Men Are Such Fools (1938) - full transcript

Goodnight, darling.
- Goodnight, sweetheart.

Goodnight, Angela.

Goodnight, dear.

You'd better go now, Tad.
It's after two.

Sure. I will.

Goodnight, Nancy.

Goodnight, Tad.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

What's the matter, Pinky?
Walking in your sleep?

Pinky, what do you think? Tad and I ..
- Shush.



Imagine what this will mean.

She's got a man in her room.

If I didn't know you
was both good girls.

Linda has got a man?

I know what you are going to say.
'Think of the risk'.

There is no risk.
We've got nothing to lose.

They've been talking like
that since eleven o'clock.

I will say they have been talking.

You would make sure of that, Pinky.

I've dreamed about this for months.

Planned every little detail.

I know exactly what we
must tell the world.

Don't you see?

Hello Nancy.



You can't let me down now. You can't.

How do you do? Go right ahead.
Don't mind me.

The only way to keep the
fruit company's account ..

Is to help them put over that
deadline on citrus juice.

The right kind of advertizing.
Demonstrations, broadcasts.

And we save a half million
dollar a year account.

You know.

The company's marvelous
new discovery: Fruit Tea.

'Start the day with a Fruit Tea smile'.

And end it by going nuts.

Would you mind telling me
just who is your friend?

It is Mr Harvey Bates. Our Mr Bates.

Why, of course.

Hello, Mr Bates himself. Hello.

Now that we're all screwy,
suppose we turn in?

I'm not screwy, and if Batesy
will listen to me I'll prove it.

You'll listen to me, won't you Batesy?
- If Batesy will listen.

Only Batesy isn't interested
in ideas from us girls.

All he thinks about is figures.

And he don't mean the ABC kind either.

What? Batesy a menace?

Why, he's a perfect little lamb.

Sure. In sheep's clothing.

When he knows there's a chance to
save the fruit company's account.

Nancy. How nice.

Tad?
- Uhuh.

Linda.

What, honey?

I wish you liked Tad better.

I don't dislike him.

I just don't like him for you.

What else is there in life to look
forward to but a husband ..

And a home.
- For you maybe.

Not for me.

I will be somebody in this advertizing
racket and I have what it takes.

I'll draw a salary, not wages.

And I'll have an office like Bea Harris.

With my name on the door.

You'll see.

Mr Bates office.

Hello gorgeous.

Oh, it's you again.

Linda.

Linda, do you know
anything about babies?

What does the word sound like?

All track of children.

It sounded something like 'ostrich'
with an 'ian' on the end of it.

You know, he handles that baby stuff.

Obstetrician.

Avoid them like poison.

Is Mr Bates in?

Yes, Miss Harris. Go right in please.

Thank you.

You know, I bet she was
born in a basin of starch.

She's one of the best advertizing
copywriters in the business.

She makes ten thousand a year and ..

Someday I'll make ..

Someday you're going to marry me.

May I name the day?
- Linda, would you?.

Sure. Doomsday.
Now, will you quit bothering me?

[ Telephone ]

Listen, will you please jump
out the nearest window.

What's that?

I beg your pardon, Mr Galleon.

Yes.

I'll tell him right away, Mr Galleon.

Mr Galleon phoned Mr Bates.
He's out of the office rehearsing.

He won't back in time for the
Fruit Extract conference.

When he comes in let me know.

A smart girl that.
Very clever and very attractive.

Yes. I've noticed her.

Yes. I have noticed that.

Well.

It's time for luncheon. Come on George.

See you later.

How about the fruit extract?

Napoleon always said an
army travels on its stomach.

A very peculiar way to travel.
- Yes.

I'll make a note of that.

An army travels on its stomach.

Very good. Very good.

Miss Lawrence. Come in here a moment.

Right away, Mr Bates.

That big lug would want
you right at lunchtime.

Never mind. I'll take his notes
and then he'll listen to me.

I am sorry, Mr Onslow.

That's quite alright.

Don't let that give you
any ideas, George.

Strike that out. Strike that out.
Now, let me see. Let me see.

We are handicapped by the
food extract product ..

Because it .. comma.

Because it lacks ..

It lacks ..

Lacks.

Lacks.

Lacks appeal.

Who lacks appeal? Who lacks appeal?

The citrus juice.

That's right. Glad you reminded me.
That is right.

Now what it needs is ..

A new and clever selling
angle to put it across.

Isn't that right?

Yes, that's right.
That's the difficulty.

There's nothing wrong with citrus juice.
Just the method of presenting it.

Why not plug it as a pick-me-up?
You know.

Husband wakes up with hangover.

A ragged temper. Jumpy nerves.

Gulps coffee.

Boom. Dyspepsia.

A wise wife doesn't allow that
with Fruit Tea in the house.

We'll call it that.

Not bad. In fact, it's very good.
Fruit Tea.

I'm so thrilled.

Let me explain a little bit further.

No, no. Hold on.

Time for lunch.
- Of course.

I shouldn't bother an important man
like you with my little schemes.

But it won't take very long.

In that case, are you busy tonight?

I had promised to go out with a
friend but I can put it off I suppose.

Very considerate of you.
I'm a little bit muddled. Let me see.

Dinner at my house?
- Wherever you say, Mr Bates.

Seven o'clock?

You're a smart young lady.

We'll have rack of lamb with mint jelly.

I love that. Especially with mint jelly.

Thank you very much, Mr Bates.
I'll do the same for you sometime.

A rack of lamb with
mint jelly of course.

Well, an army moves on its stomach.

Hello.

I'm Jimmy Hall. Remember me?

Yes. I know. You're funny and
fascinating but I'm not in the mood.

Be patient. I can grow on you.
- So can barnacles.

That's very funny.

You're not very talkative, are you.

Quit pestering me, Mr Hall.

You'd better call me Jimmy. Considering.

Considering what?
- Considering I love you.

Do you know what you're talking about?

Going down.

Going down.

Going down.

I want to say I do know
what I'm talking about.

Love. I love you.

I said that loud and clear.

You played football with some
freshwater college, didn't you?

If you want to call Princeton
a freshwater college.

It was good football too.

You should sue the coach.
- Why?

For teaching you to
bluff with your head.

Now go away and stop bothering me.

Linda, do you really dislike me?
Because if you do ..

Of course I don't, Jimmy. But ..

Will you have dinner with me tonight?

I'd love to truly, Jimmy.
But I have an engagement.

Who with?
- I can't tell.

It's very important, and if it turns out
right it means I'm really going places.

You bet you are.

With me tonight.

Linda, look. Will you wait a minute?
- Times Square, driver.

And hurry.

Linda, what's the idea?

I got a great idea.

There's nothing to be done
about it tonight. Or is there?

But you will speak to Mr Onslow?

By all means.
You've got the word of a Bates.

The word of a Bates
is the word of a Bates.

Don't you worry.

Don't you worry. Nothing to worry about.
Don't worry about anything.

Worry, worry, worry.

Do you like etching?

I adore them.
- You do? You do?

I haven't got one in the house.

Anything else, sir?

That's all, Rudolph. That's all Rudolph.

His name is Rudolph.

A nice fellow but no brains.
No brains at all.

You need a drink. You need a drink.
- Do I?

I can take one myself.

Thank you, Mr Bates.

I am so grateful.
- Yes. And so am I.

What about these friends?
Can't you put them off tonight?

Well, Mr Bates ..

Mr Bates? Why not call me Harvey?
It's after business hours.

We should have started long ago.

And would you call me Linda?
- Linda? Yes.

Harvey. I have a confession to make.

Yes?
- You've been so nice to me.

I haven't got a date tonight.
I just said that because ..

I was afraid that ..

Well, in case later you ..

I just can't say it.

Are you by any chance trying to bring
my nobler side to the surface?

Don't worry.
No wrestling tonight. No wrestling.

Maybe in my youth I used to take
a little Camelot once in a while.

Am I boring you?

Harvey, I think you're a darling.

I beg your pardon, sir. But there is a
man from your office with some papers.

He insisted on seeing you in person.

A very forceful character.
Have him come in.

Afterwards, we go down the Marquee
and do the big pineapple, huh?

Why are you here? You're not the
regular messenger. Who are you?

Jimmy Hall of the sales division.

I was working late tonight and as it
was so important I'd bring it myself.

Will you excuse me?
- Certainly, Harvey.

I have a message for Miss Lawrence too.
- For me?

Aunt Minnie phoned as
she's worried about you.

She asked me to see you get home early.

That's a coincidence. I had an aunt
Minnie myself one time. What's her name?

By the way, how is aunt Minnie?

My aunt Minnie has been
dead for five years.

Well, she didn't say where
she was calling from.

She sounded awful happy though, Linda.
But worried.

If she calls again will you please tell
her that I am in the best of hands.

How do you feel?
- I feel fine thanks.

Feel fine after talking to the great
beyond? Better have a drink.

Thanks. I will.

Oh, Linda.

Remember what you promised aunt Minnie?

Doesn't auntie approve of drink?

No.

You see, Linda has a floating
kidney that should be dry-docked.

Alcohol is just like poison to her.

You should never mention poison.

How about coming with us to the Marquee
and we all go down to the big pineapple?

That would be swell, Mr Bates.

A good idea. He can stand in for
aunt Minnie. I'll see you later.

Harvey.

Might it not be a good idea to wire
the Fruit Extract Company that ..

We've found a way to tell the world
about their famous Fruit Tea.

You think of everything, don't you.
I'll see you later.

You.

You see, he thinks I asked you to come.
- Oh, shut up.

I will not shut up.

Are you alright, honey?
- Of course I am, you big baboon.

Well, I bet he wanted to play.

He did not.

After tonight, we go different ways.

Linda.

Honey.

I guess I was a heel for
barging in on you like this.

Well.

I kinda love you, honey.

Why don't you say something to me?

Sure. I'll say something. I hate you!

There is hope, isn't there?

You think she's pretty?
- Yes.

Maybe you are right.

You like that dress she's got on?
- Very pretty.

I don't think it's bad myself.
- It's alright.

Why don't you two go out and dance?
- No. I only dance the baked apple.

Could we dance?
- I could.

Don't worry about me. Enjoy yourselves.

I'll sit here and tune
in on aunt Minnie.

Come on. Come on.

Linda.
- Don't speak to me.

Linda.

I said don't speak to me.

You're just a stranger to me, Mr Hall.
Remember that.

You little devil.

For 2-cents I would ..

Waiter.

Let me have a little more champagne.
And mum's the word.

You get it?
- Yes, sir.

Remember, I still hate you.

Go right on hating me, honey. I love it.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, sir.

Linda. What is that?

Nothing. It's just a clock.

Five o'clock. Linda, you've been
out all night. What happened?

I fell.
- Did you hurt yourself?

I don't know yet. I fell in love.

With Bates?

Not with that old ..

Hey. Did he give you anything to drink?

Bates? I don't know. I've forgotten.

Nancy, he is wonderful.

That old billy-goat wonderful?

No. It isn't Bates.

It's Jimmy.

Jimmy?

You don't mean to say that he ..

But he didn't?

But he will marry you?
You're not afraid that he won't?

That's just it.

I'm afraid he will.

Of course you can send the laundry out.

Better still.
I buy you a washing machine.

Don't spoil me. Just buy me a
washboard and a few bars of soap.

That's a good idea.
I'm glad you suggested it.

Hello.

No. I'm sorry.
Miss Lawrence is in conference.

As we were saying.

Come on, Linda. Time for lunch.
Hello Jimmy.

Why not scram, cutie?
We're building up a love nest.

Oh, you are?

Sure. I'll go.

You're wasting your time you know.

If the other night was a sample
I'll waste the rest of my life.

It's your life.

But tricking me into kissing you doesn't
mean you can rush me into marriage.

Yes. Mr Bates?
- Linda. I talked to Mr Onslow.

Thank you.

Harvey. Listen to the goo.

He's interested.

He wants to talk it over with you.
In his office now..

Oh, thank you so much.
- Oh, thank you so much.

You only had to thank him once you know.

Wait a minute. What about lunch?

Be reasonable, darling. I won't be long.
Wait for me downstairs.

At the drugstore?
- Uhuh.

Listen.

What kind of pie do you like? Apple with
sugar and cinnamon around the edges?

Now I am a carrier.

A proper promotion would
make it nationally known.

And if you could interest
Mr Galleon in putting it on the air ..

What's up with him, crazy?
- Not crazy. Just a little mad.

What did you say about Mr Galleon, Joe?

Don't you worry about Galleon.
I'll take care of him.

Hello Linda. Hello, Miss Grohl.
How are you?

Hello Mr Bates. I am Mrs Turkel now.

Tad Turkel.

Turkel? Not by any chance one
of the thanksgiving Turkels?

I don't think so. Maybe Tad knows them.

Listen. I have to run along.
Don't forget about Saturday night.

Tad says he's going
to get us all smacked.

'Swacked', honey. Not smacked. Swacked.

Isn't Tad a tease?

Goodbye.
- Bye.

Goodbye, Mr Bates.
- Goodbye.

Not a bad idea, getting swacked.
How about you and I tonight?

Sorry, Harvey. I promised Jimmy.

I see. I'll get swacked all by myself.

How about a date with you a year next
Christmas? Or do I rush you too much?

No indeed. I think that will be lovely.
Let me see. What will I wear?

To think at one time I had designs.
- And very nice ones too.

Harvey, may I ask you something?
- Yes.

It's about Fruit Tea.

It's had some success up to a point.

What do you mean? It's phenomenal.

I know. What it needs now to
be a really big commercial hit.

Is put on the air.
- Didn't Onslow speak to ..

To Galleon?

No, he hasn't. He said he would.
But he hasn't.

I don't know what to do about it.
- Why not talk to Bea Harris?

She doesn't like me.

See, she's always worked with
Mr Onslow and since he has ..

Taken an interest in my ideas.

She'll be glad to take it to Galleon.
Go and see her. She's not a bad sort.

She loves to give advice.
Susceptible to flattery but not me.

Not me. I don't go for that.

You are a genius, Harvey.
An absolute genius.

Look out. You're working on me again.
You can't pull the wool over my ears.

You are sweet, Harvey.

I think I'll go and see Bea.
- Yes. Do that.

I can't get it off, I tell you.

It is too tight.

Listen, I asked you to send
me a pair of riding boots.

Not strait jackets.

Come in.

It's killing me.

Of all the swivel-headed dumbells.

No. Not you. This jackass.

Well, send a wrecking crew.
I have got to get this off.

Nice of you to drop in.

How am I going to get
rid of this Oregon boot?

Perhaps I can help.
- Perhaps you can.

They say you're full of bright ideas.
What is your remedy? Saw the leg off?

Not quite. Here, give me your foot.

Now you push me with your other foot.

You'll have to push a
little harder, Miss Harris.

Maybe it has grown on.

Thank heavens I'm not a centipede.

Where did you get that stunt?
- In the movies.

Sit down, Linda.

Linda. A funny name.

Sounds shy and innocent. Are you?

I am ..
- Never mind. Skip it.

It's rumored around here
that you're very clever.

Bates and Onslow are simply
gibbering about you.

Pretty too. What do you want?

Well, I ..
- Don't stutter.

Attractive wenches like you don't come
to me unless it's for advice or a favor.

Are you stuck with your fruit tea copy?

Yes, in a way.
But I don't want to trouble you.

Don't be silly. I'm dying to read it.
I hope it's terrible.

You don't really.
- Don't I?

Linda, you're having
a unique experience.

You're probably facing for the first
time a perfectly honest woman.

When I die I'm to be stuffed and
set up in the Smithsonian Institute.

Nothing wrong with this copy.
It's perfect I am sorry to say.

How old are you?
- Twenty-two.

Twenty-two, eh?

When I was twenty-two
I had been married.

Deserted, divorced, beaten up.

And back earning my own living.

Do you know what it taught me, my dear?
- No.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Have you got a boyfriend?
- Yes.

Very good. She has a boyfriend.

What is his name? It doesn't matter.
Quite unimportant. Now let me see.

Copy okay. She has a boyfriend she says.

Okay too.

What exactly did you come in here for?

I was thinking ..

If Fruit Tea could go on the air.
But you see I don't know Mr Galleon.

But I thought perhaps that ..

So.

Galleon is your next step?

I underestimated you but
I'm beginning to get it.

Linda, I almost like you.

Tell you what.

Come to my lake house this weekend.
I'm having friends down.

Bring your boyfriend. You get a chance
to compare him with the other insects.

You're a darling, Miss Harris.

Well, I try in my modest way to spread
a little sweetness and sunshine.

Bring your own soap.

Okay. I will.

Linda.

Yes?

Can you keep a secret?
- Yes. What?

All men are polygamous.

Jimmy. Jimmy, slow down.

Jimmy, I'm going to get out.
- Goodbye.

Won't you listen to reason?
- Will you?

No.

I'm looking for an angel ..

You won't have to look
long if you keep this up.

You know something?
- What?

You and I will spend the
rest of our lives together.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Do you mean that?
- You know what I mean.

Okay.

Paradise Junction. Next stop.

Jimmy please. Don't spoil our weekend.

Whose idea was it to go to meet that mob
of mad tomcats at the Bea Harris estate?

It was business.
- Business.

Weekends were invented to get drunk,
have fights and make love to your girl.

We've been fighting, and you will get
drunk leaving no time for love making.

Will you marry me?

No, no. A thousand times no.

Then you do love me, huh?

Yes I do. But you can't bully
me into marrying you.

Will you marry me?
- No.

Jimmy, look out.

Will you marry me?

No! Jimmy, come on.
- Will you?

Yes. Anything but start the car.
- That's a promise.

A promise?
- Yes. I know.

Let's get out of here.
- Will you marry me next week?

Any time. Get us away.

That's all I wanted to know.

You knew the train would
stop at that station.

Sure. It's a local. The signal was set.

You cheat. You double-crosser.

If you think I'd marry you now ..

A promise is a promise.
- I know. But Jimmy ..

Let go of my neck, will you.

Let go of my neck. My neck.

I'll have to be a magician
to make this six.

[ Chinese language ]

That's what I thought too.

I love this. It makes me feel so rural.

Me and these dice are positively brutal.

They're the crookedest I could buy.

If I could only remember what they're
supposed to do I'd make fabulous sums.

You have made it.

You mean to tell me I'm not?
Harvey, that's positively sweet of you.

George, Harvey has just complimented me.
Why aren't you gnashing your teeth?

Why didn't you tell me that Linda
was bringing her joy-killer?

Why should I spoil
life's little surprises?

A charming couple, aren't they.

Cut it out now, sugar-puss.

Just because we're engaged ..
- We're not engaged. I'm going to ..

You're going to what?
- I'm going to ..

You'll love me as much as I love you?
Is that it, Linda?

I guess I already do.

When I'm with you there's nothing.

No-one but you.
- I can understand that.

Hello Harry.

I thought you were coming last night.

Sorry, Bea. I couldn't make it.

Come on, honey. Hurry up.
We'll have a drink and celebrate.

Oh.

Who is she?
- Linda Lawrence.

The Fruit Tea gal?
- Wait. I'll call her.

Never mind. I'll make my own contacts.
Who's the man?

Hind name: Hall. Front name: Jimmy.

Hobby: Linda.
- Yes. I remember him.

By the way, your ex-fianc?e is here.

Wanda?

Nice of you to invite her.
- I didn't.

She invited herself when
she heard you were coming.

It's a wonderful thing to
have that 'certain something'.

We'll throw a party and break the
news to Tad and Nancy and the bunch.

Gee, I can hardly believe it.
- Don't forget. There are conditions.

After I'm married I keep my job
until the Fruit Tea campaign is over.

Yeah. Any old thing.

No more fighting ..
- About your office Romeos?

Forget it. I never was jealous.

Jimmy, stop it. Don't start that again.

I told you that I'm not the
least bit interested in ..

Hello.

Hello. Mind if I join you?
- Yes.

Not at all.

You are Miss Lawrence?
My name is Harry Galleon.

Yes I know.
- She knew that alright.

Jimmy is only kidding.
Mr Galleon, this is Mr Hall.

Just call me 'sucker'.
That's close enough.

You mustn't mind Jimmy.
He is a little impulsive.

Does it matter?

It matters a lot sometimes.

It might be amusing.

Beatrice has a gift for gathering
some very peculiar people.

How is the water?

Fine. Haven't you been in yet?
- No. I can't swim.

Will you teach me?
- That would be fun.

First. Would you excuse me a minute?

Sure.

Playing around again I see.

My taste improves, don't you think?

No. Some of your
preferences are the same.

Her name is Linda. Mine is Wanda.

Hers has an 'I' in it.

Yours never had.

You seem to have a little competition.

Just a little.

Come on, Jimmy. Don't act like that.

I know what I'm doing.
Go on away and leave me alone.

Okay.

Ready for your first lesson?
- Sure.

Let's go.
- Alright.

Here we go. Last one is a rotten egg.

I thought you said you couldn't swim.
- I was only kidding.

Harvey, mind your fingers.
- It's alright. I've got ten of them.

Come on, George. You'll make a foursome.
Get the cards, Lois.

I have them right here.

What are you drinking?
- What?

An old-fashioned.
- Old-fashioned please.

You're quite an athlete,
aren't you Jimmy?

I guess so.

You've certainly got
the framework for it.

A football player?
- Yep.

I'll bet you were wonderful.

I did alright.

Where did you play?
- Princeton.

Really? Did you know Jack Enders?

Chuck Enders? Sure, I knew him.
He played guard on the same team as me.

Yes.

Thanks.

It's strange I haven't met you before.

Mr Onslow has kept me pretty busy.

Yes. I can understand that.

I hear your Fruit Tea copy is very good.

Thank you.

Of course it really won't go
places until it's on the air.

Do you suppose ..

It might if it's outstanding enough.
It's hard to tell.

What about watching one of the
broadcasts with me Tuesday night?

May I? I'd love to.

The only touchdown of the game?
- Yes.

I would have adored to see you play.

Tell me something.
Is Linda jealous of you?

Why should she be?

She seems to be staring at me.

Probably something she ate.

Be careful, Jimmy. She's dynamite.

Ask Galleon.

You know him too?

Know him? She was engaged to him.

But it didn't take, did it Wanda.

Thanks for explaining, dear.

You are welcome.

Are you really engaged to Jimmy?

Yes. Why?

I'm afraid Linda is jealous.

Nonsense.

I could stand a little nonsense, Jimmy.

If Linda wouldn't mind of course.

I'll find out.
- Jimmy is mad.

Jimmy, do knock someone's block off.
Anyone's will do.

Mine if you like.
- I'll knock Linda's off.

Love. The divine emotion.

Excuse us, will you please.

A little dunking going on. Look.

Look at that.

Will you?

Will you?

Will you?

Jimmy.

Now remember.

Yes.

Oh dear. Why was someone never
brutal to me? Harvey, be brutal.

No. Not me. You be brutal to me.

Mr Galleon.

Is it alright if I go to
the broadcast with you ..

Some other night besides Tuesday?
- Of course. But what happened?

I just decided something.
- What's that?

I am going to marry Jimmy on Tuesday.

Honey, wake up.

Wake up.
- Jimmy.

Wake up. Wake up.

Wake up.

Look what you've done.
You broke the bed.

So what? Are you awake now?
- Yes. I'm awake. What time is it?

Where's the clock?
- Out the window.

Why?
- It woke me up.

You woke me up, you big earthquake.
I should throw you out the window.

You want to celebrate alone?
- Celebrate?

Yeah.

You finally remember that
it's our wedding day.

Don't be risqu?, dear.
- It is, isn't it?

The anniversary of our
third month of marriage.

What's the difference?

Quite a bit to a nice girl.
- Alright.

Our wedding anniversary and a Saturday.
Starting at one o'clock we step out.

We'll go down to Preston
and watch the tigers.

Then come back to town and celebrate.

How does that sound? Good?

Swell. Come on. Let's get out.

Darling, meet me at Penn Station
in time for the one o'clock train.

Don't let anything interfere.

I invited Nancy and Tad and a
bunch of fraternity brothers ..

Who want to meet the wife I brag about.

Okay, honey.

Wait a minute. Wait.

Now remember, see.
- I'll remember.

Are you going to the game?

Hello?

It's for you.
- Thanks.

Hello. Oh, hello.

Yes, dear. I know it is.

I'm leaving right now.

Goodbye.

Gee, I've got to run.

Wait. What about this and this?

Lowell leaves for Europe on Tuesday.

If I can get his okay on
these today, you're all set.

Harry, you suppose you could?
- Sure. Why not?

Get me Lowell.

How do I get word to Jimmy?
He's waiting for me.

He'll call again.

Hello JG. This is Galleon.

Miss Lawrence is all set on the
last lap of that Fruit Tea copy.

Yeah. I think it looks great.

You will?

Thank you, sir. That's fine.

Miss Barnes. Keep two girls this
afternoon for Miss Lawrence.

Fruit Tea copy.

Tell you what. Why not work here?

May I?
- Sure. Sit down here.

Maybe I can help. Use my desk.
Here's pencil and paper.

Anything you want me to
check on, let me know.

You're an angel, Harry. You know it?

No. I'm definitely not an angel.

What are you then?
- I'm probably a cad.

I don't think so.

Give me an opportunity
and I'll prove it.

Are you by any chance a weak woman?

That's too bad. Then I'll have
to be a very strong cad.

Mind if I begin?

Could we postpone it?

Hello?

What did I tell you?

Hello.

Listen, Linda.

Listen, Linda!

I am not mad.

But Linda.

Please. They're fraternity brothers
and are dying to meet you.

What?

But you promised, Linda.

We've already waited
five trains for you now.

Alright.

But you meet me for dinner at 7 o'clock.

Goodbye.

What's the matter?
- She can't make it.

Something important at the office.
- I suppose the game isn't important?

Be quiet, Tad.
After all, Linda knows what's best.

She always did. Don't yell at me.

I didn't mean to yell at you.

I didn't yell at you!
- Come on. Come on.

You should be ashamed of yourself.
Married to the finest girl in New York.

Married? Ha.

Sometimes she'll spend a
whole lunch hour with me.

That's your fault.
You should ask for a longer lunch hour.

Women are marvelous.

You're right, and after they
stammer a while you're wrong.

Tough luck, Jimmy.
Will she meet you after the game?

Yes. Or I tear up New York
and return it to the Indians.

All aboard.

Stop it, Tad. You are breaking my leg.

What's the difference? You got a spare.

Look at that monkey run.

It's a touchdown.

Say, what a game.

Gee, I wish Linda was here.

That's the best game I ever saw.

Really wonderful. All those big football
men making passes at each other.

Nancy. 'Throwing' passes.
Not 'making' passes.

Do I care?
When do they play the Yankees?

Next week. 15 rounds of cricket.

That's going to be good.
I've got to see that.

Evening, Mr Hall.
- Hello.

Your table is reserved. Right this way.
- Fine.

Okay, kids. Here we go.

This table, sir.
- Is Mrs Hall here yet?

No. She phoned some time ago and
left this number for you to call.

What's the matter? Isn't Linda here yet?

No. She'll be here in a minute.

Go ahead and order drinks.
I'll be right back.

Jimmy.

Please, Jimmy.

This is my one big chance, darling.

That's so much more important
to you than I am, isn't it.

Who are you married to anyway?
The Americo Corporation or me?

Yes, dear. I will.
Just as soon as I can make it.

Goodbye, darling.

I am sorry, Harry.

Forget it, Linda. Those things happen
and you're almost through now anyway.

Let's see. Where were we?

Right at this line here.

They still keeping her, Jimmy?

Keeping her?
- Try some of mine.

Thanks.
- Good drinks, eh?

They sure are.

Nancy, you're a swell girl.
Let's you and I get married.

But we are married.
I mean, what about Tad?

Forget about him. We'll adopt him.

But I don't want to be ..

I get it.

Well.

If you folks pardon me I'm going
to The Americo Corporation.

To tear the place stone from stone.

Stop him, Tad. He's crazy.
He'll do something foolish.

I'll go with you.

She's probably just still working.
But something might have happened.

Boy, that was some job.

I'll say.

That about wraps it up.

I'll take you to Lowell's in my car.

Fine.
- I'll help you.

There you are.

How can I thank you, Harry?

I suppose you expect me to
say I'm sorry. But I'm not.

After my first mistake, I swore no woman
would ever hook me again. But ..

You've got under my skin and
I'd do anything to have you.

I even kept you here tonight purposely.

To break up my marriage with Jimmy?

I can see that now.

Take your hands off me.

I'll take you wherever you're going.

Wait. You can't come in here.
- Where's Miss Lawrence?

She just left with Mr Galleon.

Linda.

I suppose there's nothing I can say.
- Nothing.

Linda, listen.

Keep it.
- Thanks.

Linda. You have to listen to me.

I've loved you from the
first moment I saw you.

Aren't you forgetting about Jimmy?

You think you love him, but what's
a half-baked fullback got to offer?

Plenty.
- Jimmy.

Hold on a minute.
- Jimmy.

Jimmy.

While I'm in the mood, I'll tell you
a few things. You're quitting Americo.

But Jimmy ..
- No 'buts' about it. You quit.

If you think you can browbeat me ..
- You mean you won't?

That's exactly what I mean.
- Then goodbye.

Jimmy. Jimmy, don't be cross.

Cross. A bull-headed barney.

Here ..
- Shut up.

Who the devil are you ..
- You. This is rich, isn't it?

She makes a fool of me
in front of my friends.

She tells me she's working but she's
standing me up for a 2-legged polecat.

And then she has the confounded, double
barrelled nerve to say 'Don't be cross'.

That's bad.

Bad? Is that the best
you can say about it?

Jimmy, darling. I was working.

Really I was.
Jimmy, you are being unfair.

Alright. Then I'll be fair.
Will you quit Americo?

You can say yes, oui or nod your head.
I'm not fooling. What's it going to be?

And if I say no?

We're all washed up.

I mean it, Linda.

I can't just barge in and say I quit.

You either say 'I quit' to
Americo or 'goodbye' to me.

Which is it going to be?

You do love me a lot, don't you?

What if I do?
That has nothing to do with it.

And I love you too.

That is why I can't be
bullied into anything.

Whatever I do it's because I love you.

That still doesn't answer my question.

Perhaps if you trusted me a little more.

It might answer itself.

No. I'm not going to get fat.

Of course. I love it.

What?

A full hour program?

Who will do the broadcasting?

No, I am not.

Please, Bea.
Let's not go over that again.

I've told you and Harvey and Mr Onslow
twenty times in the past six months.

I am not interested anymore.

No. You thank Mr Lowell for me.
But I have Jimmy and our home.

Yes. That is final.

Goodbye, Bea.

I suppose you know who that was?
- Bea?

Do they want you to come back?
- That's right.

Does Jimmy know?
- He doesn't. I don't want him to.

So if you see him in town ..
- I wouldn't breathe a word.

And Linda, I think you're quite right.

A nice cozy home and ..

Even a real fireplace.

And a real fire.
- And Jimmy.

Hmm, Jimmy.

Linda. Somehow, you're different.

Today you seem happier.
The last time I was here ..

Maybe I was missing Americo more then.

But now.

Nancy, I have just got to tell you.

I am different today.

And I've got a surprise for Jimmy
that's going to alter our whole lives.

And tonight is my night to tell him.

Remember me telling you about
our neighbors, the Nelsons?

Oh yes.

There is something connected with them.
Mrs Nelson and I fixed it up.

It took me weeks.
I had to be so diplomatic.

But it's settled now and they
come here tonight for dinner.

I am so excited.
When Jimmy learns about it ..

I can hardly wait.

That reminds me.

Honey, the time. I must go.

Mind driving me to the station?

No. I have to meet Jimmy
on the 5:15 anyway.

Sure you won't stay for dinner?

I would love to but Tad expects me home.

Jimmy.

My, you're an expert.
- Practice makes perfect.

Wait. Here is your coat.

Are you ready for Bill?
- Hello Linda.

Hello Bill.
- Look at that. What a wife.

The little woman doesn't want her
little Jimmy to catch a nasty cold.

Come on, honey. We've got to hurry.

Bill, climb in the back.

I am up. I'm up here.
I have to sit beside my best girl.

When they're good looking, they're mine.
Get me?

Gotcha.

Don't want to get your old man sore but
you're the best looker to come my way ..

In a month of Sundays.
- What?

How did you know what ..?

She took the words
right out of my mouth.

She's a smart girl, Linda. I have her ..
- Well trained.

There. You see.

This air is certainly great out here.
God's country, I always say. Eh Jimmy?

Well, thanks for the lift.

A little old Highball, slippers and
radio won't be hard on me tonight.

Ever listen to the hoot-nanny hour?
Comes on at seven. It's a scream.

Wouldn't miss it for a million bucks.
- Thanks. We'll listen in tonight.

I forgot. No fireside
comfort for me tonight.

The cook quit.
The wife and I go out to supper.

Listen.

Why not come to our place for dinner?
We'll listen to the broadcast after.

How about that, honey?
- But Jimmy ..

Come on over.
That is, if you don't mind taking ..

Pot luck.

Gee, thanks a lot.

Okay then, boys and girls.
We'll be suing you.

He's really a fun guy, isn't he?
- Yeah.

He sure is a card.
- Ha-ha-ha.

Cut it out, honey. Bill is harmless.

If only he wasn't so ..

I wish you hadn't asked him for dinner.

Why not, darling? We always have plenty.

It isn't that.
We have a roast fortunately.

But the Nelsons.

Oh gee.

I forgot all about them. Honest I did.

I guess the Daltons won't mind them.

Come on, honey. Don't be mad at me.

I'm not, sweet.

Know something?
- What?

Never mind. You'll see. Listen.

Yeah?
- I love you.

Get it?
- Yeah. Got you.

Coffee in the parlor.

We are kinda rich tonight, Linda.

You are? What a pleasant change, Bill.

Excuse me. Do you care for cards?

With six, we can play hearts of course.

You will forgive my husband.

He doesn't care for cards.

Really? Well, neither does Jimmy.

What do you mean? I love to play cards.

Dear, why not take Mr Nelson into the
other room and show him your trophies?

Unless Bill objects to playing
bridge with the three women.

Do you, Bill?
- Object?

Not me.

Of course, I might not be safe
with a bunch of poppies like you.

I'm not as frisky as I used to be.

You are frisky enough.

Jimmy, Mr Nelson is waiting.

Yes. Right this way, Mr Nelson.

I understand you're quite an athlete.
- Well ..

What game do you specialise
in when you play?

Thelma, would you bring
in the card table please?

The last time we played hearts together.

We both said the same thing.

Goodbye.

What did you throw your queen
of spades on my ace for?

We had a very pleasant evening, Hall.
Thank you.

Thank you, sir. A thousand times.

Do you think it's alright?

I am sure it is.

I can't tell you how grateful I am.

Take my advice. Never let him know.

That I had anything to do with it?
No danger of that. I know Jimmy.

Coming, Gertrude?
- Coming dear.

Mr Hall, we had a charming evening.
- We certainly enjoyed having you.

Indeed we have.
- Goodnight to you.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, old boy. Come along, my dear.

Jimmy, I'm so happy.

It's a gift, honey.
- What is?

Making you happy.
- The master condescends.

Stop.

You strike your poor defenseless
wife, you big bully.

Defenseless? Ha.

Stop, Linda.

Now cut it out, will you.

Get me a drink, will you honey?

Okay.

The Nelsons are sweet
people, aren't they.

They're grand. He's a smart guy too.

How do you mean?

He is a smart businessman. You can tell.

Bring me over that drink, honey.

They're coming.

What did he say that was so clever?

He just talked generally about business
conditions and sales ideas and things.

You know.

Here we are.

Don't stop.

You're spilling the drink.
- What do you care?

Move over.

Here's to the whole family.
All two of us.

What is this? You're as excited as if
it were your birthday or Christmas.

It is in a way.

What way?
- I don't know.

What were you talking about
in there so long with Mr Nelson?

Nothing much.

He just said he was going
to expand his business.

Come on, honey. Time for bye-bye.

But didn't he say or tell you that ..

He said he wanted me to
go in business with him.

Jimmy, how marvelous. What did he say?

Just that. He's expanding his business
and wants me to come in as a partner.

Gosh. I'm so happy I could ..

Gee, weren't you thrilled to death?

What did you say?
- I said no.

You said what?

I said it's nice of him to make an offer
and all that, but it's too speculative.

After all, we're comfortable here
and I'm doing alright at Colmans.

In the first months with Nelson
I'd make hardly anything.

Jimmy, what are you saying?

If it's money we needed I can always
go back to Americo for a few months.

Oh.

So that's why you're keen on it.
You want to go back to Americo?

Ridiculous.

I'd live in a tent and
grow potatoes if ..

Isn't that sweet?

Don't be childish, darling. After all,
I'm married and have responsibilities.

Meaning me?

Yes. I suppose so.

And if you weren't
married you'd take it?

What?

I said, if you weren't
married you'd take it?

I don't know. I suppose so.

Linda.

Linda.

What's the idea?

The idea is I am leaving you.
- You are not.

Oh no?
- Wait a minute.

You're not leaving this house.

Take your hands off me.

Darling, be sensible. You can't do this.

I'm doing it. I won't be back for a
month of Sundays. I won't return at all.

You and Dalton and the little
woman can have your god's country.

I go back to New York.
- You're not being fair.

What have I done? I've loved you
and given you a good home.

And a maid and clothes and food and a
pretty little house and kind neighbours.

I mean it, Jimmy.
I'm not just being sarcastic.

When we first came
here I loved it. I did.

I had you and our home and ..
- Then why ..?

Why am I leaving you?
Because I grew to hate it.

I hated to see you puttering
along in a groove.

I do alright.

Just alright. Satisfied with that.
Growing smug, complacent.

Content to sit by the
fire in your slippers.

Instead of going out and doing
something and being somebody.

It's not good enough.
- Wait a minute.

What chance have I had?
- You had one tonight and let it go.

The reason I turned it down was ..

Because the whole beautiful
set up here was a trap.

And you were too soft
and lazy to climb out of it.

Maybe my leaving will jolt you into
taking a square look at yourself.

I guess that's all.
- You think so.

You're my wife and you'll stay ..

If I'm worth keeping, you
will do something about it.

But he can't be in
conference all the time.

This is the fifth call I've made.

I beg your pardon?

You told him I called.
And what did he say?

He said what?

So he'll write me about the
legal matter I'm interested in?

You please Mr Hall that ..

Hello?

Hello?

Here are the revised copies of the
Fruit Tea broadcast, Miss Lawrence.

Thank you.

Here's the Fruit Tea sales
reports for 3 months.

How anybody can guzzle
that bottled bilge tops me.

Talking of bilge, who do you
think I bumped into last night?

And I mean literally bumped.

Excuse me.

Hello.
- This is George.

Hello, George.
- How about tonight?

Sweet of you, but I told Harry Galleon
I'd go with him after the broadcast.

How about tomorrow night?
- Okay.

You will? That's fine.

That was George.

Why don't I hate you Linda?

Anyway, last night I bumped into ..

Come in.

Well, hello girls.
- Hello.

You too, Bea.
- Big of you. What do you want?

Am I interrupting anything?

Well, I was telling a story
you're too young to hear.

I'll go outside and grow up.
I mean, I'll stay right here.

Then I'll give you the answer right now.

Linda has an engagement tonight
and another one tomorrow night.

Yes. You can start from there.

I was figuring along those lines.
- Sorry, Harvey. But some other time.

Where were you going?
- We were going to see the Quinlan Girl.

Well, I suppose I should
wait to be coaxed but ..

Will you take me if I
promise not to bite you?

Have you got the tickets?

Isn't he subtle. I'll get them.

Stick with it. I'll see you later.

Harvey. Thank you for thinking of me.

Don't thank him, my dear.
Thank the monster in him.

How exciting.

Have you a monster in you, Harvey?

Just a teeny-weeny bit.
Nothing to be afraid about.

I'll see you later.

Why is it a man prefers a pretty
face to a first-class set of brains?

Will you tell me?

Talking about men, that reminds me.
- About the man you knocked down?

No. I didn't knock him down.
I just thumped him.

I wish I had never seen the man.

Yes.
- How about dinner?

I don't think so, Harry.
I'll grab a sandwich.

Later?
- Yes. We'll eat later.

Fine.
- Right. Thank you.

Now .. what man?

Jimmy.

With that beautiful piece of
chilled steel called Wanda.

Remember her?

Yes. If he had been looking
where he was going instead of ..

Now wait a minute.

Don't tell me you still carry
a torch for that big ..

No. Not a torch. Just a candle, I guess.

Oh. And it's still burning. I get it.

Well, why don't you do
something about it?

Maybe I will.

What's the matter, Harry?
Don't you feel right?

I feel terrible.
- Let's go and sit down.

Alright.

Going to ask me why I feel terrible?

Alright, I will. Why?

I am about to propose holy matrimony.

Well anyhow, matrimony.

To you.

Sweet of you, Harry.
- Yes. Isn't it.

How do I start?

Well, let's put it right on the
table and kinda sort it out.

Do I understand you want to marry me?

Uhuh.
- Why?

Search me. I can't understand it.

For ten years I've dodged
marriage like a plague.

You.

I don't know.

You undermine my better
judgement, I guess.

I think about you and it
distracts me from my work.

I want to be with you constantly.

It even interferes with my drinking.

I just want you.

An attitude I believe
technically known as love.

I am touched, Harry. Really.

So am I. In the head.

No. I mean in the heart.

I was afraid you would be.

May I take it then you'll make me
the happiest man in the world?

I think that's the way they phrase it.
- It will do.

Unite with me in wedlock for as long as
we can stand the sight of each other.

I tried marriage once
and it didn't quite take.

Of course, if it's marriage
you are afraid of ..

There is another solution.

Yes.

I realize that.

I do care about you, Linda.

Will you ..

Would you think about it?

Just a minute please.

Your turn? I beg your pardon.

Very pretty too. Very pretty.

You are a fast worker.
I didn't know you could dance.

I danced with you a dozen times.
The Swamp Club and the Lamp Club.

Was that dancing?

A table for two?

For two.
- Yes.

Three. No. Two, two.

Just a minute. I believe we
have our table, thank you.

We have a table. We've got one.

Are we intruding?

Hello Bea. No, we'd love having you.

That's what I thought.

We do not love having you.

As welcome as flowers in May.

Don't be silly, Harvey.
Harry is only funning.

Yes. You can tell by his face.

Order me something, Harvey.
- Of course.

Linda, will you come to
the dressing room with me?

I want to find out what gave you
and Harry that fit of catalepsy.

Sit still a minute.

There are moments, Mr Bates, when
a lady prefers not to sit still.

What time is it?

11:30.

11:30. The vegetable soup is hot.
It's all ready.

They always make the dressing
room as difficult to get to ..

As the last jump at the Grand National.

Well, I'll be ..

Do you see what I see?

Come on.

Darling, surely you can afford
the time for just a weekend?

They're nice people and
there's the Hunt Club dance.

I'd love to, Wanda.

But the Taylor contracts are coming up
and I worked night and day on them.

I don't see how I can.

That's wonderful, Jimmy.
I am so proud of you.

It's lucky you have
something to be proud of.

Hello Bea.
- Hello Jimmy.

Hello Linda.

You know each other of course.

Of course. I hope we're intruding.

Not at all. Not at all.

You're a very unconvincing liar, Jimmy.

Isn't he, Linda?
- I wouldn't know.

Would you?

Please don't stand. We're not staying.

By the way, I called you
today and yesterday.

I know. My secretary told me.

I was rather busy and ..
- I can see that.

If it's about that legal matter ..
- It wasn't really.

You see, that's all settled.
- Settled?

Yes. I'm sailing for Paris on the Queen
Elisabeth after the broadcast next week.

You are?

Howe can you turn away from
your career for so long?

I'm going on business.
Personal business.

Oh.

Well, congratulations.

I hope everything is successful
and all that sort of thing.

Why don't you all sit down
and drink to your Paris trip?

No thank you. We must be going.

And I wish you both .. all the luck.

All the luck you both deserve. So do I.

Come on.

And don't forget you
housewives of America.

When your husband stamps down to
breakfast with ragged morning nerves.

Just serve him a cup of Fruit
Extract's famous products.

And start the day with
a Fruit Tea smile.

You just listened to Linda Lawrence,
the originator of the Fruit Tea hour.

Who is sailing for Paris
immediately after this broadcast.

Just a minute, friends.

Linda.
- Yes, Bill?

Just what is the secret
behind this Paris trip?

We are all friends.

Well Bill, there is a little personal
or legal business to take care of.

And after that, who knows?

Any truth in this rumor you have a date
with an American executive in Paris?

I wouldn't say a date in Paris, Bill.
The date is tonight.

You mean you're sailing together?

That has been rumored.

Would you care to tell us who he is?

And is he a lucky guy, friends.

It's a little early for
public announcements.

I'll send you a postcard. Will that do?

Thanks a lot, Linda. That will be swell.

And now, friends of the air.

We do thank you for the congratulatory
letters and telegrams you've sent in.

And tell you that we'll be back on the
air next Tuesday at the same time.

Has Miss Lawrence gone yet?
- No, sir. She's in studio B.

Wait a minute. You can't go in there.

Here's some more, Miss Lawrence.
They come from every state in the union.

Thank you, Terry. Will you keep
them for me until I get back?

Alright.

Come here.

Jimmy.

Where do you think you're going?
- I told you. I'm going to Paris.

Who with?

I don't see it matters to you.
- Who you going with?

Hurry up, Linda. Galleon is waiting.
- Galleon?

Galleon is a fine fellow.
Don't get excited. Be like me.

Be cool. I'm as cool as a corpse.
- Shut up.

You don't go to Paris with Galleon or
anyone else. You stay here with me.

That's what you think. Goodbye.

Linda. Linda.

Linda.

Linda.

Taxi.

Taxi.

Taxi.

Taxi.

Wait. What's eating that dame?
Is she crazy or something?

Looks like it. Let's find out.

Taxi.

What's the matter, lady?
- What?

You're policemen?

We think so. What's the trouble?
- Please help me.

I am going to have a ..

Jump in, lady.
We'll have you there in a jiffy.

Where did she go?

Who?
- My wife.

The girl in the blue dress.
- She went that way in a police car.

Taxi. Taxi.

Who's crazy around here?

Come on.
- I'm not going anywhere.

I am?
- Yeah.

Stop. Stop.
You're going in the wrong direction.

Where are we going anyway?
- To the hospital of course.

Whatever for?

Didn't you tell me you
were going to have a ..

Oh that?

I didn't say when.

For Pete's sake, when are
you going to have it then?

I don't know. Next year maybe.

Be sure to come, won't you.

Green Star docks. And hurry.

Where did she go?

Holy mackerel. Another one.

Who?
- That girl. My wife.

His wife.

Take it easy, son.

She's not having it until next year.

Where did she go?

Along that way in a taxi.

How much?
- A Dollar and a half.

Here's five.

Steward. Steward.

Go to 115 and see if
there is a lady there.

Very well, sir.

What do I do now?
- Take the car back.

Ticket please, sir.
- I haven't one. My wife will see me.

No visitors. The gangway is coming up.
- I'm sorry. My wife is waiting.

Sorry. Please move off the gangway.

I beg your pardon.
The lady has arrived, sir.

Thanks.

You always were a good liar but
this is really your masterpiece.

Well, if you don't believe me ..

Read it.

'Miss Wanda Townsend.
How about a Paris holiday'?

'You will please be ready to sail
Queen Elisabeth suite 115 at 9 tonight'.

'Galleon'.

If you didn't write it, who did?

I don't know but I
got a pretty good idea.

Perhaps you could hire a tug.

Linda.

Did you ..
- Miss the boat?

I was never taking it. Do you mind?

Mind?

Oh darling, I am so happy I could ..

I could break your silly head in.
- That's what I'd hoped.

That's why I had to be
sure you still loved me.

Jimmy.
- Yeah?

Maybe Saturday night was
invented to fight and get drunk.

But wouldn't any night
like tonight do to ..

Make love to my girl?

Uhuh.

Oh Jimmy.

Men are such fools.

..w-g..