Luckiest Girl Alive (2022) - full transcript

It's 2015,
and people still act like marriage

is some sort of
crowning achievement for women.

That is a trap I did not fall into.

Some people prefer to really feel like
they're holding a knife in their hands.

I dove in headfirst.

Most professional chefs, they prefer…

I don't normally quiver
for cutlery,

but I'm getting married in six weeks,
so here we are.

- Does that mean it's sharper?
- Scary sharp.

And she ain't cheap,
but she is the superior blade.

Well, baby, we can't start married life
with inferior blades.



So you wanna choose a knife
that feels comfortable in your hand.

What do you think of the Zwilling?

Snap out of it, psycho.

It's heavier.

She has the touch.

Oh… Well…

I think being a petite woman,
you'll find the Miyabi easier to manage.

I've managed
to not eat lunch for six years

just to have this joker call me petite.

Petite is what they call short fat girls.

I should know. I used to be one.

Text your mom.

- Let her know we're officially registered.
- Okay.

Luke Harrison the Fourth
played D1 lacrosse at Colgate,



kite surfs on Nantucket,

and skis in Vail because Aspen
is lousy with the nouveau riche.

Mmm.

He calls me "babe"
with the finest of intentions.

- Let's go, babe.
- Yeah.

Heretofore, it is his birthright to marry
a blond insect of Norwegian descent

with a gender-ambiguous name,
like Landry or Devon,

who can spot my grift a mile away.

Hey, can we get pizza?

Who are you, and what have you done
with my fiancée?

I'm not to the manor born,

but I have something
no trust fund can buy…

The edge.

It doesn't take much in Luke's world.

Love your work, hate babies,
even the cute ones,

have a few lurid secrets,

and be eternally grateful that Luke
knows all of them and still loves me.

Um, my mom is asking
if the invites went out.

Mm. Yeah, once I approve the font.

- Once you approve the font?
- Yes.

Oh. Once Ani approves the font.

Thank you.

Oh, she's saying
they should go out six weeks before.

- Jesus, are we at six weeks already?
- Yeah.

Whoa, we are at six weeks.

All done here?

- Yeah, maybe just a box, please.
- Sure.

- Loo.
- Okay.

Someone once called me an animal.

One wrong move and Luke will see it too.

Hmm.

You can just take that. Thank you.

Jesus. What happened?

Waitress spilled soda
all over the pizza and my dress.

Oh no.

It's gonna be okay, babe. Okay?

Come on, I'll help you.

Baby, I love you.

Oh! Oh my God.

- I'm so full.
- You hardly ate anything.

Okay, so maybe I keep
some secrets from him,

but no one has ever made me feel so safe.

I'm proud of you
for eating carbs, babe.

I wanna see every one of you
dripping in sweat.

Nothing is so bad that you can't do it
for ten more seconds.

Ugh! Nineteen minutes?

Some people have jobs to get to.

I mean, not me, but some people.

But I can't be late today.

Oh my God. Are you meeting
the documentary director today?

Yes.

Okay, well,
you're not gonna be late on my watch.

Nell Rutherford has been fostering
me since freshman year of college.

I know you never take the subway.

Oh God, no, no, no.
I-I really... I really hate this.

Okay. By your side.

Nell is a natural blond
with a trust fund.

I'm a try-hard former financial-aid kid.

We both hate where we came from.

Your mom's coming this weekend, right?

Oh, yes.

She's been to TJ Maxx three times

to try to find an outfit for my fitting
at Saks Fifth Avenue on the 5th Avenue.

Wow, what is the opposite of a legend?

Okay, I think this one is the most you.

What? Only You Pro?

Oh.

Would you pick it?

I mean, I'm not getting married
until we have a woman for president,

so I guess we'll know soon enough.

Uh…

I, uh… I'm still scared
I'm making a mistake.

Getting married?

No. No, like is Only You Pro
the font of a trash slut

who doesn't know how to pass
the salt and pepper shakers together.

Oh my God, there is no such thing
as a slutty font. It doesn't exist.

God, I can't breathe.

Oh my God.

It's okay.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

This is normal. Okay?
This happens all the time.

We are experiencing a delay…

- It's no big deal.
- …due to train traffic ahead of us.

Thank you for your patience.

You okay?

There we go. See?

Next stop 34th Street-Herald Square.

- And we're moving. Okay.
- Oh my God.

Ugh! Eleanor Whitman.
Brought in from The Atlantic

to elevate the overly-sex
fashion glossy where I work.

How was your weekend?

I feel like I ran a half-marathon
through Williams-Sonoma.

- Williams-Sonoma?
- Yeah.

You should register for a few pieces
at Scully & Scully if you can.

I'm sure Luke's family
would go in on them.

The fuck is Scully & Scully?

Obsessed with Scully & Scully.

My bedroom sconces are from there.

Mmm.

Eleanor gets to write about topics
with gravitas,

like the wage gap
and women in Afghanistan.

I'm on another equally important beat.

Your voice, Miss FaNelli…

Is simply peerless.

My jaw hurts after reading that.

This is what sells our magazine.

Apparently men's pleasure
is of global importance.

So a recent study
in the American Journal of Public Health

found that last year,
30% of sexual assault survivors

had to pay $940 for their own rape kits.

That's a girl's whole paycheck.

Right. So I was thinking

"The Real Cost of Sexual Assault"
as the cover line.

Oh! Lavender. Retch.

Hmm.

How about, "When Your Rape
Costs More than Your Rent"?

Now that gets us on The Today Show.

Mm…

Miss FaNelli, give me something skanky
to keep the lights on.

Okay.

Let's see, skanky…

Okay, a new study
in the Journal of Kinesiology

found that nasal breathing
is optimal for sports performance

and is used by some
of the top athletes around the world.

So, "Five Weeks to an Olympian Blow Job:

Breathe Like a Top Athlete

to Last Longer and Go Deeper than His Ex."

When I count my blessings,
I count you twice.

- Draft by the end of the week?
- Yeah.

Thank you, everyone.

Come with me.

It's gonna be your name on the masthead
of The New York Times Magazine.

Lower than mine, but it beats
a Cuisinart for a wedding gift.

I am this close
to becoming Ani Harrison,

senior editor
at The New York Times Magazine,

to becoming someone people can respect.

Abstaining from lunch allows me to squat
in Eleanor's office when I need it.

One day, I'll have a corner office
with my own insufferable display

of prestigious
and frankly phallic-looking awards.

Until then, I pretend I'm important.

The rock was Luke's grandmother's.

Oh. Pardon me, his Nana's.

He told me
I could reset it in a diamond band,

what all the girls are doing now.

Exactly why I will never.

I intend to send a very clear message.

This is an heirloom.

We don't just have money.
We come from money.

Take your best shot.

Hey, Ani. Good to see you again.

Sorry to make you
come all the way to Midtown.

Katie, thank you so much.

Can you please remind Benjamin
that I need the art

for the wage-gap story?

Um, the what story?

The smart story I just made up
to sound more impressive.

Ask Penelope.

- Sit, please.
- I appreciate you making the time.

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh…

I know you said that the documentary
was not the right choice at the moment,

but there's been a pretty sizable
development since the last time we spoke.

Your former classmate, Dean Barton,
has signed on to be interviewed.

Keep it the fuck together, FaNelli.

I guess it shouldn't be a surprise
he has a new book to promote.

I'm sure you saw his speech
before Congress this summer.

Only 200 times.

No.

Oh, it was a plea to tighten
firearm background checks in Pennsylvania.

Your ring. Show him your ring.

I'm afraid I've been preoccupied
this summer with planning the wedding

and the magazine's initiative
with Hillary's campaign.

I can't imagine what it's like
to have people grilling you about it

so many years later.

You're a survivor of the deadliest
private-school shooting in history.

And the reason it continues
to captivate public interest

is because there are still
so many questions you never answered.

People wanna know were you a hero
or an accomplice?

I had absolutely nothing to do with it.

- Then why does Dean say you did?
- I don't know.

Don't you wanna tell your side
of the story?

Miss FaNelli. Right at home, I see.

I need three to five cover line tries
for the simultaneous orgasm story

by the time I get back from lunch.

LoLo Vincent,
editor-in-chief of The Women's Bible.

Aaron Wickersham, independent filmmaker.

Oh, that's right. I saw your short at the
Toronto Film Festival a few years back.

Are you our hot guy of the month
for December?

Actually, I'm working on a documentary
about gun violence in schools.

I'm hoping to talk to…

Don't say it.

…TifAni.

Oh.

I always forget that's your name.

Ani's pithier.

My team has spent the last year

researching the incident
at your high school.

My intention is not to upset you
by saying this,

but we've uncovered
a very different side to the story.

I promise you,
I'm only after the truth here.

I give you my word that our work together
will not cause you further harm.

As long as you get
your sensational story.

I'm sorry, but there's just no way that
you can promise me something like that.

What if I said I believe you, Ani?

Thank you.

Oh, it looks like a castle, TifAni.

I always think they're gonna drive
nicer cars in the Main Line.

It's such a hoity-toity area.

Mom.

Hmm.

One hundred percent of the students
who received this writing scholarship…

- Ended up at a tier-one university.
- …ended up…

I know you think I'm a broken record,
but college is where you meet the people

who are gonna be in your life
for a very long time, TifAni,

and the caliber of men
is just not there at a state school.

Okay, Mom.

This is it. This is the beginning.

Bye.

You're already
the prettiest girl in school.

Mom! Shh!

I spent the first few weeks
at the esteemed Brentley School

navigating the various cliques.

There were the popular kids…

- Hi.
- Hi.

…the smart kids,

and everybody else.

Plus the very cool teacher
who noticed my talent right away.

"Holden is what we call
an unreliable narrator,

someone whose version
of the truth can't be trusted."

That's a line from the exceptional essay
by TifAni FaNelli.

Welcome to Brentley. Congratulations.

Stop.

Oh, thanks.

The one thing
they all had that I didn't?

Pedigree.

Yo, Hilary.

- Yo, Dean.
- Get me some Swedish Fish.

Oh.

Don't worry, I got you.

Uh… Don't use a tray.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Okay.

Come on, come sit with us.

Liam! Over here.

Peyton, take that.

- Hey, girl.
- Hey.

- What's up, TifAni?
- Shit, homeboy's already called dibs.

I showed her where the language room was
this morning, shit brain.

- What do I owe you, Finny?
- Finny?

Tif-Finny.

Don't worry about it.

Only Dean would let a financial-aid kid
buy him lunch.

Oh.

It's a writing scholarship.

That only low-income students
can apply for.

Liv…

Hmm. And yet, you're John D. Rockefeller's
great-great-great-granddaughter,

and you still lost
the Salinger Essay Award to, uh...

Okay.

Uh, Olivia had to change her last name
from Rockefeller to Kaplan

due to a kidnapping threat.

- It's been a harrowing time for her.
- Jesus. Finny, watch out for this freak.

Choke on your Swedish Fish, Dean.
You're such a dick.

…gun control. And they equate it
with an effort to take away their guns.

And I used to be one of them, Rachel,

until I realized that the bill
we are proposing

wouldn't have threatened
my constitutional rights.

But it would have ensured
that the gun that severed my spinal cord

was registered,
locked away in a safe place,

out of the hands of the dangerous,
mentally-unstable individuals that…

Why are we watching this?

We… We so appreciate you...

That director reached out again.

Oh.

What does he want?

Dean's doing the documentary now.

Nice.

It's a last-ditch effort
to get you to do it.

You're the story. You're the one
who's never gone on record.

He needs you.

Hey.

You should do it
if you feel you need to do it.

But remember, you don't have to
defend yourself to me

or to anyone who really knows you.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

So easy to say
when everyone loves you, Luke.

- Can I give you some good news?
- Yeah.

They wanna make the London offer
attractive to both of us.

Luke's firm wants to pay him
fuck-your-feelings-money

to move to London,

where I'll be barefoot
and pregnant in a year.

John said this is ranked number six
globally when it comes to MFA programs.

Come on, Luke.

You know MFA programs
are just for white girls

who can't get paid to write.

I thought you'd be elated.

It's just, um… LoLo mentioned today
that she's in the final stages

of reviewing her contract
with The New York Times Magazine.

I'm sorry, Ani,
but how many times have you heard this?

Until there's an offer on the table,
none of it is real.

London is real.

This is a real opportunity for you.

Okay, I'll think about it.

- Think about it. Going for a run.
- Okay.

Think of it as a fresh start, babe.

This is so fun.

- Go. You got it.
- All right. All right.

Watch this.

Oh my God.

Liam is, like, doing
a mating dance or something.

He is so yummy right now.

Move your legs!

Hey, yo, Peyton, watch this.

- Oh! Oh! Hey! Oh.
- Okay.

- Ah!
- What…

- What the fuck?
- Relax.

You're fucking weird.
Get the fuck away from me.

- Relax, man.
- This fucking guy.

- Come on.
- I'm gonna kill him.

Ah!

Hey.

He's so cute!

Arthur, I think I might be pregnant.

Oh, yeah. You guys' kids
are gonna need a fucking tutor.

Why… Why do I feel like
you just did something ill-advised?

Dude, you promised no horseshit tonight.

Well, promises are meant
to be broken, mon chéri.

Oh!

He's got a flask. Let's go.

- Oh, Arthur. Arthur. Arthur.
- Arthur.

Arthur, stop.

You need to come with me, now.

Come with me.

Hilary!

Come on.

Don't stop. Don't stop.

Girls. If you leave school property,
I have to call your parents.

My mom knows I'm going to Dean's house.

I mean, she's best friends
with Mrs. Barton.

- Yeah.
- Tiff's sleeping over after.

- Call Hilary's mom if you want.
- Yeah.

Yeah, call my mom.

Okay.

Yes, I'm here.

Go, go, go. Come on.

Hey!

Hi!

- Hi, Mr. Larson!
- No, don't!

- Don't do that!
- Thank you!

He's gonna call my mom.

I love this song!

Halter is a good style for her.

She can wear anything.

Even with the breast reduction,
she's still broad in the shoulders.

Wow.

Marry me.

Mmm.

What about a belt?

You just need some embellishments
or something 'cause it's so plain.

If you just would've waited
five more seconds,

you wouldn't have had to insult my dress.

I did not insult her dress.
Did you hear me insult her dress?

You just want her popping.

Nell gets it.

I was watching
Say Yes to the Dress the other day,

and the girl on there

had, um, this tulle princess skirt
you could tie on or tie off.

Kate Middleton didn't wear a tulle
princess skirt to her wedding.

Neither should the expecting
child brides of Ohio.

Thank you.

Yes, she was about six months along.

Mmm.

Still, I think I would do that over this,
um… The bolerino thing.

Bolero.

Bolero.

Have another.

Ani.

Excuse me for trying to celebrate
the most important day of your life.

I'm gonna go check out the sales upstairs.

I'm afraid you can't bring glass
outside the bridal boutique, ma'am.

Okay, don't kill me,
but I sort of agree with her.

I mean, you're sexier than this, right?

I'm getting married
in the whale print capital of the world.

I don't wanna embarrass Luke
in some sequined mermaid dress.

Embarrass Luke?
Ugh! Fucking yikes, Ani.

Nell, I'm… I'm five weeks out.

Why would you tell me
that my dress is wrong now?

No, it's not wrong. Okay?
Nothing about you is wrong.

Jesus. Unclench, okay?

Yeah, well, that's impossible,

what with the real housewife
of Pennsyltucky in town.

Be nice to your mother.

That cut looks nice on you.

More forgiving across the middle
than some of your other stuff.

Whoa!

It's the director. It's Aaron.

Let it go to voicemail.

I thought you told him no.
Why is he calling you?

I did,

but I just wanted to know
if I change my mind,

when I would need to be available.

Holy shit.

- Ani.
- Like, good "shit"?

Babe, you wanna expose Dean Barton
for the sanctimonious prick that he is.

This is no-dairy-for-a-month shit.

Single-wipe shit.

No. Uh, I don't know. I, um…
I'm not ready.

- Come on, what will it take?
- Oh.

Let's see. Uh, Dean's making
viral speeches at Congress,

and I have a story due Monday about how to
pleasure an uncircumcised penis.

They're more sensitive
than the ones without their turtlenecks,

according to the experts.

Nobody believed me back then,

because I was
a Wet Seal wearing gutter rat.

If I'm gonna do this,
I need to be bulletproof.

I need to be able to say
that I work at The New York Times,

that I live in an elevator
doorman building in Tribeca,

and that my name is Ani Harrison

because I married
the lacrosse captain of Nantucket.

And how dare anyone believe
I did what Dean said I did

while wiping away a single tear
with this hand in particular.

Four out of five.

Not that you need any of it
to make you credible.

You don't,

but I do.

I do.

My God, they have attitude in here.

It's like, you work retail.

- I'm gonna make a quick call.
- Okay.

- You're fine.
- Oh, thank you.

Sucker's a hall pass.

Hi, Ani. I'm so glad you called.

I didn't feel good about
the way we ended things in your office.

The new headmaster's allowing us to film
on campus the second week of September.

We're just finalizing the schedule.
We'd love to know if you're in.

- Oh, cute, Spencer.
- Call me back when you get a chance.

Oh, excuse me.
You look exactly like my daughter.

Uh, people are always mistaking me
for someone else.

While I have you…

- That one.
- Hmm.

Nice eye.

Hi, Aaron?

I always stay at the Ritz Carlton
when I come home.

Great.

Baby, here we go!

Oh!

Shots!

Come on!

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

Oh, yeah!

I'll take that one too.

- All right, let's go.
- Hilary.

Hilary, your mom's here.

- My mom's here. Fuck, my mom's here!
- What?

We have to go.

What? I've got to go.

- Tif, are you coming?
- You can't have her.

I'm sorry, you can't have her!

Tif!

He won't let me go.

Finny, drink! Let's go.

Come on! My house, my rules.

Ani?

Fucking corporate.

Okay, the latest edict is
we can't say clit, but clitoris is fine.

Okay.

Oh, but you don't need to know that,
because you no longer work here.

We're going to The New York Times.

Oh, fuck yes! Yeah!

Whoo!

Thank you.

Hi.
Reservation for four for Harrison.

Should be eight o'clock.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi.

- You're in a good mood.
- Okay, so I have some good news.

- One member of your party is at the bar.
- Oh.

Okay, I'll, um… I'll tell you after.

Here you go. Thank you so much.

That's her. That's... That's the wife.

Okay.

Whitney.

- Luke. Hi.
- Good to see ya.

Mm. Andrew's running a few minutes late.

- This is Ani, my fiancée.
- Hi, Whitney.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Excuse me, but I have been stuck at home
with a 16-month-old.

A 16-month-old?

You look amazing.

Luke calls me the wife-whisperer.

Do you have any photos?

Like it's so hard.

Literally, all you do is act like
they invented motherhood.

Scroll to the right.

There's a special place in hell
for women who can't show you

just one picture of their children.

Oh my God, come on.
Look at this little munchkin.

- Baby, look at it.
- Cute. Can I have a beer, please?

Is this your husband?

As far as I know.

Sorry. My God, 5th was a parking lot.

- There he is.
- Luke.

- Good to see ya.
- Great to see ya.

- Honey.
- Hey.

This is Ani.

Nice to meet you. Andrew.

Mr. Larson, it's me.

TifAni.

TifAni?

Uh, "Mr. Larson?"
Was he your teacher?

TifAni.

Uh… I didn't recognize you. You look…

Like none of it ever happened.

We can seat you now.

So… I'm sorry, wait a second.
Did you change your name or...

No, this is, um, TifAni,
from when I left Brentley.

Oh.

Oh God.

- God, I'm so sorry for…
- Oh God.

- You know, everything.
- It's okay.

- What happened to you, I just...
- Oh, I understand.

Make it stop, Luke.

I'm so sorry. I…

Well, if it's any consolation,

thanks to you, my do-gooder husband
got into credit derivatives.

You know, TifAni
was the strongest writer in my class.

Well, now she's senior editor
at The Women's Bible.

- The Women's Bible?
- Yeah.

- That's fantastic.
- Thank you.

I used to have to hide that
from my mother growing up.

"The past is never dead.
It's not even past."

To what Confucius said.

Huh, Faulkner.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Cheers.

Mmm. So, Ani, you have to tell us,

what do you think of the director
in the skinny jeans?

- You're doing the documentary?
- They got to you too, huh?

Please tell me you are.

Yeah.

It's long overdue.

Thankfully, the timing worked out.

We might be moving to London
after the wedding.

- London?
- Yeah.

Luke has been asked to run
BlackRock's European desk.

- Luke, congratulations.
- Thank you.

- Exciting.
- We're still figuring out the details.

Will you be able to write
for the magazine from over there?

Actually, I… just got accepted

into the Goldsmith's MFA program

- at the University of London.
- Ah!

To teach, I hope.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Ugh! Enough, Mr. Larson.

Sometimes I feel
like a wind-up doll.

Turn my key, and I'll tell you
exactly what you wanna hear.

For someone who so easily could,

Mr. Larson has never once
made me feel ashamed.

Hey.

Our spouses went to 7th to get a cab.

- Can I tell you something?
- Sure.

I got a job offer
from The New York Times Magazine today.

Brava.

I mean, I had nothing to do with it,
but I couldn't be more proud.

Thanks.

What about London and the MFA?

I'll figure it out.

Tif, I know how these things usually go.

Don't acquiesce.

- I'm glad you're doing the doc.
- It's a balancing act with him.

He doesn't trust
the director in skinny jeans.

So you acquiesce?

Am I allowed to call you a bastard now?

You should be allowed
to do anything you want.

Okay.

It was good to see you.

Hey, man, is the AC on?

Should be getting colder now.

Did you mean
what you said back there about London?

You know, sometimes I feel like
another box you have to check off

so you look like you've done okay.

I'm not some prick
who doesn't respect your career

just because you don't make
as much money as I do.

You know that, right?

I think you are so talented
and so creative,

and I love that about you.

It's one of the reasons
I want us to go to London.

I think you are limited where you are,
and frankly, you're better than it.

All I have to show
for the past nine years of my career

is 15,000 ways to touch a cock.

I never would've gotten the offer
from The New York Times

if LoLo hadn't grandfathered me in.

You got the offer?

Yeah.

What is it? Where is it?

Is this right?

- Yeah.
- It's not even a 10% raise.

It's The New York Times.
I wouldn't be going there for the money.

Well, this makes me think
they don't value you at all.

It's not personal. There's no money
left in publishing anymore.

Well, exactly.

Listen, you go to London and get your MFA.
You can write a book.

Something that's yours,
that you have equity in.

Wouldn't you rather be known
for something you've created

than this thing
that happened to you so long ago?

No.

No, I… I wanna be remembered
for what really happened to me.

I want vindication.
It's all I think about.

I know you've thought long and hard
about doing this documentary,

and I'm not saying you shouldn't do it,

but Dean has taken this very bad thing
that happened to him

and done something good with it.
People respect that and they respect him.

You know what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's the blow-job editor
versus the gun-safety savior.

No, God, of course. Ugh!

Oh God, if there was just a way for me
to write about more important issues

for a place of worldwide
influence and acclaim,

then maybe, just maybe,

people can hold me
in the same esteem as Dean.

Gosh, if there was just a way
for me to work at this elusive place.

You're so angry. I can't talk to you
when you're this angry.

Ugh! It's so hot in here.

I'm gonna walk the last few blocks.

Sir, can you please
just keep driving?

Shit, Peyton.

Yo, holy fuck, you're still at it?
What the…

Fuck off, Liam.

We'll hang out, okay?

What the fuck?

Oh my God, I can't watch.

Come on, someone do something.

No, that's you, buddy.

Aw. Holy fuck.

Shit.

Take care of your girl, Liam.

Hey.

Aw.

Hey. Come on, I got you.

Ow! Ow…

Ow!

Ow!

Hi. Um, Dean…

- I just really need some water.
- You…

You should really get some sleep.

Yeah, I'm just really thirsty.

Uh… Dean!

Wait, stop!

Wait! Wait! Wait!
Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Wait. Wait.

- Dean, wait. Stop! Stop!
- Stop! Please.

Stop! Stop! Wait! Wait, no!

Please! Please!

Please, stop! Stop!

Oh, fuck!

Motherfucker.

Finny!

Shit.

Finny.

Fuck! Fucking crazy ass bitch! Get out!

Hot in here! Fucking piece of shit! Agh!

What the fuck?
Fucking ass bitch! Get out!

- Get her out!
- Honey, get out!

Don't fucking touch me!

Fuck you!

Don't fucking touch me!

You're so fucking nuts.

Excuse me.

Do you know how to get
to the Brentley School from here?

TifAni?

Hey. Hey.

Hey. What happened?

Hey, what happened?

TifAni, what happened?

You can come in.

They're a little big but they're clean.

Look, can I please,

please take you to the hospital now?

- I gotta call your mother.
- No.

Look, you… you can't be here.

It... it's not…

Look, I can get into a lot of trouble.

Thanks.

Dean is hoping to meet with you.

No fucking way.

- Just hear me out.
- No.

He's willing to take back his claim
that you're involved in the shooting.

He's going to vindicate you, Ani.

He wants to sit down with you
on camera and apologize.

Ugh. I hate your soft voice so much.

Sorry. Um…

What...

Why?

Maybe you have some sense?

For fuck's sake, will you just
put this guy out of his misery?

My money's on the gang rape.

There. I said it. No going back now.

I've gathered enough
to know that that event

was framed as something
that you participated in. I'm…

I'm so sorry, Ani. It makes me sick.

Yeah, no participation trophy for me.

TifAni… Uh, I mean, Ani,

if you wanna do this,

it'd be easy enough to tack on
an extra day to the schedule.

I'll make sure to keep you both separate
until you give me permission.

You'll call the shots.

What's the point of being at your
fighting weight if you're not gonna fight?

Okay.

And your safety and comfort
is our highest priority.

We do not wanna see you re-traumatized.

We could look into getting you
a victims' advocate.

Sorry. I should probably ask
if you prefer "survivor" to "victim."

- I know that's a big thing these days.
- Oh.

Survivor? Gross.

So victim then?

Yeah.

Victim.

Mmm.

Definitely this one.

It's less oaky. I hate oak.

Hmm. Gosh, Mom.
I never once wondered if I was adopted.

Did you know it's broo-sket-ta,
not broo-shet-ta?

TifAni taught me that.
She and Nell lived in Rome for a time.

Keep it cute, FaNelli.

That must have been
a wonderful experience for you girls.

Oh, I just love Italy.

And from London,
it's just such a short flight.

Oh!

You didn't tell me.
You made a decision about London?

Mom, no, we didn't make
a decision yet, remember?

Oh, I apologize. I misunderstood.

Uh, um…

I'll be… I'll be just a minute.

Okay.

This is nice. Cheers.

And now here to comment is Dean Barton.

Every day that Congress
fails to work together

to create universal background checks

is another day
that a student risks their life

just trying to get an education.

TifAni?

It's outright negligence.

What are you doing?

- We owe these kids so much more.
- I came to check on you.

Why?

My little bambina.

Really starting to freak out
about seeing Dean.

Right.

What if when I see him in a wheelchair,
I can't be angry anymore?

I don't wanna feel bad for him.

It's so much cleaner
if I could just hate him.

Oh.

I say we go out there
and get Drunken Ship-faced.

Hmm?

Come on. You're about
to read Dean Barton for fucking filth.

Where's the registry for that?

Where's the blushing bride?

Jesus Christ,
how am I gonna get through this?

Here comes the bride. Finally.

Hey, lady. Oh…

Hallsy's Luke's
poorly preserved aunt

who ceased to be a lady
20 tennis-pro dicks ago.

Why is everyone so anti-oak these days?

Ooh! I have a buttery chard just for you.

About the only thing
California's good for.

And do me one more solid,
don't sit me with the Gilmartins.

- What'd you do this time?
- I didn't do anything.

They're being snowflakes
over the new park.

No offense, you two.

Well, it will be very loud for them.

They've agreed to put in
soundproof buffers.

What kind of a park
needs a soundproof buffer?

A shooting park, Dinah.

Can't blame gun owners for wanting
to enjoy their hobby responsibly.

As a woman, I feel more empowered
when I'm shooting a gun

than I do bitching
about every little thing.

Okay, I'm gonna go inside.
Would anybody like some water?

I'll take one. No ice.

Don't worry,
I won't sit you with the Gilmartins.

You'll be at table 12

with the rest of the flabby cougars
where you belong.

- TifAni.
- Oh, boy.

Oh my God.

Oh fuck.

She's…

She's really tired.

It's been a long week, so…

Ani!

Stop!

Ani.

Ow! Goddamn it!

Ani!

Stop!

Damn it.

Do you like your life, TifAni?

Yes, Mom, I have built
a very nice life for myself.

How much do you make in a year?

What?

How much do you make in a year, honey?

Uh… 80K.

Sometimes a little bit more
if I guest-edit a brand extension, okay?

Okay, so let's be generous.
Let's call it 90K.

How much did you pay for that watch?

You don't think I noticed
you got the Cartier?

Don't you know it's gauche to ask
how much something costs, Mom?

Oh, I know. I know you'd think
I didn't do anything with my life.

But you know, when you're spending
$1,500 a month to exercise,

and your mortgage is $12,000…

This 90k that I was able to squirrel away
from alimony payments

so I could stay home with you
and not have to pay for childcare?

I put that money towards your education,

and that put you in rooms
where you met a guy like Luke.

And I am… I am doing my best here

to try to connect with the Harrisons.
It's not easy.

And now with this documentary?

- What's that have to do with this?
- Everything.

Everything, TifAni. Everything.

You think you're embarrassed of me now,
don't try to say that you're not,

imagine what it's gonna be like
when they find out about what happened.

They had boys.

They didn't have a girl
who developed early

and was hell-bent on taking risks.

They can't imagine what that was like.

I did everything in my power
to protect you.

I did. I did.

That's why I had
all those rules in place that I did.

But you didn't wanna follow those.

That was your choice.

So fine, you know?

Just... just... just…

At least just leave my name out of it.

I did what any half-decent mother
would have done.

I did.

You'll find out someday.

You'll find out how hard it is.

Okay.

Although