Little Fish, Strange Pond (2009) - full transcript

- ( knocking )
- Woman: MISS SINCLAIR?

MISS SINCLAIR,
PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.

MISS SINCLAIR.

( soft music playing )

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MY MAKEUP ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG WAY
DOWN DEEP IN HERE ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL WAKE UP ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW,
BUT SOMEHOW IT STAYS ♪

♪ CLEAR ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MY MAKEUP ♪

♪ MAYBE ME AND MY CREATOR
SHOULD MAKE UP ♪



♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MY MAKEUP ♪

♪ MAYBE ME AND MY CREATOR
SHOULD MAKE UP... ♪

( music fades )

HELL OF A DAY.

I SAID
HELL OF A DAY.

( British accent )
LOVELY, REALLY.

REALLY LOVELY.

IS THIS THE WAY
IT'S GONNA BE?

IF IT IS,
I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

WHICH WAY IS THAT?

YOU KNOW--

THE WAY YOU DON'T LISTEN
TO A WORD I SAY;

I SPEND HALF MY DAY REPEATING
WHAT I SAID THE OTHER HALF.

FUCK IT.



THIS ISN'T AS FUN
AS IT USED TO BE.

- SWEET STEPHEN?
- YEAH.

THERE IS NOTHING LESS MASCULINE
THAN A MAN WHO BITCHES.

NOW IF YOU WANT A SEX CHANGE,
I'LL FIND YOU A DOCTOR.

NOW IF YOU'D BE
SO KIND AS JUST TO REPEAT
THAT LAST QUESTION,

I PROMISE TO MAKE
THE MOST CONCERTED OF EFFORTS

TO HANG ON YOUR EVERY WORD.

I FORGOT WHAT I WAS SAYING.

THINK, MY GOOD MAN.
WHAT WAS IT?

OW! I DON'T REMEMBER.
I FOR--

AH! OKAY.

I WANT TO KNOW IF...

( British accent )
YOU WERE GONNA TALK LIKE
THAT ALL FUCKIN' DAY?

IS THAT IT?

YEAH.

YES.

YOU'RE NOT FROM ENGLAND,
YOU KNOW.

AW, YOU SEE THAT?

LOVE IS
A MANY-SPLENDORED THING.

YEAH.

I BET THEY CAN'T WAIT
TO GET HOME, RIP OFF
THOSE SWEATY JOGGING SHORTS

AND JUST FUCKING HIT IT.

- HIT IT?
- HIT IT-- KNOCK BOOTS.

KNOCK BOOTS?

FUCKING.

YOU KNOW?
FUCKING.

- IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU SAW?
- THAT'S WHAT I SAW.

WHY?
WHAT'D YOU SEE?

I SAW SOMETHING NICE--

A CANDLE,

A BOTTLE OF RED WINE,

A SINGLE RED ROSE,

SLINKY LACE NIGHTGOWN,

NEIL DIAMOND.

NEIL DIAMOND?

( pop beat plays )

YOU SAW NEIL...

WAS HE ALONE OR WAS HE
JOGGING WITH JAMES TAYLOR?

THAT'S WHAT I SAW.

WELL, I THINK THEY CAN'T
WAIT TO GET HOME

AND FLAT-OUT MONKEY FUCK.

SO MUCH FOR ROMANCE.

I THINK WE'RE
LIVING PROOF THAT TRUE
ROMANCE IS TRULY DEAD.

- IF IT EVER LIVED.
- IF IT EVER LIVED.

MR. JACK?

YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

WELL, I GUESS IT WOULD DEPEND
ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY LOVE.

UNLESS YOU'RE OPENING UP
A CLOSED CLOSET DOOR,

I'M PRETTY SURE I MEAN
THE LOVE BETWEEN A MAN
AND A WOMAN.

I'M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL.

YET.

MAYBE IN MY NEXT LIFE.

THERE'S MANY KINDS OF LOVE.

OF COURSE THERE'S
DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE.

THERE'S THE LOVE OF LIFE--
NICE.

THERE'S THE LOVE
THAT COULD LAST ONE NIGHT OR
TWO AND A HALF MINUTES.

LOVE FOR YOUR PARENTS--
VERY NICE.

THERE'S THE LOVE OF FOOD
FOR THE FAT SORT.

LOVE OF DRINK
FOR THE DRUNK SORT.

- LOVE OF MIDGETS.
- MIDGETS?

MIDGETS NEED LOVE TOO.

UNREQUITED LOVE WHICH
CAN LEAD TO OBSESSIVE LOVE.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.
ONE MINUTE IT'S CANDY
AND ROSES AND BLOWJOBS

AND THE NEXT MINUTE
IT'S 200 FUCKING
PHONE CALLS A DAY

AND FUCKING
RESTRAINING ORDERS.

THERE WAS A TIME
WHEN I LOVED SO DEEPLY,

SO UNEQUIVOCALLY,

IT BORDERED ON HATE.

THAT'S THE LOVE I HAD...

ONCE.

SHE WAS
A FUCKING BITCH.

LOVE CAN BE NASTY.

SO CAN WE.

( applause )

( crowd chanting )
DENNIS! DENNIS!

( sighs )

YOU GIVE BIRTH TO THEM;
YOU CARE FOR THEM;

YOU RAISE THEM IN
THIS TOPSY-TURVY WORLD.

AND WHAT DO YOU GET
FOR YOUR TROUBLES?

MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD.

( audience gasping )

Today's guests are youngsters
who are currently

serving time for
murdering their parents.

Today's topic is
"Kids That Kill"

on a very real,
very live

"Dennis Rivers Show."

( woman moaning )

WHAT IS IT I CAN
HELP YOU WITH, SIR?

THIS ONE WILL
BE FINE...

BUCKY.

( woman moaning )

MM-HMM, YEAH.
YOU SEE THAT SIGN?

NO I.D.,
YOU GOTTA LEAVE.

( moaning intensifies )

YEAH, THAT'S A LIBRARY CARD,
DR. PETERS.

GOT ANYTHING WITH
A PICTURE ON IT,

LIKE A DRIVER'S LICENSE,
OR...?

( clacks teeth )

GOT A "DOOEY."
TOOK THE BUS HERE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK MAYBE
YOU SHOULD, YOU KNOW...

( clucks tongue )
GO ONLINE FOR THIS
KIND OF THING.

I'M OLD SCHOOL.

♪ HAIL TO THE BUS DRIVER,
THE BUS DRIVER, THE BUS DRIVER ♪

♪ HAIL TO THE BUS DRIVER,
THE BUS DRIVER ♪

♪ OH, HE'S HANDSOME,
HE'S JOLLY ♪

♪ HE'S AN ASSHOLE,
BY GOLLY ♪

♪ HAIL TO THE BUS DRIVER... ♪

HOW MANY FUCKIN' TIMES
I GOTTA TELL YOU TO STOP
SINGING THAT FUCKIN' SONG?!

( laughs )

♪ I HAVE SEEN
A BLACK BALLOON ♪

♪ FLOAT ACROSS
MY LIVING ROOM... ♪

I LOVE RIDING THE BUS.

I'VE LOST MY WALLET.

REALLY, STEPHEN?
YOU SEEM TO BE LOSING THINGS
ALL THE TIME.

IT'S AS IF YOUR MIND'S
TRYING TO RID YOUR BODY OF
ALL ITS EARTHLY POSSESSIONS.

MAYBE IF YOU DROVE
ONCE IN A WHILE...

THEY DON'T HAVE
CARS WHERE I'M FROM.

- HUH?
- HUH?

I WANT TO TAKE
THE SUBWAY.

- THE SUBWAY?
- YEAH.

IN A CITY KNOWN FOR
RAMPANT EARTHQUAKES?
ARE YOU FUCKING MAD?

UH...
( laughs )

DON'T YOU DIG THAT?
THE-- THE EXCITEMENT,
THE SENSE OF DOOM?

IF I WANTED THOSE
SORT OF THINGS,

I'D GO TO THE FUCKING
FUN FAIR AND RIDE THE
FUCKING ROLLER COASTER.

( laughs )

OH, IT'S THE ADRENALINE, MAN.
IT'S A RUSH.

ARE YOU REALLY TRYING
TO TELL ME

THAT WHEN YOU FLY,
FOR INSTANCE, THAT
THERE'S A PART OF YOU

THAT WISHES FOR
A PLANE CRASH?

NOBODY CAN CONTROL DEATH.

AT LEAST NOT THEIR OWN.

EXACTLY.

♪ ON SOLID GROUND ♪

- ♪ I HAVEN'T SET... ♪
- ( pounding on door )

Woman:
MISS SINCLAIR?

MISS SINCLAIR,
PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.

♪ NOTHING FEELS THE SAME ♪

♪ AFTER WHAT
I'VE LEARNED... ♪

YOU SEE, SWEET STEPHEN,
THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU.

TO EACH HIS OWN.

I STILL SAY YOU'D
HAVE TO BE FUCKING LUNATIC
TO RIDE THE SUBWAY.

BONKERS!
ARE YOU BONKERS, SIR?

THE MAN IS FUCKING
ANIMAL CRACKERS.

♪ ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT ♪

♪ GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM ♪

♪ ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT ♪

♪ GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM ♪

♪ MERRILY MERRILY
MERRILY MERRILY ♪

♪ LIFE IS BUT A DREAM ♪

♪ ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT ♪

♪ GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM ♪

♪ MERRILY MERRILY
MERRILY MERRILY ♪

♪ LIFE IS BUT A DREAM. ♪

$9.95.

AND A JAR
OF VASELINE.

( woman continues moaning )

BIG NIGHT PLANNED, DO YA?

I GUESS SO.

THE VASELINE'S ON
THE HOUSE.

YOU EVER NOTICE THERE'S
THREE TYPES OF PORN?

STRANGELY ENOUGH,
I'VE NEVER GIVEN IT A THOUGHT.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR
OLD-SCHOOL SMUT--

MARILYN CHAMBERS,
RHONDA JO PETTY, SEKA.

THIS WAS BEFORE BREAST IMPLANTS
AND LIPOSUCTION,

- SO THEY REALLY HAD TO
KNOW HOW TO FUCK.
- THANK YOU, BUCKY.

Stephen:
THEN YOU'VE GOT YOUR
NEXT WAVE OF PORN, OKAY?

GINGER LYNN, JENNA JAMESON--
FEMMES FATALES.

OH, I HAVE YET TO MENTION...

AHH! TRACI LORDS.

THE PLOTLINES GOT WEAKER
BUT THE TITTIES GOT BIGGER.

FASCINATING.

WHICH LEADS ME TO
OUR THIRD KIND:

A MONTAGE--
NO PLOTLINE AT ALL.

WHAT A WONDERFUL
DISSERTATION.

BUT THROUGH IT ALL, I'VE SEEN
ONE COMMON DENOMINATOR.

- CHEESY MUSIC?
- NO, ONE CONSISTENT FACTOR.

IS THIS YOUR CONCLUSION?

RON JEREMY.

- EXCUSE ME?
- RON FUCKING JEREMY,

THE CARY GRANT
OF PENISES.

A POET,
THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE.

WHY, THANK YOU.

OF COURSE NOW WITH
THE INTERNET, THE GIRLS ARE--

OY! AREN'T YOU A LITTLE
YOUNG TO BE IN HERE?

I'M A MIDGET.

MIDGETS! WE WERE JUST
TALKING ABOUT YOU PEOPLE.

STEPHEN, HEEL.

COME HERE.

HA, NICE LAD.

HAVE FUN.

( woman moaning )

AH, YOUTH.

( applause )

( crowd chanting )
DENNIS! DENNIS!

KENNY?
YOU...

SHOT YOUR--
YOUR INNOCENT,

HARDWORKING
PARENTS TO DEATH.

HOW DO YOU FEEL
ABOUT THAT?

( chattering )

UH, I-- I DON'T KNOW.

- ( crowd jeering )
- YOU DON'T--

YOU DON'T KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

NO, YOU DON'T--
YOU DON'T KNOW.

KENNY, YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT A LITTLE PUNK!

( crowd cheering )

DENNIS, DENNIS, DENNIS.

OKAY, KENNY,

HELP ME OUT HERE,
OKAY, BUDDY?

'CAUSE I'M TRYING
TO UNDERSTAND

WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU TAKE
THAT LONG WALK

DOWN THE HALLWAY.

AND I'M JUST--

I'M JUST--

I'M NOT GETTING IT!

I HAVE GOT SOME
GOOD SHIT HERE--

SOMETHING NEW,
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

I'M NOT QUITE SURE
IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT FOR ME,
BUCKY?

I GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN SLAM;
I GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN SNORT;

I GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN SWALLOW;
I GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN CHEW;

I GOT SOMETHING YOU CAN SMOKE.
YOU STILL LIKE WEED?

WEED'S ALL RIGHT, BUT I WANT
YOUR SOMETHING SPECIAL.

- H?
- NO.

- HOW ABOUT METH?
- I THINK NOT.

I WANT YOUR
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
MR. JACK.

PEOPLE COME TO ME FOR
ONE REASON, AND THAT'S BECAUSE

I SELL THE BEST
SHIT IN THE CITY,

IN ADDITION TO THE BEST
PORNOGRAPHIC CINEMA

FROM HERE TO VENICE.

AND PEOPLE THAT
DO COME IN HERE,
THEY KNOW MY ONE RULE.

AND THAT'S
"DON'T FUCK AROUND."

I MADE THAT UP.
I MADE THAT SIGN.

REMEMBER THAT LITTLE SQUIRT
THAT WAS IN HERE EARLIER?

WELL, HE LIVED BY
MY CREDO.

HE KNEW WHAT HE WANTED
AND HE DIDN'T FUCK AROUND.

AND I RESPECTED HIM FOR IT.
THAT'S WHY I SOLD HIM HIS FILM.

AND HE'S GONNA BE MORE
OF A MAN THAN YOU CAN I
COULD EVER DREAM TO BE.

NOW, MR. JACK
FROM THE OUTBACK...

I'M NOT FROM AUSTRALIA.

LIKE I GIVE A FUCK
WHERE YOU'RE FROM.

IF YOU'D QUIT FUCKING AROUND
AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT,

WE'D BOTH BE HAPPIER MEN,
YOU SEE? I MEAN--

DID YOU EVER THINK MAYBE,
JUST MAYBE, YOU'RE
FULL OF SHIT?

I'M FULL OF SHIT?

YOU SAY, "I HAVE A CREDO:
DON'T FUCK AROUND.
BLAH BLAH BLAH."

WELL, BUCKY, I'M CALLING
A SPADE A SPADE AND
A HYPOCRITE THE SAME.

- ( laughs )
- YOU WANT ME TO ASK

FOR YOUR SOMETHING SPECIAL.

WELL, I DID.

SO PULL IN THE LINE YOU'VE
BEEN FISHING WITH,

BECAUSE IF FUCKING AROUND
WERE A BEAUTY PAGEANT,

YOU'D HAVE A GOLD SASH
AROUND YOUR WAIST RIGHT NOW.

KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
( laughs )

I LIKE YOUR STYLE,
MR. JACK.

I DON'T LIKE
YOUR CLOTHES,

BUT I LIKE YOUR STYLE.

SO...

AHEM.

THIS IS WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

IT'S THE, UM,
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

WHAT'S THE DAMAGE?

- WHAT, TO YOUR BODY?
- NO, TO MY WALLET.

- FIRST ONE'S FREE.
- OH, I LIKE THAT PRICE.

WELL, HERE'S TO
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

( instrumental music
surging )

( bells ring )

OH, FUCK.

HEY, MR. RED EYES?
MR. RED EYES?

YOU EVER BEEN
IN A ROBBERY?

- COME ON.
- ( snapping )

STORE CLERK!

AND STORE OWNER?
FIRST NAME BUCKY.

AND UNKNOWN CUSTOMER #2,
GET AWAY FROM THE BACK ROOM

AND JOIN UNKNOWN CUSTOMER #1
AND COME FORWARD.

- HELLO.
- OKAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
AND LET'S SPEAK CANDIDLY HERE,

BECAUSE I HAVE THIS CREDO
THAT I LIVE BY--

DON'T FUCK AROUND, FRIEND.

OH, GIVE THIS MAN A CIGAR!
YEAH, THAT'S MY MOTTO.

YOU WANT SOME DOUGH?
THE BAKERY'S OPEN.

- YOU MIGHT NEED ME TO HELP--
- BUCKY, STOP TALKING!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT!

SIT! SIT! SIT!

SIT!
GOD DAMN IT.

OKAY, INTRODUCTIONS.

HELLO, MY NAME IS PHILLY.

YOU WON'T BE LEARNING
MY LAST NAME, BUT DON'T
LET THAT GET YOU DOWN.

IT'S AN UNREMARKABLE NAME.

I'M THE ROBBER AND
YOU'RE MY VICTIMS.

- UM...
- YES?

- VICTIMS?
- JUST POOR CHOICE OF WORDS.

AH, I AM THE HOLDER-UPPER

AND YOU ARE MY HOLDER-UPPEES,
BETTER?

- BETTER, THANK YOU.
- GOOD.

OH.
REAL QUICK ABOUT ME--

I LIVE HERE IN L.A.
ANYBODY ELSE HERE FROM L.A.?

YOU GOTTA LOVE
THIS CITY, RIGHT?

LITTLE CRIME PROBLEM
THOUGH, YOU KNOW?

THIS GUY I KNOW--
REAL FUCKING CRIMINAL--

HE FOLLOWS THIS OTHER GUY
ON FOOT FOR HALF A MILE WEST.

FINALLY, THE OTHER GUY
HANGS A RIGHT.

HI, BUDDY. FOLLOWS HIM.
SON OF A BITCH TURNS AROUND,

MUGS HIM.
IT'S GETTING DANGEROUS
OUT THERE.

( laughs )

GETTING DANGEROUS.

GETTING DANG--
OH.

THIS IS MY FIRST ROBBERY.

UH, I'VE DRIVEN GETAWAY
A FEW TIMES.

AND THIS IS MY FIRST
LEAD JOB

HERE AT THE BEAUTIFUL
SKIN TO WIN VIDEO ESCAPADE.

AND I AM DAMN
GLAD TO BE HERE.

OH, TWO-- INTENTIONS
AND REQUEST.

MY INTENTION IS
TO ROB YOU.

AND I WOULD RECOMMEND THAT
YOU DO IT WITH NO LIP.

OR AS BUCKY--
AS YOU SO ELOQUENTLY SAID,

"DON'T FUCK AROUND."
RIGHT?

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
I WOULD LIKE YOU ALL TO
EMPTY YOUR POCKETS.

OH.

( gunshots )

OH GOD, THAT MUST HAVE
COME OFF AS REALLY CRASS.

UH, SIR?
COME HERE.

COME ON.
COME ON, COME ON.

OKAY, I-- I SHOULD EXPLAIN.

ALL RIGHT?
I GOT THIS LIST.

IT'S MY FIRST ROBBERY.
I BROUGHT ALONG A RUNNING ORDER

OF HOW THINGS SHOULD BE DONE
CORRECTLY, CHRONOLOGICALLY.

AND THIS LIST WAS MADE
BY THE BEST--

MR. LAVEL JOHNSON.

WHO THE FUCK IS
LAVEL JOHNSON?

HAVE SOME, UH, RESPECT FOR
THE DEAD, BUCKY.

SEE, FIRST I DID
#1, THE INTRODUCTION.

I SAID MY NAME AND
A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME.

AND THEN I DID #3--
THE INTENTION AND THE REQUEST.

YOU KNOW, I SAID
WHAT I WAS DOING AND WHAT
I WANTED YOU TO DO.

BUT YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE,
RIGHT? IS I SKIPPED OVER #2.

RIGHT? THE SERIOUSNESS FACTOR,
WHICH INVOLVED WASTING A CLERK.

I MEAN, YOU DO THAT,
NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND IS
GOING TO GIVE YOU ANY SHIT.

"AND IF YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE
NOT IN THEIR RIGHT MIND,

THAT'S CALLED DUMB LUCK.
YOU JUST GOT TO SAY A PRAYER

AND RIDE THAT STORM OUT"--
LAVEL JOHNSON, 2004.

YEAH?

WHAT'S #4?

AH.

OH.
( laughs )

WE REALLY SHOULD JUST
PRESS ON.

SOME OF THE TITLES
ARE FUNNY.

JUST TAKE WHAT YOU WANT
AND GET OUT ALREADY.

HOW LONG IS THIS
GONNA FUCKING TAKE?

DON'T MISTAKE THE FACT
THAT I DID NOT KILL
THE STORE OWNER

FOR A SIGN THAT ANYBODY
IS IN CHARGE BESIDES ME.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OF
TRACI LORDS'S EARLY WORK?

- YOU LIKE TRACI LORDS?
- YOU TOO?

- YEAH.
- NO I DON'T.

IT IS ILLEGAL TO CARRY THEM.
SHE WAS 14 WHEN SHE MADE THEM,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

EXCUSE ME?
QUESTION.

YOU'RE ROBBING
A PORNO STORE?

WHAT OF IT?

WHY WOULD ANYONE
DO SUCH A THING?

( laughs )

MY OWN BUSINESS,
MY OWN REASONS.
THAT'S WHY.

WELL, YOU MIND IF I
THINK ON IT AWHILE?

I'M AMAZINGLY RESOURCEFUL
WHEN IT COMES TO
THINGS LIKE THIS.

SURE, GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- MR. JACK.
- SWEET STEPHEN.

I WAS TALKING TO MR. JACK,
SO YOU CAN SHUT YOUR CAKE.

- SHUT YOUR CAKE.
- ( laughing )

I LIKE THE ACCENT,
MR. JACK.

- LIVERPOOL.
- SORT OF.

- HE'S NOT FROM ENGLAND.
- CAKE!

NICE NAME YOU'VE GOT,
PHILLY.

SHORT FOR PHILLIP?

- NOPE.
-PHILADELPHIA?

MINNESOTA BY WAY
OF MISSISSIPPI.

BIG CREAM-CHEESE FAN THEN?

HATE THE STUFF.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOU DON'T SEEM THE TYPE

TO FREQUENT SLEAZY
VIDEO STORES.

I'M GETTING IN TOUCH
WITH MY MANLY SIDE.

OH.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I'M MAKING ENDS MEET.

OR MAKING THE ENDS
JUSTIFY THE MEANS.

- WHAT?
- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU ROB A PORNO STORE;
YOU CARRY A LIST--

A LIST WRITTEN
BY A DEAD MAN.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
KILL THAT GUY, YOU KNOW?

A FEW WELL-PLACED THREATS,
WE'D HAVE BEEN IN YOUR HANDS.

BUT YOU NEED TO
FOLLOW A LIST.

DO YOU EVEN HAVE
A GETAWAY PLAN?

DILLINGER YOU'RE NOT,
MY FRIEND.

AND I'M SURE YOU'RE
AWARE OF THE MULTIPLE
SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS?

WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE I SHOULD START MAKING
MY OWN DECISIONS.

DECISIONS ON MY OWN.

I MEAN, I CAN JUST SEE
THOSE HEADLINES:

"PORN STORE ROBBERY
BECOMES BLOODBATH.

NO SUSPECTS."

- NO, IT'S NOT IN YOUR NATURE.
- HE'S RIGHT.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
"MY ROBBERY WITH ANDRE"?

JESUS CHRIST.

WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I KILLED THIS GUY.

I HATE TO KEEP HARPING ON THIS,
BUT THE ONLY REASON

YOU KILLED THAT GUY WAS
BECAUSE OF THAT LIST.

FACE IT, MAN,
YOU'RE NO KILLER.

IN ORDER TO KILL SOMEONE--
TO REALLY KILL SOMEONE,

- YOU'VE GOT TO WANT IT.
- Stephen: YEAH.

HMM? IF I KILL--
IF I KILLED BUCKY--

IF I-- IF I PUT
THIS GUN UP HIS ASS,
PULLED THE TRIGGER

TILL HIS COLON
SAID "NO MáS"...

COULD THE TWO OF YOU ADMIT
THAT I COULD BE A KILLER?

I THINK YOU COULD DO
ANYTHING YOU WANT.

BUT I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE TO
DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT.

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT.
- THE FUCK I WON'T.

♪ YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT ♪

- ♪ YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT... ♪
- FUCK!

- ♪ YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT. ♪
- AH!

GOD DAMN IT!

YOU'RE RIGHT.
I CAN'T KILL THIS MAN.

NO, I CANNOT KILL THIS MAN
BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO.

YOU TWO,
ON THE OTHER HAND,

I THINK MAYBE
I COULD WORK WITH.

( gunshot )

( applause )

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
EXCUSE ME.

( voice breaking )
I'M...

I DON'T-- I DON'T LIKE
LOSING IT LIKE THIS

IN FRONT OF YOU PEOPLE,
YOU KNOW?

SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO
BE THE ROCK,

THE ONE THAT TAKES IT
ON THE CHIN,

THE STRONG ONE,
THE ONE THAT PRESSES THROUGH;

SOME TOUGH GUY TO BE
THE FATHER,

MOTHER, BROTHER AND FRIEND

OF EVERY GUEST
ON THIS STAGE.

SO IF I-- IF I LOSE IT
EVERY NOW AND THEN,

THEN THAT'S THE PRICE
A LIVE TV SHOW, OKAY?

YOU KNOW?
AND IT'S ABOUT YOU, MA'AM.

- OH MY GOD!
- AND IT'S ABOUT YOU.

AND YOU, SIR.

AND YOU.

AND ABOUT YOU,
KENNY EDWARDS.

( applause fades )

WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'VE GOT
JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING I NEED.

SIR, HOW--

- HOW'D YOU SPELL MY NAME?
- HMM?

IT-- I SPELL IT WITH A P-H,
YOU KNOW?

S-T-E-P-H-E-N.

NOT S-T-E-V-E-N.

GOT IT.

AND SWEET IS WITH
TWO Es, I SUPPOSE?

PERFECT.
THANK YOU.

SO THE GUY WAS REALLY
ROBBING A PORNO STORE, HMM?

MR. JACK?

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS GUY WAS
ROBBING THE SKIN TO WIN?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

'CAUSE IT'S A STRANGE CHOICE.

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT,

I GOT BUCKY'S STATEMENT
RIGHT BEFORE I TOOK YOURS.

HE SAID-- AND I'M PARAPHRASING
SO NOT TO OFFEND YOU TWO--

UH, THAT YOU ARE BOTH
UNWELCOME IN HIS STORE

FROM NOW UNTIL FOREVER.

- BANNED?
- BANISHED?

- EXILED?
- FUCKIN' HORRIBLE.

YOU TWO GOT
A THING TOGETHER,

LIKE A TALKING THING.

- LIKE WE...
- ...TALK OVER EACH OTHER?

- NEVER.
- EVER.

YOU MADE A REAL MESS
OF OLD PHILLY BACK THERE.

LET ME GUESS:
HE DIDN'T MAKE IT, DID HE?

NO. NO HE DIDN'T.

I ALMOST SHIT IN MY PANTS
WHEN YOU SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.

MIND YOU, WE WOULDN'T HAVE
HAD IT ANY OTHER WAY.

YOU TWO ARE
FUCKING STRANGE.

WELL, WE'RE FREE TO GO THEN?

NO.

YEAH, YOU CAN GO.

AH, YOU!

THERE'S SOMEPLACE
I GOTTA BE RIGHT NOW--
DISTURBANCE COMPLAINT.

I WANT TO THANK YOU,
TOMMY THE COP.

OF COURSE, ALL YOU REALLY DID
WAS WALK INTO A SITUATION

YOU HAD NO CONTROL OVER,

PULL OUT YOUR GUN,
FIRE IT

LIKE SAM PECKINPAH
JUST CRIED "ACTION."

I GUESS THAT'S RIGHT.

♪ SOME HIT JACKPOT,
SOME GET LUCKY ♪

♪ SOME THEY RUN,
THEY DON'T WANNA BE
FUCKED WITH ♪

♪ SOME HIT JACKPOT,
SOME GET LUCKY ♪

♪ SOME THEY RUN,
THEY DON'T WANNA BE
FUCKED WITH ♪

♪ SOME HIT JACKPOT,
SOME GET LUCKY ♪

♪ SOME THEY RUN,
THEY DON'T WANNA BE
FUCKED WITH... ♪

SO HEY, DO YOU KNOW
WHY PHILLY ROBBED
THE PORNO STORE OR NOT?

THE ANSWER IS YES.

AND IF YOU GAVE IT
SOME THOUGHT, YOU'D KNOW TOO.

I DON'T LIKE THINKING.
YOU JUST TELL ME.

THE ANSWER IS ELEMENTARY,
MY DEAR STEPHEN--
EVIL BEGETS EVIL.

WELL, WHAT THE FUCK IS
THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT THERE IS
A LOGICAL AND NATURAL FORCE
IN THE WORLD.

IT PRESERVES
THINGS SPHERICALLY.

EVERYTHING THAT GOES AROUND
COMES AROUND.

WHAT GOES UP
MUST COME DOWN.

- YOU WITH ME?
- I'M WITH YOU SO FAR.

GOOD WORK AND HARD EFFORT
WILL UNDOUBTEDLY REAP REWARD.

DO SOMETHING GOOD; SOMETHING
GOOD WILL COME FROM IT.

- RIGHT?
- RIGHT.

WELL, THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE--

DO SOMETHING WICKED;
SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES.

EQUATE THIS TO
THE FUCKING PORNO STORE.

WELL, CONTRARY TO
POPULAR BELIEF,

THE SELLING OF SEX IN
ANY FORM IS WRONG.

I'M NOT SAYING I AGREE WITH IT,
BUT CHECK YOUR BIBLE.

THEY'RE NOT GOING FOR IT.

IS MASTURBATION EVIL?

ACCORDING TO MY MOTHER, YES.
THANK GOD SHE'S DEAD.

♪ SOME HIT JACKPOT,
SOME GET LUCKY ♪

♪ SOME THEY RUN,
THEY DON'T WANNA BE
FUCKED WITH... ♪

( screaming )

♪ SOME THEY RUN,
THEY DON'T WANNA BE
FUCKED WITH ♪

♪ SOME HIT JACKPOT,
SOME GET LUCKY ♪

♪ SOME THEY RUN,
THEY DON'T WANNA BE
FUCKED WITH ♪

♪ SOME HIT JACKPOT,
SOME GET LUCKY ♪

♪ SOME THEY RUN,
THEY DON'T WANNA BE
FUCKED WITH ♪

♪ SOME HIT JACKPOT,
SOME GET LUCKY... ♪

SO THE VERY EXISTENCE
OF THE PORNO STORE WAS
CONCEIVED IN EVIL?

WICKEDNESS, YES.

AND BUCKY HAD SOMETHING
COMING TO HIM

BECAUSE HE SATISFIED MY DESIRE
TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE FUCKING.

VOYEURISM, CORRECT.

GENTLEMEN.

THOUGH IF PHILLY WAS SENT IN
TO EVEN THINGS OUT--

AN EYE FOR AN EYE--

WHY WOULD HE GET HIS HEAD
BLOWN OFF BY TOMMY THE COP?

THERE ARE VARIOUS LEVELS
OF EVIL.

SELLING PORNO IN A CRAPPY
LOS ANGELES HELLHOLE

IS NOT AS EVIL AS ROBBING
THAT SAME PLACE

AND SHOOTING
AN INNOCENT CLERK.

THERE'S AN IMBALANCE THERE
AND THE FORCES OF NATURE

DON'T ALLOW FOR
THAT KIND OF THING.

SO BECAUSE THE EVIL
COMMITTED BY PHILLY

FAR OUTWEIGHED THE EVIL
COMMITTED BY BUCKY,

AN ARBITRATOR
HAD TO BE BROUGHT IN.

- AN INTERLOPER.
- TOMMY THE COP.

- PRECISELY.
- AND EVIL BEGETS EVIL.

BY GEORGE,
I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT.

( knocking )

MISS SINCLAIR?

MISS SINCLAIR,
PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR.

MISS SINCLAIR?

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU GOT HERE.

I CALLED OVER
AN HOUR AGO.

MA'AM, I'VE ALREADY
KILLED ONE PERSON TODAY.

DON'T MAKE ME KILL ANOTHER.

( laughs )

( mimics laughter )

SO WHAT'S THE DEAL?

WELL, I GOT THREE
PHONE CALLS-- THREE--

AT 3:00 A.M.,

ALL NOISE COMPLAINTS.

THEY ALL SAID THEY
HEARD SCREAMS COMING FROM
THIS APARTMENT--

BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAMS.

AND YOU WENT
TO CHECK IT OUT?

NAH, WENT BACK TO BED
AND WENT TO SLEEP.

I FIGURED IT WAS NOTHING
THAT COULDN'T WAIT.

OF COURSE.

SO AFTER I HAD MY BREAKFAST
AND WENT FOR A WALK,

I CAME TO INVESTIGATE.
AND I KNOCKED AND KNOCKED
AND KNOCKED.

NO ANSWER.

AND HOW DOES SHE
SIGN HER CHECKS?

- WHAT?
- WHAT'S HER FULL NAME?

STEPHANIE SINCLAIR.

- LIVES ALONE?
- FAR AS I KNOW.

REPORTS OF SCREAMS, HMM?

- MM-HMM.
- HMM.

THINK SOMETHING HAPPENED?

WELL, MA'AM,
I HOPE SO.

( both laugh )

- BARETTA!
- WHAT THE FUCK?
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

- YOU STEPHANIE SINCLAIR?
- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

SHE'S NOT STEPHANIE SINCLAIR.

- AW, FUCK IT.
- YOU'RE NOT STEPHANIE SINCLAIR.

GEE, IF I'M NOT
STEPHANIE SINCLAIR,

AND YOU'RE NOT
STEPHANIE SINCLAIR

AND THIS IS STEPHANIE
SINCLAIR'S APARTMENT,

THEN WHAT THE FUCK
ARE WE ALL DOING HERE?

WHAT MADE YOU SO SURE HE
WOULDN'T TURN OUR LIGHTS OUT?

YOU SAID IT YOURSELF
IN THE PORNO STORE--
WASN'T IN HIS NATURE.

REALLY, STEPHEN, YOU DON'T
GIVE YOURSELF ENOUGH CREDIT.

COULD HAVE BEEN WRONG,
YOU KNOW?

IF THAT COP HAD COME IN
TWO SECONDS LATER...

( fires )

IT WAS FATE THEN.

FATE'S WHAT PEOPLE
BELIEVE IN WHEN IT'S
THE LAST CHOICE THEY'VE GOT.

OH MY, I DISAGREE.

I THINK FATE HAD
EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT.

IT WAS FATE THAT WE WERE
IN THE STORE TO BEGIN WITH.

IT WAS FATE THAT THERE WAS
A CLERK BEHIND THE COUNTER

AND IT WAS HIS FATE
TO DIE TODAY.

I BELIEVE IN FATE AS MUCH
AS I BELIEVE IN LOVE.

I KNOW YOU DO.

BUT THAT DOESN'T
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

YOU DIDN'T KNOW.

WELL, I TELL YOU THIS:
I GO BY TWO THINGS--

- INTUITION AND ASSUMPTION.
- ( siren wails )

INTUITION TELLS ME WHAT
TO THINK AND HOW TO ACT.

AND ASSUMPTION
RULES OUT THE REST.

AND YOU'D RISK YOUR LIFE
BASED ON THAT LINE OF SHIT?

IF WE STOP ASSUMING,
WE'LL LOSE SOMETHING IMPORTANT.

AN ASSUMPTION IS A LEAP
OF FAITH TO BELIEVE

THAT SOMETHING WE REALLY WANT
TO BELIEVE IS ACTUALLY TRUE.

IF WE STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS,

WE MIGHT JUST LOSE OUR FAITH.

I WAS SCARED.

AND THAT'S OKAY.

- HEY!
- HEY, FUCKER.

DON'T TOUCH
THE FUCKING DICE.

HEY, FUCK,
IT'S MY DICE, MAN.

DON'T-- WELL, DON'T TOUCH--
DON'T FUCKIN' TOUCH--

- WHAT IF--
- Man: FUCKER!

--WHAT IF MY INTUITION
TELLS ME

THAT WE'RE BOTH
GONNA DIE SOON?

SWEET STEPHEN,
EVERYTHING DIES.

THE WORLD IS A CIRCLE

AND EVERYTHING DIES.

( grunting )

SO HOW'D YOU GET A KEY
TO THIS APARTMENT?

I WORK AT THE SAME RESTAURANT
AS STEPHANIE--

THE BEEHIVE ON MELROSE.

SHE LETS ME CRASH
SOMETIMES.

- HOW'S THE JOB?
- IT'S OKAY.

SO THEY MAKE US
WAITRESSES WEAR THESE
BLACK AND YELLOW OUTFITS

LIKE WE'RE FUCKING
BUMBLEBEES OR SOMETHING.

- HA.
- IT'S REAL SHORT

AND SOME DRUNK ASSHOLE
IS ALWAYS TRYING TO PULL
ON MY STINGER.

EXCEPT FOR THAT,
THE JOB IS COOL.

WELL, HAVING A COOL JOB
IS IMPORTANT.

OBVIOUSLY YOU THINK YOU
HAVE A PRETTY COOL JOB.

I'M A COP.

I KNOW--
BARETTA.

SO FINISH YOUR STORY.

I GOT INTO A FIGHT
WITH MY BOYFRIEND TYLER
THIS MORNING.

HE CAN BE A REAL HAIRY FUCK
WHEN HE WANTS TO BE.

TYLER SAID HE WANTED TO
SEE MORE OF MY FRIENDS,

WHICH I THOUGHT WAS GREAT.
DIDN'T KNOW HE MEANT NAKED.

PRICK.

HE SLAPS ME AROUND TOO.

ANYWAY, I THOUGHT I'D CRASH
HERE ON THE COUCH.

STEPHANIE WASN'T HOME
SO I TOOK THE BED.

ANY SIGN OF TROUBLE
WHEN YOU GOT HERE?

STRUGGLE?

I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING
LIKE THAT.

IF I WAS TO PAY YOU
OR SOMETHING,

COULD YOU GIVE TYLER
A SPECIAL VISIT

WITH YOUR NIGHTSTICK?

OR COULD I GET IN TROUBLE
FOR EVEN ASKING YOU?

HE LIKES TO
BEAT ON YOU, HUH?

I DON'T KNOW IF
HE LIKES IT OR NOT,

BUT HE DOES IT.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT--
HERE.

WE'LL FIGURE OUT A CONVENIENT
TIME FOR ME TO MEET YOUR FELLA.

SO THERE A PICTURE
OF STEPHANIE SINCLAIR
AROUND HERE ANYWHERE?

MEET STEPHANIE SINCLAIR.

THANKS, NORMA.

- THINK SHE'S OKAY?
- I'M SURE SHE'LL TURN UP.

IF SHE DOESN'T,
YOU GIVE ME A CALL.

I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL
EVEN IF SHE DOES.

YOU KNOW WHOSE THIS IS?

I'VE NEVER
SEEN IT BEFORE.

HA.

( applause )

JUST HELP ME OUT HERE
A LITTLE BIT, OKAY, KENNY BUDDY?

'CAUSE I'M-- I'M TRYING
TO UNDERSTAND

WHAT MADE YOU TAKE THAT
LONG WALK DOWN THAT HALLWAY.

Crowd:
DENNIS! DENNIS!

AND I JUST--

I'M JUST--

I'M JUST NOT GETTING IT!

- ( crowd cheers )
- I'M SORRY.

I'M HAVING--
HAVING A HARD TIME HERE

BECAUSE I JUST KEEP
SEEING THOSE--

THOSE TWO LOVELY PEOPLE,

THOSE...

TWO HUMAN BEINGS.

Both:
THANKS!

YOU DON'T LIKE BUTTER ON
YOUR POPCORN, DO YOU, HONEY?

- Man: I HATE IT.
- Woman: OH GOOD!

- HI, SARAH.
- MY NAME IS JILL.

HELLO, SARAH.
I'D LIKE ONE TICKET.

ONE TICKET WILL MAKE ME
A HAPPY MAN.

MY NAME IS JILL.

WHAT THE HELL?
I'LL TAKE ONE TOO, SARAH.

SARAH, I CAN'T TELL YOU
THE LAST TIME I'VE BEEN
TO THE PICTURES.

Stephen:
LAST WEEK?

NO, THAT WAS A SPECIAL PICTURE.
SPECIAL PICTURES DON'T COUNT.

- OH.
- DO THEY, SARAH?

JILL.

SEE YOU AT THE CINEMA,
SARAH.

( suspenseful music
playing )

( man shouting )

No no!
Please don't!

( screaming continues )

HELLO, BARNEY.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M DANDY, SIR.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

WHAT A LOVELY DISPOSITION
YOU HAVE.

ARE YOU WITH SOME
SORT OF PROGRAM?

I DON'T THINK
I FOLLOW YOU, SIR.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME SIR.
I MAY SOUND ENGLISH,

BUT I'M NOT ROYALTY.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

SO TELL ME-- ARE YOU WITH
ONE OF THOSE PROGRAMS?

YOU KNOW, WHERE THEY
DRIVE AROUND, PICK UP
THE OLD CHAPS, FIND 'EM A JOB,

MAKE THEIR USELESS LIVES
FEEL PURPOSEFUL?

ACTUALLY I OWN
THIS THEATER.

SLAP MY FACE.
YOU OWN THIS PLACE?

- YES I DO.
- HA HA.

RAN INTO SOME
HARD TIMES LATELY,

BUT NOW I JUST DO
THE CONCESSIONS.

AND YET YOU MAINTAIN SUCH
A PLEASANT ATTITUDE.

KUDOS TO YOU, BARNEY.

WELL, I DIDN'T GET AS
FAR AS I DID IN THIS LIFE

BY BEING AN ASSHOLE.

HA HA!
I LIKE THAT.

I LIKE THAT A LOT.

RIGHT, WELL, I'LL HAVE
A LARGE TUB OF POPCORN AND--

DO YOU USE BUTTER OR
THAT CHEAP GREASY SHIT?

THE CHEAP GREASY SHIT.

AH, GOOD. I'LL HAVE
A LARGE TUB OF POPCORN,

SOME CHEAP GREASY SHIT
AND A LARGE ICY-COLD COLA.

OKAY, COMING RIGHT UP.

♪ HAIL TO THE SNACK-BAR MAN,
THE SNACK-BAR MAN ♪

♪ THE SNACK-BAR MAN ♪

♪ HAIL TO THE SNACK-BAR MAN,
THE SNACK-BAR MAN. ♪

( screaming )

Man:
Go ahead and run,
you sniveling dog.

Go ahead and run.
I'm glad I hurt you.
I'm glad, I'm glad.

Seymour.

THERE YOU ARE, SIR.

RIGHT, THERE WE ARE.

THAT'S FOR THE POPCORN
AND THE COLA.

AND THIS

IS A LITTLE SOMETHING
EXTRA FOR YOU.

( laughs )
THANK YOU, SIR.

( scoffs )

Dentist:
Shut up and open up.

Aha.

- Seymour: Ow ow.
- Does that hurt?

- Yeah!
- Good. You haven't felt
anything yet.

( muffled )
It's this tooth over here.

Dentist:
Seymour, who's the dentist
here, you or me?

I'll find that tooth.

- IS THIS THE GREASY SHIT?
- ABSOLUTELY.

NAPKIN?

OH. SORRY.

Is this
Dr. Farb's office?

I DIDN'T KNOW JACK NICHOLSON
WAS IN THIS.

MM-HMM. IT WAS ONE OF
HIS FIRST MOVIES.

HOW RUDE.

MMM. DID YOU KNOW HE
AD-LIBBED

THE "HERE'S JOHNNY"
LINE IN "THE SHINING"?

Woman:
I DON'T REMEMBER THAT--

THEY ARE SO FUCKING LOUD.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO MANNERS
WHATSOEVER.

Man:
HE CHOPS UP THE DOOR
WITH HIS AXE,

STICKS HIS MUG IN
AND GOES...

- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- ..."HERE'S JOHNNY!"

Woman:
OH, THAT WAS GOOD.

DID YOU KNOW HE'S
SUCH A LAKERS FAN

THE PRODUCERS HAVE TO
SCHEDULE HIS SHOOTING DAYS

AROUND THE LAKERS' SCHEDULE?

DID YOU KNOW I'M TRYING TO
WATCH THIS FINE MOVIE

AROUND YOUR FUCKING
CONVERSATION?

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

HOME VIDEO FIRST CAME OUT
IN THE LATE '70S, RIGHT?

IT CHANGED THE MOVIE
INDUSTRY FOREVER.

CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING
IN YOUR HOUSE

WATCHING A MOVIE?
WHOA.

WELL, YOU COULD
PUT IT ON PAUSE.

YOU COULD TAKE A PISS,
FUCK THE WIFE, MAKE A SANDWICH--

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO,
YEAH.

- WHO ARE YOU?
- SHH.

( laughs )
HOME VIDEO AND EVENTUALLY DVD

ALSO TAUGHT US SOMETHING ELSE:

A NEW FORM OF RUDENESS.

NOW IF WE CAN WATCH MOVIES
IN OUR OWN HOME,

THERE'S NOBODY TO OFFEND
BUT THE PEOPLE IN THAT HOME.

RIGHT? SO NOW WE'VE
GOT PEOPLE

WATCHING MOVIES,
TALKING ALL THE WAY THROUGH
IN THEIR FUCKING HOMES,

RECONDITIONED TO THINK
IT'S OKAY TO DO IT IN PUBLIC,

WHICH BOTHERS
PEOPLE LIKE ME

WHO COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK
WHAT YOUR FUCKING OPINION

OF THE MOVIE WAS OR
HOW GOOD THE BLAH BLAH BLAH
WAS LAST WEEK.

LOOK, MAN,
IF WE DISTURBED YOU...

I HAVE A GUN
IN MY WAISTBAND.

RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, I DO.

AND IF YOU TWO DON'T
SHUT THE FUCK UP,

I'M GONNA STICK IT
UP BOTH YOUR ASSES

AND I'M GONNA
PULL THE TRIGGER

UNTIL YOUR COLONS
SAY "NO MáS."

ENJOY THE SHOW.

( laughs )

MY MOUTH'S DRY.

Most people don't like
to go to the dentist

but I rather
enjoy it myself, don't you?

WHAT'D YOU SAY TO THEM?

OH, I SAID THAT WE WERE
TRYING TO ENJOY THE MOVIE

AND IF THEY COULD KEEP IT
DOWN TO LIKE A DULL ROAR,

WE'D APPRECIATE IT.

I'd almost rather go
to the dentist than...

YOU THREATENED THEM,
DIDN'T YOU?

NO.

I DON'T KNOW.
I--

Oh goody goody,
here it comes.

I DON'T THINK SO.

I TOLD THEM TO
ENJOY THE MOVIE.

IS THAT THREATENING?
I--

I CAN'T TELL ANYMORE.

Dentist:
Well, I made a lot of holes

and now I've got to
fill it up with this here
silver stuff.

( slow rock playing )

( slow instrumentals
surge )

SO I'VE BEEN WORKING IN
THIS PLACE FOR LESS THAN A WEEK.

YOU KNOW, I'M STANDING
BY THE WATER COOLER

AND I'M TRYING TO GET
THIS HOT LITTLE TELEMARKETER
TO NOTICE ME.

I'M STARING AND I'M STARING.
I'VE BEEN HAVING A THING
FOR HER FOR A WHILE.

AND FINALLY, BINGO,
SHE STARES AT ME.

OKAY?

I GIVE HER A LOOK.

YOU KNOW?
THE LOOK.

- THE LOOK?
- THE LOOK.

- HOW ARE YOU?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?

I LIKE YOUR SHOES.

WELL, THANK YOU.

GOTTA GO.

THAT'S MY FIANCéE.

SO FUCKIN' WHAT?

( grunts )

BUT THAT WASN'T THE WEIRDEST
DREAM I EVER HAD.

- NO?
- NO.

- OH.
- TWO BEERS.

THANK YOU, LOVELY
LADY DRINK BEARER.

- SO HOW ABOUT YOU?
- WHAT ABOUT ME?

- HOW'S YOUR BEER?
- PRETTY FUCKING PERFECT.

THIS WHOLE PLACE IS
A FUCKING PLASTIC FACTORY--

THE WHOLE CITY IS.

AND YOUR ACCENT, ABOUT
THE FAKEST THING IN HERE.

YOU WERE SAYING?

WHAT WAS I SAYING?

THAT THE OFFICE MASSACRE
WASN'T THE WORST DREAM
YOU EVER HAD.

GIVES ME THE HEEBIES
JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.

I ONLY HAD THE DAMN
THING ONCE, SO...

MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED
WHEN I WAS FOUR

AND I SAW MY DAD AT
THE WEEKENDS, RIGHT?

BUT MY DAD DOESN'T
WANT TO BOTHER WITH SOME
FUCKING DUMB KID.

YOU KNOW? HE'S A SINGLE DUDE
IN A LOOSE MOOD.

SO HE DROPPED ME OFF AT
MY GRANDMA'S APARTMENT.

NOW MY GRANDMA--

STEPHEN?
BREAKFAST IS READY.

--SHE WAS A QUEEN.
YOU KNOW, A REAL NICE LADY.

AND I WAS A REAL FUCKING
TV HOUND AT THE TIME.

SO I'D ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP
IN FRONT OF THE TUBE.

Grandma:
Stephen? Wake up.

Stephen?

Breakfast is ready.

( birds chirping )

Eat your fucking
breakfast.

Now!

EAT YOUR FUCKING BREAKFAST.

SHE WAS A REAL QUEEN.

AND THE THING IS
NOW I THINK ABOUT IT
ALL THE TIME.

WHY DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT
SO MUCH?

WELL, MY GRANDMA WAS
THE GREATEST LADY I EVER KNEW.

AND SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON
TO CALL ME SWEET.

AW, THAT'S...

WELL?

WHY WOULD I HAVE THAT DREAM?

I DON'T KNOW.
I'M NOT A MIND-READER.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

MAYBE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE
PEARLS OF FUCKING WISDOM

YOU'VE BEEN SPITTING
OUT ALL DAY.

ALL RIGHT.
GIVE ME A SECOND.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN DREAMS.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IN DREAMS?

WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT?
THAT-- THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

( laughs )

WELL, I WISH MY LIFE WERE MORE
LIKE A BURT REYNOLDS MOVIE.

YOU WANT TO BE OLD
AND BALD?

NO, I DON'T WISH
I WAS BURT REYNOLDS.

I WISH MY LIFE WERE MORE
LIKE HIS MOVIES.

YOU KNOW, LOTS OF
HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHS,
FAST CARS, BAR-ROOM BRAWLS,

FUCKING COWBOY BOOTS.

( imitating laugh )
HA HA HA HA!

JUST FUN. THE GUYS WERE GUYS,
THE GALS WERE GALS,

AND NOTHING
REALLY MATTERED.

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR DREAM,
I GUESS.

YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T
BELIEVE IN DREAMS.

NO, I SAID YOU COULD
HAVE YOUR DREAM... I GUESS.

AH.

Mr. Jack:
UH-OH.

I'VE SEEN THAT LOOK BEFORE.

- YOU COULD PICK ONE OUT,
YOU KNOW?
- IT'S NOT MY BAG.

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW
IS WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR

AND BE ABLE TO SAY IT
WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE
YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE
A TERRIFIC BULLSHITTER.

- HEY.
- HEY.

BUY ME A DRINK.

- BUY YOU A DRINK?
- YEAH.

- WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
- JESSICA. WHO THE FUCK
ARE YOU?

PAUL SPINOZI.
EVERYONE CALLS ME SPO.

I LOVE TO EAT ITALIAN.

- YOU DO?
- YEAH.

YUMMY.

WOW. WELL, MAYBE--

MAYBE YOU WANT TO LEAVE AND
GET A BITE TO EAT THEN? HUH?

SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD START.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

HAVE FUN.

- WHAT?
- HAVE FUN LEAVING.

NOW GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

FUCKING IDIOTS IN THIS PLACE.
YOU TOO.

WHOO HOO HOO!

I CAN'T SEEM TO MEET
A NICE GIRL ANYMORE.

YOU SEE, THAT'S A MYSTERY
TO ME.

I COULD NEVER DO THAT,
THE WAY YOU JUST SPOKE
TO THAT GIRL.

I'M JUST NOT
THAT SORT OF CHAP.

CAN I GET YOU GUYS
ANYTHING ELSE?

STRAWBERRIES?

HA HA HA HA!

YOU KNOW WHAT?
TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY.

IT WAS A DAY.

THE PERFECT MIX
OF INTRIGUE, DANGER,

TRAGEDY, LOVE,

SEX, VIOLENCE

AND PLAIN OLD AMERICAN FUN.

YOU'RE NOT FROM
ENGLAND, YOU KNOW?

SOME DAYS GO BY

AND YOU DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT BEING ALIVE.

IT'S A SHAME,
DAYS LIKE THAT.

AND THEN THERE ARE
OTHER DAYS...

WHEN EVERYTHING
IS JUST PERFECT.

- TODAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
- YEAH.

I REMEMBER THE EXACT MOMENT

I REALIZED I EXISTED.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

GO ON THEN.

WHEN I WAS SIX,

I NEVER THOUGHT OF
MYSELF AS BEING ALIVE.

LIFE WAS LIKE A MOVIE--

SOMETHING I WAS WATCHING

OUTSIDE OF MYSELF,
YOU KNOW?

AND IT WAS THIS
INSTANTANEOUS THING--

THE REALIZATION THAT...

THIS WAS IT.

I WAS IN
THE THICK OF THINGS.

I WAS ALIVE.

I WROTE A WILL THAT WEEKEND--
SIX YEARS OLD.

BECAUSE...

WITH THE REALIZATION
THAT I WAS ALIVE

CAME THE REALIZATION
OF DEATH.

( humming )

♪ LAST NIGHT AS I LAY
ON MY PILLOW ♪

♪ LAST NIGHT AS
I LAY ON MY BED ♪

♪ I PUT MY FEET
OUT THE WINDOW ♪

♪ IN THE MORNING
MY NEIGHBORS WERE DEAD ♪

♪ MY BODY LIES
OVER THE OCEAN ♪

♪ MY MOMMY LIES
OVER THE SEA ♪

♪ MY DADDY LIES
OVER MY MOMMY ♪

♪ AND THAT'S HOW
THEY CREATED ME. ♪

Both:
♪ BRING BACK, BRING BACK... ♪

♪ I NEED TO GET MYSELF
SOME HELP ♪

♪ BEFORE I HURT SOMEBODY ♪

♪ I NEED TO GET MYSELF
A 13-INCH ♪

♪ PIECE OF ROPE ♪

♪ SO I COULD DO MY PART ♪

♪ TO SAVE ALL MY
FUTURE VICTIMS ♪

♪ YOU SLEPT THROUGH
THE WHOLE THING ♪

♪ MY HEELS KICKED AWAY ♪

♪ AGAINST THIN AIR ♪

♪ I WISH THIS ROOM
WOULD STOP SPINNING AROUND ♪

♪ I WISH THIS ROOM WOULD
STOP SPINNING... ♪

NOW THAT'S A FUCKING SHAME.
( laughs )

MY STOMACH CAN'T TAKE
THIS JOB MUCH LONGER, TOMMY.

NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO
SEE THIS SHIT.

( snapping )

MAN, I'VE SEEN THINGS
LATELY THAT'LL MAKE
A LEPER COUNT HIS BLESSINGS.

HA.

WE FOUND THIS BODY
ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

( laughing )

THIS MOTHERFUCKER

HAD 12 DILL PICKLES
UP HIS ASS--

12 DILL PICKLES.
AND I AIN'T TALKING ABOUT
THE LITTLE-BITTY DILL PICKLES

THAT YOU GET DOWN IN
THE SOUP-AND-SALAD SPECIAL
DOWN BY THE STATION.

I'M TALKING ABOUT 12
JOHN HOLMES DILL PICKLES
UP HIS ASS.

SO JONESY GOES,
"HOW'D HE GET THE PICKLES
UP HIS ASS?"

I SAY, "I DON'T KNOW
HOW HE GOT THE PICKLES
UP HIS ASS.

I'M NOT A DILL-OLOGIST."
( laughs )

♪ THIS WORLD
MOVES FAST ♪

♪ AND IT QUITS ON US... ♪

I'M TALKING ABOUT 12
JOHN HOLMES DILL PICKLES,

OR 13 PICKLES UP HIS ASS.
( laughs )

♪ I WISH THIS WORLD
WOULD STOP SPINNING AROUND ♪

♪ I WISH THIS WORLD
WOULD STOP SPINNING AROUND... ♪

HIS EYES POP OUT, RIGHT?
EYES ON THE GROUND SOMEWHERE.

AND THIS FELLA'S GOT ARMS
JUST HANGING THERE

LIKE THE SCARECROW FROM
"THE WIZARD OF OZ."

I'M ON THE GROUND;
I'M LOOKING FOR HIS EYES

BECAUSE I'VE GOT TO GET
THE COLOR RIGHT, YOU KNOW,

FOR THE BUREAUCRATIC
BULLSHIT, OF COURSE.

( laughing )

FUCK.

- WOW, THAT'S SOMETHING.
- AIN'T IT, THOUGH?

STAY COOL, TOMMY.

YEAH, I NEED TO PUT OUT
AN A.P.B.

YOU EVER GET INSOMNIA?

- RARELY. YOU?
- YEAH. YEAH I DO.

IT'S IN THE BRAIN,
THEY SAY.

MAYBE THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

EVERY NIGHT-- EVERY NIGHT
I LIE AWAKE IN BED

AND IT'S LIKE I'VE FORGOTTEN
HOW TO SLEEP.

YOU KNOW?
AND THE LATER IT GETS

THE MORE I REALIZE
IT'S JUST NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

AND I-- I SEE MY EYES
BECOMING DARK

AND I FIXATE ON THE NEON
NUMBERS ON THE CLOCK.

AND THEY'RE TEASING ME:
"YOU'RE NEVER GONNA
SLEEP AGAIN.

YOU ARE NEVER GONNA SLEEP AGAIN.
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA SLEEP AGAIN."

AND MY HEAD JUST
GETS ALL THESE THOUGHTS.

THOUGHT AFTER THOUGHT
AFTER THOUGHT AFTER
THOUGHT AFTER THOUGHT.

VA-VIM!
AND MY HEART

FUCKING BEATS FASTER AND
FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER.

AND I TRY TO THINK
RELAXED THOUGHTS LIKE
SLEEPING ON A FLUFFY CLOUD

OR FLOATING ON A RAFT,
BUT NOTHING-- NOTHING
CHANGES THE FUCKING FACT

THAT I WILL NOT FALL ASLEEP.
( screams )

LOOK AT ME.
I FEEL LIKE I'VE
CONTRACTED THIS NEW--

NEW-- NEW DISEASE,
YOU KNOW?

LIKE THIS IS
THE FIRST SYMPTOM

AND-- AND THIS DISEASE
IS FATAL.

AND SINCE I'M GONNA
DIE ANYWAY,

WHY NOT JUST GET
THE FUCK OUT OF THIS COFFIN,

GO OVER TO MY DRESSER,
GRAB MY GUN, PUT IT IN
MY FUCKING MOUTH?

'CAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY
I'M GONNA GET ANY
FUCKING SLEEP.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED
COUNTING SHEEP?

HAVE I EVER TRIED COUNTING--

YOU JUST ASKED ME IF I EVER
TRIED COUNTING FUCKING SHEEP?

♪ IN THIS LIFE ♪

♪ YOU JUST NEED SOMETHING
TO GO RIGHT ♪

Stephen:
MAYBE IT'S CONSCIENCE-DRIVEN.

Mr. Jack:
ARE YOU GUILTY?

YEAH, I FUCKING AM.

WHAT DO YOU FEEL
GUILTY ABOUT?

I'M NOT SURE.

EVIL BEGAT EVIL, SO...

WHERE THE FUCK
DO I COME FROM?

WHAT?

YOU-- I ASKED YOU WHY PHILLY
WAS SENT TO THE PORN STORE.

YOU SAID YOU HADN'T THOUGHT
THAT FAR IN ADVANCE.

ANY FUCKING IDEAS?

- DOESN'T MUCH MATTER.
- YES IT DOES.

WELL, MILLIONS OF PEOPLE PRAY
TO GOD UP ABOVE

TO PROTECT THEM.
FROM WHO?

I-- I DON'T--

IF THERE'S A GOD UP ABOVE,
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE

FOR BALANCE.

IT'S OBVIOUS THAT
THERE'S TWO CHOICES.

SOME CHOOSE ONE;
SOME CHOOSE THE OTHER.

SOME CHOOSE BOTH.

THOSE THAT CHOOSE BOTH
ARE PROBABLY SMARTER.

WHAT IF IT SEEMS LIKE
SOMEBODY HAS MADE A CHOICE.

CAN HE CHANGE HIS MIND?

THAT WOULD DEPEND ON HOW FAR
DOWN THAT PATH HE'S GONE.

COULD BE TOO LATE.

OR IT COULD BE FATE.

IT'S THE ENDLESS
POSSIBILITIES OF FATE,

NOT THE IDEA ITSELF,
THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT
OF EVERYONE.

AH! I TOLD YOU I DON'T
BELIEVE IN FUCKING FATE.

( echoing )
YOU SAID YOU BELIEVE IN GOD.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE
DOESN'T HAVE REASON, PURPOSE?

THAT'S WHAT FATE DOES--
IN ENSURES THAT EVERYTHING

THAT'S SUPPOSED
TO HAPPEN HAPPENS

AND EVERYONE DOES WHAT
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.

( exhaling )
FUCK. SORRY.

HEY, MATE,
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

PRETEND YOU'RE ON ONE
OF THOSE ROLLER COASTERS.

SIT BACK, RELAX,
TRY NOT TO THROW UP,

AND IF YOU FEEL
LIKE SCREAMING, FEEL FREE.

♪ OH OH OH OH OH ♪

♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH ♪

♪ OH OH OH
OH OH OH ♪

♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH... ♪

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

GET THE FUCK
AWAY FROM ME.

♪ OPEN UP OUR EYES... ♪

( woman screaming )

NOBODY CAN
CONTROL DEATH.

( grunting )

( gagging )

♪ SO WE CAN SEE MORE... ♪

( screaming )

FUCKER!

♪ SO WE CAN SEE MORE ♪

♪ OPEN UP OUR EYES WIDE ♪

- ♪ SO WE CAN SEE MORE... ♪
- ( Stephen screaming )

♪ OPEN UP OUR EYES ♪

♪ WIDE ♪

♪ SO WE CAN SEE MORE ♪

- ♪ OPEN UP OUR EYES... ♪
- FUCK ME!

♪ WIDE SO WE CAN
SEE MORE ♪

- ♪ OPEN UP OUR EYES WIDE... ♪
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

♪ SO WE CAN SEE MORE... ♪

( indistinct TV playing )

- ( audience cheering )
- ( women fighting )

Crowd:
Dennis! Dennis!

Woman:
30 SECONDS TO AIR.

OKAY.

SECOND ROW CENTER,
THE BLONDE IN THE SHORT SKIRT

AND RIGHT FIELD--
THE ASIAN HOTTIE.

- AND THEN...
- Woman: STAGEHANDS, PLEASE
CLEAR THE AREA.

...WHAT THE FUCK?
IN THE BACK ROW, GET THE OTHER
BLONDE IN THE GLASSES.

SHE LOOKS HOT.
AND THIS COFFEE
TASTES LIKE SHIT.

DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
OR YOU'RE FUCKING HISTORY.

Woman:
WE'RE BACK IN FIVE.

JUST KIDDING.
AND WE'RE BACK.

( all cheering )

( chanting )
DENNIS, DENNIS, DENNIS...

OKAY.

OUR TOPIC AGAIN TODAY
IS "KIDS THAT KILL."

- ( all jeering )
- WONDERFUL.

Dennis:
KENNY EDWARDS IS
AN 11-YEAR-OLD BOY

WHO HAS ADMITTED TO
MURDERING HIS OWN PARENTS.
AIN'T THAT A BITCH?

( crowd jeering )

DENNIS, I JUST WANT TO SAY
I AM A MOTHER OF FOUR BOYS.

AND I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT MURDER IS A TERRIBLE THING

TO DO TO ANY PARENT.

- ( all cheering )
- I THINK THAT LITTLE BOY
IS PLAIN EVIL!

THE LITTLE BASTARD
IS BEING AMBUSHED.

Dennis:
I HEAR YOU, MA'AM.
OH YES, HERE.

KENNY, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING-- YOU NEED
TO CHECK YOURSELF, OKAY?

'CAUSE KILLING YOUR PARENTS
IS MESSED UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

ALL RIGHT!

- LEAVE THE LAD ALONE.
- Man: WHAT?

OH, WHO WAS IT
SAID THAT?

I DID.

HUH. I'M-- I'M TRYING
TO UNDERSTAND

HOW YOU WOULD--
I MEAN, HOW YOU COULD,

AFTER, UH--

ARE YOU GOING
TO CRY AGAIN?

Woman:
DID YOU HEAR HIM?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SIR?

- MR. JACK.
- I'M MR. DENNIS.

- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
- MY PLEASURE.

I'VE NEVER SHAKEN HANDS WITH
A MAN THAT CONDONES MURDER

AND PITIES MURDERERS.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
THAT'S ME?

I AM AMAZINGLY
RESOURCEFUL.

OY. HA!

ALL I'M SAYING IS THE LAD
SEEMS TO BE A BIT OUT OF SORTS

ALL ALONE ON THE STAGE
THERE BY HIMSELF.

WELL, PERHAPS
YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN HIM?

- Woman: YEAH!
- PERHAPS I WOULD.

- ( cheering )
- CAN I BRING SOMEONE?

BE MY GUEST.
I'D LOVE TO GET YOUR
THOUGHTS ON THIS SUBJECT.

- AUDIENCE?
- All: YEAH!

COME ON.
ALL RIGHT.

TELL 'EM.
THAT'S RIGHT.

( chanting )
DENNIS, DENNIS, DENNIS...

COME ON, WELCOME. WELCOME.
THERE YOU GO.

Dennis:
Okay, here we are talking
to our spontaneous guests

straight out of
the studio audience.

Their names are Mr. Jack
and Sweet Stephen.

And they subscribe to
the belief

that people
like Kenny Edwards,

a convicted murderer,

ought to be left alone.

All:
BOO!

NOW MR. JACK, WHY WOULD YOU
SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

WELL, A CRIME IS A CRIME--

WHICH IS TO SAY?

MURDERING YOUR PARENTS
IS WRONG, CUT AND DRY
AND SIMPLE AS PIE.

BUT THERE ARE LOTS
OF DIFFERENT CRIMES.

MURDER IS A CRIME.

BUT ISN'T EXPLOITING THAT
MURDER FOR PERSONAL GAIN,

MAYBE SOME HIGHER RATINGS--
ISN'T THAT A CRIME TOO?

WELL SEE, I WOULD
HARDLY COMPARE RUNNING
A TELEVISION SHOW TO--

YOU SEE, I LOOK AT YOU
AND I LOOK AT THIS LAD

AND I CAN'T
TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

( audience jeering )

WE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HIM.
LET'S REVIEW WHAT WE
KNOW ABOUT YOU.

YOU MAKE YOUR LIVING OFF
OTHER PEOPLE'S MISERY.

DOLLARS IN YOUR POCKET--
THAT'S ALL HE MEANS TO YOU.

THESE FOLKS IN THE AUDIENCE--
CHUMP CHANGE.

( all jeering )

WHAT THE FUCK
MAKES YOU SO MORAL?

NOW MR. JACK, I'M GONNA
HAVE TO ASK YOU TO WATCH
YOUR LANGUAGE.

ALL RIGHT?
WE'RE LIVE.

AND RIGHT NEXT TO
MR. JACK IS A MAN

WHO CALLS HIMSELF
SWEET STEPHEN.

NOW DO YOU SHARE
YOUR FRIEND'S POINT OF VIEW?

WELL...

THAT WOMAN THERE--

SHE USED THE WORD "EVIL"
TO DESCRIBE HIM,

LIKE IT WAS
A LIFESTYLE CHOICE.

IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CHOOSE
LIKE AN ICE-CREAM FLAVOR.

IT'S--

IT'S A WARM AND SAFE,
INVITING FEELING.

AND THERE'S A DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ACTING BAD

AND BEING BAD.

ACTING BAD IS A MOMENT;

BEING BAD IS AN ADDICTION.

I SHOULD KNOW.

SO ARE YOU SAYING
THAT YOU--

YOU ENJOY BEING BAD?
ARE YOU ADDICTED?

BEING BAD IS FUN.

- BEING BAD IS FUN?
- YEAH.

IS THAT YOUR MESSAGE
TO THE YOUTH OF AMERICA?

- SWEET STEPHEN?
- YEAH?

ARE YOU EVIL?

ISN'T EVERYBODY?

I HAVE A QUESTION.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S TOMMY THE COP!

Dennis:
OKAY, MIKE HIM.
SOMEBODY GET A MIKE ON HIM.

( all chattering )

ALL RIGHT.
YOUR QUESTION, SIR?

I JUST WANTED TO ASK IF EITHER
MR. JACK OR SWEET STEPHEN HERE

CONSIDER STABBING A WOMAN
AND DISMEMBERING HER CORPSE

- AN ACT OF EVIL?
- WHAT?

AND WHO ARE YOU, SIR?

I'M THE ARRESTING OFFICER.

I'M THE HERO TO
BE NAMED LATER.

( cheering )

WELL, I'D LIKE TO ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION, TOMMY.

BUT WHAT'S THE POINT
IN EXPLAINING SOMETHING
YOU'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND?

RIGHT, WRONG;
GOOD, EVIL;

GOD, SATAN.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, TOMMY.

WANNA GUESS MY NAME?

( audience screaming )

( gunshots )

WE SHOULD TALK, YOU AND I.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT?

THESE STANDOFFS ARE
INTERESTING, AREN'T THEY?

HOW NEITHER OF US
HAS AN ADVANTAGE?

WELL, THAT'S NOT
EXACTLY TRUE, IS IT?

( laughs )

I'VE GOT A HUGE ADVANTAGE.

I'VE GOT A GUN ON YOU.
YOU KNOW I'M A GREAT SHOT.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
YOU HAVE A KNIFE

AGAINST THE THROAT OF
A TABLOID TELEVISION JOURNALIST

WHO'S BEEN SLAMMING
THE L.A.P.D. FOR THE PAST
FIVE YEARS

FOR BRIBERY, KICKBACKS
AND BRUTALITY.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THAT
YELLOW BASTARD?

HOW DID THIS BECOME
ABOUT ME?

WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
ONCE AND FOR ALL?

WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE KNIFE
DOWN, MR. JACK, HUH?

OR BETTER YET, MAKE A MOVE
FOR RIVERS'S JUGULAR.

EITHER WAY, I WIN.

THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO YOU, ISN'T IT?

PLAYING THE ROLE
OF THE POLICEMAN.

BUT YOU AND I
AREN'T THAT DIFFERENT.

WE GET THE SAME URGES.

LOOK, HE'S
A TRIGGER-HAPPY COP

AND YOU'RE NOTHING BUT
A PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL PSYCHOPATH

WHOSE REALITIES MEAN NOTHING
TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF

AND YOUR DEAD SIDEKICK.

JUST BECAUSE A MAN
IS FUCKING CRAZY

DOESN'T MAKE HIS OPINION
LESS FUCKING VALID.

YOU'RE NOTHING.

( rock music playing )

♪ SING US A SONG,
ONLY DON'T SING TOO LONG ♪

♪ YOU KNOW I WILL
GET BORED IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I CAN'T FEEL A THING
BUT THE CONSTANT SHIFTING ♪

♪ OF THIS TRANSIENT WORLD
THAT WE DEFILE ♪

♪ ALL OF MY FRIENDS
THINK I'M KIND OF A MESS ♪

♪ YOU KNOW, THEY'VE NOT
BEEN WITH ME FOR LIFE ♪

♪ THEY'RE NOT IN MY HEAD,
SHIT, THEY GOT IN MY HEAD ♪

♪ AND ARE PAINTING
MY THOUGHTS ♪

♪ WITH THE HONEST ANSWERS ♪

♪ THAT OFFEND ME... ♪

( scatting )

♪ HEY ♪

♪ HEY ♪

♪ HEY ♪

♪ HEY... ♪

( scatting )

I WAS STARTING TO THINK
THE GOVERNOR CALLED.

TO SAY WHAT REALLY?

"I'LL BE BACK"?

SILLY STEPHEN.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

GOOD.

GOOD.

I'VE BEEN GOOD.

I'VE BEEN SLEEPING.

- SLEEPING?
- YEAH.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING LONG?

LONG ENOUGH.

LET'S DO THIS THEN.

YOU'RE READY, RIGHT?

COME ON.

THIS IS WHERE WE PART,
STEPHEN.

WHAT-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

BACK.

- BACK WHERE?
- TO THE MIDDLE.

TO THE-- I-- I THOUGHT
WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE.

WE'RE SOMEPLACE ELSE.

THE MIDDLE
IS WHERE WE WERE.

IT'S WHERE I'M NEEDED.

WHAT FOR?

BALANCE, STEPHEN.

IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT BALANCE.

I'M JEALOUS.

OH.

DON'T BE.

COME ON.

I'M REALLY GONNA
MISS YOU, STEPHEN--

OUR LITTLE CHATS.

YOU WERE MORE CURIOUS
THAN THE OTHERS.
I LIKE THAT.

GO ON.

I-- I DON'T KNOW
WHICH ONE TO PUSH.

FREE WILL,
CHOICES, PATHS.

SOME CHOOSE ONE;
SOME CHOOSE THE OTHER.

YOU CHOSE YOUR PATH LONG
BEFORE I MET YOU,

SO IT DOESN'T
MUCH MATTER WHICH YOU CHOOSE.

EITHER WAY, YOU'LL END UP
WHERE YOU BELONG.

IF IT MAKES YOU
FEEL BETTER,

BLAME FATE.

WHAT'S SUPPOSED
TO HAPPEN HAPPENS.

AND EVERYONE DOES WHAT
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.

HEY...

YOU'RE NOT FROM ENGLAND,
YOU KNOW?

( no accent )
NO. I'M NOT.

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MY MAKEUP ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG WAY
DOWN DEEP IN HERE ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL WAKE UP ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW,
BUT SOMEHOW IT STAYS ♪

♪ CLEAR ♪

♪ CLEAR ♪

♪ THIS FOUNDATION
SEEMS CROOKED ♪

♪ I THINK THE WALLS ARE
UNPARALLEL IN HERE ♪

♪ IT CHANGES SHAPES
OF ITS CONTENTS ♪

♪ AUGMENTATIONS
THAT CONVOLUTE US ♪

♪ CLEAR ♪

♪ CLEAR ♪

♪ THE SOURCES INDICATE
THAT IT'S SLIPPING AWAY ♪

♪ OH, MAYBE YOU OR I
COULD CHASE IT ♪

♪ STILL I'M SO RELIEVED ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT TRICKS
UP YOUR SLEEVE ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND I
COULD FAKE IT ♪

♪ IT'S CLEAR ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MY MAKEUP ♪

♪ THOUGHTS OF CHANGE BECOME
A CONSTANT FEAR ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL WAKE UP ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW
BUT SOMEHOW IT STAYS ♪

♪ CLEAR ♪

♪ CLEAR ♪

♪ THE SOURCES INDICATE
THAT IT'S SLIPPING AWAY ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND I
COULD CHASE IT ♪

♪ STILL I'M SO RELIEVED ♪

♪ YOU'VE GOT TRICKS
UP YOUR SLEEVE ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND I
COULD FAKE IT ♪

♪ IT'S CLEAR ♪

♪ IT'S CLEAR ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MY MAKEUP ♪

♪ MAYBE ME AND MY CREATOR
SHOULD MAKE UP ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH MY MAKEUP ♪

♪ MAYBE ME AND MY CREATOR
SHOULD MAKE UP. ♪