Level Up (2011) - full transcript
Four very different high school teenagers battle trolls, ghouls and a dark leader of them named Maldark in a video game that goes haywire and releases the battle into the real world.
[beeping]
**** [dance]
** And when I'm at work,
they think I'm a jerk **
* But I'm down to get it done
Say What?
** Don't need to talk back
or overreact **
** Homie, hold your tongue
** I got it under control
** I got it under control
[Electronic Voice]
Launch procedure.
[gasps]
Five, four...
three,
two...
one...
Launch.
[school bell ringing]
[grunts]
Ahh--
Oh, sorry, Angie.
Sorry.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- Nice one, Wyatt.
- Making a movie?
- Yeah.
Sociology project.
I have to make a short film
on a unique and interesting
aspect of high school life,
if I can just figure out how
to work that thing or settle
on a subject matter.
- You know?
- White balance was maxed out.
Oh. Thanks.
I don't know if you knew,
but I'm captain of
the three-peat State Champ
Quiz Bowl team.
You should, um, do it on us.
Like a tribute film.
You know, I would,
but four people in my class
have already asked
for that topic.
- Really?
- No.
It doesn't really meet
the interesting requirement.
Sorry.
Wha-hoo!
[whoops]
How do you like me now?
[whooping]
Yeah-- Ohh!
[grunting]
- [students chattering]
- Whoo!
Yeah! You see that?
Dark emotions.
You get that shot?
[Boy]
Yeah.
Dante,
you want some attention?
- [whistling]
- No, I'm good.
- My office, now.
- You got it, V.P.
Trust me, the Quizinators
are way more interesting
than they look.
** I'm the one, the ace,
the only **
** I'm the king *
** I'm the one, the ace,
the only **
** I'm the king,
ooh, yeah **
Yo, Lyle, what'd you think
of that game last night?
Aw, man, it was sweet.
I slayed, like, three
gargantuan--
You slayed?
[scoffs]
You're not still playing
that lame video game,
Nerd Quest, or whatever?
What? N-- No.
I meant I watched Manning
slay the Jets'
gargantuan secondary.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Confident? Please.
The only real threat
is Council Rock Tech,
and they're, like, a clan
of level 6 Newbs
trying to raid
an Elite Orc Camp
in desperate search
for the Pouting Rod, okay?
Everybody knows you gotta be
level 45 to do that.
Hold on.
- [grunts]
- [scoffs]
Zoe, uh, we still on
for that thing later tonight?
If by "that thing,"
you mean you tutoring me
while my dad pays you,
then yes.
Sweet.
Um, I was thinking maybe...
Yeah, she said no.
- Why, actually--
- Uh, no means no, dweeb.
So you should quit
with the stalking and get.
- Hey, freak.
- Mannequin.
- Knob.
- Chafe.
Good one, Dante.
Die, quiz clown.
All righty.
He jests.
When I get into high school,
I'm gonna cheat.
Not if you wanna go to MIT.
You don't have to spell it.
Besides, I'm going
to a party school.
How come you're such a drag?
I have plenty of fun, okay?
Not with humans.
Here's an idea.
Shelly Nolan.
She's a human.
A little splotchy
but gettable.
It's a start.
Yeah. Unfortunately,
girls treat me
like I'm
a Maniacal Banshee of Death,
which would be great
if I wanted to date
a White-maned Wolveress,
but not so great if I was
dating an actual person.
Look, can you just go to sleep
and let me get my game on
so I can be appreciated
somewhere for an hour?
Shelly Nolan, dude.
Don't mind the back brace.
Blast-a-ton.
[typing]
What's up, ladies?
That's right.
Black Death is back.
There he is.
How's the world's best
half-time speech writer doing?
He's, uh-- He's doing.
Good. Glad to hear it.
You're not playing
that game again, are you?
Lyle, let me tell you something.
Nobody ever made it
to the end of their life
and said, "I wish I were
a bigger nerd."
Just trying to help.
Oh, and don't forget.
I need you
at the rally next week
down at the dealership.
I'm trying out
the new slogan.
"Hugginson for mayor,
a family man
you can wrap your arms around."
That means the family
represents, okay?
Good talk.
[door closes]
[typing]
Thunder Pole.
What's up, Black Death?
Where's Bickle at?
[sighs]
I thought we had a contract.
That you forced me into,
Barbara,
after I shaved the class bunny
in third grade.
It's "Mom," and don't deflect.
This is about
your impulse issues.
- And the contract--
- Is over seven years old.
I signed it in crayon.
Look, I know you think
everything is a big joke,
but I am juggling brochures
from five different
boarding schools right now.
All of them would be more
than happy to help you
- ...with your self-control
problems...
- And take your money.
if you hit three strikes.
Now, how's the homework?
- Is it done?
- What homework?
Oh, my God. Computer off.
Get to work.
Game on.
Skull Cracker.
Yeah!
[Lyle]
You're late, Bickle.
[Dante]
Yeah, my bad. My bad.
- I was just--
- [Wyatt] Whoa. Whoa.
Zip it, okay?
No sharing of personal
details ever. Ruin the whole
dynamic of the game.
I was just gonna say
I was busy making out
with your mom.
- [laughs]
- [Wyatt] Rule number 4:
If you're gonna slam another
player, at least be funny
and not use a joke
my dad used in the '80s.
** Raise your goblets high
Hey, Bart.
Can we lose
the entourage, Death?
** The hero has returned
Seriously,
turn your Bieber off.
He's my bard.
It gives him pleasure
to sing about my exploits.
And I can't help it
if the ladies love me.
I'm a straight pimp. What?
** He stands
beside his friends **
** With honor and with might
- ** He fills my lute
with tingles **
- Dude.
** All the day
and all the night **
Oh, wrong. Very wrong.
Fine.
Sorry, man.
This is gonna hurt me
way more than it hurts you.
[whirring]
Whoa. Is that
a new quest poster?
[Wyatt]
I think we have ourselves
a cheat code.
- [Dante] Pop it in.
- I'm way ahead of you, bud.
- Wow.
- Cool.
Just give me a second while
I can check the boards
to see what--
Leroy Jenkins!
And he jumped in.
Awesome.
Why does he always do that?
Trolls!
[Trolls growling]
- Tulta Munille.
- Tulta Munille!
[screaming]
Watch this.
Haley's vomit!
That's what I'm talking about,
Wizza!
Where are we anyway?
I could've told you if you
waited for me to look it up.
Waiting sucks.
NeverFail's one of
the most elite clans ever,
because we don't think,
we act.
[grunts]
Nice.
Cha-ching.
And done.
What?
You guys see this?
It must be a beta test level.
[Dante]
Dude, let's check it out.
Maybe it's where we find
the weapon we need
to fight Maldark.
Okay. I'm pretty sure
the location
of the all-powerful weapon
to defeat the final boss
of the game
wouldn't be all glitchy
like this.
Yeah, but it might have
a big old dragon.
- [Dante] Let's go get it.
- [Lyle] Whoa. Hold on.
[all]
Tulta Munille!
Wizza, help me lay down
some suppressive fire.
Sir, beat him down
on the inside.
Okay, on my mark.
And now!
[computer voice]
Kilauea! Kilauea!
- That's nice.
- We pull back?
[Wyatt]
No retreat.
Oh!
[laughing]
- Yeah!
- Huzzah!
Oh, gee. That deserves
something so much cooler
than a "huzzah."
- That was sweet.
- Treasure time.
[Dante]
Give me that. Come on.
Come on. Stupid beta.
I'm clicking the rod,
but it's not giving me
my lollipop.
- Weird.
- Maybe if we try it together?
[Wyatt]
Control, alt, push, guys.
[Dante]
Click harder. Click harder!
[electricity arcing]
- Huh?
- [arcing continues]
Come on.
Give up the loot.
[computer voice]
Ah, the loot.
You desire a petty trinket,
do you?
Well, on this day,
- the treasure is greater
than you could ever imagine.
- What?
Uh, the game just
respond to me?
Must be why the cave's
so janky.
Programmers were concentrating
on the interactive AI.
Cool.
Who is this AI
of whom you speak?
- Maldark?
- Can't be.
We're ten levels from
the final battle, and we
don't even have the weapon.
- Who cares? Let's get him.
- Wait!
Fools!
[Dante]
Come on.
You dare to challenge me?
Stand aside.
I must sound the horns of war
and prepare the assault
on the world
you have just
opened up for me.
- Oh, expansion pack!
- [both] Expansion pack!
So this is some sort
of viral marketing campaign.
I see.
Place the cheat code
and lure us into the cave.
Very clever, guys.
Prepare for your doom.
The conqueror of all worlds
is upon you!
[sinister laughter]
- [electricity arcing]
- Wait.
What?
[Dante]
Ah! Barbara?
**** [romantic]
What's that?
Cops.
- Sorry, Officer. We...
- [Troll growling]
[both screaming]
[Boy]
Did you see the news?
- What are you talking about?
- When bears attack, man.
[Anchorman]
Homework turned to horror
for two students.
They drove here to study
for a biology project
when their studying
was suddenly interrupted
by a terrifying bear attack.
[Boy]
It wasn't a bear, okay?
It was some type of monster
with a club and claws,
and it came out of
this portal thingy.
Why would a bear
wanna steal my cell phone?
It's nothing more than two kids
who banged up their car,
and they're looking
for an excuse to cover it up.
There are no bears
in Daventry Hills.
[Anchorman]
Police released a sketch
of the rogue bear
and ask if anyone sees it,
to please call animal control.
Sweet mother of pearl.
That's no bear.
That's a fricking troll!
What? Troll?
[chuckles]
We should fricking roll.
[Dante]
This is crazy.
[Wyatt]
What happened here?
[Lyle]
Seriously, what is going on?
[Wyatt]
Word is Maldark and his army
rolled in
and destroyed everything.
Are we sure they're not
just launching a new game
or an add-on maybe?
By enslaving and burning
and pillaging and killing off
people's characters.
Who would wanna play that?
Yeah, when you can sit at home
on your couch
and watch trolls
on the local news.
What'd you just say?
Uh, nothing.
No. No, you definitely
said something.
Okay. No, it's-- It--
This is-- Last night,
we had a power outage.
Okay? I mean--
It was nothing. May--
Maybe there was a--
Freak troll assault?
Oh, Lordy.
Where do you guys live?
America.
North.
Daventry Hills.
You gotta be kidding me.
Me, too.
Wonderful.
We're neighbors.
That's-- That's fabulous.
So should we start preparing
for our doom now?
Because I think
we just released a monster
from a video game.
- You're crazy.
- What? No way.
We need to meet.
I.R.L.
Tulta Munille.
Tulta Munille?
[chuckling]
Oh...
- Oh, come on!
- Wow!
- No, no, no! No way!
- This is unbelievable!
- Oh, man!
- Wait.
This criminal and you?
Black Death...in the flesh.
Big pimp, huh?
Which makes the QB Wizza.
You're the honorable knight,
Sir Bickle?
I guess that's just
in the game.
Awesome. We're all super-secret
computer buddies.
Let's buy a van
and solve mysteries.
[imitates Scooby-Doo laugh]
What are the odds?
Yeah. I don't know, geek,
but I'm sure you just love
to figure them out.
I'm the geek?
You're a level 68 sorcerer
who still says "huzzah."
I mean, what if your O line
knew about that?
They're never going to know.
You know what? This--
This is a waste of my time.
Yeah.
I don't think
you wanna do that.
If something's going on here,
it could get traced back to us.
Yeah, that doesn't work for me.
Okay, look,
chances are, it's nothing.
But you gotta admit,
it might be kind of cool
if it is,
right?
What are we
looking for anyway?
I don't know.
I never got my troll tracking
merit badge.
- Oh, no?
- No. How about footprints?
A trail?
[squelch]
Or that.
- Ohh.
- That's a lot of scat.
- Gross.
- It's this way.
- [creature growling]
- [animal squealing]
And it's a troll.
[belches]
[groans]
Maybe we should call the cops
or the zoo or Peter Jackson.
You know, let him
digest his pig.
That was a pig, right?
Wouldn't it be cool
if it was real?
Okay.
It's a level 2 swamp troll
from the Alpha Clan
with an apprentice war club.
Let's just bum-rush this turd
and take him out, all right?
Whoa. Hold up, Hitler.
Why are you calling
the shots now?
- Because I'm the leader.
- What?
No, you're not.
Okay, I started the clan.
I organize missions.
I solve the puzzles.
Besides, I got a bard,
four wives, and mansions
in three provinces.
So I'm pretty sure
that puts me in charge.
Okay, so what's your plan,
almighty leader?
Bum-rush the turd on three?
- Whatever.
- Great.
All right. One, two--
Leroy Jenkins!
[all yelling]
[screaming]
Retreat!
Oh!
[groaning]
Run!
[yelling]
Down! Down!
I think I literally have
a stick up my butt.
Hey, man, we need
a different game plan.
Yeah, well, switching plays
ain't gonna cut it, champ.
- All right?
Maybe if we had a weapon
- [thudding footsteps]
from the game,
we could dispatch that fool,
but...
Your mom's 3-wood?
We're gonna need
a bigger boat.
So let's get them.
- What? The weapons?
- Yeah, I admit,
okay, it might be impossible,
but think about it.
That guy got out, right?
And he's just
programming code.
Same as our weapons.
Hey, the portal.
You think there's a way
that we can reopen that?
Worth a shot.
[troll belches]
What if he can smell us, man?
What are you doing?
Man, are you hacking the game?
Okay, I'm simply doing
some packet editing
which will allow me
to scan and reconfigure
certain variables
within the program.
- What the what?
- He's hacking the game.
Why didn't you say that?
One small step for gamer,
one giant leap for gamer-kind.
Ooh!
Ooh!
Okay.
So, that's worth a "huzzah."
Huzzah.
What do you want me
to bring out?
You kidding me?
Everything, dude.
Yeah.
Whoa.
[typing]
Aah.
[whoosh]
[metallic clattering]
Yeah.
Maybe we should just stick
with our primary weapons.
Yeah.
[whirring]
Man, I don't know
how to work this thing.
How do you do it
in the game, Lyle?
Uh, I hit a function key
on my computer like
the rest of you.
Doesn't your character
say some crazy stuff
before you fire?
- Like some sort of incantation?
- No. No way.
Man, that's totally lame.
- [troll growling]
- Yeah. Come on, tough guy.
Embrace your inner geek
and cast away.
[flatulence]
Haley's vomit.
[whirring]
- [growling]
- Oh! That was a bad idea!
Why don't you say it
like you mean it next time, huh?
Work the blades and go,
"Chops a lotta!"
Hey, man, I would if I could!
- Okay?
- [roars]
It's on like Donkey Kong,
big guy!
[yells]
- I can't feel my hands!
- I can't shoot him!
This thing has, like,
a hundred types of ammo!
I don't know what's
gonna come out!
- I don't care! Just do it!
- [whirring]
What?
Come on!
- Hurry! Hurry!
- [yelling]
- [applause, cheering]
- What?
We didn't even win anything!
No!
[whirring]
- [barks]
- Ohh!
- Oh.
- A dog?
[whines]
- [panting]
- Ahh.
- [ferocious barking]
- [gasps]
[roaring]
- Yeah! Get him!
- Kill him, boy!
Haley's vomit!
[whines]
[Boys yelling]
No!
His collar!
- My bad!
- [roaring]
[Boys screaming]
- [roars]
- [Wyatt screaming]
Save the geek, save the world.
Save the geek,
save the world!
Oh, you hurt it!
That's what I do, baby.
[laughing]
[yells]
[groaning]
My arm.
[groaning continues]
Wyatt, do something, please!
- I don't wanna die, Wyatt!
- [weapon whirring]
[screaming]
Yeah, eat it, troll-holio!
Hey, is it dead?
Please be dead. Please be dead.
- [groans]
- Ew. Gross.
What are you doing?
Looting the Jolly Green Giant,
my friends.
You see?
A leather glove.
I can flip this.
- To who?
- I don't know.
The local armor?
We're not trying to level up
our characters here.
[roars]
[Boys yelling]
- Kill it!
- [yells]
Oh! Ohhh!
Whoa.
Double whoa.
I think we just sent this
back to the computer world.
Yeah.
[laughing]
- Oh.
- Ohhhh!
My old friends,
Wizza, Black Death,
and Sir Bickle.
[chuckles]
What have you done
with my scout?
We sent him packing.
Mm-hmm. We sent his
big fat avatar butt
right back
to the computer world.
Buh-buh-bye.
Arrogant fools!
You have no right
to stand in the way
of my destiny.
Prophecies written foretold
of my legend.
[breaking up]
Your powers are
no match for mine.
Soon I shall have harnessed
all the energy I need
- ...to deploy my armies-
- Sorry? What--
And I'll crush
your world comp--
Blasted place
is killing me here!
S-Sorry, "Maldork."
Looks like a glitch now.
- Time for a reboot.
- Wait.
And the crowd goes wild!
It might've been helpful
to ask him a few questions
before you bashed him away,
don't you think?
Sounded to me like
he was planning something.
Yeah, well, it's done.
Finito. Kaput.
Here you go.
Jeeves, bring the car around.
That works for me, man.
I gotta bounce.
- Peace.
- Wait. So, that's it?
We're just supposed
to go back to our normal lives?
[Dante]
Let me tell you something,
Wyatt.
Unless you can pull a Ferrari
and Megan Fox
out of that portal,
then, yeah, it's over.
[school bell ringing]
[Man] Click me
to take a survey and enter
to win a brand-new MP3 player.
Click me to take a survey
and enter to win
a brand-new MP3 player.
Click me to take
a survey and enter to win
a brand-new MP3 player.
[electricity arcing]
** A many years have seen
** The greatness and the best
- ** The knave, the rogue,
the conqueror **
- Shut up.
** Known fondly as Black Death
Yo, freak, didn't know your dad
was an elf.
[laughs]
Uh, yeah. Where's
the Renaissance Faire, loser?
[Students chattering]
Could you maybe
not do this here?
** He triumphed over evil
** Released the maiden's jewels
** He ate the hearts
and drank the blood **
- ** Of all the wizard's fools
- [beeps]
Yeah. Yep.
That's right. I got a bard.
If any of you realized
how redonkulously awesome
I was,
you would be singing
my praises, too.
Yep.
**** [romantic]
[mouths words]
Hey, Zoe, uh, sorry.
Sorry about last night.
We should probably have
a make-out--
make-up-- make-up--
redo session.
You know, you, me,
and a math book.
Oh-- Oh, he's not--
He's not gonna be there.
You're not--
You're not coming. Sorry.
Fine. But blow me off again,
and I'll ruin you more
than he just did.
Could you stop doing that?
- How did you even do that?
- [bells jingling]
Not a really--
Not a really good time.
[mutters]
Yeah!
[electricity arcing]
[car alarms blaring]
[Man]
Click me to refinance--
No, I don't wanna
refinance my home.
- Click me to refinance--
- Get away.
- [Man]
To refinance, click me--
- Ohh!
- [alarms continue blaring]
- [groans]
Beautiful things
are afoot, Dante.
I heard some seniors
even got chased in the woods
by Grim Reapers or something.
- Crazy.
- [click]
It's crazy time
out there, Wyatt,
and not just game stuff.
I swear I saw some pop-up ads
jacking some old lady in town.
That weird "click me" guy?
And the chick in the bikini.
There's a chick in a bikini
asking people to click her?
- Double click.
- Okay, okay.
It's gotta
all be connected somehow.
It's like-- It's like
when we pushed the rod in,
we let Maldark
loose in our grid.
Now he's just toying with us.
No. No, he's testing
his powers.
- Hey, look. The jock talks.
- Bite me, Wyatt.
You know, it's totally
acceptable for you
to not insult me in school.
You know what?
If I didn't insult you,
then people would actually
suspect something's up.
Like what, you're semi-human?
What happened to you?
We used to be friends.
I know it was
in elementary school,
but we had friendship bracelets.
Yeah. Whatever.
Man, I'm missing practice.
[phone beeping]
- Oh. Not good.
- What's up with that?
It's an app that detects leaks
from the computer world.
Wrote it myself.
I got two pop-up ads,
a bard, and three
mystery creatures.
What are we looking for anyway?
Eyeliner Trent
said Grim Reapers.
Ghouls. Nasty.
Lyle, don't you have
a "find undead" spell?
Hey, jackhammer.
He's talking to you.
Gratefully Undeadicus.
[whirring]
Oh...
**** [bard whistling]
You've gotta ditch that dude.
I would, but it's kind of nice
having someone around here
who knows that I crush it.
- Yo, Wizza.
- Lyle.
[whispering]
Lyle, I'm thinking
something fire or air-based.
Ghouls are highly susceptible
to elemental--
Dude, I got a curfew.
Right. Perimeter positions.
Tulta Munille, guys.
Tulta Munille.
** When minions at the show--
[muffled singing]
Guys.
[clatter]
[growls]
- [grunting]
- **** [suspenseful]
[grunting continues]
Whoa!
Stay back!
- [growls]
- [Blast-a-ton whirring]
Hi-yah!
[groaning]
Sorry. There's no auto-aim.
[whirring stops]
[groaning]
Do something!
[yells]
Agh!
[yelling]
- [ghoul groaning]
- [screaming]
Nice one, Lyle.
Fujita bonita!
[sinister laughter]
[grunting]
Ow!
Owww!
Whoo!
[grunts]
Man!
[chuckling]
[grunts]
[Wyatt]
Stop him!
Yes!
[laughs]
Why do you peasants
insist on tormenting
my minions?
Why do you insist
on sending them?
I conquer all worlds.
'Tis what I do.
Resistance is futile,
for soon I will be able
to harness
all the energy necessary
to leave this pathetic realm
and unleash my armies in full.
[yells]
[Lyle crying out]
[Wyatt]
Drop it! Drop it!
- [panting]
- Cool?
- Uh, yeah.
- Okay.
- Oh, man.
- [rattle]
And cut! All right.
That's a keeper.
Hey, sorry about that,
little guy.
We're just, uh, making
a hidden camera short
for the Inter-Webs.
Uh, great job, by the way.
Talk about Drama Club.
- Yeah.
- A.P.
Yeah. Are you cool
to be in it?
Great, man.
I love the team spirit.
You are a star, okay?
I'll see you in the halls.
You little A-lister.
- Good thinking.
- Yeah.
Okay.
** Once again we see *
** How evil, it hath fled
** Shut him up, get rid of him
before I break his head **
I'm serious, Wyatt.
Drop the hippie. He could've
gotten us killed.
Okay.
I'll get rid of him
as soon as you
stop acting like a madman.
You gotta think
before you act.
There's no re-spawn
in real life.
Come on.
Man up.
Honestly, man, this--
this is gonna hurt.
Dude, I feareth.
- [whirring]
- Look, a vampire bat.
[blast]
[Dante laughing]
He turns into cards. Wow.
We're doing better,
but they're getting stronger.
So how do we get off this ride?
Just log on
and take down Maldark there.
Not an option.
We don't have the weapon
to take him out.
We need Max Ross.
- You're nuts.
- He created the game.
We all know he lives in orbit
on his own space station.
That's an urban legend.
He's in cryogenic freeze
under Bill Gates' house.
Okay, guys.
His company has a server farm
right near here.
- Okay? We can find him.
- [beeps]
In the meantime, we just need
to destroy whatever leaks.
As long as my mom
doesn't destroy me first.
I gotta go. I'm sorry.
I really gotta go.
Really?
It's after curfew.
You didn't call.
You didn't answer your cell.
Hey, I looked into
your homework file.
You haven't even started
the essay that's due tomorrow.
Strike two.
Dude-- Barbara-- Mom--
You want strike three?
Who's Max Ross?
Just-- Just a guy
that I'm doing a report on.
- You're acting suspicious.
- Hmm.
I suspect you.
[beeping]
** Whoa *
[Anchorman]
Residents of Daventry Hils
are once again on pins
and needles
after a recent series
of bizarre events
rocked this normally
tranquil town.
Whatever it was
tore the satellite dish
off my RV,
tried to eat my tool shed,
and left a crop circle
in my pachysandra.
The mayor's office continues
to receive reports
of other odd incidents,
including sporadic
power outages.
The power company
and local police insist
none of the events
appear to be related.
- Do we have to?
- We have to.
** A-one for the money
and a-two for the show *
** A-three to be a leged
even if I'm poor **
** I ain't chasin' nothi',
you gonna have to catch me *
[explosion]
It's okay.
She probably
had a virus anyway.
* I'm the bomb
and about to blow up *
* I'm the bomb and about
to blow up, whoa *
[Anchorman]
Late last night,
members of a local scout troop
filmed strange explosios
in the Daventry Hills
Campground.
It's an alien invasion.
Lock up your women.
[phone beeping]
Oh, boy.
** I'm the bomb
and about to blow up **
** I'm the bomb
and about to blow up **
** I'm the bomb
and about to blow up **
[roars]
[all yelling]
** The devil's been
in downtown for too long *
** I feel the sun rising
all up in my bones *
[phone beeping]
There seems to be
no end in sight
to the strange occurrences
in Daventry Hills.
Reporting live
outside Xander's
Computer World, Te--
This campaign speech
is killing me.
Why don't you
just write it from your heart?
Remember when we used
to play that card game,
Ani-Warriors, at recess?
And that one time,
those fifth graders
came up and said that
Ani-Warriors was for babies.
You stood up to them.
You gave them that
awesome speech
about how cool the game was,
and if they ever had a chance
to take down
an armored Zebra Tank
with a Rolling Wombat,
they'd know better.
Seconds later,
they were playing, too.
You can still do that.
[sighs]
No, I can't.
Why not?
Because I'm not a child, Wyatt.
There's expectations,
implications.
There's gonna be a lot
of people watching.
Maybe you should
just write down whatever
you think they wanna hear.
You're really great with that.
[typing]
What?
What?
I think I just found Max Ross,
and he's practically
in our backyard.
You think this guy's
gonna be cool with us
just rolling up on his McCastle?
Absolutely not.
But it's not like we
really have a choice, right?
Right.
[Man]
No solicitors!
You have two seconds
to vacate the premises
before I unleash the hounds.
[scoffs]
Hounds.
We're not selling anything.
We need to speak to Mr. Ross
about Maldark.
Max Ross doesn't do autograph,
he doesn't give free hints,
- ...and he won't do interviews
for any lame geek-boy fansite.
- Lame? That's it.
- I'm done with this guy.
- [yells]
- [grunts]
- [yells]
How did you do that?
You with DARPA, huh?
You with the feds?
I know you've been after me
for years, man.
You've been scanning my brain.
I have heard the helicopters,
and I have seen the chem trails!
- Yeah, that's-- that's not us.
- [whirring]
Then how?
Level 65 door-be-gone spell.
Using a...Thunder Pole?
- Such a--
- Yeah.
Don't touch me.
Thank you.
Huge fan. Not touching.
No, no.
You don't understand.
I mean, whatever caused
these anomalies
didn't come from
within my game,
it came from without.
- Don't touch that!
- But Maldark seems to be
controlling everything.
Probably is.
- He's a brilliantly programmed
evil genius,
- [crash]
thank you very much,
seizing a golden opportunity
to act on his core objective--
conquer all worlds.
And guess which world is next.
Ours?
Rhetorical, idiot.
Of course ours.
You mean that dragon we slayed
was some sort of
in-game visualization
of the firewall?
So that means
when we pushed the rod in--
You opened up a gateway
for Maldark's computer world
to our world.
Hard to believe,
but he might be an even better
programmer than I am.
Wait. He thinks
he's a programmer?
Have you even played the game?
- Yeah. Of course.
- Yeah.
Rhetorical.
No, lightweight.
He thinks he's a wizard
manipulating magic.
From the sounds of it,
I'd say you only have
a few days
before he finds
a computing power source
juiced up enough
for him and his army
to come out and join the fun.
- [cow lows]
- [Wyatt] This orb
must be some sort of sensor
that guides him
to the portal's hot spots.
Figured you were the smart one
since you didn't get the looks.
Thanks?
So then that's what the ghouls
were looking for at the school.
Ghouls? They didn't suck
anyone's soul out, did they?
- [cow passes gas, lows]
- No.
Good. Don't ever let them
suck anyone's soul.
- What?
- Do you realize that your game
is trying to destroy our world?
You know, you say that
like it's a bad thing.
What? Look, in my world,
people are forced into action
and become heroes,
and they are properly rewarded
for their hard work.
Out here, life is boring,
life isn't fair,
and life blows hot chunks.
Besides, while I'd agree
that Maldark is a cruel
and blood-thirsty leader,
he's also incredibly efficient.
I mean, sure,
those of us he doesn't kill
will be enslaved.
- [laughs]
- Can't you just shut
the server farm down
and end this?
And interrupt the gameplay
of tens of thousands
of subscribers?
A pox on you
for suggesting such a thing.
Not that it would
have any effect.
He's no longer confined
to the game.
Haven't seen any sign of him
for a few days now.
He's kind of just...
floating out there.
[Boys gasp]
Do you think
he'll wanna meet me?
[shells clattering]
Ten. Okay.
Stop the car.
Stop. Stop it!
[tires screech]
[growls]
Wait. Wait!
[yelling, faint]
Here you go.
- [troll growling]
- [Dante yells]
Come on!
Take that one! Take this one!
- [electricity arcing]
- How do you like that, fat boy?
What are you doing?
Come on.
Let's just go.
Selling the idea
of family values
is tough when the whole family
doesn't show for the event.
Dad, I'm so sorry.
- I mean, if I could--
- Stop.
No more foul-ups.
Now, this is a close race,
and the outcome
affects your future
as much as it does mine.
So I need you to step it up,
especially on that
half-time speech.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
Yeah, nice play there,
Carter, man.
[Players chattering]
- I'm out.
- What?
Lee's car was strike three.
- I leave in a week.
- Wait.
Okay, you can't quit.
We still have--
My mom is crying, Wyatt.
All right?
I'm not a hero.
[scoffs]
I'm a disaster.
Even when I try
to do what's right,
I still screw it up.
- Yeah, I'm out, too.
- Are you kidding me?
- Because I know
we can still do this.
- Do what?
Have our lives
completely ruined?
If that's what it takes.
Truth is,
in a couple days,
we might not even have lives
left to ruin.
Maldark's coming.
Oh, fine.
I just think
if we were in the game,
we wouldn't give up.
We'd put our heads together
and start acting like a clan--
Man, but this isn't
the game, geek.
And there is no clan.
Don't you get it?
It's over.
Let someone else
figure it out.
- [electricity arcing]
- [thud]
[heavy breathing]
[gasping]
[growling]
Sprague?
[roars]
Don't touch me.
[creature growling]
What are you weirdoes
up to now?
[beeps]
Oh, my God.
[whip cracks]
Oh, my God.
Yo, there's a splotch-free
cupcake at the door for you.
- There's a who's-a-what's-it?
- A chiquita.
I know.
I'm as surprised as you are,
but if you don't jump on this,
I'm breaking out
my birthday money
and making it rain.
[stammers]
Tell me I'm hallucinating.
Tell me that I didn't just film
a bunch of...
I don't even know
what to call them.
Running off with that guy
from your report.
Because you know what?
That is exactly
what it looks like,
and it is really
freaking me out.
You're hallucinating.
I am not.
You're involved, aren't you?
I knew it.
- What's going on, Wyatt?
- [stammering]
- [imitates stammering]
- Oh-- Fine.
Sprague and his Imperial Council
of level 75 Dread Orcs
just kidnapped Max Ross,
the creator
of Conqueror of All Worlds,
which means that Maldark's
not far behind.
Which is why
they probably need Max.
To open the final portal.
I'm gonna need
a nerd translation
for that, please.
Where were they headed?
Uh, uh, towards that giant
warehouse near my neighborhood.
- You know...
- The server farm on Dover Road.
Of course.
- Thanks for the tip.
- Uh-uh.
Ow! That's a pressure point.
- Don't even go there,
'cause I will own you.
- [cracking]
- Ah.
- Who's Sprague? Who's Maldark?
And don't tell me
they're exchange students.
I'll explain on the way.
Forget the town, all right?
He can have it.
This ain't my home anymore.
At least according to my mom.
I can't do this without you.
You know that.
You can't do it with me either.
- That's a terrible attitude.
- Who brought the N.P.C.?
"N.P.C." What--
Is that, like, what, an insult?
Insulted.
Look, I did my part,
and it didn't work out.
Just go.
You know, you're not
just a knight in the game.
I know I said that,
but everything you've done
since then has been selfless.
I mean, think about it.
You always put yourself
right in the face of danger.
You risked your own life
to save mine with the troll,
right?
You even sacrificed yourself
to save a guy you hate,
then took the fall for it
even though you knew
it was gonna happen.
You're not a screw-up, Dante.
You're a bona fide knight.
That being said,
if I get hit with
a Rectal Firecracker spell,
I take it all back.
You had me
at "rectal firecracker."
All right. I want to see
11 guarded jerseys
on top of the ball carrier
on this kickoff.
I want you to knock
the tar out of those guys
and set the tone.
- Lyle.
- Show them what we're--
What the hell you doing in here?
Just wanna show the guys support
before the big game.
- Right, Dante?
- Yeah! Go, Spartans!
- It's Trojans.
- [Player] Yeah.
Get out. We any good?
Uh, they're with me, Coach.
Uh, group project.
All right. Listen up.
I want you hustling back...
What are you guys thinking?
Max has been kidnapped
by Sprague.
Maldark's about to come out.
Mass hysteria and mayhem
are imminent.
Too bad.
I told you guys, man, I'm done.
- I can't do this anymore.
- And we can?
Dude, this is much bigger
than us.
Like "end of the world" bigger.
Like "frogs are raining
from the sky" bigger,
except these frogs
are six feet tall, carry spears,
and eat human hearts
like candy, okay?
[Coach]
Hugginson, hustle up!
Look, I can't help you.
How many times
do I have to say it?
I'm done.
You're not just a mage
in the game.
I know.
And you probably think that...
And it's the...
- Rectal Firecracker?
- Forget it.
[sighs]
I guess it's just the two of us.
Wait. What?
Oh, no. I'm in.
Uh, hello.
You're one body short.
And I can handle myself.
I've got three brothers
and a black belt in Krav Maga.
What?
It's gonna take more
than Jewish karate to put a hurt
on these guys.
Besides, you need a weapon
from the game if you wanna
come close to beating them.
I'm sorry.
- Maybe, uh, if she wore this.
- Come on.
Great idea. Why doesn't she
just slap them to death?
- What? It might work.
- It's not gonna do it.
How's that thing ever--
[Dante laughs]
That's hot.
- That'll work.
- [clangs]
- Aw! Damn!
- Sorry. Hah.
[quiet whistles]
[beeps]
[Wyatt]
He's forcing Max to draw power
from the server farm
and build a mega portal
for Maldark.
Okay. Sneak in and rescue Max
before he can finish
building the portal.
If Maldark gets out,
things are gonna get ugly.
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
- [whistle blows]
- [Players] Break!
[Players shouting]
3, 7, hike!
- [Players grunting]
- [crowd cheering]
[both]
Tulta Munille!
Battle cry? Really?
[growling]
Tall and ugly.
- [yelling]
- [clangs]
- Ow!
- Huh?
[growling]
[Cheerleaders]
Trojans, fight, fight, fight!
[whistle blows]
- [growling continues]
- [screams]
Ow!
[yells]
[laughs]
I killed it!
[laughing]
Or something.
Nice. Nice.
- Let's move.
- All right.
- **** [marching band]
- [Cheerleaders whooping]
Get your head in the game.
Hey, don't sweat it.
You're a closer,
just like your dad.
It's not that.
- It's nothing.
- [crowd cheering]
Thank you all for coming out
and supporting the team.
Being that the second half
looks like it's going to be
a nail-biter,
I don't wanna keep my son
out here any longer
than necessary.
But he did wanna say
a few things to you
before he headed in.
Lyle.
- Yeah, I, uh...
- [microphone feedback]
I just wanted
to let everyone know
how much Daventry Hills
means to me and the family.
- And, um...
- [whooshing]
[electricity arcing]
And that--
that's why...
I gotta go.
I mean, I'm sorry
about the fumbles
and the interception,
but my head's just
not in it today, and...
You know what?
Sometimes there's
more important things in life
than just football
and popularity
and campaign speeches--
Whoa. This isn't
a campaign speech, son.
- That would be unfair.
- Like sticking by your friends,
doing what's right,
and being true
to who you really are.
And that means me
telling all of you
that I love geeking out
to video games.
- [laughter]
- I always have.
And even though it may not
help me get ahead in life
or make me cool,
I'm proud of the fact
that I have
a level 68 Sorcerer
in Conqueror of All Worls
named Wizza,
who casts
some pretty awesome spells
out of his Thunder Pole.
[crickets chirping]
[quiet murmuring]
Okay, I just said that.
I should probably go.
So...thanks,
and vote for my dad.
- **** [marching band]
- [murmuring]
- [beeping]
- [creature growls]
Yeah, yeah. Got it.
- [growls louder]
- Okay. Zzzt.
Agh!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Completely unnecessary,
thank you.
[roaring]
[growling]
[growls]
This isn't good.
[growling continues]
Ow!
- He replicated.
- Let her go!
Yeah. What he said, jerk.
- [screams]
- No!
You don't know
if you can get out.
Angie's in trouble.
[yells]
Ohh!
What-- What--
Oh, no.
Oh, this is not good.
Uh, I'm pixilated.
Awesome.
Wyatt, get me outta here!
Angie?
Oh, no! No!
Wyatt, look out!
- Yo!
- Can't stop it!
- [roars]
- A level 65 Craven
Snowman of the North.
So not good.
- [Angie] Oh, no! No! Duck!
- [roars]
[grunting]
Whoa!
What's up, el gordo?
You ready to throw down or what?
[laughs]
Come on!
Give me that horn!
[yelling]
Yeah!
[grunts]
[Angie]
Wyatt!
Please, please
get me outta here!
- [roaring]
- Get me outta here!
Do something!
Wyatt!
Wait! Look out!
No retreat! Aah!
- You did it!
- Yeah!
[sighs]
Huzzah.
Please, wait, wait!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Potty-breakus!
[beeping]
- [growls]
- Agh!
Hurry! Get me outta here
before that-- that thing closes!
Come on! Come on, Angie!
- Go! Go! Go! Come on!
- [grunting]
- It's not working!
- Go!
Yeah.
What happened to your team?
Man, this is my team.
Hey, where's Wyatt?
Forget me.
Just save yourself.
- I'm not leaving without you.
- I can't believe
I'm in a video game.
I don't even play video games.
[yelling]
[chuckles]
You did it.
- [clears throat]
- Hey.
It's nice to have you back.
Hey, uh,
nice to have you back.
Let's level up
and beat this final boss.
- [beeps]
- [growling]
- Agh!
- Max, shut it down!
It's too late.
I'm sorry.
- [sinister laughter]
- Don't touch me.
[laughter continues]
Ohhh!
[roaring]
[all yelling]
[whimpering]
Ah.
A welcoming party?
Splendid!
But I bear no gifts.
Oh. Yes, I do!
[all yelling]
- [beeping]
- Are you nuts?
It's due on Tuesday, okay?
No. Wait.
You're real?
Touch me not!
But I created you.
[mocking with gibberish]
I allowed you to create me,
and what a disappointment
you've shown yourself to be.
To think I was going to make you
my number one slave.
Now you'll be lucky
if I grant you the honor
of being
my number two footstool.
Okay, you don't talk
to me like that, all right?
You're out of the sequel.
- Silence!
- [yelling]
Ooh!
If we can take down Maldark
and put him back in the game,
will you be able
to rebuild the firewall?
[scoffs]
[laughs]
- Maybe.
- Make it happen.
We need to trap him for good
before he builds a portal
for his army.
- [Maldark laughing]
- Max, let us know
when the firewall's ready.
- [laughing continues]
- Tulta Munille.
[Lyle, Dante]
Tulta Munille.
Liza Minnelli.
Whatever.
No. We got this.
Just-- Just make sure
to keep us in focus, all right?
Okay. Careful.
Now let's send
this psycho wizard
back to his game.
On three, we throw everything
we got at him.
One,
two, three.
- Kilauea!
- Wait!
Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
- Back to the game. The game.
In the game,
we can only kill him
with the ultimate weapon.
- Max, how do we get it?
- I told you, no free hints.
- Max!
- Dude!
Fine! But if you tell anyone,
I will sue you.
Every player
has a weapon in the game
when they first join the game--
the weapon
that becomes more powerful
as their character does.
Thunder Pole.
- Blast-a-ton.
- Skull Cracker.
The clan needs to forge them
in the fire of a mighty sorcerer
to create
an all-powerful weapon.
Once they do, they get one shot
and one shot only
to destroy Maldark.
- And if we miss?
- [chuckles] Don't.
Just a little side note, though.
If you do succeed
in hitting him,
the concussion of the blast
will most likely kill you.
And when I say "most likely,"
I mean most definitely.
- What?
- That's how the game ends.
You become rogue martyrs.
It's poetic.
No, that's not poetic.
That's dark and weird, okay?
Guys, there must be,
like, another way.
You don't have to do that,
right?
[Maldark continues laughing]
- [whispering
in foreign language]
- [whirring]
It was fun playing
with you guys.
Yeah.
- NeverFail--
- [Lyle, Dante] NeverFail.
[yells]
Epic, right?
You're welcome.
How do we drive this thing?
I don't think we do.
[motor starts]
[mechanical hum]
[Maldark continues laughing]
Yeah!
- [typing]
- Ready, Max?
Just hold on a sec.
Almost there.
That's the stuff.
[laughing]
Subjugation
is at hand!
[laughing]
- Uh, anytime now, Max.
- Not yet.
- We can't wait!
- It's not ready!
[Wyatt]
We have to fire now!
- [grunts]
- [whirring]
[laughing]
**** [disco]
What?
- **** [continues]
- Yeah. I like that.
**** [speeding up]
Really?
Oh, no!
- It's got him!
- Yeah!
[singsong voice]
It's almost there.
Noooo!
[yelling]
[all yelling]
[beeps]
Guys? Come on, guys.
Guys, don't die.
Wyatt. Wyatt!
Don't you die, Wyatt!
Don't you die!
Ow!
- Did you keep me in focus?
- [chuckling]
[groaning]
You did it.
You really did it.
[groaning continues]
You were supposed to die.
You can't program people, Max.
Yet.
- Is he gone?
- [Max] He's gone.
And the firewall's back up.
Epic win.
[all laughing]
Look, truth is,
your son was helping me
with some motion capture work
on my latest project.
I mean, in hindsight,
perhaps destroying someone's car
without their permission--
not the brightest of ideas.
But once I explain everything
to the vice principal
and show him a bunch
of shiny car catalogs,
I'm sure he'll be
a bit more understanding.
You have to realize
your son is one of
the noblest knights--
- Kids.
- Kids that I have ever seen.
This town's lucky to have him
looking after it.
- I mean, living here.
- I always felt he just needed
to take ownership
of his skill sets
and channel his impulsivity.
We all have
our coping mechanisms.
Well, uh, if you promise
to stay out of trouble,
and Mr. Ross can vouch for you,
you can go back to strike two.
Right. Well, uh,
I should get going
before the NSA triangulates
my position.
Uh, I would hug you all,
but you know where
I stand on that.
So, uh, memory card,
little lady.
- What?
- Yeah.
No. No, no, no. No, no.
I risked my life for this.
Okay, I got trapped
in a video game.
That stuff gets out,
and you know whose lives
get ruined, right?
[Wyatt, Lyle]
It's rhetorical.
Thank you, guys.
Is the Quiz Bowl team
still available?
Yeah.
If they let me back on.
Mm...
**** [rap]
** I hear the what *
** Talkin' like a rap star
** Drivin' in a fast car
Look at that.
- Oh, my...
- What?
** Take a little heat *
[Woman chuckling]
Think we'll ever
play the game again?
You know, after living it?
- Absolutely.
- I'm in.
Well, Tulta Munille, boys.
Tulta Munille.
Wow.
[chuckles]
So, uh, uh, text me
about something sometime.
O-Okay.
- Oooh!
- Oooh!
What is going on over there?
So you guys wanna
go grab a bite at Deckard's?
You mean, like,
all of us together?
Might ruin your rep.
My rep's already ruined, guys.
Welcome to my life.
- Come on.
- Shotgun!
Things have returned to normal
here in Daventry Hills
as the strange disturbances
of the past few weeks
have subsided
almost as quickly
and mysteriously
as they arrived.
Local authorities continue
to deny any correlation
between the recent blackout
and the odd events.
The cause of
the unexplained phenomena
that wracked this town
remains just that--
unexplained.
Reporting from a peaceful
Main Street,
I'm Tex Thatcher.
[sinister laughter]
[sinister laughter continues]
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
**** [dance]
** And when I'm at work,
they think I'm a jerk **
* But I'm down to get it done
Say What?
** Don't need to talk back
or overreact **
** Homie, hold your tongue
** I got it under control
** I got it under control
[Electronic Voice]
Launch procedure.
[gasps]
Five, four...
three,
two...
one...
Launch.
[school bell ringing]
[grunts]
Ahh--
Oh, sorry, Angie.
Sorry.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- Nice one, Wyatt.
- Making a movie?
- Yeah.
Sociology project.
I have to make a short film
on a unique and interesting
aspect of high school life,
if I can just figure out how
to work that thing or settle
on a subject matter.
- You know?
- White balance was maxed out.
Oh. Thanks.
I don't know if you knew,
but I'm captain of
the three-peat State Champ
Quiz Bowl team.
You should, um, do it on us.
Like a tribute film.
You know, I would,
but four people in my class
have already asked
for that topic.
- Really?
- No.
It doesn't really meet
the interesting requirement.
Sorry.
Wha-hoo!
[whoops]
How do you like me now?
[whooping]
Yeah-- Ohh!
[grunting]
- [students chattering]
- Whoo!
Yeah! You see that?
Dark emotions.
You get that shot?
[Boy]
Yeah.
Dante,
you want some attention?
- [whistling]
- No, I'm good.
- My office, now.
- You got it, V.P.
Trust me, the Quizinators
are way more interesting
than they look.
** I'm the one, the ace,
the only **
** I'm the king *
** I'm the one, the ace,
the only **
** I'm the king,
ooh, yeah **
Yo, Lyle, what'd you think
of that game last night?
Aw, man, it was sweet.
I slayed, like, three
gargantuan--
You slayed?
[scoffs]
You're not still playing
that lame video game,
Nerd Quest, or whatever?
What? N-- No.
I meant I watched Manning
slay the Jets'
gargantuan secondary.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Confident? Please.
The only real threat
is Council Rock Tech,
and they're, like, a clan
of level 6 Newbs
trying to raid
an Elite Orc Camp
in desperate search
for the Pouting Rod, okay?
Everybody knows you gotta be
level 45 to do that.
Hold on.
- [grunts]
- [scoffs]
Zoe, uh, we still on
for that thing later tonight?
If by "that thing,"
you mean you tutoring me
while my dad pays you,
then yes.
Sweet.
Um, I was thinking maybe...
Yeah, she said no.
- Why, actually--
- Uh, no means no, dweeb.
So you should quit
with the stalking and get.
- Hey, freak.
- Mannequin.
- Knob.
- Chafe.
Good one, Dante.
Die, quiz clown.
All righty.
He jests.
When I get into high school,
I'm gonna cheat.
Not if you wanna go to MIT.
You don't have to spell it.
Besides, I'm going
to a party school.
How come you're such a drag?
I have plenty of fun, okay?
Not with humans.
Here's an idea.
Shelly Nolan.
She's a human.
A little splotchy
but gettable.
It's a start.
Yeah. Unfortunately,
girls treat me
like I'm
a Maniacal Banshee of Death,
which would be great
if I wanted to date
a White-maned Wolveress,
but not so great if I was
dating an actual person.
Look, can you just go to sleep
and let me get my game on
so I can be appreciated
somewhere for an hour?
Shelly Nolan, dude.
Don't mind the back brace.
Blast-a-ton.
[typing]
What's up, ladies?
That's right.
Black Death is back.
There he is.
How's the world's best
half-time speech writer doing?
He's, uh-- He's doing.
Good. Glad to hear it.
You're not playing
that game again, are you?
Lyle, let me tell you something.
Nobody ever made it
to the end of their life
and said, "I wish I were
a bigger nerd."
Just trying to help.
Oh, and don't forget.
I need you
at the rally next week
down at the dealership.
I'm trying out
the new slogan.
"Hugginson for mayor,
a family man
you can wrap your arms around."
That means the family
represents, okay?
Good talk.
[door closes]
[typing]
Thunder Pole.
What's up, Black Death?
Where's Bickle at?
[sighs]
I thought we had a contract.
That you forced me into,
Barbara,
after I shaved the class bunny
in third grade.
It's "Mom," and don't deflect.
This is about
your impulse issues.
- And the contract--
- Is over seven years old.
I signed it in crayon.
Look, I know you think
everything is a big joke,
but I am juggling brochures
from five different
boarding schools right now.
All of them would be more
than happy to help you
- ...with your self-control
problems...
- And take your money.
if you hit three strikes.
Now, how's the homework?
- Is it done?
- What homework?
Oh, my God. Computer off.
Get to work.
Game on.
Skull Cracker.
Yeah!
[Lyle]
You're late, Bickle.
[Dante]
Yeah, my bad. My bad.
- I was just--
- [Wyatt] Whoa. Whoa.
Zip it, okay?
No sharing of personal
details ever. Ruin the whole
dynamic of the game.
I was just gonna say
I was busy making out
with your mom.
- [laughs]
- [Wyatt] Rule number 4:
If you're gonna slam another
player, at least be funny
and not use a joke
my dad used in the '80s.
** Raise your goblets high
Hey, Bart.
Can we lose
the entourage, Death?
** The hero has returned
Seriously,
turn your Bieber off.
He's my bard.
It gives him pleasure
to sing about my exploits.
And I can't help it
if the ladies love me.
I'm a straight pimp. What?
** He stands
beside his friends **
** With honor and with might
- ** He fills my lute
with tingles **
- Dude.
** All the day
and all the night **
Oh, wrong. Very wrong.
Fine.
Sorry, man.
This is gonna hurt me
way more than it hurts you.
[whirring]
Whoa. Is that
a new quest poster?
[Wyatt]
I think we have ourselves
a cheat code.
- [Dante] Pop it in.
- I'm way ahead of you, bud.
- Wow.
- Cool.
Just give me a second while
I can check the boards
to see what--
Leroy Jenkins!
And he jumped in.
Awesome.
Why does he always do that?
Trolls!
[Trolls growling]
- Tulta Munille.
- Tulta Munille!
[screaming]
Watch this.
Haley's vomit!
That's what I'm talking about,
Wizza!
Where are we anyway?
I could've told you if you
waited for me to look it up.
Waiting sucks.
NeverFail's one of
the most elite clans ever,
because we don't think,
we act.
[grunts]
Nice.
Cha-ching.
And done.
What?
You guys see this?
It must be a beta test level.
[Dante]
Dude, let's check it out.
Maybe it's where we find
the weapon we need
to fight Maldark.
Okay. I'm pretty sure
the location
of the all-powerful weapon
to defeat the final boss
of the game
wouldn't be all glitchy
like this.
Yeah, but it might have
a big old dragon.
- [Dante] Let's go get it.
- [Lyle] Whoa. Hold on.
[all]
Tulta Munille!
Wizza, help me lay down
some suppressive fire.
Sir, beat him down
on the inside.
Okay, on my mark.
And now!
[computer voice]
Kilauea! Kilauea!
- That's nice.
- We pull back?
[Wyatt]
No retreat.
Oh!
[laughing]
- Yeah!
- Huzzah!
Oh, gee. That deserves
something so much cooler
than a "huzzah."
- That was sweet.
- Treasure time.
[Dante]
Give me that. Come on.
Come on. Stupid beta.
I'm clicking the rod,
but it's not giving me
my lollipop.
- Weird.
- Maybe if we try it together?
[Wyatt]
Control, alt, push, guys.
[Dante]
Click harder. Click harder!
[electricity arcing]
- Huh?
- [arcing continues]
Come on.
Give up the loot.
[computer voice]
Ah, the loot.
You desire a petty trinket,
do you?
Well, on this day,
- the treasure is greater
than you could ever imagine.
- What?
Uh, the game just
respond to me?
Must be why the cave's
so janky.
Programmers were concentrating
on the interactive AI.
Cool.
Who is this AI
of whom you speak?
- Maldark?
- Can't be.
We're ten levels from
the final battle, and we
don't even have the weapon.
- Who cares? Let's get him.
- Wait!
Fools!
[Dante]
Come on.
You dare to challenge me?
Stand aside.
I must sound the horns of war
and prepare the assault
on the world
you have just
opened up for me.
- Oh, expansion pack!
- [both] Expansion pack!
So this is some sort
of viral marketing campaign.
I see.
Place the cheat code
and lure us into the cave.
Very clever, guys.
Prepare for your doom.
The conqueror of all worlds
is upon you!
[sinister laughter]
- [electricity arcing]
- Wait.
What?
[Dante]
Ah! Barbara?
**** [romantic]
What's that?
Cops.
- Sorry, Officer. We...
- [Troll growling]
[both screaming]
[Boy]
Did you see the news?
- What are you talking about?
- When bears attack, man.
[Anchorman]
Homework turned to horror
for two students.
They drove here to study
for a biology project
when their studying
was suddenly interrupted
by a terrifying bear attack.
[Boy]
It wasn't a bear, okay?
It was some type of monster
with a club and claws,
and it came out of
this portal thingy.
Why would a bear
wanna steal my cell phone?
It's nothing more than two kids
who banged up their car,
and they're looking
for an excuse to cover it up.
There are no bears
in Daventry Hills.
[Anchorman]
Police released a sketch
of the rogue bear
and ask if anyone sees it,
to please call animal control.
Sweet mother of pearl.
That's no bear.
That's a fricking troll!
What? Troll?
[chuckles]
We should fricking roll.
[Dante]
This is crazy.
[Wyatt]
What happened here?
[Lyle]
Seriously, what is going on?
[Wyatt]
Word is Maldark and his army
rolled in
and destroyed everything.
Are we sure they're not
just launching a new game
or an add-on maybe?
By enslaving and burning
and pillaging and killing off
people's characters.
Who would wanna play that?
Yeah, when you can sit at home
on your couch
and watch trolls
on the local news.
What'd you just say?
Uh, nothing.
No. No, you definitely
said something.
Okay. No, it's-- It--
This is-- Last night,
we had a power outage.
Okay? I mean--
It was nothing. May--
Maybe there was a--
Freak troll assault?
Oh, Lordy.
Where do you guys live?
America.
North.
Daventry Hills.
You gotta be kidding me.
Me, too.
Wonderful.
We're neighbors.
That's-- That's fabulous.
So should we start preparing
for our doom now?
Because I think
we just released a monster
from a video game.
- You're crazy.
- What? No way.
We need to meet.
I.R.L.
Tulta Munille.
Tulta Munille?
[chuckling]
Oh...
- Oh, come on!
- Wow!
- No, no, no! No way!
- This is unbelievable!
- Oh, man!
- Wait.
This criminal and you?
Black Death...in the flesh.
Big pimp, huh?
Which makes the QB Wizza.
You're the honorable knight,
Sir Bickle?
I guess that's just
in the game.
Awesome. We're all super-secret
computer buddies.
Let's buy a van
and solve mysteries.
[imitates Scooby-Doo laugh]
What are the odds?
Yeah. I don't know, geek,
but I'm sure you just love
to figure them out.
I'm the geek?
You're a level 68 sorcerer
who still says "huzzah."
I mean, what if your O line
knew about that?
They're never going to know.
You know what? This--
This is a waste of my time.
Yeah.
I don't think
you wanna do that.
If something's going on here,
it could get traced back to us.
Yeah, that doesn't work for me.
Okay, look,
chances are, it's nothing.
But you gotta admit,
it might be kind of cool
if it is,
right?
What are we
looking for anyway?
I don't know.
I never got my troll tracking
merit badge.
- Oh, no?
- No. How about footprints?
A trail?
[squelch]
Or that.
- Ohh.
- That's a lot of scat.
- Gross.
- It's this way.
- [creature growling]
- [animal squealing]
And it's a troll.
[belches]
[groans]
Maybe we should call the cops
or the zoo or Peter Jackson.
You know, let him
digest his pig.
That was a pig, right?
Wouldn't it be cool
if it was real?
Okay.
It's a level 2 swamp troll
from the Alpha Clan
with an apprentice war club.
Let's just bum-rush this turd
and take him out, all right?
Whoa. Hold up, Hitler.
Why are you calling
the shots now?
- Because I'm the leader.
- What?
No, you're not.
Okay, I started the clan.
I organize missions.
I solve the puzzles.
Besides, I got a bard,
four wives, and mansions
in three provinces.
So I'm pretty sure
that puts me in charge.
Okay, so what's your plan,
almighty leader?
Bum-rush the turd on three?
- Whatever.
- Great.
All right. One, two--
Leroy Jenkins!
[all yelling]
[screaming]
Retreat!
Oh!
[groaning]
Run!
[yelling]
Down! Down!
I think I literally have
a stick up my butt.
Hey, man, we need
a different game plan.
Yeah, well, switching plays
ain't gonna cut it, champ.
- All right?
Maybe if we had a weapon
- [thudding footsteps]
from the game,
we could dispatch that fool,
but...
Your mom's 3-wood?
We're gonna need
a bigger boat.
So let's get them.
- What? The weapons?
- Yeah, I admit,
okay, it might be impossible,
but think about it.
That guy got out, right?
And he's just
programming code.
Same as our weapons.
Hey, the portal.
You think there's a way
that we can reopen that?
Worth a shot.
[troll belches]
What if he can smell us, man?
What are you doing?
Man, are you hacking the game?
Okay, I'm simply doing
some packet editing
which will allow me
to scan and reconfigure
certain variables
within the program.
- What the what?
- He's hacking the game.
Why didn't you say that?
One small step for gamer,
one giant leap for gamer-kind.
Ooh!
Ooh!
Okay.
So, that's worth a "huzzah."
Huzzah.
What do you want me
to bring out?
You kidding me?
Everything, dude.
Yeah.
Whoa.
[typing]
Aah.
[whoosh]
[metallic clattering]
Yeah.
Maybe we should just stick
with our primary weapons.
Yeah.
[whirring]
Man, I don't know
how to work this thing.
How do you do it
in the game, Lyle?
Uh, I hit a function key
on my computer like
the rest of you.
Doesn't your character
say some crazy stuff
before you fire?
- Like some sort of incantation?
- No. No way.
Man, that's totally lame.
- [troll growling]
- Yeah. Come on, tough guy.
Embrace your inner geek
and cast away.
[flatulence]
Haley's vomit.
[whirring]
- [growling]
- Oh! That was a bad idea!
Why don't you say it
like you mean it next time, huh?
Work the blades and go,
"Chops a lotta!"
Hey, man, I would if I could!
- Okay?
- [roars]
It's on like Donkey Kong,
big guy!
[yells]
- I can't feel my hands!
- I can't shoot him!
This thing has, like,
a hundred types of ammo!
I don't know what's
gonna come out!
- I don't care! Just do it!
- [whirring]
What?
Come on!
- Hurry! Hurry!
- [yelling]
- [applause, cheering]
- What?
We didn't even win anything!
No!
[whirring]
- [barks]
- Ohh!
- Oh.
- A dog?
[whines]
- [panting]
- Ahh.
- [ferocious barking]
- [gasps]
[roaring]
- Yeah! Get him!
- Kill him, boy!
Haley's vomit!
[whines]
[Boys yelling]
No!
His collar!
- My bad!
- [roaring]
[Boys screaming]
- [roars]
- [Wyatt screaming]
Save the geek, save the world.
Save the geek,
save the world!
Oh, you hurt it!
That's what I do, baby.
[laughing]
[yells]
[groaning]
My arm.
[groaning continues]
Wyatt, do something, please!
- I don't wanna die, Wyatt!
- [weapon whirring]
[screaming]
Yeah, eat it, troll-holio!
Hey, is it dead?
Please be dead. Please be dead.
- [groans]
- Ew. Gross.
What are you doing?
Looting the Jolly Green Giant,
my friends.
You see?
A leather glove.
I can flip this.
- To who?
- I don't know.
The local armor?
We're not trying to level up
our characters here.
[roars]
[Boys yelling]
- Kill it!
- [yells]
Oh! Ohhh!
Whoa.
Double whoa.
I think we just sent this
back to the computer world.
Yeah.
[laughing]
- Oh.
- Ohhhh!
My old friends,
Wizza, Black Death,
and Sir Bickle.
[chuckles]
What have you done
with my scout?
We sent him packing.
Mm-hmm. We sent his
big fat avatar butt
right back
to the computer world.
Buh-buh-bye.
Arrogant fools!
You have no right
to stand in the way
of my destiny.
Prophecies written foretold
of my legend.
[breaking up]
Your powers are
no match for mine.
Soon I shall have harnessed
all the energy I need
- ...to deploy my armies-
- Sorry? What--
And I'll crush
your world comp--
Blasted place
is killing me here!
S-Sorry, "Maldork."
Looks like a glitch now.
- Time for a reboot.
- Wait.
And the crowd goes wild!
It might've been helpful
to ask him a few questions
before you bashed him away,
don't you think?
Sounded to me like
he was planning something.
Yeah, well, it's done.
Finito. Kaput.
Here you go.
Jeeves, bring the car around.
That works for me, man.
I gotta bounce.
- Peace.
- Wait. So, that's it?
We're just supposed
to go back to our normal lives?
[Dante]
Let me tell you something,
Wyatt.
Unless you can pull a Ferrari
and Megan Fox
out of that portal,
then, yeah, it's over.
[school bell ringing]
[Man] Click me
to take a survey and enter
to win a brand-new MP3 player.
Click me to take a survey
and enter to win
a brand-new MP3 player.
Click me to take
a survey and enter to win
a brand-new MP3 player.
[electricity arcing]
** A many years have seen
** The greatness and the best
- ** The knave, the rogue,
the conqueror **
- Shut up.
** Known fondly as Black Death
Yo, freak, didn't know your dad
was an elf.
[laughs]
Uh, yeah. Where's
the Renaissance Faire, loser?
[Students chattering]
Could you maybe
not do this here?
** He triumphed over evil
** Released the maiden's jewels
** He ate the hearts
and drank the blood **
- ** Of all the wizard's fools
- [beeps]
Yeah. Yep.
That's right. I got a bard.
If any of you realized
how redonkulously awesome
I was,
you would be singing
my praises, too.
Yep.
**** [romantic]
[mouths words]
Hey, Zoe, uh, sorry.
Sorry about last night.
We should probably have
a make-out--
make-up-- make-up--
redo session.
You know, you, me,
and a math book.
Oh-- Oh, he's not--
He's not gonna be there.
You're not--
You're not coming. Sorry.
Fine. But blow me off again,
and I'll ruin you more
than he just did.
Could you stop doing that?
- How did you even do that?
- [bells jingling]
Not a really--
Not a really good time.
[mutters]
Yeah!
[electricity arcing]
[car alarms blaring]
[Man]
Click me to refinance--
No, I don't wanna
refinance my home.
- Click me to refinance--
- Get away.
- [Man]
To refinance, click me--
- Ohh!
- [alarms continue blaring]
- [groans]
Beautiful things
are afoot, Dante.
I heard some seniors
even got chased in the woods
by Grim Reapers or something.
- Crazy.
- [click]
It's crazy time
out there, Wyatt,
and not just game stuff.
I swear I saw some pop-up ads
jacking some old lady in town.
That weird "click me" guy?
And the chick in the bikini.
There's a chick in a bikini
asking people to click her?
- Double click.
- Okay, okay.
It's gotta
all be connected somehow.
It's like-- It's like
when we pushed the rod in,
we let Maldark
loose in our grid.
Now he's just toying with us.
No. No, he's testing
his powers.
- Hey, look. The jock talks.
- Bite me, Wyatt.
You know, it's totally
acceptable for you
to not insult me in school.
You know what?
If I didn't insult you,
then people would actually
suspect something's up.
Like what, you're semi-human?
What happened to you?
We used to be friends.
I know it was
in elementary school,
but we had friendship bracelets.
Yeah. Whatever.
Man, I'm missing practice.
[phone beeping]
- Oh. Not good.
- What's up with that?
It's an app that detects leaks
from the computer world.
Wrote it myself.
I got two pop-up ads,
a bard, and three
mystery creatures.
What are we looking for anyway?
Eyeliner Trent
said Grim Reapers.
Ghouls. Nasty.
Lyle, don't you have
a "find undead" spell?
Hey, jackhammer.
He's talking to you.
Gratefully Undeadicus.
[whirring]
Oh...
**** [bard whistling]
You've gotta ditch that dude.
I would, but it's kind of nice
having someone around here
who knows that I crush it.
- Yo, Wizza.
- Lyle.
[whispering]
Lyle, I'm thinking
something fire or air-based.
Ghouls are highly susceptible
to elemental--
Dude, I got a curfew.
Right. Perimeter positions.
Tulta Munille, guys.
Tulta Munille.
** When minions at the show--
[muffled singing]
Guys.
[clatter]
[growls]
- [grunting]
- **** [suspenseful]
[grunting continues]
Whoa!
Stay back!
- [growls]
- [Blast-a-ton whirring]
Hi-yah!
[groaning]
Sorry. There's no auto-aim.
[whirring stops]
[groaning]
Do something!
[yells]
Agh!
[yelling]
- [ghoul groaning]
- [screaming]
Nice one, Lyle.
Fujita bonita!
[sinister laughter]
[grunting]
Ow!
Owww!
Whoo!
[grunts]
Man!
[chuckling]
[grunts]
[Wyatt]
Stop him!
Yes!
[laughs]
Why do you peasants
insist on tormenting
my minions?
Why do you insist
on sending them?
I conquer all worlds.
'Tis what I do.
Resistance is futile,
for soon I will be able
to harness
all the energy necessary
to leave this pathetic realm
and unleash my armies in full.
[yells]
[Lyle crying out]
[Wyatt]
Drop it! Drop it!
- [panting]
- Cool?
- Uh, yeah.
- Okay.
- Oh, man.
- [rattle]
And cut! All right.
That's a keeper.
Hey, sorry about that,
little guy.
We're just, uh, making
a hidden camera short
for the Inter-Webs.
Uh, great job, by the way.
Talk about Drama Club.
- Yeah.
- A.P.
Yeah. Are you cool
to be in it?
Great, man.
I love the team spirit.
You are a star, okay?
I'll see you in the halls.
You little A-lister.
- Good thinking.
- Yeah.
Okay.
** Once again we see *
** How evil, it hath fled
** Shut him up, get rid of him
before I break his head **
I'm serious, Wyatt.
Drop the hippie. He could've
gotten us killed.
Okay.
I'll get rid of him
as soon as you
stop acting like a madman.
You gotta think
before you act.
There's no re-spawn
in real life.
Come on.
Man up.
Honestly, man, this--
this is gonna hurt.
Dude, I feareth.
- [whirring]
- Look, a vampire bat.
[blast]
[Dante laughing]
He turns into cards. Wow.
We're doing better,
but they're getting stronger.
So how do we get off this ride?
Just log on
and take down Maldark there.
Not an option.
We don't have the weapon
to take him out.
We need Max Ross.
- You're nuts.
- He created the game.
We all know he lives in orbit
on his own space station.
That's an urban legend.
He's in cryogenic freeze
under Bill Gates' house.
Okay, guys.
His company has a server farm
right near here.
- Okay? We can find him.
- [beeps]
In the meantime, we just need
to destroy whatever leaks.
As long as my mom
doesn't destroy me first.
I gotta go. I'm sorry.
I really gotta go.
Really?
It's after curfew.
You didn't call.
You didn't answer your cell.
Hey, I looked into
your homework file.
You haven't even started
the essay that's due tomorrow.
Strike two.
Dude-- Barbara-- Mom--
You want strike three?
Who's Max Ross?
Just-- Just a guy
that I'm doing a report on.
- You're acting suspicious.
- Hmm.
I suspect you.
[beeping]
** Whoa *
[Anchorman]
Residents of Daventry Hils
are once again on pins
and needles
after a recent series
of bizarre events
rocked this normally
tranquil town.
Whatever it was
tore the satellite dish
off my RV,
tried to eat my tool shed,
and left a crop circle
in my pachysandra.
The mayor's office continues
to receive reports
of other odd incidents,
including sporadic
power outages.
The power company
and local police insist
none of the events
appear to be related.
- Do we have to?
- We have to.
** A-one for the money
and a-two for the show *
** A-three to be a leged
even if I'm poor **
** I ain't chasin' nothi',
you gonna have to catch me *
[explosion]
It's okay.
She probably
had a virus anyway.
* I'm the bomb
and about to blow up *
* I'm the bomb and about
to blow up, whoa *
[Anchorman]
Late last night,
members of a local scout troop
filmed strange explosios
in the Daventry Hills
Campground.
It's an alien invasion.
Lock up your women.
[phone beeping]
Oh, boy.
** I'm the bomb
and about to blow up **
** I'm the bomb
and about to blow up **
** I'm the bomb
and about to blow up **
[roars]
[all yelling]
** The devil's been
in downtown for too long *
** I feel the sun rising
all up in my bones *
[phone beeping]
There seems to be
no end in sight
to the strange occurrences
in Daventry Hills.
Reporting live
outside Xander's
Computer World, Te--
This campaign speech
is killing me.
Why don't you
just write it from your heart?
Remember when we used
to play that card game,
Ani-Warriors, at recess?
And that one time,
those fifth graders
came up and said that
Ani-Warriors was for babies.
You stood up to them.
You gave them that
awesome speech
about how cool the game was,
and if they ever had a chance
to take down
an armored Zebra Tank
with a Rolling Wombat,
they'd know better.
Seconds later,
they were playing, too.
You can still do that.
[sighs]
No, I can't.
Why not?
Because I'm not a child, Wyatt.
There's expectations,
implications.
There's gonna be a lot
of people watching.
Maybe you should
just write down whatever
you think they wanna hear.
You're really great with that.
[typing]
What?
What?
I think I just found Max Ross,
and he's practically
in our backyard.
You think this guy's
gonna be cool with us
just rolling up on his McCastle?
Absolutely not.
But it's not like we
really have a choice, right?
Right.
[Man]
No solicitors!
You have two seconds
to vacate the premises
before I unleash the hounds.
[scoffs]
Hounds.
We're not selling anything.
We need to speak to Mr. Ross
about Maldark.
Max Ross doesn't do autograph,
he doesn't give free hints,
- ...and he won't do interviews
for any lame geek-boy fansite.
- Lame? That's it.
- I'm done with this guy.
- [yells]
- [grunts]
- [yells]
How did you do that?
You with DARPA, huh?
You with the feds?
I know you've been after me
for years, man.
You've been scanning my brain.
I have heard the helicopters,
and I have seen the chem trails!
- Yeah, that's-- that's not us.
- [whirring]
Then how?
Level 65 door-be-gone spell.
Using a...Thunder Pole?
- Such a--
- Yeah.
Don't touch me.
Thank you.
Huge fan. Not touching.
No, no.
You don't understand.
I mean, whatever caused
these anomalies
didn't come from
within my game,
it came from without.
- Don't touch that!
- But Maldark seems to be
controlling everything.
Probably is.
- He's a brilliantly programmed
evil genius,
- [crash]
thank you very much,
seizing a golden opportunity
to act on his core objective--
conquer all worlds.
And guess which world is next.
Ours?
Rhetorical, idiot.
Of course ours.
You mean that dragon we slayed
was some sort of
in-game visualization
of the firewall?
So that means
when we pushed the rod in--
You opened up a gateway
for Maldark's computer world
to our world.
Hard to believe,
but he might be an even better
programmer than I am.
Wait. He thinks
he's a programmer?
Have you even played the game?
- Yeah. Of course.
- Yeah.
Rhetorical.
No, lightweight.
He thinks he's a wizard
manipulating magic.
From the sounds of it,
I'd say you only have
a few days
before he finds
a computing power source
juiced up enough
for him and his army
to come out and join the fun.
- [cow lows]
- [Wyatt] This orb
must be some sort of sensor
that guides him
to the portal's hot spots.
Figured you were the smart one
since you didn't get the looks.
Thanks?
So then that's what the ghouls
were looking for at the school.
Ghouls? They didn't suck
anyone's soul out, did they?
- [cow passes gas, lows]
- No.
Good. Don't ever let them
suck anyone's soul.
- What?
- Do you realize that your game
is trying to destroy our world?
You know, you say that
like it's a bad thing.
What? Look, in my world,
people are forced into action
and become heroes,
and they are properly rewarded
for their hard work.
Out here, life is boring,
life isn't fair,
and life blows hot chunks.
Besides, while I'd agree
that Maldark is a cruel
and blood-thirsty leader,
he's also incredibly efficient.
I mean, sure,
those of us he doesn't kill
will be enslaved.
- [laughs]
- Can't you just shut
the server farm down
and end this?
And interrupt the gameplay
of tens of thousands
of subscribers?
A pox on you
for suggesting such a thing.
Not that it would
have any effect.
He's no longer confined
to the game.
Haven't seen any sign of him
for a few days now.
He's kind of just...
floating out there.
[Boys gasp]
Do you think
he'll wanna meet me?
[shells clattering]
Ten. Okay.
Stop the car.
Stop. Stop it!
[tires screech]
[growls]
Wait. Wait!
[yelling, faint]
Here you go.
- [troll growling]
- [Dante yells]
Come on!
Take that one! Take this one!
- [electricity arcing]
- How do you like that, fat boy?
What are you doing?
Come on.
Let's just go.
Selling the idea
of family values
is tough when the whole family
doesn't show for the event.
Dad, I'm so sorry.
- I mean, if I could--
- Stop.
No more foul-ups.
Now, this is a close race,
and the outcome
affects your future
as much as it does mine.
So I need you to step it up,
especially on that
half-time speech.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
Yeah, nice play there,
Carter, man.
[Players chattering]
- I'm out.
- What?
Lee's car was strike three.
- I leave in a week.
- Wait.
Okay, you can't quit.
We still have--
My mom is crying, Wyatt.
All right?
I'm not a hero.
[scoffs]
I'm a disaster.
Even when I try
to do what's right,
I still screw it up.
- Yeah, I'm out, too.
- Are you kidding me?
- Because I know
we can still do this.
- Do what?
Have our lives
completely ruined?
If that's what it takes.
Truth is,
in a couple days,
we might not even have lives
left to ruin.
Maldark's coming.
Oh, fine.
I just think
if we were in the game,
we wouldn't give up.
We'd put our heads together
and start acting like a clan--
Man, but this isn't
the game, geek.
And there is no clan.
Don't you get it?
It's over.
Let someone else
figure it out.
- [electricity arcing]
- [thud]
[heavy breathing]
[gasping]
[growling]
Sprague?
[roars]
Don't touch me.
[creature growling]
What are you weirdoes
up to now?
[beeps]
Oh, my God.
[whip cracks]
Oh, my God.
Yo, there's a splotch-free
cupcake at the door for you.
- There's a who's-a-what's-it?
- A chiquita.
I know.
I'm as surprised as you are,
but if you don't jump on this,
I'm breaking out
my birthday money
and making it rain.
[stammers]
Tell me I'm hallucinating.
Tell me that I didn't just film
a bunch of...
I don't even know
what to call them.
Running off with that guy
from your report.
Because you know what?
That is exactly
what it looks like,
and it is really
freaking me out.
You're hallucinating.
I am not.
You're involved, aren't you?
I knew it.
- What's going on, Wyatt?
- [stammering]
- [imitates stammering]
- Oh-- Fine.
Sprague and his Imperial Council
of level 75 Dread Orcs
just kidnapped Max Ross,
the creator
of Conqueror of All Worlds,
which means that Maldark's
not far behind.
Which is why
they probably need Max.
To open the final portal.
I'm gonna need
a nerd translation
for that, please.
Where were they headed?
Uh, uh, towards that giant
warehouse near my neighborhood.
- You know...
- The server farm on Dover Road.
Of course.
- Thanks for the tip.
- Uh-uh.
Ow! That's a pressure point.
- Don't even go there,
'cause I will own you.
- [cracking]
- Ah.
- Who's Sprague? Who's Maldark?
And don't tell me
they're exchange students.
I'll explain on the way.
Forget the town, all right?
He can have it.
This ain't my home anymore.
At least according to my mom.
I can't do this without you.
You know that.
You can't do it with me either.
- That's a terrible attitude.
- Who brought the N.P.C.?
"N.P.C." What--
Is that, like, what, an insult?
Insulted.
Look, I did my part,
and it didn't work out.
Just go.
You know, you're not
just a knight in the game.
I know I said that,
but everything you've done
since then has been selfless.
I mean, think about it.
You always put yourself
right in the face of danger.
You risked your own life
to save mine with the troll,
right?
You even sacrificed yourself
to save a guy you hate,
then took the fall for it
even though you knew
it was gonna happen.
You're not a screw-up, Dante.
You're a bona fide knight.
That being said,
if I get hit with
a Rectal Firecracker spell,
I take it all back.
You had me
at "rectal firecracker."
All right. I want to see
11 guarded jerseys
on top of the ball carrier
on this kickoff.
I want you to knock
the tar out of those guys
and set the tone.
- Lyle.
- Show them what we're--
What the hell you doing in here?
Just wanna show the guys support
before the big game.
- Right, Dante?
- Yeah! Go, Spartans!
- It's Trojans.
- [Player] Yeah.
Get out. We any good?
Uh, they're with me, Coach.
Uh, group project.
All right. Listen up.
I want you hustling back...
What are you guys thinking?
Max has been kidnapped
by Sprague.
Maldark's about to come out.
Mass hysteria and mayhem
are imminent.
Too bad.
I told you guys, man, I'm done.
- I can't do this anymore.
- And we can?
Dude, this is much bigger
than us.
Like "end of the world" bigger.
Like "frogs are raining
from the sky" bigger,
except these frogs
are six feet tall, carry spears,
and eat human hearts
like candy, okay?
[Coach]
Hugginson, hustle up!
Look, I can't help you.
How many times
do I have to say it?
I'm done.
You're not just a mage
in the game.
I know.
And you probably think that...
And it's the...
- Rectal Firecracker?
- Forget it.
[sighs]
I guess it's just the two of us.
Wait. What?
Oh, no. I'm in.
Uh, hello.
You're one body short.
And I can handle myself.
I've got three brothers
and a black belt in Krav Maga.
What?
It's gonna take more
than Jewish karate to put a hurt
on these guys.
Besides, you need a weapon
from the game if you wanna
come close to beating them.
I'm sorry.
- Maybe, uh, if she wore this.
- Come on.
Great idea. Why doesn't she
just slap them to death?
- What? It might work.
- It's not gonna do it.
How's that thing ever--
[Dante laughs]
That's hot.
- That'll work.
- [clangs]
- Aw! Damn!
- Sorry. Hah.
[quiet whistles]
[beeps]
[Wyatt]
He's forcing Max to draw power
from the server farm
and build a mega portal
for Maldark.
Okay. Sneak in and rescue Max
before he can finish
building the portal.
If Maldark gets out,
things are gonna get ugly.
- Yeah.
- Let's do this.
- [whistle blows]
- [Players] Break!
[Players shouting]
3, 7, hike!
- [Players grunting]
- [crowd cheering]
[both]
Tulta Munille!
Battle cry? Really?
[growling]
Tall and ugly.
- [yelling]
- [clangs]
- Ow!
- Huh?
[growling]
[Cheerleaders]
Trojans, fight, fight, fight!
[whistle blows]
- [growling continues]
- [screams]
Ow!
[yells]
[laughs]
I killed it!
[laughing]
Or something.
Nice. Nice.
- Let's move.
- All right.
- **** [marching band]
- [Cheerleaders whooping]
Get your head in the game.
Hey, don't sweat it.
You're a closer,
just like your dad.
It's not that.
- It's nothing.
- [crowd cheering]
Thank you all for coming out
and supporting the team.
Being that the second half
looks like it's going to be
a nail-biter,
I don't wanna keep my son
out here any longer
than necessary.
But he did wanna say
a few things to you
before he headed in.
Lyle.
- Yeah, I, uh...
- [microphone feedback]
I just wanted
to let everyone know
how much Daventry Hills
means to me and the family.
- And, um...
- [whooshing]
[electricity arcing]
And that--
that's why...
I gotta go.
I mean, I'm sorry
about the fumbles
and the interception,
but my head's just
not in it today, and...
You know what?
Sometimes there's
more important things in life
than just football
and popularity
and campaign speeches--
Whoa. This isn't
a campaign speech, son.
- That would be unfair.
- Like sticking by your friends,
doing what's right,
and being true
to who you really are.
And that means me
telling all of you
that I love geeking out
to video games.
- [laughter]
- I always have.
And even though it may not
help me get ahead in life
or make me cool,
I'm proud of the fact
that I have
a level 68 Sorcerer
in Conqueror of All Worls
named Wizza,
who casts
some pretty awesome spells
out of his Thunder Pole.
[crickets chirping]
[quiet murmuring]
Okay, I just said that.
I should probably go.
So...thanks,
and vote for my dad.
- **** [marching band]
- [murmuring]
- [beeping]
- [creature growls]
Yeah, yeah. Got it.
- [growls louder]
- Okay. Zzzt.
Agh!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Completely unnecessary,
thank you.
[roaring]
[growling]
[growls]
This isn't good.
[growling continues]
Ow!
- He replicated.
- Let her go!
Yeah. What he said, jerk.
- [screams]
- No!
You don't know
if you can get out.
Angie's in trouble.
[yells]
Ohh!
What-- What--
Oh, no.
Oh, this is not good.
Uh, I'm pixilated.
Awesome.
Wyatt, get me outta here!
Angie?
Oh, no! No!
Wyatt, look out!
- Yo!
- Can't stop it!
- [roars]
- A level 65 Craven
Snowman of the North.
So not good.
- [Angie] Oh, no! No! Duck!
- [roars]
[grunting]
Whoa!
What's up, el gordo?
You ready to throw down or what?
[laughs]
Come on!
Give me that horn!
[yelling]
Yeah!
[grunts]
[Angie]
Wyatt!
Please, please
get me outta here!
- [roaring]
- Get me outta here!
Do something!
Wyatt!
Wait! Look out!
No retreat! Aah!
- You did it!
- Yeah!
[sighs]
Huzzah.
Please, wait, wait!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Potty-breakus!
[beeping]
- [growls]
- Agh!
Hurry! Get me outta here
before that-- that thing closes!
Come on! Come on, Angie!
- Go! Go! Go! Come on!
- [grunting]
- It's not working!
- Go!
Yeah.
What happened to your team?
Man, this is my team.
Hey, where's Wyatt?
Forget me.
Just save yourself.
- I'm not leaving without you.
- I can't believe
I'm in a video game.
I don't even play video games.
[yelling]
[chuckles]
You did it.
- [clears throat]
- Hey.
It's nice to have you back.
Hey, uh,
nice to have you back.
Let's level up
and beat this final boss.
- [beeps]
- [growling]
- Agh!
- Max, shut it down!
It's too late.
I'm sorry.
- [sinister laughter]
- Don't touch me.
[laughter continues]
Ohhh!
[roaring]
[all yelling]
[whimpering]
Ah.
A welcoming party?
Splendid!
But I bear no gifts.
Oh. Yes, I do!
[all yelling]
- [beeping]
- Are you nuts?
It's due on Tuesday, okay?
No. Wait.
You're real?
Touch me not!
But I created you.
[mocking with gibberish]
I allowed you to create me,
and what a disappointment
you've shown yourself to be.
To think I was going to make you
my number one slave.
Now you'll be lucky
if I grant you the honor
of being
my number two footstool.
Okay, you don't talk
to me like that, all right?
You're out of the sequel.
- Silence!
- [yelling]
Ooh!
If we can take down Maldark
and put him back in the game,
will you be able
to rebuild the firewall?
[scoffs]
[laughs]
- Maybe.
- Make it happen.
We need to trap him for good
before he builds a portal
for his army.
- [Maldark laughing]
- Max, let us know
when the firewall's ready.
- [laughing continues]
- Tulta Munille.
[Lyle, Dante]
Tulta Munille.
Liza Minnelli.
Whatever.
No. We got this.
Just-- Just make sure
to keep us in focus, all right?
Okay. Careful.
Now let's send
this psycho wizard
back to his game.
On three, we throw everything
we got at him.
One,
two, three.
- Kilauea!
- Wait!
Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
- Back to the game. The game.
In the game,
we can only kill him
with the ultimate weapon.
- Max, how do we get it?
- I told you, no free hints.
- Max!
- Dude!
Fine! But if you tell anyone,
I will sue you.
Every player
has a weapon in the game
when they first join the game--
the weapon
that becomes more powerful
as their character does.
Thunder Pole.
- Blast-a-ton.
- Skull Cracker.
The clan needs to forge them
in the fire of a mighty sorcerer
to create
an all-powerful weapon.
Once they do, they get one shot
and one shot only
to destroy Maldark.
- And if we miss?
- [chuckles] Don't.
Just a little side note, though.
If you do succeed
in hitting him,
the concussion of the blast
will most likely kill you.
And when I say "most likely,"
I mean most definitely.
- What?
- That's how the game ends.
You become rogue martyrs.
It's poetic.
No, that's not poetic.
That's dark and weird, okay?
Guys, there must be,
like, another way.
You don't have to do that,
right?
[Maldark continues laughing]
- [whispering
in foreign language]
- [whirring]
It was fun playing
with you guys.
Yeah.
- NeverFail--
- [Lyle, Dante] NeverFail.
[yells]
Epic, right?
You're welcome.
How do we drive this thing?
I don't think we do.
[motor starts]
[mechanical hum]
[Maldark continues laughing]
Yeah!
- [typing]
- Ready, Max?
Just hold on a sec.
Almost there.
That's the stuff.
[laughing]
Subjugation
is at hand!
[laughing]
- Uh, anytime now, Max.
- Not yet.
- We can't wait!
- It's not ready!
[Wyatt]
We have to fire now!
- [grunts]
- [whirring]
[laughing]
**** [disco]
What?
- **** [continues]
- Yeah. I like that.
**** [speeding up]
Really?
Oh, no!
- It's got him!
- Yeah!
[singsong voice]
It's almost there.
Noooo!
[yelling]
[all yelling]
[beeps]
Guys? Come on, guys.
Guys, don't die.
Wyatt. Wyatt!
Don't you die, Wyatt!
Don't you die!
Ow!
- Did you keep me in focus?
- [chuckling]
[groaning]
You did it.
You really did it.
[groaning continues]
You were supposed to die.
You can't program people, Max.
Yet.
- Is he gone?
- [Max] He's gone.
And the firewall's back up.
Epic win.
[all laughing]
Look, truth is,
your son was helping me
with some motion capture work
on my latest project.
I mean, in hindsight,
perhaps destroying someone's car
without their permission--
not the brightest of ideas.
But once I explain everything
to the vice principal
and show him a bunch
of shiny car catalogs,
I'm sure he'll be
a bit more understanding.
You have to realize
your son is one of
the noblest knights--
- Kids.
- Kids that I have ever seen.
This town's lucky to have him
looking after it.
- I mean, living here.
- I always felt he just needed
to take ownership
of his skill sets
and channel his impulsivity.
We all have
our coping mechanisms.
Well, uh, if you promise
to stay out of trouble,
and Mr. Ross can vouch for you,
you can go back to strike two.
Right. Well, uh,
I should get going
before the NSA triangulates
my position.
Uh, I would hug you all,
but you know where
I stand on that.
So, uh, memory card,
little lady.
- What?
- Yeah.
No. No, no, no. No, no.
I risked my life for this.
Okay, I got trapped
in a video game.
That stuff gets out,
and you know whose lives
get ruined, right?
[Wyatt, Lyle]
It's rhetorical.
Thank you, guys.
Is the Quiz Bowl team
still available?
Yeah.
If they let me back on.
Mm...
**** [rap]
** I hear the what *
** Talkin' like a rap star
** Drivin' in a fast car
Look at that.
- Oh, my...
- What?
** Take a little heat *
[Woman chuckling]
Think we'll ever
play the game again?
You know, after living it?
- Absolutely.
- I'm in.
Well, Tulta Munille, boys.
Tulta Munille.
Wow.
[chuckles]
So, uh, uh, text me
about something sometime.
O-Okay.
- Oooh!
- Oooh!
What is going on over there?
So you guys wanna
go grab a bite at Deckard's?
You mean, like,
all of us together?
Might ruin your rep.
My rep's already ruined, guys.
Welcome to my life.
- Come on.
- Shotgun!
Things have returned to normal
here in Daventry Hills
as the strange disturbances
of the past few weeks
have subsided
almost as quickly
and mysteriously
as they arrived.
Local authorities continue
to deny any correlation
between the recent blackout
and the odd events.
The cause of
the unexplained phenomena
that wracked this town
remains just that--
unexplained.
Reporting from a peaceful
Main Street,
I'm Tex Thatcher.
[sinister laughter]
[sinister laughter continues]
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA