Lady L (1965) - full transcript

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Sir Percy, look. Look over there, Sir Percy. Look.

Oh, it's too bad.

Come along, Gentlemen.

It was only the year before last..

Thank you, Shuttleworth. You drove beautifully.

And if anyone tells you otherwise

you're not to believe them, is that clear ?

Honestly, Louise.

You're angry with me, Percy.

I can't bear it when you're angry

so I should go back where I came from.



- Shuttleworth..
- No, no, no. Shuttleworth.

I'm not angry with you, dearest Louise.

Who could possibly ever be angry with you ?

But must I remind you that it's your birthday ?

I don't know, Percy, must you ?

Eighty. Oh, eighty years old.

It's magnificent.

Many... many happy returns of the day.

- And so say all of us, what ?
- Happy birthday, mother dear.

- Who's that ?
- Gilbert.

Gilbert who ?

Your son, Gilbert.

Oh, yes, the one I never recognize.

Are there any more sons of mine here ?



No-no, they're all indoors.

I'm sorry I didn't notice you, Gilbert.

I saw you but I didn't notice you.

What a wonderful old lady she is.

Yes.

Great news. My publisher is ecstatic.

He wants me to start on your biography without delay.

"Lady L the portrait of a very great lady"

is the title already chosen for the work.

I am intensely proud to be able to place

my humble talents at your disposal.

My dear... my darling Louise.

Why do you look so pained, my love ?

I love music.

Thank you very much.

And now, may we have a little silence, please ?

It was under this very dome

'on that rotunda..'

...that Edwin Garland Daubony Fitzmaurice Dane-Brown, Dane

...ninth Duke of Lendale..

...confronted the, uh..

...confronted the Roundheads in the year of Grace...1648.

And uttering the glorious words...

I want some cake.

- Uttering the glorious words...
- I want some cake !

He wants some cake. Do hurry up.

Here we have Louise, a Frenchwoman.

'I'm sure she'll forgive my putting it that way.'

And yet she, this woman..

...with a different background and other habits

in marrying a Lendale

became as ferociously devoted to an adopted cause

as any native-born member of this ancient stock !

Yeah.

I have in my hand

a telegram from Buckingham Palace.

You will notice, Your Grace

that even this message is addressed

to the beloved, if inaccurate nickname

the whole of England knows you by, "Lady L."

My dear family and friends.

Now, just a little more this way, Your Grace.

Perhaps, a trace of a smile, don't laugh.

I told you to avoid the neck.

There is..

There is only one thing

I am unable to deny

in dear Percy's flattering address

and that is that I am French.

Naturally, I am very pleased with my family.

While Percy was talking

I counted four Generals

'an admiral, a bishop'

'a minister of the Crown'

a governor of the Bank of England and, uh..

'...and a handful of black sheep'

without which no self-respecting family's complete.

Ooh-la-la. French look ! Straight at the camera.

'Naughty, naughty.'

But of course

the one who gives me the greatest feeling of comfort

is young Alfred.

At least Alfred knows what he wants

like his grandma.

I want some cake too, Alfred.

Alfred and I both want some cake.

They've done you proud, dear heart.

But it's no more than you deserve.

There's the "Tatler," "Field"

the leader in the "Horse and Hound."

"The Times."

Oh, I didn't see "The Times."

There's nothing in it, my dear.

But that is their way of being extremely complimentary.

Yes, it is.

Ah ! Well done, youngster. Well done.

You love England, don't you, Percy ?

Ah, England..

It's a state of mind, you know, Louise ?

A state of soul.

"That sweet intangible

that most dear something always..

...inches out of reach." As I once wrote.

Oh, you've wrote that more than once, Percy.

That's why they knighted you.

I expect so.

Well, I expect so.

There you are, Nanny.

Run the little blighter out.

Thank you very much, Sir Percy.

We mustn't forget it's only a game, must we ?

Appearances.

The more she wants to win..

...the more she pretends she doesn't mind losing

that's England, too.

Uh... you wicked foreigner

you've discovered one of our best kept secrets.

'As I have no time for those'

who pretend to dislike appearances

society couldn't exist without them.

I'm so glad you think so.

Come.

- Where are we going ?
- Into my summer house.

Are you sure ?

You've never asked anyone in there before.

- Not since...
- Not since Dicky died, I know.

I want you to be the first.

Oh, Louise..

Are you in love with me, Percy ?

You know I am.

I haven't replaced your mother. Have I ?

Oh, that was cruel, my darling.

I only lost mama last year.

At the age of 98.

She nearly made her century.

I admit I am a little young as a replacement

but I'll do my best. Come in.

Why... I hardly dare.

If you're going to write my biography, you must.

I may be able to teach you something..

...about appearances.

Close the door, Percy.

Can't I draw the curtains ?

It seems such a pity, the one sunny day in the year

when there's a little sunlight.

Switch on the light.

Hmm.

Good heavens.

Wait, you don't sleep in here, do you ?

- With whom ?
- Oh, incorrigible.

Please forgive me.

What's that ?

A bomb.

Oh, please, Percy, Settle down. You're making me nervous.

Well, it's-it's, not the bomb exactly.

It's a... just a red light. I..

I'm not used to it.

Give in to it, Percy. It's cheap and vulgar.

Don't resist it if you wish to learn about appearances.

Real appearances.

'Are you ready ?'

Yes.

I was born Louise Baldinucci

in the village of Pietra Bianca, Corsica.

You're Corsican ?

Like Bonaparte ? I didn't know.

We came from neighboring villages, Napoleon and I

but I did better than he.

I invaded England and conquered it... alone.

But before I conquered England

I had to do what he did

and conquer France.

Why the red lights, you asked.

I'll try to explain.

My people came to Paris when I was a baby.

They were very poor.

I worked from my earliest youth, delivering laundry.

Much of it to a house.

Laundry is usually delivered to houses

if I'm not mistaken ?

This was not so much

a house as a house.

I don't follow.

A house full of girls

of all shapes and sizes.

And of every nationality.

Oh, I see. A kind of finishing school ?

Oh, is that what they call them in England ?

Well, one day, the clients hadn't arrived yet...

Clients ?

Clients ? Good gracious !

You don't mean that you worked in a..

No, no. I cannot. I dare not believe it.

Oh, don't smoke.

Alright, ladies, back into your rooms.

Alright, go. Go.

Come on, let's go.

Not you, Louise. You stay here.

Why are you keeping her back ?

She's not even a member of the establishment.

She's a laundress ?

I have my reasons.

You see, ladies, we shall always be victimized

until we've organized ourselves into a union.

That's enough. Go into your rooms !

Long live socialized love !

Socialized love ? What next ?

Vote for women ? I wouldn't be surprised.

Louise, you are in luck.

'Pantoufle, no peeping !'

Louise, you have taken the fancy of His Excellency

Ambroise Gerome, the minister of the interior.

- Isn't that wonderful ?
- Yes.

- Wonderful.
- Hmm.

'You may come out, Your Excellency.'

'Discretion is assured.'

Mademoiselle.

I should congratulate you on your beauty.

But I feel I must congratulate nature even more.

- Louise, do you realize...
- Please, Lecoeur.

Am I to understand that you find me amusing ?

Perhaps my manner of appreciating

your beauty is a little excessive

but that is only because

I have an extraordinary fine education.

Your Excellency...

Oh, she already calls me by my name.

No, I don't think you understand.

I don't belong here.

I deliver the laundry once a week and every time

Monsieur Lecoeur keeps me waiting an hour for the receipt

and every time he tries to interest me in joining

the establishment by introducing me to some old Gentlemen.

Louise..

Why do you run away from me ?

I don't want to catch your cold.

The best wines are those which try our patience.

It is a sin to drink them too soon.

But when they are ready...

I don't follow you, Your Excellency.

That hardly surprises me, Lecoeur.

Mademoiselle,I fought a duel this morning

because my wife's lover insulted my mistress

who happens to be his wife.

You can see that I will stop at nothing to satisfy honor.

'If Lecoeur should hurt your feelings after I have gone'

'do not hesitate to communicate'

with me at, uh, at this address.

In fact, do not hesitate to communicate with me

even if Lecoeur fails to hurt your feelings.

Well, I will see myself out

since I'm incognito.

Your Excellency.

What are you waiting for ?

My receipt.

Ah.

'You see, ladies, that's what I call solidarity.'

Louise, you're a comrade.

If I stay here, I would be.

They call this the house of joy.

'Where's the joy ?'

'It's sad and it's sinister.'

You're very young, Louise.

I'm sure you still believe in the right man.

Oh, yes, I do.

There is no right man.

There are only right men and wrong men.

You only say that because you
never had the courage to wait.

I even know what he will look like.

He won't be too small, so that I overpower him.

Or too tall, so that I can mother him at times

without looking ridiculous.

He'll never stoop to anything low.

Unlike my father, he won't drink or smoke.

He'll be wonderfully healthy.

Oh, Louise.

Louise, you've thought

of everything, haven't you ?

And I suppose he'll be immensely rich ?

I don't care about wealth.

But I do know he'll be clean and tidy.

Because he'll be married to a laundress.

And so he'll attract attention wherever he goes.

And make other men jealous.

Now. I repeat. I repeat.

'I repeat. Now.'

Message received. Over.

Thank you.

Thank you.

- Is it him ?
- It's bound to be.

What business would a real tramp have in a bank ?

That piece of paper he dropped

why isn't it blowing away like all the others ?

Bomb ! Bomb !

...blow the whistle.

Forward, men ! Forward. Let's go to the bank.

Come on !

Come on. Come on, let's go !

The old tramp, they've got him.

- Quick, quick.
- Inside.

- Where's the chief ?
- Alright, alright.

You are the chief ? I want the chief.

It's gone. 65,000 francs.

The money Monsieur Buisset sets aside

every week to pay his jockeys.

His jockeys ?

A little quiet, please.

'Chief ?'

It's him, Armand ! Let's go. After him !

Bravo ! Bravo !

Catch him.

Come on.

Here is your receipt, and you needn't come back.

Oh, don't be so hard on her, Monsieur Lecoeur.

She dreams of prince charming

but she'll settle for an elderly millionaire

like all the rest of us

if she's lucky.

'Monsieur..'

- Armand ?
- Armand ? But it's not Armand.

Armand !

Sapper, I have a surprise for you later. Lecoeur.

Where are you going ?

Police.

- Police.
- Whoo.

Police ? Come on, let's go.

Whoo.

- I think you've made a mistake.
- Have I ?

Well, there's always a way of putting a mistake right.

Get into bed.

No.

- It's loaded.
- I'm sure it is.

I won't hesitate to use it.

I don't agree. You're not the type.

I am desperate.

I'm sorry.

Will you please get into bed ?

- That's different.
- 'What is ?'

- You said please.
- Did I ? I didn't mean to.

It's ridiculous to say please with a gun in your hand.

- You'd better hurry.
- What ?

- Please, hurry.
- Oh, yeah.

Come on.

You're very polite, you know that ?

I was told to be as a little girl.

Oh, do you believe everything you're told as a little girl ?

Everything.

Come on. Come on.

- Prince charming..
- What's the matter now ?

Shh.

Alright, Armand..

I beg your pardon, Your Excellency.

It won't happen again.

All illusion lust !

Alright, Armand..

I beg your pardon.

You ! Belleceour ! What are you doing here ?

- I'm on special duty.
- You call this special duty ?

'See me in the office after lunch.'

- Yes, Sir.
- Continue,mademoiselle.

Alright, Armand.

The game's up.

Good Morning,mademoiselle.

How dare you dare enter without knocking ?

Police,mademoiselle. We knock after entering.

I'll give you five seconds

'to get out of bed, Armand.'

I advise you to... to lie quite still,mademoiselle.

He may be armed.

But who... who-who are you ?

You don't work here ?

I have just started.

I have no choice,mon amour I'll have to tell them.

Please, Your Excellency

I don't want you to be shot by mistake.

- Your Excellency ?
- 'Yes.'

Monsieur Gerome, the minister of the interior.

Your chief.

Do you dare to go through the minister's pockets ?

If you really are the minister, Your Excellency

can you explain why your coat reeks of gunpowder ?

His Excellency, fought a duel, at dawn this morning.

The prime minister, 5 o'clock in the bois.

The prime minister ? A-again ?

Every week, at least once.

It's a coalition government.

Yeah, yeah.

Your Excellency

'would you be prepared to answer a few questions ?'

Go away, Mercier, and take your governors with you.

You have a surprisingly

rough voice this morning, Your Excellency.

He caught a cold at the duel.
Didn't you, Ambroise,mon cheri ?

I had to fetch him an aspirin.

- An-an-an aspirin ?
- And a glass of water.

We were only doing our duty as always.

You may count on our entire discretion.

'Dubaron.'

- Armand Denis.
- Louise Baldinucci.

Inspector, to what do we owe the pleasure of this visit ?

Be careful, Lecoeur, I'm watching you.

And I, Mercier, I'm watching you.

I want to talk to you about that.

Stop watching me.

Every where my men go, your men trail them.

All your men have to do is to turn around

and then they'll be following mine again.

Maybe my men don't want to go where your men want to go.

Oh. Now you're asking too much.

Never tamper with a policeman's dignity, Lecoeur.

He's as sensitive about his dignity

as a crook is about his honor.

I did it.

I did it. 65,000 francs in broad daylight.

All along right under Mercier's nose.

I don't want it.

Oh, no, you don't, Helga.

Line up ! Go on. Line up.

'They'll want to retire now.'

Don't you see what you're doing ?

And let's have the money.

Champagne for everyone.

Don't thank me, thank Lecoeur.

And now, ladies, to celebrate your good fortune

tonight there'll be a concert of classical music.

Whoa.

'The great Krajewski will play for you.'

I have forged two tickets

so I will be going with a friend.

And then, I shall invite Krajewski here.

Plan eight.

Don't arrest him until the applause has begun.

We don't want to be accused of interrupting the music.

Plan eight.

Tell him.

I will now perform another work..

...of our great Polish national composer

Frederic Chopin.

A work expressing his pain..

...at his occupation of our beloved country

by a cruel, foreign power.

"The Revolutionary Etude."

Long live free and independent Poland !

Move.

Damnation !

Who are you ? What do you want with me ?

We wish to invite you to..

...to a small reception in your honor.

It's most kind of you

but I find myself unable to accept.

Oh, but you must.

You are agents of the Russian Government.

Do it quickly if you have charity.

Long live Poland !

What hotel are you staying in ?

Hotel ? No, no, no.

Do it here.

It is a quite, respectable hotel where they hate noise.

Mm, your addresser will proceed to your hotel

and pack your bags, within two hours

we will deliver you there safe and sound.

But who are you, then ?

A couple of music lovers. Come.

- Who is this ?
- Krajewski's dresser.

- Where is Krajewski ?
- I don't know, Sir.

This man only speaks Polish.

I can translate if you wish.

Uh, I'm in no position to tell you to

shut your mouth as I would like to.

Please, go ahead.

He says Krajewski was kidnapped by a man and a woman.

A-a-a beautiful woman ?

Alright ! Alright. Ledoux, go to the Moulin Bleu.

And arrest Armand Denis and the girl.

Make no mistake this time.

I'll be along presently.

Oh, Dubaron.

- What's that ?
- Well, my corset.

No, no.

Oh, that ?

I'm never without him.

I had him since I was a child.

He lives at the bottom of my laundry basket.

Nobody move !

- Quiet.
- Have you searched the house ?

Quiet ! Please.

Have you searched the house ?

- No, no, not yet.
- Why the devil not ?

You yourself told us not to move until the applause.

Yes ?

It is "Prelude Number 15" in D Flat Major"

by Frederic Chopin.

Maestro, are you alright.

Alright, but I've never been

so happy in my life.

At last, an audience worthy of my genius.

I understand that you were kidnapped.

Kidnapped ? What rubbish ?

I received a most cordial invitation

which I was most happy to accept.

But your-your dresser told us that you were

you were threatened.

You accept his word against mine ?

And now, dear friends, dear ladies

I really must fly to Barcelona.

- Oh !
- And Beethoven.

Excuse me, please. Can I have a taxi ?

Well, the police car is at your disposal, maestro.

And we will have it followed
to see that you come to no harm.

You are most kind, all of you.

- Where's Armand ?
- I haven't the slightest idea.

I haven't seen him all evening.

But where are you going ?

Inspector ?

I-I assure you !

I beg your pardon.

What's the matter, inspector ?

You will forget my last remark, Lecoeur

and remember only this.

There is a time-honored law in France

that a man cannot be arrested in his home

during the hours of darkness.

Article 76 of the constitution !

But at 6 o'clock in the morning, this tolerance ceases.

You have until then to leave Paris.

Six o'clock, it is war.

I have warrants for the arrest of Armand Denis.

- Louise Baldinucci and you !
- Me ? What for ?

I advise you not to wait to find out.

I will surround this house and have you blasted !

If necessary with artillery. Yes !

I have received reinforcements from our provinces

and I have army units at my disposal.

So get out of here, if you know
what's good for you, Lecoeur.

Get out.

Mercier. I-inspector !

For your information and your safety

your clock is one minute slow !

Chief !

This... gentleman wishes to drive to the house.

Alright, let him through if he insists.

Uh, Ledoux, signal to the Alpine troops on the roof

that there are seven minutes left.

'What are you doing there ?'

- Good Morning, inspector.
- Your Excellency.

Oh, oh, that is the house, mm ?

I was up early in any case

in difference of opinion in the Bois de Boulogne.

Am I safe here ?

Oh, uh, you should move just a little further back

Your Excellency. These are desperate men.

I want no harm to come to any of the girls.

Is that clear ? To any of them.

Uh, yes, Your Excellency.

- Louise Baldinucci...
- Especially not to her.

She is misguided.

I wish to conduct her cross-examination

personally in my office.

Why the soldiers... everywhere ?

Oh.

Ah ! Your Excellency. Inspector.

I just wanted to apologize for
getting you down here so early.

Just give yourself up like a man, Armand

to avoid unnecessary bloodshed.

And also I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye.

My mother taught me never to be impolite.

Farewell, Your Excellency. Farewell, inspector.

Now you are certainly nothing if not thorough.

Incredible impertinence. Whew !

Are you sure you have him ?

Oh, positive, Your Excellency.

There is no possibility of their escape.

We even have men in the sewers.

'Dubaron.'

Thanks to the horseless carriages you gave us.

Even if they did manage to-to break through our-our ring

they would-wouldn't go farther than..

And now, I suppose you'll be asking me

for flying machines ?

Balloon !

- Yes, yes.
- Balloon !

It's beautiful, but I'm homesick.

Yeah, soon we'll be back to Paris.

And then I'll take you on a really big job.

Oh, thank you very much.

Meanwhile, I'm hungry.

'Oh, you woman, Come here.'

'Whenever you're out of your reach'

'you become practical I can't stand that.'

I better shut the window, its began to rain.

'No, leave the windows open. I like the rain.'

- I'm cold !
- 'Come here.'

Oh !

Hmm.

Well, move over, the roof is leaking again.

I can't move over.

We're in touch with nature.

We'll just lie here like great lovers

and die of starvation in each others arms, what do you say ?

Children will be brought up on the tragic story

of Armand and Louise.

Alright, but first change places, hmm ?

Ugh, you absolutely want me to get soaked.

Oh, Armand.

Well, I hate you when you're practical.

I'm not practical, I'm hungry, we're broke.

Do you want me to get a job like everyone else ?

Well, I could take in laundry.

And shaming me into it ? Come here, you washerwoman.

Goodbye.

Don't forget your pills.

Shut the door.

Shut the door.

- What's the matter ?
- I want to talk to you.

- Wait for me in the cafe.
- No, I want to talk to you now.

Well, if you don't want to wait for me

come in, sit down and be quiet.

'Raise your left hand.'

And I promise to abide

by the decisions of the Central Committee.

And I promise to abide by the decisions of the..

Central Committee.

Of the Central Committee.

That's why you wanted me to go to the cafe.

- Please, Louise.
- Welcome to our brotherhood.

From now on you will be known as Brother Bobkowitz.

Bobkowitz.

Now, we will draw lots in the usual manner

to find out who will assassinate

Prince Otto of Bavaria next Friday in Nice.

Kobeleff.

No wonder they call me unlucky.

Bealu.

That means, uh, Brother Bobkowitz

that one of us is the lucky one.

We forget our disappointments quickly.

There in lies the strength of the movement !

Here are your sealed orders.

Not to be opened until dawn Friday.

- The bomb, the bomb.
- Of course, the bomb.

The bomb, the bomb with the new K-type

perfected by brother Katzenberg of the Prussian.

It's twice as light as the old Q-type

and with four times its explosive power.

- Let me handle it...
- No, let me have it.

Since I'm going to have to use it.

It's too heavy.

No bomb approved by the Central Committee is too heavy.

Well, I'm telling you it's too heavy.

It's crazy to lug a thing like that around

when a bomb the size of a nail

will blow off the front of a house !

Spare us the story of how you blew up the bank.

We've heard it three times already.

You haven't got anything to boast about, do you ?

I mean, you never really succeeded

in assassinating anyone, have you ?

Wait a minute, why must every discussion become personal ?

We'll talk about it later. Dinner, Louise ?

You mean, o-on top of it all, you want me to...

I borrowed some spaghetti.

Take your hat off in my house for a start.

You stink of tobacco, your nails are filthy.

All false values. Bourgeois !

Well, I've got just two things to say !

Armand cannot go to France

he's wanted there by the police.

We're leaving, we're wanted everywhere by the police.

The thing is not to be caught.

And the second thing I've got to say..

...and this goes for you too, Armand.

I'm going to have a child.

- I don't believe it.
- Well, go and ask the doctor.

You think it's good for me to listen to people speaking

of taking life, when I'm busy producing it.

Do you think it's responsible to bring a child

into this world of social injustice ?

Oh, shut up ! You've never been in love.

I can see it in your face !

Darling.

I've been in love..

...but I don't recognize you anymore.

You used to smile before a job.

There was a light in your eye and then I knew

everything was going to be alright.

You don't anymore. You sit there looking grim.

Obeying the rules of these-these clowns.

Well, I'm going to give it a try !

Your oath binds you for life.

You see ?

Leave us alone, Gerome. Go out into the corridor.

No, you promised us shelter if we came from Zurich.

We can only leave when it is dark.

Alright, Armand, I'll go.

But I warn you. You've changed him.

And in this mood, he'll be no good to you or your movement.

He'll fail, and he'll drag you down with him.

How dare you say that ? I've never failed at anything.

You've started now.

You'll fail as an assassin.

And you fail as a father.

Do you know what you're saying ?

Exactly.

I'm as stubborn as you are.

I can't live a dream which is not my own.

Neither can I.

- Wait for me in the cafe.
- No.

Give Armand my love, if you should find him, brother..

Whatever your name is.

And don't leave the spaghetti in the water

longer than ten minutes, or you'll ruin it as well.

'You have work to do, brother.'

'Remember your oath.'

'Tickets are sold onboard.'

'Allow arriving passengers to align first, please.'

Come along, children.

Good afternoon,mademoiselle.

Where are you going ?

You have nothing to fear from me.

This is Switzerland.

- Why are you here ?
- I'm on a holiday.

All alone ?

I'm a bachelor.

I hope you're not contemplating a return to France.

That would be rash.

No.

May I offer you a... a glass of wine ?

I'm sorry.

You may offer me something to eat.

You told Lecoeur you were jealous.

Any policeman is jealous of..

...of those who are free to disobey.

Robbing the rich to give to the poorer

is a charming form of crime, Louise

but, uh, don't let Armand's crimes become ugly.

For all our sakes.

-'Mademoiselle.'
-'Oui, Monsieur.'

The-the Swiss police have informed us

of an attempt may be made on the
life of Prince Otto of Bavaria.

When he visits Nice, next Friday.

I need a bomb.

- For your personal use ?
- Not a live one. An empty one.

I need it urgently tonight.

A-a Q-type ?

A K-type.

A K-type, are you sure ?

Are they already in use ?

Well, uh..

I don't know whether my Swiss
colleagues possess such a thing

but I will do my best to have it delivered to you.

- But how can we manage it ?
- I...

No, I-I don't want to know your address.

That I... I might remember.

I tell you what

I'll leave it for you in care of Krajewski.

Is he here ?

- Didn't you see the posters ?
- No.

He's playing tonight at the casino.

How wonderful.

I hate music like the plague

but, uh, his concerts I-I always find exciting.

And now, as an encore..

...I hope to be able to play for you

yet another work

by our great Polish composer

Frederic Chopin.

"The Revolutionary Etude."

My..

Oh, dear mademoiselle.

We have not a moment to lose.

I must catch my train as usual.

But first, these arrived for you.

To which I would like to add this.

What is it ?

You were my impresario in my last concert in Paris.

And I give always my impresario

10 percent on my share.

Fifteen hundred francs ?

Yes, uh, I-I'm the most overpaid artist in the world.

Who told you I needed money ?

'The music loving chief of the Paris police'

informed me that if I didn't repay my debt

I might have some difficulty re-entering France.

Oh, I'll repay it all some day.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Madame.

I would like a room, please.

I'm afraid the hotel is quite full, Madame.

Excuse me.

I see.

Yes, Your Grace.

Very well.

We may have one left.

An unexpected cancellation.

A small suite and perhaps with drawing room

boudoir, bathroom, and a balcony overlooking the square.

The suite is not too small, I hope.

I think, Madame, will find that our small suite

are considerably larger

than other hotels' large suites.

May I know Madame's name for the register ?

The Countess of Camoens.

Of course. I beg Madame's pardon.

I've seen her picture so often among the social pages.

- Nationality ?
- Uh !

Profession ? None, of course.

Widow.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

It was a tragic occurrence, indeed.

Page, the suite.

Take the countess' bags.

Not that one !

It's my late husband.

The count.

If you understand me ?

A beautiful thought.

Here is your suite, countess.

Drop it.

Leave it and go.

Hello.

Well, I hope I didn't frighten you.

When ?

Just now, I screamed.

Oh, good Lord, I'm quite used to women screaming.

Some of you have no other form of self-expression.

I was married to a Spanish gypsy from Granada once.

She broke a blood vessel in the back of her neck

right there screaming.

What have you got in that bag ? A bomb ?

What ?

Well, I mean it's logical in a way and balcony

'overlooking the place where poor silly Otto'

'is going to receive the keys to the city tomorrow.'

'Even if he wears a stout'

he'll be a sitting duck up there in that desk.

'That's what I'm painting now.'

'The assassination of Otto of Bavaria.'

It's an imaginary work, of course.

I had to put Otto in later and the assassin.

That's a problem about painting assassinations.

The subjects never stay still enough, long enough to..

...for the artist to capture a likeness.

Are you a professional painter ?

No, I'm a professional Duke.

'Which means that I'm an amateur at everything else.'

Lendale is the name. Dicky Lendale.

Enchanted. I'm the Countess of Camoens.

Camoens ? Ah, the great Portuguese lyric poet ?

He was my husband.

And you're still in mourning ?

What devotion ? He died in 1580.

He was my husband's grandfather.

Well, even that is quite remarkable.

But, I imagine the Camoens developed

rather late as a family.

I do hope that your grief won't prevent you

from, uh, joining me for luncheon.

Lunch ?

You're not having lunch with anyone else, are you ?

- No.
- Well, come along then.

Yamamoto can show you some pieces from my collection.

Is this by you ?

No, that is, uh, a Rembrandt.

Not a very good one, so your mistake is understandable.

Now, this. This is a Boucher.

A minor master of painting

but a major master of the erotic.

Just look at that glorious..

I don't know, it-it has something.

We had many such paintings in our house in Paris.

- Did you indeed ?
- Mm-hmm.

I'd should've liked to have known the count.

The cou.. Oh, the count, my late..

Yes, of course, your late.

Now, these. These are very interesting.

These are Egyptian scarabs, of the third millennium.

My late father stole them from various temples

while he was liberating Egypt from the Turks.

Their size makes them very easy to steal.

Why do you say that ?

Because my father stole them.

Would you believe it ?

Each one of these is valued at over 100,000 pounds.

It's really Ridiculous, isn't it ?

Ten average families could live in comfort

for the rest of their days, if they possessed

just one of those little fellows.

Well, it's immoral.

I hoped you would say that.

- Luncheon ?
- Yes.

They told me, the hotel was full.

- I don't understand it.
- It is full.

It's full of us.

Full of us ? What do you mean ?

You have two rooms.

- I have all the others.
- All of them ?

Oh, I'm not accustomed to neighbors.

But, how can you afford it ?

Well, how can I put this, um, I have independent means.

And no wife ? I thought, you said...

Uh, I had. Alas, I had a wife.

A magnificent figure of a woman

but, I couldn't take her home.

Her Majesty wouldn't hear of a
gypsy at the courtesan James.

Maybe, she was right.

England would have killed Dolores.

All that soap and chlorinated water and..

And no rhythm in the whole wretched country

except the snoring in the clubs.

Hope I did the right thing by her.

What did you do ?

I set her up in the handsomest cave in Granada.

Oh, I hope she's happy.

Duke, are you telling me the truth ?

Countess, would you recognize the truth, if you heart it ?

Then, you're not a real duke, either.

What do you think I am ?

A..

A great criminal.

Very Interesting. Go on.

Now, what am I doing in this hotel ?

Money doesn't interest you anymore.

You've made your fortune, but, uh, but, you're lonely.

Very intelligent. That's really correct.

And now, you're looking for a mistress.

Oh, no. You ruined the whole thing.

Utterly wrong. I'm looking for a wife.

- A wife ?
- A wife.

It's an odd way of proposing, isn't it ?

Are you proposing to me ?

I'm looking for a compromise
which is what all civilized men

end up with, so why not settle for it in the beginning ?

- How romantic.
- I'm merely being honest.

You accuse me of telling a lies.
I haven't told one lie so far.

Think it over.

Well, there's nothing to think over.

I'm in love with someone else.

So soon after your husband death ?

Well, that really is romantic.

You didn't murder him by any chance ?

You said yourself he died in 1580.

Oh, I see, then you're not really a countess at all.

You didn't think for a moment I was.

No, I didn't.

I think you are what you thought I was

a liar, a competence trickster, a thief.

How dare you ! Oh, my God.

- You're not pregnant, are you ?
- Huh ? Oh.

My dear countess, you simply must marry me.

Garcon.

Carry the countess to her room.

I'll swap your bag for the scarab.

It interests me to see which one you've selected.

Ah, that one ? That's very interesting.

That's the smallest. Also, the most valuable.

The others, nearly all plump for the largest.

- The others ?
- Oh, yes.

You aren't the first widow to occupy this suite.

Some of them..

Some of them.. Some agreed to marry me at once.

But, they were not exactly what I was looking for.

What do you do with us ?

Do you murder us, is that it ?

There's no sport in murder.

You'll see for yourself tomorrow.

We'll watch the assassination together.

No. I want to leave now.

- At once.
- Alright. If you wish.

If you wish, I can't prevent it.

But I shall be awfully sorry to see you leave.

Awfully sorry.

And please, don't feel guilty about the scarab.

It was my fault.

I deliberately lead you into temptation.

But then, after all, I am a duke.

And you know what that means.

My family started stealing earlier than most others.

That's all.

Oh, before I forget

if you should decide to accept my proposal

perhaps you ought to know that they don't give me..

Well, they don't give me very long to live.

So, it's not such a bad offer after all.

Goodnight.

- It's dark.
- Don't close the window.

There he is. I bet that's him.

- Who ?
- The killer.

Over there, in the grey suit.

'With the white hat.'

That's Mercier, the chief of the Paris Police.

Well, I was damned close, wasn't I ?

Dicky.

Why do you try to find a wife in this extraordinary way ?

It may seem curious to you

but, I don't trust my own emotions.

For 1,500 years, the Lendales

have been marrying their own kind out of a sense of duty.

When none of their own kind's available

they marry each other, so..

How can you expect me to be able to love ?

I'm sure you can, and do.

My sister Lettuce, likes to light

small fires under buildings.

Especially, when they are full of people.

'She tried it at Buckingham Palace once'

'during the garden party, but, luckily'

'it always rains on that day.'

I don't trust the seed, Louise.

We've been raiding mad for generations

but, nobody says anything because we're far too well born.

'Far too rich.'

I'm the last of the Lendales.

Unfortunately, it's against my nature

to be the last of anything.

You want a son, not a wife.

In the present structure of society

you've gotta have one if you want the other.

- I see.
- But, I do want a wife, Louise.

I still hope to find someone living with a memory

of some great love that I can't furnish myself.

What I can offer is comfort, friendship.

I am, I think, a kind man.

The father of my son is going to kill Otto today.

- The father of your..
- Mm-hmm.

Listen, the procession is already on its way.

'I'll make a bargain with you.'

If I save him from the police, you marry me.

'But, we have to find him first.'

My private train is waiting in Nice station.

If all goes well, we'll leave to Italy together.

I'll send my servants to mingle with the crowd.

'How about my bargain ?'

You really are a sportsman, aren't you ?

Well ?

Find him.

Thank you.

Uh-huh. That looks promising.

- A young priest.
- A priest ? That's not him.

How careless, he hasn't even bothered for the tonsure.

Yes, I bet that's your.. Uh-huh.

'A policeman just walked right past him.'

That sounds like him. Let me see.

Over there, by the stout lady

with the little boy in the sailor suit and the hoop.

I agree to your bargain.

Yamamoto. Ishii.

Armand.

Huh ? Where are you going ?

- 'You must remember your oath.'
- Throw the bomb.

Have you Gentlemen quite finished

speaking during "The Marseillaise ?"

What if you were to gossip during mass.

What are you waiting for ?

You got to do it here. Do it.

'I don't want to lose my temper.'

- Do it.
- Throw it.

- Go on, throw the bomb.
- Throw the bomb, I tell you.

- They can see you.
- Throw it.

Everybody, heads down !

Oh !

What luck, the aim was perfect, too.

'Just the right amount of spin.'

'Well, now, we haven't a moment to lose.'

Oh, um, don't forget your bomb this time.

- Where is it ?
- What ?

- The bomb !
- Hey !

Oh !

Over there. Over there.

After them.

After them.

There will be no shooting, Gentlemen, if you please.

Pray, come inside.

It'll be more comfortable in the warmth.

Hold your fire.

Hold your fire, I say.

Hold your fire.

- Monsieur De La Gare.
- Yes, Sir.

Uh, telephone the frontier.

And tell them to close it.

I just telephoned to open it for the Duke

Telephone them again ! And tell them to close it !

I must apologize for presence of Yamamoto and Ishii.

But, I thought it advisable to keep you under constriction

'until we were safely across the frontier into Italy.'

What's the matter ?

My head.

- Armand.
- Don't come near me.

We're touching the frontier now.

It might help if I make an appearance at the window.

For the Retired French Customs Officers' Pension Fund.

For the Retired Italian Customs Officers' Pension Fund.

'The chief of Paris Police orders to close the frontier.'

What are you waiting for ?

Clear the track. You idiots, make way.

Out ! Out ! Clear the tracks, you imbeciles.

Who made you dress as a widow ?

Hmph. Don't tell me, I can guess.

It's normal.

I lost my husband to the Anarchist International.

All those fine clothes and jewels were given to you

as consolation, I suppose, by our gallant rescuer ?

The money was give me by Krajewski.

Ah, I don't believe a thing you say.

I, on the other hand, believe every word.

That is the difference between us.

Would you mind shutting your mouth, Your Grace ?

I'm speaking to my wife.

I feel, I have a right to speak, um, reverend father.

Since I just asked your wife to marry me.

- You don't..
- Hey !

And she accepted, on condition that I, um,

'saved you from the police.'

Well, trust a woman

to make her stab in the back look like charity.

I suppose, she forgot to tell you

that she is carrying my child.

Not at all, it was I who suggested, the child might need

a father instead of, uh, an overgrown schoolboy.

'Oh, yes, life is sometimes, exquisite'

'in its choice of punishments.'

And what better punishment for you

than that your son should one day be a duke.

A duke ? Never !

Hey.

Thank you.

It's a good career for a boy.

All this for money.

You think that money corrupts, don't you ?

'It especially corrupts those who don't have any'

'people like you.'

'I'll prove it to you.'

Why did you adopt that silly disguise

in order to throw your bomb ?

Orders.

Our creditor has decreed, that any means justify the end.

Any disguise is permissible in the attainment of our aims.

That, if I'm not mistaken, is Article 22

of "The Anarchists' Manifesto."

- How do you know ?
- I follow the field.

That article is the great weakness

of your movement that will destroy you in the end.

- And may one ask you how ?
- Yes, how ?

By money.

We're now, proceeding to the palace I own in Rapallo.

In the grounds, there's an exquisite hunting lodge

in the Palladian style, it is at your disposal.

'Free of charge, meals included
and shelter from the police.'

There you may plan your next coup in comfort.

- How about it ?
- No.

If a member of the ruling classes

is wishing to contribute towards the downfall of society

who are we to deny him that privilege ?

Don't do it.

You have no right to express yourself.

I even had to throw your bloody bomb for you.

It wasn't mine. It was her bomb !

Well ?

We accept.

I'm afraid, Armand, you're outvoted.

'Like great scientists and artists'

great anarchists prefer to work in ideal conditions.

And for that, they need a patron.

'Ah, luncheon.'

I hope you're hungry after morning's excitement.

'Louise, come. Let's go into luncheon.'

We have real turtle soup

smoked sturgeon with horse radish sauce

baron of beef, and, oh

rather tactlessly, Bombe glacee.

Oh, by the way, which of you
Gentlemen will be saying grace ?

Engineer Vegliotti here has constructed a bomb

in accordly the highest tradition

'of Italian ballistic science.'

Tsk. Tsk.

The first thing, stride the observer is that the bomb

is not round, but oval.

Here's the woman. Quick, hide the bomb.

I-I brought you these.

I stole them.

From him ?

Yes.

They're worth four million francs.

At least. At least.

'Congratulations, my dear.'

You realize the amount of bombs we can manufacture

with money these stones will fetch ?

As it is essential to realize the money at once

before the theft is discovered.

I will take it to Mariacci.

He's the most reputable jeweler

in Rapallo for stolen property.

- I'll come with you.
- I, too.

I also, uh, speak Italian.

I suggest, we all go by different ways.

We all go the same way.

You're not angry with me, are you ?

Yes.

No.

Oh, Louise, Louise, I've been a complete fool.

I was mad to believe in those idiots.

I was mad to ever let you leave me.

Armand. Armand.

I was so frightened you might kill someone.

Hmm. So was I.

Great Scott, you look magnificent.

You're quite sure, you won't allow me to take you ?

I'm sorry, I promised him.

- He's so looking forward to it.
- I do understand.

Uh, tell me, which crowned head
will be at the opera tonight.

Uh, none that I know of.

Good heavens, you don't mean that Armand

is going there for the music ?

He adores it. Yes.

Things have changed. Before you leave, my dear..

Oh, Dicky, I'm late already.

My carriage is at the door, waiting for you.

Now, take off that necklace and those earrings.

Dicky, you-you gave them to me.

I know. I know.

But, tonight, I want you to wear something very special.

Since, I understand it to be a very special occasion.

There.

I give them to you.

Since, you know that anything I
possess is yours for the asking.

- I-I can't accept them.
- I insist.

Only please, don't pretend to steal things in the future.

It's such a waste of time.

But, how did you find them ?

Well, like all collectors

I'm in contact with all the important

antique dealers and jewelers.

When Mariacci sent a messenger to say he had

a magnificent acquisition in emeralds and diamonds

I wasn't really very interested, until I perceived

that mine were missing.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, you're not.

You think you've been brilliantly clever.

- Oh, Dicky, kiss me.
- Certainly not.

I don't approve of gratitude as a sentiment.

I see too much of it.

I don't know what to do.

There are moments when I can't live without him.

I think there always will be.

I'm afraid, I can't help you, Louise

since, I can't even help myself.

You can't help yourself ?

The wonder of human beings is that they never really

understand themselves until it's far too late

to do anything about it.

And I ask myself, if I would be so deeply attached to you

if you weren't so deeply attached to somebody else ?

Come on, my dear, you-you gonna miss the overtures.

What's that you're wearing ?

It's the same necklace.

Well, he bought it back from Mariacci and gave it to me.

Then, we can sell it again.

But, this time I'll take it to Tagliacorte.

He give us, maybe a better price, he's more ignorant.

You can't. Now it's mine.

- Yours ?
- Of course, it's mine.

- And you accepted it ?
- Yes, I did.

'Stop the carriage. Stop it.'

Oh.

Get out. Get out of there.

Congratulations, Armand. My hero.

You've done what you've always wanted to do, kill someone.

Louise. Louise.

Louise !

Allow me to present myself, Your Grace.

Frederic Mercier, Chief of Police in Paris.

Oh, yes.

This is my-my friend and colleague

Colonel Ferruccio Peracca, of the Carabinieri.

Please sit down, Gentlemen.

What can I do for you ?

Your Grace, we have recovered your jewels.

- Oh, where ?
- On a corpse.

On a corpse ?

On the corpse of an old beggar woman.

Your Grace, we must ask Louise a few questions.

I'm afraid, that's quite impossible, she's far from well.

In that case, I'm afraid, we'll to have arrest her

and conduct our inquiries at the prison hospital.

But, you have no warrant.

Colonel.

You see, Your Grace.

We know Louise Baldinucci was wearing your jewels.

We know exactly what happened.

We have the deposition of your coachman.

It's his word against mine.

Louise spent the evening with me.

Are you sure ?

Are you accusing me of lying ?

A duke is incapable of lying, Your Grace.

He has, lapses of memory.

I repeat my question. Are you sure she was with you ?

Damn it, Sir, I should know where she spends her evenings

I intend to marry the girl.

Marry her ?

But, I-I understand, she's expecting a child.

Well ?

Really, inspector.

And you're the chief of police of Paris.

May I, uh, offer you Gentlemen something ?

With pleasure. Armand Denis.

Where is he hiding ?

Armand Denis ?

I haven't the faintest idea.

Inspector Mercier.

You really shouldn't, my dear, in your condition.

I know why they are here, Dicky.

There's nothing to protect now.

Just..

- You want Armand Denis ?
- You're too late, my darling.

I've already told them.

It's, uh, quite clear then, isn't it gentleman ?

The anarchists are operating at the Villa Chilerio

two kilometers out on the road to Genoa.

Ah, Villa Chilerio.

There was no need to repeat it, Your Grace.

We had understood you the first time.

'Louise.'

Oh, Dicky. Dicky, the perfect gentleman.

You won't even allow me anything on my conscience.

Mercier.

Welcome to Their Graces.

Three cheers to Their Graces.

- Hip-hip - Hooray !

Better than that.

- Hip-hip - 'Hooray !'

Now, here we are.

Not exactly intimate, but it's home.

Welcome home, Your Grace.

Thank you. It's good to be back.

I dare say. The nursemaids are waiting, Your Grace.

Uh, with your permission..

Aw.

Ah, with your permission, Your Grace..

Ms. Heatherstone, the head nurse.

'And Ms. Wheelwright, the night nurse.'

'Ms. Godalming, the under nurse.'

Ms. Bell, the in-between nurse.

Am I suppose to choose one ?

Gracious, no. We take the lot.

Oh, never.

I want to look after the child myself.

What happens when when we're alone's one thing.

But for the sake of appearances,
we must have at least four.

I had eight.

Let's be having you then, young master.

Ms. Godalming, prepare a bath, please. Luke warm to cold.

We don't want to make a sissy of you, My Lord.

Let them. I insist you meet my mother.

Your Grace, the Dowager Duchess is waiting for you

in the Wellington room, Your Grace.

Yes, the Wellington room, Your Grace

you remember, this way.

It's quite a long walk, I'm afraid.

Their Graces, Your Grace.

Mother.

Mother ?

Ah, mother.

Mother, I'd like to present my wife, Louise.

Louise, I'd like you to meet my mother

'The Dowager Duchess of Lendale.'

My aunt, Ernestine, Lady Bott.

My other aunt, uh, the Marchioness of Pittlochrey.

And my third aunt, Honoria, Lady Poke.

How long haven't you seen your mother, Dicky ?

Oh, eighteen years.

And you don't kiss her ?

Bath time, My Lord.

Another five minutes, Nanny.

If we break the routine, Your Grace, it may have

incalculable effects on his Lordship in later life.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, remember, Your Grace.

'Come, Sir.'

Don't you think you bathe him too often ?

There's nothing like cold water to harden the lad.

And after all we don't want him a faint heart, do we ?

In France, we don't take a bathe everyday.

That explains a great deal, if you don't mind my saying so.

What do you mean ?

India, Africa, Canada.

Come on, My Lord.

'Mind over matter. Grin and bear it.'

'Grin and bear it.'

'Dicky ?'

'Dicky.'

I haven't seen you for days.

No, nonsense, Louise.

You're exaggerating. We met, oh,
yesterday morning, wasn't it ?

We met by chance, in a corridor.

Louise, the world isn't divided into the rich and the poor.

It divided into the helpers and the helped.

You and I are both helpers.

We're a bit wasted on each other.

In a way, that's true.

- He may come back.
- Who ?

Oh, that good looking, incompetent

muddleheaded jackass.

He may.

If he does, I won't have him in the house.

He brings those friends of his all along

and they're too noisy altogether.

My darling, I'm gonna build you a summerhouse, over there.

Then both of us will always know where to find you.

I think there is a good spot.

Or over there, by the lake.

You've made this room most, most charming, Louise.

I don't know why, but it reminds me of something

some room I used to have in Rome, or Paris.

I still think it cries out for a double bed

instead of these two singles.

'Come along, Giles.'

You're gonna visit the horses now

and may get out of having your bath.

Nanny will never think of looking for you in the stables.

Right, you Sir.

How many times have I asked you not to call me Sir

except in front of the servants.

Dicky.

Don't you think, um, I'm getting to look like him.

Come along.

Maestro.

Maestro.

Never applause till the end of the piece, Madame.

What are you doing here ?

Your coat is covered with mud.

How did you get in ?

I climbed over your wall.

Why ?

I bring you a message.

- Armand ?
- Exactly.

He wants you to give a masked ball, on the 7th of March.

That's the day we first met.

He wishes all the celebrities in England to be invited.

But Armand will still be in prison.

France has a new president, you know

who is very eager to be popular.

'He has decreed a general amnesty'

'for all political prisoners'

as his first official act.

- Armand is free ?
- Yes.

- Sapper.
- Oh, my dear.

I want you to meet

the president of France and the prime minister.

- In a moment, Dicky.
- No, now, dear.

They're your guests of honor.

What's the matter with you this evening ?

- Why are you so nervous, hmm ?
- It's a lovely party.

Isn't it, Dicky ?

Prime minister, I'd like to present my wife.

How do you do ?

I-I've heard so much about you.

How do you do ?

And Mr. Gerome. President, la Republique francais.

Welcome to this..

...to this house, Mr. Gerome.

I'm sorry, Dick. I'm not feeling very well.

She's not quite herself tonight.

Everyone knows I never speak ill of anyone.

But I heard that she..

Armand ?

Armand.

I have been looking for you.

I've come to take you away.

Oh, kiss me, hold me in your arms.

- Strange.
- What ?

Time. You haven't changed at all.

Well, don't let me go.

- Kiss me again.
- No, not yet.

- What's the matter ?
- Take off that necklace.

Oh, I'm sorry, my darling.

I've had it on my conscience for so long.

You were not to know that you'd
beg a woman would die of shock.

What I did was unforgivable.

So unforgivable that you're still wearing it ?

What can I tell Dicky ?

He'll see it's gone.

No, he won't.

You're not going back to the ball. You're coming with me.

As you are.

You're no longer rich.

And you're no longer a duchess.

You know what we're gonna do when we get back to Paris

with the greatest coup of my career

and this time you're gonna help me.

We're going to dynamite the archives

at police headquarters.

Blow away photograph, every fingerprint

every scrap of evidence sky high.

And for no criminal in France
will have any record, anymore.

That'll hit society where it really hurts.

I'll carry the dynamite in my laundry basket.

I'll tell Mercier I have vital information

about some anarchists.

- I have a better idea.
- Hmm, you're smiling.

Whatever happens, it can't go wrong.

Armand Denis ?

Louise Baldinucci ?

What are Sapper and Lacoeur doing here ?

- 'And now.'
- You know perfectly well.

'Ladies and Gentlemen'

'will you kindly take your partner for the gallop.'

My necklace.

Oh.

My jewels, they're gone.

- 'Edward.'
- Oh, they've stolen tiara.

- Stay here.
- Well, what're you going to do ?

Quiet !

'Quiet everyone.'

No one is to leave here.

Notorious gang of jewel thieves
have been operating among you.

Don't give into panic.

I'm inspector Mercier, of the Paris police.

That's a lie.

Armand Denis, lay down your gun.

Give that one.

- David !
- Don't anyone move.

Sapper, Lacoeur !

This is what covered amnesties Monsieur president.

Do something Mercier. Do something.

What are you waiting for ?

Gladiators ?

Look, look what we got.

- Not here.
- Oh.

Make no attempt to follow us, I won't hesitate to shoot.

I do beg your pardon. My fault.

Catch them. They won't go far. Come on, follow them.

It's raining.

Umbrellas, quick. Umbrellas. Don't worry, we'll get them.

Funny. I thought I heard someone come in.

Well, what happened ?

We never found him.

Never ?

- Where did he go ?
- In here.

I locked him in here.

- In here ?
- In that cupboard.

- That cupboard ?
- Open it.

Open it. Well..

'Go on. Don't be afraid.'

- He's gone.
- 'I should hope so.'

'That was 50 years ago.'

'Come, my dear.'

The car will be here presently to take us in to London.

I have tickets for a new play about the Gunpowder Plot.

The critics have hailed it as explosive.

Well, is that..

...is that the bomb ?

Yes.

I never could get rid of it.

It isn't a thing you can just
put into the waste paper basket.

- It's raining.
- Huh.

Astonishing.

It's only a shower, the vagaries of English climate.

I know who will be pleased. The farmers.

- 'There's the car.'
- Huh, however.

Your eight children, I mean..

- Who ?
- Who's their mother ?

- I am, Percy.
- Yes, I realize that.

And their father is Armand.

Father of all of them ?

Not even one is a Lendale ?

Not one of them.

When Dicky died in 1924

his last words to me were

"The one thing I regret about dying, my dear

"is that you'll have to stop having children now."

Jeremy was born a year after Dicky's death.

But there was no gossip.

Thank goodness, the English are
never surprised by slowness.

This is perfectly scandalous.

Look, I couldn't possibly write that.

I mean, what about the censorship ?

On the contrary. There was never
anything between Dicky and me.

Because he had a healthy respect
for the institution of marriage.

What do you mean ?

I married Armand in Switzerland over 50 years ago.

And... you're not even Lady L ?

I never have been.

Oh.

You can't write my story, Percy.

Precisely because it's too moral to be accepted by society.

But, but you're marriage license ?

Your children's birth certificates ?

They're among Armand's finest forgeries.

Even Dicky was full of admiration for them.

But, where is your..

I can hardly bring myself to mouth the audious word.

Where is your, ugh, husband ?

Excuse me, please.

Armand, help Sir Percy, will you, dear ?

Armand has been shuttle worth

for longer than I care to remember.

It's by far his best disguise.

It's been difficult for him since

he never really learned to drive.

And since he's always been an anarchist at heart

there's nothing he hates more than signals.

Damned red lights

their by society to hold down the working classes.

The bomb, at last.

To London, Armand.

On the road, if possible.