -I love you.

I love you too.

God help us all.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

You know, we could have just walked the freeway.

Would've been faster than the surface streets.

Yeah, but I don't wanna get stuck out in the open

in case we get attacked by these things again.

A little better tactical advantage if we got some place to hide and maneuver.

You're a smart motherfucker, ain't you?

Yeah, well you learn a few things after you work in G-Dog's territory.

Man, everything gone, everything we ever knew.

Yeah, but you're lucky.

How's that? How the fuck you say that?

Everything might be gone but you still got your woman.

To me, that's lucky.

So, you married, cop?

Call me David.

Fine, David motherfucker. I asked you a question. You got anyone?

Nah. I'm divorced.

She couldn't handle a cop's life so, she took the cat and went back to Philadelphia.

-[laughs] -What's so funny?

I was just thinking

that cat's gotta be one brain-eating pissed-off pussy right about now, huh.

[laughs]

A lot of pussies.

[David and G-Dog laugh]

What are they laughing at?

[Dragon snorts]

Not much else to do in a situation like this, bro.

Dragon, you're my brother and I still don't even understand you.

You're so fucking cool.

Zombies and vampires eating people's brains and you just accept this shit.

No fucking questions asked?

World changed overnight, Li.

All that old shit don't matter, gang, street, it's over.

These things don't need respect, honor, money.

So, we're not gonna be fighting for that.

Wow!

That sure is some philosophical shit there, Confucius.

Be water, my friend.

Fucking Bruce Lee returns.

-[zombies groan] -[woman screams]

-[woman] No! No! -[zombies groan]

[woman screaming]

-What the-- -That just ain't right.

Hey!

-[shot] -[woman screaming]

[shots]

[shots]

It's gonna blow.

[David] Come on, let's go.

[David] Get down! Get down!

Shit.

Well, that explains why the cars aren't working.

Boy, what the fuck does that explain?

[David] Whatever happened last night affected the gasoline somehow.

-Made it inflammable? -You mean flammable.

I mean uninflammable.

Jesus.

Hey, what's your name?

She's in shock.

Do you blame her? Hell, I'm in shock and I wasn't raped by no motherfucking zombie fuckers.

Latiffa.

We're going to a safe place.

You can walk with Latiffa.

Come on, girl.

Man, fucking zombies. I mean fucking zom--

Man, this shit is getting off the hook.

That scientist was right.

Basic impulse, eat and then fuck.

Man, if the whole world is like this--

Then I'm moving to Mars, baby.

[G-Dog] And I'll be right behind you.

I need me a drink.

Yeah, that's all we need right now, Lars.

You're getting it all fucked up.

Look, I'm sorry man if I'm not dealing well

with this whole walking fucking death thing, alright?

Oh, but fuck me, right?

[Larson] Still gonna find me a drink. Fuck me, man.

[suspenseful music]

[screams]

Hungry.

Eat this.

[shot]

Sorry about the mess, dad.

My God!

It's dead, don't worry.

Why are you bringing it up here?

I want to dissect it, see what makes it tick.

It's under control. Don't worry.

Don't you have another broadcast to make?

Uhm.

My daughter's the Terminator.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Hey, lady, you have a name?

Uh-huh.

How about family?

Any family?

I see.

I'm so sorry.

[sighs]

You married, sir?

Was. Maria is gone now.

Passed about two years ago.

I'm sorry.

I ain't.

Wouldn't have wanted her to see all this,

if you know what I mean.

Yeah.

I sure do.

[Larson] Yeah, I wish I haven't seen it either.

I feel like I'm in a George Romero movie.

[David] Who's George Romero?

[Larson] Boy, don't you go to the movies?

You know, Dawn of the Dead.

[David] I saw a Shaun of the Dead.

[Larson] Shit, man, it ain't no horror film.

You gotta check out Night of the Living Dead

or Day of the Dead or Land of the Fucking Dead.

[Dragon] Damn, I hope it is Dawn of the Dead, not that Resident Evil shit.

We don't want these things running after us.

[Larson] At least that fine Milla Jovovich wasn't getting fucked by no zombies.

[David] Yeah, gives a whole new meaning to being eaten.

[Larson] Oh, hell, no. I ain't giving my Johnson to no zombie bitch.

[G-Dog] Would you fool shut up and keep a lookout?

Look out!

[shots]

[shots]

[shot]

[zombie groaning]

[shots]

[shots]

[shots]

[shot]

[screams]

[G-Dog] Boy, that wasn't so bad.

Dog.

Li.

Li!

Oh, no.

[sobbing] No, no...

Oh. Fuckers.

You... you motherfucker!

[Dragon crying]

[speaking in foreign language]

He's my baby brother.

[loud speaker] All of you freeze and drop your weapons.

[Larson] Where the hell did that come from?

[loud speaker] I won't repeat myself.

[shots]

You are completely covered. Do I make myself clear?

We are totally exposed.

Translation, we'll be fucked.

We better do as he says.

Stand down everyone.

What?

Oh, shit, I knew it, man.

At least he's not a monster.

Man, sometimes they don't gotta be no brain-eating motherfucker to be a monster.

Like shooting fish in a barrel, huh?

Who the fuck are you motherfucker?

Name's Wexler, motherfucker.

I'm running the show around here. And you?

Who the fuck are you?

I am getting tired of repeating myself.

It looks like you lost one of your people.

My brother.

That's a pity.

Look, we just should be getting on our way.

Yeah, there's a lot of things we'd all like.

You will be our guests for a while.

Please don't refuse. I would be inconsolable.

We don't have anything you need. I mean, we don't even have water.

[chuckles]

We don't need water, my friend.

Oh, shit.

Please forgive the meager accommodations.

What the hell do you want?

Just the pleasure of your company.

That's all you need to know.

Maybe that ain't enough, dickhead. I'm getting tired of you.

-[shot] -[Dragon groans]

I don't care what you're tired of.

Do we understand each other?

There's plenty more where that came from.

[Dragon groans]

Pretty lady, come with me.

Leave her alone.

She's gone through enough already.

[slap]

Don't try to leave.

My people just love to fire their weapons at the slightest legitimate provocation,

and sometimes not so legitimate.

Keep that in mind.

Him too.

[Larson] Hey, no. G, do something, Dog!

Do something. Let me go.

Fuck my ass! You're my brother, man!

No way. G-Dog!

[Larson] Oh, shit. Oh, God.

[Larson screaming]

-Oh, fuck, ah. -We got to stop that bleeding.

Give me your shirt.

Man, it's my favorite shirt.

Give the man the shirt.

We're gonna have to get you to a doctor.

Man, all doctors are probably sucking blood.

Even so we gotta get that bullet out of your leg.

Get some antibiotics in your system.

[Dragon] Oh, man!

Keep some pressure on that.

My boy Larson and that bitch are in some deep shit.

What do you propose, motherfucker?

I'll tell you what I propose.

Why are you looking at me like that?

-[Dragon screaming] -[man] He's dying motherfucker.

[David] I know he is dying, motherfucker. What do you want me to do about it?

-Do something motherfucker! -I'm trying to do something.

We got a regular Bruce Lee with us.

Who is Bruce Lee?

[Larson screaming]

[screams]

[Wexler moaning]

[Larson screams]

Rocking out an oyster.

[shots]

[shots]

[shots]

[shots]

[empty magazine]

G, it fucking hurts, man.

Got to do it, bro.

Do it, man. Just fucking do it.

I'm sorry.

One thing...

Don't tell my wife about this.

I ain't no zombie bitch.

Sorry, kid.

[shot]

I want some answers, you fuck.

Now!

You want an explanation,

why our particular appetites.

I woke up like this.

I saw what kind of creatures were out there, what they wanted, what they fed on.

I watched that scientist on TV.

First, I thought I was different, but I wasn't.

Just a different kind of mutation.

So were these people.

We don't mean to kill,

but we all have our needs.

Enough is enough!

I've had it with these motherfucking zombies in my motherfucking hood.

[shots]

-Let's get the fuck out of here. -Fucking aye.

Yo, Dog, found our guns.

[man] Bring that box.

Sorry, bro.

I let you down.

Hope you're doing some great shit over the rainbow.

[Lisa] Item...

organs appear to be covered in some kind of mucilaginous slime.

Severe decomposition.

Rigor already well enhanced.

All extremities moribund.

It almost appears that...

death had already occurred before I shot it.

[screams]

-Ahh! -Oh, oh.

-I'm sorry. -Oh, Jesus, dad.

I... I didn't mean to. Learn anything?

-Plenty. -What?

That we're in a lot of trouble.

You should make another broadcast.

[bursting]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Well, we are here. Now what?

Our scientist friend said he'd find us.

Your scientist friend has indeed found you.

Come on old man, what you gonna do, shoot us?

Forgive me.

These mutants are not all the same.

Some retain human intelligence of a sort.

Yeah, we ran in some of those just a little while ago.

Indeed.

Well, speak well of your survival skills then.

Dr. Reginald Monte at your service.

Detective Sergeant David.

Well, what the hell, that doesn't matter anymore now, does it?

You call me Dog, Doctor. These are my homies.

-Your-- -Homies.

-He means friends. -Oh, yes.

Well, come, my home is not far from here

and all of you look as if you could use some food and water.

And that fellow there looks as if he needs to see the good doctor.

Wait a minute, you have a doctor at your house?

One of the finest. Come.

♪♪♪

[Lisa] Dad, can I get your help in the--

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you my daughter, Lisa.

Hello, everyone.

How you doing?

That's a hell of a wound.

Yeah. It's bad looking as it feels, lady.

Let me take a look at that.

Maybe we should just have the doctor look at that.

[Monte laughs]

I am the doctor, sir.

Oh, and I'm the idiot.

Lisa's the head of ER at UCLA Medical, or rather was.

I need to get this bullet out ASAP.

Can you help me take him to the infirmary?

This gonna hurt?

Not half as bad as it's hurting now. Gentlemen, this way.

[zombies groaning]

[zombies groaning]

[G-Dog] Yo, Doc, don't get me wrong and nothing,

but could I ask you about your daughter, man?

I'm black, she's white and never the twain shall meet, yeah?

Yeah, something like that.

[Monte] Lisa is my stepdaughter.

Her mother died when she was little...

Cancer.

It's been just me and Lisa since then.

Pretty well hold up here, Doc.

For the time being.

-It won't last. -How's that?

The mutant population is growing.

They seem to instinctively know where there are uncontaminated people,

people like us.

Mutants? I thought they were zombies.

Oh, man, who cares what they are called. They are some bad motherfuckers.

[Monte] Well put, young man.

Well, he's going to be fine.

[beeping]

What is that?

A radiation detector...

Not unlike Geiger counter.

[beeping]

All clear.

Well, you've all been exposed to some low-level radiation,

but nothing lethal

and nothing that's gonna turn you to one of those things out there.

Lisa's made some rather startling discoveries about our zombie friends.

Essentially the radiation caused their genes to mutate.

Right. It's almost an immune response

as their bodies try to adapt to a level of radiation that should have killed them.

Ah... They're turning into something other than human.

But I think on some instinctive level, they realize this

and so they crave unmutated human blood

because it slows the rate of their metamorphosis.

Well, what about the whole sexual thing?

Right. Well, the radiation affected the limbic section of the brain,

which controls our base instincts,

hunger, thirst and sex.

The radiation has exacerbated these needs to psychotic proportions.

No shit.

So, what if they don't get our blood they'll die?

No. I think our blood slows the process,

but the contamination is causing massive radiation sickness,

tumors and deteriorating mental faculties.

Yeah, we ran into a couple of bloodsuckers that hadn't deteriorated mentally.

But still wanted to fuck though.

Yes. Well, they probably didn't drink enough human blood

or didn't get to it soon enough.

But there's nothing I found under dissection--

Damn, woman, you cut up one of them things?

Of course.

So, they'll eventually just die of cancer?

Probably. The ones that drink unmutated blood but that could take weeks.

I think I'm gonna be sick again.

That's not the part that makes me sick.

Damn. What does make you sick, that these things don't floss?

No. There must be millions of people out there who didn't get to drink human blood.

So, their mutations will be progressing.

I'm just glad we'll be leaving soon.

Leaving? We just got here.

Uhm.

The mutations will get worse.

The monsters outside will get bigger and badder.

And the zombie fuckfest will turn into one nasty-ass flesh-eating orgy.

Right. I don't want to be here when that happens.

Do any of you?

No, thanks.

[zombies groaning]

[Monte] There are twelve million people in the Los Angeles area.

We believe most of them have stayed indoors

trying to understand their transformation from human into...

Bloodsucker motherfuckers.

Succinctly put, yes.

Tomorrow morning, we drive to Santa Monica Airport.

From there we fly up to the Big Bear Lake area where we have our ranch.

I built the ranch with a day such as this in mind.

It's a compound, really.

Infirmary, laboratories

and stockpiles of food, weapons and supplies for at least a year.

I'm sorry, you built a zombie-proof compound for when this day might happen?

[Monte laughing] Actually, yeah.

I always expected the earth would be destroyed by a giant asteroid.

It's one of the problems of being a scientist.

You understand just how fragile is the basket the human race has all its eggs in.

Mm-Hm. And what are we supposed to do when we get there?

We live, David.

I'll try to find some kind of cure but essentially we live.

There must be pockets of humanity all over the world,

some of the scientists doing the same thing.

Now phone lines appear to be down now.

Sooner or later communications of a sort will be restored.

Anyway, that's our plan.

But what makes you think that the folks up there at Big Bear

won't be as hungry as the folks here?

Because they're all dead.

Our ranch is fully monitored for security purposes.

[Monte] As you can see, there are many dead bodies,

but no moving, blood-sucking motherfuckers.

Wait a second.

I realize I'm a little slow but I don't get it.

Big Bear is at seven-thousand feet, the atmosphere is thinner up high.

They got more radiation and died before they could mutate.

Now that the solar flare has past, we should all be safe out there.

What if we're the only survivors?

Earth has over six billion people.

So, even if 99.9 percent of the population were affected,

that still leaves a lot of us unexposed.

But you are forgetting one thing.

What's that, Dog?

If cars don't work, means probably planes don't fly.

Exactly. Gasoline doesn't combust.

I'm sure aviation fuel's the same.

You're right, but I've been trying to save the world

in a much smaller way for some time.

I drive an electric vehicle.

And my aircraft is similarly propelled.

I tested the van earlier and all is well.

Excellent.

So, now we have to get to the airport without getting attacked.

That is our biggest obstacle,

which is why we waited for others to join us.

We realized that alone, making the trip, we had little hope for survival.

Well, I've never been to Big Bear.

It's beautiful up there. You'll love it.

[zombies groaning]

[zombies groaning]

[zombies groaning]

[zombies groaning]

Gives me the creeps just looking at them.

Yeah.

I've been watching them all afternoon.

They remind me of worker ants except without the solidarity of purpose.

You make it sound so clinical.

It was a clinical observation.

[zombies groaning]

Damn bloodsuckers.

G.

Gerald.

It's been a very stressful day.

Bitch, I know it's been a very stressful day.

Don't bitch it, okay? Damn.

Sorry, baby.

It's just that this whole zombie thing got me all wired, you know.

Me too, baby.

[zombies groaning]

What were you in the real world?

I was a cop.

Hm.

You married?

Used to be.

You?

I never had the time.

Well, it's all you're gonna have now,

at least when you're not trying to find a cure to save the world.

[chuckles]

Yeah. Well, if I can't, we better start having babies.

I mean, we, in terms of the survivors.

Man, Dragon, you know what, you are not?

-What? -A hopeless romantic.

[snorts] I'm romantic, all right?

Problem is they don't know what they want.

You think they want it nice and soft.

But what they really want is for you to smack that ass and slap them upside--

[old man] I don't wanna hear that cochino .

Look, why does it really matter, old man?

The best women in the world are taken.

I know how to unwire both of us.

Oh, yeah?

What's up?

Nothing, baby.

He put his hands on you, didn't he?

That sick bastard raped you, did he?

No. G, no. Dragon didn't touch me, okay?

It's just some kind of weird day, you know.

You think?

[zombies groaning]

This could be my last night on earth.

I leave in the morning.

Is that so, soldier?

[zombies groaning]

[bed creaking]

Damn, get a room.

They got a room.

We want a soundproof room.

[Lisa moaning]

Faster.

[moaning] Faster.

[moaning]

[bed creaking]

[moaning]

-[bed creaking] -[moaning]

[bed creaking and thumps]

Quiet!

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, we should go.

What the hell was that?

You looking over my--

Are you fucked up?

Game over, man.

Fucking zombies wasn't enough, now they got electrician zombies.

Hey. Hey, you know those bigger badder monsters?

They're here.

We live through this, you and me are just gonna have a reckoning.

Now what?

Well, we can sit here and watch these two idiots out macho each other

and then become hamburger helper for our friends outside.

I don't think so.

Where's my dad?

Said he was going down the lab.

We have to get him. He's gonna get trapped.

Wait, wait. I'll go down and get your father.

You take everybody downstairs.

And if I'm not in a garage in two minutes, you leave without me.

-No, no, we go together. -[man] Yeah, it's worked so far.

Fine.

You and Castor watch our six, okay? G, you're with me.

[zombies groaning]

Oh. Jesus.

They don't look like they're gonna die anytime soon.

That's new phase of mutation.

That could be the next step of human evolution.

Not if I can help it.

[shot]

[shots]

[old man] Fucking zombies.

Alright, come on, let's go back. There is another way.

[David] Oh, shit.

Coming.

[man] Man, come this way.

Great. Zombies on steroids.

Hope they don't want to fuck.

Out here off the roof there are some stairs that lead to the basement.

Oh, shit.

I'm coming.

Dragon, no.

I'm sorry.

[shots]

Get up!

[Dragon] Get up. Get up. Come on.

Shit. Fuck.

[shots]

I'll see you on the other side.

To all my friends.

[screaming]

[Dragon groans]

[screams]

[zombies groaning]

[Lisa] Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

Lisa.

-Dad. -Lisa, I'm glad you're here.

I've just been reviewing satellite images.

There appear to be no zombies around the airport.

We should leave now while there's still time.

Dad, didn't you hear the noise? They've broken through the gate, they're in the house.

Good Lord.

Where are the others?

They didn't make it.

You got power in here?

Of course. Is the power out?

Yeah, they're zombies ate it.

Oh, no. We have redundant power for this room.

But if the house power goes out,

the van will be discharging back into the charger.

We have to leave before the batteries are drained.

-I have to get something first. -Wait, wait a second. Lisa.

She's always been impetuous.

I remember one Christmas there was--

Doc, we got to go.

Quick.

I think this might come in handy.

I've only got one clip but--

Damn, girl. Where was you when the Second Street Crips came through?

I have several contracts with the military.

Lisa insisted that I use my connections.

She was quite prescient.

Got a lot more of them at the ranch.

-You know that's illegal. -You gonna arrest me, officer?

[Lisa] Turn left at the end and then up the stairs, it leads to the garage.

[Latiffa] G!

[shot]

[David] Go, go, go, I got him.

Come on, let's go. Come on, come on.

[zombies groaning]

[zombies groaning]

Lisa!

Duck!

Damn.

Come on.

Get in.

[G-Dog groans]

It's broken.

-Need no doctor to tell me that. -Oh, it's alright.

You got a door opener or something?

[thumps on the door]

The power's out.

I think we need to help these young people out.

What do you say?

Never cared much for the mountains anyhow.

Dad, no!

Dad, no.

-Lisa, listen to me. -No.

-No. -Lisa, listen to me.

You have to find a cure.

-We'll find a cure together. -If you can't, you have to start the human race all over again.

No. No.

I wouldn't have traded being your father for anything in the world.

My time is done.

You have to go on. Now get in the van!

I love you.

I love you.

Thank you.

I never did get your name sir.

I guess it doesn't matter now.

Jorge, Jorge Gonzales.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Gonzales.

[zombies groaning]

Looks like a smart dude.

David!

Get going.

-David, no! -Just do it.

[David] Ah!

[David] Smile you son of a--

[shot]

That wasn't so bad.

[groans]

[zombie groans]

[groans]

[Lisa] Get in the van already.

♪♪♪

Shit.

What is it?

I never thought I'd actually make it out there alive.

Welcome to the new world, G-Dog.

My name is Gerald.

♪♪♪