Meow (2017) - full transcript
An alien lifeform from a faraway planet has been residing on Earth for thousands of years. They transform themselves into cats and populate every area of the globe. Their intelligence and adorability have led to them being treated as kings and queens by their human minions. Xi Xili is the latest visitor from their home planet, Planet Meow. He is an adorable oversized-cat-like being that has come to invade Earth and ensure his planet`s survival. His plans get derailed upon his arrival on Earth when a family in Hong Kong takes him in as their pet.
At the edge of the Milky Way
there is a special planet
For millennia, life on this planet has
established an intimate relationship with Earth
This planet is
Meow
Since it is located
amidst the meteor shower belt
collisions are frequent
Thus, this once-prosperous planet with a culture
more advanced than Earth's, began to decline
Meowians must think about emigration
In fact long ago
the planet had dispatched scouts
to plan an invasion of Earth
But strangely, none of those heroes returned
This is Planet Meow's palace
This plump individual is
of course its King
At the edge
of the Milky Way
He can see Ancient Egyptians worshipped Meowians
as gods descending on Earth
In Ancient India,
Meowians' movements inspired humans
to develop yoga
Thousands of years have flown by
The King decides to resume
his Earth invasion today
He sends for the planet's bravest warrior...
Pudding
Pudding, I command you to go to Earth to contact
Meowian braves who have
been laying in wait for millennia
and initiate the invasion
On Earth, you must have the Secret Weapon
to keep up your warrior powers
If you lose the Secret Weapon
Earth's particles will cause you to disintegrate
When in danger, use the Meowian Ultimate Defense
The Death Glare
Go-lee Wu audition, take one
Hello, everyone
We are happy to have
as our commentator today
Hong Kong's former soccer star
Go-lee "Gatekeeper" Wu
Hi, everyone
Since my retirement last year
I haven't seen you for a whole season
It's started
Let's get back to the game
Score
Sorry, Producer
[t was too fast.
Can we see it again?
Replay
Thanks
Corner ball
The ball is already in play
What a mess
I can't see their numbers, you can try
The ball is in play again, the head butt scores
The head butt guy wants
to pass it to someone else
Who knows if So-and-so received it
That guy fakes a couple of moves
and shoots hard for the goal
But who knew, someone else tackles
Who's-it marks him, tries to get it back
He passes two guys
Then Who's-his-name tries to grab his ball
But That-other-guy fails.
The-other-dude takes the shot
After he does, it's another mess in there
I can't tell who's who
That-guy, after he passes two guys
Suddenly someone comes
from behind to steal his ball
But Who's-he
and Who's-who jump but fail to catch it
Where are This-guy and That-guy?
So-and-so shoots hard for the goal post
Who's-it controls it with a head-butt
Before he gains control,
the ball hits the ground again
The other goalie comes over here
and kicks the ball away
Hey, what are you doing?
Of course you keep control of the ball
What a disaster, if someone steals it
I would never have done that in my goalie days
So, who made the goal?
Cut
We're done, you may go
Producer
In fact I have a secret commentary technique
that is unique in all the world
Please let me...
show it to you
Let me see it, then
Thank you, Sir
Could you please
play back that clip
You may slow it down
It's... a...
corner... ball...
What's-his-name...
head... butts...
and...
scores
This guy with the cool hair is my dad Go-lee Wu
He retired
from soccer last year
and got a really big check
He became a businessman
He says his products are
all great high-tech inventions
but I recently learned that
"great" doesn't mean "frivolous"
It's multi-functional
Put your ID card
in the back
now your driver license
credit card
and most fantastically
and here's the key feature
put your wallet in, too
See how confident
how stylish, how handsome you'd look
If this tie sells well
I can initiate an IPO in a few hours
Look, an actor is filming
Who is that?
Is she a star?
It's Nicole Kidman
Nicole Kidman? Or the gymnast Simone Biles?
She's too short to be Simone Biles
Really?
I think it's that guy in drag, that...
Vin Diesel
Give me your autograph
Vin Diesel, give me your autograph
You're great;
I can't tell you're a man
Vin Diesel is bald. I'm Pearl Zhou
This gorgeous beauty is my mom, Pearl Zhou
She is a very professional actress
1, 2, 3 and action
Mom is also a model,
and sometimes a spokesperson
It is clear that she wears
the pants in our family
To take good care of us
she shows us her gentlest side
Get up
Get up, lazy pig
Get up
Get up, wake up
I'm up
Give me back my hands
Give me back my body
He's nuts
He scared me, scumbag
Cut
This prankster is my big brother, Yoyo Wu
A teenager dreaming of becoming a director
His work is... really artistic
Action; now, act
Good, smile
Now cry; as hard as you can
Cut
Good take
Go, go
Go, faster
Yoyo, have you forgotten?
You cannot play this game with your leg
Teacher, I want to...
I know...
We'll cheer them on
from here, cheer as loud as we can
it's all the same, right?
This is me, Yoyo Wu
I was born with a bad leg
It's hard for me to run or jump
so most kids refuse to be my friend
Most of the time, I'm alone
Heaven, will you send me a true friend, please?
Just as Yoyo makes her wish
Pudding is about to reach Earth
As he enters our atmosphere, he remembers:
he forgot to check the local weather report,
oh, no
That's how thinks go
you're told you mustn't lose
not to lose
What a waste of my secret technique
No other commentator
will do slow motion
What a waste of my secret technique
Hello, Mr. Lin
Hello
You sound great today
I'm ready to coach your soccer team,
like you mentioned
We'll discuss that later
I'm in a pickle now
My sweetheart wants to leave me
She says she's on her way
to the airport to get out of here
But no one can take care of her cat
[t hates hotels,
strangers and my extended family
My maid is on vacation
It only likes people I trust
What to do?
That really is a pickle
Aren't you the person I trust the most?
I will seriously consider the coaching issue
No problem, it's only a cat
Go-lee Wu... no way
You're taking care of a cat?
You never took care of us
If it poops everywhere, who will clean up?
I ask you
Mr. Lin asked me for a reason
He said he'd let me coach his team
How can I be a coach
if I can't even handle a cat?
Will the coaching job pay you?
Let's say you'll coach; what can you do?
I dare say
we'll be champions
before the season starts
we'll out-play Barcelona, Manchester United
and Real Madrid
In hours, I can initiate an IPO for my team
Shut up
In your dreams
According to you
we should be rich
Where is the money?
Always doing ridiculous things for others
Earn some money;
we're in dire straits
Mr. Lin is almost here, I'll go meet him
Go-lee Wu
Don't be silly; I mean it this time
I'll have nothing to do with that cat
Mom, canned food again?
We eat canned food every day
Eat up
You're so tall thanks to those preservatives
But without his Secret Weapon
Pudding is done for
Sweetheart, please wait for me
Hello, Mr. Lin
I'm about to rush to the airport
as soon as I bring Xixili to my friend
If you lose the Secret Weapon
Earth's static particles
will cause youth disintegrate and die
To survive, you must duplicate yourself
into the nearest similar life
form before you break down
Another joke? All right
Here you go
there are 24 hours in a day,
60 minutes in each hour
which minute isn't really a minute?
The answer is...
0.540972222
Why?
Because...
it's almost one
Do I miss you? Of course
Even now I'm looking at your picture
Hold on
the cat is in the back, get it yourself
And about the soccer team?
We'll talk when I get back
Remember, if it's missing so much as a hair,
I'll make you pay
Have you ever counted
how many hairs it has?
Good one
Nothing, I was talking to a nobody
Yes, I'm coming, don't worry
Be patient, Sweetheart
Of course I love you to death
It's huge
I know I'm cute, thanks. Bye
Mr. Lin, it's so hairy
His name is Xixili
Yoyo, finish this
Don't waste food; eat
and you'll grow as tall as Yoyo
Honey?
What?
Honey
Monster
Wake up
Wake up
Honey
Honey
You didn't say
it's such a big cat
Who's this fat cat?
Unbelievable
Are you sure it's a cat?
It's only temporary...
Please put up with it for now, honey
Look at the big kitty
Come back
It's too dangerous
Allow me
Careful
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
- Don't stop me
- She's so aggressive
I want to see if there's someone inside
I'll teach you
Death Glare
It's an illusion?
Death Glare...
Death Glare...
Death...
Death...
I remember seeing online
if a cat winks at us,
it means it likes us
Really?
No wonder I keep winking
It is cute
I'm going nuts
It's only temporary...
Let me introduce you
This cat is called Xixili
Xixili
Hello, I'm Yoyo
You must be my heaven-sent friend
My wish came true
I must sleep with you in my arms tonight
Xixili the wise Meowian
uses feline telepathy to
summon the Elders
to a meeting at midnight at Cats' Cafe
"Elder #6" "Elder #5"
"Elder #4"
"Elder #3"
"Elder #2"
"Grand Elder"
You call this attending a meeting?
Look at all of you: spoiled, frivolous gluttons
who have forgotten your ancestors' mission
to invade Earth
Planet Meow is in greater danger than ever
We must invade Earth as soon as we can
As soon as I find my Secret Weapon
I can leave this flabby body,
regain my super powers,
invade Earth and be its master
It's so easy
I'm excited just thinking about it
It's my ball
Stop playing
Our masters are already our slaves
They just clean up after us
To me, that's a successful invasion
Invasions are tiring
Get His Majesty to come to Earth
and find a good master
All he needs to do is play cute
So, humans have defended against our invasions
by giving them lives of luxury. What a low blow
I'll show you
Invasion of Earth starts with breaking up a family
If I fail I don't deserve to be a Meowian warrior
Young man
And so, Xixili decides to break up this family
Come back...
I told you not to watch that horror film before bed
You're sleepwalking again
You want to fight me?
Go to hell
Blood...
No, I'm not going to school
Don't force me
Xixili, go to bed or Mom will tell you off
Exhausted from a night with his weird family,
Xixili decides to rest up
before commencing his battle
Good morning, Xixili
Handsome
More acting. Action, smile
Come eat your noodles
Did you sleep well, Xixili?
Here
Taste this
It's delicious
Stupid
How about this spread?
An eat-till-you-puke buffet
cat food, fruit, candy...
and best of all, potato chips
I'll go get some more choices
My inventory
Was there a thief?
Xixili
What have you done?
Calm down
If Mr. Lin finds even a hair missing
I won't get the coaching job
Behave...
I don't care
Don't do that. Calm down
Mom, it's a crime to abuse animals
I must beat you up
or my anger will kill me
No, just calm down
Mom, don't get mad; he's just hungry
- I'm prepared to go to jail
- Listen; no
Dad, make your ultimate move
I'm going to Kill you
I think I must
Once again she breaks
under my luscious lips
And you. Do that again and I'll get a dog
So there you are
I've looked for you forever
I found it
I found it
What is it, Mom?
What is that?
Honey
Grandma left these for your Mom
They've been missing for years,
and now they're found
Xixili, you're wonderful
Xixili cannot afford to lose again
He must plot the penultimate revenge
My lord, salmon steaks and half dozen potato chips
You may eat now
Finally, no canned food today
A break from preservatives
I want the slice with the most toppings
Xixili, to thank you for helping me
find my bracelet
I made you huge pot of salmon soup
You've had three steaks already,
did you like them?
Here
Have another
What is it?
What's going on?
This house
Go to that house
Let me
Bro
When you pushed this door, that door opened
You know nothing
"When heaven closes a door,
it will open another"
Let's go
Honey
What was that?
Honey
There's someone downstairs
Sounds like it's from there
How dare you
eat my instant noodles at this hour?
Why are noodles so important? Honey
They're dressed to rob
Too hot
Sorry
Yes, we are here to rob you
Freeze
Do as I say
Bring us all your valuables, now
Mom, it's so noisy
There's two more, tie them all up
Mom
Come here
- Save me
- Mom, Dad
No way
That's all you have in the whole house?
What else is worth money?
Don't you have more?
No, that's it
Stop pretending
I have something
Bring it here
My youth
It's half-gone, but there's half left
Take it
Take it back
She's nuts
Are you trying to kill us?
You still have half left?
Speak
The house is big
But it's mortgaged to the hilt
I've put everything back
into my business
In fact you two may find my products useful
Let me
show you
Sir
It seems you often stay up late at night
but eating so late will
make you gain weight
You're so right
These weight-loss slippers are perfect
Put them on for a few hours and you'll be thin
Thank you
This is a wonderful mask
You're under so much pressure that you have acne
and bad breath, I mean, halitosis
But this mask will
remove both symptoms
Get out
These slippers are too small
for my fat feet
This mask is too cute for my handsome face
That's no good
I think they suit you
Use these masks on our next robbery,
save on stockings
You're a genius
We can moisturize as we rob
No wonder you're the Big Brother
Go, run
Don't come over
Go, run
That's right
The mask is $30 each
Add water when it's dry to reuse
The slippers are a steal at $99
Why don't you
take the goods
and let us go?
I'll teach you to trick us
Dad
Don't hit my husband
Palming off this junk to us? Beat him
Stop it
Don't scare the children
Stop it
I beg you
Let her go
Don't touch her
Give us your money
Let her go; stay away from her
I'm under a lot of stress; don't push me
Xixili
- Mom
- Come
Stay there
Don't move if you want to live
Look, a Fortune Cat
I have an idea
Yes?
We dress it up
as a tiger
and sell it to the zoo
We'll be rich
Then it will be a Fortune Tiger
Xixili, you're amazing, you're wonderful
No way
I love you; you're great
Xixili
You are so wonderful
Thank goodness for you, Xixili
How strange
why do I feel so happy and loved?
Thank goodness not a hair is lost
Rise
Good morning, class
Good morning, Miss Jin
Sit
Some of you have failed the mathematics test
If I call your name, come see me
with your parent tomorrow
Yoyo Wu, Jinny Liu, Manfred Guo...
Hello
Candy
What?
Director wants to see me?
Really?
For the lead role?
A turtle?
Can't I play the rabbit?
Miss, this is my Mom
Mrs Wu, you're wearing a fur coat
on such a hot day
I'm beautiful now
But I used to be fat, too
As a woman
I think you should go on a diet soon;
love yourself
As a woman, I support you
Mrs. Wu
Please remove your mask
I prefer to talk face to face
No
Mom is sick
Avian flu
She's very sick
Her snot is thick and yellow
Her lip is cracked and dripping pus
It's gross
Gross?
I'd like to see how gross it is
I hate it when
people talk to me wearing a mask
I feel very disrespected
Mrs. Wu, please remove your mask
Now, please
You're sure you want to see it?
Yes
Please remove the mask
It's raining
Let me clean your glasses
That's so not hygienic...
Mrs. Wu
Never mind; you're really very sick
Let's talk about Yoyo
She failed
her math test
Please stop meowing
when we're talking
I don't like cats
Miss
Thank you
Where are you going?
We're not done yet
Mrs. Wu, you like small peckers?
You fail as a daughter
Yoyo Wu, why are you crying?
I should have told you
Mom has a strange disease
She is turning into a cat
No wonder
How can you be a good student
with such a crappy mom
to take care of you?
I was wrong to blame you
Did she take her meds today?
No, what shall I do?
Let her play
Mentally she must be younger than you
I will not punish you
Really?
Thank you
I'll take her to the home now
There are more
and more problem families in Hong Kong
The burden falls on us
gorgeous teaching professionals
Slow down
Xixili, wait for me
Go
Fetch
Fetch the bone, understand?
Stay
Dad
It's great you're here to pick me up
I'm taking you to the doctor for your leg
I don't want to go
Go, and I'll get you an ice cream
All right
Two scoops, okay?
Don't tell Mom
Are you "Hong Kong's Gatekeeper" Go-lee Wu?
At your service
Bingo
Yoyo
Your father is my idol
Really, Miss Li?
Yes
Sorry, I'm too star struck
May I have your autograph?
Sure, do you have a pen?
Shall I go buy one?
Can you shake my hand?
Here
It is this hand...
These hands kept countless balls
from scoring
None could get past the palm of your hand
Tissue?
No, thanks, sorry
Mr. Wu, would you please
help us with the
school's Sports Day?
Let me think about it
I'm done thinking
I'm interested
Thank you so much
Thank you so much
Is that how you write that word?
I think something is wrong
But what?
"Pay your debt, Go-lee Wu"
- A tiny mistake
- Solved
It's that simple
What are you doing to my house?
Why are you defacing my door?
Your house? We're just messengers
A tiny mistake
Now make a circle around it
Go-lee Wu
See for yourself
Who does he look like?
Him. Exactly the same
Mr. Wu
Did you guarantee a debt for this Mr. David
He's on the I am
You must bear his debt
Including our cab fare, the total is $2 million
This is
a done deal
This is what
friendship is about
Really?
$2 million? Really?
Yes
He said he had cash flow problems
and wanted me to guarantee his loan
Why did you do it again?
Why are you always so stupid?
You'll be the death of me
Can you stop being so stupid?
I must beat you up, or my anger will kill me
Calm down
You owe money,
but you must maintain a happy mindset
to keep motivated to earn money and pay your debt
See what we mean?
You're right. I should keep smiling
I should call the police
to tell them
you messed up my house
David asked me because he trusted me
and treated me like his friend
That's so precious
He must have fled for a reason
Let's pay off his debt
Maybe he'll repay us when he returns, right?
I have an idea, Honey
Why don't you pawn your jewelry
I'll put up our home for a loan
and if that won't work
I'll sell my inventory at a flea market
and if need be
I'll declare bankruptcy
You see, it's great to be my friend
No...
Go-lee Wu
I must beat you up, or you'll never wake up
Are you stupid?
Righteousness?
Rare? Great?
- I think I must
- Pawn my jewelry?
What will we live on?
Hello
Your post of your cat has gone viral
The hits just keep increasing
Really?
Many people want him in their movies and ads
Call you back
Stop kissing
Xixili's clip has gone viral
People want him in movies and ads
Bingo
Where are those people? Call them
Come
Call the police
Xixili, you're amazing. You're going to be in ads
Xixili never imagined he would suddenly become
an overnight internet sensation, a major star
Mermaid Brand cod liver oil contains lots of DSE
for parents' brains to become mature
and reduce childish behavior
like forcing kids into tutoring
so they have more play time
and grow up healthily and happily
In addition
Mermaid Brand cod liver pills
are incredible at curing
symptoms of constipation,
romantic breakups,
stock market losses
and everything else
Make sure you don't get a knockoff
Look for the cat-shaped laser trademark
Kl Brand toilet paper
Kl Brand toilet paper
A friend in need is a friend indeed
Mr. Wu, how has Xixili's popularity affected
affected your family?
In a huge way
He just paid off my loan shark
Mrs. Wu, when will you shoot
a Hollywood film?
No way
We don't like Western food
Xixili...
Remember to shop at Super Department Store
Remember to shop at Super Department Store
Call me at this number and
"Giant Cat Xixili Bursts into Fame"
Scene 8, shot 14, take 1
Monkey King, you're finally here
Save us
Monkey King
She's not a rat spirit
Why did you transform into a cat?
Change back to your original form
Come on
Two out of three. I go first
Show him, Monkey King
Try to do "scissors”
Stop
Beauty
There is something more delicious
than my flesh
Ch... ch...
Correct
Chips
Cat Brand potato chips are super delicious
"Cat Brand Potato Chips: Love that 5-alarm taste"
"World Boxing Champion Battle"
Left hook, right hook
Go
Go, Dad
Watch out
Honey
Dad...
Honey, are you all right?
Where are you hurt?
I'm okay
Get an ambulance
Xixili is very moved that
Dad got hurt saving him
Meowian Hero,
how is that family breakup going?
I knew he would fail
You're a major star now; why worry about that?
It's nothing like that
It's "Know thine enemy is the way to victory"
We'll see about that
Hello
Producer Chen?
I'm already here
Yes, you're to meet me with the scriptwriter
of DRUNKEN CAT
What? Drunk?
Another time, then
All right, Thanks
Could have told me sooner
Sir
We were destined to meet
Your face and eyes glow with a strong aura
and a magical air surrounds you
If you wear these prayer beads blessed
in Mount Putuo,
you will be very rich this year
It's a gift for one I was destined to meet
Thanks
This year mount Putuo undergoes renovation
Sir, you are wealthy
If you can donate $10,000
to the temple, you will...
Why do you think
I have $10,000 cash on me?
Take them back
The beads are destined for you
Put them down and disaster shall befall you
No way
Don't give them to me
Fred Ou-yang
Still cheating kind donors with old tricks?
High Priest
I'm a real Buddhist
Sir
your prayer beads are fake
They're plastic
Try to burn them; you'll see
Scram
Just trying to make a living
I hate hustlers
Be careful when drinking by yourself
You'll be an easy target
Thanks
Your Eminence
My name is Hy, surname Priest
In secular life I am antiques appraisal expert
Paul Guo; call me Hy Priest
Hello. I am Go-lee Wu
Hello, Mr. Wu
I'll be going, then...
- Hy Priest
- Hello, Mr Huang
So happy to meet you at last
Please sit
Who is this?
Mr. Wu, a man in our destinies
Another one?
This is Mr. Huang
May I trouble you
to see if these two
are Emperor Chongzhen's
"Overthrow Qing and Restore Ming" treasure maps
I better be going
No
We're all destined to meet today
Stay and appreciate this ancient artifact, come on
It really is Emperor Chongzhen's hand-drawn
"Overthrow Qing and Restore Ming" treasure map
Really?
You two, look at this
Come look at this
Emperor Chongzhen's tear stain
There were 3 copies of this map
I calculated that all three are
destined to meet here today
So I've asked the owner of the third map here
Hello
Are you Hy Priest?
You must be Alex
Hello
This is my map, please examine it
All three maps...
together finally, today
My grandpa told me,
when all three maps are put together
the treasure of 30,000 taels
of gold will be found
What's the use?
I'm dying soon
Let me tell the truth
I am terminally ill
with 3 months to live
I just want to leave something
for my young wife and kids...
plus funeral charges
I'm not greedy
$2 million will be enough
You're saying you want to sell these maps?
I'm only selling, too
I only need $1 million
for my sex change operation in Bangkok
You couldn't tell, right?
What an idiot you are; buy them
No
I may enter the secular world
only to help others
Let me
calculate how much
the gold is worth
Spot gold is
$12,570 per tael today
30,000 taels equals $377.1 million
Excuse me, how much are you selling it for?
$3 million
Great deal
I'll go get cash from the bank.
Hold the maps for me
I'll tell my dad to mortgage his home, wait...
Those crass fools
I won't sell to them
Man of destiny
Take it now
for $3 million
Hello?
Mrs. Wu?
Yes, who is this?
I'm calling from SD Bank
Your transaction is rejected
because your account balance
is only $23.60
What?
Only $23.60?
Yes, Mr. Wu had just withdrawn $3 million
so that's all you have left
Would you like to deposit funds into this account?
Yes, of course I do
Have you located your dad?
Lucky I've turned on his phone's tracker
He's just ahead, turn left
Left again
You're 50 meters away
Isn't this the bar Dad always goes to?
Hy Priest
Mr. Wu, here you are
I brought it
Do you want to count the $3 million?
I won't count
and you won't check my maps
It's all about trust, right?
I trust that I'll make a fortune this time
Hello, everyone
Where did you come from?
I saw you, so I followed you
Why did you follow me?
You must be Mrs. Wu
No
Hello, Madam Wu
She's really not...
We should call her Mrs. Wu
It's "Madam"
No, really
Go-lee Wu
Where is our $3 million?
I gave it to them
The money is ours
The maps are yours
I'll explain at home,
we're rich
- You're nuts
- Is this
murderous woman your relative?
I'm Mrs. Wu
Isn't that Mrs. Wu?
Miss Li?
So...
This is Madam
That is Mrs. Wu
No matter what
It's none of our business
Let's go; goodbye
Stop
The police have just released photos of
3 suspected crooks involved in many cons
Victims who have remained silent
please contact the police at once
That's them
Run
Help. I'm so scared
Your aura is one in a million
You will be prosperous and very wealthy
Go away
This way
This way
It's Xixili
Your cell phone, quickly
Okay
Selfie
Got it
Bye
Stop
Freeze
Stop, thief
Stop
Watch out, Dad
Stop
Go-lee Wu
You're too much
Why did you do it? $3 million,
earned and scrimped
and saved by the whole family,
has been conned away
Tell me what to do?
Tell me what to do?
For $300 million...
I didn't know they'd con me
What's wrong with you?
The money is for Yoyo's surgery
If she misses it she'll never walk properly
Don't you understand?
I've had it
I can't take any more
Xixili finally understands why Mom and Dad
are so obsessed with money
Treat your daughter's leg now,
or it will be beyond help
This congenital skeletal anomaly
requires surgery to correct
How much does it cost?
There's a $2 million version
but she won't be able to run or catch the bus
Doctor, we must catch the bus
Doctor...
How much for her to run properly?
$5 million
She'll need yearly surgeries
to slowly correct the deformity
It's already a late start
Children, Sports Day will be here soon
Are you excited?
We can all run races, right?
This year we'll have a race with the whole family
The 4 x 100 meter parent-and-child relay
So, how many people do we need in a 4 x 100 race?
Four
That's right
We can ask daddy,
mommy, brothers...
Dad
Dad
Dad
Xixili
I miss you
Dad is missing
Xixili
I wish the family
can run the race tomorrow
4 x 100 race?
Tomorrow?
How can you run with your legs?
I must
The whole class will run with their families
I've notified Dad
He'll be there tomorrow
Then...
let him do it
I won't be with him
Mom...
Others will laugh at Yoyo
Nonsense
What's going on?
Meow...
I can't understand a thing you say
No matter how useless I am
I must safeguard my family
from outsiders
I must become my family's Gatekeeper
"Dad, please come
to the family 4x100 race tomorrow"
The once cheerful family
is dreary and silent
Xixili has achieved his goal
of breaking up this family
Yet he doesn't feel happy at all
Rather, he's a bit depressed
He wishes the family can be as it was before
"Yoyo Wu and Xixili"
The Meowian Secret Weapon?
I found it
I finally found it
Wait
Doesn't that mean
I have to...
Xixili thinks for a long time,
Secret Weapon in hand
He makes a decision
Yoyo, you can't even run
You must be stupid to do hurdles
Don't run
[t hurts to fall down
Where are Mom and Dad?
I don't know
Yoyo
there is still time to forfeit
before anyone finds out
I will run
with or without Mom and Dad
Honey
There is nothing between Miss Li and me
Please don't misunderstand
I know that
You think I'm angry about that?
How many times have I told you:
earn money by working
But you
constantly get conned
I...
I wanted to earn money faster
to cure Yoyo's leg,
but I never imagined...
And I don't worry about her?
But do you see me get conned?
Honey, sorry, don't be angry...
Ready
And go
Yoyo
Yoyo
Yoyo
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
You're a good girl, don't run any more
Are you okay?
Yoyo, you're amazing
You're amazing
Mom, Dad, Don't fight over money any more
I want our family to be together
See, I can run and jump
It's okay
I promise I won't fight with your dad again
Xixili
Xixili
Xixili
Xixili
Xixili
Who brought you here?
What is this?
Mom
What is it for?
Are we going to sing campfire songs?
I'm actually a warrior from Planet Meow
Who's talking?
It's me, Xixili
I found my Secret Weapon
So now you can hear me speak
You guys hear that?
Yes
Xixili is a ventriloquist, we're rich
Yoyo, you let me see
the strongest human weapon
is love
Dad, you're a good dad;
you do your best to protect the family
But you must grow up a little
Mom
you have a ferocious temper
But you're a kind, good mother
Try to be gentler
Yoyo
chase your dream
Don't give up, be a good director
I will
I must leave Earth soon
You'll forget me
You can't leave; Mr. Lin will kill me
Seriously, if we had known
you're a super cat
we would have treated you better
That's right
Do you know next week's lottery numbers?
4x100 parent-and-child relay racers,
please go to the starting point
Xixili, wait here
We have to run this race
Yoyo, you still want to run?
Yes
This race belongs to our family
Run
Good job! Run hard
Stay here, we'll go home for dinner together
Go,Yoyo
Thank you
Go...
Go...
Dad
- Go, Mom
- Go, Yoyo
Ready
Go
Come on, Yoyo
Come on, Yoyo, go
Hurry
Go
Run
Hurry
Go
Go, Mom
Go, Honey
Go, Mom
Hurry
Honey, I'm coming
Go, Honey
Go, Dad
Go
Yoyo, go
Go
Go
Go
Go
Yoyo, run with all your might
You can do it
Yes, let's run
When he sees Yoyo running hard like a normal child
Xixili thinks:
Earth is such a great place with Yoyo
and this family
The spaceship's light beam
will erase their memories of today's UFO sighting
Any memories of
Xixili's time on Earth
will also disappear
That means this family won't remember
they had a cat called Xixili
Your Majesty, Earth is a very dangerous place
Its people are unfriendly, the food inedible
the air polluted; it's impossible to survive there
Humans have a weapon called "love"
that causes Meowians to submit
without their own awareness
Meowians look at Pudding's current form
and believe Earth is a dangerous place
You have failed in your mission
and may not return to your prior heroic form
I hereby sentence you to dig for potatoes
Thank you, your Majesty
Yoyo's miracle
occurred because Xixili used the Secret Weapon
to cure her leg
instead of invading Earth
Whenever Pudding feels lonely
he would look up and look at the distant stars
and imagine that one of them is Earth
On Earth is a family he used to be part of
In that family he was named Xixili
And now everyone in that family
is living in love and happiness
Give me your autograph
I can...
Pudding desperately misses them
He really wishes to hear someone call him...
Xixili
Just then...
Woof tans
Are you here on a trip?
There's nothing to see on Meow
Really, fat cat?
We're starving, what's good to eat?
We're in a hurry to go to our
next destination: Earth
Earth?
Can you do me a favor?
I'll give you all the Meowian potatoes you want
What is that?
Stay away...
Monster
What the heck?
It must be a mutant. I'm sure it carries a virus
- It's huge
- Horrors
Leave it alone
Go away
Go away. I'll call the police to catch you
It must carry a virus
It seems that light really
completely erased
their memories
Xixili, we've rehearsed it so many times
What took you so long to come back?
Xixili, I missed you so much
Welcome back
Please star in my film
It's so good you're home
But no more misbehaving
Did you bring any souvenirs?
When will you take us on a trip to Planet Meow?
Welcome back
Their love for Xixili
cannot be erased by the memory light beam
Because memories of love are not
only stored in the brain
but also in the heart
How did you get even fatter?
Out of the way
Let me
Welcome back, Xixili
A multi-billionaire has posted
a US$100 million reward
for the recovery of 3 treasure maps
left by the Ming dynasty's royal family
to overthrow the Qing Dynasty
Allegedly the 3 maps
were stolen from his home by 3 thieves
and haven't been seen since
Here are the pictures of the suspects
Honey
so those maps are real?
We'll be rich and initiate an IPO
Where are the maps now?
I don't know where I put them
I hope I didn't throw them away
Hurry, go look for them
Come out, treasure maps
You think you are handsome?
I'm gonna die
Don't
Look at this, a small knife hurts
more when it stabs
Stab
This knife is sharp
Bring me your valuables, now
there is a special planet
For millennia, life on this planet has
established an intimate relationship with Earth
This planet is
Meow
Since it is located
amidst the meteor shower belt
collisions are frequent
Thus, this once-prosperous planet with a culture
more advanced than Earth's, began to decline
Meowians must think about emigration
In fact long ago
the planet had dispatched scouts
to plan an invasion of Earth
But strangely, none of those heroes returned
This is Planet Meow's palace
This plump individual is
of course its King
At the edge
of the Milky Way
He can see Ancient Egyptians worshipped Meowians
as gods descending on Earth
In Ancient India,
Meowians' movements inspired humans
to develop yoga
Thousands of years have flown by
The King decides to resume
his Earth invasion today
He sends for the planet's bravest warrior...
Pudding
Pudding, I command you to go to Earth to contact
Meowian braves who have
been laying in wait for millennia
and initiate the invasion
On Earth, you must have the Secret Weapon
to keep up your warrior powers
If you lose the Secret Weapon
Earth's particles will cause you to disintegrate
When in danger, use the Meowian Ultimate Defense
The Death Glare
Go-lee Wu audition, take one
Hello, everyone
We are happy to have
as our commentator today
Hong Kong's former soccer star
Go-lee "Gatekeeper" Wu
Hi, everyone
Since my retirement last year
I haven't seen you for a whole season
It's started
Let's get back to the game
Score
Sorry, Producer
[t was too fast.
Can we see it again?
Replay
Thanks
Corner ball
The ball is already in play
What a mess
I can't see their numbers, you can try
The ball is in play again, the head butt scores
The head butt guy wants
to pass it to someone else
Who knows if So-and-so received it
That guy fakes a couple of moves
and shoots hard for the goal
But who knew, someone else tackles
Who's-it marks him, tries to get it back
He passes two guys
Then Who's-his-name tries to grab his ball
But That-other-guy fails.
The-other-dude takes the shot
After he does, it's another mess in there
I can't tell who's who
That-guy, after he passes two guys
Suddenly someone comes
from behind to steal his ball
But Who's-he
and Who's-who jump but fail to catch it
Where are This-guy and That-guy?
So-and-so shoots hard for the goal post
Who's-it controls it with a head-butt
Before he gains control,
the ball hits the ground again
The other goalie comes over here
and kicks the ball away
Hey, what are you doing?
Of course you keep control of the ball
What a disaster, if someone steals it
I would never have done that in my goalie days
So, who made the goal?
Cut
We're done, you may go
Producer
In fact I have a secret commentary technique
that is unique in all the world
Please let me...
show it to you
Let me see it, then
Thank you, Sir
Could you please
play back that clip
You may slow it down
It's... a...
corner... ball...
What's-his-name...
head... butts...
and...
scores
This guy with the cool hair is my dad Go-lee Wu
He retired
from soccer last year
and got a really big check
He became a businessman
He says his products are
all great high-tech inventions
but I recently learned that
"great" doesn't mean "frivolous"
It's multi-functional
Put your ID card
in the back
now your driver license
credit card
and most fantastically
and here's the key feature
put your wallet in, too
See how confident
how stylish, how handsome you'd look
If this tie sells well
I can initiate an IPO in a few hours
Look, an actor is filming
Who is that?
Is she a star?
It's Nicole Kidman
Nicole Kidman? Or the gymnast Simone Biles?
She's too short to be Simone Biles
Really?
I think it's that guy in drag, that...
Vin Diesel
Give me your autograph
Vin Diesel, give me your autograph
You're great;
I can't tell you're a man
Vin Diesel is bald. I'm Pearl Zhou
This gorgeous beauty is my mom, Pearl Zhou
She is a very professional actress
1, 2, 3 and action
Mom is also a model,
and sometimes a spokesperson
It is clear that she wears
the pants in our family
To take good care of us
she shows us her gentlest side
Get up
Get up, lazy pig
Get up
Get up, wake up
I'm up
Give me back my hands
Give me back my body
He's nuts
He scared me, scumbag
Cut
This prankster is my big brother, Yoyo Wu
A teenager dreaming of becoming a director
His work is... really artistic
Action; now, act
Good, smile
Now cry; as hard as you can
Cut
Good take
Go, go
Go, faster
Yoyo, have you forgotten?
You cannot play this game with your leg
Teacher, I want to...
I know...
We'll cheer them on
from here, cheer as loud as we can
it's all the same, right?
This is me, Yoyo Wu
I was born with a bad leg
It's hard for me to run or jump
so most kids refuse to be my friend
Most of the time, I'm alone
Heaven, will you send me a true friend, please?
Just as Yoyo makes her wish
Pudding is about to reach Earth
As he enters our atmosphere, he remembers:
he forgot to check the local weather report,
oh, no
That's how thinks go
you're told you mustn't lose
not to lose
What a waste of my secret technique
No other commentator
will do slow motion
What a waste of my secret technique
Hello, Mr. Lin
Hello
You sound great today
I'm ready to coach your soccer team,
like you mentioned
We'll discuss that later
I'm in a pickle now
My sweetheart wants to leave me
She says she's on her way
to the airport to get out of here
But no one can take care of her cat
[t hates hotels,
strangers and my extended family
My maid is on vacation
It only likes people I trust
What to do?
That really is a pickle
Aren't you the person I trust the most?
I will seriously consider the coaching issue
No problem, it's only a cat
Go-lee Wu... no way
You're taking care of a cat?
You never took care of us
If it poops everywhere, who will clean up?
I ask you
Mr. Lin asked me for a reason
He said he'd let me coach his team
How can I be a coach
if I can't even handle a cat?
Will the coaching job pay you?
Let's say you'll coach; what can you do?
I dare say
we'll be champions
before the season starts
we'll out-play Barcelona, Manchester United
and Real Madrid
In hours, I can initiate an IPO for my team
Shut up
In your dreams
According to you
we should be rich
Where is the money?
Always doing ridiculous things for others
Earn some money;
we're in dire straits
Mr. Lin is almost here, I'll go meet him
Go-lee Wu
Don't be silly; I mean it this time
I'll have nothing to do with that cat
Mom, canned food again?
We eat canned food every day
Eat up
You're so tall thanks to those preservatives
But without his Secret Weapon
Pudding is done for
Sweetheart, please wait for me
Hello, Mr. Lin
I'm about to rush to the airport
as soon as I bring Xixili to my friend
If you lose the Secret Weapon
Earth's static particles
will cause youth disintegrate and die
To survive, you must duplicate yourself
into the nearest similar life
form before you break down
Another joke? All right
Here you go
there are 24 hours in a day,
60 minutes in each hour
which minute isn't really a minute?
The answer is...
0.540972222
Why?
Because...
it's almost one
Do I miss you? Of course
Even now I'm looking at your picture
Hold on
the cat is in the back, get it yourself
And about the soccer team?
We'll talk when I get back
Remember, if it's missing so much as a hair,
I'll make you pay
Have you ever counted
how many hairs it has?
Good one
Nothing, I was talking to a nobody
Yes, I'm coming, don't worry
Be patient, Sweetheart
Of course I love you to death
It's huge
I know I'm cute, thanks. Bye
Mr. Lin, it's so hairy
His name is Xixili
Yoyo, finish this
Don't waste food; eat
and you'll grow as tall as Yoyo
Honey?
What?
Honey
Monster
Wake up
Wake up
Honey
Honey
You didn't say
it's such a big cat
Who's this fat cat?
Unbelievable
Are you sure it's a cat?
It's only temporary...
Please put up with it for now, honey
Look at the big kitty
Come back
It's too dangerous
Allow me
Careful
What are you doing?
What am I doing?
- Don't stop me
- She's so aggressive
I want to see if there's someone inside
I'll teach you
Death Glare
It's an illusion?
Death Glare...
Death Glare...
Death...
Death...
I remember seeing online
if a cat winks at us,
it means it likes us
Really?
No wonder I keep winking
It is cute
I'm going nuts
It's only temporary...
Let me introduce you
This cat is called Xixili
Xixili
Hello, I'm Yoyo
You must be my heaven-sent friend
My wish came true
I must sleep with you in my arms tonight
Xixili the wise Meowian
uses feline telepathy to
summon the Elders
to a meeting at midnight at Cats' Cafe
"Elder #6" "Elder #5"
"Elder #4"
"Elder #3"
"Elder #2"
"Grand Elder"
You call this attending a meeting?
Look at all of you: spoiled, frivolous gluttons
who have forgotten your ancestors' mission
to invade Earth
Planet Meow is in greater danger than ever
We must invade Earth as soon as we can
As soon as I find my Secret Weapon
I can leave this flabby body,
regain my super powers,
invade Earth and be its master
It's so easy
I'm excited just thinking about it
It's my ball
Stop playing
Our masters are already our slaves
They just clean up after us
To me, that's a successful invasion
Invasions are tiring
Get His Majesty to come to Earth
and find a good master
All he needs to do is play cute
So, humans have defended against our invasions
by giving them lives of luxury. What a low blow
I'll show you
Invasion of Earth starts with breaking up a family
If I fail I don't deserve to be a Meowian warrior
Young man
And so, Xixili decides to break up this family
Come back...
I told you not to watch that horror film before bed
You're sleepwalking again
You want to fight me?
Go to hell
Blood...
No, I'm not going to school
Don't force me
Xixili, go to bed or Mom will tell you off
Exhausted from a night with his weird family,
Xixili decides to rest up
before commencing his battle
Good morning, Xixili
Handsome
More acting. Action, smile
Come eat your noodles
Did you sleep well, Xixili?
Here
Taste this
It's delicious
Stupid
How about this spread?
An eat-till-you-puke buffet
cat food, fruit, candy...
and best of all, potato chips
I'll go get some more choices
My inventory
Was there a thief?
Xixili
What have you done?
Calm down
If Mr. Lin finds even a hair missing
I won't get the coaching job
Behave...
I don't care
Don't do that. Calm down
Mom, it's a crime to abuse animals
I must beat you up
or my anger will kill me
No, just calm down
Mom, don't get mad; he's just hungry
- I'm prepared to go to jail
- Listen; no
Dad, make your ultimate move
I'm going to Kill you
I think I must
Once again she breaks
under my luscious lips
And you. Do that again and I'll get a dog
So there you are
I've looked for you forever
I found it
I found it
What is it, Mom?
What is that?
Honey
Grandma left these for your Mom
They've been missing for years,
and now they're found
Xixili, you're wonderful
Xixili cannot afford to lose again
He must plot the penultimate revenge
My lord, salmon steaks and half dozen potato chips
You may eat now
Finally, no canned food today
A break from preservatives
I want the slice with the most toppings
Xixili, to thank you for helping me
find my bracelet
I made you huge pot of salmon soup
You've had three steaks already,
did you like them?
Here
Have another
What is it?
What's going on?
This house
Go to that house
Let me
Bro
When you pushed this door, that door opened
You know nothing
"When heaven closes a door,
it will open another"
Let's go
Honey
What was that?
Honey
There's someone downstairs
Sounds like it's from there
How dare you
eat my instant noodles at this hour?
Why are noodles so important? Honey
They're dressed to rob
Too hot
Sorry
Yes, we are here to rob you
Freeze
Do as I say
Bring us all your valuables, now
Mom, it's so noisy
There's two more, tie them all up
Mom
Come here
- Save me
- Mom, Dad
No way
That's all you have in the whole house?
What else is worth money?
Don't you have more?
No, that's it
Stop pretending
I have something
Bring it here
My youth
It's half-gone, but there's half left
Take it
Take it back
She's nuts
Are you trying to kill us?
You still have half left?
Speak
The house is big
But it's mortgaged to the hilt
I've put everything back
into my business
In fact you two may find my products useful
Let me
show you
Sir
It seems you often stay up late at night
but eating so late will
make you gain weight
You're so right
These weight-loss slippers are perfect
Put them on for a few hours and you'll be thin
Thank you
This is a wonderful mask
You're under so much pressure that you have acne
and bad breath, I mean, halitosis
But this mask will
remove both symptoms
Get out
These slippers are too small
for my fat feet
This mask is too cute for my handsome face
That's no good
I think they suit you
Use these masks on our next robbery,
save on stockings
You're a genius
We can moisturize as we rob
No wonder you're the Big Brother
Go, run
Don't come over
Go, run
That's right
The mask is $30 each
Add water when it's dry to reuse
The slippers are a steal at $99
Why don't you
take the goods
and let us go?
I'll teach you to trick us
Dad
Don't hit my husband
Palming off this junk to us? Beat him
Stop it
Don't scare the children
Stop it
I beg you
Let her go
Don't touch her
Give us your money
Let her go; stay away from her
I'm under a lot of stress; don't push me
Xixili
- Mom
- Come
Stay there
Don't move if you want to live
Look, a Fortune Cat
I have an idea
Yes?
We dress it up
as a tiger
and sell it to the zoo
We'll be rich
Then it will be a Fortune Tiger
Xixili, you're amazing, you're wonderful
No way
I love you; you're great
Xixili
You are so wonderful
Thank goodness for you, Xixili
How strange
why do I feel so happy and loved?
Thank goodness not a hair is lost
Rise
Good morning, class
Good morning, Miss Jin
Sit
Some of you have failed the mathematics test
If I call your name, come see me
with your parent tomorrow
Yoyo Wu, Jinny Liu, Manfred Guo...
Hello
Candy
What?
Director wants to see me?
Really?
For the lead role?
A turtle?
Can't I play the rabbit?
Miss, this is my Mom
Mrs Wu, you're wearing a fur coat
on such a hot day
I'm beautiful now
But I used to be fat, too
As a woman
I think you should go on a diet soon;
love yourself
As a woman, I support you
Mrs. Wu
Please remove your mask
I prefer to talk face to face
No
Mom is sick
Avian flu
She's very sick
Her snot is thick and yellow
Her lip is cracked and dripping pus
It's gross
Gross?
I'd like to see how gross it is
I hate it when
people talk to me wearing a mask
I feel very disrespected
Mrs. Wu, please remove your mask
Now, please
You're sure you want to see it?
Yes
Please remove the mask
It's raining
Let me clean your glasses
That's so not hygienic...
Mrs. Wu
Never mind; you're really very sick
Let's talk about Yoyo
She failed
her math test
Please stop meowing
when we're talking
I don't like cats
Miss
Thank you
Where are you going?
We're not done yet
Mrs. Wu, you like small peckers?
You fail as a daughter
Yoyo Wu, why are you crying?
I should have told you
Mom has a strange disease
She is turning into a cat
No wonder
How can you be a good student
with such a crappy mom
to take care of you?
I was wrong to blame you
Did she take her meds today?
No, what shall I do?
Let her play
Mentally she must be younger than you
I will not punish you
Really?
Thank you
I'll take her to the home now
There are more
and more problem families in Hong Kong
The burden falls on us
gorgeous teaching professionals
Slow down
Xixili, wait for me
Go
Fetch
Fetch the bone, understand?
Stay
Dad
It's great you're here to pick me up
I'm taking you to the doctor for your leg
I don't want to go
Go, and I'll get you an ice cream
All right
Two scoops, okay?
Don't tell Mom
Are you "Hong Kong's Gatekeeper" Go-lee Wu?
At your service
Bingo
Yoyo
Your father is my idol
Really, Miss Li?
Yes
Sorry, I'm too star struck
May I have your autograph?
Sure, do you have a pen?
Shall I go buy one?
Can you shake my hand?
Here
It is this hand...
These hands kept countless balls
from scoring
None could get past the palm of your hand
Tissue?
No, thanks, sorry
Mr. Wu, would you please
help us with the
school's Sports Day?
Let me think about it
I'm done thinking
I'm interested
Thank you so much
Thank you so much
Is that how you write that word?
I think something is wrong
But what?
"Pay your debt, Go-lee Wu"
- A tiny mistake
- Solved
It's that simple
What are you doing to my house?
Why are you defacing my door?
Your house? We're just messengers
A tiny mistake
Now make a circle around it
Go-lee Wu
See for yourself
Who does he look like?
Him. Exactly the same
Mr. Wu
Did you guarantee a debt for this Mr. David
He's on the I am
You must bear his debt
Including our cab fare, the total is $2 million
This is
a done deal
This is what
friendship is about
Really?
$2 million? Really?
Yes
He said he had cash flow problems
and wanted me to guarantee his loan
Why did you do it again?
Why are you always so stupid?
You'll be the death of me
Can you stop being so stupid?
I must beat you up, or my anger will kill me
Calm down
You owe money,
but you must maintain a happy mindset
to keep motivated to earn money and pay your debt
See what we mean?
You're right. I should keep smiling
I should call the police
to tell them
you messed up my house
David asked me because he trusted me
and treated me like his friend
That's so precious
He must have fled for a reason
Let's pay off his debt
Maybe he'll repay us when he returns, right?
I have an idea, Honey
Why don't you pawn your jewelry
I'll put up our home for a loan
and if that won't work
I'll sell my inventory at a flea market
and if need be
I'll declare bankruptcy
You see, it's great to be my friend
No...
Go-lee Wu
I must beat you up, or you'll never wake up
Are you stupid?
Righteousness?
Rare? Great?
- I think I must
- Pawn my jewelry?
What will we live on?
Hello
Your post of your cat has gone viral
The hits just keep increasing
Really?
Many people want him in their movies and ads
Call you back
Stop kissing
Xixili's clip has gone viral
People want him in movies and ads
Bingo
Where are those people? Call them
Come
Call the police
Xixili, you're amazing. You're going to be in ads
Xixili never imagined he would suddenly become
an overnight internet sensation, a major star
Mermaid Brand cod liver oil contains lots of DSE
for parents' brains to become mature
and reduce childish behavior
like forcing kids into tutoring
so they have more play time
and grow up healthily and happily
In addition
Mermaid Brand cod liver pills
are incredible at curing
symptoms of constipation,
romantic breakups,
stock market losses
and everything else
Make sure you don't get a knockoff
Look for the cat-shaped laser trademark
Kl Brand toilet paper
Kl Brand toilet paper
A friend in need is a friend indeed
Mr. Wu, how has Xixili's popularity affected
affected your family?
In a huge way
He just paid off my loan shark
Mrs. Wu, when will you shoot
a Hollywood film?
No way
We don't like Western food
Xixili...
Remember to shop at Super Department Store
Remember to shop at Super Department Store
Call me at this number and
"Giant Cat Xixili Bursts into Fame"
Scene 8, shot 14, take 1
Monkey King, you're finally here
Save us
Monkey King
She's not a rat spirit
Why did you transform into a cat?
Change back to your original form
Come on
Two out of three. I go first
Show him, Monkey King
Try to do "scissors”
Stop
Beauty
There is something more delicious
than my flesh
Ch... ch...
Correct
Chips
Cat Brand potato chips are super delicious
"Cat Brand Potato Chips: Love that 5-alarm taste"
"World Boxing Champion Battle"
Left hook, right hook
Go
Go, Dad
Watch out
Honey
Dad...
Honey, are you all right?
Where are you hurt?
I'm okay
Get an ambulance
Xixili is very moved that
Dad got hurt saving him
Meowian Hero,
how is that family breakup going?
I knew he would fail
You're a major star now; why worry about that?
It's nothing like that
It's "Know thine enemy is the way to victory"
We'll see about that
Hello
Producer Chen?
I'm already here
Yes, you're to meet me with the scriptwriter
of DRUNKEN CAT
What? Drunk?
Another time, then
All right, Thanks
Could have told me sooner
Sir
We were destined to meet
Your face and eyes glow with a strong aura
and a magical air surrounds you
If you wear these prayer beads blessed
in Mount Putuo,
you will be very rich this year
It's a gift for one I was destined to meet
Thanks
This year mount Putuo undergoes renovation
Sir, you are wealthy
If you can donate $10,000
to the temple, you will...
Why do you think
I have $10,000 cash on me?
Take them back
The beads are destined for you
Put them down and disaster shall befall you
No way
Don't give them to me
Fred Ou-yang
Still cheating kind donors with old tricks?
High Priest
I'm a real Buddhist
Sir
your prayer beads are fake
They're plastic
Try to burn them; you'll see
Scram
Just trying to make a living
I hate hustlers
Be careful when drinking by yourself
You'll be an easy target
Thanks
Your Eminence
My name is Hy, surname Priest
In secular life I am antiques appraisal expert
Paul Guo; call me Hy Priest
Hello. I am Go-lee Wu
Hello, Mr. Wu
I'll be going, then...
- Hy Priest
- Hello, Mr Huang
So happy to meet you at last
Please sit
Who is this?
Mr. Wu, a man in our destinies
Another one?
This is Mr. Huang
May I trouble you
to see if these two
are Emperor Chongzhen's
"Overthrow Qing and Restore Ming" treasure maps
I better be going
No
We're all destined to meet today
Stay and appreciate this ancient artifact, come on
It really is Emperor Chongzhen's hand-drawn
"Overthrow Qing and Restore Ming" treasure map
Really?
You two, look at this
Come look at this
Emperor Chongzhen's tear stain
There were 3 copies of this map
I calculated that all three are
destined to meet here today
So I've asked the owner of the third map here
Hello
Are you Hy Priest?
You must be Alex
Hello
This is my map, please examine it
All three maps...
together finally, today
My grandpa told me,
when all three maps are put together
the treasure of 30,000 taels
of gold will be found
What's the use?
I'm dying soon
Let me tell the truth
I am terminally ill
with 3 months to live
I just want to leave something
for my young wife and kids...
plus funeral charges
I'm not greedy
$2 million will be enough
You're saying you want to sell these maps?
I'm only selling, too
I only need $1 million
for my sex change operation in Bangkok
You couldn't tell, right?
What an idiot you are; buy them
No
I may enter the secular world
only to help others
Let me
calculate how much
the gold is worth
Spot gold is
$12,570 per tael today
30,000 taels equals $377.1 million
Excuse me, how much are you selling it for?
$3 million
Great deal
I'll go get cash from the bank.
Hold the maps for me
I'll tell my dad to mortgage his home, wait...
Those crass fools
I won't sell to them
Man of destiny
Take it now
for $3 million
Hello?
Mrs. Wu?
Yes, who is this?
I'm calling from SD Bank
Your transaction is rejected
because your account balance
is only $23.60
What?
Only $23.60?
Yes, Mr. Wu had just withdrawn $3 million
so that's all you have left
Would you like to deposit funds into this account?
Yes, of course I do
Have you located your dad?
Lucky I've turned on his phone's tracker
He's just ahead, turn left
Left again
You're 50 meters away
Isn't this the bar Dad always goes to?
Hy Priest
Mr. Wu, here you are
I brought it
Do you want to count the $3 million?
I won't count
and you won't check my maps
It's all about trust, right?
I trust that I'll make a fortune this time
Hello, everyone
Where did you come from?
I saw you, so I followed you
Why did you follow me?
You must be Mrs. Wu
No
Hello, Madam Wu
She's really not...
We should call her Mrs. Wu
It's "Madam"
No, really
Go-lee Wu
Where is our $3 million?
I gave it to them
The money is ours
The maps are yours
I'll explain at home,
we're rich
- You're nuts
- Is this
murderous woman your relative?
I'm Mrs. Wu
Isn't that Mrs. Wu?
Miss Li?
So...
This is Madam
That is Mrs. Wu
No matter what
It's none of our business
Let's go; goodbye
Stop
The police have just released photos of
3 suspected crooks involved in many cons
Victims who have remained silent
please contact the police at once
That's them
Run
Help. I'm so scared
Your aura is one in a million
You will be prosperous and very wealthy
Go away
This way
This way
It's Xixili
Your cell phone, quickly
Okay
Selfie
Got it
Bye
Stop
Freeze
Stop, thief
Stop
Watch out, Dad
Stop
Go-lee Wu
You're too much
Why did you do it? $3 million,
earned and scrimped
and saved by the whole family,
has been conned away
Tell me what to do?
Tell me what to do?
For $300 million...
I didn't know they'd con me
What's wrong with you?
The money is for Yoyo's surgery
If she misses it she'll never walk properly
Don't you understand?
I've had it
I can't take any more
Xixili finally understands why Mom and Dad
are so obsessed with money
Treat your daughter's leg now,
or it will be beyond help
This congenital skeletal anomaly
requires surgery to correct
How much does it cost?
There's a $2 million version
but she won't be able to run or catch the bus
Doctor, we must catch the bus
Doctor...
How much for her to run properly?
$5 million
She'll need yearly surgeries
to slowly correct the deformity
It's already a late start
Children, Sports Day will be here soon
Are you excited?
We can all run races, right?
This year we'll have a race with the whole family
The 4 x 100 meter parent-and-child relay
So, how many people do we need in a 4 x 100 race?
Four
That's right
We can ask daddy,
mommy, brothers...
Dad
Dad
Dad
Xixili
I miss you
Dad is missing
Xixili
I wish the family
can run the race tomorrow
4 x 100 race?
Tomorrow?
How can you run with your legs?
I must
The whole class will run with their families
I've notified Dad
He'll be there tomorrow
Then...
let him do it
I won't be with him
Mom...
Others will laugh at Yoyo
Nonsense
What's going on?
Meow...
I can't understand a thing you say
No matter how useless I am
I must safeguard my family
from outsiders
I must become my family's Gatekeeper
"Dad, please come
to the family 4x100 race tomorrow"
The once cheerful family
is dreary and silent
Xixili has achieved his goal
of breaking up this family
Yet he doesn't feel happy at all
Rather, he's a bit depressed
He wishes the family can be as it was before
"Yoyo Wu and Xixili"
The Meowian Secret Weapon?
I found it
I finally found it
Wait
Doesn't that mean
I have to...
Xixili thinks for a long time,
Secret Weapon in hand
He makes a decision
Yoyo, you can't even run
You must be stupid to do hurdles
Don't run
[t hurts to fall down
Where are Mom and Dad?
I don't know
Yoyo
there is still time to forfeit
before anyone finds out
I will run
with or without Mom and Dad
Honey
There is nothing between Miss Li and me
Please don't misunderstand
I know that
You think I'm angry about that?
How many times have I told you:
earn money by working
But you
constantly get conned
I...
I wanted to earn money faster
to cure Yoyo's leg,
but I never imagined...
And I don't worry about her?
But do you see me get conned?
Honey, sorry, don't be angry...
Ready
And go
Yoyo
Yoyo
Yoyo
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
You're a good girl, don't run any more
Are you okay?
Yoyo, you're amazing
You're amazing
Mom, Dad, Don't fight over money any more
I want our family to be together
See, I can run and jump
It's okay
I promise I won't fight with your dad again
Xixili
Xixili
Xixili
Xixili
Xixili
Who brought you here?
What is this?
Mom
What is it for?
Are we going to sing campfire songs?
I'm actually a warrior from Planet Meow
Who's talking?
It's me, Xixili
I found my Secret Weapon
So now you can hear me speak
You guys hear that?
Yes
Xixili is a ventriloquist, we're rich
Yoyo, you let me see
the strongest human weapon
is love
Dad, you're a good dad;
you do your best to protect the family
But you must grow up a little
Mom
you have a ferocious temper
But you're a kind, good mother
Try to be gentler
Yoyo
chase your dream
Don't give up, be a good director
I will
I must leave Earth soon
You'll forget me
You can't leave; Mr. Lin will kill me
Seriously, if we had known
you're a super cat
we would have treated you better
That's right
Do you know next week's lottery numbers?
4x100 parent-and-child relay racers,
please go to the starting point
Xixili, wait here
We have to run this race
Yoyo, you still want to run?
Yes
This race belongs to our family
Run
Good job! Run hard
Stay here, we'll go home for dinner together
Go,Yoyo
Thank you
Go...
Go...
Dad
- Go, Mom
- Go, Yoyo
Ready
Go
Come on, Yoyo
Come on, Yoyo, go
Hurry
Go
Run
Hurry
Go
Go, Mom
Go, Honey
Go, Mom
Hurry
Honey, I'm coming
Go, Honey
Go, Dad
Go
Yoyo, go
Go
Go
Go
Go
Yoyo, run with all your might
You can do it
Yes, let's run
When he sees Yoyo running hard like a normal child
Xixili thinks:
Earth is such a great place with Yoyo
and this family
The spaceship's light beam
will erase their memories of today's UFO sighting
Any memories of
Xixili's time on Earth
will also disappear
That means this family won't remember
they had a cat called Xixili
Your Majesty, Earth is a very dangerous place
Its people are unfriendly, the food inedible
the air polluted; it's impossible to survive there
Humans have a weapon called "love"
that causes Meowians to submit
without their own awareness
Meowians look at Pudding's current form
and believe Earth is a dangerous place
You have failed in your mission
and may not return to your prior heroic form
I hereby sentence you to dig for potatoes
Thank you, your Majesty
Yoyo's miracle
occurred because Xixili used the Secret Weapon
to cure her leg
instead of invading Earth
Whenever Pudding feels lonely
he would look up and look at the distant stars
and imagine that one of them is Earth
On Earth is a family he used to be part of
In that family he was named Xixili
And now everyone in that family
is living in love and happiness
Give me your autograph
I can...
Pudding desperately misses them
He really wishes to hear someone call him...
Xixili
Just then...
Woof tans
Are you here on a trip?
There's nothing to see on Meow
Really, fat cat?
We're starving, what's good to eat?
We're in a hurry to go to our
next destination: Earth
Earth?
Can you do me a favor?
I'll give you all the Meowian potatoes you want
What is that?
Stay away...
Monster
What the heck?
It must be a mutant. I'm sure it carries a virus
- It's huge
- Horrors
Leave it alone
Go away
Go away. I'll call the police to catch you
It must carry a virus
It seems that light really
completely erased
their memories
Xixili, we've rehearsed it so many times
What took you so long to come back?
Xixili, I missed you so much
Welcome back
Please star in my film
It's so good you're home
But no more misbehaving
Did you bring any souvenirs?
When will you take us on a trip to Planet Meow?
Welcome back
Their love for Xixili
cannot be erased by the memory light beam
Because memories of love are not
only stored in the brain
but also in the heart
How did you get even fatter?
Out of the way
Let me
Welcome back, Xixili
A multi-billionaire has posted
a US$100 million reward
for the recovery of 3 treasure maps
left by the Ming dynasty's royal family
to overthrow the Qing Dynasty
Allegedly the 3 maps
were stolen from his home by 3 thieves
and haven't been seen since
Here are the pictures of the suspects
Honey
so those maps are real?
We'll be rich and initiate an IPO
Where are the maps now?
I don't know where I put them
I hope I didn't throw them away
Hurry, go look for them
Come out, treasure maps
You think you are handsome?
I'm gonna die
Don't
Look at this, a small knife hurts
more when it stabs
Stab
This knife is sharp
Bring me your valuables, now