Lie Exposed (2019) - full transcript
Melanie experiences a terminal diagnosis, leading her to leave her husband and life behind for LA and an affair with a tintype photographer.
Frank?
Frank, what time is it?
Get out.
Frank?
Frank?
Uh, Frank?
Yeah, Jerry?
What is it?
Jerry, is Frank there?
Mel, I'm right here.
Are we ready?
Yeah. We're ready.
Okay.
Um...
Shit. Mmf!
You okay?
You need some help?
Ugh, God... Just fat...
I'm just fat!
Am I really
this fat?
- How can I be fat?!
- You're not fat!
Do you know what time it is?
Well, yeah.
Actually...
We're ready?
I'm ready.
Jerry's ready.
It's 7:30.
Okay.
Um...
Wow. You look...
Don't say fat.
I wasn't gonna
say fat.
Okay.
Vinyl...
bar... Jerry...
Say hello, Jerry.
- Hi, Melanie.
- Hey.
Well, you're
a lifesaver.
You gonna be
okay with that?
Huh? Hey, yeah.
Okay. Don't
kill yourself.
And you look nice.
Thought so.
Huh. So... they're up?
They're up.
Aw, Jesus.
Ooh...
Fucking anxiety.
Oh my God.
You alright?
Do you want
a glass of water?
Jerry...
Is it too late
to cancel?
Well, if this is what
it's gonna do to you,
of course
we can cancel.
No. We can't.
It's just...
Thank you.
Whose idea
was this, anyway?
What, the things?
Or showing them?
Fucking lawyers,
always with the questions.
All of it.
Any of it.
Why don't we just
call it God's will?
God. Nope.
Haven't seen him.
You're beautiful.
You got that goin' for ya.
What's that quote?
"Eighty percent of life
is just showing up"?
I think it's actually
"80 percent of sex
is just showing up."
That would explain
so much.
Ow.
Too late to call it off.
Real question is
what happens later.
Is it better or worse?
How do you deal with it?
Well, thank you all
for coming.
Uh, you know,
the first time
I ever really looked at
a painting, I was just a kid.
I was going to
school in the States.
And it was Van Gogh,
"Portrait of a Peasant".
And I took this girl
to the museum
to impress her,
and, uh...
And I saw this painting,
and I walked up to it, and...
I look at the world,
and it feels like
there's something...
waiting?
Like it's been there all along -
I just wasn't looking for it.
You remember when I said,
"I can handle it;
you don't have to be strong
for the two of us"?
I was lying.
And that, that's pretty
much all I've got
by way of an
introduction, so...
...uh...
because...
well, just because.
So make of it
what you will.
Alright. Anytime, Jerry.
What I think I meant was
"If it gets really bad,
I'll have a drink."
And it did...
And I did.
And then...
Jesus...
Where we met...
...I went without you.
I went without you
because...
I wanted to walk in alone
one more time,
maybe meet you again.
That's really
why I went alone.
Second opinion?
Fuck off.
Second chance?
Same thing.
Hope?
We never got
to drink together.
That's a fucking shame.
I think about what
kind of drunk you'd be.
I do.
Pants. Wait.
What did I say? "Plants"?
No, I'm not wearing plants.
The sheets are nice.
They're super soft.
You'd like it.
You know what?
Who am I kidding?
Drinking's not that bad.
It's kind of good.
It actually works -
like magic.
The bottle
on my lips
was a kiss
from Prince Charming.
The rotting stopped
for a little while.
I was whole again.
That didn't suck.
It's the stuff that comes
along with it that sucks...
like that guy who...
and then my tights were
down around my ankles, and...
Did I let him?
I don't...
In the bathroom?
I don't remember.
Did I throw up on him?
Or was that someone else?
I know I missed
the bed.
Yep...
I know it's impossible
to get puke out of sequins...
and feathers...
my hair...
They say alcoholism
is a disease.
I say, "Fuck you.
Cancer is a disease.
It's a whole
different thing.
Alcoholism is just
a good idea
taken a little
too far."
But I kept waking up.
I'm such a pussy.
Apparently, I'm
not quite done yet.
I had to come back,
one ugly day at a time.
Fourteen days,
twelve hours.
Fourteen days, twelve hours.
Fourteen days, twelve hours.
That's the truth.
It's awful.
Do you remember
how we used to say
we'd be there
for each other
for anything?
If the other one drank,
or was paralyzed,
or, uh,
went crazy.
I used to wonder,
what if your time comes,
and I can't do it?
Now, it's "What if you
can't do it?"
You'd hide it, but I'd
see it in your eyes.
I'm just not
that strong.
Hello?
Hello, hello?
The photographs?
I don't know.
Maybe I was thinking...
rebirth?
I mean, why not?
If we look here,
you can see...
I saw "The Devil
in Miss Jones, Part IV"
at a bachelorette party,
and all I can think of
as I'm watching this movie
is "Those are
people, right?
They're actors.
They're people."
I need a dress.
I was an actor,
once upon a time.
That's it, huh?
I could hit
my mark.
And I was
on time.
And I could
learn my lines.
I just felt like an asshole
all the time.
What was I talking
about, in the movie?
Lois Ayres?
Lois Ayres, I think,
was her name.
She's an actor, by the way,
just like me. Actor.
I mean, not just like me,
but anyway...
She accidentally
overdoses or something,
and because she's
a good Catholic girl,
she has to go to hell
because she overdosed,
because she
committed suicide,
even though it was
a mistake.
She doesn't want
to go to hell.
She wants to go home.
But anyway, she's got to do
a series of nasty things
to get out of hell,
and her... her...
Virgil, her guide,
is this black dude
with funky hair
and, for no
apparent reason,
wearing, like, rubber
yellow kitchen gloves.
Don't ask me why.
And he's assigned
to sort of instruct her about
what she has to do
to get out of hell.
And it doesn't matter
what she does,
or for herself
or for others.
There's no relief.
It's just fucking,
fucking, fucking, orgasm,
fucking, fucking,
fucking, orgasm,
fucking, fucking, fucking,
orgasm,
fucking, fucking,
fucking, orgasm...
It's never enough.
There's no relief.
So anyways, um...
Oh my God.
Anyway, um...
...eating too much,
I'm sure.
No, I'm just...
You're still there, right?
So this Devil
in Miss Jones thing
got me on this thing,
so I...
uh, I... I looked
at some stuff,
retro stuff...
where... women...
had hair,
and boobs that moved,
and foreheads
that moved,
and they looked
like they're actually
having a good time
when they're having sex.
Women now, it looks like,
Jesus Christ, they're being
fucked every which way
from Sunday and they're bald!
Remember when you could
look at a woman
and she looked like a woman,
not like a 12-year-old girl?
And now, I think,
when you do porn,
it's like
you must be so
naked and afraid, right?
'Cause you've got no...
- nothin'!
- Nothin'.
Except...
whatever, going up
your business!
Anyway...
She had more credits
than Michael Caine.
I don't know if that
was my point,
but she was an actor,
she was a person.
People don't
think about that.
And real bush.
I mean, like, why...
why do we say that's
not cool anymore?
Why can't we just
look at somebody and...
Except it's
uncomfortable,
but why can't we just
look at somebody?
That's probably maybe
why I came here.
Except I don't really
want to be here after all!
Yes, it's Melanie.
Who'd you think it was?
Leave me a message.
I'll call you back.
I really would like
an answer to that.
Why can't we?
Why can't we j...
Why can't we?
You're alive!
I can take that.
Jerry. Hey.
Fancy seeing you here.
Yeah. You guys, too.
Where's your sponsor?
Hup.
You know being a service
does not mean working
for free, right?
Hey. You, uh,
want a coffee?
Is that a no?
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm Betsy.
Oh. Oh, yeah! Hi.
Hi, Betsy. Nice to meet you.
So you know
Melanie...
Uh, yes, I do.
Are you a friend
of Bill's?
Bill...?
Oh, Bill Wilson.
AA, secret
handshake thing? No.
- No?
- No, no.
Bill and I dated
in the '90s,
but sadly, we had very little
in common.
You?
Uh, me, yes.
Uh, I'm sober
as a judge.
- Mm.
- As they say.
Small talk's
hard without a drink, though.
Jeez,
it is, right?
I'm not sure why
you'd attempt it.
Exactly.
Go ahead.
- Oh! You're Mickey!
- Yes!
- I've heard about you!
- I'm Mickey.
Listen, I don't judge.
If you need a drink, go ahead.
Um, you know, I...
I grew up in this
working-class neighbourhood.
There was a clubhouse.
It was, like, old,
retired men and bikers.
It was like a dive bar,
but sunny.
So I was having this
really, really bad day.
So I go
to a meeting,
pissing and moaning
about my life.
Mm.
So I say,
"I want a drink."
These three
old bastards
pull loonies out
of their pockets,
slam it down
on the table,
"Go ahead!"
Like,
"Stop wasting
our time!"
And did you?
No. I was so angry,
I just stayed
sober to spite them.
Oh. So you see,
you're welcome.
Is Melanie okay?
I'm not sure I'm
qualified to answer that one.
She seems to be doing
just fine right now, though.
But on other fronts...
She looks so great.
Mm.
I guess it's all your
perspective, isn't it?
What?
Can't imagine Frank's having
the best time with it all.
What are you talking about?
Well, she's...
She's what?
Do you know what
this party's about?
I'm sorry. I...
What do you think's
in there?
I don't know. It...
It's an art show.
Art?
But be serious
for just one second.
If you want to talk about
all-time great drummers,
there's only one name:
Ringo Starr.
No. Sorry.
W-What are you
talking about?
In the history
of drummers,
no drummer has played
on more hits,
on more great tunes,
more rock 'n' roll.
- Yeah, but...
- Yeah, there's no buts.
The guy's
a fucking monster.
Have you ever listened
to the Abbey Road Medley?
That's the Beatles.
Yeah, and Ringo
was the drummer
for the Beatles, so...
what's your point?
John Lennon said,
"Ringo Starr is not the greatest
drummer in the world.
He's not even the greatest
drummer in the Beatles."
Yeah, he never
said that, actually.
- Yeah, he did.
- No, he didn't.
And even if he did, he was
just fucking around.
Whatever.
"Whatever." Okay.
You tell me: greatest
all-time rock drummer.
Neil Peart.
Grade eight!
Neil Peart is a
fucking novelty act!
- No, he's not.
- Yeah, he is!
Just because you can play
five drum kits at once
doesn't make you
a good drummer.
- Yes, it does.
- No, it doesn't.
He sounds like
Buddy Rich with ADHD.
- Okay.
- Look. Ringo gets a beat,
he keeps a beat,
he takes everyone else
along for the ride.
That is what a drummer
is supposed to do.
But Ringo's not even
really a musician.
I'm gonna go
get a drink.
You can
apologize later.
- What a dick.
- Who's a dick?
Me. I'm a dick.
Hi!
So...?
Counting days.
Hey... How was it?
First drink was heaven.
Then not so much.
I'm glad
you're back.
Me, too.
Oh, would you
take this? Thanks.
Hi!
Mm...
What are we
doing here?
Ah, you know what they say:
more will be revealed.
Well, here's
lookin' at you.
Yeah!
Is she okay?
I dunno.
Is anyone really okay?
Yeah, correct.
Tesoro!
Want me to make you some hummus
and pita or something?
No, gordo, gracias.
Okay.
Menos mal,
I can still eat
after looking
at that shit all night.
You're still
going on about that?
Well, it was a
collection of vaginas.
Not all.
Yep, either right in your face
or very heavily featured.
Uh-huh?
Every single image.
Pudenda! Vulva!
And a bunch
of them, too!
Yep.
What would that
be called? Like, a...
You know, like
a "pride" of lions
or a "flock"
of seagulls.
A posse of pussies!
That's it!
Do we have
to do this now?
A vision of vaginas,
you think? A...
A variation?
A vagrancy?
A plague of vaginas!
Oh my God.
And what the fuck was Frank
going on about?
I mean, that
wasn't art, baby.
That was...
That was fucking weird,
is what it was.
- You thought that was weird?
- Yeah.
You know, if I want to see shit
like that, I'll just go online.
I don't need your art-school
friends to show it to me.
You don't think there was
something beautiful
about it all,
something artistic?
What, are you having some
kind of art-school flashback?
It was pussy.
Just because it's
shot on tintype
doesn't make it art.
It's still pussy.
Well, you clearly
have an opinion.
Yeah. And you have
a different one?
I kind of liked him.
Who?
The artist.
He was nice.
How would you know?
'Cause I met him.
You met him? Where?
At the show?
Yeah, at the show.
He was, uh,
the older guy.
Talked to Melanie,
mostly.
She introduced me
to him.
How come I didn't
know this?
Maybe you didn't ask.
Didn't ask?
That's... That...
That's not how
it works, see?
Usually, there's a show,
and then the artist
is there,
and then he or she
is introduced to the people
at the show. Right?
That's not what he wanted.
Oh. Who?
Jonathan.
He wanted
to remain anonymous.
Oh. "Jonathan
wanted to remain anonymous."
Yeah. He wanted to see
people's reactions.
Without all
the smoke blow.
Smoke blow?
That's what he said,
that he didn't like
the smoke blow.
I think you mean
"blowing smoke",
as in "blowing smoke
up your ass".
Yeah, that's exactly
what he didn't want.
Ah.
I mean, blowing smoke up
my ass doesn't sound nice.
Well...
It's not literal.
Well, I know that.
Here.
Oh! That fucking guy!
The guy who was lurking
in the corners
all night, right?
He took the pussy shots?
Perry!
'Scuse me.
I meant to say,
"That is the
visual artist
whose work we were
subjected to?"
That's a nice
shot of him.
It's a nice shot of him?
He's a pervert!
Don't even look at him!
Jesus.
How would you even know?
You didn't even talk to him.
Well, is that
somehow my fault?
I mean, when did you
talk to him, anyway?
Where was I
during this?
I don't know.
You were, like, smoking
with your buddies outside.
I was at the back.
Not my buddies.
They were just some guys.
We were fucking...
Okay, so anyway,
how long were you
in the back room,
away from the rest
of the party,
with this guy...
for how long, exactly?
I was in the back room -
with Melanie -
like, about 15,
20 minutes.
Twenty minutes?
And this is the first
I'm hearing about it?
You didn't even
know I was gone.
Well, how could I
notice you were gone
if you weren't around?
What does that
even mean?
You know what?
It just... It...
Forget it.
Forget it.
It doesn't matter.
He's just an old
pornographer.
Aha!
Look at that.
Look at that.
Jonathan at work.
Eh? Look at him.
Look at that face.
What a phony.
He looks like
he just discovered
the last fucking
unicorn or something.
Wow, Perry...
These are not
just photographs.
Wow. They're like
meditations, really.
I mean,
this is about feeling,
about life.
It's not just
the flesh. It's...
It's the spirit.
It's about what
it means to be...
to be a woman,
and to be a man.
To be a human,
really.
What it feels
to have a vagina,
and to be
in a vagina,
or near a vagina,
or kept out
of a vagina.
Double-park near a vagina,
or dry-clean
a vagina, or...
- Ay, Perry...
- ...donate a vagina, or...
Shit.
What?!
Come on!
Fuckin' vagina.
You don't know!
I don't know. Okay.
The photos.
Yeah. What don't I know
about the photos?
They're Melanie.
Which photos?
- Todas!
- Todas?
Yeah. The tintypes?
They're Melanie.
That was Melanie?
Yeah. I know.
It's amazing how,
through this process,
her red just
went so dark.
It's so beautiful.
So beautiful?
No. No! That was not
"so beautiful".
That was the opposite
of beautiful!
He helped her
get back into the wagon.
Yeah, "on the wagon".
Ay, sí, sí,
sí, sí, sí.
Were they fucking?
They have made
beautiful art together,
and this is
what you ask?
You didn't?
No. It's none
of my business.
Or yours.
What is that, some kind of
Mexican yoga philosophy?
Why does this
bother you so much?
Oh, for Christ's sake.
You have to ask?
- So many reasons!
- Like... Like why?
First of all,
I'll never be able
to look Melanie
in the face again.
Oh, because now you know
she has a vagina!
No, but because
now I've seen it.
She had one before,
you know.
Yeah, but I hadn't
seen it before!
And I didn't have to go
through the whole process
of not having
seen it before.
Wow, being a man
is just so... busy!
Oh, Lord love
a duck!
I'm gonna
take a shower!
He asked me.
Honey?
Is the ultrasound
on Thursday or Friday?
He asked me.
What's that, honey?
You say something?
He asked me if I wanted
to pose for him.
And what did you say?
It's pornography.
It was expression, art.
If it was art,
why didn't you buy one?
You know, I asked, and
Frank said it wasn't for sale.
You know what? We go out
once every forever,
and I end up with my head
full of pussy.
Okay, I guess...
Peep-show pornography!
According to you.
According to society.
Are you talking
Mapplethorpe?
Because that trial
was based on obscenity,
not pornography, and
they lost - your side lost.
It's ugly.
And it's not my side.
- Really?
- "Pornography:
Sexually explicit pictures,
or writing,
or other materials
whose primary purpose
is to cause
sexual arousal."
- There.
- "There" what?
- Did you get an erection.
- No!
Liar!
You know what? So what
if I did get hard?
I mean, a guy can get
an erection if his cock
hits the steering wheel
getting out of his car.
It doesn't mean he's
gonna start fucking cars.
You know, pictures like that
are made for one reason,
and one reason alone:
to turn you on,
to turn men on.
Well, what about
creativity?
You know, Georgia O'Keeffe,
freedom of expression.
Greg, it was a show
about vaginas!
How can you be this upset
over a bit of naked flesh?
You have a daughter.
Yes...? And...?
Do you want to see pictures
of Sophie like this?
Come on.
Do you look at pussy
pictures in front of her?
Do you say,
"Sit on Daddy's lap,
and let's cruise
some porn sites"?
That is disgusting.
I don't take a shit in front
of her either, okay?
Don't be simple.
Simple?
Look, we don't
have sex in front of her.
Is our sex pornographic?
We don't have sex.
Is that what this
is all about?
Look, somewhere along
the line, you disappeared.
Whatever heart you had
has been buried
under a mountain
of cum shots
and camel toes
and nipple slips.
Have you been snooping
on my computer?
I don't need to snoop, okay?
You bring it
into our bed!
You and your goddamn
laptop harem of women
when you think
I'm asleep.
- Wow.
- You know what?
At least, if you were having
an affair with an actual woman,
I could throw
your ass out.
Okay, that's a little
over the top, don't you think?
No, I don't think.
It's the only way I can stay.
Look...
I like to look at pictures
of naked women. So what?
Like every other straight guy
in the western world.
It takes you
away from us.
It takes sex away
from us.
No, you took sex
away from us.
You got a kid,
you got a house,
and you just stopped.
Stopped?
Yeah. It's like you've used sex
to buy your way
into the game, you know?
Enough to win a couple hands,
enough to feel safe.
And then you just
stopped playing.
Are you using
a poker analogy?
Yeah, it's actually
a good one.
You know, I like to play.
Winning is fun,
but I just
like to play.
You said you wanted to play.
I said, "Okay, let's play."
But you didn't really
want to play.
You just wanted to double
your money and quit.
Are you serious?
When was the last time
you showed me any interest?
Interest?
Yeah. You know, in me.
Like, I go to work,
I make money,
I come home,
you just... feed me dinner,
make me feel wanted.
You can't be serious.
When was the last time
you touched me?
Even in passing.
Or when was the last time
you've given me a blowjob?
Just talk to me.
You're right.
I dropped out.
I got tired.
Kids, and money,
and all that.
But when I try to come back -
and I want to come back...
...when we get
into bed,
all I can see is those
photos on your computer.
Young girls with cum
dripping off their faces
like it's the most natural
thing in the world.
And they're babies.
Teenagers.
Online, you never
see the photographer,
but in my mind,
I see him...
and it's you!
And then...
Then I just...
I can't...
Remember that night
I called you, late?
I was drunk,
but not too drunk,
and we had
phone sex?
I didn't say anything, but
I knew you weren't with me,
even though
you said you were.
I was looking
at a porn site -
old-school retro something,
where everyone had pubic hair -
and they were having sex
the way I remember having sex
when we were young.
Hyapatia Lee was the star.
She stood out.
She had dignity,
grace.
She must be in her 60s now.
When she sees
one of her old movies,
does she think,
"That's me"?
Or is that like someone
she knew a long time ago?
Do you think
she's happy?
Okay. Uh...
I'm gonna put you
sideways.
And lean back.
Let me see.
- How's it look?
- Good.
Hm.
Hey.
And you know how I said
that I was done with sex?
Well, clearly, I'm not.
And so you just
need to tell me
if you're done
with sex, or me,
or not.
'Cause if you're done,
I'll go back.
And I want to stay
here with you.
You're my life.
You.
I love you more
than I can say.
I have from the moment
I met you.
But I'm not gonna stay
if you don't want me.
I hope it's you.
Uh...
Alright. I'll be back.
Gonna make a plate.
Mickey told me about
this gallery opening
at Echo Park.
She'd posed
for this photographer
and thought she was
his muse or something,
so... I went.
I mean...
of course I did!
It was wet-plate
collodion,
an old process -
uh, pre-digital,
pre-film,
pre-Civil War;
rich, and funky,
and mysterious,
and... intimate.
Beautiful.
My head just went quiet.
Everything gone.
Silent.
I don't quite know
how to describe it.
I didn't know
what I was...
I didn't know what I was
looking at, at first.
I thought it was this,
like, beautiful pubis.
I can't believe I just
said that word, "pubis",
like a pelt.
That's what it
looked like.
And, uh, I was drawn
into this photo,
and I looked up,
and I saw him.
And he had this look
on his face like,
"Are you seeing the same
thing I'm seeing?"
I'm like, "I think so."
And then he said
something really...
...lame, like
"What's going on?"
And I said,
"I just..."
"I don't want to feel
sorry for myself anymore."
And somehow, that...
Somehow, that made it
okay to...
go to his studio and...
get my picture taken.
I'm seeing this woman's
most private self
through his eyes, and I realize
it could be anyone.
The photo, the tintype,
the whatever,
it was so close up,
really intimate,
but completely anonymous.
Could have been anyone.
And... three, two, one.
One, two, three.
Okay.
And for some reason,
I remembered you and me
reading the big book
years ago,
"Acceptance".
And finally, I got it.
Acceptance.
And it was
that thing, you know, like,
nothing, absolutely nothing
happens in God's world
by mistake.
I'm not having treatment.
Nothing happens
in God's world by mistake.
And I thought,
"What if that's true?"
Hello?
What if that's right?
What if everything,
from my last drink
to the last breath
left in this body,
what if all of it
was perfect,
in divine right order,
just waiting for me
to say yes
to something,
to anything?
And I just thought,
"Why not?"
So...?
Are you okay?
I'm not drinking.
- One day at a time.
- Ah, please.
Right now, it's
minutes and seconds.
I am so glad
you're back.
Me, too.
Aww.
Nice.
I made it for you.
You did not.
Well, no.
But I knew I was
making it for someone,
and now I see
it's you.
You're always
giving me stuff.
Well,
it's the only way
things make sense.
Is that some sort
of Buddhist thing?
No, it's not Buddhist.
It's AA.
It's all about service,
you taught me.
No, see, in AA,
best we can hope for
is enlightened
self-interest.
Well, it's all
about self-interest,
but I think,
for someone
that tries to work
at it spiritually,
it becomes about
the big-S "Self"
instead of the
small-S "self".
But it is
Self-interest.
It is the big S...
It's in the self.
Oh my God.
Even when I have no idea
what you're saying,
I still love
hearing you say it.
That's good.
It's beautiful.
You know it's one of
the healing crystals.
Mm-hmm.
Specially for
the second chakra.
The second chakra.
Yeah, the uterus,
the ovaries...
You know, healing
and balancing
of the sex organs.
How do I look?
You look
beautiful.
- I do?
- Yeah, you do.
I've gotta get up.
I'm pregnant.
- Oh my God!
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Oh, God!
- Go, go, go, go! Go, go.
Go, go, go, go.
- You're...
- I'll tell you later.
It wasn't sexual at all.
He refused
to shoot me
unless I was sober,
so there's that.
And I was able to let him
be in charge.
I guess I needed someone
to be in charge, because...
you know, it's
one thing to party
like it's 1999
when you're a kid.
It's a whole other thing
when you're...
whatever age I am.
And I could
let myself drift.
It was almost like
an altered state.
I felt surrendered...
in a way that
I never was
the first time around
getting sober,
way back when.
And the world
felt soft.
And quiet.
And I was able
to take a breath
and just be.
After that first time,
I'd been sober...
the whole day -
hooray -
and I went up
onto the roof.
It was downtown L.A.,
in the Fashion District.
The streets were empty.
And...
it was...
so interesting.
Like, all of a sudden,
I had this feeling.
My mind felt... huge.
I had never felt more
in my life.
Not marrying you.
Not finding out
I had cancer.
Nothing was more
than that.
Oh! Hi!
Oh, I'm so glad
you made it.
Wouldn't miss it...
whatever it is.
So, why are we here?
You're here
so you can have
too much to drink
and make me laugh.
I can do that.
And...
And you're also here
to meet someone.
Uh, 'cause that
always goes well.
No, no, no.
You're gonna like her.
She's just like you.
Oh, yeah?
Unemployed,
drinks too much,
that kind of thing?
That's a great fit, Mel.
A free spirit.
You're too sweet.
Eleven o'clock,
the blonde.
Uh, wow.
Hmm...?
Yeah, just like me, huh?
Well, she's better looking.
Yeah, you think?
And also with other important
little bits that I'm missing.
- Mel...
- She's you with tits.
Mel...
Oh. Um, okay.
So you go get
a drink, and...
Hey, Frank.
Hi!
- Hey, Brian.
- Not too late?
No! No, no, no.
You're right on time.
I didn't think you
were going to come, so...
How are you?
I'm... I'm...
you know...
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on.
Oh, God!
I'm such a pussy.
So tell me about the art.
How's that going?
How's the art?
Um...
I can't believe I'm not
over it yet, you know?
You just come to these
things and you...
It's alright.
How are you?
I'm not
bumming you out?
Not yet.
Come on.
Let's get a drink.
Oh, hey.
Oh. Yeah,
I'm not leaving.
- I wasn't leaving.
- Mickey, this is Brian.
Brian, this is Mickey.
How do you do?
Hi, Brian.
Let's get a drink.
I wasn't leaving.
- Can I take that for you?
- Uh, yes.
Thank you.
Careful.
- Here. I'll help you with that.
- Oops.
So...? Let's go meet her.
Uh, can you help me?
Don't look at me.
I'm just a bartender.
I'm bringing back Brian.
Make him happy.
Oh, you ask too much.
Brian, Tom.
Tom, Brian.
Hey, Brian.
Nice to meet you.
And this is Mickey.
Brian,
Frank wants a word.
Hello, Tom.
Pleasure to meet you,
Mickey.
Nice to meet you.
So...
Wow. Hi.
Brian, it's so nice
to see you.
- Indeed. Yeah.
- Thanks for coming.
Yeah. It was a bit
touch-and-go there for me.
Mel?
Mel, are you okay?
What's going on?
She fell, I think.
Mel?
Want me to call
the doctor?
Has she been sick?
Well, um, no.
She's... I just...
- No, no, no, no.
- Hon, just sit down for a sec.
- Sit down.
- Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Oh my God,
she's burning up.
Whew.
That was something.
Has she eaten anything?
Maybe some orange juice?
I don't... Yeah...
I don't know.
Oh, that was something.
Take a...
Just take a second.
Wow, that's
so strange.
Now you're not
warm at all.
Should I be?
Is it hormones?
I don't think I have
any of those left.
Maybe tonight is just
not gonna happen.
- It has to happen.
- What needs to happen?
We can do it
another time.
There's not gonna
be another time.
What?
Mm-hmm. Well,
it's kinda late.
Why are you calling me?
Can you hang on?
Please, can you just
hang on?
You were?
And you...?
I'm really happy
for you.
It was about women.
Woman.
Right.
Yeah, really?
You just had to...
had to see me?
Well, you know what?
You know what?
That may happen someday.
Stranger things
have happened.
I have to go now.
Can you... W...
Just stay on.
Somebody's at...
No, hang on.
Somebody's at my door.
I don't know.
No, I'm not
expecting anybody.
Not that it's any
of your business.
Are you fucking
kidding me?
Can I come in?
Please?
If you were expecting
someone else, I can...
...leave the wine.
I'll go.
Well, you're not even remotely
happy to see me, are you?
And...?
Right.
Okay.
I'm just gonna
leave this...
here,
and I guess
I'll just, um...
Seriously?
No, I mean, really?
You're gonna just breeze
in here Saturday night,
bottle of wine, and I'm
supposed to what, exactly?
Sorry, okay?
You're totally right.
It was a fucking dick move,
alright? I'm just gonna...
Do you remember
the last time we talked?
In the therapist's
office?
Do you remember that?
Because I certainly do.
- I do, too...
- You said...
- You said,
- I said,
"I don't want
to do this anymore."
That's what you said.
Do you remember?
Yes, I do.
It's not exactly what...
It's exactly
what you said:
"I don't want
to do this anymore."
And yet, now,
here you are.
So I'm thinking, am I
supposed to forget what you...
No. You're not.
No. No, 'cause
it's not your style.
Actually, it kinda
is your style.
You're very charming...
up to a point.
I was a willing
participant...
up to a point.
- But then...
- And then I wanted...
something different.
I thought we were headed
for something real,
so I was willing
to put up with
the "I'm not interested
in commitment" thing
that all of you man-boys
seem to fucking do,
and then I wasn't.
- And then you weren't.
- I wasn't. I...
I wanted something else,
but you didn't.
And that's totally fine.
It's fine.
I mean, I was sad.
I cried
three whole days.
- I'm fucking sorry.
- No. Please.
Look, it's okay.
No, really,
it's okay.
- I don't even hate you.
- Oh, that's good.
I mean, I don't
want to see you,
but I don't
hate you.
I thought maybe even
some day, we can be friends,
but I'm gonna leave that
up to the gods,
'cause I'm not
gonna be the one
to go looking
for it.
Can you just give me
a minute, please?
Can we just sit
and talk?
Yeah.
Uh... I've got beer,
I've got wine...
um...
I can make
a Manhattan...
A Manhattan. Fine.
Ah!
I thought so,
you know?
I thought so.
With a cherry?
Cherry, yes.
Thank you.
Okay.
One Manhattan
is coming up...
as soon as
I take off
my fucking boots
that are killing me.
Ow.
Are you okay
back there?
Um, yeah. I just...
These are just
uncomfortable...
...boots.
And these tights
are just...
Ugh!
Ugh!
Phew!
Okay. I'm ready.
One Manhattan,
coming up.
Whew!
So... what did you think?
I mean, really.
About, uh...?
The art.
I liked it.
You did?
Okay.
Well, I...
You're going?
Sorry.
It's been so
fucked up since the...
Since...?
God.
Since what?
Since, uh, the war?
Since your surgery?
Since your divorce?
Ah, yes.
That makes sense.
Sorry.
Mm.
No, don't be.
You just do
what you gotta do.
I'm just gonna go.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm the one who forced
you to bring me home.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It was mixed messages.
I'm... just overwhelmed.
Right.
It's all that pussy.
Fuck.
Yeah.
That's a lot of pussy.
But don't you want this?
I mean, it's poured already.
Don't you want to...
have a drink?
Come on. Don't make me
drink alone.
I supposed I could
use a drink.
Mm.
Come on over here
on the couch.
- Okay.
- Promise I'll be good.
Ah.
To... hmm...
art -
good, bad,
indifferent.
To art.
- Hey...
- What did you think of...
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
- But what did you...
- I was just...
Okay,
just wait.
What did you
like about it?
Alright. Um...
I thought the shots
were beautiful.
- Mm.
- Subtle.
Light to dark.
Abstractions, really.
I mean, like Edward Weston,
but with that weird...
- eerie, old technique.
- Mm.
And the shallow
depth of field.
Made them...
Made them look almost...
mythic.
Anything else?
No, I mean...
sexy.
It was very sexy.
It was hot.
- Is it okay to say that?
- Mm-hmm.
Which was your favourite?
Oh, you know,
the landscape
stretching out to...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay, sorry.
What do you...
What do you think?
Mm...
Yeah.
I thought they were
very sexy.
And hot.
I could go on, but...
I don't want
to get complicated.
It's okay. I'm...
I mean, you
liked them alright.
I did.
- Good.
- Yeah.
I'm glad.
Would you like another?
No, no.
I'm good, I'm good.
Oh. What's the matter?
Nothing, nothing.
Nothing? Really?
Really. I'm fine.
I'm just good.
You're not gonna have
a stroke, are you?
No.
What's going on?
I guess I could use
that... that drink.
Be right back.
So we had that fight,
and then you
wanted us to talk
in front of your
therapist...
which was fine,
but it freaked me out.
I knew what you
were gonna say.
It's not rocket science.
I... I know what I'm
like to deal with.
I just showed up,
and those words
came out of my mouth:
"I don't want
to do this anymore."
And you didn't even get a chance
to say what you wanted to.
No. I didn't.
And I was showing up 'cause
you wanted me to be there.
I didn't know that was
gonna come out of my mouth.
So I went home.
I went home, and I was
completely spun out,
and I didn't
know why,
but I knew what I had said
was the truth.
I knew it.
But I didn't know
what it meant.
So I started looking,
and digging...
and that's
when I realized...
I want to be
in a relationship.
I'm better in
a relationship.
I'm... I want to be
a partner.
I don't want to be
this lone-wolf guy
that I think
is so cool.
I want... I want to be
a good partner to somebody.
That's lovely.
But just not with me.
Thank you so much.
I don't want to have this
conversation anymore.
And guess what I did.
I made a list.
Well, what do you
think's on the list?
Creative? Smart?
Beautiful? Athletic?
You know, maybe "really like
having sex as much as I do"?
A friend?
Someone...
Why are you
telling me this?
When I said,
"I don't want
to do this anymore,"
what I meant was
I don't want to do this.
I don't want
to do what the...
this half-in, half-out
bullshit that I always do.
I want to be all in.
- All in?
- All in, yeah.
I want to be
all in with you.
So you're going?
I said what I wanted to say.
Thank you
for listening.
If you want to call me,
you know you can.
Um...
And if not, I'm sorry
that I bothered you.
Tom.
Yeah?
I used to drive a cab.
- Really?
- Mm.
In Toronto?
- Oh, a long time ago.
- Yeah?
Sapphire Taxi.
"We get you there in style" -
something like that.
Ah.
Are we changing
the subject now?
- Uh... I'm using a story...
- Ah.
...to answer your question,
but in a circuitous fashion.
Well, carry on.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
So I pick up
this couple.
They're in Scarborough.
They want to go
to Roncy.
And they're... I figure
they're brother and sister,
the way she is
with me -
sort of flirting,
smiling,
leaning over the...
the front seat, directing me.
Long hair.
Open, fresh face.
- Finnish.
- Oh.
Beautiful Finnish...
This beautiful Finnish accent.
And somehow,
it comes up,
do I want to smoke
some pot with them?
And...
I was never one to turn down
an opportunity to get high,
so I say, "Sure."
And, uh, get
to their place.
It was on, um,
Fern Avenue, I believe.
And, uh, as soon
as we get inside,
he kicks off his shoes,
puts on a laserdisc.
Remember laserdiscs?
- I do.
- Yeah!
So this is, um,
Saturday Night Fever.
You know that scene where...
where Travolta's
- walking down the sidewalk?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bee Gees... Uh, uh...
"Stayin' Alive"
on the soundtrack.
- That's right.
- Right. So...
Meanwhile, she goes into
the other room, comes back...
No jeans.
Just panties.
Long, naked, Finnish legs.
Blouse is unbuttoned,
there's no bra,
she's holding this
white T-shirt, and...
So she comes over
by the couch,
just stands there
right next to me
and just takes
off the blouse.
Puts on the T-shirt,
plops down
on the sofa
in front of me,
and just legs up,
Indian style, and...
- Wow.
- Wow. Yeah, wow!
And I was like,
"Jeez, this is
all rather...
European."
And she starts chatting.
He's fixing the pot.
He's, like,
cleaning the bowl
and, uh, breaking up
the buds.
Beautiful-looking bud.
And so I'm looking at him,
I'm listening to her,
and I notice... I notice
that the scene starts over.
- The...?
- Yeah! He's got...
He's got the Travolta
scene on repeat.
Right?
And she starts talking
to him in Finnish,
and he starts talking
to her, and he...
he sounds pissed off.
So she talks back
to him in Finnish,
it goes back
and forth, uh...
- You ever heard Finnish?
- No.
Ah, it's a weird
language.
Sort of like, um...
it's like
a cross between
whales and elves
or something.
Now... Well, now
they're both
getting mad
and arguing,
but in this
very sort of...
foreign sort of way, but she
never stops flirting with me.
- Mm.
- You know, just the whole time.
Just, like, you know,
touching my knee or...
and, you know,
gesturing
that everything's
gonna be okay, and...
And I'm thinking
maybe I should leave,
but I'm all out
of pot,
and I'd so love
to get high,
because, like,
driving a cab sucks.
Mm.
And I've seen her
almost naked.
And I don't want to stare
because, like,
he's getting more and more
pissed off, but I...
I mean, she's just...
she's just
so beautiful and open,
and I... I...
can't help myself.
And...?
So you're sitting here
almost exactly like she was.
Oh, I see.
Only without
the Bee Gees.
Mm.
And without
the pissed-off Finn.
Oops.
And... without the...
without the panties.
Kind of goes along with the
evening, though, doesn't it?
Don't you think?
Is this a seduction?
I would like you
to look at me.
Oh. Jeez. Um...
No.
Really look at me.
Keep looking.
Don't stop.
You still wanna go?
Mm-mm.
Do you wanna
make out?
Yes, I think I'd
like that very much.
Oh, I think
you would, too.
But I was starting to hurt.
I hurt all over.
I wanted forever
to end.
I was still a mess,
but I stopped.
I didn't drink.
I just...
...ached.
And I said something girly,
like "My feet."
Something inside me
shifted.
It was like something dissolved
and I could finally see
what was there underneath
for the first time...
and it was me.
Well, it was the me that I left
behind all those years ago.
You're my life.
You.
I love you more
than I can say.
But I haven't
been with me.
Pushed into a closet,
and now it's out...
and not going
back in.
That would be
worse than...
- So you had an affair.
- Right.
- You're not having treatment.
- Right.
Wow.
What's the point?
Well, the doctors...
Doctors there
said the same thing
as the doctors here -
that it's six
months of hell
for another few months -
and I'm not doing that.
Are you sober?
Fourteen days,
twelve hours.
Give or take.
And the... the guy,
this guy... the ph...
Jonathan. His name
is Jonathan.
Jonathan.
You want to be
with him?
No.
So what did this...
Jonathan take pictures of,
exactly? I...
Me.
Naked.
Mm.
Are they any good?
Probably.
I don't know.
Is there
anything else?
Well, thank you all
for coming.
Um...
So the first time
I ever really
looked at a painting,
I was a kid.
I was in school
in the States.
Um, it was Van Gogh,
"Portrait of a Peasant".
I took this girl
to the museum to...
impress her.
And I... I saw
this painting
and walked
over to it,
and it was just
all these colours,
just little...
little strokes of paint.
I mean, not one of them
even close to a flesh tone.
Just complete chaos.
And I, you know,
sort of turned away
and looked...
and I looked back,
and there...
there was the man.
He was kind of big,
and beautiful,
and alive, and...
and it just kind of
blew my mind.
I...
I couldn't stop
looking at it,
and the back and forth
for, like, an hour.
And the girl
that I was...
probably thought
I was nuts.
And, uh...
And I re...
I hadn't thought
about that in...
probably years.
But recently, I...
I was introduced
to some work that...
that brought it
back to me.
And...
And I realized that...
that art takes
the mess of life
and makes some kind
of sense of it -
for the artist,
for better or worse,
and...
and maybe, maybe
for us, too.
Maybe it helps us
see the beauty in...
in the chaos.
Uh, it's not really
that chaotic.
I mean it's not... not that
heavy a thing, but, uh...
Um... And that's re...
that's all I've got
by way of introduction,
so, uh, make of it
what you will.
Alright. Any time, Jerry.
You okay?
Is there anything
I can do for you?
No. God, I'm just...
We're... done here.
I can pick up the rest
of this tomorrow.
Yeah, no, I...
just mean...
I always talk to you.
I'm just saying...
I...
I mean, if you
want to talk...
Yeah.
What do I know?
Hey.
I'm... I'm fine.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
For art!
Ready?
Did you hear those guys?
All those jokes about Tarzan,
and Jane, and that monkey.
They were... What monkey?
What was that monkey's name?
Tarzan's monkey. "Boy"?
Was that the monkey's name?
He was a chimpanzee.
No, of course he wasn't "Boy".
Boy was named "Boy".
Christ sakes,
I'm so stupid.
No, you're not stupid.
You're tired. You're allowed.
He was a chimpanzee,
and I believe his name
was "Cheetah".
Cheetah?
It wasn't Cheetah.
Cheetah's a cat thing.
This is an ape thing.
Nonetheless,
Tarzan's friend, a chimp,
was called Cheetah.
Why would you call
a monkey "Cheetah"?
- Oh, you're so sure.
- Pretty sure.
What was I
thinking when, um...
It was actually
a pretty good party.
Right. How Jane
didn't shave
so she could
get Tarzan,
who was used to having
sex with monkeys.
Perry can be such an asshole.
He had no idea
it was you,
and after he made
that tasteless joke,
that little group broke up.
Didn't you notice?
That must have been
when I was in the bathroom,
throwing up
and crying.
- You threw up?
- Ah, a little.
Jesus. Is there anything...?
Oh, no, I'm fine.
I just, um...
I should just sit down.
Do you...
Well, is there anything...
Do you want a glass
of water?
Pill. In my purse.
Oxy.
I held off taking
any of it.
I think now just might be
the time.
I'm not a crier.
Jesus.
Oh.
Ah.
Mm.
Do you hate me?
Do I hate you?
I mean, come on.
Yeah.
I mean, like a tornado
in your life.
No.
No, I don't hate you.
Mm.
You should.
Well, I'll... take that
under advisement.
How do you feel?
How do I feel?
Are you scared?
More than I can even
begin to tell you.
- You don't look scared.
- Well, because...
because I'm being the man,
and this is what the man does,
and I'll be scared...
later.
- When?
- I don't know.
When there's time.
When there...
When I have the time.
Mm. What about now?
What do you feel
right now?
I'm sorry. Are we...
Is this an acting exercise
that we're doing,
or...?
I just want to know
how you feel.
I don't know. I...
I'm tired.
Uh-huh.
- My feet hurt.
- Mm.
You angry?
No.
- Am I angry?
- Well, shouldn't you be angry?
Well, I mean, where
in all of this
has there been room
for me to...
How about that girl, huh?
How about that girl?
What? What girl?
You never told me that story
about that girl in the museum,
and the painting, and...
- No, I didn't.
- What happened with that girl?
I...
What was her name,
that girl?
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
You're... You're jealous?
I don't know what I am.
You know, before
the party,
I walked around
and I looked at...
every...
And then I had
to walk around again.
It was like I had
to see them all again.
It was just so you.
My pussy.
My famous pussy.
Yeah. Your famous pussy.
You must be
exhausted.
- Mm, so tired.
- Come on, come on.
- Let's go to bed.
- Mm.
Come on.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Me? I'm fine.
I'm okay.
Let's go to bed.
I'm just gonna...
A little bit,
and then I'll...
Go on. It's alright.
I'm fine. Go.
- Frank!
- Okay. Yeah, okay!
Frank?
Yeah?
Frank, what time is it?
Get out.
Frank?
Frank?
Uh, Frank?
Yeah, Jerry?
What is it?
Jerry, is Frank there?
Mel, I'm right here.
Are we ready?
Yeah. We're ready.
Okay.
Um...
Shit. Mmf!
You okay?
You need some help?
Ugh, God... Just fat...
I'm just fat!
Am I really
this fat?
- How can I be fat?!
- You're not fat!
Do you know what time it is?
Well, yeah.
Actually...
We're ready?
I'm ready.
Jerry's ready.
It's 7:30.
Okay.
Um...
Wow. You look...
Don't say fat.
I wasn't gonna
say fat.
Okay.
Vinyl...
bar... Jerry...
Say hello, Jerry.
- Hi, Melanie.
- Hey.
Well, you're
a lifesaver.
You gonna be
okay with that?
Huh? Hey, yeah.
Okay. Don't
kill yourself.
And you look nice.
Thought so.
Huh. So... they're up?
They're up.
Aw, Jesus.
Ooh...
Fucking anxiety.
Oh my God.
You alright?
Do you want
a glass of water?
Jerry...
Is it too late
to cancel?
Well, if this is what
it's gonna do to you,
of course
we can cancel.
No. We can't.
It's just...
Thank you.
Whose idea
was this, anyway?
What, the things?
Or showing them?
Fucking lawyers,
always with the questions.
All of it.
Any of it.
Why don't we just
call it God's will?
God. Nope.
Haven't seen him.
You're beautiful.
You got that goin' for ya.
What's that quote?
"Eighty percent of life
is just showing up"?
I think it's actually
"80 percent of sex
is just showing up."
That would explain
so much.
Ow.
Too late to call it off.
Real question is
what happens later.
Is it better or worse?
How do you deal with it?
Well, thank you all
for coming.
Uh, you know,
the first time
I ever really looked at
a painting, I was just a kid.
I was going to
school in the States.
And it was Van Gogh,
"Portrait of a Peasant".
And I took this girl
to the museum
to impress her,
and, uh...
And I saw this painting,
and I walked up to it, and...
I look at the world,
and it feels like
there's something...
waiting?
Like it's been there all along -
I just wasn't looking for it.
You remember when I said,
"I can handle it;
you don't have to be strong
for the two of us"?
I was lying.
And that, that's pretty
much all I've got
by way of an
introduction, so...
...uh...
because...
well, just because.
So make of it
what you will.
Alright. Anytime, Jerry.
What I think I meant was
"If it gets really bad,
I'll have a drink."
And it did...
And I did.
And then...
Jesus...
Where we met...
...I went without you.
I went without you
because...
I wanted to walk in alone
one more time,
maybe meet you again.
That's really
why I went alone.
Second opinion?
Fuck off.
Second chance?
Same thing.
Hope?
We never got
to drink together.
That's a fucking shame.
I think about what
kind of drunk you'd be.
I do.
Pants. Wait.
What did I say? "Plants"?
No, I'm not wearing plants.
The sheets are nice.
They're super soft.
You'd like it.
You know what?
Who am I kidding?
Drinking's not that bad.
It's kind of good.
It actually works -
like magic.
The bottle
on my lips
was a kiss
from Prince Charming.
The rotting stopped
for a little while.
I was whole again.
That didn't suck.
It's the stuff that comes
along with it that sucks...
like that guy who...
and then my tights were
down around my ankles, and...
Did I let him?
I don't...
In the bathroom?
I don't remember.
Did I throw up on him?
Or was that someone else?
I know I missed
the bed.
Yep...
I know it's impossible
to get puke out of sequins...
and feathers...
my hair...
They say alcoholism
is a disease.
I say, "Fuck you.
Cancer is a disease.
It's a whole
different thing.
Alcoholism is just
a good idea
taken a little
too far."
But I kept waking up.
I'm such a pussy.
Apparently, I'm
not quite done yet.
I had to come back,
one ugly day at a time.
Fourteen days,
twelve hours.
Fourteen days, twelve hours.
Fourteen days, twelve hours.
That's the truth.
It's awful.
Do you remember
how we used to say
we'd be there
for each other
for anything?
If the other one drank,
or was paralyzed,
or, uh,
went crazy.
I used to wonder,
what if your time comes,
and I can't do it?
Now, it's "What if you
can't do it?"
You'd hide it, but I'd
see it in your eyes.
I'm just not
that strong.
Hello?
Hello, hello?
The photographs?
I don't know.
Maybe I was thinking...
rebirth?
I mean, why not?
If we look here,
you can see...
I saw "The Devil
in Miss Jones, Part IV"
at a bachelorette party,
and all I can think of
as I'm watching this movie
is "Those are
people, right?
They're actors.
They're people."
I need a dress.
I was an actor,
once upon a time.
That's it, huh?
I could hit
my mark.
And I was
on time.
And I could
learn my lines.
I just felt like an asshole
all the time.
What was I talking
about, in the movie?
Lois Ayres?
Lois Ayres, I think,
was her name.
She's an actor, by the way,
just like me. Actor.
I mean, not just like me,
but anyway...
She accidentally
overdoses or something,
and because she's
a good Catholic girl,
she has to go to hell
because she overdosed,
because she
committed suicide,
even though it was
a mistake.
She doesn't want
to go to hell.
She wants to go home.
But anyway, she's got to do
a series of nasty things
to get out of hell,
and her... her...
Virgil, her guide,
is this black dude
with funky hair
and, for no
apparent reason,
wearing, like, rubber
yellow kitchen gloves.
Don't ask me why.
And he's assigned
to sort of instruct her about
what she has to do
to get out of hell.
And it doesn't matter
what she does,
or for herself
or for others.
There's no relief.
It's just fucking,
fucking, fucking, orgasm,
fucking, fucking,
fucking, orgasm,
fucking, fucking, fucking,
orgasm,
fucking, fucking,
fucking, orgasm...
It's never enough.
There's no relief.
So anyways, um...
Oh my God.
Anyway, um...
...eating too much,
I'm sure.
No, I'm just...
You're still there, right?
So this Devil
in Miss Jones thing
got me on this thing,
so I...
uh, I... I looked
at some stuff,
retro stuff...
where... women...
had hair,
and boobs that moved,
and foreheads
that moved,
and they looked
like they're actually
having a good time
when they're having sex.
Women now, it looks like,
Jesus Christ, they're being
fucked every which way
from Sunday and they're bald!
Remember when you could
look at a woman
and she looked like a woman,
not like a 12-year-old girl?
And now, I think,
when you do porn,
it's like
you must be so
naked and afraid, right?
'Cause you've got no...
- nothin'!
- Nothin'.
Except...
whatever, going up
your business!
Anyway...
She had more credits
than Michael Caine.
I don't know if that
was my point,
but she was an actor,
she was a person.
People don't
think about that.
And real bush.
I mean, like, why...
why do we say that's
not cool anymore?
Why can't we just
look at somebody and...
Except it's
uncomfortable,
but why can't we just
look at somebody?
That's probably maybe
why I came here.
Except I don't really
want to be here after all!
Yes, it's Melanie.
Who'd you think it was?
Leave me a message.
I'll call you back.
I really would like
an answer to that.
Why can't we?
Why can't we j...
Why can't we?
You're alive!
I can take that.
Jerry. Hey.
Fancy seeing you here.
Yeah. You guys, too.
Where's your sponsor?
Hup.
You know being a service
does not mean working
for free, right?
Hey. You, uh,
want a coffee?
Is that a no?
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi. I'm Betsy.
Oh. Oh, yeah! Hi.
Hi, Betsy. Nice to meet you.
So you know
Melanie...
Uh, yes, I do.
Are you a friend
of Bill's?
Bill...?
Oh, Bill Wilson.
AA, secret
handshake thing? No.
- No?
- No, no.
Bill and I dated
in the '90s,
but sadly, we had very little
in common.
You?
Uh, me, yes.
Uh, I'm sober
as a judge.
- Mm.
- As they say.
Small talk's
hard without a drink, though.
Jeez,
it is, right?
I'm not sure why
you'd attempt it.
Exactly.
Go ahead.
- Oh! You're Mickey!
- Yes!
- I've heard about you!
- I'm Mickey.
Listen, I don't judge.
If you need a drink, go ahead.
Um, you know, I...
I grew up in this
working-class neighbourhood.
There was a clubhouse.
It was, like, old,
retired men and bikers.
It was like a dive bar,
but sunny.
So I was having this
really, really bad day.
So I go
to a meeting,
pissing and moaning
about my life.
Mm.
So I say,
"I want a drink."
These three
old bastards
pull loonies out
of their pockets,
slam it down
on the table,
"Go ahead!"
Like,
"Stop wasting
our time!"
And did you?
No. I was so angry,
I just stayed
sober to spite them.
Oh. So you see,
you're welcome.
Is Melanie okay?
I'm not sure I'm
qualified to answer that one.
She seems to be doing
just fine right now, though.
But on other fronts...
She looks so great.
Mm.
I guess it's all your
perspective, isn't it?
What?
Can't imagine Frank's having
the best time with it all.
What are you talking about?
Well, she's...
She's what?
Do you know what
this party's about?
I'm sorry. I...
What do you think's
in there?
I don't know. It...
It's an art show.
Art?
But be serious
for just one second.
If you want to talk about
all-time great drummers,
there's only one name:
Ringo Starr.
No. Sorry.
W-What are you
talking about?
In the history
of drummers,
no drummer has played
on more hits,
on more great tunes,
more rock 'n' roll.
- Yeah, but...
- Yeah, there's no buts.
The guy's
a fucking monster.
Have you ever listened
to the Abbey Road Medley?
That's the Beatles.
Yeah, and Ringo
was the drummer
for the Beatles, so...
what's your point?
John Lennon said,
"Ringo Starr is not the greatest
drummer in the world.
He's not even the greatest
drummer in the Beatles."
Yeah, he never
said that, actually.
- Yeah, he did.
- No, he didn't.
And even if he did, he was
just fucking around.
Whatever.
"Whatever." Okay.
You tell me: greatest
all-time rock drummer.
Neil Peart.
Grade eight!
Neil Peart is a
fucking novelty act!
- No, he's not.
- Yeah, he is!
Just because you can play
five drum kits at once
doesn't make you
a good drummer.
- Yes, it does.
- No, it doesn't.
He sounds like
Buddy Rich with ADHD.
- Okay.
- Look. Ringo gets a beat,
he keeps a beat,
he takes everyone else
along for the ride.
That is what a drummer
is supposed to do.
But Ringo's not even
really a musician.
I'm gonna go
get a drink.
You can
apologize later.
- What a dick.
- Who's a dick?
Me. I'm a dick.
Hi!
So...?
Counting days.
Hey... How was it?
First drink was heaven.
Then not so much.
I'm glad
you're back.
Me, too.
Oh, would you
take this? Thanks.
Hi!
Mm...
What are we
doing here?
Ah, you know what they say:
more will be revealed.
Well, here's
lookin' at you.
Yeah!
Is she okay?
I dunno.
Is anyone really okay?
Yeah, correct.
Tesoro!
Want me to make you some hummus
and pita or something?
No, gordo, gracias.
Okay.
Menos mal,
I can still eat
after looking
at that shit all night.
You're still
going on about that?
Well, it was a
collection of vaginas.
Not all.
Yep, either right in your face
or very heavily featured.
Uh-huh?
Every single image.
Pudenda! Vulva!
And a bunch
of them, too!
Yep.
What would that
be called? Like, a...
You know, like
a "pride" of lions
or a "flock"
of seagulls.
A posse of pussies!
That's it!
Do we have
to do this now?
A vision of vaginas,
you think? A...
A variation?
A vagrancy?
A plague of vaginas!
Oh my God.
And what the fuck was Frank
going on about?
I mean, that
wasn't art, baby.
That was...
That was fucking weird,
is what it was.
- You thought that was weird?
- Yeah.
You know, if I want to see shit
like that, I'll just go online.
I don't need your art-school
friends to show it to me.
You don't think there was
something beautiful
about it all,
something artistic?
What, are you having some
kind of art-school flashback?
It was pussy.
Just because it's
shot on tintype
doesn't make it art.
It's still pussy.
Well, you clearly
have an opinion.
Yeah. And you have
a different one?
I kind of liked him.
Who?
The artist.
He was nice.
How would you know?
'Cause I met him.
You met him? Where?
At the show?
Yeah, at the show.
He was, uh,
the older guy.
Talked to Melanie,
mostly.
She introduced me
to him.
How come I didn't
know this?
Maybe you didn't ask.
Didn't ask?
That's... That...
That's not how
it works, see?
Usually, there's a show,
and then the artist
is there,
and then he or she
is introduced to the people
at the show. Right?
That's not what he wanted.
Oh. Who?
Jonathan.
He wanted
to remain anonymous.
Oh. "Jonathan
wanted to remain anonymous."
Yeah. He wanted to see
people's reactions.
Without all
the smoke blow.
Smoke blow?
That's what he said,
that he didn't like
the smoke blow.
I think you mean
"blowing smoke",
as in "blowing smoke
up your ass".
Yeah, that's exactly
what he didn't want.
Ah.
I mean, blowing smoke up
my ass doesn't sound nice.
Well...
It's not literal.
Well, I know that.
Here.
Oh! That fucking guy!
The guy who was lurking
in the corners
all night, right?
He took the pussy shots?
Perry!
'Scuse me.
I meant to say,
"That is the
visual artist
whose work we were
subjected to?"
That's a nice
shot of him.
It's a nice shot of him?
He's a pervert!
Don't even look at him!
Jesus.
How would you even know?
You didn't even talk to him.
Well, is that
somehow my fault?
I mean, when did you
talk to him, anyway?
Where was I
during this?
I don't know.
You were, like, smoking
with your buddies outside.
I was at the back.
Not my buddies.
They were just some guys.
We were fucking...
Okay, so anyway,
how long were you
in the back room,
away from the rest
of the party,
with this guy...
for how long, exactly?
I was in the back room -
with Melanie -
like, about 15,
20 minutes.
Twenty minutes?
And this is the first
I'm hearing about it?
You didn't even
know I was gone.
Well, how could I
notice you were gone
if you weren't around?
What does that
even mean?
You know what?
It just... It...
Forget it.
Forget it.
It doesn't matter.
He's just an old
pornographer.
Aha!
Look at that.
Look at that.
Jonathan at work.
Eh? Look at him.
Look at that face.
What a phony.
He looks like
he just discovered
the last fucking
unicorn or something.
Wow, Perry...
These are not
just photographs.
Wow. They're like
meditations, really.
I mean,
this is about feeling,
about life.
It's not just
the flesh. It's...
It's the spirit.
It's about what
it means to be...
to be a woman,
and to be a man.
To be a human,
really.
What it feels
to have a vagina,
and to be
in a vagina,
or near a vagina,
or kept out
of a vagina.
Double-park near a vagina,
or dry-clean
a vagina, or...
- Ay, Perry...
- ...donate a vagina, or...
Shit.
What?!
Come on!
Fuckin' vagina.
You don't know!
I don't know. Okay.
The photos.
Yeah. What don't I know
about the photos?
They're Melanie.
Which photos?
- Todas!
- Todas?
Yeah. The tintypes?
They're Melanie.
That was Melanie?
Yeah. I know.
It's amazing how,
through this process,
her red just
went so dark.
It's so beautiful.
So beautiful?
No. No! That was not
"so beautiful".
That was the opposite
of beautiful!
He helped her
get back into the wagon.
Yeah, "on the wagon".
Ay, sí, sí,
sí, sí, sí.
Were they fucking?
They have made
beautiful art together,
and this is
what you ask?
You didn't?
No. It's none
of my business.
Or yours.
What is that, some kind of
Mexican yoga philosophy?
Why does this
bother you so much?
Oh, for Christ's sake.
You have to ask?
- So many reasons!
- Like... Like why?
First of all,
I'll never be able
to look Melanie
in the face again.
Oh, because now you know
she has a vagina!
No, but because
now I've seen it.
She had one before,
you know.
Yeah, but I hadn't
seen it before!
And I didn't have to go
through the whole process
of not having
seen it before.
Wow, being a man
is just so... busy!
Oh, Lord love
a duck!
I'm gonna
take a shower!
He asked me.
Honey?
Is the ultrasound
on Thursday or Friday?
He asked me.
What's that, honey?
You say something?
He asked me if I wanted
to pose for him.
And what did you say?
It's pornography.
It was expression, art.
If it was art,
why didn't you buy one?
You know, I asked, and
Frank said it wasn't for sale.
You know what? We go out
once every forever,
and I end up with my head
full of pussy.
Okay, I guess...
Peep-show pornography!
According to you.
According to society.
Are you talking
Mapplethorpe?
Because that trial
was based on obscenity,
not pornography, and
they lost - your side lost.
It's ugly.
And it's not my side.
- Really?
- "Pornography:
Sexually explicit pictures,
or writing,
or other materials
whose primary purpose
is to cause
sexual arousal."
- There.
- "There" what?
- Did you get an erection.
- No!
Liar!
You know what? So what
if I did get hard?
I mean, a guy can get
an erection if his cock
hits the steering wheel
getting out of his car.
It doesn't mean he's
gonna start fucking cars.
You know, pictures like that
are made for one reason,
and one reason alone:
to turn you on,
to turn men on.
Well, what about
creativity?
You know, Georgia O'Keeffe,
freedom of expression.
Greg, it was a show
about vaginas!
How can you be this upset
over a bit of naked flesh?
You have a daughter.
Yes...? And...?
Do you want to see pictures
of Sophie like this?
Come on.
Do you look at pussy
pictures in front of her?
Do you say,
"Sit on Daddy's lap,
and let's cruise
some porn sites"?
That is disgusting.
I don't take a shit in front
of her either, okay?
Don't be simple.
Simple?
Look, we don't
have sex in front of her.
Is our sex pornographic?
We don't have sex.
Is that what this
is all about?
Look, somewhere along
the line, you disappeared.
Whatever heart you had
has been buried
under a mountain
of cum shots
and camel toes
and nipple slips.
Have you been snooping
on my computer?
I don't need to snoop, okay?
You bring it
into our bed!
You and your goddamn
laptop harem of women
when you think
I'm asleep.
- Wow.
- You know what?
At least, if you were having
an affair with an actual woman,
I could throw
your ass out.
Okay, that's a little
over the top, don't you think?
No, I don't think.
It's the only way I can stay.
Look...
I like to look at pictures
of naked women. So what?
Like every other straight guy
in the western world.
It takes you
away from us.
It takes sex away
from us.
No, you took sex
away from us.
You got a kid,
you got a house,
and you just stopped.
Stopped?
Yeah. It's like you've used sex
to buy your way
into the game, you know?
Enough to win a couple hands,
enough to feel safe.
And then you just
stopped playing.
Are you using
a poker analogy?
Yeah, it's actually
a good one.
You know, I like to play.
Winning is fun,
but I just
like to play.
You said you wanted to play.
I said, "Okay, let's play."
But you didn't really
want to play.
You just wanted to double
your money and quit.
Are you serious?
When was the last time
you showed me any interest?
Interest?
Yeah. You know, in me.
Like, I go to work,
I make money,
I come home,
you just... feed me dinner,
make me feel wanted.
You can't be serious.
When was the last time
you touched me?
Even in passing.
Or when was the last time
you've given me a blowjob?
Just talk to me.
You're right.
I dropped out.
I got tired.
Kids, and money,
and all that.
But when I try to come back -
and I want to come back...
...when we get
into bed,
all I can see is those
photos on your computer.
Young girls with cum
dripping off their faces
like it's the most natural
thing in the world.
And they're babies.
Teenagers.
Online, you never
see the photographer,
but in my mind,
I see him...
and it's you!
And then...
Then I just...
I can't...
Remember that night
I called you, late?
I was drunk,
but not too drunk,
and we had
phone sex?
I didn't say anything, but
I knew you weren't with me,
even though
you said you were.
I was looking
at a porn site -
old-school retro something,
where everyone had pubic hair -
and they were having sex
the way I remember having sex
when we were young.
Hyapatia Lee was the star.
She stood out.
She had dignity,
grace.
She must be in her 60s now.
When she sees
one of her old movies,
does she think,
"That's me"?
Or is that like someone
she knew a long time ago?
Do you think
she's happy?
Okay. Uh...
I'm gonna put you
sideways.
And lean back.
Let me see.
- How's it look?
- Good.
Hm.
Hey.
And you know how I said
that I was done with sex?
Well, clearly, I'm not.
And so you just
need to tell me
if you're done
with sex, or me,
or not.
'Cause if you're done,
I'll go back.
And I want to stay
here with you.
You're my life.
You.
I love you more
than I can say.
I have from the moment
I met you.
But I'm not gonna stay
if you don't want me.
I hope it's you.
Uh...
Alright. I'll be back.
Gonna make a plate.
Mickey told me about
this gallery opening
at Echo Park.
She'd posed
for this photographer
and thought she was
his muse or something,
so... I went.
I mean...
of course I did!
It was wet-plate
collodion,
an old process -
uh, pre-digital,
pre-film,
pre-Civil War;
rich, and funky,
and mysterious,
and... intimate.
Beautiful.
My head just went quiet.
Everything gone.
Silent.
I don't quite know
how to describe it.
I didn't know
what I was...
I didn't know what I was
looking at, at first.
I thought it was this,
like, beautiful pubis.
I can't believe I just
said that word, "pubis",
like a pelt.
That's what it
looked like.
And, uh, I was drawn
into this photo,
and I looked up,
and I saw him.
And he had this look
on his face like,
"Are you seeing the same
thing I'm seeing?"
I'm like, "I think so."
And then he said
something really...
...lame, like
"What's going on?"
And I said,
"I just..."
"I don't want to feel
sorry for myself anymore."
And somehow, that...
Somehow, that made it
okay to...
go to his studio and...
get my picture taken.
I'm seeing this woman's
most private self
through his eyes, and I realize
it could be anyone.
The photo, the tintype,
the whatever,
it was so close up,
really intimate,
but completely anonymous.
Could have been anyone.
And... three, two, one.
One, two, three.
Okay.
And for some reason,
I remembered you and me
reading the big book
years ago,
"Acceptance".
And finally, I got it.
Acceptance.
And it was
that thing, you know, like,
nothing, absolutely nothing
happens in God's world
by mistake.
I'm not having treatment.
Nothing happens
in God's world by mistake.
And I thought,
"What if that's true?"
Hello?
What if that's right?
What if everything,
from my last drink
to the last breath
left in this body,
what if all of it
was perfect,
in divine right order,
just waiting for me
to say yes
to something,
to anything?
And I just thought,
"Why not?"
So...?
Are you okay?
I'm not drinking.
- One day at a time.
- Ah, please.
Right now, it's
minutes and seconds.
I am so glad
you're back.
Me, too.
Aww.
Nice.
I made it for you.
You did not.
Well, no.
But I knew I was
making it for someone,
and now I see
it's you.
You're always
giving me stuff.
Well,
it's the only way
things make sense.
Is that some sort
of Buddhist thing?
No, it's not Buddhist.
It's AA.
It's all about service,
you taught me.
No, see, in AA,
best we can hope for
is enlightened
self-interest.
Well, it's all
about self-interest,
but I think,
for someone
that tries to work
at it spiritually,
it becomes about
the big-S "Self"
instead of the
small-S "self".
But it is
Self-interest.
It is the big S...
It's in the self.
Oh my God.
Even when I have no idea
what you're saying,
I still love
hearing you say it.
That's good.
It's beautiful.
You know it's one of
the healing crystals.
Mm-hmm.
Specially for
the second chakra.
The second chakra.
Yeah, the uterus,
the ovaries...
You know, healing
and balancing
of the sex organs.
How do I look?
You look
beautiful.
- I do?
- Yeah, you do.
I've gotta get up.
I'm pregnant.
- Oh my God!
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Oh, God!
- Go, go, go, go! Go, go.
Go, go, go, go.
- You're...
- I'll tell you later.
It wasn't sexual at all.
He refused
to shoot me
unless I was sober,
so there's that.
And I was able to let him
be in charge.
I guess I needed someone
to be in charge, because...
you know, it's
one thing to party
like it's 1999
when you're a kid.
It's a whole other thing
when you're...
whatever age I am.
And I could
let myself drift.
It was almost like
an altered state.
I felt surrendered...
in a way that
I never was
the first time around
getting sober,
way back when.
And the world
felt soft.
And quiet.
And I was able
to take a breath
and just be.
After that first time,
I'd been sober...
the whole day -
hooray -
and I went up
onto the roof.
It was downtown L.A.,
in the Fashion District.
The streets were empty.
And...
it was...
so interesting.
Like, all of a sudden,
I had this feeling.
My mind felt... huge.
I had never felt more
in my life.
Not marrying you.
Not finding out
I had cancer.
Nothing was more
than that.
Oh! Hi!
Oh, I'm so glad
you made it.
Wouldn't miss it...
whatever it is.
So, why are we here?
You're here
so you can have
too much to drink
and make me laugh.
I can do that.
And...
And you're also here
to meet someone.
Uh, 'cause that
always goes well.
No, no, no.
You're gonna like her.
She's just like you.
Oh, yeah?
Unemployed,
drinks too much,
that kind of thing?
That's a great fit, Mel.
A free spirit.
You're too sweet.
Eleven o'clock,
the blonde.
Uh, wow.
Hmm...?
Yeah, just like me, huh?
Well, she's better looking.
Yeah, you think?
And also with other important
little bits that I'm missing.
- Mel...
- She's you with tits.
Mel...
Oh. Um, okay.
So you go get
a drink, and...
Hey, Frank.
Hi!
- Hey, Brian.
- Not too late?
No! No, no, no.
You're right on time.
I didn't think you
were going to come, so...
How are you?
I'm... I'm...
you know...
Come on, come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on.
Oh, God!
I'm such a pussy.
So tell me about the art.
How's that going?
How's the art?
Um...
I can't believe I'm not
over it yet, you know?
You just come to these
things and you...
It's alright.
How are you?
I'm not
bumming you out?
Not yet.
Come on.
Let's get a drink.
Oh, hey.
Oh. Yeah,
I'm not leaving.
- I wasn't leaving.
- Mickey, this is Brian.
Brian, this is Mickey.
How do you do?
Hi, Brian.
Let's get a drink.
I wasn't leaving.
- Can I take that for you?
- Uh, yes.
Thank you.
Careful.
- Here. I'll help you with that.
- Oops.
So...? Let's go meet her.
Uh, can you help me?
Don't look at me.
I'm just a bartender.
I'm bringing back Brian.
Make him happy.
Oh, you ask too much.
Brian, Tom.
Tom, Brian.
Hey, Brian.
Nice to meet you.
And this is Mickey.
Brian,
Frank wants a word.
Hello, Tom.
Pleasure to meet you,
Mickey.
Nice to meet you.
So...
Wow. Hi.
Brian, it's so nice
to see you.
- Indeed. Yeah.
- Thanks for coming.
Yeah. It was a bit
touch-and-go there for me.
Mel?
Mel, are you okay?
What's going on?
She fell, I think.
Mel?
Want me to call
the doctor?
Has she been sick?
Well, um, no.
She's... I just...
- No, no, no, no.
- Hon, just sit down for a sec.
- Sit down.
- Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Oh my God,
she's burning up.
Whew.
That was something.
Has she eaten anything?
Maybe some orange juice?
I don't... Yeah...
I don't know.
Oh, that was something.
Take a...
Just take a second.
Wow, that's
so strange.
Now you're not
warm at all.
Should I be?
Is it hormones?
I don't think I have
any of those left.
Maybe tonight is just
not gonna happen.
- It has to happen.
- What needs to happen?
We can do it
another time.
There's not gonna
be another time.
What?
Mm-hmm. Well,
it's kinda late.
Why are you calling me?
Can you hang on?
Please, can you just
hang on?
You were?
And you...?
I'm really happy
for you.
It was about women.
Woman.
Right.
Yeah, really?
You just had to...
had to see me?
Well, you know what?
You know what?
That may happen someday.
Stranger things
have happened.
I have to go now.
Can you... W...
Just stay on.
Somebody's at...
No, hang on.
Somebody's at my door.
I don't know.
No, I'm not
expecting anybody.
Not that it's any
of your business.
Are you fucking
kidding me?
Can I come in?
Please?
If you were expecting
someone else, I can...
...leave the wine.
I'll go.
Well, you're not even remotely
happy to see me, are you?
And...?
Right.
Okay.
I'm just gonna
leave this...
here,
and I guess
I'll just, um...
Seriously?
No, I mean, really?
You're gonna just breeze
in here Saturday night,
bottle of wine, and I'm
supposed to what, exactly?
Sorry, okay?
You're totally right.
It was a fucking dick move,
alright? I'm just gonna...
Do you remember
the last time we talked?
In the therapist's
office?
Do you remember that?
Because I certainly do.
- I do, too...
- You said...
- You said,
- I said,
"I don't want
to do this anymore."
That's what you said.
Do you remember?
Yes, I do.
It's not exactly what...
It's exactly
what you said:
"I don't want
to do this anymore."
And yet, now,
here you are.
So I'm thinking, am I
supposed to forget what you...
No. You're not.
No. No, 'cause
it's not your style.
Actually, it kinda
is your style.
You're very charming...
up to a point.
I was a willing
participant...
up to a point.
- But then...
- And then I wanted...
something different.
I thought we were headed
for something real,
so I was willing
to put up with
the "I'm not interested
in commitment" thing
that all of you man-boys
seem to fucking do,
and then I wasn't.
- And then you weren't.
- I wasn't. I...
I wanted something else,
but you didn't.
And that's totally fine.
It's fine.
I mean, I was sad.
I cried
three whole days.
- I'm fucking sorry.
- No. Please.
Look, it's okay.
No, really,
it's okay.
- I don't even hate you.
- Oh, that's good.
I mean, I don't
want to see you,
but I don't
hate you.
I thought maybe even
some day, we can be friends,
but I'm gonna leave that
up to the gods,
'cause I'm not
gonna be the one
to go looking
for it.
Can you just give me
a minute, please?
Can we just sit
and talk?
Yeah.
Uh... I've got beer,
I've got wine...
um...
I can make
a Manhattan...
A Manhattan. Fine.
Ah!
I thought so,
you know?
I thought so.
With a cherry?
Cherry, yes.
Thank you.
Okay.
One Manhattan
is coming up...
as soon as
I take off
my fucking boots
that are killing me.
Ow.
Are you okay
back there?
Um, yeah. I just...
These are just
uncomfortable...
...boots.
And these tights
are just...
Ugh!
Ugh!
Phew!
Okay. I'm ready.
One Manhattan,
coming up.
Whew!
So... what did you think?
I mean, really.
About, uh...?
The art.
I liked it.
You did?
Okay.
Well, I...
You're going?
Sorry.
It's been so
fucked up since the...
Since...?
God.
Since what?
Since, uh, the war?
Since your surgery?
Since your divorce?
Ah, yes.
That makes sense.
Sorry.
Mm.
No, don't be.
You just do
what you gotta do.
I'm just gonna go.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm the one who forced
you to bring me home.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It was mixed messages.
I'm... just overwhelmed.
Right.
It's all that pussy.
Fuck.
Yeah.
That's a lot of pussy.
But don't you want this?
I mean, it's poured already.
Don't you want to...
have a drink?
Come on. Don't make me
drink alone.
I supposed I could
use a drink.
Mm.
Come on over here
on the couch.
- Okay.
- Promise I'll be good.
Ah.
To... hmm...
art -
good, bad,
indifferent.
To art.
- Hey...
- What did you think of...
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
- But what did you...
- I was just...
Okay,
just wait.
What did you
like about it?
Alright. Um...
I thought the shots
were beautiful.
- Mm.
- Subtle.
Light to dark.
Abstractions, really.
I mean, like Edward Weston,
but with that weird...
- eerie, old technique.
- Mm.
And the shallow
depth of field.
Made them...
Made them look almost...
mythic.
Anything else?
No, I mean...
sexy.
It was very sexy.
It was hot.
- Is it okay to say that?
- Mm-hmm.
Which was your favourite?
Oh, you know,
the landscape
stretching out to...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay, sorry.
What do you...
What do you think?
Mm...
Yeah.
I thought they were
very sexy.
And hot.
I could go on, but...
I don't want
to get complicated.
It's okay. I'm...
I mean, you
liked them alright.
I did.
- Good.
- Yeah.
I'm glad.
Would you like another?
No, no.
I'm good, I'm good.
Oh. What's the matter?
Nothing, nothing.
Nothing? Really?
Really. I'm fine.
I'm just good.
You're not gonna have
a stroke, are you?
No.
What's going on?
I guess I could use
that... that drink.
Be right back.
So we had that fight,
and then you
wanted us to talk
in front of your
therapist...
which was fine,
but it freaked me out.
I knew what you
were gonna say.
It's not rocket science.
I... I know what I'm
like to deal with.
I just showed up,
and those words
came out of my mouth:
"I don't want
to do this anymore."
And you didn't even get a chance
to say what you wanted to.
No. I didn't.
And I was showing up 'cause
you wanted me to be there.
I didn't know that was
gonna come out of my mouth.
So I went home.
I went home, and I was
completely spun out,
and I didn't
know why,
but I knew what I had said
was the truth.
I knew it.
But I didn't know
what it meant.
So I started looking,
and digging...
and that's
when I realized...
I want to be
in a relationship.
I'm better in
a relationship.
I'm... I want to be
a partner.
I don't want to be
this lone-wolf guy
that I think
is so cool.
I want... I want to be
a good partner to somebody.
That's lovely.
But just not with me.
Thank you so much.
I don't want to have this
conversation anymore.
And guess what I did.
I made a list.
Well, what do you
think's on the list?
Creative? Smart?
Beautiful? Athletic?
You know, maybe "really like
having sex as much as I do"?
A friend?
Someone...
Why are you
telling me this?
When I said,
"I don't want
to do this anymore,"
what I meant was
I don't want to do this.
I don't want
to do what the...
this half-in, half-out
bullshit that I always do.
I want to be all in.
- All in?
- All in, yeah.
I want to be
all in with you.
So you're going?
I said what I wanted to say.
Thank you
for listening.
If you want to call me,
you know you can.
Um...
And if not, I'm sorry
that I bothered you.
Tom.
Yeah?
I used to drive a cab.
- Really?
- Mm.
In Toronto?
- Oh, a long time ago.
- Yeah?
Sapphire Taxi.
"We get you there in style" -
something like that.
Ah.
Are we changing
the subject now?
- Uh... I'm using a story...
- Ah.
...to answer your question,
but in a circuitous fashion.
Well, carry on.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
So I pick up
this couple.
They're in Scarborough.
They want to go
to Roncy.
And they're... I figure
they're brother and sister,
the way she is
with me -
sort of flirting,
smiling,
leaning over the...
the front seat, directing me.
Long hair.
Open, fresh face.
- Finnish.
- Oh.
Beautiful Finnish...
This beautiful Finnish accent.
And somehow,
it comes up,
do I want to smoke
some pot with them?
And...
I was never one to turn down
an opportunity to get high,
so I say, "Sure."
And, uh, get
to their place.
It was on, um,
Fern Avenue, I believe.
And, uh, as soon
as we get inside,
he kicks off his shoes,
puts on a laserdisc.
Remember laserdiscs?
- I do.
- Yeah!
So this is, um,
Saturday Night Fever.
You know that scene where...
where Travolta's
- walking down the sidewalk?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bee Gees... Uh, uh...
"Stayin' Alive"
on the soundtrack.
- That's right.
- Right. So...
Meanwhile, she goes into
the other room, comes back...
No jeans.
Just panties.
Long, naked, Finnish legs.
Blouse is unbuttoned,
there's no bra,
she's holding this
white T-shirt, and...
So she comes over
by the couch,
just stands there
right next to me
and just takes
off the blouse.
Puts on the T-shirt,
plops down
on the sofa
in front of me,
and just legs up,
Indian style, and...
- Wow.
- Wow. Yeah, wow!
And I was like,
"Jeez, this is
all rather...
European."
And she starts chatting.
He's fixing the pot.
He's, like,
cleaning the bowl
and, uh, breaking up
the buds.
Beautiful-looking bud.
And so I'm looking at him,
I'm listening to her,
and I notice... I notice
that the scene starts over.
- The...?
- Yeah! He's got...
He's got the Travolta
scene on repeat.
Right?
And she starts talking
to him in Finnish,
and he starts talking
to her, and he...
he sounds pissed off.
So she talks back
to him in Finnish,
it goes back
and forth, uh...
- You ever heard Finnish?
- No.
Ah, it's a weird
language.
Sort of like, um...
it's like
a cross between
whales and elves
or something.
Now... Well, now
they're both
getting mad
and arguing,
but in this
very sort of...
foreign sort of way, but she
never stops flirting with me.
- Mm.
- You know, just the whole time.
Just, like, you know,
touching my knee or...
and, you know,
gesturing
that everything's
gonna be okay, and...
And I'm thinking
maybe I should leave,
but I'm all out
of pot,
and I'd so love
to get high,
because, like,
driving a cab sucks.
Mm.
And I've seen her
almost naked.
And I don't want to stare
because, like,
he's getting more and more
pissed off, but I...
I mean, she's just...
she's just
so beautiful and open,
and I... I...
can't help myself.
And...?
So you're sitting here
almost exactly like she was.
Oh, I see.
Only without
the Bee Gees.
Mm.
And without
the pissed-off Finn.
Oops.
And... without the...
without the panties.
Kind of goes along with the
evening, though, doesn't it?
Don't you think?
Is this a seduction?
I would like you
to look at me.
Oh. Jeez. Um...
No.
Really look at me.
Keep looking.
Don't stop.
You still wanna go?
Mm-mm.
Do you wanna
make out?
Yes, I think I'd
like that very much.
Oh, I think
you would, too.
But I was starting to hurt.
I hurt all over.
I wanted forever
to end.
I was still a mess,
but I stopped.
I didn't drink.
I just...
...ached.
And I said something girly,
like "My feet."
Something inside me
shifted.
It was like something dissolved
and I could finally see
what was there underneath
for the first time...
and it was me.
Well, it was the me that I left
behind all those years ago.
You're my life.
You.
I love you more
than I can say.
But I haven't
been with me.
Pushed into a closet,
and now it's out...
and not going
back in.
That would be
worse than...
- So you had an affair.
- Right.
- You're not having treatment.
- Right.
Wow.
What's the point?
Well, the doctors...
Doctors there
said the same thing
as the doctors here -
that it's six
months of hell
for another few months -
and I'm not doing that.
Are you sober?
Fourteen days,
twelve hours.
Give or take.
And the... the guy,
this guy... the ph...
Jonathan. His name
is Jonathan.
Jonathan.
You want to be
with him?
No.
So what did this...
Jonathan take pictures of,
exactly? I...
Me.
Naked.
Mm.
Are they any good?
Probably.
I don't know.
Is there
anything else?
Well, thank you all
for coming.
Um...
So the first time
I ever really
looked at a painting,
I was a kid.
I was in school
in the States.
Um, it was Van Gogh,
"Portrait of a Peasant".
I took this girl
to the museum to...
impress her.
And I... I saw
this painting
and walked
over to it,
and it was just
all these colours,
just little...
little strokes of paint.
I mean, not one of them
even close to a flesh tone.
Just complete chaos.
And I, you know,
sort of turned away
and looked...
and I looked back,
and there...
there was the man.
He was kind of big,
and beautiful,
and alive, and...
and it just kind of
blew my mind.
I...
I couldn't stop
looking at it,
and the back and forth
for, like, an hour.
And the girl
that I was...
probably thought
I was nuts.
And, uh...
And I re...
I hadn't thought
about that in...
probably years.
But recently, I...
I was introduced
to some work that...
that brought it
back to me.
And...
And I realized that...
that art takes
the mess of life
and makes some kind
of sense of it -
for the artist,
for better or worse,
and...
and maybe, maybe
for us, too.
Maybe it helps us
see the beauty in...
in the chaos.
Uh, it's not really
that chaotic.
I mean it's not... not that
heavy a thing, but, uh...
Um... And that's re...
that's all I've got
by way of introduction,
so, uh, make of it
what you will.
Alright. Any time, Jerry.
You okay?
Is there anything
I can do for you?
No. God, I'm just...
We're... done here.
I can pick up the rest
of this tomorrow.
Yeah, no, I...
just mean...
I always talk to you.
I'm just saying...
I...
I mean, if you
want to talk...
Yeah.
What do I know?
Hey.
I'm... I'm fine.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
For art!
Ready?
Did you hear those guys?
All those jokes about Tarzan,
and Jane, and that monkey.
They were... What monkey?
What was that monkey's name?
Tarzan's monkey. "Boy"?
Was that the monkey's name?
He was a chimpanzee.
No, of course he wasn't "Boy".
Boy was named "Boy".
Christ sakes,
I'm so stupid.
No, you're not stupid.
You're tired. You're allowed.
He was a chimpanzee,
and I believe his name
was "Cheetah".
Cheetah?
It wasn't Cheetah.
Cheetah's a cat thing.
This is an ape thing.
Nonetheless,
Tarzan's friend, a chimp,
was called Cheetah.
Why would you call
a monkey "Cheetah"?
- Oh, you're so sure.
- Pretty sure.
What was I
thinking when, um...
It was actually
a pretty good party.
Right. How Jane
didn't shave
so she could
get Tarzan,
who was used to having
sex with monkeys.
Perry can be such an asshole.
He had no idea
it was you,
and after he made
that tasteless joke,
that little group broke up.
Didn't you notice?
That must have been
when I was in the bathroom,
throwing up
and crying.
- You threw up?
- Ah, a little.
Jesus. Is there anything...?
Oh, no, I'm fine.
I just, um...
I should just sit down.
Do you...
Well, is there anything...
Do you want a glass
of water?
Pill. In my purse.
Oxy.
I held off taking
any of it.
I think now just might be
the time.
I'm not a crier.
Jesus.
Oh.
Ah.
Mm.
Do you hate me?
Do I hate you?
I mean, come on.
Yeah.
I mean, like a tornado
in your life.
No.
No, I don't hate you.
Mm.
You should.
Well, I'll... take that
under advisement.
How do you feel?
How do I feel?
Are you scared?
More than I can even
begin to tell you.
- You don't look scared.
- Well, because...
because I'm being the man,
and this is what the man does,
and I'll be scared...
later.
- When?
- I don't know.
When there's time.
When there...
When I have the time.
Mm. What about now?
What do you feel
right now?
I'm sorry. Are we...
Is this an acting exercise
that we're doing,
or...?
I just want to know
how you feel.
I don't know. I...
I'm tired.
Uh-huh.
- My feet hurt.
- Mm.
You angry?
No.
- Am I angry?
- Well, shouldn't you be angry?
Well, I mean, where
in all of this
has there been room
for me to...
How about that girl, huh?
How about that girl?
What? What girl?
You never told me that story
about that girl in the museum,
and the painting, and...
- No, I didn't.
- What happened with that girl?
I...
What was her name,
that girl?
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
You're... You're jealous?
I don't know what I am.
You know, before
the party,
I walked around
and I looked at...
every...
And then I had
to walk around again.
It was like I had
to see them all again.
It was just so you.
My pussy.
My famous pussy.
Yeah. Your famous pussy.
You must be
exhausted.
- Mm, so tired.
- Come on, come on.
- Let's go to bed.
- Mm.
Come on.
Are you okay?
Yeah. Me? I'm fine.
I'm okay.
Let's go to bed.
I'm just gonna...
A little bit,
and then I'll...
Go on. It's alright.
I'm fine. Go.
- Frank!
- Okay. Yeah, okay!
Frank?
Yeah?