Lawyer Lawyer (1997) - full transcript

In the end of Ching Dynasty
Chan Mon-gut, a famous lawyer...

was a cocky, wise and cunning brain-truster

He loved to play jokes on others

and raise hob to make
himself proud and happy

That's why he had numerous enemies

One day, Hung Sat-fat
the head of the Beggar's Gang

was persuaded by his fellows

and thus came to Chan's house
to settle a score with Chan

But why and when they've become enemies,

no one knows.

Give away... get your ass out of here.



Chan Mon-gut, you bastard!

I want to have a duel with you today!

Shit! Master, we are in
deep shit this time!

Master...

Foon, I have been waiting for you.

Honey bear, single, double
honey bear touches the ground...

Honey bear turns around!

Honey bear, honey bear. Get away!

Master...

Hung Sat-fat comes to make troubles.

Really?

Master, you must have
though of some solutions.

Of course not!

Since you look ugly,
that's why I gave you a kick.



Don't let me see you again.

Otherwise I think I can't control
myself and will give you another kick.

Master's thought is
really wide and striking!

You're brilliant, that's why people
call you King of brain-trusters.

Don't flatter me like this.

You're giving me much pressure, old bean.

That's right...

Chan Mon-gut, come out, come out!

Come out!

Do you know that your God-father

has come for you?

Are you afraid of me?

If you don't come out,

I'll ruin your ancestor's graves. Master.

And I'll smash their bones and
feed the chickens with the ashes.

Come out...

Boss, there are some words
written on the stone.

What's that shit?

Visitors should knock the door.

How dare he!

Chan Mon-gut, listen!

I'll count to three, if you don't raise
your hands up and surrender,

we will rush into your place.

Alright.

It doesn't seem to be a joke.

What'll we do now?

Master, they are setting
fire at the rear exit.

Nothing strange, we've just set fire.

One!

Shit...

Two!

Two and a half!

Three!

Don't push me, otherwise
I'll kill the hostage.

Save me... Brother Hung, save me!

Alright, pour the shit and urine on him.

Ghost...

What a haunted house!

They are too ignorant!
They haven't seen glass at all.

Master, you bought this piece of glass
when you visited Germany last time,

until now, I've just known its function!

Why do you hold your breath? Am I stinking?

Chan Mon-gut, can't you imagine that?
God helps me too!

The rain rinses my body!

Heavier rain please!

Brother Hung.

This way, brother Hung.

What a beggar! He's got
more brawn than brain.

Foolhardy! They just think
violence can solve everything.

See, I am giving you face
for treating you to urine only.

You want more? I'll pour it on your face.

Boss...

No, I have just stooled.

I can't hold it too!

Help me! Don't go!

Those bastards drank the urine
which I've added with cathartics.

They will learn a big lesson!

So poor!

Boss, don't you think the paper money
will bring bad luck?

What do you want to clean your ass with?
Paper money or fingers?

Do you feel itchy...

deep inside your anus...
that's like being bitten by insects?

Chan Mon-gut's got it again!

Don't panic, there's no shit on it.
But only words.

Hung Sat-fat, you bastard,

the paper money
which you used to clean your ass...

was soaked in Poisonous Herbal Oil.

Once you feel itchy,
either you stop yourself from tickling,

or you can never stop tickling
until your anus bleeds and breaks.

Why didn't your lips move

but I still heard you speaking?

However, I don't think that's your voice.

Because that's my voice over.

How is it? Do you feel itchy?

Mosquitoes bit me, I feel itchy,
I can't help tickling!

Ready, one two three four.

It's so itchy... so itchy...

Come on, put some Super
Ointment on my wound!

Hey! Here comes the Super Ointment.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Chan Mon-gut, I fail!

Give us the antidote.

Sure! To save time,

I've asked Mr. Li to be our witness.

Greet me God-brother, come on!

Greet him... God...

Mr. Li is so busy
but he still comes to give me a hand,

I'm so glad!

Cause you have pretty girls for me!

Am I nice to you?

Be quick!

I prefer cutting my arm
to losing me face in front of you.

What a great hero!

I won't let you greet
me God-brother either.

Foon. Yes.

In order to save time,

we've prepared the antidote for you all.

Silver?

You can stuff it into your anus,

since your fingers can't reach it,
so you can't tickle any more.

Good! He stuffed it into his anus
without a second thought.

What a brave hero!

I love you so much.

- Foon!
- Yes!

Master is kidding you.

This is for you to buy 0.2 tael of
Chuen-bei, 0.3 tael of tuckahoe,

four pieces of prunella,

boil with 4 bowls of water
into a teaspoonful of medicine,

then pour it into your anus,
it'll cure you immediately.

7 days later, you won't feel
itchy anymore, guaranteed!

And it'll soften the skin of your ass too!

I give money out.

Brother Hung, please rise.

You are a respectable hero!

I don't think it's wise
for us to be enemies.

Now, Hong Kong Island,
Kowloon and the New Territories...

are conquered by foreigners.

Facing the national threat,
we should forget our own animosities.

We should ally ourselves
to fight against foreign enemies.

Now I...

As your God-brother, have my toast!

Stop dreaming!
I hate you for the rest of my life!

But I adore you anyways,
my dear God-brother! Go

Let's go!

- Foon.
- Yes, master.

Forgiveness is a good
deed, have you got it?

Yes, master.

You are too cocky
to say such thing after a victory.

I admire you so much.

Well, let's go to the club,
you'll be the boss of course.

Should I pay again?

I suppose you're sophisticated
enough for this.

Of course. Let's go.

Mr. Chan wait, let me give you a quiz.

A black cat is black in color,
a white cat is white in color,

how about a panda?

It's too difficult for me.

A panda is a panda,

actually, it's not a cat.

Right!

Let me give you another quiz.

There is a long word,

from the beginning to the end,
the distance is one mile.

What's it?

May I have some congee?

Can't you answer it?

The answer is... Smiles.

- Bravo!
- Many people thought it's Chinese character.

Well, what a party here!

Why not tell us some great idea?

No, I just earn a living
by my sharp-tongue.

If I had any smart ideas,
I wouldn't have been sitting here.

Come on, let's eat, come on...

You are famous for tricks,
why not tell us some great ideas?

That's right, come on!

You must have something great in mind.
Come on.

No, you are flattering me!

What's the matter?

People said you always
have smug calculations,

practical and mean.

You are really practical!
You won't tell if we don't pay, right?

We are rich and handsome,
everyone knows it.

You're really handsome!

That's right, we are so handsome,

but the restaurant we are running
is making no profit!

So we'd like you to think something for us

to grow the business.

It's party time, why are you so serious
to talk about business?

You are really something!
Money harms friendship.

But, Mr. Chan,

friendship doesn't exist among us,

we'd better talk about money!

You are really wise,

well... change all the girls.

The first thing to do is to have
some girls who really look like girls.

We've changed many times.

They are supposed to be the best,
you can see that.

Mr. Chan, you don't match
the name Brain-truster.

You'd better name yourself Brain-duster.

Brain-duster!

Well, you are demanding.

Well...

Damn it! Business grows!

We have to employ more waiters to serve.

Everyone has curiosity.

You must remember.

Everyday, you'd keep jumping down on time,
three shifts a day.

To draw the attention of the customers,

then money will come.

But it's too dangerous to jump down
from the 3rd floor.

In order to make a living,

you'd do it even you are
asked to jump from the 7th floor.

That's right.

Send money to my home.

Sure.

Foon...

Let's go!

Good job!

Do you want to betray me?
Why didn't you ask me to take a look?

- This one is so cute!
- Thank you.

Cute...

Master, she gave me a smile.

You're wrong, she gave me a smile!

No! Master, she smiled to me.

One two three, guess what's next...

Did you touch my ass?

- Open!
- Ten!

- Your...
- Did you touch my ass?

Drink!

I, Chan Mon-gut, swear that
I haven't done that shameless thing.

Let's go! Right!

Stop!

Miss, you should have
evidence to accuse someone.

If you don't have any evidence,
better mind your tongue.

Let's go!

Master, in order to let her feel better,

let me admit the accusation.

I'll let you touch my ass
as compensation, agree?

What a benefit to you!

What a creep!

Fong Tong-ken?

Chan Mon-gut, you two are civilized men!

How dare you bully a
helpless girl like this?

You took her advantage,

and you insult her by
playing such dirty guessing game.

Tell me, where is righteousness?

Bastard!

I won when I played mahjong
with him last time,

he takes that as an insult
and always wants to take revenge.

That's him!

Miss, may I know your name?

Called Lotus Shui.

I, Fong tong-ken, will fight for justice
and teach the creeps a lesson.

Pal, let's take a seat and...

Cut the crap, take Lysee out.

Lysee, the quixotic dog!?

That's right, it's been terribly trained.

By just one hair of the suspect,

no matter where the criminal goes,

it will find him out and bite him.

Now, I'll show you a demonstration.

Attack!

Miss Shui, don't worry,
let it smell your ass.

Stay calm.

Master, if there is anything wrong,

I'll gather our fellows for a fight.

Just delay them as long as you can.

I won't give it a damn!

Come on.

Attack!

Good dog...

Oh, it likes eating buns!

Shit!

Oh, the thief is crying for catching thief!

It's Fong who touched Miss Shiu's ass!

Now, the truth is found!

He can't imagine that
the dog which is trained by him...

will betray him because

of my righteousness and its conscience!

It turns to charge against its master!

What a righteous dog!

Let's clap for it.

Lysee is a good dog.

Lysee is a good dog!

We've found a good dog
named Lysee in China.

Miss, do you want to talk to me?

I'm sorry to make a mistake.

I am so ignorant that,

I was almost cheated by that bastard.

By the way, you owe me something, huh?

I wish to have chance to pay for it.

This is my student Foon.

Brother Foon.

He likes you so much.

Master, you are disgusting!

But you need not fall for him.

Well, 3 pm tomorrow,
come to my home on time.

Let's discuss what you'd pay for it.

What do you think?

I'll be there on time.

Let's go!

Master, we've found it.

Daddy, we've found it.

God,

hope you would bless Yu-fa and Nim-sai,

make them live happily
in heaven, thank God!

Sir, beware of catching
cold, let us handle it.

Chung, open the coffin and check the body.

How is the body?

We still can see his face.

Turn the body upside down
and remove his trousers.

What did you see?

His ass.

Anything on his ass?

A triangular stain.

It's birthmark.

Right, he is your brother Nim-sai.

Actually, Nim-sai was sold to Canton
by you for over 20 years.

If he is still alive,
can you recognise him?

You know, when one is
happy, his has one look.

And when he is sad, he has another look.

I can't guarantee the change of his look.

Do you remember anything
special about Nim-sai?

He has had a very beautiful jade
round his neck.

There is a little door on it,

behind the door, the name Sai of Sir Ho Sai
is carved on it.

Master, what are you doing?

Wait.

Master, what are you doing here?

Wait.

Master.

You are lucky!

What's the matter?

Are you willing to kiss Lotus?

Master, are you kidding me?
Will I be that lucky?

It's true!

When Lotus arrives,

I'll ask Yan to let her sit on this chair.

Then Yan will get the tea
by leaps and bounds.

Isn't it great?

That's great!

Am I smart?

Master, how to kiss her?

Take a seat.

When she is all wet, what's next?

She will be very ugly and she will scream!

No, no!

She will get changed!

Master, how can she get changed in public?

Look!

This door will lock up automatically
when it's closed.

At the same time,
water will flush out from this hole.

According to human
beings' instinct, Lotus will...

Stuff it with her finger.

At the same time, another water-column
comes from that side.

She will stuff with another finger.

But she can't imagine that...

another water-column aims...

at her face!

Master, do you mean it?

Lotus is so poor then.

She can't seek for any help!

She must be scared and
doesn't know what to do.

In order to stop the water,
everyone knows she will...

stuff the hole with her tongue.

That's right, you stand in
front of the changing room.

When it's the right time, remove the hose,

move forward and kiss.

So I can kiss her.

Smug calculation!

When you hear the bell ringing,
go ahead and kiss her.

What's the use of kissing her?

Are you fooling me, Brother Foon?

Master, if she bites me, what'll I do then?

If you switch her on by your tongue,

she won't bit you, right?

Master, you are so nice to me.

I am so nice to you, right?

Yes.

- Brother Yan.
- Master.

Come here...

Ask her to stay in this
room and don't leave.

Later, water will come through this hole
and aim at your face.

Stuff this pig's tongue into this hole.

- Understand?
- Yes.

Repeat once please.

Damn it! Later, a water-column
will flush in through this hole.

When you are damn wet,

you stuff this damn pig's tongue into...

this bloody hole.

You should have said in this way.

What a creep!

Let me have a second thought.

When Foon is kissing the pig's tongue
which Yan's holding.

I'll be here to kiss Lotus.

If she accused us,

Foon will admit all the blames!

Lotus will slap Foon severely,
again and again

and I'll go forward and
kick him severely too.

Lotus will lean on my chest,

and I'll comfort her.

I'll make her drunk,

then I will...

Who else can be the King of Brain-truster

in this world except me?

No one else!

Why are you carrying luggage? Moving?

No, madam is back.

Madam?

Yes, she's going to
the sitting room with her friend.

What a big house, but...

One chair only?

You are my guest, you take the seat.

Shit!

Sorry, you'd better get changed first.

No!

Hubby.

Not you! I mean the one
with protruding teeth!

This room...

No problem, you are in urgent need.

You first!

Shit!

Help! Help...

Shit...

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help!

Someone is killed! It's shit!

Master, we are in trouble...

It's shit...

Madam!

Foon!

No one is killed! Everything is fine.

Miss Shiu, I'll return your tongue to you.

I am sorry, I don't mean it...

Sorry, I am late.

Ghost!

Ghost!

Hey! What's going on?

It's a mess.

I can't manage to explain.

Help...

Wu Man.

How is it, hubby?

I sent you to UK to study law,

why do you come back suddenly?

I wish to give you a surprise.

It's really a surprise.

Let's eat.

By the way,

why were you flushed out
of the room by water?

And I see traps all over the house.

Do you have time

to tell something about it?

I have time, but it's not convenient
to talk right now.

Madam, don't mistake it.

Master knows that

I have an indecent and brutal desire.

So he arranged all the traps,

to let me have chance to kiss Miss Shiu.

Don't misunderstand him.

But, master...

About the pig's tongue,

isn't it convenient to
give me an explanation?

Sure, but I don't have time.

That's good,

even you have time to talk,
we don't have time to listen.

Foon, you kissed the pig's
tongue, didn't you?

I did.

Right, I bought that specially for you.

Master, you promised to

let me kiss Miss Shiu.

In fact, it's me who wanted to kiss her.

And the pig's tongue is for you only.

I wanted to fool you!
I want to take your advantage,

so what?

I won't give it a damn
to tell you the truth.

It's hot, and life is boring,

I just want to have fun, isn't it alright?

That's alright!

Well, it's OK then.

Why do you stare at me?

Because of our friendship,

I'll let you kiss something anyways.

You'd better ask her.

Excuse me.

Chan Mon-gut, you are a married man,

why do you still date me for dinner?

You'll make me misunderstand something.

Haven't you thought of my feeling?

A smart guy isn't a big shot.

Miss Shiu.

Very simple!

She secretly admires him.

He fooled him.

He wants to kiss her.

You are mad at him.

I wanna beat you, you know?

Siu-tso!

Lend it to me.

Miss Shui... Please wait!

Miss Shui, it's dark outside,
let me show you the way home.

No, you'd better lend me the lantern.

I'll return it next time.

Next time? That means I'll have chance
to see you again!

If it's not necessary to return it,
I prefer keeping it.

I can't be his woman,

I can't win his heart,

now, I love to keep it for memory.

Miss Shui, why do you like my master?

All women want to find
a husband who is capable,

a man who can protect her.

Miss Shui, if there is a man,

who is a bit stronger than you,
but he can protect you,

will you consider him?

People always look for the best,

if I can't find a good husband,

I prefer not marrying anyone else.

What a decent woman!

Bravo!

Foon, a man should
achieve something in his life.

You'd better forget loving affair,

the world will be your oyster,
you'd fight for your future.

Where should I go to fight for my future?

Isn't it all the go?

Yeah...

Really?

Let me take a look!

Isn't it popular in Britain now?

What?

See!

What do you mean?

Look at me!

Look at my look!

Oh! Look!

You speak fluent English.

It's wise of me to let
you study in Britain.

I'm right to bring this present to you.

See! You look really smart.

Even a deaf guy can hear that...

you spoke whole-heartedly.

You can read my mind!

You really understand me.

You talk in such a romantic way!

It's late, let's go to bed.

That's good.

- You first.
- You first...

- No, you first...
- Come on!

No, I mean, I dare not, I really dare not.

Come on, just give me some face.

No, I...

Alright, I'll listen to you.

I think my husband doesn't
like me any more.

We have married for 7 years,
and I went to Britain for one year.

He didn't look at my eyes
when he talked to me.

I can't help, so I didn't look at his eyes
when I talked to him too.

Foon, he sent me to university
and wanted me to study law,

actually, I studied something else.

What's that?

Fashion design.

What kind of subject is it?

Needlework.

Woo! What a wonderful world.

The world has changed a lot!

Even needlework can be
a subject in the university!

So you should go out to see the world.

You've rung my bell!

A man should fight for his future!

I think I should go somewhere!
Maybe the nearest city, Hong Kong.

Are you going to Hong Kong?

Yes, Master.

But it's no longer a Chinese's place.

It's a British colony now!

I don't care! I won't let anyone bully me.

Alright.

Leave me alone!

The salary which you haven't paid me,
if it's convenient...

- may I get it back?
- What did you say?

The salary which you...

The previous line.

No.

You told me to leave you alone, didn't you?

Good! Very good!

It's what you said!

Master, you love chicken's
kidney's very much.

Eat more.

More rice.

Let me do it...

Master, your rice.

Don't you know I am on diet?

I want half rice!

Let me do it...

Bastard, what a useless guy!

Half!

Look, half bowl of rice which you want!

Eat it!

You do this in my place,

you are not giving me face, are you?

You said you would leave me alone.

You lost, Chan Mon-gut!

Peace! Peace!

Shut up!

It's my place, you have no say here!

Now, I swear in front of the lights!

I will never care about Ho Foon.

If I don't keep my words,
I'll be punished by law.

Don't you care about me any more?

You mean it?

You are selfish!

You are merciless!

You are impotent!

Bastard! You bastard!

- You really mean it?
- Bastard!

How dare you cheat my money?

Brother Foon, hide up first.

Hide up?

Yan, take care.

I am not impotent...

I am not!

Hubby, what's wrong with you?

It's only a dream.

Foon said that I am merciless and selfish.

Is that true?

I feel lonely, how to say in English?

I love you.

I love you.

Really?

I love you!

I love you!!

I love you!!!

I love you!!!!

It's late, why do you come?

Miss Shui, Chan Mon-gut is a real creep.

I've followed him for decades,
he treats me badly too.

Don't you think he will
be nice to you instead?

Any other thing else?

Miss Shui...

You are old enough to get married.

Take this piece of jade. Come on.

Go in and get some clothes.

Follow me to Hong Kong, will you?

You...

No?

It's a long road to Hong Kong,
take this piece of jade with you.

If you meet the bandits,
you still have something valuable,

thus they won't kill you.

It's late, better go now.

Take care.

Master.

Where is the guy who
sold this piece of jade?

None of my business, I don't know shooting.

I didn't kill! I didn't kill...

I didn't kill! Go!

I am innocent!

Go in.

Foreigner?

You murderer!

Uncle, what did he scold me?

No...

Help!

Are you going to torture me?

Oh my dick!

Now, you are charged with murdering.

You can employ
your own lawyer to defend for you.

Do you have any lawyer?

Yes!

Chan Mon-gut!

Shit!

Mister, are you ready?

I've found Master.

Good! Let's go.

After the shaving, no hair will be left.

You can't regret, Mister,

Do you want a second thought?

Come on.

Stop!

Fleas are living in my armpit,

why do you stop me?

May I have a little bit freedom?

Mister, do you want to go on?

Yes, please.

Foon is being charged with homicide
in Hong Kong.

- What?
- Yes.

Hey!

What?

Are you going to save him?

How?

If you don't, he will die.

People will die sooner or later!

You are smart and wise!

I can't help...

He committed crime in HK
which is governed by British law.

I can't help.

You sent me to study law in Britain.

Maybe, perhaps,
I think I can give him a... little help.

I can hear fear from your voice.

I am no match for you.

I think, I have to help you!

Master...

It's meal time.

It's meal time...

Where can I get my food, mister?

Are you new?

Right...

Time for Playing games.

Don't bully me! My master
is really something.

About the case of Ho Foon,

the British and Chinese governments
have reached an agreement.

The case will be judged
in the British court.

No appeal.

And, Chan Mon-gut will be
the defense counsel for Ho Foon.

I've been informed already.

And, His Excellency Li Hung-chang said,

if you can free Ho Foon from charges,
you'll become a hero.

Money and fame will come sooner or later.

Congratulations.

If I lose, I don't think
I will have any lose.

It's an insult to the country.

You will be punished,
maybe capital punishment for your tribes.

You are throwing me to the sharks!

Come on, don't get mad.

The chairs are not enough
for all of us, you know?

What's wrong with it?

What's wrong?

Where did you cut it?

Number nine, Nathan Road.

You know,
you should not follow the trend

to cut your hair like this!

Different people should have
different hair styles.

See, your hair doesn't match your face.

And your face doesn't match your body.

Your body doesn't match your hair.

Completely ugly!

What the hell do you want?

Master, I know it's my fault,
please don't blame me.

I regret to cut my hair.

Sit down first.

Tell me the whole story.

Alright.

Oh that day, I wandered off alone
on the Nathan Road.

When I reached number 9, Nathan Road,
a fat woman waved to me.

She said, Come to have your hair cut,
it costs 5 cents only!

That's why I followed her.

I always told you,

cheap things are no good!

You know your mistake now?

Let's go back to the case, alright?

On that day, I went to the HK Club
for the lion dance as usual.

After the performance,
I went back to the back stage.

Suddenly someone covered
my head with a rice bag,

he pushed me on the wall,

when I struggled with him...

Suddenly,

someone took off my pants...

Did he...

Yes!

What did you feel? Painful?

No.

Funny?

No!

My ass was seen,

and I felt a bit cool.

What's next?

Then, I struggled...

I removed the bag
and saw him pointing at me with a gun.

What do you want? You sex maniac!

What do you want?

You seduced my wife
and you wanted to accuse first?

Don't kill me...

None of my business, I
don't know how to shoot!

That's right,

it means, someone killed
Ho Chun in the dark.

Then, Ho Foon became the scapegoat.

The key point is,

did you have any secret affair
with Chun's wife?

Master, I haven't seen his wife at all.

How could I have secret affair with her?

Ho Chun lied.

But why was he killed?

It's alright, the key point is... your ass.

What is this triangular mark?

A birthmark.

Birthmark?

See! Some acnes are found.

Not serious, Madam.

You've dropped something!

It's a domino!

Can you explain it to me?

Master, this is a kind
of custom in the prison.

In this prison,

the new comers should serve the Indians

and the foreigners.

That is to store gambling tools
inside the anus.

Master, would you help me to stuff back?

Since you have to stuff it,

I've brought you a chicken leg,

better store it too.

If you feel hungry,
you can take it out and eat.

That's a good idea! Master.

Come on.

Good! Thank you, master.

Come on, don't mention it.

Shit, I've stuffed my ring too.

Foon, can you get my ring back for me?

Sure, master.

This is chicken leg, my
ring is still inside.

Not this one?

Oh, it's full!

Master, would you mind
looking for it yourself?

Alright.

He's taking my bag!

As it's stipulated by court,

although it's not his wish to be baptized,

we still welcome him to join God's family.

Let him go.

Why a woman's baptismal time is so short...

But a man's baptismal time is so long?

Why did you fight? Your nose bleeds!

I didn't beat him.

None of his business!

Look!

I hate blonde!

I think it's acceptable!

Damn you!

Put all the dominos back.

As well as my mahjong too.

And the chair and table, all set!

What?

Thank you, brother Hung.

Don't mention it.

As told by Chan Mon-gut,

I will take good care of you.

Beat him severely!

Court.

My master is really great.

My master is really great.

Please ask the candidates
for the jury to come for the election.

Mr. Cheung Ti-sung, you are handicapped,

I would like to dispense you
from serving the jury.

Objection!

Why do you object?

It's against the spirit of law
for despising handicapped people.

Although I am blind,

I am always a righteous and fair person.

My wish is to become a jury member.

If you don't let me join the jury,
I'll complain against you.

Alright, I'll let you do it.

Thank you.

We have jury and judge here,

actually, who will be
in-charge of the court?

Yup.

So, do you think that is an answer?

Well.

Prosecutor.

Jury.

In the coming few days,

I'll disclose the most ugly face of human
beings in front of you.

This is a terrifying

and shameless homicide.

The accused Ho Foon had
secret affair with the victim's wife Yuk.

He seduced the victim's wife,

and he was well-planned to possess Yuk too.

He asked Ho Chun to meet him
and then killed him.

Yuk has been disappeared.

We have reasons to believe that
she was killed by Foon too.

We believe that our almighty God...

Cause his justice.

This is a court,

as well as a place God shows justice!

He is really something.

Defense counsel.

Your Honor, may I ask
the jury few questions?

What questions?

Very important questions.

Go ahead.

If you think the accused is handsome,
please raise your hands.

If not, please raise your hands.

If you think the accused is terribly ugly,

please raise your hands.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the accused is ugly and poor,

you can see how ugly looking he is.

How could he seduce

the wife of the manager
of a well-off family?

Your Honor, objection!

Your Honor,

I just want to prove the
motive of killing...

is actually ridiculous!

Your Honor, the defense counsel is
ridiculous and not practical!

Alright, be a bit practical.

Lady,

if the accused wants to court you,
will you accept that?

Of course not.

If he gives you a thousand,

can you stay with him for a night?

Nuts! Doesn't he think
he can court me with a thousand only?

What a creep!

Auntie, you should answer
the question only.

Why did you scold me? Who
do you think you are?

You are a pervert!

- You murderer!
- I tell you,

- You deserve to be put behind bars.
- I will not fall for you!

You deserve to die in jail!

You are too bad!

I tell you, you jinx!

- Quiet
- Serve you right!

Your Honor,

I've proved that his motive is doubtful...

Your Honor,

the accused's look
doesn't make sense with killing.

- By the way, the...
- Wait!

You should wait, by the way...

Listen to me first.

Even he wanted to kill Chun,
he would go some place else.

It's senseless to kill
in the place where he is working.

What do you think the
cause of Chun's death?

I don't know, you'd better think!

Maybe, Ho Chun wanted to rape Foon.
But he failed.

So he committed suicide
and made Foon be the scapegoat.

Chan Mon-gut, this is the British court,

not the poor court of you Chinese.

I don't know what you are doing here.

You don't know anything about law.

Please go back to study more.

Even you don't think of
your own reputation,

you'd think of the face
of your fellow people.

Sorry...

He always mentions the United Kingdom.

It seems he's forgotten that
Hong Kong was leased to the UK.

They have to return it one day!

Damn it, how dare he be that
cocky in our territory!?

For Foon's sake, don't offend him, OK?

But that's the fact!

Sorry!

Summon the witness.

I was washing rice inside the kitchen.

When I heard the gun shot,
I rushed to the backyard at once.

What did you see?

I saw Ho Chun lying on the ground,

with blood all over his body.

Foon pointed a gun at him and laughed.

He said, Ho Chun, you are dead meat now.

- What's next?
- I was afraid and screamed!

Ho Foon got mad and chased after us.

Objection!

What did you say?

What you've just said differs
from the statement you gave to the police.

I just want to ask
why you amended your statement?

Objection sustained,
witness should answer the question.

I worry that Ho Foon will avenge me.

So I didn't tell all the truth.

I have no question, it's your turn.

I would like to show the jury the evidence,
item number one first.

Witness, this gun can
shoot only one bullet.

You said you heard the gun shot,
so how could he shoot you again?

He didn't want to kill me with gun.

But by what?

Sword.

Are you kidding me?

Really?

He chased after me and wanted to kill me
with capital chopper.

He chased after me, and I was so afraid...

He hit me with rod, non-stop hitting...

He hit from the left and
then from the right...

He wanted to use a pair
of swords to kill me.

I haven't seen these evidence before.

They are our new discoveries.

To kill a person, why should he bring along
so many weapons?

That strongly proved that
he was well-planned to kill Chun.

He even wanted to kill innocent citizen.

Even though, he didn't
mind to die with all.

Bull shit! You creeper!

You are framing me, you
will die a dog's death!

Bastard! You will go to hell!

Your Honor, I request to charge Foon
with some more charges...

threatening judiciary officer,
contempt of court,

bodily injury,

and throw rubbish in public place.

Chan Mon-gut.

I didn't do it, I didn't do it.

Don't lose your mind.

Why did you throw my shoe away?

Give me back my shoe.

Take this first.

Super swords!

Capital Chopper!

I smell something weird.

What's this?

Cat's stool.

Why are you that hungry?

It may be very important clues.

Brother Lone, what made you think so?

Because of my name.

I made many clues.

How about that shoe?

- Yes, much is found!
- Give it to Brother Lone,

it's very important!

Greet Brother Lone.

Brother Lone.

I heard steps.

And it's far away...

It's late, Brother Lone,
let's call it a day.

Wait for me.

Super swords and capital chopper.

I can tell it's a trap.

The prosecutor is cocky!

Who the hell is he?

A very sharp-tongued lawyer.

What a co-incidence,
he is Ho Chun's boss,

named Ho Chung.

Who is his boss then?

His dad, Ho Sai.

Ho Sai?

He is a rich merchant,

and is the council member.

He owns many properties
in Western District.

Sai?

Yes, Sai.

Hearing this word Sai, I...

Did it ring your bell?

Right, because I remember Foon has...

What?

A piece of jade which
the word Sai is carved.

Maybe, there is another story.

This may be related
to the poor orphan, Ho Foon.

- Wu Man.
- Hubby.

Do you know anything about Ho Sai?

He is a Catholic, a righteous man.

Good! Yan.

- Yes
- Send this picture to Ho Sai at once.

I want him to meet Foon in court.

Master, why do you draw
such perverse picture?

Do you feel happy?

Brother Lone, we all count on you.

Please go ahead.

The witness

must be bribed or threatened.

An eye for an eye! I want
to threaten them too.

Please find them out.

And then torture them, make them confess.

Good idea. How can you
figure this idea out?

I... I use my brain.

Don't worry.

Count on me.

It's alright, count on me.

Don't worry, count on me.

Brother Lone doesn't seems to be alright

Your Honor, I would like
to summon a new witness.

What big deal?

Your old man!

Objection, how dare he scold my old man?

Come on, don't always object,
can you listen his words first?

Summon Sir Ho Sai.

I mean your dad!

This is my master.

Chan Mon-gut.

Sir, thank you for your help.

Please follow me. I swear
with my sincerity.

Sir, do you know the accused Ho Foon?

No.

But he is like my concubine Yu-fa.

What?

You have had a son with your concubine?

Yes, we have a son named Nim-sai.

But he is dead.

Why?

I don't know.

Why don't you know that?

We've lost each other for over 20 years.

Why did you say he's dead?

I saw his dead body.

How could you confirm that was your son?

From his ass.

Ass?

Right,

I saw a triangular birthmark
on the body's ass.

That makes me believe that
was my son's dead body.

Sir, there are so many unexpected things
happened on earth.

For many things, you may not believe it.

Foon, do you want me to teach you?

Take off your pants! Now!

Yes!

How about the one I saw?

You just saw his ass, but not the face.

The birthmark may be drawn by someone.

It may be drawn by someone.

So you are my son?

I'm so glad to see you meeting your son!

Nim-sai!

Nim-sai...

Don't be too excited.

Men, come and take care of Sir Ho.

So, you've seen,

Sir Ho admitted the accused as his son.

This may be a deliberate conspiracy,

a trap for a nullius filius.

But the witness didn't swear

in front of the Bible.

So, his words won't be
accepted by the court.

He swore.

His hands touched the Bible,
but he said nothing.

Alright, again.

Your Honor, although such
a sad thing happened,

the words of the witness
said before his death...

Should be forgotten.

Nuts!

He did say the truth, how can you deny it?

Sorry, law is law.

Not any word should be amended.

Chan Mon-gut, I can't help you.

Your Honor, you can!

You'd better learn again.

Your dad died, and you
don't even shed a tear.

I think I'd better learn from you.

It's all because of you!

My dad had heart disease.

If you didn't ask him to be witness,
he wouldn't have died.

You, murderer!

Your Honor, I am sorry.

My father died, I can't control my emotion.

What's up?

Damn it! You pretend crying!

You bastard!

You don't even have tears in your eyes,
can you see it?

It's dry!

You are caught red-handed!

Why do you pretend crying?

To hell with you!

Hey, you'd better behave!

Wait, let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there
was a noble named Ho.

He had a son named Ho Chung.

Sir Ho was old,
his son would be his heir of course.

But, suddenly,
his nullius filius Ho Foon appeared.

Someone worried his
status would be affected.

So he sent his fellow Chun...

to kill that nullius filius.

But, Chun failed.

Someone just took
this opportunity to kill Chun.

And made that poor kid be the scapegoat.

That guy is really hard-hearted
and cold-blooded!

What do you think about my assumption?

Prosecutor, why do you laugh?

Because this is such a nonsense
and stupid story.

Nonsense and stupid, huh?

But you are all sweat!

It's really weird.

Prosecutor, where were you
when the homicide happened?

At home.

What were you doing?

- Reading.
- What book did you read?

A tale of two cities.

Where did you stop?

Well... the soldiers...

The soldiers met Snow White, is that right?

Yes, they met Snow White...

No, you are fooling me!

Smart you! So, where did you stop?

Why should I answer your question?

Right, I don't know why
you want to answer me!

What a shame!

Chan Mon-gut, you've gone too far!

Wipe your sweat first!

I think you haven't had good sleep lately.

Does Ho Chun visit you every night?

Your Honor!

Let's go back to our topic,

what did you do that night?

I told you, I read at home.

No, I don't mean the night Chun was killed.

I mean the night before he was killed.

Before killing him, I went...

Yes!

You're finished!

Your Honor, I request to reach
the final address.

Damn you! Tell us what you did
on the night before Chun's death.

Police.

No! I mean Chan Mon-gut.

What's the matter?

The defense counsel's personal
point of view is really amazing!

But according to the legal procedure...

Come on! Why are you so stubborn?

You're charged with contempt of court.

I have to sent you to jail for one day.

Immediate execution.

Your Honor, are you kidding me?

Your Honor, can you give me face?

- Hubby.
- Are you kidding me?

Your Honor, for what we've just heard,

should we forget them too?

Since the statement is
against legal procedure,

Jury, you should forget
everything you've just heard.

Chan Mon-gut will be represented by Wu Man.

Tomorrow, the final address
should be presented.

Court.

Brother Foon.

Miss Shui.

Why are you here?

I come to save you.

Alright, I'll pack up first.

I just want to prove your personality.

I am right.

You are a gutless coward.

What?

If you leave like this,

you will be sinful forever.

You can't live peacefully and
you'd hide up for the rest of your life.

You would be a criminal forever.

I have decided to stay.

That's why I love you.

Creep!

Ho Foon, someone comes to visit you.

Miss Shui.

Where did you cut your hair?

Number 9, Nathan Road.

Cut the crap, I won't go.

I am not a gutless coward.

If I leave like this,
I will be sinful for the rest of my life.

I won't live peacefully.

And I will be a criminal forever.

I won't leave.

I come to express my support.

You can't lose in this case.

Because your master's name is so important.

But now, I know that,

you are a real brave and quixotic hero.

I believe that you are innocent.

I'll wait for you.

Good speech!

Will you wait for me?

You'll be released at 5 pm tomorrow.

How about the final address?

They can do nothing to me.

They can't imagine that,
you studied law in UK too.

Tomorrow, you'll take my place.

Hubby...

You'll handle Foon's life.

You sent me to study law in UK...

isn't it because you felt boring?

Of course not! The world is so big!

I think, it's a good deed...

to let you see the world, is that right?

Hubby, I didn't study law in UK.

They rejected me.

So, what did you study in UK?

Fashion design.

What did you say?

- Time's up.
- I studied fashion design.

Fashion design.

Hubby, what shall we do?

Fashion design?!

Court.

Prosecutor, you can start
your final address now.

Although sentiment counts beyond law.

One should be punished if he killed.

You'd better think.

If your family was killed,

what'll you do?

Now, all the evidences
which the court admitted,

prove Ho Foon is the murderer.

I request the jury would
plead Ho Foon guilty.

Defense counsel.

My husband paid me to study law in UK.

But I am so sorry to
him, I didn't study law.

I studied fashion design.

I am not well educated,

but I don't understand one thing.

What's more important?

Legal procedure or life?

Your Honor, if you don't mind me
telling my point of view.

I think that, you've studied
so many years of law,

you have got nothing at all.

Like my husband, I haven't studied law.

But I dare to open my eyes to see
what's right and wrong.

I am proud of my hubby.

I love him.

Jury, I believe that you are not nuts.

You should know how to judge.

If all of you are nuts,

it'll be useless to say anything.

Thank you very much.

You've been released!

Yes.

You heard everything?

Yes.

What do you think?

Excellent!

You're very much appreciated.

You are flattering me.

Of course not! Look.

The blind is being touched by you,
he is crying.

Your Honor, if there isn't anything
special, I request a rest.

For I have an eye problem.
You see pus from my eyes?

Jury, have you reached any verdict?

Yes.

Unanimous?

Yes.

The jury has pleaded the accused guilty.

As stipulated,

the accused should be hanged.

Court.

Court.

Wait.

Thank you for taking care of me.

This chicken leg is for you.

Sir.

You kill me,

but many many Ho Foons will appear.

Sir.

Wait.

Your Honor, what punishment
Ho Foon should receive?

He is stipulated to be hanged.

It's alright. Yan. Let him down.

What do you want?

You just ordered to hang him.

Not hang him to death.

Now, he has been hung.

So, you should set him free now.

That's cavil at words!

Your Honor, law is law.

Not even one letter should be amended.

Now, I can't help you.

Your Honor!

Think before you speak.

Otherwise, you will lose
the face of British government.

And you may be charged with murdering.

I want an urgent meeting first.

Alright, back to your work.

You are all nuts!

Get lost.

It's my time!

The final decision of the court
has been reached.

The penalty has been carried out.

Ho Foon is free now.

Bravo!

I'm free.

Ho Chung, you are under arrest,
you are charged with murder.

- Brother Foon.
- Lotus.

"My dear baby, your sudden appearance..."

"makes me feel excited..."

Closer...

I am ready. Alright?

We are going to take the bridal pictures,

we should be a bit serious,
is that right, hubby?

Well, look at me!

More serious!

Bravo!

Master, here comes Foon.

Master, Madam.

Foon.

- Brother Foon.
- Brother Gut.

Where is Miss Shui?

I sent her to study in Britain.

What's she going to study?

English literature.

That's to study Shakespeare.

You are cultured! You know Shakespeare too?

She's suitable to study English literature.

That's good for her.

- Foon.
- Master.

Your hair matches your face.

You look great! I am so glad to see it.

Master, today, you marry again,
I am so glad to see it too.

Well, you must be happier.

- No, you must be happier...
- Give me face,

- you must be happier...
- say you're happier than I am.

You're happier.

Come on, look at the camera.

Concentrate, watch.

It's alright!

Number nine, Nathan Road?

Bastard, you look great.

Damn it, no big deal?

I don't mind telling you.
A smart looking guy is a big shot!

So what?