Mr. Vampire (1985) - full transcript

Mr. vampire

executive producer:
Leonard ho koon-cheung

producer: Sammo hung kam-Bo

planning:
Eric tsang chi-wai, Barry wong ping-yiu

executive planner:
Jacob cheung chi-leung

production manager:
Jessica chan pui-wah

director: Ricky lau koon-wai

Dear uncles, brothers, and sisters,
please come back for dinner.

Anyone passing our door is also a guest.
You guys first.

Dear friends, you're welcome.

Don't go out.
When you go out, they're full of life.



Lucky.

If all you brothers start to wreak havoc,
I wouldn't know how to catch you.

Time to eat.

Time to eat.

Time to eat.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

Eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.

The number's right.

Game over!

Don't be afraid, it's me.

You bastard!

Look at you.

Jeez! No need to hide!
I told you it was me!

Master, help!



Master, help!

- What's wrong?
- Master, inside...

Master, it's me!

Whoa!
Why're you so heavy-handed, senior?

Broken bones!

You don't need to, I'll do it.

I'll do it.

They can't feel anything!

Dentures?

Senior, how can it be?

They're all broken.

How can I explain?

Come and help, then!

You two guys!

Play all you want,
but don't play with my brothers!

- Uncle, he...
- Say no more! I'm leaving.

Stay two more days.

Senior, this...

Hope to see you again.

"Vast is the sky

"boundless are the wilds"

going home, lined up in a row.

Step-by-step, out of the mortuary.

Let's hit the road!

It's really late,
why're you still here?

In a minute your aunt
will ask me about you, go home!

Uncle, I'll help you.

- Good morning.
- Uncle gau, good morning.

- So early?
- Business good?

- Good morning.
- Whoa! Why're you all dressed up?

- What's up?
- Master's taking me to western tea.

Hurry along!

Master, can I not go with
you to meet master yam?

What's wrong?

Have you had any arguments
with master yam?

Nol

I don't even know what
he looks like.

It's just, I'm all grown up,
and haven't tasted western tea.

I'm afraid I'll make a fool of myself
and embarrass master, that's all.

Rarely do you think of
your master's reputation.

Good, very good!

You're afraid of embarrassing master?

Well, you best not go then.

I've never had western tea.

If I make a fool of myself,
it'll be very disgraceful.

No, I'll take man choi with me.

If anyone has to be disgraced,
I'll let him do it first.

Man choi!

I'm over here!

Master, you called me?

Now, seeing as you're so
well-behaved today,

I'm taking you in to enlighten you
on how to have western tea.

Great...

Let's go.

Sir, do you have a reservation?

I don't.

Didn't yam fat make
a reservation for us?

Master yam? Please follow me.

Please.

This way.

Please.

- Uncle gau.
- Master yam.

How are you? Please sit.

- Greet master yam.
- Master yam.

That's alright, have a seat.

Please sit.

I hear your daughter has
returned from the capital.

Didn't you come together?

That girl?
She finished studying cosmetology.

She's been teaching people
everywhere since she got back.

Jeez, seeing how ugly you look,
your daughter can't be pretty!

Speak of the devil...

- Dad.
- Greet uncle gau.

Uncle gau.

Sit.

She's all grown up.

Yeah, very grown up!

What would you like to drink?

- I want coffee.
- Ok.

Caw-fee?

- Give me a cup of coffee.
- I want coffee, too!

Master, are you having anything?

- I'll have a coffee, too.
- Ok.

Master, I don't want coffee,
I want... coffee, ok?

The order's been taken,
leave it.

Uncle gau, regarding the reburial
of my late father's coffin.

I wonder if you've chosen
an auspicious day already?

I feel that you should
think it over first.

In this type of situation,
it would be better not to move him.

I've thought it over thoroughly.

Back then,
the feng shui master, said:

'Twenty years from now,
the coffin must be reburied'.

This will be good for us.

You shouldn't believe
what a feng shui master says!

Then I shouldn't believe
what you say!

That's right!

Children shouldn't interrupt
adults when they're talking.

In that case, let's prepare to rebury
in three days' time, between 3 and 5 pm.

What are we going to prepare?

Money, of course!

How much do you want?

Small tokens...

Master yam,
'millionaire' wong is here.

He's over there.

I'm going over to say 'hello'.

Uncle gau, as you please.

- Look after them, serve some custard tarts.
- Sure.

Master, which of the two cups do
I drink first: Black or white?

Are you that thirsty?

Uncle gau, my apologies.

Coffee needs to be drunk
whilst hot.

Help yourself.

Please.

Uncle gau,
you like drinking plain coffee?

Yes, I like drinking plain coffee.

Dad, I'll add milk for you.

Good.

Come...

Dad, I want to buy some
Rouge gouache.

Go ahead,
I'll find you in a little while.

- Eat.
- Sure!

My pleasure.

Have you no manners?

Master yam, how many spoonfuls
of sugar would you like?

No need...

You like to eat a plain tart?

Then I'll do it myself.

Master, it's very sweet!

Imagine you're eating candy.

I'm going to buy groceries now.

Soon, a hooker from happy red court
will come in to do her shopping.

You better not bully her
just because she's a prostitute.

Got it, auntie!
You go get your groceries first.

Always charge hookers 30% extra.

I know what to do.

Excuse me, may I ask
where can I buy Rouge gouache?

Wow! So pretty!

I wish she could be my wife.

What a pity!

Miss, please look around.

My aunt told me you were coming.

Who's your aunt?

The lady you were talking to
just now.

I just asked her
where I could buy Rouge gouache?

I don't know her at all.

Pretending?

Never mind if you don't know
my aunt.

Try this kind of Rouge.

It's pretty good.

So, when did you learn to...?

Learn to do this?

Learning is the same as doing.

When I was twelve,
my mum taught me.

What? Your mum taught you?

Yes!

Unfortunately, she died prematurely.

So, I had to go to the capital
to learn.

This colour's so beautiful.

How old are you now?

Eighteen years old.

So, she's been doing it
for six years?

Have you ever thought about
when you'll stop working?

No.

If I'm not dead at eighty,
I'll carry on doing it.

You're not being forced?

My goodness! This is my hobby,
why would I be forced?

All women like doing this.

Have you ever thought about leaving?

No.

I want to take what I've learnt
in the capital,

and teach it to the girls here.

They're going to love it.

It's a good job you're happy,
but you mustn't corrupt others, too!

How can you be so backward thinking?

It's not backward thinking,
it's a question of morality.

Let's call it a day.
I won't do business with you.

Please go back across the street
to your happy red court.

Hey, what's going on at
happy red court?

So, here you are!

Why're you so angry?

You've been to happy red court?

- No.
- How do you know her, then?

She's master yam's daughter,
miss ting-ting.

What kind of place is
happy red court?

- Teahouse.
- Brothel.

What?

- Restaurant.
- Brothel.

What did you say?

Brothel!

You think I'm...?

Miss!

- If something goes wrong...
- Dad!

I'm g 0 ing n 0 w

my good girl!

- Master yam.
- Ting-ting...

What the hell's going on?

Naughty boy!

Now, you must all pay
your Sincere respects.

Uncle gau.

Back then, the feng shui master said,
of this hard-to-find grave,

it's a good plot.

Correct.

This grave is called
"dragonfly touches the water lightly."

The grave should be thirty feet in length
and have the four realities.

The width should be ten feet
and have three realities.

Therefore, the coffin
may not be buried horizontally.

It must be buried under
Buddhist law.

Very impressive, uncle Gaul!

French burial?
Master, what's a French burial?

Is that a funeral for the French?

French, your ass!

Uncle gau, finished praying?
Can we start digging?

You can.

Start work.

Master, what exactly is
a Buddhist law burial?

What we call a Buddhist law burial
is a vertical burial.

Am I right?

Right!

The feng shui master said...

"If an ancestor is buried vertically,
the next generation will be fine."

Has it been good?

These past twenty years or so, our family
business has gotten worse and worse.

I don't know why.

Could it be the feng shui master
has a grudge against your family?

A grudge?

Did your father have enmity
with him whilst he was alive?

This piece of land was
originally his.

Father knew it was a good grave,

so he bought it
for a huge sum of money.

Merely by enticement?
Was there coercion?

99% probability.

Otherwise, why would he have
played such a big trick on you?

As payback, he had this dragonfly grave
covered with cement.

So what should we do?

"Dragonfly touches the water lightly."
It should be covered with snowflakes.

If the coffin lid can't lightly
touch water, how can the dragonfly?

At least he had the conscience to tell you
to rebury after twenty years.

Thus, harming only half your life
and not your whole life.

Then harming your generation
and not the next eighteen!

I see it!

Loosen the lid,
pull out the nails.

Everyone, today grandpa yam
will see the light again.

All those aged:
Thirty-six, twenty-two,

thirty-five and forty-eight,

born the year of the rooster or ox,
turn around now to avoid.

Everyone, straighten your clothes.

Open the coffin.

Dad!