Lie to Me (2008) - full transcript

Wake up!

Wake up!

Get up.

I look fat.

Look at that.

What's up with that?

♪ show me the way... ♪

Hey, hey, hey!

-Hey!
-You got to eat

or at least have
something.

Mm. Thank you, thank you.



come on.

Seriously.
Okay.

Love you.

I love you.
Bye. Bye.

I'll see you at the wedding.
I'll be right behind you.

♪ ...to prove my innocence ♪

♪ and this active love ♪

♪ is gone, and the scars go
deep into us ♪

♪ and words are like curses,
the ocean descends ♪

♪ and now we're alone ♪

♪ how did we lose our way? ♪

♪ there must have been unseen
forces at play ♪

♪ there's dirt on my hands...♪

do you know her?



But, uh, these two girls have
great hair and great teeth,

and, um, it's a good family.

These are two of the luckiest
people you've ever seen

sitting right in front of you.

To ... to Luke and Alison.

Yes. How do you follow that?

Um, an ancient Celtic
wedding ritual

involved tying the bride and
groom's wrists together

while they each took turns
reciting vows

to be engaged for exactly
a year and a day.

And at the end of this
year-and-a-day promise,

they can choose to part
without obligation,

or they could choose
to repeat their vows

and spend eternity together.

Because this ceremony involves

tying the bride
and groom's wrists together,

that's where the term "tying
the knot" comes from.

After mason introduced Luke
to my little sister,

I knew they didn't need
a year and a day.

From the first moment they
met,

they knew that they would
spend eternity together.

So... I love you guys.
Congratulations.

To Luke and Alison.

Oh, come here! come here !
Come here!

Oh, my god!

I'm married!

To me. To me.

Okay, okay, okay.

Have a good time.
She's mine!

Take care of my sister.

I will take care of her.

Walk up the stairs
safely.

I will.
We're gonna take the back way.

Bye.

Good night!

All right, everybody.

It's getting to be that time.

The open bar will be closing
soon.

Take advantage while
you still can.

Only a couple more
songs left,

so get out there
and party down.

Sam, let's go dance!

Come on, come on,
come on.

♪ lately ♪

♪ you've been taken over ♪

Why aren't you with your
friends?

Don't you want to dance with
some of those...

Eligible bachelors?

Oh, yeah.
They're hot.

I think they're out of my
league.

So, why aren't you
dancing with your girlfriend?

Mm. I don't dance.

Then I need another drink.

♪ ooh, I tell you to stay ♪

♪ that's the only condition ♪

♪ it's in the way I feel ♪

Hey.

Hey.
How's it going?

Oh, it's all right.

I'm ... been trying to talk
to this girl all night.

Well, what are you
waiting for?

Just go make fun of her.
girls love that shit.

You're serious?

Yeah. Go do it.

Uh...

♪ take me in your
lonely arms ♪

♪ your lonely again ♪

Excuse me, miss.
Uh,

I'm gonna have to escort
you off the dance floor.

There have been too many
reports

of your terrible dancing.

Where's your date?

Um...what?
Where's your date?!

Oh. Um...

I think I got dumped.

That's terrible.

Absolutely terrible.

Ladies and gentlemen,

let's slow it down
one final time.

Our last song of the evening
last chance for romance.

Congratulations,
Luke and Alison.

Good night, everybody.

Pool party!

Whoo!

Canonball!

Oh, my god!

Okay. It's okay.

One, two...one, two...
One, two...

Oh, shit!

Oh, my god!

What are you doing?!

Get in!

No. You guys have cooties.

You've tainted the water.

Oh, whatever!

Oh, that tastes good.

Now I got to go get
a refill.

Well, get the whole bottle.

No, no. You guys have had
enough.

Did I stutter,
Mr. Mason?

I said get a whole bottle!

Now!

All right. Jesus.

James.
Yeah?

I can't believe you're here.

You smell like a man.

So do you.

It's my new fragrance.
It's champagne and sweat.

I like it.

Upstairs...

♪ got time, got time
and think about it ♪

♪ time to share the love like
this before ♪

See you later, Mason.

Thanks.

Come on!

Hot-tub time.

Well, are you gonna join me
or just watch?

Hmm?

Oh, my god. Are you crazy?
What are you doing?!

Nice to meet you.

Yeah.

This is fucking ridiculous.

What's wrong?

Are you too old
to have fun?

Let me help you.

I give up.

Well, you're not really
trying.

See, what you have to do
Is...

Gently grab the fabric and

carefully pull it away from
the skin.

It's pretty clingy.

Well, I give up.

Won't your girlfriend
be mad that

you're in a hot
tub with an 18-year-old?

Ooh. Hey.

Okay.
It's getting really...

I can't even get it off.

You got to pull
the...thing.

It's very expensive.

Oh.

Can I tell you a secret?

Sure.

I've had a crush on you
since I was nine.

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ tell me that you love me,
lady, one more time ♪

♪ one more time, slowly ♪

♪ till then I will float
in silence gingerly ♪

♪ consuming every tear ♪

♪ maybe you can stay just one
more little day ♪

♪ this time it would be Nice
if you could fight back ♪

♪ give me one good reason,
baby, why I'd leave ♪

♪ why I'd leave you here ♪

Jesus!
You scared the shit out of me!

God!

Where have you been?

Why are you all wet?

You didn't answer
my question.

Just tell me where you were.

You know where I was.

Answer the question!

I was with James.

Which one was James?

He has dark hair, tall.
Brooke's date.

Wait. The James?

James James?

Boner Baxter?

I knew I should never have
told you that.

So, did you guys do it?
Yeah.

Well, at least somebody got
some action.

Boner Baxter!

It was a wedding.
How could you not?

I was in the hot tub
with Olivia.

I knew she liked you.

You know she's like
10 years old.

No. She's barely legal.

Oh, my god.

It's okay. Nothing happened.

You better hope Luke doesn't
find out.

Did you at least
have fun?

Uh, yeah!

It's not every day you're in
a hot tub with an 18-year-old.

Mason, I'm tired. It's ... go
away.

But don't go in wet pants!

Take it off.

"Take it off."
Oh, my god.

"Take it off."

Don't blame it on me that
you couldn't score.

Move over.

No. Move over.

Get...on your side.

And you're wet still.

That's disgusting!

Ow!

You want some of this?

Hmm. Let me think.

Mm-hmm.

Ooh, wet, stinky man,

do me now.

I came.

Hey. Hey. Hey.
What?

Hey.

What?

Was he big?

He was good-sized.

Good night.

You're such a baby.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at ... ♪

Hello?

How's the book coming,
cupcake?

Thought you were on your
honeymoon.

You're not supposed to be
talking about work.

Yeah, honeymoon's awesome.

I'm just calling to check
you're gonna hit the deadline

The publisher's been
hounding me.

Okay, I just have to figure
one last thing out.

Have fun,

relax, and stop calling me.

So, hey, you have fun
at the wedding?

Did you hook up with any
chicks?

I wish.

Sam hooked up with some old
boyfriend from college.

Dude, I don't know how ...

Whatever. Whatever works for
you guys.

That shit wouldn't work
for me.

I get pissed when some guy
even looks at Ali.

Yeah. Well, we just don't
see it like that.

Who ... who was it?

Was it that guy who came with
...what's her name? ...

the blond one ... Brooke?
Yeah, I think so.

God.

By the way, that chick and
Bill are totally fucking.

Does Ali know about that?

Shelly's like her best
friend, right?

Well, Bill said I can't
say anything, so whatever.

But it's not gonna last.
You know Bill.

All right, look ... go hang out
with your wife, all right?

I can't believe you didn't get
any pussy.

Goodbye.

And?
How did the gowns look?

I bet everyone died

when they heard you made them
all yourself.

Everyone said they looked
great.

It was pretty much the only
reason to go.

It was like my spring show.

And your only sister
was getting married,

but whatever.

Hello?

Sam? It's James.

Hi.

Did I catch you at a bad time?

No.
I'm just surprised you called.

I had a great time.

Uh...me too.

Would you like to have dinner
Friday?

Friday.

Okay.

I'll meet you there at 8:00.

Okay.

See ya.

Bye. Bye.

I just got asked out.

By who?

My old college boyfriend.

Wait. What ... what's Mason
gonna think?

Oh...

Boner Baxter asked you out?

Oh, my god.
Stop calling him that!

What did you tell him?

I told him yes.

I don't know.
What do you think?

Go out with him.

Really?

Yeah. It's not a big deal.
I've been out on dates.

I went out with that girl
Sara.

You liked her.
She was hot.

Yeah, but she wasn't your
ex-girlfriend.

Don't go out with him,
then!

Do you want to go?

Yeah, kind of.

Then go.

I love you.

I love you. Now eat.

What is this?

Maggots.

Aah!

Jesus!

I guess you're not the
superior sibling anymore, huh?

Oh...

And now I'm gonna puke.

Oh, my god.

Stop!

I'm so sorry.
Come on! It's okay.

Can you believe mom's hounding
me for one of those?

Okay, okay, okay!

I mean, look at those
monsters.

Can you even imagine?

I guess you're used to
dealing with kids

since Mason acts like one
all the time.

Isn't that why you wanted
to get married ...

to have a family unit?

Okay. That and the consistent
booty.

Oh, geez.
Speaking of which,

what was James Baxter doing
at my wedding?

A little awkward.

You didn't talk to him,
did you?

I did. A little bit.

He seems to be okay,
though.

He looked surprisingly
good.

Is Brooke dating him?

I don't know. Why do you care?

I don't know, maybe I'm
obsessed.

You sound obsessed!

"Oh, James Baxter! He looked
surprisingly good.

"He's so dreamy!

"Oh, my name's Alison. I'm in
love with James Baxter."

Oh, yeah! I want to kiss him!

"My name's Alison. I want to
have sex with him."

Okay! Okay!
Goodbye! Goodbye!

You're late.
I'm sorry.

You look beautiful.

Did you miss me?
Maybe.

On the other wall, there are
going to be, uh,

some collections from other
local designers.

But in the middle,

I'm gonna have
pieces from other lines

that really go with the
aesthetics of the boutique.

So that's my plan.

I'm sorry.
I'm totally rambling.

No, no. I love it.

It makes my job seem boring
in comparison.

No, it's not.

I think that real estate
development

is totally ... boring.

No, I ...

Well, if by "boring,
"you mean "Awesome," then

then high five.

Self high five.

Wow.

At least I know that you're
still a dork.

You're just jealous of my
awesome job.

Yeah, I just, um ...

I never thought that you'd
actually grow

up and get a career.

Yeah, well, I would have
dumped me, too.

Look, um...

James, I have to tell you
something.

Okay.

I'm sort of in a relationship.

Um...

It's not what you think.

It's ...he knows about us ...

or about this ... this ...

He knows about us.

What ... what do you mean?

I mean, Mason and I kind of...

Have an open relationship,
I guess.

Nice spare!

Bullshit!

Clearly don't play European
bowling.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you♪

Mason Michael finch.

Uh, this is Olivia.
Hi.

Yeah. Hi, Olivia.

How are you doing this lovely
evening?

Fine. How ...

Tell him you're
in love with him.

Uh, Olivia? Is that ... is
that you?

Are you in love with me?

No!

Who are you guys talking to?

Oh, hi, Mason. This is Olivia.

Listen, I'm totally in love
with you,

and I want to have all your
babies.

If you want to get started,

meet me at 512 81st street.
Okay. Gotta go.

See you tonight.
Who was on the phone?

It's not like I'm a sex
maniac.

I mean, when I was with you, I
was attracted to other people.

I just didn't act on it.

Oh, that's good. We had
enough problems as it was.

It's not a problem.

It's totally natural to be
attracted to other people.

Okay, so... You're single,

But you have a boyfriend?

Yeah, sort of.

Okay, so, do you two still
have sex?

Yeah. of course.

Uh, I guess

I'm a little more traditional
than I thought.

Guess who just called me.
My hot-tub girlfriend.

Or, actually, it was her
friends, but anyway,

I was just calling. I was
hoping you would pick up and

tell me what to do.

but you're not answering,
so anyway, I love you.

Bye.

Can Olivia come out
and play?

A few years ago, I was in new
Orleans

with some girlfriends.

And we were drinking
and dancing

and going crazy.

And there was this really
cute guy,

and he was dancing with me
all night.

And we were outside, and it
started raining.

Everybody was scrambling
for cover.

Jello shots!

And this guy looks me straight
in the eye

and he bent down
to kiss me,

and I totally freaked out

because I had a boyfriend.

And I left. I went to find my
girlfriend.

Later on that night, I got a
call from Mason,

and he told me that he
just hooked up

with our friend Valerie.

So, what did you do?

It was hard. We were really
confused.

I was upset.

I didn't know if we should
break up or not.

But then I didn't know if I
was just more

upset that I didn't kiss that
guy in new Orleans.

So, after I came home,

we talked and we fought
and we cried

and we stayed up
all night.

And we realized that we were
gonna stay together

and not break up

and just see what happens,

you know, and just be honest
with each other

about how we feel
and what we do.

So, how's that working out?

Pretty good.

♪ fire from a stone ♪

Don't move.

♪ baby, when you call me up
on the phone ♪

♪ I can hear your number
beating along ♪

How do I look?

♪ no, no, no, no, no ♪
Beautiful.

♪ no, no, no, no, no ♪
A beautiful lady.

Don't you want to kiss the
beautiful lady, Kimberly?

♪ no one is in charge when I
have control ♪

♪ I can tell you something
when we're alone ♪

♪ no, no, no, no ♪

♪ no ♪

♪ no, no, no, no, no ♪

God, you are such a lesbian.

I want to kiss the old lady.

♪ sugar ♪

♪ that's how much I want to
show you ♪

♪ that's how much I want to
know you ♪

♪ that's how much that I
could say ♪

Let's go downstairs.

♪ baby, when you call me up
on the phone ♪

♪ I can hear your number
beating along ♪

♪ no, no, no, no ♪

♪ no ♪

♪ uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ no one is in charge when I
have control ♪

♪ I can tell you something
when we're alone ♪

♪ no, no, no, no, no ♪

How far does your girlfriend
let you go?

♪ no, no, no, no, no ♪

I don't know.

What, are you gonna make me
do all the work?

♪ uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ uh-huh-huh ♪

♪ uh-huh ♪

So... you told him about us ...

about our night of passion?

Yes.

Yes. It's all about being
honest.

Detail?

Like, about what?

I told him you were
good-sized.

Don't you get jealous

when he hooks up with other
girls?

Not really. Not if he tells me
about it.

You were jealous with me.

I know.

I just feel like I've grown
up a lot,

and being jealous
was just...

Uh...being insecure.

Oh, well, I'm definitely not
insecure.

But I-I still get jealous.

I mean, it's human nature.

There's nothing wrong
with that.

I just don't feel
that way.

Maybe you're just afraid
of being alone.

Isn't everybody?

Your purse is vibrating.

Just ignore it.

Oh, what?

It's probably your boyfriend
calling.

It could be my sister.

This feels like, um, wife
swapping...

something.

We're just friends.

We're having a good time.
It's not a big deal.

Yeah, well, apparently,
I'm too insecure

to, uh, share you with
somebody else.

Maybe I ... maybe I'll call
you when I grow up.

I had a nice evening,
Samantha.

Very...enlightening.

Enjoy yourself.

Shit.

Mason!

Hey. You got my message.

Fuck you! Get in the car!

Get in the fucking car!

Get in the car now.

Get off! You're fucking out
of your mind.

What are you so riled up
about?

You're getting tested.
What for?

You slept with that girl.

You didn't use protection.

You're getting tested.

I told you about that?

You are so annoying when
you're drunk.

She's only like 19.

She's barely had sex
with anybody.

Oh, yay!

You're getting tested.

Yeah, I love you.

You're ridiculous.

♪ well, the river is deep,
and the river is wide ♪

♪ and the girl that I love
is on the other side ♪

♪ she wants to move
to Kansas city ♪

♪ move to Kansas city ♪

♪ move, pretty baby, where
the sky is so blue ♪

It's not like I told him I was
into golden showers

and ass munching

and furries
and crap like that.

Wow.

You need to call him.

I can't call him.

He thinks I'm a crazy hippie
or something.

No, no, no.

If it's one thing I know, it's
how guys think.

If he actually hated you,

he would've stayed, gotten
some, and then left.

Look, the fact that he took
off before sealing the deal

proves that he likes you.

Awesome.

Look, girl, I know you want
to call him.

You know, let him know things
aren't so weird.

I don't know.

Come on, it's not like you can
make it any worse.

Thank you.

Pick up the phone.

I will.

Now.

Okay.

Okay.

Come on. Give him a call.

Here.

No. Hey ...

Just don't say ...

I already hit "talk."

Hey, hi, James.

Hey, you've reached the
voicemail of James.

Please leave a message.

Hey, James, it's Sam.

Uh, I was just calling
to say hi,

and, uh, sorry

for, um, you know,

if you felt weird the other
night.

Um, but if you

want to come to the art walk
this weekend -

I-I don't know if you're going
already,

but, if you're not, you can
come with us.

And, uh, no big deal.

Just call me back. And, uh,
cool.

Talk to you later.
Bye.

Say "hello."

Crap! That sucked!

That was good, okay?
And it wasn't so tough.

Now, was it?

I hate you.

You love me.

So, are you really into
golden showers?

I'm not in...are you into
golden showers?

Maybe.

Gross. You serious?

Whatever god gave us is okay
by me.

That's from Jesus.

"And she thought as me,
and I thought as her.

"And she and I asked with
hungry eyes...

"Maybe.

"And the other girl asked

would I say, 'Maybe my
sunflower.'

"And I put my arm around her
and the other

And pulled them close to me

"So I could feel their thighs
all moist maybe.

"And their breasts were
heaving like mad.

And, 'maybe,' I said, 'maybe
I will, maybe.'"

Thank you.

Thanks a lot for coming by.
Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

-What's your name?
-Jessica.

Jessica.
Mm-hmm.

-How you doing?
-Good. How are you?

Good.

I really loved your novel.

Well, thanks, Jessica.

I'd really love to talk to you
about it sometime.

Definitely.

I think we could arrange that.

I'll see you soon.

Be right back.

Oh!

You're not supposed to be
back here.

Um...

I'm really sorry about the
other night.

What are you talking about?

About what happened
with Kim.

Oh.

It just happened. I had no
idea what was going on.

What's the big deal?

I just ... I-I don't want you
to be mad at me.

Hey, can you put this
over here?

Right there. Yeah. Thanks.

Well, why would I be mad
at you?

'Cause I feel like I really
screwed things up,

and I'm ... I'm really ...
I'm sorry.

Listen, Mason, you can do
whatever you want.

You're like my big brother.

I'm like Luke?

No.

You're not like Luke.

It's just ... you know,
we grew up together.

Come on.

Listen, as cute as you are
groveling,

I have to get back to work.

See ya.

I got my test results back.

I'm clean!
Whoo!

- Aw, geez.
- Let's do it!

You are such a prick!

Oh, come on.

Now I want you.

What can I do to make
it up to you?

Those were yours.

I have to finish getting ready
and you have to get ready,

we have to be gone
in 30 minutes.

Okay, well, that gives me the
25 seconds I need.

Maybe I'll just ... just do
the couch

since you're not that into it.

You would.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, god!

This is so hot.

This couch is so turned
on by me.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

I'm gonna do it again.
Oh! Oh!

It could be Alison.
Shut up.

Hello?

- Samantha?
- Hey.

Hey, it's me. Are you...

No, thank you for calling
me back.

Yeah, yeah.

So, am I still invited
tonight?

Yeah, you're still invited
if you ... if you want to.

Okay.

I'll just, uh, I'll meet you
there.

Yeah. See you soon.

Okay. Bye.

- That your boyfriend?
- He's not my boyfriend.

Hmm.

Whatever.

I'm surprised he called me.

Maybe somebody canceled on him
or something.

Yeah, right.

Well, I know one thing ...
it's gonna be awkward.

Why? You're gonna get along
fine with him.

Um, I'm not worried
about us.

You guys are the ones
with all the drama.

Oh, my god.
Olivia's gonna be there.

Talk about drama,

seeing as you just banged her
best friend.

Um, that girl was very
forward.

All the sudden, she was, like,
on top of me.

Really? Oh.

♪ I have to get ready ♪

All right. Get 'em up,
get 'em up.

Here's to the greatest guy
I know.

Me.

But this is to the second
greatest guy I know.

Get on with it!
I know.

I can't wait for the new book.

Fuck off.

Is there anything new
around here?

What's the deal?

Free booze. I mean...

Yeah, we looked around,

but I've never been the type
to just stare for hours on end

like Olivia over there.

Whatever.
Yeah, I don't get that.

Like, is somebody serving
nachos somewhere around here

like, one of the, uh ... one
of the galleries?

Jesus Christ. There's Olivia's
asshole friends.

Whoa. Is that James Baxter?

What is he doing
here?

Look. Listen,
I'll bring him over.

And you can tell him how much
you love him.

Oh, right. I'm obsessed.

Ah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
It's so weird for you.

Shut up.

-It's so hard for you.
-It is weird.

It's weird I have to keep the
shit a secret from my wife.

Well, thank you, from ...from
the bottom of my heart.

You're such an asshole.

Hey, hey.

Hi.

How you doing? It's good
to see you again.

Hey, how'd that advice
work out?

Um, fine.
Awesome.

Honey, you remember James from
the wedding, right?

Yeah.

Hey, you want to go check out
another gallery?

I heard they're serving free
food down the street.

No, I want to wander around
here a little bit,

but I'll catch up with you.

All right, all right.
Honey, want to...

Okay. Bye.

Bye.

You guys have a good time.
Excuse me.

We'll see you soon.
See you at the next.

Can I get you a drink?

That was awkward. Yes.
A drink, please.

So, does it get any better,
the longer you stare at it?

God. Stalk much?

Yeah, sometimes.

Hmm. You still mad at me?

Hi, Mason.
Hi.

Your brother is a total creep.

He just told Josh to keep his
hands off you.

Like, told josh.

Why? Everyone
knows Josh is gay.

Whatever.

Let's roll, Tom.
This place blows.

Oh, sensitive?

See you guys later.

Yeah, I'm ... I'm out of here.

All right. Bye, babe.
Bye.

Are you coming?

Um, I'll catch up with you
later.

Are you sure?

Get out of here!

See you later, Mason.

Bye.

I'll still have a crush
on you

if you get me a glass
of wine.

Red or White?

Whatever.

Doesn't bother you
at all?

I think it bothers you more.

I'm glad you came.

I was worried you didn't want
to see me again.

Well, I wasn't planning on it.

But, uh, then I couldn't
really find anything else

to do tonight, so...

Ah.

Plus, I love art.

Can I tell you a secret?

Yeah, I love ...

Get a room!

Fuck this.

Why am I wasting my time
with you?

There are so many single
girls out there,

and I come after you.
Why?

Because you can't stop
thinking about me?

Don't flatter yourself.

Then why are you here?

I don't know. I guess I'm just
old-fashioned.

I want you all to myself.

Is that so wrong?

I'm not a piece of real
estate.

Yeah, I know.
You're a fucking rental.

Fuck you.

Damn it.

Oh.

♪ creepy ♪

What's the matter? You don't
like the movie?

Wow! Check this out.

Can you see my shape?

um...

Oh, yeah!

I don't think you're supposed
to do that.

Well, come on.
Come here.

I told you, I'm not a good
dancer, okay?

Well, no one's around
to see.

Oh!

See?

Sam, I'm sorry.

Please, Sam.
Sam.

I am so confused. I don't
know what I'm thinking.

I thought you didn't want
this.

I want you.

I've always wanted you.

Please.

Come on.
Do you really want this?

Do you want an open
relationship?

I am not a victim, James.

I just want you
to be happy.

I'm going back.

No. I won't let you.

What are you doing?
Oh.

We can't do this.
We can't do this here.

What are you doing?

♪ through this world you need
no other ♪

Okay. I guess we're friends
again.

Whatever.

Oh!

Oh, I just wish Samantha
would talk to me.

She's fine, babe.
Whatever. Just...

No, it just

always feels like there's
something between us.

Maybe you should just go
talk to her, right?

Oh, okay, talk to her about
not talking to me?

You're brilliant.

God damn it, where is Olivia?

I really don't like those
guys she's

hanging out with,
man.

Okay, okay, let's go find her.
All right.

Video sucks anyway.
It's making me nauseous.

Whew!

You're looking at a dead man.

You tired?

Yes.

Probably 'cause you're boning
boner Baxter.

Are you working again?

Scoot over.

You have art.

I read books.

I read this book, uh, "how to
win a woman over."

Really?

Just by decorating your
apartment.

It's funny how opposed to
lying you are,

but you can't even tell your
own sister about us.

Well, it's not lying if you
just don't mention it.

Is that a time capsule?

It's a bread holder.

Bread holder?

"Breadbox" is the more
technical term.

Do you want something
to drink?

What do you think of this?

I think this story
is ridiculous.

I think you're ridiculous.

You're ridiculous.

Cheers.
Cheers.

Are you falling in love
with him?

No. We're just friends.

Hey.
What?

You can tell me
the truth.

I just did.

Maybe we should go back to the
way things were, you know?

Makes it less complicated.

It's not complicated.

Hey, mister, not so fast.

Dishes are done, dude.

No way.
Yep.

This is it?
That's it.

That's fucking awesome.

I'm really proud of you.

It's fucking awesome.
Let's celebrate right now.

Let's go.

Shit. I totally would, but I
Ali's ...

get up.
I can't.

Why not?
I got plans with Ali.

Cancel them.

No, I can't.
What about Sam?

Doesn't she want to go
party?

Sam's on a date with James
or something.

I don't even know.

Come on.

You better watch out,
man.

That guy
makes a ton of money.

Like, chicks leave guys like
you for guys like him.

Thanks for saying that.

I'm not worried, okay? Thank
you for worrying.

Hmm.
Well, you guys are freaks.

Well, at least I'm not
a fucking eunuch.

You know,

at least my girl's not fucking
some other guy.

Great. Great.
You made your point.

Let's go. Get up!

We are out of here
right now.

I want to be drunk yesterday.

Okay, okay, okay.
I'll do it.

I'm in a rush!
I'll call and reschedule.

Hello?

This is Sam.

Uh-huh.

Are you sure?

Thank you.

Hey.

Hey.

Nice to see... Mmm.

Nice to see you, too.

Where did you go?

That better not be
the sink.

Luke and I went
to the strip club

to celebrate my new book.

Classy.

Mm.

Let's do it.

Mason ... you're drunk.

And you smell like stripper.

Listen.
What?

We haven't done it in like
a week.

I need to talk to you.

You...you don't love me
anymore.

You hate me.

You hate me!

You hate me. You
don't love me anymore.

I love you. I love you.

You don't love me.
I need to talk to you.

Seriously.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you ♪

♪ yeah ♪

Hello?

Hey, baby, it's me.

Hey. Hey, what's wrong?

What's wrong?
Can I come over?

Yeah, okay.
Okay, come on over.

I'll see you in a second.

Okay?

Okay, bye.

It's Olivia.

She's upset or something.

Let's do it until she gets
here.

You're gonna hurt yourself.

Okay. I'm sorry, though.

What do you want to talk
about?

Nothing. Have a good time.

I'll just ...I'll just see
what's up,

and I'll tell her to go home,
okay?

huh.

God, I just... Hate my friends
sometimes.

I mean, Amy and Kim ...they
just gang up on me.

It's like...

They don't understand
anything I'm going through.

They're just so stupid
and judgmental,

and for no reason,
you know?

What?

You're so sexy.

Do you want to kiss me?

Maybe.

I want to kiss you.

I need to tell you
something.

Yeah?

I'm a virgin.

You're not.
Yeah, I am.

I just want you to know.

Fuck it.

Sam?

Hi.

I didn't know you were
home. I'm ... I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Don't feel awkward
or bad about this.

I'm totally fine with it,
seriously.

Are you sure?

I mean, I was a little
nervous coming over here.

No. Yeah, it's totally fine.
Don't even worry about it.

Have fun tonight.

Are you going to James'?

Yeah.

Doesn't this stuff ever
bother you?

Not really. It's fun.

Do you ever feel numb?

I have to go.

I'll see you. See you later.

Oh!

Who were you talking to?

Nobody.

♪ you're wasting all your
time here ♪

♪ riding around in the sun ♪

♪ don't think of what we
can't be ♪

♪ I know what you need ♪

♪ and you know that you like
it ♪

♪ then let me believe
in something ♪

I'm glad you came over.

Me too.

Mm.

Want some breakfast?

Hmm?

Mm, you're so sweet.

So, why did you come over
so late?

Olivia stayed the night
with Mason.

Really?
Is this some kinky

three-way thing for you guys?

No, of course not.

It was just her and Mason
last night.

Yeah, that's what you guys do,
right?

James, spare me the lecture,
okay?

Just fucking weird.

I love being with you,

but I have no idea what kind
of relationship or

what kind of future we can
possibly have together.

I'm pregnant.

What?

I'm pregnant.

No. This is fucked up.

Do you see how
this is fucked up?

Yeah, I know.

I thought you were
on the pill.

I am. I was.

I don't know what happened.

I went into the doctor
for my yearly exam,

and, I don't know, I guess he
caught it before I did.

I was on antibiotics a few
weeks ago.

So is it mine, then?

I don't know.

Maybe.

are you gonna keep it?

I'm not asking you
for anything.

I don't know. Part of me does
want to keep it.

Are you serious?

I got to go.

Yeah.
Maybe that's a good idea.

Yeah.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

hey, Luke, what's up?

Hey, douche.
I'm coming over.

I'm sleeping, man.
Where are you?

No. No, don't come by. I-I
got to get more sleep.

Ooh, yeah.
Mmm.

Okay. nothing.

Look, I'm watching porno.
Leave me alone.

Look, I'll come by later,
okay?

We can talk about
it then.

That doesn't sound
like Samantha.

Shut up.
Okay, bye.

You are trouble,
Young lady.

Mmm.
Mmm.

I had a lot of fun
last night.

I had a lot of fun
last night. Really?

I'm the lucky one.

You make me feel like
a teenager again.

Oh, god.

Aw.

I don't want you to tell
Sam what we did last night.

Why not?

I just don't want her to know
that we had sex.

I don't want her to feel
uncomfortable or ...

She won't.

She won't.
She doesn't care.

Please.

For me?

Okay.

All right.
You promise?

I won't tell her.
Yeah, I promise.

Swear?
I swear.

Do you pinkie-swear?
No.

Come on. You got to
pinkie-swear.

Yeah, I pinkie-swear.
All right.

Mmm.

Hey, thank you.

I can't believe you invited
James.

Well, we invited him and
Brooke,

but Brooke couldn't
make it.

I can just uninvite him.
No.

What's the problem with that?
You guys are friends now.

We are friends now.

I just wish you would've told
me that he was coming.

It's not a big deal.
Forget about it.

What's going on with you?
You've been edgy all night.

I'm busy.
I've been working a lot.

You've been acting funny
for a while.

Is there something you're not
telling me?

Uh, no.

Are you having an affair
on Mason?

Oh, my god.

'Cause you'd tell me if you
were, right?

I'm your sister.
You can tell me anything.

Thank you.
You know, I don't understand

Why you and Mason don't get
married.

Honestly.

Someone's gonna steal him
away.

Jesus. Come on!
I made this myself.

Sorry.
What are you doing?

Fuck.

Thanks, Olivia.
Mm-hmm.

Nachos.

Hot.

All right.

Okay. Well, be Nice to it.

All right.
I'm gonna go get my chips.

Weighted, casino-quality
chips,

'cause I'm fucking
neurotic.

Mmm.

I had a good time with
you last night, but we can't.

We can't? Let's do it in the
car. No, no.

Come on, be adventurous.
Let's go.

Oh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Got these personalized so
nobody could rip me off.

The nachos are really good.
Yeah.

You son of a bitch.
Ohh.

You know what? I left
my phone out in the car.

I'm gonna ...
I'll be right back.

It's not a big deal,
dude.

Oh.
Hey.

Hi.
What are you doing here?

Um, I brought beer.

Great. Thanks.

Um, come on in.

Thanks.

Wow.

Is that a handmade table?

Fuck, yeah, it's handmade.

Okay, I officially have no
idea what I'm doing.

But the good news
is I do have a 69.

Okay.

Might as well fold,

'cause you told everybody what
you got.

So just...

Whatever.

So, how are things going
between you and Brooke?

I'm in.

yeah, uh, they're ... not very
well. I'm in.

I don't think she's that
interested in me.

Oh, that's too bad.

She could really use a guy
like you.

I raise!

Could you wait your turn?
I haven't even gone yet.

You're gonna be out
of the game if

you keep playing like this.
Really?

I'm sure you'll
have no trouble

finding a nice girl.

Oh, thank you, but, uh, best
ones are always taken.

Uh, you okay?

Why are you drinking water
anyway?

Have a fucking beer.
Loosen up.

She's a deadbeat.
Deadbeat.

All-in.

Oh, fucking seriously,

You better have a full house
or something.

She's bluffing.
I'm in.

All right. Me too.
Let's see 'em, punk-ass.

Two pair. Read 'em and weep.

Three queens. Ah!

Yeah, well, let me show you
guy show to really

play some poker.

Ow!
I feel good!

Nice!

Girls, baby.

has a full house.

Doesn't even know what kind of
hand she has.

You are quite the hustler,
you know that?

Um, I think I deserve another
beer for winning.

Why haven't you returned
my phone calls?

That's the point.

You don't even know how to
play poker.

Sweetie, is this a good hand?

Just fold, baby.

I'm staying in.

Fine, I call.

I raise.
Come on!

So, how do you
like being married

to my gay brother?

She fucking loves it.

I love being married.
Do you love being married?

Yeah. Yeah, actually, I do.

You better love it.

How about you?
You got a boyfriend?

Well, actually,
There's this one guy.

Yeah, he's really cute.

I really like him, but I don't
... I don't know.

What don't you know?
Come on.

Well, he's way older.

Oh, no. I know. Right?

And ... but he also is kind of
dating someone,

and he totally had sex with
my best friend.

Oh, my god.

Best friends having sex?

Not your best friend
anymore.

Whatever.

You know, I think this guy
sounds like bad news ...

like, real bad news.

Yeah, I know, but the thing is

that I've just liked him
forever.

And not only is he a hot
kisser,

but he has a Jesus penis,

and you know what that means.

Okay! Jesus penis?
You know what that means!

what does "a Jesus penis"
mean?

Oh, you know, it's perfect,
it's large.

conversation's over.

Let's play poker ...the reason
we came here.

I'll, uh ... I'll raise.

And I will, uh, call.

Yeah, I-I think you might
be able to do a little better.

Just sounds like he's
a little immature.

I don't think it sounds
like he's immature at all.

He's apparently got
a legendary penis.

I say, go for it.

I mean, he sounds like a
fucking stud.

Are you kidding me?
No, I'm not kidding you.

Could you guys
fucking shut up?

The more I hear about this,

it's making me sick
to my stomach.

Go get another beer.

Yes! Thank you.

Olivia, you're only Young
once, all right?

Go get on that penis.

No, no, no, no, no.

Honey, honey, good things
come to those who wait.

I promise you.

I mean, look at you
and Samantha.

You guys are, like,
the perfect couple.

You look cute and successful
and in love.

Can we just play poker,
please?

Well, I don't understand why
you don't just propose to her.

It's easy.

Yeah, why don't you marry Sam,
Mason?

Poker, poker, poker.

All right, is anybody still
playing this game?

Look, all-in.

All-in?
All-in, bitches.

Oh, bitches?
Uh, I'll go all-in.

Nice.

What are you gonna do,
man?

Sorry.

When are you planning
on telling him?

When I have time to.

There's always something
going on.

God damn it.
You have to tell him.

And you have to tell
your sister.

And you got to stop lying to
the people who care about you.

It isn't lying if you just
don't mention it.

That is so fucking cruel, Sam.

Look, when I saw you at the
wedding...

And spent the night together,
and I kept seeing you,

I had to deal with the fact

that you were in this

weird relationship.

But the reason that I stayed
with you

is because you were so open
and honest

and you made me feel
so alive.

That's why I've been trying
to make this work.

I care about you.

I love you.

I'm sorry for putting
you through all this.

It's okay.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you
sooner.

What did you think
I would say?

I don't know.

Were you afraid I would judge
you?

I just wanted you to keep
looking up to me and...

You were always the
level-headed one, Sam ...

The one who always thought
everything through.

I'm the one who rushed into
marriage with Luke

when everyone told me
to wait.

I'm the one everyone thought
would have the first kid.

God, maybe you were just
jealous of me all along.

Sammy?
Hmm?

Are you really sure you want
to go through with this?

I don't know.

Can I even have a baby
right now?

I want to start a business.
My life would be over.

The best would be Christmas.

You bring you two boyfriends
and your baby to dinner,

and, um, and mom will start
preaching

about the importance
of family values.

Oh, my god.
Can you imagine?

Ohh!

So, how are you gonna
tell Mason?

I don't know.

We used to be able to tell
each other everything,

and now there's just something
between us.

Well, you're in love with
somebody else.

I'm still in love
with Mason.

Then why can't you just talk
to him?

Because I know what
he would say.

He doesn't want kids.

What if it's not his?

I just don't want
to hurt him.

Just spit it out.

Do it like a band-aid.

He's a big boy.
He can take it.

It's harder than that.

Sometimes the hardest thing
to do is the right thing.

Don't look at me
like that.

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

Shut up.

Have some more pie. I think
you need some more pie.

Come on.

This is ...she's right
in front of me.

I got to go.

Okay, bye.

Sam?

Jesus fucking Christ.

I just got off the phone
with Ali.

That was quick.

I'm just so happy I don't
have to

keep you guys a secret from
her anymore.

That shit was driving me
crazy.

Seriously, listen.
Listen.

If you guys need anything,
you let me know.

Okay?

I'd make an awesome
uncle.

Thank you.
No problem, kiddo.

Well, now I should tell you,

the publisher loved
Mason's book,

thinks it's gonna be huge.
Are you serious?

Yeah. So I'm gonna
go in and tell him.

That's great.

I know.

- What the fuck?!
- Calm down!

Luke, stop it!
Luke, stop it!

Leave him alone!

Stop! Stop it!
Stop it!

Luke, stop!
Stop it!

Fuck you! Get off!

Get your fucking clothes on!
Get your fucking clothes on.

How the fuck could
you do this?

You two are fucking sick!

Treating people like toys?

Hey, asshole, you fucking
leave my sister alone,

or I will fucking kill you.

Go. Go.

Ow! Luke, stop!
You're hurting me!

How could you bring a child
into this shit?!

Shut up. What are you talking
about?

He doesn't know?

Get out.

She's pregnant,
asshole.

Maybe if you talked to
her instead of

fucking my sister ...
Get out!

Let's go.

Ow!
Fuck, Luke.

It's okay.

Get up.

Should have hit him back.

Oh, you know that wouldn't
have solved anything.

Fuck! ow.

Hold this.

Why didn't you just tell me?

Why didn't you just tell
me about you and Olivia?

I know you guys have
been

sleeping together
for weeks.

Why wouldn't you
just tell me?

Who else knows?
About Olivia?

No, about your fucking kid!
What do you think?

Alison...

Ja...
James.

Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm gonna
be fucking sick.

Whose is it?
Is it his?

You know, that's fucking
awesome.

You're always giving me shit
about using protection!

You're such a hypocrite!
Oh, that makes two of us!

No, I'm not fucking pregnant!
I don't want a kid!

I never did!

I don't want a kid either.

Yeah, for all I know,
this is

exactly what you've
always wanted.

You are such an asshole!

I really screwed things up
with Luke, didn't I?

You're in love with him,
aren't you?

Yeah.
Yeah.

I think I am.

Oh, don't tell me you're
jealous.

Oh, I'm not. I'm not jealous.

Then why can't we talk
anymore?

Because I don't
want to talk!

You're such a fucking child.

You're such a fucking child!

Fuck you.

Fuck you!

Okay, here's my
plan.

A big fucking push ...

50 cities, TV appearances,
"Leno," "Letterman,"

and I think I can get
you on "Oprah."

Sounds good?
Sounds good.

Yeah, it sounds good!
It sounds fucking great!

But you've got to come
to L.A., darling,

even though you are probably
the King of this town,

aren't you?

Yeah. So many gorgeous girls.

God, look at you two,

so cute, all dressed up
like real men.

My son Keaton is about
your age.

I can't get him to tie his
fucking shoes,

much less

write a book or
manage or whatever you do.

I don't know.
He just can't settle down.

I guess life's just
a shitload of fun

when you're up to your neck
in poontang.

Okay, we've got work to do,
darling.

Why don't you have your
undertaker

go down to the lobby for
a few minutes?

We'll need our privacy.

Katherine.
Pleasure, as always.

Till next time.

What is his fucking problem?
Geesh.

Katherine, I got to go.
I'm sorry.

I'll be ...I'll be back.

Do not keep me waiting.

Okay.

Okay. See ya.

Luke, come on!

Hold up!

Give me a second.

Soon as this fucking deal
goes through,

I'm no longer your manager.
Bullshit.

I can't fucking work with you
anymore.

I can't be friends with you
anymore. That's it.

All right. I said I was sorry.
I apologized.

I fucked up.

What do you want me
to say?

I don't fucking
believe you.

I can't trust you.

I'm done.

Olivia's an adult, okay?
She knows what she's getting

shut your fucking ... just
shut your fucking mouth.

Don't...

God damn it, why'd you fucking
do it?

Of all the people in the
world you could've fucked

around with,
my little sister?

You ...

What the fuck were you
thinking?

We were bros.

You were my best fucking
friend. We're still bros.

We're fucking not.

I lied for you.

I lied to my wife for you,

and this is how you fucking
repay me?

I know Olivia only fucked you
to get at me,

but it doesn't change the fact
that you still did it.

You're not a good guy,
man.

You're not.

You use people.

You exploit their lives for
your trashy novels.

I used to think I was doing
you a favor,

helping you sell that shit,

but it turns out you were
just using me

like you fucking use
everyone.

That is not true.

Ali told me the only reason
Sam stays with you

is out of pity.

You know that?
Fuck you.

You're like a charity case
for her.

Who else would stay with such
an ineffectual fuck?

You don't even have the balls
to commit

to the one person who can
tolerate you.

Better get back. Don't want
to miss your date.

Have a lonely fucking life,
man.

♪ I know I haven't been
walkin' a humble path ♪

♪ I know I cursed at your name
and then laughed ♪

♪ and though I found it inane
to bend calf ♪

♪ the servitude of grovelin'
framed as playin' task ♪

♪ I gotta figure, it can't
hurt to ask ♪

♪ suspension of disbelieving
uniquely freak flash ♪

♪ admission of the faithfully
shaken, now trapped ♪

♪ 30,000 and droppin', it's
on and poppin' at last ♪

♪ keep me in the sky, that's
all that I cry ♪

♪ I'll become your servant if
it's worth your time ♪

♪ keep me in the sky, that's
all that I'll say ♪

♪ I'll become your soldier
at least for this day ♪

♪ keep me in the sky, that's
all that I cry ♪

♪ I'll become your servant if
it's worth your time ♪

♪ keep me in the sky, that's
all that I'll say ♪

♪ I'll become your soldier
at least for this day ♪

♪ keep me in the sky, that's
all that I cry ♪

♪ I'll become your servant if
it's worth your time ♪

Hey! What the fuck?!

Whoo!

Hey.

I got a good hit in. I landed
a good punch.

What were you thinking,
Mason?

God, I've known Jeremy since
kindergarten.

He's a fifth-degree
black belt.

Why were you kissing him?

Oh, I always hook up
with Jeremy.

It doesn't mean anything.

Oh, my god.

Did you think you were, like,
the only one?

Did you think we were,
like,

"going steady"
or something?

You don't know what you're
doing.

Well, isn't this what you and
Sam do ...

have fun, hook up with other
people?

I can't believe you're
jealous.

What a fucking
double standard.

Shut up.

My head is fucking killing me.

Stop laughing.
Okay.

Oh, god, Mason.

Luke swore he'd tell
my parents

If he found out that we were
still seeing each other.

I know my parents would
freak out

and make me move back home.

Besides, my girls told me

that I shouldn't be seeing
you anyway,

because you're gonna be
a dad soon.

I mean, you can't have a
girlfriend, a kid, and me.

Besides, that's kind of weird,
dating a dad.

Uurgh...

I'll leave her.

I'll leave her for you.
Oh, Jesus.

If that's what you want
I will.

Oh, mason,
seriously.

You would be nothing
without her.

But...I love you.

I love you, too,

but I'm not in love
with you.

And I don't want
a boyfriend.

Are you dumping me?

God, Mason,

Why do you have to be so
serious all the time?

It's not like you could really
call this dating.

And the other day, I was
in the park,

watching these kids play,

and I just started crying
out of nowhere.

Can you believe that?

I never cry.

What the hell is wrong
with me?

You've got some crazy
decisions to make.

why does life have to be so
fucking complicated?

Because
sometimes love

just isn't enough.

You speak English?

♪ my girl, my girl,
don't lie to me ♪

You all right, honey?

Could be better.

♪ Come on, tell me, baby. ♪

♪ in the pines, in the pines ♪

♪ where the sun don't ever
shine ♪

♪ I would shiver the whole
night through ♪ Hey.

Thanks for coming.

Yeah. Seemed like something
we should do.

So, this I uh...

this is where we fight
over the girl, huh?

What are you drinking?
Mojito?

Can we get some beers
over here?

Yeah, be right over.

♪ in the pines, where the sun
don't ever shine ♪

♪ I would shiver the whole
night through ♪

She kept asking me out.

She asked me out

four or five times
before I finally said yes.

Even though I was canceling
on her, I had ...

I had plans, I was busy.

She's persistent,
you know?

She's a persistent woman.

She Is.

Yeah, she's the kind of girl
who ...

who knows what she wants

and doesn't stop till she's
got it.

All right, guys, here you go
... couple of beers.

The shots are on me.

All right.

All right, here's to mason
and his new book.

Oh, thanks.

All right.

Mmm.

Whoo! Ouch.

I...love...women.

you know?

I mean, not in the ...not in
the dirty way.

Well, that too,
that too.

But I just ... I love ...I love
the way they look,

I love the way they talk,
I love how they smell,

I love how they taste.

I love getting to know them,
you know?

I do. I like trying
to understand them,

because they're all
so different.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, it is true.

It's fucking...

To women.

To women!

All right! All right! Another
round, another round.

Shots ... shots, and then I got
a story.

All right.

You know what they call
this guy?

Do you know why they call this
guy "Boner Baxter"?

Aw, shit.

When this guy was in college,
the middle of the night ...

No, no, if you're gonna
tell it,

you got to tell it the right
way.

I am telling it the right way,
okay?

I'm a writer, all right? I'm
an important writer.

Sit down!

So, fire alarm goes off,
right?

And there are all these horny

...horny
dudes ambling around,

you know, trying to get
a look at these little girls

with their skimpy little
pyjamas.

And smack-dab in the middle of
this hormonal fray

is this one lone gunslinger

with this big, bulging
fucking ramrod

just sticking out for all the
world to see.

It wasn't ... I wasn't exposed.

It was ... I had silk boxers
on,

and it's a natural
occurrence.

Ladies and gentlemen ,the
legend of boner Baxter!

It's a blessing
and a curse.

You know ...you know what your
problem Is?

No. What?

You're so traditional.

You always do exactly what you
think you're supposed to do.

Well, at least my life isn't
scattered.

You will never really be
in love,

because you will never be
satisfied with anyone.

You want too much.

I bet ... I bet ... I bet

your plan is to
be married by 30.

Well, I used to think that ...

married at 30,
mistress at 40,

Porsche at 50, retired at 60,
and then ...

What a fucking life.

Cheers to that.

Cheers to that.

You know...

You are scared to death
of marriage.

You feel trapped by it.

Whoa.
Thank you,

Jesus, for coming into this
room right now

and explaining my fucking life
to me.

Who made you Sigmund fucking
Freud, huh?

What ... how do you know
anything about me?

When did ... when did the
therapist walk into the bar?

I missed that.

Um, I think about three beers
ago.

Thank you.

I-I really appreciate that,
man,

coming from, you know,
wise James over here.

Jesus Christ.

Yes. All of those names apply.

You're just ...

you're not very open-minded,
is the problem.

You're right, but I... I am
working on that.

Working on it?
Yeah.

But you know what I am?
I am a realist.

What does that even mean?

It means that you live in
fucking fantasyland.

Fantasyland?

What the fuck is fantasy...

is that a strip club?

The life you live ... the life
you are living

does not function in this
society.

No. you're wrong.

You're wrong on this one.
Am I right?

You guys are fucking assholes.

Guys just want to get laid.

No, see that's not always
true.

mm-hmm.

Because I love her.

I really do.

And this is fucking weird,
because you're her boyfriend.

And I'm telling you this,

and we're not hitting each
other.

Yeah, well, I'm not so good
in fights.

I got your back, Amigo.

So, what are we gonna do,
Mason?

I don't know, man.

I got no fucking idea.

Mason?

Are you here?

What are you doing?

It was supposed to be you and
me against the world, Sam.

What happened?

What were you looking for?

I just... I love you so much.

I love you.

You're ... you're my
everything.

I love you, too.

Marry me.

Oh, Mason.

I've had it for years.

I-I don't know why I never
gave it to you.

I'm sorry. I just...

What do you say?

You know how I feel about
marriage.

Yeah, well, you know how
I feel about kids,

but I'm still here.

I just ... I want to make you
happy.

I'm gonna quit drinking, okay?
I promise.

A-and I'll never see her
again.

I'll never see any of them
again,

and you can ... you can see
James if you want.

I don't care. Y-You can...

Please, can we start over?

please?

Do you really want me to tell
you the truth?

Um...

No.

No.

Okay.

Sure.
We can get married.

And we can have
a bed

that's big enough for you and
me and James

and the baby.

And we can even throw Olivia
in there if you want.

We'll all live happily ever
after,

and it'll be fun.

It's not your kid, Mason.

It's his.

Are you relieved?

Maybe.

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

"And that final night,
as we lay together,

"I came to realize that she
didn't need me anymore.

"I was the one that needed
her,

the one that needed all
of them.

"The next morning, she was
gone,

"But her whiskey sweat and
the stench of oiled leather

"Lingered for weeks.

"I never knew Lola
emotionally,

"But at least I knew her
physically.

And for a guy like me, I take
what I can get."

Thanks, Doug,

for letting me read your
inspired stories to the class.

I'm looking forward to reading
everybody's papers.

If you haven't turned them in
yet,

you can put them in my box

so I can get to them
by the midterm.

Okay.

Your lecture was really great,
Mason.

Thanks, Jenni.

A bunch of us are going
to the gaslight later

if you want to grab a beer.

Some other time.
I-I got work to do.

All right.

We'll miss you.

♪ and it's not my place to
speak of these things ♪

♪ I know it's bad luck and
curses it brings ♪

♪ but it's impossible for me
to avoid ♪

♪ or let your love I think
I have destroyed ♪

♪ and I really should
just let it go ♪

♪ it's clearly out of my
control ♪

♪ I should be cold, I should
be detached ♪

♪ oh, but you would never
fall for that ♪

♪ are you still in love with
the sound of your voice? ♪

♪ it floats all around above
all the noise ♪

♪ and then it grows fingers
and scratches my skin ♪

♪ and plucks my heartstrings
till I let you in ♪

♪ and all is forgotten when
nothing's forgiven ♪

♪ I know what you're holding,
I know where it's hidden ♪

♪ somewhere back in a memory ♪

♪ is a younger hidden
version of me ♪

♪ that's the message I want to
transmit ♪

♪ that's the word I want you
to go home with ♪

♪ all is forgotten when
nothing's forgiven ♪

♪ I know what you're holding,
I know where it's hidden ♪

♪ somewhere back in a memory ♪

♪ is a younger hidden
version of me ♪

♪ that's the message I want
to transmit ♪

♪ that's the word I want you
to go home with ♪♪

♪ Hey,
ladies, congratulations ♪

♪ your search complete ♪

♪ Viklas is here ♪

♪ we have time to dance ♪

♪ check your watches ♪

♪ let all hair down ♪

♪ we are in club ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ hey, girls, you might
recognize me from your dreams

♪ I want to buy you a big car
that is silver ♪

♪ relax ♪

I have something to tell you.

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ ooh! ♪

♪ if not broke, don't fix ♪

♪ oh, so sexy ♪

♪ girl, don't deny what is
you want ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you♪

♪ unh ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ oh, yeah ♪

♪ American lady love to dance♪

♪ take my hand, ladies ♪

♪ romance ♪

♪ well, well, well, well ♪

♪ look at what I hear ♪

♪ girls stressed from all
week work? ♪

♪ cubicles? ♪

♪ water cooler? ♪

♪ maybe come and party ♪

♪ physical fitness ♪

♪ take ride in escalade ♪

♪ take you to my apartment
mansion top♪

♪ feel leather jacket, then,
I show you my secret ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex with you♪

♪ dance, dance, romance ♪

♪ just give Viklas a chance ♪

♪ dance, dance, romance ♪

♪ let Viklas into your pants ♪

♪ go ahead, feel no regret ♪

♪ tell your friends ♪

♪ have them come see me ♪

♪ I do a hundred push-ups
a day ♪

♪ Michelob ultras make
me strong ♪

♪ so many moves ♪

♪ stronger than pterodactyl ♪

♪ number-one, 100% a-okay ♪

♪ what you say?
You no trust Viklas? ♪

♪ that your first mistake ♪

♪ your second is if you
say no ♪

♪ Viklas will prove
to the world ♪

♪ my little secret ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪

♪ I'm so good at sex ♪