Life Is Ruff (2005) - full transcript
Calvin Wheeler is a scheming 13-year-old boy with everything going for him, except for an original issue of his precious comic book collection. When a prized show-dog chases him down while skateboarding one day, his owner inadvertently convinces him to adopt and train a dog of his own. However the only one available, is an uncouth stray Labrador/St. Bernard-mix named Tyko from a local animal shelter, who proves to be more than anybody can handle.
[PUPPIES WHIMPERING]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
LOOK, MOM. PUPPIES!
CAN I HAVE ONE?
SEE YA.
AW...CAN I KEEP HIM?
YES, LET'S
TAKE HIM HOME.
GO AHEAD,
YOU CAN PICK ONE OUT.
THANKS, DAD.
I WANT THIS ONE.
NOW, YOU SURE, HONEY?
MAKE SURE YOU
TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM.
I WILL.
[PUPPIES WHIMPER]
GOOD LUCK, LITTLE GUY.
[PUPPY WHIMPERS]
BEAT IT,
FILTHY MUTT!
GET OUT OF HERE!
[BARKS]
LOOK AT THE SIZE
OF THAT ONE.
[BARKS]
OK, BIG FELLA.
NICE AND EASY, NOW.
THERE HE GOES!
CALL FOR BACKUP NOW!
[CAR PEELS OUT]
THERE HE IS!
GO! GO! GO!
Radio: CALLING ALL UNITS,
ALL UNITS CONVERGE
ON THE CORNER
OF EUCLID AND ELM.
WE HAVE A 5-1-1 IN PROGRESS.
STOP THAT DOG!
I GOT YA!
LOOK OUT!
OH, MOMMY!
GET BACK HERE!
HE'S UNDER
THE TABLE!
HEY, STOP THAT DOG!
HEY, YOU!
WATCH HIM!
WATCH HIM!
HEY, HE GOT
AWAY FROM US AGAIN!
[SIREN BLARES]
HEY, THERE HE IS!
LET'S GET HIM!
Woman: OH, MY CLOTHES!
HE'S DESTROYING
MY VINTAGE CLOTHES!
CUT HIM OFF!
CUT HIM OFF!
WHERE'S MY BACKUP?
I WANT EVERY AVAILABLE
UNIT OUT HERE NOW!
EASY. RELAX.
[WHIMPERS]
GOOD JOB.
ONLY 2 MORE ISSUES TO GO.
MORNING, MOM.
MORNING, DAD.
HI, HONEY.
HEY, SON.
GOOD MORNING, HONEY.
CALVIN, TRASH
GOES OUT THIS MORNING.
IT'S COVERED, DAD!
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
FIGG, YEAH, MAN.
I'M RUNNING A COUPLE
MINUTES LATE.
ADJUST MY SCHEDULE
ACCORDINGLY. ALL RIGHT.
CALVIN!
YO, LOU AND THRASH,
WHAT'S UP?
DUDE, THANKS
FOR HOOKING US UP
WITH THOSE
MUDBUCKET TICKETS.
YEAH, THAT CONCERT ROCKED!
LOU, DON'T FORGET THE
LAWN CLIPPINGS, GUYS.
GOOD MORNING,
MR. WHEELER.
YOUR SON ROCKS.
YOU MUST BE,
LIKE, REALLY PROUD.
* MMM...COME ON
* UNGH
YO. YO. YO.
YO. YO. YO. YO.
WHAT'S
THE WORD, FIGG?
WELL, YOU'VE GOT
A POP QUIZ COMING UP
IN FIFTH PERIOD.
ALSO, THEY
MAILED OUT THIRD QUARTER
REPORT CARDS YESTERDAY,
SO HEAD'S UP AT HOME.
GOT IT.
AND YOU STILL NEED A DATE
FOR THE SPRING DANCE.
I COMPILED A DOSSIER
FROM THE TOP CONTENDERS
AND SCHEDULED INTERVIEWS
FOR LUNCH PERIOD.
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
PRETTY SIMPLE DAY,
YOU KNOW?
Figg: OK, GIRLS IF
YOU'LL PLEASE BE SEATED.
I'M CAPTAIN OF
THE CHEER SQUAD,
A GREAT DANCER,
OH, AND I LOOK
SPECTACULAR
IN ALL
SPRING COLORS.
YOU HAVE IMPRESSIVE
QUALIFICATIONS, JULIE.
BUT I DO HAVE
ONE QUESTION FOR YOU.
SURE, ANYTHING!
WHAT IS THE NAME
OF GOTHAM MAN'S ARCH-ENEMY?
I'M SORRY?
GOTHAM MAN?
PROTON COMICS?
CREATED BY ARTIST
STEWART BICKFORD
IN 1947--
RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT.
THE SUPERHERO.
BUT WHY ARE YOU--
LOOK. LOOK. LOOK.
DO YOU KNOW THE NAME
OF HIS ARCH-ENEMY OR NOT?
SURE! IT'S...
I THINK...
CHARLIE.
THANKS, JULIE.
WE'LL LET YOU KNOW. NEXT!
WAIT! FRANK?
JIM? TIM? EUGENE?
CAN'T THIS BE
MULTIPLE CHOICE
OR SOMETHING?
OK, NEXT!
SUPPORT THE LOCAL
ANIMAL SHELTER.
THE SHELTER IS
IN DESPERATE NEED
OF RENOVATIONS
AND VOLUNTEERS.
PLEASE, TAKE A FLYER.
OH, EMILY!
SURE, I'LL TAKE ONE.
OK, LOOK.
FIGG, THIS IS
THE LIST OF COMICS
I NEED YOU
TO PICK UP FOR ME. OK?
Figg: OK.
THANKS LOADS, CALVIN.
OH, AND THAT'S
A TRICK QUESTION.
GOTHAM MAN'S ARCH-ENEMY
HAS NO NAME.
Emily: PLEASE SAVE
THE ANIMAL SHELTER!
HI, THERE.
I'M SORRY, EMILY.
YOU KNOW HOW SHORT
WE ARE IN FUNDING.
WE JUST DON'T
HAVE THE SPACE.
PLEASE, MR. DUDLEY,
JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE TIME!
I KNOW THAT I CAN
FIND TYCHO A HOME!
HI, THERE, BUDDY.
HEY, TYCHO.
TYCHO? EMILY,
WE TALKED ABOUT
NAMING THE ANIMALS.
IT JUST
MAKES IT HARDER WHEN...
THINGS DON'T WORK OUT.
BUT I'VE BEEN
WORKING WITH HIM,
TRAINING HIM.
HE'S REALLY VERY SWEET.
AND...I TAUGHT HIM A TRICK.
HEY! HEY!
UM, NO, STOP IT.
UM, THAT WASN'T
THE TRICK.
EMILY, YOU'RE JUST
GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
WE CAN'T SAVE 'EM ALL.
IT'S OK, TYCHO.
WE'LL FIND YOU A HOME.
I PROMISE.
Calvin: YOU KNOW,
IT'S MY DREAM
TO GET
GOTHAM MAN #1.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,
THE DARK DRAGON
CHRONICLES
REPRESENTS THE
PINNACLE OF THE
GOTHAM MAN LEGACY.
BUT I MEAN,
THE ORIGINAL GOTHAM MAN,
HE'S, LIKE--
HEY, CALVIN!
POP-A-WHEELER!
WE NEED
TO TALK, MAN.
HEY, MAMA.
HEY, SWEETIE.
DON'T MIND IF WE USE
THIS SPACE A LITTLE BIT,
DO YOU?
NO, YOU GO AHEAD, BABY.
CALVIN, HAVE A SEAT.
OK. SEAT?
THAT AIN'T GONNA HURT.
LISTEN, MAN.
TONIGHT IS THE LAST
GAME OF THE SEASON.
WE WIN THIS GAME,
WE CLINCH REGIONALS.
YOU GUYS ARE
6 1/2 POINT FAVORITES.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WESTLAKE SOMEHOW
GOT A HOLD OF
OUR PLAYBOOK,
AND THEY'RE
GONNA KNOW ALL
OF OUR SCHEMES.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT
GONNA COST US?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I WOULDN'T JUST DO IT
IN THE NAME OF
GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP?
YOU KNOW, SCHOOL SPIRIT?
'CAUSE I KNOW YOU, CALVIN.
OK, GOOD ENOUGH
FOR ME.
COME ON, FIGG.
HOOK ME UP, MAN.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!
THE GAME STARTS
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS!
I'M THINKING
GOTHAM MAN NUMBER 43.
TRADE.
BUT HOW AND WHO?
YOU KNOW, UM,
SIMON GIMPLE?
SURE, HE GOES
TO WESTLAKE.
YEAH, HE'S ALSO
THE BASKETBALL TEAM
EQUIPMENT MANAGER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
SO, HOW'S
THE PIZZA, SIMON?
CALVIN?
WHERE ARE YOU?
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
DID YOU BRING IT?
UM...
Announcer: AND NOW,
TO AMAZE, EXCITE,
AND INSPIRE,
THE BEDFORD HIGH
PRE-GAME PREP COMMITTEE
IS PROUD TO PRESENT
PRESTON PRICE
AND HIS WONDER DOG JACQUES!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS OUR HOPE THAT
JACQUES' RIVETING PERFORMANCE
WILL INSPIRE YOU ALL
TO BE CHAMPIONS.
OK. OK.
Man: DO IT!
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
COULD YOU GUYS
STEP AWAY FROM
JACQUES, PLEASE?
HOP UP!
AH, GOOD BOY.
GOOD BOY.
OH, ISN'T THAT
LITTLE DOG CUTE?!
CALVIN, WE NEED
THAT BOOK.
I BROUGHT IT,
BUT, UH--
SIMON, COME ON, MAN,
WE HAD A DEAL. OK?
NOW SLIP IT IN
ONE OF THE NEWSPAPERS
IN THE RACK,
BY THE DOOR. YEAH.
LOOK, CALVIN,
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA
GET ME SOMETHING COOL
FOR THIS.
SOMETHING HI-TECH.
MAN, YOU'RE HOLDING IT.
THAT CELL PHONE
IS A RANYO SCH-600, MAN.
THAT CELL PHONE
DOESN'T EVEN
COME OUT IN THE U.S.
UNTIL NEXT YEAR. ENJOY.
I DON'T KNOW, CALVIN.
I FEEL LIKE
A TRAITOR OR SOMETHING.
CALVIN? HELLO?
ARE YOU THERE? HELLO?
CALVIN, ARE
YOU THERE? HELLO?
GOOD BOY. GOD BOY.
LET'S SKATEBOARD.
GOOD BOY.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
[CROWD YAWNS]
THANK YOU.
JACQUES AND I THANK YOU.
IF JACQUES AND I DIDN'T
FIRE UP THIS TEAM,
NOTHING WILL.
[CROWD CHEERS
AND BAND PLAYS]
YO, FIGG!
COME HERE!
WHERE'S CALVIN
AT, MAN?
WE'RE GONNA GET
CRUSHED OUT THERE!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
HE'LL BE HERE.
THIS IS JUST LIKE
ISSUE 511 OF GOTHAM MAN.
All: WHAT?!
WHERE THE NAMELESS ONE
STOLE THE BLUEPRINTS
FROM THE GOTHAM CAVE.
FIGG, IF WE
LOSE THIS GAME,
WE'RE GONNA
NEED SOMEONE
TO TAKE OUR
FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON,
ARE YOU FEELIN' ME?
All: WILDCATS!
GO, WILDCATS!
YO, FIGG!
OH, CALVIN.
YO, THIS SHOULD
EVEN THINGS UP A LITTLE.
HA HA!
THE WESTLAKE PLAYBOOK!
YES!
YEAH!
CALVIN,
I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU PULLED THIS OFF.
RICH, PLEASE,
PAY THE MAN.
GRR! HA!
GOTHAM MAN. ISSUE #2.
All: OOH.
WE ARE GOING TO
WIN THIS THING, GUYS.
THIS IS
PROMISED LAND TIME,
AND I'M TAKIN' US THERE,
Y'ALL!
COME ON! LET'S DO THIS!
LET'S GO!
WHOO! YEAH, BABY!
GAME TIME, BABY! YEAH!
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S ME AND JACQUES.
OUR CHAMPIONSHIP SPIRIT
IS, LIKE, TOTALLY CONTAGIOUS.
* DO YOU HAVE THE STUFF
TO BE A CHAMPION? *
* GOTTA FEEL THE LIFE,
GOTTA FEEL THE THUNDER *
* DEAL WITH ANGUISH, ANGER,
REACH DOWN IN YOURSELF *
* HIS PLAYING'S NO STRANGER,
YOU CAN TELL *
* MOMENTS AND OPPONENTS
ARE BROKEN DOWN *
* YOU NEED A BRAVE HEART,
GOTTA PLAY ON *
* WITH POWER, SKILL,
AND GRACE *
* WE WILL DISGRACE ANYONE
WHO STEPS IN MY FACE *
* NOW I'M GONNA PRESS YOU
* WE'RE THE NEW SCHOOL,
TAKE A DOUBLE SCOOP *
* SO WE'RE TAKING ON
ALL WE WANT *
* AND WE'VE BEEN LEARNIN'
AND REHEARSIN'
FOR A REASON *
* GUESS WHO'S OUT OF GAS?
* I KNEW YOU WERE
GONNA BURN IT ALL THE WAY *
* GUESS WHO'S OUT OF GAS?
* I DO WHAT WE WANT,
AND WE'RE HERE TO STAY *
WE WOULD
LIKE TO THANK
THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY
OF BEDFORD JUNIOR HIGH
WHO CAME OUT HERE
FOR THIS SEASON
TO SUPPORT US.
COME ON, Y'ALL.
BUT WE COULD NOT
HAVE DONE THIS
WITHOUT THE HELP
OF A VERY,
VERY SPECIAL FAN.
WE ARE DEDICATING
THIS ONE TO HIM.
THIS IS
SO EMBARRASSING.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY.
IT WAS THE LEAST
I COULD DO.
CALVIN WHEELER!
GIVE IT UP, Y'ALL!
HEY, MOM. HI, DAD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DID SOMEBODY DIE?
MM-HMM.
MR. GRADE POINT AVERAGE.
MY GRADE
POINT AVERAGE? HMM?
NO WAY,
THAT CANNOT BE MINE.
I AM PASSING
EVERY CLASS.
NO, YOU ARE BARELY
PASSING EVERY CLASS.
YOU'RE DOING
JUST ENOUGH TO GET BY.
AND NOT JUST AT SCHOOL.
TAKE THE GARBAGE,
FOR EXAMPLE.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
DID LOU AND THRASH
FORGET THE LAWN
TRIMMINGS?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GOTTA TALK
TO THEM.
YOU'RE MISSING
THE POINT, CALVIN.
WE ASKED YOU
TO TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT.
ALL YOUR TEACHERS SAY
YOU'RE BRIGHT AND POPULAR,
BUT THAT IS
NOT ENOUGH, CALVIN!
LOOK, WE WANT YOU
TO GO TO COLLEGE,
HAVE A REAL FUTURE,
BUT THAT'S
NEVER GONNA HAPPEN
IF YOU KEEP TAKING
EVERY SHORTCUT YOU CAN.
ISSUE #2 DOWN,
ISSUE #1 TO GO.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
THAT WAS
A GOOD ONE.
WHAT'S UP, FIGG?
FIGG? FIGG, YOU OK?
NONG'S COMICS. MAIN
STREET GO!
THAT...
THAT CAN'T BE
WHAT I THINK IT IS.
1947.
GOTHAM MAN.
NUMERO UNO.
EDITION ONE.
[SPRAYING]
BUT...
THERE'S ONLY
8 KNOWN COPIES
IN EXISTENCE.
LOOK AT
THE PRICE, CALVIN.
$3,000?
THERE'S NO WAY.
YOUR CURRENT NET WORTH
IS $144.63.
SO, THAT MEANS
I'LL NEED TO RAISE...
LESS 3,000.
$2,855.37.
NOT INCLUDING TAX.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
IT'S WHAT?
WHAT DO WE SAY
ABOUT "THE IMPOSSIBLE?"
OK. OK.
EXPECT...THE IMPOSSIBLE!
FIGG! GET DOWN!
ALL RIGHT.
CAREFUL.
NOT THERE,
YOU DUFUS.
JACQUES AND I
NEED A FULL 100 FEET
FOR OUR TRAINING.
[DOG BARKS]
JACQUES!
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
AAH!
GET AWAY FROM JACQUES!
[GROANING]
OH, JACQUES,
MY PRECIOUS.
DID THAT BAD,
BAD BOY HURT YOU?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
THAT LITTLE RAT
OF YOURS ATTACKED ME.
THIS...RAT...
HAPPENS TO BE
JEAN JACQUES
ST. GERMAINE DE DUPREE.
HE'S AN AWARD-WINNING
PURE-BRED TERRIER.
WE'VE WON
ROYAL HOUND DOG FOOD'S
TOP DOG INVITATIONAL
2 YEARS IN A ROW.
CONGRATULATIONS.
IF I EVER DECIDE
TO GIVE A FLYING WHOOP,
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
YEAH?
WELL, WHOOP ON THIS.
FIRST PRIZE IS $5,000.
COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?
$5,000.
WE DEFEND
OUR TITLE IN 2 WEEKS
AT THE BEDFORD
CIVIC CENTER.
ACCORDING TO
THE ROYAL HOUND
TOP DOG RULE BOOK,
THEIR INVITATIONAL
FINALS IS HELD
ONCE A YEAR.
IN ORDER TO QUALIFY,
YOU HAVE TO
PLACE FIRST
IN AT LEAST
ONE REGULAR SEASON
TOP DOG EVENT.
WIN ONE EVENT TO QUALIFY?
NO PROBLEM.
Woman: SHH.
THAT GETS YOU AN
AUTOMATIC INVITATION
TO THE TOP
DOG FINALS.
IT'S A
FREESTYLE EVENT
JUDGED ON A SCALE
OF ONE TO 100.
THE OWNER OF
THE DOG MUST PERFORM
A 90-SECOND ROUTINE.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.
TRICKS, ACROBATICS,
WHATEVER WILL
IMPRESS THE JUDGES.
SOUNDS LIKE EASY MONEY.
HA HA HA!
Woman: SHH!
YEAH, EXCEPT
THE TOP DOG SEASON
IS ALMOST OVER,
AND WE HAPPEN
TO BE MISSING
SOMETHING
KIND OF IMPORTANT.
LIKE WHAT?
Woman: SHH!
A DOG.
THIS ONE'S 850.
850?
DOLLARS?!
CALVIN, THESE ARE
REAL, PURE-BRED DOGS.
THEY COST REAL MONEY.
YEAH, YEAH, WE NEED ONE
WE CAN GET REAL CHEAP.
WHAT'S THIS SAY?
CENTRAL CITY
ANIMAL SHELTER?
HELLO, THERE.
SUGAR WOOGAR.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
HELLO. HELLO,
LITTLE BUDDY.
CALVIN?
OH, HEY, EMILY.
SO, HOW DOES
THIS WORK?
HOW DOES
WHAT WORK, EXACTLY?
YOU KNOW!
ME, YOU KNOW,
GETTING A DOG.
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN
HOLD MY PUPPY
WHEN I BROUGHT HIM IN
FOR SHOW AND TELL
IN THE THIRD GRADE.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
YOU SAID THAT
ANIMALS WERE DIRTY.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
CALVIN, I HAVE
KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS!
YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING
UNLESS THERE'S
SOMETHING IN IT FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THOUGHT MAYBE
ADOPTING A DOG
WOULD BE
GOOD FOR ME,
HELP ME TURN OVER
A NEW LEAF.
MAYBE I CAME TO
THE WRONG PLACE.
CALVIN, WAIT.
UM, THERE IS ONE DOG.
WHAT IS THAT THING?
I NAMED HIM TYCHO.
AW, HE LIKES YOU.
AW, GOOD BOY, TYCHO.
OK. LOOK. OK.
ARE YOU
ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY,
100% SURE THIS IS
THE ONLY DOG AVAILABLE?
AAH!
TYCHO! NO!
GIVE ME THE SHIRT!
GIVE ME!
TYCHO, WILL YOU
LET GO OF HIS SHIRT?
PLEASE, TYCHO.
GIVE ME THE SHIRT.
OHH!
HE LOVES TO
PLAY TUG-OF-WAR.
TAKE HIM OR LEAVE HIM.
OH, AND DO ME A FAVOR.
DON'T BUY
ANY ROYAL HOUND
BRAND DOG FOOD
OR ANY OF THEIR PRODUCTS.
THEY SPONSOR THESE
HORRIBLE DOG SHOWS
AND I CAN'T STAND SEEING
ANIMALS EXPLOITED.
OH, YEAH, TOTALLY. HEH.
ME, NEITHER.
OK, UM...
ALL YOU NEED IS
A SIGNATURE FROM
A PARENT OR GUARDIAN.
THAT'S NOT GOING
TO BE A PROBLEM, IS IT?
NO, UH...OF COURSE NOT.
PROMISE YOU WILL
WORK HARDER NEXT SEMESTER?
I MEAN IT THIS TIME,
CALVIN. NO SHORTCUTS.
I'LL BRING UP MY MARKS,
I PROMISE, OK?
OK. NOW DON'T FORGET.
SIGN HERE...
[YAWNING]
AND RIGHT DOWN THERE.
HERE?
OK.
THANK YOU, MOM.
[SLURPING]
[GROANING]
ECCH!
OK, OK.
SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
ABOUT GERMS?
NO, ACTUALLY HE SHOULD.
A DOG'S MOUTH IS CLEANER
THAN A HUMAN'S.
[TYCHO DRINKING FROM TOILET]
I FIND THAT VERY HARD
TO BELIEVE.
TYCHO!
COME HERE, BOY.
COME HERE. TCH TCH!
OK, NOW THIS IS MY
HOME NUMBER.
OK.
GIVE ME A CALL
IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.
AND I'LL BE COMING BY
YOUR HOUSE IN ABOUT 10 DAYS.
REALLY?
YEAH. IT'S A STANDARD
POST-ADOPTION INTERVIEW.
JUST MAKE SURE THAT
YOU'RE FIT AS AN OWNER.
COOL.
COME ON, BUDDY.
COME ON.
CALVIN, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS DOG NOW.
YOU DO REALIZE THAT?
HEY, NO PROBLEM.
[WOOF WOOF]
OOH!
[SIGHS]
OK, LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT. GIDDY-UP!
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT GONNA PULL YOU, OK?
YOU ARE GONNA PULL ME, OK?
OK. LET'S GO.
[ARF ARF]
[WOOF]
WHOA!
* WHO WANTS SOME FUN?
* BREAK OUT THE FUN
* WHO WANTS SOME FUN?
* BREAK OUT THE FUN
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP
AND JUMP AND KEEP
A LOW SUGAR RUSH *
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP AND JUMP
AND KEEP IT BOLD? *
WHOA!
UNH!
TYCHO! SIT!
TYCHO!
TYCHO!
WHOA!
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP AND JUMP
AND KEEP A LOW SUGAR RUSH? *
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP
AND JUMP AND KEEP
A LOW SUGAR RUSH *
TYCHO!
THIS IS GETTIN' RIDICULOUS!
YOU STAY RIGHT THERE!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DON'T YOU MOVE.
OK, HURRY UP.
WHOA!
* WE HAVE TO SHOW
THAT WE CAN *
* RUN AND JUMP AND HOP
AND KEEP A LOW SUGAR RUSH *
WHOA!
* CAN WE RUN AND JUMP
AND HOP AND KEEP
A LOW SUGAR RUSH? *
* KEEP IT BOLD,
KEEP IT BOLD *
WHOA! OH--OH!
[WHIMPERS]
WHERE'D TYCHO GO? OHH!
TYCHO?
OHH!
OH HO!
YEAH! CAUGHT YA!
HA HA HA HA!
ME AND YOU GOTTA
HAVE A TALK.
WHOA! NO! STOP! WHOA!
LOOK OUT!
DO YOU HEAR ME? BAD DOG!
NO, NO! NOT THE HILL,
PLEASE! NOT THE HILL!
TYCHO! TYCHO!
GET BACK HERE!
STOP! STOP, TYCHO!
STOP! I'M LOSIN' MY GRIP!
TYCHO!
OH, TYCHO! AAH!
AAH! NO!
AAH!
[WOOF]
[WHIMPERS]
[COUGHING]
[WOOF]
[WOOF]
OH, TYCHO!
COME ON, MAN.
IT'S JUST FOR
A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
I DON'T KNOW, CALVIN.
LOOK, MAN, YOU WON'T
EVEN KNOW HE'S THERE.
WHY CAN'T HE JUST
STAY WITH YOU?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
MY PARENTS WON'T EVEN
LET ME HAVE A GOLDFISH.
LOOK, MAN, THIS IS JUST LIKE
ISSUE 723 OF GOTHAM MAN,
WHEN HE HAD TO TAME
THOSE WILD STAMPEDING
BUFFALO MUTANTS?
YEAH, BUT GOTHAM MAN HAS,
LIKE, SUPER POWERS.
SO DO YOU.
YOU JUST DON'T
KNOW IT YET.
CALVIN. CALVIN,
YOU CAN'T BE SE--
[WOOF WOOF]
[KNOCK ON WINDOW]
HEY, MAN, YOU OK?
7 POUNDS.
THAT'S THE WEIGHT LIMIT
ALLOWED FOR PETS
AT MY APARTMENT COMPLEX.
7 POUNDS.
COME ON, FIGG, MAN,
I WAS COUNTING ON YOU.
ISSUE 723 OF GOTHAM MAN.
REMEMBER?
GOTHAM MAN'S LANDLORD
NEVER THREATENED
TO EVICT HIM.
[WOOF WOOF]
TYCHO'S, LIKE, 24 TIMES
OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT.
RIGHT. LET'S JUST
GET HIM IN HERE.
[WOOF]
SHH! SHH! SHH!
GO! GO.
GOSH.
[SCOFFS] LATER, MAN.
LATER.
HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU ARE, BUDDY?
YOU ARE A GUEST
IN MY HOME.
[WOOF WOOF]
HEY, HEY, HEY.
SHH! SHH!
CONTROL YOURSELF.
OK, LOOK.
YOU SLEEP HERE. OK?
[WOOF]
HEY! HEY.
YOU--OK, COME ON.
GET ON.
[WOOF]
ALL RIGHT. SHH!
QUIET. OK?
[WHIMPERS]
THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
YOU JUST SLEEP--
YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU?
GO LIKE THIS.
GO JUST LIKE THIS.
[WHIMPERS]
SAY, YOU'RE SLICK.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT!
FINALLY!
OK? SEE? SLEEP TIME.
GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES.
OH! HEY. HEY, HEY.
HEY.
[GRRR]
[SNORING]
[SNORING]
HEY, SWEETIE, ARE YOU OK?
HUH?
HEARD YOU SNORING
LAST NIGHT.
IT SOUNDED AWFUL.
ARE YOU GETTING A COLD?
UH...UH, YEAH.
[FAKES COUGHING]
I'M COMING DOWN
WITH SOMETHING.
'CHOO!
EXCUSE ME.
AND ONE MORE THING, CALVIN.
YOU'RE A GROWING BOY.
YOU REALLY NEED TO
SHOWER EVERY DAY.
[SNIFFING]
OK. THERE'S ONLY ONE
SANCTIONED EVENT LEFT
IN THE TOP DOG REGULAR
SEASON CIRCUIT.
IT'S OUR LAST CHANCE
TO GET AN INVITATION
TO THE TOP DOG FINALS.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WIN IT.
"OWNERS MUST
LEAD THEIR DOGS
"THROUGH A SERIES
"OF RAMPS, TUNNELS,
AND WATER HAZARDS.
TIME PENALTIES WILL BE
ASSESSED FOR EACH MISSED
OBSTACLE."
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT?
[GRRR]
WELL, WHEN YOU SAID
YOU WERE COMPETING
IN THE DOG SHOW
WITH JEAN JACQUESQUISE,
ANCIENT DOO DOO,
I DECIDED TO PUT
MY DOG IN THERE.
[GRRR]
[WHIMPERS]
YOU MAY BE A BIG
DEAL AT SCHOOL,
BUT DOG SHOWS ARE
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I WILL DESTROY YOU.
CHILL, PRESTON. LOOK, MAN,
I'M NOT TRYING TO STEP
ON ANYBODY'S TOES HERE.
OK?
YOU LISTEN TO ME
VERY CLOSELY.
WHATEVER SCHEME YOU'RE
PLANNING WITH THAT
MANGY MUTT,
YOU BETTER JUST
DROP IT NOW. OK?
CONSIDER YOURSELF
WARNED.
[GRRR]
HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
OH--UNH!
[WOOF]
[BARKING]
NO, MAN!
I GOT HIM!
OHH...
UNH!
[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]
JACQUES!
TYCHO!
HELP ME, JACQUES,
PLEASE!
TYCHO!
OHH...
[WOOF]
TYCHO! COME BACK HERE!
TYCHO!
OHH...
OOF! OHH...
OH, JACQUES, I'M SORRY.
STUPID DOG.
YOU'RE SUCH A MESS.
OHH!
OHH!
[LAUGHING]
HEY--HEY, MAN!
STOP!
DON'T--OH! OH!
H-HOW'S THAT,
HUH, CALVIN?
OH! OH--[LAUGHING]
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GETTIN' YOU. OK.
CALVIN, COME ON.
GET HIM, TYCHO.
OH, TYCHO, STOP!
Figg: CALVIN!
AAH--UHH! OH--
DUDE, YOUR MOM'S HOME!
OH--OH--UH--
OH, HEY, KIDS.
WHAT YOU DOIN'?
WE'RE JUST,
UM...HEH...
CHILLIN'.
CHILLIN' LIKE A VILLAIN,
MRS. WHEELER.
YEAH, CHILLIN'.
Calvin: HEH. YEAH.
[TYCHO WHIMPERS]
[WHIMPERING]
[WHIMPERING]
[SKATEBOARD]
[BARKING]
WHAT, MAN?
I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL.
[WOOF WOOF]
* DID YOU EVER WONDER
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE *
* LOOKIN' UP FROM
THE KITCHEN FLOOR? *
* THEY PAT YOU ON THE HEAD
WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY *
* THAT'S THE WAY IT
FEELS WHEN YOU'RE A DOG *
* THEY KICK YOU OFF THE COUCH
AND TELL YOU TO STAY *
* AND PUT YOU OUT AND THEN
THEY LOCK THE DOOR *
* THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND
A WORD THAT YOU SAY *
* THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS
WHEN YOU'RE A DOG *
* THAT'S THE HONEST TRUTH
ABOUT THE WAY IT IS *
* WHEN YOU'RE A DOG
* AND WHAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO
IS BE A BEST FRIEND *
* THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS
WHEN YOU'RE A... *
* DOG
TYCHO?
TYCHO!
COME HERE, TYCHO.
[WHISTLES]
[TRIPS OVER OBJECT]
SORRY MOTHER MOLASSES!
TY-TYCHO?
TYCHO?
TYCHO.
TY-TYCHO! DON'T YOU RUN.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE
KIDDIN' ME!
MAN, I GOTTA GET YOU
OUT OF SIGHT.
NO WAY.
OK.
COME ON. OK. OK.
COME ON. STAY. STAY.
JUST STAY, OK? STAY. STAY.
STAY. STAY.
[WHINES, GROWLS]
CALVIN?
OH! HEY, GUYS!
I WAS JUST, UH, UM...
FIXING A SNACK.
WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED?
AND STOP FIDGETING.
I KNOW YOU'RE
UP TO SOMETHING.
ARE YOU OK, SON?
WAIT! WAIT!
THIS IS--
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
WE CAN STAY HERE!
WE CAN STAY HERE.
WE CAN STILL STAY HERE,
YEAH.
DAD, DAD, LOOK.
SEE, UM, I JUST--
JUST HAD A COUPLE
OF FRIENDS OVER,
THAT'S ALL.
THAT'S ALL?!
CALVIN, LOOK AT THIS MESS.
IT LOOKS LIKE FOREIGN AGENTS
RANSACKED OUR KITCHEN
AND DIDN'T FIND WHAT
THEY WERE LOOKING FOR.
THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK.
LOOK, LOOK.
LOOK, LOOK, UM--
LOOK, I CAN EXPLAIN--
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S HEAR IT.
MM-HMM. OK.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
THIS IS ALL MY--
I'LL CLEAN IT UP--
HOLD ON, YOUNG MAN--
OK, DAD, I'LL DO IT,
I'LL CLEAN IT UP.
THINK ABOUT IT.
HE'S HIDING SOMETHING.
HE DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE
ANY EXCUSES
AND HE DIDN'T
BLAME ANYBODY ELSE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE EVER HEARD CALVIN
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR...
ANYTHING.
I'M SURPRISED HE EVEN KNOWS
WHERE WE KEEP THE MOP.
WE'LL LEAVE HIM.
OH--OH...
COME ON, TYCHO, COME ON.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
QUIET.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
TYCHO?
TY-TY-TYCHO?
TYCHO, MAN--
THESE ARE MY SNEAKERS!
[WHIMPERS]
NO. NO.
NO, NO, NO.
AND THIS IS MY GEOMETRY
HOMEWORK!
NOW, DO YOU HAVE
ANY IDEA
HOW LONG IT TOOK ME
TO DO THAT?
NOW, YOU TELL ME,
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL MY TEACHER--
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
MY DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK?
CALVIN! WHO ARE YOU
YELLING AT?
UH...
IS EVERYTHING
ALL RIGHT IN THERE?
YEAH, MOM!
I WAS JUST, UH...
DOING MY NIGHTLY
MEDITATIONS.
OHM...OHM...
[SNIFFING]
OHM...OHM...
BREAKIN' THE HOUSE,
CHEWIN' UP MY SNEAKERS,
EATING MY HOMEWORK.
I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THIS DOG,
SO EVEN IF IT IS
ANOTHER WEEK...
[EXASPERATED GRUNT]
WE ARE OVER.
[WHIMPERS]
YOU HEAR ME?
[WOOF]
WE ARE OVER.
[WHIMPERING]
RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL
TYCHO IS GOING RIGHT BACK
TO THE POUND.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW?
IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
CALVIN, HE'S YOUR
RESPONSIBILITY.
NOT ANYMORE.
HEY, CALVIN.
HOW YA DOIN', BUDDY?
WHAT'S UP, LEONARD?
WHAT'S UP, THRASH?
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T REALIZE
IT WAS GARBAGE DAY.
LOOK, THIS IS KIND OF
AWKWARD FOR US.
HOW DO I PUT THIS?
WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS--
WE GOTTA POUND ON YOU.
[WOOF, GRRR]
FIGG, MAN,
GET OUTTA HERE.
NO WAY!
[WOOF]
[BARKING]
IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL,
CALVIN.
YEAH, WE LIKE YA.
EVERYONE DOES.
BUT WE'RE GETTIN' PAID.
IT'S BUSINESS.
YOU CAN APPRECIATE THAT.
I MEAN--CAN I
AT LEAST ASK WHY?
IT'S, UH,
PRESTON PRICE.
HE WANTS
YOU AND YOUR DOG
TO STAY AWAY
FROM THAT DOG SHOW.
AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO,
YOU KNOW,
ENCOURAGE YOU TO DROP OUT.
AND YOU KNOW HOW...
PERSUASIVE WE CAN BE.
[WOOF]
LOOK, MAN,
NONE OF THIS IS NECESSARY.
TELL PRESTON
I AM TAKING TYCHO
RIGHT BACK TO THE POUND
TODAY AFTER SCHOOL.
LOOK, WE STILL GOTTA
POUND ON YOU.
WE'VE ALREADY BEEN PAID.
YEAH. WE GOT ETHICS
AND STUFF.
SORRY, CALVIN.
THERE'S NO TALKING YOUR WAY
OUT OF THIS ONE.
SO YOU WANT IT
IN THE FACE
OR THE GUT OR WHAT?
[BARKING]
SURPRISE ME.
WHAT IS THAT?!
OHH, NO!
AAH!
[SHOUTING AND SCREAMING]
OH! MAN! ARE Y'ALL OK?
[BOTH GROANING]
[LAUGHING]
Calvin: YOU STUPID DOG!
COME ON, BUDDY! COME ON!
[WOOF WOOF]
HA HA HA!
HEEL!
OHH...
I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO FIX THAT GATE
FOR MONTHS.
SO LET'S RECAP.
OUR SON IS JUST
SPONTANEOUSLY
DOING WORK AROUND THE HOUSE
WITHOUT EVEN BEING TOLD?
I DON'T THINK
IT'S OUR SON.
Calvin: HELLO?
YEAH, EMILY?
YEAH, IT'S CALVIN.
YEAH, UH,
SORRY TO CALL SO LATE,
IT'S JUST THAT, UH...
I COULD REALLY USE
SOME HELP WITH TYCHO.
WELL, NOTHING'S
REALLY WRONG.
IT'S JUST THAT...
HE'S A LITTLE BIT MORE
THAN I BARGAINED FOR.
OK, OK, SIT.
BAD DOG. BAD--
I SAID SIT!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SIT MEANS?
YOU CAN'T JUST
YELL AT HIM!
HE'S DOIN' IT WRONG.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TRY
TEACHING HIM THE DIFFERENCE?
REWARD HIM WHEN
HE DOES SOMETHING RIGHT.
[SIGHS] COME HERE.
COME HERE, TYCHO.
COME HERE.
OH, GOOD BOY!
YEAH, OK.
NOW SIT.
SIT.
YEAH! GOOD BOY!
THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
YEAH.
SO THAT'S IT?
JUST GIVE HIM FOOD?
A DOG NEEDS MORE
THAN JUST FOOD.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM
ENCOURAGEMENT,
PATIENCE, APPROVAL.
AND IF YOU REALLY WANT
A DOG TO RESPOND TO YOU,
YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM LOVE.
YEAH, WHO'S A GOOD BOY?!
* COOLIN' DOWN MY WORLD
* WITH THE BALL AND CHAIN
WITH YOU *
* CALLIN' DOWN THE CLOUDS
* AS THEY TRY TO SPOIL
THE VIEW *
* AND THEN CAME YOU
* THE SUN IS SHINING ON IT
ANYWHERE *
* THE LIGHT FIELDS FALL
IN SATURN'S RINGS *
* WHEN TOGETHER,
WE'RE AS LIGHT AS FEATHERS *
* ON A FALCON'S WING
* EVERYBODY TELLIN' ME
THERE'S NOTHING NEW *
* OHH OHH
* AND THEN CAME YOU
* AND THEN CAME YOU
AND YOU HAVE TO
PUT ASIDE YOUR NEEDS
FOR WHAT'S BEST
FOR THE DOG.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
EMILY, CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
FIRE AWAY.
HOW DID YOU KNOW
GOTHAM MAN'S ARCHENEMY
WAS NAMELESS?
DUH. I READ THE COMICS.
YOU READ THEM?
OR DO YOU JUST SKIM
THROUGH THEM SOMETIMES MAYBE?
TEST ME.
OK, UH...
THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER
OF THE GOTHAM-MOBILE.
BEFORE OR AFTER
IT GOT TOTALED
IN ISSUE 533?
WHAT IS WITH
THE TRICK QUESTIONS?
HAVE YOU EVER
JUST BEEN STRAIGHT UP
AND REAL WITH A PERSON?
NO.
NEVER.
PAR FOR THE COURSE.
Calvin:
FIGG, I AM TELLING YOU,
EMILY WAS JUST AMAZING
WITH TYCHO TODAY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK WE HAVE
A GOOD CHANCE
OF WINNING THAT OBSTACLE
COURSE EVENT.
MOM'S HOME EARLY.
CALVIN, FIGG, STAY OUTSIDE!
THERE'S A BEAR
IN THE HOUSE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'VE BARRICADED IT
IN YOUR ROOM
AND I'M CALLING 911.
MOM, MOM, MOM,
CHILL, CHILL, CH--
SHH!
THAT'S NOT A BEAR.
THAT'S TYCHO.
MY DOG.
YOUR WHAT?
Mom: IT HAS TO GO BACK
TO THE POUND.
Dad: NOW, HOLD ON.
I HAD A DOG
WHEN I WAS A KID.
SKINNY LITTLE THING.
FOLLOWED ME HOME ONE DAY.
MY MOM AND DAD
LET ME KEEP IT.
WELL, HONEY,
IT'S VERY SWEET,
BUT I JUST...
YOU KNOW...THE FUNNY THING
ABOUT HAVING A DOG--
THEY'RE A REAL PAIN.
DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT,
PEE ON THE RUG,
SLOBBER EVERYWHERE.
BUT YOU LOVE 'EM ANYWAY.
SO YOU'RE SAYING
THIS WOULD BE GOOD
FOR CALVIN.
[WHIMPERING]
I'M SAYING THAT...
LOVE DOESN'T HAVE
ANY SHORTCUTS.
[DOOR OPENS]
[TYCHO WHIMPERS]
OK...
TYCHO...
CAN STAY.
REALLY?
YAY! THANK YOU, MOM!
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, DAD.
THANK YOU.
NOT SO FAST.
THERE'S STILL
THE LITTLE MATTER OF YOU
TRICKING YOUR MOM INTO
SIGNING THE ADOPTION PAPERS.
OH, YEAH. HA HA!
GUESS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
JUST SLIPPED MY MIND,
YOU KNOW?
Mom: NO TV,
NO CELL PHONE.
Dad: FOR 2 MONTHS.
AND YOUR GRADES
BETTER START...
GETTING BETTER.
THEY WILL, DAD!
I PROMISE.
YOU CAN STAY.
YOU CAN STAY.
* I'M
* A DOG
* I'M
* A DOG
* ONLY ONE CHANCE
TO GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME *
* YOU GET YOURS
WHEN I GET MINE *
* 'CAUSE I'M
* I'M A DOG
* CHASE
* YOUR TAIL
* CHASE
* YOUR TAIL
* RUNNIN' AROUND
IN THE STREETS ALL DAY *
* FIND THE ANSWER
OR I MIGHT JUST STAY *
* STAY A DOG
[THUNDER]
[WHIMPERING]
GOOD LUCK, LITTLE GUY.
[THUNDER]
[WHIMPERING]
IT'S OK, TYCHO.
IT'S JUST A BAD DREAM.
YOU'RE SAFE WITH ME.
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL,
TO BEDFORD CIVIC AUDITORIUM,
THE SITE OF THE LAST
REGULAR SEASON EVENT
IN ROYAL HOUND DOG FOOD'S
TOP DOG SHOW CIRCUIT.
TODAY WE'LL BE SEEING
THE OBEDIENCE
AND OBSTACLE DOG TRIAL.
WELL, THIS HAS GOT TO BE
THE MOST ATHLETIC
OF ALL TOP DOG
CANINE COMPETITIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK.
OWNERS HAVE TO LEAD
THEIR DOGS
THROUGH A SERIES
OF OBSTACLES
IN A TEST OF SPEED
AND AGILITY.
AND, HOLLY, THE WINNERS
OF THIS COMPETITION
WILL GO ON
TO THE TOP DOG FINALS
ONE WEEK FROM TODAY.
THE EXCITEMENT
HAS ALREADY BEGUN
HERE ON THE RED CARPET,
WHERE WE'VE SEEN DOGS
OF ALL SHAPES, SIZES,
AND COLORS ARRIVING.
HOLLY, I'M BEING TOLD
RIGHT NOW
THAT TWO-TIME TOP DOG
DEFENDING CHAMPIONS
ARE PULLING UP.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK!
IT'S PRESTON PRICE
AND HIS CHAMPION PUREBRED
JEAN JACQUES ST. GERMAINE
DE DUPREE.
PRESTON. PRESTON.
YOU AND JACQUES
HAVE ALREADY
LOCKED UP AN INVITATION
TO NEXT WEEK'S FINAL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE TODAY?
NARROWING DOWN
THE COMPETITION, CHUCK.
ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA GO.
WHAT A WELL-GROOMED
BOY. [GIGGLES]
YEAH?
OH, RIGHT.
PRESTON AND JACQUES
JUST MADE
QUITE AN ENTRANCE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF THEY CAN ARRIVE
IN STYLE...
SO CAN WE.
HEY!
HEY, HOW'S IT GOIN'?
THAT IS ONE BIG DOG
YOU GOT THERE. YEAH.
UM, UH, IT'S A GREAT DAY
FOR A DOG SHOW, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, YOU GOTTA LOVE
ROYAL HOUND. GOTTA GO.
Emily: BOYCOTT ROYAL HOUND!
DID YOU SEE THE SIZE
OF THAT ONE, HOLLY?
I'M NOT EVEN SURE
THAT WAS A DOG, CHUCK.
BOYCOTT DOG SHOWS!
BOYCOTT
ROYAL HOUND!
Girl: HEY, NO DOG SHOWS!
BOYCOTT ROYAL HOUND
DOG FOOD!
BOYCOTT DOG SHOWS
AND STOP THE EXPLOITATION
OF ANIMALS!
BOYCOTT DOG SHOWS!
[RAP SONG PLAYS]
* HAS ANYBODY GOT MY BONE?
CHECK IT OUT.
P.A.: OBEDIENCE GROUPS,
PLEASE REPORT TO THE EAST
HOLDING AREA.
SMALL AND WORKING BREEDS,
PLEASE REMAIN IN SET-UP.
[BARKING]
LOOK HOW MANY OWNERS
LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THEIR DOGS.
* THERE'S A DOG COMIN'
DOWN THE STREET *
* GOTTA STOP
WHEN I PASS A TREE *
* IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME,
THE CALL ME THE BAD DOG *
THAT BETTER NOT
HAPPEN TO ME.
P.A.: ATTENTION
ALL COMPETITORS.
COMPETITORS...
HEY.
P.A.: SMALL AND MEDIUM
DOG CLASSIFICATIONS...
HEY, JACQUES-JACQUES,
JUICE-JUICE.
[DOG YIPPING]
P.A.: TURN THEM INTO
THE JUDGES PANEL.
ALL FORMS MUST BE
SUBMITTED BEFORE...
[WHIMPERS]
YEAH, WE'RE HERE
TO SIGN IN.
WE DON'T USUALLY
GET NEW ENTRIES
THIS LATE IN THE SEASON.
IT'S HIGHLY UNUSUAL.
WELL, UH...
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
I'D HATE TO INTRUDE,
BUT SECTION ONE
OF THE ROYAL HOUND
TOP DOG RULEBOOK
CLEARLY STATES
THAT ALL DOGS COMPETING
IN ANY SANCTIONED
COMPETITION MUST MEET
AT MINIMUM GENERAL
PRESENTATION REQUIREMENT
THAT ARE UP TO
TOP DOG STANDARDS.
CLEAN FUR, CLIPPED NAILS.
HE'S RIGHT.
YOU'LL NEED TO GET
A JUDGE TO SIGN OFF ON THIS
BEFORE YOU AND YOUR...
ANIMAL CAN COMPETE.
YOU HAVE STALL 14.
[WOOF WOOF]
GOOD LUCK.
YOU'LL NEED IT.
OHH...
[BARKING]
Calvin: BE AFRAID.
BE VERY AFRAID.
* THERE'S A DOG
COMIN' DOWN THE STREET *
* GOTTA STOP
WHEN I PASS A TREE *
* IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME,
THEY CALL ME THE BAD DOG *
* YEAH, I'M A BAD DOG
* OUTSIDE BARKIN'
AT THE MOON *
* DOG CATCHER GONNA
GET ME SOON *
FIGG, LOOK AT THIS PLACE, MAN.
IT'S LIKE WE WARPED
INTO SOME FREAKY
ALTERNATE DOG UNIVERSE,
YOU KNOW?
CALVIN, THESE DOGS
HAVE ENTIRE TEAMS
OF PROFESSIONAL
GROOMERS.
SO? WHAT DO WE HAVE?
ONE COMB.
THE EVENT BEGINS
IN ONE HOUR.
WE'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE
TYCHO READY IN TIME.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE
BEEN OVER THIS, FIGG?
MAN, YOU HAVE REALLY
GOT TO LEARN TO EXPECT
THE IMPOSSIBLE.
RONDEL?
YEAH, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
IT'S CALVIN.
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S PSYCHED, Y'ALL.
IT'S GAME TIME!
RONDEL, BABY,
WHAT KIND OF CLIENT
DID YOU SAY THIS WAS?
STALL 14? THANK YOU.
MAN, I OWE YOU.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, KID.
YOU KNOW ME.
I LIVE TO COMPETE.
LET'S GO.
MOM, THE TEAM IS ALL YOURS.
HMM. NOW, THIS IS WHAT
I CALL A CHALLENGE.
ALL RIGHT, FRONT COURT,
YOU'RE ON NAIL CLIPPING
DUTY, SO MOVE.
GUARDS, I WANT TO SEE
THEM TEETH WHITE
AND SHINY. COME ON, NOW.
COME ON, Y'ALL.
Y'ALL GOTTA BE
FEELIN' ME RIGHT NOW.
LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN,
Y'ALL. COME ON.
YO, MAN,
PASS ME THOSE CLIPPERS.
[HAIR DRYER BLOWING]
HEY, HEY, HEY.
LOOK ME IN MY EYES.
YOU ARE TOO FAST.
YOU ARE FAST
LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN.
YOU CANNOT BE STOPPED.
IT'S NOT IN THE BODY,
IT'S IN THE MIND.
YOU ARE THE MAC DADDY DOG!
YOU FEELIN' ME?!
Chuck: IN LANE ONE,
WE HAVE TWO-TIME
TOP DOG DEFENDING CHAMPIONS
PRESTON PRICE AND JACQUES.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Holly: AND IN LANE 2,
WE HAVE CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO.
YEAH!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Holly: LOOK AT THAT.
[BARKING]
Chuck: I DON'T BELIEVE IT,
HOLLY.
THIS IS CALVIN AND TYCHO'S
FIRST COMPETITION,
BUT CLEARLY THEY HAVE
UNLEASHED A TEAM OF STYLISTS
THAT KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
SEE, THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.
BORDEN HAIR SALON.
FIFTH AND MAIN.
HONEY. HONEY?
YOU NEED TO COME SEE ME.
OK?
Holly: THIS IS
AN EVENT THAT FAVORS
SMALLER, MORE AGILE
ANIMALS, CHUCK.
UNLESS TYCHO IS A LOT MORE
FLEET OF FOOT THAN HE LOOKS,
THIS WON'T EVEN BE CLOSE.
JACQUES AND I ARE GONNA
TEACH YOU AND YOUR MUTT
A LESSON.
WELL, UH...
I'LL JUST SEE YOU
AT THE FINISH LINE,
PRESTON.
Official: DOGS READY.
[RUFF RUFF RUFF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
HANDLERS READY.
ON MY MARK...
GET SET...
GO.
JACQUES,
LET'S GO, JACQUES.
OK. OK, WEAVE, JACQUES.
WEAVE, JACQUES.
LET'S GO.
WEAVE, JACQUES. GOOD BOY.
WEAVE. WEAVE, JACQUES.
WEAVE.
OK, COME ON, TYCHO.
WE CAN BEAT THEM.
LET'S GO.
Chuck: BY GOLLY, HOLLY,
DID YOU SEE THAT?
TYCHO IS CRASHING
THROUGH THE OBSTACLES
LIKE THEY AREN'T EVEN THERE.
Calvin: OK, THAT'S COOL.
WE CAN STILL DO IT.
GO THROUGH. COME ON.
GO THROUGH.
Crowd: OHH!
[WOOF]
WE CAN DO IT.
COME ON.
GO, GO.
GO, GO, GO. OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
Holly: THEY'RE TUNNELING
THROUGH RIGHT NOW.
THAT LITTLE DOG
IS STILL IN THE LEAD.
HE IS SO CUTE.
OHH! WHOA! OH!
[RUFF]
AAH, AAH, AAH.
THAT'S MY SHOULDER!
[WOOF WOOF]
Holly: SPLISH SPLASH,
HE'S TAKIN' A BATH.
Chuck: THAT DOG
IS DOING SWIMMINGLY.
THINK THAT'S THE DOGGIE
PADDLE, CHUCK.
TYCHO! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
UNH! AAH!
TYCHO! NOOOO!
[CROWD GASPING]
OHH! HE'S GONNA
HAVE TO SHAKE
THAT ONE OFF.
JACQUES!
GO, TYCHO--OW!
[CROWD GROANS]
OHH!
OH, JACQUES,
ARE YOU OK, JACQUES?
COME HERE, JACQUES.
Calvin: COME ON!
WHERE'S MY DOG?!
OH, JACQUES,
ARE YOU OK, JACQUES?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
ARE YOU OK?
OHH!
OK--
Chuck: THAT DOG IS FLYING
OFF THE BRIDGE.
TYCHO TAKES THE LEAD.
[WHIMPERS]
OH!
COME ON, MAN!
COME ON, BABY!
TYCHO, WAIT!
TYCHO, NO! NO!
GO, JACQUES.
JACQUES,
GO, JACQUES.
[GROWLING]
[BARKING]
[CROWD GROANS]
[GROWLING, BARKING]
COME. HEY, JACQUES.
[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]
THIS IS
AN AWARD-WINNING DOG.
GET OFF OF MY DOG!
THEY'RE DIGGIN' UP
SOME TROUBLE NOW, CHUCK.
Chuck:
IT'S PAN-DOG-MONIUM.
THIS IS DOGGONE EXCITING.
Chuck: A CANINE CATASTROPHE.
JUDGES, WE HAVE
A VIOLATION. CODE RED!
THERE'S A RACE GOIN' ON!
TYCHO, WAIT!
WAIT FOR ME, TYCHO!
WAIT! I'M COMIN'!
[BARKING]
TYCHO, COME ON, NOW,
GO INTO THE TUNNEL.
JACQUES!
ALL RIGHT, TYCHO,
WE GONNA WIN!
JACQUES--JACQUES--
NO, GET OUTTA THERE!
DON'T SPIN!
JACQUES! JACQUES,
COME OUT OF THERE
THIS INSTANT!
HEEL! HEEL!
DO SOMETHING WITH
THAT MANGY MUTT!
[ALL SHOUTING]
I THINK HE'S MAKING
HIS WAY TO THE FINISH LINE.
DRAGGIN' THAT THING
LIKE A DRAGON, ISN'T HE?
OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
OH HO HO!
Holly:
THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.
Preston: JUDGES,
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
JACQUES AND I ARE FILING
AN OFFICIAL PROTEST!
[RUFF RUFF]
JACQUES!
Chuck: HOLLY, IT LOOKS LIKE
PRESTON PRICE HAS LOST CONTROL
OF HIS ANIMAL.
I'VE NEVER SEEN A CHAMPION
THIS FLUSTERED, CHUCK.
Preston: BAD DOG!
HE'S GOT TO GET
TO THE FINISH LINE.
HE'S ALMOST THERE!
OH, YEAH!
[WOOF WOOF]
COME ON, TYCHO.
COME ON!
DON'T STOP MOVIN',
TYCHO, KEEP MOVIN'!
PLEASE MOVE.
JUST PLEASE MOVE.
I'M TRYING TO WIN THE RACE.
Chuck: PRESTON PRICE
HAS JUST BEEN HIT
WITH A PENALTY
FOR CARRYING HIS DOG.
Holly: OH, THAT IS
GOING TO COST THE CHAMP.
COME ON! COME ON!
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
WHOA!
WHOO-HOO!
* VICTORY IS OURS,
VICTORY IS OURS *
Holly: OK, CHUCK,
IT'S GOING TO TAKE
THE JUDGES SOME TIME
TO TALLY UP ALL THOSE
PENALTIES HERE.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE FINALLY
GOING TO GET A RULING
FROM THE HEAD JUDGE.
THE DOG IN LANE 2,
TYCHO,
COMPLETED THE COURSE
IN ONE MINUTE, 37 SECONDS.
AFTER CALCULATING
THE TIME PENALTIES
ASSESSED FOR MISSING
EVERY SINGLE OBSTACLE,
THE FINAL TIME
IS 2 MINUTES AND 6 SECONDS.
UNBELIEVABLE!
CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO
HAVE JUST SET
A NEW COURSE RECORD.
Holly: WITH SOME VERY
UNORTHODOX STRATEGY,
I MIGHT ADD.
JUST LISTEN. THE CROWD
IS BEGGING FOR MORE.
[WOOF WOOF]
IT'S NOT FAIR.
HE CHEATED.
HE CAN'T JUST SMASH THROUGH
OBSTACLES LIKE THAT. COME ON.
THE WINNER IS
CALVIN WHEELER AND TYCHO.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
OHH! OHH!
YEAH! HA HA!
Chuck: THAT FIRST-PLACE FINISH
IS GOING TO SECURE
THIS UNKNOWN DOG
AN INVITATION TO
THE TOP DOG FINALS
NEXT WEEKEND.
Holly: CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO
HAVE JUST SHOCKED
THE DOG SHOW WORLD.
I'M CHUCK.
AND I'M HOLLY.
Both: BOW-WOW FOR NOW.
TELL US HOW YOU FEEL!
WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?
OK, OK. PLEASE,
ONE AT A TIME.
YOU.
CHARLES NETWORTH,
PERFECT POOCHIE MONTHLY.
SOME MEMBERS OF THE CANINE
PRESS CORPS HAVE ALREADY
CALLED YOUR DOG
TYCHO THE TERRIBLE.
[WOOF]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE NICKNAME?
WELL, UH--HA HA--
IF THE SHOE FITS...
GET IT, THE SHOE?
[ALL LAUGHING]
MANDY CALL,
FANCY CANINE.
CALVIN, YOU AND TYCHO
HAVE NOW QUALIFIED TO ENTER
THE TOP DOG FINALS.
TWO-TIME DEFENDING CHAMP
PRESTON PRICE SAYS THAT
HE WILL BE
IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT.
ANY RESPONSE?
[TYCHO BARKING]
UM...
EXPECT THE IMPOSSIBLE.
THAT'S GREAT.
[REPORTERS TALKING]
[TYCHO BARKING]
HELP ME OUT, FIGG.
THANKS.
NO PROBLEM.
CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
OK.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH YOU AND CALVIN?
I MEAN, YOU FOLLOW HIM
AROUND LIKE YOU'RE
A SERVANT.
WHEN I FIRST MOVED HERE,
KIDS MADE FUN OF ME, YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE I HAVE ASTHMA.
AND CALVIN DIDN'T?
NO, HE DID.
HE WAS THE WORST ACTUALLY.
BUT WHY--
DO YOU REMEMBER
IN SECOND GRADE,
WHEN I HAD THAT REALLY BAD
ASTHMA ATTACK DURING RECESS?
OH, YEAH!
THEY CALLED THE AMBULANCE
AND EVERYTHING.
YEAH. I FORGOT
MY INHALER THAT DAY.
I JUST COULDN'T BREATHE.
EVERYBODY WAS STANDING AROUND
STARING AT ME.
THE KIDS AND THE TEACHERS.
BUT NOT CALVIN.
HE REMEMBERED THAT
MR. AGATHAPALS, THE JANITOR,
ALSO HAD ASTHMA.
CALVIN RAN INSIDE,
GOT HIS INHALER
AND BROUGHT IT TO ME.
CAME AND SAW ME EVERY DAY
WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.
READ ME COMIC BOOKS.
LET ME GUESS.
GOTHAM MAN.
GOTHAM MAN.
DARK DRAGON CHRONICLES.
SO THERE REALLY IS
A HEART OF GOLD
IN THERE.
YEAH. IT'S JUST DEEP.
DEEP DOWN SOMETIMES.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HEY! I'M HERE
FOR THE FOLLOW-UP INTERVIEW.
AHH. WE'VE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.
PLEASE...
HAVE A SEAT.
WHERE'S TYCHO?
THIS IS ABOUT HIM,
REMEMBER?
[WHIMPERING]
GOOD JOB!
HERE WE ARE.
AHH. LUNCH IS SERVED.
THANK YOU, TYCHO.
[WOOF WOOF]
THANK YOU, CALVIN.
YEAH,
THANK YOU, TYCHO.
Calvin: I MEAN,
YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?
YOU DON'T HONESTLY THINK
THAT AVENGING ANGIE
IS A BETTER COMIC
THAN GOTHAM MAN?
COME ON. BETTER ARTWORK,
BETTER STORYLINES,
MORE COMPLEX CHARACTERS.
LISTEN, LADY, OK?
GOTHAM MAN IS
AN ICON.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE
JUST LUCKY THAT I'M HERE
TO EVALUATE YOUR
QUALIFICATIONS AS A DOG OWNER
AND NOT YOUR TASTE IN COMICS.
[BEEPING]
OR YOUR VIDEOGAME SKILLS.
THAT WAS LUCK.
YOU KNOW IT.
SEE YOU LATER.
UM, EMILY, UM...
THE SPRING DANCE
IS NEXT WEEK.
I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOU WANTED TO GO.
I MEAN...
WITH ME.
YOU HAVE VERY IMPRESSIVE
QUALIFICATIONS, CALVIN.
I DO HAVE ONE QUESTION
FOR YOU, HOWEVER.
OH, YEAH, SURE,
ANYTHING.
[IMITATING JULIE]
DO YOU LOOK SPECTACULAR
IN ALL SPRING COLORS?
THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION
AND, UH...
YOU KNOW I DO.
PICK ME UP AT 8:00 THEN.
BUT STILL, WE'RE LOOKING
FOR A FANTASTIC WEEKEND.
THE TOP DOG FINAL,
PRESENTED BY ROYAL...
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW---
NO, NO, NO, NO.
STOP.
COMES UP TOMORROW AT 3 P.M.
TWO-TIME DEFENDING CHAMPION
PRESTON PRICE SAYS
HIS DOG JACQUES...
OF COURSE IT WOULD
BE HIM.
WILL TAKE ON THE NEWCOMER
CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO, OR AS
SOME ARE CALLING HIM...
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
THANK YOU, JIM.
IN LOCAL NEWS...
EMILY.
EMILY, WAIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT WERE YOU GOING
TO DO WITH TYCHO
AFTER YOU WERE DONE
USING HIM TO MAKE YOUR MONEY?
TAKE HIM BACK TO THE SHELTER?
LOOK, NO, NO, NO.
THAT WAS JUST THE WAY
IT STARTED.
OH, BUT WAIT.
YOU'VE CHANGED.
YES.
NOW YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD
AND YOU REALLY LOVE TYCHO.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT.
THEN PROVE IT.
DON'T ENTER HIM
IN THAT SHOW.
DROP OUT NOW.
GOOD-BYE, CALVIN.
Figg: CALVIN!
HEY, EMILY.
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
TYCHO HAS A HOME.
HE HAS A FAMILY
THAT MISSES HIM.
LOOK. THEY'RE EVEN OFFERING
A REWARD TO GET HIM BACK.
HOW MANY FLYERS
DID YOU SEE?
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE TOWN.
[SIGHS]
TAKE THEM ALL DOWN.
WHAT?
I'M--I'M NOT
LOSING TYCHO.
NOT NOW.
CALVIN, THIS IS HIS HOME.
HIS REAL HOME
WHERE HE BELONGS.
SAYS WHO?
CALVIN, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
IF YOU LOST TYCHO,
YOU'D WANT HIM BACK, RIGHT?
JUST DO IT, FIGG!
NOW.
NO.
WHAT?
[SCOFFS]
WHAT DID YOU
SAY TO ME?
"HE'S SELFISH.
HE ONLY CARES ABOUT HIMSELF."
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL
SAY ABOUT YOU, CALVIN.
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT THEY WERE RIGHT.
TILL NOW.
I WANT TO KEEP TYCHO
MORE THAN ANYTHING.
[WHIMPERING]
I KNOW YOU'LL DO
THE RIGHT THING, SON.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
UM...YEAH, I HAVE YOUR DOG.
GREAT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
LOOK, HONEY!
IT'S CHESTER!
[WOOF]
CHESTER.
Woman: OH, LOOK.
CHESTER! COME HERE, HONEY.
COME GIVE MAMA A KISS.
[WOOF]
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA.
GO ON, TYCHO.
I MEAN...
CHESTER.
[WHIMPERS]
THANK YOU.
FOR BRINGING HIM
HOME TO US.
BILLY, GO GET THE REWARD.
NO, NO, NO.
KEEP THE MONEY. I--
I DON'T WANT IT.
JUST PROMISE ME
YOU'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM.
YEAH, SURE.
NO PROBLEM.
[WOOF]
[WHIMPERING]
[WOOF]
STAY.
YOU HEAR ME?
[WOOF WOOF]
STAY.
[WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF]
HEY.
HEY, WHERE'S TYCHO?
UM...
I TOOK HIM HOME.
BUT THE TOP DOG FINALS
IS TODAY.
I KNOW.
EMILY!
HEY!
GET OUT OF HERE.
I WANT YOU
TO KNOW SOMETHING.
CALVIN GAVE TYCHO BACK
TO HIS REAL FAMILY
AND DIDN'T ACCEPT A REWARD.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YEAH. YOU CAN SAY
A LOT OF BAD THINGS
ABOUT CALVIN.
THEY'RE PROBABLY TRUE,
BUT YOU CAN'T SAY
HE DOESN'T LOVE
THAT DOG.
THIS PHOTO OF TYCHO,
I TOOK IT.
NO, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
THAT WAS TAKEN
BY HIS REAL FAMILY.
UNH-UNH. LOOK.
I TOOK THIS PHOTO
WHEN THEY FIRST BROUGHT
TYCHO INTO THE SHELTER.
BUT--BUT THAT MEANS THAT
THIS FLYER COULDN'T
HAVE BEEN PUT UP BY
TYCHO'S FAMILY.
SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
CALVIN!
WHAT'S UP, FIGG?
LOOK AT THIS.
IT WAS PRESTON!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE MADE UP THOSE FLYERS
AND POSTED THEM HIMSELF.
HE DID IT ALL.
HE KNEW HOW MUCH
I CARED ABOUT TYCHO,
HOW MUCH I WANTED
TO DO WHAT WAS BEST
FOR HIM
AND GET HIM BACK
TO HIS REAL FAMILY.
EXCEPT THEY'RE NOT
HIS REAL FAMILY.
THEY'RE PHONIES!
SO WHO ARE THEY?
THEY HAD TO BE SOMEBODY
PRESTON COULD CONTROL.
Preston: NOT THERE,
YOU DUFUS.
Calvin: I KNEW THAT GUY
LOOKED FAMILIAR!
SO WHAT NOW?
NOW WE GET HIM BACK!
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
THAT'S TYCHO.
[ARGUING]
[WOOF WOOF]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
Woman: I DON'T CARE
WHAT WE'RE GETTIN' PAID!
I WANT THAT BEAST GONE
AND I MEAN NOW.
WE SHOULD GET HELP.
Man: FINE!
DUDE, THERE'S
NO TIME FOR HELP.
OK, FIGG,
YOU GO KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
KEEP 'EM TALKING, OK?
WE'LL SNEAK IN
THROUGH THE BACK.
I'M GONNA
GO WITH HIM.
NO, CALVIN,
WAIT A SECOND.
I--I'M NOT YOU.
I MEAN...
YOU KNOW, I'M
NOT GOOD AT LYING.
FIGG, DON'T THINK OF IT
AS LYING, OK? REMEMBER--
SHH!
OK. DO YOU REMEMBER
ISSUE 426 OF THE DARK
DRAGON CHRONICLES
WHEN GOTHAM MAN HAD TO
PROVIDE A DISTRACTION?
OH, SO THE JUSTICE
LEGION COULD SNEAK
THROUGH THE DARK...
All: DRAGON'S LAIR.
I GOT IT. GOT IT.
LET'S DO IT.
LET'S DO IT.
Woman: TAKE
THE DOG AND--SHH!
GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR.
I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU
THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SUBSCRIBE
TO THESE--THESE
LEADING MAGAZINES
AT A GENEROUS
DISCOUNT.
Woman: WHAT IS GOIN' ON,
BILLY?
SOME KID
SELLIN' MAGAZINES.
KID, WE DON'T WANT
NO MAGAZINES.
[GASPING]
[GAGGING]
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU, BOY?
ARE YOU OK, HON?
WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?
UGH! [GASPING]
I THINK HE HAS THE ASTHMA,
YOU KNOW, LIKE MY COUSIN GAYLE?
[WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
IF HE DIES ON OUR PORCH,
HE CAN PROBABLY SUE US
OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?
SHUT UP, BILLY!
[GASPING]
[GASPING]
YOU FEELING BETTER,
HON?
MUCH. THANK YOU.
OH, TYCHO!
AAH!
HEY, FIGG, WHEN DO
THE TOP DOG FINALS START?
8 MINUTES
AND 22 SECONDS AGO.
WHY?
YOU'RE NOT THINKING
WHAT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING.
YOU AND TYCHO
HAVE TO COMPETE.
AND YOU HAVE TO WIN!
OTHERWISE PRESTON WILL.
IT'S UP TO HIM.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, BOY?
UP FOR GETTING EXPLOITED
ONE MORE TIME?
[WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF]
DAD, GUN IT! WE HAVE
A DOG SHOW TO WIN!
BUCKLE UP,
EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO
THE TOP DOG FINALS,
SPONSORED BY ROYAL HOUND
DOG FOODS.
THIS YEAR'S THEME,
AROUND THE WORLD
IN 80 DOGS.
CONTESTANTS HAVE
JUST 90 SECONDS
TO IMPRESS THE JUDGES
WITH ANY PERFORMANCE
ROUTINE.
JESSICA ROSE AND HER DOG
CHICHI ARE JUST
FINISHING UP
NEXT TO THE DISPLAY
OF THE ARFUL TOWER.
THAT'S GOING TO BRING UP
THIS SHOW'S
TWO-TIME DEFENDING CHAMPIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK,
IT'S PRESTON PRICE
AND JACQUES!
[APPLAUSE]
[ARF ARF]
[ARF ARF]
OK. GO.
Audience: OOH!
WHERE IS CALVIN AND TYCHO?
WE ARE UP NEXT.
CALVIN, WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO?
YOU AND TYCHO DON'T EVEN
HAVE A ROUTINE.
I THINK WE MIGHT.
RIGHT, TYCHO?
[RRRF]
[APPLAUSE]
[ARF ARF ARF]
Holly:
AND WHAT A CATCH!
WHAT ARE THOSE,
CHUCK?
FLYING DISKS, HOLLY.
WOW!
Chuck: FANTASTIC!
Holly: OOH LALA, JACQUES!
[BUZZER]
Chuck: WOW!
A FLAWLESS ROUTINE
BY THE CHAMPION!
HERE COMES SCORES.
Chuck: A 98!
UNBELIEVABLE!
OOH, THAT IS GOING TO BE
NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT.
IT'S GONNA GET ROUGH
IN THERE, CHUCK.
NEXT UP IS CALVIN WHEELER
AND TYCHO.
DON'T HOLD YOUR
BREATH.
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
THIS IS THE FINAL CALL
FOR CALVIN WHEELER
AND TYCHO.
GO, TYCHO!
GO!
[WOOF WOOF]
IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S
GOING TO BE A DISQUALIFICATION.
LET'S GO, BABY! WOW!
DON'T ROLL OVER YET.
LOOK!
Audience: OHH!
[WOOF WOOF]
THERE, BABY!
OH, COOL!
WHOA!
Audience: OHH!
[WOOF WOOF]
SURPRISED?
YOU AND YOUR NO-GOOD MUTT
STILL HAVE TO BEAT A 98.
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
YOU MAY BEGIN,
MR. WHEELER.
ALL RIGHT.
FULL SPEED, TYCHO.
FULL SPEED.
Chuck: OK, HOLLY.
CALVIN AND TYCHO
HAVE ONE MINUTE
AND 30 SECONDS TO IMPRESS
THE JUDGES IN THIS
FREESTYLE EXHIBITION.
Holly: LET'S SEE WHAT
THEY HAVE IN THEIR
BAG OF TRICKS.
Holly: HE IS HEADED
FOR THE FABLED WINDMILLS
OF OUR DOG QUIXOTE DISPLAY.
THE AUDIENCE IS JUST
LAPPING THIS UP!
Chuck: HOLLY, THEY'RE RACING
RIGHT FOR THE ARFUL TOWER.
AND THEY'RE THROUGH!
Holly: BOTH CALVIN
AND TYCHO ARE HEADED FOR
THE ANCIENT DRUID RUINS
OF BONEHENGE!
OH, WOW! NOW
THEY'RE ON THE WAY
TO MOUNT RUFFMORE'S HALF PIPE!
AND THEY ARE MOVING!
GO, CALVIN!
DID YOU SEE THAT?
CALVIN JUST SKATED RIGHT OVER
THE WATERS OF
THE SOUTH PAW-CIFIC!
Chuck: NOW THEY'RE HEADED
FOR THE BRIDGE TOO FUR.
[CROWD CHEERING]
CALVIN AND TYCHO ARE
GOING TO HAVE TIME
FOR JUST ONE MORE TRICK,
HOLLY.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK,
AND THEY ARE PICKING UP
SOME SERIOUS SPEED.
[ARF ARF ARF]
Chuck: OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
AAH!
[BUZZER]
AND CALVIN STICKS
THE LANDING!
WELL, HOW I'D DO?
Man: IT'S OBVIOUS
PRESTON SABOTAGED THE EVENT.
HE'S DISQUALIFIED.
Boy: PRESTON PRICE CHEATED.
Woman: THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO.
LET'S WRAP IT UP.
WE AWARD THE ROUTINE...
A 99!
THAT'S IT! FAME!
CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO
THE TERRIBLE
HAVE JUST WON
ROYAL HOUND'S
TOP DOG FINAL!
ALL RIGHT, CALVIN!
GO, BABY!
HOLD IT THERE, CALVIN!
TYCHO, CALVIN, THIS WAY!
Figg:
GUYS, GUYS, PLEASE!
PLEASE, ONE AT A TIME!
HOW PREPARED WERE YOU?
YOU.
EMILY WATSON,
BEDFORD ANIMAL SHELTER
MONTHLY NEWSLETTER.
YES?
CALVIN, I WAS WONDERING,
DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS
FOR THE PRIZE MONEY?
I SURE DO.
[WOOF WOOF]
[APPLAUSE]
AND JUST WHO WAS
STEWART BICKFORD?
THE CREATOR
OF GOTHAM MAN.
THESE RENOVATIONS WERE
ONLY MADE POSSIBLE BY
A GENEROUS DONATION
FROM CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG,
A FORMER RESIDENT
OF THIS SHELTER,
TYCHO THE TERRIBLE!
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
YOU DID IT, CALVIN.
[ARF ARF ARF]
Girl: CUTE.
YOU'RE A CHATTY DOG.
YOU'RE A LITTLE TOO CHATTY
FOR OUR HOUSE.
[ARF GRRR]
Calvin: YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF WE'RE EVER GOING
TO GET RUFUS A HOME,
WE'VE GOT TO WORK
ON HIS SOCIAL SKILLS.
RUFUS?
YOU KNOW WHAT
MR. DUDLEY SAYS ABOUT
NAMING THE ANIMALS.
WHAT CAN I SAY? HE LOOKS LIKE
A LITTLE RUFUS TO ME.
GUYS, HE'S JUST
SCARED, THAT'S ALL.
[ARF ARF ARF]
HEY, BUDDY.
HEY, LITTLE GUY.
HIYA.
WOULD YOU
LOOK AT THAT.
FIGG, HE ACTUALLY
LIKES YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'D SAY 5.2,
MAYBE 5.3 POUNDS.
DEFINITELY UNDER
THE WEIGHT LIMIT
FOR MY APARTMENT COMPLEX.
LOOKS LIKE AND TYCHO
HAVE SOME STIFF
COMPETITION
FOR NEXT YEAR'S
DOG SHOW.
HA! PLEASE.
AFTER THE PERFORMANCE
TYCHO AND I GAVE,
I DON'T THINK THERE IS
A DOG ON THIS EARTH...
COME ON, BUDDY.
OK, THAT CAN--
OH, YES.
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD BOY.
YES, YOU ARE.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE
KIDDIN' ME.
[WHIMPERING]
YOU KNOW WHAT, FIGG?
FIGG, WAIT.
HOW ABOUT
WE TEAM UP?
YOU, ME, OUR DOGS,
YOU KNOW?
WE CAN DO THIS
KIND OF TAG TEAM
TANDEM THING.
YEAH. I MEAN,
WE CAN'T LOSE.
AT THE VERY LEAST,
YOU GONNA NEED
A MANAGER.
YOU KNOW, SOMEONE
TO HELP YOU COUNT
THAT MONEY.
MM-HMM. HE'S GONNA
BE OUR LITTLE STAR.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* COME HERE, COME HERE
* HE DON'T SIT
IN NO WINDOW *
* BECAUSE HE
AIN'T FOR SALE *
* AND I'M KINDA SURE
HE LIKES ME *
* BY THE WAY HE
WAGS HIS TAIL *
* I KNOW HE'D TRY
TO SAVE ME *
* IF I FELL DOWN THE WELL
* 'CAUSE HE'S A FRIEND
I CAN DEPEND ON *
* LORDY, WHAT'S
THAT SMELL? *
* IT'S A...
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOKIN' OUT
FOR CALVIN *
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG
[RECORD SCRATCHES]
* HE CAN'T HELP
THAT HE'S HAIRY *
* IF HE WASN'T,
HE WOULD FREEZE *
* AND HE CAN'T HELP THAT
* HE'S A WALKING HOTEL
FOR SOME FLEAS *
* NOW, HE AIN'T MUCH
ON MANNERS *
* ALTHOUGH HE AIMS
TO PLEASE *
* HIS CALLING CARD
IS IN THE YARD *
* REMEMBER, WIPE YOUR FEET
* 'CAUSE THERE'S A...
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
LOOK, MOM. PUPPIES!
CAN I HAVE ONE?
SEE YA.
AW...CAN I KEEP HIM?
YES, LET'S
TAKE HIM HOME.
GO AHEAD,
YOU CAN PICK ONE OUT.
THANKS, DAD.
I WANT THIS ONE.
NOW, YOU SURE, HONEY?
MAKE SURE YOU
TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM.
I WILL.
[PUPPIES WHIMPER]
GOOD LUCK, LITTLE GUY.
[PUPPY WHIMPERS]
BEAT IT,
FILTHY MUTT!
GET OUT OF HERE!
[BARKS]
LOOK AT THE SIZE
OF THAT ONE.
[BARKS]
OK, BIG FELLA.
NICE AND EASY, NOW.
THERE HE GOES!
CALL FOR BACKUP NOW!
[CAR PEELS OUT]
THERE HE IS!
GO! GO! GO!
Radio: CALLING ALL UNITS,
ALL UNITS CONVERGE
ON THE CORNER
OF EUCLID AND ELM.
WE HAVE A 5-1-1 IN PROGRESS.
STOP THAT DOG!
I GOT YA!
LOOK OUT!
OH, MOMMY!
GET BACK HERE!
HE'S UNDER
THE TABLE!
HEY, STOP THAT DOG!
HEY, YOU!
WATCH HIM!
WATCH HIM!
HEY, HE GOT
AWAY FROM US AGAIN!
[SIREN BLARES]
HEY, THERE HE IS!
LET'S GET HIM!
Woman: OH, MY CLOTHES!
HE'S DESTROYING
MY VINTAGE CLOTHES!
CUT HIM OFF!
CUT HIM OFF!
WHERE'S MY BACKUP?
I WANT EVERY AVAILABLE
UNIT OUT HERE NOW!
EASY. RELAX.
[WHIMPERS]
GOOD JOB.
ONLY 2 MORE ISSUES TO GO.
MORNING, MOM.
MORNING, DAD.
HI, HONEY.
HEY, SON.
GOOD MORNING, HONEY.
CALVIN, TRASH
GOES OUT THIS MORNING.
IT'S COVERED, DAD!
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
FIGG, YEAH, MAN.
I'M RUNNING A COUPLE
MINUTES LATE.
ADJUST MY SCHEDULE
ACCORDINGLY. ALL RIGHT.
CALVIN!
YO, LOU AND THRASH,
WHAT'S UP?
DUDE, THANKS
FOR HOOKING US UP
WITH THOSE
MUDBUCKET TICKETS.
YEAH, THAT CONCERT ROCKED!
LOU, DON'T FORGET THE
LAWN CLIPPINGS, GUYS.
GOOD MORNING,
MR. WHEELER.
YOUR SON ROCKS.
YOU MUST BE,
LIKE, REALLY PROUD.
* MMM...COME ON
* UNGH
YO. YO. YO.
YO. YO. YO. YO.
WHAT'S
THE WORD, FIGG?
WELL, YOU'VE GOT
A POP QUIZ COMING UP
IN FIFTH PERIOD.
ALSO, THEY
MAILED OUT THIRD QUARTER
REPORT CARDS YESTERDAY,
SO HEAD'S UP AT HOME.
GOT IT.
AND YOU STILL NEED A DATE
FOR THE SPRING DANCE.
I COMPILED A DOSSIER
FROM THE TOP CONTENDERS
AND SCHEDULED INTERVIEWS
FOR LUNCH PERIOD.
WHAT'S UP, MAN?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
PRETTY SIMPLE DAY,
YOU KNOW?
Figg: OK, GIRLS IF
YOU'LL PLEASE BE SEATED.
I'M CAPTAIN OF
THE CHEER SQUAD,
A GREAT DANCER,
OH, AND I LOOK
SPECTACULAR
IN ALL
SPRING COLORS.
YOU HAVE IMPRESSIVE
QUALIFICATIONS, JULIE.
BUT I DO HAVE
ONE QUESTION FOR YOU.
SURE, ANYTHING!
WHAT IS THE NAME
OF GOTHAM MAN'S ARCH-ENEMY?
I'M SORRY?
GOTHAM MAN?
PROTON COMICS?
CREATED BY ARTIST
STEWART BICKFORD
IN 1947--
RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT.
THE SUPERHERO.
BUT WHY ARE YOU--
LOOK. LOOK. LOOK.
DO YOU KNOW THE NAME
OF HIS ARCH-ENEMY OR NOT?
SURE! IT'S...
I THINK...
CHARLIE.
THANKS, JULIE.
WE'LL LET YOU KNOW. NEXT!
WAIT! FRANK?
JIM? TIM? EUGENE?
CAN'T THIS BE
MULTIPLE CHOICE
OR SOMETHING?
OK, NEXT!
SUPPORT THE LOCAL
ANIMAL SHELTER.
THE SHELTER IS
IN DESPERATE NEED
OF RENOVATIONS
AND VOLUNTEERS.
PLEASE, TAKE A FLYER.
OH, EMILY!
SURE, I'LL TAKE ONE.
OK, LOOK.
FIGG, THIS IS
THE LIST OF COMICS
I NEED YOU
TO PICK UP FOR ME. OK?
Figg: OK.
THANKS LOADS, CALVIN.
OH, AND THAT'S
A TRICK QUESTION.
GOTHAM MAN'S ARCH-ENEMY
HAS NO NAME.
Emily: PLEASE SAVE
THE ANIMAL SHELTER!
HI, THERE.
I'M SORRY, EMILY.
YOU KNOW HOW SHORT
WE ARE IN FUNDING.
WE JUST DON'T
HAVE THE SPACE.
PLEASE, MR. DUDLEY,
JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE TIME!
I KNOW THAT I CAN
FIND TYCHO A HOME!
HI, THERE, BUDDY.
HEY, TYCHO.
TYCHO? EMILY,
WE TALKED ABOUT
NAMING THE ANIMALS.
IT JUST
MAKES IT HARDER WHEN...
THINGS DON'T WORK OUT.
BUT I'VE BEEN
WORKING WITH HIM,
TRAINING HIM.
HE'S REALLY VERY SWEET.
AND...I TAUGHT HIM A TRICK.
HEY! HEY!
UM, NO, STOP IT.
UM, THAT WASN'T
THE TRICK.
EMILY, YOU'RE JUST
GONNA HAVE TO LEARN
WE CAN'T SAVE 'EM ALL.
IT'S OK, TYCHO.
WE'LL FIND YOU A HOME.
I PROMISE.
Calvin: YOU KNOW,
IT'S MY DREAM
TO GET
GOTHAM MAN #1.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,
THE DARK DRAGON
CHRONICLES
REPRESENTS THE
PINNACLE OF THE
GOTHAM MAN LEGACY.
BUT I MEAN,
THE ORIGINAL GOTHAM MAN,
HE'S, LIKE--
HEY, CALVIN!
POP-A-WHEELER!
WE NEED
TO TALK, MAN.
HEY, MAMA.
HEY, SWEETIE.
DON'T MIND IF WE USE
THIS SPACE A LITTLE BIT,
DO YOU?
NO, YOU GO AHEAD, BABY.
CALVIN, HAVE A SEAT.
OK. SEAT?
THAT AIN'T GONNA HURT.
LISTEN, MAN.
TONIGHT IS THE LAST
GAME OF THE SEASON.
WE WIN THIS GAME,
WE CLINCH REGIONALS.
YOU GUYS ARE
6 1/2 POINT FAVORITES.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WESTLAKE SOMEHOW
GOT A HOLD OF
OUR PLAYBOOK,
AND THEY'RE
GONNA KNOW ALL
OF OUR SCHEMES.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT
GONNA COST US?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I WOULDN'T JUST DO IT
IN THE NAME OF
GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP?
YOU KNOW, SCHOOL SPIRIT?
'CAUSE I KNOW YOU, CALVIN.
OK, GOOD ENOUGH
FOR ME.
COME ON, FIGG.
HOOK ME UP, MAN.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!
THE GAME STARTS
IN A COUPLE OF HOURS!
I'M THINKING
GOTHAM MAN NUMBER 43.
TRADE.
BUT HOW AND WHO?
YOU KNOW, UM,
SIMON GIMPLE?
SURE, HE GOES
TO WESTLAKE.
YEAH, HE'S ALSO
THE BASKETBALL TEAM
EQUIPMENT MANAGER.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
HELLO?
SO, HOW'S
THE PIZZA, SIMON?
CALVIN?
WHERE ARE YOU?
THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
DID YOU BRING IT?
UM...
Announcer: AND NOW,
TO AMAZE, EXCITE,
AND INSPIRE,
THE BEDFORD HIGH
PRE-GAME PREP COMMITTEE
IS PROUD TO PRESENT
PRESTON PRICE
AND HIS WONDER DOG JACQUES!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT IS OUR HOPE THAT
JACQUES' RIVETING PERFORMANCE
WILL INSPIRE YOU ALL
TO BE CHAMPIONS.
OK. OK.
Man: DO IT!
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
COULD YOU GUYS
STEP AWAY FROM
JACQUES, PLEASE?
HOP UP!
AH, GOOD BOY.
GOOD BOY.
OH, ISN'T THAT
LITTLE DOG CUTE?!
CALVIN, WE NEED
THAT BOOK.
I BROUGHT IT,
BUT, UH--
SIMON, COME ON, MAN,
WE HAD A DEAL. OK?
NOW SLIP IT IN
ONE OF THE NEWSPAPERS
IN THE RACK,
BY THE DOOR. YEAH.
LOOK, CALVIN,
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA
GET ME SOMETHING COOL
FOR THIS.
SOMETHING HI-TECH.
MAN, YOU'RE HOLDING IT.
THAT CELL PHONE
IS A RANYO SCH-600, MAN.
THAT CELL PHONE
DOESN'T EVEN
COME OUT IN THE U.S.
UNTIL NEXT YEAR. ENJOY.
I DON'T KNOW, CALVIN.
I FEEL LIKE
A TRAITOR OR SOMETHING.
CALVIN? HELLO?
ARE YOU THERE? HELLO?
CALVIN, ARE
YOU THERE? HELLO?
GOOD BOY. GOD BOY.
LET'S SKATEBOARD.
GOOD BOY.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
[CROWD YAWNS]
THANK YOU.
JACQUES AND I THANK YOU.
IF JACQUES AND I DIDN'T
FIRE UP THIS TEAM,
NOTHING WILL.
[CROWD CHEERS
AND BAND PLAYS]
YO, FIGG!
COME HERE!
WHERE'S CALVIN
AT, MAN?
WE'RE GONNA GET
CRUSHED OUT THERE!
IT'S ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
HE'LL BE HERE.
THIS IS JUST LIKE
ISSUE 511 OF GOTHAM MAN.
All: WHAT?!
WHERE THE NAMELESS ONE
STOLE THE BLUEPRINTS
FROM THE GOTHAM CAVE.
FIGG, IF WE
LOSE THIS GAME,
WE'RE GONNA
NEED SOMEONE
TO TAKE OUR
FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON,
ARE YOU FEELIN' ME?
All: WILDCATS!
GO, WILDCATS!
YO, FIGG!
OH, CALVIN.
YO, THIS SHOULD
EVEN THINGS UP A LITTLE.
HA HA!
THE WESTLAKE PLAYBOOK!
YES!
YEAH!
CALVIN,
I CANNOT BELIEVE
YOU PULLED THIS OFF.
RICH, PLEASE,
PAY THE MAN.
GRR! HA!
GOTHAM MAN. ISSUE #2.
All: OOH.
WE ARE GOING TO
WIN THIS THING, GUYS.
THIS IS
PROMISED LAND TIME,
AND I'M TAKIN' US THERE,
Y'ALL!
COME ON! LET'S DO THIS!
LET'S GO!
WHOO! YEAH, BABY!
GAME TIME, BABY! YEAH!
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S ME AND JACQUES.
OUR CHAMPIONSHIP SPIRIT
IS, LIKE, TOTALLY CONTAGIOUS.
* DO YOU HAVE THE STUFF
TO BE A CHAMPION? *
* GOTTA FEEL THE LIFE,
GOTTA FEEL THE THUNDER *
* DEAL WITH ANGUISH, ANGER,
REACH DOWN IN YOURSELF *
* HIS PLAYING'S NO STRANGER,
YOU CAN TELL *
* MOMENTS AND OPPONENTS
ARE BROKEN DOWN *
* YOU NEED A BRAVE HEART,
GOTTA PLAY ON *
* WITH POWER, SKILL,
AND GRACE *
* WE WILL DISGRACE ANYONE
WHO STEPS IN MY FACE *
* NOW I'M GONNA PRESS YOU
* WE'RE THE NEW SCHOOL,
TAKE A DOUBLE SCOOP *
* SO WE'RE TAKING ON
ALL WE WANT *
* AND WE'VE BEEN LEARNIN'
AND REHEARSIN'
FOR A REASON *
* GUESS WHO'S OUT OF GAS?
* I KNEW YOU WERE
GONNA BURN IT ALL THE WAY *
* GUESS WHO'S OUT OF GAS?
* I DO WHAT WE WANT,
AND WE'RE HERE TO STAY *
WE WOULD
LIKE TO THANK
THE ENTIRE STUDENT BODY
OF BEDFORD JUNIOR HIGH
WHO CAME OUT HERE
FOR THIS SEASON
TO SUPPORT US.
COME ON, Y'ALL.
BUT WE COULD NOT
HAVE DONE THIS
WITHOUT THE HELP
OF A VERY,
VERY SPECIAL FAN.
WE ARE DEDICATING
THIS ONE TO HIM.
THIS IS
SO EMBARRASSING.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY.
IT WAS THE LEAST
I COULD DO.
CALVIN WHEELER!
GIVE IT UP, Y'ALL!
HEY, MOM. HI, DAD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
DID SOMEBODY DIE?
MM-HMM.
MR. GRADE POINT AVERAGE.
MY GRADE
POINT AVERAGE? HMM?
NO WAY,
THAT CANNOT BE MINE.
I AM PASSING
EVERY CLASS.
NO, YOU ARE BARELY
PASSING EVERY CLASS.
YOU'RE DOING
JUST ENOUGH TO GET BY.
AND NOT JUST AT SCHOOL.
TAKE THE GARBAGE,
FOR EXAMPLE.
WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
DID LOU AND THRASH
FORGET THE LAWN
TRIMMINGS?
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GOTTA TALK
TO THEM.
YOU'RE MISSING
THE POINT, CALVIN.
WE ASKED YOU
TO TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT.
ALL YOUR TEACHERS SAY
YOU'RE BRIGHT AND POPULAR,
BUT THAT IS
NOT ENOUGH, CALVIN!
LOOK, WE WANT YOU
TO GO TO COLLEGE,
HAVE A REAL FUTURE,
BUT THAT'S
NEVER GONNA HAPPEN
IF YOU KEEP TAKING
EVERY SHORTCUT YOU CAN.
ISSUE #2 DOWN,
ISSUE #1 TO GO.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
THAT WAS
A GOOD ONE.
WHAT'S UP, FIGG?
FIGG? FIGG, YOU OK?
NONG'S COMICS. MAIN
STREET GO!
THAT...
THAT CAN'T BE
WHAT I THINK IT IS.
1947.
GOTHAM MAN.
NUMERO UNO.
EDITION ONE.
[SPRAYING]
BUT...
THERE'S ONLY
8 KNOWN COPIES
IN EXISTENCE.
LOOK AT
THE PRICE, CALVIN.
$3,000?
THERE'S NO WAY.
YOUR CURRENT NET WORTH
IS $144.63.
SO, THAT MEANS
I'LL NEED TO RAISE...
LESS 3,000.
$2,855.37.
NOT INCLUDING TAX.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
IT'S WHAT?
WHAT DO WE SAY
ABOUT "THE IMPOSSIBLE?"
OK. OK.
EXPECT...THE IMPOSSIBLE!
FIGG! GET DOWN!
ALL RIGHT.
CAREFUL.
NOT THERE,
YOU DUFUS.
JACQUES AND I
NEED A FULL 100 FEET
FOR OUR TRAINING.
[DOG BARKS]
JACQUES!
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
AAH!
GET AWAY FROM JACQUES!
[GROANING]
OH, JACQUES,
MY PRECIOUS.
DID THAT BAD,
BAD BOY HURT YOU?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
THAT LITTLE RAT
OF YOURS ATTACKED ME.
THIS...RAT...
HAPPENS TO BE
JEAN JACQUES
ST. GERMAINE DE DUPREE.
HE'S AN AWARD-WINNING
PURE-BRED TERRIER.
WE'VE WON
ROYAL HOUND DOG FOOD'S
TOP DOG INVITATIONAL
2 YEARS IN A ROW.
CONGRATULATIONS.
IF I EVER DECIDE
TO GIVE A FLYING WHOOP,
I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
YEAH?
WELL, WHOOP ON THIS.
FIRST PRIZE IS $5,000.
COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?
$5,000.
WE DEFEND
OUR TITLE IN 2 WEEKS
AT THE BEDFORD
CIVIC CENTER.
ACCORDING TO
THE ROYAL HOUND
TOP DOG RULE BOOK,
THEIR INVITATIONAL
FINALS IS HELD
ONCE A YEAR.
IN ORDER TO QUALIFY,
YOU HAVE TO
PLACE FIRST
IN AT LEAST
ONE REGULAR SEASON
TOP DOG EVENT.
WIN ONE EVENT TO QUALIFY?
NO PROBLEM.
Woman: SHH.
THAT GETS YOU AN
AUTOMATIC INVITATION
TO THE TOP
DOG FINALS.
IT'S A
FREESTYLE EVENT
JUDGED ON A SCALE
OF ONE TO 100.
THE OWNER OF
THE DOG MUST PERFORM
A 90-SECOND ROUTINE.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING.
TRICKS, ACROBATICS,
WHATEVER WILL
IMPRESS THE JUDGES.
SOUNDS LIKE EASY MONEY.
HA HA HA!
Woman: SHH!
YEAH, EXCEPT
THE TOP DOG SEASON
IS ALMOST OVER,
AND WE HAPPEN
TO BE MISSING
SOMETHING
KIND OF IMPORTANT.
LIKE WHAT?
Woman: SHH!
A DOG.
THIS ONE'S 850.
850?
DOLLARS?!
CALVIN, THESE ARE
REAL, PURE-BRED DOGS.
THEY COST REAL MONEY.
YEAH, YEAH, WE NEED ONE
WE CAN GET REAL CHEAP.
WHAT'S THIS SAY?
CENTRAL CITY
ANIMAL SHELTER?
HELLO, THERE.
SUGAR WOOGAR.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
HELLO. HELLO,
LITTLE BUDDY.
CALVIN?
OH, HEY, EMILY.
SO, HOW DOES
THIS WORK?
HOW DOES
WHAT WORK, EXACTLY?
YOU KNOW!
ME, YOU KNOW,
GETTING A DOG.
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN
HOLD MY PUPPY
WHEN I BROUGHT HIM IN
FOR SHOW AND TELL
IN THE THIRD GRADE.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
YOU SAID THAT
ANIMALS WERE DIRTY.
YOU REMEMBER THAT?
CALVIN, I HAVE
KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS!
YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING
UNLESS THERE'S
SOMETHING IN IT FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THOUGHT MAYBE
ADOPTING A DOG
WOULD BE
GOOD FOR ME,
HELP ME TURN OVER
A NEW LEAF.
MAYBE I CAME TO
THE WRONG PLACE.
CALVIN, WAIT.
UM, THERE IS ONE DOG.
WHAT IS THAT THING?
I NAMED HIM TYCHO.
AW, HE LIKES YOU.
AW, GOOD BOY, TYCHO.
OK. LOOK. OK.
ARE YOU
ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY,
100% SURE THIS IS
THE ONLY DOG AVAILABLE?
AAH!
TYCHO! NO!
GIVE ME THE SHIRT!
GIVE ME!
TYCHO, WILL YOU
LET GO OF HIS SHIRT?
PLEASE, TYCHO.
GIVE ME THE SHIRT.
OHH!
HE LOVES TO
PLAY TUG-OF-WAR.
TAKE HIM OR LEAVE HIM.
OH, AND DO ME A FAVOR.
DON'T BUY
ANY ROYAL HOUND
BRAND DOG FOOD
OR ANY OF THEIR PRODUCTS.
THEY SPONSOR THESE
HORRIBLE DOG SHOWS
AND I CAN'T STAND SEEING
ANIMALS EXPLOITED.
OH, YEAH, TOTALLY. HEH.
ME, NEITHER.
OK, UM...
ALL YOU NEED IS
A SIGNATURE FROM
A PARENT OR GUARDIAN.
THAT'S NOT GOING
TO BE A PROBLEM, IS IT?
NO, UH...OF COURSE NOT.
PROMISE YOU WILL
WORK HARDER NEXT SEMESTER?
I MEAN IT THIS TIME,
CALVIN. NO SHORTCUTS.
I'LL BRING UP MY MARKS,
I PROMISE, OK?
OK. NOW DON'T FORGET.
SIGN HERE...
[YAWNING]
AND RIGHT DOWN THERE.
HERE?
OK.
THANK YOU, MOM.
[SLURPING]
[GROANING]
ECCH!
OK, OK.
SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
ABOUT GERMS?
NO, ACTUALLY HE SHOULD.
A DOG'S MOUTH IS CLEANER
THAN A HUMAN'S.
[TYCHO DRINKING FROM TOILET]
I FIND THAT VERY HARD
TO BELIEVE.
TYCHO!
COME HERE, BOY.
COME HERE. TCH TCH!
OK, NOW THIS IS MY
HOME NUMBER.
OK.
GIVE ME A CALL
IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.
AND I'LL BE COMING BY
YOUR HOUSE IN ABOUT 10 DAYS.
REALLY?
YEAH. IT'S A STANDARD
POST-ADOPTION INTERVIEW.
JUST MAKE SURE THAT
YOU'RE FIT AS AN OWNER.
COOL.
COME ON, BUDDY.
COME ON.
CALVIN, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS DOG NOW.
YOU DO REALIZE THAT?
HEY, NO PROBLEM.
[WOOF WOOF]
OOH!
[SIGHS]
OK, LET'S GO.
ALL RIGHT. GIDDY-UP!
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT GONNA PULL YOU, OK?
YOU ARE GONNA PULL ME, OK?
OK. LET'S GO.
[ARF ARF]
[WOOF]
WHOA!
* WHO WANTS SOME FUN?
* BREAK OUT THE FUN
* WHO WANTS SOME FUN?
* BREAK OUT THE FUN
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP
AND JUMP AND KEEP
A LOW SUGAR RUSH *
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP AND JUMP
AND KEEP IT BOLD? *
WHOA!
UNH!
TYCHO! SIT!
TYCHO!
TYCHO!
WHOA!
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP AND JUMP
AND KEEP A LOW SUGAR RUSH? *
* CAN WE RUN AND HOP
AND JUMP AND KEEP
A LOW SUGAR RUSH *
TYCHO!
THIS IS GETTIN' RIDICULOUS!
YOU STAY RIGHT THERE!
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
DON'T YOU MOVE.
OK, HURRY UP.
WHOA!
* WE HAVE TO SHOW
THAT WE CAN *
* RUN AND JUMP AND HOP
AND KEEP A LOW SUGAR RUSH *
WHOA!
* CAN WE RUN AND JUMP
AND HOP AND KEEP
A LOW SUGAR RUSH? *
* KEEP IT BOLD,
KEEP IT BOLD *
WHOA! OH--OH!
[WHIMPERS]
WHERE'D TYCHO GO? OHH!
TYCHO?
OHH!
OH HO!
YEAH! CAUGHT YA!
HA HA HA HA!
ME AND YOU GOTTA
HAVE A TALK.
WHOA! NO! STOP! WHOA!
LOOK OUT!
DO YOU HEAR ME? BAD DOG!
NO, NO! NOT THE HILL,
PLEASE! NOT THE HILL!
TYCHO! TYCHO!
GET BACK HERE!
STOP! STOP, TYCHO!
STOP! I'M LOSIN' MY GRIP!
TYCHO!
OH, TYCHO! AAH!
AAH! NO!
AAH!
[WOOF]
[WHIMPERS]
[COUGHING]
[WOOF]
[WOOF]
OH, TYCHO!
COME ON, MAN.
IT'S JUST FOR
A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
I DON'T KNOW, CALVIN.
LOOK, MAN, YOU WON'T
EVEN KNOW HE'S THERE.
WHY CAN'T HE JUST
STAY WITH YOU?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
MY PARENTS WON'T EVEN
LET ME HAVE A GOLDFISH.
LOOK, MAN, THIS IS JUST LIKE
ISSUE 723 OF GOTHAM MAN,
WHEN HE HAD TO TAME
THOSE WILD STAMPEDING
BUFFALO MUTANTS?
YEAH, BUT GOTHAM MAN HAS,
LIKE, SUPER POWERS.
SO DO YOU.
YOU JUST DON'T
KNOW IT YET.
CALVIN. CALVIN,
YOU CAN'T BE SE--
[WOOF WOOF]
[KNOCK ON WINDOW]
HEY, MAN, YOU OK?
7 POUNDS.
THAT'S THE WEIGHT LIMIT
ALLOWED FOR PETS
AT MY APARTMENT COMPLEX.
7 POUNDS.
COME ON, FIGG, MAN,
I WAS COUNTING ON YOU.
ISSUE 723 OF GOTHAM MAN.
REMEMBER?
GOTHAM MAN'S LANDLORD
NEVER THREATENED
TO EVICT HIM.
[WOOF WOOF]
TYCHO'S, LIKE, 24 TIMES
OVER THE LEGAL LIMIT.
RIGHT. LET'S JUST
GET HIM IN HERE.
[WOOF]
SHH! SHH! SHH!
GO! GO.
GOSH.
[SCOFFS] LATER, MAN.
LATER.
HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU ARE, BUDDY?
YOU ARE A GUEST
IN MY HOME.
[WOOF WOOF]
HEY, HEY, HEY.
SHH! SHH!
CONTROL YOURSELF.
OK, LOOK.
YOU SLEEP HERE. OK?
[WOOF]
HEY! HEY.
YOU--OK, COME ON.
GET ON.
[WOOF]
ALL RIGHT. SHH!
QUIET. OK?
[WHIMPERS]
THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
YOU JUST SLEEP--
YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU?
GO LIKE THIS.
GO JUST LIKE THIS.
[WHIMPERS]
SAY, YOU'RE SLICK.
YEAH, ALL RIGHT!
FINALLY!
OK? SEE? SLEEP TIME.
GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES.
OH! HEY. HEY, HEY.
HEY.
[GRRR]
[SNORING]
[SNORING]
HEY, SWEETIE, ARE YOU OK?
HUH?
HEARD YOU SNORING
LAST NIGHT.
IT SOUNDED AWFUL.
ARE YOU GETTING A COLD?
UH...UH, YEAH.
[FAKES COUGHING]
I'M COMING DOWN
WITH SOMETHING.
'CHOO!
EXCUSE ME.
AND ONE MORE THING, CALVIN.
YOU'RE A GROWING BOY.
YOU REALLY NEED TO
SHOWER EVERY DAY.
[SNIFFING]
OK. THERE'S ONLY ONE
SANCTIONED EVENT LEFT
IN THE TOP DOG REGULAR
SEASON CIRCUIT.
IT'S OUR LAST CHANCE
TO GET AN INVITATION
TO THE TOP DOG FINALS.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS WIN IT.
"OWNERS MUST
LEAD THEIR DOGS
"THROUGH A SERIES
"OF RAMPS, TUNNELS,
AND WATER HAZARDS.
TIME PENALTIES WILL BE
ASSESSED FOR EACH MISSED
OBSTACLE."
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT?
[GRRR]
WELL, WHEN YOU SAID
YOU WERE COMPETING
IN THE DOG SHOW
WITH JEAN JACQUESQUISE,
ANCIENT DOO DOO,
I DECIDED TO PUT
MY DOG IN THERE.
[GRRR]
[WHIMPERS]
YOU MAY BE A BIG
DEAL AT SCHOOL,
BUT DOG SHOWS ARE
OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
I WILL DESTROY YOU.
CHILL, PRESTON. LOOK, MAN,
I'M NOT TRYING TO STEP
ON ANYBODY'S TOES HERE.
OK?
YOU LISTEN TO ME
VERY CLOSELY.
WHATEVER SCHEME YOU'RE
PLANNING WITH THAT
MANGY MUTT,
YOU BETTER JUST
DROP IT NOW. OK?
CONSIDER YOURSELF
WARNED.
[GRRR]
HEY!
HEY, HEY, HEY.
OH--UNH!
[WOOF]
[BARKING]
NO, MAN!
I GOT HIM!
OHH...
UNH!
[SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]
JACQUES!
TYCHO!
HELP ME, JACQUES,
PLEASE!
TYCHO!
OHH...
[WOOF]
TYCHO! COME BACK HERE!
TYCHO!
OHH...
OOF! OHH...
OH, JACQUES, I'M SORRY.
STUPID DOG.
YOU'RE SUCH A MESS.
OHH!
OHH!
[LAUGHING]
HEY--HEY, MAN!
STOP!
DON'T--OH! OH!
H-HOW'S THAT,
HUH, CALVIN?
OH! OH--[LAUGHING]
ALL RIGHT,
I'M GETTIN' YOU. OK.
CALVIN, COME ON.
GET HIM, TYCHO.
OH, TYCHO, STOP!
Figg: CALVIN!
AAH--UHH! OH--
DUDE, YOUR MOM'S HOME!
OH--OH--UH--
OH, HEY, KIDS.
WHAT YOU DOIN'?
WE'RE JUST,
UM...HEH...
CHILLIN'.
CHILLIN' LIKE A VILLAIN,
MRS. WHEELER.
YEAH, CHILLIN'.
Calvin: HEH. YEAH.
[TYCHO WHIMPERS]
[WHIMPERING]
[WHIMPERING]
[SKATEBOARD]
[BARKING]
WHAT, MAN?
I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL.
[WOOF WOOF]
* DID YOU EVER WONDER
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE *
* LOOKIN' UP FROM
THE KITCHEN FLOOR? *
* THEY PAT YOU ON THE HEAD
WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY *
* THAT'S THE WAY IT
FEELS WHEN YOU'RE A DOG *
* THEY KICK YOU OFF THE COUCH
AND TELL YOU TO STAY *
* AND PUT YOU OUT AND THEN
THEY LOCK THE DOOR *
* THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND
A WORD THAT YOU SAY *
* THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS
WHEN YOU'RE A DOG *
* THAT'S THE HONEST TRUTH
ABOUT THE WAY IT IS *
* WHEN YOU'RE A DOG
* AND WHAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO
IS BE A BEST FRIEND *
* THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS
WHEN YOU'RE A... *
* DOG
TYCHO?
TYCHO!
COME HERE, TYCHO.
[WHISTLES]
[TRIPS OVER OBJECT]
SORRY MOTHER MOLASSES!
TY-TYCHO?
TYCHO?
TYCHO.
TY-TYCHO! DON'T YOU RUN.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE
KIDDIN' ME!
MAN, I GOTTA GET YOU
OUT OF SIGHT.
NO WAY.
OK.
COME ON. OK. OK.
COME ON. STAY. STAY.
JUST STAY, OK? STAY. STAY.
STAY. STAY.
[WHINES, GROWLS]
CALVIN?
OH! HEY, GUYS!
I WAS JUST, UH, UM...
FIXING A SNACK.
WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED?
AND STOP FIDGETING.
I KNOW YOU'RE
UP TO SOMETHING.
ARE YOU OK, SON?
WAIT! WAIT!
THIS IS--
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
WE CAN STAY HERE!
WE CAN STAY HERE.
WE CAN STILL STAY HERE,
YEAH.
DAD, DAD, LOOK.
SEE, UM, I JUST--
JUST HAD A COUPLE
OF FRIENDS OVER,
THAT'S ALL.
THAT'S ALL?!
CALVIN, LOOK AT THIS MESS.
IT LOOKS LIKE FOREIGN AGENTS
RANSACKED OUR KITCHEN
AND DIDN'T FIND WHAT
THEY WERE LOOKING FOR.
THIS AIN'T GONNA WORK.
LOOK, LOOK.
LOOK, LOOK, UM--
LOOK, I CAN EXPLAIN--
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S HEAR IT.
MM-HMM. OK.
THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
THIS IS ALL MY--
I'LL CLEAN IT UP--
HOLD ON, YOUNG MAN--
OK, DAD, I'LL DO IT,
I'LL CLEAN IT UP.
THINK ABOUT IT.
HE'S HIDING SOMETHING.
HE DIDN'T TRY TO MAKE
ANY EXCUSES
AND HE DIDN'T
BLAME ANYBODY ELSE.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
I'VE EVER HEARD CALVIN
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR...
ANYTHING.
I'M SURPRISED HE EVEN KNOWS
WHERE WE KEEP THE MOP.
WE'LL LEAVE HIM.
OH--OH...
COME ON, TYCHO, COME ON.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
QUIET.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
TYCHO?
TY-TY-TYCHO?
TYCHO, MAN--
THESE ARE MY SNEAKERS!
[WHIMPERS]
NO. NO.
NO, NO, NO.
AND THIS IS MY GEOMETRY
HOMEWORK!
NOW, DO YOU HAVE
ANY IDEA
HOW LONG IT TOOK ME
TO DO THAT?
NOW, YOU TELL ME,
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO TELL MY TEACHER--
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
MY DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK?
CALVIN! WHO ARE YOU
YELLING AT?
UH...
IS EVERYTHING
ALL RIGHT IN THERE?
YEAH, MOM!
I WAS JUST, UH...
DOING MY NIGHTLY
MEDITATIONS.
OHM...OHM...
[SNIFFING]
OHM...OHM...
BREAKIN' THE HOUSE,
CHEWIN' UP MY SNEAKERS,
EATING MY HOMEWORK.
I DON'T CARE
ABOUT THIS DOG,
SO EVEN IF IT IS
ANOTHER WEEK...
[EXASPERATED GRUNT]
WE ARE OVER.
[WHIMPERS]
YOU HEAR ME?
[WOOF]
WE ARE OVER.
[WHIMPERING]
RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL
TYCHO IS GOING RIGHT BACK
TO THE POUND.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW?
IT IS NOT WORTH IT.
CALVIN, HE'S YOUR
RESPONSIBILITY.
NOT ANYMORE.
HEY, CALVIN.
HOW YA DOIN', BUDDY?
WHAT'S UP, LEONARD?
WHAT'S UP, THRASH?
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T REALIZE
IT WAS GARBAGE DAY.
LOOK, THIS IS KIND OF
AWKWARD FOR US.
HOW DO I PUT THIS?
WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS--
WE GOTTA POUND ON YOU.
[WOOF, GRRR]
FIGG, MAN,
GET OUTTA HERE.
NO WAY!
[WOOF]
[BARKING]
IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL,
CALVIN.
YEAH, WE LIKE YA.
EVERYONE DOES.
BUT WE'RE GETTIN' PAID.
IT'S BUSINESS.
YOU CAN APPRECIATE THAT.
I MEAN--CAN I
AT LEAST ASK WHY?
IT'S, UH,
PRESTON PRICE.
HE WANTS
YOU AND YOUR DOG
TO STAY AWAY
FROM THAT DOG SHOW.
AND WE'RE SUPPOSED TO,
YOU KNOW,
ENCOURAGE YOU TO DROP OUT.
AND YOU KNOW HOW...
PERSUASIVE WE CAN BE.
[WOOF]
LOOK, MAN,
NONE OF THIS IS NECESSARY.
TELL PRESTON
I AM TAKING TYCHO
RIGHT BACK TO THE POUND
TODAY AFTER SCHOOL.
LOOK, WE STILL GOTTA
POUND ON YOU.
WE'VE ALREADY BEEN PAID.
YEAH. WE GOT ETHICS
AND STUFF.
SORRY, CALVIN.
THERE'S NO TALKING YOUR WAY
OUT OF THIS ONE.
SO YOU WANT IT
IN THE FACE
OR THE GUT OR WHAT?
[BARKING]
SURPRISE ME.
WHAT IS THAT?!
OHH, NO!
AAH!
[SHOUTING AND SCREAMING]
OH! MAN! ARE Y'ALL OK?
[BOTH GROANING]
[LAUGHING]
Calvin: YOU STUPID DOG!
COME ON, BUDDY! COME ON!
[WOOF WOOF]
HA HA HA!
HEEL!
OHH...
I'VE BEEN MEANING
TO FIX THAT GATE
FOR MONTHS.
SO LET'S RECAP.
OUR SON IS JUST
SPONTANEOUSLY
DOING WORK AROUND THE HOUSE
WITHOUT EVEN BEING TOLD?
I DON'T THINK
IT'S OUR SON.
Calvin: HELLO?
YEAH, EMILY?
YEAH, IT'S CALVIN.
YEAH, UH,
SORRY TO CALL SO LATE,
IT'S JUST THAT, UH...
I COULD REALLY USE
SOME HELP WITH TYCHO.
WELL, NOTHING'S
REALLY WRONG.
IT'S JUST THAT...
HE'S A LITTLE BIT MORE
THAN I BARGAINED FOR.
OK, OK, SIT.
BAD DOG. BAD--
I SAID SIT!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT SIT MEANS?
YOU CAN'T JUST
YELL AT HIM!
HE'S DOIN' IT WRONG.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TRY
TEACHING HIM THE DIFFERENCE?
REWARD HIM WHEN
HE DOES SOMETHING RIGHT.
[SIGHS] COME HERE.
COME HERE, TYCHO.
COME HERE.
OH, GOOD BOY!
YEAH, OK.
NOW SIT.
SIT.
YEAH! GOOD BOY!
THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
YEAH.
SO THAT'S IT?
JUST GIVE HIM FOOD?
A DOG NEEDS MORE
THAN JUST FOOD.
YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM
ENCOURAGEMENT,
PATIENCE, APPROVAL.
AND IF YOU REALLY WANT
A DOG TO RESPOND TO YOU,
YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM LOVE.
YEAH, WHO'S A GOOD BOY?!
* COOLIN' DOWN MY WORLD
* WITH THE BALL AND CHAIN
WITH YOU *
* CALLIN' DOWN THE CLOUDS
* AS THEY TRY TO SPOIL
THE VIEW *
* AND THEN CAME YOU
* THE SUN IS SHINING ON IT
ANYWHERE *
* THE LIGHT FIELDS FALL
IN SATURN'S RINGS *
* WHEN TOGETHER,
WE'RE AS LIGHT AS FEATHERS *
* ON A FALCON'S WING
* EVERYBODY TELLIN' ME
THERE'S NOTHING NEW *
* OHH OHH
* AND THEN CAME YOU
* AND THEN CAME YOU
AND YOU HAVE TO
PUT ASIDE YOUR NEEDS
FOR WHAT'S BEST
FOR THE DOG.
RIGHT. RIGHT.
EMILY, CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
FIRE AWAY.
HOW DID YOU KNOW
GOTHAM MAN'S ARCHENEMY
WAS NAMELESS?
DUH. I READ THE COMICS.
YOU READ THEM?
OR DO YOU JUST SKIM
THROUGH THEM SOMETIMES MAYBE?
TEST ME.
OK, UH...
THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER
OF THE GOTHAM-MOBILE.
BEFORE OR AFTER
IT GOT TOTALED
IN ISSUE 533?
WHAT IS WITH
THE TRICK QUESTIONS?
HAVE YOU EVER
JUST BEEN STRAIGHT UP
AND REAL WITH A PERSON?
NO.
NEVER.
PAR FOR THE COURSE.
Calvin:
FIGG, I AM TELLING YOU,
EMILY WAS JUST AMAZING
WITH TYCHO TODAY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK WE HAVE
A GOOD CHANCE
OF WINNING THAT OBSTACLE
COURSE EVENT.
MOM'S HOME EARLY.
CALVIN, FIGG, STAY OUTSIDE!
THERE'S A BEAR
IN THE HOUSE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'VE BARRICADED IT
IN YOUR ROOM
AND I'M CALLING 911.
MOM, MOM, MOM,
CHILL, CHILL, CH--
SHH!
THAT'S NOT A BEAR.
THAT'S TYCHO.
MY DOG.
YOUR WHAT?
Mom: IT HAS TO GO BACK
TO THE POUND.
Dad: NOW, HOLD ON.
I HAD A DOG
WHEN I WAS A KID.
SKINNY LITTLE THING.
FOLLOWED ME HOME ONE DAY.
MY MOM AND DAD
LET ME KEEP IT.
WELL, HONEY,
IT'S VERY SWEET,
BUT I JUST...
YOU KNOW...THE FUNNY THING
ABOUT HAVING A DOG--
THEY'RE A REAL PAIN.
DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT,
PEE ON THE RUG,
SLOBBER EVERYWHERE.
BUT YOU LOVE 'EM ANYWAY.
SO YOU'RE SAYING
THIS WOULD BE GOOD
FOR CALVIN.
[WHIMPERING]
I'M SAYING THAT...
LOVE DOESN'T HAVE
ANY SHORTCUTS.
[DOOR OPENS]
[TYCHO WHIMPERS]
OK...
TYCHO...
CAN STAY.
REALLY?
YAY! THANK YOU, MOM!
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, DAD.
THANK YOU.
NOT SO FAST.
THERE'S STILL
THE LITTLE MATTER OF YOU
TRICKING YOUR MOM INTO
SIGNING THE ADOPTION PAPERS.
OH, YEAH. HA HA!
GUESS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.
JUST SLIPPED MY MIND,
YOU KNOW?
Mom: NO TV,
NO CELL PHONE.
Dad: FOR 2 MONTHS.
AND YOUR GRADES
BETTER START...
GETTING BETTER.
THEY WILL, DAD!
I PROMISE.
YOU CAN STAY.
YOU CAN STAY.
* I'M
* A DOG
* I'M
* A DOG
* ONLY ONE CHANCE
TO GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME *
* YOU GET YOURS
WHEN I GET MINE *
* 'CAUSE I'M
* I'M A DOG
* CHASE
* YOUR TAIL
* CHASE
* YOUR TAIL
* RUNNIN' AROUND
IN THE STREETS ALL DAY *
* FIND THE ANSWER
OR I MIGHT JUST STAY *
* STAY A DOG
[THUNDER]
[WHIMPERING]
GOOD LUCK, LITTLE GUY.
[THUNDER]
[WHIMPERING]
IT'S OK, TYCHO.
IT'S JUST A BAD DREAM.
YOU'RE SAFE WITH ME.
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL,
TO BEDFORD CIVIC AUDITORIUM,
THE SITE OF THE LAST
REGULAR SEASON EVENT
IN ROYAL HOUND DOG FOOD'S
TOP DOG SHOW CIRCUIT.
TODAY WE'LL BE SEEING
THE OBEDIENCE
AND OBSTACLE DOG TRIAL.
WELL, THIS HAS GOT TO BE
THE MOST ATHLETIC
OF ALL TOP DOG
CANINE COMPETITIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK.
OWNERS HAVE TO LEAD
THEIR DOGS
THROUGH A SERIES
OF OBSTACLES
IN A TEST OF SPEED
AND AGILITY.
AND, HOLLY, THE WINNERS
OF THIS COMPETITION
WILL GO ON
TO THE TOP DOG FINALS
ONE WEEK FROM TODAY.
THE EXCITEMENT
HAS ALREADY BEGUN
HERE ON THE RED CARPET,
WHERE WE'VE SEEN DOGS
OF ALL SHAPES, SIZES,
AND COLORS ARRIVING.
HOLLY, I'M BEING TOLD
RIGHT NOW
THAT TWO-TIME TOP DOG
DEFENDING CHAMPIONS
ARE PULLING UP.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK!
IT'S PRESTON PRICE
AND HIS CHAMPION PUREBRED
JEAN JACQUES ST. GERMAINE
DE DUPREE.
PRESTON. PRESTON.
YOU AND JACQUES
HAVE ALREADY
LOCKED UP AN INVITATION
TO NEXT WEEK'S FINAL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE TODAY?
NARROWING DOWN
THE COMPETITION, CHUCK.
ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA GO.
WHAT A WELL-GROOMED
BOY. [GIGGLES]
YEAH?
OH, RIGHT.
PRESTON AND JACQUES
JUST MADE
QUITE AN ENTRANCE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF THEY CAN ARRIVE
IN STYLE...
SO CAN WE.
HEY!
HEY, HOW'S IT GOIN'?
THAT IS ONE BIG DOG
YOU GOT THERE. YEAH.
UM, UH, IT'S A GREAT DAY
FOR A DOG SHOW, ISN'T IT?
YEAH, YOU GOTTA LOVE
ROYAL HOUND. GOTTA GO.
Emily: BOYCOTT ROYAL HOUND!
DID YOU SEE THE SIZE
OF THAT ONE, HOLLY?
I'M NOT EVEN SURE
THAT WAS A DOG, CHUCK.
BOYCOTT DOG SHOWS!
BOYCOTT
ROYAL HOUND!
Girl: HEY, NO DOG SHOWS!
BOYCOTT ROYAL HOUND
DOG FOOD!
BOYCOTT DOG SHOWS
AND STOP THE EXPLOITATION
OF ANIMALS!
BOYCOTT DOG SHOWS!
[RAP SONG PLAYS]
* HAS ANYBODY GOT MY BONE?
CHECK IT OUT.
P.A.: OBEDIENCE GROUPS,
PLEASE REPORT TO THE EAST
HOLDING AREA.
SMALL AND WORKING BREEDS,
PLEASE REMAIN IN SET-UP.
[BARKING]
LOOK HOW MANY OWNERS
LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THEIR DOGS.
* THERE'S A DOG COMIN'
DOWN THE STREET *
* GOTTA STOP
WHEN I PASS A TREE *
* IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME,
THE CALL ME THE BAD DOG *
THAT BETTER NOT
HAPPEN TO ME.
P.A.: ATTENTION
ALL COMPETITORS.
COMPETITORS...
HEY.
P.A.: SMALL AND MEDIUM
DOG CLASSIFICATIONS...
HEY, JACQUES-JACQUES,
JUICE-JUICE.
[DOG YIPPING]
P.A.: TURN THEM INTO
THE JUDGES PANEL.
ALL FORMS MUST BE
SUBMITTED BEFORE...
[WHIMPERS]
YEAH, WE'RE HERE
TO SIGN IN.
WE DON'T USUALLY
GET NEW ENTRIES
THIS LATE IN THE SEASON.
IT'S HIGHLY UNUSUAL.
WELL, UH...
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
I'D HATE TO INTRUDE,
BUT SECTION ONE
OF THE ROYAL HOUND
TOP DOG RULEBOOK
CLEARLY STATES
THAT ALL DOGS COMPETING
IN ANY SANCTIONED
COMPETITION MUST MEET
AT MINIMUM GENERAL
PRESENTATION REQUIREMENT
THAT ARE UP TO
TOP DOG STANDARDS.
CLEAN FUR, CLIPPED NAILS.
HE'S RIGHT.
YOU'LL NEED TO GET
A JUDGE TO SIGN OFF ON THIS
BEFORE YOU AND YOUR...
ANIMAL CAN COMPETE.
YOU HAVE STALL 14.
[WOOF WOOF]
GOOD LUCK.
YOU'LL NEED IT.
OHH...
[BARKING]
Calvin: BE AFRAID.
BE VERY AFRAID.
* THERE'S A DOG
COMIN' DOWN THE STREET *
* GOTTA STOP
WHEN I PASS A TREE *
* IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME,
THEY CALL ME THE BAD DOG *
* YEAH, I'M A BAD DOG
* OUTSIDE BARKIN'
AT THE MOON *
* DOG CATCHER GONNA
GET ME SOON *
FIGG, LOOK AT THIS PLACE, MAN.
IT'S LIKE WE WARPED
INTO SOME FREAKY
ALTERNATE DOG UNIVERSE,
YOU KNOW?
CALVIN, THESE DOGS
HAVE ENTIRE TEAMS
OF PROFESSIONAL
GROOMERS.
SO? WHAT DO WE HAVE?
ONE COMB.
THE EVENT BEGINS
IN ONE HOUR.
WE'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE
TYCHO READY IN TIME.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE
BEEN OVER THIS, FIGG?
MAN, YOU HAVE REALLY
GOT TO LEARN TO EXPECT
THE IMPOSSIBLE.
RONDEL?
YEAH, WHAT'S UP, MAN?
IT'S CALVIN.
ALL RIGHT.
IT'S PSYCHED, Y'ALL.
IT'S GAME TIME!
RONDEL, BABY,
WHAT KIND OF CLIENT
DID YOU SAY THIS WAS?
STALL 14? THANK YOU.
MAN, I OWE YOU.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, KID.
YOU KNOW ME.
I LIVE TO COMPETE.
LET'S GO.
MOM, THE TEAM IS ALL YOURS.
HMM. NOW, THIS IS WHAT
I CALL A CHALLENGE.
ALL RIGHT, FRONT COURT,
YOU'RE ON NAIL CLIPPING
DUTY, SO MOVE.
GUARDS, I WANT TO SEE
THEM TEETH WHITE
AND SHINY. COME ON, NOW.
COME ON, Y'ALL.
Y'ALL GOTTA BE
FEELIN' ME RIGHT NOW.
LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN,
Y'ALL. COME ON.
YO, MAN,
PASS ME THOSE CLIPPERS.
[HAIR DRYER BLOWING]
HEY, HEY, HEY.
LOOK ME IN MY EYES.
YOU ARE TOO FAST.
YOU ARE FAST
LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN.
YOU CANNOT BE STOPPED.
IT'S NOT IN THE BODY,
IT'S IN THE MIND.
YOU ARE THE MAC DADDY DOG!
YOU FEELIN' ME?!
Chuck: IN LANE ONE,
WE HAVE TWO-TIME
TOP DOG DEFENDING CHAMPIONS
PRESTON PRICE AND JACQUES.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Holly: AND IN LANE 2,
WE HAVE CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO.
YEAH!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Holly: LOOK AT THAT.
[BARKING]
Chuck: I DON'T BELIEVE IT,
HOLLY.
THIS IS CALVIN AND TYCHO'S
FIRST COMPETITION,
BUT CLEARLY THEY HAVE
UNLEASHED A TEAM OF STYLISTS
THAT KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
SEE, THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT.
BORDEN HAIR SALON.
FIFTH AND MAIN.
HONEY. HONEY?
YOU NEED TO COME SEE ME.
OK?
Holly: THIS IS
AN EVENT THAT FAVORS
SMALLER, MORE AGILE
ANIMALS, CHUCK.
UNLESS TYCHO IS A LOT MORE
FLEET OF FOOT THAN HE LOOKS,
THIS WON'T EVEN BE CLOSE.
JACQUES AND I ARE GONNA
TEACH YOU AND YOUR MUTT
A LESSON.
WELL, UH...
I'LL JUST SEE YOU
AT THE FINISH LINE,
PRESTON.
Official: DOGS READY.
[RUFF RUFF RUFF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
HANDLERS READY.
ON MY MARK...
GET SET...
GO.
JACQUES,
LET'S GO, JACQUES.
OK. OK, WEAVE, JACQUES.
WEAVE, JACQUES.
LET'S GO.
WEAVE, JACQUES. GOOD BOY.
WEAVE. WEAVE, JACQUES.
WEAVE.
OK, COME ON, TYCHO.
WE CAN BEAT THEM.
LET'S GO.
Chuck: BY GOLLY, HOLLY,
DID YOU SEE THAT?
TYCHO IS CRASHING
THROUGH THE OBSTACLES
LIKE THEY AREN'T EVEN THERE.
Calvin: OK, THAT'S COOL.
WE CAN STILL DO IT.
GO THROUGH. COME ON.
GO THROUGH.
Crowd: OHH!
[WOOF]
WE CAN DO IT.
COME ON.
GO, GO.
GO, GO, GO. OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
Holly: THEY'RE TUNNELING
THROUGH RIGHT NOW.
THAT LITTLE DOG
IS STILL IN THE LEAD.
HE IS SO CUTE.
OHH! WHOA! OH!
[RUFF]
AAH, AAH, AAH.
THAT'S MY SHOULDER!
[WOOF WOOF]
Holly: SPLISH SPLASH,
HE'S TAKIN' A BATH.
Chuck: THAT DOG
IS DOING SWIMMINGLY.
THINK THAT'S THE DOGGIE
PADDLE, CHUCK.
TYCHO! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
UNH! AAH!
TYCHO! NOOOO!
[CROWD GASPING]
OHH! HE'S GONNA
HAVE TO SHAKE
THAT ONE OFF.
JACQUES!
GO, TYCHO--OW!
[CROWD GROANS]
OHH!
OH, JACQUES,
ARE YOU OK, JACQUES?
COME HERE, JACQUES.
Calvin: COME ON!
WHERE'S MY DOG?!
OH, JACQUES,
ARE YOU OK, JACQUES?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
ARE YOU OK?
OHH!
OK--
Chuck: THAT DOG IS FLYING
OFF THE BRIDGE.
TYCHO TAKES THE LEAD.
[WHIMPERS]
OH!
COME ON, MAN!
COME ON, BABY!
TYCHO, WAIT!
TYCHO, NO! NO!
GO, JACQUES.
JACQUES,
GO, JACQUES.
[GROWLING]
[BARKING]
[CROWD GROANS]
[GROWLING, BARKING]
COME. HEY, JACQUES.
[BOTH TALKING AT ONCE]
THIS IS
AN AWARD-WINNING DOG.
GET OFF OF MY DOG!
THEY'RE DIGGIN' UP
SOME TROUBLE NOW, CHUCK.
Chuck:
IT'S PAN-DOG-MONIUM.
THIS IS DOGGONE EXCITING.
Chuck: A CANINE CATASTROPHE.
JUDGES, WE HAVE
A VIOLATION. CODE RED!
THERE'S A RACE GOIN' ON!
TYCHO, WAIT!
WAIT FOR ME, TYCHO!
WAIT! I'M COMIN'!
[BARKING]
TYCHO, COME ON, NOW,
GO INTO THE TUNNEL.
JACQUES!
ALL RIGHT, TYCHO,
WE GONNA WIN!
JACQUES--JACQUES--
NO, GET OUTTA THERE!
DON'T SPIN!
JACQUES! JACQUES,
COME OUT OF THERE
THIS INSTANT!
HEEL! HEEL!
DO SOMETHING WITH
THAT MANGY MUTT!
[ALL SHOUTING]
I THINK HE'S MAKING
HIS WAY TO THE FINISH LINE.
DRAGGIN' THAT THING
LIKE A DRAGON, ISN'T HE?
OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
OH HO HO!
Holly:
THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.
Preston: JUDGES,
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
JACQUES AND I ARE FILING
AN OFFICIAL PROTEST!
[RUFF RUFF]
JACQUES!
Chuck: HOLLY, IT LOOKS LIKE
PRESTON PRICE HAS LOST CONTROL
OF HIS ANIMAL.
I'VE NEVER SEEN A CHAMPION
THIS FLUSTERED, CHUCK.
Preston: BAD DOG!
HE'S GOT TO GET
TO THE FINISH LINE.
HE'S ALMOST THERE!
OH, YEAH!
[WOOF WOOF]
COME ON, TYCHO.
COME ON!
DON'T STOP MOVIN',
TYCHO, KEEP MOVIN'!
PLEASE MOVE.
JUST PLEASE MOVE.
I'M TRYING TO WIN THE RACE.
Chuck: PRESTON PRICE
HAS JUST BEEN HIT
WITH A PENALTY
FOR CARRYING HIS DOG.
Holly: OH, THAT IS
GOING TO COST THE CHAMP.
COME ON! COME ON!
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
WHOA!
WHOO-HOO!
* VICTORY IS OURS,
VICTORY IS OURS *
Holly: OK, CHUCK,
IT'S GOING TO TAKE
THE JUDGES SOME TIME
TO TALLY UP ALL THOSE
PENALTIES HERE.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE FINALLY
GOING TO GET A RULING
FROM THE HEAD JUDGE.
THE DOG IN LANE 2,
TYCHO,
COMPLETED THE COURSE
IN ONE MINUTE, 37 SECONDS.
AFTER CALCULATING
THE TIME PENALTIES
ASSESSED FOR MISSING
EVERY SINGLE OBSTACLE,
THE FINAL TIME
IS 2 MINUTES AND 6 SECONDS.
UNBELIEVABLE!
CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO
HAVE JUST SET
A NEW COURSE RECORD.
Holly: WITH SOME VERY
UNORTHODOX STRATEGY,
I MIGHT ADD.
JUST LISTEN. THE CROWD
IS BEGGING FOR MORE.
[WOOF WOOF]
IT'S NOT FAIR.
HE CHEATED.
HE CAN'T JUST SMASH THROUGH
OBSTACLES LIKE THAT. COME ON.
THE WINNER IS
CALVIN WHEELER AND TYCHO.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
OHH! OHH!
YEAH! HA HA!
Chuck: THAT FIRST-PLACE FINISH
IS GOING TO SECURE
THIS UNKNOWN DOG
AN INVITATION TO
THE TOP DOG FINALS
NEXT WEEKEND.
Holly: CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO
HAVE JUST SHOCKED
THE DOG SHOW WORLD.
I'M CHUCK.
AND I'M HOLLY.
Both: BOW-WOW FOR NOW.
TELL US HOW YOU FEEL!
WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?
OK, OK. PLEASE,
ONE AT A TIME.
YOU.
CHARLES NETWORTH,
PERFECT POOCHIE MONTHLY.
SOME MEMBERS OF THE CANINE
PRESS CORPS HAVE ALREADY
CALLED YOUR DOG
TYCHO THE TERRIBLE.
[WOOF]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE NICKNAME?
WELL, UH--HA HA--
IF THE SHOE FITS...
GET IT, THE SHOE?
[ALL LAUGHING]
MANDY CALL,
FANCY CANINE.
CALVIN, YOU AND TYCHO
HAVE NOW QUALIFIED TO ENTER
THE TOP DOG FINALS.
TWO-TIME DEFENDING CHAMP
PRESTON PRICE SAYS THAT
HE WILL BE
IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT.
ANY RESPONSE?
[TYCHO BARKING]
UM...
EXPECT THE IMPOSSIBLE.
THAT'S GREAT.
[REPORTERS TALKING]
[TYCHO BARKING]
HELP ME OUT, FIGG.
THANKS.
NO PROBLEM.
CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
OK.
WHAT'S THE DEAL
WITH YOU AND CALVIN?
I MEAN, YOU FOLLOW HIM
AROUND LIKE YOU'RE
A SERVANT.
WHEN I FIRST MOVED HERE,
KIDS MADE FUN OF ME, YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE I HAVE ASTHMA.
AND CALVIN DIDN'T?
NO, HE DID.
HE WAS THE WORST ACTUALLY.
BUT WHY--
DO YOU REMEMBER
IN SECOND GRADE,
WHEN I HAD THAT REALLY BAD
ASTHMA ATTACK DURING RECESS?
OH, YEAH!
THEY CALLED THE AMBULANCE
AND EVERYTHING.
YEAH. I FORGOT
MY INHALER THAT DAY.
I JUST COULDN'T BREATHE.
EVERYBODY WAS STANDING AROUND
STARING AT ME.
THE KIDS AND THE TEACHERS.
BUT NOT CALVIN.
HE REMEMBERED THAT
MR. AGATHAPALS, THE JANITOR,
ALSO HAD ASTHMA.
CALVIN RAN INSIDE,
GOT HIS INHALER
AND BROUGHT IT TO ME.
CAME AND SAW ME EVERY DAY
WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.
READ ME COMIC BOOKS.
LET ME GUESS.
GOTHAM MAN.
GOTHAM MAN.
DARK DRAGON CHRONICLES.
SO THERE REALLY IS
A HEART OF GOLD
IN THERE.
YEAH. IT'S JUST DEEP.
DEEP DOWN SOMETIMES.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
HEY! I'M HERE
FOR THE FOLLOW-UP INTERVIEW.
AHH. WE'VE BEEN
EXPECTING YOU.
PLEASE...
HAVE A SEAT.
WHERE'S TYCHO?
THIS IS ABOUT HIM,
REMEMBER?
[WHIMPERING]
GOOD JOB!
HERE WE ARE.
AHH. LUNCH IS SERVED.
THANK YOU, TYCHO.
[WOOF WOOF]
THANK YOU, CALVIN.
YEAH,
THANK YOU, TYCHO.
Calvin: I MEAN,
YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?
YOU DON'T HONESTLY THINK
THAT AVENGING ANGIE
IS A BETTER COMIC
THAN GOTHAM MAN?
COME ON. BETTER ARTWORK,
BETTER STORYLINES,
MORE COMPLEX CHARACTERS.
LISTEN, LADY, OK?
GOTHAM MAN IS
AN ICON.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE
JUST LUCKY THAT I'M HERE
TO EVALUATE YOUR
QUALIFICATIONS AS A DOG OWNER
AND NOT YOUR TASTE IN COMICS.
[BEEPING]
OR YOUR VIDEOGAME SKILLS.
THAT WAS LUCK.
YOU KNOW IT.
SEE YOU LATER.
UM, EMILY, UM...
THE SPRING DANCE
IS NEXT WEEK.
I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOU WANTED TO GO.
I MEAN...
WITH ME.
YOU HAVE VERY IMPRESSIVE
QUALIFICATIONS, CALVIN.
I DO HAVE ONE QUESTION
FOR YOU, HOWEVER.
OH, YEAH, SURE,
ANYTHING.
[IMITATING JULIE]
DO YOU LOOK SPECTACULAR
IN ALL SPRING COLORS?
THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION
AND, UH...
YOU KNOW I DO.
PICK ME UP AT 8:00 THEN.
BUT STILL, WE'RE LOOKING
FOR A FANTASTIC WEEKEND.
THE TOP DOG FINAL,
PRESENTED BY ROYAL...
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW---
NO, NO, NO, NO.
STOP.
COMES UP TOMORROW AT 3 P.M.
TWO-TIME DEFENDING CHAMPION
PRESTON PRICE SAYS
HIS DOG JACQUES...
OF COURSE IT WOULD
BE HIM.
WILL TAKE ON THE NEWCOMER
CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO, OR AS
SOME ARE CALLING HIM...
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
THANK YOU, JIM.
IN LOCAL NEWS...
EMILY.
EMILY, WAIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT WERE YOU GOING
TO DO WITH TYCHO
AFTER YOU WERE DONE
USING HIM TO MAKE YOUR MONEY?
TAKE HIM BACK TO THE SHELTER?
LOOK, NO, NO, NO.
THAT WAS JUST THE WAY
IT STARTED.
OH, BUT WAIT.
YOU'VE CHANGED.
YES.
NOW YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD
AND YOU REALLY LOVE TYCHO.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT.
THEN PROVE IT.
DON'T ENTER HIM
IN THAT SHOW.
DROP OUT NOW.
GOOD-BYE, CALVIN.
Figg: CALVIN!
HEY, EMILY.
WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
TYCHO HAS A HOME.
HE HAS A FAMILY
THAT MISSES HIM.
LOOK. THEY'RE EVEN OFFERING
A REWARD TO GET HIM BACK.
HOW MANY FLYERS
DID YOU SEE?
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
THEY'RE ALL OVER THE TOWN.
[SIGHS]
TAKE THEM ALL DOWN.
WHAT?
I'M--I'M NOT
LOSING TYCHO.
NOT NOW.
CALVIN, THIS IS HIS HOME.
HIS REAL HOME
WHERE HE BELONGS.
SAYS WHO?
CALVIN, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.
IF YOU LOST TYCHO,
YOU'D WANT HIM BACK, RIGHT?
JUST DO IT, FIGG!
NOW.
NO.
WHAT?
[SCOFFS]
WHAT DID YOU
SAY TO ME?
"HE'S SELFISH.
HE ONLY CARES ABOUT HIMSELF."
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL
SAY ABOUT YOU, CALVIN.
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT
THAT THEY WERE RIGHT.
TILL NOW.
I WANT TO KEEP TYCHO
MORE THAN ANYTHING.
[WHIMPERING]
I KNOW YOU'LL DO
THE RIGHT THING, SON.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
UM...YEAH, I HAVE YOUR DOG.
GREAT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
LOOK, HONEY!
IT'S CHESTER!
[WOOF]
CHESTER.
Woman: OH, LOOK.
CHESTER! COME HERE, HONEY.
COME GIVE MAMA A KISS.
[WOOF]
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA.
GO ON, TYCHO.
I MEAN...
CHESTER.
[WHIMPERS]
THANK YOU.
FOR BRINGING HIM
HOME TO US.
BILLY, GO GET THE REWARD.
NO, NO, NO.
KEEP THE MONEY. I--
I DON'T WANT IT.
JUST PROMISE ME
YOU'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM.
YEAH, SURE.
NO PROBLEM.
[WOOF]
[WHIMPERING]
[WOOF]
STAY.
YOU HEAR ME?
[WOOF WOOF]
STAY.
[WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF]
HEY.
HEY, WHERE'S TYCHO?
UM...
I TOOK HIM HOME.
BUT THE TOP DOG FINALS
IS TODAY.
I KNOW.
EMILY!
HEY!
GET OUT OF HERE.
I WANT YOU
TO KNOW SOMETHING.
CALVIN GAVE TYCHO BACK
TO HIS REAL FAMILY
AND DIDN'T ACCEPT A REWARD.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YEAH. YOU CAN SAY
A LOT OF BAD THINGS
ABOUT CALVIN.
THEY'RE PROBABLY TRUE,
BUT YOU CAN'T SAY
HE DOESN'T LOVE
THAT DOG.
THIS PHOTO OF TYCHO,
I TOOK IT.
NO, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
THAT WAS TAKEN
BY HIS REAL FAMILY.
UNH-UNH. LOOK.
I TOOK THIS PHOTO
WHEN THEY FIRST BROUGHT
TYCHO INTO THE SHELTER.
BUT--BUT THAT MEANS THAT
THIS FLYER COULDN'T
HAVE BEEN PUT UP BY
TYCHO'S FAMILY.
SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
CALVIN!
WHAT'S UP, FIGG?
LOOK AT THIS.
IT WAS PRESTON!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE MADE UP THOSE FLYERS
AND POSTED THEM HIMSELF.
HE DID IT ALL.
HE KNEW HOW MUCH
I CARED ABOUT TYCHO,
HOW MUCH I WANTED
TO DO WHAT WAS BEST
FOR HIM
AND GET HIM BACK
TO HIS REAL FAMILY.
EXCEPT THEY'RE NOT
HIS REAL FAMILY.
THEY'RE PHONIES!
SO WHO ARE THEY?
THEY HAD TO BE SOMEBODY
PRESTON COULD CONTROL.
Preston: NOT THERE,
YOU DUFUS.
Calvin: I KNEW THAT GUY
LOOKED FAMILIAR!
SO WHAT NOW?
NOW WE GET HIM BACK!
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
THAT'S TYCHO.
[ARGUING]
[WOOF WOOF]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
Woman: I DON'T CARE
WHAT WE'RE GETTIN' PAID!
I WANT THAT BEAST GONE
AND I MEAN NOW.
WE SHOULD GET HELP.
Man: FINE!
DUDE, THERE'S
NO TIME FOR HELP.
OK, FIGG,
YOU GO KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
KEEP 'EM TALKING, OK?
WE'LL SNEAK IN
THROUGH THE BACK.
I'M GONNA
GO WITH HIM.
NO, CALVIN,
WAIT A SECOND.
I--I'M NOT YOU.
I MEAN...
YOU KNOW, I'M
NOT GOOD AT LYING.
FIGG, DON'T THINK OF IT
AS LYING, OK? REMEMBER--
SHH!
OK. DO YOU REMEMBER
ISSUE 426 OF THE DARK
DRAGON CHRONICLES
WHEN GOTHAM MAN HAD TO
PROVIDE A DISTRACTION?
OH, SO THE JUSTICE
LEGION COULD SNEAK
THROUGH THE DARK...
All: DRAGON'S LAIR.
I GOT IT. GOT IT.
LET'S DO IT.
LET'S DO IT.
Woman: TAKE
THE DOG AND--SHH!
GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR.
I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU
THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SUBSCRIBE
TO THESE--THESE
LEADING MAGAZINES
AT A GENEROUS
DISCOUNT.
Woman: WHAT IS GOIN' ON,
BILLY?
SOME KID
SELLIN' MAGAZINES.
KID, WE DON'T WANT
NO MAGAZINES.
[GASPING]
[GAGGING]
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOU, BOY?
ARE YOU OK, HON?
WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?
UGH! [GASPING]
I THINK HE HAS THE ASTHMA,
YOU KNOW, LIKE MY COUSIN GAYLE?
[WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
IF HE DIES ON OUR PORCH,
HE CAN PROBABLY SUE US
OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?
SHUT UP, BILLY!
[GASPING]
[GASPING]
YOU FEELING BETTER,
HON?
MUCH. THANK YOU.
OH, TYCHO!
AAH!
HEY, FIGG, WHEN DO
THE TOP DOG FINALS START?
8 MINUTES
AND 22 SECONDS AGO.
WHY?
YOU'RE NOT THINKING
WHAT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING.
YOU AND TYCHO
HAVE TO COMPETE.
AND YOU HAVE TO WIN!
OTHERWISE PRESTON WILL.
IT'S UP TO HIM.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, BOY?
UP FOR GETTING EXPLOITED
ONE MORE TIME?
[WOOF WOOF]
[WOOF WOOF]
DAD, GUN IT! WE HAVE
A DOG SHOW TO WIN!
BUCKLE UP,
EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK TO
THE TOP DOG FINALS,
SPONSORED BY ROYAL HOUND
DOG FOODS.
THIS YEAR'S THEME,
AROUND THE WORLD
IN 80 DOGS.
CONTESTANTS HAVE
JUST 90 SECONDS
TO IMPRESS THE JUDGES
WITH ANY PERFORMANCE
ROUTINE.
JESSICA ROSE AND HER DOG
CHICHI ARE JUST
FINISHING UP
NEXT TO THE DISPLAY
OF THE ARFUL TOWER.
THAT'S GOING TO BRING UP
THIS SHOW'S
TWO-TIME DEFENDING CHAMPIONS.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK,
IT'S PRESTON PRICE
AND JACQUES!
[APPLAUSE]
[ARF ARF]
[ARF ARF]
OK. GO.
Audience: OOH!
WHERE IS CALVIN AND TYCHO?
WE ARE UP NEXT.
CALVIN, WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO?
YOU AND TYCHO DON'T EVEN
HAVE A ROUTINE.
I THINK WE MIGHT.
RIGHT, TYCHO?
[RRRF]
[APPLAUSE]
[ARF ARF ARF]
Holly:
AND WHAT A CATCH!
WHAT ARE THOSE,
CHUCK?
FLYING DISKS, HOLLY.
WOW!
Chuck: FANTASTIC!
Holly: OOH LALA, JACQUES!
[BUZZER]
Chuck: WOW!
A FLAWLESS ROUTINE
BY THE CHAMPION!
HERE COMES SCORES.
Chuck: A 98!
UNBELIEVABLE!
OOH, THAT IS GOING TO BE
NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT.
IT'S GONNA GET ROUGH
IN THERE, CHUCK.
NEXT UP IS CALVIN WHEELER
AND TYCHO.
DON'T HOLD YOUR
BREATH.
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
THIS IS THE FINAL CALL
FOR CALVIN WHEELER
AND TYCHO.
GO, TYCHO!
GO!
[WOOF WOOF]
IT LOOKS LIKE THERE'S
GOING TO BE A DISQUALIFICATION.
LET'S GO, BABY! WOW!
DON'T ROLL OVER YET.
LOOK!
Audience: OHH!
[WOOF WOOF]
THERE, BABY!
OH, COOL!
WHOA!
Audience: OHH!
[WOOF WOOF]
SURPRISED?
YOU AND YOUR NO-GOOD MUTT
STILL HAVE TO BEAT A 98.
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
YOU MAY BEGIN,
MR. WHEELER.
ALL RIGHT.
FULL SPEED, TYCHO.
FULL SPEED.
Chuck: OK, HOLLY.
CALVIN AND TYCHO
HAVE ONE MINUTE
AND 30 SECONDS TO IMPRESS
THE JUDGES IN THIS
FREESTYLE EXHIBITION.
Holly: LET'S SEE WHAT
THEY HAVE IN THEIR
BAG OF TRICKS.
Holly: HE IS HEADED
FOR THE FABLED WINDMILLS
OF OUR DOG QUIXOTE DISPLAY.
THE AUDIENCE IS JUST
LAPPING THIS UP!
Chuck: HOLLY, THEY'RE RACING
RIGHT FOR THE ARFUL TOWER.
AND THEY'RE THROUGH!
Holly: BOTH CALVIN
AND TYCHO ARE HEADED FOR
THE ANCIENT DRUID RUINS
OF BONEHENGE!
OH, WOW! NOW
THEY'RE ON THE WAY
TO MOUNT RUFFMORE'S HALF PIPE!
AND THEY ARE MOVING!
GO, CALVIN!
DID YOU SEE THAT?
CALVIN JUST SKATED RIGHT OVER
THE WATERS OF
THE SOUTH PAW-CIFIC!
Chuck: NOW THEY'RE HEADED
FOR THE BRIDGE TOO FUR.
[CROWD CHEERING]
CALVIN AND TYCHO ARE
GOING TO HAVE TIME
FOR JUST ONE MORE TRICK,
HOLLY.
THAT'S RIGHT, CHUCK,
AND THEY ARE PICKING UP
SOME SERIOUS SPEED.
[ARF ARF ARF]
Chuck: OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
AAH!
[BUZZER]
AND CALVIN STICKS
THE LANDING!
WELL, HOW I'D DO?
Man: IT'S OBVIOUS
PRESTON SABOTAGED THE EVENT.
HE'S DISQUALIFIED.
Boy: PRESTON PRICE CHEATED.
Woman: THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO.
LET'S WRAP IT UP.
WE AWARD THE ROUTINE...
A 99!
THAT'S IT! FAME!
CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG TYCHO
THE TERRIBLE
HAVE JUST WON
ROYAL HOUND'S
TOP DOG FINAL!
ALL RIGHT, CALVIN!
GO, BABY!
HOLD IT THERE, CALVIN!
TYCHO, CALVIN, THIS WAY!
Figg:
GUYS, GUYS, PLEASE!
PLEASE, ONE AT A TIME!
HOW PREPARED WERE YOU?
YOU.
EMILY WATSON,
BEDFORD ANIMAL SHELTER
MONTHLY NEWSLETTER.
YES?
CALVIN, I WAS WONDERING,
DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS
FOR THE PRIZE MONEY?
I SURE DO.
[WOOF WOOF]
[APPLAUSE]
AND JUST WHO WAS
STEWART BICKFORD?
THE CREATOR
OF GOTHAM MAN.
THESE RENOVATIONS WERE
ONLY MADE POSSIBLE BY
A GENEROUS DONATION
FROM CALVIN WHEELER
AND HIS DOG,
A FORMER RESIDENT
OF THIS SHELTER,
TYCHO THE TERRIBLE!
[WOOF WOOF WOOF]
YOU DID IT, CALVIN.
[ARF ARF ARF]
Girl: CUTE.
YOU'RE A CHATTY DOG.
YOU'RE A LITTLE TOO CHATTY
FOR OUR HOUSE.
[ARF GRRR]
Calvin: YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF WE'RE EVER GOING
TO GET RUFUS A HOME,
WE'VE GOT TO WORK
ON HIS SOCIAL SKILLS.
RUFUS?
YOU KNOW WHAT
MR. DUDLEY SAYS ABOUT
NAMING THE ANIMALS.
WHAT CAN I SAY? HE LOOKS LIKE
A LITTLE RUFUS TO ME.
GUYS, HE'S JUST
SCARED, THAT'S ALL.
[ARF ARF ARF]
HEY, BUDDY.
HEY, LITTLE GUY.
HIYA.
WOULD YOU
LOOK AT THAT.
FIGG, HE ACTUALLY
LIKES YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'D SAY 5.2,
MAYBE 5.3 POUNDS.
DEFINITELY UNDER
THE WEIGHT LIMIT
FOR MY APARTMENT COMPLEX.
LOOKS LIKE AND TYCHO
HAVE SOME STIFF
COMPETITION
FOR NEXT YEAR'S
DOG SHOW.
HA! PLEASE.
AFTER THE PERFORMANCE
TYCHO AND I GAVE,
I DON'T THINK THERE IS
A DOG ON THIS EARTH...
COME ON, BUDDY.
OK, THAT CAN--
OH, YES.
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD BOY.
YES, YOU ARE.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE
KIDDIN' ME.
[WHIMPERING]
YOU KNOW WHAT, FIGG?
FIGG, WAIT.
HOW ABOUT
WE TEAM UP?
YOU, ME, OUR DOGS,
YOU KNOW?
WE CAN DO THIS
KIND OF TAG TEAM
TANDEM THING.
YEAH. I MEAN,
WE CAN'T LOSE.
AT THE VERY LEAST,
YOU GONNA NEED
A MANAGER.
YOU KNOW, SOMEONE
TO HELP YOU COUNT
THAT MONEY.
MM-HMM. HE'S GONNA
BE OUR LITTLE STAR.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* COME HERE, COME HERE
* HE DON'T SIT
IN NO WINDOW *
* BECAUSE HE
AIN'T FOR SALE *
* AND I'M KINDA SURE
HE LIKES ME *
* BY THE WAY HE
WAGS HIS TAIL *
* I KNOW HE'D TRY
TO SAVE ME *
* IF I FELL DOWN THE WELL
* 'CAUSE HE'S A FRIEND
I CAN DEPEND ON *
* LORDY, WHAT'S
THAT SMELL? *
* IT'S A...
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOKIN' OUT
FOR CALVIN *
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG
[RECORD SCRATCHES]
* HE CAN'T HELP
THAT HE'S HAIRY *
* IF HE WASN'T,
HE WOULD FREEZE *
* AND HE CAN'T HELP THAT
* HE'S A WALKING HOTEL
FOR SOME FLEAS *
* NOW, HE AIN'T MUCH
ON MANNERS *
* ALTHOUGH HE AIMS
TO PLEASE *
* HIS CALLING CARD
IS IN THE YARD *
* REMEMBER, WIPE YOUR FEET
* 'CAUSE THERE'S A...
* DOG, DOG, DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* LOOK AT THAT DOG
* DOG, DOG, DOG