Mind the Gap (2004) - full transcript

- Do you have to sit there

and block the entrance
to the building?

It's the only entrance
to the building.

The architect who
conceived this building

long before your mother
was born designed a doorway

where people could
come in and out.

In New York, there's
parks all around us.

With your young legs,

you could be there in a
hop, skip, and a jump.

But no, you prefer to sit
there with your mangy dog.

- He's not mangy.



- He's mangy, he's dirty.

- Please don't say
that, Mr. Schweitzer.

Really, I don't appreciate it.

- I and the 92 residents
of this building

don't appreciate
you sitting here,

cutting this filthy
dog's toenails

or whatever you do with him.

- I live here too.

- You know the name
of the architect

who designed this building that
you like to sit in front of

blocking the doorways,

getting attention
for you and your dog?

- That's not why
I brush him here.

He's old.



- He's old? I'm old!

You just move him a little bit.

Let me show you.

You take him like
this and you move-

- Stop it.

Don't touch him.
- I'm not touching him.

I'm not touching him.

It's pathetic.

Hey!

What are you, crazy?

You don't ride a
bicycle on the sidewalk.

The sidewalk is for walking.

Buses, trucks, bicycles.

Anything with wheels except
shopping carts. In the street!

I'll bet you don't even know
who invented your bicycle.

That's the trouble
with kids today.

They don't care.

They only wanna know what's
in it for me? For me.

That's it, what's in it for me?

- Malissa, why do you wear
that hat even in the summer?

- Because it's fun.

It's from Montana.

Might start selling
them nationwide.

Makes people smile.

Could you imagine
if you had the power

to make people smile nationwide?

You're smiling, aren't you?

- Well yeah, I suppose I am.

- And were you smiling

before you saw me in my hat?

- Well, let me think
about that now.

- No, you weren't.

When I saw you,
you were frowning.

You looked up,
took one look at me

in my Montana hat and smiled

then gave me these
stupid things.

I gotta be honest, doc.

It's not that different.

- It's clearer with them on,
though, Malissa. Admit that.

- You don't think my diet
has anything to do with it?

- Nothing.

- I'm a vegan, you know.
- I hear ya.

- Pretty intense diet.
- I gotcha.

No effect.

- No animal products
of any kind,

not even bacon or steak.

- I understand.

Got nothing to do with you
eyes starting to go bad.

- I'm not sold.

- Malissa, why do you
have to go and do that?

Malissa, at least keep them
a while before you decide.

- Put your foot on the glasses
like you stomped on 'em, doc.

Come on now.

- Oh, I can't do that.

- Oh, doc.

- Oh.

- Gorgeous.

Yeah, oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah.

- I'm ready for
you now, Malissa.

And I got some lunch for
your mama. How's she doing?

- Pretty good, doc.

- You're killing two
birds with one stone?

- Yeah, why not?

I thought I'd get my tweeter
checked out while I was at it.

Can't hurt.

- I didn't need to know that.
- See ya, doc.

- Yeah.

Mama. How you feelin'?

Doctor Simon bought
you lunch for today.

He told me he's got a
little crush on you.

Wants to come by and see you.

- No doctors.

- Ah, got a new tape from China.

You wanna hear?

Ooh, that looks yummy.

Yeah.

Doesn't that sound cool?

It's from a gal I
wrote to in Beijing

who sent me a tape from a
restaurant there in China.

Don't you just love listening?

Imagining everything?

Chinese people

in their Chinese outfits,
eating all their Chinese food.

What?

Wo-chi-ba?

Wochiba?

Wochiba.

I wonder what that means.

I'll have some more
wochiba, please.

Go wochiba yourself,
you bastard.

What do you think, mama?

Eat your lunch, mama.

Still hear it from
my room, right?

- Oh, that's nice, Rocky.

What is it?

- My mom.

- Your mother?

- Yeah.

It's not nice to make joke
pictures of our mothers, Rocky.

- It's not a joke.

- It looks like an egg with
hair and a TV set to me.

Is that nice?

Is that what your mother
really looks like?

- Outstanding.

You're an extremely
talented artist,

but I feel you probably
get that quite a bit

in your life, don't you, kiddo?

And it's a uh, it's a computer,

not a TV set, Mrs. Trouchet.

But I could see how
you might get that

a little confused
if you didn't...

Look at it clearly.

Have a nice night.

- Hey dad, let's shave
off all the hair we have.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- All right.

- No, I mean for real.

- For real?

- Yeah.

- Why?
- 'Cause it'll be fun.

- Well I know it'll be fun,
of course it's gonna be fun.

What, do you think I
was born yesterday?

- I wanna look like
Michael Jordan.

- How about this?

How about we braid
our hair in cornrows,

that way we can look
like Allen Iverson?

I mean, Mike is retired.

- Yeah, but he is
forever and always

will be Mike, not Allen.

There's no I wanna
be like Allen.

- You don't have to
convince me, dude.

You're preaching to the choir.

I'm a Mike fan all the way,

I just figured you kids
liked the new Turks.

- And I suppose you think I
prefer Britney to the Beatles?

- Oh, I wouldn't go that far.

I know you're a
Norwegian Wood guy.

- Well, thanks for giving
me some credit, I...

- May I make a suggestion?
- Sure.

- What if we get bald wigs?

That way we could
look like Michael,

and we get to still
keep our hair.

- Okay.

They look dumb.

- Yeah.

- Not real at all.

- You're right.

- We have no choice.

- You first or me?
- Me.

- Get the newspaper.

Get a lot!

You ready?
- Oh yeah.

- He's so
weird. He's bald.

- You look
like a baseball.

- This is way better.

- Way.

Have a good day.

We wanted to look like
Mike, if only for a day.

- If this is illegal, and
I certainly hope it is,

believe you me, the authorities
are going to hear about it.

- What authorities,
Mrs. Trouchet?

The Vermont hair
cutting authorities?

- Child services.

- If the small dreams
can't come true,

how's he ever going to
believe the big ones can?

- Hi, welcome to Taco Bell.

My name's Sarah, how
can I help you today?

Breakfast burrito?

- Hey John, a bunch of
us are going to go out

and celebrate Nancy's bir-
- No thank you, Bob.

- John.

- What?

- Nothin'.

- There's
about a 10 minute delay

getting out of town
on the I-10 tonight.

Transfer's clear, so you'll
want to take that route instead.

- Hello?

- Hello, David.

It's John.

- Hello, John. Are you?

- Fine, thanks. And you?

- Very well, thanks.

Hold on, I'll get him for you?

- How's he doing?

- Fabulously.

- Great, thanks.

- Hold on a second.

William, your
dad's on the phone.

- Hey, don't
be on the phone too long.

Bed in 10 minutes.

- Dad?

- Hey William.

How you doin'?

- When do I visit you again?

- Not for another
three months, son.

At Christmas.

- Why so long?

- Because you're there
in school in New York

with mommy and David and daddy
has to work here in Tucson,

but you'll get on a plane and
come out here for Christmas.

Okay?

- Okay.

David took me to a Yankee game.

They won and three foul balls
came really close to us.

I brought my glove but
I couldn't catch any.

- But remember when we
saw the Diamondbacks

beat the Yankees in
the World Series?

Diamondbacks are still
your favorite team, right?

- No, I like the Yankees now.

Derek Jeter is my
favorite player.

- Okay.

William, daddy has to go now,

but he loves you and misses you.

Okay?

- Okay, bye, daddy. I love you.

- Daddy loves you, too.

- Bye.

- Bye.

♪ Stood by the window and
watched the old church ♪

♪ Burn for a second time

♪ The light from the fire
made it glow like an angel ♪

♪ As she pulled him aside

♪ And they lay on the bed

♪ There were shouts all around

♪ They could shut
the whole war out ♪

♪ But the squeak
of the springs ♪

♪ And tomorrow's dreams

♪ And the beating
of their hearts ♪

♪ He would lay down
his arms for her ♪

♪ She would forgive
his brother's crimes ♪

♪ If for one moment they
would let them pass ♪

♪ Let them pass

♪ Let them pass
up on the bridge ♪

- How long have you
been playing here now?

- Forever it seems.

God, I don't know.

- 10 years.

I've been listening
to you before

I go to work every
morning for 10 years now.

- Oh thank you.

- And New York is right there.

- Why would I want to go there?

This is Astoria.

- Bye.

♪ I look like a freshman

♪ I still have a roommate

♪ I even moved to Brooklyn

♪ I still need a roommate

♪ I bet you didn't know

♪ I don't make much
for this show ♪

♪ And when I go home

♪ I still have a roommate

♪ I cook on a hot plate

♪ Unless I order pizza

♪ You should see the boxes

♪ This was my dream

- Sorry I'm late, Dudley.

♪ Since I was 17

- So, any guys?

- No.

- No, there are
none in the picture,

no, there are some
in the picture

and you just don't like them,

or no you don't want
any in the picture?

- Look, I got more
important things on my plate

like music and waitressing.

- You can honestly
stand there and tell me

that you don't want
to have a relationship

in your life right now?

- I want to focus on my music.

Like it'd be great to
have more than 10 people

see me that come
up from the subway.

- Jody, there's more
to life than music.

And I love your music
and would love to have

more than 10 people in
the subway hear you play,

but I think that you bury
your head in the sand

and use it to hide the
fact that you're lonely

and scared and there's a
huge void in your life.

- I'm so not lonely, wise yoga.

- Fine. Then come to a
party with me tonight.

- Where?

- It's at a bar.

My friend David's throwing it.

He's an artist and so there'll
be lots of interesting people

and many single men there.

- Where is it?

- In Manhattan.

- I'm not going.
- Oh, Jody.

- I told you.

I know it's a weird
thing, but it's my thing

and I'm not going to
Manhattan until I get a gig.

- That's like saying you
won't go out on a first date

unless it's your wedding day.

- I'm not into courtship.

- Yeah, no shit.

- It just sets you up
to get fucked over,

and I can't afford it.

And you can get fucked over.

I mean, you have the normal
heart and you can cry,

get dumped and you'll
get over it eventually.

But me, I got to be careful.

I got the bad ticker.

- So what are you saying,
you're going to die

if you get heartbroken?

- Yeah, I could.

- The doctor said that?

- Look, I know my body and I
also think it's really lame

and I always get really offended

when people think if
someone doesn't want

to have a relationship
that they think

somehow they're hiding some
insecurity or they're afraid.

Well it's not true.

- If it's by choice,
that's one thing,

but I'm not seeing that.

- Well it's by
choice, believe me.

- Fine.

- I'm out of spoons and forks.

- What happens when
you run out of knives?

God.

- Just eat.

- Do you
need any help, sir?

- Thank you, kind lass.

- How far are you going?

- I'm going very far.

I'm walking to Spuyten Duyvil.

You know where
Spuyten Duyvil is?

- No, I'm sorry.

- Do you know anything
that's not on MTV?

- Excuse me?

- Do you know who
Jerry Lewis is?

- Who?

- Excuse me, but I'm
getting a little nauseous.

- Jerry Lewis invented
everything that's funny on MTV!

Jim Carrey?

Bah bah bah bah.

Jerry Lewis.

That Adam Sandler
that you think about

when you go to bed at night?

Ah bah bah.

Jerry Lewis.

They don't know
who Jerry Lewis is.

- Hello?

- Morris?

- Herb?

- Herb.

- Morris.

- Listen, I'm coming right over.

I'll be there in two hours.

- You're coming over now?

- Are you still living at
125th Street and Broadway?

Next to the Cotton Club?

- You lunatic, you.

Cotton Club closed
up 20 years ago.

It's a McDonald's now.

- Well what's the difference?

- So what the hell is in your
crazy mind now, Schweitzer?

- You've got some coffee or
something, you good for nothing?

- Let me get this straight,

you're going to walk
to Spuyten Duyvil?

- The northern most
tip of our fair island.

- I know where it is.

- Where the Hudson
River splits off

and branches into
the east river.

The Bronx on one side
of the famous bridge,

on the other side,
Manhattan Island.

The majestic cliffs of
the Palisades on one side

and the old Hudson Harlem
train line on the other.

- I know, Herb.

I swam there as a kid.

- A movable revolving
boat and train bridge,

connecting two landmasses.

A gateway to the free world.

- And you're going to walk
there because of a pact

you made with Arnie Finkelstein

of the 75th Street
Finkelstein's?

- Just like we did
when I was a young man.

Arnie Finkelstein of the 75th
Street Finkelstein's and I,

we used to pack
a paper bag lunch

and we would run seven
miles through the woods.

There weren't very
many buildings then.

- Herb, it was 1930, not 1730.

Of course there were buildings.

- Much less buildings.
Will you give me that?

Fort Tryon Park was
much bigger then.

It ran all the way
down to Harlem,

creating much more woodlands.

And we'd swim until dark and
then jump on a train back.

Arnie and I always vowed
that we would do it

one more time before we died.

At least now I can
honor his memory

and do it for the both
of us one more time.

- Should I get the Marigold
sisters down here to celebrate?

- Are they still alive?

- Alive and frisky as ever.

- Hello my golden shiksas.

- Got the Scrabble.

- And I have the sangria.

- Ole!

- Wochiba.

- Dates back
to the 18th century.

- Bye, mama.

I'll be back in a while
and I'll fix you lunch.

- How's it look?

- Spectacular.

- You made those
yourself, you say?

- Yes ma'am, may I make you one?

- Oh, no thank you, dear.

That ship's sailed already.

Unfortunately it was
called the Titanic.

- Okay, then.

Well, Wochiba.

That means goodbye and I
love you in Beijing, China.

- Really?

Wochiba.

- Perfect.

- Bye, Malissa.

- Wochiba.

- I don't know about all that.

That girl sure knows a
lot about a lot of things.

It's sad about her mama.

- Yeah, well, seeing Malissa
every day of her life

has rotted that woman's insides.

- Hey Malissa.
- How you doing today, baby?

- What you got there?

Another deposit?

I can take it in for you.
- You don't mind?

- No.

- Where's this one going?
- London, England.

- The Conductor Master of
the Islington Street Station?

What on earth is that?

- He's gonna record the
train for me over there.

The tube, they call it.

- And you just
write people letters

and send them the tape and
they send it back to you?

- Ask and you shall receive.

If people know you have
love in your heart,

they give you just
about anything.

- Malissa?

Malissa.

- Hello, Mr. Richards.

- Good afternoon.

How are you?

- Fine, but I've got to run.

- Uh huh.

How's your mother?

- She's great. Never better.

- You know, I was
wondering maybe you might

want to come by my
office some afternoon.

- Why?

- We could talk.
- Talk about what?

- You know...

Talk about anything
that comes up.

Maybe y'all need some help.

- Oh we're fine.

Always have been,
always will be.

- Okay.

Because if there's
anything you all need-

- No, thank you.

- I
need all available units

to respond to an
assault in progress

at 112 Stanton
Street, Woodsborough.

All available units respond
to 112 Stanton Street.

I have an assault in progress

at 112 Stanton
Street, Woodsborough.

All units available
respond to 112 Stanton.

- Hi, how you doin'?

- Oh, Malissa. How are you?

- Never better.
- Good.

- Hey Frank did
you catch the guy's name?

- Hollander.

Ellis Hollander.

- Thank you, darlin'.

- He's so weird and bald.

- Looks like a baseball.

- Is it true your
mother's an egg?

- Yeah, so is yours.

- What are you talking about?

- Your mom came from an egg,

it's just that she
grew into a regular mom

before she had you.

Mine stayed an egg.

- She didn't grow into the
regular mom before she had you?

- No.

- Are you sure
about all of this?

- Antwon, I like
you. I always have.

Your mother was an egg.

- Nice haircut.

- My dog.

- Pound out.

- Pound out.

- Trendsetter.

- Who's that for?

- Vicki Walters.

What are you smiling for?

- Nothin'. You goin'
over there now?

- I don't know.
- Let's go, come on.

- What are you smiling for, bud?

What are you smiling
for, huh? Huh?

- Slowly, slowly!

Stop!

Hey.

- How's it going?
- What took you guys so long?

- Oh, god, with this truck,

we're lucky we made it at all.

- Hey, I heard there were

some pro basketball
players in town.

I made some lentil soup.

You guys want to
stay for dinner?

- Oh no thanks Vicki.
- No, thanks.

- Well how about some
chocolate chip cookies then?

- I might wanna stay for those.

- No, I don't think
you will, little man.

- Dad!

- Come on. You know
the rules, Rock.

- Yeah, always be a
father, never any fun,

no learning of
spontaneous skills.

- Oh you don't know what
spontaneous skills mean?

I'll show you.

This is spontaneous.

You go here and
then you go there

and then you go over there.

Wanna do the wood?
- Yeah.

- All right, come on.

Now get the thing out.

Okay Rock, stand right
next to the door.

Tilt it up.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Slow.

- Are you sure you don't
wanna stay for dinner?

- Oh, no, thanks, Vick.

I'd love to, but I've
got to get the kid back.

- Okay.

Yeah.

- All right, strike one.

You see the...

- Dad, what did
you mean last night

when you said we have
to get the kid back?

- What are you talkin' about?

- Last night at Vicki's,
since we couldn't have dinner,

you said you really have
to get the kid back.

- Oh, I just meant
that I'd missed you,

I hadn't seen you all day

and I wanted to
spend time with you.

- But what if I don't want
to spend time with you?

- Well that would
make me very sad.

- So what would you do?

Sit around and then cry all
day because you're so sad?

- Well, yeah, I just might
now that you mention it.

Maybe I will.

- Come on, dad, really.

I mean, when I grow up,

I'm not going to have
all day to sit around

and hang out with you, okay?

I'm going to have to go
to work and get married.

- Well, not necessarily.

I mean, unless we get
rich pretty quick here,

you're probably going
to have to work,

but you only have to get
married if you want to.

- I want to.

- You sure about that?

- Yeah.

- You might change your mind

after hanging around with
those girls a little bit.

- Why you hate girls?

- Don't say that, Rocky.
I don't hate girls at all.

- You don't like Vicki.

- Sure I do. I like
Vicki very much.

- You never want
to go out with her.

- I don't like her that way.

- You don't like
any girls that way.

- That's right,
kiddo. Not for now.

- Why not?

- Because I love
you and I just want

to be able to be with you.

- But why do most
families have a dad

that loves his kids and
wants to hang out with them

but also as his wife and
wants to go out with her too?

- Well, it's not always really

how it looks from the outside.

What's that mean?

- That means that a
lot of families pretend

to be happier than
they really are.

- So what are you
pretending then?

- I'm not pretending
about anything.

That's why our family
is the way it is.

I wanted to have you and
I couldn't meet any woman

that I loved enough
to do my wife

and that I wanted
to have kids with,

so I went on the internet,
got an egg and ka-pow.

The Rock-master.

- Well, what if I said
I wanted a real mom?

- Do you feel like you
don't have a real mom?

- It's not a
feeling. It's a fact.

I don't have a real mom.

And a little sister
might be nice, too.

- How long have
you felt like that?

- Always, sort of.

- Do the kids at
school say anything?

- Come on, dad, really.

I have them wrapped around
my finger. They love me.

- So you just wanted
to bring this up

completely out of the blue?

Just no special reason?

- Nothing more
special than wanting

a mom to go with my dad.

Hey dad, the mail's here.

Hi.

- Hey, Barbara,
how are you doing?

- Electric bill, phone
bill, credit card.

Who's Allison Lee?

- Where does it say that?

- On the letter to Mr. Sam
Blue and Ms. Allison Lee.

- She's an old friend of mine.

- What's the Mani Lani?

- Oh, that's a resort I
took her to once on an island.

- Why'd they send you
a letter from there?

- I guess they want
me to come back.

- Why was it
addressed to her, too?

- Well, she used to
get her mail here.

- Why'd she stop?

- She moved back to New York.

- Where you're from.

- That's right.

- Why'd she move?

- It's a long story, kiddo.

- I got nothin' but time.

- You got nothin' but homework.

Go inside, I'll
be in in a second.

- When's the last
time you saw her?

- Long time ago, buddy. Come on.

- Maybe she could be my mom.

- You wouldn't want her.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

Yankees suck.

- Dad, I'm awake.

- What?
- I can hear you

whispering in my ear.

- I'm not whispering anything.

- Do you really think
subliminal mind control

is the way to develop a
healthy, free thinking child?

- I don't know
about any of that.

All I know is if you have a
healthy hatred of the Yankees,

I'll have done my job.

- Did Allison hate the Yankees?

- Listen, kiddo.

Now, you know that
I love talking about

anything in the world, right,

and I always want you
to feel comfortable

about talking about anything,

but sometimes you're going
to bring up something

that I don't want to talk about

and I need you to
respect that, okay?

- Okay.

- Because sometimes people
want to keep things private

for really good reasons.

- And sometimes for bad reasons?

- Yeah, that's true,
sometimes for bad reasons,

but that's up to a person
to decide for themselves.

And Alison is like
that for me, okay?

I don't ever want to
talk about her again.

- Okay.

- And also, you know
how you've been saying

that you want a real
mom and maybe even

a little brother and
sister and stuff?

- Yeah.

- That's not something
to joke about, okay?

If you really feel like that,
then let's talk about it,

but don't joke about that, okay?

- Okay.

- You know that I love you more

than anything in
the world, right?

- Do you love me more
than you hate the Yankees?

- No, no, I don't
love you that much.

I'm kidding. Of course I do.

I love you so much more
than I hate the Yankees,

it's not even funny.

And you hate the
Yankees too, right?

- Right.

- But you honestly do.
You're not just saying that?

You despise them?

- I despise the Yankees,
father, with all my heart.

- Again, it's all
freewill hatred, right?

It's not from daddy's subliminal

mind control conditioning
tricks, right?

- Right. All freewill thinking.

No mind control tricks.

I hate Yankees. Must
destroy Derek Jeter.

- Oh, why, why
would you say that?

I can't believe you just
said that name here.

- Dad, I'm sorry.
- La la la la la.

- Dad, I totally forgot.
- La la la la la.

What are you thinking?
- Dad, I'm sorry.

- No, no talking. No.

The child doesn't
talk now after he says

that name in our house.

Now we're going to have

to roach bomb the
entire house, again.

- No, dad, please.
- Get the,

where's the roach bomb?
- Please, no roach bomb.

Just do the seance.
- Seance?

- Mm-hm.
- All right.

One, two, three.

Spirits of baseball,
Yankee haters, too.

We need to get the stench of the
Derek Jeter, little boy's mouth

out of this crazy zoo.

If you don't take it
away now, I'll be blue.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh.

Oh.
- Out of the floor

of our house.

Amen.
- Amen.

I love you, kid.

- Love you too, dad.

- All right, go brush your
teeth and jump in bed.

- Okay.
- I'll be up in a second.

Hello?

- Hi Sam, it's Doctor...

- Oh. Hi, doctor.

- Specialist
in New York...

- Yeah?

- Sooner...

- Okay, okay. So
what does that mean?

- I don't
want to speculate.

Just make an appointment, okay?

- Okay.

- Just do it.
- All right.

I'll see you then.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

- Get it!

- Good job.

- Go ahead, Alan.
Apologize to Mr. McCabe.

- I'm sorry, Mr. McCabe.

- That's okay, son.

Accidents happen.

- I'll replace it for you, John,

but I have to go to work.

Is it okay if I
do this tomorrow?

- Don't worry about it, Fred.

I don't have anything
going on today.

I can run down to the store.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

No problem.

- Wow, terrific.

Hey, I'll reimburse you for it.

- That'll be fine.
- Thank you.

And you, this is coming
out of your allowance.

- I know.

- Hi.

- Yes,
can I help you, sir?

- I need to replace a glass.

- Glen, did that 36 inch
glass come in this week?

- Yeah, it's in the rack.

- I'll be just a moment, sir.

- Thank you.

- Can I help you, sir?

- Yes.

I'd like to buy a handgun.

- Okay, sure. I can
help you with that.

Are you a resident of Arizona?

- Yes, I am.

- And what are you
purchasing the gun for, sir?

- What do you mean?

- Well for what purpose are
you purchasing it for, sir?

- Um, do I need to...

Is that required?

- No, it's just that if you were

in law enforcement, for example,

it would be a different
waiting period

than if you were
an ordinary guy.

You see what I mean?

- Oh, uh huh. I'm just
an ordinary person.

I'm an accountant.

- Okay, it'll be three days
after you fill out some forms.

- Is there any way I can
just buy a gun right now?

- Oh, sure.

You can have one of
these rifles, a shotgun.

You can walk out of the
store with it right now.

- So I can buy any of those?

- Yes, sir.

- What's the difference between
the rifles and the shotguns?

- Well, what are you going
to use the gun for sir?

I mean, are you going
to hunt with it?

Home protection?

- Home protection.

- Well then you
can't beat a shotgun.

The sound of it is unmistakable.

Scares them off as
soon as they hear it,

and you can't miss
within 20 feet.

Whatever you're aiming at it,

you'll blow the shit out of it

and everything else around it.

- Ah.

Arizona has come from behind

to win the game with
an incredible drive...

- Send this first om out to
all the people in the world

who need some help tonight.

Good thought, kind intention.

Some love.

Om.

- Om.

- Gently open your eyes.

Everyone come to the front
of your mat in Samasthiti.

- So Jody, no palpitations,
no flutters, nothing?

- No, it seems to
be working good.

- Are you exercising regularly?

- Exercising regularly.

- Yoga?

- Yeah. I'm keeping up with it.

- How about running?

- I'm running.

- Slow and steady
or wind sprints?

- Wind sprints.

- Why do you do that?

- I like to feel it beat
hard and fast, I guess.

- How long have you
had your pacemaker?

- God, eight years?

- Patients with a
long QT syndrome,

if they go from zero
to 60 in a wind sprint,

the unit can sense that as an
arrhythmia and it could fire.

You really don't
want that to happen.

- Well, I'll try
to be more careful.

Really.

Um, let me ask you a question.

I know this sounds weird,

but let's say something
happened to my heart,

but not a physical thing, but
more of an emotional thing.

You know what I'm trying to say?

So that wouldn't be that...

I should stay away.

That wouldn't be a
good thing. Would it?

- You know, Jody, without
your pacemaker, you would die.

- Right.

- But without a broken
heart, you'll never live.

- Oh, Dr. Fisher.

- You know, forgive
me for my lay opinion,

but you really need to watch out

for jumping into things
and going at full speed.

You need to learn to live
in the middle of life

like most of us do.

I'd really like you to think
about upgrading your pacemaker.

- All right.

Okay.

- And really, you really need
to not do the wind sprints.

- Well we'll talk
next month maybe?

- You got a deal.

- Okay.

- Jody, it's me.

I'm on my cell phone. Call me.

You have the number. I
love you and, um, come.

Okay, bye.

♪ I have a friend who
swears she saw Jesus ♪

♪ Hovering above
her lonely bed ♪

♪ She said it changed
her life forever ♪

♪ Whatever works, I said

♪ I sit at home
changing channels ♪

♪ It's so hard to concentrate

♪ I laugh at her but
I'm pretty sure ♪

♪ She's having a better day

♪ So I will lay on the highway

♪ Somewhere in New Mexico

♪ And wait for a strange light

♪ To come and take me home

- Jody.

Jody.

It's me.

I'm here. Where are you?

♪ Get down my knees
- You gotta come over...

♪ Something I don't believe

♪ Somebody help me please

♪ I'm starting to
repeat myself ♪

♪ I'm starting to
repeat myself ♪

♪ So I will lay on the highway

♪ Somewhere in New Mexico

♪ And wait for a strange light

♪ To come and take me home

♪ Or I will stand
by the statue ♪

♪ And wait for her to cry

♪ I'd love to see a miracle

♪ Once before I

♪ Die

- So my friend, did you
have a good time last night?

Are you okay?

- Yeah, sure, I'm okay.

I'm just a little hungry.
- Are you sure?

- I'm sure.

Hey, how do you
girls want your eggs?

Soft or hard?

- Oh, we both like
them kind of medium.

- And medium it
shall be my dears.

Eh, do somethin'.

- To the enchanted evening

that just ended and
to a glorious new day,

which I'm glad I'm part of.

- Here.

- Herb, God
bless you healthy

and may God grant you health
on your trip around the world

and also to the
end of Manhattan.

- Get outta the road, old man.

You can't even walk.

- Asshole, let your wife
sleep with me tonight.

We'll see how fast she
walks in the morning!

Yeah.

- Fuck you!

- Oh!

You old pork chop
eating white boy.

Where you been?

- I do not fraternize
with damn Yankee fans.

- You shut your mouth.

That's the only
team in New York.

You got to root for them.

- You're gettin' old.
You're losing your memory.

There's another team
in New York, the Mets.

- The Mutts?

Who are the Mutts?

- I'm leaving.

- No, you sit your white
ass right down there.

You ain't going nowhere,
Herb Schweitzer.

Davis, get Herb some pork
chops and collard greens

and grits and some peas, please.

- Who is this?

- This is my
great-grandson, Davis.

- Davis?

I knew him when he
was a little pisher.

- Davis, this is Herb.

He's been eating here
since the revolution.

- I'm pleased to
meet you, Davis.

- It's so good to see you, Herb.

How's Rose?

- Rose is gone a long time now.

- Oh, I'm so sorry
to hear that, honey.

How you holding up?

You never had any kids, did you?

- No.

No, just Rose and me.

It's tough, but what the hell?

I'm still shakin' and bakin'.

- Amen, brother, amen.

- What do you have
in the bag, old man?

- Come on, come on,
come on, give it up.

- I'm not looking for
any trouble, boys.

- Yo, who you callin' boy?

He said give up the
bag, so give up the bag.

- Fuck you.

- Stupid old man.

- If you had just listened
to us in the first place,

you wouldn't be in this mess.
- Give me the bag.

- Hey!
- Hey!

- What are you doing?
- Stop it!

- Get outta here!
- You better run!

Get off him. You okay, mister?

- I'm terrific.
- Call 911, man, call 911!

- Paging Dr.
Steidman, Dr. Steidman, please.

- So doc, what's the news?

- Well Mr. Schweitzer,

you definitely should stay
with us for the night.

Just to be on the
safe side, okay?

- Doctor, I'm a little busy.

- Mr. Schweitzer, you're old

and you got beat up
pretty bad tonight.

Now you suffered a mild
concussion and oh, by the way,

you had a mild heart
attack earlier today.

- When? This morning?

I felt fine.

I had a little indigestion,
but nothing. Perfect.

- And you didn't
notice anything else?

- Nothing.

- All right well still we need

to monitor you during the night.

- What's the worst
thing that can happen?

- You fall asleep
and never wake up.

- Just like any other night.

- Hello.

May I have a room, please?

- Hey, buddy, you might want
to try and find another place.

- You do rent rooms here
to the public, don't you?

- Yeah, I do.

- And you take American cash?

- Yeah.

- Then give me a room, please.

Used to be a classy place.

- Yeah, well I used
to be a classy guy.

- I'm sure.

- Where's that money?

Listen, man, I'm tired.

No, wake him up now!

- Hi, Joanie.

- Hey Malissa,
you have another package.

- Thank you.

Please mind the gap

between the trains
and the platform.

- Mind the gap.

Please mind the gap

between the trains and
the platform.

- Oh.

Mom, you got blood
in your vomit again.

I better call the doctor.
- No.

- Mother, you got
blood in your vomit.

- I said no.

- A little lemon water.

It'll help settle your stomach.

- Why do you take care of me?

- Because I love you, mama.

- Well I don't love you.

- Oh, mother, don't say that.

Of course you do.

- I never have.

- Well, I love you and
that's all the matters.

- If you had never happened,

oh, I could have had a life.

Hm.

- I wish you'd stop being
so hard on yourself.

Nobody ever blamed
you for anything.

And if you could just
forgive yourself,

I just know you'd get better.

Mama you wouldn't hate
yourself as much as you do,

that's what's making you sick.

- You don't understand.

I hate you, Malissa.

You can't imagine what
it's like hating a daughter

like I hate you.

- Well, I'm sorry you
think you feel that way,

but I know in your
heart, you really love me

and that's what I
take with me always.

Are these you and your mother?

Can I have one?

- I don't care what
you do, Malissa.

All right mom, going
out for a while.

I'll bring you back some dinner.

Mama?

Mama?

Are you asleep?

Are you asleep?

Mama.

- Here you go, sweetie.

How's your mama?

- She's just great.
She's back on her feet.

She's feeling better and better.

- Really?

- Yeah, she's going
to get back to work

at the plant next week, I think.

- Really? That's just great.

- Yep, I might take
a little trip now

that she's all better
myself, you know?

- You deserve that, Malissa.

You've been such
a good daughter,

all these years, nursing
your mama back to health.

She's really better?

- Right as rain.

Praise God.
- Praise God, amen.

- That's wonderful, Malissa.

- You know it
occurred to me, Sadie,

I never have got
a picture of you.

Do you mind?

- I don't see why not.

- Thank you.

- Think nothin' of it.

- See ya, Elsa.

- Take care, sweetheart. Hey.

- Carry on the pride,
mama. Carry on the pride.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Where you goin'?

Why don't you sit? Have
a piece of pie with me?

- Can't tonight, doc.
Gotta go home and pack.

I'm going on a little trip.

- Yeah?

Where are you going?

- I don't really know.
Wherever the wind takes me.

Probably start in New York,
London, England, Israel.

Everywhere.

- Well, when are
you coming back?

- I don't really know.

- Well...

I'm gonna miss you.

- Oh.

- Yeah, I sort of hoped, you
know, we'd become closer.

- Oh that's sweet
of you to say, doc.

You're a good man.

Not too hard on
the eyes, neither.

- All right.
- Take care.

- Okay.
- Bye.

Who is it?

- Malissa?

It's me, John Albertson.

Can I come in? I have
a surprise for you.

- Uh, hey.

This door's broken. Could
you come to the back door?

- Hi, Malissa.
- Hey.

- I'm glad I caught
you before you left.

This is from Doc
Richards for your mama.

How's she feeling?

- She's out down
at the plant today.

- Oh, well for
the road, I guess.

I forgot no animal
products of any kind,

not even bacon or steak or...

- I'll take it.

She'll reheat it
when she gets back.

- Well, that's not the surprise.

Could I come in?

- Oh, I'm so busy,
doc. I'm packin'.

Sure, you wanna come on
in? I'm just packing.

Oop, I'm just
packing. Come on in.

Oh, doc. You shouldn't have.

- It's a special
going away gift, but,

I don't want you to
open it until you

get to wherever it is
you're going, okay?

- You got it.

Thank you.

- Wow.

What's this?

- Oh, that's my
little art project.

They're all women who were
raped and their mothers

and the rapist
and their mothers.

- Why'd you do this?

- I don't know.

I just thought it would
make an interesting collage.

- Were you ever, you know?

- Raped?

God no.

- How come you put
up the pictures

of the mothers and the rapists?

- Well, they're
people too, right?

I mean, they did an
unspeakably horrible thing,

but they're human
and have real, live

living, breathing
mothers who love them

like they were little
innocent boys still.

- Yeah, but they're not.

- But for the grace of
God go us right, doc?

- Yeah.

I guess so.

I should let you get packin'.

I just wanted to drop that off.

- Awfully sweet of you, doc.

Okay.

- Goodbye Malissa.

- You mind the gap, doc.

- What's that mean?

- That's how they say
goodbye in London, England.

Mind the gap.

It's Wochiba in China,
mind the gap in England.

- Okay then.

Well you mind the
gap too, I guess.

I'll see ya.

♪ What flame natural
could come between ♪

♪ An immortal such as we

♪ The winds may
blow us far apart ♪

♪ But nothing will
undo our hearts ♪

♪ No matter how far I wander

♪ What stars I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

♪ Nothing natural
could turn the tide ♪

♪ That washes over
both our lives ♪

♪ By day we'll learn,
by night we'll rust ♪

♪ And who knows
what becomes of us ♪

♪ No matter how
far I tumble ♪

♪ What spell I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

♪ To you

♪ To you

♪ To you

♪ To you

♪ No matter how far I wander

♪ What stars I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

♪ No matter how far I tumble

♪ What spell I'm under

♪ I'll always come back to you

- Yeah, hi, this is Sam Blue.

I was referred to by Dr.
Edelstein in Vermont.

- Oh yes, hello.

- Right.

Yeah.

Whenever, whatever he ordered.

I guess a uh, a cat
scan, an MRI, I don't...

I gotta go to New York on
Friday. You wanna come?

- Yeah.

- We could go to Times
Square and mess around.

It'll be fun, right?
- Cool.

- I gotta to go to the doctors
there and get some tests.

- Why?

- Well some tests that
they can't do 'em here,

we gotta do in New York,

but I don't think
it's very serious

so I don't want
you to worry, okay?

You know what else I thought
we could do on our way there?

- What?

- I could try to
find a girlfriend.

- Really?

- Yeah, why not?

- And she could turn
into my regular mom?

- Maybe.

- And I could have a
little brother or sister?

- Possibly.

- Awesome.

But how are we
going to find one?

- Same way I found you.

- What about her?

- Mm, she's too young.

- Why?

- Oh, you gotta be a certain age

to be serious enough
to want to go out

with a guy that has a son
and want to have more kids.

- What about her?

- She's too pretty. She
wouldn't go for a guy like me.

- How could you tell?

- You just can.

You'll see when you get older.

Anyway, we don't want
a girl like that.

Nothing too foofy.

We just want a
regular, nice girl.

You think this girl
would eat tofu dogs

and black eyed
peas for breakfast?

Or shave her head to look like
Michael Jordan just for fun?

No, I think not.

- All right. Who else?

- Wait a minute.

What's this?

Speed dating.

Meet 20 women for
three minutes each

and find out instantly
if you click.

Might be on to
something here, kiddo.

- Just the paper today.
- All right great, thanks.

- You're welcome.
Have a good day.

- Thanks, you too,
say hi to Pam.

- I will.

- Hey Jim.

- Oh.

How long are you going to sport

that bald look champ, huh?

- I don't know,
but me and my dad

are going to New York
to find a girlfriend.

- Oh yeah? For you
or for your father?

- For dad.

- Oh. That's very interesting.

- Can I get this?

- Uh, no, you may not,

but you can get us
some healthy snacks.

- Okay.

- He said he wanted a real mom

and maybe even a little sister.

- Oh yeah?

They have those down
in the big city?

- Apparently.

I have to go down anyway,

so I figured, you
know, what the hell?

- How come?

- I have a doctor's
appointment? It's no big deal.

- Oh yeah?

- I figured it was time the
big man got back in the game.

- You think?

10 Years of a hiatus
long enough for you?

- Oh yeah.

- What's going on, Sam?

- What do you mean?

- Fine, you don't
wanna talk about it.

- Talk about what?

- You know what?
Don't insult me.

You don't want to talk about
it, it's none of my business,

but don't bullshit
me, all right?

I don't like it.

It doesn't surprise me.

You never talk about anything.

If you keep it all
locked up inside,

you're never going to
see the light of day.

The trooper, the
island, whatever.

- So would it be safe to say

that my style annoys you
from time to time or?

- Oh and here we
go with the jokes.

Deflect, any kind of
serious moment.

Just keep on keeping on, Sam.

- I may be sick.

- What are you talking about?

- They found something in my
head at the doctor's office

and they want me to go to
New York to take some tests

that they can't do here
and then I got some mail

from some resort I took my
ex-girlfriend to 10 years ago

and Rocky saw and
started asking questions.

- I want a mommy and a sister?

- Yeah.

- So what's this
going down to New York

to find a girlfriend thing?

- Well, it's called speed dating

and it's where I meet 20
women for three minutes each.

Look, I know it's pathetic,
but I live in a shack

in the middle of nowhere.

How am I going to meet anybody?

What?

Vicki, you and I are friends.

- I know, Sam.

I'm not saying that
we'd hook up for a love,

but if you're going to try
and find a family for your son

in case you die...

I mean, what are we
even talking about?

This is crazy.

But if that's what I think
you're trying to say,

then why the hell
wouldn't you ask me?

- Because we had an agreement.

- Yeah, and I've stuck to it.

- I know, that's
why I asked you,

'cause we're friends
and I trusted you.

- Well, and things change, Sam,

like they apparently have now,

and why wouldn't you ask the
woman who birthed your son

to take care of him
if something happened?

I sort of thought that
was part of the deal.

- No, that wasn't part
of the deal, okay?

We never talked about that.

I paid you. We had a contract.

- Oh, back off, Sam.

I'm not trying to pull
anything weird here.

- That was not your egg.

You just carried Rocky.

- Will you just shut
up for a second?

I'm not trying to do anything.

- This enough?

- Yeah. That's
that's great, kiddo.

Um, uh...

Do me a favor.

Run across to the hardware store

and ask Fred if he has
any of those, like,

those jack for in case
we get a flat tire.

- Hey, you know what?

Your dad and I need
to talk in private.

Can you go out back and...
- Okay.

- Thanks.
- See how easy that way?

- Well I'm usually
pretty good at it, right?

I mean, that was a
rare instance of...

- Look, all I'm saying, Sam,
is that I love you both.

Rocky like a son and you
like a very dear friend

and if you're trying to create
a more traditional family

in case something
happens, then I'm here.

- Vicki, I'm hoping
I'm fine, okay?

It's just that the last 72 hours

have been kind of a
roller coaster, okay?

I mean, I go from having
this idyllic life, you know,

to be being told that I
may never see my son again.

- I get it.

But I don't think that doing
some speed dating thing

with a bunch of New York
single women is the answer.

- Why not?

- What are you going
to tell each woman?

That you might be dying and
that you're just looking

for a really nice mom?

- You know what? Life's a risk.

You meet people, you fall
in love and everyone dies.

- That's not fair.

- Well, you know what Vicki?
Sometimes life isn't fair.

It wasn't really fair that
Allison left me at the altar

and married somebody
else six months later.

That wasn't really fair, was it?

- You know what, that's what
you have deal with, okay?

'Cause if you're sick, and I
pray to God that you're not,

that's why it is.

- Okay, I can't really deal with

your new age bullshit
right now, Vicki.

This is real.

This is a lump that they
found on my head and it's real

and it's kind of
freaking me out, okay?

So save it.
- No, I won't.

You haven't dealt
with this, okay,

and so your body is
trying to deal with it now

and if this thing in your
head turns out to be nothing,

believe me, something
else will come along.

- What was I supposed to do?

Sometimes you run into
people and they fuck you up

for no good reason and
I didn't really want

to stand there and hear
her explanation about it.

- You know what, whether
you have two weeks

or 50 years left, you don't
want to be alone, Sam.

Rocky's great, but you're a man,

and you want to be in love

and have someone
in love with you.

It drips off of you, even
though you don't think it does.

But you're so scared, Sam,

that you'd rather
make yourself sick

than be around for the next
50 years of being alone.

I mean, you're standing
in a country store

in the middle of nowhere
screaming about a girl

who left you 10 years
ago and she's moved on.

Right or wrong, Sam, she's gone

and she is never coming
back and she doesn't care,

about you, about how it
ended, about any of it.

- So what do I do?

- Well how about
asking for forgiveness?

- From who?

God?

- No, no, no, God knows
how sorry you are.

How about your ex-wife?

Did you ever think about
asking for her forgiveness

for cheating on her?

- I was willing to risk
my son over another woman.

- Yeah well you're human, John.

And you got to give
yourself a break.

Jesus gave in to
that temptation.

He was the son of God.

You may be strong-willed.

We all may be men of character,

but that tells us that
that particular deal

is a rough one for us.

- I can not bear not
seeing my son more,

not being in his life more.

Mine doesn't feel worth
living if I can't.

- You know, it's very convenient

and a whole lot less painful

just to be playing the martyr.

- I'm not trying to be a martyr.

- No, of course you are.

Come on.

The big adulterer who lost
his son through his sins.

- I just got through telling you

how guilty I felt about that.

- Right, right, right.

The awful, bad guilt you feel.

Did you ever ask your
wife for forgiveness?

- Well I told her how
sorry I was and I meant it.

- No, I'm sorry and
will you forgive me

are totally different.

Did you ever ask
her for forgiveness?

- No.
- Well, why not?

- I don't know.

- Well did you ever ask
your son for forgiveness?

- I told him I was sorry.

- Yeah, no, no, but
did you ask him-

- No.
- Well, why not?

- I don't know.

- Well because you
don't ultimately

want to take responsibility
for your actions.

Hm?

The big victim can just
blow his brains out

and be done with it.

But the man who goes
to those he's wronged

and asks forgiveness,
not just repents,

but asks them for a gift,
allows them to be holy,

to act out in faith, to
exercise their gift from God.

Now until you offer
them that opportunity,

by asking them for forgiveness,

you are never going
to get over this.

- Hi.

Hey.

Hi, I'm Manny.

- Hi Manny.

Jody.

- So this is where you play?

- Yeah, this is where I play.

- You like playing here?

- Um, no, not really.

I mean-

- Have you ever thought of
playing at a bar or a club?

- Manny, are you
you the music CIA?

Guess what?
- Oh my god.

Excuse me.

No, you guess what?
- Why are you so excited?

- Okay, last night at the
party, which you did not go to,

I met the greatest guy.

He's 35, he's a writer, he's
beautiful, he's so smart.

- Right?
- Really funny.

And he wants to meet you.

- Stop it.

- So Paul, his name is
Paul, the guy's name.

He is doing this crazy thing
tonight that he saw on the news

or 20/20, something like that.

It's this thing
called speed dating.

Have you ever heard of it?

- I would rather burn in hell.

- Just listen, you go to a bar.

- No.
- You go to a bar

and you meet 20 guys
for three minutes each

and you each have
a secret scorecard.

And if you both check yes
at the end of the night,

they hook you up with numbers.

- Yeah, right, and
then I have to hang out

with 19 other guys?

- Well you sit with
them for three minutes.

Come on, it's three minutes!

- Three minutes times
19, that's hell,

and I haven't met
19 guys in 20 years

and I'm gonna meet
'em all tonight?

No.

- Come on.

Please.

- Fine.

- Jody, come on,
you just have to...

Did you just say fine?
- Yeah.

- Fine, you're gonna do it?

- Wait, where is it?

- It's in Manhattan, but
it's right in the village,

so you just need to go
right over the bridge

and come back again.

Please go, please go.

- You know what, I'll do it
because I have to be there

at midnight anyway tonight
at the Bottom Line.

- What did you just say?

- This guy came by
when I was playing

and he said he's the
owner of the Bottom Line

and he said that
he really liked me

and there's some showcase
that some important people

are supposed to come to and
he wants me to play tonight.

So I'm going into the city.
- Oh my god.

My god!

Yes!

- The doctor
called and said that...

Blue team to ICU, please.

Blue team, ICU.

- Sam, hi, I'm Dr. Abraham.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.

This is my son, Rocky.
- Pleased to meet you both.

We'll get the results tomorrow.

You live in Vermont, right?
- Yes, sir.

- Well, go out and
enjoy yourselves

and I'll see you back here
tomorrow afternoon, okay?

Great.

- Daddy? Are you gonna die soon?

- I hope not.

- If you do, who
will I live with?

- Who would you
want to live with?

- Vicki.

- You'd want to live with Vicki?

Okay, buddy.

If anything happens to me,
you can live with Vicki.

- So I hear you
don't have insurance.

- Nope.

Not a whole lot of money
for that where I come from.

- But you managed to save a
lot of cash for this operation.

- Yep.

- How?

- Why do you wanna know?

- Oh, I'm just curious.

- Uh, sold hats that I made.

- Must've sold
quite a lot of hats.

- And I sold my eggs
on the internet.

- You sold what?

- I sold my eggs
on the internet.

That was a big chunk of it.

- You sold your eggs
to save enough money

to get a tubal ligation?

- You got it.

- Why, may I ask you,
would a healthy, beautiful

young woman want to
get a tubal ligation?

- Because my father
raped my mother.

Well, he wasn't my
father when he raped her.

He was just some drunk
shit head in town

who happened to come
from a rich family

and he and his friends
had some fun with my mom.

They held her, he raped
her, no one believed her.

They said she asked for it
wearing tight skirts in church.

She's a good Christian
so she wouldn't kill me

just like I would never
kill an innocent child.

And I don't ever want
to go through that,

what my mama went through, so
one, two, three, no worries.

- Are you sure you don't want

to think about it a little more?

- Do I seem like a spur
of the moment girl to you?

- Fine.

We'll admit you.

Tomorrow we'll operate.

- Hello, Deniese.

- Hello, John.

Come in.

You wanna take a seat?

- Daddy, daddy!

- Hey.

My boy.

How you doing?

- Good.
- Yeah?

- Come into my room.

I want to show you
all my new games.

- In a second, son.

I need to talk to
your mother first.

You go get them ready and I'll
come in in a minute, okay?

- So what's up?

- I wanted to tell you
again how truly sorry I am

for the way that I treated you.

- I told you I moved on, John.

I have a new life now.

- I know.

I just want you to know-
- I know how sorry you are.

It was a long time ago.

I moved on and I
wish you would, too.

- I want to ask you for
your forgiveness, Deniese.

- You had an affair

with my best friend...

in our house.

- I know.

I'm sorry.

- Many times.

- Will you forgive me, please?

- Without any regard
for our family.

What it would do to our son.

- I know.

And I've cried myself to sleep

more times than I can
remember because of it.

Will you forgive me?

- Is that what
you came here for?

To ask me for my forgiveness?

- Yes.

- Why?

- Because I had a shotgun
to my head two days ago

and our priest suggested
that I come here

instead of pulling the trigger

and ask you for
your forgiveness.

- You need to move on with
your life and find some love.

If my forgiving you will
help you, then go with God.

You have it.

- Thank you.

- Well, I wanted to
see what you were up to

because I wanted to know if I
could come over to your house.

- Hey.
- Hi, dad.

Look at my new game.

- That's great.

Listen.

William, I was thinking
about moving to New York

so I could be closer to you

and we could spend
more time together.

Would you like that?

- That would be great.
- Okay.

- Dad, look at this new
autographed baseball I got.

- In a second.

I need to talk to you
about something else

that's very important, okay?

- Okay.

- I did something very bad to
your mommy a few years ago.

I lied to her and
that's why we stopped

living together, all of us,

and why you moved
here to New York,

and I didn't get to see
you as much as I wanted to.

You understand?

But you know that I
love you more than

anything in the world
and I always have

and I always will, right?

And you know how sorry I am...

That I lied to your mama,

and I'm the reason why we all
can't live together, right?

Son, will you forgive me?

- Forgive what?

- Will you please forgive
me for doing that?

- Of course, daddy.

Now, can I show you something?

- Yeah.

Show me the ball.

- Oh, excuse me, sir.

Can you tell me where
the Spuyten Duyvil is?

- You know who Willie Mays is?

- Willie Mays?

The best center fielder ever.

- Not just center fielder,
the best baseball player.

- There's still hope.

- I believe so.

- You see that
building over there?

Willie Mays lived there

when he was playing for
the New York Giants.

- Really?

- Yes, sirree.

- Wow.

- Say hey.

- So where is the
Spuyten Duyvil?

- Come, follow
me. I'll show you.

- Come on, guys.

Careful.

Come on.

Hey, look at that.

- I used to swim
down there when I was a kid,

a long time ago.

- Yeah?

You know, my father told
me he did the same thing.

I always wanted to come down
here, but I never made it.

- Well I'm glad you finally did.

- Yeah.

Me, too.

Hey, I'm going to take the
kids down to the waterfront.

You want to come along?

- With my legs, this
is as far as I go.

- Ready guys?

It was a pleasure
meeting you, sir.

- Thank you.

- Come on, guys.

- Arnie.

We made it.

- All right, everybody. We're
going to start in second.

Please make sure you
have your score cards

and your name tags ready.

Next time you will
hear this whistle,

you will start talking to
the person across from you

for three minutes exactly.

When you hear the whistle again,

you will stop and
you will move on.

Is that clear? Any questions?

Good.

- Hi.

I'm Jim.

- Hi Jim, I'm Jody.

- Jody and Jim, isn't
that a famous French film?

- Um, yeah, I think.

- Cool.

Couple of film buffs.

- Oh yeah.

- Hi, please forgive me.

I've been out of the
dating scene for a while,

I'm a little nervous.

I definitely have been out
of the speed dating scene

for my whole life.

- Forgive me, I don't
mean to be insensitive,

but this is supposed to
be kind of light and fun.

- Yeah, totally.

- Well, are you guys all right?

- What do you mean?

- Are you sick?

- Oh.

Oh, no, no, no.

No, see, we shaved our heads

so that we could look
like Michael Jordan.

Actually though, as it
turns out, I may be sick,

but the bald heads
were just for fun.

That's before I found
out that I may be sick.

I'll actually find out tomorrow.

I took some tests today,
but he's definitely fine.

He's definitely not sick now

nor will he get any
tests back tomorrow

that say he might be sick.

He didn't take a
test, I took the test.

See, it was his idea
to shave our heads

to look like Michael
Jordan before I ever knew

that I needed to get
any tests done at all.

This is probably kind of
weird for you, isn't it?

We're from Vermont.

Where are you from?

- Smooth.

Okay, now move to
the next one, folks.

- Thanks.

- Bye.

- Well nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- I guess we're
over here, buddy.

- Hi, I'm Paul.

- Hi Paul. I'm Jody.

- Nice to meet you.

- I'm sure you're
a really nice guy

but this thing kind of
creeps me out a little bit,

so, um, I'm going.

- Bye.

- Hi Sam.

- Alison.

What are you doing here?

- Same thing presumably you are.

- Yeah, but you're married.

- No, not anymore.

- You want me to go
across the street

and ask Fred if there's any
tire changing equipment?

- Yeah, Rock, could you do that?

- Who's this?

- No one I want you to know.

Thanks, buddy.

- Solidarity, pop.
- Okay.

- So I got a letter with your
name on it the other day.

- From who?

- Oh, just some
beautiful Hawaiian resort

I once took you to.

- Mauna Lani?

- This is just too weird.

- You're still so angry?

- How could I still be anything?

- You haven't seen
me or talked to me

since the day you
left me at the altar.

How would you know
how I felt then?

Or how I feel now
or if it's the same?

- We got two minutes.

If you want to spend it
yelling at me, go ahead.

- I don't want to yell at you.

I want to tell you that
you broke my heart.

I loved you so much.

I loved you more than any
woman I have ever, ever loved

and you destroyed me.

That's what I want to tell you.

- I know.

But it wasn't right for me.

It wasn't right
for me and I know

it wouldn't have been right.

- Well, I wish you
would have known that

before we were standing
in front of 100

of our closest friends and God

about to promise our
lives to each other.

- Me too, but I didn't.

Yeah, I wish more than anything

I would have understood how
I was feeling, but I didn't.

And I'm sorry that you got
caught up in that, Sam.

- How were you feeling?

- Scared.

I thought I was
ready and I wasn't

and you made it clear to me
that you wouldn't wait around.

And you can spend the rest of
your life being angry at me

or you can forgive me.

- They were closed.

- This is my son, Rocky.

- It is?

- Rocky...

This is Alison.

- Hi.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Goodbye, Allison.

♪ Goodnight, my
love, goodnight ♪

♪ I hope the bed bugs bite

♪ I hope your dreams
are filled with guilt ♪

♪ And classrooms
you can't find ♪

♪ Goodnight, my
love, goodnight ♪

- You're
lost, you're lost.

- What I don't know
is where we are going.

Tell me where you want to go.

- You got your
way out of Russia.

You can't find your way
out of Greenwich Village?

How long you been
in this country?

- 27 years.

- Can you name any
one of the 50 united states?

- What the hell
are you talking about?

- 27 years. Do you know
any of the 50 states?

Just name a state.

- Montana.

- That's good.
Name another one.

- Philadelphia.

- That's close.

♪ Just rest your head
in my loving arms ♪

♪ As soon as you start to fade

♪ I'll take the few
locks you still have ♪

- You're just gonna
leave that filth there?

Pee is so different than poo?

The poo you'll clean up but
the pee you'll just leave?

- How on earth am I
supposed to clean up urine?

- Stand behind with a cup.

Put on doggy diapers.

I don't know. That's
not my problem.

Smelly piss is my
problem though.

- Name another state.

- Missi-chippy?

- Missi-chippy?

Mississippi.

- That's what I said.

Missi-chippy!
- Watch out!

What are you, crazy?

Didn't you see
the light was red?

- Oh shut up, it was green.

With this damn dog.

- Are you all right?

Are you okay?

Hello? Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Hello? Are you okay?

- Where's my guitar?

- Right here.

- What time is it?

- Uh, 10:30.

- The Bottom Line, let's go.

- But don't you think we
should get to the hospital?

- I'm playing there.

- You're playing?

Uh...

Okay?

- You could watch.

- Sure.

- And what is your name, crazy
lady that causes accidents?

- Ester.

And you?

- Herb Schweitzer.

- Pleased to meet you.

- It's benign.

- What's that mean?

- Well it means your
dad's going to be okay.

- You ready?
- Yes, thanks.

- Where are you going, Rock?

Rocky, where are you going?

Paging Dr. Steidman.

Dr. Steidman, please.

- Doctor says that Mrs. Smith

is going to be
discharged tomorrow,

so we'll make sure that...

Oh...

- Blue
team to ICU, please.

Blue team, ICU.

- How do I look?

- Let me see 'em off.

I like 'em off.

- Me too.

- Want me to smash 'em for you?

- I've changed my mind.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
the Bottom Line

is pleased to
welcome Jody Bueller.

♪ I could slip, I could fall

♪ In that mean and awful hall

♪ With the other
jealous bitches ♪

♪ And the bitter,
grumbling men ♪

♪ I could sneer, I could glare

♪ Say that life is so unfair

♪ And the one who
made it, made it ♪

♪ 'Cause her breasts
were really big ♪

♪ Well I don't
wanna get bitter ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

♪ I don't wanna get
old before I have to ♪

♪ I could...
- Hey dad.

Even though you're not sick,
can we still live with Vicki?

- You'd want to live with
Vicki even though I'm not sick?

- Yeah.

So do you.

- You think?

- Dad, come on.

♪ Wishing fat fucks
to their grave ♪

♪ I feel sorry for them

♪ You say they get
what they deserve ♪

♪ Well I don't
wanna get bitter ♪

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

♪ I don't wanna get
old before I have to ♪

♪ And I don't wanna get jaded

♪ Petrified of waiting

♪ I don't wanna get
bitter like you ♪

♪ Like you with the
darts in your eyes ♪

♪ You with disdain for mankind

♪ I was charmed, now I wonder

♪ I don't wanna get bitter

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

- Vicki.
♪ I don't wanna get old

♪ Before I have to
I've always-

- Yeah, duh.

♪ So I smile with the rest
- Get a room!

♪ Wishing everyone the best

♪ And know the one who
made it made it 'cause ♪

♪ She was actually pretty good

♪ Kind of

♪ I don't wanna get bitter

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

♪ I don't wanna get
old before I have to ♪

- Why are you eating?

I'm taking you to supper.

- I'm hungry.

- That's why I'm
taking you to supper.

♪ Like you

♪ Oh, I don't wanna get bitter

♪ I don't wanna talk cruel

- Om.

♪ I don't wanna get jaded

♪ Petrified of waitin'

♪ I don't wanna get bitter

♪ Like you

- Thanks.

- Mind the gap.