Liza in London (1986) - full transcript
Liza Minnelli in concert at the London Palladium.
♪ My little town blues
[audience applauding]
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it ♪
♪ In old New York
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it
♪ Anywhere
- [drumroll building] - Come on!
♪ Come through
♪ New
♪ York
♪ New
♪ York
[audience applauding]
- [energetic Broadway music] - [audience applauding]
[people chattering]
Look, just gimme one second.
Just one second.
[applause, music continue in distance]
[chuckling]
[audience applauding]
[hairdryer whirring]
Oh.
I looked so good when it started.
[ethereal orchestral music]
[audience applauding]
[audience cheering]
[applause continues]
[Liza chuckling]
♪ Nothing's impossible
♪ I have found
♪ For when my chin is on the ground ♪
♪ I pick myself up
♪ Dust myself off and start all over again ♪
[bright flute music]
♪ Don't lose your confidence if you slip ♪
♪ Be grateful for a pleasant trip ♪
♪ Just pick yourself up
♪ Dust yourself off
♪ And start all over again
♪ Oh
♪ Blue skies
♪ Smilin' at me
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ Do I see
[light orchestral music]
♪ Blue birds
♪ Singin' their song
♪ Nothin' but blue birds
♪ All day long
♪ Never saw the sun
♪ Shining so bright
♪ Never saw things
♪ Goin' so right
♪ Noticing the days
♪ Hurryin' by
♪ When you're in love
♪ My how they fly
♪ I'm so excited
♪ And I just can't hide it
♪ I'm about to lose control and I think that I like it ♪
♪ I'm so excited
♪ And I just can't hide it
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
♪ I know I want you
[funky music]
♪ Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen ♪
♪ Tonight's the night we'll put all things aside ♪
♪ Give in this time and show me some affection ♪
♪ We're goin' for those pleasures in the night ♪
♪ I want to hold you
♪ Feel you
♪ Wrap myself around you
♪ I wanna please you
♪ Squeeze you
♪ Just can't get enough
♪ And if you move real slow I'll let it go ♪
♪ I'm so excited and I just can't hide it ♪
♪ I'm about to lose control and I think that I like it, yeah ♪
♪ I'm so excited
♪ And I just can't hide it
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
♪ I never saw the sun shinin' so bright ♪
♪ Never saw things goin' so right ♪
♪ Noticin' the days hurryin' by when you're in love ♪
♪ My
♪ How they fly
♪ Blue skies smilin' at me
[audience applauding]
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ Do I see
♪ Blue days, all of them gone
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ Blue skies
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ From
♪ Now
[scatting]
♪ On
[audience applauding]
- [upbeat music] - [applause continues]
♪ Hey old friend
♪ What do ya say, old friend?
- [audience applauding] - ♪ Are you okay, old friend?
♪ Are we or aren't we unique?
♪ Time goes by
♪ Everything else keeps changing ♪
♪ You and I
♪ We get continued next week
♪ Most friends fade or they don't make the grade ♪
♪ New ones are quickly made
♪ And in a pinch
♪ Sure they'll do
♪ But us old friend
♪ What's to discuss, old friend? ♪
♪ Here's to us
♪ Who's like us?
♪ Damn few
♪ So old friend
♪ Fill me in slow
♪ Old friend
♪ Start from hello
♪ Old friend
♪ I want the where, what and how ♪
♪ Old friends do tend to become ♪
♪ Old habits
♪ But I never knew
♪ How much I missed you
♪ 'Til now
♪ New friends pour through a revolving door ♪
♪ Maybe there's one that's more ♪
♪ Maybe there's one, that will do ♪
♪ But us, old friend
♪ What's to discuss, old friend? ♪
♪ Here's to us
♪ Who's like us?
♪ Damn few
[upbeat music]
♪ Though old friends
♪ Do tend to become old habits
♪ I never knew how much I missed you 'til now ♪
♪ Most friend fade
♪ Or they don't make the grade
♪ New ones are
♪ Quickly made
♪ And in a pinch
♪ Sure, they'll do
♪ But us
♪ Old friend
♪ What's to discuss, old friend? ♪
♪ Here's to us
♪ Who's like us?
[chuckling softly]
♪ Damn few
[audience applauding]
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Listen, you know something?
That's really what this show is about.
It's about old friends.
It's about all different kinds of women
that I've either known or I've read about
or I've heard about or I've played
or I've made up. [chuckles softly]
See, that's what I like doin' best.
I like playing different characters in my songs.
You know, all different kinds of ladies from..
well, different circumstances and different situations.
Well like for instance, see, now this next song
could be about a friend of mine from New York.
Her name is Angela.
It could've been written about her, I'm telling you.
You see, she got herself into the worst relationship.
I know because I had lunch with her...
[audience laughing]
...and she was telling me how she felt.
[soft intriguing music]
- [Liza shuddering] - [audience chuckling]
♪ Oh
♪ I gotta get my life some sparkle and fizz ♪
♪ And think a thought that isn't wrapped up in his ♪
♪ The place that I consider paradise is wherever he ain't ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ No more to whither when he's grouchy and gruff ♪
♪ No more to listen to him bellow and bluff ♪
♪ Tomorrow mornin'
♪ I'll be struttin' my stuff wherever he ain't ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ Enough
♪ Of being bullied and bossed
[speaking indistinctly]
♪ Ta-ta
♪ Auf Wiedersehen and get lost ♪
[grunts]
♪ I'd walk behind him like a meek little lamb ♪
♪ Oh
♪ I had my fill of his not giving a damn ♪
♪ I'll go to Sydney or Ceylon or Siam ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ Wherever he ain't
[speaking indistinctly]
I'm finished. I'm finished! [indistinct]
♪ Go ahead
♪ Arrivederci
♪ Drop dead
♪ I'd gladly travel where the hurricanes blow ♪
♪ I'd face the jungle
♪ I'd storm through the snow
♪ As long as I can pack my baggage and go ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ It's time for little Nell
♪ To rebel
♪ If he's in heaven, I'll go to hell ♪
♪ To hell
♪ My little love nest was a terrible trap ♪
♪ With me behavin' like a simperin' sap ♪
♪ And so I'm searchin' for a spot on the map ♪
♪ If he going south, then I'm going north ♪
♪ If he's going back, I'm going forth ♪
♪ Wherever
♪ He ain't
[audience applauding]
[smooth trumpet music]
Oh please.
[audience laughing]
♪ Turn 'em on
♪ Turn 'em on
♪ Turn on those sad songs
♪ When all hope is gone
♪ Why don't you tune in and turn them on ♪
[bright music]
♪ They reach into your room
♪ Oh, oh, oh
♪ Just feel their gentle touch
♪ When all hope is gone
♪ You know a sad song says so much ♪
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ So much
[soft somber music]
♪ I don't care much
♪ Go or stay
♪ I don't care
♪ Very much
♪ Either way
♪ Hearts grow hard
♪ On a windy street
♪ Lips grow cold
♪ With the rent to meet
♪ So if you
♪ Kiss me
♪ If we touch
♪ Warning's fair
♪ I don't care
♪ Very much
♪ I don't care much
♪ Go or stay
♪ I don't care
♪ Very much
♪ Either way
♪ Words sound false
♪ When your coat's too thin
♪ Feet don't waltz
♪ When the roof caves in
♪ So if you kiss me
♪ If we touch
♪ Warning's fair
♪ I don't care
♪ Very
♪ Much
[rhythmic jazz music]
♪ When the sun
♪ Comes
♪ Out
♪ And the rain
♪ Stops beating on my windowpane ♪
♪ When the sun comes out
♪ There'll be bluebirds 'round my door ♪
♪ Singin' like they did before
♪ That old storm
♪ Broke out
♪ And that man
♪ Walked off and left me in the rain ♪
♪ Though he's gone
♪ I doubt
♪ If he'd stay away for good
♪ I'd stop livin', if he should ♪
♪ Love is funny
♪ It's not always peaches, cream and honey ♪
♪ Just when everything seemed bright and sunny ♪
♪ Suddenly the cyclone came
♪ I'll never be the same
♪ 'Til the
♪ Sun comes out
♪ And the rain stops beating on my windowpane ♪
♪ If my heart
♪ Holds
♪ Out
♪ Let it rain
♪ Let it pour
♪ It will not be long before
♪ There's a knockin' at my door ♪
♪ And you know the man I love
♪ Walks in
♪ When the sun comes
♪ Out
♪ Out
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
This next song,
[chuckles]
well it's about the kind of friend that, uh...
unfortunately, I think we've all had
at one point or another, in some circumstance or another.
[energetic whimsical music]
Where--where is she?
Oh darling, there you are.
Oh, it was thrilling last night
when they opened your play.
I mean now it's thrilling to read what your notices say.
♪ I mean look, my friend's a celebrity starting today ♪
♪ And I couldn't be happier
♪ Remember in high school a lifetime ago ♪
♪ When I said you'd be famous
♪ A face people know
♪ We were thicker than thieves
♪ Oh, I believed in you so
♪ So I couldn't be happier
♪ Now
♪ When people say dreams don't come true ♪
♪ We can assure them that they do ♪
♪ We'll give them one good look at you ♪
♪ And that's the proof
♪ My family's turning the house upside down ♪
♪ Since your godmother's known as the toast of the town ♪
♪ Even Harry stopped wearing his usual frown ♪
♪ And he couldn't be happier
♪ Look, now that's the truth
♪ We all couldn't be happier now ♪
♪ Reporters won't leave you alone ♪
♪ There'll be no end to what you own ♪
♪ I'll bet you even change your phone ♪
♪ Oh, I bet you do
♪ Well the price of success
♪ Worth it I guess
♪ Well, heaven bless
♪ You'll have armies of fans which are bound to increase ♪
♪ When you go out to eat
♪ They won't leave you in peace ♪
♪ Just to walk to your limo
♪ You'll need the police
♪ And I'm sure that'll make you happy ♪
♪ And I couldn't be happier
♪ Look, that's the truth
♪ We all couldn't be happier for you ♪
What?
Oh, darling, well don't lemme monopolize you.
I mean go ahead. Talk to your other guests.
This is your party.
This is your night.
[chuckling]
♪ My friend's a celebrity
[counterpart] ♪ Starting today
[both] ♪ I couldn't be happier
[counterpart] ♪ I couldn't be happier
♪ I couldn't be hap--
You know, we went to high school together.
It's funny because everybody thought I would--
[soft intriguing music]
♪ Well, who am I kidding?
♪ I won't ever call
♪ This lady-in-waiting won't be at the ball ♪
♪ But don't get me wrong
[counterpart] ♪ Don't get me wrong
♪ I couldn't be happier
♪ I couldn't be
♪ Happier
♪ You're bound to lose something when you're on your way ♪
♪ This little town friendship's ♪
♪ A small price to pay
♪ But don't get me wrong
[counterpart] ♪ Don't get me wrong
♪ I couldn't be happier
[counterpart] ♪ I couldn't be happier now
♪ Now
[counterpart] ♪ You'll find the good old days are pale ♪
♪ You'll find the good old days are pale ♪
[counterpart] ♪ You'll hire help to answer mail ♪
♪ You'll hire help to answer mail ♪
♪ And all your friends will be for sale ♪
[chuckles]
[counterpart] ♪ The price of success
For sure.
♪ The price of success
[both] ♪ Well heaven bless
♪ Well then so long, old buddy ♪
- [counterpart singing indistinctly] - ♪ I call this the end
♪ When you're gaining a fan club ♪
♪ But losing a friend
♪ Just your name in the paper and money to spend ♪
[both] ♪ Honey, that's sure to make you happy ♪
[counterpart 2] ♪ Happy, happy
[all] ♪ Happy
[counterpart] ♪ And I couldn't be happier
Look, I gotta get goin'. Gotta--
[counterpart] ♪ I couldn't be happier
I can't, my family's waiting.
- ♪ I couldn't be happier - Oh?
♪Well drop me a postcard, you know.
- ♪ I couldn't be happier - Look, I'm fine.
Just fine.
[both] ♪ Yes, we all
♪ Couldn't be happier
♪ For
♪ You
[audience applauding]
Guess what, I know Raquel Welch.
[chuckles] I do.
I mean, she's a friend of mine, little Raquey.
She lets her friends call her that.
Her friends can call her Raquey.
Anyway, you know what Raquey told me?
She told me that she's gonna be doing this miniseries
that's based on the book Forever Amber .
You ever read that book?
It's gonna burn the tube.
At any rate, I said to her,
I said, "Raquey, it just so happens
that for years I've been singin' a song
that is based on that exact same story."
And I'd like to sing it again tonight
it's an old English folk ballad.
[audience chuckling]
It is. [chuckles]
- Ask Raquey. [chuckles] - [audience chuckling]
[soft soothing music]
♪ Oh I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within a week, within a week
♪ Or Johnny Brown will sail away ♪
♪ And never know I love him
♪ Oh, help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ The road is very long
♪ I cannot pay the coachman's price ♪
♪ But I am very strong
♪ I'll work for you
♪ I'll mend for you
♪ I'll bake you loaves of bread ♪
♪ I'll fetch your ale and darn your socks ♪
♪ And light your way to bed
♪ Oh, I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within six days, within six days ♪
♪ Or Johnny Brown will sail away ♪
♪ And never know I love him
♪ Oh, help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ My journey has been slow
♪ Another gentleman was kind
♪ Was sad to see him go
♪ But you've as fair a face as he ♪
♪ And are as tall a man
♪ If you will help me on my way ♪
♪ I'll do whate'er I can
- Hm. - [audience chuckling]
♪ Oh, I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within four days, within four days ♪
♪ Or what's-his-name will sail away ♪
♪ And never know I love him
♪ Oh, help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ I long to hear its sounds
♪ My heart is bursting in my breast ♪
♪ Come feel how hard it pounds
[audience laughing]
♪ I've heard from men I've met before ♪
♪ Though I am rather shy
♪ That fame and fortune awaits me there ♪
♪ So amiable
♪ Am I
[laughs]
[audience laughing]
[chuckling]
Woo.
♪ Oh, I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within two days, within two days ♪
♪ I know there was a reason why ♪
[audience laughing]
♪ Oh help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ I long to see its tower
♪ But, oh, the trip has wearied me ♪
♪ I dain would rest an hour
♪ Yet I am feared to sleep alone ♪
♪ The road is black with fears
♪ Would you protect me as I lay defenseless ♪
♪ On these leaves
[audience laughing]
♪ Oh, once upon a long ago
♪ I came to London town
♪ Searching for a sailor boy
♪ A lad named
♪ Johnny Brown
♪ But now that I am twice as wise ♪
♪ And youth is twice as dim
♪ I often wonder in the night
♪ Whate'er
♪ Became of him
Hm.
♪ Whate'er
♪ Became
♪ Of him
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
There's a character in theatrical literature
called "The Madwoman of Chaillot"
and this song is about her attitudes, her philosophy.
I don't think she was mad at all.
[soft intriguing music]
♪ They keep telling me that love is an illusion ♪
♪ That life is filled with hate and greed and lies ♪
♪ But I simply must retain my grand delusion ♪
♪ So when I look at life
♪ I close my eyes
♪ If music is
♪ No longer lovely
♪ If laughter is no longer lilting ♪
♪ If lovers are no longer loving ♪
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ If summer is no longer carefree ♪
♪ If children are no longer singing ♪
♪ If people are no long happy
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ Let me hide every truth from my eyes ♪
♪ With the back of my hand
♪ Let me live in a world full of lies ♪
♪ With my head in the sand
♪ For my memories all are exciting ♪
♪ My memories all are enchanted ♪
♪ My memories burn in my head
♪ With a steady glow
♪ So if, my friend
♪ If love is dead
♪ I don't want
♪ To know
♪ If music is no longer lovely
♪ If laughter is no longer lilting ♪
♪ If lovers are no longer loving ♪
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ If summer is no longer carefree ♪
♪ If children are no longer singing ♪
♪ If people are no longer happy ♪
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ Let me hide every truth from my eyes ♪
♪ With the back of my hand
♪ Let me live in a world full of lies ♪
♪ With my head in the sand
♪ For my memories
♪ All are exciting
♪ My memories all are enchanting ♪
♪ My memories burn in my head
♪ With a steady glow
♪ So if, my friend
♪ If love is dead
♪ I don't want
♪ To know
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
All right.
The character, the woman, is Mama Rose.
The show is Gypsy .
[audience applauding]
[intriguing orchestral music]
♪ Some people can get a thrill
♪ Knitting sweaters and sitting still ♪
♪ That's okay for some people
♪ Who don't know they're alive
♪ Some people can thrive and bloom ♪
♪ Living life in the living room ♪
♪ That's perfect for some people of 105 ♪
♪ But I
♪ At least gotta try
♪ When I think of all the sights that I gotta see ♪
♪ And all the places I gotta play ♪
♪ All the things that I gotta be at ♪
♪ Come on, papa, what do you say, huh? ♪
♪ Some people can be content
♪ Playin' bingo and payin' rent ♪
♪ That's peachy for some people ♪
♪ For some hum-drum people
♪ To be
♪ But some people ain't me
♪ I had a dream
♪ A wonderful dream, papa
♪ All about June in the Orpheum circuit ♪
♪ Gimme a chance I know I can work it ♪
♪ Oh, what a dream
♪ And it was just as real as can be, papa ♪
♪ Listen to me, listen to me
♪ There I was in Mr. Orpheum's office ♪
♪ And he was sayin' to me
♪ Rose, get yourself some new orchestrations ♪
♪ New routines and red velvet curtains ♪
♪ Get a feathered hat for the baby ♪
♪ Photograph in front of the theater ♪
♪ Get an agent and in jig time
♪ You'll be being booked in the big time ♪
♪ Oh, what a dream
♪ A wonderful dream, papa
♪ And all that I need is 88 bucks, papa ♪
♪ That's it
♪ That's what he said, papa
♪ Only 88 bucks
♪ Papa
Yeah, but it's only 88 bucks. It's not like I'm askin'--
Aw come on, it's 88 lousy bucks.
What do ya mean I ain't gettin' 88 cents outta you?
Well, I'll get it and I'll get my kids out!
♪ Goodbye
♪ To blueberry pie
♪ Good riddance to all the socials I had to go to ♪
♪ All the lodges I had to play
♪ All those Shriners I said hello to ♪
♪ LA, I'm comin' your way
♪ Some people sit on their butts ♪
♪ Got the brains, yeah
♪ But not the guts
♪ That's livin' for some people ♪
♪ For some hum-drum people
♪ I suppose
♪ Well they can stay and rot
♪ But not Rose
[audience applauding]
[soft orchestral music]
[chuckles softly] Do you hear that music playing?
♪ Well it relates to what I've been saying ♪
♪ Throughout the years
♪ I've made a lot of friends
♪ Though many become famous
♪ Most of them go nameless
♪ So I dedicate this song
♪ To all of them
♪ I sing with the best
[upbeat music]
♪ I've sung with them all
♪ Performed in movies, Broadway shows, Carnegie Hall ♪
♪ The experience, I have to say, was grand ♪
♪ But I couldn't have made it without them ♪
♪ Here's to the band
♪ Reeds soaring
♪ Horns blaring
♪ Drums pounding in my ear
♪ To sing 'til I'm hoarse
♪ To dance 'til I drop
♪ To do what I really love to do ♪
♪ I've just got to stop
♪ Stop and turn around and thank every man ♪
♪ That sits on that stand
♪ Oh, I couldn't have made it without them ♪
Ladies and gentlemen, my band!
[audience applauding]
[people chattering]
Hi.
- How do you think it's going? - Fine.
Listen, don't throw your shoes across the room please?
- Sorry. - Thank you.
How's it goin', David?
I don't know, I wasn't watching.
[woman] Here, I'll have your cuffs, please.
[smooth jazz music]
- It's so hot out there. - Relax, relax.
I think it's going all right, don't you?
[woman] How would I know?
Listen, did y'all see that hot man in the third row?
- What? Cindy! - [both chuckling]
[jazz trumpet solo]
[rapid drumming]
[Cindy] Here, lemme try the shoelace.
I gotta get another one. That one's gettin' ready to break.
- 'Kay. - Okay, let's put the tie on.
- Okay. - Excuse me. - Is that all right?
[drumming continues]
Listen, y'all wanna go out for Chinese food tonight? I'm buyin'.
I'm so hungry.
- Me too, I'm starving. - [Cindy] Okay, wait.
- Yeah? I'm nauseous. - All right.
[man] Let's go Liza May.
- Oh, 'kay. Bye. - [Cindy] Bye.
[drumming continues]
[smooth cabaret music]
[Liza shouts]
[audience applauding]
♪ They call them stylin'
♪ But I'm proud to have them
♪ At my side
♪ Here's to my 12 gentlemen
♪ Here's to the A-F-O-L
♪ I couldn't have made it without them ♪
♪ Here's to my band
My guys.
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
Listen, there's one... there's one man in particular
that I want you to meet.
I've known him since I was 11 years old.
He's not only my drummer and my conductor,
but I think he's one of the best friends
I have in my whole life.
Mr. Bill Lavorgna.
[audience applauding]
Well, I think by now you know the kinda singing I like to do.
But I don't think I've told you about the kinda dancing
that I like to watch.
Mind you, I say watch because I can't do it.
It's called locking, popping and breaking.
Right? Now about a year ago, I was watchin' TV
and I was watching a program called Star Search ,
and I saw these three guys.
And I thought they were just miraculous,
so I called them up.
I found out their name was The Foot Lockers,
right? And I called 'em up.
And before I knew it I heard myself saying,
"You wanna go to London?"
And before I knew it, I heard them saying...
- [Foot Lockers] Yes. - Ladies and gentlemen, The Foot Lockers!
- [audience applauding] - [funky retro music]
[chuckles] They're so cute.
- C'mon. - No, I don't wanna.
C'mon, you got it!
[Liza] Cute.
Go!
[chuckling] How do you do that?
- C'mon, Liza. - No.
- Get over here. - [Liza] No.
[Liza] Ho! Yeah! Get it, guys.
So cute.
Woo!
[audience applauding]
Oh, my God! Jesus.
Doesn't that hurt?
[indistinct]
- No, I don't wanna. - All right, Liza.
[all chattering indistinctly]
C'mon.
- Buh-bye. - [audience laughing]
[Liza] Woo! Yeah.
Go, Ken! [laughs]
[audience applauding]
I can't do that.
He can, I can't.
[music continues]
[audience applauding]
[Liza chuckling]
Woo.
That's terrific.
Yeah.
[indistinct]
One, two!
[audience applauding]
[Liza chuckles] Yeah.
Yeah!
[audience applauding]
Come here.
There's nothin'-- there's nothin' to this, Liza.
Look, watch.
[funky retro music]
[audience applauding]
[audience applauding]
[breathing heavily]
- [muttering] - [audience laughing]
That's hard.
I mean, it looks easy when they do it.
But oh my god, when I do it.
It is hard. It's harder than it looks.
I'm 40 you know, now.
[audience laughing]
It's true, last week I was 40.
[audience applauding]
[breathes heavily] All kinds of wonderful people
keep telling me that life begins at 40.
Seemed to me I breathe easier when I was 23.
[audience laughing]
It'll all work out.
It'll all work out.
40? It'll work out, don't worry.
It's a shock to your system.
I mean, face it, 40 is a shock.
I mean, just think about it, when Mozart was my age,
he was already dead five years.
[audience laughing]
All right, moving right along with my gallery of friends.
I think the lady who I sing about
whose background was the most illegal
has got to be Emma Finch,
right?
But like the song says, "It's not..."
- Nice. - [chuckles]
These are nice.
Yeah, I do li-- I paid for them, right?
- Uh-huh. - Yes, I like them.
[audience laughing]
Anyway, like the song says, [chuckles]
"It's not how you start, it's how you finish."
Ladies and gentlemen, you ready?
"The Saga of Emma Finch."
[whimsical orchestral music]
♪ I used to know a lady known as Emma Finch ♪
♪ Emma Finch, Emma Finch
♪ She had a kleptomania that made her pinch ♪
♪ Any article she saw
[Foot Lockers scatting]
♪ She liked to spend the afternoon at Bloomingdale's ♪
♪ Bloomingdale's, Bloomingdale's ♪
♪ But Emma's way of goin' to the bargain sales ♪
♪ Was a bit beyond the law
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' bag ♪
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' list ♪
♪ Emma felt whatever Bloomy's lost ♪
♪ Bloomy's never missed
♪ She couldn't see
♪ The light
♪ She wouldn't see
♪ The light
♪ Emma never knew wrong from right ♪
♪ Which kept her in the dark unable to see the light ♪
[audience laughing]
♪ Oh, when Emma saw a poochie, she was crazy for ♪
♪ She'd try it on
♪ She'd clear the bin
♪ Could see her leaving Bloomy's weighing 10 pounds more ♪
♪ Than she weighed when she walked in ♪
[singer vocalizing]
♪ Emma like a lemur
♪ Would tiptoe left to right
♪ Emma's one dilemma
♪ Was the poor thing never could see the light ♪
[Foot Lockers scatting]
[all scatting]
♪ But things are never easy when you're at the top ♪
♪ At the top, at the top
♪ And Emma got to thinkin' that she oughta stop ♪
♪ Oughta check her goals again
[Foot Lockers scatting]
[breathes heavily] Everybody all right?
[audience laughing]
[Liza chuckling]
♪ This penny-ante pilfering is just a bore ♪
♪ I mean it is just a bore
♪ Lord, it's bore
♪ You see, I really
[audience laughing]
♪ Think I oughta use my talents more ♪
♪ So she start lifting men
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' bag ♪
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' list ♪
♪ Any man at all who wasn't hers ♪
♪ She could not resist
♪ She couldn't see
- ♪ She couldn't see - ♪ The light
♪ Emma Finch could never
- ♪ See the light - ♪ She wouldn't see
- ♪ She wouldn't see it - ♪ The light
♪ She couldn't see the light
♪ Well Emma never knew wrong from right ♪
♪ Which kept her in the dark unable to see the light ♪
[Foot Lockers scatting]
♪ But one of Emma's fellas made her mighty blue ♪
♪ Mighty blue, black and blue
♪ And later in the clinic when they brought her to ♪
♪ She began to comprehend
[Foot Lockers scatting]
What?
Well I've been thinkin'.
♪ I've been an awful sinner
♪ In the way that I stole
♪ I mean, in the clothes that I stole ♪
♪ I mean, in the men that I stole ♪
- [Foot Lockers] Yeah? - Yeah! Ooh!
[audience laughing]
♪ The devil's reachin' out about to take my soul ♪
[Foot Lockers humming]
♪ Better make the Lord my friend ♪
♪ Amen
♪ Emma threw away her shoppin' bag ♪
♪ Emma got herself another plan ♪
♪ Emma went and put the poochies back ♪
♪ And she returned that man
♪ She cried, "I see the light"
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ I see the light
♪ Well, Emma figured out wrong from right ♪
♪ Despite her swollen jaw
♪ She finally saw the light
♪ And now on Thursday night
♪ There it is
♪ Come down on Thursday night
♪ Her talks are dynamite
- ♪ Yeah, yeah - [Foot Lockers vocalizing]
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ And see
♪ The light
- [Foot Lockers] Huh! - Hit it!
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Finch
♪ If you wanna know how to get to heaven ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Finch and see ♪
- ♪ If you wanna see the light - ♪ The light
♪ You're gonna see the light
- ♪ Pray - ♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
- ♪ Pray - ♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
- ♪ And see - ♪ We're gonna see
- ♪ And see - ♪ We're gonna see
♪ You're gonna see
- ♪ The light - Go on!
♪ The light
[audience applauding]
Thanks, Ken. [breathes heavily]
Perfect.
Just a second.
[audience laughing softly]
I don't know why I bother to put this crap on anyway.
[audience laughing]
Just comes off, Smokey. It just comes off.
I know.
What? Look who I'm talking to.
I truly love the man who invented the towel,
wherever he may be.
As long as I look like this, I'd better tell you something.
I feel wonderful.
I'm strong, I'm happy.
I've never felt better in my whole life.
[audience applauding]
Smokey,
Steve,
Ken.
My friends.
- [audience applauding] - Hit it!
- ♪ Pray - ♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
- ♪ And see - ♪ You're gonna see
- ♪ And see - ♪ You're gonna see
♪ You're gonna see the light
♪ The light
[audience applauding]
[smooth piano music]
Oh hello, sweetheart.
[audience laughing]
This is terrif-- this is Lucozade. Have you tried this?
[audience laughing]
Tastes so terrible, but it works.
[audience laughing softly]
I ha-- [chuckles]
I have a lotta married friends
and this next song is about a couple.
It's about a married couple, who...
well, who've known each other for quite a while.
- [audience laughing softly] - [audience applauding]
[audience laughing]
♪ So we're alone again tonight
[audience applauding]
♪ I read a book, you watch the fight ♪
♪ A stifled yawn, a can of beer ♪
♪ What an enthralling atmosphere ♪
♪ And yet the sight of us this way ♪
♪ Helps me to say what I must say ♪
♪ It helps me to think a thought or two ♪
♪ And pass it right along to you ♪
♪ And just for starters you should know I think ♪
♪ You've let yourself go
[audience laughing softly]
♪ Down through the years
♪ Each sage repeats
♪ Grass never grows on busy streets ♪
♪ Which might explain that balding spot ♪
♪ Were you a thinker, which you're not ♪
♪ And where's that slender youth I knew ♪
♪ I fear he's grown an inch or two ♪
♪ Not up and down, my joy and pride ♪
♪ But more precisely side-to-side ♪
[audience laughing softly]
♪ When at a party
♪ Now and then
♪ You tell the same old jokes again ♪
♪ Or wear a lampshade for a hat ♪
♪ Who could be wittier than that? ♪
[audience laughing]
♪ With one too many you just might ♪
♪ Pick some unnecessary fight
♪ Though in the morning with the sun ♪
♪ You can't remember what you've done ♪
♪ If there's regret
♪ It doesn't show, you know
♪ You've let yourself go
You never care the way you dress and...
you stay unshaven,
look at you, you look a mess!
The smallest thing is too much to do.
♪ I even hold the door for you
♪ And every rose upon the shelf ♪
♪ Is one that I've supplied myself ♪
♪ It's not the same, I'm well aware ♪
♪ Yet I need to see them there
♪ I don't know why I say it now ♪
♪ Why I don't hold my tongue somehow ♪
♪ But I've this need to tell it all ♪
♪ No matter where the chips may fall ♪
♪ For as I sit and reminisce
♪ There are so many things I miss ♪
♪ The reassurance of your touch ♪
♪ The gentle smile that said so much ♪
♪ You were my tender, thoughtful beau ♪
I couldn't hate you if I tried.
And I still want you by my side.
So we oughta lay things on the line.
♪ Perhaps the fault is really mine ♪
♪ And if it is, please tell me so ♪
♪ A seed replanted still can grow ♪
♪ Maybe that's all we need to know ♪
♪ Come close to me
♪ And
♪ Let yourself
♪ Go
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
[smooth piano music]
[sighs]
♪ He should have the very best
♪ Anyone can see
♪ Still he's different from the rest ♪
♪ Satisfied with me
♪ Draped around my kitchen sink ♪
♪ Happy as can be
♪ I just have to stop and think ♪
♪ Why he fell
♪ For
♪ Me
♪ I'm not much to look at
♪ Nothin' to see
♪ Just glad I'm livin'
♪ And lucky to be
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy for me
♪ He's funny
♪ That way
♪ Hasn't a dollar
♪ Can't save a cent
♪ I'd never holler
♪ I'd live in a tent
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy for me
♪ He's funny
♪ That way
♪ Though I know
♪ He'd work and slave for me
♪ Every day
♪ He'd be so much better off
♪ If I
♪ Went away
♪ But how could I leave him?
♪ Where would I go?
♪ He'd be unhappy
♪ Without me, I know
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy
♪ For me
♪ He's funny
♪ That way
♪ Though I know he'd work and slave ♪
♪ For me
♪ Every day
♪ He'd be so much better off
♪ If I
♪ Went away
♪ But how
♪ Could I leave him?
♪ Where would I go?
♪ He'd be unhappy
♪ Without me, I know
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy
♪ For me
♪ He's funny
♪ That
♪ Way
[audience applauding]
[applause continues]
[smooth piano music]
[chuckling]
Ah! [chuckles]
- [chuckling] - [audience laughing softly]
Oh.
♪ As a child, I went wild
♪ When the band played
♪ How I ran to that man
♪ When his hand swayed
♪ Clarinets were my pets
♪ And a slide trombone
♪ I thought was simply divine
♪ But today when they play, I could hiss them ♪
♪ Every bar is a jar to my system ♪
♪ Still
♪ There's one thing in the accompaniment ♪
♪ That I call
♪ My own
You know your best friend doesn't necessarily have to be a person.
Sometimes your best friend can be an inanimate object.
♪ I love a piano
[audience applauding]
♪ I love
♪ A piano
♪ I love to hear somebody
♪ Play
♪ Upon a piano
♪ A grand
♪ Piano
♪ It simply carries me
♪ Away
♪ Ooh
♪ I know a fine way
♪ To treat
♪ A Steinway
♪ I love to run my fingers
♪ O'er the keys, the ivories
♪ And with the pedal
♪ I love to meddle
♪ When Paderewski
♪ Comes my way
♪ I'm so excited
♪ When I'm invited
♪ To hear that long-haired genius ♪
♪ Play
♪ Well you can
♪ Keep your fiddle
♪ Keep your bow
♪ Gimme a P-I-A-N-O, oh
♪ Oh, I wanna stop right
♪ Beside an upright
♪ Or a high-toned baby
♪ Grand
♪ I love a piano
♪ I love a piano
♪ I love to hear somebody play
♪ Ooh
♪ The piano
♪ A grand piano
♪ It simply carries me away
♪ Oh-ho
♪ I know
♪ A fun way
♪ To treat
♪ A Steinway
♪ I love to run my fingers
♪ O'er the keys
♪ The ivories
♪ And with the pedal
♪ I love to meddle
♪ When Paderewski
♪ Comes my way
♪ I'm so excited
♪ When I'm invited
♪ To hear that long-haired genius ♪
♪ Play
♪ Well you can
♪ Keep your fiddle
♪ Keep your bow
♪ Gimme a P-I-A-N-O
♪ Oh
♪ Oh, I wanna stop right
♪ Beside an upright
♪ Or a high-toned
♪ Baby
♪ Grand
♪ I love a piano
♪ Oh
[audience applauding]
[applause continues]
Um... [chuckles]
In keeping with my theme...
[audience laughing softly]
...the last song I would like to sing
was written by two of my...
well they're more than my best friends.
I feel like they invented me.
Fred Ebb and John Kander.
[audience applauding]
They wrote this song and they wrote it for me,
especially for me, once upon a time.
You know what I still love though?
Is that you still do like it.
'Cause you know somethin'?
So do I.
- [cabaret piano music] - [audience applauding]
♪ Start spreadin' the news
♪ I'm leavin' today
♪ I'm wanna be a part of it
♪ New York, New York
♪ These vagabond shoes
♪ Are longin' to stray
♪ And step around the heart of it ♪
♪ New York, New York
♪ I wanna wake up in a city that doesn't sleep ♪
♪ To find I'm king of the hill
Ha!
♪ Top of the heap
♪ My little town blues
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it ♪
♪ In old New York
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it anywhere
♪ It's up to you
♪ New York
♪ New York
♪ New York, New York
♪ I wanna wake up in the city that doesn't sleep ♪
♪ To find I'm king of the hill
♪ The head of the list
♪ Cream of the crop at the top of the heap ♪
♪ My
♪ Little town
- ♪ Blues - [audience applauding]
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it in old New York ♪
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it
♪ Anywhere
♪ Come on
♪ Come through
♪ New
♪ York
♪ New
♪ York
♪ My
♪ Little town blues
[audience applauding]
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it ♪
♪ In old New York
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it
♪ Anywhere
♪ Come on
♪ Come through
♪ New York
♪ New
♪ York
[audience applauding, cheering]
[energetic cabaret music]
[applause continues]
[whimsical music]
[woman] Hi, Lize?
Lize?
Yeah?
- [woman] It's Lorn. - Lorna?
Come in, come in, come in.
- Hi. - You all right?
You okay?
- Yeah, why? - Are you deaf?
- More? - Yeah, I think so.
- Oh. - You wanna live?
[chuckling]
- [audience cheering] - [lively rhythmic music]
[energetic cabaret music]
[applause continues]
[upbeat music]
♪ What good is sitting alone in your room? ♪
♪ Come hear the music play
♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ Put down the knitting
♪ The book and the broom
♪ It's time for a holiday
♪ Oh, life is a cabaret, old chum ♪
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ Come taste the wine
♪ Come hear the band
♪ Come blow that horn
♪ Start celebrating
♪ Right this way, your table's waiting ♪
♪ No use permitting some prophet of doom ♪
♪ To wipe every smile away
♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie ♪
♪ With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea ♪
♪ She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower ♪
♪ As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour ♪
♪ The day she died, the neighbors came to snicker ♪
♪ Well that's what comes from too much pills and liquor ♪
♪ But when I saw her
♪ Laid out like a queen
♪ She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen ♪
♪ I think of Elsie
♪ To this very day
♪ I remember how she'd turn to me ♪
♪ And say
♪ What good is sitting all alone in your room? ♪
♪ Come
♪ Hear the music play
♪ Oh, life is a cabaret, old chum ♪
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ And as for me, ha
♪ And as for me, I made my mind up ♪
♪ Back in Chelsea
♪ When I
♪ Go
[audience shouting]
♪ I'm not going like Elsie
♪ Start by admitting from cradle to tomb ♪
♪ It isn't that long a stay
♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum, ha ♪
♪ It's only a cabaret, old chum ♪
♪ And I love
♪ A cabaret
[audience applauding, cheering]
[lively rhythmic music]
[applause, music continue]
[applause, music continue]
[applause, cheering continue]
Wait a minute. Oh, we stopped taping.
I'm so happy.
You were terrific.
Thank you so much for coming here.
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
Wait, lemme just ta-- can I take this off?
- Wait. - [applause continues]
[audience laughing softly]
- [smooth jazz music] - [audience applauding]
♪ Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're sad ♪
♪ But the world goes 'round
♪ And sometimes you lose
♪ Every nickel you've had
♪ But the world goes 'round
♪ Sometimes your dreams get busted in pieces ♪
♪ But that doesn't matter at all ♪
♪ Take it from me
♪ There's still gonna be a summer, a winter ♪
♪ A spring
♪ And a fall
♪ And sometimes a friend starts treating you bad ♪
♪ But the world goes 'round
♪ And sometimes your heart breaks ♪
♪ With a deafening sound
♪ Somebody loses
♪ And somebody wins
♪ And one day it's kicks
♪ Then it's kicks in the shins
♪ But the planet spins
♪ And the world goes 'round and 'round ♪
♪ And around and 'round and 'round ♪
♪ The world goes 'round and 'round and 'round ♪
♪ And
♪ 'Round
[audience applauding, cheering]
[energetic cabaret music]
Goodnight. Thank you.
I'll remember this my whole life.
- Thank you. - [audience applauding]
[audience applauding]
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it ♪
♪ In old New York
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it
♪ Anywhere
- [drumroll building] - Come on!
♪ Come through
♪ New
♪ York
♪ New
♪ York
[audience applauding]
- [energetic Broadway music] - [audience applauding]
[people chattering]
Look, just gimme one second.
Just one second.
[applause, music continue in distance]
[chuckling]
[audience applauding]
[hairdryer whirring]
Oh.
I looked so good when it started.
[ethereal orchestral music]
[audience applauding]
[audience cheering]
[applause continues]
[Liza chuckling]
♪ Nothing's impossible
♪ I have found
♪ For when my chin is on the ground ♪
♪ I pick myself up
♪ Dust myself off and start all over again ♪
[bright flute music]
♪ Don't lose your confidence if you slip ♪
♪ Be grateful for a pleasant trip ♪
♪ Just pick yourself up
♪ Dust yourself off
♪ And start all over again
♪ Oh
♪ Blue skies
♪ Smilin' at me
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ Do I see
[light orchestral music]
♪ Blue birds
♪ Singin' their song
♪ Nothin' but blue birds
♪ All day long
♪ Never saw the sun
♪ Shining so bright
♪ Never saw things
♪ Goin' so right
♪ Noticing the days
♪ Hurryin' by
♪ When you're in love
♪ My how they fly
♪ I'm so excited
♪ And I just can't hide it
♪ I'm about to lose control and I think that I like it ♪
♪ I'm so excited
♪ And I just can't hide it
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
♪ I know I want you
[funky music]
♪ Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen ♪
♪ Tonight's the night we'll put all things aside ♪
♪ Give in this time and show me some affection ♪
♪ We're goin' for those pleasures in the night ♪
♪ I want to hold you
♪ Feel you
♪ Wrap myself around you
♪ I wanna please you
♪ Squeeze you
♪ Just can't get enough
♪ And if you move real slow I'll let it go ♪
♪ I'm so excited and I just can't hide it ♪
♪ I'm about to lose control and I think that I like it, yeah ♪
♪ I'm so excited
♪ And I just can't hide it
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
♪ I know, I know, I know, I know, I know ♪
♪ I never saw the sun shinin' so bright ♪
♪ Never saw things goin' so right ♪
♪ Noticin' the days hurryin' by when you're in love ♪
♪ My
♪ How they fly
♪ Blue skies smilin' at me
[audience applauding]
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ Do I see
♪ Blue days, all of them gone
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ Blue skies
♪ Nothin' but blue skies
♪ From
♪ Now
[scatting]
♪ On
[audience applauding]
- [upbeat music] - [applause continues]
♪ Hey old friend
♪ What do ya say, old friend?
- [audience applauding] - ♪ Are you okay, old friend?
♪ Are we or aren't we unique?
♪ Time goes by
♪ Everything else keeps changing ♪
♪ You and I
♪ We get continued next week
♪ Most friends fade or they don't make the grade ♪
♪ New ones are quickly made
♪ And in a pinch
♪ Sure they'll do
♪ But us old friend
♪ What's to discuss, old friend? ♪
♪ Here's to us
♪ Who's like us?
♪ Damn few
♪ So old friend
♪ Fill me in slow
♪ Old friend
♪ Start from hello
♪ Old friend
♪ I want the where, what and how ♪
♪ Old friends do tend to become ♪
♪ Old habits
♪ But I never knew
♪ How much I missed you
♪ 'Til now
♪ New friends pour through a revolving door ♪
♪ Maybe there's one that's more ♪
♪ Maybe there's one, that will do ♪
♪ But us, old friend
♪ What's to discuss, old friend? ♪
♪ Here's to us
♪ Who's like us?
♪ Damn few
[upbeat music]
♪ Though old friends
♪ Do tend to become old habits
♪ I never knew how much I missed you 'til now ♪
♪ Most friend fade
♪ Or they don't make the grade
♪ New ones are
♪ Quickly made
♪ And in a pinch
♪ Sure, they'll do
♪ But us
♪ Old friend
♪ What's to discuss, old friend? ♪
♪ Here's to us
♪ Who's like us?
[chuckling softly]
♪ Damn few
[audience applauding]
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Listen, you know something?
That's really what this show is about.
It's about old friends.
It's about all different kinds of women
that I've either known or I've read about
or I've heard about or I've played
or I've made up. [chuckles softly]
See, that's what I like doin' best.
I like playing different characters in my songs.
You know, all different kinds of ladies from..
well, different circumstances and different situations.
Well like for instance, see, now this next song
could be about a friend of mine from New York.
Her name is Angela.
It could've been written about her, I'm telling you.
You see, she got herself into the worst relationship.
I know because I had lunch with her...
[audience laughing]
...and she was telling me how she felt.
[soft intriguing music]
- [Liza shuddering] - [audience chuckling]
♪ Oh
♪ I gotta get my life some sparkle and fizz ♪
♪ And think a thought that isn't wrapped up in his ♪
♪ The place that I consider paradise is wherever he ain't ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ No more to whither when he's grouchy and gruff ♪
♪ No more to listen to him bellow and bluff ♪
♪ Tomorrow mornin'
♪ I'll be struttin' my stuff wherever he ain't ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ Enough
♪ Of being bullied and bossed
[speaking indistinctly]
♪ Ta-ta
♪ Auf Wiedersehen and get lost ♪
[grunts]
♪ I'd walk behind him like a meek little lamb ♪
♪ Oh
♪ I had my fill of his not giving a damn ♪
♪ I'll go to Sydney or Ceylon or Siam ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ Wherever he ain't
[speaking indistinctly]
I'm finished. I'm finished! [indistinct]
♪ Go ahead
♪ Arrivederci
♪ Drop dead
♪ I'd gladly travel where the hurricanes blow ♪
♪ I'd face the jungle
♪ I'd storm through the snow
♪ As long as I can pack my baggage and go ♪
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ Wherever he ain't
♪ It's time for little Nell
♪ To rebel
♪ If he's in heaven, I'll go to hell ♪
♪ To hell
♪ My little love nest was a terrible trap ♪
♪ With me behavin' like a simperin' sap ♪
♪ And so I'm searchin' for a spot on the map ♪
♪ If he going south, then I'm going north ♪
♪ If he's going back, I'm going forth ♪
♪ Wherever
♪ He ain't
[audience applauding]
[smooth trumpet music]
Oh please.
[audience laughing]
♪ Turn 'em on
♪ Turn 'em on
♪ Turn on those sad songs
♪ When all hope is gone
♪ Why don't you tune in and turn them on ♪
[bright music]
♪ They reach into your room
♪ Oh, oh, oh
♪ Just feel their gentle touch
♪ When all hope is gone
♪ You know a sad song says so much ♪
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ Sad songs, they say
♪ So much
[soft somber music]
♪ I don't care much
♪ Go or stay
♪ I don't care
♪ Very much
♪ Either way
♪ Hearts grow hard
♪ On a windy street
♪ Lips grow cold
♪ With the rent to meet
♪ So if you
♪ Kiss me
♪ If we touch
♪ Warning's fair
♪ I don't care
♪ Very much
♪ I don't care much
♪ Go or stay
♪ I don't care
♪ Very much
♪ Either way
♪ Words sound false
♪ When your coat's too thin
♪ Feet don't waltz
♪ When the roof caves in
♪ So if you kiss me
♪ If we touch
♪ Warning's fair
♪ I don't care
♪ Very
♪ Much
[rhythmic jazz music]
♪ When the sun
♪ Comes
♪ Out
♪ And the rain
♪ Stops beating on my windowpane ♪
♪ When the sun comes out
♪ There'll be bluebirds 'round my door ♪
♪ Singin' like they did before
♪ That old storm
♪ Broke out
♪ And that man
♪ Walked off and left me in the rain ♪
♪ Though he's gone
♪ I doubt
♪ If he'd stay away for good
♪ I'd stop livin', if he should ♪
♪ Love is funny
♪ It's not always peaches, cream and honey ♪
♪ Just when everything seemed bright and sunny ♪
♪ Suddenly the cyclone came
♪ I'll never be the same
♪ 'Til the
♪ Sun comes out
♪ And the rain stops beating on my windowpane ♪
♪ If my heart
♪ Holds
♪ Out
♪ Let it rain
♪ Let it pour
♪ It will not be long before
♪ There's a knockin' at my door ♪
♪ And you know the man I love
♪ Walks in
♪ When the sun comes
♪ Out
♪ Out
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
This next song,
[chuckles]
well it's about the kind of friend that, uh...
unfortunately, I think we've all had
at one point or another, in some circumstance or another.
[energetic whimsical music]
Where--where is she?
Oh darling, there you are.
Oh, it was thrilling last night
when they opened your play.
I mean now it's thrilling to read what your notices say.
♪ I mean look, my friend's a celebrity starting today ♪
♪ And I couldn't be happier
♪ Remember in high school a lifetime ago ♪
♪ When I said you'd be famous
♪ A face people know
♪ We were thicker than thieves
♪ Oh, I believed in you so
♪ So I couldn't be happier
♪ Now
♪ When people say dreams don't come true ♪
♪ We can assure them that they do ♪
♪ We'll give them one good look at you ♪
♪ And that's the proof
♪ My family's turning the house upside down ♪
♪ Since your godmother's known as the toast of the town ♪
♪ Even Harry stopped wearing his usual frown ♪
♪ And he couldn't be happier
♪ Look, now that's the truth
♪ We all couldn't be happier now ♪
♪ Reporters won't leave you alone ♪
♪ There'll be no end to what you own ♪
♪ I'll bet you even change your phone ♪
♪ Oh, I bet you do
♪ Well the price of success
♪ Worth it I guess
♪ Well, heaven bless
♪ You'll have armies of fans which are bound to increase ♪
♪ When you go out to eat
♪ They won't leave you in peace ♪
♪ Just to walk to your limo
♪ You'll need the police
♪ And I'm sure that'll make you happy ♪
♪ And I couldn't be happier
♪ Look, that's the truth
♪ We all couldn't be happier for you ♪
What?
Oh, darling, well don't lemme monopolize you.
I mean go ahead. Talk to your other guests.
This is your party.
This is your night.
[chuckling]
♪ My friend's a celebrity
[counterpart] ♪ Starting today
[both] ♪ I couldn't be happier
[counterpart] ♪ I couldn't be happier
♪ I couldn't be hap--
You know, we went to high school together.
It's funny because everybody thought I would--
[soft intriguing music]
♪ Well, who am I kidding?
♪ I won't ever call
♪ This lady-in-waiting won't be at the ball ♪
♪ But don't get me wrong
[counterpart] ♪ Don't get me wrong
♪ I couldn't be happier
♪ I couldn't be
♪ Happier
♪ You're bound to lose something when you're on your way ♪
♪ This little town friendship's ♪
♪ A small price to pay
♪ But don't get me wrong
[counterpart] ♪ Don't get me wrong
♪ I couldn't be happier
[counterpart] ♪ I couldn't be happier now
♪ Now
[counterpart] ♪ You'll find the good old days are pale ♪
♪ You'll find the good old days are pale ♪
[counterpart] ♪ You'll hire help to answer mail ♪
♪ You'll hire help to answer mail ♪
♪ And all your friends will be for sale ♪
[chuckles]
[counterpart] ♪ The price of success
For sure.
♪ The price of success
[both] ♪ Well heaven bless
♪ Well then so long, old buddy ♪
- [counterpart singing indistinctly] - ♪ I call this the end
♪ When you're gaining a fan club ♪
♪ But losing a friend
♪ Just your name in the paper and money to spend ♪
[both] ♪ Honey, that's sure to make you happy ♪
[counterpart 2] ♪ Happy, happy
[all] ♪ Happy
[counterpart] ♪ And I couldn't be happier
Look, I gotta get goin'. Gotta--
[counterpart] ♪ I couldn't be happier
I can't, my family's waiting.
- ♪ I couldn't be happier - Oh?
♪Well drop me a postcard, you know.
- ♪ I couldn't be happier - Look, I'm fine.
Just fine.
[both] ♪ Yes, we all
♪ Couldn't be happier
♪ For
♪ You
[audience applauding]
Guess what, I know Raquel Welch.
[chuckles] I do.
I mean, she's a friend of mine, little Raquey.
She lets her friends call her that.
Her friends can call her Raquey.
Anyway, you know what Raquey told me?
She told me that she's gonna be doing this miniseries
that's based on the book Forever Amber .
You ever read that book?
It's gonna burn the tube.
At any rate, I said to her,
I said, "Raquey, it just so happens
that for years I've been singin' a song
that is based on that exact same story."
And I'd like to sing it again tonight
it's an old English folk ballad.
[audience chuckling]
It is. [chuckles]
- Ask Raquey. [chuckles] - [audience chuckling]
[soft soothing music]
♪ Oh I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within a week, within a week
♪ Or Johnny Brown will sail away ♪
♪ And never know I love him
♪ Oh, help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ The road is very long
♪ I cannot pay the coachman's price ♪
♪ But I am very strong
♪ I'll work for you
♪ I'll mend for you
♪ I'll bake you loaves of bread ♪
♪ I'll fetch your ale and darn your socks ♪
♪ And light your way to bed
♪ Oh, I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within six days, within six days ♪
♪ Or Johnny Brown will sail away ♪
♪ And never know I love him
♪ Oh, help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ My journey has been slow
♪ Another gentleman was kind
♪ Was sad to see him go
♪ But you've as fair a face as he ♪
♪ And are as tall a man
♪ If you will help me on my way ♪
♪ I'll do whate'er I can
- Hm. - [audience chuckling]
♪ Oh, I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within four days, within four days ♪
♪ Or what's-his-name will sail away ♪
♪ And never know I love him
♪ Oh, help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ I long to hear its sounds
♪ My heart is bursting in my breast ♪
♪ Come feel how hard it pounds
[audience laughing]
♪ I've heard from men I've met before ♪
♪ Though I am rather shy
♪ That fame and fortune awaits me there ♪
♪ So amiable
♪ Am I
[laughs]
[audience laughing]
[chuckling]
Woo.
♪ Oh, I've got to get to London town ♪
♪ Within two days, within two days ♪
♪ I know there was a reason why ♪
[audience laughing]
♪ Oh help me, sir, to London town ♪
♪ I long to see its tower
♪ But, oh, the trip has wearied me ♪
♪ I dain would rest an hour
♪ Yet I am feared to sleep alone ♪
♪ The road is black with fears
♪ Would you protect me as I lay defenseless ♪
♪ On these leaves
[audience laughing]
♪ Oh, once upon a long ago
♪ I came to London town
♪ Searching for a sailor boy
♪ A lad named
♪ Johnny Brown
♪ But now that I am twice as wise ♪
♪ And youth is twice as dim
♪ I often wonder in the night
♪ Whate'er
♪ Became of him
Hm.
♪ Whate'er
♪ Became
♪ Of him
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
There's a character in theatrical literature
called "The Madwoman of Chaillot"
and this song is about her attitudes, her philosophy.
I don't think she was mad at all.
[soft intriguing music]
♪ They keep telling me that love is an illusion ♪
♪ That life is filled with hate and greed and lies ♪
♪ But I simply must retain my grand delusion ♪
♪ So when I look at life
♪ I close my eyes
♪ If music is
♪ No longer lovely
♪ If laughter is no longer lilting ♪
♪ If lovers are no longer loving ♪
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ If summer is no longer carefree ♪
♪ If children are no longer singing ♪
♪ If people are no long happy
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ Let me hide every truth from my eyes ♪
♪ With the back of my hand
♪ Let me live in a world full of lies ♪
♪ With my head in the sand
♪ For my memories all are exciting ♪
♪ My memories all are enchanted ♪
♪ My memories burn in my head
♪ With a steady glow
♪ So if, my friend
♪ If love is dead
♪ I don't want
♪ To know
♪ If music is no longer lovely
♪ If laughter is no longer lilting ♪
♪ If lovers are no longer loving ♪
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ If summer is no longer carefree ♪
♪ If children are no longer singing ♪
♪ If people are no longer happy ♪
♪ Then I don't want to know
♪ Let me hide every truth from my eyes ♪
♪ With the back of my hand
♪ Let me live in a world full of lies ♪
♪ With my head in the sand
♪ For my memories
♪ All are exciting
♪ My memories all are enchanting ♪
♪ My memories burn in my head
♪ With a steady glow
♪ So if, my friend
♪ If love is dead
♪ I don't want
♪ To know
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
All right.
The character, the woman, is Mama Rose.
The show is Gypsy .
[audience applauding]
[intriguing orchestral music]
♪ Some people can get a thrill
♪ Knitting sweaters and sitting still ♪
♪ That's okay for some people
♪ Who don't know they're alive
♪ Some people can thrive and bloom ♪
♪ Living life in the living room ♪
♪ That's perfect for some people of 105 ♪
♪ But I
♪ At least gotta try
♪ When I think of all the sights that I gotta see ♪
♪ And all the places I gotta play ♪
♪ All the things that I gotta be at ♪
♪ Come on, papa, what do you say, huh? ♪
♪ Some people can be content
♪ Playin' bingo and payin' rent ♪
♪ That's peachy for some people ♪
♪ For some hum-drum people
♪ To be
♪ But some people ain't me
♪ I had a dream
♪ A wonderful dream, papa
♪ All about June in the Orpheum circuit ♪
♪ Gimme a chance I know I can work it ♪
♪ Oh, what a dream
♪ And it was just as real as can be, papa ♪
♪ Listen to me, listen to me
♪ There I was in Mr. Orpheum's office ♪
♪ And he was sayin' to me
♪ Rose, get yourself some new orchestrations ♪
♪ New routines and red velvet curtains ♪
♪ Get a feathered hat for the baby ♪
♪ Photograph in front of the theater ♪
♪ Get an agent and in jig time
♪ You'll be being booked in the big time ♪
♪ Oh, what a dream
♪ A wonderful dream, papa
♪ And all that I need is 88 bucks, papa ♪
♪ That's it
♪ That's what he said, papa
♪ Only 88 bucks
♪ Papa
Yeah, but it's only 88 bucks. It's not like I'm askin'--
Aw come on, it's 88 lousy bucks.
What do ya mean I ain't gettin' 88 cents outta you?
Well, I'll get it and I'll get my kids out!
♪ Goodbye
♪ To blueberry pie
♪ Good riddance to all the socials I had to go to ♪
♪ All the lodges I had to play
♪ All those Shriners I said hello to ♪
♪ LA, I'm comin' your way
♪ Some people sit on their butts ♪
♪ Got the brains, yeah
♪ But not the guts
♪ That's livin' for some people ♪
♪ For some hum-drum people
♪ I suppose
♪ Well they can stay and rot
♪ But not Rose
[audience applauding]
[soft orchestral music]
[chuckles softly] Do you hear that music playing?
♪ Well it relates to what I've been saying ♪
♪ Throughout the years
♪ I've made a lot of friends
♪ Though many become famous
♪ Most of them go nameless
♪ So I dedicate this song
♪ To all of them
♪ I sing with the best
[upbeat music]
♪ I've sung with them all
♪ Performed in movies, Broadway shows, Carnegie Hall ♪
♪ The experience, I have to say, was grand ♪
♪ But I couldn't have made it without them ♪
♪ Here's to the band
♪ Reeds soaring
♪ Horns blaring
♪ Drums pounding in my ear
♪ To sing 'til I'm hoarse
♪ To dance 'til I drop
♪ To do what I really love to do ♪
♪ I've just got to stop
♪ Stop and turn around and thank every man ♪
♪ That sits on that stand
♪ Oh, I couldn't have made it without them ♪
Ladies and gentlemen, my band!
[audience applauding]
[people chattering]
Hi.
- How do you think it's going? - Fine.
Listen, don't throw your shoes across the room please?
- Sorry. - Thank you.
How's it goin', David?
I don't know, I wasn't watching.
[woman] Here, I'll have your cuffs, please.
[smooth jazz music]
- It's so hot out there. - Relax, relax.
I think it's going all right, don't you?
[woman] How would I know?
Listen, did y'all see that hot man in the third row?
- What? Cindy! - [both chuckling]
[jazz trumpet solo]
[rapid drumming]
[Cindy] Here, lemme try the shoelace.
I gotta get another one. That one's gettin' ready to break.
- 'Kay. - Okay, let's put the tie on.
- Okay. - Excuse me. - Is that all right?
[drumming continues]
Listen, y'all wanna go out for Chinese food tonight? I'm buyin'.
I'm so hungry.
- Me too, I'm starving. - [Cindy] Okay, wait.
- Yeah? I'm nauseous. - All right.
[man] Let's go Liza May.
- Oh, 'kay. Bye. - [Cindy] Bye.
[drumming continues]
[smooth cabaret music]
[Liza shouts]
[audience applauding]
♪ They call them stylin'
♪ But I'm proud to have them
♪ At my side
♪ Here's to my 12 gentlemen
♪ Here's to the A-F-O-L
♪ I couldn't have made it without them ♪
♪ Here's to my band
My guys.
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
Listen, there's one... there's one man in particular
that I want you to meet.
I've known him since I was 11 years old.
He's not only my drummer and my conductor,
but I think he's one of the best friends
I have in my whole life.
Mr. Bill Lavorgna.
[audience applauding]
Well, I think by now you know the kinda singing I like to do.
But I don't think I've told you about the kinda dancing
that I like to watch.
Mind you, I say watch because I can't do it.
It's called locking, popping and breaking.
Right? Now about a year ago, I was watchin' TV
and I was watching a program called Star Search ,
and I saw these three guys.
And I thought they were just miraculous,
so I called them up.
I found out their name was The Foot Lockers,
right? And I called 'em up.
And before I knew it I heard myself saying,
"You wanna go to London?"
And before I knew it, I heard them saying...
- [Foot Lockers] Yes. - Ladies and gentlemen, The Foot Lockers!
- [audience applauding] - [funky retro music]
[chuckles] They're so cute.
- C'mon. - No, I don't wanna.
C'mon, you got it!
[Liza] Cute.
Go!
[chuckling] How do you do that?
- C'mon, Liza. - No.
- Get over here. - [Liza] No.
[Liza] Ho! Yeah! Get it, guys.
So cute.
Woo!
[audience applauding]
Oh, my God! Jesus.
Doesn't that hurt?
[indistinct]
- No, I don't wanna. - All right, Liza.
[all chattering indistinctly]
C'mon.
- Buh-bye. - [audience laughing]
[Liza] Woo! Yeah.
Go, Ken! [laughs]
[audience applauding]
I can't do that.
He can, I can't.
[music continues]
[audience applauding]
[Liza chuckling]
Woo.
That's terrific.
Yeah.
[indistinct]
One, two!
[audience applauding]
[Liza chuckles] Yeah.
Yeah!
[audience applauding]
Come here.
There's nothin'-- there's nothin' to this, Liza.
Look, watch.
[funky retro music]
[audience applauding]
[audience applauding]
[breathing heavily]
- [muttering] - [audience laughing]
That's hard.
I mean, it looks easy when they do it.
But oh my god, when I do it.
It is hard. It's harder than it looks.
I'm 40 you know, now.
[audience laughing]
It's true, last week I was 40.
[audience applauding]
[breathes heavily] All kinds of wonderful people
keep telling me that life begins at 40.
Seemed to me I breathe easier when I was 23.
[audience laughing]
It'll all work out.
It'll all work out.
40? It'll work out, don't worry.
It's a shock to your system.
I mean, face it, 40 is a shock.
I mean, just think about it, when Mozart was my age,
he was already dead five years.
[audience laughing]
All right, moving right along with my gallery of friends.
I think the lady who I sing about
whose background was the most illegal
has got to be Emma Finch,
right?
But like the song says, "It's not..."
- Nice. - [chuckles]
These are nice.
Yeah, I do li-- I paid for them, right?
- Uh-huh. - Yes, I like them.
[audience laughing]
Anyway, like the song says, [chuckles]
"It's not how you start, it's how you finish."
Ladies and gentlemen, you ready?
"The Saga of Emma Finch."
[whimsical orchestral music]
♪ I used to know a lady known as Emma Finch ♪
♪ Emma Finch, Emma Finch
♪ She had a kleptomania that made her pinch ♪
♪ Any article she saw
[Foot Lockers scatting]
♪ She liked to spend the afternoon at Bloomingdale's ♪
♪ Bloomingdale's, Bloomingdale's ♪
♪ But Emma's way of goin' to the bargain sales ♪
♪ Was a bit beyond the law
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' bag ♪
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' list ♪
♪ Emma felt whatever Bloomy's lost ♪
♪ Bloomy's never missed
♪ She couldn't see
♪ The light
♪ She wouldn't see
♪ The light
♪ Emma never knew wrong from right ♪
♪ Which kept her in the dark unable to see the light ♪
[audience laughing]
♪ Oh, when Emma saw a poochie, she was crazy for ♪
♪ She'd try it on
♪ She'd clear the bin
♪ Could see her leaving Bloomy's weighing 10 pounds more ♪
♪ Than she weighed when she walked in ♪
[singer vocalizing]
♪ Emma like a lemur
♪ Would tiptoe left to right
♪ Emma's one dilemma
♪ Was the poor thing never could see the light ♪
[Foot Lockers scatting]
[all scatting]
♪ But things are never easy when you're at the top ♪
♪ At the top, at the top
♪ And Emma got to thinkin' that she oughta stop ♪
♪ Oughta check her goals again
[Foot Lockers scatting]
[breathes heavily] Everybody all right?
[audience laughing]
[Liza chuckling]
♪ This penny-ante pilfering is just a bore ♪
♪ I mean it is just a bore
♪ Lord, it's bore
♪ You see, I really
[audience laughing]
♪ Think I oughta use my talents more ♪
♪ So she start lifting men
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' bag ♪
♪ Emma took along a shoppin' list ♪
♪ Any man at all who wasn't hers ♪
♪ She could not resist
♪ She couldn't see
- ♪ She couldn't see - ♪ The light
♪ Emma Finch could never
- ♪ See the light - ♪ She wouldn't see
- ♪ She wouldn't see it - ♪ The light
♪ She couldn't see the light
♪ Well Emma never knew wrong from right ♪
♪ Which kept her in the dark unable to see the light ♪
[Foot Lockers scatting]
♪ But one of Emma's fellas made her mighty blue ♪
♪ Mighty blue, black and blue
♪ And later in the clinic when they brought her to ♪
♪ She began to comprehend
[Foot Lockers scatting]
What?
Well I've been thinkin'.
♪ I've been an awful sinner
♪ In the way that I stole
♪ I mean, in the clothes that I stole ♪
♪ I mean, in the men that I stole ♪
- [Foot Lockers] Yeah? - Yeah! Ooh!
[audience laughing]
♪ The devil's reachin' out about to take my soul ♪
[Foot Lockers humming]
♪ Better make the Lord my friend ♪
♪ Amen
♪ Emma threw away her shoppin' bag ♪
♪ Emma got herself another plan ♪
♪ Emma went and put the poochies back ♪
♪ And she returned that man
♪ She cried, "I see the light"
♪ Oh, yeah
♪ I see the light
♪ Well, Emma figured out wrong from right ♪
♪ Despite her swollen jaw
♪ She finally saw the light
♪ And now on Thursday night
♪ There it is
♪ Come down on Thursday night
♪ Her talks are dynamite
- ♪ Yeah, yeah - [Foot Lockers vocalizing]
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ And see
♪ The light
- [Foot Lockers] Huh! - Hit it!
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Emma, mister ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Finch
♪ If you wanna know how to get to heaven ♪
♪ Pray with Sister Finch and see ♪
- ♪ If you wanna see the light - ♪ The light
♪ You're gonna see the light
- ♪ Pray - ♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
- ♪ Pray - ♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
- ♪ And see - ♪ We're gonna see
- ♪ And see - ♪ We're gonna see
♪ You're gonna see
- ♪ The light - Go on!
♪ The light
[audience applauding]
Thanks, Ken. [breathes heavily]
Perfect.
Just a second.
[audience laughing softly]
I don't know why I bother to put this crap on anyway.
[audience laughing]
Just comes off, Smokey. It just comes off.
I know.
What? Look who I'm talking to.
I truly love the man who invented the towel,
wherever he may be.
As long as I look like this, I'd better tell you something.
I feel wonderful.
I'm strong, I'm happy.
I've never felt better in my whole life.
[audience applauding]
Smokey,
Steve,
Ken.
My friends.
- [audience applauding] - Hit it!
- ♪ Pray - ♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
♪ Pray and kneel and jump and shout ♪
- ♪ And see - ♪ You're gonna see
- ♪ And see - ♪ You're gonna see
♪ You're gonna see the light
♪ The light
[audience applauding]
[smooth piano music]
Oh hello, sweetheart.
[audience laughing]
This is terrif-- this is Lucozade. Have you tried this?
[audience laughing]
Tastes so terrible, but it works.
[audience laughing softly]
I ha-- [chuckles]
I have a lotta married friends
and this next song is about a couple.
It's about a married couple, who...
well, who've known each other for quite a while.
- [audience laughing softly] - [audience applauding]
[audience laughing]
♪ So we're alone again tonight
[audience applauding]
♪ I read a book, you watch the fight ♪
♪ A stifled yawn, a can of beer ♪
♪ What an enthralling atmosphere ♪
♪ And yet the sight of us this way ♪
♪ Helps me to say what I must say ♪
♪ It helps me to think a thought or two ♪
♪ And pass it right along to you ♪
♪ And just for starters you should know I think ♪
♪ You've let yourself go
[audience laughing softly]
♪ Down through the years
♪ Each sage repeats
♪ Grass never grows on busy streets ♪
♪ Which might explain that balding spot ♪
♪ Were you a thinker, which you're not ♪
♪ And where's that slender youth I knew ♪
♪ I fear he's grown an inch or two ♪
♪ Not up and down, my joy and pride ♪
♪ But more precisely side-to-side ♪
[audience laughing softly]
♪ When at a party
♪ Now and then
♪ You tell the same old jokes again ♪
♪ Or wear a lampshade for a hat ♪
♪ Who could be wittier than that? ♪
[audience laughing]
♪ With one too many you just might ♪
♪ Pick some unnecessary fight
♪ Though in the morning with the sun ♪
♪ You can't remember what you've done ♪
♪ If there's regret
♪ It doesn't show, you know
♪ You've let yourself go
You never care the way you dress and...
you stay unshaven,
look at you, you look a mess!
The smallest thing is too much to do.
♪ I even hold the door for you
♪ And every rose upon the shelf ♪
♪ Is one that I've supplied myself ♪
♪ It's not the same, I'm well aware ♪
♪ Yet I need to see them there
♪ I don't know why I say it now ♪
♪ Why I don't hold my tongue somehow ♪
♪ But I've this need to tell it all ♪
♪ No matter where the chips may fall ♪
♪ For as I sit and reminisce
♪ There are so many things I miss ♪
♪ The reassurance of your touch ♪
♪ The gentle smile that said so much ♪
♪ You were my tender, thoughtful beau ♪
I couldn't hate you if I tried.
And I still want you by my side.
So we oughta lay things on the line.
♪ Perhaps the fault is really mine ♪
♪ And if it is, please tell me so ♪
♪ A seed replanted still can grow ♪
♪ Maybe that's all we need to know ♪
♪ Come close to me
♪ And
♪ Let yourself
♪ Go
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
[smooth piano music]
[sighs]
♪ He should have the very best
♪ Anyone can see
♪ Still he's different from the rest ♪
♪ Satisfied with me
♪ Draped around my kitchen sink ♪
♪ Happy as can be
♪ I just have to stop and think ♪
♪ Why he fell
♪ For
♪ Me
♪ I'm not much to look at
♪ Nothin' to see
♪ Just glad I'm livin'
♪ And lucky to be
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy for me
♪ He's funny
♪ That way
♪ Hasn't a dollar
♪ Can't save a cent
♪ I'd never holler
♪ I'd live in a tent
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy for me
♪ He's funny
♪ That way
♪ Though I know
♪ He'd work and slave for me
♪ Every day
♪ He'd be so much better off
♪ If I
♪ Went away
♪ But how could I leave him?
♪ Where would I go?
♪ He'd be unhappy
♪ Without me, I know
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy
♪ For me
♪ He's funny
♪ That way
♪ Though I know he'd work and slave ♪
♪ For me
♪ Every day
♪ He'd be so much better off
♪ If I
♪ Went away
♪ But how
♪ Could I leave him?
♪ Where would I go?
♪ He'd be unhappy
♪ Without me, I know
♪ I got a man
♪ Crazy
♪ For me
♪ He's funny
♪ That
♪ Way
[audience applauding]
[applause continues]
[smooth piano music]
[chuckling]
Ah! [chuckles]
- [chuckling] - [audience laughing softly]
Oh.
♪ As a child, I went wild
♪ When the band played
♪ How I ran to that man
♪ When his hand swayed
♪ Clarinets were my pets
♪ And a slide trombone
♪ I thought was simply divine
♪ But today when they play, I could hiss them ♪
♪ Every bar is a jar to my system ♪
♪ Still
♪ There's one thing in the accompaniment ♪
♪ That I call
♪ My own
You know your best friend doesn't necessarily have to be a person.
Sometimes your best friend can be an inanimate object.
♪ I love a piano
[audience applauding]
♪ I love
♪ A piano
♪ I love to hear somebody
♪ Play
♪ Upon a piano
♪ A grand
♪ Piano
♪ It simply carries me
♪ Away
♪ Ooh
♪ I know a fine way
♪ To treat
♪ A Steinway
♪ I love to run my fingers
♪ O'er the keys, the ivories
♪ And with the pedal
♪ I love to meddle
♪ When Paderewski
♪ Comes my way
♪ I'm so excited
♪ When I'm invited
♪ To hear that long-haired genius ♪
♪ Play
♪ Well you can
♪ Keep your fiddle
♪ Keep your bow
♪ Gimme a P-I-A-N-O, oh
♪ Oh, I wanna stop right
♪ Beside an upright
♪ Or a high-toned baby
♪ Grand
♪ I love a piano
♪ I love a piano
♪ I love to hear somebody play
♪ Ooh
♪ The piano
♪ A grand piano
♪ It simply carries me away
♪ Oh-ho
♪ I know
♪ A fun way
♪ To treat
♪ A Steinway
♪ I love to run my fingers
♪ O'er the keys
♪ The ivories
♪ And with the pedal
♪ I love to meddle
♪ When Paderewski
♪ Comes my way
♪ I'm so excited
♪ When I'm invited
♪ To hear that long-haired genius ♪
♪ Play
♪ Well you can
♪ Keep your fiddle
♪ Keep your bow
♪ Gimme a P-I-A-N-O
♪ Oh
♪ Oh, I wanna stop right
♪ Beside an upright
♪ Or a high-toned
♪ Baby
♪ Grand
♪ I love a piano
♪ Oh
[audience applauding]
[applause continues]
Um... [chuckles]
In keeping with my theme...
[audience laughing softly]
...the last song I would like to sing
was written by two of my...
well they're more than my best friends.
I feel like they invented me.
Fred Ebb and John Kander.
[audience applauding]
They wrote this song and they wrote it for me,
especially for me, once upon a time.
You know what I still love though?
Is that you still do like it.
'Cause you know somethin'?
So do I.
- [cabaret piano music] - [audience applauding]
♪ Start spreadin' the news
♪ I'm leavin' today
♪ I'm wanna be a part of it
♪ New York, New York
♪ These vagabond shoes
♪ Are longin' to stray
♪ And step around the heart of it ♪
♪ New York, New York
♪ I wanna wake up in a city that doesn't sleep ♪
♪ To find I'm king of the hill
Ha!
♪ Top of the heap
♪ My little town blues
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it ♪
♪ In old New York
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it anywhere
♪ It's up to you
♪ New York
♪ New York
♪ New York, New York
♪ I wanna wake up in the city that doesn't sleep ♪
♪ To find I'm king of the hill
♪ The head of the list
♪ Cream of the crop at the top of the heap ♪
♪ My
♪ Little town
- ♪ Blues - [audience applauding]
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it in old New York ♪
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it
♪ Anywhere
♪ Come on
♪ Come through
♪ New
♪ York
♪ New
♪ York
♪ My
♪ Little town blues
[audience applauding]
♪ Are melting away
♪ I'll make a brand-new start of it ♪
♪ In old New York
♪ If I can make it there
♪ I'd make it
♪ Anywhere
♪ Come on
♪ Come through
♪ New York
♪ New
♪ York
[audience applauding, cheering]
[energetic cabaret music]
[applause continues]
[whimsical music]
[woman] Hi, Lize?
Lize?
Yeah?
- [woman] It's Lorn. - Lorna?
Come in, come in, come in.
- Hi. - You all right?
You okay?
- Yeah, why? - Are you deaf?
- More? - Yeah, I think so.
- Oh. - You wanna live?
[chuckling]
- [audience cheering] - [lively rhythmic music]
[energetic cabaret music]
[applause continues]
[upbeat music]
♪ What good is sitting alone in your room? ♪
♪ Come hear the music play
♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ Put down the knitting
♪ The book and the broom
♪ It's time for a holiday
♪ Oh, life is a cabaret, old chum ♪
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ Come taste the wine
♪ Come hear the band
♪ Come blow that horn
♪ Start celebrating
♪ Right this way, your table's waiting ♪
♪ No use permitting some prophet of doom ♪
♪ To wipe every smile away
♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ I used to have this girlfriend known as Elsie ♪
♪ With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea ♪
♪ She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower ♪
♪ As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour ♪
♪ The day she died, the neighbors came to snicker ♪
♪ Well that's what comes from too much pills and liquor ♪
♪ But when I saw her
♪ Laid out like a queen
♪ She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen ♪
♪ I think of Elsie
♪ To this very day
♪ I remember how she'd turn to me ♪
♪ And say
♪ What good is sitting all alone in your room? ♪
♪ Come
♪ Hear the music play
♪ Oh, life is a cabaret, old chum ♪
♪ Come to the cabaret
♪ And as for me, ha
♪ And as for me, I made my mind up ♪
♪ Back in Chelsea
♪ When I
♪ Go
[audience shouting]
♪ I'm not going like Elsie
♪ Start by admitting from cradle to tomb ♪
♪ It isn't that long a stay
♪ Life is a cabaret, old chum, ha ♪
♪ It's only a cabaret, old chum ♪
♪ And I love
♪ A cabaret
[audience applauding, cheering]
[lively rhythmic music]
[applause, music continue]
[applause, music continue]
[applause, cheering continue]
Wait a minute. Oh, we stopped taping.
I'm so happy.
You were terrific.
Thank you so much for coming here.
[audience applauding]
Thank you.
Wait, lemme just ta-- can I take this off?
- Wait. - [applause continues]
[audience laughing softly]
- [smooth jazz music] - [audience applauding]
♪ Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're sad ♪
♪ But the world goes 'round
♪ And sometimes you lose
♪ Every nickel you've had
♪ But the world goes 'round
♪ Sometimes your dreams get busted in pieces ♪
♪ But that doesn't matter at all ♪
♪ Take it from me
♪ There's still gonna be a summer, a winter ♪
♪ A spring
♪ And a fall
♪ And sometimes a friend starts treating you bad ♪
♪ But the world goes 'round
♪ And sometimes your heart breaks ♪
♪ With a deafening sound
♪ Somebody loses
♪ And somebody wins
♪ And one day it's kicks
♪ Then it's kicks in the shins
♪ But the planet spins
♪ And the world goes 'round and 'round ♪
♪ And around and 'round and 'round ♪
♪ The world goes 'round and 'round and 'round ♪
♪ And
♪ 'Round
[audience applauding, cheering]
[energetic cabaret music]
Goodnight. Thank you.
I'll remember this my whole life.
- Thank you. - [audience applauding]