Love Swindler (1976) - full transcript
For boys, girls, men & women;
Cures for all diseases
Effective and immediate
Whatever your ailment...
eczema to pregnancy complications;
Or be it diarrhea
Acupuncture is effective and immediate
For any ailment, the treatment is at hand
I have the cure for all
The sick needn't worry anymore
I have the panacea...
and will cure you completely
Fear not the god of hell
1 have the power...
to cure sickness and dispel evil
A needle to eliminate all ills...
Immediate cure...
Doctor Hua
Yes madam?
Please look at our child upstairs
What's the sickness?
Looks like small pox
Small pox? Will do
Er Fu Zi, please follow madam upstairs
Please lead the way
This way
Teacher
Is it the small pox?
Doctor, you...
Not small pox?
How old is the child?
Seven
Where's her father?
He has gone to deliver clothes
Open, sweetie
He has to go out everyday?
Yes, he has to deliver & pick-up goods everyday
1 believe her father is dishonest
Dishonest?
Your child has venereal disease
Mother!
Venereal disease?
Yes, it is hereditary
Are you sure?
I know it isn't small pox
My diagnosis should be correct
What we see on her face...
These are boils
Mother
Boils? Don't be scared, dear
The doctor will cure you
Luckily you came across me
If she were treated for small pox
...then it'd be too late
Yes. That's right
Hence the saying-
“It's your luck to be cured”
Yes, your luck
She requires acupuncture treatment
Really?
Right, use the golden needle
Golden needle
There are eight kinds of treatment
Eight kinds
Deep fire, cooling the heart
Golden dragon wags its tail,
Tiger sways its head
Find out the origin;
A front blow with stick
Relief of bone marrow
That's right!
There are eight ways to use the needle
Eight ways to manipulate;
Swing, claw, rub, flip, rock, feel,
insert & twist
For your child's sickness
I only need one prick of the needle
Just one prick of it...
and the medicinal patch
The medicinal patch
She will be cured immediately
Rapid and effective
With 3 needle-pricks the sickness
will be cured
That's correct
Fifty dollars for each prick of the needle
Fifty dollars?
She needs three pricks of the needle
3 pricks, so that amounts to 150 dollars
But considering it's our
great grand teacher's birthday
Our great grand-teacher's birthday
The birthday of Hua Tuo
I'll charge you 100 dollars
100 dollars?
100 dollars
Not a cent less
We can't afford it
Teacher, madam is so compassionate
Be magnanimous...
and charge her half the price
What do you know, huh? Shut up
Please show your kindness
It's great grand-teacher's birthday
today. Half price
Alright, 50 dollars then
50 dollars
Okay. Thank you
You're welcome
Doctor, please count
You count it, lad
Yes
Mother
Don't be scared, it won't hurt
Relax, it won't hurt
She... how is she?
It's alright...
She'll live
Get a cup of warm water
I'll give her some special tea
...then she'll be healed
It'll be alright
Doctor, her hand feels cold
Good, that means her fever is gone
Fever is gone
Get some warm water quickly
Go on, hurry up
Something went wrong, let's beat it
Quick
Stop, stop them
What's the matter?
Don't let them get away
His acupuncture killed Xiao Lin
Bastard, you murder without the knife
Beat him up...
Stop... Everyone
Stop, you might kill them
Do it this way
Let's take all the money he has on him
And then have them put on a sackcloth...
and carry Xiao Lin on his back;
beating a gong and...
walk around the town for 3 days to
let everyone know
Right...
Beat him up...
Beat him up...
Beat him up...hit him...
Beat him up...
Please make way
Beat him up...
Beat him up...
Kill him...
I'am Hua Yi Tuo
1 often lie
She suffered from small pox
I said it's venereal disease
With a prick of a needle
The girl goes to hell
Please forgive me, everyone
I repay by doing charity
1 often lie
The child suffered from small pox
I declared it to be venereal disease
Please forgive me, everyone
I repay by doing charitable deeds
Beat him up...
Waiter
Waiter
Yes
What would you like?
A pot of hot tea
Yes
Doctor...
What tea would you like?
Jasmine Tea
A pot of Jasmine Tea
Have you seen Doctor Ca Bien Jeh?
Oh, they are here
He is coming
Excuse me... are you the doctor?
This is my teacher,
Golden-needle Ca Bien Jeh
What's the matter?
Our master invites you
Er FuZi, let's go
Yes
Boss, I'll settle the bill
Alright
Okay...
This way please
Inside please
This is our master
Mr. Yang
I'am Hua Yi Tuo
1 often lie
Er Fu Zi
Teacher
Cigar
May I ask what ails Mr. Yang...
Oh, our master is born deaf and dumb
He can't talk to you
I see!
It is our lady who is sick
The Lady
What's wrong with Miss Yang?
She has a strange illness
Strange illness?
You see, she is silent all day
...but eats non-stop
Eats? But eating is not an illness
Depends on what she eats
She eats charred candle sticks
Here's our lady
This is a sorcery sickness
That's alright, a needle will cure it
A needle will cure it
But I have to tell you the price first
A needle-prick costs 100 dollars
It takes three needles so that
will 300 dollars
Money is not an issue
So long as our miss is cured
With a prick of the needle
The girl goes to hell!
Teacher
Teacher
Could you be merciful?
She is too heavy to carry on my back!
Please come in
This way
Be seated. I'll be right with you
That's it
Okay
- You believe it!
- Impossible
Let me introduce
This is Mr. Steve Mansion
He has been in Hong Kong for over 20 years
A scientist and an inventor
He speaks fluent Chinese
Really?
You're too kind...
This is Miss Sophie
Miss Sophie
Miss Anna
Miss Anna
Both are from affluent families
They're especially here to see
your money machine
Printing fake money is illegal...
so you ladies must keep it secret
David says the money printed from
your machine...
can't be recognized even by experts
Of course
It's like printing real money
But you've to bear in mind:
It's illegal to print real money
Not only for those who buy...
but also for those who sell
So make it a point to keep it secret
Of course...
It's just like an ordinary
printing machine
No, it's entirely different
Ordinary machines only print
counterfeit money;
This prints the real thing
Check this out
This note
One becomes ten with numbers in sequence
Just like the real currency
You're welcome to try it on the streets
Use it for shopping and at money-exchanges
I guarantee there won't be a problem
If the people find out it's fake
...we would become criminals
Don't worry, you won't
If this could be used...
we could print more
You may spend them over at Macau casino
There are specialists over there
If even they can't detect them
...you come back
And then let's talk business
Don't worry. Didn't I say...
if Mr. Mansion weren't returning
to his country
...he wouldn't sell it
He's worried this might be detected
in customs
Then he'll be in trouble
Besides, he can't apply for
patent rights...
for such a machine
That's why he is selling it
You must come with us
Of course
But this is equivalent to 5,000 in cash
Please write a post-dated cheque to
Mr. Mansion
If it's okay, then we'll cash it
Okay
Stop...
Halt
2 rolls of 135 film
To be delivered tomorrow afternoon
Sorry, we don't accept credit cards
Do you have cash?
Oh, I only have American dollars
Anna, how about you?
What?
Any Hong Kong dollars?
Yes, ll do. I have
500 dollar note?
Well, do you have change?
No
How can we change it?
What's the matter?
What happened?
We don't have any change
Please wait
Quick, come with me
Sir
We're really sorry to bother you
with a big note
Here's your change, $481...
sorry to keep you waiting
Come on, move it
What's the matter?
Something totally unheard of!
Look...the constable is arresting
an officer
What? Robbery?
Robbing what?
They were dividing up the loot
Cops are pardoned for killing people
on the streets
What's so unusual about it!
Me?
Come on
What's to fear? Go
Get some small change
This is it, this is the number
Come...
What number...
10 dollars each, we'll win the jackpot
this time
Hey!
Sorry...we're speaking about the lottery
We agreed to use the serial number
on the note
Are you doing business or not?
Sorry...
Would you like the change in
hundreds or tens?
Four 100 dollar bills
Five 10 dollar ones and ten 5 dollar notes
Okay...
40 thousand in total
Write for 50 thousand first
Here is 50 grand
Try it in Macau casinos
If it all goes smooth we trade by cash
The deal is for 500 thousand
I'm returning to Australia
day after tomorrow
Give him the 50 thousand first
4,5,6... 15 points big
Give me the money
50 thousand
Let me
Let me... come on
Let me
Let's do it this way
You do this, I'll do that. Okay?
Hey, David
Look at this
See... nothing
It's all blank paper
There's nothing
Why won't it print?
Strange
What?
You didn't put the money in
Why would we do that?
Didn't you hear what Mansion said?
This is a machine for printing real notes
If you don't put in real notes...
How will you get real notes?
You bastard, we've been fooled
I know you are pulling a scam
I'll sue you
Sue me?
Forget it, ladies
We're together in this
Nobody can get away
Say, if the machine could churn out
real money...
would it be sold to you?
He would have kept it for himself;
And print billions to be...
transferred to his bank in Australia
Dear ladies
You already have a money-making machine
Why need to go and buy one?
We have such a machine?
Yes, just think...
where did you get the money
for the machine?
It's printed by the machine you have
Shake...
It's printed from the big boss
You are so despicable
Despicable?
Yes, outright vile
Right...that's correct
My money has been flowing out from below
You two can get more in from below
How do you like this?
The colour is too light
This is the right kind
It's cheap too... 3,200 only
3,2007
We've a better kind
Look at this... 4,800
Not bad, but it's not good enough
No problem, we've better
Look at this, glossy dark green finish
Not bad
It's good quality and brilliant colour
36,000
36,0007
The way you people charge could
cover 3 years expenses
Better the merchandise, higher the price
That's how these places are...
it's either you or them
Let's go
Madam, please have a seat
What would you like to drink?
Shouldn't be rude even if they don't
want to buy
Giving filthy looks and talking dirty
“It's not green enough.” Of course
Not as green as
your husband's hat{cuckold)
Xiao San
You have to be patient, my man
Do you think you're selling hot cakes?
Something which could be sold in a jiffy?
“"Da Cheng Jewelry"
Have a seat inside
Have a smoke!
Have some tea!
What do you have in mind, ma'am?
Bracelet, earrings
A ring and a brooch
Preferably a set
Is it for a wedding?
It's for my niece
Dr. Cho's daughter as a matter of fact
Doctor Cho?
Yes, my brother
Miss Cho
What do you think?
No, not good enough for me
Not even for my niece
I prefer the fresh jade
I'll go and get a better one
Chau Gi? Your boss?
No... that's me. The boss is Gin Sang Li
“Charitable medical practitioner"
Doctor Cho
Please sit
Mr. Pao
Yes, I am Pao Bi Chuang
Yes...
Your age, sir?
I'm still young
As they say "Life begins at 70". I'm 71
Just started
Sir, how may I help you?
If you could excuse us, Ms Wang
You see, my foreskin is too long
I know (same sound as name)
It's too long. I'd prefer to be
circumcised
You're already 71...
Life begins at 70. My life has just begun
Right...
Miss Cho, it comes to...
168,644 dollars and eighty cents
Wow, that much?
We have made a discount for Doctor Cho
Let's do it this way...
168,600 dollars even
Well, okay... let's make it 165,000 then
Miss Cho, there isn't much profit margin
Our company's name has much credibility
...we truly can't offer that big
a discount
Yeah, honest to children & aged
but biased against me
You won't even give me face
Miss Cho...
How about this price?
166,000 dollars. A lucky number
Okay, ask Chau Gi to send it to me
later then
I'll send it to your residence
No, I live at the Eastern part of the city
Have it delivered to Dr Cho's office
Presently I need to go for some more
shopping
If I'm not there
...just wait for me
I understand
If the receptionist asks...
say you're looking for third madam
Sure, don't worry
I'll have it wrapped and sent over
And as regards the inset work...
1 will let you decide on it
You should be offering more discount
though
Of course... please rest assured
Take the medicine 3 times a day
The pills should be taken once
every 3 hours
Remember
Yes
Nuisance
Miss, I'd like to see Dr Cho
Please register first
No, I'm not a patient
I just want to speak to him
It won't take up too much of his time
Please come with me
Dr Cho, this lady is not here as a patient
...and just wants to speak to you
Sorry to bother you
No problem, please sit
Here, please take a seat
My surname is also Cho
I have a cousin over 20 years old
He is promiscuous and has contracted
some disease
Feels embarrassed to see a doctor
or tell the family
I coaxed him...
and managed to convince him somehow
He's eventually promised to see you
I had to lie and say that your wife
is my sister
I also addressed you as "brother'
We're like a family...
and if we could keep it a secret
Sure, I understand
There are patients like this
They feel embarrassed and refuse
to see the doctor
There is a saying:
if you avoid the doctor
how can you be healed?
That's right, I'll register for him
His name is Chau Gi...
and works in the jewelry store
just opposite here
He'll pretend he's delivering jewellery...
to avoid embarrassment
I understand
That's my point!
When he comes, ask him to wait a while
...until you've seen all patients
Then you treat him upstairs...
so he wouldn't be embarrassed
I know, young men are like that
They feel embarrassed
Miss Wang, please register him
Please come with me
Thank you
After registering him...
I'll wait upstairs for a while
Don't let him suspect that
I don't know you
Brother Cho, please help me out here
I know what to do
Don't think I'm just a doctor
I have acted in plays at school
So it's arranged
Don't worry
I'm the third at home
Just call me third sister
Third sister...
Brother
Third sister
Excuse me, is third aunty here?
You mean, Miss Cho?
Yes
You're Chau Gi
Come to deliver the goods, right?
Yes... third aunty?
She is upstairs. I'll go call her
Please have a seat here
Thanks...
Tell brother that the goods
have been delivered
Mr. Chau, please wait
You both go back first
Have a seat
Brother
- Chau Gi is here
- Okay
He's here
Good...
It's him
Mr. Chau?
Delivering goods, huh?
Yes...
Delivery
Please accompany Mr. Chau upstairs
I'll finish with the patients first
and be with you
Sister, you keep him company
No, I have to go for a game of mahjong
I'll hand him over to you
He'll be your responsibility
I understand
Wait upstairs for a while.
She'll be with you
Okay...
Come
I'm going
Sit here for a while
The doctor will be coming
Okay...
Please sit
Have you delivered goods before?
No, my first time
No wonder, when you deliver...
you appear sneaky
Sneaky?
Men are like that
They're so concerned about their goods
Talking about the goods (private parts)
I have seen all shapes and sizes
I've seen too many, frankly
Let me tell you
The goods that I've seen;
If ll were to put them together, they'd...
run from Tokyo to Hong Kong and then Macau
So you also had a jewelry store?
Jewelry store?
Of course. Two pearls with a rare treasure
And a patch of grass
A patch of grass?
Oh yes... you must mean lingtze grass
Lingtze grass?
Yes, lingtze grass
Right, every part of your body
is a treasure
Even grass becomes lingtze grass.
Such a funny guy!
Is urination painful?
Sometimes
Which side?
Looks like a lump on the left side
It's commonly known as left hematoma
or stasis
The medical term is "Groin Sciatica"
An injection will cure it
You may get up
Miss Wang, prepare an injection
Come in
Please sit
Yes
So, you work at the Da Cheng jewelry shop?
Yes, Da Cheng jewelry shop
Not far from here
You're twenty somethin
Twenty one
Married, are you?
I can barely take care of myself
I can't afford it yet
A young man driven by his hormonal needs
I can understand this promiscuity
Promiscuity? I...
Don't feel embarrassed
Young men tend to be like that
Having a good time with friends
Shooting your cannons after work
It's understandable
What? I haven't shot any cannon
But at new year...
I have set off fire crackers at the shop
In the shop?
Yes. Being new year & all,
the mood is festive
It's considered good luck
I understand
People in business care about good fortune
I understand
I understand
I have lit up big candles
You have?
Yes, huge ones
A few times
That... how much did it set you back?
Sitting flower heads, drinking games,
playing cards!
Yes
Just to have fun during the
new year and festivals
Do you often light big candles?
I'm sure you have opened shop
(having sex) before
No, I haven't done that before
I have tried hot pot during winter though
While as regards "opening of shop'
I do that every evening
Every day?
Young man, you better save up
and get a wife
Opens shop each day!
How's urination?
Actually I need to,
but haven't found a toilet
Do it in here
Do it in this?
That's embarrassing
You still feel awkward?
What about that opening shop each day?
The problem with you young men is
you fear the doctor
Go on
...
Go on, hurry up
Go behind that screen there
So young, and spreads shop every day!
Miss Wang
Coming
Yes doctor?
After he's finished, give him a blood test
What are you doing?
I'm sorry
Doctor Cho asked me to urinate here
I'll go and discard it
Hey, what?
Put it here
I'm sorry about that
Put it down
You passed so much urine
You must have kept it inside the whole day
Why drink so much water?
Roll up your sleeve
What for?
Blood test
Blood test?
I'm here just to collect the money
All collectors need a blood test
Doctor Cho, she...
Be quick, I have to see other patients
Hurry
Such a wimp
But you ain't afraid of fooling around
with girls
Press it
Doctor, that bill...
We'll give the bill to you in a while,
what's the rush?
It's okay. No hurry...
Get up
Go in
Take off your pants
Take off my pants?
I'm here to collect money,
why take off my pants?
All collectors need to take off
their pants, come on
Wait a moment. Let's get this straight
I'm from the jewelry shop
I know
You're Chau Gi
You're 21 and open shop each day
That's why you got the sex illness
& felt embarrassed
...and asked your aunty to
register for you
So to smooth things out for you...
all of us pretended you are here
for collecting money
You think you really came
for collecting money?
You're here to treat your venereal disease
Do you understand?
C'mon, strip
Strip
I tell you
I understand it all,
I understand very well
I am sick? No, it's you
You're a doctor specializing in
venereal diseases
You're Cho Chi Ran
You conspired with your sister...
to swindle 166,000 dollars...
worth of jewelry from our shop
You asked your sister to take
the jewelry...
and pretended to treat my illness;
Giving me false urine and blood tests
You...
You think I am a stupid kid, eh?
That I can be easily fooled?
You must be dreaming, it's not that easy
You...
Come on, pay up for the jewelry
She's not your third aunty?
MY third aunty?
She said she's your third sister...
and asked me to look for third aunty
for the bill
She is totally unrelated to me
She said she is buying dowry
for your daughter
166,000 dollars, not a cent less
Okay relax, hold on
Did she say where she lives?
She said she lives in the
east of the city...
so I should deliver the jewelry to
your clinic
What, you pretend you don't know her?
Why should 1?
In fact ll don't know her
Then why do you address her
as third sister?
Let me ask you. Do you know her?
No, I don't
Then why do you address her
as third aunty?
I tell you, in my family...
I'm the only child
I am not lying to you
If you don't believe me, you can...
go to the police station and check
my records
Really?
Honestly, I ain't kidding
So devious!
They've cheated me of my money, my blood
...and even my urine!
General Decorative Lighting'-
vacancy for female staff
Freeze...
Hey
General Manager
What's there to look at, huh?
Good morning
They're all here for the interview?
Yes
How many of them?
Over ten
Good
These are their application forms,
please take a look
Okay
Good morning, Sir
Mornin*
What's your acuity?
What do you mean?
Your eyes... what's your visual acuity?
Go get yourself a good pair of specs
Sorry...
Sorry, manager
Get a pair of spectacles
Yes...
He's here for the interview too?
What? He is our general manager
Wang Juan Shung
Better get it right; Wang...Juan...Shung
General Manager
I have selected the four of you...
to be our sales representatives
By title you're the first
assistant supervisor
You're the second
You're the third. And you...
Miss Chau, right? You are the
sales supervisor
Though you have different titles...
your salary is the same. 800 dollars...
with discretionary commission
Which is...
10 per cent of our profit,
which increases with sales
I hope you will work as a team...
and live up to the slogan in the
TV commercial
Stepping Forward Together'
We at 'General' will step forward
with our clients
General' is yours and you are for general
Our manager's speech is indeed great;
But there is a rhetorical error
Rhetorical error?
Agreed, we work for 'General' company...
but we are not to be considered
as 'general'
Deliver this to Tsim Sha Tsui
It's urgent
Yes
Mr. Jiang
Mrs. Wang
Is the General manager in?
Yeah... he's upstairs
What, is it really so busy?
He hasn't come home for lunch
these few days
Naturally. He's got new sales girls
and there's a sales promotion going on
Business has been quite brisk
Ms. Chau who has been here less than
a week
and sold 11 TV sets and 15 freezers
boosting sales by over tens of thousands
Is she so good?
Must be a naughty girl
Mrs. Wang
Is the manager in?
Yes
Who are you looking for?
Is the manager here?
Yes, in the wash room
Is it Ah Fong?
It's me
Oh, you are the manager's wife
I am Chau Chi the new sales supervisor
I hear you have performed quite well
What? Not playing mahjong?
I will lose my husband if ll do
What a joke!
Isn't it true?
The company has recruited four beauties
Our manager has been mesmerized
Nonsense
Very trendy, I'd say
Mrs. Wang, you've a good sense of humour
I think you both should have
a nice chat here
The accounts can be settled later on
Hey... I'm fine
Didn't you want to settle the accounts?
Never mind. I can do it later
Please excuse me
Caught?
It's bad for him
I don't believe it
You... can't you be reasonable?
Of course I am
Settle the accounts!
You were kissing for real
I won't stand for anything like this
What? You've meddled with all the girls!
Be careful
I can do the same with the male staff
Ah Fong, don't go
Listen to me...
Don't misunderstand
Wow! The month's total sale is...
558,664 dollars
Terrific! It's a huge sum of money
There's a king in every trade
You are the queen of our trade
Yes, the installment queen
Pardon?
The queen... paid for by installments
Phew! Can you afford me then?
Of course he can't
But our manager can
Dammit, what a coward!
Why does he fear his wife?
That goes without saying
He's just the general manager here
But there's a managing director over him
Managing Director?
Who is that?
Miss Hu Ah Fong
Who the hell is she?
Our manager's wife
No wonder!
Here
Let's toast to our success
Cheers
Let me raise a toast first
Good
Hey, why aren't you drinking?
I want to drink, too
Of course
Drink up
Okay
Once more. Again...
No
No...
No...
You're bad
I don't want...
Don't. Please stop
Move it quickly
Move it quickly
What are you doing standing here?
Go and take a look, quick
Damn, a raise and a promotion
What a way to go!
You're envious
Sleeping with the general manager
can get you anywhere
Quickly...
I heard the manager has a love nest
Really?
It must be true
He's buying TV and stereo sets
...but they're not delivered to his home
He is getting bolder
Getting a love nest!
Damn!
Madam
Do you know where they live?
69, Gan Chuan Street
I want...
I want...
You devil
Movies really harm people
There, "I want more"
That makes you always want more
You're no use, why blame the movies?
Hey,
I have done seven times
You are insatiable, don't blame me!
Quickly
Who could it be?
Oh, maybe it's the tailor
Coming...
So you have a comfy love nest...
beat him up
Ya Fang, don't mess things up
Just wreck the place
Don't... don't do that
Help...
Please stop...
Help...
Please stop...
Please don't...
Please stop, help...
Please stop, help...
Help
Please stop
Hold it
What are you doing? This is my home
Get out
You shameless. This is your home
...but this is my husband
Your husband came here himself
I didn't force him in, shame on you
Ain't my fault if you can't keep your
husband on leash
I'll call the police
Go ahead
No, don't... please don't
Get lost
You bloody whore
Your hysterical antics...
will not work
I'm going to call your fiance...
and ask him to watch closely on you
You smelly whore
Who are you looking for?
I am Dai Luk Mau
Looking for your fiancee? Come in
Are you Dai Luk Mau?
Your fiancee seduced my husband
What do you think should be done?
You... you just can't get rid of your
bad habits
Her husband used drugs to seduce me...
and forced me to be his mistress
You...
What do you think should be done?
Alright, I give up
Whatever it is, let's resolve this.
Please let it go
You too, let's put the past behind
Alright
Alright, let it go
I'll take you on a trip
You are so incapable
If everyone could let it go,
world would be like this
686,000 dollars!
So much?
Yes, all handled by Chau Chi
In fact the 2nd installment is
still outstanding!
Go and look for Chau Chi
I don't know where she has moved to
Last ll heard, she and her fiance...
had gone to Europe
Then look for her guarantor
Dai Luk Mau is her guarantor
Jeez, she has cheated me of
686,000 dollars
Come, let's toast to that
You said he's going to Macau tonight?
Exactly
I told him someone saw Chau Chi in Macau
Then he ask me buy the
half past twelve ticket...
for the Tarzen Ferry.
By now he must be on it
Right, let's be like Tarzan tonight
No need to get a room
You can be the Tarzan on my bed
Cheers
Waiter
Bill please
Keep the change
Thanks
Mr. Wang, you are leaving so early
I'm catching the half past twelve ferry
It's one fifteen now
Nonsense
It's true
It's only twelve fifteen
From today it's changed to summer time now
Officers. That's what I need...
I want a judge, policeman
Damn, I've been cheated...
of 686,000 dollars
I want a officer
I want a judge, a policeman
Swindled me of 686,000 dollars
Someone get me an officer...
It's me... Sir...
Mister, I'm Guan Ran
You are Guan Ran?
I'm Guan Ran, the movie artist
I'm good in acting as a monk
Do you want me to act in your movie?
What? I need a Taoist, too
That's fine
I can be an excellent Taoist as well
Give me a chance.
So long I haven't been to a shooting
Shooting? I need an officer
I need a judge, a policeman
Get me an officer
I need a judge, a policeman
Cheated me of 686,000 dollars
I need a officer
I need a judge
A policeman
I need an officer
Cheated me of 686,000 dollars
I need a officer
I need a judge, a policeman
She dared to swindle me!
What are you doing? Urinating everywhere?
Who's urinating?
You're denying it?
What are you doing then?
I'm just looking at it. Can't I?
Do you know you're in the middle
of a road?
So what?
You policemen...
can take out their pistols and shoot...
and get away with it
Why can't I take out mine?
What kind of law is this?
You are the one who...
I know you...
You're the one who shot a man
on street the other day
Good shot. Superior marksmanship!
Two shots. Bang bang... one dead
and one injured
You upset the old father, the old mother
You deserved to be forgiven;
worth forgiving
Good shot
Hey, I know you are up to no good
Are you trying to steal something?
You kiddin'? I steal something?
What rubbish! This is my home
You called me a thief.
You are not forgiven
If you don't believe, try opening it
You think I'm stealing
See, you could open it with my key, right?
This is the Wang residence.
Please do come in
Isn't this my home? I didn't lie to you
Look, this is my wedding photo
Over here it's me
This is my wife
That is my wife
This is me
This is my light. It does what
I ask it to do
Light up. Four five six, fifteen brighter
One, two, three, six... a little dim
Bright, dim... bright
You are my little brother
Welcome. Up there is the VIP room.
Pride of the family
Be careful
This is my desk
See, this is my picture
Down there is my bed
This is my wife's picture
Underneath there is my wife's bed
Sleeping on it is my wife
Those legs on the bed...
My wife's legs of course
Your wife has four legs?
Nonsense
Does your wife have four legs?
You see... I sleep there, I have two legs
She sleeps there, she's got two legs
When I sleep there,
there'll be four legs altogether
But now...
How come there are four now?
Now?
Damn it!
You... you
General Manager
You two...
I'm sorry
What the hell are you both up to?
I'm sorry, Sir
You're shameless
Phew! Who's shameless, you did it first
Our company's name is 'General' after all
You can meddle with all the female staff
Why couldn't I meddle with the male staff?
Everything is 'generally' shared!
Cures for all diseases
Effective and immediate
Whatever your ailment...
eczema to pregnancy complications;
Or be it diarrhea
Acupuncture is effective and immediate
For any ailment, the treatment is at hand
I have the cure for all
The sick needn't worry anymore
I have the panacea...
and will cure you completely
Fear not the god of hell
1 have the power...
to cure sickness and dispel evil
A needle to eliminate all ills...
Immediate cure...
Doctor Hua
Yes madam?
Please look at our child upstairs
What's the sickness?
Looks like small pox
Small pox? Will do
Er Fu Zi, please follow madam upstairs
Please lead the way
This way
Teacher
Is it the small pox?
Doctor, you...
Not small pox?
How old is the child?
Seven
Where's her father?
He has gone to deliver clothes
Open, sweetie
He has to go out everyday?
Yes, he has to deliver & pick-up goods everyday
1 believe her father is dishonest
Dishonest?
Your child has venereal disease
Mother!
Venereal disease?
Yes, it is hereditary
Are you sure?
I know it isn't small pox
My diagnosis should be correct
What we see on her face...
These are boils
Mother
Boils? Don't be scared, dear
The doctor will cure you
Luckily you came across me
If she were treated for small pox
...then it'd be too late
Yes. That's right
Hence the saying-
“It's your luck to be cured”
Yes, your luck
She requires acupuncture treatment
Really?
Right, use the golden needle
Golden needle
There are eight kinds of treatment
Eight kinds
Deep fire, cooling the heart
Golden dragon wags its tail,
Tiger sways its head
Find out the origin;
A front blow with stick
Relief of bone marrow
That's right!
There are eight ways to use the needle
Eight ways to manipulate;
Swing, claw, rub, flip, rock, feel,
insert & twist
For your child's sickness
I only need one prick of the needle
Just one prick of it...
and the medicinal patch
The medicinal patch
She will be cured immediately
Rapid and effective
With 3 needle-pricks the sickness
will be cured
That's correct
Fifty dollars for each prick of the needle
Fifty dollars?
She needs three pricks of the needle
3 pricks, so that amounts to 150 dollars
But considering it's our
great grand teacher's birthday
Our great grand-teacher's birthday
The birthday of Hua Tuo
I'll charge you 100 dollars
100 dollars?
100 dollars
Not a cent less
We can't afford it
Teacher, madam is so compassionate
Be magnanimous...
and charge her half the price
What do you know, huh? Shut up
Please show your kindness
It's great grand-teacher's birthday
today. Half price
Alright, 50 dollars then
50 dollars
Okay. Thank you
You're welcome
Doctor, please count
You count it, lad
Yes
Mother
Don't be scared, it won't hurt
Relax, it won't hurt
She... how is she?
It's alright...
She'll live
Get a cup of warm water
I'll give her some special tea
...then she'll be healed
It'll be alright
Doctor, her hand feels cold
Good, that means her fever is gone
Fever is gone
Get some warm water quickly
Go on, hurry up
Something went wrong, let's beat it
Quick
Stop, stop them
What's the matter?
Don't let them get away
His acupuncture killed Xiao Lin
Bastard, you murder without the knife
Beat him up...
Stop... Everyone
Stop, you might kill them
Do it this way
Let's take all the money he has on him
And then have them put on a sackcloth...
and carry Xiao Lin on his back;
beating a gong and...
walk around the town for 3 days to
let everyone know
Right...
Beat him up...
Beat him up...
Beat him up...hit him...
Beat him up...
Please make way
Beat him up...
Beat him up...
Kill him...
I'am Hua Yi Tuo
1 often lie
She suffered from small pox
I said it's venereal disease
With a prick of a needle
The girl goes to hell
Please forgive me, everyone
I repay by doing charity
1 often lie
The child suffered from small pox
I declared it to be venereal disease
Please forgive me, everyone
I repay by doing charitable deeds
Beat him up...
Waiter
Waiter
Yes
What would you like?
A pot of hot tea
Yes
Doctor...
What tea would you like?
Jasmine Tea
A pot of Jasmine Tea
Have you seen Doctor Ca Bien Jeh?
Oh, they are here
He is coming
Excuse me... are you the doctor?
This is my teacher,
Golden-needle Ca Bien Jeh
What's the matter?
Our master invites you
Er FuZi, let's go
Yes
Boss, I'll settle the bill
Alright
Okay...
This way please
Inside please
This is our master
Mr. Yang
I'am Hua Yi Tuo
1 often lie
Er Fu Zi
Teacher
Cigar
May I ask what ails Mr. Yang...
Oh, our master is born deaf and dumb
He can't talk to you
I see!
It is our lady who is sick
The Lady
What's wrong with Miss Yang?
She has a strange illness
Strange illness?
You see, she is silent all day
...but eats non-stop
Eats? But eating is not an illness
Depends on what she eats
She eats charred candle sticks
Here's our lady
This is a sorcery sickness
That's alright, a needle will cure it
A needle will cure it
But I have to tell you the price first
A needle-prick costs 100 dollars
It takes three needles so that
will 300 dollars
Money is not an issue
So long as our miss is cured
With a prick of the needle
The girl goes to hell!
Teacher
Teacher
Could you be merciful?
She is too heavy to carry on my back!
Please come in
This way
Be seated. I'll be right with you
That's it
Okay
- You believe it!
- Impossible
Let me introduce
This is Mr. Steve Mansion
He has been in Hong Kong for over 20 years
A scientist and an inventor
He speaks fluent Chinese
Really?
You're too kind...
This is Miss Sophie
Miss Sophie
Miss Anna
Miss Anna
Both are from affluent families
They're especially here to see
your money machine
Printing fake money is illegal...
so you ladies must keep it secret
David says the money printed from
your machine...
can't be recognized even by experts
Of course
It's like printing real money
But you've to bear in mind:
It's illegal to print real money
Not only for those who buy...
but also for those who sell
So make it a point to keep it secret
Of course...
It's just like an ordinary
printing machine
No, it's entirely different
Ordinary machines only print
counterfeit money;
This prints the real thing
Check this out
This note
One becomes ten with numbers in sequence
Just like the real currency
You're welcome to try it on the streets
Use it for shopping and at money-exchanges
I guarantee there won't be a problem
If the people find out it's fake
...we would become criminals
Don't worry, you won't
If this could be used...
we could print more
You may spend them over at Macau casino
There are specialists over there
If even they can't detect them
...you come back
And then let's talk business
Don't worry. Didn't I say...
if Mr. Mansion weren't returning
to his country
...he wouldn't sell it
He's worried this might be detected
in customs
Then he'll be in trouble
Besides, he can't apply for
patent rights...
for such a machine
That's why he is selling it
You must come with us
Of course
But this is equivalent to 5,000 in cash
Please write a post-dated cheque to
Mr. Mansion
If it's okay, then we'll cash it
Okay
Stop...
Halt
2 rolls of 135 film
To be delivered tomorrow afternoon
Sorry, we don't accept credit cards
Do you have cash?
Oh, I only have American dollars
Anna, how about you?
What?
Any Hong Kong dollars?
Yes, ll do. I have
500 dollar note?
Well, do you have change?
No
How can we change it?
What's the matter?
What happened?
We don't have any change
Please wait
Quick, come with me
Sir
We're really sorry to bother you
with a big note
Here's your change, $481...
sorry to keep you waiting
Come on, move it
What's the matter?
Something totally unheard of!
Look...the constable is arresting
an officer
What? Robbery?
Robbing what?
They were dividing up the loot
Cops are pardoned for killing people
on the streets
What's so unusual about it!
Me?
Come on
What's to fear? Go
Get some small change
This is it, this is the number
Come...
What number...
10 dollars each, we'll win the jackpot
this time
Hey!
Sorry...we're speaking about the lottery
We agreed to use the serial number
on the note
Are you doing business or not?
Sorry...
Would you like the change in
hundreds or tens?
Four 100 dollar bills
Five 10 dollar ones and ten 5 dollar notes
Okay...
40 thousand in total
Write for 50 thousand first
Here is 50 grand
Try it in Macau casinos
If it all goes smooth we trade by cash
The deal is for 500 thousand
I'm returning to Australia
day after tomorrow
Give him the 50 thousand first
4,5,6... 15 points big
Give me the money
50 thousand
Let me
Let me... come on
Let me
Let's do it this way
You do this, I'll do that. Okay?
Hey, David
Look at this
See... nothing
It's all blank paper
There's nothing
Why won't it print?
Strange
What?
You didn't put the money in
Why would we do that?
Didn't you hear what Mansion said?
This is a machine for printing real notes
If you don't put in real notes...
How will you get real notes?
You bastard, we've been fooled
I know you are pulling a scam
I'll sue you
Sue me?
Forget it, ladies
We're together in this
Nobody can get away
Say, if the machine could churn out
real money...
would it be sold to you?
He would have kept it for himself;
And print billions to be...
transferred to his bank in Australia
Dear ladies
You already have a money-making machine
Why need to go and buy one?
We have such a machine?
Yes, just think...
where did you get the money
for the machine?
It's printed by the machine you have
Shake...
It's printed from the big boss
You are so despicable
Despicable?
Yes, outright vile
Right...that's correct
My money has been flowing out from below
You two can get more in from below
How do you like this?
The colour is too light
This is the right kind
It's cheap too... 3,200 only
3,2007
We've a better kind
Look at this... 4,800
Not bad, but it's not good enough
No problem, we've better
Look at this, glossy dark green finish
Not bad
It's good quality and brilliant colour
36,000
36,0007
The way you people charge could
cover 3 years expenses
Better the merchandise, higher the price
That's how these places are...
it's either you or them
Let's go
Madam, please have a seat
What would you like to drink?
Shouldn't be rude even if they don't
want to buy
Giving filthy looks and talking dirty
“It's not green enough.” Of course
Not as green as
your husband's hat{cuckold)
Xiao San
You have to be patient, my man
Do you think you're selling hot cakes?
Something which could be sold in a jiffy?
“"Da Cheng Jewelry"
Have a seat inside
Have a smoke!
Have some tea!
What do you have in mind, ma'am?
Bracelet, earrings
A ring and a brooch
Preferably a set
Is it for a wedding?
It's for my niece
Dr. Cho's daughter as a matter of fact
Doctor Cho?
Yes, my brother
Miss Cho
What do you think?
No, not good enough for me
Not even for my niece
I prefer the fresh jade
I'll go and get a better one
Chau Gi? Your boss?
No... that's me. The boss is Gin Sang Li
“Charitable medical practitioner"
Doctor Cho
Please sit
Mr. Pao
Yes, I am Pao Bi Chuang
Yes...
Your age, sir?
I'm still young
As they say "Life begins at 70". I'm 71
Just started
Sir, how may I help you?
If you could excuse us, Ms Wang
You see, my foreskin is too long
I know (same sound as name)
It's too long. I'd prefer to be
circumcised
You're already 71...
Life begins at 70. My life has just begun
Right...
Miss Cho, it comes to...
168,644 dollars and eighty cents
Wow, that much?
We have made a discount for Doctor Cho
Let's do it this way...
168,600 dollars even
Well, okay... let's make it 165,000 then
Miss Cho, there isn't much profit margin
Our company's name has much credibility
...we truly can't offer that big
a discount
Yeah, honest to children & aged
but biased against me
You won't even give me face
Miss Cho...
How about this price?
166,000 dollars. A lucky number
Okay, ask Chau Gi to send it to me
later then
I'll send it to your residence
No, I live at the Eastern part of the city
Have it delivered to Dr Cho's office
Presently I need to go for some more
shopping
If I'm not there
...just wait for me
I understand
If the receptionist asks...
say you're looking for third madam
Sure, don't worry
I'll have it wrapped and sent over
And as regards the inset work...
1 will let you decide on it
You should be offering more discount
though
Of course... please rest assured
Take the medicine 3 times a day
The pills should be taken once
every 3 hours
Remember
Yes
Nuisance
Miss, I'd like to see Dr Cho
Please register first
No, I'm not a patient
I just want to speak to him
It won't take up too much of his time
Please come with me
Dr Cho, this lady is not here as a patient
...and just wants to speak to you
Sorry to bother you
No problem, please sit
Here, please take a seat
My surname is also Cho
I have a cousin over 20 years old
He is promiscuous and has contracted
some disease
Feels embarrassed to see a doctor
or tell the family
I coaxed him...
and managed to convince him somehow
He's eventually promised to see you
I had to lie and say that your wife
is my sister
I also addressed you as "brother'
We're like a family...
and if we could keep it a secret
Sure, I understand
There are patients like this
They feel embarrassed and refuse
to see the doctor
There is a saying:
if you avoid the doctor
how can you be healed?
That's right, I'll register for him
His name is Chau Gi...
and works in the jewelry store
just opposite here
He'll pretend he's delivering jewellery...
to avoid embarrassment
I understand
That's my point!
When he comes, ask him to wait a while
...until you've seen all patients
Then you treat him upstairs...
so he wouldn't be embarrassed
I know, young men are like that
They feel embarrassed
Miss Wang, please register him
Please come with me
Thank you
After registering him...
I'll wait upstairs for a while
Don't let him suspect that
I don't know you
Brother Cho, please help me out here
I know what to do
Don't think I'm just a doctor
I have acted in plays at school
So it's arranged
Don't worry
I'm the third at home
Just call me third sister
Third sister...
Brother
Third sister
Excuse me, is third aunty here?
You mean, Miss Cho?
Yes
You're Chau Gi
Come to deliver the goods, right?
Yes... third aunty?
She is upstairs. I'll go call her
Please have a seat here
Thanks...
Tell brother that the goods
have been delivered
Mr. Chau, please wait
You both go back first
Have a seat
Brother
- Chau Gi is here
- Okay
He's here
Good...
It's him
Mr. Chau?
Delivering goods, huh?
Yes...
Delivery
Please accompany Mr. Chau upstairs
I'll finish with the patients first
and be with you
Sister, you keep him company
No, I have to go for a game of mahjong
I'll hand him over to you
He'll be your responsibility
I understand
Wait upstairs for a while.
She'll be with you
Okay...
Come
I'm going
Sit here for a while
The doctor will be coming
Okay...
Please sit
Have you delivered goods before?
No, my first time
No wonder, when you deliver...
you appear sneaky
Sneaky?
Men are like that
They're so concerned about their goods
Talking about the goods (private parts)
I have seen all shapes and sizes
I've seen too many, frankly
Let me tell you
The goods that I've seen;
If ll were to put them together, they'd...
run from Tokyo to Hong Kong and then Macau
So you also had a jewelry store?
Jewelry store?
Of course. Two pearls with a rare treasure
And a patch of grass
A patch of grass?
Oh yes... you must mean lingtze grass
Lingtze grass?
Yes, lingtze grass
Right, every part of your body
is a treasure
Even grass becomes lingtze grass.
Such a funny guy!
Is urination painful?
Sometimes
Which side?
Looks like a lump on the left side
It's commonly known as left hematoma
or stasis
The medical term is "Groin Sciatica"
An injection will cure it
You may get up
Miss Wang, prepare an injection
Come in
Please sit
Yes
So, you work at the Da Cheng jewelry shop?
Yes, Da Cheng jewelry shop
Not far from here
You're twenty somethin
Twenty one
Married, are you?
I can barely take care of myself
I can't afford it yet
A young man driven by his hormonal needs
I can understand this promiscuity
Promiscuity? I...
Don't feel embarrassed
Young men tend to be like that
Having a good time with friends
Shooting your cannons after work
It's understandable
What? I haven't shot any cannon
But at new year...
I have set off fire crackers at the shop
In the shop?
Yes. Being new year & all,
the mood is festive
It's considered good luck
I understand
People in business care about good fortune
I understand
I understand
I have lit up big candles
You have?
Yes, huge ones
A few times
That... how much did it set you back?
Sitting flower heads, drinking games,
playing cards!
Yes
Just to have fun during the
new year and festivals
Do you often light big candles?
I'm sure you have opened shop
(having sex) before
No, I haven't done that before
I have tried hot pot during winter though
While as regards "opening of shop'
I do that every evening
Every day?
Young man, you better save up
and get a wife
Opens shop each day!
How's urination?
Actually I need to,
but haven't found a toilet
Do it in here
Do it in this?
That's embarrassing
You still feel awkward?
What about that opening shop each day?
The problem with you young men is
you fear the doctor
Go on
...
Go on, hurry up
Go behind that screen there
So young, and spreads shop every day!
Miss Wang
Coming
Yes doctor?
After he's finished, give him a blood test
What are you doing?
I'm sorry
Doctor Cho asked me to urinate here
I'll go and discard it
Hey, what?
Put it here
I'm sorry about that
Put it down
You passed so much urine
You must have kept it inside the whole day
Why drink so much water?
Roll up your sleeve
What for?
Blood test
Blood test?
I'm here just to collect the money
All collectors need a blood test
Doctor Cho, she...
Be quick, I have to see other patients
Hurry
Such a wimp
But you ain't afraid of fooling around
with girls
Press it
Doctor, that bill...
We'll give the bill to you in a while,
what's the rush?
It's okay. No hurry...
Get up
Go in
Take off your pants
Take off my pants?
I'm here to collect money,
why take off my pants?
All collectors need to take off
their pants, come on
Wait a moment. Let's get this straight
I'm from the jewelry shop
I know
You're Chau Gi
You're 21 and open shop each day
That's why you got the sex illness
& felt embarrassed
...and asked your aunty to
register for you
So to smooth things out for you...
all of us pretended you are here
for collecting money
You think you really came
for collecting money?
You're here to treat your venereal disease
Do you understand?
C'mon, strip
Strip
I tell you
I understand it all,
I understand very well
I am sick? No, it's you
You're a doctor specializing in
venereal diseases
You're Cho Chi Ran
You conspired with your sister...
to swindle 166,000 dollars...
worth of jewelry from our shop
You asked your sister to take
the jewelry...
and pretended to treat my illness;
Giving me false urine and blood tests
You...
You think I am a stupid kid, eh?
That I can be easily fooled?
You must be dreaming, it's not that easy
You...
Come on, pay up for the jewelry
She's not your third aunty?
MY third aunty?
She said she's your third sister...
and asked me to look for third aunty
for the bill
She is totally unrelated to me
She said she is buying dowry
for your daughter
166,000 dollars, not a cent less
Okay relax, hold on
Did she say where she lives?
She said she lives in the
east of the city...
so I should deliver the jewelry to
your clinic
What, you pretend you don't know her?
Why should 1?
In fact ll don't know her
Then why do you address her
as third sister?
Let me ask you. Do you know her?
No, I don't
Then why do you address her
as third aunty?
I tell you, in my family...
I'm the only child
I am not lying to you
If you don't believe me, you can...
go to the police station and check
my records
Really?
Honestly, I ain't kidding
So devious!
They've cheated me of my money, my blood
...and even my urine!
General Decorative Lighting'-
vacancy for female staff
Freeze...
Hey
General Manager
What's there to look at, huh?
Good morning
They're all here for the interview?
Yes
How many of them?
Over ten
Good
These are their application forms,
please take a look
Okay
Good morning, Sir
Mornin*
What's your acuity?
What do you mean?
Your eyes... what's your visual acuity?
Go get yourself a good pair of specs
Sorry...
Sorry, manager
Get a pair of spectacles
Yes...
He's here for the interview too?
What? He is our general manager
Wang Juan Shung
Better get it right; Wang...Juan...Shung
General Manager
I have selected the four of you...
to be our sales representatives
By title you're the first
assistant supervisor
You're the second
You're the third. And you...
Miss Chau, right? You are the
sales supervisor
Though you have different titles...
your salary is the same. 800 dollars...
with discretionary commission
Which is...
10 per cent of our profit,
which increases with sales
I hope you will work as a team...
and live up to the slogan in the
TV commercial
Stepping Forward Together'
We at 'General' will step forward
with our clients
General' is yours and you are for general
Our manager's speech is indeed great;
But there is a rhetorical error
Rhetorical error?
Agreed, we work for 'General' company...
but we are not to be considered
as 'general'
Deliver this to Tsim Sha Tsui
It's urgent
Yes
Mr. Jiang
Mrs. Wang
Is the General manager in?
Yeah... he's upstairs
What, is it really so busy?
He hasn't come home for lunch
these few days
Naturally. He's got new sales girls
and there's a sales promotion going on
Business has been quite brisk
Ms. Chau who has been here less than
a week
and sold 11 TV sets and 15 freezers
boosting sales by over tens of thousands
Is she so good?
Must be a naughty girl
Mrs. Wang
Is the manager in?
Yes
Who are you looking for?
Is the manager here?
Yes, in the wash room
Is it Ah Fong?
It's me
Oh, you are the manager's wife
I am Chau Chi the new sales supervisor
I hear you have performed quite well
What? Not playing mahjong?
I will lose my husband if ll do
What a joke!
Isn't it true?
The company has recruited four beauties
Our manager has been mesmerized
Nonsense
Very trendy, I'd say
Mrs. Wang, you've a good sense of humour
I think you both should have
a nice chat here
The accounts can be settled later on
Hey... I'm fine
Didn't you want to settle the accounts?
Never mind. I can do it later
Please excuse me
Caught?
It's bad for him
I don't believe it
You... can't you be reasonable?
Of course I am
Settle the accounts!
You were kissing for real
I won't stand for anything like this
What? You've meddled with all the girls!
Be careful
I can do the same with the male staff
Ah Fong, don't go
Listen to me...
Don't misunderstand
Wow! The month's total sale is...
558,664 dollars
Terrific! It's a huge sum of money
There's a king in every trade
You are the queen of our trade
Yes, the installment queen
Pardon?
The queen... paid for by installments
Phew! Can you afford me then?
Of course he can't
But our manager can
Dammit, what a coward!
Why does he fear his wife?
That goes without saying
He's just the general manager here
But there's a managing director over him
Managing Director?
Who is that?
Miss Hu Ah Fong
Who the hell is she?
Our manager's wife
No wonder!
Here
Let's toast to our success
Cheers
Let me raise a toast first
Good
Hey, why aren't you drinking?
I want to drink, too
Of course
Drink up
Okay
Once more. Again...
No
No...
No...
You're bad
I don't want...
Don't. Please stop
Move it quickly
Move it quickly
What are you doing standing here?
Go and take a look, quick
Damn, a raise and a promotion
What a way to go!
You're envious
Sleeping with the general manager
can get you anywhere
Quickly...
I heard the manager has a love nest
Really?
It must be true
He's buying TV and stereo sets
...but they're not delivered to his home
He is getting bolder
Getting a love nest!
Damn!
Madam
Do you know where they live?
69, Gan Chuan Street
I want...
I want...
You devil
Movies really harm people
There, "I want more"
That makes you always want more
You're no use, why blame the movies?
Hey,
I have done seven times
You are insatiable, don't blame me!
Quickly
Who could it be?
Oh, maybe it's the tailor
Coming...
So you have a comfy love nest...
beat him up
Ya Fang, don't mess things up
Just wreck the place
Don't... don't do that
Help...
Please stop...
Help...
Please stop...
Please don't...
Please stop, help...
Please stop, help...
Help
Please stop
Hold it
What are you doing? This is my home
Get out
You shameless. This is your home
...but this is my husband
Your husband came here himself
I didn't force him in, shame on you
Ain't my fault if you can't keep your
husband on leash
I'll call the police
Go ahead
No, don't... please don't
Get lost
You bloody whore
Your hysterical antics...
will not work
I'm going to call your fiance...
and ask him to watch closely on you
You smelly whore
Who are you looking for?
I am Dai Luk Mau
Looking for your fiancee? Come in
Are you Dai Luk Mau?
Your fiancee seduced my husband
What do you think should be done?
You... you just can't get rid of your
bad habits
Her husband used drugs to seduce me...
and forced me to be his mistress
You...
What do you think should be done?
Alright, I give up
Whatever it is, let's resolve this.
Please let it go
You too, let's put the past behind
Alright
Alright, let it go
I'll take you on a trip
You are so incapable
If everyone could let it go,
world would be like this
686,000 dollars!
So much?
Yes, all handled by Chau Chi
In fact the 2nd installment is
still outstanding!
Go and look for Chau Chi
I don't know where she has moved to
Last ll heard, she and her fiance...
had gone to Europe
Then look for her guarantor
Dai Luk Mau is her guarantor
Jeez, she has cheated me of
686,000 dollars
Come, let's toast to that
You said he's going to Macau tonight?
Exactly
I told him someone saw Chau Chi in Macau
Then he ask me buy the
half past twelve ticket...
for the Tarzen Ferry.
By now he must be on it
Right, let's be like Tarzan tonight
No need to get a room
You can be the Tarzan on my bed
Cheers
Waiter
Bill please
Keep the change
Thanks
Mr. Wang, you are leaving so early
I'm catching the half past twelve ferry
It's one fifteen now
Nonsense
It's true
It's only twelve fifteen
From today it's changed to summer time now
Officers. That's what I need...
I want a judge, policeman
Damn, I've been cheated...
of 686,000 dollars
I want a officer
I want a judge, a policeman
Swindled me of 686,000 dollars
Someone get me an officer...
It's me... Sir...
Mister, I'm Guan Ran
You are Guan Ran?
I'm Guan Ran, the movie artist
I'm good in acting as a monk
Do you want me to act in your movie?
What? I need a Taoist, too
That's fine
I can be an excellent Taoist as well
Give me a chance.
So long I haven't been to a shooting
Shooting? I need an officer
I need a judge, a policeman
Get me an officer
I need a judge, a policeman
Cheated me of 686,000 dollars
I need a officer
I need a judge
A policeman
I need an officer
Cheated me of 686,000 dollars
I need a officer
I need a judge, a policeman
She dared to swindle me!
What are you doing? Urinating everywhere?
Who's urinating?
You're denying it?
What are you doing then?
I'm just looking at it. Can't I?
Do you know you're in the middle
of a road?
So what?
You policemen...
can take out their pistols and shoot...
and get away with it
Why can't I take out mine?
What kind of law is this?
You are the one who...
I know you...
You're the one who shot a man
on street the other day
Good shot. Superior marksmanship!
Two shots. Bang bang... one dead
and one injured
You upset the old father, the old mother
You deserved to be forgiven;
worth forgiving
Good shot
Hey, I know you are up to no good
Are you trying to steal something?
You kiddin'? I steal something?
What rubbish! This is my home
You called me a thief.
You are not forgiven
If you don't believe, try opening it
You think I'm stealing
See, you could open it with my key, right?
This is the Wang residence.
Please do come in
Isn't this my home? I didn't lie to you
Look, this is my wedding photo
Over here it's me
This is my wife
That is my wife
This is me
This is my light. It does what
I ask it to do
Light up. Four five six, fifteen brighter
One, two, three, six... a little dim
Bright, dim... bright
You are my little brother
Welcome. Up there is the VIP room.
Pride of the family
Be careful
This is my desk
See, this is my picture
Down there is my bed
This is my wife's picture
Underneath there is my wife's bed
Sleeping on it is my wife
Those legs on the bed...
My wife's legs of course
Your wife has four legs?
Nonsense
Does your wife have four legs?
You see... I sleep there, I have two legs
She sleeps there, she's got two legs
When I sleep there,
there'll be four legs altogether
But now...
How come there are four now?
Now?
Damn it!
You... you
General Manager
You two...
I'm sorry
What the hell are you both up to?
I'm sorry, Sir
You're shameless
Phew! Who's shameless, you did it first
Our company's name is 'General' after all
You can meddle with all the female staff
Why couldn't I meddle with the male staff?
Everything is 'generally' shared!