Louis & Luca - Mission to the Moon (2018) - full transcript

What are
you doing Louis?

It's impossible
to get this rubbish to work.

This remote doesn't work.

There, there
Louis, don't get all excited.

Now coffee lads.

- Yes please Alfie.

You know me, I love me coffee.

- I've updated the coffee
machine with microprocessors

and Java, so now it's the
quickest in the whole country.

I hope you're good
and thirsty Luca.

- I love coffee.



Steady on.

- That's that then, anything
else I need to have a look at?

- This has gone
completely pear shaped.

- Nonsense, I'll
fix it in no time.

- Shouldn't we er,
maybe take the plug out?

- No need for a
little job like this.

- I need to go to the loo.

- Can't you just manage
by yourself for once?

- But it's so dark outside.

- Well you should have
thought about that

before drinking all
the coffee in Brazil.

- It's all right
lads, don't worry,

nature's turned the lights on.

- Here is the news that I feel
is the most important today.



- Look it's easy as pie.

- Thank you Moon.

- Which also includes
the provision that no one

in the government is
permitted to ride a cow,

ever again.

And we're going to the Moon.

- Oh yeah, do you
remember when you tried

to fool the newspaper
about going to the Moon?

- Yes, it would have
worked too if Luca's head

hadn't got in the picture.

- And it's been 50
years since the UN

adopted the resolution
that no country

can own the Moon.

The resolution has passed
it's statute of limitations.

- Statute of what?

- It means it's past
it's expiry date,

like that sour milk you had
for breakfast this morning.

- Oh don't remind me,
that tasted awful.

- Three months for a new
resolution to go into effect,

and in the meantime
it's up for grabs.

Whichever country manages
to build a rocket,

fly up there and
plant a flag first,

that country will be the sole
owner of the entire Moon.

- The entire Moon.

- Hmm, we could try
building a rocket.

- But how could
anybody own the Moon?

- And it appears
Norway is interested.

Welcome to my show,
isn't that so,

head of Norway's newly founded,
Government Space Program,

Vigfus Skonken.

- Oh yes, Norwegians
have always explored

and even conquered land, like
the South Pole for instance

by Hansen, Nansen and Alensen.

- I'm the only one
who's allowed to look

directly into the camera.

But Norway has no time to lose,

other countries are
also in the race.

We've obtained
exclusive secret images

smuggled from a
rocket base in Russia

displaying a promising trial run

for the so called
Matryoshka Rocket.

Niet!

- We have also been
informed that even

the United States of
America has resumed

it's space program
after many years.

Houston we've got
a problem, a really big one.

Don't move.

Sorry.

- All they need is
for their astronauts

to lose some weight.

But honestly Skonken there
really isn't any hope

that Norway will
stand a chance in this

highly technological space race.

- I'd have to disagree, don't
forget that it's typically

Norwegian to be um Norwegian.

And do you know Norwegians
do astoundingly well,

some of the sharpest brains
in the world are in Norway.

And the government thinks
that the Moon landing

can become Norway's new

Moon landing.

- Don't look into my camera.

And now over to the weather.

- Why can't they
leave the Moon alone?

- Well it won't be the first
time people were up there.

- No it won't be, and it
hasn't been the same since.

- Oh I've been dreaming
about Moon rockets

since I was knee high
to a grasshopper.

How would you fancy a trip
to the Moon Louis hey?

Louis?

Is that
a goldfish bowl?

- Shh.

I need to study the
surface, and remember

where there are lunar craters
so as not to fall into them.

- You're really going up there?

- The first magpie on the Moon.

For real this time, not
just in the newspaper.

Everyone thought I was a
wally and called it fake news.

But now I'll show them.

- I think a little trip to
the workshop might be in order

you know.

- Now what I need to do is
go and find some seed money.

- But Louis, what
about all the things

that could go wrong?

- That can be your job.

- Well I suppose
that is my specialty.

Right, where's the
goldfish by the way?

- It's safe.
- Right.

- Just er, don't use
the potty tonight.

- Louis, Alfie!

Hmm, I wonder what's
going on in there?

No, no, no, no

that does not go there.

- What you doing?
- Wait a second Luca.

I'm in the process of
doing some precision work

that requires full concen--

Oh no sorry.

Don't worry I was
gonna buy a new one anyway.

Where am I going?

It's this way,

it's important to
record the process

and the visiting celebrities.

This is the stuff documentaries
and film awards are made of.

- Good day, good day, my name
is Widow Stengen Von Glad,

Lord Mayor of Flaklypa
for the Centurist Social,

Labour and Conservative Party.

Yes, the space program
is so important

that the Lord Mayor herself
is here for a visit.

- And the city council has
already pledged their support.

Don't be shy now Alfie,
let's see this rocket.

- Well it's not quite
finished yet you know,

but here you have before
you the La Pollo 0,

hand polished profiles,

optimized for low
air resistance.

High RPM and medium fire hazard.

- Isn't your rocket a tad tiny?

- Uh no, the first
tests are small scale.

When we've completed
those we launch it

into the stratosphere
and then it will be time

to build the actual Moon rocket.

- Stratosphere?

Sounds like a scary place.

- So do we have a
party pooper here.

Oh it's wise to be
careful at the start

but don't let the
naysayers run the show.

It's all about perspective!

- Oh be careful.

- There are times when
we need to forget about

what might go wrong
and say yes we can.

No!

- What on Earth
is wrong with it?

- It's not finished yet.

- Run for cover everyone.

Watch out Luca!

- Give me that.

Look at it go.

- Well it's
impossible to control.

- Oh no!

- I'm not an expert
but aren't rockets

supposed to go up?

- Where did it go?

- I don't know.

- I think I'll just nip
in here for a minute.

- Sounds like it's okay.

Is it safe
to come out now?

- Now then when are you
going to start working

on the actual rocket?

- Never, it's over, this
is the end of everything.

Everything we've worked for,

the entire space race project.

- But why Alfie?

- The test was a
complete catastrophe,

we can't even
afford to continue.

- Well that's why the
Lord mayor is here hey.

We'll be back on
track in no time

thanks to the council
and the regional funding.

- Oh well, er, the
council has gone through

an expensive restructuring.

Executive salaries
have never been higher.

- But you said we could
count on your support.

- But yes of course, you have
all of our moral support.

- Your moral support?

- Oh yes, there's
no shortage of that.

Just let us know if
you need anymore,

more morals I mean.

- Aye, well it was
fun while it lasted.

But you're never going to do
a Moon walk are you Louis?

Not now anyway.

- It's probably
just as well Louis,

you can walk around all you
like down here on Earth.

- We can't give up now.

- Yes, we have too,

because our little space program

has been a total
and utter fiasco.

Been one of them.

- Fiasco, that
word doesn't exist

in Louis Gunderson's dictionary.

I'm going to the Moon, even
if it's the last thing I do.

- We don't need the worlds
quickest coffee machine,

seeing as how slow
it is round here.

- Aren't you gonna
watch the news Alfie,

we should maybe check
up on the space race?

- Nah.

- Well I'm gonna watch it.

- Here is the latest on
the race to the Moon.

- Weird all they keep
talking about on the news

is the Moon.
- Shh.

- Rockets are being
built all over the world.

According to our sources
most of them have problems.

The EUs attempt has
been a terrible failure.

They put the Italians in
charge of organization,

the Germans of ornamentation,
the Greeks of finance,

and the British Brexited
before they even started.

And finally we've been
told in breaking news,

the French have taken
it upon themselves

to completely revamp the launch
pad for no apparent reason.

This is why there were
great hopes placed

on another contender
in the space race.

An individual
called Alfie Clarke,

an initial test launch took
place earlier this week.

- How did they hear about that?

- I don't know.

According to
astronaut Bluka Gunderson,

in a somewhat unreadable
press release.

- No such thing as bad PR.

- It's a good thing they
don't have any pictures

of the disaster.

- Bluka Gunderson has also
provided us with footage

of the test launch.

- Louis?

- Unlike the others happened
to be surprisingly successful.

- Hey?

The commentary
here is by Gunderson himself.

As we can see La
Pollo 0 is a model with positive

entry points, and
explosive exit points.

This being said, it can
be maneuvered indoors.

This tiny model quickly
reaches impressive heights

and controlled landings
on the launchpad

have been executed without
any problems whatsoever.

- And joining us by
phone is Vigfus Skonken

Head of Norway's
governmental space program.

We hear you already have
more funding in place

for Alfie Clarke.

- That's right, hello,
hello, are you there?

Oh there you are, yes okay,

the government is
about to announce

this great news to Alfie Clarke.

- Come on, in here hey.

- It looks as though it's
coming together nicely.

And now we'll go
over to the Lottery.

- I am Vigfus Skonken.

- Right my name is--

- The man that will
get us to the Moon.

And the government will pay.

- But the test launch
didn't go quite as well--

- Don't be bothering
Vigfus with this.

I can smell the Moon already.

- Er, I think that
might have been me.

- But it isn't that easy.

I mean we don't even
have a launchpad.

- We're working
on that presently.

- What about the materials
needed to build the rocket?

- This is just perfect.

- And the workshop
needs to be rebuilt.

- Ready when you are.

- What about fuel, I doubt
that Flaklypa service stations

have 14,000 liters of double
distilled high octane.

- No, but we have
hundreds of oil rigs

that can help out.

We will do everything
in our power

to launch this rocket
as soon as possible,

with me onboard.

- Huh, you?

You're going to be an astronaut?

- Aren't you just
an administrator?

- Just?

Look here, since Norway's
going to own the Moon

a government official needs
to set foot on the ground.

- Looks like it's
you and me then.

- Yes.

- Seems like the government
has it all under control.

- Seems like we're
off to the Moon.

- Yeah, looks that way.

- This is an Insta moment Luca.

- Just a minute.

Go on get in Louis,
right say cheers.

- I Think this calls
for a celebration.

- I thought the
council was broke.

- Huh, really, what ever
made you think such a thing?

You're paying for this right?

- Uh huh.

- Bubbles all round,
now let's celebrate.

I'll just put it on your bill.

- Come on it's starting.

- Oh yes.

- I'm not interested in
watching space travel.

- Come here, Flaklypa's
on the television.

- What a load of poppycock,

Alfie Clarke's Moon rocket.

Huh, what's that compared to

Oliver Clifford's
cheese fountain

for birthday parties,
and conferences.

- None of the
seats are reserved.

- This is so exciting.

- And so my avid viewers
tomorrow is the rocket launch

at Cape Flaklypa.

And for the latest
breaking news on the event

we go live to our
reporter on the ground,

Frederick Hansen.

- Hello, and welcome, News
Editor Frederick Hansen here

to report directly
from Cape Flaklypa

- What?

I'm the only one
supposed to have a desk.

Reporters aren't
supposed to have desks.

- Well I can't
hear you properly,

the connection is bad,
but I'm sure you asked me

what it's like for an
experienced news editor

such as me to host this program.

- No, I most certainly did not.

- A program such as this
provides us with excitement,

tension, explosions,
astronauts flying as fire balls

through the atmosphere
on their way toward

a certain death.

- Oy!

- And here is the man
responsible for it all,

Alfie Clarke, welcome.
- Er.

- And the charming
Madam Mayor of Flaklypa,

Stengelfohn-Glad

- Er it's Lord Mayor,
but I'll let it pass.

- Quite, so how is it possible
to have a rocket launch

in little Flaklypa.

- Well it's quite simple--

- Everything is
possible in Flaklypa.

You wouldn't believe what
we have accomplished here.

- Yes well, indeed,
why don't we start here

in the control center.

This we would call
mission control.

Most everything here is
standard space equipment

according to the tamburg model,

closely tested using
the on a whim method.

The rocket is controlled
from the ground

to ensure resting regulations,

and in case they
become car sick.

I mean rocket sick.

- How clever.

- We'll be communicating
on this system

via analog frequencies.

We have it all to
ourselves now that

everything's gone digital,

and naturally there is a
designated area for relaxation

and contemplation,
complete with dispensers

for red and white grape juice,

and assorted tins with
various refreshments.

Naturally recycled materials,

all very environmentally
friendly.

Well it looks as if the
Lord Mayor has a fancy

for that particular detail.

- Well you have to practice
what you preach I say.

- And here we have
a machine that beeps

as long as everything
is doing well.

These gauges are for measuring
fuel and oxygen levels,

as well as weather
conditions, stability,

and excess weight.

- Hmm, and what type of cargo
are you bringing to the Moon?

- That's the
governments business,

I'm merely in charge
of transportation.

Transportation,

Emanuel, fetch the largest
cheese in the storage room.

Can you imagine how much
people would be willing to pay

for cheese that's
been to the Moon.

- Yeah, I mean who
are they to disabrie?

Get it, disabrie.

Well that would be
a bit cheesy.

Hey, I said go
fetch that cheese.

- Um, as you can see the mood
for the day before take off

is rather cheery.

- Oh yes, we're all
very cheerful here.

Rose.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Well you'll be off tomorrow?

- Yeah but we'll keep in touch
by radio the entire time.

And we'll be back
before you know it.

- Promise you'll
come back though?

- Of course, I'm not
leaving you Luca.

We're gonna be mates for
the rest of our lives.

- Well how can you
be so sure about it?

- See this glass jar, I'll
fill it up with Moon dust

and then bring it
home just for you.

- Yeah.

- And in order to keep my
promise of giving you Moon dust

I have to return don't I?

- Okay, but just be
careful Louis all right.

- Look Alfie built
the rocket yeah,

I'm at the controls, I mean
what could possibly go wrong?

- Oh yeah, it's
starting soon, yeah.

- The day has finally arrived.

A Norwegian rocket will
be sent to the Moon,

Norway is in the lead
of the space race now,

the Moon could
actually be Norwegian.

This is--

- I have to interrupt
that boring introduction

that didn't even mention me.

Here come the astronauts.

- Whoops, well if you insist.

- Hey up, Louis, the jar!

- Today my friends, today
they aren't just two men who,

well yes they actually
aren't in fact two men.

We have one man and one magpie.

Today it isn't just
a man and a magpie

who are going to the Moon,

because they
represent all of us.

La Pollo has a little bit of
all of us on that journey.

- Never mind that, is it
time for lunch hey?

- Louis to Alfie, we are
now in the control module.

- Great, prepare for systems
checks before take off.

- Roger, I mean Alfie.

- Check the gyrostabilizer
to counteract gravity

and vomiting.

- Check.
- Check.

Check
rocket brake system.

- Check.
- Check.

Check payment method
in case of crash landing

in a foreign country.

- Travelers check.
- Check.

Check fuel level.

- Full, as a bloke
on Christmas day.

- Check, check.

- Run procedure for
checking the aluminum hull.

- Check.

- Check.
- Check.

- Hang about, Louis you forgot
the jar for the Moon dust.

Check machine that
goes beep to ensure that all

systems are go.

- Check.
- Check.

Oxygen.

- Enough to the
Moon and back again.

Seal the hatch.

- Sealing the hatch now.

- Hello?

- All systems are go.

Then sit back
and start the engines,

and we'll commence countdown.

- There, can you feel it Melvin?

The magnitude of space, the
yearning for the unknown?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm feeling it.

Oh I need the loo.

- Can't you hold it in?

All systems are a go
as they say across the pond.

- Commence automatic
start sequence.

Take off in T-minus two minutes.

- Oh yes, tea would be lovely.

- No that means that
the rocket will launch

in two minutes.

- Yes, yes, it's all
very, very exciting.

- Perhaps you and
Luca could step out.

- Luca?

Last time I saw him he was
hitching a ride on the rocket.

- What?

- Is that a problem?

Louis check
the lifeform detector.

What?

There is something
moving in the cargo hold.

- Just as I suspected, okay
we'll have to abort the mission.

- Are we on the Moon already?

- Ah, now we're ready Vigfus

- Will this jeopardize
the Moon landing?

- Oh no, Luca brought me
something very important.

Alfie we're ready now.

- Right, we'll try that again.

Let's pick up where we left off.

T-minus one minute
and 26 seconds.

- Is it tea time?

- No it means that's
the length of time left

until the rocket is launched.

Urgh, don't you know anything.

- Louis, disconnect
the fuel intake.

T-minus one
minute and 11 seconds.

- 11.

Maximize
the fuel pressure.

- Maximizing pressure.

One
minute to lift off.

- In one minute Norway
will be making history,

Frederick Hansen?

- I'm in the middle of blogging.

Can't a reporter even
write an emotional blog

about space exploration now.

Let's see, how do
you spell death trap?

Transfer from
external to internal power.

- Terminating external power.

Transfer to internal
power complete.

- Splendid, sit back and relax,

and I will take over from here.

- T-minus 30 seconds.

- We're going to be rich.

- Count down from 20, 19, 18,

17, where are you off to now?

- The loo.

- 13, you'll miss the--

- 12.
- Rocket launch.

- I've had enough of rockets.

- Lift off in 10.

Nine.

Eight,

Seven.

- It's happening,
it's happening.

- So we're getting in
reports from onsite

that it is actually happening.

- Three,

two,

one.

- Zero.

- Can you describe
what it feels like

to be so close to the rocket?

- Of course, yes, it's
absolutely indescribable.

- We have lift off.

Some bubbly perhaps.

- No, thank you

I'm the designated driver
of this rocket.

Oh no.

The cork is stuck.

I can't control it.

- Oh goodness.

- What's going on?

- Oh we have to do something,

I should take a selfie.

- My cheese.

They'll be dust and
debris, de-brie,.

- Louis you have to take over,

I need to disconnect the
external control system.

- Oh that sounds like
a delicate operation.

- 30 % keel over and increasing.

Connect gyrostabilizer flaps.

Peddle.

- This is appalling, someone
could get badly hurt here.

Why aren't we filming
people who could get hurt?

- Because er, we could get hurt.

- Rocket injuries are covered
by the natural disaster fund.

- Listen to me Louis, you
need to level out the rocket.

Reverse the gyrostabilizer
and give extra thrust

when you reach the safety zone.

- I am trying.

- This was not part
of my job description.

- Fantastic, have you ever
seen anything so beautiful?

- Get out of the way.

- Yeah!

- Huh?

- Can I go to the loo now?

- What, yes you can go now.

- Thank you.

- Oh wasn't there a
loo here a moment ago.

- Must be the cabbage
I had yesterday.

- Alfie, did we build the rocket
with an external bathroom?

What do you mean?

- The loo is stuck
to the rocket.

- Oh no, that's
where Luca was going.

- We have to get Luca in
here before he falls out.

Here you take over.

- It's occupied do you mind.

What's going on?

Me hat!

- You have to stop doing this
Luca, you could get hurt.

- Louis I'm never ever
going to the loo again.

- This is not going
according to plan.

- Oh don't worry, the more
people we have from Flaklypa

the better, it simply
confirms that Flaklypa

is the space capital
of the world.

- Yeah, how is the
loo, I mean Luca.

- He has his liquorice and
he's sitting up in bed.

- Will he be okay?

- Everything under control,
he likes the outdoors,

couldn't be further out then
this, isn't that right Luca?

We're doing great.

You're about
to exit the atmosphere,

extinguish the booster rockets

and set your course
for the Moon.

- Aye aye, I'm setting
course for the Moon.

- Our heroes are on their way--

- Our heroes are on
their way to the Moon.

- We'll return as soon as
something interesting happens.

- We'll return as soon as
something interesting happens.

Thanks so much
for tuning in to--

- That's my line,
not yours Hansen.

- We'll return as soon as
something happens here in--

- As soon as something
happens here in Flaklypa

- Good evening, and good night.

- Good evening and thank
you for watching, cut.

- Thank you for watching.

- In less then a week we'll
be selling Moon cheese.

- Louis!

- Not now Luca.

- Sausage.

Remember to engage
artificial gravitation

so you don't float about
and hurt yourselves.

- Artificial gravitation on.

Next stop, the Moon.

- Space it's so,
it's really big,

and dark, and empty.

- There's also the occasional
planet I've been told.

And stars with light that
travels for thousands of years

before we can see it.

- Is light usually
so slow in space?

- No but the stars are very
far away from where we are

so they could actually
be long extinguished

before we even see their light.

That's very far away.

- And the universe is
even greater then that.

Even a blood pimped
Delorean time machine

with triple boost turbo
could drive for thousands

of years and never
reach the end.

Think about that Luca.

You'd probably
hit a wall or something

sooner or later.

Luca, when you run
into that wall in outer space,

you have to ask yourself,
what is on the other side

of that wall?

- The wall.

- No space rubbish.

The universe will be the
dumping ground of the future.

People think that they can
chuck anything out here.

- Oh such a shame to
throw out all that stuff.

Things that could
have been used again,

bits and bobs, this and that.

You can make loads of
stuff out of other stuff.

- Look I think the
Russians have been here.

- And the Americans an all.

- The government never sleeps.

- What?

- Louis you're leaking
oxygen, you need to go outside

and repair it.

- Out, go out of the rocket?

- Don't worry yourself
he has six jet packs.

- Do you mean jet packs,
or do you mean six packs.

- I mean both.

The six jet pack has a
built in micro brewery

which generates the power.

100 Newton meters of
pressure are produced

by the brewing process
which can be adjusted

to make stronger ale for
extra thrust is required.

- No!

Oh no, Louis!

- Can he fix the hole?

- Looks like it.

- Oh I think this calls
for a small celebration.

- Well the hole is
fixed but they've lost

a lot of oxygen in the meantime,
this could mean trouble.

- We have just received
word from the control center

that things could go wrong.

- How on Earth did
they know that?

- This according to
the sources very close

to the inventor, and
everyone is asking

whether or not the Moon
landing could be compromised.

- Just pretend I'm not here,
but is the landing compromised,

everyone's been asking.

- No, no, the landing
is not compromised.

- Viewers we've just
received conformation

that the landing
is not compromised.

- No it's not compromised, but
anymore unexpected problems

like that one and we'll
have to turn around.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

Start descent
and landing procedures.

- Commence descent and
landing procedures.

Louis, where are you?

- I'm just fixing
the six jet pack.

Never know when it
will come in handy.

- But Louis you're the first
in command, the captain.

- Er,

why is that green dot blinking?

- It's just the motion sensors,

Louis is down below
in the cargo hold.

- But are there supposed
to be two dots there?

Oh dear, that's more
then there should be.

- Take it easy Luca I'm on it.

Is somebody here?

- Don't take another step Louis,

there's something
right in front of yah.

- Huh?

- Louis stop.

- Nothing here.

What in the name?

Flaklypa we have a problem.

- He says he's here to
keep an eye on some cheese,

a chap called Oliver
Clifford smuggled onboard.

- Oh for heavens sake, I can't
believe that Oliver Clifford.

This is the final straw.

- One more person
shouldn't matter should it?

- Yeah but that person
is Emanuel Desperado,

lungs like a tuba.

He'll use a lot of oxygen,
and after that leak it's--

- But there's some oxygen
surely it will be enough.

- The most important thing
now is that we get them

back home, the oxygen
level is far too low

to sustain four astronauts,
you must abort the mission.

Hello, I repeat the
oxygen level is too low,

abort mission, hello, abort.

Hello can you hear me?

- This will make Flaklypa no
better then any other town.

- Oh no, that is
not the problem.

- Not a problem, that's the
greatest load of rubbish

I've ever heard.

Oh no.

I need peace and
quiet so I can work.

- You will be remembered
as a complete failure.

- Calling La Pollo One, I
repeat abort mission, hello.

- Hello.

- What's Alfie say?

- I don't know, it's a
very poor connection.

- What do we do now?

- We land, Alfie said
it was very important

that we land it, that
was all I could make out.

Come on then Captain Louis.

- The first Norwegian
to set foot on the Moon.

- So gentlemen the Moon
will soon be Norwegian.

- But why can't the
Moon just be Moonian?

- What, Moonian, listen
here, there's no doubt

that Norway is the
right nation to manage

the Moons resources.

- Resources?

- The remote control is ruined,
I need to get in contact

with them or it'll
be a disaster.

- Citizens of Norway
at this very moment,

La Pollo One is
going in for landing.

- My cheese'll land on
the Moon any minute.

- I am sitting here with
Lord Mayor Stengelfohn-Glad.

- Space Exploration Lord
Mayor Stengelfohn-Glad.

- Yes, there seemed to
be an issue regarding

the oxygen, is it fixed?

- Oh yes, nothing can stop
the people of Flaklypa.

When we've got our
eye on something.

- Oh.

- Oh no, La Pollo One,
you are nearly out of air,

take off again.

Oh I need to regain
contact with them now.

- Easy peasy.

Yes!

- Yes my friends the
eagle has landed.

Well perhaps it's a pheasant.

- It could be
anything from here.

- No, no, I think
it's a pheasant.

But that's beside the
point, the main thing is

the rocket has now
landed on the Moon.

And the moment we've all been
waiting for is almost here.

- The buffet?

- No, a Norwegian on the Moon.

- Oh yes, that too.

Is
that Louis Gunderson?

- Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis!

Oh, Vigfus, Vigfus,
Vigfus, Vigfus, Vigfus!

- In the future
everyone will remember

what they were doing
at this very moment.

- Boogers.

- I think everyone in the
country must be watching

their screens right now.

And we will shortly be
hearing from the brave

patriot himself.

- One small step for man,

but one huge step for
Norwegian bureaucracy.

- Yeah, yes, that's beautiful.

- Hey, you said you'd wait
for me so I could go first.

- The government
doesn't pay millions

so a non-government
official like you

can go first, buzz off.

I hereby declare the
Moon to be Norwegian.

May you provide our nation
with joy and wealth.

- In your face
rest of the world.

- Wonderful!

- The previous owner did
a poor job of tidying up.

I'm sure there's a
return deposit on this.

- Yes, time to start the robot.

- The robot?

What in the world,
Alfie didn't make that.

- No this is too
high tech for Alfie.

It is the Gov Vacuum C-type.

A very complex robot,
it will vacuum the Moon.

- But why?

- You see Moon dust
contains a very rare metal

that isn't found on Earth.

Vigfusium.

- Vigfusium, named after you?

- Vigfusium is a very
valuable substance

with countless uses,
we'll start it now

so it can gather dust
for several years

and we'll return
to fetch it later.

And then we'll sell
the dust for billions.

- But what'll happen
to the Moon if we take

all the Moon dust off it?

- Nothing at all.

Well almost nothing.

The reflections will
be weaker that's all.

- Weaker reflections he says,

what does he mean by that?

- He means Luca that the
Moon won't shine no more.

- No more Moon lantern.

- But you can't do that.

- We can buy a million
electric lights

with all the money we'll earn.

- That doesn't matter,
you are not going to drive

this robot out Vigfus.

- That's not your decision,
it is the Norwegian people

represented by the
Norwegian government,

represented by me.

- I'm people too, I pay my tax.

Or at least I've paid
a lot of parking fines

over the years.

- Fine, let's do this
the democratic way.

We'll vote on it, those in
favor of exploiting the Moons

resources so that
Norway can get rich

and we can create a banana fund,

and buy all the
bananas in the world,

apprehend the other two now.

- I thought we
were a team Vigfus.

- I'm sorry Louis but
I am the government,

that's the only team I need.

¶ Norway is the best ¶

¶ It always stands the test ¶

¶ Norway can vacuum the ¶

¶ Entire planet ¶

- Cooey don't you want
to celebrate Alfie?

- Why don't you go
celebrate on your own

somewhere very far away,
I need to get my lads home

before they run out of air.

- Are they in danger?

- If I can recalibrate
this to the machine

that goes beep when everything
works as it should--

- Yes.

- I could do with
another power lead.

- I am a born
leader, I can help.

- No, something with metal.

Oh I don't have
the time for this.

- Like this?

- That might actually
work, thanks.

- Don't mention it, we
must get those boys back.

- Yes.

- Oh there will be consternation
in the press otherwise.

¶ Hooray for Norway
independence day ¶

¶ And the Moon and
all that stuff ¶

- You're gonna
regret this Emanuel.

- I hope someone up
there knows Morse code

'cause we don't have much time.

¶ The Moon is dark, very
very dark and gray ¶

- Well time to go home.

- You need me to fly the
rocket, so let me go.

- So you can sabotage my
robot on the Moon, never.

I can manage just fine
with my new pilot,

Captain Emanuel.

Just give it a little bit
of time, we'll be fine.

- Here Louis, why's that
machine beeping like that?

- It's supposed
to beep so we know

everything's in order.

- Oh good thing too
'cause that wouldn't be

a very good message if that
was actually Morse code.

- Do you know Morse code?

- Oh yeah, it's the
emergency code used as sea.

You know like if you
get into difficulties

out on the ocean.

- And what would that beeping
mean if it were Morse code?

- Come back now,
not much air left.

But this isn't Morse
code though, is it?

- Vigfus, what have you done!

- We can discuss that
later but for now

you are reinstated as
captain so we can hurry

back home again.

- Calling Flaklypa, La
Pollo calling Flaklypa.

I can't get through.

- Oh dear, this must be
the source of the failure.

- Calling Flaklypa, Alfie
are you there, Alfie.

Is everyone
okay up there?

- We just found out
about the oxygen Alfie,

is there still hope for us?

- Of course, but you need
to take one thing at a time.

It's difficult but if
the rocket comes up

to it's full speed.

- Good, commence
departure procedure.

Are you ready Luca?

Luca?

- He's probably hiding
in the cargo hold.

- Oh no Luca.

- Stop!

In the name of the Moon.

Stop!

- Luca what are you doing?

We're going home, we
have to leave now.

- But the robot it's
gonna destroy the Moon.

- We need to leave now or
we'll run out of oxygen.

If that isn't dangerous
I don't know what is,

come on Luca.

- Er, no!

- No?

- Remember those stars
you told me about,

the ones that died
a very long time ago

but they still shine?

- Yeah.

- If we leave now the
Moon will go all dark

and that's how it'll stay for
the rest of our lifetimes.

- Yeah I know but Luca look--

- But if we save the Moon
it'll keep on shining

long after we're gone,
maybe even longer.

And not a lot of people get to
save the Moon Louis, do they?

- Luca, I rarely say this,

but you know what you're right.

- No, no, no, those idiots
are going to ruin everything,

I must stop them,
I'll be back soon.

Don't breath too much.

- We'll never be
able to stop it.

- It's just a machine, and
machine's can be switched off.

- Hello, hello.

Can someone tell me
what's going on up there?

What, I don't understand,
can you repeat that?

- There's the
control panel Luca.

You're gonna have to
disable the robot.

- How am I supposed
to get onto it?

- Good Luca.

Pull out the cable.

It's been fun Mr Robot but
it's time to say night night.

Huh?

- You might as well give up.

- Vigfus!

- The government is
always two steps ahead.

I apologize, but I
can't allow you to stop

the robot, this is what
we will all live off

when the oil is gone.

I just have Norway's
best interests in mind.

This isn't personal.

- That's a relief.

- Let go, that is
government property.

Get off.

- Out of my way.

- The remote control!

- I'm stuck, help!

- I'm coming Luca.

- Vacuum Type-C
has gone bonkers.

- Help!

- I can't.

- Help!

Emanuel?

- Oh he saved us.

- He's got a good
pair of lungs on him.

- Looks like he lifts
weights too doesn't he?

- Lifts them, he eats
them for breakfast.

Vigfus you dimwit
what are you doing?

- I didn't mean too,

I just, well the government and,

it was all so clear.

- You could have
actually killed us.

- I have killed us,
a long time ago.

We don't have enough
oxygen to get back.

- No.

Sorry I let you down lads.

- Look for a pessimist
I'm really impressed

that you're taking
this so well Luca.

And you know if this
really, really is the end

for Louis Gunderson at
least we go out with a bang,

on the Moon.

I can honestly say I've
had an interesting life,

with good friends, not
everyone has been so blessed.

- I thought the
government was my friend,

it's been the only
friend I've ever had.

- It's never too
late to make friends.

We could be your friends, for
whatever little time's left.

- So ladies and gentlemen
all hope is lost,

and now we're going over to--

- La Pollo One has
no more oxygen left,

it's probably all over.

- Imagine we'll never
taste another cup

of freshly brewed coffee again.

- And I'll never smell a
beautiful flower again.

- And I'm never going to have
another day at the office.

Well, that's
actually not so bad.

- And I'll never again
get to take my rage out

on random objects like this one.

- Oh I thought it
would be heavier.

- Oh Vigfusium it really
is an amazing substance.

Can also be used as
fuel, it makes any engine

go five times faster.

It's too bad we're
not out of fuel.

- Five times the speed you say.

- Flaklypa we have a solution.

The Moon dust is a
very efficient fuel,

we can modify the
engine so that we can go

five times the speed.

- If you go five times
faster the tiny little bit

of oxygen you have left
might just last long enough

to get you back
into our atmosphere.

- Well we have to try.

- Only problem is
the rocket isn't made

to go at that speed.

- But the rocket is
made by the best,

no one knows how
much it can take,

not until it's
pushed to it's limit.

Vigfus are you coming?

- Yes, I'm coming.

- Let's give it our best shot.

- Let's go home.

- La Pollo has taken
off from the Moon,

but will they return home?

They'll have to fly
faster then anyone

has ever flown before.

- They're on their way at least.

- It's a long road,
a very long road.

- But they are heroes
regardless of how it ends.

Yes it would be great fun
if they returned home alive,

especially for them.

- Oh this is not
going to end well.

- Is it just me or is it getting

a bit hot in here?

- I'm sorry but at the speed
you're traveling at now

through the atmosphere
it's bound to heat up.

- Heat up, by how much?

- It'll be hot enough
to take a sauna Luca.

- Now I know how freshly
baked bread feels.

- And now I'm here with
our aluminum expert,

can the hull of La Pollo
One withstand the heat?

- Oh yes, no problem.

- That's good.

- But the passengers might not.

- Oh, well, will
they return home,

or will they fry like
sausages in their own grease?

- Well that's it,
they're out of air.

- This is it, hold your breath.

- They should be here shortly.

- Is that it?

- Oh Luca.

- I'm never going
to leave you again.

- Alfie!

- Thank goodness.

- Moon cheese.

- We managed to return
safely because well,

we worked as a team.

- But the big question
is, is the Moon Norwegian?

- We did plant the
Norwegian flag on the Moon

so the Moon was
really Norwegian,

but we had to bring the
flag back down again.

- Can you tell us why?

- I'm afraid that's
a classified secret,

desperate situations
require desperate measures.

- Did we really have to
take the flag back down?

- No, but no one owns the Moon.

- So the Moon isn't Norwegian?

- The Moon is, as a wise
man once said, Moonian.

- A wise man, I
thought I said that?

- Right, will there be more
Moon expeditions Alfie?

- Well I don't think so.

- But isn't Norway's
future out there?

- When a bicycle
repair man inventor,

a tough magpie, and
a nervous hedgehog,

and a strong gorilla and
a boring administrator,

when a gang--

- And a charming Lord Mayor.

- When a gang like this
manages to cooperate

to get a rocket to
the Moon and back,

I'm convinced that the
future lies down here.

- And this concludes
our program.

Frederick Hansen would
you like to sign off?

- No, no, you do it.

- No you.

- No really you.

- No you.

- No, no you take it.

- No you, you deserve the honor.

- I'll take it.

Say goodnight.

- Imagine we was all
the way up there.

- And imagine we
came back home again.

- Yes imagine that.

I will never be sending
you away that far again.

- You know it's not
that far to Mars.

- I know but we'd need a
larger rocket for that,

that would mean
drafting new plans.

Read 'em
and weep, three jacks.

- Are you cheating Louis?

- Me, I'm as honest
as the day is long.

'Specially during the
short days of winter.

- But I have two
jacks too you see,

that can't be right.

- Oh there seems to be an
unusual amount of jacks

in this deck.

- Well I've got four
of these, queens, look.

- Ah that's where they
are, I was wondering

where they'd got too.

- Ah Luca, you always
have such good luck.

Yeah but what if
all my luck runs out one day?

Nothing
to worry about Luca,

nothing to worry about.