Makeup (2021) - full transcript

When two people are brought together from completely different walks of life, it can make for awkward circumstances, especially when they both have their secrets.

Congratulations old boy.

Well, you can't put
any price on masterpieces
like that.

They're worth the, well...

My friend.



Um... I think you left
me in the wrong place.

It's not number 31.

No, I'm absolutely sure.

I'm staring at the river.

I know you're driving.
I know you're busy.

I'm not going to leave you
five star review if you--

No, I left you two stars,
because I just said you
left me in the wrong place.

I could have left you
one star, I gave you two.

Can I, can I rebook?

I can't rebook.
I'll try find my way.

Okay. Bye-Bye.

Right, right of course.

Look we'll see what happens
when the market opens tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm at my front door.

Talk to you later.
Fuck, you've been
waiting here long?

-A little, little bit.
-You should have texted me.

Work was a fucking nightmare.

I did actually.

Your bathroom's
there on the left.

My room's up those stairs,
and this is your room.

Used to be my stepdaughter's
room actually.

Oh, that light switch
doesn't work. You're gonna
have to use the lamp.

There we go.


You can paint
the walls if you like.

Well, I'm gonna
leave you to it.

Unpack and settle in.

You'll let me know
if you need anything.
I'll be just up the stairs.

One more thing.

How is it you pronounce
your name again?


Isn't that a girl's name?

All right. Good night.

Harry, how's the wife?

Yep and I'll get
the numbers now.

Sir, please, I understand it.
You have to remain calm, okay?

No one could have predicted
what happened last week,

but I told you this week
things would level out.

Where the fuck
are those numbers?

FTSE is up two points,
like I said it would do today.

-I said where the fuck
are those numbers?

I put them on your desk

They're not here now,
are they?

You know what?
I actually do have

a new stock option
for your portfolio.

Go. Now. Find them. Find them.

Hello, sir. Um...

My colleague is actually
out at the moment.

Will it be possible
for me to send you an email?

Okay, lovely talking
to you too, Harry.

You take care now.

All right, good bye.

Morning, bro.

See my sales from last week?

Yeah, I have actually.

I've been hitting some
pretty big figures, haven't I?

And I've only been here a year.

How are your numbers
been looking recently?

Surely you've seen.

Oh, shit.

Is that your sales
report I'm sat on?

Don't worry about that son.

I'm going on my break now,

so look after the place
while I'm gone, will you?

You're doing great.

Morning, Dan.

Love your work so much take
it to the bathroom with you?

Good morning, Gracie.

So, which hand seems to
be giving you the issue?

The right.

Have you been exerting
yourself recently?


Sports, you know, bats, balls,
hoops, that sort of thing.

Well, not usually,

but this morning I did
actually play a bit of squoosh.


-Squoosh, yes.

The bat and--

The balls,
the bat, and the balls.

It's just the one ball.

-The bat and the ball.

-Would that table be alright?
-Yes, fine.

-Thank you.

Can I get you
anything to drink?

Just water is fine.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Can I...
Sorry, I'm ready to order.


-Can I get this one please?
-Excellent choice.

Thank you.

One Char Kuey Teow.

Yes. Yes, thank you.



This is my housemate
I was telling you about
and he's a little shy.

Come meet the lovely Katie.

Hey, Sacha.


Are you hungry? I've made
food enough for three.

No, I've just eaten,
thank you.

No, okay.

I've got some whiskey here.
I've got some wine somewhere.

Let me just check.

Must have forgot down, no?

-Not in the dishwasher.
-He just ran upstairs.


-Guess not then.

-I'll have one then.
-Yeah, it's more for us.

Today, I visited
the Flying Fish restaurant

on Portland Street.

At the door, I was greeted
by the maître d'.

He took my jacket
and hung it up

before taking me to my table.

After being seated,
I noticed that the glass
on my table was dirty.

Are you ready? Five.

Five, six, seven, eight,

and one, two, three,
four, five.

As well as the cutlery.

It seems as though they
focus more on the service,

but not enough
on the cleanliness
of the tableware.

Doors opening.

Doors closing.

- Morning, Dan.
- Good morning, Gracie.

Any packages arrive in
my name this morning?

I think I might
have seen something.

You ordering goodies
to the office again?

Yeah, something like that, yeah.

Is that a new dress
you got on there, Gracie?

-It's lovely.
-Well, thank you, Dan.

You don't look so bad yourself.

Are you saying I look handsome?


-There you go, darling.
-Thank you.



Do you think I look pretty?


It's just a joke, Gracie.

Fuck me.

-I-I-I-I... I'm really.


Some wine?



I guess you're calling
about that stock we spoke
about the other day.

Oh, Sacha.
You're just in time.

I've made soup.

No, I'm not hungry.

What? I can't hear you,
come in here.

I'm not hungry,
thank you.

Do you ever eat?

Yes, I'm actually a food critic.

A what?

A food critic,
I have a food blog.

Oh, you're one of those.

So what, does that
mean you eat at fancy
restaurants for a living then?

I guess.

Well, why don't you
come and critique

my famous soup?

It's had great reviews.

-I'm really not very--
-Ah, nonsense.

Come on, take a seat.


What you wanna drink,
whiskey or wine?

I'm not much of a drinker.

Water it is then.

So how you finding
living here, Sacha?

-Yes, it's fine.
-All good, yes.

And the room,
is it to your liking?

Mm-hmm, yes.

Hope I'm not
charging too much rent.

Shouldn't have asked.

Oh, wait a minute.
Don't eat another bite.

Forgot the garnish.

Dan, what is this?

It's peanut butter.

Peanut butter?

Yeah, enjoy.

Bon appetite.

It's actually
bon appétit in French.



Give it a bit of a mix.

It's good, ain't it?
A bit too spicy though.

The peanut butter, for me,
it's a bit too salty...



Well, don't force
yourself to eat any more
if you don't want to.

Okay, thank you.
I hope you enjoy your evening.


I appreciate it.

Do you want me to put that
away for you, for later?

No, thank you.

Sacha, you busy?

Well, yes.
I'm actually on the--

Hey, I just wanted
to apologize

for the way you
saw me last night.

Oh, it's absolutely fine
the way that you...

You know...

Lucy used to love these sheets.

This bed.

This room.

You know, my ex-wife, she never
really knew how to react

when she saw me
like that either.

I actually met her
when I was studying drama

back in Ireland.

She had a young daughter
at the time, not much money...

and then she got this
job offer here in London

and she had to take it.

And of course I followed.

You know,
I loved them both dearly.

I built a pretty
sweet life for us here...

but I could never quite detach
from that desire to perform.

I've got this character
that lives inside of me

and she just wants to entertain.

But my ex-wife never
quite understood that.

It's funny, I used to run around
and steal my ex-wife's clothes,

wear her makeup.

She just used to ignore it.

I thought she might
even be used to it.

Until one day I came home
and they were both gone.

And a few weeks later, the
papers came through the post...

and that was that.

Do you want to know
what the worst part about
all this is?

I haven't seen little
Lucy since they left.

I didn't mean to make you sad.

And I definitely
didn't mean to cast

a dark shadow
on your evening.

I actually just came
to see if you wanted to

maybe come to my show tonight.

It's the first one I'm doing.

I dress up and dance
and stuff, so.

I guess if you want to come,

I mean, you're in your pajamas,
but if you can get dressed.

I mean, whatever.

-Okay, thank you.
-Or next time.

It's--it's up to you.
Just let me know.

They say you should
always start with something

that shows the audience
you are relatable.

Are mannequins getting sexier

or am I just getting creepier?

Either way, I'm not allowed
back at the Baby Gap...

for nine months.

Do you need
some help with those lashes?

Sure, thanks

Tilt your head back.

Hold still.

Hold still.

And the next one.

As soon as you're on stage...

those nerves will go away.

There's always that one
moment in the relationship

where you start to leave
the door open when you pee.

She walks by all disgusted
when she sees you

violently shaking it around
and just slapping it back in.

Oh, fucking hell.
You can't say shit like that.

Do we have smelly pissy dicks?


But that's why it's important
to always place your cock

back in the sock
before you put it away.

Am I right, guys?

Looking lovely ladies.

All right, on in two.

Go home and think about it.

So I'll leave you with this.

If you're not supposed
to piss in the sink,

then why are
they at cock height?

Thanks very much everyone,
stay dry.

Give it up for Pete!

All right, how's everyone
enjoying the evening so far?

I'm glad you enjoyed
our Pete on stand up.

Now who's ready
for some cabaret?

Yeah, bring on the ladies!

Oh, I've got some
ladies for you, all right.

Presenting our final
performance of the evening,

ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,

put your hands together
and make some noise

for our Midnight Mistresses.

Thought it was
supposed to be girls?

Is that Dan?

-No. Is it?
-It's Dan.


This is brilliant.

Oh, fuck, look, there he is.

Ah, mate,
this is gonna kill him.

Walking a bit funny there, mate.

You been taking it up the...

Nah, some twat fouled
me on the weekend when I was
playing football, actually.


Didn't know you played football.

Didn't know you gave a fuck.


Very important meeting.

There's one person coming
about 20 minutes later,

so just send them up
when you can, okay?

The leg all right, buddy?

Yeah, some twat fouled me
when I was playing football.

Oh, no.

It's all right though,
my team still won.

Ah, good, good.
Listen, Dan, I'm taking
all my top boys

out for dinner tonight.

You know that nice
place on Fenchurch?

-Yeah, the one from before?
-That's the one,

we're leaving at eight.

-On a Thursday though?
-Absolutely, pal.

Big news doesn't always
land on a weekend.

-Okay, sure. I'll see you there.
-Good man.

Right, so can you just bring
catering up 15 minutes later?

-Thanks, love.

-Oh yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, buddy.

All right, I want these boys,

I want them treated well, okay?

All I'm interested in
is hookers and cocaine.

-I know you are.
-All right, well,

if you're not putting
10 grand on the table,
I'm walking home right now.

I only want to hear
hookers and cocaine.

I know, but what is the plan?
Where we going?

Right, so hookers first.

Boys, quiet down, quiet down.

I've got some
great fucking news.

We've just started working
with our largest client to date,

a 50 million pound portfolio

that we all get to play with

and it's all due
to my man here,

the fastest rising lad.

You deserve it, buddy.

It's been good work.


now listen, you thought
last time was wild?

Tonight, I'm raising
the fucking stakes baby.

Tonight is gonna be
off the fucking scale.

I want every one
of you getting into it,

and not remembering
a fucking second of it.

Let's get cracking.

- Fuck yes.
- Yes.

Uh, we don't need any
more food, thanks,

but I will take another bottle--
two bottles.

-Thank you.
-No. Sorry,

I just wanted to say
hello to Dan, actually.

Who's this weasel?

You know my Dan?

Oh, yeah. Guys, this is Sacha,
he just moved in with me.

Moved in?

What? Like a partner?

No, you fucking idiot.

He rents a room.

-All right, chill out.
-Calm down, Dan.

Okay, well, it was nice
to meet you all.

-Yeah, good one, pal.
-See you later.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Introduce yourself,
have a drink, sit down.

-Sacha, you don't have to.
-No, no he doesn't.

No, no, no, look, it's fine.

We'll grab you a chair, okay?

Hey, darling, grab us a chair.

Jesus Christ, you're supposed
to be getting girls over.

Come On, Jay.
Jesus, Mate.


Thank you.

-I don't drink.

Oh, my God.

So you don't drink, okay.

So what do
you do then, Sala...

Sacha, Sacha.

Sacha, right? Yeah. Sacha.

So what do you do?

Um... well,
actually I'm a food critic.

That's why I'm here today.

But don't tell them obviously.

No, we won't.

Okay, well, I used
to be a chef,

and Dan's actually good
at cooking as well.

Wait, Dan's good looking?

I think he said Dan
gives good cocking

All right, all right.
That's enough.

Whoa, we're just having
some fun with our new friend.

back to the drinking, boys.

- Absolutely.
- Fucking boring.

Just leave whenever you want,
mate. It's all good.

you can get lost as well.

Fuck you all.

Here we go.

He makes me a lot
of money, so he can't leave,

but you certainly can.

Come on,
someone gimme a straw.

Come on, let's go.


Come on, Dan.
Have a drink, buddy.

He still ain't got
the fucking message, has he?


You're fucking boring,
so do one.

I hope you enjoy your meal.

Good on ya.
See ya, champ.

Thanks Jay.

- Morning, Gracie
- Morning.

Oh, Dan, the boss has asked
to see you in his office.

But our meeting's
not till four.

Well, he said he wants
to see you now.


Going up.

Doors closing.

Yep, he's on his way.

Yep, come in.

You wanted to see me?

close the door please, Dan.

How's the foot?

Much better, thanks.


Take a seat.

Listen, Dan...

I had to come in pretty
bloody early this morning

and I feel like a ton of shit

because something has been
brought to my attention

that I didn't expect.

You have become somewhat
of a distraction in the office.

I'm not sure I follow.

Do you feel
comfortable coming to work
every day in a suit?

Yeah, I mean, it's part
of the job, you know,

I'm used to it.

Hm... I don't think you're
comfortable in a suit.

I think you're more
comfortable in something
like what Jenny's wearing...

something a bit tighter,

but I cannot have you
coming into the office

wearing what she's wearing,
can I?

Look, I don't know
what you've heard,

but I'm not like that here.

Okay? I come in,
I do my job and I leave.

I mean,
last year alone I got you 50%

of the biggest contracts
you're working with to date.

Listen, listen, listen, Dan,

there's a video of you
circulating the office.

The boys saw you performing
in some show the other night.

Then Gracie brings me
a folder from your desk

thinking it's the sales report

but all I find inside
is a women's fashion magazine.

Now I'll be honest,

I thought you were
just a normal dude,

using some material to knock
one out quickly in the gents.

We're all guilty of it,
I can tell you that much.

But now I found I have
a much bigger problem.

Look, Rudy, whatever I do
in my personal life

has nothing to do
with what I do--

Come on, pal.

Be honest with yourself.

I'm raising a pack
of fucking sharks here.

Not a cute little
school of rainbow fish.

What if my biggest client
sees one of my top boys

prancing around
in fish nets...

looking hotter
than my receptionist?

Do you think that
would look right?


do you think...

I can put my entire
reputation on the line,

because of this?

Do you think
I have that option?

It's just the way it is,
I'm afraid, Dan.


I knew you'd understand.

I'll get Gracie
to clear your desk for you.

Good luck, Dan.

Ah, mate, this is jokes.

Oh, here she is.

Hey, watch this.

Oi, everything all right?

Yeah, fine.

What happened in there?


-Oh, shit. Did you get fired?
-It's none of your concern.

Wow, I guess
if you're leaving,

I'll happily take
your spot as top broker.

Take it.

Do you finally
feel pretty, Dan?

'Cause I thought you looked
proper fit the other night.

I like that part where you
run off stage in your heels.

Is that how you
fucked your ankle?


Fucking fire me.

You fucking fire me.

You can't fire me.

I fucking quit.


Danielle, Danielle.

What are you talking about?


Who are you talking to?

Are you talking
to me like that?

Here you go, girl.

You wanna fire me?


Are you okay?

Um... I have a hand condition.

How is this the first time
I've seen it?

Uh, I don't know.


I have regular medication
for it,

and that usually calms it down,

but it can happen more
frequently if I'm stressed...

or uncomfortable.

Well, I hope it's not
me that makes you feel
uncomfortable, Sacha.

I'm not very good
at explaining how I feel.

But I actually
feel uncomfortable

because I feel like I could
make you uncomfortable.

You're too sweet.

I didn't know you smoke.

You never asked.

Of course
I wouldn't carry a thing
like that around with me.

I wish I bloody did to clear
you lot off my back.

My client doesn't mean that.

You make many any enemies
in the line of work?

Fucked anyone you
weren't supposed to?

Ah! Buenos dias, Sacha.

Seen this movie before?

It's a classic.

Get out in the field,

and have some
first-hand experience.



I'll put it back.

Take a seat.

Did you sleep last night, Dan?

Not much.

And how is the ankle?

Much better.

I've been using more
natural remedies.

How's the hand?



As you know
I have my vitamins.


And that works?



Ever tried a more herbal
course of medication

for your hand?

gone to the dance studio.

I'll be back in the evening,

I recently visited
the City Brasserie restaurant

near Richmond Park.

I'm not quite sure how to
express the unpleasantries.

Not unpleasantries.
It's a bit harsh.

I shouldn't say unpleasant.

Maybe I could say it was
undesire-- no, not undesirable.

Let me think, hmm.

Hello, Dan.

Smells amazing.

Should I be getting
used to this.

Well, maybe in exchange
for some of that THC

from last night.

You liked it that much?

Well, I'm not really
much of a smoker,

but I thought maybe
I could infuse it

into like a butter or an oil,
something like that.

Yeah, butter would work.

Can make yourself
some croissants.


No, nothing.
Anyway, this is a British pie

that I made for you.

It is a tofu
and peanut butter filling.

Mm, I do love peanut butter.

-Got a fork?
-Ah, of course.

What's that?

It's a Brazilian dish.

Mm, exotic.

Is that the main course?

No, I think it's a bit
too spicy for you.

Actually, I had something
I wanted to ask you.

Yeah, sure.

Um, I've got my friends
that are in town tonight

and they asked if they
could come and see me.

Maybe come here.

What? Here in the house?

If that's okay with you?

Yeah, sure.

I'm gonna go out
tonight anyway.

Okay, thank you.

Sacha, you left the kitchen
at good time, huh?

It's been crazy busy
ever since you left.

It's been a mess ever
since you became Head Chef.

But how's your hand tremor
thing man? Any better?

I mean, it's not great,

and obviously it's not safe
to work in the kitchen anymore.

At least that's what
they said, um...

but I eat out a lot,
so it's okay.

'Cause you're food critic
now, that is amazing.

Well, I just have a couple of
food blogs, really, that's it.

Oh, you must have a lot
of readers, though. No?

I've had too much to drink.

Sacha, where's your toilet?

Well, there's two upstairs
and one downstairs.

So take your pick.

Take my pick?

-Take my pick.

Okay. One down.

It's your play.

Hummus is good.

Huh. Huh.

Did you shave today,

'Cause you look rough.

I love your dress tonight,

Does this red look good on me
or does it make me look fat?

What the fuck
are you talking about?

What else you got in here?

This fucking jellyfish
looking thing.

Let's try some red.

It's red. Oh, my God.

Red really makes
your eyes pop.

What the fuck?

What else you got in here,

What the fuck are these?

Fucking anal beads.

Thank fuck I left you.

Oh, wait, you left me.

Well, thank God
you fucking left me.


So uh...

but we spoke with this
the day at work, so...


I thought you said
you live with a sales man.

Yes, I think
that's what he does.

His name is Dan.

His, huh?

That's interesting...

because Dan, your friend Dan,

kind of looks more like
a Danielle right now, um...

I mean, unless it's his
bulky sister upstairs

playing dress up.

So wait, you live with
a trany or something?

I don't think trany
is the right word, man.

It's like,
it's something different.

Like, it's like
a cross between--

- it's like a crossbreed.
- A crossbreed?

-A what?
-Nothing on pedigree,

Not pedigree.

Oh, shit.

Sorry, boys.
I didn't mean to disturb.

Uh, Sacha...

I just wanted to let
you know that I've got
another show tonight.


And, guys, if Sacha
hasn't already told you,

I kind of fucked
up the last one.

Um, but might as well try
again, right?



Anyway, Sacha, if you
want to come and watch,

I can get you some tickets.

Sacha's got a date.

For you and your friends,
if they want to come.

Oh, oh, I'm--

I have to go back
to the kitchen.

Same thing. Kitchen.

You wouldn't understand.

Walking my dog.

Super busy.

-My hands are tied.


All right, okay.

Well it was lovely
to meet you guys anyway.

Cheers, goodnight.

Did you see that?

I don't,
I don't, I don't get it.

I don't get it. I don't get it.
I don't get it.

I don't get it.

How would
you explain that?

I don't know.

Would you go out
with a piece a paper--

I don't know. I don't know.

-You knew about this?
-Does he get a period?

-Or she get a period?
-I don't know.

I don't know
what the fuck that means.

No, fuck you
and you're a shit chef.

Is he upset?

You should all leave.
All of you.

-We're just joking, man.
-You should all fuck off!

It's okay,
we are only joking around.

No, you know what, I'll leave.
Fuck you all.

Sacha, come on.

Is not your fault he's a trany.

It is actually.


Danielle, you ready?

Pull it really tight.

Hmm, Suck.

Suck it all in. That's it.

You got this.

Around your neck.

Hmm, cute.

-Turn a bit. A bit more.


Thank you very much.

Put your hands
together for Maria Lidze.

He get a daily trapped human

right here on our stage.

And now for our final
performance of the evening,

please welcome
to the stage our very own

Midnight Mistresses.

Let's make some noise.