Lucinda's Spell (1998) - full transcript
A great wizard returns to Earth where he lands in New Orleans in search of a mate, but he runs into a woman with whom he had an affair 8 years previously resulting in a son that is unknown to the wizard.
(soft music)
(bright music)
♪ Would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Get 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ With a sweet man like you ♪
♪ We could have such a wonderful time ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well you'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll love the new world ♪
♪ I'm gonna take you in ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll take our first start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well we'll take off on a start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll ride and glide
and be so satisfied ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ The rocket is ready to fly ♪
- Think that's him over there?
That could be him.
- [Jules] You believe that shit's true
about his blood turning into gold?
- [Jim] Ah man, Maddison's
a fucking psycho man.
- I tell you if my blood turned into gold,
I'd be bleeding on every goddamn
piece of lead I could find.
- [Jim] You?
Man, I'd be bleeding all over
these airplanes out here.
- [Jules] You a dumb son of a bitch.
Ain't no goddamn airplane
made out of lead.
- That's you're problem.
You always want to
correct me on some shit.
- I mean, I correct you 'cause
you a dumb motherfucker.
You never can think.
- [Jim] How you know they ain't
got no lead in an airplane?
- Here he come.
He's coming.
Aw shit.
Come on, come on, let's go.
You a dumb ass, man, let's go.
(bright music)
♪ I'm the one your mama warned you about ♪
♪ When you see me, I
will leave you no doubt ♪
♪ I'm the coolest man that
ever walked this earth ♪
♪ I've been the coolest
since the day of my birth ♪
♪ I am the cool ♪
♪ Frozen ♪
♪ Cold ♪
♪ Icicles on her toes ♪
♪ I am the cool ♪
♪ I'm winter ♪
♪ I'm a blizzard ♪
(car horns beeping)
(soft music)
♪ I was down in Vietnam ♪
(soft music)
Yeah, thank you very much.
♪ Until that land mine
blew up in Vietnam, ow ♪
♪ I might have been living
in your neighborhood ♪
You know what I'm talking about people?
You know what I'm talking about.
(upbeat music)
♪ That Louisiana lip lock ♪
♪ Want my love porkchop ♪
(phone ringing)
♪ I said get on top, baby ♪
♪ Just don't stop ♪
- [Lucinda] 669-6969.
Lucinda Bale's parlor any hour, anytime.
For the right price, I'll make you mine.
Leave a message.
(machine beeping)
- [George] Hey, Lucinda.
This is George.
Look baby, my cap is full, baby.
I'm on my way, okay?
Lucinda?
Lucinda?
- [Lucinda] George, are you there?
I can't hear you.
Sugar.
Oh, there you are.
Listen.
Do me a favor.
Will you pick me up
some milk along the way?
Oh, you know I will.
♪ If you want my love ♪
- [Gideon] Sex is magic (whistles).
♪ You got to treat me right, baby ♪
♪ If you want my love ♪
♪ I said treat me right, honey ♪
♪ If you want my love ♪
- Ooh, poor Georgie Porgie.
♪ I heard somebody
knocking at my front door ♪
♪ Know I heard that knock before ♪
♪ Peeped through the key hole ♪
♪ What did I see ♪
♪ Somebody peeping right back at me ♪
♪ It was George ♪
♪ Silent George ♪
♪ What are you doing at my front door ♪
♪ I said George ♪
♪ Silent George ♪
♪ Don't you know it's happy ♪
- [George] Hi, Lucinda.
- Aw.
Ooh.
Georgie.
Come to see my sexy bum?
- [George] Yeah.
- Very good.
Want to buy my sexy bum?
- [George] Yeah.
- This way please.
(soft music)
(soft music)
- Aw, mama.
I'm sorry.
You know, I never make
an appointment with you,
but I never know when I'm gon' be rich.
- Aw.
Don't worry little Georgie san.
Lucinda has a very forgiving piece of ass.
Thank you.
Now washy washy time.
(man screaming)
(gentle music)
- [Gideon] For love of money.
- You shut up, Gideon.
I like George.
(gentle music)
Uh-oh.
Very shy soldier.
(gentle music)
- Use your magic, Lucinda.
Make it work, just for
a little while, please?
- Not gonna get hot and
heavy with anyone else?
Okay.
(gentle music)
Oh no.
Very thirsty flower need water.
You a good gardener?
You want to make garden grow?
Better hurry, quickie.
(bright music)
♪ Keep on churning 'til the butter comes ♪
♪ Keep on churning 'til the butter comes ♪
♪ Keep on pumping, make the butter flow ♪
♪ Wipe off the paddle
and churn some more ♪
♪ Little boy blue come blow your horn ♪
♪ Cows in the middle ♪
♪ And sheep in the garden ♪
- You softer than a
goose down pillow, girl.
- That's right, Georgie.
So what you got puddin'?
- See what's in here.
(gentle music)
- Nasty.
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
Shit.
Oh my God.
- What?
- He's here, George.
I can't believe it.
He's here, Georgie.
- [George] What you talking about?
♪ Bum buddy do ♪
♪ Bum buddy ♪
Crap.
Oh.
- What's the matter?
- What is he doing here?
- Who's here?
Who's here?
- The First Horn, George.
The First Horn is here.
- [George] The First Horn?
- He's in New Orleans.
I knew he'd come back.
(gentle music)
- The First Horn?
Is that a new Dixie Land Band?
Lucinda?
(gentle music)
♪ Mm mm oh ♪
- No.
(gentle music)
- [Orphanage Woman] This
is your last chance.
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
(gentle music)
- Yeah.
It's all good.
- There's no turning back.
Once you put him up for
adoption, that's it.
(gentle music)
(upbeat music)
♪ Fire ♪
♪ On a bayou ♪
♪ Fire ♪
♪ On a bayou ♪
♪ Down in New Orleans ♪
- [Lucinda] It's been years.
Oh thank you for this favor.
It's been years for me.
I've been trying to find him.
- [George] This is the hotel
he went in right here, baby.
- [Lucinda] Yeah?
- You gonna go up in there and see him?
- Oh God no, George.
What am I gonna do?
I can't just walk in there.
I mean, look at me.
What am I gonna say?
What am I gonna do?
- Lucinda, you be cool.
I'ma check you later then, okay?
- Wait, George.
Bring this to the desk
and tell them it's for the First Horn.
- [George] Oh, all right.
I'ma see you later?
- Okay, Georgie Porgie.
- Aight now, you make me
cut you, motherfucker.
- That's your problem.
You always wanna cut somebody.
- That's right.
That why I wear black.
It's a good day for killing.
- I see you kill motherfuckers
in other colors, too.
- So you know I'll cut your ass.
- Look at this drunk motherfucker here.
- Ah man, fucking homeless.
- Hey, how you doing?
- All right.
- I have a message
for a Mr. F. Horn.
(gentle music)
- Yeah, he's here.
I'll take it, thanks.
- All right.
Say bro, you can spare
a little change, huh?
Just a little.
- Get out of here.
Go, go.
(gentle music)
- Man, what's up, bro?
What's happening?
What's happening?
Aw no.
(ominous music)
- Hey, Fat-Dough Boy.
- Hold up bro.
Hold up.
What you want, man?
- [Jim] What's the message, man?
- What message, man?
- I seen the envelope.
What was inside?
- Say bro, it was a picture.
It was a picture of a baby, bro.
The girl gave me $5 to
bring it to the front desk.
- Man, fuck this bum.
Let's kill this motherfucker.
- Wait, wait, wait, don't kill him.
Don't kill him.
- No, no, no, fuck him, fuck him.
- Say man, no.
Bro, I'm telling the truth, bro.
I'm telling the truth, man.
Hold up.
Hold up.
- Fuck that.
- Oh no, don't do it.
- Shit, look what you did.
- [Jules] Boy, I ain't never saw
a motherfucker bleed like that.
Shit.
- [Jim] Goddamn, fat ass dough boy.
(ominous music)
- [Lucinda] Aw, love that George.
(bright music)
(gentle music)
(glass shattering)
(gentle music)
- Let's keep it simple
and not have any rules.
There's less confusion that way.
- Don't you remember what happened in '83?
Dennis Proctor was dismembered.
- You mean somebody cut off his phallus?
- Not his dick.
Duh, dildo-brain.
Do you never think about anything else?
- [Betsy] You just said
they cut off his member.
- Dismember.
Torn limb from limb.
Ouch, she is so dumb.
- You see Beatrice, we have to have rules.
Before you know it, it will
be a spit of penis stuff
and we'll have a massive
witch hunt on our ass.
- Nobody is going to chop off
some poor schmuck's wonker
and grind it into spell powder.
- That's right because
it'll be against the rules.
First rule, no male extremities.
Write it down, Betsy.
- Next you'll be inviting
animal activists in
to make sure we don't use
any bat wings or sheep pies.
- Don't be ridiculous.
Rule number two.
No fraternizing with the
First Horn before the contest.
- What are we trying to
do eliminate shitting?
- What if he's the one that
wants to start the fraternizing?
- You don't have to worry about that.
Believe me.
- Third and final rule.
There will be no spells
cast from this day forward
until it's time for the contest.
We can't have anyone jinxing
anyone else's chances
or hexing up the airwaves.
- That's a ridiculous rule.
No one is gonna keep
me from using my magic.
- Anyone caught cheating
will be disqualified
from the contest and
suspended from the coven
for a year including you Beatrice.
You got all that, Betsy?
- Scribed in blood.
- Ha, that is a laugh.
I would like to see any one of you try
to keep me away from the coven.
(box thudding)
Oh yuck.
It's the whore.
(eerie music)
- Whore to you too, Beatrice.
- What are you crawling around for?
Looking for a spell to cure your V.D.?
- I think we all know who's
carrying the fungi around here.
Do you all have your gloves on?
Look, you know why I've come.
What is he doing here?
- What's it to you?
Spread your legs?
Membership to this coven
is not open to whores.
- You're being mean to me.
Look you fat inflamed vaginal wart,
I don't care about your
stupid puberty club.
I just want to know what he's doing here.
- Well actually Lucinda, if it
hasn't escaped your attention
it is the eve of Beltane,
the sacred night of love,
and the First Horn has to choose
a mate for the celebration.
- Choose a mate?
How, who?
- Whoever can cast the
most powerful spell.
Me of course.
Fangs up.
- Don't count your wrinkles, Beatrice.
There's more to fancy spell casting
than dollin' for foundation and mascara.
- Shut up you fat slut.
He'd never fuck you for solstice.
- You cheesy, smelly cunt.
- More repugnant than gorgonzola.
What a whiff?
Lucinda, nice of you to stop by,
and ah, give my regards to your pimp.
- Eh?
Eh?
Hey Beatrice, wonk.
And wonk.
Hey, how's your cheese factor?
Cheesy, baby.
- You virus stricken whore.
- You're scaring me.
Oh God, you guys are scaring me.
(eerie music)
You know what?
I think I'm gonna go to the friend's store
and get some new friends.
And a whore to you, too.
(eerie music)
- Lucinda Bale.
I know her little secret.
I will fix her now.
Vision light.
Vision bright.
- You can't do that.
You can't cast a spell on another witch.
- She's not a witch.
She is a whore.
One little spell is not going to hurt.
Go on, Beatrice, fry the bitch.
- Vision light.
Vision bright.
Foul up the First Horn's sight.
Lay his eyes upon Lucinda Bale
and all he'll see is a scabby veil.
- Hm.
A spell contest.
(singing in foreign language)
- Artos.
Spirit guide, it's about fucking time.
Come on, Artos.
I'm not in the mood for this crap.
- So Jason, it's nearly
the eve of the Beltane.
You must be fairly excited
to have sex without a condom.
- Cut the shite.
Do you not get laid in the spirit world?
- Beyond your wildest dreams, sonny boy.
So what's the problem, women, again?
- Just one woman.
That bitch Beatrice.
You know she's gonna win
the bloody spell contest.
- [Artos] But didn't you
say she gives good head?
- That's not a good enough reason
to have a child with a woman.
I'm trying to be serious about all this
and she's a fucking nightmare.
- A horny fucking nightmare.
A First Horn nightmare.
It's your duty to father,
nurture and train a son
to carry on the legacy
of your ancestor Merlin
or it will be lost forever.
- I don't want the shite
responsibility on my head anymore.
It's driving me fucking nuts.
- Too many undesirables know
about your enchanted bloodline.
You need some earthly protection.
Try this.
Jesse James did.
- You must be out of your mind.
You know every time I'm
violent I lose power.
This should not be the way of the druids.
- Promiscuity also cost you power druid.
If you spend less time screwing
and more time on the magic,
you wouldn't need a gun.
- I'll take love and whatever
shape or form it comes in.
What I do not need is you
encouraging me to be violent.
- The preservation of knowledge
and culture are two
things worth fighting for.
Listen to the voice of
your own conscience.
- Artos.
Wait.
What do I do about Beatrice?
- [Artos] Necessity is
the mother of invention.
- Did the First Horn check in today?
- Got a name?
- Lucinda Bale.
- No, his name.
- His mother doesn't
even know his real name.
- Look, are you soliciting?
Or are you just?
What's up with you?
Do you have an appointment?
Sir, there's a message for you.
(bright music)
♪ I put a spell on you ♪
- Necessity?
Did a tall dark haired girl drop this off?
- I wouldn't know, sir.
- Well if a woman called Beatrice phones,
don't under any circumstances
give her my room number okay?
♪ You better stop before
you met your due ♪
- Listen bitch, I don't
know who you think you are
or what you think--
- Listen, bitch.
No, listen bitch.
- No soliciting in my club.
- There is no.
- You need to get your ass
out of here right here.
- No, no, no, this is soliciting.
- Everything goes through me.
- This is soliciting.
And this is soliciting
and that is soliciting.
This is soliciting.
Meow.
♪ Or putting me down ♪
♪ I put a spell on you ♪
♪ Because you're mine ♪
♪ All right ♪
- [Gideon] Sex is magic.
- Relax, Gideon.
Do you know I could stick
my finger up your crack?
What are we gonna do?
Do you see any wrinkles?
- [Gideon] What?
I love Lucinda (whistles).
- I know you do.
Goodnight.
♪ Hush little baby ♪
♪ Don't say a word ♪
♪ Mommy's gonna buy you ♪
♪ A mockingbird ♪
♪ And if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
♪ Mammy's gonna buy you a diamond ring ♪
♪ And if that diamond ring don't shine ♪
♪ Mommy's gonna buy you a clock of time ♪
♪ And if that clock of time don't sing ♪
♪ Mommy's gonna buy you ♪
(gentle music)
♪ I wished on a star ♪
♪ Send me down a lover ♪
♪ Don't want any other kind of love ♪
- Hey you.
In the friendly knickers.
Come down and dance, why don't you?
Come on.
Hey you wee beauty.
Come down here and dance.
Come on.
♪ Wonder why my love hurt things ♪
♪ Used to wide awake than I was ♪
♪ And I go on and I go on without you ♪
♪ Now I don't do the things I used to do ♪
- You.
Dance with me.
♪ Ever since the day I wished for you ♪
- You.
You are as pretty as I thought.
Prettier indeed.
(speaking in foreign language)
What's the matter?
- Can't kiss me.
- [First Horn] Why not?
- [Lucinda] It's gonna cost you.
- It's gonna cost me?
- It's gonna cost you.
- But it's Mardi Gras.
What's the matter?
- I'll make you a discount.
- You'll make me a discount?
Okay.
- No.
Not here, not here.
Not here, come on.
♪ You sit and cry all day ♪
♪ Wonder why my love would fade ♪
♪ Used to wallow way and I was ♪
♪ Can I go on ♪
♪ Can I go on without you ♪
♪ Now I don't do the things I used to do ♪
♪ Ever since the day I wished for you ♪
♪ Ever since the day I wished for you ♪
- Bitch had a kid, huh?
- Hey, the bum said it was
something about a hooker.
- He's knocking up some nasty ass whore.
- Look, there he is over there.
- Hey, shall we kill him now?
- Yeah, but don't put
too many holes in him.
- What the fuck you mean?
- I don't want to waste
a drop of his blood.
Now don't fuck it up.
You understand?
(bright music)
♪ And I was talking to an oak tree ♪
♪ When a Cyprus budded in ♪
♪ I called out to raven ♪
♪ Made a nest inside my skin ♪
♪ To understand me better you
all ought to follow me home ♪
♪ I make a wish ♪
♪ I clean up piss ♪
♪ And that's why they call me ♪
- Oh shit.
- I better warn you.
I've got Jesse James' gun.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- You better hope it still works.
- Right.
- Word is your blood share is ready to go.
- Aye.
24 karat and 86 proof.
So, what do you want anyway?
- Kill your ass and get rich.
Make as little mess of it as possible.
- So this is it then hey?
Do or die?
- No two ways about it.
- [First Horn] So.
Do you mind if I say a wee prayer?
- Fuck you.
None of that legend bullshit.
- [First Horn] Oh no,
that wouldn't be fair, eh?
In fact, I'm gonna say a prayer for you.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gun firing)
(soft music)
Looks like you made a mess after all.
- You son of a bitch.
You used your magic shit.
- That's right.
I prayed I wouldn't hit you in the head
and blow your brains out.
- Too bad you didn't say a prayer for Jim.
(soft music)
- And that was just fine.
Oh, it was so fine.
I just wanna do it again.
I just wanna do it again,
again you big cunt.
Stop.
Stop there you cunt.
No you.
No you.
Fuck, I'll follow you.
I have a fucking gun.
It's all so simple.
Why'd I never think of it?
Blow their fucking brains out.
Why don't you blow your
own fucking brains out?
You fucking idiot.
You wee fucking idiot.
I'm a fucking moron.
No.
Oh no.
What'd I do that for?
It's all good.
Right?
Fucking just fine, that is.
Oh God.
Oh no, it's keeping on my back.
Oh no.
Oh no Merlin.
(gentle music)
Here take it.
- I don't want your money.
- Well take it.
Business is business.
- But it's different.
- So what's your name anyway?
- Necessity.
- Necessity?
Necessity.
Necessity.
Why did I not get it the first time?
(bright music)
- Welcome to Minerva's Den.
- Thank you.
- [Madame] Chickory, remember
the gentleman's coat.
- No, that's all right.
Thank you very much.
- Whatever turns you on.
- Bourbon.
♪ How you was supposed to treat a girl ♪
♪ Down fast I'll never know you ♪
- Thank you.
Does a girl named
Necessity still work here?
- The girls tend to change their names
quite frequently around
here, but look around.
You might recognize her.
- Aye, but it was seven or eight years ago
during the Mardi Gras and
she was wearing a mask.
- Girls, this gentleman's looking
for a girl named Necessity.
Any of you recognize him?
- I'm a necessity.
- Come here.
(gentle music)
Let me see.
(gentle music)
Very lovely, bend over.
It's not you.
Oh my God, is it you?
- [Woman] I'm Necessity.
- You are?
- Yes.
- Let me see then.
No.
It's not you either.
Anybody?
- Would you like to see?
- I'd like to see.
I'd love to see.
Oh, let me see.
No, it's not you.
Did I hear somebody laughing around there?
Oh my darling.
Let me have a look at you.
Perhaps it is.
No, it's not you.
Is there a Necessity amongst you all?
- [Woman] Necessity is me.
- She was a little taller,
but I think I'll look anyway.
No, it's not you.
How 'bout you?
Perhaps it was you.
Ah, you got that naughty
look on your face.
Get down then.
Let me see.
Let me see then.
It's not you.
(bright music)
Come here, darling.
You're so beautiful.
No.
All done.
She had a tattoo on her ass.
- Do any of you have a tattoo on your ass?
- It was me.
- Really?
- It was me, yeah.
- Well let me go and have a look.
(bright music)
I wish it was.
Why don't you call me
at the Courtyard Hotel?
She sent me this.
- My girls don't get pregnant.
You must have come to the wrong place.
Chickory, get Freddy up here
to get this old witch out the door.
- That's all right.
I'll see myself to the door, Madame.
(bright music)
(upbeat music)
♪ All right ♪
- Sir, if this doesn't start,
do you think you can take me
to the Greenview
Children's Home over there?
- The car just needs
some tape for the pipe.
The Greenview Children Home?
- Yeah.
- I know those kids.
They come here for candy.
- They do?
Do you know my son Severin?
- Ah, little small boy.
Yeah, he has your eyes.
- He does?
Say listen, if I gave you my number,
would you call me if he comes in?
- Certainly, I don't see why not.
- Thanks.
(gentle music)
That's really nice of you.
- May I ask why he doesn't live with you?
- Ugh.
'Cause I was kinda young and stupid.
I couldn't really even
take care of myself.
- And you want him back now?
- Oh yeah.
I miss him.
God I've done everything.
I went to court.
Done everything except kidnap him.
- Wait a minute, please.
(gentle music)
Little boys, they like these.
- Thank you, sir.
(ominous music)
- Get in here now.
Move it.
Move it.
Get inside now.
Move it.
Move it.
Move it.
Get in.
Now.
Move it.
Move it.
(gentle music)
Stop.
Get off my property.
I have a restraining order against you
and I'll call the police.
- Restraining order?
You can't keep me from my son.
- And what do you think
your son is gonna think
when he finds out the
kind of woman you are?
- I wanna see my son.
- No.
You're always interfering
with this orphanage.
Nothing but a filthy whore.
- Mom.
- [Orphanage Woman] Victor.
Victor.
- Severin, listen to me.
Mama is going to get you out of here okay?
Don't you worry.
- [Victor] Come on, kid.
- [Severin] Hey.
Let go of me you little son of a bitch.
Mom.
Mom, help.
- Listen to me, if anything
ever happens to my son,
I'm gonna kick your ass.
- Oh yeah?
Why don't you just stand
here until the police come?
(gentle music)
- Give this to Severin, okay?
(gentle music)
- Ugly little pink things.
Do you think that sex could
lead to something so disastrous?
My oh my.
Children.
Real children.
Give me the candy, Bernie.
(soft music)
- May I help you?
- You certainly may.
I've come to meet the children.
I'd like to meet all of them.
Every.
Single.
Last.
One of them.
(soft music)
- Restraining order?
That must be terrible for you.
Let's see, the book
must be here somewhere.
It's been a busy week with
witches all looking for spells.
Here it is.
This these are the most
powerful white magic spells
to be used only by the purest of heart.
- A lot of good that's gonna do me.
- Don't dismiss the goodness
within you, Lucinda.
- I'm just a whore.
I'm just a whore.
And I gave away my son.
I'll never get him back.
- You did what you thought
was right at the time.
It doesn't make you a
bad person, trust me.
Now just remember to make sure you get
all of the ingredients
before you choose a spell.
It's an old book, you know.
(ominous music)
- You're always good to me, Ursula.
- Shades of the dead druids,
counselors of the ancient tribes,
guardians of earth magic,
I Jason Mageborn,
present descendant of
Merlin command a vision.
My true, all chemical blood
be the offering to the dead.
(ominous music)
(speaking in foreign language)
Merlin, that's what transformation is,
guide to my progeny,
I command a vision.
Merlin, where the fuck are you, eh?
Come on.
- [Merlin] I hope this isn't
about your horoscope again.
- Oh, cut it out, Merlin.
That was 10 years ago.
- [Merlin] Seems like yesterday to me.
- Aye, well I've matured a
wee bit since then, you know.
- [Merlin] That's what you always say.
It's your blood.
Speak quickly before you faint.
- I need to know, do I have a son?
- [Merlin] Indeed you
do and not by a priest
who was chosen on the eve of Beltane.
- But does he have our blood, Merlin?
- [Merlin] I myself was born of a union
between a Goddess and a demon.
Now, in your son's case, who is the God
and who is the demon?
- That's not a fucking answer.
It's a riddle.
If you want me to play your archaic games,
then at least you can
play it straight with me
and give me a vision.
- [Merlin] You can see the
queen's ass if you so desire,
but you're an idiot if you
want to step inside the future.
The future is a realm of possibilities.
Weakened power as you are, all
you'll find are your fears.
- I'm not your fucker Arthur.
I'm not your boy king.
I'm your flesh and blood.
I need a vision.
- [Merlin] No, you're the playboy king.
The freaking Casanova of this family.
It's all yours.
(gentle music)
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
- You see?
Okay.
Let me set you in there.
Okay.
Now this is your first test of power.
Don't be scared.
Just remember the words.
I'm gonna be right here.
Just say the magic words.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
All right, now try again harder.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
Come on, boy, try.
Try boy.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
You're my son.
You can do it.
- [Severin] I can't.
- [Jason] No, you can.
Try again.
- I can't.
(gentle music)
(coughing)
- Aw, fucking hell.
- Okay on summoning the true sprite.
Summoning the true sprite.
All who witness the
dance of the true sprite
will see beyond the mask of their own pain
to the truth of the real feelings.
Okay basic ingredients.
Fox, gloves, spear, wart, lynn seed oil,
deadly knight shade and natural yogurt.
Special ingredients.
Let's write this down.
Big John the Conqueror.
Meteorite.
Segments with the right
side of the human brain.
Oh that's nice, huh?
Mermaid's purse.
And Dodo feather.
Sounds pretty simple doesn't it, Gideon?
And I bet none of those
other nasty witches
will have a spell like mine.
(hand knocking)
Aw.
I don't wanna work tonight, Gideon.
Oh dear.
- Bless you my child.
- Father John Thomas.
Sister Blossom is not
feeling quite well tonight.
Perhaps another night would be better.
- Oh that's all right.
Would you give her these for me please?
- Ooh.
- Do wish her well for me.
- Father, would you wait a moment?
♪ For bells will chime ♪
♪ With the song of moonlight ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ Bitch ♪
♪ Fuck you, you stinking asshole ♪
♪ Most beauty I've seen,
it come from a dream ♪
♪ But I can't close my eyes anymore ♪
♪ No, I can't close my eyes anymore ♪
♪ I can't close my eyes anymore ♪
- Still all beast I see.
- What are you doing here?
- I've come to collect my prize.
- Well you're jumping the gun, Beatrice.
Get off.
(gentle music)
It's not the eve of
Beltane yet, all right?
Leave me alone.
- That's never bothered you before.
- Aye, well things are different now.
I know myself better.
- I think you're wrong, Jason.
People like us, we never change.
- Aye, well times have changed.
There's much more at stake now.
Come on.
- Doesn't love count for anything?
(gentle music)
- Love?
It was never love Beatrice.
- Are you saying you don't care about me?
- Well even if I did care for you,
you certainly never gave
a shite about me, eh?
- Maybe so, but I am the one
that you've come here to get.
- Really?
You're certainly very
confident, aren't you?
- [Beatrice] Certainly.
- Eh?
Eh.
Eh.
(gentle music)
If you were so certain,
you'd wait to show off
your power at the coven, eh?
(gentle music)
No.
Come on.
That's it, Beatrice.
That's enough.
Get lost.
- Shut the fuck up.
Drive.
- What the fuck?
- Okay.
- Don't touch me.
Maddison.
I almost didn't recognize
you with your haircut.
God, what do you want?
- You and me, baby.
We're in the same business.
- I highly doubt it.
- I think we should have a partnership.
What do you think?
- And why should I?
- Because I possess a spell
that will certainly make
you win this little contest.
(bright music)
♪ All right ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ We so glow ♪
♪ Same point to you ♪
♪ For the point of view ♪
♪ Don't forget the bamboo ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Oh Lord ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ We so clever ♪
♪ Ain't quite to get ♪
♪ For the point of view ♪
♪ Don't forget the bamboo ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ All right ♪
- Oh, I hope this isn't too personal,
but I need to know why
you and your husband
have not had children of your own?
- There's nothing personal about it.
We've been trying for years.
That's when I had Richard tested.
We found out he has zero sperm count.
There is no need to be
embarrassed, darling.
I'm sure this nice lady
encounters problems
like yours every day.
- Yeah.
Well you do know it will take a few months
to complete the paperwork
and I can't guarantee
that you'll be able to
adopt this exact boy.
- Exact boy?
- But you can leave a deposit.
- A deposit?
- To speed the paperwork
along and then I see no reason
why you couldn't pick him up immediately.
- Of course.
Give her your money, darling.
5000 shall we say?
- And another five in cash
when you pick the child up.
(gentle music)
- $400 for a rock?
I can't afford this spell.
- [Gideon] Sex is magic.
- Sex is magic.
Sex is magic.
Gideon, you are a genius.
Jamie.
Jamie O'Ferrahy, that nasty
old farmer from Idaho.
Yes, I'd like to speak to Jamie O'Ferrahy.
Oh Jamie, this is Lucinda Bale.
Remember me, honey?
Sugar, sugar, sugar.
(upbeat music)
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ Why do you do me ♪
♪ Do me like you do ♪
♪ Well I gotta ♪
♪ Got to read your lips ♪
♪ Every time she bobs, well
she wiggles in the air ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
- Jamie.
Jamie O'Ferrahy.
Hey fine fucking cane
you got there, sugar.
Come on in.
- Don't be shy, Lucinda Bale.
Let me have a feel of you to be sure
that you are the same lass
of these past two years.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Not another pair like them
to be found in the world.
Oh.
Oh.
Now let me show you what I have brung you.
Big John the Conqueror.
It's a freak of nature.
Just like your gorgeous bosom.
- Just like your dirty nuts.
- Not two to be found
anywhere in the whole world.
- Yeah well, fuck you.
Grab his anus.
Hey how's your fluids huh?
Huh?
- Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
(energetic music)
(phone ringing)
(energetic music)
- Hello.
Aye?
Yeah, it's me.
Who's that?
Who?
What?
The girl from the brothel?
Eh, is it really you?
Aye?
Give me the address then.
What's your name?
Chickory.
Great.
♪ Well I stand up next to a mountain ♪
- Great.
What can I say?
She's a beauty.
Thank you.
Great.
♪ Money but I raise a little sad ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a blue child ♪
♪ Blood don't stop a blue child, baby ♪
- You scared me.
(energetic music)
- Maybe you're expecting somebody else.
- They watch me close, you know.
I'm worth a lot.
- Aye, I could understand that.
- I have the name and address
of the girl who left
because she got pregnant.
Where do you want to do it?
- Do what?
- I never did it with a
real witch before, you know.
- Oh no.
Here's where my integrity fails me.
- If you want the address,
you have to do the nasty.
- [Jason] That's not part
of the deal, you know.
- Are you scared you're
gonna catch something?
- Who me?
I do not think so.
♪ 'Cause I crave days ♪
♪ I crave nights ♪
♪ For the Lord just to
send me on some site ♪
♪ I moved on ♪
♪ I've looked for ♪
♪ To bring peace to my
naked, empty heart ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(upbeat music)
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
- Oh, hello ma'am.
Got you your ribs.
I mean your brain.
I hooked up with the
doc at Tulane Medical.
Check it out.
It's still fresh.
♪ Hold on, lady ♪
♪ Shaking that stick is driving me crazy ♪
♪ Your eyes are red, hazy ♪
- Nice brain, man.
♪ Doing that stuff that you do ♪
♪ Messing me up with your voodoo ♪
♪ You're driving me crazy with that ♪
♪ Boogie, oogie, oogie, oogie,
oogie, oogie, oogie, oogie ♪
♪ You're driving me crazy with that ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
(baby crying)
- We were like sisters.
We grew up in the brothel together.
When we were little, we used to have fun
dreaming up far out names.
Her favorite name was Necessity.
Mine was Luxury 'cause
I could use a little.
- So what happened to her then, eh?
- Got knocked up like me.
Ran away.
So anything you think she
could do that I couldn't?
- Well I do need to know where she is.
- I don't know.
(baby crying)
- Well do you know what her real name is?
- She was born and raised in a den.
I don't think she had no real name.
Can you pass me the Desitin over there?
(baby crying)
- Is there anything I can do to help?
So what about the woman
that runs the den with her?
What's her name?
- Georgina Bale, why?
- I don't know.
Bale.
Just a thought.
(baby crying)
Here, darling.
(bright music)
- Of course they don't pay me as much
as they pay the men at the institute,
but they're not gonna get away
with that for much longer.
(bright music)
- You talking to me?
Listen, Melanie.
I appreciate you bringing
me that mermaid purse.
I know it was expensive.
- It was no problem.
We get them free at
the Marine Biology lab.
I didn't have to pay for it.
(bright music)
- Now I know you been working hard,
not getting out, getting much play, huh?
- Especially surrounded by
all those chauvinistic pigs.
(bright music)
- Oh boy.
What do to me?
I'll do to you.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah (laughs).
Oh, oh.
Oh yeah.
(gentle music)
- When my mother comes looking for me,
you tell her where I am.
- Oh, get that idea out of your head.
Hey, hey, smile.
(bright music)
(ominous music)
- May I help you?
(ominous music)
- [Lucinda] Any ailment, any time.
For the right price, I'll make you mine.
Leave a message.
- Lucinda, we met at the
gas station in Greenview.
I saw your son today.
They was taking him from the orphanage.
I just thought you need to know.
If I could be of any help, let me know.
Goodbye.
- Under no circumstances at all
can I tell you who adopted that boy.
And I don't care if you
think you are the father,
especially considering the
occupation of the mother.
- And can you not call
these adopted parents for me
and explain the situation?
- Absolutely not.
That's illegal.
They have total autonomy and anyway,
I don't know how to contact them.
- And what about the boy's real mother?
Lucinda Bale.
Do you know where I can find her, perhaps?
- Probably in the same place
you met her the first time.
The Red Light District.
- Up your bum.
(bright music)
♪ I went on down to the Audubon Zoo ♪
♪ And they all asked for you ♪
♪ They all asked for you ♪
♪ For who ♪
♪ Well they even inquired about you ♪
♪ I went on down to the Audubon Zoo ♪
♪ And they all asked for you ♪
♪ The monkeys ask ♪
♪ The tigers ask ♪
♪ And the elephant asked me, too ♪
- Oh hey mister.
Hey.
Oh.
♪ Dodo ♪
♪ Dodo, dodo, dodo ♪
♪ Dodo, dodo, dodo ♪
I'm here to pick up my dodo feather.
- Dodos?
- Dodo feather.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Listen, we'll just pluck it
off and he won't feel anything.
- I can get you a peacock feather.
I don't have any dodos.
- What?
What?
What are you talking about?
You have tigers and lions and gorillas
and giraffes and elephants
and you don't have a dodo?
What kind of shit is this?
What kind of crap are you running here?
- They've been extinct for 100--
- Extinct?
Oh my God.
What?
(elephant trumpeting)
- [Ursula] I told you to
check all of the ingredients
before you did the spell.
- I did.
I didn't know that dodos were extinct.
Do I know about dodos?
Do I know anything about dodos?
- Well for heaven's sake,
you can choose another spell.
- I can't.
Tomorrow's the contest.
Don't you know I did everything I could
to pull this off and I
don't have it at all.
- Lucinda.
Lucinda.
If it's the First Horn
you're interested in,
then why don't you go directly to him?
- Oh, oh and just walk up right up to him
and go excuse me sir, I'm
that prostitute that you saw
and you know we were like hmm
and then we were like hmm
and now we have a son.
Hey how do you like that?
- Lucinda, I didn't realize
that he's the father of your child.
Well then you can go to
him directly and ask him.
- Ursula, you don't get it, do you?
This is my last chance to get my son.
What if he takes custody of my son?
What if he takes him?
What if he tries to take him away from me?
- Lucinda.
- No, no, no.
- Lucinda, Lucinda.
- If I win this contest,
he'll respect me and I can have my son.
We'll go and we'll adopt my son, Severin.
And am I gonna win this contest?
Am I gonna win this contest?
Is he gonna respect me?
- Yes, he respects you.
- Do you respect me?
- I respect you, Lucinda.
I respect you.
- Now listen to me you little
brat, if you start screaming,
I won't feed you and you'll
stay here until you rot.
Do you understand?
Do you?
Now, if you're a good boy,
I'll bring your father here
to collect you tomorrow night.
- What about my mom?
- [Beatrice] You can forget about her.
She's dead.
(ominous music)
(speaking in foreign language)
(ominous music)
(upbeat music)
- [Gideon] Check messages.
Check messages.
- Shut up you little twitch.
(upbeat music)
(patrons chattering)
(soft music)
- Fucking little shit.
That hurts.
(soft music)
Give me that shit.
Give me that shit.
Shit.
Lucky I don't torch your little ass.
(soft music)
(speaking in foreign language)
(soft music)
- Give me some.
Oh yes.
No kiss me.
Kiss me.
Go on, steal a kiss.
Oh no.
- Ew.
Ew.
Oh Ursula, I'm wasting my time.
He's not gonna help me.
- You're going to have to talk to him.
That's that.
- Ew.
- Why do we have to wait until tomorrow?
We're all here.
You can spend 15 minutes with each of us
and then make your decision.
- Quite right.
Beatrice may well be the best
looking witch in the land,
but I doubt she's the best fuck.
- You're all forgetting something.
It's not a gang-bang that
we're having tomorrow.
It is a contest to find
the most powerful witch
to participate in the Coupling
for the Beltane ceremony.
- Nobody's quite forgotten that, Natalie.
And that is why everyone
is scared shitless.
- Did you really think
you're gonna be the one
to cast the most powerful spell, Beatrice?
I mean, how much time do you
actually spend practicing magic?
The only practice you get
is pouting in the mirror.
- Is that so, Gloria?
Then why is it that not one of
you will look me in the eye?
- Because you're phallus
Medusa and everybody knows it.
(Group laughing)
Come on, tell the first time
how many spells it takes
to keep that face-lift of yours in place.
- Jason knows firsthand that
I haven't had any face-lifts
or any other type of lips for that matter.
Isn't that right, Jason?
- You're all a disgrace to your sex.
How can you sit there and let
them pander to you like this?
Do none of you have any self respect?
We're just as important
in all of this as he is.
- No, you're quite right, Natalie.
I agree.
Right.
The First Horn won't
stand for anymore of it.
So you'll just have to contain
yourselves until tomorrow.
And on that note, goodnight.
- Meow.
- And don't wait up for me.
- Ah.
- What is it?
- He's wearing the dodo feather.
(bright music)
I'll have the usual, Neal.
- I'll have a lemon drop.
You've got to have some confidence.
You need to go and speak with him, dear.
You need to go and speak with him, please.
- What am I gonna say?
- Darling, darkness and light
and the moon shining bright.
I miss a man.
May I join you?
Go on.
Go and talk to him.
(bright music)
- Do you mind if I sit here?
- Suit yourself.
(bright music)
- It's an early bird day.
It's one hour, special deal.
(bright music)
Do you want to fuck me?
- Get lost why don't you.
(bright music)
- Do you have a match?
- There's a bartender over there.
Why don't you go and ask him?
- Do you have a match?
So, are you waiting for someone here?
- Excuse me, another beer and a shot.
- [Waitress] Do you want something?
- I'll have what he's having.
So am I bothering you?
- I'm just sitting here
trying to have a quiet drink.
(bright music)
- Oh wow, look at her.
Does she turn you on?
- No, does she turn you on?
- No, not that one.
She.
I don't want cellulite.
I want a girl that's, you
know, she's beautiful.
She has to be more
beautiful that me, right?
- Right.
- And look her tits are fake.
- And how can you tell?
- 'Cause it's like real breasts are like.
You know they're up and they're squishy.
And the nipples are always
hard when they're fake.
That's how I know.
- I'll remember that next time.
(bright music)
- Ew, I hate that.
Pig.
Hate when guys do that.
No respect for women at all.
They don't know how to
make a girl feel good.
- What kind of a man
makes a girl feel good?
- The gentle ones.
They have compassion.
They have a backbone, not
floppy fish, you know?
They have a secret.
That's what it is.
- Secret.
- That's pretty.
What is it?
- It's a dodo feather.
- Did you know they're extinct?
- Ah, it's a family heirloom.
- Do you have a family?
Are you married?
- No.
- Children?
- No.
- Good.
- And what's good about that?
- Well, I mean no, I didn't mean that.
I mean.
Do you want a blowjob?
I can just slip under the table.
- Get lost, will you?
- What's wrong?
Don't you find me attractive?
- Was that a trick question?
- Usually guys are all over me.
- Well I can understand that.
I mean you do have a
certain blunt charm but.
- But.
But what, what is it?
- Well.
I mean you must've been very
beautiful before your accident.
- What?
My accident?
- What was it, a car wreck?
Did you go through the windshield?
- What the hell?
Are you crazy?
What accident?
- I'm sorry.
I haven't stopped drinking
since I got to New Orleans.
- What's wrong with you?
You too proud, too clean
to be fucking a whore?
- Actually I'm famed throughout the land
for going down on whores.
- Oh bullshit.
I know what kind of guy you are.
You're the kind of guy thinks
we should be all locked up, huh?
We got diseases and disorders.
Definitely unfit to be
mothers so fuck you.
- You know I think you're going through
a bit of an identity crisis.
You'd be doing better business over there.
- Believe me, I'm
selective about who I fuck.
- You know what?
So am I.
(bright music)
- Mister listen, listen.
I've got to tell you something.
I've got to tell you something.
- What is it, eh?
Come on, what is it?
- I.
- You in trouble?
Do you need help?
Do you need money?
You want money?
I'll give you money.
Just leave me alone.
- I don't want your money.
- What do you want?
- I want your dodo feather.
- You want my feather?
- Mm hm.
Listen I'll make you a deal, okay?
I'll do anything.
I'll do anything you want.
Just give me that dodo feather please.
- Oh God, you're out of your mind.
- Please, please, please, come on.
- No.
- Come on.
- Oy, stop it.
Stop it.
Take the feather.
And get out of here.
Jesus.
Women.
(upbeat music)
(singing in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
- Car wreck?
What's he talking about?
♪ Oh you must've voodoo on me ♪
♪ Oh you must've cast a spell ♪
♪ Think I'm loving you, girl ♪
♪ Ain't no tongue can tell ♪
♪ Oh you must've been burning candles ♪
♪ Oh to make the love so strong ♪
♪ You must've sprinkled
dust all around my bed ♪
♪ You must've had a black cap on ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Just at a glance ♪
♪ Oh you know you put me in a trance ♪
- [Gideon] Check messages.
♪ Oh when I look into your eyes ♪
(machine beeping)
- [Man] Hey there, Lucinda.
I'ma come in there and lay you
across your kitchen sink, baby.
I'll see you tonight.
(machine beeping)
- [Attendant] Lucinda.
We met at the gas station in Greenview.
I saw your son today.
They was taking him from the orphanage.
(dramatic music)
(glass shattering)
- No.
I gave away my son.
I'll never get him back.
Give me my son.
- You can't come bursting into my office.
You have no rights here.
- Where is he?
- You should be thinking
of his best interest.
He was very lucky to be adopted.
There are better children
that have been here for years.
- I want to know where my son is.
- I have a restraining order.
I'm calling the police.
- Police?
Why don't you call the FBI or
the national guard, you fuck?
Now you give me my son.
- Don't you threaten me, you filthy woman.
- Where's the file?
- [Orphanage Woman] There is no file.
The state doesn't release
any information to me.
- You crook.
You criminal.
Give me their names.
- You are not privileged
to have that information.
- Who adopted him?
Who adopted him?
Do you want me to say it again?
- [Orphanage Woman] I want
this filthy whore out of here.
- Severin.
Severin.
Let me go.
Can't you give me my son?
Please?
Get him to be with his mother.
- Get this whore out of here.
- I can do this.
Please.
I need your help.
(soft music)
(singing in foreign language)
(crowd cheering)
- Tonight, as the eve of Beltane,
long ago bonfires raged
across the pagan land.
People abandoned their
burdens to celebrate new life.
Children were conceived out of wedlock.
And the Gods were invoked to
protect the seasons crops.
To mark this day, I would be
honored to join the winner
of the spell contest for the coupling.
(soft music)
Let the celebration begin.
(crowd cheering)
(soft music)
- My how attractive you are, Maddison.
Too bad I'm not a lesbian.
- When do I get the kid?
- After I win the contest.
- Why wait?
- Because if the spell you gave
me doesn't work, he's mine.
- Hail the First Horn.
He of shadows, he of night,
I drink your piss, your vile, your fright.
From Adial Grave to Algol Star,
come out, come out, wherever you are.
- [Demon Spawn] What you
want you blue haired twat?
- To demonstrate my
power over your domain.
Tell those who gather here who you are.
- [Demon Spawn] What right
do you have to command me
to give you my secret name?
- Don't question my power.
Reveal yourself.
- [Demon Spawn] Make me you
pathetic, wretched, fag hag.
- Reveal your name demon
spawn, I command you.
- [Ezekial] Time out.
Stop it.
You win.
Ezekial, miserable 14th son,
14th son, 14th son of Satan.
I bow at your command forever and forever.
Now please, stop squeezing my balls.
(crowd laughing)
- Go home Demon Spawn.
- [Ezekial] Fuck you too.
- Does any among you feel
they can better Betsy's power?
Eh?
(soft music)
(crowd cheering)
(soft music)
Does any among you feel you
can better Natalie's power?
- [Crowd] Beatrice.
Beatrice.
Beatrice.
Beatrice.
- Hail the First Horn.
I'll show you what real power is.
I consecrate this magic
circle with ancient elements
of earth, water, fire and air.
Let all evil spirits come forth.
Let all good be gone.
(crowd screaming)
Witch power, witch power, burn with fire.
Influence these demons to bring me desire.
Crimson passion, crimson
passion burn with fire.
Bewitch this sator for my hire.
(soft music)
- [Virility] Here's what you want.
Good girl.
- Watch as I devour Virility himself.
(soft music)
- Nice, kitty.
Good girl.
Oh yeah.
(soft music)
(crowd cheering)
- I am the best.
Never doubt me.
I am the best.
- The best of the worst.
I challenge her.
- Who let this clap trap in here?
Get her out.
She's not a member of this coven.
- Relax, Beatrice.
Maybe it's time that I join.
- She's not a witch, she's a whore.
She'll ruin the good name of this coven.
- I'm a sex witch.
And you, you're a fraud.
I know all about you and you
know nothing about what I do.
- I know that you're a filthy whore.
- What are you afraid of, Beatrice?
That my magic is more powerful than yours?
- You wish, whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
- [Crowd] Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
- Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
I want to see her magic.
- Why?
- Oh shut up, Beatrice.
Give the wee lassie a chance.
- Whore.
(soft music)
(singing in foreign language)
- Without me, you'll
never scratch the surface
of the power he holds.
- Come on out, boy.
Your father's here.
Don't you want to meet your daddy?
- He's not my daddy.
- Come on, son.
Everything's gon' be all right.
- You're not my father.
I know what he looks like.
He came to me in a dream.
- I'll be more than a father to you.
I'll be your friend.
- I don't think so.
(speaking in foreign language)
(soft music)
- Come on, grab the kid.
(singing in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
- All who will have their
own truth revealed to them,
look into the light.
Lucinda, look into my light and see.
Abandon your doubts and
feels for I am conjured
from the purity of your heart.
I am the light within you.
You have lived the life
of the wholly hollered.
You are descendant of Ishtar,
great lover of Babylon.
You are a Priestess, a
Sorceress, a Prophet and Healer.
Sister of Aphrodite and Mary Magdalene.
You have been set apart
to be the bride of man
and to give birth to the son of Merlin.
Scarlet woman, you are the sacred whore,
glorious daughter of Venus.
(crowd cheering)
(soft music)
- Severin.
Oh God.
Magic beads for you.
(soft music)
Hey.
- Stay back, bitch.
Here's the deal.
I take the boy and you can
have both those bitches.
I'm sure you can figure out a way
to have more kids, oh great horny one.
- You beg my wrath, Maddison.
- What?
Your wrath (laughs)?
I can kill them both
and you wouldn't lift a finger to stop me.
- Do something.
- Lady, he's a lover not a fighter.
- Use your magic.
- He can't use his magic to kill.
Isn't that right, Merlin?
True Blood.
- I've warned you.
- Forget it.
- You reckon just 'cause I
think killing people's a mistake
that I wouldn't lift a
finger to save my own son?
- Yeah, you're still a
free range chicken shit.
- So you want my blood?
You need to turn your
lead into gold, right?
That's why you're here.
But do you understand it also means
I have the power to transmute?
- So?
- So, did you ever hear the
riddle of the shape shifter?
- So what of it?
- The theory has something
to do with the one love idea.
God and the universe being the same.
God is love, love is everywhere.
Everything's interconnected.
We're all one.
You're me, I'm you.
Know what I mean, eh?
Do I have to spell it out for you, sister?
- Sister, huh?
Don't preach that holy shit to me.
- To put it in layman's terms,
I believe love is magic.
(speaking in foreign language)
(ominous music)
- Bitch.
(gun firing)
(ominous music)
(thunder rumbling)
- Necessity.
Necessity.
Necessity.
(sirens wailing)
Necessity.
Lucinda.
Lucinda.
Why'd you not tell me about my son?
- Your son?
- What's that for?
- That's for getting me pregnant.
- Well I suppose you have
every right to hate me.
Now what's that for?
- That's for getting me pregnant.
- Wait, wait.
I need to see you again.
I need to have a
relationship with our son.
- Oh that's right, you're the father.
Well you can always call me.
669-6969.
Make an appointment.
(soft music)
- An appointment?
(soft music)
Aye.
Women.
♪ I had a song 'bout clouds and rainbows ♪
♪ I hold onto that ♪
♪ Seems like it do ♪
♪ Grab some words ♪
♪ 'Bout anything ♪
♪ Anything but love ♪
♪ I made a bit of my prison ♪
♪ With you ungrateful, the sky above ♪
♪ Bring me time ♪
♪ With a title ♪
♪ Anything but love ♪
♪ He had to go but I won't miss him ♪
♪ I have other things to do ♪
♪ Like writing stories ♪
♪ And painting pictures
of anything but love ♪
♪ I wrote a story ♪
♪ About a couple ♪
♪ Steal a plot from an old movie ♪
♪ You can tell what inspired ya ♪
♪ Anything but love ♪
♪ Would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Get 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Get 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ With a sweet man like you ♪
♪ We could have such a wonderful time ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well you'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll love the new world ♪
♪ I'm gonna take you in ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll take our first start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well we'll take off on a start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll ride and glide
and be so satisfied ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ The rocket is ready to fly ♪
♪ I'll make you mighty
happy that I'm your girl ♪
♪ We fly through the sky
and go out of this world ♪
♪ I beg you sweet papa ♪
♪ I can make you feel mighty fine ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ When you take a little
trip on a ride get 69 ♪
(bright music)
♪ Would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Get 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ With a sweet man like you ♪
♪ We could have such a wonderful time ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well you'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll love the new world ♪
♪ I'm gonna take you in ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll take our first start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well we'll take off on a start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll ride and glide
and be so satisfied ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ The rocket is ready to fly ♪
- Think that's him over there?
That could be him.
- [Jules] You believe that shit's true
about his blood turning into gold?
- [Jim] Ah man, Maddison's
a fucking psycho man.
- I tell you if my blood turned into gold,
I'd be bleeding on every goddamn
piece of lead I could find.
- [Jim] You?
Man, I'd be bleeding all over
these airplanes out here.
- [Jules] You a dumb son of a bitch.
Ain't no goddamn airplane
made out of lead.
- That's you're problem.
You always want to
correct me on some shit.
- I mean, I correct you 'cause
you a dumb motherfucker.
You never can think.
- [Jim] How you know they ain't
got no lead in an airplane?
- Here he come.
He's coming.
Aw shit.
Come on, come on, let's go.
You a dumb ass, man, let's go.
(bright music)
♪ I'm the one your mama warned you about ♪
♪ When you see me, I
will leave you no doubt ♪
♪ I'm the coolest man that
ever walked this earth ♪
♪ I've been the coolest
since the day of my birth ♪
♪ I am the cool ♪
♪ Frozen ♪
♪ Cold ♪
♪ Icicles on her toes ♪
♪ I am the cool ♪
♪ I'm winter ♪
♪ I'm a blizzard ♪
(car horns beeping)
(soft music)
♪ I was down in Vietnam ♪
(soft music)
Yeah, thank you very much.
♪ Until that land mine
blew up in Vietnam, ow ♪
♪ I might have been living
in your neighborhood ♪
You know what I'm talking about people?
You know what I'm talking about.
(upbeat music)
♪ That Louisiana lip lock ♪
♪ Want my love porkchop ♪
(phone ringing)
♪ I said get on top, baby ♪
♪ Just don't stop ♪
- [Lucinda] 669-6969.
Lucinda Bale's parlor any hour, anytime.
For the right price, I'll make you mine.
Leave a message.
(machine beeping)
- [George] Hey, Lucinda.
This is George.
Look baby, my cap is full, baby.
I'm on my way, okay?
Lucinda?
Lucinda?
- [Lucinda] George, are you there?
I can't hear you.
Sugar.
Oh, there you are.
Listen.
Do me a favor.
Will you pick me up
some milk along the way?
Oh, you know I will.
♪ If you want my love ♪
- [Gideon] Sex is magic (whistles).
♪ You got to treat me right, baby ♪
♪ If you want my love ♪
♪ I said treat me right, honey ♪
♪ If you want my love ♪
- Ooh, poor Georgie Porgie.
♪ I heard somebody
knocking at my front door ♪
♪ Know I heard that knock before ♪
♪ Peeped through the key hole ♪
♪ What did I see ♪
♪ Somebody peeping right back at me ♪
♪ It was George ♪
♪ Silent George ♪
♪ What are you doing at my front door ♪
♪ I said George ♪
♪ Silent George ♪
♪ Don't you know it's happy ♪
- [George] Hi, Lucinda.
- Aw.
Ooh.
Georgie.
Come to see my sexy bum?
- [George] Yeah.
- Very good.
Want to buy my sexy bum?
- [George] Yeah.
- This way please.
(soft music)
(soft music)
- Aw, mama.
I'm sorry.
You know, I never make
an appointment with you,
but I never know when I'm gon' be rich.
- Aw.
Don't worry little Georgie san.
Lucinda has a very forgiving piece of ass.
Thank you.
Now washy washy time.
(man screaming)
(gentle music)
- [Gideon] For love of money.
- You shut up, Gideon.
I like George.
(gentle music)
Uh-oh.
Very shy soldier.
(gentle music)
- Use your magic, Lucinda.
Make it work, just for
a little while, please?
- Not gonna get hot and
heavy with anyone else?
Okay.
(gentle music)
Oh no.
Very thirsty flower need water.
You a good gardener?
You want to make garden grow?
Better hurry, quickie.
(bright music)
♪ Keep on churning 'til the butter comes ♪
♪ Keep on churning 'til the butter comes ♪
♪ Keep on pumping, make the butter flow ♪
♪ Wipe off the paddle
and churn some more ♪
♪ Little boy blue come blow your horn ♪
♪ Cows in the middle ♪
♪ And sheep in the garden ♪
- You softer than a
goose down pillow, girl.
- That's right, Georgie.
So what you got puddin'?
- See what's in here.
(gentle music)
- Nasty.
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
Shit.
Oh my God.
- What?
- He's here, George.
I can't believe it.
He's here, Georgie.
- [George] What you talking about?
♪ Bum buddy do ♪
♪ Bum buddy ♪
Crap.
Oh.
- What's the matter?
- What is he doing here?
- Who's here?
Who's here?
- The First Horn, George.
The First Horn is here.
- [George] The First Horn?
- He's in New Orleans.
I knew he'd come back.
(gentle music)
- The First Horn?
Is that a new Dixie Land Band?
Lucinda?
(gentle music)
♪ Mm mm oh ♪
- No.
(gentle music)
- [Orphanage Woman] This
is your last chance.
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
(gentle music)
- Yeah.
It's all good.
- There's no turning back.
Once you put him up for
adoption, that's it.
(gentle music)
(upbeat music)
♪ Fire ♪
♪ On a bayou ♪
♪ Fire ♪
♪ On a bayou ♪
♪ Down in New Orleans ♪
- [Lucinda] It's been years.
Oh thank you for this favor.
It's been years for me.
I've been trying to find him.
- [George] This is the hotel
he went in right here, baby.
- [Lucinda] Yeah?
- You gonna go up in there and see him?
- Oh God no, George.
What am I gonna do?
I can't just walk in there.
I mean, look at me.
What am I gonna say?
What am I gonna do?
- Lucinda, you be cool.
I'ma check you later then, okay?
- Wait, George.
Bring this to the desk
and tell them it's for the First Horn.
- [George] Oh, all right.
I'ma see you later?
- Okay, Georgie Porgie.
- Aight now, you make me
cut you, motherfucker.
- That's your problem.
You always wanna cut somebody.
- That's right.
That why I wear black.
It's a good day for killing.
- I see you kill motherfuckers
in other colors, too.
- So you know I'll cut your ass.
- Look at this drunk motherfucker here.
- Ah man, fucking homeless.
- Hey, how you doing?
- All right.
- I have a message
for a Mr. F. Horn.
(gentle music)
- Yeah, he's here.
I'll take it, thanks.
- All right.
Say bro, you can spare
a little change, huh?
Just a little.
- Get out of here.
Go, go.
(gentle music)
- Man, what's up, bro?
What's happening?
What's happening?
Aw no.
(ominous music)
- Hey, Fat-Dough Boy.
- Hold up bro.
Hold up.
What you want, man?
- [Jim] What's the message, man?
- What message, man?
- I seen the envelope.
What was inside?
- Say bro, it was a picture.
It was a picture of a baby, bro.
The girl gave me $5 to
bring it to the front desk.
- Man, fuck this bum.
Let's kill this motherfucker.
- Wait, wait, wait, don't kill him.
Don't kill him.
- No, no, no, fuck him, fuck him.
- Say man, no.
Bro, I'm telling the truth, bro.
I'm telling the truth, man.
Hold up.
Hold up.
- Fuck that.
- Oh no, don't do it.
- Shit, look what you did.
- [Jules] Boy, I ain't never saw
a motherfucker bleed like that.
Shit.
- [Jim] Goddamn, fat ass dough boy.
(ominous music)
- [Lucinda] Aw, love that George.
(bright music)
(gentle music)
(glass shattering)
(gentle music)
- Let's keep it simple
and not have any rules.
There's less confusion that way.
- Don't you remember what happened in '83?
Dennis Proctor was dismembered.
- You mean somebody cut off his phallus?
- Not his dick.
Duh, dildo-brain.
Do you never think about anything else?
- [Betsy] You just said
they cut off his member.
- Dismember.
Torn limb from limb.
Ouch, she is so dumb.
- You see Beatrice, we have to have rules.
Before you know it, it will
be a spit of penis stuff
and we'll have a massive
witch hunt on our ass.
- Nobody is going to chop off
some poor schmuck's wonker
and grind it into spell powder.
- That's right because
it'll be against the rules.
First rule, no male extremities.
Write it down, Betsy.
- Next you'll be inviting
animal activists in
to make sure we don't use
any bat wings or sheep pies.
- Don't be ridiculous.
Rule number two.
No fraternizing with the
First Horn before the contest.
- What are we trying to
do eliminate shitting?
- What if he's the one that
wants to start the fraternizing?
- You don't have to worry about that.
Believe me.
- Third and final rule.
There will be no spells
cast from this day forward
until it's time for the contest.
We can't have anyone jinxing
anyone else's chances
or hexing up the airwaves.
- That's a ridiculous rule.
No one is gonna keep
me from using my magic.
- Anyone caught cheating
will be disqualified
from the contest and
suspended from the coven
for a year including you Beatrice.
You got all that, Betsy?
- Scribed in blood.
- Ha, that is a laugh.
I would like to see any one of you try
to keep me away from the coven.
(box thudding)
Oh yuck.
It's the whore.
(eerie music)
- Whore to you too, Beatrice.
- What are you crawling around for?
Looking for a spell to cure your V.D.?
- I think we all know who's
carrying the fungi around here.
Do you all have your gloves on?
Look, you know why I've come.
What is he doing here?
- What's it to you?
Spread your legs?
Membership to this coven
is not open to whores.
- You're being mean to me.
Look you fat inflamed vaginal wart,
I don't care about your
stupid puberty club.
I just want to know what he's doing here.
- Well actually Lucinda, if it
hasn't escaped your attention
it is the eve of Beltane,
the sacred night of love,
and the First Horn has to choose
a mate for the celebration.
- Choose a mate?
How, who?
- Whoever can cast the
most powerful spell.
Me of course.
Fangs up.
- Don't count your wrinkles, Beatrice.
There's more to fancy spell casting
than dollin' for foundation and mascara.
- Shut up you fat slut.
He'd never fuck you for solstice.
- You cheesy, smelly cunt.
- More repugnant than gorgonzola.
What a whiff?
Lucinda, nice of you to stop by,
and ah, give my regards to your pimp.
- Eh?
Eh?
Hey Beatrice, wonk.
And wonk.
Hey, how's your cheese factor?
Cheesy, baby.
- You virus stricken whore.
- You're scaring me.
Oh God, you guys are scaring me.
(eerie music)
You know what?
I think I'm gonna go to the friend's store
and get some new friends.
And a whore to you, too.
(eerie music)
- Lucinda Bale.
I know her little secret.
I will fix her now.
Vision light.
Vision bright.
- You can't do that.
You can't cast a spell on another witch.
- She's not a witch.
She is a whore.
One little spell is not going to hurt.
Go on, Beatrice, fry the bitch.
- Vision light.
Vision bright.
Foul up the First Horn's sight.
Lay his eyes upon Lucinda Bale
and all he'll see is a scabby veil.
- Hm.
A spell contest.
(singing in foreign language)
- Artos.
Spirit guide, it's about fucking time.
Come on, Artos.
I'm not in the mood for this crap.
- So Jason, it's nearly
the eve of the Beltane.
You must be fairly excited
to have sex without a condom.
- Cut the shite.
Do you not get laid in the spirit world?
- Beyond your wildest dreams, sonny boy.
So what's the problem, women, again?
- Just one woman.
That bitch Beatrice.
You know she's gonna win
the bloody spell contest.
- [Artos] But didn't you
say she gives good head?
- That's not a good enough reason
to have a child with a woman.
I'm trying to be serious about all this
and she's a fucking nightmare.
- A horny fucking nightmare.
A First Horn nightmare.
It's your duty to father,
nurture and train a son
to carry on the legacy
of your ancestor Merlin
or it will be lost forever.
- I don't want the shite
responsibility on my head anymore.
It's driving me fucking nuts.
- Too many undesirables know
about your enchanted bloodline.
You need some earthly protection.
Try this.
Jesse James did.
- You must be out of your mind.
You know every time I'm
violent I lose power.
This should not be the way of the druids.
- Promiscuity also cost you power druid.
If you spend less time screwing
and more time on the magic,
you wouldn't need a gun.
- I'll take love and whatever
shape or form it comes in.
What I do not need is you
encouraging me to be violent.
- The preservation of knowledge
and culture are two
things worth fighting for.
Listen to the voice of
your own conscience.
- Artos.
Wait.
What do I do about Beatrice?
- [Artos] Necessity is
the mother of invention.
- Did the First Horn check in today?
- Got a name?
- Lucinda Bale.
- No, his name.
- His mother doesn't
even know his real name.
- Look, are you soliciting?
Or are you just?
What's up with you?
Do you have an appointment?
Sir, there's a message for you.
(bright music)
♪ I put a spell on you ♪
- Necessity?
Did a tall dark haired girl drop this off?
- I wouldn't know, sir.
- Well if a woman called Beatrice phones,
don't under any circumstances
give her my room number okay?
♪ You better stop before
you met your due ♪
- Listen bitch, I don't
know who you think you are
or what you think--
- Listen, bitch.
No, listen bitch.
- No soliciting in my club.
- There is no.
- You need to get your ass
out of here right here.
- No, no, no, this is soliciting.
- Everything goes through me.
- This is soliciting.
And this is soliciting
and that is soliciting.
This is soliciting.
Meow.
♪ Or putting me down ♪
♪ I put a spell on you ♪
♪ Because you're mine ♪
♪ All right ♪
- [Gideon] Sex is magic.
- Relax, Gideon.
Do you know I could stick
my finger up your crack?
What are we gonna do?
Do you see any wrinkles?
- [Gideon] What?
I love Lucinda (whistles).
- I know you do.
Goodnight.
♪ Hush little baby ♪
♪ Don't say a word ♪
♪ Mommy's gonna buy you ♪
♪ A mockingbird ♪
♪ And if that mockingbird don't sing ♪
♪ Mammy's gonna buy you a diamond ring ♪
♪ And if that diamond ring don't shine ♪
♪ Mommy's gonna buy you a clock of time ♪
♪ And if that clock of time don't sing ♪
♪ Mommy's gonna buy you ♪
(gentle music)
♪ I wished on a star ♪
♪ Send me down a lover ♪
♪ Don't want any other kind of love ♪
- Hey you.
In the friendly knickers.
Come down and dance, why don't you?
Come on.
Hey you wee beauty.
Come down here and dance.
Come on.
♪ Wonder why my love hurt things ♪
♪ Used to wide awake than I was ♪
♪ And I go on and I go on without you ♪
♪ Now I don't do the things I used to do ♪
- You.
Dance with me.
♪ Ever since the day I wished for you ♪
- You.
You are as pretty as I thought.
Prettier indeed.
(speaking in foreign language)
What's the matter?
- Can't kiss me.
- [First Horn] Why not?
- [Lucinda] It's gonna cost you.
- It's gonna cost me?
- It's gonna cost you.
- But it's Mardi Gras.
What's the matter?
- I'll make you a discount.
- You'll make me a discount?
Okay.
- No.
Not here, not here.
Not here, come on.
♪ You sit and cry all day ♪
♪ Wonder why my love would fade ♪
♪ Used to wallow way and I was ♪
♪ Can I go on ♪
♪ Can I go on without you ♪
♪ Now I don't do the things I used to do ♪
♪ Ever since the day I wished for you ♪
♪ Ever since the day I wished for you ♪
- Bitch had a kid, huh?
- Hey, the bum said it was
something about a hooker.
- He's knocking up some nasty ass whore.
- Look, there he is over there.
- Hey, shall we kill him now?
- Yeah, but don't put
too many holes in him.
- What the fuck you mean?
- I don't want to waste
a drop of his blood.
Now don't fuck it up.
You understand?
(bright music)
♪ And I was talking to an oak tree ♪
♪ When a Cyprus budded in ♪
♪ I called out to raven ♪
♪ Made a nest inside my skin ♪
♪ To understand me better you
all ought to follow me home ♪
♪ I make a wish ♪
♪ I clean up piss ♪
♪ And that's why they call me ♪
- Oh shit.
- I better warn you.
I've got Jesse James' gun.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- You better hope it still works.
- Right.
- Word is your blood share is ready to go.
- Aye.
24 karat and 86 proof.
So, what do you want anyway?
- Kill your ass and get rich.
Make as little mess of it as possible.
- So this is it then hey?
Do or die?
- No two ways about it.
- [First Horn] So.
Do you mind if I say a wee prayer?
- Fuck you.
None of that legend bullshit.
- [First Horn] Oh no,
that wouldn't be fair, eh?
In fact, I'm gonna say a prayer for you.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gun firing)
(soft music)
Looks like you made a mess after all.
- You son of a bitch.
You used your magic shit.
- That's right.
I prayed I wouldn't hit you in the head
and blow your brains out.
- Too bad you didn't say a prayer for Jim.
(soft music)
- And that was just fine.
Oh, it was so fine.
I just wanna do it again.
I just wanna do it again,
again you big cunt.
Stop.
Stop there you cunt.
No you.
No you.
Fuck, I'll follow you.
I have a fucking gun.
It's all so simple.
Why'd I never think of it?
Blow their fucking brains out.
Why don't you blow your
own fucking brains out?
You fucking idiot.
You wee fucking idiot.
I'm a fucking moron.
No.
Oh no.
What'd I do that for?
It's all good.
Right?
Fucking just fine, that is.
Oh God.
Oh no, it's keeping on my back.
Oh no.
Oh no Merlin.
(gentle music)
Here take it.
- I don't want your money.
- Well take it.
Business is business.
- But it's different.
- So what's your name anyway?
- Necessity.
- Necessity?
Necessity.
Necessity.
Why did I not get it the first time?
(bright music)
- Welcome to Minerva's Den.
- Thank you.
- [Madame] Chickory, remember
the gentleman's coat.
- No, that's all right.
Thank you very much.
- Whatever turns you on.
- Bourbon.
♪ How you was supposed to treat a girl ♪
♪ Down fast I'll never know you ♪
- Thank you.
Does a girl named
Necessity still work here?
- The girls tend to change their names
quite frequently around
here, but look around.
You might recognize her.
- Aye, but it was seven or eight years ago
during the Mardi Gras and
she was wearing a mask.
- Girls, this gentleman's looking
for a girl named Necessity.
Any of you recognize him?
- I'm a necessity.
- Come here.
(gentle music)
Let me see.
(gentle music)
Very lovely, bend over.
It's not you.
Oh my God, is it you?
- [Woman] I'm Necessity.
- You are?
- Yes.
- Let me see then.
No.
It's not you either.
Anybody?
- Would you like to see?
- I'd like to see.
I'd love to see.
Oh, let me see.
No, it's not you.
Did I hear somebody laughing around there?
Oh my darling.
Let me have a look at you.
Perhaps it is.
No, it's not you.
Is there a Necessity amongst you all?
- [Woman] Necessity is me.
- She was a little taller,
but I think I'll look anyway.
No, it's not you.
How 'bout you?
Perhaps it was you.
Ah, you got that naughty
look on your face.
Get down then.
Let me see.
Let me see then.
It's not you.
(bright music)
Come here, darling.
You're so beautiful.
No.
All done.
She had a tattoo on her ass.
- Do any of you have a tattoo on your ass?
- It was me.
- Really?
- It was me, yeah.
- Well let me go and have a look.
(bright music)
I wish it was.
Why don't you call me
at the Courtyard Hotel?
She sent me this.
- My girls don't get pregnant.
You must have come to the wrong place.
Chickory, get Freddy up here
to get this old witch out the door.
- That's all right.
I'll see myself to the door, Madame.
(bright music)
(upbeat music)
♪ All right ♪
- Sir, if this doesn't start,
do you think you can take me
to the Greenview
Children's Home over there?
- The car just needs
some tape for the pipe.
The Greenview Children Home?
- Yeah.
- I know those kids.
They come here for candy.
- They do?
Do you know my son Severin?
- Ah, little small boy.
Yeah, he has your eyes.
- He does?
Say listen, if I gave you my number,
would you call me if he comes in?
- Certainly, I don't see why not.
- Thanks.
(gentle music)
That's really nice of you.
- May I ask why he doesn't live with you?
- Ugh.
'Cause I was kinda young and stupid.
I couldn't really even
take care of myself.
- And you want him back now?
- Oh yeah.
I miss him.
God I've done everything.
I went to court.
Done everything except kidnap him.
- Wait a minute, please.
(gentle music)
Little boys, they like these.
- Thank you, sir.
(ominous music)
- Get in here now.
Move it.
Move it.
Get inside now.
Move it.
Move it.
Move it.
Get in.
Now.
Move it.
Move it.
(gentle music)
Stop.
Get off my property.
I have a restraining order against you
and I'll call the police.
- Restraining order?
You can't keep me from my son.
- And what do you think
your son is gonna think
when he finds out the
kind of woman you are?
- I wanna see my son.
- No.
You're always interfering
with this orphanage.
Nothing but a filthy whore.
- Mom.
- [Orphanage Woman] Victor.
Victor.
- Severin, listen to me.
Mama is going to get you out of here okay?
Don't you worry.
- [Victor] Come on, kid.
- [Severin] Hey.
Let go of me you little son of a bitch.
Mom.
Mom, help.
- Listen to me, if anything
ever happens to my son,
I'm gonna kick your ass.
- Oh yeah?
Why don't you just stand
here until the police come?
(gentle music)
- Give this to Severin, okay?
(gentle music)
- Ugly little pink things.
Do you think that sex could
lead to something so disastrous?
My oh my.
Children.
Real children.
Give me the candy, Bernie.
(soft music)
- May I help you?
- You certainly may.
I've come to meet the children.
I'd like to meet all of them.
Every.
Single.
Last.
One of them.
(soft music)
- Restraining order?
That must be terrible for you.
Let's see, the book
must be here somewhere.
It's been a busy week with
witches all looking for spells.
Here it is.
This these are the most
powerful white magic spells
to be used only by the purest of heart.
- A lot of good that's gonna do me.
- Don't dismiss the goodness
within you, Lucinda.
- I'm just a whore.
I'm just a whore.
And I gave away my son.
I'll never get him back.
- You did what you thought
was right at the time.
It doesn't make you a
bad person, trust me.
Now just remember to make sure you get
all of the ingredients
before you choose a spell.
It's an old book, you know.
(ominous music)
- You're always good to me, Ursula.
- Shades of the dead druids,
counselors of the ancient tribes,
guardians of earth magic,
I Jason Mageborn,
present descendant of
Merlin command a vision.
My true, all chemical blood
be the offering to the dead.
(ominous music)
(speaking in foreign language)
Merlin, that's what transformation is,
guide to my progeny,
I command a vision.
Merlin, where the fuck are you, eh?
Come on.
- [Merlin] I hope this isn't
about your horoscope again.
- Oh, cut it out, Merlin.
That was 10 years ago.
- [Merlin] Seems like yesterday to me.
- Aye, well I've matured a
wee bit since then, you know.
- [Merlin] That's what you always say.
It's your blood.
Speak quickly before you faint.
- I need to know, do I have a son?
- [Merlin] Indeed you
do and not by a priest
who was chosen on the eve of Beltane.
- But does he have our blood, Merlin?
- [Merlin] I myself was born of a union
between a Goddess and a demon.
Now, in your son's case, who is the God
and who is the demon?
- That's not a fucking answer.
It's a riddle.
If you want me to play your archaic games,
then at least you can
play it straight with me
and give me a vision.
- [Merlin] You can see the
queen's ass if you so desire,
but you're an idiot if you
want to step inside the future.
The future is a realm of possibilities.
Weakened power as you are, all
you'll find are your fears.
- I'm not your fucker Arthur.
I'm not your boy king.
I'm your flesh and blood.
I need a vision.
- [Merlin] No, you're the playboy king.
The freaking Casanova of this family.
It's all yours.
(gentle music)
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
- You see?
Okay.
Let me set you in there.
Okay.
Now this is your first test of power.
Don't be scared.
Just remember the words.
I'm gonna be right here.
Just say the magic words.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
All right, now try again harder.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
Come on, boy, try.
Try boy.
(speaking in foreign language)
(gentle music)
You're my son.
You can do it.
- [Severin] I can't.
- [Jason] No, you can.
Try again.
- I can't.
(gentle music)
(coughing)
- Aw, fucking hell.
- Okay on summoning the true sprite.
Summoning the true sprite.
All who witness the
dance of the true sprite
will see beyond the mask of their own pain
to the truth of the real feelings.
Okay basic ingredients.
Fox, gloves, spear, wart, lynn seed oil,
deadly knight shade and natural yogurt.
Special ingredients.
Let's write this down.
Big John the Conqueror.
Meteorite.
Segments with the right
side of the human brain.
Oh that's nice, huh?
Mermaid's purse.
And Dodo feather.
Sounds pretty simple doesn't it, Gideon?
And I bet none of those
other nasty witches
will have a spell like mine.
(hand knocking)
Aw.
I don't wanna work tonight, Gideon.
Oh dear.
- Bless you my child.
- Father John Thomas.
Sister Blossom is not
feeling quite well tonight.
Perhaps another night would be better.
- Oh that's all right.
Would you give her these for me please?
- Ooh.
- Do wish her well for me.
- Father, would you wait a moment?
♪ For bells will chime ♪
♪ With the song of moonlight ♪
♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪
♪ Bitch ♪
♪ Fuck you, you stinking asshole ♪
♪ Most beauty I've seen,
it come from a dream ♪
♪ But I can't close my eyes anymore ♪
♪ No, I can't close my eyes anymore ♪
♪ I can't close my eyes anymore ♪
- Still all beast I see.
- What are you doing here?
- I've come to collect my prize.
- Well you're jumping the gun, Beatrice.
Get off.
(gentle music)
It's not the eve of
Beltane yet, all right?
Leave me alone.
- That's never bothered you before.
- Aye, well things are different now.
I know myself better.
- I think you're wrong, Jason.
People like us, we never change.
- Aye, well times have changed.
There's much more at stake now.
Come on.
- Doesn't love count for anything?
(gentle music)
- Love?
It was never love Beatrice.
- Are you saying you don't care about me?
- Well even if I did care for you,
you certainly never gave
a shite about me, eh?
- Maybe so, but I am the one
that you've come here to get.
- Really?
You're certainly very
confident, aren't you?
- [Beatrice] Certainly.
- Eh?
Eh.
Eh.
(gentle music)
If you were so certain,
you'd wait to show off
your power at the coven, eh?
(gentle music)
No.
Come on.
That's it, Beatrice.
That's enough.
Get lost.
- Shut the fuck up.
Drive.
- What the fuck?
- Okay.
- Don't touch me.
Maddison.
I almost didn't recognize
you with your haircut.
God, what do you want?
- You and me, baby.
We're in the same business.
- I highly doubt it.
- I think we should have a partnership.
What do you think?
- And why should I?
- Because I possess a spell
that will certainly make
you win this little contest.
(bright music)
♪ All right ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ We so glow ♪
♪ Same point to you ♪
♪ For the point of view ♪
♪ Don't forget the bamboo ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Oh Lord ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ We so clever ♪
♪ Ain't quite to get ♪
♪ For the point of view ♪
♪ Don't forget the bamboo ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ All right ♪
- Oh, I hope this isn't too personal,
but I need to know why
you and your husband
have not had children of your own?
- There's nothing personal about it.
We've been trying for years.
That's when I had Richard tested.
We found out he has zero sperm count.
There is no need to be
embarrassed, darling.
I'm sure this nice lady
encounters problems
like yours every day.
- Yeah.
Well you do know it will take a few months
to complete the paperwork
and I can't guarantee
that you'll be able to
adopt this exact boy.
- Exact boy?
- But you can leave a deposit.
- A deposit?
- To speed the paperwork
along and then I see no reason
why you couldn't pick him up immediately.
- Of course.
Give her your money, darling.
5000 shall we say?
- And another five in cash
when you pick the child up.
(gentle music)
- $400 for a rock?
I can't afford this spell.
- [Gideon] Sex is magic.
- Sex is magic.
Sex is magic.
Gideon, you are a genius.
Jamie.
Jamie O'Ferrahy, that nasty
old farmer from Idaho.
Yes, I'd like to speak to Jamie O'Ferrahy.
Oh Jamie, this is Lucinda Bale.
Remember me, honey?
Sugar, sugar, sugar.
(upbeat music)
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ Why do you do me ♪
♪ Do me like you do ♪
♪ Well I gotta ♪
♪ Got to read your lips ♪
♪ Every time she bobs, well
she wiggles in the air ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
♪ How come you do me like
you do me like you do me ♪
- Jamie.
Jamie O'Ferrahy.
Hey fine fucking cane
you got there, sugar.
Come on in.
- Don't be shy, Lucinda Bale.
Let me have a feel of you to be sure
that you are the same lass
of these past two years.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Not another pair like them
to be found in the world.
Oh.
Oh.
Now let me show you what I have brung you.
Big John the Conqueror.
It's a freak of nature.
Just like your gorgeous bosom.
- Just like your dirty nuts.
- Not two to be found
anywhere in the whole world.
- Yeah well, fuck you.
Grab his anus.
Hey how's your fluids huh?
Huh?
- Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
(energetic music)
(phone ringing)
(energetic music)
- Hello.
Aye?
Yeah, it's me.
Who's that?
Who?
What?
The girl from the brothel?
Eh, is it really you?
Aye?
Give me the address then.
What's your name?
Chickory.
Great.
♪ Well I stand up next to a mountain ♪
- Great.
What can I say?
She's a beauty.
Thank you.
Great.
♪ Money but I raise a little sad ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm a blue child ♪
♪ Blood don't stop a blue child, baby ♪
- You scared me.
(energetic music)
- Maybe you're expecting somebody else.
- They watch me close, you know.
I'm worth a lot.
- Aye, I could understand that.
- I have the name and address
of the girl who left
because she got pregnant.
Where do you want to do it?
- Do what?
- I never did it with a
real witch before, you know.
- Oh no.
Here's where my integrity fails me.
- If you want the address,
you have to do the nasty.
- [Jason] That's not part
of the deal, you know.
- Are you scared you're
gonna catch something?
- Who me?
I do not think so.
♪ 'Cause I crave days ♪
♪ I crave nights ♪
♪ For the Lord just to
send me on some site ♪
♪ I moved on ♪
♪ I've looked for ♪
♪ To bring peace to my
naked, empty heart ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(upbeat music)
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
- Oh, hello ma'am.
Got you your ribs.
I mean your brain.
I hooked up with the
doc at Tulane Medical.
Check it out.
It's still fresh.
♪ Hold on, lady ♪
♪ Shaking that stick is driving me crazy ♪
♪ Your eyes are red, hazy ♪
- Nice brain, man.
♪ Doing that stuff that you do ♪
♪ Messing me up with your voodoo ♪
♪ You're driving me crazy with that ♪
♪ Boogie, oogie, oogie, oogie,
oogie, oogie, oogie, oogie ♪
♪ You're driving me crazy with that ♪
♪ Boogie, boogie, boogie ♪
(baby crying)
- We were like sisters.
We grew up in the brothel together.
When we were little, we used to have fun
dreaming up far out names.
Her favorite name was Necessity.
Mine was Luxury 'cause
I could use a little.
- So what happened to her then, eh?
- Got knocked up like me.
Ran away.
So anything you think she
could do that I couldn't?
- Well I do need to know where she is.
- I don't know.
(baby crying)
- Well do you know what her real name is?
- She was born and raised in a den.
I don't think she had no real name.
Can you pass me the Desitin over there?
(baby crying)
- Is there anything I can do to help?
So what about the woman
that runs the den with her?
What's her name?
- Georgina Bale, why?
- I don't know.
Bale.
Just a thought.
(baby crying)
Here, darling.
(bright music)
- Of course they don't pay me as much
as they pay the men at the institute,
but they're not gonna get away
with that for much longer.
(bright music)
- You talking to me?
Listen, Melanie.
I appreciate you bringing
me that mermaid purse.
I know it was expensive.
- It was no problem.
We get them free at
the Marine Biology lab.
I didn't have to pay for it.
(bright music)
- Now I know you been working hard,
not getting out, getting much play, huh?
- Especially surrounded by
all those chauvinistic pigs.
(bright music)
- Oh boy.
What do to me?
I'll do to you.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah (laughs).
Oh, oh.
Oh yeah.
(gentle music)
- When my mother comes looking for me,
you tell her where I am.
- Oh, get that idea out of your head.
Hey, hey, smile.
(bright music)
(ominous music)
- May I help you?
(ominous music)
- [Lucinda] Any ailment, any time.
For the right price, I'll make you mine.
Leave a message.
- Lucinda, we met at the
gas station in Greenview.
I saw your son today.
They was taking him from the orphanage.
I just thought you need to know.
If I could be of any help, let me know.
Goodbye.
- Under no circumstances at all
can I tell you who adopted that boy.
And I don't care if you
think you are the father,
especially considering the
occupation of the mother.
- And can you not call
these adopted parents for me
and explain the situation?
- Absolutely not.
That's illegal.
They have total autonomy and anyway,
I don't know how to contact them.
- And what about the boy's real mother?
Lucinda Bale.
Do you know where I can find her, perhaps?
- Probably in the same place
you met her the first time.
The Red Light District.
- Up your bum.
(bright music)
♪ I went on down to the Audubon Zoo ♪
♪ And they all asked for you ♪
♪ They all asked for you ♪
♪ For who ♪
♪ Well they even inquired about you ♪
♪ I went on down to the Audubon Zoo ♪
♪ And they all asked for you ♪
♪ The monkeys ask ♪
♪ The tigers ask ♪
♪ And the elephant asked me, too ♪
- Oh hey mister.
Hey.
Oh.
♪ Dodo ♪
♪ Dodo, dodo, dodo ♪
♪ Dodo, dodo, dodo ♪
I'm here to pick up my dodo feather.
- Dodos?
- Dodo feather.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Listen, we'll just pluck it
off and he won't feel anything.
- I can get you a peacock feather.
I don't have any dodos.
- What?
What?
What are you talking about?
You have tigers and lions and gorillas
and giraffes and elephants
and you don't have a dodo?
What kind of shit is this?
What kind of crap are you running here?
- They've been extinct for 100--
- Extinct?
Oh my God.
What?
(elephant trumpeting)
- [Ursula] I told you to
check all of the ingredients
before you did the spell.
- I did.
I didn't know that dodos were extinct.
Do I know about dodos?
Do I know anything about dodos?
- Well for heaven's sake,
you can choose another spell.
- I can't.
Tomorrow's the contest.
Don't you know I did everything I could
to pull this off and I
don't have it at all.
- Lucinda.
Lucinda.
If it's the First Horn
you're interested in,
then why don't you go directly to him?
- Oh, oh and just walk up right up to him
and go excuse me sir, I'm
that prostitute that you saw
and you know we were like hmm
and then we were like hmm
and now we have a son.
Hey how do you like that?
- Lucinda, I didn't realize
that he's the father of your child.
Well then you can go to
him directly and ask him.
- Ursula, you don't get it, do you?
This is my last chance to get my son.
What if he takes custody of my son?
What if he takes him?
What if he tries to take him away from me?
- Lucinda.
- No, no, no.
- Lucinda, Lucinda.
- If I win this contest,
he'll respect me and I can have my son.
We'll go and we'll adopt my son, Severin.
And am I gonna win this contest?
Am I gonna win this contest?
Is he gonna respect me?
- Yes, he respects you.
- Do you respect me?
- I respect you, Lucinda.
I respect you.
- Now listen to me you little
brat, if you start screaming,
I won't feed you and you'll
stay here until you rot.
Do you understand?
Do you?
Now, if you're a good boy,
I'll bring your father here
to collect you tomorrow night.
- What about my mom?
- [Beatrice] You can forget about her.
She's dead.
(ominous music)
(speaking in foreign language)
(ominous music)
(upbeat music)
- [Gideon] Check messages.
Check messages.
- Shut up you little twitch.
(upbeat music)
(patrons chattering)
(soft music)
- Fucking little shit.
That hurts.
(soft music)
Give me that shit.
Give me that shit.
Shit.
Lucky I don't torch your little ass.
(soft music)
(speaking in foreign language)
(soft music)
- Give me some.
Oh yes.
No kiss me.
Kiss me.
Go on, steal a kiss.
Oh no.
- Ew.
Ew.
Oh Ursula, I'm wasting my time.
He's not gonna help me.
- You're going to have to talk to him.
That's that.
- Ew.
- Why do we have to wait until tomorrow?
We're all here.
You can spend 15 minutes with each of us
and then make your decision.
- Quite right.
Beatrice may well be the best
looking witch in the land,
but I doubt she's the best fuck.
- You're all forgetting something.
It's not a gang-bang that
we're having tomorrow.
It is a contest to find
the most powerful witch
to participate in the Coupling
for the Beltane ceremony.
- Nobody's quite forgotten that, Natalie.
And that is why everyone
is scared shitless.
- Did you really think
you're gonna be the one
to cast the most powerful spell, Beatrice?
I mean, how much time do you
actually spend practicing magic?
The only practice you get
is pouting in the mirror.
- Is that so, Gloria?
Then why is it that not one of
you will look me in the eye?
- Because you're phallus
Medusa and everybody knows it.
(Group laughing)
Come on, tell the first time
how many spells it takes
to keep that face-lift of yours in place.
- Jason knows firsthand that
I haven't had any face-lifts
or any other type of lips for that matter.
Isn't that right, Jason?
- You're all a disgrace to your sex.
How can you sit there and let
them pander to you like this?
Do none of you have any self respect?
We're just as important
in all of this as he is.
- No, you're quite right, Natalie.
I agree.
Right.
The First Horn won't
stand for anymore of it.
So you'll just have to contain
yourselves until tomorrow.
And on that note, goodnight.
- Meow.
- And don't wait up for me.
- Ah.
- What is it?
- He's wearing the dodo feather.
(bright music)
I'll have the usual, Neal.
- I'll have a lemon drop.
You've got to have some confidence.
You need to go and speak with him, dear.
You need to go and speak with him, please.
- What am I gonna say?
- Darling, darkness and light
and the moon shining bright.
I miss a man.
May I join you?
Go on.
Go and talk to him.
(bright music)
- Do you mind if I sit here?
- Suit yourself.
(bright music)
- It's an early bird day.
It's one hour, special deal.
(bright music)
Do you want to fuck me?
- Get lost why don't you.
(bright music)
- Do you have a match?
- There's a bartender over there.
Why don't you go and ask him?
- Do you have a match?
So, are you waiting for someone here?
- Excuse me, another beer and a shot.
- [Waitress] Do you want something?
- I'll have what he's having.
So am I bothering you?
- I'm just sitting here
trying to have a quiet drink.
(bright music)
- Oh wow, look at her.
Does she turn you on?
- No, does she turn you on?
- No, not that one.
She.
I don't want cellulite.
I want a girl that's, you
know, she's beautiful.
She has to be more
beautiful that me, right?
- Right.
- And look her tits are fake.
- And how can you tell?
- 'Cause it's like real breasts are like.
You know they're up and they're squishy.
And the nipples are always
hard when they're fake.
That's how I know.
- I'll remember that next time.
(bright music)
- Ew, I hate that.
Pig.
Hate when guys do that.
No respect for women at all.
They don't know how to
make a girl feel good.
- What kind of a man
makes a girl feel good?
- The gentle ones.
They have compassion.
They have a backbone, not
floppy fish, you know?
They have a secret.
That's what it is.
- Secret.
- That's pretty.
What is it?
- It's a dodo feather.
- Did you know they're extinct?
- Ah, it's a family heirloom.
- Do you have a family?
Are you married?
- No.
- Children?
- No.
- Good.
- And what's good about that?
- Well, I mean no, I didn't mean that.
I mean.
Do you want a blowjob?
I can just slip under the table.
- Get lost, will you?
- What's wrong?
Don't you find me attractive?
- Was that a trick question?
- Usually guys are all over me.
- Well I can understand that.
I mean you do have a
certain blunt charm but.
- But.
But what, what is it?
- Well.
I mean you must've been very
beautiful before your accident.
- What?
My accident?
- What was it, a car wreck?
Did you go through the windshield?
- What the hell?
Are you crazy?
What accident?
- I'm sorry.
I haven't stopped drinking
since I got to New Orleans.
- What's wrong with you?
You too proud, too clean
to be fucking a whore?
- Actually I'm famed throughout the land
for going down on whores.
- Oh bullshit.
I know what kind of guy you are.
You're the kind of guy thinks
we should be all locked up, huh?
We got diseases and disorders.
Definitely unfit to be
mothers so fuck you.
- You know I think you're going through
a bit of an identity crisis.
You'd be doing better business over there.
- Believe me, I'm
selective about who I fuck.
- You know what?
So am I.
(bright music)
- Mister listen, listen.
I've got to tell you something.
I've got to tell you something.
- What is it, eh?
Come on, what is it?
- I.
- You in trouble?
Do you need help?
Do you need money?
You want money?
I'll give you money.
Just leave me alone.
- I don't want your money.
- What do you want?
- I want your dodo feather.
- You want my feather?
- Mm hm.
Listen I'll make you a deal, okay?
I'll do anything.
I'll do anything you want.
Just give me that dodo feather please.
- Oh God, you're out of your mind.
- Please, please, please, come on.
- No.
- Come on.
- Oy, stop it.
Stop it.
Take the feather.
And get out of here.
Jesus.
Women.
(upbeat music)
(singing in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
- Car wreck?
What's he talking about?
♪ Oh you must've voodoo on me ♪
♪ Oh you must've cast a spell ♪
♪ Think I'm loving you, girl ♪
♪ Ain't no tongue can tell ♪
♪ Oh you must've been burning candles ♪
♪ Oh to make the love so strong ♪
♪ You must've sprinkled
dust all around my bed ♪
♪ You must've had a black cap on ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Just at a glance ♪
♪ Oh you know you put me in a trance ♪
- [Gideon] Check messages.
♪ Oh when I look into your eyes ♪
(machine beeping)
- [Man] Hey there, Lucinda.
I'ma come in there and lay you
across your kitchen sink, baby.
I'll see you tonight.
(machine beeping)
- [Attendant] Lucinda.
We met at the gas station in Greenview.
I saw your son today.
They was taking him from the orphanage.
(dramatic music)
(glass shattering)
- No.
I gave away my son.
I'll never get him back.
Give me my son.
- You can't come bursting into my office.
You have no rights here.
- Where is he?
- You should be thinking
of his best interest.
He was very lucky to be adopted.
There are better children
that have been here for years.
- I want to know where my son is.
- I have a restraining order.
I'm calling the police.
- Police?
Why don't you call the FBI or
the national guard, you fuck?
Now you give me my son.
- Don't you threaten me, you filthy woman.
- Where's the file?
- [Orphanage Woman] There is no file.
The state doesn't release
any information to me.
- You crook.
You criminal.
Give me their names.
- You are not privileged
to have that information.
- Who adopted him?
Who adopted him?
Do you want me to say it again?
- [Orphanage Woman] I want
this filthy whore out of here.
- Severin.
Severin.
Let me go.
Can't you give me my son?
Please?
Get him to be with his mother.
- Get this whore out of here.
- I can do this.
Please.
I need your help.
(soft music)
(singing in foreign language)
(crowd cheering)
- Tonight, as the eve of Beltane,
long ago bonfires raged
across the pagan land.
People abandoned their
burdens to celebrate new life.
Children were conceived out of wedlock.
And the Gods were invoked to
protect the seasons crops.
To mark this day, I would be
honored to join the winner
of the spell contest for the coupling.
(soft music)
Let the celebration begin.
(crowd cheering)
(soft music)
- My how attractive you are, Maddison.
Too bad I'm not a lesbian.
- When do I get the kid?
- After I win the contest.
- Why wait?
- Because if the spell you gave
me doesn't work, he's mine.
- Hail the First Horn.
He of shadows, he of night,
I drink your piss, your vile, your fright.
From Adial Grave to Algol Star,
come out, come out, wherever you are.
- [Demon Spawn] What you
want you blue haired twat?
- To demonstrate my
power over your domain.
Tell those who gather here who you are.
- [Demon Spawn] What right
do you have to command me
to give you my secret name?
- Don't question my power.
Reveal yourself.
- [Demon Spawn] Make me you
pathetic, wretched, fag hag.
- Reveal your name demon
spawn, I command you.
- [Ezekial] Time out.
Stop it.
You win.
Ezekial, miserable 14th son,
14th son, 14th son of Satan.
I bow at your command forever and forever.
Now please, stop squeezing my balls.
(crowd laughing)
- Go home Demon Spawn.
- [Ezekial] Fuck you too.
- Does any among you feel
they can better Betsy's power?
Eh?
(soft music)
(crowd cheering)
(soft music)
Does any among you feel you
can better Natalie's power?
- [Crowd] Beatrice.
Beatrice.
Beatrice.
Beatrice.
- Hail the First Horn.
I'll show you what real power is.
I consecrate this magic
circle with ancient elements
of earth, water, fire and air.
Let all evil spirits come forth.
Let all good be gone.
(crowd screaming)
Witch power, witch power, burn with fire.
Influence these demons to bring me desire.
Crimson passion, crimson
passion burn with fire.
Bewitch this sator for my hire.
(soft music)
- [Virility] Here's what you want.
Good girl.
- Watch as I devour Virility himself.
(soft music)
- Nice, kitty.
Good girl.
Oh yeah.
(soft music)
(crowd cheering)
- I am the best.
Never doubt me.
I am the best.
- The best of the worst.
I challenge her.
- Who let this clap trap in here?
Get her out.
She's not a member of this coven.
- Relax, Beatrice.
Maybe it's time that I join.
- She's not a witch, she's a whore.
She'll ruin the good name of this coven.
- I'm a sex witch.
And you, you're a fraud.
I know all about you and you
know nothing about what I do.
- I know that you're a filthy whore.
- What are you afraid of, Beatrice?
That my magic is more powerful than yours?
- You wish, whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
- [Crowd] Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
Whore.
- Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
I want to see her magic.
- Why?
- Oh shut up, Beatrice.
Give the wee lassie a chance.
- Whore.
(soft music)
(singing in foreign language)
- Without me, you'll
never scratch the surface
of the power he holds.
- Come on out, boy.
Your father's here.
Don't you want to meet your daddy?
- He's not my daddy.
- Come on, son.
Everything's gon' be all right.
- You're not my father.
I know what he looks like.
He came to me in a dream.
- I'll be more than a father to you.
I'll be your friend.
- I don't think so.
(speaking in foreign language)
(soft music)
- Come on, grab the kid.
(singing in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
- All who will have their
own truth revealed to them,
look into the light.
Lucinda, look into my light and see.
Abandon your doubts and
feels for I am conjured
from the purity of your heart.
I am the light within you.
You have lived the life
of the wholly hollered.
You are descendant of Ishtar,
great lover of Babylon.
You are a Priestess, a
Sorceress, a Prophet and Healer.
Sister of Aphrodite and Mary Magdalene.
You have been set apart
to be the bride of man
and to give birth to the son of Merlin.
Scarlet woman, you are the sacred whore,
glorious daughter of Venus.
(crowd cheering)
(soft music)
- Severin.
Oh God.
Magic beads for you.
(soft music)
Hey.
- Stay back, bitch.
Here's the deal.
I take the boy and you can
have both those bitches.
I'm sure you can figure out a way
to have more kids, oh great horny one.
- You beg my wrath, Maddison.
- What?
Your wrath (laughs)?
I can kill them both
and you wouldn't lift a finger to stop me.
- Do something.
- Lady, he's a lover not a fighter.
- Use your magic.
- He can't use his magic to kill.
Isn't that right, Merlin?
True Blood.
- I've warned you.
- Forget it.
- You reckon just 'cause I
think killing people's a mistake
that I wouldn't lift a
finger to save my own son?
- Yeah, you're still a
free range chicken shit.
- So you want my blood?
You need to turn your
lead into gold, right?
That's why you're here.
But do you understand it also means
I have the power to transmute?
- So?
- So, did you ever hear the
riddle of the shape shifter?
- So what of it?
- The theory has something
to do with the one love idea.
God and the universe being the same.
God is love, love is everywhere.
Everything's interconnected.
We're all one.
You're me, I'm you.
Know what I mean, eh?
Do I have to spell it out for you, sister?
- Sister, huh?
Don't preach that holy shit to me.
- To put it in layman's terms,
I believe love is magic.
(speaking in foreign language)
(ominous music)
- Bitch.
(gun firing)
(ominous music)
(thunder rumbling)
- Necessity.
Necessity.
Necessity.
(sirens wailing)
Necessity.
Lucinda.
Lucinda.
Why'd you not tell me about my son?
- Your son?
- What's that for?
- That's for getting me pregnant.
- Well I suppose you have
every right to hate me.
Now what's that for?
- That's for getting me pregnant.
- Wait, wait.
I need to see you again.
I need to have a
relationship with our son.
- Oh that's right, you're the father.
Well you can always call me.
669-6969.
Make an appointment.
(soft music)
- An appointment?
(soft music)
Aye.
Women.
♪ I had a song 'bout clouds and rainbows ♪
♪ I hold onto that ♪
♪ Seems like it do ♪
♪ Grab some words ♪
♪ 'Bout anything ♪
♪ Anything but love ♪
♪ I made a bit of my prison ♪
♪ With you ungrateful, the sky above ♪
♪ Bring me time ♪
♪ With a title ♪
♪ Anything but love ♪
♪ He had to go but I won't miss him ♪
♪ I have other things to do ♪
♪ Like writing stories ♪
♪ And painting pictures
of anything but love ♪
♪ I wrote a story ♪
♪ About a couple ♪
♪ Steal a plot from an old movie ♪
♪ You can tell what inspired ya ♪
♪ Anything but love ♪
♪ Would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Get 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well would you like to ride in my ride ♪
♪ Get 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ With a sweet man like you ♪
♪ We could have such a wonderful time ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well you'll have to hold tight papa ♪
♪ While I go into my spin ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ You'll love the new world ♪
♪ I'm gonna take you in ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll take our first start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Well we'll take off on a start ♪
♪ And the moon is not too far ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ We'll ride and glide
and be so satisfied ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ Stand by ♪
♪ The rocket is ready to fly ♪
♪ I'll make you mighty
happy that I'm your girl ♪
♪ We fly through the sky
and go out of this world ♪
♪ I beg you sweet papa ♪
♪ I can make you feel mighty fine ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ Rocket 69 ♪
♪ When you take a little
trip on a ride get 69 ♪