Like It Is (1998) - full transcript

Thank you!
Love you Blackpool!

Don't laugh. These are my people,
they love me.

Yeah, I can see it on your next
press release: Huge... in Blackpool.

Has anyone shown you
their whippet yet?

Nah, nothing' new in here,
just different accents.

I wanna have a bit of a dance.

I'm sure you'll cope on your own.

Go on then, leave a girl all alone
with these strange men.

Enjoy yourself.

You've bloody pulled already
- Nah, course not.

I know you.
- I just told ya, there's nothin' in here.



Well behave yourself anyway.

Smoke?

Yeah.

Where you been, in the club?

No!

Fuckin' boring anyway.

Matt'

Craig.

No, I've never been in there.

Right, but you are er... local?

Yeah not far out, you on holiday?

Kind of
Up here with my flatmate.

Dirty weekend then?
- Nah, not yet.

Is he in the club?



Yeah, but he's a she.

You like girls then do yer?

Some. I don't shag 'em though
- Me neither.

Do you work?
- A bit of this'n'that. And I fight- Bare-knuckle.

Yeah?
- Yeah, for cash.

Do you win?
- Course I fuckin' do!

Excellent.

You wanna come back then?

Yeah.

My copy got nicked
Great Album.

The CD ain't got
"Midnight and You" on it.

Oh God yeah, the guitar track is
great, the way it "stutters".

Didn't think you'd be into that
stuff, had you down as a Technofreak.

I like real music me,
none o' that duh, duh, duh shit!

Techno's all right,
you just need a decent sound system.

Yeah?
- Alright if I put this on?

Yeah.

Ta.

Great, innit?

I want my own club right,
I already run some one nighters

...but when I get my own place I'm
having a space playing stuff like this

Don't know why I told you that!

What about you, what do you want?

Don't know really.
Just want to be happy!

Good answer.

Do they play stuff
like this in the clubs?

In a decent chill out room.
- That's where you all sit around bein' "cool"?

Somethin' like that.
You ought to try it sometime.

Maybe...

Do you wanna go up?

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah...

We don't have to do this you know.
- I'm alright!

I want you to fuck me.

You sure?

Yeah, fuck me.

These are crap.

Come on man.

You sure you want to do this?

Just do it!

Get the fuck off me! Jesus Christ!
You fuckin' bastard!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

Cool it Craig, I've stopped.

Get out!

Sure.

You gonna be okay?

Just go!

I'm sorry...

First time I've done it... Shit!

Used a condom, didn't yer?
- Course...

I shouldn't have fuckin' done it. Fuck!

I'm out of here Craig, alright?

If you want to get in touch sometime...
I don't know, if... when...

I'm sorry Matt, sorry...

Enjoyed that! Get yourself cleaned up
and I'll see you in the office.

What the fucks got into you?!

Piss off, Tony.

Get that down ya.

The victor comes to claim his spoils.
Come in Craig, come in.

The boy done good, as they say.
Gonna have to find you someone tougher.

What about Mickey Kendal?

Nah black, yer see
the blood much better on white flesh.

Terry Quinnell will be out soon.
- Fuck off man he's mental!

You an' Quinnel a real crowd pleaser,
not even available on satellite.

Nah man, no way.

Your brother didn't seem to happy...

No...

Ignore him he doesn't appreciate your talents.
Come an' see me in a week.

Okay. Thanks.

Craig.

Drink on me.

Keep it. You're getting worse.
You should have stopped sooner.

Just fightin'.
- The bloke could hardly move!

Just don't come next time.

One of these days you're not going to be
fighting some old al'kie twice your age.

...you think Minto will give a toss when
you're a fuckin' wreck on the floor!

It's easy money, alright!

200 quid?

Come for dinner Sals gonna do a roast.

We got the carpet down,
it's lookin' really good.

An' watch you playin' happy families!
Forget it!

Sally really like you.
- Like fuck she does!

Last time she broke into a sweat
each time I picked up me knife!

For God's sake Craig,
what is your fuckin' problem?!

I wanna help.

How many times Tony? Leave it!
You sound like an old woman.

Is it drugs?

Well fuck you Craig! I won't be at the
next fight, I'll send a Hurst instead!

Fuck you, Tony.

Stick with that bunch of shit-heads an'
you'll be back inside before Christmas.

Fuck you!

I thought you were going to bed?

Sorry, the TVwake yer?

Thirsty. What's up?

Nothin'.

Still thinkin' about that bloke...
in Blackpool you know.

Matty the caring gay boy, what could you
do? Some queen livin' his wank fantasy.

Think about it, how many
gay bare knuckle fighters are there?

You say you aren't a fag-hag?!

You're the only gay boy I want. There's
more out there for your Rocky fantasies.

So get yourself off to bed, an' dream
about gettin' my new single to No. 1.

This is great this, you an' me
working together. - Yeah Jack.

Minto thinks we'll be a good Team.

Time for breakfast Fucker!

Been dealing on our patch, little shit.
Come on Craig, you're gonna suffer boy.

No please!

Test his reflexes Craig!

Come on Craig do him!

No please, I was working for Wayne.

Get a message to Wayne, but you're gonna
be crawlin' when you deliver it.

Please no...

Come on Craig, do him!

No, no, please!

Hello darlin' give us a snog!

Causing trouble is he?
- What's it to you then darlin'?

Any more of your lip an' you are out.
- She like this at home?

Yeah great isn't it?

It is fucking packed in there.

When you going to get a bigger venue?

I'm working on it girls,
I'm working on it.

All right, Tel?
How are you Matt?

Can I sit here?
- Can't see why not.

That it then, you're not going to woo
us with your charm and repartee?

Those eyes, gorgeous!
- I'd give him one!

I would too!

I'll tell you summut, it's nothin'
personal but I don't fancy girls.

Not now, not ever.

What? You gay then?

Yeah! Great I've always wanted
to learn how to suck cock!

Like you don't know how to!
- Shut up you!

No Grant tonight?
- Nah.

I like him.
- You shag him then.

Given half a chance!

I'm thinkin' about other things anyway.
- Surprise me, Kelvin's club?

Yaeh.

Just got to keep Kelvin sweet that's all
- Yeah, how sweet though?

Well how much do you want it?

I think I'll pass sucking him off.

At least he'll never ask me to do that.

You'd be surprised? Miss pouty lips
may never have to travel economy again!

Matt!

Fuckin' hell!

Craig!

How long you been there?
- A few hours, I'd nowhere else to go.

How did you find me?
- Your card. You left it.

Right, shit yeah.

Oh this is Paula.
- Oh, shit yeah, alright Paula.

Don't worry,
she don't play any instruments anyway.

Come on then.

I think I'm going to go to bed now,
behave yourselves.

So, er... how are things then?

Pretty shit- Sorry.

Oh fuck, I can't believe I'm here.
- I bet.

It's good to see yer.
- Is it a problem, me being here?

No mate, it's cool.

I felt bad leaving you in Blackpool.

Did I scare you?

No... not really.

Bit shocked.

I ain't that bad in bed!

Knackered? Get some sleep yeah.

And er, there's no problem
with you stoppin' here alright.

No funny business...

But I don't give up my bed so you're
on here or in with me, your choice.

Sofa ta.

Do you want something to help you sleep?

Do you want a tamaza... a sleeping pill?

Right, no thanks.

See you later then.
- 'night.

Alright then Mick, later yeah.

We still meeting on Monday?

Hello, good sleep?

Bit hung-over.

Yeah well... do you want a shower?

Then we'll go for some food.

Okay.

You'll be wanting a towel.

Bathrooms up there on the left, alright?

4 all day breakfasts, 2 teas, 2 coffees?
- Yes please, Lucy darlin'

You all slept then?

Nah, just been chillin' at Luke's.
- Crashing after this, still with us guy?

Fuckin' done anything going.
- Greedy bastard.

So where'd you go last night Craig?
- Er, nowhere.

Give him a chance,
he only just got here.

Shit! You're that guy from Blackpool!
The fighter.

You going to fight down here then?
- Nah, fuckin' Southerners are too soft.

Bunch of wuss's kiddin' on they're tough
- Fuck off you Northern git!

Oh yeah?
- Yeah!

Oi, don't show us up in front of Craig,
he thinks I'm sophisticated innit!

What's all this then, it's not like him?

Remember Fabio?
- Massive tits?

Yeah "Nipples from Naples".
- Died Thursday.

His sister rang.
- Shit!

Guy's had drugs for the pair of them.

They never slept when he was down here.

Too busy hanging off those tits.

He had these suction cups, Graig.
Made his nipples so fuckin' massive.

Sorry that all got a bit heavy in there.
- Nah man, it's all right.

Never heard people talk like that
though... you know, about...

Yeah, suppose it's pretty weird for you?
These days it's not all doom and gloom.

Not with new drugs and stuff. Not before
time either, I'm an expert on funerals.

Only been to me dad's.

Matt, don't know how to put this,
but, are you like tested?

Yeah I have, I go regularly as
it happens, I like to know where I'm at.

And?
- Negative.

More luck than anything else though.

What do you mean?

Well, slipped up in the past, y'know.

I'll never have unsafe sex.
- Yeah, that's what we all say.

Shit! It's got really serious hasn't it?
How about we go out tonight?

To a club?
Will Terry and that lot be there?

Yeah, good lads. Not what I expected...
- Oh yeah?

Normal really, not even a bit of lippy.

You cheeky sod,
wanting to borrow some was yer?

'Ere, I've bin lookin' for you!

Now you've found me!

Matty go an' do your stuff. Me an' the
Blackpool Stud will See you at the bar.

You'll be okay?
- Course he will. Now lets show you off.

All I ever got brought back from
Blackpool was a stick of rock!

And it's still up your arse!

That an' a number 11 bus!

Jealousy, jealousy. Tell me Matt,
where did you find him?

Fuck off Dave. Oh an' Daisy's looking
for you upstairs, got some coke.

Works every time.

Dirty Dave, big gob,
even bigger arse.

There you go Paula.

Only one?

Yeah, I think I'll look after the rest.
What about you Craig?

I'll just stick to beer thanks.
- Go on Craig, give it a go man!

Give 'im an half, Matt.
- Half with me, I'll keep an eye on yer?

All right then.

Don't have any more beer though, yeah?
I'll get you some water.

Oi, hold up...

Where the fuck were yer?!
- Just went to get some drinks.

Why didn't you take me?
- I only went to the bar!

I Should never have come down!
This is stupid!

Fuckin' mental in there!

It's your first time on something.
I shouldn't have left you, I'm sorry!

You let me down man.
I've never been in somewhere like that!

I thought I could rely on you.

Yeah you can...

What the fuck are you playing at now?!

You want to be with me?

Do yer?
- Yeah!

Fucking prove it!

Craig come on, this is stupid. Get out!

Thought you wanted to be with me?

Pathetic.
Come on, prove it!

You've never nicked a car before then?

No.

Not even when you were a kid?

Nah, I went out with dirty old men
who had their own cars.

Die The ones that suck your dick at
the end of the beach have push-bikes.

Bet they couldn't believe their
luck sucking you off.

I don't know.
Just get fed up with my right arm.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Fuck off. You don't need to wank,
I bet your little black book's chocka.

Yeah. With boys who smell the same,
dress the same, and shag the same.

It's good one of us knows what to do.

I really fucked up that night back home.

First times always a disaster.

Local park keeper had me in his shed.
I cried.

Shit!

He paid me a fiver to keep quiet, so I
went back each time I was short of cash.

That was yer mum's house in Blackpool?
- Yeah.

Before she went off with me sister to
Adelaide after me dad died.

Pretty much on your own then?
- Well there's me brother Tony.

What about you?
What's your sob story?

Me! We're not all tortured souls.

Got no time for that shit anyway.
Never look back.

To the future 'ay!
- The future!

Come on.

Where now?!

It's too fuckin' cold for a swim.

Undress.

What's your surname?

Cullins. Why?

So, what have you got for me today?

Placenta of Peruvian Yak?

Kelvin you know we get yours exclusively
from the aged donkey sanctuary.

You speak to all your patients this way?

Hardly, but then I don't go round to
their house, sit by their pool...

...get coked off my head and end up in
bed with a24 year old called Roland.

Hmmm Roland...
- Keep still a moment. Last one.

There.

Dead ringer for Tom Cruise again, huh?

I'd settle for Mr. Magoo
and be grateful!

Here you go babe,
and Kelvin wants a word.

Ta. So good weekend then?

Fab. This one couldn't keep up. Went
home just as things were hotting up.

Alone was he?
- Well what do you think?

Hey, I could have anybody last night I
just didn't feel like slummin' it okay?

And certain people were
knocking back the double vodkas like...

Come, come children. It's getting like
Patent Place in here. Gossip, gossip...

I've signed this one.
Fax this one back.

Matthew my boy,
come to daddy.

So, how are we?

What are you after?

Little me?

Take a look at this.

I know we agreed not to involve you but,

I think that they,
have something.

I know about dance music,
this stuffs too mainstream for me.

And Paula isn't mainstream I suppose?

She's different.
We've had some great Remixes.

So you've given her some club cred,
but she's still mainstream!

At least Paula writes some of her stuff.
Can these tarts even hold a pen?

Too busy sucking yours
and that fat producers dick.

Very funny.

What do you want me to do then?

Help with the launch.

Make this record top ten.

If ZKC do the business I think they will,
we'll be laughing.

You never know, I might even find some
extra cash to expand your club nights.

And you could do a lot worse than
spend you time with three gorgeous guys.

Come on then,
which ones got the biggest dick?

Now, now. You know I never
mix business with pleasure.

I seem to recall that Jamie's
was a bit of a schlong.?

Yeah, I forgot you and he
had a bit of a thing.

Hardly, just a couple of shags when he
was collecting glasses in The White Swan.

Yeah, well it's a very impressive sight.

Filthy, sad and sordid!

You love me really.

I am glad you mentioned my club nights,
coz er...

I been doin' some thinking.

Oh, steady on.

I'm growing out of the one-nighters, so
how about a shot at running your club?

Oh I see. Why take the carrot
when you can have the donkey, hey?

I'm what that place needs and you know
how popular the one-nighters are.

This new burst of self confidence, would
it have anything to do with that boy...

you dragged kicking out of Dennys?
- Flying past on yer broomstick wos ya?

Nothing to add?

Well, my confessional is always open.

I ain't puttin' my hand up your cassock!

The club, Kelvin, the club?

Obviously I'll have to give your
idea some consideration.

In the mean time if you could help put
the finishing touches to ZKC's single

...l'm sure it would carry
very much in your favour.

It's not as if I've got a choice is it?

Remind me, just how big is it?

Are you serious?
- Yeah, 'course.

It's my club, I'm going to choose
the fuckin' DJ's aren't I.

I want a chill-out room with your sort
of music -But I know nothin' about...

Terry will show you the ropes,
it's the sounds that matter.

Well I'm not playin' any of
that hand-bag house crap!

Like my music? Where the fuck have you
been Matt, the table was booked for 7.

Must be hard for you trying to get me
into your busy schedule.

Shit, I'm sorry P.

Well they made me look like a right
prat on that bloody kids play programme.

And I was gunged!
- No!

Don't laugh. That silly cow Hazel sorted
it, thought I'd see the funny side!

No permanent damage done!
- Well I still wish you'd been there.

Aylon was there.
- He was wettin' himself laughing so much.

Hold it. A bit of lippy on yer teeth.

Always wondered what gunge tastes like.

I should have brought you back a
doggy bag then.

Don't forget the football Craig.
- Oh shit yeah!

Ben N Jerry's in the freezer.
- Chunky-Monkey?

Oh I love you!

So er, when's the wedding?

Why, want to be a bridesmaid again?
- Piss off!

Oh shit, Kelvin called.

You're supposed to be in Heaven
five minutes ago, PA's dropped out...

an' ZKC are takin' their place.
- Now she tells me!

Listen, if you take lover-boy with you,
you'll have to keep him on a short leash.

No way, too soon for bloody Kelvin.

Craig, I've got to go and watch this
group, you're alright aren't ya?

They're really boring.
- Right now?

Kelvin's been trying the mobile for ages.

Oh yeah, you turned it off when we...

Don't keep the old trout waiting.
- Okay, okay, see ya later then yeah.

See ya.

And if you find someone straight and half
decent, bring them back.

You'd have no trouble pullin'
in Blackpool.

I want quality, not quantity.

Matt and me watch this sometimes,
give scores on the best legs.

He's a legs man is he then?

Depends on the month.
He has very diverse tastes.

Typical serial shagger I suppose.

So I'm his man of the month am I?

Who knows. But two weeks and still
together, pretty good going for Matt.

You know him a long time?

About 5 years. Met him
when I was still a backing singer.

He's got a good job hasn't he?

Yeah, he loves it and he's going
to do very well for himself, provided...

Look, I know you don't like me?

No, I just don't want you fucking
things up for Matt.

For you, you mean...

I'm going to bed. Enjoy your football.
Got a photo shoot for Smash Hits tomorrow

...got to get some beauty sleep.
- Telling me.

Listen, me an' Matt were fine before you
came along. Just fine!

The best bit was, wiggling their
backsides at the end of every chorus.

Yeah, that'll all go though.

I tell ya, that Jamie could sell condoms
to a nun with the right direction.

Don't forget that donkey dick,
'cos I won't.

Grant...
- Very tasty...

He's not tempted though, is he?

Oh no, we've seen that look on your face
every time Gloria mentions lover boy.

Shut up. Just finish your drink alright.

Oh shit, did we wake ya?
- Yeah.

Oh, Manchester United shorts. Do you
fancy Ryan Giggs? I think he's so sexy.

Ah no, he's a real man he is, he only
watches football for the action.

Just ignore the fashion victim mate.

We were, er having a nightcap and got
a bit carried away.

Come on, have one?

I suppose that's fuckin' sugar
for your cocoa?

Best leave him to cool off- Eh?

I ain't in the mood for a fight.
- Chicken.

Fancy another one before bed?

This my line?
- Greedy cow!

I embarrass you don't I?
- Come again?!

That's why you didn't want me out
with you last night?

You'd have been bored last night,
that's all.

You sure?
- Sure!

Me and Paula had words last night.
- Ignore her, she has words with everyone.

Look, I'm sorry about the noise
and all that last night.

Bet your mates think I'm a right square.

Shut up. All my mates want to get you in
bed. Anyway, it's me whose to blame,

I was bang out of order last night.

Can't believe I slammed that
fucking door.

Come here...

I saw 'em having sex this morning.

Come come, how much could you see through
a keyhole? -They left the door open.

Lucky you. Maybe they wanted you to join
in and start your day the bisexual way!

Probably making up after their tiff. He
never asked if I minded Craig moving in.

He's had boys living there before?
- This one's growing roots.

Yes well, the 'aye up' lads novelty
value will soon expire.

I hope so, he's not as dumb
as he looks though!

Believe me, it's infatuation. Matt's had
pretend rough trade in the past...

now he thinks he's got the real thing.

Tell me about it, he likes football and
he never puts the seat down on the loo!

I hardly get any cuddles anymore.

Oh yes, the joy of doing it with someone
who can't count past ten...

...soon wears off though,
as I know only too well.

Perhaps lover boy'll get home sick,
miss his black puddin'.

Half the queens in there
only go to pick up.

One bloke started eyeing me up,
fuckin' massive he was...

He asked me to 'spot' him on the bench.
I couldn't believe how he spoke!

Go on?

Well, he was so camp, told me I'd look
good in lycra.

Craig's met his first Muscle Mary.

He had the body of Arnie,
but the voice ofJulian Clary.

Just your average queen trying hard
to be something that he's not.

Anyway give it another month and he'll
have you in full leather.

Fancy the hard hat and tool box myself!
See I'm learning!

Of course, you're being shagged by the
original Unbro queen.

What the fuck did you tell him that for?!
- Don't start.

Don't worry, no details were given.

I've got to go to that meeting.
- Good idea.

I need to get some work.
- What sort of work?

In a bar. Summat like that, I dunno.

I think you should spend time finding
your feet, I'll see you alright for cash?

What about Adam?
- He ain't working there!

Who's Adam?
- My other half.

He runs a club in Stockwell,
Always looking for people.

I've got to go.
It's a fucking dump that place!

He hates anywhere South of the river.
- When can I meet him?

This afternoon?

A jobs a job where I come from.

Too right! You see Matt's forgotten
what that's like.

What's your problem.
- This guy tried to touch me up!

Queer bastard, throw him out!
- Tell 'em honey.

This is a gay bar lads.

Look, if you don't like it
why don't you leave?

Don't let him get too close Dave,
I reckon he's a shirtlifter too.

Yeah, looks like a right iron.
She your boyfriend is she?

Fucking shut it you!
- Why don't you...

Watch out, I think he's going to take
out his hankie and slap you with it.

Right, that's it, out!
- Let go of him you fuckin' queer!

They're fighting over me you know!

Hello... shit I didn't even know
he was starting tonight!

I've got to go.
- Sounds like a bit of a domestic?

Watch it Marjorie.
I'll be back, alright.

They were mouthy bastards!
- They deserved a good kickin' did they?!

They kept callin' me queer.

For fucks sake Craig, that's what
you are, a queer! Just deal with it!

That's it is it, deal with it!

Got a magic wand hav' ya? Me comin' down
here don't mean everything's just sorted!

Well carry on like that
and nothin' will get sorted!

You just want the easy life. So should I
put the same crap up me nose as you?

Back there all I wanted to do was lay one
on that limp wristed tosser. Fucking gays.

It probably would have made his night.

What the fuck are you on?!

I just don't know where I'm at.

Matt, I've got nobody else.
- Spare me the fucking sob story!

I'll tell you what, beating up a bunch of
straight wankers is not the solution.

So what is then, I'm not like you am I?
I can't just walk into some fancy job.

Listen up Craig, I got that job from
sucking the right cocks, simple as that.

But I'm good at it and I'm not gonna fuck
it up to be your nurse maid, understand?

I'll help you get your shit sorted but it
ain't happening if you carry on like this.

I know.

You gotta keep control
and then you'll get used to things.

I get impatient.

I noticed.
Come here ya leary sod.

We'll find you something to do alright?

And I promise ya, the only
cock you'll have to suck is mine.

Sorry lads.
This is Craig.

Ah! The wanderer returns!

Kelvin! I er, got called away.

Good old Matthew,
the knight in shining armour

Need I remind you that
we are on a very tight budget here.

It'll get done okay.

Of course I could always take Craig with
me if he's becoming a distraction.

Craig's fine where he is,
look tomorrow Kelvin, yeah?

The studio time wasted will come off
your next pay check.

Craig, nice to have met you at last.

I'd like to stay and chat, but I've
got something similar waiting in the car.

Cigarettes probably burning a hole
in the upholstery as we speak.

Still, we can get better acquainted
at my party on Saturday?

Oh yeah, oaky?

We'll be there.

I want that tape on my desk at 9.30
tomorrow with a full explanation.

Bit of a liability for someone who wants
his own club, having a boyfriend who...

goes mad every time he sets foot in one.

He ain't gonna do it again.

And how are you going to keep him
occupied while your at work??

Lock him up with a giant jigsaw puzzle
and a bunch of bananas??

He'll get a job, alright!

I'm going to make you a suggestion?
- He'd make a crap house boy.

Mores the pity. No, I was thinking that
he can join the Northern research team...

for Paula and ZKC's promotion.
Only for a couple of weeks.

I thought you'd given all that up?
Didn't work last time.

I've got a new system.
- So what would he do then?

He can drive, can't he?
- Yeah?

Don't you worry.
Just leave it to daddy.

So you were expecting me?
- No.

Matt's out.
- I know.

He told me you were looking for a job,
I've got an idea, can I come in...

Come on, I promise I won't touch!

I've got a job and it's ?250 a week
plus a car, are you interested?

What's the catch?
- None at all.

What would I have to do?

Well, help me and Matt really.
- Yeah?

Look, can we talk inside?
You can put a shirt on then...

and stop my mind from wandering.

You know it's not really research,
don't ya?

At least I'm doing something useful.
- But you're not buying the singles, are ya?

Don't worry, Kelvin gave me the full run
down, I'm just driving the buyers around.

New system...
Did he try it on this afternoon?

No. I didn't have me top on when he
arrived, he kept looking at me.

Well that probably earned you an
extra 50 quid a week.

Matthew, having fun?
- Yeah, thanks for asking us Kelvin.

Steve and Jason from the press office are
inside, they need a word about the band.

I'll look after Craig, don't worry.
- Behave yourself now, alright?

Don't I always!

If he tried to show you his tattoo,
leg it!

Bitchy!

Come on, come and mingle with daddy.

Of course the dirty sod was raring
to go as usual!

It was the doctors examination set up.
I was the patient and he was the evil doctor.

I had everything up me and I mean everything.

I couldn't move but it was great.

I didn't know that he was gay!
- Oh yes!

Don't you get scared with some big
geezer coming toward you?

Nah, I just kick them in the stomach if I
have to. No rules in my kind of fight.

Bunch of old tarts, anyone would think
that you'd seen a real man before!

Have you seen Craig?
- No, babe.

You know Kelvin's got him some work?

I sorted the car out.
- Hope he's gonna be alright.

Of course he's going to be alright!

Suppose it'll give us a bit of space,
it's all happened a bit fast.

It's about time you had a bit of passion...
- When do I have time for passion?

You know what they say, all work and no
play makes Jack a dull boy.

Alright Dave, you seen Craig?
- Out there...

Providing Kelvin and his
cronies with wank fantasies.

I don't wanna be Radio 2 record of the week!

A little bit of success and they cut
you down the first chance they get!

Matty!
- What?

Die Look at this, tomorrows Sun!
They've printed my birth certificate!

knew she wasn't 25!

I'll get you a drink, yeah?

Will you take me home, I can't stand it.

I'll go an' get Craig alright.

We're going to have to introduce you
to the finer things in life.

Craig, I've got to take Paula home
she's... unwell.

Don't be a party pooper,
he's having a good time!

Yeah I am, it's great!
- You sure?

Don't worry, I'll put him in a cab.

Matty, year's I've waited for this!

Okay, suppose I'll see you later yeah.

Can't walk out on all this free beer, can I?

Hey, Jamie. Come and meet Craig?

Call me.

Matt, got any Nurofen?

Fucking Kelvin!
Craig didn't come back last night.

Probably pulled... Joke!

Just crashed out somewhere, hey?

You pop out for Nurofen and I'll ring
round and see what happened to him. - Alright.

Hi Matt are you there? It's me Craig, I'm
at Kelvin's, got to start work today...

I've got to drive up to Leeds...

I'll call later, sorry.

At least going off now you won't have
to face 20 questions about last night.

I just want to tell Matt it was all a
mistake, I just got totally out of it...

I'm not even sure what happened!
- That's the oldest excuse in the book.

But it's true...

But he'll never buy it,
you're best off saying nothing...

It'll all be forgotten
by the time you get back.

I don't know...

But I do, and I've been
at it a lot longer than you.

Now, all the money you need is in here,
in cash.

There's some half decent clothes in there,
Atlas is in the car, okay?

It's a piece of piss,
come on I'll show you the car.

Glroia's put you on the insurance,
there won't be any grief if you get stopped.

I don't suppose you've ever driven
one of these, legally.

Right, you'd best be off.

The sooner you get to Leeds,
the sooner you can start work. Don't worry.

I'll smooth it all out with Matt.
- Thanks Kelvin.

You can't tell me it was necessary
for him to go off straight away!

He was as happy as a boy with a new toy
when he drove off And very keen to start work

Not missing him already?

Piss off! The meeting with ZKC went well.

Be sure to keep that Nigel's gob shut,
West Country accents don't sell records.

His tits will though, anyway it's sorted.
Jamie will do most of the interviews.

Ok. Right, so what do you think?

Yeah, it's good.

Luis faxed me last week,
wants to stay in Gran Canaria.

He's hooked up with some young Latin hunk
and his new bar has become a goldmine.

Right.

I'll give you a six month trial period,

But you'll still do
two days each week in the office.

I could kiss you.

I'll settle for a hug.

There's just one proviso, you don't
start 'till after the awards ceremony...

and ZKC's record is in the shops. I also
don't want any fuck ups on their TV debut.

Come on, it's only a couple of weeks.

Deal?

yeah, deal.

Thanks Kelvin.

This calls for a drink. You know, I think
Luis would be looking to sell his shares...

You okay, I fuckin' got the club!

No shit that's great,
I'll call you back later.

Matt, can you hear me?

You didn't all go in together did yer?

No, course not.

Hi Paula it's Craig.

Yes, I'll give him the message.

Did anyone call?
- No.

Can't get hold of Craig, and Kelvin hasn't
got any details in case he gets caught.

Bet he's lovin' it, drivin' around in a
fast car. Simple things...

Yeah alright you!

Raided M&S got that marscopone sauce you like,

chicken breast in red wine and fresh tagliatelle.

Won't take long.
Matty I don't want to do the award show.

Don't start that again, you're confirmed!
- Can't you unconfirm me!

Unwell, I've got to sing, live!

Kelvin wangled ZKC on by guaranteeing you, so
unless you break both yer legs you're on!

We've got all of next week to get you in
shape, try giving the Charlie a rest.

I will once it's over.
Oh Matty, don't be hard on me...

I don't want to argue now, I want me tea!

I'll cook if yo nip down the road
and get a bottle of something nice.

Why don't you just
have them sitting on stools?

Don't give up, Marcia.
- Ever the optimist ta-rah!

I forgot me bag.

Kelvin, got a number for that fella
I copped off with at your party?

Remind me...
- I think he was from Blackpool?

If Kelvin gives you his number, remind
him to give his boyfriend a call would ya?

Shit, I didn't know...

Neither did I.

Morning babe.

Do me a favour Gloria, if Craig
calls would you tell him I'm out.

Of course, you two had a tiff?

Not yet anyway. You know he copped
off with bloody Jamie at Kelvin's party!

And how does that make you feel?
- Pissed off. It seems everyone else knew.

You jealous?
- No...

Shit yeah, I am jealous!

That's the normal reaction.

Not for me. If someone wants to play away
from home then I don't get upset.

You going to talk to him about it?

That means having to
talk about feelings...

Are you in love?

Maybe... Shit, I do not need this right now

Why don't you go and see him?

I will, but I can't until the award shows
over can I? Kelvin would kill me.

Matt mate, Paula's looking
for you downstairs.

Of for fucks sake, I'll be back.

...the liposuction, filled two bin liners!

Glo, put out a call for Matt,
his bit of roughs arrived.

What's going on?

I found out about Jamie.
- Oh shit!

I wish you'd told me,
not just run off.

Well Kelvin thought...

Listen I was pissed,
man y'know lwasn't even sure what happened.

Really?
- Honest, I just woke up next to him...

You know I thought I'd say the
wrong thing on the phone, get angry.

Suppose I over reacted this time.

You still like me then?

Matt, you in there?

Paula's locked herself in the
toilet now, we've lost her DAT!

Kelvin's gonna go mad.
- I'll have to go.

Kelvin can keep for a while.
- But I can't let Paula fuck up can I?

Nah, course not.

Have some of this, I'll be back.

So come on then you old tart.
How did you swing it?

Don't know what you're talking about.

You know, getting those no marks on?

I just convinced the powers that be
that they're the future of pop.

Come on P, let me in.
- I can't go on, I'm stayin' here.

Ok, Alright, but let me in, yeah?

You know you can't stay in here P.

Okay I know, just a couple of lines first?

You devious bitch!

ZKC are about to do their dress rehearsal.
- Shit!

Ah, so you are here.
- I'm waiting for Matt.

He's out putting Jamie and Co.
through their paces.

I wanted to thank you for all the good
work you've done over the past few weeks

...you did very well.

Great.

I'm afraid we won't be doing any more,
it's far too risky...

and this live TV show will do more for
these two acts in five minutes, than your

bunch of Northern Scallys can do in months.

So no more work then?

Not for the moment, but...

if anything comes up I'll keep you in mind.

Here's the balance of the money I owe you.

Oh, and I'll need the car keys back.

The car.
- Yeah the car.

Oh and don't bother Matt today will you,
he's got rather a lot on.

I'm on my way there now!

This is good stuff.

One more for luck?
- Yeah, go on then.

Sure there's no hard feelings
about what happened with Craig?

No, you weren't to know,
I give you the benefit of the doubt.

I was only following me urges.
- You always follow your urges don't ya?

Seems like old times though, dunnit?
- What?! We only shagged twice!

They was good shags though.
- Yeah.

Have you seen Matt?
- He's gone to ZKC's dressing room.

Shit.

"Hope it goes well Paula".
Thank you Craig for your concern!

Yeah right, you stuck up cow.

What did you say?

You heard...

I though we'd seen the last of you,
hoped you'd sell Kelvin's car...

and run off to Costa del Sol
with the proceeds.

I'm going to find Matt

Hurry up, I know he's looking for a
DJ to headline at his club...

and I'd hate for you to miss out Craig.
- You're pathetic.

Me pathetic, do you really think
that he'd have you DJ at his club?

It's his favourite chat up line and
er, do you wanna be in a pop video.

Shut it!

Are you threatening me? Cos if you
are I'll get security to throw you out.

Or even better,
do us all a favour and piss off!

I'm here to see Matt, alright!

Have you asked yourself,
why he hasn't rung you lately?

All Matt's bits of rough
have a sell by date you know.

You know coke still makes me randy.

Me too...

Craig's here somewhere.

Come on, a snog for old times sake.
...For good luck.

He's never going to know.

Shit!
- What the Fuck is it with you people!

You, out now!

You bastard!

When I met you I thought I'd get away
from all the shit in me life.

How fuckin' stupid was that!

Here you are, Kelvin's gone ape-shit,
Paula's got the wrong DAT.

Hang on.
- ZKC baseball caps or not?

And Paula wants to go on after Boyzone.
- Aylon will you shut the fuck up!

Craig
- Fuck off!

Please Craig, please!

Come on then, forget all this,
leave with me now!

I've got to...

You had to think about it didn't ya.
Fuck off back to your mates!

You've no idea have yer,
no idea at all.

Face it Matthew, you learnt a lesson the
hard way. He's more trouble than he's worth.

Thank you Claire Rayner.
He was trouble though.

Die You work comes first at the moment.
Especially with the club an' all.

They'll be other boys, all with a
story to tell and an empty wallet.

So speaks a bitter old shit.

Correction.
A rich bitter old shit.

Who gets to shag who I want,
when I want.

Don't you ever want any love in your life?

Love! It's bollocks!

You weren't in love Matthew,
just excited by a new bit of rough.

You and me, we're two of a kind. We
don't want love fucking things up do we?

Here's to us.
- Yeah, to us.

Here you are, just wanted to
say thanks for all your help Matt.

No problem.
- No we're all really grateful.

I know we've all been a bit slow an' that
- Cut the crap.

Lets raid your mini bar.
- Be good to him, Jamie.

I've taught him everything he knows.

What's your name?
- Mike.

Tell me Mike,
ever considered a singing career?

I knew you wouldn't stay away long,
good to see you Craig.

Drink?

Got a proposition for ya.

The boy comes back from the big city a man.

If you're not interested...

Sorry, sorry. Come on, talk to me.

All right you, enoughs enough.
You can buy me a vodka.

5 minutes. Just want to make sure I
haven't missed anyone off the invite list.

Anyone important will blag their way in.

Been waiting for you.

I don't want to argue,
but what's this fight all about?

I know the job fell through, but it's
not the best way to get over that girl.

That girl you were living with.

I rang that number of yours.

I told ya only to use it in an emergency.

She wouldn't talk to me anyway.
Did you break up?

Oh leave it Tone...

When you phoned from London it was like
you'd got yourself sorted.

Now you're back you're just the same,
the same nothin'.

Fighting's what I do...

You weren't fighting in London were ya?

Fuck off Tony!

Does he know what he's doing?
- Thinks he does.

It's up to him isn't it. Find Quinnell and
get that book started, I'm fine whatever!

Paula, if Craig rang you would let
Matt know wouldn't you?

I just didn't want to worry him.

Craig's trouble anyway,
Blackpool's the best place for him.

Paula, what are you playing at,
it's for Craig to decide, not you!

You jealous bitch, I heard
you ranting at him at the awards show.

Well at least I'm not hanging
round with people half my age...

Clicking my dentures hoping for a snog!

Just stop right there! I just wonder
why Matt has anything to do with you!

And these are all my own!

I deserved that.

I've got to do another album in 6 months.

Got to find 12 songs in 6 months!

This albums got stuff
I worked on for years.

Matt made it all possible,
choose the songs, sorted out the image.

Helped his career an all you know.
We're good for each other!

Craig's trouble...

Listen sweetheart,
I can see your brain working.

Earth calling Matt, you okay?
- Yeah.

This place looks great.

Craig would have loved all this.

You still on about him,
all he seemed to do was punch people.

A lot more to him than that.
- Yeah right

Ah Matty you are here, you never
called me last night, where woz ya?

And your mobile was switched off.

Me stoppin' outs never bothered you before.
I had a call from Gloria. You had no right!

"Matty, he'll be in London somewhere,
why don't you wait for him to call you."

Why didn't you tell me?

You had so much going on with this place.
Anyway it wasn't him, it was his brother.

His brother? Is Craig in trouble?

Probably under lock and key, hopefully.

Matthew dear boy, I've brought you
a few extra decorations for tonight.

Must say the place looks wonderful.

I'm going up to Blackpool.

Not my first choice of
holiday destination...

but after tonight you deserve a break.
- I'm going now.

Do you know how much fucking money
I've put into this place?

I'm going.
- Wait!

If you leave now, they'll be
nothing for you to come back to...

No club, no job.

Suits me fine. Can't believe
I ever wanted to be like you!

Listen, you have put so
much work into this place.

I've realised that there's
more important things.

Don't make me laugh. Wait 'till your
wallets empty. Romance won't make you rich.

You and me, we're a great team...

You think everything's got a price.
- Yes.

I was this close to believing ya!

Go fuck yourself Kelvin!

I frequently do...

and I fucking enjoy it!

Does Craig live here?
- Yeah, but he's not here.

Don't know where he is.
- Right.

Not Craig. Had a bit of a barney with
me girlfriend, I'm here till she calms down.

Don't know what I should do now,
I've come up from London.

London?
You'd better come in then.

Fucking Hell!

Shit! Fuck! Shit!

I never even thought about it!

Gay?

So you and he were like...?
- Yeah.

Shit!

Oh for fucks sake he could a told me!

Gay...

I've been thinking all sorts...

Look, I'll try and find out where he is...

It never crossed me mind...

What do you want?

I've been looking everywhere.

Matt's been here since yesterday.
- How come?!

He's come to see you...

We've been talkin'.

You can't keep your fucking nose
out of my business!

I know what's happened.

It was all a big mistake.

This fight ain't gonna help you Craig,
You've got nothing to prove.

And I suppose Matt thinks
I'm doing it because of him!

I want you to be happy.

I don't care if it's with a lad or what.
- I'm not listening Tony...

Matt's outside.

For fucks sake Tony just go!
I'm not fighting to prove anything...

or because of Matt.

I know what I'm doing, alright?
So just fuck off will ya Tony.

Maybe he'll talk to you after the fight.

You'll have to wait here though,
they won't let you in.

Look, if he don't want to talk to me,
maybe I should go.

But you've come all this way!

I think I might have left it too long.

Wait here will ya.

Come on boy, you're gonna fuckin' get it.

Come on, Come on!

Craig... oh shit!

Can you hear me?

Get Minto.

Fuck! You'll be alright mate,
we'll get you to hospital.

Get fuckin' Minto.

Yer best result yet.

Do you want some help
puttin' him in the car?

Still not there yet, are yer?

He bet against himself with his
London Cash, We've both done very nicely.

Good work kid, take the week off.

Come on, we're getting you to hospital.
- Get the fuckin' cash Tony.

That's the last time I do that Tone.

You'll be alright.

Bloody hell Craig!

You still want me in your pop videos now?
- Come on.

What you doin' here anyway?

I came to see you, didn't I.

Took your fuckin' time!

I know. Am I too late?

Suppose we could give it another go,
and find out.