Medicinen (2014) - full transcript

I'm Johanna Eriksson, 45,
relatively recently divorced, two kids.

No matter how long I shower for,
my mirror never fogs up.

Every morning I'm greeted by turkey
neck, bingo wings and spaniels' ears.

It's like a bloody zoo.

According to the magazine I work for,
my life began five years ago.

Maybe it did.
I just haven't noticed yet.

I work for the women's magazine
Dolce Vita.

That's Italian for the "sweet life".

It's also an old Fellini film
that we all lie about having seen.

- Hi.
- Good morning.

- Good morning!
- Good morning.



Is she here?

Any news about your mum?

I just spoke to dad.
He's totally worn out.

- She thinks I've joined the mafia.
- Johanna!

Johanna... I'd really rather not have to
put up with the stench of salami.

It's the first thing I smell
when I get to work every day.

Do you think you could stop eating
those revolting sandwiches?

It was only this morning. I was...

...a little too rushed for breakfast,
so I didn't have time to... But, yes.

Yes well, OK...
Otherwise, do you have anything?

Interrail.

- Through Europe. Prague, Berlin...
- Berlin?

A little hole in Europe
full of depressing, unfaithful men?

Thailand?



Where 98% of Swedes
with no imagination go.

I'm thinking India...

...and then I'm thinking the Himalayas,
Tibet, trekking... I'm thinking...

I'm thinking... Frida. Abba.
Frida from Abba!

I'll call her!
She's sure to want to come too.

And then there
are those little sherpas

who run around helping
all the time looking so cute.

It'll look great in the magazine.

It's like a real travel kit! Berlin?
That's so '68!

It's where you Interrailed to, dragging
your own stuff around overfull trains.

I don't get you. That's not
the kind of magazine we are.

We don't make the magazine
for nasty, sweaty little people...

...dragging their bags
around themselves.

Do you know what, Johanna?
I think we should end this now...

- And I'll google Tibet.
- That sounds like a wonderful idea.

Go and google!

Oh yes, your byline photo...

I think you should change it.

- Why?
- You don't look like that any more.

Oh, my God, it's her!
Christ, how fat she's got!

She could also do with losing
a couple of pounds, actually... Ugh!

What the...?

- Do I look like this?
- Well, you can tell it's you.

Typical Marie. Never speaks her mind.

Always agrees
with the last person to speak...

...and my only friend in the office.

Did I tell you Louse and I
are making an app? Didn't I?

Trude. The office new-girl.
Provocatively perky and sweet as pie.

For the telephone.

- An app. Application.
- And?

We've got such a brilliant idea!

What's the first thing a guy
wants to know about a girl?

That she hasn't got thrush?

Louise. The kind who says
nasty things to you...

...but jokingly, only to claim later
that she was being honest.

In other words: a bitch.

...what kind of exes she's had.

Is it just so that you can check
who women have slept with?

Jessica. Dreamt of being a political
correspondent in Washington.

But she works here instead,
writing about sex.

Oh, yes. There's Erik too.
He's been here for four years.

Which can only mean one thing...

Gay.

- Doesn't it already exist?
- Facebook.

- Imagine a world without...
- Facebook. Impossible.

And then there's the boss, Iris.

The sun around which we all orbit.

God, that makes things
look a lot better!

I'm tired. Maybe I should go home?

Louise likes to hang out with Trude.
Everyone's magnetically drawn to youth

hoping it'll rub off, but it doesn't.
It just makes you look even older.

- Hi, Lasse!
- Oh... Sorry!

Hi, sweetheart. I'm on my way.

Trude, come and meet Lasse. This is
my husband, Lasse. - This is Trude.

- Hi.
- Trude's just started with us.

- OK. Take care now!
- Bye, girls!

Dad's at home with two policemen.
I'll call you later.

Speak to you then. - Bye Trude.

- Bye, Johanna. You look nice today!
- Thanks.

- Sometimes I just don't feel welcome.
- What do you mean?

I feel welcome, it's not like
she's mean or anything.

It just feels weird, that's all.

- But is she nice to you otherwise?
- Yes, she's nice.

- But at times it's like she's too nice.
- You can't be too nice.

- It's like she tries to show off.
- I see.

What, by making popcorn
and carrying on?

- The whole time!
- She makes popcorn the whole time?

- Did that make you jump?
- I'm easily frightened.

- I can have a word with Dad...
- No, Mum, don't.

- Hello!
- Hi!

- Hi, baby, how are you?
- Fine. You?

I'm feeling on top
of the world. - Hi.

- Well, are you ready?
- Their bags are packed and in the hall.

Great. Listen - something's come up.
I have to go north for three days.

- It's a cracking job.
- Where is it?

I'm off to Tickletop,
way up in the mountains.

- What's the joke?
- It sounds so silly!

They're doing some summer tourism
thing, so they need a few photos.

- Are they going too?
- They can't. Too many mosquitoes.

- Too many mosquitoes?
- I'm going to be busy all the time.

Is it OK if you're here?
Though you could also be with Nicole.

- No, I can be here.
- It'd be great. She'd love it.

I'm not having them alone with Nicole.
That'd be weird.

I'm not suggesting
they stay with Nicole but with you.

All I'm saying that if it's a problem
for you, which I assumed it wasn't

because it never is and you
don't go out at night that much,

but if it was, with all respect, they
could be with Nicole and she'd love it.

What's the big deal?

Just like Louise, Magnus also wanted
to upgrade to a younger model.

So I was exchanged for Nicole.

Her golden pertness
versus my drooping flesh. Fuck!

And now she's going to be
the perfect step-mum for nine hours.

And how hard's that? Endless popcorn...

All I have for company is a cold sore.

Don't touch it.
Don't touch it. Sleep.

Hey... are you dating?

- Well?
- No? Haven't you done online dating?

You have to get your act together.
You can't go on like this.

If you don't have enough orgasms you
get premature incontinence, apparently.

- Hey, you know what...?
- What?

Erik!

- Erik?
- He's fresh, isn't he?

No... No...

- He's not... He's not...
- What was that?

He's not into...

Have you ever felt any...
vibes between him and...

What do you mean, no vibes?
What are you going on about?

OK...

- Could you get that out on A4?
- No, because we've already done it.

Erik - are you gay?

- Am I gay?
- Yes. Are you?

Why...? What are you getting at?

Johanna was just wondering.
She thinks you might be gay.

She was wondering if you could go on
a date but then said, "No, he's gay."

That's not true!
I wasn't wondering anything!

I've never even
thought of you in that...

She's never thought of you at all!

- This has all gone horribly wrong!
- Exactly. Johanna didn't mean...

I... They were saying I should date...
This is just... What can I say?

- What, do I look gay?
- No.

- Yes!
- Drop it, Louise.

Why can't we be open with each other?
I respect you, Erik, you know that.

Louise, what does it matter
if you're gay or... a lesbian...

...or a heterosexual or whatever!

We work at a magazine! This is so
embarrassing to discuss! It's madness!

- Erik, are you?
- Drop it, Louise! He's not...

- He's Erik!
- He's Erik, and possibly gay.

- Peace and quiet at last...
- Why, what's up?

- That was all a bit unfair on Erik.
- Although he is gay.

- He's not gay.
- He is!

I don't actually think it matters,
but why are you so sure?

He hasn't come on to me once.
He's not even looked.

So he's gay?

Thanks, Eva.
Speak to you later. Bye.

Thanks very much for what?

That was Family Travel. They've
invested in a new hotel on Menorca.

They're inviting a few reporters down
and they can take their kids too!

- Alright!
- That'd be so nice!

What? But you're going, aren't you?
Get yourself a little sun.

Take the kids, just lie back...

I don't know if I can.
I'll have to clear it with Iris first.

It'll do you good.

You just work and work, sweating away
without a moment's rest...

Go, girl, go!

Eva...

Hi, Eva. It's Johanna Eriksson
from Dolce Vita.

Listen, I can go.

That's great.
Will the tickets be sent here?

And all the details.
Yes, just email me. Thanks. Bye.

Hello?

- Is anyone at home?
- Yes.

- Did you have a good day at school?
- Yes.

Don't go spoiling your dinner now.

- What are we having?
- Homemade pesto!

- Hooray.
- Yippee!

Hey, listen. Have you heard
of a place called Menorca?

- Mallorca?
- Menorca.

It's one of the Balearics.

- What was that?
- It's one of the Balearics.

- How did you know that?
- We did it in geography.

You're right. How do you feel
about going there?

What?

A woman rang the office today to ask us
to go there on behalf of the magazine.

And she said I could take my kids.

Hi, it's Anna. Check this out.
But don't tell anyone.

We're going to Menorca.

Yeah, it's totally epic!
No, Menorca, not Mallorca.

Exactly.

Good. And one called JPS+PS.

Yes... That's the one. Great. Thanks.

These heart-shaped Post-it notes
are pretty daft.

But I can't get myself
to fork out to buy my own ones

just to write "attack" ideas on them!

- Yeah, they're a bit unusual.
- But Trude is a bit unusual.

Erik, I just want to...

About yesterday.
It all got a bit silly...

- All that about... me thinking...
- That you think I'm gay?

Yes, well, but...

You know what? I don't mind. It's fine.

You think that because I'm the only guy
working at the magazine, I must be gay.

Just like all footballers
are definitely notgay.

Really. It's OK. Don't worry about it.

Can I tell you something?

I really like women.

And always have done.

I've rarely known or seen a woman

that I wouldn't want to have,
or to at least fantasise about.

I picture them when they're... coming.

How they smell and taste and...

...of all the women I know,
there are very few, maybe...

...maybe not even a handful,
whom I wouldn't want to touch.

And that's not because
they're repulsive or ugly...

It's something completely different.

I can't quite put my finger
on what it is. It's just empty.

I feel totally blank.
There's nothing there.

And you're one of them.

Whatever, I'm not gay.

Johanna?

You can come in.

- God, I think she's going to be fired!
- Do you think so?

So... Johanna. How passionate are you?

How passionate are you...

...about your job,
the trips and all that?

- Well?
- Very.

- When did you last travel anywhere?
- It was a while ago.

- There's the kids and school, but...
- The kids? I have a dog.

It's with me all the time,
lies quietly in the corner.

It's no problem at all. Surely the kids
can't be the ones stopping you?

Well? Have you thought
about changing?

- Department?
- Oh, my God. Magazine.

- How old are you? 50?
- 45.

You need some fresh air.
Something has to happen.

- But I'm going to Menorca.
- Who on Earth goes to Menorca?

Family Travel are really
plugging it for next year.

So they've invited some reporters down.
It'll be good for our magazine.

- Aha, the Bribery Coast! And the kids?
- They get to come too.

They want the family perspective.
I thought it suited us well.

A free trip?
A kind of paid holiday, right?

- I'll be working.
- Will you?

But this offer was made to the
magazine, not to you personally.

I don't get how you can, kind of...

...own this project.
I don't understand. Not at all.

How can you just...
I mean, it's crazy! I mean...

This kind of thing
drives me up the wall!

You're not in the least bit suitable
for this kind of trip! You're mad!

- You said I should be more mobile.
- Mobile, yes. But going to Mallorca...

Men orca.

You don't have to sit there...
You don't need to be here any more.

"How was your day, Mum?"
"Just great."

"Mum was told she was an incompetent
journalist and an asexual cock-wilter."

"How was school?"

I told Sara that we were going
to Menorca. She called me a liar.

- She said we couldn't afford it.
- We couldn't afford it?

- Yes, we couldn't afford to go abroad.
- What does she know?

- Are we going, or what?
- Yes, I just need to discuss when.

- But when is when?
- When I've spoken to my boss.

What are you doing now?
No, we're not getting sweets.

- Dad always lets us have sweets.
- Because he has you on Saturdays.

- So we're definitely going?
- Yes, we are, OK?

Put that back now!

Here's the whole virus family.
It's really lethal, see?

Johanna! Look at this!

Karolinska University is looking
for volunteers for a herpes study.

- So you can do something about this!
- And help science while you're at it!

Women aged between 35 and 55.
You'd be perfect!

I'm touched that you're
so interested in my cold sore...

...but I don't want to be
part of some experiment.

- I don't experiment with my body.
- Give me a break, "experiment"?

It'll cost you nothing, you'll go
straight to the head of the queue...

Cost? You get paid! You get money
for things like this. A lot of money.

My mum did this. Not for cold sores.
Vitamins. In the 70s. She got paid.

- What happened to her then?
- Johanna, it's contagious, you know!

Listen. If I'd been asked
to volunteer at Karolinska,

and they offered me new skin to order
once a month with a zip at the back...

I could go for it directly!
Hear me? It's just your thing!

No...

Never.

I'd never be part of some experiment.

Thanks anyway.

I'll have to put up with it.

It's the book club tonight.

We all meet up once a month to discuss
a book we've read. I've not read it.

I'll go online to see what others have
said and say the same. It usually works.

Anna! - Otto! - Can you come and help!

Hello!

OK, shall we get cracking?
The reason why we're here

is "The Truth Drive" by Sandra Eugen.
I find her fascinating.

I'm glad that we've had time
to read this book. So to business.

10 questions, raise a hand, yes or no.
Points one to ten.

The plot contrasts. Developing.
Yes or no. - Johanna?

Er, yes.

Do you find it hard to answer first...?

No... I just thought...
it'd be good to go clockwise.

I thought it was developing.

- No.
- Yes.

Could you be her?
Ten words. Give reasons. Yes or no?

What was the question again?

- Could you be her? Yes or no?
- Nah...

- Because?
- Because she's... not like me.

- I can't relate to her.
- I could be her. Definitely.

I liked her frankness and honesty,

and her growth
from this slightly insecure girl

to a strong woman
who stands up for herself.

I don't see her as searching. I see it
as indecisiveness. Dithering. Weakness.

I feel that, definitely.
Because she's searching...

Could this happen today? - Johanna.

- No.
- Definitely!

- Definitely.
- Definitely.

Now to the male protagonist.
How great is his sex appeal?

- One to ten.
- Ten.

It was the only thing
I couldn't relate to!

- I was just joking! One!
- He had no sex appeal at all for me.

He's a nothing.

I mean, physically abusing
your woman is just not sexy.

Such a loser. A man like that
shouldn't be allowed to exist.

Johanna, it's a bit provocative of you
to sit here not having read the book.

Of course I've read the book!

- So what did she say to him?
- She said...

Now that there's a...

Can you answer that? Tell me. Tell
us all. What happened at the party?

- They left the party... Or...
- You haven't read it.

You haven't read the book.

Every month we have a pitch day,

when we're all to present
our ideas for future issues.

And Iris steps out of her office
to meet us mere mortals.

Like a prime minister
visiting a suburb.

One by one, our ideas are scrutinised
and get the thumbs up or thumbs down.

And, as usual, I'm in a panic.

"Winter in Venice". I've got some ideas
inspired by the Venetian lines.

The fashions, the designs, the people
all embody these lines,

which I'd like to run an extra ad on.

"Under the skin of the real man".
"He who laughs last laughs longest",

where I'd like to find out where macho
celebrities hide their sense humour.

"Festivals and dementia".

We're running a lot just now on
festivals, like Easter or Christmas...

...or midsummer and you're sitting
there with your gorgeously set table...

- Demented people with the dinner?
- Exactly. They're everywhere.

I was thinking something
about female masturbation.

It's been two years now. We have
no word for it, if you think about it.

- Men have "wanking", what do we have?
- Strumming...

- OK, but that has another meaning.
- Clitting.

- Clitting?
- Flitting. Plinking. Clitoris.

- Rubbing?
- Boys have tinkles.

- Girls now have "twinkles". Twinkling?
- OK, OK. Let's rewind a little.

- Plucking? Flicking?
- Flicking?

- Flucking?
- No!

- Behave yourself, Johanna!
- Pull yourselves together.

I don't want a photo of a clitoris!

This is to be part of a text on
developing female masturbation.

I'm sorry...!

Carry on, Jessica.
I find it interesting.

I'm thinking a double-page spread
that gives some useful tips. The usual.

- And perhaps a new term that we coin.
- Flucking!

Louisa, do you want to read
what I've written about this?

I'd love to read your text.
Thanks. Lovely.

For the October issue I thought...

...we could focus on the financial
side of tourist destinations.

So I've knocked up an article called
"Bucharest: Worth a detour".

- Bucharest is a city that...
- Where's Bucharest?

- Romania, for God's sake.
- Yes, Romania. Sorry, I was thrown.

Don't you know where Bucharest...?
It's in Romania.

We go to Thailand...

Many of us. I don't.
I haven't been there for years.

Anyway, Thailand is our destination.
There are many budget trips there.

But if you have a little
more in your wallet

the Caribbean has many great resorts
that aren't so expensive.

- I mean, dear me...
- Let me just get these...

And then there's my Menorca trip,
which I've almost got...

I don't think that'll work.
Not with you.

You can see here
what a mess you are. My God!

You must realise
that you can't be sent anywhere?

No, Louise will have to go.

OK, shall I say no, then?
No? Then why the sulk?

- I'm not sulking.
- You are because she asked me.

- I'm not sulking because of that.
- So why are you sulking?

I do the travel pages, I was asked and
Anna and Otto were going to join me.

This is so hard to talk about.
You say you're not sulking but you are.

Why say you're not sulking when
you clearly are. You're sulking.

I can't take this. She makes me
feel guilty for getting the job!

- I can't help getting the job.
- You can't, no.

Temperament.

Louise comes into my office, crying.
Which I hate more than anything.

She says that you're accusing her
of stealing your trip.

That you wanted a combined
summer holiday with your kids.

I never said that.

This isn't "Realm of the Senses",
it's a workplace. I say what goes.

And I say she goes because
she'll do a much better job than you.

I think you should
apologise to Louise, Johanna.

How did this happen? She gets my trip.
My kids will hate me.

And I'm the one who has to apologise.

Not a chance.

My God, you carry on like this
over a charter trip to Menorca!

But what can I do?
I just feel like giving it all up.

- Sara will be happy.
- But she'll want a happy mum, too.

Hi.

I'm to apologise to you, Louise.

I'm sorry that you went crying to Iris.
I didn't mean it to get like that.

Me, cry?

Jesus Christ.

What nonsense.

She was the one crying.

Now that I'd like to see!
Iris in tears!

I really find this hard to deal with.
I don't get why you're pushing this.

I don't understand
how you can carry on like this.

The way you manoeuvre yourself.
It's not you. You know how hard...

I'm off to interview
Princess Madeleine,

and you know full well how much
I've been preparing for this.

Come on, we're not going to fall out
over a trip to Menorca, are we?

That's just it. It's just a trip
to Menorca. I really don't get you.

- I'm sorry it's come to this.
- But are you, Johanna?

I want you to look me in the eyes
and apologise sincerely.

- That'll be hard with your glasses on.
- I'm really upset.

Sorry.

Come on, Louise, she's apologised.
Can't we now...?

I've still got tummy ache.

You could've cleared it
with Iris first.

- What did you say?
- You could've cleared it with Iris.

I can't believe you're saying that!
You pushed me to take it!

"It'd be wonderful! You could take
the kids." Well, now I've told them!

Don't blame me! You want to go. Louise
wants to go. Everyone wants to go!

Marie! Where does the wind blow?
Where does the wind blow?

What? My God, I talk to you,
I talk to Louise, you're my friends!

I care about you both. If you want to
go that's great, and then if Louise...

- And you? Where do you stand?
- But it's not me!

Iris is the one causing trouble!
Are you giving me shit now?

I can't take this...

I don't think
we'll be going to Menorca.

What? Do you think mum's lying?

I don't know. I just feel it.

Why would she lie
about something like that?

She... I don't know.

There's been a bit of a mix-up...

Louise is being sent to do that job.

- So you didn't get the job?
- I did, or so I thought.

- But then Louise has taken it over.
- Jesus Christ!

I promise you... It was stupid of me
to come home - and I admit that -

and make you excited over
something that wasn't fixed.

But I can tell you
we will be going.

I promise 180,000 percent that
we'll go. We're going to go to Menorca.

- Can we afford it?
- Of course. I'll sort out the money.

It says that most of your herpes
outbreaks are stress-associated.

Is your life stressful?

I'm a single mother with two kids
and live far away from my office.

Sure I get stressed at times.

Does your lip
get irritated beforehand?

I feel a pricking sensation
maybe two days before.

And then the blister comes,
followed by the scab...

- So it goes on for a few days.
- I understand.

And it's a recurrent
complaint, I assume.

Like a menstrual cycle, though shorter.

It also says that you first noticed
your herpes in your teens. Right?

- I was in Båstad.
- Do you play tennis?

I wasn't there for the tennis.

This drug is designed to block
some of the brain's stress signals.

Hopefully, it will prevent
the herpes virus from being activated.

If it works as it should,
you'll not suffer any more.

Sounds good.

In this test we're conducting,

one half of the subjects
will be given the new drug,

the other half a sugar pill.

And neither you nor I will know
which group you belong to.

We'll only find that out
once the trial has been concluded.

- Do I get paid for this?
- Of course.

It's a nominal sum. I mean,
you don't do this for the money.

- Right?
- No, of course not.

Of course I'm not doing it for
the money. I'm doing it for mankind.

In a hundred years, people will see me
in the history books and say:

"That woman - she was the
one who eradicated herpes."

"Sure, she died
bald and schizophrenic,"

"but it's thanks to her
we live in a cold-sore-free world."

If only they knew I did it
to pay for a package holiday...

- What are you doing? What's that?
- It's a new drug for...

- Are you sick?
- No, it's for cold sores.

They say it's really good. It takes
them away and they never come back.

- "Trial subject number." What's that?
- It means it's a kind of trial...

- Are you a guinea pig?
- I'm a subject, in a trial...

- It might be dangerous!
- It's not, it's an experiment.

One, two, three, and...

Does it say anything here
about the pills?

"In the drug list, note the time you
take the pill and any side effects."

"Diseases and other drugs being taken."

What diseases, Mum?

Diseases. Getting a cold sore
is a disease, apparently.

- Have you taken the pills now?
- Yes. Now let's forget this.

Is it an experiment?
Is it an experiment?

It's a scientific study on a new,
completely harmless cold sore drug.

- So it can be dangerous.
- Removing a cold sore isn't dangerous.

- Let's get some sleep now.
- How do you know it's for cold...

It's an experiment. They're testing it.
They don't know. It might not work.

All that can happen is that
the cold sore doesn't go away.

That's it.
Lights out now, and let's sleep.

- Is that true?
- I swear.

- Are you dead certain?
- I'm dead certain.

What are these pills
I'm taking, really?

I woke up in a cold sweat not knowing
if I needed a pee or was just horny.

- What are you laughing at?
- You smell. Farty-pants!

- It wasn't me!
- Own up!

- It was Otto.
- It was you, Otto!

It stinks!

- You look nice today.
- Your cold sore. It's gone.

- I can still feel it.
- I think you should get a new haircut.

Maybe... Why?

What time does it start? Nice.
Then I won't be late. See you.

- And what do you think, Johanna?
- About what?

If you'd come in time,
you could have answered that question.

Marie called and said the meeting
had been pushed back.

But it was moved forward again. I tried
to call you loads of times. And texted.

Marie called you 20 times.

This is a living organism, this office.

We have to be accessible
24 hours a day!

But you've had other things to do. Like
shopping and getting your hair done.

That's true. But I didn't go shopping.

- You actually look really hot.
- You look lovely.

And you never come late
to meetings, do you, Iris?

You're always on time...

We never sit waiting for you.

"When will Iris be here?
When will Iris be here?"

"The meeting was due to start
an hour ago, but Iris isn't here yet."

"Is she coming? - Yes, she's coming."

- "Here she is with her dog."
- And you sneeze.

For your information,
Marie is allergic to dogs.

- You are, Marie! Very allergic.
- Well, yes. A bit.

I have my asthma spray.

Do you remember when we went
to the prescreening of Mamma Mia?

Remember when Meryl Streep bounces
on the bed because she's in love?

The whole audience
is singing along and clapping...

- It was a lovely scene.
- You thought so. I didn't.

Because I was so worried that she'd
fall off the bed and fracture a hip.

Maybe that's not such
a positive way to think.

Maybe it's not
the best quality, Johanna.

What I want to say is
that I'm constantly worried.

And I'd be grateful if you didn't
add to this worry all the time, Iris.

I'm tired of being scared of you.

You're free to leave through
that door whenever you want.

No, I'm not going to leave.
I'm going to stay and fight.

So what were you discussing?

Russia. If you have any ideas.
Everyone was...

You look good, you know.

Johanna! My name's Marie.
Earth calling!

Who are you?
Do you realise what you're doing?

Do you reckon it's the menopause?

Possibly...

It's a typical, classic thing when
you start to get out of balance...

- Take my hanky.
- You've never seen me like this!

- Oh, I have. Worse.
- I look like a pig!

Very impressive. You enter like Modesty
Blaise and take on Iris! Are you mad?

And you know
what the worst thing was?

It was when she brought up Fred.
He's just a little dog!

- It's a bulldog.
- A French one!

If you were straight,
is there anyone you'd fancy?

If I was straight?

I feel like a post-natal junkie
addicted to her pills.

I haven't the bloody foggiest what's
in them, but they make me feel good.

Horribly good!

Don't ask me how,
but after two glasses of wine

I got dressed up and went into town.

It's the first time in three years
I've missed "Single Mum Seeks" on TV.

But that's me: a single mum seeking.

Let's do it!

A glass of rosé, please.

Cheers!

- How long have you lived in this flat?
- I was born here!

Were you born in your flat?

Not literally. There are no placentas
lying around, so you can relax!

Mum's moved to Barcelona, so it's mine!
And there's no mum around...

What's wrong?

I was just thinking
about mums and kids...

It's ten past one... and I...

My kids might be worried.
It's possibly a little late.

But your kids will be asleep!
It's 1 a.m. and they're with their dad.

But if they wake up and...
I don't know why I thought that.

- I reckon they'll call you.
- Yes, we all have mobiles...

Look, this is perfectly harmless.
What do you think will happen?

I've never gone back
to a woman's flat like this.

I understand.
I promise I won't bite your head off.

You know, I haven't...

...had any sex at all for two years,
so obviously this...

Two years? You're joking!

No.

I'm divorced.

Johanna, this isn't 1885.

You can have sex, believe it or not,
even when you're divorced!

What century are you living in?
You're so charming!

But don't you ever miss...

Miss a man? Men?
No, Johanna, I don't miss men.

But I haven't always been gay.
I was married. For over seven years.

He was my childhood sweetheart.

I thought everything was hunky dory -
until my best friend took me to Pride.

"You must come, Eva.
It's so much fun!" And it was!

I went in hetero,
and came out a little homo.

See? Things can happen.
Even in a flat in this part of town.

You can come in...

...and come out
in a completely different way. Right?

- Hi.
- Hello.

What are you doing here? I mean...

I was out in town, and I went...

This is where I live.

Right. That's what I...
So I thought I'd...

- I thought seeing as you live here...
- But the time is...

- But then I thought it was so late...
- Johanna, you forgot your mobile!

- Hi.
- Oh, hi!

You forgot your mobile.

- So you can call your kids.
- Thanks.

- Hello. Hi!
- Hi.

- You know each other?
- Yes, we do.

- Yes, we...
- Do you know each other?

- We're colleagues.
- At the same place. This is Erik...

- It's Erik, my neighbour.
- Strange you live in the same block.

- Funny. And you work together?
- Yes, so... OK...

It's a small world!
You need your mobile.

I've called a taxi
because I felt I had to...

Bye!

- See you at work.
- Bye, then!

- See you.
- Bye!

God you frightened me! Jesus!

Me? You frightened me!
What are you doing here?

I'm looking for you! Where have you
been? Jesus! Where have you been?

I went out!

I've been out looking all night,
we called you but you never answered.

We've been worried sick! What have you
been doing? Why didn't you answer?

Because I was out dancing.

The kids were out looking too.
They tried calling you all night.

- Are they OK? Are they asleep?
- I hope so. How are you?

I'm just fine. I've been fucking.

What? What have you been doing?

- Why are you following me?
- What did you say you've been doing?

- What's it got to do with you?
- It has everything to do with me!

- It's my life. You've got two kids...
- Exactly, two kids. It's quite a lot.

- Shh. It's 3 a.m.
- I know, but you're the one shouting.

- Now I can't find my keys.
- Have you forgotten your keys again?

I've not forgotten them,
I just can't find them.

- What's that?
- It's a spare key.

Why do you have a spare key to my flat?

- I copied it.
- Copied it! Then I'm taking it back.

I did it in case the kids forget
something. And it came in handy now!

- Answer me!
- I wish to be alone in my own home!

- OK, you will be.
- I find this creepy, Magnus.

- You're like some bloody stalker.
- OK, but just answer me.

Who have you been fucking?
And while we've been worried sick!

Shall I tell you something?
We are divorced.

That means that my life
is none of your business.

- None of your...? We've got two kids!
- Apart from our two kids.

- We share things concerning my kids.
- Exactly. So who were you fucking?

Marie...

I had a one-night-stand yesterday.

- Good for you. What's his name?
- Eva.

- Girls! Meeting!
- Eva?

Sex...?

- Middle-aged women's sexual fantasies.
- Just a moment...

I think we should be talking elegance.

Pink, light blue, macarons,
a pair of long legs.

Nothing advanced.
I think we should keep it general.

A little sex-fantasy news. We haven't
done a survey like that for ages.

It feels as if the reference points
have changed.

We can ask readers
about their fantasies

and make a list of the most popular
ones. You can suggest things too.

What's yours, for example?

I think the sexual fantasies idea
sounds really interesting...

What boundaries we push,

and how we put ourselves
into and out of relationships...

How about you, Trude?

Younger people will also want to read
about young people's fantasies.

They might be the same, but there
might be a generational difference.

What I'd like to discuss is how young
girls are forced to have anal sex.

Trude, my dear. It's like
entering a sewer! It's just not on.

This is a magazine for women,
we don't do such vulgar work.

The norm is to be up for it and that's
hard, given our porn-damaged society.

I'm thinking that guys, sooner or
later, will want to enter from behind.

It's a great idea. It's a huge problem
for our generation.

They demand anal sex and that we go
along with all sorts of things. Sado...

- But you can always say no...!
- Not everyone dares to.

It's not easy to just say no.

We can return to this
when we've discussed it.

It's interesting to think about
the various...

...holes that we must
take a position on, so to speak.

It's interesting from a woman's
perspective to push the boundaries...

...and tackle the idea
of multiple partners. Three, say...

You don't mean group sex, do you?

- It's an idea. How common is it?
- Really common. In our generation.

It's common.

It is. Threesomes.

- It's really common.
- An everyday thing, almost.

Anyway, I have another suggestion.

Lesbian partnerships.

Women who live together.
We can look to Hollywood.

Ask what lifestyle Jodie Foster and
her partner have. The sex, naturally.

- Ellen.
- DeGeneres. Her with the talk show.

- Ellen's good...
- Or if we want a historical angle:

- Greta Garbo.
- Not Greta Garbo!

She was lesbian! Had both
men and women. Right, Johanna?

What do you say? Johanna!

About what?

- To explore varieties of lesbian sex.
- Especially women who switch quickly.

Who go from a straight relationship
into a lesbian one, without...

So, Lesbian women. Partnerships.

Maybe you have sex
in different ways, girl-on-girl.

How you have sex with a woman.
It's a bit of a mystery.

The sun-seeker.

- Lesbian sun-seekers?
- No, not lesbian sun-seekers.

A sun-seeker... A naked sun-seeker.

It sprung to mind when Iris
was talking about nakedness.

So I've been playing
around with an idea...

...that Louise could take
with her to Menorca.

This is what I've written:

"Everything changes when we get
undressed. Clothes are social markers."

"Nakedness alters the structures."

"When we stand there naked,
it's just us and our loose flab"

"versus the chic drum-skin
in the next deckchair."

You take ten people. Ask around
the poolside if they're game.

It's important to get them as soon
as they climb out of the water.

They're in their bikini or trunks, and
they won't have time to do their hair.

There's nothing to say who they are.

We're just one with ourselves
when we're naked,

and above all, we've not had time
to fix our hair or anything!

And this is what's interesting:
Who are you when you're naked?

And who are you with your clothes on?
I'm thinking one page with them naked,

and the other with them dressed.
And you have to guess.

I thought I'd call it
"Cool in the pool".

"Cool in the pool"!

What a bloody stupid idea.

- You want me to spend my holiday...?
- So it is a holiday you're going on?

But it's work, isn't it? And I...

Listen. Stop going on! Let me...
You stand talking like this...

Stop it! Cut that out!

Let me have my say.

I come up with an idea that Iris likes.

Something I was planning to do
if I'd gone to Menorca.

That was the idea,
that I would go and work on Menorca.

Now you're going. I think of an idea
that, for once, she... actually... likes.

Go there and do your bloody job!

What the hell has happened to you?

Yes, what the hell?
I barely recognise myself.

What a wonderful feeling!

Johanna...

There you are. Hi. How are things?

Fine.

- I just want to say I loved your idea.
- Thanks.

I had a lot of ideas and...
so I just thought I'd tell you that.

I didn't think you liked it.

- No?
- No. You looked at me...

Ah, no, that was just
because I was thinking...

I mean when they were
talking about lesbian sex...

It was just the once...

Last night. It was just the once.

I was a lesbian yesterday,
but today... Not today.

OK. So how did you find it?

I don't really think it's my thing.

I can tell that you...

That you've changed.

I thought that too, yesterday.
Your new look. It's good. It suits you.

- Maybe it fits into your fantasy list?
- Maybe it does.

Hello? Hi! Are you here?
I'll be right down. Bye!

- Out on a date?
- No, just having dinner with a friend.

It's such a nice evening!
How about you? Working late?

I've got to get this done.

- Good luck!
- You too!

Just don't work yourself to death!

Of course!

Louise has always babbled on
about how she sees herself in Trude.

Lasse obviously also wants to see
himself in Trude now. What a surprise.

This is fantastic!

This is so brilliant. This, Jessica,
will be the issue of the year.

- Just this bit here...
- This, along with this and this...

Look here! Come here, look!
See what we have here?

What we have here is a "genius board".

Look! Do you see? Just this bit!
Juxtaposed with that. Who...?

- I mean...
- It's great.

- Why, here comes the genius!
- Trude! It's so great!

This girl, she'll be the one sitting on
my chair in there! I'm certain of it!

- Wow!
- This, Trude, is impressive. Really.

- What is?
- This. Your work.

- This?
- Don't be so modest!

What's this? I've not written this.

They're my notes,
but I've not written this.

Who's been writing on my sticky notes?

Who's been writing on her sticky...?

- Why did you use my sticky notes?
- I'd run out.

No problem.

Johanna... Excuse me,
but now I don't know what to say.

I find this almost moving,
what you've done here.

I wouldn't have credited it. I feel...

This... is what you can do...

...when you use your brain. You end
up with something like this. - Johanna!

It's a good idea.
I'll take a lifestyle angle.

That, that and that picture
we can get at a good price.

- That's a lovely one.
- Fantastic.

- There are a lot of you.
- That's so you, Marie!

Hola chiqas, hola chiqas!

What a beauty!

- You're so tanned!
- You're like gingerbread!

It fades on the plane.
Yesterday I was really brown.

Hi!

- How are things?
- Did it go well?

It was wonderful. What a place!
It's completely... It's so...

- How did "Cool in the pool" go?
- Oh, what a guy!

A fit Spaniard with muscles and
it was all "Hola guapa, I want you!"

- Louise.
- Hello, bossa. Hey!

Why are you so tanned?

I'm someone who...
The sun just finds me!

You'd got a fantastic idea from Johanna
that you just had to put into action.

How hard can it be?

I felt... no, I'll explore beyond
the "Cool in the pool" idea.

- I wanted to deliver something new.
- So you didn't do it.

- I tried to find another way to...
- We're making a magazine here.

It's a living organism. You're part
of a collective. There's no "I want".

You're to serve up what the people
who buy this magazine want.

And they're to get value for money!

It wasn't a holiday for you to go
sunning yourself and jazzing it up!

No. Your job was to drum up
more subscribers!

That's what Johanna had planned
and that's what you were meant to do.

And you have failed in that.

That Iris. When she gets going...

The way she laid in to Louise!

It gives me the willies!
She's terrifying!

But then she's only got herself to
blame. The job should've been yours.

It was so wrong.
You're our travel writer.

And you do a fantastic job.

You do! Yes, you do!

But us, no one ever
pays attention to us.

So I think she got what was
coming to her... And she deserved it.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Crikey... eh? Are you alright?

Yes...

Marie just said that
you got what you deserved.

That I should've gone. At least
we'd have got an article out of it.

What? She's talking rubbish!

All I did was sympathise. I mean,
Johanna had been offered the trip.

So it all went a bit wrong. But you're
a great journalist, Johanna too...

- God, how you go on, Marie.
- What?

You just talk and talk all the time.

You've got no idea
what you're saying.

You're a weak-willed amoeba that just
latches on to people! You're padding!

You never have your own
opinion about anything!

- You just agree with whoever's there!
- What? Don't you talk to me like that!

Sometimes it's great to toss a grenade,
shut the door and wait for the bang.

...with my mother
and all the pressure I'm under!

And do we run articles on food?
Oh no, on masturbation!

And it's apps here and apps there!
I can't take it any more!

Where the hell is it?

- Hi!
- Louise forgot a thing for her nails.

- It must be this.
- Thanks.

- Didn't she want to get it herself?
- She's not feeling so good.

It's been quite a trying day... for her.
How's it going with Trude?

- I don't know, you work with her.
- But you're dating her.

- What are you talking about?
- Come on, Lasse.

You're not here because you
told Louise you'll get her nail oil!

It's not nail oil you're after.

You've come in the hope of finding
Trude here. But it was only me.

You know, something crossed
my mind when I saw you.

You know that trip to Menorca
that Louise and Sara went on?

That trip was meant
for me and my kids.

It was so hard on my kids because
I'd promised them, stupidly enough.

So I'm feeling really bad.

So I wondered if I could borrow money
from someone so we could go.

Then when I saw you,
I thought: I'll ask Lasse!

- Could you lend me 15,000?
- Sorry. Ask your bank.

I can't. I have a mortgage.

It'd be so... I mean,
this is a win-win situation!

What is this?

Louise doesn't get to know
that you're shagging Trude,

and I'll get money for the trip
which was mine in the first place!

- So we're talking blackmail?
- Yes... perhaps.

You've not seen or heard anything.
You're bluffing. It won't work.

Why not?

Louise said you'd changed,
not that you'd gone mad!

You can fuck with Louise, but not me.
I'm the wrong guy to pick a fight with!

Guy? Old fart, more like.

I won't say anything to the others.
That's the whole deal.

If I can borrow the money,
my lips are sealed.

If I can't... who knows what'll happen?

- Fuck you!
- Want my account number?

I'll sink you like the fucking Vasa!
You're dead, Johanna!

You're the one who'll get done
if you suddenly turn into a killer...

You fucking dried-up flap-lipped cunt!
You keep your mouth shut!

What language! That was the worst
thing I've ever heard, and I work at...

...La Dolce Vita.

- Hi, how are things?
- Just fine. You?

- Fine. It's good to see you.
- The same. Out working?

Just done some shitty
little job at a web bureau.

Talking of shit,
I'm in the shit at the moment.

I need your help. I bumped
into Johanna in her office

and she wanted to borrow
some money off me - 15,000!

- I said she could borrow off you.
- She's called, but I haven't got any.

- Why did she turn to you?
- I have no idea.

The thing is,
if I don't give her the money...

...she'll tell Louise I'm seeing a girl
that she claims to have seen me with.

- Shit, are you dating some bird?
- I don't date birds. I fuck them.

- You're kidding! Who is it?
- That doesn't matter.

- Of course it does! Who is it?
- Trude!

Johanna!

Have you lost your fucking mind?
What are you blackmailing Lasse for!

What? You come running after me...
How did you know I was here?

I called you all yesterday and today!
Why are you blackmailing Lasse?

- It's been on silent.
- You know what I mean, I can tell.

- I've not blackmailed...
- You have! And it's illegal!

- You're crazy...
- Have you thought of our kids?

What are you talking about?

Lasse says you'll tell Louise he's been
bonking whatsername, the tall one,

unless he gives you 15,000.

Do you know what this'll mean for me?
I'll get no more work! And our kids...!

You're saying he ran to you
accusing me of blackmailing him?

- If that's the case, it's very good!
- If? It is the case!

I asked him for a loan
so I could go on a trip with my kids.

- A loan?
- What's so funny? A loan!

Hi, Lasse, Johanna here.

It was nice seeing you yesterday,
if I can put it like that.

The thing is, I've just had a slightly
upset ex-husband running after me,

and he says
that you're blackmailing him.

In that you told him that if he talks
sense into me, you'll give him work.

I don't think this situation
sounds that kosher.

So let's do exactly as I suggested:

You lend me money for the trip
my kids and I should have gone on,

and I'd be ever so grateful if the
money was in my account by 2 o'clock,

because that would give me time
to book it. Ta very muchly! Laters!

You win. Now I never want
to see your cunt-face again!

Thank you, Lasse!

Family Travel... Call Eva...

Hi, Eva. Johanna Eriksson here
from Dolce Vita.

Louise loved it.
Now I'd very much like to go.

I've got an opportunity to go now
with my kids. Yes, the same place.

Please, as soon as possible.

Sure. Shall I pop by your office?

I see, OK. No, I can go there.

Of course! I'm on my way.
See you then!

- Why... hello!
- Hello!

- How are things?
- Great...

- How are you?
- Fine. What are you doing here?

I'm waiting for a woman to bring me
some tickets for a family holiday.

How lovely! Is the one
you're waiting for called Eva?

Is she bringing tickets...
that perhaps look like these? Here!

- Eva from Family Travel is you!
- It's me!

Did you know who I was when we met?

I did, yes. Or rather,
I'd seen your byline.

And then you happened to pass by.
I thought it was fun!

- I thought it was fun too.
- Did you?

Definitely.

- I have to pay, of course...
- No, no! You don't need to pay much.

You'll get a bill, but it's
a good deal. Almost 50%.

I thought, how lovely, why can't
I also go on a nice simple holiday?

I work and work, it'd be so nice just
to go away with someone you like.

So I thought I would, at some point.
You can tell me what it's like there!

If you want to,
if you still have my number...

I'll call you as soon as I get home
and maybe we can meet up.

Lovely, but only if you want to.
No pressure, but it'd be lovely.

- Bye, thanks!
- Bye!

- I'll call!
- OK!

- You scared the shit out of me!
- I didn't mean to.

- You play really well!
- Thanks.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm off to Menorca tomorrow.

- Last minute. I need a few things.
- Are you off on holiday?

The kids are going with me,
but I thought I'd...

...do what Louise didn't do.
Try, at least.

- "Cool in the pool".
- "Cool in the pool".

I'm a bit shocked!

I thought the piano was just decorative
but that it could be used like this...

That's news to me.

Busted!

It's romantic for a man to sit alone
at the piano, somehow.

- Do you think so?
- It is in films.

The change you've gone through
I've also seen in films. Right?

Maybe.

I might not belong to...

...the gang of women you fantasise
about, but maybe I could be a...

...go-out-for-a-beer friend?

Just you and me?

Just you and me.

- You've never invited me for a drink.
- No...

- Which isn't so strange. But why now?
- You'd never have come.

I'm here now...

But it wasn't that long ago
I was the most unattractive...

No, really. And I've not said
you're still not that.

Cheers.

- Hello, we're home!
- Hi.

- Who the fuck are you?
- Erik... Magnus. Where are the kids?

- They're here.
- What are you doing here?

- We're colleagues.
- I can see that.

- What's happening?
- I recognise him!

My kids don't appreciate you running
round naked in their home.

- I didn't know you'd be back.
- No? So how old are you?

- How old is he?
- I asked a question.

- Why so aggressive?
- All I'm asking is how old you are.

Maybe you should go
back to nursery, it's story time.

Stop it!

- What's it to you?
- What's it to me? See this? A key.

I'm sorry, but... are you still married?

That's neither here nor there. You're
running around naked in my kids' home.

I think you'd best
get dressed and get out.

- So you're not seeing someone?
- It's none of your business.

But you're sticking your nose
into my business...

- Let's just... The kids are in there.
- I'll go and say hello.

Hi!

Nice to meet you...

Hey, look at me!
How old is he? How old is he?

- Just as old as Nicole!
- What the...?

Why are you going on about his age?

Our kids are in there now, and I
wasn't expecting you home. You were...

- I was meant to drive them here.
- Yes, but not now!

I overslept, but I'm all packed. I was
not expecting you and your damn key!

That bed you've
been bonking in I bought!

I paid for that bed you've
been bonking in all night long.

And let me ask you - who was it
who said we should tread slowly?

- You call this treading slowly?
- Shall I call a taxi?

I'll drive you. It's OK.

- And Erik too?
- I'll drive you to the airport.

I'd like you to apologise now.

- Can we draw a line under it?
- Have you packed your things, kids?

- Did you know he'd be here?
- No.

When I come home...

- He almost ran into me!
- He's kissing her!

- Johanna speaking...
- Johanna!

Hi, Iris.

Hi, yes it's sunny and nice,
as it should be when you're abroad.

I'd love it if you could come home,

with pictures from Menorca
for this article.

If you do, we can pay for this trip.
What do you say to that?

Thank you. And thank you
for believing in me.

Absolutely. You won't be disappointed.
It'll be a great piece. A great piece.

- How many have you got left?
- Two.

Now there's just one.
Back to my old self.

Just because you stop taking the pills
doesn't mean you'll change right back.

You're still you, aren't you?

You're right. I've not had a cold sore,
and we're on Menorca thanks to these.

So they worked.

- Did you write the article?
- It turned out well.

And that wouldn't have existed
without the pills either.

Here's to the medicine!

COOL IN THE POOL:
The naked truth

I don't know where to begin.

I think...

Straight after the first pill...

...I felt a total change in me.

I became horny.

I got my hair done.
I shouted at my boss.

I left my kids with my husband
as usual and felt:

"OK, I don't have them tonight." I go
out, meet a woman. Go back to hers.

I meet another guy.
Suddenly my ex starts to see me again.

I totally changed in who I am.

What you have there is one insane drug!

It doesn't only do
what you say it'll do to cold sores.

It changes you.

And for me... In a good or bad way?

For me, it was really, really good.

Suddenly I started to believe
in myself, in my ideas.

Suddenly I could stand up for who I am.

That a pill can do all that is
fantastic. It's the Nobel Prize next.

And I'm glad to have
been part of this experiment,

but I'm terrified about
what's going to happen now.

Will I go back to who I was?

Will I again be...

...someone who
doesn't believe in anything?

Not in herself or anyone else?

That's what frightens me.

Your civil registration number...

- 680508-7482...
- 7482, that's right...

How odd. You were
in the reference group.

- I don't quite get you.
- The group that got the sugar pills.

- That can't be right.
- It is.

- Your personal details match, so...
- I mean that's impossible.

Firstly, my cold sore's gone and
then there's the effect it had on me.

There's no way it was a sugar pill.

- It could be the placebo effect.
- Placebo?

Others in the same group
had a decidedly positive response.

And the bottom line is that you
haven't needed any medicine at all.

Are you saying that a placebo
changed me so much?

Definitely.

So what happens now?

Now that I'm off the pills.

Will I stop believing in myself?

That is solely up to you, Johanna.

It's coming down... for good.

- No! Did Iris manage to convince you?
- No, not at all.

- It'll be so boring without you.
- We'll still see each other!

But not in that
you-and-me-in-the-office way.

- How's your mum?
- She's great.

Other than that
she's five months pregnant.

- And the dad?
- Not mine. It'll be a half-sibling.

Girls...!

- Good bye. Good luck!
- The same to you. And hey...

- ...onwards and upwards.
- Absolutely.

- You really are hot these days!
- You too.

I know.

Hi. And good bye!

- Good luck. The desk is yours.
- Thank you.

You can have this as a souvenir.
You can hang it up here.

You're giving it to me?

- And Louise.
- You fuck off!

Fuck off yourself.

- Louise...
- Oh, a present!

Can you give this to Lasse?
With my thanks.

Thanks?

You know that I like you, right?
In spite of everything.

Johanna! Wait!

- Did you call Lasse "cunt face"?
- He called me "cunt face".

- And you blackmailed him?
- Yep.

That's so bloody good!

I've known about it for so long.
I know it's Trude.

I knew he'd hit on her
the moment I introduced them.

If she's just as ridiculous in bed as
she is in the office, then so what?

Give it a few weeks and he'll come
back. He's impotent, the poor sod.

If he can get someone to play with,
maybe I can get some use from him too!

What a bloody fool.

Only... I've realised that
it's just the way things are.

But no one's ever told me.

No one's ever told me like you do.

- I thought you'd be angry.
- It's not you I'm angry with.

It's me.

So what are you going to do now?

Make out that I'm upset
so he'll buy me some more jewellery.

What else can I do?
I love the old bugger.

- What will you do now?
- We'll see.

- Hi!
- Hi, sexy!

- How are you?
- Fine.

- How was it?
- Sad.

- No cake, no gold clock.
- And no singing?

- No singing.
- What had you expected?

- Trude, do you have a second?
- Of course.

- After you.
- After me?

- You know, you should mind your heart.
- My heart? Why?

You shouldn't have to carry that bike
up four flights of stairs every day.

But I can't be bothered to replace
the lock and I don't want it nicked.

Who'd nick this old boneshaker?

Are you joking?
These are like gold dust!

People comb jumble sales to find them!
This is history! 90s culture!

It's a bit tacky
but you can't get trendier!

If this pile of junk gets nicked
I'll buy you a new bike.

OK.

Bye, then.

Bye.