Matando Cabos (2004) - full transcript

Did you hear the one
about the Chinese cook?

Which one? The one about
the guy who drowned?

No, no. That's the one
in the golf course.

The Chinese cook's story is great.
Here it goes.

They're in the best restaurant
in town having dinner.

They were sitting
at the best table.

I don't have to tell you, but Oscar Cabos
is sitting in the middle.

Were there any broads?

No, it wasn't that kind of dinner.
It was a business dinner...

...transactions, millions of dollars.

What were they having?



What were they having?
I don't know, that's not important.

What's important is
who was sitting there.

There were politicians,
millionaires, all of them...

...important people. In fact,
I think that the owner...

...of the biggest computer software
company was there, too.

In the middle of dinner,
Oscar Cabos decides to tell a joke.

...And I had never seen
a guy so deep inside.

Was it any good?

No. As a matter of fact,
it sucked.

So why were they laughing?

Because if Oscar Cabos tells a joke,
you better laugh.

Everyone laughed.
Even the Chinese cook was laughing

and that moron didn't understand
a damn thing.

But that's not the point.
The point is that suddenly...



Ank-you.

Ank-you.

Ahnkyou, ahnkyou, ahnkyou.

What?

What the fuck is ahnkyou,
you piece of shit?

Ahnkyou.

Nobody knew that the cook had only
been in the country for two days

and the only thing he could
say was "thank you".

And... obviously not very well.

Why do you keep thanking me,
you sorry little motherfucker?

Ahnkyou, ahnkyou, ahnkyou.

KILLING CABOS

Two days later, with injuries
to his back and ribs,

a broken arm and a face
burned to a crisp,

he went back to The Orient.

Hey, why do they call it The Orient?

Because that's what it's called.

No way. I've never heard
anyone call it that.

'Cause everyone you hang out with
doesn't know how to speak well.

I hang out with you.

Right. And I'm telling you,
it's The Orient.

All right. So, tell me the one
about the golf course?

Shit, man. That one is a real trip.
That guy is really crazy.

He had been playing golf all day.
He was in the last hole.

He was about to beat his own record,

which was probably a joke anyway,
but he was really concentrating.

Hey. You got any toilet paper?

I'm telling you a story, man.

Yes, I know. And I'm really into it,
but there's no paper here.

There's none in here either.

- Check the other stall.
- You go and check.

Give me a break.
You're much closer.

And see if he has any aspirin, okay?
I have a headache.

Yeah, right. Where?

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, why is this half-naked,
unconscious guy sitting

on a toilet, listening to these
ridiculous anecdotes

from these two morons?

Well, I have no idea.

All I know is that snot-nosed
brat had it in for me

since I walked in on him
kissing my daughter.

I understand kids.

And I asked him nicely
to leave my house...

...and next time to go to a hotel.

I tried to be kind rather than to cause
trouble with an employee.

It wasn't worth it.

I chose to discuss things with him...

...and I tried to make him
understand that it is unwise...

...to date the boss's daughter.

Because it's usually the source
of a few problems.

And I thought he understood.

But apparently I was wrong.

I was working in my office when
he busted in without knocking.

Come in.

I thought he wanted to discuss
things or offer an apology.

But that scoundrel came
in to attack me.

After realizing that neither
his insults nor provocations...

...were getting to me,
the little tough guy started...

punching me
when I was distracted.

And on top of it that asshole
started laughing at me.

No, sir.

Sir?

What I don't understand

is why the fucking pervert
took my clothes off.

I still don't understand why you
took his clothes off, fucking pervert.

I didn't take his clothes off,
God damn it!

Really? So this guy works
in his underwear?

And when I got back,
he was already half-naked.

Is he dead?

No way. Well, I don't know.

Check him out.

But why take his clothes off?

Who knows?

There are lots of sick people
out there.

Good night, sir.

If only I could be...

...a wealthy man.

If only just to feel...

...like any other millionaire.

If only I could see...

...through a thousand
television sets...

...what you're doing,

I need to be...

...another millionaire.

To see the same place...

...in hundreds and thousands
at a time.

But more than living in comfort...

...I want your love and nothing else...

5 MINUTES BEFORE

Are you sure he always
leaves at this hour?

I've been checking him for a month.
He always does it.

Where's the bat?

Right here.
And I also have the bag.

Relax.

I've done this a thousand times.

That's why you hired me, right?

Why so nervous?

I'm not nervous, idiot.

I'm careful.
There's a difference.

I'm precise.

And why?

Because that's how
I've always been.

Because doing things right
got me where I am now.

All right, all right.
Calm down.

I hope you know what you're doing.

What I'm doing?

I know perfectly well what I'm doing.

Let me show you something.

It's my father.

You want to talk about
someone with big balls?

This man.

He knows the meaning
of hard work.

Not like the asshole
we're about to grab.

He made sacrifices for us
working for a fucking prick.

A dictator.

Twenty years.

Twenty years without getting an ounce
of respect every single day.

Every day.

And he's still hanging on.

I could take care of him.
But he's a proud man.

And you know what?

He has an honorable job.

Did you understand
anything I just said?

He won't be long now.

Here.

- What do we do with him?
- What do you mean what do we do?

Nothing. We leave him here
and good-bye.

Kiss my ass. If we leave him here,
the guy is going to fire me.

He's going to send me to jail,
then he's going to kill me.

He's going to fire you anyway.
You fucked his daughter.

- I told you not to go back to work.
- Why?

- Because he kicked your ass.
- It wasn't that bad.

Okay, it was that bad.

But first of all, I didn't fuck her.
She fucked me.

Scream, piggy, scream.

Number two, fucking his daughter
and leaving him here

in his underwear ain't the same thing.
Give me a fucking break!

Why don't we get him out of here
and wait for him to wake up?

We talk things over
and, I don't know...

...we convince him not
to do anything to us.

What do you mean, to us?

Come on, man. You know.
Not to do anything to us.

I didn't do anything.

Excuse me, but you just took a dump
next to him while he was unconscious.

But he doesn't know that
I took a dump next to him.

But you did. Dude, don't tell me
you're not going to help me.

Give me a break, dude.
Give me a hand.

Let's see.

You fucking prick!

Calm down!

Calm down, man!
Take it easy!

Help me get him up, man.

Help me out!

Let's go.

- Trunk.
- What?

What 's the matter with you?
Do you want him on the roof?

If they see us with this asshole
we're in big fucking trouble!

I know, man.

I mean, he owns
this fucking building!

Shit. We're going to get busted.

But we take him out of there
as soon as we're outside.

Of course.

Don't be an asshole.

I think we're fucked.

They seem to know something.

Don't be stupid.

Those guys don't know anything.

So what do I do then?

Relax, man.
Just turn around and smile.

You think they noticed?

No, man. How could they?
They're just obtuse.

Okay, look for a place to park up front
and let's take him out.

Kiss my ass, man!
Where am I supposed to park?

- Watch out!
- God damn! Fucking assholes!

Did you see that?
They almost hit me.

- You think they know?
- What?

Do you think they know
they're assholes?

Because no one
ever tells them.

People just, you know,
give them the finger and honk.

But no one ever tells them
to their face.

Well, yeah.
But, I mean, come on.

You can't sink to that level
of stupidity without noticing.

Give me a fucking break!

What?
What are you staring at, you fag?

Do I look like a fag?

Not really.
Maybe just a little soft.

What did you say, man?

I said I was going to screw
your mama.

What are you staring at,
you fucking cross-eyed?

Cross-eyed... cross-eyed...
cross-eyed.

She's not coming because
you're fucking cross-eyed.

What did you expect, my son?
You're fucking cross-eyed.

Go.

Jesus Christ!

Shit, man. Shit!

That bastard's going to kill us.

There!

What's that?

Did anyone see you?

The cops are downstairs. They want
you to give them all blow jobs.

- Don't be an asshole, Nico.
- Asshole?

All right! That's enough, okay?
Where do we put this guy?

Is he alive?

That's none of your business.
Where do we put him?

This is my house and I never
agreed to store dead people.

Did I?

Listen, princess.

I don't know why you got
into this business.

Maybe because your family
is broke,

or because the money you get
isn't enough for your drugs,

or simply because your life
is so fucking boring

you wanted to try
something dangerous.

I don't know and I don't care.

When I found you, I explained
to you what this was about.

And we made a deal. And in that deal,
I call the shots. I ask the questions.

You provide the answers.

Is that clear?

Now, where do we put him?

In the storage room in the back.

Thank you.

It won't start.

Shit. You were the one
who got me to insult that guy.

Yeah. But there are insults
and then there are insults.

Help me out, man. We don't know
if he's still alive in there.

What are you worried about?

If he's dead, then it's not
our problem anymore.

Of course.
You're absolutely right.

You know,
I hadn't thought of that.

As a matter of fact, when the cops
get here we'll just say,

"Yes, Officer. He was in our trunk
in his underwear.

But he wasn't dead.
He just passed out."

Give me a break.

Okay.
So what are we going to do?

Hey, what if we call Ruben?

- Who?
- Mascarita.

Who?

Mascarita.
The wrestler.

Mascarita.
The ill-tempered one.

What happened to this great legend?

Born in Hiuchapan
in the state of Hidalgo in 1963,

he had a simple
country childhood.

"CHILDHOOD FRIEND"
Well, folks, by the time he made
it to elementary school,

he was already a legend.

He was someone
who loved wrestling.

He was very strong.

He also had a strong personality.

And I remember that he always
stood up to anyone.

From that day on, he began training
with farm animals

until he reached puberty.

He held many tough jobs:

Load lifter, miner,
cart puller.

But his fame began to rise

when he joined the security team
at a local disco.

Day after day he tested
his wrestling skills.

Until one day Avilo Dominguez,

founder of the Mexican
wrestling league, crossed his path.

I was looking for someone special.

I had traveled all over the country
and couldn't find anyone.

"PROMOTER"

Until I came to Huichapan,
Hidalgo and...

Mister Avilo!

- And I saw Mascarita standing
at the door of a club.

I knew right then I had my star.

After that meeting, Mascarita became
a full-time wrestler.

He traveled with Avilo in the big city

and trained until he became
the most famous wrestler of all.

But his addiction to drugs,
alcohol and women

would soon put an end
to his success.

Yes, of course,
I met him.

"EXOTIC DANCER"

He was so generous with all of us.

Oh, but he never took off his mask.

Due to his drug problem he had
to leave the wrestling arena,

leaving behind a number
of unanswered questions.

Where is Mascarita now?
What does he do?

And above all, who is the man
behind the mask?

Hey, was that really Mascarita?

Yeah.
But he hates being called that.

Why?

One moment, please.

Next time you call me Mascarita
without the mask,

- I swear I'll cut off your balls.
- Yes, Ruben, yes... okay.

Good evening.

Ruben, it's Mudo.

Yo, buddy. What's up?

You know. Just hanging out,
calling old friends.

Man, it's so good to hear from you.
How are you? You okay?

Not really.
I got a small problem

and I thought maybe you
could give me a hand.

Think nothing of it, bro.
What can I do for you?

Look.
The thing is we have this guy

locked in the trunk of our car,
and guess what?

- We got rear-ended.
- Really!

Yeah. Now we can't get the guy out
because the trunk is jammed.

Don't worry. I'm on my way now.
Where are you?

Remember where I live?

Remember the alley
behind the factory? There.

Ah, okay. I won't be long.

Anyway,
I'll have Tony meet us there.

"The Cannibal"?

Yeah. He lives nearby.
That's not such a safe neighborhood.

- So then, you're coming?
- Okay. Yeah.

- Thanks.
- Please, man. Don't mention it.

- Thanks, Ruben.
- I'll see you in a little while.

- All right. See you. Bye.
- Bye.

I'll be right back.

When I return, I want you
to keep screaming. Okay?

Yes, Ruben, yes... okay.

Well, you've got some X.

Next time, bring enough
to share with everyone

or don't bring any at all.
Understand?

What's the matter, ladies?
Move it!

Come on! All right.

- Add more weight.
- Yes, boss.

Dude, doesn't your mother-in-law
have a party tonight?

Oh, shit! You're right, man.
Fuck! I'm such a prick!

Paulina must be waiting
for me to pick her up.

I don't think she's there anymore.
It's really late.

Yeah, I guess so. I think she left.
I hope she's not mad.

Mascarita.

Finish him.

Surrender, Mascarita.

Don't fight back, Mascarita.

Hey, this Mascar... I mean,
Ruben is taking too long, isn't he?

Don't let it slip out again.
Not even as a joke.

Relax, man,
I didn't mean it.

I'm serious. You have no idea how crazy
he gets when they call him Mascarita.

Really? All right, how much longer
are we going to wait?

I don't know.
He said he was sending his bodyguard.

His what?

Ruben has a bodyguard.
His name is Tony.

Tony, "The Cannibal".

Hey. Why do they call him
Tony "The Cannibal"?

I don't know.

If you want to, you can ask him
when he gets here.

Tony.

This is Jaque.
I'm Mudo.

Go ahead. Ask him.

What's up, Ruben?

- How's it hanging, Mudo?
- I'm fine, thanks.

Hey! What's up?

Start her up, Tony.

How's life treating you, Jaque?

Right now, not so great, but...

Hit it.

I could've done that.
Give me a break.

Trunk.

- Man, I could've done that too.
- But you didn't.

So what's up?
What do we do now?

We get him out of the trunk, right?

- Are you nuts?
- No, I mean it.

And do what, exactly?

I don't know. We get him out
and leave him there on the street.

Give me a fucking break. He's my
father-in-law. We can't dump him there.

The fact that he's your father-in-law is
irrelevant. This guy is Oscar Cabos.

What do you think he'll do to us
when he wakes up?

- Okay, so we take him to a hospital.
- This man is Oscar Cabos?

We can't dump him there and we
certainly can't take him to a hospital.

Why not?

Haven't you heard the story
about the Chinese cook?

As a matter of fact, yes.

Good point.
So what do we do?

First thing we'll do is calm down
and get out of here.

For now, he's safe inside your trunk.
He's out cold.

Don't worry. We'll go to a quiet place.
I know this bar nearby.

We'll have a couple of exotic drinks.

Then you'll tell me
exactly what happened.

And then we'll figure out what
to do to get out of this mess we're in.

Okay?

This way.
Let's go, Tony.

There's no answer.

Why don't you call yourself?

The family knows me very well.
They might recognize my voice perfectly.

Call them again.

But...

But what?

If you don't make the call,
then you're no good to me.

This is when I need you the most.

Understand, sweetheart?

Okay.
So what are we going to do?

You're going to dial that phone
and ask for this little

asshole's wife,
and that's it.

Or what? Do you know
the maids in the house, too?

No.

Why don't you take off the bag
so he can breathe?

And have him see our faces, right?

Oh, I'm sure he's breathing great,
aren't you?

It's ringing.

That's all upside-down.
Fix it.

Hello?

Hello. With the lady
of the house, please.

Who's calling?

Put Mrs. Gabriela Cabos on,
right now. Please.

Yes, but I have to tell her
who's calling.

Tell her it's...
her husband.

One moment, please.

Ma'am...

Ma'am...

Careful, careful with that.
Don't drop it. Please be careful.

- Ma'am!
- What is it, Tere?

Telephone.

Can't you see I'm busy, Tere?
For goodness sake!

It's your husband.

Well, just tell him
I'll call him back later.

She says she'll call him
back later.

What?

She hung up.

What?

The maid hung up on me.

Well, call them back

and tell them we'll kill this shit bag
if they don't give us twenty...

You told me you could do this.
Can you or not?

Cheers.

Cheers.

That hit the spot.

Where were we?

Oh, yeah. The trunk.

All right.
This is what we're going to do.

We'll finish our drinks and then
we'll figure out a way to return

this man to his home,
safe and sound.

This man is your father-in-law, Jaque?

Yeah.

And his wife, your mother-in-law,
is having a party tonight, right?

That's right.

Do you think it would be
a problem if we attend?

No, but...

You know if Cabos is known
to partake of alcoholic beverages?

- All the time.
- Perfect.

We'll leave him on the front lawn.

We'll untie him, take off the bag,
and douse him with the cheapest liquor.

Then we'll leave.

When he wakes up,
he'll have a hell of a headache

and he won't even know
where he is.

He'll just remember that his wife
had a party.

- How does that sound?
- All right.

What kind of person is your
mother-in-law?

She's a bitch.

- Is she rich?
- Stinking.

- Does she host many parties?
- Many.

Okay, boys.
I'll need two things.

One, I have to get into the party,
and two, I'll need a change of clothes.

- A what?
- Clothes, Mudo.

I can't go dressed like this
to a fancy socialite party.

I'd stand out.

Yeah. I'm sure I'll find
something in my apartment.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Check this out, man.

See? It's Mascarita!

Son of a bitch!

It's him. God damn it!
It's him.

- What did you call me?
- Fuckin' A, man.

You're that Mascarita guy.
Aren't you?

What the hell's the matter with you?

Check, please.

Who the fuck do you think
you are, asshole?

We're going to beat the shit out of you.
You fucking little wrestler.

Boys, let's go.

How many were they?

About fifteen.

Including the fucked up ones?

No. If you count those,
then it's about twenty.

Let's give him...

I'll say... about a minute.

Listen, put the Mrs.
On the line right now...

...or her husband will cease to exist.
Understand?

Yes. One moment, please.

- Ma'am.
- What is it, Tere?

Phone call for you.

I told you I'm busy right now.

They say it's about your husband.

That he exists or will cease to exist,
I don't understand.

Hello?
She hung up again.

Move.

Hello?

Listen, you fucking bitch,

you either put your boss
on the line right now,

or I'll kill you
and then I'll kill her.

Hello.

Shut the door.

Tony, there's a liquor store
around the corner.

Get me a bottle
of the cheapest booze, please.

Let's go, boys. The night is too short.
Come on.

- What's up, Jaque?
- How's it hanging?

Shit. What did you do
to your wheels, dude?

Nothing.

I'll fix it up for you. Fifteen minutes.
Let me get my tools.

No, that's all right, thanks.

Come on.
It'll be just like new, Jaque.

He said no.

Since when do you
open your mouth?

Doesn't Mudo mean mute?

Why don't you honor your name
and shut the fuck up?

Hey, what's wrong
with your buddy?

Check him out.
What happened to his clothes?

Listen, you snot-nosed brat!

Why don't you go jerk off
somewhere else?

Okay, fucking Mudo.

You too, Jaque.

We'll see you around,
you pricks.

Just ask for one favor.
One.

Assholes.

I'll get you a shirt, Ruben.

Come in.
Make yourself at home.

Thank you.

So, where have you been
hanging out?

Here, there.
Going to one place, then another.

How long has it been since we
saw each other the last time?

It's been a while, Mudo.

It's been a while.

What's wrong with that fucking bird?
Doesn't he ever shut up?

No, never.

The worst part is he only
makes noise when we get home.

When there's no one here
he's very quiet.

Why don't you tell your neighbors?

Because I haven't met them yet.

- You haven't met them?
- No.

- Your neighbors?
- Let's go.

Jaque...

I'm not saying you have poor taste
or anything like that.

- But what the hell is this?
- What?

What do you mean what?

Tony went to get the booze
for Mr. Cabos.

We have to wait for him, okay?

Now, in these few minutes
in which we have to wait for him,

I think you can find
something more presentable.

Come on!

Bad taste.
Give me a break, asshole.

And that guy is supposed
to have great taste or what?

I can't believe that bird.

And it gets worse after two a.m.

I'll have a word with the neighbors.

Four years.

What?

It's been four years since
we last saw each other.

Where were you?

- Is the prick in?
- Yeah. Go ahead, Pau.

Where were you?
What's the matter?

You knew I couldn't get to my car
because of the party.

- Baby, sweetheart...
- No.

I was waiting for you.
You were supposed to pick me up.

I swear I was about to get you, baby.
I swear.

What are you doing?
We have to go now!

Baby, it's just that we're waiting for
someone who shouldn't take too long.

What? Waiting my ass!
Shut that fucking bird up!

- How can you live like this?
- I know. Five minutes, please.

Just five minutes, okay, honey buns?

Who are we waiting for?

We're waiting for someone who went
to the store to get a bottle of booze.

As soon as he gets back,
we'll leave.

- Booze?
- Yes, baby. And then we can go.

Give me a break!
You're a disgusting drunk!

Honey, it's not for me.
Baby, really!

You know what?
Bye.

Baby? Honey?

Mudo, tell Jaque I went
to my Mom's party.

Okay, Pau.

I don't think anyone's home.

What do you want?

Good evening. We would like
to ask you with all due respect...

- To shut that fucking bird up!

Don't you realize there are
other people living here?

Fucking bird from hell!

That bird was a present from
my grandmother before she died.

I'm quite fond of it. It doesn't
bother you that much, does it?

If you ever knock here again,
I'm going to be bothered.

Now scram!
Both of you!

How's this one?

Have you met the neighbors?

- What happened?
- Nothing. Let's go.

Tere, answer that.

Answer the phone.

Hello?

I'd like to speak to
Mrs. Gabriela Cabos, please.

Speaking.
What can I do for you?

Plenty.

We have kidnapped

your husband.
He's alive, but not for long.

We want twenty...

You know what? Tell Oscar that if
he doesn't want to come

to my birthday party,
to stay 'kidnapped' in his office,

he can go fuck himself.

Give me a fucking break!

You said no one was coming.

I'll see who it is.

What's up?

- What's up with what?
- What do you mean about what?

Yeah, about what?

You know.
Why haven't you changed?

Changed for what?
What?

It's my mom's birthday.
I told you.

Between you and Jaque,
I'm going nuts.

- What was that?
- What was what?

- Are you with someone?
- No. Why?

- I heard something.
- Yeah? No.

I think it's coming from in here.

- I caught you red-handed.
- You bitch.

What if I open the door
and find him naked?

Knock it off, Paulina.

What's going on?

- You must be Paulina, right?
- Yes.

Honey, why didn't you tell me
she was so beautiful?

I'm Botcha.
Lula's boyfriend.

You bitch!
Why didn't you tell me?

No wonder you were
acting so weird.

That's why you've been
cutting classes, right?

Look, you have to blame
Botchis for that,

because he asked me to keep
it a secret and... you know.

It's more romantic.
Don't you think?

This is awesome!

Both of you have to come
to my mom's party.

- Thanks, Pau, but...
- We'd love to.

That's it.
Hold on.

I'll tell my mom.
She won't believe it.

How long has it been since
the two of you have spoken?

Oh, it's been a while.

Hello?

- Hello? Mom?
- Where are you?

Guess what?
Lula has a boyfriend.

You don't say. Put her on.
I want to congratulate her.

Hold on.

Hello?

- Lula. How are you?
- Mrs. Cabos. How are you?

- So you're coming with my daughter?
- Yes.

- And your new boyfriend?
- Yeah, right. He's coming with us.

- I think that's wonderful.
- In fact, we were just leaving, okay?

Don't be late.

Thank you very much
and happy birthday.

Get all dressed up...
kisses for you.

- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.

- So... shall we?
- Let's go.

Where did she say
she was going?

To the party.

Why did you let her leave?

Because we didn't know
she was going to take the car.

Her father is in the trunk
of that car.

- Inside a plastic bag.
- Out cold.

Stripped naked by
his daughter's boyfriend.

God damn it!
I didn't take his clothes off!

All right, calm down.
She's going to the party, right?

Let's take my car and that's it.
Problem solved.

My change.

And the rest.

Oh. Sorry.

I forgot my wallet.
I have to go back for it.

- I won't be long.
- Okay.

Don't be.

He's cute, isn't he?

Let's see them fucking
ignore us again.

Anything comes up,
you call us.

Take care of him.

- Ready.
- Good.

She can drive, right?

Good evening, sir. Valet?

What?

Your car, sir.
I'm from valet parking.

- So?
- Ruben, give him your keys.

You're really insane
if you think

I'm going to hand my car keys
to this child.

Relax, sir. I'll take good care
of your car.

I'm sure you won't.

Ruben, stop jerking around.

Let's just go inside,
fix our little problem and go home.

Your car will be fine.

Here.

If something happens to it,
I'll kill you.

No. Don't laugh.
I'll kill you.

You know what?
It would be better if we split up.

You know Paulina well.
Why don't you go with Ruben?

I'll go with him.

Tony, go with him.
Don't worry about me. Go on.

What's the matter with Jaque?
I swear I'll kill him.

- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing. Why?

I don't know.
You're too weird.

Very serious. It's been a while
since we've seen each other.

Tell me something.
What are you up to?

I've been hanging out
with Botcha, right?

Oh, how sweet.
I wish Jaque was like that.

We have to drop this off.

Botcha, put that thing away.
Jesus!

We have to leave it someplace
it can be seen.

Well, go upstairs to any bedroom.

Leave it there. In the meantime
I'll distract these idiots.

If something happens we'll call
each other on our cell phones.

Don't be long.
Please.

Okay, then.

Where did Botchis run off to?

Botcha.
He'll be right back.

What's your problem?

I don't get it, man.
I just don't get it.

What did you say?

What did you say?

Are you talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

Because there's no one else here.

What?

What did you say, fucker?

What was that?
What was that? You fuck!

No. You fuckin' said something.

Now look at me and say it
to my face. You fuck!

You fuck!

Look, if you don't tell me, asshole,

I'll beat your ass so bad.

That's going to hurt a lot.
You fuck!

It's my father.

And how do you say "hello"
in Hawaii, mom?

Did you forget already?
Aloha.

- Last year...
- Arabian...

Wonderful.

They were at each other's throats.

- Of course!
- It was great.

- That was awesome.
- Hello?

Lula? We're in deep shit!

What's wrong, Nico?

You have to come right now
and help me out.

All right. Just let me find Botcha
and we'll get over there.

No. Come alone.
Don't bring Botcha.

Why not?

Lula, trust me.
Don't bring Botcha.

Nico, I'm on my way.
Don't move.

Pau, come here.

- What is it?
- I need you to give me a hand.

What's wrong?

My neighbor just called.
My apartment is flooded.

What?
How?

Yes. And I need to borrow your car.
Please, I beg you.

Sure. But it's going to be a problem

getting one out of the driveway.
Take Jaque's car.

- Whatever. Thanks.
- It's right outside.

Thanks a bunch.
I'll call you later, okay?

- Good luck with that.
- I'll be right back. I'll call you.

Where is Lula going?

Her apartment is flooded.
She got a call from her neighbor.

I want you to meet Fernando Calles,
son of Betty Calles.

He was studying in Paris. He's not only
handsome, but speaks four languages.

I need the keys to my car.

Aren't you going to say
hello to my mom?

- Good evening.
- Good evening, Jaque.

- Honey, my car keys.
- Look at the time.

Jaque, please introduce
me to your friend.

Mrs. Gaby. Tony.
Tony, Mrs. Gaby. Honey?

Charmed.

If you only want to be happy,
only be happy,

two souls in the dark
must look for each other.

A man and a woman will meet.

Baby, it's just that this is an...

What were you doing?
Where were you?

Baby, all I need are the keys
to my car.

- They'll be here soon.
- What do you mean they'll be here?

Lula borrowed your car because
she had an emergency.

- But she'll be right back.
- What?

Oh, come on. Don't overreact.
She knows how to drive.

Hold on. Let me introduce
you to Cathy.

Cathy, this is Jaque.

I can't believe it.

Mom?

When they're close
they'll dream and kiss.

In tender loving embrace,
full of warmth,

they'll fall in love and foretell
the faithful promise...

Let's go.

- I still can't find her.
- I found her, man. Let's go.

Jesus Christ, man.

- Hello?
- Where the fuck are you?

- I'm almost home.
- Your home?

Nico called me.
There's an emergency.

I tried to reach you
but I never found you.

God damn it! I'm on my way.
Don't do anything until I get there.

Botcha, hold on.
What did you do with the finger?

That's none of your business.

I left it somewhere
they can't miss.

Tomorrow we'll get our money.
As soon as they see the finger

they'll give it to us.

Where are we going?

To Lula's place. She took my car.
We have to get it back.

- Why did she take your car?
- No, no. Don't ask.

What do you mean, don't ask?
Tell me why.

Shit, man. Paulina gave her the keys.
It was a mess.

She took it home and now
we have to get it.

- We? What about you?
- You staying here or what?

Oh, yes. It's so nice here.

Besides, how do you know
where Lula lives?

You moron, it's my girlfriend's best
friend, I know where she lives.

Since when do you know where
your girlfriend's friends live?

- I don't know all of them.
- She knows where I live.

- Yeah, what's her last name.
- Who? Her? Raybed.

- Oh, yes. Sarabia?
- No, asshole. The Raybed...

- Oh, come on.
- I've known her all my life.

Come on. Let's go.
Let's go now.

- What's the matter?
- He tried to steal my car.

Get down. Down.

I told you to stop.
Get out, I'll drive.

So, Ruben. Who was that guy?
Why is he shooting at us?

I don't have the slightest idea.
That's why we're going back.

- We can't go back.
- Let's go back and kick his ass.

Lula has my father-in-law in the trunk of
the car. We have to go to her place.

Mudo, talk to your friend.

His father-in-law is in the trunk.

Yes. Ruben, my father-in-law
is in the trunk.

Give me a break.
There's nothing we can...

It's this asshole.

- Oh my God!
- Wait! Look at them!

Son of a bitch!

My car!

- Which way, man?
- I don't know.

Gate!

- What the fuck is his problem?
- It's being torn apart!

He shot my taillight.

I'll get you two for the price
of one at the flea market!

There goes the other!

He hit my other taillight.
He's finishing off my car.

Jesus, man. Two for one.
Shut the fuck up!

Where did it hit?
What did he hit?

I'll kill him.
I'll tear him a new asshole.

God damn it, man!

And you, too.
This is your fault.

This piece of shit won't go any faster.
It ain't my fucking fault.

- Did you just call my car a piece of shit?
- This is a piece of shit.

- That's it!
- What are you doing?

Watch it!

I'll drive.

So?
Who is this guy?

It's Botcha's father.

What?

What the fuck is
Botcha's father doing here?

- We made a mistake.
- We? Asshole!

Are you going to help me or what?

I know. Look. We'll get him
out of here and dump him somewhere

and we tell Botcha that
Mr. Cabos got away from you.

- That he got away from me?
- No, sorry, Nico.

Look, maybe we tell him that
you took the wrong person.

That he cut off his own father's fingers,
that he shot him,

and that you've beaten
the living crap out of him.

Okay,
I like your first idea.

Go to the kitchen and get one
of those large hefty bags.

We can't take him out like this.

- So that's the plan?
- Yes. Nico.

This is between you and me.

No one else.

And we don't say anything
about him being his father.

No.

If you can keep your mouth shut,
so can I.

- Where do we put him?
- Here. In this trunk.

- Apurate.
- Ya.

It won't open.

Move over, moron.

See?
It's jammed.

Well, help me.
Don't just stand there.

- Where do we put him now?
- What do you mean where?

We leave him here and forget about it.
It's not our problem.

But it won't open.

I'll get a crowbar.

- A what?
- A crowbar.

What's that?

Jesus, Nico.
You really are a moron.

Oh, yeah?
What does obtuse mean?

- Obtuse?
- Yes, obtuse.

Obtuse. Adjective. Dull.
Slow learner. Clumsy.

Like you.

Fucking illiterate fucking bastard.

That asshole got my father-in-law
out of the trunk!

Jaque. Mudo. You wait here.
Tony, come with me.

Where's Tony?

Stay in the car.

- I hate fights.
- Wait, wait. My car.

I believe you can explain
what happened.

What?

You put my father in the trunk
instead of Mr. Cabos.

Just between you and me, right?

Nico.

You snitch! Just let me get out of this,
you bitch, and I swear...

Shut up, you moron.

Listen to me, asshole.

If we don't find my father's finger,
I'll give him this one.

Ruben, how are we going
to get this guy inside

without everyone noticing?

I have no idea. But we just leave him
here and get out of here fast.

Why?

Party's great.

I reckon it is, Mudo.
But we shouldn't be socializing

in the house of the guy we're
dumping on the front lawn.

No.
Besides, he could wake up.

And we were never here.
Understood?

Understood.

Well. So?

I don't know, boys.

I'm fresh out of ideas.
Let me know what you come up with.

No, you have no idea.
It took her three days to fix everything.

It is something else. It was fantastic.
I really loved it.

- Hold on.
- What is it?

- What's your problem?
- No, my love...

First I get to your place
and I have to take your car

because you never picked me up.

Then, when you get here
all you care about is your car?

And then you leave?
Like, you know what?

We're through.
I don't love you anymore.

Baby...

She meant it this time.

No way, man. Remember that song.
The one about the queen?

- Which one?
- Yeah, yeah.

Ruben, you just hang on, okay?

When you hear the music, go get the
body and come through the front yard.

- But it's full of people.
- No, don't worry.

No. Not that song.
No. Please, no.

Is this thing on?

- May I borrow it for a second?
- Sure.

Thanks.

This is a song for my baby,

because she says she doesn't
love me anymore.

Last night I met
a fair-skinned teen

and soon after I fell in love
with that Bel Air Queen.

Cupid struck me with that arrow,

and now I know not what to borrow.

Wait up! Wait!

Go on! Go!

Oh, Bel Air Queen,
when will your love favor me?

I would give you everything

including my whole being.

Everything I sow is

yours for the taking.

My friend Pancha told me
that preppie schoolgirls

can't iron or cook.

I will teach you how to,

even from out of a book.

Oh, Bel Air Queen,
when will your love favor me?

I would give you everything

including my whole being.

Everything I sow

is yours for the taking.

Queen,

oh my queen,
yes my queen,

my Bel Air Queen.

Excuse me.
Oh, baby.

Forgive me.

Baby, I love you.

I love you.

I love you too, baby.

That's so sweet.
How nice. Come on.

All right.
But I have to go now.

What?

Oh, come on!
This won't open.

Why do you want
to open it, Jaque?

First of all, because it's my trunk.
And number two,

because someone told me he was
going to fix it, but he didn't.

- Okay, you'll open it tomorrow.
- This is tomorrow!

Son of a...

How's it hanging, Mudo?
Are you in need of our skills?

You mean as crooks.

You know what, Mudo?
I've had it up to here with your shit!

What was that, asshole?

Not now, not now. And you,
don't you have anything better to do?

Sure, it's just that I've had
enough of this asshole.

Next time try it without your mama,
dickhead. Let's go.

You're right. I always keep my word.
You go home.

I'll open the trunk for you.

- Thanks, Ruben.
- You're welcome.

Hey, do you think I was
too hard on Ruben?

No. You were fine. He promised
he was going to open the trunk.

Besides, if he can't open it,
it's going to be a bitch.

What time is it?

It's late, man.

We have to go to work
in a few hours.

What a drag.

There's your parrot friend.
He's welcoming you home.

- That's weird.
- What?

That stupid bird doesn't
make noise

unless someone's
in the apartment.

What's going on, man?

Gentlemen,
we have a problem.

I want...

No, no, I don't want.

I need to find my father.

Who?

Who.

Hold on, relax. We don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, okay.
Son of a...

Here's what we're going to do.

The next one who gives me a wrong
answer, I get to hit the other one.

You're joking!

What do you want?

I told you.
I want to find my father.

- But why us?
- Why you.

Jaque, shut up!

It's up to you. I can keep going
like this all day long.

Look, we'd be more than happy
to help you,

but tell us exactly
what you need.

Fine.

God damn!
You shut up, too!

Come on,
did it really hurt?

Some.

Then...

Here's what we can do.

You tell us who your father is
and we'll find him for you.

I promise.
Really, I mean it.

Jaque, please.
Shut up.

That's enough, assholes!
That's it, you motherfuckers!

Listen. I want my father here, now.

I don't know what you have to do.

So if I don't see a guy inside
a black bag right here, right now,

- I'm going to start shooting people.
- Look what I found in the trunk...

This is the asshole
that shot my car.

So in addition to kidnapping
my father,

you're taking my ransom.

I'll say one thing, motherfuckers,
if he ain't here...

If my dad ain't here...

God damn it.

I want my dad right here...
You son of a bitch!

Ever. Ever.

- What?
- Ever.

The cops will be here any minute.

If you pull that trigger,
you get to be Ever.

- What the fuck is that?
- What's your name?

None of your God damn
business, okay?

It's a simple question.
What's your name?

Nico.

Listen, Nicholas.

If you pull that trigger
and kill someone here,

the cops will get you for murder.

Now, we're at the
Benito Juarez District.

That means you'll be assigned
to the 126th Precinct.

They're really tough
on murderers there.

Forget about preliminary hearing.

You'll go straight to trial.

And you'll get none other

than the honorable
Judge Enrique Hernandez Monroy.

And he'll give you anywhere
between 40 and 50 years.

Being in the south side,

you'll wind up at the
Southern Federal Penitentiary.

Area 7.

That is where they put the murderers.

In that area,
there's only one empty cell.

That's where they put the new ones.

Your cellmate will be

a six-foot-four, very strong individual

that calls himself Marcie.

Your first night there, Marcie will come
down from his bunk

to keep you company.

Now, you may be an intelligent,
creative, even sinister individual.

But you can't imagine the things
that man will do to you.

The rest of the nights you will
basically be turned over

to the rest of the inmates
from Block 7.

During the time you spend there,
you will be called Ever.

They say because time in the joint
lasts forever in there.

Forever.

For-Ever.

Like the Americans say.

But in reality,

you're not yourself anymore.

They will call you Ever
so you forget who you are.

So, Nicholas,
you may pull that trigger

and forget who you are forever.

Or you can decide
not to be called

what your parents
didn't name you.

That you won't stop being yourself,
not today, not ever.

Think about it.

Man, now we're in deep shit.

Move. Right.
Get it with your teeth.

You have to get it
with your teeth slowly

or you'll never... More this way.
Faster, man.

What the hell are you
two perverts doing?

Ruben, give us a hand!

We're in deep shit now.

I don't know what
we're going to do.

Besides, the cops will be here soon.

No. Check this out.
It can't get any worse.

God damn!

What is it, Mudo?

Look what we have here.

Are you having a good time?

We're broadcasting live
from Molino de los Mixiotes,

where only thirty minutes ago
a bloody shoot-out took place,

alerting local authorities
to the kidnapping of steel tycoon

Oscar Cabos.

In what appears to be
an unsuccessful kidnapping,

Mr. Cabos was unharmed.

This is the apartment
where the bodies

of the alleged kidnappers
were found alongside a dead parrot.

The fact that Mr. Cabos is alive
is thanks to the help

of these two neighbors,

who selflessly entered the apartment
despite the gunfire to liberate Mr. Cabos.

Here they are. Their names,
Jaque and Mudo.

Let's ask them
how things were inside?

Please tell us,
what happened?

Well, I...
I just heard the shots,

and we went straight
against the perpetrators.

Just like that? You were unarmed?
Weren't you afraid?

Well, yes.
It was a clean fight, right?

Just what a hero is supposed to do.

Being on television
was never my thing.

Come on, man, hurry up.
We have to go.

How much of a drag
is it to go to work?

Such a drag.

Well, pay up and let's go.

What do you mean pay up?
I paid last time.

No, you didn't, man.
I paid for the chips.

Do you know what kind of shit
I just pulled you out of?

And what do you
want me to do?

Boys, get to work.
I'll pay.

Last thing you need is to be fired
for coming in late.

Ruben, thanks a lot.

- You're welcome.
- Really, thanks a lot.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome, Jaque.

- Take care.
- You too.

- Ruuuben.
- Muuuudo.

I owe you one.

We should see each other
more often, okay?

Of course.

Keep the change.

Where is my wife?

Did you hear something?

Gabriela.

Wait.

I said, wait!

Gabriela!

My husband!

I'll be right back for you,
you fucking bitch whore!

I'll get you for this.

Just let me get my hands on that...
He fucked with the wrong person.