Lie Hard (2022) - full transcript

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

Nothing beats a good steak,

unless you're a vegetarian
and you found out

that you ate steak because
someone lied to you.

In that case, the steak didn't hurt you,

the truth did.

But this story isn't about the truth.

It's about a man.

A man who dreamed about buying a home

with the girl he loved.

But if he was gonna do all that,



he sure started off in the wrong spot.

♪ I got the crowd gathered
'round like it's fight night ♪

♪ Minor leaguers stay at
home with your night light ♪

♪ Because I'm quite tight ♪

♪ They seen that Fury knows
how to rock the mic, right ♪

♪ And get a right right ♪

♪ And a true, that ♪

♪ After I rock your whole
crew gives me a few daps ♪

♪ They all really seem to
love the way I do that ♪

♪ But I knew that ♪

♪ It's the same exact reason
that your crews lack ♪

♪ Aiyyo who dat?! ♪

Yo, who the fuck is that?

Um, hi, it's Rob, Rob Smart.



I'm here to see an apartment.

Why you ain't say that, man?

Hey, DQ.

Are the countertops in there marble?

Nah, they're the next best thing thoug

Well, the kitchen's really nice.

You got tons of space for $1,200 a month

Yes, sir.

You get a lot of bang for
your buck here in Beekstead.

Speaking of which, the guy
upstairs on the second floor,

he's in a rock band.

So it gets a little loud sometimes,

but they're pretty good, so...

It's my girlfriend. Do
you mind if I take this?

Motherfucker.

She is way out of your league, bro.

No disrespect.

Well, look, if you need
anything, just give me a shout.

Alright?

Hey.

Hey.

So do you maybe want to meet
my parents another night?

Uh, why would I want to do that?

My parents are a little intimidating

and I don't want to scare you off.

I appreciate you giving me
the out, but I don't need it.

And I'm excited that I finally
get to meet your parents.

And I have a feeling they're
really gonna like me.

Alright. Well, thanks for being brave.

So, are you on your way?

What is that?

Did you walk into a concert?

Oh, Katie, it's just
the neighbors. I love you.

I'll talk to you soon.

Would you like some more wine, Rob?

Absolutely.

Dear, would you do the honors?

You're a tad bit more accessible to him.

You got it. Say when.

Oh, not too much though. I'm driving.

So, Rob,

Katie says there's an interesting
story on how you two met.

I would love to hear it.

Okay.

Well, my friend Toby hits me up and says

"I know this great girl named Katie.

You're going on a blind date with her

and I'm not taking no for an answer."

So our blind date starts, we're talking,

I am having the time of my life

and Katie's laughing like a crazy person

so I'm going to assume she
was having a good time.

And then Katie notices
this guy staring at us.

So he comes over and says,

"Hey, I think you're supposed
to be on a date with me."

And then at that moment,

I realized that Katie wasn't the Katie

I was supposed to meet.

I wasn't the Rob that
she was supposed to meet.

My Katie stood me up.

And the thing is, I
think it had to be fate

because what are the chances

of me meeting a Katie that
was supposed to meet a Rob?

Wow. That is really some story.

Well, whoever that other
Katie was, she messed up.

Rob's been great.

You snooze, you lose.

Now that we're moving in
together, things are just perfect.

Hmm.

Yeah, I meant to tell you,

we've been looking at apartments.

So where are you looking?

Oh, we saw some really
nice places in Beekstead.

Beekstead?

Oh, that's a great place.

To get shot!

Dad, it's not.

I get it, Mr. Reynolds,
Beekstead has its rough spots,

I'll admit it.

But if it makes any better,

Katie and I spend so
much time in the bedroom,

that we barely go out anyway.

Excuse me?

Oh. Oh.

That was a terrible joke.

I'm just saying, we don't go out much.

Not that I can afford to anyway.

Mr. Reynolds?

Call me Julius, please.

Julius. Sure.

I just wanted to say how
sorry I am for those jokes

in there.

They were insensitive, clearly not funny

and definitely not the first
impression I want to make.

It's okay, Rob. I understand
and I accept your apology.

You can relax with me.

Wow.

Wave of relief.

It's so hard meeting the
parents for the first time.

Oh, I hear ya, kid and don't sweat it,

we're just people.

And besides, I know
you're a very nice guy.

Thank you, Julius.

Don't mention it.

I just need you to do me a small favor.

Sure, anything.

This whole thing with Katie,

I'm going to need you
to find a way to end it

without hurting her too badly.

Excuse me?

This whole thing with
my daughter and you,

it's not going to work out.

Oh God. It's the jokes.

No, it's not the jokes, Rob, it's you.

You're the joke.

Take a look at Katie and look at yoursel

Do you think you're
anywhere near her league?

You're as far below her
station as one can be.

I don't know what she sees in you.

I know what I see in
you, and I see a peasant.

You like to tell stories? Write a book.

Nice guy? Make a friend.

But my daughter doesn't
deserve a life lacking in worth

in a disgusting apartment
in a dangerous neighborhood.

By the time I was your age,

I had already paid off this whole house

and I was looking to buy a yacht.

Do you think you'll ever be
able to buy a house like this?

Never in a million years.

Now that's the life for Katie.

End it with grace, but end it, you must.

♪ I thought we could be ♪

♪ something special ♪

♪ baby ♪

Take my hand, Madam.

Ow. Fuck!

Oh shit! Watch your head.

I'm taking this blindfold off.

No please. Just two
seconds, two seconds.

Rob!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

That's perfect.

And...

now!

Congratulations!

What's going on?

Today's the day, baby.

We're moving in together.

What are you talking about?

I bought us a mansion, baby.

Rob, we've been looking
at places in Beekstead.

You're going to tell me
you bought a mansion?

Damn right, I did.

How is that even possible?

Well,

you know how I had that
conversation with your dad?

I told you that wasn't a big deal.

I know, but he said some
things that I needed to hear.

I went into work the next day.

Rob, I just feel like
this was a huge decision

and it kind of bothers me
that I wasn't a part of it.

I just really wanted to surprise you.

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

And it came fully furnished.

I think I just
found my favorite part

of the house.

So, I wanted to ask,

That thing you said outside
about me not involving you,

was that a fight?

I didn't think it was a fight.

I don't know. It was tense.

Might've technically been a
fight and if it was a fight,

we should, you know, make up.

Well, maybe it was a fight.

Howdy, neighbor.

Hi, I'm Rob, Rob Smart.

Just moved in.

Yeah, I see that.

I'm Sydney. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Thank you. It is a beautiful place.

Oh, it is, it is. A great
place to raise a family.

My thoughts exactly.

How big's your litter?

Excuse me?

How many kids are you at?

Oh, no, we're not up to that,

just me and my girlfriend.

Oh, well, hot diggity dog.
I'm sure she's a keeper.

You know, I got to tell
Ginnie you guys just moved in.

She makes a mean casserole.

Well, all right then.

Yeah.

Um, oh, I should probably
get back to the lady.

Yeah, yeah. Listen,
I hear you, I hear you.

I should be on my way too. Alright?

Hey.

Good luck finding it.

Huh?

I said, "Good luck finding it." (laugh

Finding what?

The treasure.

The treasure?

Hidden in the house.

What are you talking about?

There's a,

you don't know?

I don't know what you're talking about

Shh, shh.

Now look, the last fella
that lived in that house

was into some sketchy business.

I mean, he came to me to
try to hide some money

from the IRS.

I said "No way, Jose, I run a
legitimate accounting firm."

He started hiding
the money in his mattress.

And when it started hurting his back,

he started hiding it in the walls.

I mean, you could hear him
knocking all night long and

not in the carnal sense,
if you get my drift.

Wow. What happened to him?

Oh, that guy's deader than rock music.

Had a coronary the size of a Mack truck.

Hey, listen, I will bet you a million

that the walls are still
loaded with that cash.

I mean, it might be worth taking a peek.

Well, I appreciate the heads up,

but I just dropped 4 mil on this place.

I don't think I'm knocking down any wall

4 million?

That's a steal,

knowing that you could double
it with what's in there.

Okay.

Okay. Well, I gotta get going.

So, it was a pleasure.

Alright, son. See ya.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.

Hey, let me buy you a drink.

You know, the local
watering hole is called the

Lighthouse Inn.

And if you really want to know the truth

that's where I really live.

So find me there

and I'll find you a nice
bourbon with your name on it.

You got it.

♪ Oh, my pretty baby. ♪

♪ Oh my sweetie, baby. ♪

♪ I just can't believe I'm yours ♪

Hey Matt.

It's Rob.

Right. Sorry.

Oh, I was just um

testing the acoustics of the room.

I have Janet on hold on line one.

Great. Put her through.

You just press one.

You were out for three
weeks and already forgot

how to use the phone?

This is Rob speaking.

Hey Rob. Welcome back.

You sound better.

Well, it's great to be back
and I am feeling much better,

Janet, let me tell you.

Good, because that was a
lot of time you took off.

Well, it's going to pay
you back tenfold, Janet.

Great to hear.

Listen, I got to ask you something.

Shoot.

Where the fuck were you this morning?

Excuse me?

Tenfold? You missed
today's fucking meeting.

Oh, that was today. I'm sorry, Janet.

I've just been so overwhelmed.

I don't want to hear
you took three weeks off

to not be overwhelmed.

You can't be doing this, Rob.

You're right, Janet.

You're right. It won't happen again.

I promise.

It better not happen again,

because this waterfront
redevelopment is giving me

a fucking ulcer.

Everyone's working really hard.

I need you plugged in.

Well, Janet, your electric
bill's about to skyrocket,

because I am plugged in
and I am running hot.

Whatever. Listen, go
down to Jason's office.

He'll fill you in.

I need you to put your
heads together and poke

as many holes as you can, okay?

Your presentation needs to be ready to g

first thing tomorrow morning.

Absolutely.

First thing tomorrow morning,

you need to be in the conference
room, presentation in hand.

I'll be there, Janet.

This will be the -

Ahem.

Hi. Didn't see you there.

I have a Paulie Gatto on
hold. He says it's urgent.

Oh, shit.

Ah, can you tell him
that I'm in a meeting?

Okay.

Yes?

Hi. Yes.

Mr. Gatto says that he
insists that you step out

of your fake meeting.

You told him it was a fake meeting?

No, I'm
telling you what he said.

Oh, well tell him that
it's a real meeting.

Sure.

Amanda, I told you to tell Paulie -

Hey Rob.

Tell Paulie what?

To tell Paulie that my
meeting just finished.

Hold all my calls.

Paulie, you really shouldn't -
- Sit down.

Now, look, Rob.

I'm not going to waste your time.

Circumstances have changed.

The boss wanted me to come
down and let you know that we

need the money back by
the end of the week.

What?

No, we had it.

Big Sally-

Mrs. Salerno.

Huh?

Mrs. Salerno. She doesn't
like to be called Big Sally,

finds it infantilizing and condescending

I'll make sure it doesn't happen again

I was just saying, she
gave me the year and -

Yeah. Unfortunately
that's not gonna work.

See the boss's daughter
just got accepted to the

prestigious Paris Academy of Art.

Problem is, it ain't cheap.

Paris Academy of Art charges
$500,000 a semester.

And we're the criminals.

So long and short,

boss needs 4 million for
four years of tuition,

room and board.

We go through the books,
and what do you know?

We just gave you 4 million last week.

So let's even things out.

You give us some money back.

We'll make it up to you in some other wa

Want a drink?

No, I'm okay.

Oh, you should have one.

So, how's that sound?

See, the thing is,

I kinda spent the money.

Oh, I was really hoping you
weren't going to say that.

On the other hand, your firm here,

they're going to be
submitting the bid to be

the lead contractor on the
waterfront redevelopment.

Oh, I don't know. See, I've been out.

So I haven't really been
brought up to speed.

I'm bringing you up to speed.

Salerno Construction LLC is
going to bid on those contracts

and Salerno Construction
LLC will be awarded

those contracts.

Everything's supposed to
be finalized on Thursday.

So either we get the
contracts on Thursday,

or the 4 million on Friday.

I, I don't know.

I don't have that kind
of firepower here, so-

Don't bullshit me, Rob!

You'll figure it out,

because if you don't, it actually
becomes much more simple.

Does it?

Yeah, because I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna pull your fucking
teeth out of your mouth,

slice you up in little tiny pieces,

and when they finally
find your carcass floating

in the fucking river,

you'll be so disfigured,
they won't even be able

to tell who you were.

You got that?

Who's she? Wife?

Girlfriend.

She's pretty.

See you real soon, Rob.
Have a nice fucking day.

Hedge fund guy would scoop it up,

but never in a million
years would I have thought

it could have been you.

You really proved me wrong, Rob.

Huh?

It pains me to admit it,
but I was wrong about you.

And I apologize for everything I said.

Oh, it's okay.

No, it's not okay.

The thought that I could
have driven you away

from my daughter, oh, it eats me up.

My wife says this is Roman marble. Bam!

Sturdy, solid, outstanding.

I'm damn proud of you, son.

Damn proud.

Thank you, Mr. Reynolds.

Julius, please.

My daughter is in great hands.

Look at you two, hitting it off.

Honey,

your man is a keeper.

No doubt about it.

Dad.

Well, I'll leave you
two love birds to it.

Why don't you help me find your mother?

Yeah, she couldn't
have kind of gone far.

Mona! We're leaving.

Looks like we had our first
successful dinner party.

I'm going to go see them
out, but I just wanted to -

Oh my God.

♪ You got my attention, baby ♪

♪ And I can't make a move ♪

♪ Like a child that's starved for love ♪

♪ I'll stay there as long as I have to ♪

♪ I'll cry a river of tears ♪

Good morning, sweetheart.

Are you feeling better?

Yeah. I'm great.

I'm just gonna take a shower
and I'll be as good as new.

A little fog to start off our day.

We may get some hints of sun yet.

There's my handsome
man, looking much better.

And now, over to our local news.

I'm feeling much better, too.

In other news, three bodies
were found dismembered at the

site of the upcoming Sandy
Shores waterfront redevelopment.

WHIC News is on the scene,
bringing you the latest.

Isn't that the project
your firm is working on?

The police at the moment
are not saying anything,

but with five more bodies
found and rumors they are tied

to organized crime,

residents worry that carnage
might just be the new normal

in this waterfront community.

While we don't know
much, one thing is clear,

and that is that Rob
Smart is going to die.

The only way out of this certain
and violent death is going

to work and sabotaging that proposal,

but the stress is on
because if Katie finds out,

she is certain to leave him
and never talk to him again.

With tensions running high,

the police commissioner
will be releasing a formal

statement later this afternoon.

Until then, citizens are
urged to remain vigilant.

Chuck Charles, WHIC News.

Rob, what's going on?

I can explain.

You're sick.

Aw.

I'm sick?

I'm sick. I'm sick.

Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.

Must've caught a stomach bug.

Of course. It's fine.

Just take a sick day
and I'll take one too.

I'm going to kill you.

Oh no, actually,

I got to go to work.

No. You don't. And I'm
canceling tonight's reservation.

Don't cancel the reservation.
It's our anniversary.

And really, really I'm not sick.

It was a one-time thing.

You threw up last night.

Who's keeping track? Two time thing.

Really, I'm great.

I just got to go to work and -

Rob. I'm not having this conversation.

You're sick and if you're
not gonna take care

of yourself, then I am.

So stop being a workaholic,
get back into bed,

and if I see you doing any work at all,

you and I are going to have a big proble

I don't understand.

You take one week off for a
death in the family, I get it,

another week, because your
girlfriend took you on vacation

to make you feel better, okay.

And then another week to move
into a house you recently

inherited.

You promised that would be it.

And now you come in late
on your first day back,

you miss a meeting that we
scheduled to work around

your schedule, and now
you're calling in sick?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Janet, I'm sorry.

I'm honestly feeling under the weather.

I don't care if you have
Ebola and you're bleeding

out your face,

I'm here with Jason and he
says you didn't even go to

his office yesterday,

so, what the fuck were
you doing for eight hours,

playing solitaire?

I was so busy that day, Janet,

it completely slipped past me.

I really tried to give you
an opportunity here, Rob.

I really did.

You know how important this
waterfront redevelopment

plan is.

It is very important, Janet.

It is very important.

It's very important, Rob.

It's too important to be
messing this up, I'm sorry.

You give me no choice. I
gonna have to let you go.

Janet. Please no, I have so many ideas

They will, they will knock your socks of

I promise.

Hm, well maybe if you
weren't such a fuck up,

you'd have the opportunity
to express them.

Oh shit. Oh shit.

Janet, please, I need this job.

I need this job, Janet, please.

I have worked my whole life for this.

I have earned this.

You know that I'm a kick-ass salesman.

I slipped up. I'm sorry.

You want me to break down crying again?

You know how much I loved my uncle

and now I'm sick.

I've been vomiting all over the place.

The carpets at the office
are gorgeous, Janet.

You don't want me ruining them.

Honey? Are you working?

No. I'm not working.

I'm just talking to some friends.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, it's um,

Toby.

Oh, how's he doing?

He's great.

Hi Toby.

When am I going to meet you already?

I'm starting to think you're
avoiding me, you big flake!

He says, "Hi."

Anyway, love you.

Wow.

Well, I don't know what the fuck that wa

but obviously your second
chance went out the window.

So if you're not too overwhelmed,

you can come into the
office at your leisure,

pack up your things, and turn in your ke

because you're fucking fired.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey. Sydney, right?

Righto, brother.

Get home from work early?

No, took a sick day.

Well, you don't look too sick to me.

Yeah.

It's because I'm lying to you, Sydney.

I was fired.

And I told my girlfriend I
was going to the doctor, but

I'm not, because I'm lying to her too.

Oh, brother. The
truth will set you free.

And heck, if that fails,

maybe a little bourbon might do the tric

Hey, hey, hey, Jo Jo,

two more, if you don't mind.

Don't look so sad, son.
You'll get a new job.

It's not just the job.

I owe a lot of money to
some really bad people.

I don't know what to do.

If you're that hard pressed for cash.

I'm telling you there's a
fortune hidden somewhere

in that house of yours.

You were serious about that.

Darn serious.

Look, your house is like an ocean

and that money is lost at sea.

All you have to do is look.

I'm not going to tear
apart my dream house

on a wild goose chase.

Nay, nay, nay.

If thy wits run the wild
goose chase, I have done,

but thou hast more of the
wild goose in one of thy wits

than I am sure I have in my whole five.

It's there, kiddo. I'm sure of it.

You just need to look.

Can I have another, please?

Now this one, the zuppa
di pesce alla veneziana,

what's in that one?

Ah, yes.

That is a choice assortment of
fish in a light tomato broth,

highly recommended.

However, since it is your first time her

I do suggest you try the branzino,

it is our award-winning house specialty,

The branzino?

Absolutely to die for.

Alright. That sounds great.

And your order, sir.

Oh, I'll have what she's having.

The branzino, excellent
choice. I can take your menus.

Honey. You're allergic to fish.

I am allergic to fish.

Would you like to
change your order, sir?

Oh, um, I will have the chicken.

As previously mentioned,

we have two chicken options this evening

We have a roasted chicken -

The roasted chicken's fine.

Very well. Your menus.

Honey, I,

I want to talk about something
that's been on my mind.

Shoot.

I know you've had a big
week and maybe it's nothing,

but I can't help but feel
that something is off.

Off? I don't think so.

It's just that since you met my parent

and you had that
conversation with my dad -

I promise, everything's
good with your dad.

Great guy, seriously.

Well, if there's anything
else that's going on,

that's too much for you, you can tell me

You know that, right?

I love you and I want to be here for you

in any way that I can be.

Katie, I want to tell you everything.

And I already have.

Okay. I trust you.

I have to go to the bathroom real quic

I'll be right back.

Why didn't you tell her the truth, Rob?

Because then she would leave you, asshol

But you owe her the truth.

You gotta tell her the truth, man.

Okay.

Let's do it.

Hey Rob, is there room for one more?

What are the chances we end
up in the same restaurant

on the same night?

That's a rhetorical question,
Rob. The chances are high.

This is Mrs. Salerno's place.

Mrs. Salerno owns this restaurant?

Mrs. Salerno owns this town.

So, if could spare a moment of your time

Mrs. Salerno is having dinner in the bac

and it'd be quite rude of
you not to say, "Hello."

Oh, I really wouldn't want
to interrupt her dinner.

Please, Rob. I insist.

Mrs. Salerno, you remember Rob?

Oh yeah. Oh wow, Rob.

Oh, Robert, welcome.

This is my daughter, Tori.

Tori, say, "Hello" to Robert.

Can I be excused?

Of course.

So now listen, Robert, how are you?

Do you have the food here yet?

No, I just ordered.

Ah, everything here is delicious.

What did you order?

I got the roasted chicken.

Oh, the roasted chicken is shit.

He's going to have the branzino.

You're going to love it.
I promise. I promise.

You're going to eat every bite.

Well, come on, sit down, take a load off

So you know, we just
wanted to check in, yeah,

take a moment of your time and make sure

that we're all set for
tomorrow's delicate negotiations

for the waterfront
redevelopment contracts.

We're on track. Everything's
as good as handled.

Oh, look at that. Aye, aye.

Good as handled.

Oh, shit!

This was a test and you
failed because you're stupid.

I have your balls in a vice
and you chose to lie to me.

I know that you were fired
from your job this afternoon,

because...

I have ears, eyes everywhere, you fuck.

You stupid motherfucker.

So now the vice tightens.

What is that sharp feeling you got there

Motivation! That's what it is.

I was already motivated!

Yeah, well, a little more never hurt.

Maybe in your case it
does. Doesn't it, Rob?

You're going to get a
phone call in two days.

You are not gonna want to miss that call

and you're gonna want to have
my money when you answer.

Great.

Oh, God.

Great.

All right.

A a a ah!

Hey, you were in there for awhile.

Are you still feeling sick?

Really long line.

At the men's room? That's crazy.

The branzini.

Oh, there's been a mistake.

But this is compliments of Mrs.

Oh,

no, no, I wanted this.

I really wanted to try it.

But you're violently allergic to fish.

I don't think that I am.

I'm good. Trust me.

Enjoy your meal.

Look, look at this.

Mmm.

Mmm.

See? I'm totally fine.

Well, the good news is the
anaphylaxis has responded

to the medication and is
calming down quite a bit,

but you really should not
be eating fish, Mr. Smart.

I don't know if you know this,

but you are deathly allergic to it.

He does know this. Rob,
what were you thinking?

Gotta live dangerously, sometimes.

In my professional
opinion, you should not.

Thank you, doctor.

You're welcome.

I also looked at that
a dog bite on your leg

and I must say it is highly irregular.

You got bit by a dog?

Dog bites usually present
as multiple puncture wounds,

but this looked more like
someone stuck a steak knife

in his leg and twisted it.

Yeah, Doc. That's
exactly what it felt like.

That dog's teeth, they were sharp.

Like I said, unusual,

but no matter. We cleaned it up.

We gave you a rabies and
tetanus shot, antibiotics,

CT, and MRI, with and
without contrast, the works.

Well, it's a good thing
your job has such great

health insurance.

I can't even imagine what
all of this would cost.

Yeah, big time.

But if the insurance company is paying,

why pinch pennies, right?

It is your life on the line,

but I'm sure you'll be fine.

You'll be discharged in just a few days.

Oh no, Doc, I need to check out tonigh

I will let you two discuss.

Baby, I just want to go
home to our beautiful house.

You're not going anywhere.

The doctor just said that you shouldn't

This is totally ridiculous.

Look at me. I'm fine.

You don't look fine at all.

You look like a pufferfish

and you didn't tell me that a dog bit yo

I always look like a pufferfish.

Let's just get out of here.

We're not going anywhere.
You could've died.

Okay.

You want to stay? We'll stay.

Whoa, Nelly! What happened to you?

I know. It was an allergic reaction.

But I need to talk to you

about the money that's
hidden in the house.

If you help me find it,
I'll give you a piece of it.

Oh, it's not necessary, friend.

I have all the riches a man needs,

but I appreciate the offer.

Now, first order of business,

I'd start by taking down those walls.

Any idea which rooms?

Oh, geez, the amount of sheet
rocking this guy was doing

over the span of years, I
mean, best bet, all of them.

This cat had a lot of cash.

You better get yourself some tools.

Okay.

Where am I supposed to get
tools at two in the morning?

Hey, excuse me.

Any chance you know where the tool -

Hey, excuse me.

Any chance?

Hey, how's it going?

Benadryl's aisle two.

Thanks.

Any chance, do you guys carry power tool

No.

Uh, do you know anywhere
I can get some tools?

Hardware store.

Are any open now?

No.

Look, you gotta have like
a sledgehammer or a power saw

or something somewhere.

Um. This is a pharmacy.

Please.

You're the only place
that's open for miles.

If I don't get my hand on
some tools, I'm gonna die.

My boss has some in the
back. I'll sell them to you.

Really? That'd be amazing.

All right. 500 bucks.

You got it.

Show me the money.

Oh shit.

I don't have my wallet on me right now,

but could you spot me and
I'll come back tomorrow.

No,

I know this is strange, but
please, this is an emergency.

All right.

You want to play this
game? I'll play this game.

I want to speak to your manager.

I'm the manager.

Really?

Yeah.

Is there anything I can do
to get you to change your mind?

Yeah.

Take your fucked up face
and leave my fucking store.

Hey guys, can I speak
to you for a second?

Look, man, look, I don't
know what you think you saw

back there but we definitely
wasn't doing whippets.

Yeah.

I mean, it's medicinal
purposes for the both of us.

We got cards.

I need your help.

Yo, what's wrong with your face?

Benadryl is in aisle two.

I forgot my wallet and -

Let me stop you right there, G.

We ain't got no cash.

Okay. I wasn't asking for any,

but before I saw you shoplifting -

Whoa, that's mad accusatory, man.

Let me stop you right there, chief.

We ain't steal shit.

I just need you to
steal some tools from me

that are in the back.

Yo, are you a cop?

Are you trying to set us up?

No, I'm not a cop.

Prove it. Show us
you're not wearing a wire.

I'm not wearing a wire.

Oh? Yeah, you prove it, bitch.

Are you happy?

Drop your drawers.

What? Are you guys insane?

You could have a wire on your dick.

Show us or we won't trust you.

Fuck you.

You know, I don't have a wire on my dick

That sounds like exactly
what somebody with a wire

on their dick would say.

Fine. Fine.

Trust me now?

It's a nice dick.

Yo, man. We just fucking with you.

Cops don't wear wires on their dick.

Wave your dick.

He pulled his dick out.

In the middle of a
friggin' pharmacy

He pulled his dick out

In a pharmacy!

Whoa!

Yo, yo. We gonna help
you, we gonna help you.

Oh, shit!

He pulled his dick out.

Alright, look, I'm fucking with you, man

Yeah, I'm Clyde. This is Brick.

We get paid to steal shit quick.

What's in it for us, B?

Steal the tools and then
we will go back to my place

and I will pay you.

All right. Yeah. Go pull your car up.

We'll be out in 10 minutes.

I ain't gonna lie, this
house is fucking lit.

That's a nice painting.

I like the texture on the
background for the trees.

Yeah, that's Bob Ross shit.

Yo, not for nothing, yo,
this is a dope ass spot.

Yo, my cousin Marlon used
to rob hell a places like this.

What happened to that dude?

He's doing 10 to 15 in Oswald.

Damn, B. Shit always
happens to the good ones.

No, you know, he made a lot
of great friends up there.

Oh word?

Yeah, he's doing really well.

Oh, shit.

He's got a social scene.

Hey guys.

You said your names were
Clyde and Brick, right?

Which one of you should
I write the check to?

Okay. I will just make it to cash.

H