Moola (2007) - full transcript
Just as the business which Steve helped create, American Lightsticks, is on the brink of collapse, a huge 'deal' suddenly materializes, and he and his partners are sure that their lives have changed forever. A true-to-life comedy inspired by actual events.
(all chuckling)
- So tell me again, how much did we get?
(all laughing)
(upbeat jazz music)
(bell jingling)
("Party Till The Cows Come Home" by Elvin Bishop)
(engine revving)
♪ Kick out the windows bust down the doors ♪
♪ We're drinkin' half gallons and party till four ♪
♪ Take off your shoes and let yourself go ♪
♪ Tonight we gonna party like never before ♪
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Got all the chicken and ribs you can eat ♪
♪ Got good time music, got dancin' feet ♪
♪ Turn up the music as loud as we please ♪
♪ We'll have big fun just you and me ♪
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
(whip cracking)
(cows mooing)
- Come on, move it!
I'm gonna make filet mignon outta you!
- Those are dairy cows, Corporal.
- I can see that, Private.
- Well, you can't get a filet mignon
from a dairy cow, Corporal.
(helicopter whirring)
- Mr. Gordon, you seen enough of these dairy farms, or what?
- Yep, take it to the bank.
Got milk, anyway? (pilot laughs)
- [Corporal] Come on, let's get out of here.
(box thudding)
(cow mooing)
- The deal with the Army, it's uncertain right now.
Okay, it's on the rocks.
Okay, you're right, it's dead.
It's dead, but I've got so many ideas!
Actually, you can't do that.
See, if you stop sending me supplies I can't pay you
for the supplies that you've already sent.
Do you see? (dial tone ringing)
Hello?
Hello, hello?
Thank you!
- Hi, Jimmy Woo here,
unassuming Asian self-made millionaire.
Now when Jimmy Woo first come
to this country he had nothing.
Nothing, just the clothes on Jimmy Woo's back.
Now Jimmy Woo's got it all!
- Oh, Harry!
Harry, I've got three phone numbers
for you and I still can't reach you!
Please call me we're having trouble with the supplier.
Thanks.
God, am I the only one working?
Okay, honey, we gotta go.
- [Jimmy Woo] You ladies ready for a martini?
- So, have you thought about what
you wanted to do this weekend?
- Yeah, how about we unpack you?
- What, already?
- Dad, that's not funny, it's been six months.
So, um, what's the deal with you and Mom?
- We're separated, what do you mean?
- Well, you're not gonna get back together, are you?
- I don't know it's not that simple, we just--
- So are you allowed to sleep with other people?
- Ashley, I'm not gonna talk about that with you.
Why, is your mother-- - Bye, Dad.
(school bell ringing)
- Wait, wait, why, is your mother--
- Bye, Dad!
- Okay.
Hey, Ashley, one more thing.
- Dad, you're driving me crazy.
I am leaving now.
- Alright, well, I just wanted to say that--
(crashing)
(airbag hissing) (yelling)
- Marion, I've been calling all morning
and I keep getting this ringtone weird message.
- Good morning, Steve.
- Good morning.
(Hector speaking foreign language)
Hey, Hector.
So?
- Phone company said they never received payment,
but I just bought us another couple of weeks.
- Whew, how'd you do that?
- I cried.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Mr. Steve, that should do it.
- Hey, Hector don't you have that meeting with Compaq?
- Your circuit board it got loose.
- Oh, well, thank you, but I told you I can't pay you.
- No, no, no, no charge.
You've been really good to me.
- I don't want you to go, it's just,
they can actually give you money. (laughs)
- (laughs) Also, about my download pre-emptor.
- Yeah, oh, you're what?
- Download pre-emptor.
- Oh, your invention!
Yeah, um, can I offer a little advice?
Hector, I'd wait.
I'd play it safe, get the job,
don't mention it and then mention it later.
- Thanks for your advice, Mr. Steve.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
(both coughing)
Thanks, Hector, thank you.
Okay, you better make your meeting.
- Thank you.
- Can you call triple A?
I had a fender bender.
- Oh, sure thing.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, we are out of plastic.
- Anything else you can use?
Any other silver linings?
- No.
(tube bubbling)
- Hello, Steven.
- Hey, Wild Bill.
What are you working on?
- Oh, not sure.
- Keep up the good work.
- Okay.
(sighing)
- Oh, um, any messages?
- Well, let me see.
No.
- Oh.
(exhaling)
- [Computer] You have no new email.
- [Steve Voiceover] You're right,
the deal with the Army, it's uncertain.
Okay, you're right, it's dead, it's dead.
Am I the only one working? (heart beating)
- [Marion Voiceover] We are out of plastic.
- [Steve Voiceover] I can't pay you.
- [Ashley Voiceover] What's the deal with you and Mom?
- [Steve Voiceover] We're separated, what do you mean?
- [Ashley Voiceover] Are you allowed
to sleep with other people?
(tense music)
(intercom beeping)
- [Marian] Don't forget you have
that appointment this morning.
And you're late.
I got a taxi for you.
- Okay, thank you.
(blues music) (helicopter whirring)
- Greetings!
- Good morning. - Greetings.
- Good to see you. - Thanks for having us.
- Thank you.
- Good morning.
Let me welcome you once again to AFI, Mr. Gordon,
and to you, Mr. Watson.
I know I speak for all of us here at AFI
when I say how absolutely thrilled
we are for this opportunity to be acquired
by Gordon Technology Enterprises;
the world leader in telecommunications,
energy resources and, of course,
after this deal, agribusiness.
(clapping)
- Thank you, J.T.
When our purchase of AFI has been finalized
and we assume the control of the market share
your company has over bovine fertility
then the final piece of that puzzle will be in place.
This is a very good deal for all.
- Unless, of course, you're June Cleaver
worrying about the price of milk.
(all chuckling softly)
- I'd like everyone to hear from my head of legal.
- Thank you, Gordon.
This is a very substantial deal,
one that will likely attract a lot of attention
and perhaps even raise a few eyebrows.
But the fact of the matter is,
there's no denying that whoever controls
the technology controls the industry
and as fertility indicators go,
well, AFI's the only game in town.
(lively jazz music)
- [Steve] Samantha Hardy?
- You're late. - Sorry, my car died.
I've never hired a business pro before.
How would this work?
- That depends.
Look, I only have a few minutes here.
I've reviewed everything you sent me.
So why don't you tell me about these light sticks?
- Okay, um, not much to tell, really.
You bend a plastic tube and the chemicals mix
and voila, light.
- But do you have a patent?
- Yeah, all the partners share in it, but yeah, we do.
- So all those little glow things
at Disneyland, they're yours?
- Actually, we sold the rights for that use a few years ago.
- That was stupid.
- Thank you.
- Alright, look here's how I see it.
If you can't fix it, sell it.
Normally buyers look at several things.
First, there's EBIT, that's profit, you don't have any.
Then there's earn out, that's potential,
and you don't have any of that either.
And then they look at cost to earnings ratio and--
- Wait, don't tell me.
I don't have any of that either?
- Bingo!
But, you're lucky.
You come to me, things happen, that's why I get my 5%.
So, what do you say?
- Well, I don't know.
I mean, I have to talk to the other partners.
- What are you, the class safety monitor?
Come on, take charge.
It's a slam dunk, no sale, no fee.
- I just, uh...
- Look, I know I'm putting a lot in front of you right now.
And if you're afraid to make a move I understand.
But, if you want something sometimes
you just have to reach out and grab it.
(tinkling)
(Steve exhaling)
Well, gee, this was fun.
So, we have a deal.
- Oh.
(water splashing)
- [Radio DJ] You're listening to 102.4
and that was your afternoon business report.
Up next, news, weather and traffic.
Right after a word from our sponsor.
- [Jimmy] Hi, Jimmy Woo here,
unassuming Asian self-made millionaire.
- [Steve Voiceover] I have to talk to the other partners.
- [Samantha Voiceover ] It's a slam dunk, no sale, no fee.
Profit.
- [Steve Voiceover] Don't tell me, I don't have any of that.
- And look at me now.
And look at you.
Oh, man!
You don't look so good, Steve!
(gasping)
Let me ask you a question, my friend.
Where are you gonna be when your ship comes in, huh?
At the train station?
Don't miss your boat, Stevie.
(laughs)
- That should do it.
That last one is the Letter of Intent.
And Mr. Montgomery, we shall proceed
with our due diligence and look forward
to seeing you in 45 days when escrow closes.
- Until then, J.T., no funny business.
No money in, no money out.
Bear in mind that this letter permits us
to take a walk if anything should change.
- I wouldn't have it any other way.
- If anyone got wind of a takeover,
if anything strange were to happen such as,
let's say, your stock price were to shoot up,
that would really vex me.
- And you don't want to vex him.
- No vex.
Come on, Lu.
Luis, it's me!
- I look forward to welcoming you all into the family.
- Because isn't family what it's all about?
- Marion, any sign of Harry?
Okay, well if you do, ask him to call me.
Wait, uh, I gotta be at Nora's at four to pick up Ashley.
What time is it?
Oh, my God, I got 10 minutes, I promised her.
Okay, yeah, alright, thanks, bye.
(playful music)
Oh, come on!
(groaning)
- What the hell, Louise?
That's bullshit!
Bullshit, that's bullshit!
What, alright, alright, okay, let's calm down.
So what do I get?
Oh, oh, I get to keep my share of the business?
Thank you very frickin' much!
I'm the one who started this whole business!
(telephone ringing)
Shut up!
Please hold.
Yeah? - Harry, Harry, is that you?
- I can't talk right now.
- Where have you been, did you order the plastic?
- Oh, the plastic.
Well, gee, Steve, let me think.
I've got a lot of things going on today.
Like, my wife is leaving me and my whole life
is being turned upside-down, thank you very much!
- When did that happen? (telephone ringing)
- It's happening right now, please hold.
- Harry, it's me, Jonas.
- I can't talk to you right now, Jonas.
Louise is leaving me.
- Yes, I know, that's why I'm calling.
- Hang on! (telephone ringing)
Louise?
Listen to me.
What?
Screw you!
Please hold.
- Harry, you can't talk with her.
She's got representation.
- Oh, I can't talk to my own wife, can't I?
- Well, you can't negotiate with her.
I'm gonna negotiate with her counsel.
- Is that how it works?
I can't talk to my own freakin' wife?
What kind of state do we live in?
(telephone ringing) Please hold.
Louise, that was Jonas and he says I can't talk to you.
Screw Jonas! - It's me!
What do you mean, screw Jonas?
- Never mind, she ain't gettin' shit!
- Harry, did you order the plastic?
- Let me tell you a little story about the plastic.
Once upon a time, screw you and the plastic, too!
- Screw you, Harry!
(bell dinging)
(playful music)
(doorbell ringing)
(knocking)
(sighing)
(woman moaning)
- [Steve] Nora?
Nora?
Nora, you alright?
(gasping)
- Who the hell are you?
- She's my wife and that, I believe, is my four iron!
- Oh, my God, Steve, what the hell are you?
Oh, my God!
Tom, it's okay.
I'll be, just give me one second, okay?
What are you doing here?
- I'm supposed to pick up Ashley.
- Oh, really, is she in the bushes?
- I rang the doorbell, nobody answered.
- Okay, well, your daughter was sitting here waiting for you
and when you didn't show up she went
to spend the night at her friend Rachel's house.
- My car broke down.
Who's he?
- That's Tom, he's new in the firm.
- Oh, employee orientation?
(laughs)
- You know what, Steve?
I think we're supposed to be moving on here.
So what do you expect?
- Well, let's see, um, not this!
- Why don't you come back a little later
and we'll just, we'll sit down
and we'll have a conversation.
(frantic comical music)
(yelling) (horn honking)
- [Driver] Get off the road, you idiot!
(toy horn squeaking)
- Where'd you learn to drive?
- [Veronica] The perfect ending to a perfect day.
- (laughs) 600 million dollars from the likes of Mr. Gordon.
- Larry, tomorrow morning I want you
to start buying up our shares.
Slowly, carefully.
Small orders.
You know, nothing to raise eyebrows.
- As your lawyer I am obligated to tell you--
- And so you have, counselor.
And so you have.
- J.T., we have a good thing here.
- I want it to be great.
Is there something wrong with that?
Hmm, wanting to be great?
- Doesn't that strike you as, I don't know,
being just a little bit--
- Just a little bit what?
Oh, come on, say it, Larry.
A little what?
Greedy?
Greed, it's just a word, Larry.
An ordinary word for ordinary people.
Come here.
Look at them all down there.
Every day it's the same thing.
They get up.
They make their coffee, they get dressed, they go to work.
One hour lunch, go home, eat dinner, watch TV,
maybe have a bowl of ice cream.
(sighing)
Ordinary people shuffling around.
Taking only what's given them.
We're not like them, Larry.
We are not ordinary.
No, sir.
What we are, what we do,
it takes strength, it takes courage.
It takes fucking talent.
Go buy those shares, Lar.
(tense music)
Well, here's to all the ordinary people,
without whom there would be no standard of measurement.
- Mr. Steve?
- Hector, what are you doing in that thing?
- It's a company car.
- You got the job?
- Yeah, I took your advice.
I tried to play it safe.
I didn't say nothing.
But the interview ended and I was walking out.
Suddenly, something came over me, and then I went for it!
I told them about the download pre-emptor
and they went crazy!
They brought all these people and all these lawyers
and they put down some papers
and they offered me six million dollars!
- Six million?
(speaking foreign language)
- Please put that in the trunk, Alvin.
- Personal assistants?
- No, they just have crazy sex with me.
Well, thank you, Mr. Steve!
Hey, you the hombre!
I love this country!
I can't wait to become a citizen!
Adios!
(comical music)
(bicycle bell tinkling)
(Harry sniffling)
- He got his own Alvin.
She said that I've changed.
I'm uh,
I'm all closed up.
I don't think that I've changed that much, have I?
- Wow, look at these.
My God.
Look at me back then. (laughs)
Oh, my God! - Wow!
Almost cute. - Yeah, almost.
Oh, look at this.
Whatever happened to Mickey Fish?
- Who?
- Class president.
Straight A student.
Captain of the baseball team.
This guy could have been anything he wanted.
Probably is.
- Reminds me of Louise.
Why don't you give the guy a call?
Find out where he's at now.
- He's probably CEO of some big company.
- So?
- So, walk in his office, hey, Mick, how you doin'?
I'm good, Steve.
How are you?
Well Mick, been a long, hard climb to the middle.
- You know, bro, I've been packing up
every reference there is to Louise in this office
the last couple hours and I am exhausted.
I think I'm just gonna crash over here.
- God, whatever happened to Mickey Fish?
(soft bluesy music)
Harry, we're in trouble.
- I know.
(banging)
(sniffing)
("Thus Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss)
(stick cracking)
(cow mooing)
(telephone ringing)
- OmniGlow.
- [Herb] Hi there, this is Herb Zissner
up here at Zissner Dairy Farms.
- Uh, dairy farms?
You got the wrong number.
- [Herb] No, no, no, listen, I think I've
come up with an idea for your light sticks.
- Okay, hold on.
Harry, it's somebody for our light sticks.
Alright, dairy boy, go ahead.
- [Herb] No, you gotta get up here and see this.
- See what?
- [Herb] (laughs) I can't explain it over the phone.
It'll sound too strange!
You really need to get up here and see it for yourself.
- A dairy farm?
Where the hell are we?
- I don't know, somewhere near Modesto, I think.
- That's good, here I was depressed
all the time thinking we were going to Fresno.
(sighing)
- Alright, come on, give it a rest.
- Hey, where's the toothless guy with the banjo?
(laughs)
You got a real purty mouth, boy.
- Dear God, I hope we get there fast.
(Harry squealing)
(upbeat music)
- This farm's been in our family for over 100 years.
- That's amazing.
- Yeah, it's tough these days, though, I tell ya.
We just found out feeding supplies are going up again.
- The little brown one back there, is she single?
- That's just, (laughs) um,
so, I still don't see how we fit in to all this.
- Well, the sun's going down.
You'll find out soon enough.
- And you guys know where you're taking us, right?
- I know exactly where we're taking you.
Just relax we'll be there in just a second.
(dramatic music)
- Wow!
- Son of a bitch!
- The dairy industry was worth
well over 24 billion dollars last year.
- That's a lot of milk.
- Who knew?
- Yeah, not one penny of that came
from a cow who wasn't pregnant.
- Why's that?
- Biology 101, cow ain't pregnant she ain't producing milk.
- I never thought of it like that.
- [Harry] I never thought about it at all.
- [Steve] What the hell is going on?
(cows mooing)
- What kind of crazy crap
are you good old boys into up here?
- Got your light stick, got your cow.
- You see, it's critical for us
to know precisely when a cow goes into heat.
Now once she does, we've only got
a very short period of time to inseminate her.
- So you jam a light stick up her ass?
- No, sir.
- On her ass!
You see, on a cow's rump there's this
leathery area where she feels nothing.
It's totally numb.
You could go in there and pull out
a handful of hair, she wouldn't feel a thing.
- Where's the fun in that?
(laughs)
- Go ahead, you wanna try it?
- No, I just washed my hands.
- Suit yourself.
See, right here on this spot is where we glue
what we call in our industry the fertility indicator.
- Yeah, but instead, that's where we put your light stick.
- When a cow comes into heat it attracts another cow.
Look over there.
- Oh, so the bulls--
- We don't got no bulls.
Heck, if we wait around for a bunch
of bulls to bust nut, we go bust.
- Yeah.
- So the females do that to each other?
- Why, you dirty dog.
I got that one on DVD.
Prison Heifers! (laughs)
- Actually, there's nothing sexual about it.
You see, when a cow goes into heat
another cow will rise up and mount her,
pressing its chest down onto her rump.
It's called ridin'.
- They made a sequel?
(light stick cracking)
- And God said,
let there be light! - Let there be light!
Hallelujah! - Yeehaw!
- This is the fertility indicator everybody's using.
- AFI, American Farms International.
- Slightly better than nothing at all.
- Real tough to spot during the day, impossible at night.
- But, it's the only thing on the market.
- I'm tellin' you, this is a helluva lot better than that.
- And AFI sells a gazillion of those.
- So what are you guys saying?
- You guys can revolutionize the American
dairy industry with your light stick.
- You guys are going to be very, very rich.
- You guys are serious?
- Yeah.
- But you're talking about competing with this AFI.
This must be a huge company.
- Oh, yeah, one of the biggest.
- Well, they've got financing
and manufacturing and distribution.
- Yeah, but you got the product.
- And who says you need to compete?
Kevin called AFI this afternoon.
- I told them we were meeting with you.
So if something were to come about
from all of this, maybe we--
- Oh, well, of course, if something were to come about.
- We'll see, I mean big companies like that,
they don't pay a whole lot of attention
to little folks like us. - No.
- Who knows if they'll even call back?
(frantic music)
(watch beeping)
(telephone ringing)
- Yeah?
- J.T., I think we have a problem.
(laughing)
This is not gonna be good news.
- They do what?
In the ass?
- You know I don't do that, honey!
- Remember when we used to come here
every Saturday for breakfast, just you and me?
- Yeah, and I used to put maple syrup in your coffee.
- Yes!
I miss that.
I miss you, Ash.
- I miss you too, Dad.
Is there anything else you miss?
- I saw this great new use for our light sticks, on cows.
- On cows?
- Yeah, I swear!
No, I mean it.
Honey, this could be it.
- Your big deal?
- You never know.
- Have you heard anything, anyone call?
- No.
- It's been two days!
- I know.
I tried to get someone interested other than AFI, but,
light sticks on cows, people just laugh.
- I knew it!
I knew it, it's just like all the other ones.
Just a lot of crap!
You remember when we started this place?
We built this business from nothing!
All the hours, all the late nights.
We even helped build the building, for Christ's sake!
Do you remember that?
For what, for what?
This is what we get, huh?
This is what I get?
I'm tellin' ya, I can't take it anymore, man!
I'm like a fish!
You know, they've already gaffed me and put me in the boat.
- Harry, you're talking crazy.
- Am I?
I don't think so, bro.
There comes a time when a man has
to realize he's not full of potential anymore.
That he's a failure.
- What kind of fish?
- What?
- You said you were a fish.
What kind of fish?
- I don't mean I'm really a fish.
I was trying to make a point.
- Yeah, but what kind, like a shark or a flounder?
- That's really funny.
You what man, I'm done, I'm finished.
- Wait, what do you mean you're done?
You're not done!
- We have nothing, Steve!
- What do you mean we have nothing?
We have our company!
- Are you kidding me, our company?
This pathetic, measly, two-bit rinky-dink company?
- You flounder!
- And what are you, huh?
What the hell are you?
A frickin' puffer fish?
That's what you are, pal, a puffer fish!
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and nothing happens!
- Yeah, well something did, 'cause you didn't build
this pathetic, measly, two-bit operation, I did!
- And you forgot rinky-dink.
- Flounder!
- Puffer!
(door slamming)
- I believe that I am entitled--
- [Harry] Entitled?
- To be supported, yes--
- Entitled to what? - In the manner that--
- What is that supposed to mean, what did you do?
- Harry, please!
This is not the way we handle this thing!
- Quiet!
What did you do?
- I nurtured.
- You nurtured? - Louise, you don't have
to say anything. - I did nurture!
That's right! - What did you nurture?
- You know exactly what I mean, Harry!
- Oh, gimme a break, will you? - Harry!
- You nurtured nothing.
- There were sleepless nights!
I have stood by-- - Okay, Nora's here.
Everything's--
- I'm sorry. - We'll start.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me, what are you doing here?
What do you have to do with this?
- I'm a lawyer, Harry.
- You're her lawyer?
- [Jonas] Harry.
- Wait a second, wait a second!
She can't do that, she's one of the partners!
You gotta ridicuse yourself!
- Recuse, Harry, that's recuse.
And no, I don't have to.
- Harry, please.
- I beg your pardon, would you please explain
to this bottom feeder-- - Harry, shut up!
- Nice.
- Let's just make this short and sweet.
- [Jonas] Yes.
- My client has instructed me to make the following offer.
My client will retain the house,
the car and all personal possessions acquired
during the course of this union.
- Hang on a second.
Why don't you just take my balls?
Let me put 'em both right here for you.
You take the right one, you take the left one.
And use both hands, you wanna get it all.
- [Jonas] Harry!
- Are you kidding me, do I get to keep my own balls?
- Harry, sit!
- In exchange, my client agrees to relinquish
any and all claims, now and in perpetuity,
against your share of the company, OmniGlow Inc.
- You've got a heart of gold.
- Honey, I told you not
to let this bother-- - How can he say that to me?
(women whispering)
♪ Who wants left ♪
♪ Who wants right ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby, you got to do me right ♪
♪ Because your needy and so very greedy ♪
♪ The penny from my loafer ♪
♪ The car in the garage ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ My assets, they are a mirage ♪
♪ Because you're needy and so very greedy ♪
♪ You're takin' it all downtown, you left daddy with nothing ♪
♪ You know what I mean, baby ♪
♪ All of my lovin' and all of my heart ♪
♪ The Visa, the AmEx and the Mastercard ♪
♪ Because you're needy ♪
♪ And oh so greedy ♪ (Harry chuckles)
- We're finished here, let's go.
- Hang on a second.
Don't you wanna see my final offer?
- Harry, I think we've seen enough.
Come on, let's go.
- I got an idea now, listen, listen.
How about if I get the house, I get the furniture,
I get the car and I get all the rest of the shit
and you get all my shares in the company, huh?
I mean, you never got to be a partner, Louise.
You always wanted to do that.
That's my official offer.
- And what a fine official offer it is.
We'll get back to you, let's go.
- I think they both wanted me.
♪ I say baby, baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ Baby, what's wrong with you ♪
("Baby Baby" by Matt Harding)
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You're standing all alone with your head in your hand ♪
♪ In a corner, baby ♪
♪ You look so lonely and blue ♪
- Thanks.
♪ But when I call you up, baby ♪
♪ How come you're never around ♪
- Harry, I just, I wanted...
- Don't worry about it.
(glasses clinking)
- Thanks.
- Harry, Steve!
I don't know what went on up at that farm,
whatever you guys did!
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, this is big, this is so big!
- Calm down, take a deep breath.
What's going on?
- Just a few minutes ago. (laughs)
- [Steve] What?
- You're not gonna believe this!
I just had a phone call from the head counsel
of American Farmer's International.
That's AFI on the big board.
They want to meet with us tomorrow morning.
- AFI, they do? - Yes, they do!
- What else did they say?
- Well, they're considering making us an offer.
- They said that?
- Well, no, not exactly, but I could tell.
What, you don't think I know this stuff?
- Jonas, what the hell is the matter with you?
- What is the deal? - I have to pee!
- Well, go!
- Oh, this is big.
This is big!
Okay, so, I told them that we were
willing to listen, entertain offers.
You see, you can't get too excited
about this because they sense that.
See, so I played the game.
I was cool, very cool.
- You were cool!
(laughs)
- You should have seen me!
- You son of a bitch, you're a freakin' doll!
- Okay, what's next?
- Well, it's hard to say.
It sounds like they really want OmniGlow
out of the bovine fertility industry fast.
Fatal flaw number one, gentlemen, enthusiasm.
- Bad, bad.
- I am thinking they're gonna make us
an offer, maybe one, one point two.
- Million?
- Oh, yes, babies, 1.2 million dollars!
(cheering)
- Sold, to the man with the light stick up the cow's ass!
- No, no, no, we ask for three million.
- Jonas, Jonas, don't screw this up!
- Guys, please, you have got to trust me on this.
I know how these things work!
This is a slow motion, sensual dirty dance, you know.
They offer one, we come back with three million.
They come back with two million.
We end at two point five, cha, cha, cha!
- Oh, my God!
- [Jonas] Only one thing, guys.
- Yeah?
- We are gonna have to include
all the partners in this deal.
- You mean, like, Wild Bill?
- [Jonas] Yes.
- And Nora? - Yes.
And me, don't forget my 5% because
you couldn't pay my legal fees.
- Two point five mil.
- Divided amongst all of us.
- I can live with that!
- (squeals) I can live with that, too!
(laughing)
Holy crap, I had no idea, Jonas,
you knew how to do such complicated deals!
- It's law!
I could do deals like this in my sleep!
(exhaling)
Are you okay?
- Yeah, just, you know, I'm just excited.
- I think you got him on the cha, cha, cha.
- I think so.
(all laughing excitedly)
(mystical music)
(heart beating)
(splashing)
(soft guitar music)
(woman humming)
(gasping)
(jazz band music)
("Oh Boy, You've Really Got It Made" by Bobby Caldwell)
♪ Boy, have you ever got it made ♪
♪ Oh boy ♪
♪ You're gonna have it breezy ♪
♪ I'll bet good things are gonna come your way ♪
♪ Oh boy, have you ever got it made ♪
♪ People will try to push you around ♪
♪ Don't let 'em make that mistake ♪
♪ One way to king and stand your ground ♪
- Well, people, let's walk like we belong.
♪ Oh boy, brother you've got it made ♪
- How long has it been?
- It's all part of the game.
- It's all part of the game, it's all part of the game.
Let's do something, let's go in there
and tell 'em come on, two million now, let's do it!
Two million, right--
- Harry, please, relax!
- Okay, here's what we've got on these guys.
It's not much, but we're working on it.
- I want everything you can get on these people.
- You think they have any idea what's at stake?
- Well, I can't say for sure,
but considering what's on the line
we have to play this very smart.
Greater warriors than I have fallen
because they've underestimated
the formidability of their opponent.
(breathing loudly)
Oh, God, I love the smell of a deal in the morning.
- Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
We'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to AFI.
Thank you very much for coming.
Just a reminder, what will be discussed here
in this room remains in the strictest confidentiality.
This, of course, excludes spouses.
- Yeah, but who's got one of those anymore, right?
(laughs)
- Let's get right down to business.
AFI is prepared to extend a very generous offer
to you for the purchase of OmniGlow Inc.
Now, we have analyzed and evaluated
what we believe is an appropriate value
for your technology and associated application.
Allow me to just jump right past the formalities.
Here it is, short and sweet.
20 million.
- 20 million what?
- We'll pay you 20 million dollars.
I'm sure everyone will agree that
this amount is more than generous compensation.
Veronica will make sure (heart beating)
all the necessary documents are drawn up
and we'll have it delivered to
your office this afternoon via courier.
- Uh, excuse me just a minute.
- Excuse me, just, I'll be right back.
- He is, quite apparently, not feeling well
and she's gonna probably go out there
and try to help him out.
20 million dollars is a, uh, well,
a very generous offer, I imagine.
Where do we sign?
Can we sign now, please?
- Will you excuse us a moment?
(Steve breathing heavily)
- Steve?
You okay?
- I don't know.
Yeah, I think so.
- Are you?
- Could you turn around for me?
- What?
- Please.
I know, just turn around.
That's fine, thanks.
I just wanna make sure I'm not dreaming.
- No, hon, you're not dreaming.
- This is it.
(tender music)
It's finally here.
This doesn't happen to me.
It's what I've always wanted.
- Well, what do you know?
- What do you know?
- Let's go back in, okay, come on.
- [Steve] Yeah.
- It's about time.
You'll blow the deal!
- He has got to know something.
- You think?
- Oh, yeah.
Do you see what he did?
He just got up and walked right outta the room.
Oh, he's good.
He is good.
How about that other one, huh?
They got the whole good cop/bad cop thing going.
(sighing)
I'm going up to 30.
- J.T., I have to remind you that
this whole thing is a big risk already.
Gordon said nothing changes.
- That's right and what they have changes everything.
If Gordon catches wind of their product
this entire deal goes down the drain.
And may I remind you, counselor,
it's a 600 million dollar deal.
Come on, Lar, don't you wanna be great?
(laughs)
(tense music)
I've reconsidered.
- Oh, look, Mr. Montgomery, I have to tell you--
- In light of new revelations I have been forced
to reassess the value of your company and...
Excuse me, what are you writing?
- Uh, uh, well, I've evaluated what
I consider to be a fair value for
our technology and associated application.
(clearing throat)
- Oh, I'd like to see that.
- Well, yeah, I don't think so.
- Well, I'm not certain we can
move forward if can't see that.
- Well, this is proprietary information.
So, no way.
- [Harry] (coughing) Give it to him right now!
- Give it to him!
- [Harry] (coughing) Show him the pad!
- Another moment. (laughs)
(tense music)
(all whispering)
- [Harry] We'll kill you!
- I'm making a drawing.
- Alright, this is it.
Now, mind you, I am not going to offer one penny higher.
40 million.
(raucous jazz music)
♪ Kick out the windows bust down the doors ♪
♪ Tonight we're gonna party like never before ♪
♪ Take off your shoes and let yourself go ♪
♪ Tonight we're gonna let the good times roll ♪
(both laughing)
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
- So, tell me again, how much did we get?
Was it 2.5 million?
- I think it was 20 million.
No, no, wait.
It was, um...
It was 40 million.
(laughs)
(stomping feet)
- That's quite consistent with my analysis.
- To Wild Bill's analysis!
- [Nora] Yes, hear, hear!
- Dink!
- Does anybody have any idea what really happened up there?
- I don't know and I don't think I wanna know.
(all laughing)
- 40 million!
Peanuts, sir?
40 million!
- Oh, my God, stop it!
- Interesting day, huh?
- Yes, yes, it was.
- It's funny, you work and you work and you work
and you work and you work and you work and you come close.
And then one day (popping).
So are you seeing this Tom guy, or what?
- Steve, let's not go there, okay?
- I mean, come on, Nora, 3:30 in the afternoon?
- What, you've never made love in the afternoon?
- Yeah, I mean, maybe.
We never did.
We never made love in the afternoon.
- Well, we could have.
Why didn't we?
I mean, I don't know, did we just take all
of our imagination to the office and leave it there or what?
- I was trying to get somewhere.
I wanted to make something of myself, you know that.
- No.
No, it was just never enough for you.
Was it?
- You talking about us?
- Is there an us?
(thudding)
(screaming)
- Safe!
- Okay, uh, everybody, uh, I was just
handing these all out to you.
You can see the breakdown of everybody's percentages.
I hope it's clear.
I'm open to any questions.
Harry?
- When do I get my money? (all laughing)
- That will be a month from today.
- Harry, I've gotta tell you,
your offer is looking awfully good right about now.
- What offer?
- The one you made to Louise.
You know, I think she just might take it.
- Wait a minute, Nora.
What about confidentiality?
- No, no, no, J.T. said except spouses, remember?
- Yeah, I know, but she's my spouse, not yours.
Hey, you two aren't--
- Sorry I'm late.
- That's alright, darling.
Who the hell are you?
- Everybody this is Samantha Hardy.
I'll explain later.
- No, you'll explain now.
- You can just call me the new head
of professional development for OmniGlow light sticks.
- Okay.
- Alright, time out.
How much is she getting? - 5% off the top.
- Off the top of what?
- Off the top of my frickin' ass.
- Plus, I get 35% contingency on her 5%.
Marvin Dunkle, attorney for Ms. Hardy.
- Steve, what the hell are you doing to my buy?
- Sorry I'm late.
- This is my attorney, Mr. Wilco.
- Your attorney?
- Well, I thought it best we have
someone here protecting our interests.
- Let me ask you something.
Then who the hell is looking out for my interests?
- I am!
- Oh, great.
I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight.
- Screw you, Harry!
- (squeaking) Right back at ya, pal.
- Okay, I've had enough!
You wanna piece of me, come on!
- You want some of this?
Come on! - Yeah!
- Hold it, hold it, stop it!
Let's everybody relax.
- Can I just say something, please?
- [All] No!
(knocking)
- Who the hell are you?
- Jonas' personal trainer.
- Sven!
("Big Bucks" by Stacey Lee and Tony Campodon")
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ A hot tub right beside the view ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Big booms and ponies, hoody-doo ♪
- Spa's right over here.
- [Jonas] Yeah.
- And your beach entrance is right over there.
- Yes!
Oh, it's great!
I'm just thinking, though, maybe it needs to be bigger.
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ A private plane for you and me ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Two days and night in Hungary ♪
♪ A little caviar to bring a smile ♪
♪ All the while we'll be flyin' ♪
♪ Baby, goin' in style ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪ (rocks tinkling)
- Louise, honey, I've been a rat.
I want you to have all the stuff.
I want you to have the house, the car,
all the stuff in the house.
All of it, Louise.
It wasn't fair of me to put the burden
of the company on you, baby.
I mean, I should be the one that bears that.
- It's great, Harry, but...
- But what?
- How can we afford it?
- As long as I have you I'm a rich man, honey.
Look, babe, I got something I gotta tell you.
- What is it?
- Look, this isn't gonna be easy.
I'm just-- - Shh.
You don't have to say anything.
♪ Big bucks ♪
- [Salesman] So, we're all set.
- You put the first payment on the old card
and (Louise squealing) we'll be on the boat.
Don't wake me until next month.
- Bye, Nate!
♪ Money is a universal language ♪
- I get one and a half percent of your portfolio value.
- As my investment banker?
- Robert Lawson is your eyes, your ears.
You look in the mirror, you see Robert Lawson.
- Okay.
- For my one and a half I'm on top of everything.
I am all over it!
- Okay, I think I get it.
What's this?
- Laker tickets.
(laughs)
Say hey to Jack for me.
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ One different car for every noon ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ One with two R's up on the hood ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ That glow of facials every day ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ That shiny, golden Cartier ♪
♪ You're gonna see me in designer gowns ♪
- Mom told me about your deal.
- Yeah, it looks like we might be
coming into some money, Ashley.
- Dad, it's not about the money.
Although, I have found myself fantasizing
in an abstract, far removed kind of way,
what it would be like to be rich.
- Well, we're not exactly starving.
- I know, but Dad, I'm talking rich, like super, super rich.
- You wanna see?
- Yeah!
(engine revving) (both screaming)
(mariachi music)
(crowd chattering)
- Ah, Nora!
May I say you look scrumptious this evening?
Provocative, yet demure.
(laughs)
- Oh, thank you, Jonas.
And may I say you look, you look masculine,
yet not without a hint of boyish charm.
(laughs)
- You're too kind.
- And may I say I'm full, yet still hungry.
- Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop!
- It's time for our stock go up, Lar.
Get out just the right amount of the inside information.
Ooze it out like a tube of toothpaste.
- It's a pretty simple drill, J.T.
Just a whisper to my Wall Street guys,
tell 'em to keep it hush-hush.
Of course, they'll swear on their mothers
they won't tell a soul, but we know that
they'll pass it on to their best clients.
- That's right.
It's all about finesse, Larry.
It's all about finesse.
(splashing)
- Hey.
Oh, God!
Sorry.
- It's okay I'll get you another one.
- Thanks.
Ashley's sippy cup.
- I know, I just couldn't bring myself to throw it away.
- Keep the cup but lose the marriage, huh?
(laughs)
- What?
What are you, I'm sorry, why are acting like this, Steve?
- Like what?
- What do you mean, like what?
You don't think you've been acting strange lately?
- Well, Nora, I'm moving on.
Isn't that what you said we should do, move on?
- You know what?
This is really hard for me, okay?
- It's hard for me, too.
- Steve, no, you are the one who left me!
Okay?
You left me!
You know, just for your information
I never cared about 'making it'.
- Well, that's easy for you to say.
- I'm sorry, what does that mean?
- Well, you had your own thing going on, didn't you?
You had a law degree.
You could have joined a firm.
You could have had a career. - Wait a second!
Wait a second!
I'm sorry.
Rewind here for a minute, I'm sorry.
Are you saying that this marriage
is a competition of some sort?
- No, not at all!
- Listen to me, I don't care about the cars!
I don't care about the houses!
I don't need that, Steve!
Look, if this was on your shoulders, guess what?
It's because you put it there.
Not me, you.
(tense music)
- Has anyone thought about what this really means?
- No.
(laughs)
- Come on, Jonas.
You've never even thought about it?
- Of course, I've thought about it.
I just don't wanna jinx it, that's all.
(sighing)
♪ Hi-de-ho ♪
♪ Hi-de-hi ♪
♪ Gonna get me a piece of the sky ♪
♪ Gonna get me some of that old sweet roll ♪
♪ Singing hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi-di-ho ♪
- Everybody!
♪ Hi-de-ho ♪
♪ Hi-de-hi ♪
♪ Gonna get me a piece of the sky ♪
♪ Gonna get me some of that old sweet roll ♪
- [Jonas] Take it home, Harry!
♪ Singing hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi-di-ho ♪
(thudding)
(sighing)
(frantic heart beating)
(both moaning)
- [Harry] Oh, yeah.
Who's your captain, baby? - You are!
- Who's your captain, baby? - You are!
Ooh, ow, cramp on the starboard side!
(Harry beeping)
(telephone ringing)
Captain!
- Come on, baby, that's good.
- [Steve] Harry, Harry are you there?
It's me.
- Yeah.
- I'm having another one of those panic attacks
or something and it's bad this time.
I don't know what's going on.
I mean, now that we have the deal and everything, right?
I don't know why.
Are you there?
Harry? (Harry groans)
Harry, pick up!
Harry!
- Who's your captain, babe?
- [Steve] Harry, come on!
(thudding)
- Steve, it's Louise.
What deal?
- Oh, uh, Louise, I can't talk right now.
I'm having some sort of attack.
Need some fresh air.
(panting)
- What deal, Harry?
- I was just about to tell you about the deal.
It's funny, it's like we're psychically connected
or something, you know?
(laughs nervously)
(grunting)
Baby, what, please, honey!
(thudding)
(dramatic music)
Louise, honey, are you upset?
(panting)
- You just don't get it, Harry!
Relationships are about trust!
- But baby, I trust you!
(grunting)
(panting)
(folksy music)
("Picking Soul" by Matt Harding)
♪ Who knows where all the time goes ♪
♪ One door opens ♪
♪ And another one will close ♪
♪ And the night comes far too soon ♪
♪ Who knows where all the time goes ♪
♪ Free, wanna be free ♪
♪ Leave yesterday behind me ♪
♪ And the night comes far too soon ♪
♪ Who knows where all the time goes ♪
- Never forgot getting locked in the brewery overnight.
(laughs)
So I gotta say this is quite a surprise.
- Well, you know, you've popped
in my head a few times recently.
I always wondered what you were up to.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I just thought I wanted to look you up.
- Well, I'm glad you did.
- So, tell me, the last I heard you were at Princeton.
- Yeah.
- So what are you doing now?
- Havin' a beer with an old friend.
- This place is beautiful.
Must be great coming up here on the weekends
and leaving the stress of the city behind.
- This is where I live.
I built this place from the ground up.
- Wow.
Mick, I,
what do you do?
For work?
- A little of this and a little of that, you know.
I've been doing some carpentry lately.
- Carpentry?
- Yeah, I really like it.
Every once in a while I write
a little piece for the local paper.
You okay?
Something wrong?
- Nothing, I just, you know.
So, but tell me, so after Princeton, what?
- It's funny how easily you can get trapped.
Expectations.
Other people's expectations of who you are
and what you need to be in order to be happy.
(laughs)
- Mick, you were always,
I mean you were destined for greatness.
- I'm just an ordinary guy.
Always was.
- Ordinary?
No, I don't think so.
(laughs)
- You say that like it's a bad thing.
- I just, you know.
- Oh, come on, who wants to talk about the past?
It's already been done.
Why waste time talking about it when there's,
geez, there's so much else to do.
I haven't even finished half of these yet
and I'm learning how to play this thing.
Did I tell you I was playing the sax?
- No, I didn't know.
- You wanna hear me play it?
- No, I mean, I'd love to, but I gotta get back to L.A.
I gotta deal with that thing and I gotta
long trip ahead of me, so I'd better.
- Steve, I'm really glad you came up.
- Yeah, yeah, it was great.
- Whoo! - Whoo!
- It's something, isn't it?
- Yeah, it is.
Very peaceful.
- I find it all slows down if I let it.
Haven't figured out why yet, but I'm working on it.
Whoo, feel that wind!
You have to just let it carry you.
- Yeah, right.
Well, I'll see you, Mick.
- You too.
(bluesy saxophone music)
- Shh, somebody's coming!
- Oh, they're here!
They're here.
- Hey, everybody, Robert Lawson.
I just thought I'd drop by and see how things are doing.
Oh, my, I forgot it's the big day today, huh!
- Robert, how are you?
Good to see you!
- What a coincidence, huh? - Hey, how are you?
- Good, good. - Let's go.
- Oh, God.
Stop it!
- Robert Lawson, I'm the money manager.
- J.T. Montgomery, I'm the money.
- That went well.
(tense music)
- Mr. Montgomery, good morning.
- Good morning.
- Gentlemen, before we tend to the business at hand
we have humbly assembled this culinary feast in your honor.
Please, help yourselves.
(slurping)
- Uh, pass.
- Well, shall we?
- Can you really get 40 million dollars
in one of those briefcases?
- Actually, Harry, that's usually done
either by a money order or a wire transfer.
- So, what's it gonna be, a money order or a wire transfer?
- Um, that would be C, none of the above.
- I'm sorry?
- You know, the boys on Wall Street have a saying.
It's all a big game, like Monopoly,
only you get to keep the money.
Now, you're probably wondering what does that mean, right?
- Right.
- Well, it means gentlemen, lady,
that you landed on Boardwalk with four hotels.
The deal is off the table.
- Wait, off the table?
You can't do that! - Excuse me!
We had a deal here, pal!
You do know what a deal is, don't you, Wall Street?
- Clearly, you don't understand what you're talking about.
What you had, technically, was a Letter of Intent.
- Jonas, straighten this character out.
- That letter permits us to withdraw.
We can look at your books, look at your patent, look at you.
We can turn you inside out,
but we are not obligated to close escrow.
That's just the way it works.
Tell 'em, Jonas.
- [Steve] Jonas, what's he talking about?
- He's right.
- Jonas, you gotta be kidding me?
- He's right!
- You got excited, didn't you?
Busy little bees counting your money.
And all of those new cars out in the parking lot, very nice.
Which one of you purchased the Porsche?
Wonderful choice.
- No, there is no substitute.
- And I'm sure Steve over here isn't
the only one who got a little crazy.
Show of hands?
- You are such as asshole.
- I'll take that as a yes.
We all know about the boat, Captain.
- You bought a boat?
- A small boat! - Oh, my God.
- Well, as I was saying, I recently had
the opportunity to review that analysis of yours.
I looked over all of the numbers and well,
frankly, they just don't quite add up.
(tense music)
You almost had me.
(laughs)
Enjoy it.
It's the most expensive laugh you'll ever have.
- It doesn't mean, it's just Wild Bill,
he doesn't mean anything by it.
- You all thought you had me, didn't you?
But you can't fool me now that I
know who you people really are.
Nevertheless, we all know this is business.
So, I'm going to present to you an offer
with a slightly revised number, 2.5 million.
- 2.5 million, to de divided amongst?
That's bullshit.
- Let me tell you something, Gilligan.
You got lucky, all of you.
Your little company is nothing
more than a fart in a wheat field.
You should be thankful that I'm going to cover your debts,
not to mention some of your 'deficit spending'.
- Alright, we'll give you our answer in a couple of days.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
You will let me know now.
You have five minutes.
- What the hell was that, Jonas?
You're supposed to know what you're doing!
- Jonas, what the hell is this?
(all shouting heatedly)
- More champagne, J.T.?
- Don't mind if I do, Lar.
Don't mind if I do.
- Masterful performance, all of it.
(laughs)
- Well, you didn't think I was going to let a bunch
of wanna-bes beat me out of 40 million, did you?
- There was never really any doubt.
And I must say your sense of timing was impeccable.
- I thought I'd leave them in there for
a while to ripen on the vine, so to speak.
And if my hunch is correct they should
be hitting the ground right about--
- [Nora] Who told you to go out and buy a stupid boat?
- You think this is fun, wait'll we close
the deal with Gordon tomorrow.
(glasses clinking)
- Well, J.T., we've talked it over
and we're wondering if you can do
something about hiding the money.
- We can do that.
- Of course, we do that all the time.
The Bahamas, the Caymans, you name it.
- I was thinking about somewhere a little closer to home.
We'd like you to take the 2.5 million in cash,
preferably small bills, wrap it up into little bundles--
- And stick it up your corporate ass.
(playful music)
- I see.
Alrighty then.
- Yeah.
- Oh, there is one little thing I neglected to mention.
It's the craziest thing, really.
As it turns out, I don't need all of you
to agree on this deal, just one.
Imagine my surprise when my counsel informed me
that your patent is registered under the names
of the individual partners, not the company.
Anyone know what that means?
Anyone on the crack legal staff wanna
take a shot at this one?
Jonas, Nora?
- It means that any of us independently
can transfer the right to make the light sticks
without the permission of others.
- You are beginning to give me the heebie-jeebies.
But he is absolutely right.
Now, whose brain child was it to set it up this way?
- We trust each other.
- Oh, really?
Well, we'll find out soon enough.
Because I'm going to offer the entire 2.5 million
to one of you for your rights under the patent.
No split, kind of a winner take all situation.
I'll be at the Hotel Piermont tonight enjoying
a scotch and soda until eight o'clock.
I'm going to bring a cashier's check,
confident that one of you, I don't know which one,
I don't care which one, but one of you
will show up to seal the deal.
The rest of you can go to hell.
- Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Hello?
Stop the digging!
Sir, there's a change!
Just fill in the hole!
(frantic music)
(screaming)
- Hi, Louise!
- Harry!
- Louise, I,
I apologize.
I'm a scoundrel, I'm a turd.
I'm humbled in your presence, Louise.
I'm so sorry.
Look, honey, something's happened.
Things have been so good lately.
Baby, we,
we have some decisions to make.
Louise, I love you.
Please take me back.
(both crying)
("Reaching Out" by Fancy and Larry Lee)
♪ The lonely airport and my dried up tears ♪
♪ What am I doing here ♪
♪ And I'm trying to breath in this thick old air ♪
(telephone ringing)
♪ But I know that you're not there ♪
♪ I am reaching out ♪
♪ Reaching out again to empty space ♪
- You might wanna take a look at this.
I came across something online and
I asked Wild Bill if he could dig a bit deeper.
You know his computer skills go a lot further than mine.
Okay, he hacked.
J.T.'s selling AFI.
- To Gordon Technologies?
They're one of the biggest corporations in the world.
- They close tomorrow.
- I... (sighs)
Well, now it all makes sense.
- Why?
- 40 million dollars for this.
What was I thinking?
I mean, what an idiot!
I don't even know what I was thinking.
What was I thinking?
40 million dollars for this?
What was I thinking?
(screaming)
I'm sorry.
I really thought this was the one.
- I know.
- God, it's just...
(door slamming)
I think I'd be better as a giraffe.
- Really?
- Yeah, sure, look at 'em.
They're just, life is just simple, you know?
They eat, sleep, there's no need
for ambitions or possessions.
They don't question relationships.
- Yeah, but I'm sure they have their own problems.
- Like what?
- Dietary concerns, neck cramps.
Us.
Dad, do you ever get scared?
- Uh, well, I don't know, maybe.
- Are you scared right now?
- Yes.
- Of what?
- Of not being enough.
- For who?
- For you.
And your mom.
- That's why you left, huh?
- I wonder if this thing, this feeling of
not being enough isn't the inherent human flaw.
You know, that which keeps us from being better than we are.
- Dad, where do you get this stuff?
- I don't know, it just comes to me. (laughs)
♪ I'm reaching out ♪
♪ Reaching out again ♪
♪ To empty space ♪
♪ And before a sound ♪
♪ Searching for a taste ♪
♪ If I were reaching ♪
♪ Reaching out again ♪
♪ To touch your face ♪
♪ Falling through sky ♪
♪ Searching for a trace ♪
♪ You really know how to dance ♪
♪ You go up, down, jump around ♪
♪ I think I found true romance ♪
(light jazz music)
♪ What I like about you ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ What I like about you ♪
♪ Hey ♪
(light jazz music)
- Ah-ha!
I knew it.
- Knew what?
- What are you doing here?
- Excuse me, what are you doing here?
- I only came to see if anybody else was gonna show up.
- Oh, really? - Well, this is just sad.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
I like karaoke.
♪ What I like about you ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
- Well, well, well, just in time.
- [Singer] Gotta go folks, thank you.
Thank you for the applause.
(audience clapping lamely)
- [Emcee] Come on, folks, wake up out there.
Well, maybe you'll be a little nicer to our next performer.
Here he is.
("Climb Every Mountain" music)
♪ Climb every mountain ♪
♪ Search high and low ♪
(camera clicking)
♪ Follow every byway ♪
♪ Every path you know ♪
♪ Follow every rainbow ♪ (camera clicking)
♪ Till you find your dream ♪
♪ A dream that will take ♪
♪ All the love you can give ♪ (camera clicking)
♪ Ooh, every day of your life ♪
♪ For as long as you live ♪
♪ Live ♪
♪ Climb every mountain ♪
♪ Ford every stream ♪
♪ Follow every rainbow ♪
♪ Till you reach your dream ♪
Yes!
(audience clapping and cheering)
- [Harry] You think you know someone.
- I'm shocked.
- 20 years.
- Oh, would you please light somewhere, Harry?
You're making me nervous.
- 20 years.
- Look, maybe he just got a little
caught up in all this and he just...
I don't know, I just can't believe that he would--
- We were there!
We saw him with our own eyes!
- Yeah, why is it you don't believe this?
- 'Cause I just,
I don't.
- Uh-huh.
Well then where is he?
And why isn't he here, hmm?
(tense music)
(exhaling)
(stick cracking)
- [Secretary] Sir, Mr. J.T. Montgomery is here to see you.
- Send him in, please.
- Luis!
What is this?
Where did you get those?
Oh, you're,
you're not worried about this, are you Lou?
This is nothing!
Look it, these gentlemen, they have this
wholly insignificant little company that sells light sticks.
- I know, J.T., and they've actually become quite useful,
I understand, in the area of bovine fertility.
- Yes, yes they have and, you know,
we have the rights to it now, we own it.
Look, we, we were negotiating.
We negotiated a deal with them so that we could
bring everything to you under the same banner.
Which is what we've done, which is what I've done.
- You've landed on Boardwalk, J.T., with four hotels.
The deal's off the table.
- Off the table?
Off the table?
No.
No, no, no, you can't do that.
You can't do that, that's impossible.
That's, we had a deal.
Tell him we had a deal!
Tell him we have a contract!
We have a contract, Luis!
- Well, that was a Letter of Intent, actually.
- Can you imagine a 600 million dollar deal falling apart
because of a 45 cent light stick on a cow's ass?
- Come on, Luis, please don't play this, don't do this.
- Come on, J.T.
This is business.
This kind of thing happens every day.
You know that.
You're a professional, you're a veteran.
I mean, what's the big deal?
It's not like you went out and bought up all
your own stock based on information that you had.
You wouldn't do that.
And it's a good thing, too, because with all
these light sticks around the boys on Wall Street
about to find out that the deal is off.
Your stock is gonna be worth, well,
shit.
- No, no, no, hold on a second, wait a second.
You're forgetting one thing, one little minor detail.
I have the license to make the product, Gordon.
- That's very true.
But as you know, any partner can give a license
and if these guys can give one to you,
they can give it to anybody;
Purina, General Electric, Mr. Magoo.
Sharing is not a concept that appeals to me.
And in light of all these revelations today
I've really just kind of soured
on the idea of the dairy industry.
Oh, (laughs) that was a pun.
- Mr. Gordon, you and I were gonna work something--
- I like your product, I really do
and I think it was a good pitch.
I really do.
But, I have to tell you something.
We've decided to go another direction.
We've decided to go into coffee.
I just, I love those caramel macchiatos.
We have some out in the reception area.
You oughta try one on your way out, gentlemen.
(clock chiming)
- You could have closed our deal and walked away a winner.
But you didn't.
You couldn't.
It just wasn't enough for you.
- Who do you think you are telling
me what's enough, you little prick?
You think just because you took
me down you're a big hotshot now?
Just who the hell do you think you are?
- I'm just an ordinary guy.
("Soul Picking" by Matt Harding)
(paper tearing)
♪ Are we too late to save our soul ♪
♪ Are we too late to save our soul ♪
♪ Has the night come far too soon ♪
♪ Are we too late to save our soul ♪
- Harry had a moment.
We saw you at the hotel.
- Nora, it's not what you think.
You don't know what happened.
- Mm-hmm. - Oh, yes we do! (laughs)
The old CO and J.T. goes down!
- So Gordon's the man now?
What's the deal, what are we getting?
- Yeah, yeah, what's the deal?
- There is no deal.
- What? - What?
- What are you talking about?
Bill told us the whole thing; the photos,
the check, J.T.'s deal with Gordon.
- Well, apparently Bill didn't tell you the whole story.
Gordon doesn't want to be in the dairy business anymore.
- Well, where the hell is he?
I'll get him back in the dairy business in one second!
- No, Harry, it's over, there's no deal.
- Okay, but at least we still have the 2.5 million, right?
- We do have the 2.5 million?
- I, I couldn't take it, Harry.
I didn't want his money.
I,
I hope,
I hope that's okay...
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
- I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna stick with it.
We have a good product and we have each other
and we're gonna make it work.
- Yeah, like we can afford to
walk away from 40 million dollars!
- Harry?
- No.
- Harry.
Come on, Harry.
Come on. (laughs)
Harry?
Harry, (laughs) come on!
(laughs)
("My Girl" by The Temptations)
(all chuckling)
♪ I got sunshine ♪
♪ On a cloudy day ♪
♪ When it's cold outside ♪
♪ I've got the month of May ♪
♪ I guess you'd say ♪
♪ What can make me feel this way ♪
♪ My girl, my girl, my girl ♪
♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl, my girl ♪
♪ I've got so much honey ♪
♪ The bees envy me ♪ (telephone ringing)
- Go away, we don't have any money to pay the bills yet!
♪ I've got a sweeter song ♪
- You're okay, aren't you?
- Yeah, I'm better than that.
- So, what now?
- I don't know.
I was thinking about maybe learning the saxophone.
♪ My girl, my girl, my girl ♪
- Nora?
- Steve.
- It's the middle of the afternoon.
Do you have any plans?
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
(telephone ringing)
- [Man] Hi, OmniGlow light sticks?
I just heard about your product
from my friend Herb and I wanted
to order 50,000 of those light sticks
of yours for my dairy in Utah.
(phone beeping)
- [Joe] Hey, this is Joe LaPoint from Des Moines Dairy.
I'm calling about those light sticks of yours.
(phone beeping)
- [Man] Hey, I heard you got those
light sticks that go on a cow's butt.
(phone beeping)
(woman speaking foreign language)
♪ I guess you'd say ♪
♪ What can make me feel this way ♪
♪ My girl, my girl, my girl ♪
♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl, my girl ♪
♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl ♪
♪ I got sunshine on a cloudy day, my girl ♪
♪ I've even got the month of May with my girl ♪
("There Must Be Love" by Matt Harding)
♪ You can tickle my backbone, the top of my neck ♪
♪ And call me your baby ♪
♪ You can act real sweet ♪
♪ Baby, so complete I think that maybe ♪
♪ I might take you home ♪
♪ I might do the thing that I do ♪
♪ When I get a bit crazy ♪
- You had to pick an uphill route, didn't you?
You just had to pick an uphill route!
♪ Must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
- Ooh, what's that?
You're so friendly!
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ Like this ♪
♪ Well, I've been making a list, I've been checking it twice ♪
♪ 'Cause I wanna be certain ♪
♪ That my baby's not creeping on the night y'all ♪
♪ Or if she out flirtin' ♪
♪ And that one thing missing ♪
♪ There one thing missing and I don't mean maybe ♪
♪ If you want some lovin', if you want some lovin' ♪
♪ You gotta be my baby ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
(all laughing)
- Please keep that shot!
Please keep that shot!
- How can he say that to me? - I told you not
to let this bother you. - How can he say
a heart of gold? - Because it happens
all the time. - You know, Nora.
You know what I've done. - I know, sweetie.
I know, but he's an asshole!
(all laughing)
♪ Ooh, top of my back door ♪
♪ Top of my neck and call me your baby ♪
♪ Act real sweet, baby, so complete, ♪
♪ I'm thinking maybe ♪
♪ I might take you home ♪
♪ I might do the thing that I do when I get a bit crazy ♪
♪ But there's one thing missing ♪
♪ One thing missing, you gotta be my baby ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
- How's that glow stick?
Comfortable?
(cow mooing)
You're welcome for that, by the way.
- So tell me again, how much did we get?
(all laughing)
(upbeat jazz music)
(bell jingling)
("Party Till The Cows Come Home" by Elvin Bishop)
(engine revving)
♪ Kick out the windows bust down the doors ♪
♪ We're drinkin' half gallons and party till four ♪
♪ Take off your shoes and let yourself go ♪
♪ Tonight we gonna party like never before ♪
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Got all the chicken and ribs you can eat ♪
♪ Got good time music, got dancin' feet ♪
♪ Turn up the music as loud as we please ♪
♪ We'll have big fun just you and me ♪
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
(whip cracking)
(cows mooing)
- Come on, move it!
I'm gonna make filet mignon outta you!
- Those are dairy cows, Corporal.
- I can see that, Private.
- Well, you can't get a filet mignon
from a dairy cow, Corporal.
(helicopter whirring)
- Mr. Gordon, you seen enough of these dairy farms, or what?
- Yep, take it to the bank.
Got milk, anyway? (pilot laughs)
- [Corporal] Come on, let's get out of here.
(box thudding)
(cow mooing)
- The deal with the Army, it's uncertain right now.
Okay, it's on the rocks.
Okay, you're right, it's dead.
It's dead, but I've got so many ideas!
Actually, you can't do that.
See, if you stop sending me supplies I can't pay you
for the supplies that you've already sent.
Do you see? (dial tone ringing)
Hello?
Hello, hello?
Thank you!
- Hi, Jimmy Woo here,
unassuming Asian self-made millionaire.
Now when Jimmy Woo first come
to this country he had nothing.
Nothing, just the clothes on Jimmy Woo's back.
Now Jimmy Woo's got it all!
- Oh, Harry!
Harry, I've got three phone numbers
for you and I still can't reach you!
Please call me we're having trouble with the supplier.
Thanks.
God, am I the only one working?
Okay, honey, we gotta go.
- [Jimmy Woo] You ladies ready for a martini?
- So, have you thought about what
you wanted to do this weekend?
- Yeah, how about we unpack you?
- What, already?
- Dad, that's not funny, it's been six months.
So, um, what's the deal with you and Mom?
- We're separated, what do you mean?
- Well, you're not gonna get back together, are you?
- I don't know it's not that simple, we just--
- So are you allowed to sleep with other people?
- Ashley, I'm not gonna talk about that with you.
Why, is your mother-- - Bye, Dad.
(school bell ringing)
- Wait, wait, why, is your mother--
- Bye, Dad!
- Okay.
Hey, Ashley, one more thing.
- Dad, you're driving me crazy.
I am leaving now.
- Alright, well, I just wanted to say that--
(crashing)
(airbag hissing) (yelling)
- Marion, I've been calling all morning
and I keep getting this ringtone weird message.
- Good morning, Steve.
- Good morning.
(Hector speaking foreign language)
Hey, Hector.
So?
- Phone company said they never received payment,
but I just bought us another couple of weeks.
- Whew, how'd you do that?
- I cried.
- Yeah.
- Okay, Mr. Steve, that should do it.
- Hey, Hector don't you have that meeting with Compaq?
- Your circuit board it got loose.
- Oh, well, thank you, but I told you I can't pay you.
- No, no, no, no charge.
You've been really good to me.
- I don't want you to go, it's just,
they can actually give you money. (laughs)
- (laughs) Also, about my download pre-emptor.
- Yeah, oh, you're what?
- Download pre-emptor.
- Oh, your invention!
Yeah, um, can I offer a little advice?
Hector, I'd wait.
I'd play it safe, get the job,
don't mention it and then mention it later.
- Thanks for your advice, Mr. Steve.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
(both coughing)
Thanks, Hector, thank you.
Okay, you better make your meeting.
- Thank you.
- Can you call triple A?
I had a fender bender.
- Oh, sure thing.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, we are out of plastic.
- Anything else you can use?
Any other silver linings?
- No.
(tube bubbling)
- Hello, Steven.
- Hey, Wild Bill.
What are you working on?
- Oh, not sure.
- Keep up the good work.
- Okay.
(sighing)
- Oh, um, any messages?
- Well, let me see.
No.
- Oh.
(exhaling)
- [Computer] You have no new email.
- [Steve Voiceover] You're right,
the deal with the Army, it's uncertain.
Okay, you're right, it's dead, it's dead.
Am I the only one working? (heart beating)
- [Marion Voiceover] We are out of plastic.
- [Steve Voiceover] I can't pay you.
- [Ashley Voiceover] What's the deal with you and Mom?
- [Steve Voiceover] We're separated, what do you mean?
- [Ashley Voiceover] Are you allowed
to sleep with other people?
(tense music)
(intercom beeping)
- [Marian] Don't forget you have
that appointment this morning.
And you're late.
I got a taxi for you.
- Okay, thank you.
(blues music) (helicopter whirring)
- Greetings!
- Good morning. - Greetings.
- Good to see you. - Thanks for having us.
- Thank you.
- Good morning.
Let me welcome you once again to AFI, Mr. Gordon,
and to you, Mr. Watson.
I know I speak for all of us here at AFI
when I say how absolutely thrilled
we are for this opportunity to be acquired
by Gordon Technology Enterprises;
the world leader in telecommunications,
energy resources and, of course,
after this deal, agribusiness.
(clapping)
- Thank you, J.T.
When our purchase of AFI has been finalized
and we assume the control of the market share
your company has over bovine fertility
then the final piece of that puzzle will be in place.
This is a very good deal for all.
- Unless, of course, you're June Cleaver
worrying about the price of milk.
(all chuckling softly)
- I'd like everyone to hear from my head of legal.
- Thank you, Gordon.
This is a very substantial deal,
one that will likely attract a lot of attention
and perhaps even raise a few eyebrows.
But the fact of the matter is,
there's no denying that whoever controls
the technology controls the industry
and as fertility indicators go,
well, AFI's the only game in town.
(lively jazz music)
- [Steve] Samantha Hardy?
- You're late. - Sorry, my car died.
I've never hired a business pro before.
How would this work?
- That depends.
Look, I only have a few minutes here.
I've reviewed everything you sent me.
So why don't you tell me about these light sticks?
- Okay, um, not much to tell, really.
You bend a plastic tube and the chemicals mix
and voila, light.
- But do you have a patent?
- Yeah, all the partners share in it, but yeah, we do.
- So all those little glow things
at Disneyland, they're yours?
- Actually, we sold the rights for that use a few years ago.
- That was stupid.
- Thank you.
- Alright, look here's how I see it.
If you can't fix it, sell it.
Normally buyers look at several things.
First, there's EBIT, that's profit, you don't have any.
Then there's earn out, that's potential,
and you don't have any of that either.
And then they look at cost to earnings ratio and--
- Wait, don't tell me.
I don't have any of that either?
- Bingo!
But, you're lucky.
You come to me, things happen, that's why I get my 5%.
So, what do you say?
- Well, I don't know.
I mean, I have to talk to the other partners.
- What are you, the class safety monitor?
Come on, take charge.
It's a slam dunk, no sale, no fee.
- I just, uh...
- Look, I know I'm putting a lot in front of you right now.
And if you're afraid to make a move I understand.
But, if you want something sometimes
you just have to reach out and grab it.
(tinkling)
(Steve exhaling)
Well, gee, this was fun.
So, we have a deal.
- Oh.
(water splashing)
- [Radio DJ] You're listening to 102.4
and that was your afternoon business report.
Up next, news, weather and traffic.
Right after a word from our sponsor.
- [Jimmy] Hi, Jimmy Woo here,
unassuming Asian self-made millionaire.
- [Steve Voiceover] I have to talk to the other partners.
- [Samantha Voiceover ] It's a slam dunk, no sale, no fee.
Profit.
- [Steve Voiceover] Don't tell me, I don't have any of that.
- And look at me now.
And look at you.
Oh, man!
You don't look so good, Steve!
(gasping)
Let me ask you a question, my friend.
Where are you gonna be when your ship comes in, huh?
At the train station?
Don't miss your boat, Stevie.
(laughs)
- That should do it.
That last one is the Letter of Intent.
And Mr. Montgomery, we shall proceed
with our due diligence and look forward
to seeing you in 45 days when escrow closes.
- Until then, J.T., no funny business.
No money in, no money out.
Bear in mind that this letter permits us
to take a walk if anything should change.
- I wouldn't have it any other way.
- If anyone got wind of a takeover,
if anything strange were to happen such as,
let's say, your stock price were to shoot up,
that would really vex me.
- And you don't want to vex him.
- No vex.
Come on, Lu.
Luis, it's me!
- I look forward to welcoming you all into the family.
- Because isn't family what it's all about?
- Marion, any sign of Harry?
Okay, well if you do, ask him to call me.
Wait, uh, I gotta be at Nora's at four to pick up Ashley.
What time is it?
Oh, my God, I got 10 minutes, I promised her.
Okay, yeah, alright, thanks, bye.
(playful music)
Oh, come on!
(groaning)
- What the hell, Louise?
That's bullshit!
Bullshit, that's bullshit!
What, alright, alright, okay, let's calm down.
So what do I get?
Oh, oh, I get to keep my share of the business?
Thank you very frickin' much!
I'm the one who started this whole business!
(telephone ringing)
Shut up!
Please hold.
Yeah? - Harry, Harry, is that you?
- I can't talk right now.
- Where have you been, did you order the plastic?
- Oh, the plastic.
Well, gee, Steve, let me think.
I've got a lot of things going on today.
Like, my wife is leaving me and my whole life
is being turned upside-down, thank you very much!
- When did that happen? (telephone ringing)
- It's happening right now, please hold.
- Harry, it's me, Jonas.
- I can't talk to you right now, Jonas.
Louise is leaving me.
- Yes, I know, that's why I'm calling.
- Hang on! (telephone ringing)
Louise?
Listen to me.
What?
Screw you!
Please hold.
- Harry, you can't talk with her.
She's got representation.
- Oh, I can't talk to my own wife, can't I?
- Well, you can't negotiate with her.
I'm gonna negotiate with her counsel.
- Is that how it works?
I can't talk to my own freakin' wife?
What kind of state do we live in?
(telephone ringing) Please hold.
Louise, that was Jonas and he says I can't talk to you.
Screw Jonas! - It's me!
What do you mean, screw Jonas?
- Never mind, she ain't gettin' shit!
- Harry, did you order the plastic?
- Let me tell you a little story about the plastic.
Once upon a time, screw you and the plastic, too!
- Screw you, Harry!
(bell dinging)
(playful music)
(doorbell ringing)
(knocking)
(sighing)
(woman moaning)
- [Steve] Nora?
Nora?
Nora, you alright?
(gasping)
- Who the hell are you?
- She's my wife and that, I believe, is my four iron!
- Oh, my God, Steve, what the hell are you?
Oh, my God!
Tom, it's okay.
I'll be, just give me one second, okay?
What are you doing here?
- I'm supposed to pick up Ashley.
- Oh, really, is she in the bushes?
- I rang the doorbell, nobody answered.
- Okay, well, your daughter was sitting here waiting for you
and when you didn't show up she went
to spend the night at her friend Rachel's house.
- My car broke down.
Who's he?
- That's Tom, he's new in the firm.
- Oh, employee orientation?
(laughs)
- You know what, Steve?
I think we're supposed to be moving on here.
So what do you expect?
- Well, let's see, um, not this!
- Why don't you come back a little later
and we'll just, we'll sit down
and we'll have a conversation.
(frantic comical music)
(yelling) (horn honking)
- [Driver] Get off the road, you idiot!
(toy horn squeaking)
- Where'd you learn to drive?
- [Veronica] The perfect ending to a perfect day.
- (laughs) 600 million dollars from the likes of Mr. Gordon.
- Larry, tomorrow morning I want you
to start buying up our shares.
Slowly, carefully.
Small orders.
You know, nothing to raise eyebrows.
- As your lawyer I am obligated to tell you--
- And so you have, counselor.
And so you have.
- J.T., we have a good thing here.
- I want it to be great.
Is there something wrong with that?
Hmm, wanting to be great?
- Doesn't that strike you as, I don't know,
being just a little bit--
- Just a little bit what?
Oh, come on, say it, Larry.
A little what?
Greedy?
Greed, it's just a word, Larry.
An ordinary word for ordinary people.
Come here.
Look at them all down there.
Every day it's the same thing.
They get up.
They make their coffee, they get dressed, they go to work.
One hour lunch, go home, eat dinner, watch TV,
maybe have a bowl of ice cream.
(sighing)
Ordinary people shuffling around.
Taking only what's given them.
We're not like them, Larry.
We are not ordinary.
No, sir.
What we are, what we do,
it takes strength, it takes courage.
It takes fucking talent.
Go buy those shares, Lar.
(tense music)
Well, here's to all the ordinary people,
without whom there would be no standard of measurement.
- Mr. Steve?
- Hector, what are you doing in that thing?
- It's a company car.
- You got the job?
- Yeah, I took your advice.
I tried to play it safe.
I didn't say nothing.
But the interview ended and I was walking out.
Suddenly, something came over me, and then I went for it!
I told them about the download pre-emptor
and they went crazy!
They brought all these people and all these lawyers
and they put down some papers
and they offered me six million dollars!
- Six million?
(speaking foreign language)
- Please put that in the trunk, Alvin.
- Personal assistants?
- No, they just have crazy sex with me.
Well, thank you, Mr. Steve!
Hey, you the hombre!
I love this country!
I can't wait to become a citizen!
Adios!
(comical music)
(bicycle bell tinkling)
(Harry sniffling)
- He got his own Alvin.
She said that I've changed.
I'm uh,
I'm all closed up.
I don't think that I've changed that much, have I?
- Wow, look at these.
My God.
Look at me back then. (laughs)
Oh, my God! - Wow!
Almost cute. - Yeah, almost.
Oh, look at this.
Whatever happened to Mickey Fish?
- Who?
- Class president.
Straight A student.
Captain of the baseball team.
This guy could have been anything he wanted.
Probably is.
- Reminds me of Louise.
Why don't you give the guy a call?
Find out where he's at now.
- He's probably CEO of some big company.
- So?
- So, walk in his office, hey, Mick, how you doin'?
I'm good, Steve.
How are you?
Well Mick, been a long, hard climb to the middle.
- You know, bro, I've been packing up
every reference there is to Louise in this office
the last couple hours and I am exhausted.
I think I'm just gonna crash over here.
- God, whatever happened to Mickey Fish?
(soft bluesy music)
Harry, we're in trouble.
- I know.
(banging)
(sniffing)
("Thus Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss)
(stick cracking)
(cow mooing)
(telephone ringing)
- OmniGlow.
- [Herb] Hi there, this is Herb Zissner
up here at Zissner Dairy Farms.
- Uh, dairy farms?
You got the wrong number.
- [Herb] No, no, no, listen, I think I've
come up with an idea for your light sticks.
- Okay, hold on.
Harry, it's somebody for our light sticks.
Alright, dairy boy, go ahead.
- [Herb] No, you gotta get up here and see this.
- See what?
- [Herb] (laughs) I can't explain it over the phone.
It'll sound too strange!
You really need to get up here and see it for yourself.
- A dairy farm?
Where the hell are we?
- I don't know, somewhere near Modesto, I think.
- That's good, here I was depressed
all the time thinking we were going to Fresno.
(sighing)
- Alright, come on, give it a rest.
- Hey, where's the toothless guy with the banjo?
(laughs)
You got a real purty mouth, boy.
- Dear God, I hope we get there fast.
(Harry squealing)
(upbeat music)
- This farm's been in our family for over 100 years.
- That's amazing.
- Yeah, it's tough these days, though, I tell ya.
We just found out feeding supplies are going up again.
- The little brown one back there, is she single?
- That's just, (laughs) um,
so, I still don't see how we fit in to all this.
- Well, the sun's going down.
You'll find out soon enough.
- And you guys know where you're taking us, right?
- I know exactly where we're taking you.
Just relax we'll be there in just a second.
(dramatic music)
- Wow!
- Son of a bitch!
- The dairy industry was worth
well over 24 billion dollars last year.
- That's a lot of milk.
- Who knew?
- Yeah, not one penny of that came
from a cow who wasn't pregnant.
- Why's that?
- Biology 101, cow ain't pregnant she ain't producing milk.
- I never thought of it like that.
- [Harry] I never thought about it at all.
- [Steve] What the hell is going on?
(cows mooing)
- What kind of crazy crap
are you good old boys into up here?
- Got your light stick, got your cow.
- You see, it's critical for us
to know precisely when a cow goes into heat.
Now once she does, we've only got
a very short period of time to inseminate her.
- So you jam a light stick up her ass?
- No, sir.
- On her ass!
You see, on a cow's rump there's this
leathery area where she feels nothing.
It's totally numb.
You could go in there and pull out
a handful of hair, she wouldn't feel a thing.
- Where's the fun in that?
(laughs)
- Go ahead, you wanna try it?
- No, I just washed my hands.
- Suit yourself.
See, right here on this spot is where we glue
what we call in our industry the fertility indicator.
- Yeah, but instead, that's where we put your light stick.
- When a cow comes into heat it attracts another cow.
Look over there.
- Oh, so the bulls--
- We don't got no bulls.
Heck, if we wait around for a bunch
of bulls to bust nut, we go bust.
- Yeah.
- So the females do that to each other?
- Why, you dirty dog.
I got that one on DVD.
Prison Heifers! (laughs)
- Actually, there's nothing sexual about it.
You see, when a cow goes into heat
another cow will rise up and mount her,
pressing its chest down onto her rump.
It's called ridin'.
- They made a sequel?
(light stick cracking)
- And God said,
let there be light! - Let there be light!
Hallelujah! - Yeehaw!
- This is the fertility indicator everybody's using.
- AFI, American Farms International.
- Slightly better than nothing at all.
- Real tough to spot during the day, impossible at night.
- But, it's the only thing on the market.
- I'm tellin' you, this is a helluva lot better than that.
- And AFI sells a gazillion of those.
- So what are you guys saying?
- You guys can revolutionize the American
dairy industry with your light stick.
- You guys are going to be very, very rich.
- You guys are serious?
- Yeah.
- But you're talking about competing with this AFI.
This must be a huge company.
- Oh, yeah, one of the biggest.
- Well, they've got financing
and manufacturing and distribution.
- Yeah, but you got the product.
- And who says you need to compete?
Kevin called AFI this afternoon.
- I told them we were meeting with you.
So if something were to come about
from all of this, maybe we--
- Oh, well, of course, if something were to come about.
- We'll see, I mean big companies like that,
they don't pay a whole lot of attention
to little folks like us. - No.
- Who knows if they'll even call back?
(frantic music)
(watch beeping)
(telephone ringing)
- Yeah?
- J.T., I think we have a problem.
(laughing)
This is not gonna be good news.
- They do what?
In the ass?
- You know I don't do that, honey!
- Remember when we used to come here
every Saturday for breakfast, just you and me?
- Yeah, and I used to put maple syrup in your coffee.
- Yes!
I miss that.
I miss you, Ash.
- I miss you too, Dad.
Is there anything else you miss?
- I saw this great new use for our light sticks, on cows.
- On cows?
- Yeah, I swear!
No, I mean it.
Honey, this could be it.
- Your big deal?
- You never know.
- Have you heard anything, anyone call?
- No.
- It's been two days!
- I know.
I tried to get someone interested other than AFI, but,
light sticks on cows, people just laugh.
- I knew it!
I knew it, it's just like all the other ones.
Just a lot of crap!
You remember when we started this place?
We built this business from nothing!
All the hours, all the late nights.
We even helped build the building, for Christ's sake!
Do you remember that?
For what, for what?
This is what we get, huh?
This is what I get?
I'm tellin' ya, I can't take it anymore, man!
I'm like a fish!
You know, they've already gaffed me and put me in the boat.
- Harry, you're talking crazy.
- Am I?
I don't think so, bro.
There comes a time when a man has
to realize he's not full of potential anymore.
That he's a failure.
- What kind of fish?
- What?
- You said you were a fish.
What kind of fish?
- I don't mean I'm really a fish.
I was trying to make a point.
- Yeah, but what kind, like a shark or a flounder?
- That's really funny.
You what man, I'm done, I'm finished.
- Wait, what do you mean you're done?
You're not done!
- We have nothing, Steve!
- What do you mean we have nothing?
We have our company!
- Are you kidding me, our company?
This pathetic, measly, two-bit rinky-dink company?
- You flounder!
- And what are you, huh?
What the hell are you?
A frickin' puffer fish?
That's what you are, pal, a puffer fish!
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and nothing happens!
- Yeah, well something did, 'cause you didn't build
this pathetic, measly, two-bit operation, I did!
- And you forgot rinky-dink.
- Flounder!
- Puffer!
(door slamming)
- I believe that I am entitled--
- [Harry] Entitled?
- To be supported, yes--
- Entitled to what? - In the manner that--
- What is that supposed to mean, what did you do?
- Harry, please!
This is not the way we handle this thing!
- Quiet!
What did you do?
- I nurtured.
- You nurtured? - Louise, you don't have
to say anything. - I did nurture!
That's right! - What did you nurture?
- You know exactly what I mean, Harry!
- Oh, gimme a break, will you? - Harry!
- You nurtured nothing.
- There were sleepless nights!
I have stood by-- - Okay, Nora's here.
Everything's--
- I'm sorry. - We'll start.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me, what are you doing here?
What do you have to do with this?
- I'm a lawyer, Harry.
- You're her lawyer?
- [Jonas] Harry.
- Wait a second, wait a second!
She can't do that, she's one of the partners!
You gotta ridicuse yourself!
- Recuse, Harry, that's recuse.
And no, I don't have to.
- Harry, please.
- I beg your pardon, would you please explain
to this bottom feeder-- - Harry, shut up!
- Nice.
- Let's just make this short and sweet.
- [Jonas] Yes.
- My client has instructed me to make the following offer.
My client will retain the house,
the car and all personal possessions acquired
during the course of this union.
- Hang on a second.
Why don't you just take my balls?
Let me put 'em both right here for you.
You take the right one, you take the left one.
And use both hands, you wanna get it all.
- [Jonas] Harry!
- Are you kidding me, do I get to keep my own balls?
- Harry, sit!
- In exchange, my client agrees to relinquish
any and all claims, now and in perpetuity,
against your share of the company, OmniGlow Inc.
- You've got a heart of gold.
- Honey, I told you not
to let this bother-- - How can he say that to me?
(women whispering)
♪ Who wants left ♪
♪ Who wants right ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby, you got to do me right ♪
♪ Because your needy and so very greedy ♪
♪ The penny from my loafer ♪
♪ The car in the garage ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ My assets, they are a mirage ♪
♪ Because you're needy and so very greedy ♪
♪ You're takin' it all downtown, you left daddy with nothing ♪
♪ You know what I mean, baby ♪
♪ All of my lovin' and all of my heart ♪
♪ The Visa, the AmEx and the Mastercard ♪
♪ Because you're needy ♪
♪ And oh so greedy ♪ (Harry chuckles)
- We're finished here, let's go.
- Hang on a second.
Don't you wanna see my final offer?
- Harry, I think we've seen enough.
Come on, let's go.
- I got an idea now, listen, listen.
How about if I get the house, I get the furniture,
I get the car and I get all the rest of the shit
and you get all my shares in the company, huh?
I mean, you never got to be a partner, Louise.
You always wanted to do that.
That's my official offer.
- And what a fine official offer it is.
We'll get back to you, let's go.
- I think they both wanted me.
♪ I say baby, baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ Baby, what's wrong with you ♪
("Baby Baby" by Matt Harding)
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You're standing all alone with your head in your hand ♪
♪ In a corner, baby ♪
♪ You look so lonely and blue ♪
- Thanks.
♪ But when I call you up, baby ♪
♪ How come you're never around ♪
- Harry, I just, I wanted...
- Don't worry about it.
(glasses clinking)
- Thanks.
- Harry, Steve!
I don't know what went on up at that farm,
whatever you guys did!
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, this is big, this is so big!
- Calm down, take a deep breath.
What's going on?
- Just a few minutes ago. (laughs)
- [Steve] What?
- You're not gonna believe this!
I just had a phone call from the head counsel
of American Farmer's International.
That's AFI on the big board.
They want to meet with us tomorrow morning.
- AFI, they do? - Yes, they do!
- What else did they say?
- Well, they're considering making us an offer.
- They said that?
- Well, no, not exactly, but I could tell.
What, you don't think I know this stuff?
- Jonas, what the hell is the matter with you?
- What is the deal? - I have to pee!
- Well, go!
- Oh, this is big.
This is big!
Okay, so, I told them that we were
willing to listen, entertain offers.
You see, you can't get too excited
about this because they sense that.
See, so I played the game.
I was cool, very cool.
- You were cool!
(laughs)
- You should have seen me!
- You son of a bitch, you're a freakin' doll!
- Okay, what's next?
- Well, it's hard to say.
It sounds like they really want OmniGlow
out of the bovine fertility industry fast.
Fatal flaw number one, gentlemen, enthusiasm.
- Bad, bad.
- I am thinking they're gonna make us
an offer, maybe one, one point two.
- Million?
- Oh, yes, babies, 1.2 million dollars!
(cheering)
- Sold, to the man with the light stick up the cow's ass!
- No, no, no, we ask for three million.
- Jonas, Jonas, don't screw this up!
- Guys, please, you have got to trust me on this.
I know how these things work!
This is a slow motion, sensual dirty dance, you know.
They offer one, we come back with three million.
They come back with two million.
We end at two point five, cha, cha, cha!
- Oh, my God!
- [Jonas] Only one thing, guys.
- Yeah?
- We are gonna have to include
all the partners in this deal.
- You mean, like, Wild Bill?
- [Jonas] Yes.
- And Nora? - Yes.
And me, don't forget my 5% because
you couldn't pay my legal fees.
- Two point five mil.
- Divided amongst all of us.
- I can live with that!
- (squeals) I can live with that, too!
(laughing)
Holy crap, I had no idea, Jonas,
you knew how to do such complicated deals!
- It's law!
I could do deals like this in my sleep!
(exhaling)
Are you okay?
- Yeah, just, you know, I'm just excited.
- I think you got him on the cha, cha, cha.
- I think so.
(all laughing excitedly)
(mystical music)
(heart beating)
(splashing)
(soft guitar music)
(woman humming)
(gasping)
(jazz band music)
("Oh Boy, You've Really Got It Made" by Bobby Caldwell)
♪ Boy, have you ever got it made ♪
♪ Oh boy ♪
♪ You're gonna have it breezy ♪
♪ I'll bet good things are gonna come your way ♪
♪ Oh boy, have you ever got it made ♪
♪ People will try to push you around ♪
♪ Don't let 'em make that mistake ♪
♪ One way to king and stand your ground ♪
- Well, people, let's walk like we belong.
♪ Oh boy, brother you've got it made ♪
- How long has it been?
- It's all part of the game.
- It's all part of the game, it's all part of the game.
Let's do something, let's go in there
and tell 'em come on, two million now, let's do it!
Two million, right--
- Harry, please, relax!
- Okay, here's what we've got on these guys.
It's not much, but we're working on it.
- I want everything you can get on these people.
- You think they have any idea what's at stake?
- Well, I can't say for sure,
but considering what's on the line
we have to play this very smart.
Greater warriors than I have fallen
because they've underestimated
the formidability of their opponent.
(breathing loudly)
Oh, God, I love the smell of a deal in the morning.
- Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
We'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to AFI.
Thank you very much for coming.
Just a reminder, what will be discussed here
in this room remains in the strictest confidentiality.
This, of course, excludes spouses.
- Yeah, but who's got one of those anymore, right?
(laughs)
- Let's get right down to business.
AFI is prepared to extend a very generous offer
to you for the purchase of OmniGlow Inc.
Now, we have analyzed and evaluated
what we believe is an appropriate value
for your technology and associated application.
Allow me to just jump right past the formalities.
Here it is, short and sweet.
20 million.
- 20 million what?
- We'll pay you 20 million dollars.
I'm sure everyone will agree that
this amount is more than generous compensation.
Veronica will make sure (heart beating)
all the necessary documents are drawn up
and we'll have it delivered to
your office this afternoon via courier.
- Uh, excuse me just a minute.
- Excuse me, just, I'll be right back.
- He is, quite apparently, not feeling well
and she's gonna probably go out there
and try to help him out.
20 million dollars is a, uh, well,
a very generous offer, I imagine.
Where do we sign?
Can we sign now, please?
- Will you excuse us a moment?
(Steve breathing heavily)
- Steve?
You okay?
- I don't know.
Yeah, I think so.
- Are you?
- Could you turn around for me?
- What?
- Please.
I know, just turn around.
That's fine, thanks.
I just wanna make sure I'm not dreaming.
- No, hon, you're not dreaming.
- This is it.
(tender music)
It's finally here.
This doesn't happen to me.
It's what I've always wanted.
- Well, what do you know?
- What do you know?
- Let's go back in, okay, come on.
- [Steve] Yeah.
- It's about time.
You'll blow the deal!
- He has got to know something.
- You think?
- Oh, yeah.
Do you see what he did?
He just got up and walked right outta the room.
Oh, he's good.
He is good.
How about that other one, huh?
They got the whole good cop/bad cop thing going.
(sighing)
I'm going up to 30.
- J.T., I have to remind you that
this whole thing is a big risk already.
Gordon said nothing changes.
- That's right and what they have changes everything.
If Gordon catches wind of their product
this entire deal goes down the drain.
And may I remind you, counselor,
it's a 600 million dollar deal.
Come on, Lar, don't you wanna be great?
(laughs)
(tense music)
I've reconsidered.
- Oh, look, Mr. Montgomery, I have to tell you--
- In light of new revelations I have been forced
to reassess the value of your company and...
Excuse me, what are you writing?
- Uh, uh, well, I've evaluated what
I consider to be a fair value for
our technology and associated application.
(clearing throat)
- Oh, I'd like to see that.
- Well, yeah, I don't think so.
- Well, I'm not certain we can
move forward if can't see that.
- Well, this is proprietary information.
So, no way.
- [Harry] (coughing) Give it to him right now!
- Give it to him!
- [Harry] (coughing) Show him the pad!
- Another moment. (laughs)
(tense music)
(all whispering)
- [Harry] We'll kill you!
- I'm making a drawing.
- Alright, this is it.
Now, mind you, I am not going to offer one penny higher.
40 million.
(raucous jazz music)
♪ Kick out the windows bust down the doors ♪
♪ Tonight we're gonna party like never before ♪
♪ Take off your shoes and let yourself go ♪
♪ Tonight we're gonna let the good times roll ♪
(both laughing)
♪ We're gonna boogie till the rooster crows ♪
♪ We're gonna party till the cows come home ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
♪ Let it roll ♪
- So, tell me again, how much did we get?
Was it 2.5 million?
- I think it was 20 million.
No, no, wait.
It was, um...
It was 40 million.
(laughs)
(stomping feet)
- That's quite consistent with my analysis.
- To Wild Bill's analysis!
- [Nora] Yes, hear, hear!
- Dink!
- Does anybody have any idea what really happened up there?
- I don't know and I don't think I wanna know.
(all laughing)
- 40 million!
Peanuts, sir?
40 million!
- Oh, my God, stop it!
- Interesting day, huh?
- Yes, yes, it was.
- It's funny, you work and you work and you work
and you work and you work and you work and you come close.
And then one day (popping).
So are you seeing this Tom guy, or what?
- Steve, let's not go there, okay?
- I mean, come on, Nora, 3:30 in the afternoon?
- What, you've never made love in the afternoon?
- Yeah, I mean, maybe.
We never did.
We never made love in the afternoon.
- Well, we could have.
Why didn't we?
I mean, I don't know, did we just take all
of our imagination to the office and leave it there or what?
- I was trying to get somewhere.
I wanted to make something of myself, you know that.
- No.
No, it was just never enough for you.
Was it?
- You talking about us?
- Is there an us?
(thudding)
(screaming)
- Safe!
- Okay, uh, everybody, uh, I was just
handing these all out to you.
You can see the breakdown of everybody's percentages.
I hope it's clear.
I'm open to any questions.
Harry?
- When do I get my money? (all laughing)
- That will be a month from today.
- Harry, I've gotta tell you,
your offer is looking awfully good right about now.
- What offer?
- The one you made to Louise.
You know, I think she just might take it.
- Wait a minute, Nora.
What about confidentiality?
- No, no, no, J.T. said except spouses, remember?
- Yeah, I know, but she's my spouse, not yours.
Hey, you two aren't--
- Sorry I'm late.
- That's alright, darling.
Who the hell are you?
- Everybody this is Samantha Hardy.
I'll explain later.
- No, you'll explain now.
- You can just call me the new head
of professional development for OmniGlow light sticks.
- Okay.
- Alright, time out.
How much is she getting? - 5% off the top.
- Off the top of what?
- Off the top of my frickin' ass.
- Plus, I get 35% contingency on her 5%.
Marvin Dunkle, attorney for Ms. Hardy.
- Steve, what the hell are you doing to my buy?
- Sorry I'm late.
- This is my attorney, Mr. Wilco.
- Your attorney?
- Well, I thought it best we have
someone here protecting our interests.
- Let me ask you something.
Then who the hell is looking out for my interests?
- I am!
- Oh, great.
I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight.
- Screw you, Harry!
- (squeaking) Right back at ya, pal.
- Okay, I've had enough!
You wanna piece of me, come on!
- You want some of this?
Come on! - Yeah!
- Hold it, hold it, stop it!
Let's everybody relax.
- Can I just say something, please?
- [All] No!
(knocking)
- Who the hell are you?
- Jonas' personal trainer.
- Sven!
("Big Bucks" by Stacey Lee and Tony Campodon")
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ A hot tub right beside the view ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Big booms and ponies, hoody-doo ♪
- Spa's right over here.
- [Jonas] Yeah.
- And your beach entrance is right over there.
- Yes!
Oh, it's great!
I'm just thinking, though, maybe it needs to be bigger.
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ A private plane for you and me ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Two days and night in Hungary ♪
♪ A little caviar to bring a smile ♪
♪ All the while we'll be flyin' ♪
♪ Baby, goin' in style ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪ (rocks tinkling)
- Louise, honey, I've been a rat.
I want you to have all the stuff.
I want you to have the house, the car,
all the stuff in the house.
All of it, Louise.
It wasn't fair of me to put the burden
of the company on you, baby.
I mean, I should be the one that bears that.
- It's great, Harry, but...
- But what?
- How can we afford it?
- As long as I have you I'm a rich man, honey.
Look, babe, I got something I gotta tell you.
- What is it?
- Look, this isn't gonna be easy.
I'm just-- - Shh.
You don't have to say anything.
♪ Big bucks ♪
- [Salesman] So, we're all set.
- You put the first payment on the old card
and (Louise squealing) we'll be on the boat.
Don't wake me until next month.
- Bye, Nate!
♪ Money is a universal language ♪
- I get one and a half percent of your portfolio value.
- As my investment banker?
- Robert Lawson is your eyes, your ears.
You look in the mirror, you see Robert Lawson.
- Okay.
- For my one and a half I'm on top of everything.
I am all over it!
- Okay, I think I get it.
What's this?
- Laker tickets.
(laughs)
Say hey to Jack for me.
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ One different car for every noon ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ One with two R's up on the hood ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ That glow of facials every day ♪
♪ Big bucks ♪
♪ That shiny, golden Cartier ♪
♪ You're gonna see me in designer gowns ♪
- Mom told me about your deal.
- Yeah, it looks like we might be
coming into some money, Ashley.
- Dad, it's not about the money.
Although, I have found myself fantasizing
in an abstract, far removed kind of way,
what it would be like to be rich.
- Well, we're not exactly starving.
- I know, but Dad, I'm talking rich, like super, super rich.
- You wanna see?
- Yeah!
(engine revving) (both screaming)
(mariachi music)
(crowd chattering)
- Ah, Nora!
May I say you look scrumptious this evening?
Provocative, yet demure.
(laughs)
- Oh, thank you, Jonas.
And may I say you look, you look masculine,
yet not without a hint of boyish charm.
(laughs)
- You're too kind.
- And may I say I'm full, yet still hungry.
- Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop!
- It's time for our stock go up, Lar.
Get out just the right amount of the inside information.
Ooze it out like a tube of toothpaste.
- It's a pretty simple drill, J.T.
Just a whisper to my Wall Street guys,
tell 'em to keep it hush-hush.
Of course, they'll swear on their mothers
they won't tell a soul, but we know that
they'll pass it on to their best clients.
- That's right.
It's all about finesse, Larry.
It's all about finesse.
(splashing)
- Hey.
Oh, God!
Sorry.
- It's okay I'll get you another one.
- Thanks.
Ashley's sippy cup.
- I know, I just couldn't bring myself to throw it away.
- Keep the cup but lose the marriage, huh?
(laughs)
- What?
What are you, I'm sorry, why are acting like this, Steve?
- Like what?
- What do you mean, like what?
You don't think you've been acting strange lately?
- Well, Nora, I'm moving on.
Isn't that what you said we should do, move on?
- You know what?
This is really hard for me, okay?
- It's hard for me, too.
- Steve, no, you are the one who left me!
Okay?
You left me!
You know, just for your information
I never cared about 'making it'.
- Well, that's easy for you to say.
- I'm sorry, what does that mean?
- Well, you had your own thing going on, didn't you?
You had a law degree.
You could have joined a firm.
You could have had a career. - Wait a second!
Wait a second!
I'm sorry.
Rewind here for a minute, I'm sorry.
Are you saying that this marriage
is a competition of some sort?
- No, not at all!
- Listen to me, I don't care about the cars!
I don't care about the houses!
I don't need that, Steve!
Look, if this was on your shoulders, guess what?
It's because you put it there.
Not me, you.
(tense music)
- Has anyone thought about what this really means?
- No.
(laughs)
- Come on, Jonas.
You've never even thought about it?
- Of course, I've thought about it.
I just don't wanna jinx it, that's all.
(sighing)
♪ Hi-de-ho ♪
♪ Hi-de-hi ♪
♪ Gonna get me a piece of the sky ♪
♪ Gonna get me some of that old sweet roll ♪
♪ Singing hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi-di-ho ♪
- Everybody!
♪ Hi-de-ho ♪
♪ Hi-de-hi ♪
♪ Gonna get me a piece of the sky ♪
♪ Gonna get me some of that old sweet roll ♪
- [Jonas] Take it home, Harry!
♪ Singing hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi-di-ho ♪
(thudding)
(sighing)
(frantic heart beating)
(both moaning)
- [Harry] Oh, yeah.
Who's your captain, baby? - You are!
- Who's your captain, baby? - You are!
Ooh, ow, cramp on the starboard side!
(Harry beeping)
(telephone ringing)
Captain!
- Come on, baby, that's good.
- [Steve] Harry, Harry are you there?
It's me.
- Yeah.
- I'm having another one of those panic attacks
or something and it's bad this time.
I don't know what's going on.
I mean, now that we have the deal and everything, right?
I don't know why.
Are you there?
Harry? (Harry groans)
Harry, pick up!
Harry!
- Who's your captain, babe?
- [Steve] Harry, come on!
(thudding)
- Steve, it's Louise.
What deal?
- Oh, uh, Louise, I can't talk right now.
I'm having some sort of attack.
Need some fresh air.
(panting)
- What deal, Harry?
- I was just about to tell you about the deal.
It's funny, it's like we're psychically connected
or something, you know?
(laughs nervously)
(grunting)
Baby, what, please, honey!
(thudding)
(dramatic music)
Louise, honey, are you upset?
(panting)
- You just don't get it, Harry!
Relationships are about trust!
- But baby, I trust you!
(grunting)
(panting)
(folksy music)
("Picking Soul" by Matt Harding)
♪ Who knows where all the time goes ♪
♪ One door opens ♪
♪ And another one will close ♪
♪ And the night comes far too soon ♪
♪ Who knows where all the time goes ♪
♪ Free, wanna be free ♪
♪ Leave yesterday behind me ♪
♪ And the night comes far too soon ♪
♪ Who knows where all the time goes ♪
- Never forgot getting locked in the brewery overnight.
(laughs)
So I gotta say this is quite a surprise.
- Well, you know, you've popped
in my head a few times recently.
I always wondered what you were up to.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I just thought I wanted to look you up.
- Well, I'm glad you did.
- So, tell me, the last I heard you were at Princeton.
- Yeah.
- So what are you doing now?
- Havin' a beer with an old friend.
- This place is beautiful.
Must be great coming up here on the weekends
and leaving the stress of the city behind.
- This is where I live.
I built this place from the ground up.
- Wow.
Mick, I,
what do you do?
For work?
- A little of this and a little of that, you know.
I've been doing some carpentry lately.
- Carpentry?
- Yeah, I really like it.
Every once in a while I write
a little piece for the local paper.
You okay?
Something wrong?
- Nothing, I just, you know.
So, but tell me, so after Princeton, what?
- It's funny how easily you can get trapped.
Expectations.
Other people's expectations of who you are
and what you need to be in order to be happy.
(laughs)
- Mick, you were always,
I mean you were destined for greatness.
- I'm just an ordinary guy.
Always was.
- Ordinary?
No, I don't think so.
(laughs)
- You say that like it's a bad thing.
- I just, you know.
- Oh, come on, who wants to talk about the past?
It's already been done.
Why waste time talking about it when there's,
geez, there's so much else to do.
I haven't even finished half of these yet
and I'm learning how to play this thing.
Did I tell you I was playing the sax?
- No, I didn't know.
- You wanna hear me play it?
- No, I mean, I'd love to, but I gotta get back to L.A.
I gotta deal with that thing and I gotta
long trip ahead of me, so I'd better.
- Steve, I'm really glad you came up.
- Yeah, yeah, it was great.
- Whoo! - Whoo!
- It's something, isn't it?
- Yeah, it is.
Very peaceful.
- I find it all slows down if I let it.
Haven't figured out why yet, but I'm working on it.
Whoo, feel that wind!
You have to just let it carry you.
- Yeah, right.
Well, I'll see you, Mick.
- You too.
(bluesy saxophone music)
- Shh, somebody's coming!
- Oh, they're here!
They're here.
- Hey, everybody, Robert Lawson.
I just thought I'd drop by and see how things are doing.
Oh, my, I forgot it's the big day today, huh!
- Robert, how are you?
Good to see you!
- What a coincidence, huh? - Hey, how are you?
- Good, good. - Let's go.
- Oh, God.
Stop it!
- Robert Lawson, I'm the money manager.
- J.T. Montgomery, I'm the money.
- That went well.
(tense music)
- Mr. Montgomery, good morning.
- Good morning.
- Gentlemen, before we tend to the business at hand
we have humbly assembled this culinary feast in your honor.
Please, help yourselves.
(slurping)
- Uh, pass.
- Well, shall we?
- Can you really get 40 million dollars
in one of those briefcases?
- Actually, Harry, that's usually done
either by a money order or a wire transfer.
- So, what's it gonna be, a money order or a wire transfer?
- Um, that would be C, none of the above.
- I'm sorry?
- You know, the boys on Wall Street have a saying.
It's all a big game, like Monopoly,
only you get to keep the money.
Now, you're probably wondering what does that mean, right?
- Right.
- Well, it means gentlemen, lady,
that you landed on Boardwalk with four hotels.
The deal is off the table.
- Wait, off the table?
You can't do that! - Excuse me!
We had a deal here, pal!
You do know what a deal is, don't you, Wall Street?
- Clearly, you don't understand what you're talking about.
What you had, technically, was a Letter of Intent.
- Jonas, straighten this character out.
- That letter permits us to withdraw.
We can look at your books, look at your patent, look at you.
We can turn you inside out,
but we are not obligated to close escrow.
That's just the way it works.
Tell 'em, Jonas.
- [Steve] Jonas, what's he talking about?
- He's right.
- Jonas, you gotta be kidding me?
- He's right!
- You got excited, didn't you?
Busy little bees counting your money.
And all of those new cars out in the parking lot, very nice.
Which one of you purchased the Porsche?
Wonderful choice.
- No, there is no substitute.
- And I'm sure Steve over here isn't
the only one who got a little crazy.
Show of hands?
- You are such as asshole.
- I'll take that as a yes.
We all know about the boat, Captain.
- You bought a boat?
- A small boat! - Oh, my God.
- Well, as I was saying, I recently had
the opportunity to review that analysis of yours.
I looked over all of the numbers and well,
frankly, they just don't quite add up.
(tense music)
You almost had me.
(laughs)
Enjoy it.
It's the most expensive laugh you'll ever have.
- It doesn't mean, it's just Wild Bill,
he doesn't mean anything by it.
- You all thought you had me, didn't you?
But you can't fool me now that I
know who you people really are.
Nevertheless, we all know this is business.
So, I'm going to present to you an offer
with a slightly revised number, 2.5 million.
- 2.5 million, to de divided amongst?
That's bullshit.
- Let me tell you something, Gilligan.
You got lucky, all of you.
Your little company is nothing
more than a fart in a wheat field.
You should be thankful that I'm going to cover your debts,
not to mention some of your 'deficit spending'.
- Alright, we'll give you our answer in a couple of days.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
You will let me know now.
You have five minutes.
- What the hell was that, Jonas?
You're supposed to know what you're doing!
- Jonas, what the hell is this?
(all shouting heatedly)
- More champagne, J.T.?
- Don't mind if I do, Lar.
Don't mind if I do.
- Masterful performance, all of it.
(laughs)
- Well, you didn't think I was going to let a bunch
of wanna-bes beat me out of 40 million, did you?
- There was never really any doubt.
And I must say your sense of timing was impeccable.
- I thought I'd leave them in there for
a while to ripen on the vine, so to speak.
And if my hunch is correct they should
be hitting the ground right about--
- [Nora] Who told you to go out and buy a stupid boat?
- You think this is fun, wait'll we close
the deal with Gordon tomorrow.
(glasses clinking)
- Well, J.T., we've talked it over
and we're wondering if you can do
something about hiding the money.
- We can do that.
- Of course, we do that all the time.
The Bahamas, the Caymans, you name it.
- I was thinking about somewhere a little closer to home.
We'd like you to take the 2.5 million in cash,
preferably small bills, wrap it up into little bundles--
- And stick it up your corporate ass.
(playful music)
- I see.
Alrighty then.
- Yeah.
- Oh, there is one little thing I neglected to mention.
It's the craziest thing, really.
As it turns out, I don't need all of you
to agree on this deal, just one.
Imagine my surprise when my counsel informed me
that your patent is registered under the names
of the individual partners, not the company.
Anyone know what that means?
Anyone on the crack legal staff wanna
take a shot at this one?
Jonas, Nora?
- It means that any of us independently
can transfer the right to make the light sticks
without the permission of others.
- You are beginning to give me the heebie-jeebies.
But he is absolutely right.
Now, whose brain child was it to set it up this way?
- We trust each other.
- Oh, really?
Well, we'll find out soon enough.
Because I'm going to offer the entire 2.5 million
to one of you for your rights under the patent.
No split, kind of a winner take all situation.
I'll be at the Hotel Piermont tonight enjoying
a scotch and soda until eight o'clock.
I'm going to bring a cashier's check,
confident that one of you, I don't know which one,
I don't care which one, but one of you
will show up to seal the deal.
The rest of you can go to hell.
- Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Hello?
Stop the digging!
Sir, there's a change!
Just fill in the hole!
(frantic music)
(screaming)
- Hi, Louise!
- Harry!
- Louise, I,
I apologize.
I'm a scoundrel, I'm a turd.
I'm humbled in your presence, Louise.
I'm so sorry.
Look, honey, something's happened.
Things have been so good lately.
Baby, we,
we have some decisions to make.
Louise, I love you.
Please take me back.
(both crying)
("Reaching Out" by Fancy and Larry Lee)
♪ The lonely airport and my dried up tears ♪
♪ What am I doing here ♪
♪ And I'm trying to breath in this thick old air ♪
(telephone ringing)
♪ But I know that you're not there ♪
♪ I am reaching out ♪
♪ Reaching out again to empty space ♪
- You might wanna take a look at this.
I came across something online and
I asked Wild Bill if he could dig a bit deeper.
You know his computer skills go a lot further than mine.
Okay, he hacked.
J.T.'s selling AFI.
- To Gordon Technologies?
They're one of the biggest corporations in the world.
- They close tomorrow.
- I... (sighs)
Well, now it all makes sense.
- Why?
- 40 million dollars for this.
What was I thinking?
I mean, what an idiot!
I don't even know what I was thinking.
What was I thinking?
40 million dollars for this?
What was I thinking?
(screaming)
I'm sorry.
I really thought this was the one.
- I know.
- God, it's just...
(door slamming)
I think I'd be better as a giraffe.
- Really?
- Yeah, sure, look at 'em.
They're just, life is just simple, you know?
They eat, sleep, there's no need
for ambitions or possessions.
They don't question relationships.
- Yeah, but I'm sure they have their own problems.
- Like what?
- Dietary concerns, neck cramps.
Us.
Dad, do you ever get scared?
- Uh, well, I don't know, maybe.
- Are you scared right now?
- Yes.
- Of what?
- Of not being enough.
- For who?
- For you.
And your mom.
- That's why you left, huh?
- I wonder if this thing, this feeling of
not being enough isn't the inherent human flaw.
You know, that which keeps us from being better than we are.
- Dad, where do you get this stuff?
- I don't know, it just comes to me. (laughs)
♪ I'm reaching out ♪
♪ Reaching out again ♪
♪ To empty space ♪
♪ And before a sound ♪
♪ Searching for a taste ♪
♪ If I were reaching ♪
♪ Reaching out again ♪
♪ To touch your face ♪
♪ Falling through sky ♪
♪ Searching for a trace ♪
♪ You really know how to dance ♪
♪ You go up, down, jump around ♪
♪ I think I found true romance ♪
(light jazz music)
♪ What I like about you ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ What I like about you ♪
♪ Hey ♪
(light jazz music)
- Ah-ha!
I knew it.
- Knew what?
- What are you doing here?
- Excuse me, what are you doing here?
- I only came to see if anybody else was gonna show up.
- Oh, really? - Well, this is just sad.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
I like karaoke.
♪ What I like about you ♪
♪ Uh-huh ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
- Well, well, well, just in time.
- [Singer] Gotta go folks, thank you.
Thank you for the applause.
(audience clapping lamely)
- [Emcee] Come on, folks, wake up out there.
Well, maybe you'll be a little nicer to our next performer.
Here he is.
("Climb Every Mountain" music)
♪ Climb every mountain ♪
♪ Search high and low ♪
(camera clicking)
♪ Follow every byway ♪
♪ Every path you know ♪
♪ Follow every rainbow ♪ (camera clicking)
♪ Till you find your dream ♪
♪ A dream that will take ♪
♪ All the love you can give ♪ (camera clicking)
♪ Ooh, every day of your life ♪
♪ For as long as you live ♪
♪ Live ♪
♪ Climb every mountain ♪
♪ Ford every stream ♪
♪ Follow every rainbow ♪
♪ Till you reach your dream ♪
Yes!
(audience clapping and cheering)
- [Harry] You think you know someone.
- I'm shocked.
- 20 years.
- Oh, would you please light somewhere, Harry?
You're making me nervous.
- 20 years.
- Look, maybe he just got a little
caught up in all this and he just...
I don't know, I just can't believe that he would--
- We were there!
We saw him with our own eyes!
- Yeah, why is it you don't believe this?
- 'Cause I just,
I don't.
- Uh-huh.
Well then where is he?
And why isn't he here, hmm?
(tense music)
(exhaling)
(stick cracking)
- [Secretary] Sir, Mr. J.T. Montgomery is here to see you.
- Send him in, please.
- Luis!
What is this?
Where did you get those?
Oh, you're,
you're not worried about this, are you Lou?
This is nothing!
Look it, these gentlemen, they have this
wholly insignificant little company that sells light sticks.
- I know, J.T., and they've actually become quite useful,
I understand, in the area of bovine fertility.
- Yes, yes they have and, you know,
we have the rights to it now, we own it.
Look, we, we were negotiating.
We negotiated a deal with them so that we could
bring everything to you under the same banner.
Which is what we've done, which is what I've done.
- You've landed on Boardwalk, J.T., with four hotels.
The deal's off the table.
- Off the table?
Off the table?
No.
No, no, no, you can't do that.
You can't do that, that's impossible.
That's, we had a deal.
Tell him we had a deal!
Tell him we have a contract!
We have a contract, Luis!
- Well, that was a Letter of Intent, actually.
- Can you imagine a 600 million dollar deal falling apart
because of a 45 cent light stick on a cow's ass?
- Come on, Luis, please don't play this, don't do this.
- Come on, J.T.
This is business.
This kind of thing happens every day.
You know that.
You're a professional, you're a veteran.
I mean, what's the big deal?
It's not like you went out and bought up all
your own stock based on information that you had.
You wouldn't do that.
And it's a good thing, too, because with all
these light sticks around the boys on Wall Street
about to find out that the deal is off.
Your stock is gonna be worth, well,
shit.
- No, no, no, hold on a second, wait a second.
You're forgetting one thing, one little minor detail.
I have the license to make the product, Gordon.
- That's very true.
But as you know, any partner can give a license
and if these guys can give one to you,
they can give it to anybody;
Purina, General Electric, Mr. Magoo.
Sharing is not a concept that appeals to me.
And in light of all these revelations today
I've really just kind of soured
on the idea of the dairy industry.
Oh, (laughs) that was a pun.
- Mr. Gordon, you and I were gonna work something--
- I like your product, I really do
and I think it was a good pitch.
I really do.
But, I have to tell you something.
We've decided to go another direction.
We've decided to go into coffee.
I just, I love those caramel macchiatos.
We have some out in the reception area.
You oughta try one on your way out, gentlemen.
(clock chiming)
- You could have closed our deal and walked away a winner.
But you didn't.
You couldn't.
It just wasn't enough for you.
- Who do you think you are telling
me what's enough, you little prick?
You think just because you took
me down you're a big hotshot now?
Just who the hell do you think you are?
- I'm just an ordinary guy.
("Soul Picking" by Matt Harding)
(paper tearing)
♪ Are we too late to save our soul ♪
♪ Are we too late to save our soul ♪
♪ Has the night come far too soon ♪
♪ Are we too late to save our soul ♪
- Harry had a moment.
We saw you at the hotel.
- Nora, it's not what you think.
You don't know what happened.
- Mm-hmm. - Oh, yes we do! (laughs)
The old CO and J.T. goes down!
- So Gordon's the man now?
What's the deal, what are we getting?
- Yeah, yeah, what's the deal?
- There is no deal.
- What? - What?
- What are you talking about?
Bill told us the whole thing; the photos,
the check, J.T.'s deal with Gordon.
- Well, apparently Bill didn't tell you the whole story.
Gordon doesn't want to be in the dairy business anymore.
- Well, where the hell is he?
I'll get him back in the dairy business in one second!
- No, Harry, it's over, there's no deal.
- Okay, but at least we still have the 2.5 million, right?
- We do have the 2.5 million?
- I, I couldn't take it, Harry.
I didn't want his money.
I,
I hope,
I hope that's okay...
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
- I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna stick with it.
We have a good product and we have each other
and we're gonna make it work.
- Yeah, like we can afford to
walk away from 40 million dollars!
- Harry?
- No.
- Harry.
Come on, Harry.
Come on. (laughs)
Harry?
Harry, (laughs) come on!
(laughs)
("My Girl" by The Temptations)
(all chuckling)
♪ I got sunshine ♪
♪ On a cloudy day ♪
♪ When it's cold outside ♪
♪ I've got the month of May ♪
♪ I guess you'd say ♪
♪ What can make me feel this way ♪
♪ My girl, my girl, my girl ♪
♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl, my girl ♪
♪ I've got so much honey ♪
♪ The bees envy me ♪ (telephone ringing)
- Go away, we don't have any money to pay the bills yet!
♪ I've got a sweeter song ♪
- You're okay, aren't you?
- Yeah, I'm better than that.
- So, what now?
- I don't know.
I was thinking about maybe learning the saxophone.
♪ My girl, my girl, my girl ♪
- Nora?
- Steve.
- It's the middle of the afternoon.
Do you have any plans?
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
(telephone ringing)
- [Man] Hi, OmniGlow light sticks?
I just heard about your product
from my friend Herb and I wanted
to order 50,000 of those light sticks
of yours for my dairy in Utah.
(phone beeping)
- [Joe] Hey, this is Joe LaPoint from Des Moines Dairy.
I'm calling about those light sticks of yours.
(phone beeping)
- [Man] Hey, I heard you got those
light sticks that go on a cow's butt.
(phone beeping)
(woman speaking foreign language)
♪ I guess you'd say ♪
♪ What can make me feel this way ♪
♪ My girl, my girl, my girl ♪
♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl, my girl ♪
♪ Talkin' 'bout my girl ♪
♪ I got sunshine on a cloudy day, my girl ♪
♪ I've even got the month of May with my girl ♪
("There Must Be Love" by Matt Harding)
♪ You can tickle my backbone, the top of my neck ♪
♪ And call me your baby ♪
♪ You can act real sweet ♪
♪ Baby, so complete I think that maybe ♪
♪ I might take you home ♪
♪ I might do the thing that I do ♪
♪ When I get a bit crazy ♪
- You had to pick an uphill route, didn't you?
You just had to pick an uphill route!
♪ Must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
- Ooh, what's that?
You're so friendly!
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ Like this ♪
♪ Well, I've been making a list, I've been checking it twice ♪
♪ 'Cause I wanna be certain ♪
♪ That my baby's not creeping on the night y'all ♪
♪ Or if she out flirtin' ♪
♪ And that one thing missing ♪
♪ There one thing missing and I don't mean maybe ♪
♪ If you want some lovin', if you want some lovin' ♪
♪ You gotta be my baby ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
(all laughing)
- Please keep that shot!
Please keep that shot!
- How can he say that to me? - I told you not
to let this bother you. - How can he say
a heart of gold? - Because it happens
all the time. - You know, Nora.
You know what I've done. - I know, sweetie.
I know, but he's an asshole!
(all laughing)
♪ Ooh, top of my back door ♪
♪ Top of my neck and call me your baby ♪
♪ Act real sweet, baby, so complete, ♪
♪ I'm thinking maybe ♪
♪ I might take you home ♪
♪ I might do the thing that I do when I get a bit crazy ♪
♪ But there's one thing missing ♪
♪ One thing missing, you gotta be my baby ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
♪ There must be love ♪
- How's that glow stick?
Comfortable?
(cow mooing)
You're welcome for that, by the way.