Marriage of the Century (1985) - full transcript

King Georges,
his sister, Princess Alexandra,

and daughter, Princess Charlotte,

are in Paris for a private 24-hour visit.

They'll stay at the embassy

and attend the ball
for Children of the World,

the foundation for which
Princess Charlotte is an ambassador.

And now we go to break.

TO ALL PRINCESSES

Leave your toys alone, Georges.

In two hours,
we're announcing Charlotte's engagement.

Poor Guillaume is almost a second choice…



Oh… He's a Spassöhenburg, an archduke.

Whatever he is,

there is no way
she's humiliating us tonight.

Our job is to inspire people.

If she carries on like this,

one of these days,

Parliament will vote
to abolish the civil list

and we'll have to pack our bags.

It hasn't come to that, though.

It has!

As long as

Charlotte, all of a sudden,
becomes ravishing,

and marries Guillaume

ravishingly, and the public is delighted.



Look. These are the original strings.

Enough!

You have nothing downstairs,
you're all soft.

Alexandra, I am your king.

Then I'm his little sister.

All because someone decided
boys must come first.

Obviously, that's…

-Georges.
-Hm?

In six months,

we must deliver a great show
for Eurovision.

It must be the marriage of the century,

despite Charlotte.

Think about it.

But… I am thinking about it, dear.

Then stop thinking.

For heaven's sake,

do something.

Hm?

Charlotte?

-Yes, Father?
-Are you there?

Yes, Father.

The situation is serious.
I don't know whether you're aware…

My newspaper…

We're playing our trump card.

Can… can you hear me?

Yes, Father.

We must think of the general public.

It's the first time they're seeing you
with Guillaume. Try to…

to seem radiant,

to be… romantic,

I mean…

I don't know…

happy,

well…

-Charlotte?
-Yes, Father. I'm listening.

Get a hold of yourself, dear.

This marriage is very important for us.

Has a yoga teacher
not given you any exercises?

I did it, Father,
but it gives me awful cramps.

Ah.

Then…

relax.

Right, then.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

I wish I could knit without looking.

Your kingdom's greatest admirer,
Your Majesty.

Adrienne de la Roussette, press secretary.

I'm going to…

work hard to restore your image.

I beg your pardon.

Excuse me, Your Majesty.

Her Royal Highness, your daughter,
is a great model, but too dated.

We need to find her a new look.

More modern, more dynamic, you see…
I have one or two ideas,

if you'll trust me.

Blitz olive oil washing up liquid
is brand new.

It's so very gentle.

With Blitz, in the blink of any eye,
my dishes sparkle

and my hands stay soft.

I love this one.

It's a bit much, Your Highness.

Doing the dishes is rarely sexy.

-No, but it's romantic.
-Yes.

This evening, I expect military precision.

We must plan for everything.

It's a live grenade

that we have between our hands.

Right… Ah!

We have until 9:04 p.m.

Coast clear, Jeff?

I needn't remind you
to be very vigilant this evening.

Eight minutes thirty to go.

Everyone knows what they're doing.
God save the crown.

-All okay?
-You're in for a surprise.

Have you seen, Kaffenberg?

It gives complete freedom of movement.

I wouldn't have chosen it,
but once on, it's rather comfortable.

Modern, isn't it?

I am thrilled, it was Adrienne's idea.

Bright.

Yes, very bright. It's lamé.

Follow me?
I'd like a simple, yet complicated bun

that reveals Her Highness's
little swan neck.

I need a word with you.

It's perhaps missing some bells.

The grandees won't be happy.

Kaffenberg.

I've been doing this for 15 years.
I know what good taste is.

We meet in lodens, attaché case to hand.

We stop breathing,
it's so ghastly to live.

But with this drab look, we disappear.

Doesn't the taxpayer
want to see their money?

-With this dress, they see it.
-Oh, yes.

It's gold, it's shiny, it's sexy!

"It's sexy."

Perhaps not enough, do a bit more

and Her Highness will be on the cover

of Penthouse, Play Boy,

Porno Star.

Forget it, okay? Kaffenberg!

I want Paris Match, Jour de France,
Elle, Hello!

And I will, with this dress.

Of course she isn't chic,
but she'll make a splash!

CHILDREN OF THE WORLD
PRINCESS CHARLOTTE FOUNDATION

Greetings, sir.

Mr. Éric Nétinger, tonight's on him.

Thanks very much.

Let the gentleman through.

Let him through.

Mr. Nétinger.

-Drop it, Jeff.
-You're letting them in?

-They're Éric Nétinger's friends.
-So? Get rid of them.

It's the Nétinger!
Tonight's biggest sponsor.

Are you mad, Kaffenberg?

No, listen.

I am so sorry.

They wouldn't let us in. Who is she?

I don't know.

Those youngsters need calming down.

-Seen that?
-The fold?

It's a fold! Find me a carpet layer.

In front of guests?

-I won't take any risks.
-Ah.

Did the monarchy hire you
because it's in decline?

Uh… I'd say yes.

It's a huge job,

I'm tearing my hair out,
but it's exciting.

When will the wedding be?

Patience, patience.

I'm counting on you
for the editorial coverage

because this evening
is a huge investment. Thanks.

Why does Her Royal Highness
dress like her grandmother?

I've taken care of that,

by curbing discontent, of course,
but Her Highness has a new look.

I won't spoil the surprise.

OK, but when is the princess arriving?
I'm starving.

Which paper are you from?

Uh… The Sports Mirror.

Well, I got fired,
so I mingle with the elite.

Got a light, please?

Max! Max!
We must calm down these youngsters!

Five, four, three,

two…

go!

Christ Almighty.

She's a world first, this chick.

I'm falling.

The entire press is here.

This is a resounding win!

For good taste, it's a defeat.

Isn't this dress just divine?

I literally feel like I'm blossoming.

-See? People love it.
-Yes, it's…

It's showy.

Really?

My God, the fold!

Your Majesties,
there's a fold in the carpet.

-Am I making a spectacle of myself?
-Not now.

Watch your feet.
There's a fold in the carpet.

-Poor girl!
-That chick is awesome!

Music! Music! Quick!

We're very expensive, that's undeniable,

but when you have to deal with
a five per cent drop in purchasing power,

you have a choice between
an excellent riot squad

and a royal wedding.

Funny, isn't it?

With what we have to marry,

a riot squad wouldn't go amiss.

Alexandra, you're exaggerating.
and when you exaggerate, you're mean.

I might exaggerate,

but she falls over.

I'm the first to know when to have fun,

but that dress doesn't highlight
your best assets.

-It's true, I've awful shoulders.
-I don't care about that.

I wish you'd respect the gift I gave.

That brooch isn't yours. I gave it to you,

but only until the next union
between our families.

That's true, I forgot to thank you,
it's divine.

Precisely.

I don't… I don't think
such a deep neckline

is an appropriate setting
for my Aunt Mémelle's brooch.

You need to be taken in hand,
by a firm hand.

If one of my men allowed himself
such a fantasy, I'd break him.

Yes, but, Guillaume, I'm a woman.

Don't complicate things, please.

I want her, guys. I need her.

She's engaged, you know.

So what?

A Baked Alaska, Princess Charlotte.

In this book, Wings of Night,

the young girl, from a modest background,

wore a very slinky
mauve-colored jersey dress

but it wasn't vulgar,
because she loved him.

You have a false perception of love,
Charlotte.

Love is a construct, you understand?

I'm talking solidarity, sacrifice,
and you, extra frills.

A true love does not exclude
proper attire.

No.

But you lose all intensity of feeling.

It's a question of organization.

Careful, it's very hot.

I've had enough, no one understands me.

I need to express myself,
to live, to breathe.

Sometimes, I just want to fly away.

-It burns!
-Quick.

-Allow me, thank you.
-My camera.

-Do something.
-I didn't mean to!

And now it's freezing. It's freezing!

It's freezing.

That chick is amazing.

My poor friend.

You're not much,
but to that girl, you're nothing.

She's untouchable.

But I'll touch her.

-When I want.
-How much?

Forty grand, like before,
and you go pants off.

-Here we go again.
-You're wrong, old boy.

Okay. The royal princess,

tonight, in my bed.

Careful, be precise.
In your bed or screw her anywhere?

Screw, same price.

I almost believed he was in love.

You're done for, Deschamps.

You're done for.

Ah! It's extremely unpleasant.

Because it's hot on the outside,
cold on the inside.

That's the principle of a Baked Alaska.

Psst!

Save the decoration,

it's from the Emperor.

We only have 90 seconds left.

Not a second more.

I want to open this ball, come on!

They are categorical,
it's explicitly set out in the texts.

Since 1754, a Grand Ducal Highness
dances in uniform.

Let's face facts.

It's beyond saving.

I have an idea.

Wow!

Good evening, everyone.

I'm delighted to present to you
tonight's surprise event.

Good evening, thanks for…

Uh, to better express her gratitude,

Her Royal Highness had the charming idea

of holding a raffle
for tonight's first dance.

I will therefore ask the gentlemen here

to carefully read the number written

on their invitation

and, in a moment,

we'll find out who'll have the honor

of this first waltz
with Her Royal Highness, okay?

So, it's number…

five thousand six hundred and fourteen

who wins.

Nice and quick, sir.

Her Royal Highness doesn't wait.

Your Highness could have done a lot worse.

My sincere congratulations, sir.

You look glum.
You can't be sad in that dress.

It appears to have been a bad idea.

No, to the contrary.
From afar, you think, "It can't be true!"

Up close, you think, "Oh, it is".
And to the touch…

it's very pleasant.

Yes, it's lamé,

but rather showy, isn't it?

Very…

Doesn't it shock you?

To the contrary,
it's having a great effect on me.

I'll admit that I had noticed.

-From your eyes.
-Oh, right.

Talking to you relaxes me, you're so nice.

I'm never allowed to express myself.

Oh, that's a shame.

I'm sure you're a feisty character.

I love having fun!

Yet I have to maintain
this stuffy appearance, it's stifling.

I can understand.

You probably don't get laid much
at your place.

I'm not familiar with that expression.

Yes, you're right.
That's exactly the problem.

Well, I can help you with that.

Technical win in 97 seconds.

A record.

You're making note?

-I'm not sure if I find it funny.
-What a tease.

-Look at that.
-I didn't see anything.

Lend me your camera, please.

-Be a sport, I'll bring it straight back.
-Okay.

This time, my decision is final. I resign.

You can't say that.
Don't do that, that's desertion.

-Kaffenberg, I'm giving back my tatami.
-Adrienne.

How could I have guessed she was horny?

Adrienne.

Everyone's watching us.

-That's the case wherever I go.
-No, step back.

Ah. Listen, I'd love to, but your trinket…

is caught.

So, there are two solutions:

it's either my shirt
or your dress that splits.

In your shoes, I wouldn't gamble.

I don't know, do something.

Fine.

-What are you doing?
-Well, I had to try.

Go on, then.

No, I've changed my mind after all.

I want a date.

But that's impossible.

Then we'll stay like this.
I love such situations.

-We can't! Not at the embassy.
-The embassy!

Yes! Tonight at the embassy.

Stop the music! Stop it!

It's nothing.

Right, then,

tonight at the embassy.

You are free.

-Charlotte?
-Yes, Father.

Are you asleep?

Uh, no, Father.

Then pretend to be.

Or better yet, play dead, boy.

I mean, girl.

I don't want to hear
another peep from you.

At least until tomorrow morning.

Yes, Father.

Sir.

It was lovely meeting you, but…

it's rather late.

It's much too late to be playing music.

It pains me to say it…

but your presence here is undesirable.

You know I think you're great?

This is a security perimeter,
you cannot stay here.

Especially with music.

I'm sure you love music, though.

I like neither your music nor your style.

And I'm warning you,

security will take you to the police.

And just as well.

-Ah!
-Ah.

Oh, my! If I ring the bell,
the king will find out.

You know what? It's no bother.
I'll phone Mortimer.

You don't have a phone?

-It's in the bag.
-Wow.

6:26 is a good time.

Yes, but they're not in the sheets yet.

You do have a telephone at yours?

There's even a fireplace
with a fur hearth.

Stop.

Please, I'm tired.

I think you need money
for this phone. Thank you.

I can't get it to work.

Ah…

Have you had riots recently?

I don't care about your fireplace.

I'll phone and then leave.

This garage is huge.
You have a crazy amount of cars.

No, this is a parking lot.

Oh, this is what a parking lot is.

Yes.

I hear they're dangerous.

It's true, lots of muggings,
assaults and especially rapes.

In parking lots, it's the rapes.

Oh, shit.

What have I done?

What will we do?

Nothing.

You and I are just fine
in this parking lot, right?

Isn't it nice, all alone?

No!

I'd rather die.

I won't be easy, I was a Girl Guide.

Hang on. I was joking.

I had no intention of raping you.

Really?

You thought I did?

I'm sorry, you're shivering, too. Come on.

I didn't mean to insult you.

I feel bad for suspecting you.

Look, you were right to because…

What I was planning wasn't nice.

No one saw anything.

Let's find a phone and get you home.

-Are you okay?
-Yes.

Feeling better?

Here, I'll close the window.

Sorry, but that was flawless.

Shut up, we can't see.

Let's go. We can't watch
a princess getting laid.

But we lost the journalist.

So much the better.

Score!

See, there are lights everywhere.

We sometimes hang out there.

It's has always been home to me.

It's lovely.

When I was small, I'd pretend to be poor.

It made me wonder.

Well, I dreamed of being rich.

No one's ever happy.

I've felt so happy, Paul, so happy.

I could die.

WEDDING IN SIGHT

God! I'm getting married.

Listen, Charlotte.

You cannot for a minute imagine the mess

you would have caused
the French authorities with one mishap.

Papa tango, clear for takeoff.

You risked considerable hassle.

You could have been recognized,

attacked,

or worse still,

lost Aunt Mémelle's brooch.

Are you mad?

Don't scream while I'm taking off.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

I just realized that
I could indeed have been attacked.

He won! He won!

-He won!
-Cheese!

Right, champagne for everyone!

Who's paying here?

Well… he is!

The famous billionaire
who's pretending to be elsewhere.

No. And one, I'm not a billionaire,
just very comfortable.

Two, there's a technicality.
We said in your bed.

Come on, there was a force majeure event.

I won't hear it.

To the till! To the till!

To the till! To the till!

Hey, gently does it.

Come on!

Come on.

Hey, I have a problem,
this doesn't help me.

-Do you need money?
-Oh…

Mind if I stay two more weeks at yours?

I do, but who cares.

-I'm kind-hearted.
-Thanks, kind heart. Change, please.

-Change? Have you seen your tab?
-Oh, well. Cheers to the princess!

To the princess.

-You owe us a story.
-Was she good fun?

Is she a good lay?

I'll leave you to fantasize.
I have business.

Paul!

I have a huge scoop.

Well, it depends.

I don't feel comfortable
doing it alone because…

I like to share, but…

it depends whether you agree.

-It sounds like nonsense.
-Yeah.

Well, no, no. Listen.

Your story, told well,
could make a killing.

And I have clients.

Forget it, they can't afford it.

She's really into me.

I'm not 20 anymore,

I need a job.

Prince consort, I'd be… Hello?

Hello, Charlotte?

Yes, it's Paul.

I say, you're not easy to reach.

Sorry, but before, you had a dinner…

Well, because I miss you.

And… I'd like to see you again.

What?

Wait, I can't hear a thing.
What did you say?

Of course I have your brooch.
I didn't steal it.

That's all you have to say?

Please, I don't have much time.

I, uh…

I'll send someone.

Kindly hand it to him directly.

If I'm there and if he finds me.

It's never direct with your lot.

A royal princess, my dear Paul…

Have you seen yourself?

You're right, darling.

It's no use dreaming.

-So, this story?
-Come on, spill!

Joke circulating: was she a virgin?

Look, I've said enough.

Oh, come on!

I paid up. You can't play the star.

Yes, come on, honestly!

You got your money's worth.

You even got an added extra
because I love my job.

A teeny tiny glass, for the clown.

-Here, mate.
-Thanks.

Clown, that's a good profession.

Their talent is overlooked.

Too bad.

I actually like it
when an imbecile takes me for an idiot.

But now I've done an hour's overtime!

And your dirty jokes,

I think they're dirty.

And your dirty stories are pissing me off.

Looking at each of you now,

none of you are better than me.

Do you realize?

I'm not even worth my glass
when it's empty.

-Is it empty, Jacques?
-Yes.

It's empty.

The tearful act works, guys.

It's an old sketch, you know?

But it's beautiful, a sad clown.
It's distinguished, like Bernard Buffet.

Champagne for everyone.
Kind heart is paying.

Hey, I'm flat out broke.
Can you organize a poker game?

Forget it, Paul.
No one wants to play with you.

Don't worry.

I have collateral.

You really are nuts.

I lost it in his car, Morty.

I'm so ashamed. Carry on.

Homeless, not listed
at the rue Beethoven address,

lives with a friend, Éric Nétinger.
We'll be sending someone.

But it's too late for today.

Let's hope the princess
doesn't ruin it all.

-I've made our stance very clear.
-I hope so.

There are now over one million employed,
Charlotte dear.

People want fun distractions.

So you keep saying, Alex. I'm no idiot.

Well, don't brag too much.

Anyway, weddings are very simple.

You kneel down, recite a text by heart,

and then…

Then, you lie on your back.
With whomever you like, too.

-No.
-Hm?

I mean, yes, I…

I'll do my best.

Let's hope that's enough.

-Morning, Kaffenberg.
-Good morning.

We have taken your comments into account.

Very good.

The female is always more drab
than the male, always.

Like the pheasant.

-Mortimer, we forgot the brooch.
-Did we?

It's true, Charlotte! The brooch.

It didn't go with this dress.

We are ready.

Kaffenberg, sort this out.
No brooch, no photo.

Yes, Charlotte. No brooch, no photo.

Sorry, Your Highness,

but our brooch is a must.

Tradition requires it.

No, let's not poison ourselves with that.

Charlotte, put my brooch on immediately!

"His" brooch?

Do you want me to wear a sign too?
"Gift from Her Grand Ducal Highness"?

Exactly.

I'd never have given such a gift
if tradition hadn't required it.

The brooch symbolizes our families' union.

Don't torment me over a symbol.

No symbol, no union. No union, no photo.

I want to be loved for who I am.

You don't need symbols for that.

You're free, you do silly things.

I'm in favor of genuine feelings.

And this brooch stuff is stupid.

-Love is…
-Very well. Perfect.

No photo.

-Oh, Guillaume.
-I've plenty of time.

Very well.

-Nicely done.
-Charlotte!

Charlotte.

Charlotte!

Charlotte.

Cover for me, I'll fetch it.

Don't forget the shoe factory
opening ceremony.

Charlotte, I demand that
you wear that brooch, and that's that.

-Stop demanding and I shall.
-Ah.

-Perhaps.
-Ah.

Tomorrow.

If you ask me nicely

with manners worthy of a woman,
of one's fiancée.

But, Charlotte, the brooch represents…

Okay, 20.

What? It's worth ten times that.

Twenty times more.

It's very rare, very beautiful
and very famous.

Very famous indeed.

Well, then?

Alright.

Is he playing with us?

No, he's a bad player.

Paris Airport informs you

that the welcome desk
is open and available.

Oh! Sorry!

Goodness me, how awful.

Two hundred and fifty.

Check.

Three of kings.

Ten down, Paul.

He's distracting me.

We'd be better off humans only, no?

Paul.

Uh, has madam come for her brooch?

Yes.

Then madam should come back,
because this isn't a good time.

Oh, my!

I know I was awful on the phone,
but I wasn't alone…

There's a problem with the brooch.

If it was just about the brooch,
I'd have sent Blimer.

But it's me who came, Paul.

I wanted to see you again.

Can you hurry up?

One second.

Give me my brooch, I need to go.
I didn't know you were entertaining.

The thing is, I sort of have a problem

as… I wasn't expecting you.

So, what we'll do

is you'll go out and do some shopping.

And tonight, we'll have dinner
as a couple, okay?

No, I have a plane at 4 p.m.,
I must leave.

Right, then. Come along.

Here.

Let's be honest. We love each other.

Yes.

Then you're fine. Just stay here

and wait for me.

-No.
-I'm begging you, Charlotte.

Yes.

Don't go anywhere.

No.

-Am I dreaming or are you in trouble?
-Yes.

Uh, no. You're dreaming.

We can leave it there.

I have a client for the brooch.

You're not the only one.

Seven hundred and fifty.

Blitz with olive oil, it's brand new.

And it's so soft.

With Blitz,

in a blink of an eye, my dishes sparkle,

and my hands remain soft.

Oh.

Yes.

What?

Hold, one moment.

Excuse me.

Telephone for you.

Look, Paul, I'm doing some cleaning.

That's great. Have fun, baby.

Raise 2,000.

Your client will be disappointed.

An accident, Morty.

He's hopelessly in love with me.

Oh, well… it's upsetting.

No, I'm keeping my cool, only,

I don't know anyone in that shoe factory

whereas this boy is a human being.

I know it won't work between us.

Yes, I'll tell him.

Madam?

Madam?

Hello, Morty?

No, incidentally, to wash dishes,

do you need to add water
to these olive oil products?

Ah, yes?

No, I was just wondering.

Hold, one moment.

Ah!

Hello, Morty? On second thoughts,
I'd hate to hurt his feelings.

Especially since, in the end,

Uncle Henri did marry a commoner and…

I can't imagine anything serious
between him and me.

Naturally, I'll reason with him.

Raise 500.

Paul.

One second.

Paul?

Raise 1,000.

-Paul, marriage is out of the question.
-What marriage?

Ah, sorry. No, I…

No, no, listen…
There's no problem with marriage.

I'd marry you now,
but give me five minutes.

No, Parliament won't give its approval.

Parliament will be great,
I'll fix everything.

-Listen, Paul…
-Wait, wait.

Charlotte, do you love me?

-A little bit, right?
-I think so.

Then trust me. Alright?

Think about something else. Make coffee?

You mustn't get so anxious.

I'm learning a lot from Jeff!

Do you have the faintest idea
what Her Royal Highness is doing?

She mentioned an upset,
marrying a commoner,

washing dishes and then nothing.
I'm a little worried.

It's alarming. Alarming!

In two hours,

we've the factory opening,
the reception tonight, you've gone mad!

-Give me that!
-I, I…

Madam, can you hear me? It's important.

Your Highness.

Answer me, madam. It's very important.

Ah, Kaffenberg!

Good timing!

You must come up with something
for tonight's dinner.

As for the factory…

Oh, no.

Anyway, I can't help it.
They won't let me leave.

Raise 1,000.

Raise 4,000.

Call.

It's the young man who has the brooch.
Don't write that!

Call Paris!

Find Jeff! Give him the address!

-Yes, here.
-Hello.

Breathe, Kaffenberg.

You're hiccuping.

I have everything under control.

Oh, Mother!

She's just having fun.

Mother.

Something's happened to her.

Hello?

Jeff! Requisition your men on site.

I'll cover you. Yes. Don't take any risks.

Go in!

I hope it's not too late.

Kaffenberg!

Kaff…

There it is. Mortimer!

It's flooded.

What do you do in the event of a flood?

Oh, bother. Drat! Blast!

Paul!

Help!

Oh, shit. Not now.

17,000, all in.

Call.

Queens full of threes.

Four tens, plus king.

Oh, shit.

Paul, I was wrong
about the dishes and the wedding…

Charlotte, hold your horses!

-No, I'm just observing.
-Listen…

I swear I had no choice
and then I lost it.

Perhaps it was my presence
that threw you off.

Give it back and I'll leave.

I told you, I lost it.

What do I care?

-Police, don't get smart.
-Calm down.

-Are you okay?
-Naturally.

Do we have the brooch?

Yes! Uh, no. Paul?

-The brooch!
-Obsessed, aren't you?

Next door is where it's happening.

Sometimes there are emergencies.
That doesn't stop feelings.

I see, playing bridge was more urgent
than seeing me.

I wasn't playing bridge.

Rummy or poker,
what difference does it make?

Listen, Charlotte, it's much more
complicated than that.

I love you. Don't leave.

-Don't be smart!
-Hold it!

You're all tetchy, Jeff. Try yoga.

Yes, ma'am. We have the brooch, ma'am.

Charlotte, Charlotte!

Excuse me. I've had a spot of bother.

I know.

Do you know much that kitchen cost?

No, but it must be horribly expensive.

Let me explain…

I've been reckless
with guys who lack a sense of humor.

So, uh… Once again, I need you.

And… I need 20 grand.

This evening.

Right away, before midnight.

So?

So…

It's quarter to 12.

Okay.

I thought I had a friend, but…

I don't think we're really friends.

I know you love seeing me, I get it.

I have plenty of financial charm.

Stop taking me for a ride.

Yeah.

Maybe you've forgotten, but at school,
when I took detention for you,

you gave me nothing in exchange.

It was me buying you coffees.

But you're right.

Hypocrisy is a virtue for the rich.

Don't discuss money with people like me.

Cash moves around in silence.

I'll trust my real friends.

Thanks, pal. But with them,
at least I know where I stand.

Good for you, mate.

Good for you.

Any idea how to find 20 grand?

Here it is.

I knew you'd need me.

You bastard!

What were you doing there?

Always there when you need.

They're good, right?

If I were more of an asshole,
my life would be better.

You're on your own, pal.

Are you stupid?

You're on your own.

He's insane.

Careful, you're turning ethical.

Don't worry, I have friends.

Well?

Screw you! This is my home!

You can't do this, guys.
No, don't be assholes!

Don't be assholes!

I promise, I won't come back.

Oh!

No, no, no.

Don't mess around. Stop it.

-Stop it.
-Shut up, you'll annoy him.

Stop it, that's not mine.

We know. Nothing belongs to you.

It's just for demonstration purposes.

If you don't pay by tomorrow,

we'll do the same to you.

To your face.

Come on.

With a decent tarp,
you can still sleep in it.

A GAP IN CONDUCT?

Morning, Marie.

-Excuse me
-Thank you.

Oh, my!

Ma'am!

-Ma'am, please!
-Oh, my!

-Your nightgown.
-Father, sir!

Oh, my! Father, sir!

This is very hard for the royal family.

For the State, it's a catastrophe.

At the social level, this could explode.

Yes, I know.
In that case, there are two solutions:

win the Euros or marry a princess.

The rest is politics.

Given our football team's results,

we must save this marriage.

Your Majesty!

Your Majesty!

Hey!

Your Majesty.

Have you seen this?

Mr. Prime Minister, this is serious.

Charlotte, please.

That's all you have to say?

What will people think of me?

The answer is a little further
into the article.

How horrid!

This writing style is dismal.

Yes, but effective.
Leave us to work, please.

I'm sorry to insist.

Perhaps try calling the press secretary,
Adrienne de la Roussette.

Ignore the price.

By day's end, we need a statement

with a plausible denial
of these unfortunate photos.

-Good luck.
-Hm.

Father, don't hate me.
I didn't do it on purpose.

It's what everyone's mad at you for.

Charlotte!

Come here, right now!

I'm pessimistic.

Sex in a car while engaged to a prince.

It's a complete nightmare.

You're paid to pick up the pieces.

Very well paid, I believe.

Where is that troublemaker?

Well, uh…

On the run, obviously.

I've a list of ex-wedding guests.

-Is the Eurovision show canceled?
-We're going ahead.

Nothing is changing. Nothing.

Oh.

Well, then.

This is a sample of 500 people in recall.

-What?
-Recall.

We have: 7% shocked,
18% upset, mainly women.

And more worrying: 25% scandalized.

That's normal enough.

Sixty-three per cent
of feminists think that

Her Royal Highness is entitled to
a bachelorette party.

-Yippee!
-That's only 0,5% of the total.

Have we asked the gays too?

No.

Eight-two per cent want more details.

Juicy, if possible.

-There you go, juicy.
-That's normal.

That's rather vague to me.

The machine will spit out a solution.

Primary action:
marriage to prince imminent.

Disruption: sex in parking lot

with third party.

Aim: immediate press statement.

I have a solution.

We'll take the playboy.

We'll change up his look.

We'll find him an ancestor,
a qualification,

and drag him to the church.

You are mad.

Hello, Ministry of Information?
Hello there.

It's Princess Charlotte, I'd like to
send out a press statement.

-On all channels.
-Ma'am.

I'll sort it out, Kaffenberg,
and address the public directly.

They'll understand, they have heart.

Another misstep and it's over. Allow me!

-Please tell me how to proceed.
-Give me that.

Kaffenberg, please. You're going mad.

Oh, oh.

Oh, shit!

The whole plan is ruined.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

While you change the fuses,
I'll make some coffee.

Excuse me.

You'll see, Marceau.

The tabloid press always starts this way.

I'll make it personal.

Trust me.
There'll be some hair pulled out.

There, behind the pillar.

Halt!

Charlotte, come here.

I demand an explanation.

Stop it. Everyone's terrorizing me.
I've had enough.

Are you plotting something with that tray?

No.

Then why are you holding it?

Because I'm trying to be helpful.

I'll put it down. There you go.

Why do you hate me so?

You're asking me what you've done?
You humiliated me.

Me, on the front pages around the world.
You have to ask?

No, but I… I didn't do it on purpose.

How so?

No, I tried to behave myself,

and I said a very firm "no" to that boy.

But then, I don't know, I had a sort of…

memory lapse, and…

when I realized we were getting married,
well…

it was too late,

but it's the kind of thing
that could happen to anyone.

That's true.

But you've put me
in an unbearable situation.

I have men at my command.

Sorry, Guillaume.

What's the tray for?

Nothing.

Charlotte.

Remember how I slept
in the stable that night

because you'd accidentally locked me in?

And the day you wanted to learn
to drive in secret?

And you inadvertently crushed my new bike.

With the hunting Jeep.

Promise to be careful in future?

Yes, I promise, I'll try.

Charlotte.

Do you love me?

Well, yes, we're getting married.

Charlotte.

Ow!

Charlotte! The tray!
You did it on purpose.

-I'm sure of it.
-No!

Leave me alone. I've suffered enough.

No, not "by" the palace, "in" the palace.

Alright?

-It's pretty impressive.
-Meh.

They're probably more afraid of you.

What will they do?

No, no, I'm sorry, no.

I'm not making a statement
before seeing Her Royal Highness.

What if you can't see her?

We shall see, we shall see.

Come on. No.

This is… insane.

Yes.

It's a disgrace.

That's right. It's a catastrophe.

Thank… Thank you very much.

It's out of the question, Georges.

I agree with you, but unfortunately,

he's surrounded by journalists, so…

We are… threatened
by a press conference and…

Now?

Beneath our windows?

Ah.

Charlotte!

No, don't come any closer.

We need to talk.

Step back, please.

A bit more, please.

Thank you.

Paul, the whole world is miserable
because of us.

So, there must be
something dirty about it.

I know the photos weren't your fault…

Wait.

It was me who leaked them.

What?

Why?

Because I love you.
I don't want you marrying that clown.

Guillaume's not a clown, he's a human.

As am I.

No, it caused an ugly scandal.

So what? Scandals are great.
They're liberating.

We can get married.

-See?
-But I'm a royal princess.

My life is a state affair.
Things are at stake.

Charlotte.

That's all bullshit.

Love is much more important.
Come on, we'll tell them.

They won't want to hear it.

Don't we make a nice pair, us two?

What?

Do you leave me or not?

That's not the problem.
I can't do what I want.

Aren't we a handsome couple?

Hang on, climb up.

Come and see.

See, I knew it.

Stood side by side, we're stunning.

-What religion are you?
-Catholic.

This isn't sturdy.

Parliament will approve,

because, look,

we were made to be photographed together.

We'll be so happy!

Ah, Jeff!

Jeff, you're the first to find out.
I'm delighted.

Paul and I are getting married.

I love him.

More than I thought possible.

Father, I implore my right to happiness.

Happiness is not a right.

Princes have but duties.

Reigning over an empire,

implies some empire over oneself.

You owe it to yourself, Charlotte,
to be an example for your people.

The companion who will support you

on this precipitous path

will know that with a futile fame

and the illusions of fortune,

we will be given only the brightest means

to surpass ourselves.

Money and glory
are not goals in themselves.

He may believe so, and take advantage
as if it were a robbery.

No, no.

Show yourself worthy
of what you are given.

Don't…

Don't claim happiness
like… a spoilt child,

Charlotte.

Earn it.

Eh?

In my opinion…

Charlotte underestimates the, let's say,

more mundane aspect of this affair.

Yes, and we know Guillaume,

whereas no one knows
where this young man is from.

Forgive me,
but I have some new developments.

The impact of this love story
on the public remains surprising.

This young man enjoys
an excellent media image.

We're seeing up to 95% positive ratings
in certain sectors.

We must therefore take this into account.

The population will not understand

why we'd refuse him this marriage,

which should, moreover,
gain coverage on all fronts.

This is insane.

We've given Guillaume our word.

And you're asking us to abandon all honor.

All dignity, no?

I understand, yes, it's most regrettable.

But at a time where budgets

and civil lists are so hard
to get people to vote for,

I wonder…

Well, I'll leave it to you to judge.
Apologies again.

-Did he say the civil list?
-Yes, Auntie.

That really is the last straw.

Believe me, Georges,

he won't get away with it.

I thought it best to break up.
Do you understand?

I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.

-I'll miss you a lot.
-Thanks, Uncle.

I'd hate for a woman to come between us.

Your Highness, children,
my little cupcakes.

I've worked them all up.

People love you, it's true.

We're going to be a hit.

Her Royal Highness and Mr. Paul Deschamps.

Resplendent!

You know what, I'll admit you're right.

We're always seeing men,
who've married for money,

fall hopelessly in love with their wife

a few years later…

Paul isn't marrying me for money.
He loves me.

Ah.

What?

No, nothing.

I would be remiss
to trample on your dreams.

What are you insinuating?

Forget it, my dear.

What matters is your happiness.
You seem transformed.

Don't make accusations based on gossip.
Prove it.

Proof?

My dear thing, you'd be so disappointed.

But you're right.

It's better that you know.

Perfect, Mr. König, perfect.

In your case, you could say
the clothes make the prince, no?

Well, you'll have to take in the leg,
it's a bit wide.

This is very dated.

We sympathize, dear sir,

but we cannot revamp a wardrobe

of 482 items

each time the fashion changes, can we?

Ah.

Ah, this way, Jonathan. This way.

Mr. Jonathan here will take care of you

as your first valet,
I highly recommend him.

-Hiya, mate.
-Hello, sir.

Hello.

Hello, Mr. König.

Kaffenberg, you're going to hate me,

but I need your student for a moment,
then I'll hand him back.

Paul dearest,

I must speak with you.

Ah.

Help yourself.

I'll have a dry Martini.

Paul dearest,

you've won me over.

You got me, as they say.

You're most kind.

Actually, I'm very mean.

You know I'm interested in business.

If you have money, you must look after it.

But I'm absolutely snowed under.

Thank you.

Please.

And I really need someone.

I thought of you.

You're being reckless.

Oh, no.

I'm sure you're brilliant at business.

You don't know a thing.

Oh, I do.

You have a real gift for business.

-I do?
-Mh-hm.

So there.

I've laid down my cards.

Alpha, an international press agency.

It's a photocopy of a check
made out to you for one million francs.

The photos were excellent,

and sold around the world.

But I looked into it.
Anyone else would've taken 500.

Or even 600,000.

A million. That's a lot.

So they're paying me.

Do you expect me
to give the papers a freebie?

We have to be above
having financial contingencies?

Well, I love money.

Ah!

Of course, my dear.

That's your business.

Yes, I think your place is nice.

All that money spread around,
it seduces me.

At night, I dream of rolling in it.

-Want me to feel guilty about that?
-No.

Yes, I think Charlotte looks beautiful
wrapped up in a 30-grand dress.

And I'm not ashamed to say it.

A woman who sparkles, I love it.

Wait.

Wait, Charlotte.

Sorry, the fork turns discretely
in the hand

so as to enter prongs in the air
into the mouth.

-Ah.
-Like so.

That's it.

Not like that.

Allow me.

Your index is too far
along the knife blade.

Keep the index on the handle.

-The handle.
-Of course.

Of course.

Into the plate in a half moon,

because we've had roast meat.

Margaritas ante porcos.

What?

Pearls before swine.

Stunning fine pearls
before a repugnant swine.

Lying in the rotten swill.

That's enough, thanks.
I get it, this is already awkward.

-Thank you.
-No, no.

Do not thank the help out loud.
Give a look, at best.

Sorry, I mistook him for a human.

Oh, how touching, how admirable.

Whereas I, who am just a piggy bank,
could cry.

Right! Jonathan, let's take a break.
I must talk to this young lady.

"Ma'am", if you please.

Married or not,
you address a princess as "ma'am".

I suggest you finish with Jonathan,
you're not ready.

Right! You're starting to piss me off!

Shh, my little cupcakes.

My little cupcakes.

Two more arguments like that
and the valet will be ringing Paris Match.

Now, now.

We can't let your bickering
ruin the Eurovision broadcast.

Okay?

Right, then… Good.

Visit to an iron mine…

I got a fact sheet about Mr. Sweig,
the manager.

He has three children: Vanessa, Henri and…

You'll read about it. And at 12:15 sharp,

lunch at the old miners' home.

I'm not hungry.

In that case, place the knife
parallel to the fork

to the right of the plate.

Oh, no, Paul.
It's a pièce montée for dessert.

Listen to me.

This is for you, Paul.

Stay behind Her Royal Highness
who will have taken the pie server,

and you'll press your hand on her hand,
and help her to slice

the… the cake,

all while making sure that
your feet remain… whoop

slightly behind.

Okay?

What do I do with my ears?

As usual, listen only to your feelings.

Charlotte, I swear, I love you,
shall I prove it?

Certainly not, I hate you.

-No, you don't.
-I do.

-You obviously don't.
-Hey, stop.

Stop immediately.

Stop it.

I swear it's not the money
that has this effect on me.

I mean, this effect.

In any case,

you can't take them off,
I'm wearing suspenders.

-Why are you wearing those now?
-It's more feminine.

No, if it's a lock on your knickers,
it's not more feminine.

Why's that?

You're crazy! You've torn them!

Hurry up! Get a move on!
We must find them.

I assure you, Georges,
I'm not going to make it.

It's not up to us to judge, Boris.
Grit your teeth.

I recall Father telling us,
remember how he was:

"If the king's service requires it,

"one must joyfully
offer one's life to him."

I believe the time
of that test has arrived.

But it's hard, Georges, very hard.

Oh, my Lord.

-God!
-Sweet Jesus.

Oh, yes!

So, then? The rehearsal?

Ah, yes. Well, yes, we shall…

We shall go from the bride's entrance.

Forgive me, my Lord.
I'm ashamed, I swear, it's true.

Hey, bitch, you were up for it.

Lord, give me the strength to ignore him.

Why are we marrying?

Lord, you know it was him

who trapped me with those horrid photos.

I'm sacrificing my whole life
for the State.

-Such hypocrisy.
-Shut up and sing.

Bloody nuisance.

Oh, what a travesty.

It's not a travesty, Charlotte.

It's a sacrament, one I believe in.

Ah, you liar.

Dare you say you're not a liar
and hypocrite?

Amen.

Dare you say it before God.

Paul Martial,

do you take, as your wife,

Charlotte Sophie Thérèse Louise Marie?

I do.

Ouch!

It's nothing.

The balcony window.

I'll remember that.

He wanted to kill me.
I saw it in his eyes.

Not only…

Leave me alone
or I'll give you another, okay?

Kill me. You know I can't defend myself.
Bastard!

Bitch!

Mother!

Charlotte and Paul!

Do we have five minutes?

Is everything alright, ma'am?
What's going on?

Oh, shit!

Charlotte, stay there.

Ma'am, where are you?

-Charlotte, wait!
-Leave me alone.

Leave me alone, I said.

Our wedding's tomorrow, can we talk?

You got rich. What more do you want?

To love each other!

What for, my dear? You can't sell that.

Ma'am, where are you?

Right, is that it
or are you going to the roof?

Go away.

Yeah, yeah.

I will go, Charlotte.

It's a shame, but yes.

For good.

Why?

Because you disgust me
as much as I disgust you.

Thanks for the compliment.

I love you

more than I thought possible.

More than I thought myself capable.

Oh, stop it.

But you're too silly somehow.

Some things are precious in life.

Don't turn your nose up at feelings.
Believe in them.

-Or else…
-I did believe in it. It's you!

What do you know?

What did you ever want to know?

That said, your damn aunt
did help with the damage.

I'm no innocent.
I love money, there's no harm in that.

You wouldn't understand,
you were born into it.

Money beautifies everything.

It rises above the ignoble.

It makes everything around it look happy.

In appearance only,
but I couldn't know that.

For me, the money was matched with love.

You were beautiful,
in your beautiful shiny dress.

Eh?

But that's all bullshit.

I assure you.

It's lucky, having money.

Thank your Aunt Alex from me.

It's not her fault.
She's not happy, she drinks.

Yeah, well, either way

I'm leaving.

See you tomorrow.

No, no. You've misunderstood.

The TV, the heads of state,

that's all your problem now.
I'm not coming tomorrow.

What?

Paul, you can't do this.

I can, sweetheart. I have to.
I cannot come.

Sir, what's going on?

Madam will explain.

Paul!

No, I don't want to. Stop it.

-I swear, come on.
-It'll be fun.

-Come on!
-No… I don't want to.

I'm glad you came,
but leave me the hell alone.

-Come on!
-I'm telling you, I don't want to!

No.

Oh, you bastard.

-Oh, I'm…
-Come on!

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Look… Whoa!

-Oh, guys!
-Yes!

-Oh, guys!
-Yes!

-Oh!
-Did you almost forget?

I don't believe it.

Oh!

Hey!

You can always use it for your honeymoon.

I'm lucky to have you, guys.

It's the morning of the big day.

We did, at the time,
cry foul a little quick.

In fact, it was indeed love.

A love that triumphs today
in the jubilant city.

Why is everyone stressing
over a half-hour delay?

He doesn't know about courtesy,
among other things.

Doubting whether he'll come,
that's overestimating him.

Given what the job pays.

You can just dangle a check
and he'll sit and beg.

-Well?
-26 minutes late already.

Create a diversion, an empty carriage,
a closed one. Hurry!

He was last seen five hours ago
at the Pink Bunny.

-Eh?
-Pink Bunny!

-I'll skip the details.
-Thanks.

Hospitals, nothing. Police, nothing.
Brothels, nothing.

A wedding without the groom.
Even in my worst…

-What's wrong?
-No, it's nothing. It's my intercostal.

I don't know! Try the…
public landfill sites!

He's dead.

He's had an accident. Paul is dead.

No, that's stupid.

Morty, if he doesn't come,
it'll be a scandal.

Oh, Charlotte…

Oh, shit!

Paul!

He will come, ma'am.

No, he won't come.

You wouldn't understand.

He won't come because he loves me.

And I love him too.

I so want to cry.

Ah! Old chap.

Hold the horses to buy some time.

I don't know why, but it'll buy us some.

Sir, there's horrible congestion
in the lounge areas…

Yes, Kaffenberg,
it's a mess up there, a mess.

You look awful, my friend.

-It's my intercostal.
-We need more lemonade.

The weather's getting worse,
it looks stormy.

Quick! Somebody!

I'm begging you, let us go.

They gave him back the car
without its paperwork.

But he's getting married.

He's very anxious.

Shit, shit.

What's happened?

Shit. How silly of me. Look!

Recognize him?

-Oh, sorry.
-Sorry.

37 Noeudville here,
roadside stop of prince consort at 19…

What a day.

It was so easy to be happy.

I'd give seven years of my life
to see him for one more minute.

Seven years of bad luck. A mirror?

No, ma'am, it was plain glass.
That's good luck.

Give him some breathing space.

I am a clock.

Clocks are fragile things.

That young man has trampled on me.

-Trampled.
-Kaffenberg.

I beg you, don't crack,
I've got all the networks on my back.

Europe is panicking. What do we do?

I don't know.

Me neither. Farewell.

No, no. Don't leave me.

Get Her Royal Highness
to leave very slowly.

Oh, yes, very slowly.

-Let's hope for a miracle.
-Sir, we've found him.

We've found him.

Thank God.

It's okay, ma'am, he's coming.

LONG LIVE THE BRIDE AND GROOM

Do you think he'll be here on time?

Hang in there, Charlotte.

Say something real. I don't know, hate me!

Walking one's eldest daughter,

one's only daughter up the aisle,

I always thought
this would be a big moment.

I'm not mad at you, but…
this is the worst ordeal of my life.

Father…

Father, don't always be so distant.

I… I don't know what to say.

I… I wouldn't ask for more, but…

I have a problem, you see.

No one taught me how to cry.

They're waving, Charlotte.

Oh, thank you, ma'am.

Thank you for that smile,
glimpsed through a window.

We are so eager to see
your arrival outside the cathedral.

Bloody hell! Get out of the way!

And so, right until the last minute,

the secret surrounding this famous dress

has been well guarded,
but I've just been informed

that the train is
seven point five meters long.

Look, one meter per step:
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Seven fifty.

My goodness, how magnificent.

Such a graceful air, ma'am.

-Your Majesty?
-Is he here?

Not yet.
You're not to worry, Your Highness.

Mr. Paul Deschamps will be here
in 30 seconds.

Shaving and dressing takes 45 seconds,

moving time, 25 seconds,
and if Your Highness walks very slowly,

you should just about meet
at the foot of the altar.

Bravo, Kaffenberg, you're amazing.

Move it! Move it!

Move it, Kaffenberg!

-I knew it!
-Holy cow.

Do not turn around. We're being followed.

-Is it Paul?
-Who else?

Right!

Charlotte, tell them to go home.

It's all off.

No, Paul.

Go and park your car discreetly.
I'll wait.

No, whether I marry you or not,
you'll hate me.

What do I do?

I don't know.

Well, I do. Let's forget the money and go.

Get out! This is a profanation!

-Yes, it is.
-Save the Sacred Species.

Guards, get this car out of here at once!

Guards!

Charlotte.

Charlotte!

Charlotte! It's not the princess I want,

it's you.

Do not respond.

Come on, jump!

Let's drive to the end of the world.
Come on, Charlotte.

-Yes or no?
-No!

Yes! I say yes!

No, ma'am!

Ma'am, no!

No, ma'am, no!

Well, yes. There's no point hiding it,

an extraordinary drama
is playing out as we speak.

Yeah…